Original subtitles

Remember, Rahul. Sacrifice is the brightest torch of Indian family values.

Life is like the opening of the Olympics, Rahul.

Run, run with the torch,

until you light the big torch and signal the games to begin.

Yes, daddyji.

Remember you hold the baseball bat of destiny,

and whatever curve ball life throws, always, always hit a home-run.

Think blue jays.

I'll never let you down.

I'm dying my son.

And you are now the team captain of the family.

They are your responsibility.

Get Twinky married, settle Govind

and don't get distracted by the cheerleaders in their short skirts!

Yes, daddyji.

You promise?

I promise.

Daddyji? Daddyji.

Daddyji, I'll never break my promise.

Kimberly's rock video.

Just a minute.

Sir, ma'am is here.

I've got to go. I'll try calling you back before Kaula Lumpur closes. Thanks.

Morning ma'am. Welcome to Ontario, your city to discover.

But I live here Rocky!

Each day is a discovery ma'am.

Yes.

Do you have to leave tomorrow?

It's not everyday that Hollywood comes calling.

Anyway, stop thinking about tomorrow

Don't you know that the past is history,

future is a mystery and this moment is a gift.

Dr. Jopra, do you ...

Sorry to disturb sir but we're almost here.

Oh, Rahul, I love you so!

Evolution works by mixing bloodlines. It's a fact!

So that's why you want to marry her, to preserve homogeneity?

Give me a break, Twinky.

I love her. Way to go bro. Shut up you moron!

Maybe I should tell Bobby you had your nose fixed

I wouldn't if I were you, you socially dysfunctional twirp.

Don't be so hard on him. You're a nerd!

Maaa! My son ...

loves a white woman!

Had to brutish?

Quiet!

What a drama queen your mother is.

Just my bad luck I selected her for my dear departed son.

Bring your white girl.

Really?

I don't say what I don't mean.

Jesus! It's like being led to the altar in a cathedral.

More like a goat to slaughter.

You translate.

But you know English.

Response under pressure is the best judge of character.

Mita, sweet?

Cheat, eat, you are too thin.

No, thank you, I am not fond of sweet.

What caste are you?

I don't know.

Which village you are?

From Toronto?

Toronto. Christian?

Hindu banege? Will you become Hindu?

Actually, I am Anglican, I haven't thought of converting.

What have you done? You've picked up a white whore.

Grandmaji please.

Pardon me?

Way better than any Bollywood movie!

Stop this crying-shying.

So mom, what did you think of 'bhaiya ki pasand'?

What can I say?

And you grandmaji, What did you think?

This is the winter of our discontent.

Brilliant!

and you stinky Twinky?

If you don't put that bloody thing away, I'm going to kill you.

The OPP say they regret their decision to bury 20 million dollars worth of pot.

Six people are charged tonight after an attempted seizure of the buried marijuana.

Crime stoppers got a call Monday about a group digging in the dump with shovels.

The drugs had been seized in a raid a week earlier,

Police thought it would be inefficient to burn it.

This just into our news room from Hollywood.

In a tragic freak accident, pop star Kimberly Wertham

towered as the Britney Spears of Canada, died this evening in Los Angeles.

Ms. Wertham, a new age practitioner was trying to levitate

when she missed landing on the mattress that was providing her with buoyancy.

Here's video footage we obtained courtesy of a Japanese tourist

just before Ms. Wertham took her tragic tumble down the Hollywood hills tonight.

What have I done to deserve this?

Deserve what ma?

Deserve a tragic hero like Devdas for a son.

My heart really break that your gori... Kimberly ma.

Yes...yes... that your white Kimberly died.

Poor thing.

What a nice girl she was, not so pretty though,

but what is gone is gone.

Who can undo the past? You must get married.

To live alone is to live in hell.

Ask me.

We've been through this, ma.

There's no way I can even think of another woman.

Just like Reema Lagoo inhum Saath Saath Hain.

Please stop, ma.

Who are you to say 'stop'?

You will do what I say. You'll get married Rahul.

And to somebody from our own community.

Wow - zohra seghal in hum dil de chuke sanam.

Jesus Christ.

Twinky, don't take God's name in vain.

For God sake, ma. He's not our God.

(Holier than thou) All Gods are equal.

Rubbish, Hindu Gods are number one.

This is absurd.

All you have to do, son, is see these girls.

Please beta.

For your old, widowed mothers sake,

you're my boy, say yes.

Remember your promise me Rahul... family is paramount... paramount.

You are but a hillock.

Did you hear that ma?

Hear what?

Alright, do what you please. Just don't have any expectations.

What are you saying? Expectations are like mother's milk.

Essential.

He said yes, baba.

I don't like artsy fartsy movies

Well, what's the point of focusing on incest, poverty, and all that stuff?

Well, what I do like are movie that reflect our Indian culture

And our magnificent Indian values.

For example, I love song. Do you know that Hoji?

Song represents internal dialogue.

I love St. Tropez. Gul flew us all in for a masquerade ball.

I love fancy dress.

I myself, stitched with my own two hands a bunny costume for my Rahul.

A big white fluffy bunny he was.

So sweet he looked!

Bunny, eh?

I love this irony. I mean, I can understand what they want,

How do you feel about me being here?

Gutless.

But then why are you going through this?

Pressure.

Go fly a kite!

What did she say?

She wants him to fly a kite!

It's not Basant... is it?

What's Basant?

Kite flying festival.

Is it just me or is everybody going nuts?

Ma, I really can't go through this.

I know. I'm so unlucky.

Ma, please.

Alright, alright.

Nobody I like, you like. OK, you find your own girl.

We will accept.

But one condition only.

Indian is a must.

I'm not interested.

Ma, I'm just not interested.

All this fainting on demand? How do you do it?

Low blood pressure.

Ma. Ma!

Ma!

For your information, you have until Twinky's sangraal to announce your engagement.

If by then you haven't found a girl, Twinky's wedding is off.

You aren't serious.

Rahul, when you wanted a love nest downtown, didn't I suffer?

Did I say anything?

It's not a love nest ma, it's my apartment!

Whatever it is I didn't say anything!

Now I want, even Ji wants, and I am very serious Rahul.

This is blackmail!

Well, it won't work.

I am so unlucky.

You heard ma?

What do you expect me to do?

I'm pregnant bhaiya.

Life is full of existential angst. It is a given.

So why not lighten up?

Existential angst?

Anxiety related to ones general sense of well being.

Existential angst.

Right.

So I'm waiting.

For what?

I'm a great listener.

I don't have much to say.

An impossibility for men in my experience.

You couldn't be East Indian, could you?

I can be whoever you want me to be.

Of course you can.

My name is Sue.

Rahul Seth.

Why not?

Why not what?

Why can't I be East Indian?

Indian girls don't do this.

And what's this?

You know, pick up guys.

Really?

Really. It's just not in our culture.

Must be a rather unique culture.

Well, my grandma seems to think so.

I'll have another Perrier with a twist.

Sure you don't want something else to drink?

No, but I would like to dance.

I am not very good.

Oh, come on.

No. Let me guess. Spanish for sure. Barcelona?

Whatever you want.

For sure, Spanish.

Un que tonto!

Knew it.

So, what do you do for a living?

I'm a self-designated techno geek.

When Asians have anything to do with cyber-optics that's the label we go by.

So are you?

No.

I'm a poet at heart.

Ay amar es un viaje con agua y con estrellas...

What?

Ah, love is a voyage with water and a star,

in drowning air and squalls of precipitate bran;

love is a war of lights in the lightning flashes,

two bodies blasted in a single burst of honey.

That's beautiful.

Pablo Neruda. Guaranteed to soften the most obstinate heart.

I'll try and remember that.

When poetry is simple, it's as rewarding as surfing the net.

Existential angst, Neruda.

You're obviously bright, so why the hell are you...

You know it's fascinating but every Indian guy asks that question.

Limited, wouldn't you say?

At least we're consistent.

That sounds very Bollywood.

What do you know about Bollywood?

Enough.

You like Bollywood?

Love it! All the sing-songs and the melodrama.

And you're familiarity with Bollywood, it almost makes you an honorary Indian.

Oh ya?

So, what do you think? Are you game?

It is wild.

Please look, I know you can do it. You sort of look East Indian.

No, I'm serious.

And is there a bonus?

Sure, if you can pull it off.

Right after Twinky's wedding, there's extra five grand in it for you.

I'll think about it.

What's there to think about?

I'll take care of the whole India-mohing. They'll never know...

you could be an orphan visiting from the States or something.

An orphan who grew up in the Spanish Harlem?

That's good. Very good.

Everybody's a sucker for exotica, trust me.

Could I have this really rich uncle

who terribly sorry for having molested me as a child,

leaves me his millions and then kills himself?

How do you even think of stuff like that?

Movie plot 101.

I'll put you up in a hotel for a week.

Five star?

Don't push it.

Four star?

Do you ever stop bargaining?

No.

Okay, but if you blow it, there's going to be hell to pay

Slow down, before you get in the fast lane, let's get a few things straight.

This deal doesn't have any side benefits. No sex, and I have to be home by twelve...

and if it doesn't work out, no refunds.

Jesus.

Don't swear.

Whatever. Here's an advance. Deal?

Deal amigo.

Awaara hoon, awaara hoon, awaara hoon!

I can't eat,

I can't sleep,

and it's all your fault!

I love you, my Icheck.

And ah, your culture, I love so well.

You do?

Da Da Raj Kapoor, Shri 420 and Mera Naam Joker, my best movie!

He's a hero of Russia, second only to Lenin.

And you are his carbon-copy!

Lucy, I like you. And you're a very good cook.

But... but, Lucy I don't love you.

I don't care!

I will sing lullabies to you in your language.

Lucy I need to breath.

Awaara hoon... awaara hoon

Lucy, Lucy, please Lucy that is not a lullaby!

Why don't you love me? I am perfect!

Yes, you are perfect, you're sha-ka-la-ka baby! But Lucy I love somebody else.

What's her name?

Rokini.

I'll kill her!

Why?

Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome our exotic butterfly from the east... Rokini!

I don't believe it. I have never seen anybody eat so many chillies.

I like hot stuff.

Spanish, you know.

We're vegetarians. Don't ever ask for meat, beef.

And no mention of the word beef. Exactly.

My lips are sealed.

Deal.

And we don't shake hands, we greet by folding them like so, and saying 'namaste'.

Namaste.

And don't look directly at anyone, always lower your eyes.

Which century is this?

We're caught in a time warp here, trying to preserve what we can of the home country.

Retro, wouldn't you say?

I don't question tradition.

Only fools don't question tradition.

At least I'm not for sale

Go to hell!

Get someone else to do your dirty work. I'm history.

Please, please ma'am, history as they say repeats itself.

Please sit down. Sir, sir!

Alright, I'm sorry. Please sit down.

That insult will cost you another grand.

All right.

Another chilli ma'am?

I've seen you somewhere?

We Indians pray at home. Mi casa, mi temple so to speak.

Please no shoes, no sneaker, not even socks.

I mean grandmaji would recall the ides of march.

As a fellow ethnic I am sure you understand.

Right. Right.

Right.

Sha-ka-la-ka baby!

Sir, J-lo meets K-ko!

What? Lopez meets Karishma.

That just might work.

Mucho gracias!

All this makeover reminds me of a Hollywood film.

Holly Bolly, Bolly Holly, different words same thing.

Ma'am please don't destroy the clothes and jewellery.

We're getting a full refund after wedding functions.

Ma'am, I insist.

Well yes, sir is very rich. But deal is a deal, right Sue, Ma'am.

Oh yeah?

You know you better not mess this up, otherwise you'll have me to answer to.

My! Aren't we loyal.

Yes we are.

Rokini!

How do you know?

You're famous. The first drag queen from the land of the Kamasutra.

What are you going to do, ma'am?

Relax! I'm not the squealing type.

Besides, I'm kind of partial to multiple identities.

Ma'am, I'm just a poor man from Batala,

driving on the road paved by the ancient Greeks.

You see for them, the perfect body was what...

it was male, it was female, intertwine like...

like chocolate ... like vanilla like a choc'o'bar.

Well, you're a philosopher Rocky.

Well your secret is safe with me,

if you tell me what you do with your family jewels when you're in drag?

Sue! Please! Please.

Well then.

Duct tape.

We use extra strength duct tape.

Thanks.

I always wanted to know.

I'm starting to have a great time.

God-willing you'll get married right after Twinky.

Congratulations Sir!

We could have a double wedding. I'm sure Bobby wouldn't mind.

Bobby's a dweeb.

Do you mind if I bring her to Twinky's sangeet?

Oh really!

Thank you Krishna. Thank you Vish. Thank you Hanumanji.

Thank you all!

You are such a nerd. Stop it!

Hey pretty cool.

In fact, too cool for a nerd!

I'm not a nerd, you freak! Who did you call a freak?

Oh...

hell!

I hate this bloody school. Do you want to try another one?

What's the point? Wherever I go it's the same bloody shit.

And that ass Brian screwed up my camera.

Don't worry about that, we can get a new one.

No! I'm tired of being an over privileged geek.

Look, lighten up sport... it's a phase.

At least that dumb Twinky is getting married and moving out.

Don't you know? She's not moving out... Bobby's moving in.

No way!

Yeah.

Just kidding.

That was below the belt.

I am starting to feel, a little, well, uncomfortable...

Look, just relax!

All it is, is just the obligatory sing-song before the wedding.

It's a bunch of women singing traditional Indian songs

while the guys drink themselves silly.

It's a bit like being stuck in an elevator with a circus.

That's better.

Now all you have to do is smile.

And when anyone talks to you in Hindi, smile some more.

Don't forget to pretend to recognize my star friend from Bollywood, okay?

Just point him out and I'll drool.

I should tell you something.

Later

Sha-ka-la-ka baby!

Just like other heavenly couples from heaven;

What?

Just like other heavenly couples from heaven;

like Ram and Sita, Charles and Di, Bogie and Bacall,

of course my Twinky and Bobby!

You're my boy! Come, come, come!

You're Twinky.

What a chhupa custom bhaiya is.

You're stunning.

You have to tell me how the two of you met.

Whoa! She's hot!

Where's Bobby? Ah!

Come, come, come somebody! Take a photograph of my two daughters.

My two princesses. Smile.

Trained you well, didn't we?

You're a dark horse man.

Great taste in brown and white women.

Hey, congrats man.

You know, if I wasn't in love with your sister, I'd be tempted...Ha! Ha!

That's gratifying to know.

What a bunch of losers!

Sue is cooler than a ice cube!

How's my favourite aunty?

Akshay! Beta, thank you so much for coming all the way from Bombay for Twinky's sangeet.

What, thank you? Rahul is like a brother to me!

Take, beta, take.

Thank you, cheers. Cheers, cheers.

So there you are.

You're a real guy.

No, let me rephrase that, a real Spanish guy.

What the hell did you get out of lying?

Nothing.

But I didn't really lie, did I?

I mean it was you who just assumed that I couldn't possibly be Indian...

I just went along with it.

Withholding the truth is just as reprehensible as lying.

Not where I come from.

And where's that?

Barcelona.

Your mom's here.

Uh huh! No kissy-vissy before marriage.

What a lovely house you have, auntyji.

Call me mummy.

Of course, mummyji.

Is that alright with you, Rahulji?

It's fine, just fine. I'm going inside...

and don't call me Rahulji.

Whatever you say 'ji'!

He's a pearl, my Rahul is.

Absolutely.

Now what about you staying at a hotel?

Are we dead?

Are we not your family?

This is your home.

Mummyji...

No! No! No! Not a word will I hear.

If your dead, dear parents were alive,

I am sure they'd agree whole-heartedly with me.

Whatever you say, mummyji.

I'll get my stuff and move in tonight.

Good girl.

So tell me about your father, what did he do?

And your mother, she must have been a beauty queen like you.

I can't talk about them. Every time I do, I start to cry.

Okay beta, beta, I understand, I understand.

No ring?

Oh my Rahul.

Here you go.

This is no hotel, ma'am?

Hey, it's my home.

If I choose to pocket the hotel money,

it's nobody's business, right?

That is a truly lovely sari, ma'am.

You can borrow it anytime, Rocky.

I'll be back in a sec with my stuff.

Would you believe if I say, 12 Baje nain, (12 o'clock) papaji?

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

And what are you wearing?

If we were in Batinda,

I would beat the hell out of you.

Here if I even touch you before I say Vai guru,

they will put me in jail in one second flat.

I'm sorry, papaji.

But you brought us here, and there is no going back to Batinda,

wherever it might be.

You very well know

Batinda is in my beloved Punjab, the land of the five rivers.

Sunita, better tow my line

otherwise you'll be lost in lake Ontario,

bobbing up and down in the water,

without that all important life-jacket called tradition.

Understand?

Stop! Where do you think you are going? I am not finished yet.

Sunita, go upstairs.

See, see. See what your beloved daughter is wearing?

What she is wearing!

Please, I'll handle it.

She doesn't know where Batinda is, Kelly.

Remember, I was the champion of Gurnida Nine 1972 competition.

She doesn't know where Batinda is

I'm going to make pasta out of her.

Stop it! Both of you.

Stop it papaji. You're acting like a drunk and you don't even drink.

I'm drunk on indignation!

Why don't you get a day job?

Look at you, foaming at the mouth like Amrish Puri in some Bombay film.

Really?

In which movie? 'Taal'?

No, no, he was a good man in that!

'Padres'?

That is a good one, about the corrupt west.

Get a life, papaji.

I love my India. I love my India.

I love my Indiaaaa.

Sunita, why this defiance?

Men rebel, women don't.

Ma, I'm moving out. I've tried to stay here, but I can't.

Where will you go?

I'll be okay, I'll be somewhere safe and I'll call you everyday.

I will see you soon, promise?

I promise.

Tell that fat Lucy I want two parathas with mango pickle,

and potato sabzi yogurt,.... and lassi with lots of sugar.

And she better be fast or I'll break her legs.

Yes, grandmaji.

Sit.

Now pray.

What's wrong?

Nothing, I can't pray on demand.

Nose sharp. Eyes round. Mouth could be smaller.

Skin, not so fair. Where did you meet my grandson?

At a club.

What were you doing at the club?

Dancing, the usual.

Do you go to these clubs alone?

Sometimes.... they're really harmless and good fun.

Maybe you want to come some time!

All the worlds is a stage ...

and all the men and women are mere players'.

So why not!

My sentiments exactly.

At least you're not like that white woman.

Which white woman?

The one who trapped my innocent Rahul.

God heard my prayers and, krrrrrrr...

You had her murdered?

What an imagination you have got.

No! No! A levitation accident!

Probably she became a chapati.

Oh.

Do you eat meat?

Yeah, sure, chicken and fish.

Sue beta, sometimes it's better to withhold the truth.

It's an art of lying that takes much practice.

It took me many years.

Oh.

What's going on?

Just getting advise on the art of lying!

Now both of you leave me alone and Sue beta,

tell that fat Lucy I'll have my breakfast in my room.

Sure.

My! Aren't we looking like a movie star!

Save it for the other suckers. You don't fool me.

Hey! Listen!

You're the one who paid me to act like the love of your life.

Yeah, but not to go overboard.

And certainly not to ingratiate yourself with my family.

Right.

I don't want any fallout from your stay here, Sue.

Just be pleasant and that's it.

Alright Rahulji.

This is important, so listen up sunita.

I care very deeply about my family

and you are hired specifically to make sure that Twinky's wedding

goes smoothly and that's it.

Love-birds doing coochy-coochy so early in the morning?

Stop, ma!

I'll be back at five.

And please, we can't be late for Bobby's sing-song tonight.

It's not a sing-song.

It is the singing celebration from the bridegrooms side.

And we will all be ready by Indian standard time.

Ma, sunita isn't feeling too well today.

It's best if she rest in her room till the evening.

No, darling?

Of course I'll call Doctor Bhatia.

There's no need, but if sunita would like to see him, why not?

I'll do whatever Rahulji wants me to.

Good girl!

Neanderthal!

Is everything alright?

Of course mummyji, I'll just go upstairs and

light some incense and meditate.

Oh, meditate!

Bhaiya's sort of uptight about his car.

As his fiancee, I have special privileges!

You're not sick anymore?

Nah, I'm one of the 'fast recovery' types.

Okay listen, do you remember what I taught you?

I think so.

This is about life and death Govind, okay?

There is no room for thinking.

Either you do or you don't.

I do. I do.

Good.

Nobody calls me Govind.

Go is kind of obvious, you know what I mean?

It's not very subtle.

What I mean is your need to be cool

Screams for attention and that's not very cool.

Get it?

Kind of.

There he is, with all his side-kicks.

Well what are you waiting for?

Sue, maybe this isn't such a great idea.

I'll be right here, cheering you on from the side-lines.

Go for it!

Hey Brian!

What do you want nerd?

Sha-ka-la-ka baby!

Yeah Govind!!

Govind watch out!

That was way beyond sneaky, Brian Chu.

Go? Go, Go, wake up go! Are you okay?

Hey, nice eye!

You really had me worried, Govind.

What the hell were you thinking?

Bhaiya, you should have seen the look on Brian's face.

He didn't know what hit him.

Get it? Hit him? And that Nicole...

Where do you think you're going?

To show Rocky my black eye.

He said sha-ka-la-ka-baby!

Care to share the joke?

I just wish I had been there to see Brian's expression.

Well, he looked a bit like a wet noodle!

I bet he did.

Listen, I hate to admit it, but I have never seen Govind so full of confidence.

Thanks, no sweat.

Well...

Yes?

Well... I'll guess see you later.

Don't even think about it. Did you say something?

Yes, I mean no.

Are you okay?

Never been better.

Watch yourself, Rahul Seth.

In two more days, you're going to be mine!

...And you'll be mine!

Ruby, your Sue doesn't look like an orphan to me.

What do you mean?

She looks too happy. Look at her!

Well she is no more an orphan. She has me, mummyji.

She's right Ronica.

Nicki, it is a lovely sangeet. Thank you so much.

Sangeet music in India is much better. It's more traditional.

It's different. What rubbish.

But I've heard Indians from India are much more modern and they are always in ecstasy.

Of course not.

Not in ecstasy, on ecstasy. What's that Ronica?

Ecstasy is a drug like hashish! Hai ram!

By the way Ruby, whatever you might say, your mother-in-law dances very nicely.

What a bunch of losers!

But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east and Sue is the sun.

You're looking really far away.

I was just watching you.

I mean you, go and grandmaji.

She's marvellous.

You actually made her dance! I can't believe it.

I guess she was just waiting to be asked.

It's kind of hot in here.

Do you want to catch a breath of fresh air?

Yeah.

So why weren't you dancing?

You've seen me dance, I have two left feet.

You're not that bad.

Look, I didn't have the benefit of being born Spanish!

Wo, a sense of humour.

So, two more days till D-day.

Yes.

You're doing really well. I can't thank you enough.

You're paying me well enough.

Do you always have to reduce things to their lowest common denominator?

I was just thanking you.

I know, I'm sorry...

look I know this is none of my business

and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to,

but I'd really like to know

how you got into this, well, this line of work.

Typical desi question.

Okay I'm sorry, forget that I asked... it doesn't really matter.

But it does, doesn't it?

It does.

Well, at least you're honest.

Just don't expect a sob story... okay?

Please, Sue. He's such a nice boy...

and he's from the same village as your father.

And so successful, loved and admired all over the world.

He also gets stacks full of fan mail.

Please Sue...

He'll be able to give you everything that you want.

He even has a BMW.

I think they have come.

Papaji

Welcome

Papaji is a car mechanic.

And mom works in an assembly line stuffing Chinese fortune cookies.

Welcome ji!

This house is blessed that man of your stature

has set a foot inside this door.

Meet my wife Kelly.

This is my daughter Sue, sunita.

She is a student.

No thank you.

Very good! Very good! What is your favourite subject?

Cooking?

Home science?

Don't be shy beta, answer him.

Bold and beautiful!

Sunita, cover your head.

No need! No need!

I'm studying anthropology...

and what do you do to receive stacks of fan mail?

Don't you watch television?

This is the great, the one and only 'Killer Khalsaji'...

WWF champion.

His parents are also from my Batinda.

Soon we'll become business partners.

Killerji is opening a BMW dealership for me.

Yes!

You can call me K.K. for short.

For your information they don't call me killer for nothing.

I eat twelve raw eggs, twenty parathas

and I drink a litre of milk for breakfast alone.

Do you want to see my muscles?

Soon, very soon,

You'll see all my muscles, everyone of them.

Even the ones hidden.

As for your hidden 'muscle', I am sure it's no bigger than your

brain cell... you... dinosaur!

What did you call me?

Sue, don't you dare talk like this.

Stop it, sunita.

Stop it or I'll throw you out the balcony.

Papaji, a wrestler?

You wanted me to marry a guy called killer khalsa!

So I stood there and he said to me...

What's wrong with my name?

Nothing, it's a very nice name.

I know what you're thinking.

Why this line of work, right?

To become an escort was the quickest way to get back at papaji.

Extreme but effective...

Hey an escort?

Does that mean you're not a...

Yes, it means I'm not a whore.

Doest make me more acceptable?

Am I suddenly less offensive to you?

Sue, I just can't help having middle class morals...

it's an ingrained thing.

I got to go.

Wait up.

Why?

Because I really like being with you.

You're so unpredictable.

Glad to be of service.

Stop this.

I know this is a breach of contract,

but I really want to,

I mean I'm going to...

Nobody breaches the contract.

Nobody.

I'm not missing out on tonight.

Oh come on Twinks, I mean...

Who's ever heard of the bride crashing a stag party?

It's just not fair. Guys get to have all the fun.

I mean I had a dumb shower, with mom pouring tea for my friends.

You know, your brother's place is pretty cool.

Want to go check out the bedroom?

Atom who?

Egoyan. The Canadian film director.

Oh I thought he was American.

No.

You?

I'm more the Al Pacino godfather type.

Food?

Italian.

Indian.

With chillies on the side?

Sometimes.

Perfection?

Perfection?

You first.

The pink flamingos on my parent's front yard.

You?

Killer Khalsa...

with you as a close second.

Sorry!

Sue...

What a bunch of losers.

Sue, there's something I have to tell to you.

What?

I'm falling in love with you.

Me too.

Yeah baby! Who's party is this!

Is this my show? Who the man, who the man?

Hope you're watching carefully Twinky.

I bet you Bobby will expect a repeat performance...from you!

In his dreams!

I'll be back in a sec guys.

Sorry, sorry, sorry! I slipped.

Oh, you got to be kidding, you're just smashed.

Who are you calling smashed?

You!

Hey! I know you.

You're Sue Singh right? Remember me?

I'm Stevie Sood, owner of Starry Night Motel on Lakeshore.

Listen, you're making a mistake.

No way! You work all the upscale clubs in Toronto, don't you?

Let go of me, you moron.

Who're you calling a moron?

Relax! Calm down! Apologize to her.

Bullshit! She's a whore.

I remember every woman I've ever slept with.

It's not true.

Relax, calm down, he's drunk.

Do you expect a common prostitute to tell you the truth?

You don't believe me do you?

I don't know what to believe.

I get it.

Some sleeze-bag who I refused to sleep with calls me a whore and you believe him.

I told you I don't know what to believe anymore.

Believe this!

Just look at me,

Look at me Sue and tell me that you're not what he said you were.

So I am a whore.

That's what you want to hear, isn't it?

Tell the truth, Sue.

Why?

You've already made up your mind?

Sue, this is serious.

When I first met you I told you I'd be whatever you'd want me to be,

and now it's pretty clear what that is.

So I paid her to act as my fiancee,

and I'm sorry, but there was nothing else I could do.

Well, what is done is done.

Twinky's wedding of course will be postponed,

until you find another girl.

Oh God.

How will I show my face amongst my friends?

I'll be... a social outcast.

I thought you loved Sue like your own daughter ma.

There's a limit to hypocrisy.

But then I did not know who she was,

she was a...

I can't even say the word!

I don't know.

Perhaps, perhaps we're all jumping to conclusions.

"Here's the smell of the blood still:

All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand!"

True! So true! I am nothing but a selfish widow.

God! Only if ji hadn't died and left me alone.

I feel so helpless!

Mom, better save some of those tears.

Why?

Cause Bobby and I eloped.

We got married this morning.

I'm so sorry bhaiya.

You did all that for me.

It was my duty as your brother.

Where are you going?

To see what my conscience has to say.

May I come in, sir?

May I come in? Yes, come in.

This just came in from Sue ma'am.

Fine...you can go.

What do you want Rocky?

Sir, nobody, but nobody is really what they appear to be.

I mean we hide ourselves because life is a sullen coitus!

Don't go all obscure on me. Spit it out, whatever you have to say.

Sue ma'am is special.

Anybody who can keep a secret deserves the best.

What the hell are you talking about?

Don't judge a book by it's covers.

Thanks for the advise. Now can you please leave me alone?

Of course.

Leave me alone, I said!

"I'm here not to bury Caesar, but to praise him!"

Shakespeare?

I don't know. What's the difference?

Sit.

The meaning is clear, bury the past and praise the future!

What exactly are you talking about?

About Sue, of course.

Didn't you hear what I said, grandmaji? She lied to me.

She... she didn't deny being a prostitute.

What is upsetting you more?

That she lied to you or that she made your worst fears come true?

Both.

Both the reasons are stupid.

When you love people, you must trust them completely.

I'm 78, I should know.

Rahul... Rahul...

Rahul my son, I am so proud of you.

Like tiger woods you're a hole in one, son;

Now it's time to find your own happiness.

Go in peace

And may your life be like the legend of Bagger Vance, one big birdie!

Daddyji! Daddyji!

There's someone else who would like to have a word with you.

Listen to your heart! Listen to your heart!

Remember my love, only the heart is intuitive,

Only the heart is the cosmic computer!

Read about it in Doctor Choba's spirtual laws of success, Rahul.

Ha hu soo, giu ung, giu ying.

It's clear!

Oh ma. You know my fortune isn't going to get any better.

Listen Sue, soon forget, stay. Don't go.

When a daughter's hurting, a mothers love can be like tiger balm.

You know I can't stay here.

Ma, don't cry. Anybody would think I'm going to London, England.

London, England. London, Ontario,

What is the difference? Huh! London is London.

Ay, amar es un viage con agua y con estrellas.

Ay, amar es un viage con agua y con estrellas.

Very touching sir!

Like an arrow it pierces the heart.

Since when do you know Spanish?

No need. Language of love is a language...

in any language. Sorry, sir.

Ay, amar es unviage con agua y con estrellas.

Ay, amar es um eha he... (more Spanish)

Sir, excuse me sir?

Does sunita Singh live here?

Who may I ask is inquiring?

My name is Rahul Seth, sir.

So you are the man who has caused my daughter to cry and cry?

I don't mean to be impertinent,

but from what I heard, you didn't do that well either.

Oye, mind your tongue! I'm a changed man, ya.

Haven't you not seen the movie 'Dilruba'

where the father does an about turn at the end?

Inspired by the movies inspiring sentiments,

from now on the doors of my heart remain open twenty-four/seven.

Me too!

Be my guest. This is my car hood and that is her balcony.

Zip!

Sue! Sunita!

What are you doing here?

It doesn't matter if you're an escort or a goddess.

What matters is I love you very much for just who you are.

You broke my heart.

I know, I am so sorry, Sue.

I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

What do you trying to say?

I'm asking you to marry me, Sue.

Forgive me for not trusting you.

I don't know, Rahul.

Ay, amar es un viaje con agua.. con... damn!

Love is a voyage with water and a star,

in drowning air and squalls of precipitate bran;

love is a war of lights in the lightning flashes,

two bodies blasted in a single burst of honey.

Remember you said this could melt the most obstinate heart?

Where is she?

She doesn't want to see you.

I'm her mother, Kelly.

Sue!

My son, I know my daughter. Go home. May Vai guru bless you.

Tell her auntyji, that I will always love her.

If she ever changes her mind, I will be there waiting.

I'm not going to give her up, I'm not going to lose her.

I'm not going to give her up, I'm not going to lose her.

Rocky, change of plans, take me back to Sue's and step on it.

Hey have you gone deaf or what?

What's going on Rocky?

I am going to kill you Rocky!

Rocky, I'm going to kill you!

You're dead meat!

Sue??

First you say you can't live without me, and now you want to kill me.

Why don't you make up your mind!

My name is Chin Chin Choo. Chin Chin Choo, baby, Chin Chin Choo.

Night, moonlight, me and you. Hello mister, how do you do?

My name is Chin Chin Choo. Chin Chin Choo, baby, Chin Chin Choo.

Night, moonlight, me and you. Hello mister, how do you do?

My name is Chin Chin Choo. Chin Chin Choo, baby, Chin Chin Choo.

Night, moonlight, me and you. Hello mister, how do you do?

My name is Chin Chin Choo. Chin Chin Choo, baby, Chin Chin Choo.

Night, moonlight, me and you. Hello mister, how do you do?