Original subtitles

Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror

and looked at yourself?

I mean, really looked.

I did,

this morning.

How was it?

Completely horrifying.

Guys have it so easy.

The expectations for a woman Are hellish, Harrison.

You go into a store with raving P.M.S. Zits,

and you turn, and who do you see staring at you?

Seventeen Magazine Cover Girl.

She has perfect skin and one of those killer bods

you see in the late-night ab crunch machine infomercial.

So, you buy a basket of products

and go home and sweat to the oldies.

But eventually, it dawns on you.

You'll never be a seventeen girl,

because they don't allow airbrushing in real life.

You know, Sam...

I'm not saying this 'cause we're buds.

But...

Sometimes,

under the right light,

you totally escape troll status.

Am I, uh...

Foxier than Brooke McQueen?

Uh...

Welcome to another year

of torture and despair

where your fate will be determined

by the outfit that you wear

or the color of your hair

or the place you put your chair

Oh, God, it's so unfair

to bend and not to break

chin up, try not to quake

grinning on the outside

but a wreck internally

the Skechers squeaking full of song

striding down this high school highway

a dead teen walking

Dead teen walking

Dead teen walking

Sam, time to get up.

Oh, what was I thinking planning a cruise?

What am I doing?

I'm not going.

you're going, mom.

you've been planning this for a year.

I ironed the shorts you were looking for last night.

they're already packed. mm-hmm.

Shorts packed: check.

Tanning accelerator for the pastiest inner thighs on the planet...

Oop, they don't make that. guess I'm staying put.

Mom.

You trust me, right?

you think I have good judgment, right?

you're smarter than I am.

You've been telling me that since you were in fourth grade.

great. can I get a tattoo?

Um... Hmm... Nope.

- Well... - I am not a total square.

When you wanted that magenta stripe in your bangs,

we got the stripe.

And I hated the stripe because it turned on me.

I thought it was so daring,

and I showed up last year and everyone had colored hair.

Even the special ed kids.

No tattoos, same

no bikers named Satan

showing up here asking for dates.

No, same no.

It's been two years, mom.

You have to let go.

Dad wouldn't want you carrying him around like this.

You and your father having a discussion about tattoos,

that's, uh...

That's something I would have liked to have seen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Come on. let's zip this sucker up.

You're gonna have a great time.

Are You Ready?

Now, hold on to, go to

the fetching you feel

with those lips, those eyes and that hair

well, it's the radiant teen queen

behind the perfect size two

cheerleader power

there's a ravenous starving artist

with her painting her own dial

to bend and not to break

chin up, try not to quake

grinning on the outside

but a wreck internally

the Skechers squeaking full of song

striding down this high school highway

a dead teen walking

Dead teen walking

Dead teen walking

Dear diary, how many calories are in a grape?

I gained 1.7 pounds this weekend.

It was a box of raisinettes with Josh on Friday.

That's what did it. I know it.

He stopped holding my hand halfway through the movie,

and I crashed into this total panic,

thinking he's disgusted by me, he's dumping me.

This is so stupid.

Everything I've worked hard for is happening.

Isn't this the part where i'm supposed to be happy?

Hey, you. Hey, daddy.

First day of your sophomore year.

You are growing up too fast.

You're starting to make your old man look old.

When I get back,

what do you say we stop by dr. Nicewander.

It's been a while since you've seen him.

Daddy, I'm fine. I don't need to see him.

Okay?

I stopped by the store and picked up the requested items.

dad, they're rafts. I told you I use the kind with wings.

these came with a belt. I thought you'd like that.

how long are you gonna be gone this time?

I've got to reorganize a client's portfolio in New York.

I should be back on Sunday.

I wanted to go over my routine with you.

You mean your classes?

My cheerleading routine. I told you about it.

Mm-hmm.

I'll get it. One second.

Just let go, okay?

Brooke? Honey, look at me.

I'm trying.

Hey. Hey!

I am so worshiping your Gwyneth-ness.

Calvin?

so Calvin.

But... Hi. Brooke,

mutual admiration society is screeching to a dead halt.

Why? Baby Blue is so last year.

thank God I brought reinforcements.

Front color, top shelf.

This is ugly. Who would want to wear this?

Everybody, after we do.

You know, I think I'm gonna go bare.

I'm gonna create a naked, zen, millennium kind of a look.

Genius. Thank you.

Check it out. I spent all morning copying these things.

I was so exhausted from the Kinko's manual labor of it.

Broke a nail. I had to stop and get us ice blendeds.

My dad will kill me if he finds out I'm throwing a party.

He doesn't have to know. He'll be out of town.

He's always out of town, Brooke.

The first party of the year creates the social Siberia,

and I do not intend to be left out in the cold.

Besides, if you bag, we will be wearing Monica Kneepads

for the rest of the semester.

Eww!

You're right. Of course, I am.

Hey, baby. Hey, Joshie.

Are we still on for Tuesday? I can make it.

Okay.

I'll see you.

Bye.

Camelot couple. Spill. What's Tuesday night?

I'm just making dinner at my house.

A little candlelight sort of thing.

Hey, Brooke.

Just the two of you? Yes.

When you guys do it, it's like one of those

dirty showtime movies, isn't it?

It's more romantic than that. It's like opera.

The perfect duet.

Hi. Rude much? Watch where you're going.

Thank you.

You know what? Forget them.

Their karma is to become alcoholic housewives.

This is more important. Sign my petition.

He who saves one life saves the world.

Journalists have to be objective.

If I sign it, I can't report on it.

I'll feed you a few facts.

Where's your machine? Go ahead.

Over ten million animals are disgustingly killed each year

for the specific purpose of sophomore biology dissection.

Hello? God, look at them.

They all dress alike, talk alike.

They're terrified of having an opinion or being different,

Because then they risk being judged.

They're like cattle. No. Sheep.

I'm bored with being corralled in a safe little pen.

That's why I'm gonna get my nose pierced.

It's a true individualistic statement.

You must live through the pain to be worthy of the reward.

That is so cool.

That is a metaphor for the heinous high school experience.

That rocks. What are you gonna get, a stud or a ring?

I think a stud.

Guys, welcome back.

Sam, we are meeting in my office tomorrow, right?

Yeah.

He is so your alternative nation god.

Please. Mr. Grant and I are just buds.

I just admire him for marching to his own drummer.

He gets it.

Uh-huh.

Performing allows you to call up feelings and fears

you can't express in your life.

Use what you're afraid to show.

Let it out.

Again.

Amazing grace

how sweet

the sound

that saved

a wretch

like me

Okay.

I'm stopping you here.

and I have one word to say to you.

and that word is...

Aretha.

carmen.

Hey. Sign my petition, please.

Oh, yes. If you pull this off, it's gonna be genius.

Bio is after lunch this year,

and I know I'm gonna barf if I must slice and dice.

How was your summer, Carmen?

Galactically brutal.

My mom sent me to fat camp again.

I spent six weeks starving and singing "Kumbaya".

Did you guys see this? what?

Brooke McQueen is having a party this Friday. Invite only.

And so, another season of social fascism begins.

You live three doors down from her.

Just disguise yourself as a kegger and crash.

I want to be invited.

Don't you guys? who cares?

All it's gonna be is fashion victims eating Chex mix,

drinking their first beer, and yakking in the bushes.

When did Brooke McQueen become the sun around which we revolve?

Okay, I'll just get on my broom now

and ride off to first period.

A little cranky?

I'm not gonna fight my feelings anymore for Mr. Grant.

It's Time To Live them.

An Older Soul mate is my bridge to womanhood.

I'm gonna cross it.

Then I'll visit him in prison and be a great pen pal.

Auditions for the Musical are tomorrow.

How am I gonna cut practice? My dad would kill me.

But It's my life, right?

If I bring the condoms, Will he think I'm a skank?

Who do you talk to about these things?

Is that a zit?

It is.

Oh, It's a Big, growing honker.

Great. This is just what i need.

Cheerleader-Wanna-Be Roll Call.

sound off now.

Dana Durham, Trendoid Wannabeast. Yeah, Hi. Dana?

Swing thing's like a year old. pass.

There's something about Mary Cherry,

Mysterious transfer from Dallas.

Talents Include tumbling.

So Sweet, I Become diabetic in her presence.

Her Family Is Loaded. we're talking black gold, Texas tea.

Hair needs work, but i like her.

consider.

I have nothing to say about this one.

There are more cheerleader applications this year

than ever before.

Everybody wants to be us.

It's such a blast deciding.

Oh, yeah. A real blast, Nic.

We're gonna make three new friends and 50 enemies.

Okay, bringing the room down.

Hey, Nicole. You remember Sugar Daddy.

Thinking about bringing him by the party.

Yo, girl. You got huge.

I tell you, that rack is fine.

I think I'm gonna go get a muffin top and vomit.

Bro, what are you doing?

I set up an intro, you act like a neanderthal?

You gotta be smooth.

This is how you treat a lady.

My God, look at them.

They're like some bad Mariah Carey power ballad come to life.

Speaking of musical tragedies, did you guys hear?

Rumor has it jewel never lived in a van by the river.

What?

Lily, are you gonna eat your roll?

Carmen, didn't you lose, like, 40 pounds this summer?

Harrison, that is such a sexist guy thing to say.

Don't listen to him, Carmen.

Don't worry. I have no intention of ally mcbealing myself...

Again.

Anyway, I think I知 sassy.

And saucy.

And a good dancer.

That's what's gonna get me on the cheerleading squad.

Carmen?

Cheerleading?

Hey, Nicole,

I really like your sweater.

Hey, Carmen, do you really want to be a leader who... Cheers?

Duh, they're popular. I'll love it.

See, this is exactly what I realize.

Popularity is just conformity.

Brooke McQueen and her posse, they're a cult.

Once you join, you're a goner.

Why does that girl keep looking at me?

creeps me out.

who, Sam McPherson?

Yo, homegirl sits beside me in algebra.

Yo, S.D. gonna be peepin' some paper and passing this year, yo.

You're just a total catch, aren't you?

She just gives off this air like she's so superior.

It's sad, really.

You can tell it's just a cover-up.

I feel bad for her.

She's trapped in her own personal persona prison,

but she can't show that.

And that's why she's so... Fake.

Phony.

When you try to pretend you're something you're not,

It's a sign of... low self-esteem.

Total low self-esteem.

Keep it down to a dull roar, people.

This semester, I have decided to introduce a...

Well, a game of social Russian roulette.

I call it "Alphabetical lab partners."

Pair up when I call your name.

Harrison John, Nicole Julian.

Yeah, that would be you, blondie.

All right, let's move it. chop chop, lollypop.

Or should we schedule a hearing test with the school nurse?

Yes, sir.

Sugar Daddy Bernardino, Mary Cherry.

Samantha McPherson, Brooke McQueen.

Uh! Uh!

Do you want my sugar do you want my spice

Mix it up together I can make it real nice

Sam, wait up.

How's it going, Carmen? It's awesome. Listen.

Brooke's your new lab partner, right?

Because cheerleading auditions are after school

and you could put in a word that's good

or that I would practice... Carmen, come on.

You said you were a good dancer.

That'll be what gets you on the squad, not hype.

You're good.

Sam...

Please.

Look, I don't want to be kissing ass or anything. It's just...

This means so much, you know?

Okay, look,

Brooke McQueen and I don't have a daily opinion swap,

but for you, I'll put in a word.

oh, thank you. I'll catch you later.

So, how was your summer, Sam?

You know, I hung out with friends.

What did you do?

I went to Greece. It was amazing.

Blazing hot sun.

And you want to know the best thing about it?

No tan lines.

Hey.

Wow.

Sorry I'm late. It's okay.

You got your ear pierced?

That's so cool.

I don't think I've ever met a teacher with an extra hole before.

Well, I got it after one too many beers

at a Limp Bizkit concert this summer.

I went to Hanson.

On a dare.

Oh.

So...

Congratulations are in order, miss McPherson.

I am proud to announce that you are the new editor-in-chief

of the Zapruder reporter newspaper.

You want to talk about our first issue?

Shoot. Yeah. A journalist is always prepared.

I was doing a lot of reading over the summer,

And I came across all of this millennium madness stuff.

But what was missing was a young person's perspective.

That's such a cool idea. we could do a roundup,

like a massive public opinion poll in a regular column.

You know what? I've got an idea.

I know where you can do some of these popular interviews.

Have you heard about this?

This party

that Brooke McQueen is throwing on Friday night?

You're going?

Yeah, of course I知 going.

Great.

And I"ll be bringing my notebook.

So...

That's, um...

What a terrific idea.

This one? Yeah.

Thank you, Sugar. You're welcome.

Save me.

She's going to check-list us now for utensils

and we must use this marker to map the outline of the cutting.

Red on green. Yeah.

Christmas kind of toady.

That's so hilarious. Oh, my god.

On our date, will we round first base,

hit a triple,

or slide into home?

Psst!

What? Check it out.

I spent all last period typing in our complete class list.

And the blinking names denote those who...

Kiss. Kiss?

Kill to be in our social stratosphere.

Hi! Ah!

Yeah, okay.

Should I just blink them now?

Hold on. Yeah.

Very good, ladies.

You didn't have to do all the work.

I was going to help.

It's okay.

So, planning a party, huh? sounds like a blast.

Yeah, kind of.

Frog really smells, doesn't it?

Yeah.

we've got spirit yes, we do

we've got spirit how 'bout you

What we'd like all of you to do is observe our simple routine

And then step forward alone and repeat it back to us.

Five, Six, Seven, Eight!

Any questions?

Um, y'all, do I have to do the splits?

I'm a Christian.

Name, please.

Fr--

Name, please.

Freddy Gong, and I would like to play Emile de Beque.

Ooh! The dashing plantation owner who has his eye

on Nellie Forbush.

Fabulous. What song are you singing for us today, Freddy?

this nearly was mine.

??

I've got 40 minutes until auditions are over.

Man, I'll never going to make it. [whistle blowing]

Let's go!

All right, guys, huddle up.

Mm-hmm.

I like her.

She's really good.

Good and plenty.

468.

All right, guys, huddle up.

468 centers, on One. On One. Ready! Break!

Omaha!

Omaha! Hike!

Ford! Where the hell you going?

Um, I don't really know what to do.

Have you any music prepared?

Yeah.

Wonder how Carmen's audition went.

She was so nervous about it.

Why are we taping some of these popular interviews?

I'm interested in going into broadcasting,

and it'll be good to get some tape of myself.

So, you figure out how to land an invite to Brooke's party?

What is your deal with Brooke McQueen? You're obsessed.

No, that would be you.

Admit it, Harrison.

Once the spin-the-bottle years dawned; she bagged.

Now you're a Brooke McQueen satellite boy, and it bugs you.

You know, Sam...

Sometimes you can just be so cold.

Okay, I was brutal.

I admit it. I知 sorry.

I'm not mad at you 'cause you said it. I知 mad...

I'm mad 'cause it's the truth.

Every time she blows me off, I'm transported back to being 11

and I'm coming back from golf camp.

I've got these huge-ass ears

and the zits are starting to pop out,

and I look like a loser.

But I don't feel like a loser,

because my best friend since I was five is gonna be there.

So there I am at the window of my mom's station wagon,

and we drive by her house.

And there's Brooke McQueen.

I can't believe it.

In two months, she's grown five inches, and she's this beautiful...

Giantess.

She's also sitting on the back of a moped with some jock

Who doesn't have big-ass ears and zits

and has long outgrown

his justice league of America bedspread.

I drive by in slow motion,

and I'm waving and grinning like an idiot,

and she...

She looks right through me.

She pretends she doesn't even see me.

And it's been that way ever since.

Well, actually...

I think your big-ass ears kind of fit your personality.

Gee, thanks.

God, lily, you should have seen it. I was good.

You know, I was actually good. I nailed every move,

And nobody laughed, and Brooke even smiled at me,

which she didn't do with any of the other girls.

The best moment of my life.

The downside to success is the new wardrobe I'm gonna need,

which is so gonna break the bank.

you know, Carmen, I really do admire you.

You do?

Yeah. For trying out, I mean.

It took a lot of guts to say

"I want to be a cheerleader and I'm gonna go for it,"

even though everybody else was telling you not to.

My raspberry beret is off to you.

Thanks.

Sometimes to find out what your true potential is,

you must stand up for yourself,

even if it means you might end up looking like a fool.

I can't believe I did it.

Okay, ready? ? la ?

Okay, is it too Britney Spears?

Very Hit me baby one more time.

We're gonna take this and the matching robe.

You sure?

Honey, that outfit looks so hot on you,

He's gonna flip out.

I'm telling you,

your love story tonight is gonna be so hot

that Celine Dion is gonna call you for inspiration.

Hi. I just found my ensemble for the party.

Uh-huh. I am the millennium, thank you.

Brooky, I know what you're doing.

Stop staring at yourself in the mirror

like you're the 600-pound angry mom from the Jerry Springer show.

I'm not.

I was thinking about cheerleading tryouts

and the list.

I don't think that we're being totally fair.

Look, honey, I know you want to be, like, a nice person,

but sometimes, in a position of leadership,

you must adhere to the accepted social order of things

and make hard-line decisions, because if you make one exception,

then you must make a dozen.

Before you know it,

we have amputee girls trying to hold up a triangle mount.

And ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Okay, what do you mean by "Accepted social order"?

We live in the age of Gwyneth,

and that is the standard by which all things are judged.

Bless my lord and tailor, look who's here shopping

For the latest in designer fashions.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Coincidence.

Come on, Nicole. Let's go.

Your audition today was so good, Mary Cherry. I mean it.

Of course we're gonna have to cut down on the Pop-Tarts.

Done.

Did I mention that my mother was a Dallas cowboy cheerleader

and, thus, I'm a legacy?

I got your e-mail, and It's crystal light clear.

Bye-bye, hon. We're very hopeful.

Bye, Brooke. Bye.

You know, I have trouble believing

that you would pick her over Carmen.

Um, update: She's rich. We'll get condos for Christmas.

I'm putting carmen on the squad.

Okay, great. I'll totally support you.

You will?

Mm-hmm. I'll support you when your boyfriend gets crap

from his buddies 'cause you delivered eyesore candy

or during away games when we take the field

and everybody moos.

I'll support you when you blow everything we've worked for

'cause you want to be nice instead of disciplined.

I'm there for you all the way. I'll totally support you.

- On your card? - Charge it.

I'm supporting you.

Hi. Welcome back. I'm Sam McPherson,

and we're hanging out, talking about the issue of popularity.

We're gonna ask kids questions relating to that topic today,

so, let's start with one that's dividing our very civilization:

Backstreet Boys or 'N SYNC.

Um, Backstreet Boys, totally.

'N SYNC is totally more talented.

'N SYNC. they look like butts.

They both suck. Eminem rocks.

The look that's totally in right now.

Hi. I...

What's the most popular activism issue amongst our generation?

Racial intolerance.

Gay marriage.

- Tiger Woods or Mia Ham. - Tiger Wood!

- Tiger. - Mia Ham.

are you Popular or Unpopular?

Popular.

uh, Unpopular.

Unpopular, I guess,

though I think my new manager

is gonna help me with the fine ladies.

So, want to go get a Slurpee or something?

Uh...

Oh, yeah. go.

That's it.

- the most popular actor. - Leo.

Ed Norton, be my friend.

Do you date blondes or brunettes?

Brunettes.

Are you busy Friday night?

Oh, enough.

Piercing or no piercing?

- Piercings. - I totally agree.

This journalism thing's exhausting.

I'm going home, throwing a hot pocket in the nuker.

We are done for the day.

One more interview.

Huh?

Come on.

Brooke! Brooke.

I'm Sam McPherson. I sit next to you in Bio.

Yeah, hi. How are you?

Oh, and you know Harrison John, right?

Yeah, hi.

Could I ask you a couple of questions?

It's for a series of interviews I'm doing about popularity.

For my journalism class.

It would really help me out.

Sure. Yeah.

Okay. Could you start off by looking into the lens

and telling us your name

and one thing you believe helps form your identity

or persona?

Okay, um...

Hi. I'm Brooke McQueen, and I'm, um...

A hypocrite.

I'm a cheerleader.

Oh, God. Oh...

That sounded so superficial.

Uh...

I'm on the honor society.

Great. Um...

You recently held auditions for the J.V. squad, correct?

Yes, actually, today.

Will the new cheerleaders be chosen based on how popular they are...

No, no. It should be based on ability.

Great.

Yeah.

So, what you're saying is that

under your leadership, you're trying to break stereotypes

that have ostracized kids who don't fit in.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Uh, well, Brooke, you...

You date our school quarterback, Josh ford,

who, like you, is considered to be one of the most

popular people in our school.

I'm sorry. Um...

But it really bothers me

That you just categorize me as one thing.

I think I'm a lot of things. at least, I try to be.

Don't you think that "Popular" is a title or categorization

You actively sought out?

No.

Not really.

It... It's something that just happened.

So, some days you want a different label?

Don't you?

Um, I must go.

Um...

Am I done?

Thanks.

Excuse me. Sorry.

Okay.

Good.

Is it me?

Is it because I'm fat?

No. Brooke, you're so beautiful.

Look...

We'll get there.

Next time it will be better. I promise.

Yeah.

Hey, I think you're beautiful.

No, I'm not.

I'm not.

I feel like I'm constantly having to project something

that I don't really feel, and I'm so tired

of being disappointed in myself

and feeling like I'm living this big lie.

This being the biggest one of all.

Everybody thinks we've already done it.

Nobody knows that we're both the big V's.

Brooke, you didn't have to tell everybody we've had sex.

What are you talking about? You told all your friends.

Come on. People just expect things from us, Josh.

Why do you feel you have to be everything to everybody?

I'm a little on edge here, too, okay?

You think it's easy trying to decide what I'm gonna do

if I make the Musical I tried out for?

Because if I do, Brooke, I'm gonna must choose

Between that and the team.

You tried out for the Musical? Good one.

I thought we talked about everything.

Why didn't you tell me this?

Obviously, you wouldn't have understood.

I do understand.

We don't make homecoming court if you're a drama geek.

I...

Didn't mean that.

Yeah, you did, Brooke. Yeah, you did.

Well, yay for me.

Hey, now!

Emile de Beque. I wonder if I have any lines.

Any lines? Child, you got the lead role.

To bend and not to break

chin up, try not to quake

I'm grinning on the outside

But i'm a wreck internally