Original subtitles

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THE THOUSAND AND ONE PERVERSIONS OF FELICIA

I think it was pretty odd to name her daughter Felicia.

But I always maintained that your friend Vicky was a little crazy.

Felicia... I think it's a pretty name.

Perhaps, but she still has a lot of nerve.

To expect you to look after her daughter after not writing for six years.

Of course the great Mrs. Benson had to leave Australia ...

... to treat her middle-class depression in a Swiss clinic.

Ah! There she is!

A bad guess.

Still... she's nice to look at.

Ah! That one!

Felicia!

- Did you have a pleasant flight? - I hate flying.

In that case, you must be very happy to be here.

Come on, we'll go get the car.

I hate cars.

The house isn't very far. Just past Deauville.

- Quite close to the sea. - I hate the sea.

Let's go...

If we squeeze in a bit...

Two women sure take up a lot of space, compared to one man.

I'm sure the three of us will be very cozy together.

I never wanted to come here.

This is your room.

Do you like it?

The bathroom?

In here...

Three weeks with her around is all we need!

Oh well... I think I'll fix us some lunch.

You have a class at 2:00 this afternoon.

When I catch you, I'm going to rape you!

It's true! You're as excited as a school boy, Paul.

Oh, yes...

Faster...

Faster! Yes, yes! Faster!

No cheating!

Wait a minute!

I want to cum inside you!

With you!

You're very charming, but it's just that you're not exactly what I was looking for ...

... the cover of my third album.

Oh well, I'll call the agency. You can go get dressed now.

Thank you anyway.

I'll let you girls dress while I phone the agency.

Shit! I'm fed up with these artists who never know what the hell they want!

Too bad. She was very sweet.

For a moment there, I figured she was a lesbian when she began to caress me.

And you're the one who always says don't mix business and pleasure.

As the saying goes, "The best laid plans..."

No willpower...

This is the real thing! She's not poor, I can guarantee you that!

Hey! Are you crazy? What if she walks in?

I heard her on the telephone.

As long as she keeps talking, there's no danger.

- But it's wrong! - Oh, nonsense!

We're safe!

If they're fake, it makes no difference. And if they're real, it's worth a try.

Someone's in the closet!

Leave me alone!

Give it to me! Give me that!

No! If you grab it, I'll scream my head off.

And I took a very pretty picture! Gabrielle will be delighted to see it.

Alright, what do you want? Who are you?

What does she want? What will she do with it?

Nothing... if...

If what? What if she walks in?

There's no danger.

Go on. Show me what you were doing.

- What? - Making love!

- Why, she's absolutely crazy! - No... just curious!

You go for girls, too? You've never seen two women making love?

Hurry!

You've turned us off. It won't work.

Go on, just pretend.

I'm afraid!

That's not bad for a start. Come on, hurry! Hurry!

Yes, that's it!

- You little bitch! - Don't be rude.

Go on! Get going! Show me what you can do.

Now lick her!

Go on! Lick her!

Lower... to her pubes!

Hurry! I want to see everything!

Lick it!

Suck it! Go on, eat it!

Lick my foot!

Yes... that's what I wanted.

Your tongue... feels good!

Yes...

Gently...

Yes...

Oh, your tongue...

Hello? Is that you, sir?

Am I disturbing you?

I wanted to ask you to forgive me for what happened at school.

I must have sounded so stupid.

Yes, yes. It really won't bother you if I come Sunday with my uncle?

Oh... thank you professor. Thank you, Paul!

- I'll dream about it all night long. - Sure, sure. Goodbye!

- Wrong number, darling? - It was Brigitte, sweetheart.

You know, I really pity that girl. She's head over heels in love with you!

Nonsense!

She's still only a child!

Oh, only a child? No doubt she thinks of you when she plays with herself!

Me too, when I was a schoolgirl.

I also thought I was passionately in love with one of my professors.

I used to do it, too!

You never told me that, you little pervert!

Now, as punishment...

... you must show me what you used to do!

No! You're not going to make me regress to my neurotic childhood?

It was fun, though. Wasn't it?

It was better than nothing. Until I knew you!

When you don't have a man standing by, it relieves you.

- Darling, if you want to try her... - Try who?

Why, your little Brigitte. Who else?

I'll let you do it, Paul, because I love you!

And because I have confidence in you. In us!

Because our love can only last if each is free to do as he wants.

That's very nice, my Gabby ...

... but freedom for me means loving you!

Sharing everything with you.

You know that!

Yes, I know. But if one day, you weren't really in love ...

... but, let's say, aroused by a girl who is younger, more beautiful...

You're crazy!

What's gotten into you, Gabby?

I just occurred to me that my husband, after ten years of marriage...

I repeat, there's only one woman for me. And you're the only one I love!

Then... love me!

Show me how you love me!

You're so strong...

Am I hurting you?

It doesn't matter, it feels good! Yes... hurt me!

My darling... hurt me!

Oh, yes...

Oh, Paul...

What is it?

- Did you hear something? - What?

- What's the matter, Paul? - Nothing...

We've never bolted the door when making love. Only people with guilt feelings do that!

What about Felicia?

Felicia? Look... no one's there!

Felicia has no interest in what we do.

And she knows married couples do make love.

I have an idea, Paul. It's so lovely outdoors.

There's a full moon. Let's go out...

- Wait! You can't be serious, darling. - I'm very serious. Believe me!

Why only do it here inside, when the whole world is ours?

Darling...

Oh, darling... what you do to me!

Oh... I love that!

Yes... caress me!

Yes, stroke me!

Put me in your mouth!

Yes... use your tongue.

Oh, that's so good! Lick me...

Yes... my love...

Like that...

Yes... like that!

Take it all...

Let me suck your pussy...

That's good...

Oh, yes... that feels so good!

Oh, that's so good!

- Feel my tits... - Oh, yes ... rub your tits!

- Do you like it? - Oh, yes, darling... it's wonderful!

Oh, yes, keep going!

Oh, yes... suck me some more!

Lick me with your tongue...

I want to be inside you...

Oh, yes... put it in me! Do it!

Make love to me hard and fast!

I want it so bad!

My darling....

I feel you in me!

Fuck me harder! Deeper!

Oh, my love...

- Do it! - Oh, yes!

Oh, do it!

I love it like this! I'm almost there...

Oh, yes... keep going!

Oh, it's close...

That's so good!

Oh, my love...

Oh, I'm coming!

- Did you get there? - Oh, yeah...

You didn't finish off inside me. I came too soon!

No... I couldn't hold it much longer.

It felt like I came at least twice!

- Can I help you? - If you enjoy burning your fingers.

That's alright, it doesn't hurt me.

Pass me the herbs.

That Felicia, she's really a case! A barrel of problems.

If only we were able to do something for her.

Well, I warned Paul. Young people today are not easy!

Even with Ronnie, we didn't know how to handle him!

And we've known him for 18 years!

So the two of you shouldn't hope to do anything with her in just a few days.

Is that her?

Felicia! Come down, the lamb is ready.

[Shit on all of you.]

I hate lamb!

- Who's hungry? - I am!

- I certainly am! - Come and get it!

- I'm famished! - It's lovely!

- For Ronnie... - One that's not too well done!

- Not too well done! - Yes!

A sausage if you please for me!

Well, Gabrielle, how's the album? You promised it'd be done by now.

I haven't found what I've been looking for.

Maybe you don't know what you're looking for - like all artists!

But I do! Let's say, a certain kind of purity.

Very simple. Classical.

Eternal and modern at the same time.

I'm using big words. It sounds idiotic.

Darling, you're too demanding!

No, I get it. But, purity?

Do you really believe that it will sell in today's market?

Why, yes... if you know how to present it.

Unaffected, sincere... but not sentimental.

I simply have to find the right model.

Suppose you tried with a young boy?

Sort of a youthful Adonis?

Like Tadzio, the adolescent boy in "Death in Venice."

Yeah... maybe.

But as long as Felicia is here, I don't think I can concentrate on it, Pierre.

- Well then, get rid of her. - Easier said than done, my friend!

Have you ever made love with a girl?

- Are you kidding? Dozens! - Is it fun?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

It's the chemistry. Forgive me for saying it ...

... but your skin turns me on!

You see? One moment it's soft. Then, pow, it's hard as a rock!

- You're so inhibited! - Oh?

Go on, look. Your nipples are getting hard!

Feel them! Come on...

- Don't you want to? - No!

If you feel like fingering me...

Can't you do it by yourself?

- Damn it! I can't find it! - What?

Your ding-ding. Your rosebud. Your clitoris, idiot!

What if I don't have one?

Girls are such cunts! Here it is! I've got it!

- Do you feel anything? - No.

Well then, kiss me. No, not there, idiot!

It's okay... go on!

Go ahead... suck it.

Oh, yes...

Keep going...

Keep going, you idiot!

Oh, yes... yes...

Yes, yes!

I'm almost there!

That was terrific!

- And you? - I didn't feel a thing.

Nothing?

- Nothing. It's obvious then. - What?

You're frigid!

- Is that serious? - Pretty serious!

What a waste! Even though you have a nice body, you're still a virgin.

A virgin? Me? Speak for yourself! Faggot! Pervert! Queer!

God! You're like all the others.

- I detest you! - Don't get mad! You'll straighten out.

Felicia!

It's the first time this week that you've looked at all happy.

And you look so pretty.

- How about posing for me? - I don't know how to pose.

I hope not!

- What should I do? - Anything that comes into your head.

If the flowers and the sun inspire you, act it out.

- What are you doing, Felicia? - I'm posing.

I see you are. But that way isn't very pretty, darling.

- You mean I'm ugly? - No, not you. But that gesture...

Not bad, for your very first try.

- You know... I found a model, Paul. - Who is it?

Not bad... not bad.

- Is that all? - What do you expect me to do?

Climb up on the ceiling, and start walking on the walls?

To be honest, they're very good!

You've found some unusual expressions, and a certain style.

At least you made her crack a smile!

And laugh a little...

- Felicia, the bread please. - Paul... your waistline!

I like eating bread with my meal.

Felicia, if you please...

She was charming with me all day long!

Where are you going?

To make sure you didn't undo the progress I'd made.

She's got you wrapped around her finger, sweetheart.

If you fall for this game of hers, she'll...

- Felicia... my darling? - No!

No one loves me. It's because I'm so ugly.

I'm so bitchy...

My darling ...

... you mustn't think that. Because I love you.

Very much...

Well, is the princess consoled now? Tucked in, goodnight kiss, sound asleep?

What's the matter, Gabby?

Nothing. Why do you ask?

I don't know. You seem different tonight.

I don't know if it's bad or good. But it's exciting!

Looking at those pictures, I got the feeling that Felicia is in love with you.

Or you with her...

What a ridiculous idea!

Watching the two of you, I feel so... How shall I say it?

Jealous.

Don't be stupid.

I'm like any other man who's in love.

And tonight... tonight I feel like...

I want you to caress yourself.

In front of me.

While I caress you from behind. Do it for my enjoyment, will you?

It excites you, darling. You're already moist...

Look at yourself. You're so beautiful, my love.

Watch how I'm touching you. Now you do it yourself.

Feel your juices.

It feels so good...

Oh, yes...

Oh, my love... lick me.

Yes, lick me there!

That feels so good...

I imagine you're fucking me, Paul.

It's not the same!

Your cock makes me so wet!

Keep going by yourself! Keep going!

You're so beautiful!

Look at yourself!

Go ahead... go ahead, watch me!

Watch me!

I... I'm going to... I'm going to...

Now lick me! Oh... not there!

Oh, watch me...

No! Shut up! You bitch!

What's the matter? That's what you said...

You can't hurt me!

- Hello, who is this, please? - Guess...

Paul, darling! What is it?

- Guess... - I don't know.

I have wonderful news! Something I forgot to tell you this morning.

What is it? Tell me!

I love you today even more than yesterday, and less than tomorrow!

Where's Felicia?

I don't know, and I don't care. I've seen enough of her today.

Indulging in erotic art, Gabby?

These are anything but ordinary. Quite the contrary, my dear.

The party's not swinging yet!

Yes, you're right. I'm falling asleep.

- A lovely couple! - Yeah...

But take a look at Paul!

Felicia's only staying three weeks. She won't do much harm.

If you say so. Care to bet?

I forgot to lock the door.

- Gabby? - What's the matter, my dear?

I had a nightmare. I'm afraid to be by myself.

- May I come in? - Why of course, Felicia. Come in!

So even after midnight we can't have any privacy!

- It's not you I came to see. It's Gabby. - Gabby or me, it's the same thing.

- No! - Yes!

What do you want?

- Well, what does she want? - To sleep here.

- That's all we need! - It will be alright...

Are you crazy, Gabby?

What about me?

You mustn't play with fire, Gabby!

You'll let me do whatever I want.

Because I'm just like this rose.

I can be very gentle. Or I can be very cruel ...

... if you're cruel to me.

Do you like it?

- What do you feel? - Just pleasure, my love.

Now for me... me... me!

Now you...

I want the same pleasure. I have the right to be happy, too!

Make love to me, Gabby!

Yes, darling, of course.

Oh, Gabby...

Oh... I love you!

I love you!

Oh, yes! Yes!

Oh, that's good! Yes!

Oh, Gabby. Yes!

Yes! That's it!

I feel so alive!

Oh, yes... suck me!

Oh, yes, Gabby!

Yes... that's it!

Oh, that's so good!

Oh, God... I'm coming!

I adore you... adore you!

I felt like I was going to die when I was coming!

I can come too, if you finish sucking me all the way.

Now you... you can give me pleasure as well!

Oh, yes...

Feel my body!

Caress me!

I love that...

Lick my pussy...

Oh, yes!

Your tongue...

Oh... your tongue is so warm!

Yes, lick me all over!

Oh, your tongue...

Right there!

Oh, yes... that's so good!

Your tongue...

Oh, yes... right there! Right there!

That's so good...

That's so good, my darling!

Oh, yes... keep doing that!

Oh, it's so good!

Yes... keep going, keep going!

Just a little more...

Together? Together?

Yes, let's do the two of us, together...

Suck me, Gabby!

Yes... you taste so sweet!

Yes... so good!

Oh, don't stop! Keep going!

Your tongue! Yes... like that!

It feels so good!

Oh, yes... you feel so good!

Keep going...

I'm so close!

Try not to upset Paul.

Will you promise?

Be an angel...

Do it... if only to please me, okay?

Just to please you. I promise, Gabby!

- Since when have you been smoking? - Since right now!

Hold still, will you?

You're the one whose trembling, Paul.

I'm trembling?

Thank you.

Since when do you thank me?

Since you lit my cigarette.

That's no way to smoke. It'll go out.

You'll light me up again.

Now stop that! I can't waste time today. I have to grade all these papers.

What's wrong? I'm wearing panties.

That's no reason to show them off to just anyone!

First, I didn't show them to just anyone.

I'm delighted to know that I'm a privileged person!

Delighted... but astonished!

Second, no one forced you to look, Paul.

Third, I only put them on for you!

But it was hardly worth the effort!

Come back here and get these! You can't drop your panties right under my nose!

When did you start drinking straight from the bottle, Felicia?

Disgusting salad!

What the hell...

What the hell did you put in that salad?

You look awful in that apron! Like a Parisian chorus girl!

And that isn't a compliment!

Ow! I twisted my ankle!

Don't move...

Let's have a look.

- Does this hurt? - Yes!

Hold on to me, I'll carry you.

Here we go...

- Hurts bad, eh? - Yes, very much!

A little higher...

Higher...

Well, then it wasn't your ankle.

No... it could be my calf.

Or even my thigh...

Maybe it's sciatica?

- Are you sure it still feels bad? - No... on the contrary. It feels good!

Ow! You're hurting me!

Now you should feel much better! That stimulates the circulation, see?

Why you little whore!

After the wife you want the husband?

Well it won't work! I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last girl on earth!

I was just kidding...

Just kidding! Just kidding!

I was just kidding!

Then don't do that ever again!

Paul! I love you!

I love you!

Oh, I'm dead! That sun is burning... I'm so hot!

Don't worry about a thing! I'll fix dinner, set the table, and...

I adore a handy husband!

Why are you looking at me like that?

How tender you are...

Oh... by the way. Did it go well with Felicia?

- Yeah, sure. - No arguments?

No...

Hello, Gabby!

Paul said all went well between you today. This is for you.

Thank you...

He gave me a spanking.

- A spanking? - I think I made him a little... nervous.

So he pulled up my skirt and took off my panties.

He made fun of me because I was wearing my cute yellow panties.

He said I was acting like a little whore.

So he gave me a spanking.

- Then he... - Then he what? What did he do?

Well, then he... we...

I don't believe it!

I'm sorry, Gabby. It happened so fast, almost like rape.

Are you mad at me?

Everyone is right. I'm just no good!

- I told you, I'm just a little bitch. - Shut up!

There... we can eat now!

There's a nice salad. Not poison, like the one Felicia made this morning.

What did Felicia tell you now?

Everything...

The spanking, and all the rest!

Let go of me! Good night, you two!

Everything? Like what?

Like what?

Slap me! It turns me on!

And it will relieve you.

Good night, lovebirds...

- What are you doing? - Like you, whatever I feel like, Paul.

- Listen, I swear... - You didn't have anything to say earlier.

Still, I suppose it's a lot better than lying!

Between that little nymphomaniac and me, you'd rather believe her?

Yes or no, did you give her that spanking?

- Yes, but... - And then something else happened.

Didn't it? Something you wanted to hide!

And that's one thing I won't tolerate!

At least she had the courage to tell me everything.

And she was certainly ashamed of it!

And you ought to be! You aren't so proud now, are you?

Gabby... let me explain!

Don't bother. I'm not hungry, and you're going to be late.

Felicia isn't ready yet. She's putting on a dress, for once.

You really don't want to come with us, Paul?

Look at the two us, Paul. I think I'm the one with a right to make a long face.

Very well. If it amuses you, keep it up.

Marvelous, darling! That dress looks lovely on you.

She looks like a two-bit whore...

Now stop that, Paul! Come on, Felicia.

- You? - It's me!

- Why did you come back? - Isn't it obvious?

For you...

You're wasting your time!

I don't think so, Paul.

- That's enough, Felicia! - Oh... Paul!

Yes... Oh, Paul!

Paul... I love you!

I love you!

- Shut up! - I love you, Paul!

Shut up!

Shut up, you whore!

Paul... do it!

Do it!

Oh, yes... Paul!

I know you want to!

Do it to me! Come on...

Yes...

Oh, yes... like that!

Hurt me!

Paul... that feels so good!

Oh... keep going!

Paul... do me!

I want it, Paul!

I want it so bad...

Don't stop!

Do it some more! Oh, yes, Paul!

Don't stop!

Do it to me!

Oh, Paul! Ow!

I'll do it... to say you've had it!

Excuse me...

Oh... it hurts! It hurts!

Like this!

Excuse me...

Now do it!

In my ass! In my ass!

Forgive me...

Why?

That was inexcusable.

I wanted it.

But not like that.

It's alright.

- Does it hurt? - No.

I am sorry.

- Don't be afraid of me. - I'm not afraid.

I want it!

- What? - Your cock!

Again...

- Felicia, you're... - Crazy! I know.

But still a virgin!

Go on! Why don't you?

You said I was a whore! Just a little whore...

Give it to me!

Please give it to me!

Stick it in me! Stick it in me...

Don't do that!

Did you like that?

Not again. Haven't you had enough?

- Do you think she saw us? - That's enough mischief for one night!

Go on, beat it!

Gabrielle...

Don't touch me! I hate you!

And I love you!

- I must speak to you! - It's too late!

- Something happened this evening! - Oh, really? It's not possible.

Between Felicia and me!

- I have to tell you, because... - Thanks, but please spare me the details.

If you don't mind, could you put away your love-soaked towel?

You know how you like things to be orderly.

Gabby...

No!

Get out!

Paul, we can't just leave things as they are!

Well, I'm the one who won't listen to reason.

Remember?

Would you like to see me tonight?

- Yes... - You'll do whatever I want?

- You'll do whatever I want? - Yes.

Come...

- What's this, Felicia? - Whatever I want?

For you...

Felicia?

- You? - Yours.

Yes...

Whatever you want.

I love you.

Oh... lick me!

Yes... that's it!

You're so gentle...

Oh, Felicia... my darling.

Your delicate touch...

Oh... it feels so good!

Oh, yes...

Keep going!

I don't ever want you to stop!

You're so wonderful!

You...

Yes!

Remember... you promised me!

Forgive me, Gabby. I was wrong.

Forgive me. Stay here tonight.

- And Felicia? - Her, too.

Why?

I want both of you, together!

Look at each other.

I always wanted it like this.

Oh, yes... keep rubbing my clitoris!

Yes... caress each other.

- It feels so good... - Yes!

Oh, yes... Gabby!

Yes, that's it!

Oh, yes...

Oh, yes, Gabby...

I love it like that!

Yes... take it all!

Oh, I love your mouth...

Oh, yes... faster, please!

Yes... Felicia!

Oh, Paul... lick my pussy, Paul!

Oh, yes... your tongue! Yes, Paul!

I love how you do it!

I love doing this to you...

- Oh, Gabby... it's better with three. - Oh, yes...

I want your cock in me...

- Put it in, Gabby! - Your cock is so hard!

Oh, yes... I have it all!

Oh... it's so hard!

Oh, fuck me... fuck me!

- Is he eating you, Felicia? - Yes!

Do you like my cunt, Paul?

- How do you like it best? - With three...

It's better than two, Felicia!

Oh... the two of you!

- Do it to me! - It's so good!

Oh, I feel it coming...

I'm such a whore!

Oh, yes... I love this!

Oh, Paul...

Put it in me, Paul...

In me, darling...

Give it to me!

- Oh, that's it! - Now me, Paul!

- You're so gentle, Paul! - Oh, I want it!

Oh, yes... in me!

Oh, this is so good!

- Oh, yes! - It's so good, Paul!

Stick it in me!

Oh, yes... fuck me!

Oh, I feel so hot! I'm coming...

I'm coming!

- Some for you... and you! - Oh, yes!

Oh, my love!

Felicia! You don't want to miss your plane!

It's alright, the three of us had that night.

And after this, Gabby?

After this? I don't know. I guess I was being stupid.

Well, goodbye, Felicia.

Goodbye, Paul... And thanks for everything.

- Goodbye, Gabby. - Goodbye, darling.

She left nothing behind. At least, not her heart.

Only a memory.

We just dreamed it all, Gabby!

Maybe we needed somebody... something. Something that would complete our lives.

Do you really believe that, Paul?

What now? Where shall we go?

Back to Deauville?

Excuse me, can you give me a lift?

Yes...

If we squeeze up a little, the three of us will fit in.

Won't we, my darling?

You going to Deauville?

Wherever you're going!

.