Original subtitles

(eerie tense music)

(static crackling)

(eerie tense music)

- From all evil,

deliver us, oh lord.

From all sin,

from your wrath,

from sudden and unprovided death.

From the snares of the devil.

By your birth, your baptism,

and holy fasting.

By your cross and your passion.

By your death and burial.

By the coming of the holy spirit.

The advocate.

On the day of judgment.

We, we sinners,

we beg you to forgive us.

(bones cracking)

Our father who are in heaven,

hallow by thy name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done on Earth as it in heaven.

(ethereal roaring)

(tense music) (air whooshing)

Give us this day, our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses.

Just as we forgive those who trespass against us.

(chains rattling)

(alarm blaring)

- First rule.

- Don't drop the cross.

- I don't care if there's a category five hurricane.

Don't let go.

90 seconds.

That's how long it took for her to break free

and knock your ass to the ground.

Straighten up.

Fall in.

Now here we are, three weeks into our training,

and not one of you has been successful

at cleansing Angela here.

Her parents have entrusted us

with the task of getting her clean

and the only way to get her clean

is to stay focused!

Comprende?

(man stifling laughter)

Is something funny, pencil dick?

- No, ma'am.

- That's sir.

- Sir.

- Trainee, are you chewing gum?

- No.

- Let me remind all of you of why we are here.

You are private citizens

being ordained, specifically for one reason

and one reason only.

To become professional exorcists.

It's my duty to make sure

that you don't embarrass the pope, the Vatican,

and to be perfectly frank, me.

Beth.

- Yes, sir?

- How long have you been clean?

- Six months.

- Six months.

- Six months demon free, sir.

- Do you hear that?

Demon free for six months.

Beth over here is the reason we do what we do.

Now trainees, I know you've seen the news.

There's been a rise in possessions across the country.

At this point, we can call it a full on outbreak.

The Vatican needs as many of you yahoos

ready to hit the streets.

Now I get it.

We all have families.

At this point, we probably all know someone affected.

Someone like Angela over here.

Innocent, held hostage.

But don't forget.

That person over there is not Angela.

While they may seem human,

they will lie to you, know things about you,

that you've never told anyone.

Expose your fears

all to get in your head.

I cannot stress the importance

of what we're doing here.

What it means to the world.

You're the future.

(Angela roaring) (ethereal whooshing)

- All mighty God, we beg you to keep the evil spirit

from further molesting this servant of yours

and to keep it far away, never to return.

At your command, oh lord,

may the goodness and peace of our lord,

Jesus Christ, our savoir,

take possession of this woman.

May we no longer fear

any... (Angela roaring)

(ethereal whooshing) Please pray to you

in unity with the Holy Spirit.

Forever and ever.

Amen.

(soft tense music)

- Well shit, that was unexpected.

Good work, Ian.

Class dismissed.

Have the trainees examined

before they go back to their quarters.

That thing could have jumped into any of them.

And let Angela's family know she's clean.

- [Guard] Yes, sir.

- [Sir] Ian, may I see you in my office?

(ethereal tense music)

- You wanted to see me?

- Good work back there, son.

- Thanks, mom.

- He's the reason we're doing this.

Remember that, okay?

Now, I want to send you on your first assignment.

- Really?

- Do you not want to?

- I do but.

- But?

- Yes, I'm thankful.

- Great.

Remington high rise, near 50th and Prospect.

Low income housing.

Said to have a class five possession on each floor.

Nine stories.

I'm putting a team together to go in.

You interested?

Feeling all right?

- Uh yes, thank you.

- Good.

Then pack your things.

Team leaves tonight.

He's always watching after you, you know that right?

Just like in that photo you keep with you.

- What photo?

- That old photo of Kyle you keep in your pocket.

- How do you know about that?

(eerie tense music)

Mother.

(eerie tense music)

(eerie tense music)

(low eerie music)

- [Man] Oh my God, that mask is so scary.

- [Man] Is it?

- [Man] Oh it's great.

- [Man] Okay, I was worried about it.

It's not my normal thing.

- Take a cookie. - Did you make these?

- [Man] Did I make 'em?

My mother made 'em.

Take one. - They look delicious.

- Okay, folks.

Let's get this Satan Saturday fun day underway, shall we?

As always, I am your leader.

Cthulhu.

And uh, yeah, hail Satan.

- [All] Hail Satan.

- Before we begin,

I want to congratulate George

for sacrificing his first born son

for the glory of Satan.

So, let's give a big round of applause for George, everyone.

(group applauding)

- [George] Thanks, everyone.

Thank you.

I'm just happy to be here.

Thank you.

- Our annual doggy fundraiser is slowly approaching.

So make sure to bring in your dog of choice

for the grand feast.

Last year, we successfully butchered

and ate 23 dogs.

So let's try to beat that record this year, huh, guys, yeah?

(group applauding)

(man sneezing)

(man farting)

That will be Halloween night at exactly eight pm.

Are there any questions.

Yes.

- [Man] What time will it be at?

- Eight pm.

Uh huh.

- Dude, it will be at eight pm.

- Oh you're a life saver.

- Okay, are there any other questions?

- My feet hurt.

- That's a statement.

Brandon, why ae you not wearing your uniform?

Mhm, okay, yeah.

Anyone else?

Eight pm.

Right.

Moving on.

Everyone please give a warm Satanic welcome

to Mr. Joel Henderson, our newest inductee.

(man cheers)

(eerie chanting music)

(stereo clicks off)

Brother Joel has been with our sect

for just over two months

and it is by the choice of our divine leader, Satan,

that he become a member.

(Group wailing ethereally)

- Hey, everybody.

I'm really glad to be here.

- Brother Joel, are you ready for your final assignment

before your induction?

- Yes, Master Cthulhu.

- Excellent.

Bring out the sacrifice.

(ethereal chanting music)

- Hi, everyone.

(stereo clicking off)

Great to be here.

- [Cthulhu] Quiet, Jerry.

- Oh right, sorry.

Help me, I'm trapped.

Ah.

- Now, Joel.

To become a member of this unholy sect,

you must kill Jerry.

(eerie tense music)

- Huh?

- Well, as a member of this unholy sect,

one must first kill a sacrifice.

Of course.

- Dude, hey.

It's totally cool.

I hate my wife.

- [Cthulhu] Jerry.

(eerie tense music)

- I don't think I can, I don't think I can do this.

I wasn't...

- I see you have doubts in Satan.

- Oh no, no, no, no.

It wasn't, it's not that.

It's not that at all.

I was just, you know,

you know, I just.

I didn't think I'd have to kill someone.

- In order for Satan to bless us with his glorious liquids,

we must-- (man stifling laughter)

Quit giggling.

It's not funny.

In order for Satan to bless us with his glorious liquids,

we must commit the most unholy of acts

to show our dedication to the prince of darkness.

- I know, but can I like,

can I like kill a bunny or something?

(group laughing)

- Okay, enough screwing around.

Now Joel.

Satan waits for his sacrifice.

You could either slice open Jerry's jugular

with this surgical knife.

Cut his eyeballs out one by one.

Pluck his brain out slowly with these tiny tweezers,

or light his hair on fire

and watch him slowly burn.

- Oh, oh.

I vote that last one.

That sounds horrible. - Jerry, goddamn it!

Shut your mouth.

Which one?

(Joel clearing throat)

(eerie tense music)

(Joel breathing heavily)

(eerie tense music)

(Jerry gurgling)

Yes, yes!

Hail Satan!

- [Group] Hail Satan.

- Welcome, Brother Joel,

to Earth's most unholy alliance.

Come forth and be--

(Jerry sputtering)

Come forth and be recognized

as this sects newest member.

(Joel wheezing laughter)

(Both laughing)

(blood splattering)

- Did any get on me?

(fire crackling)

- Who has called upon me?

- Your greatness, is that you?

- Of course it's me, fool.

Now I'm missing Hitler's birthday party,

so this better be good.

- My apologies, divine leader.

We have a new inductee

and wanted to shower thy glorious liquids unto him.

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- Thy glorious liquids.

The unholy ceremony, of course.

- Dude, no.

That's weird as fuck.

Stop saying that.

- The slaughter of the unworthy?

The killing of the firstborn son?

The slaying of animals?

Isn't that what you preach?

- No.

Where are you getting this shit from?

- [Man] Wikipedia.

- You guys are embarrassing.

I'm out of here.

(man coughing)

(ethereal gospel music) (upbeat hip hop music)

(eerie tense music)