Original subtitles

♪ I want to be your best boy, uh-huh ♪

♪ I want to be your toy, uh-huh ♪

♪ Do you think I can take every inch ♪[ Rapid tapping ]

♪ Of your love inside of me?

Yes, Gary?

Hey, Benji, I got this e-mail

saying they want to change my summon word.

Did you get that e-mail?It's a phishing scam.

Didn't you get the e-mail warning about it?

Yeah, I got that e-mail, and it was about fishing,

but they misspelled fishing.

So I thought maybe that was from the real hackers

and they're playing 4-D chess.

Gary, if they have your summon word,

they can summon you at will.

Well, I already clicked it, and nothing happened.

Guess I can click it again.

No! Ohh-h-h-h!

[ Electricity crackles ]

Ohh! Ohh!

This is not good.

I'm gonna confess, I didn't read the entire e-mail.

Gary, I told you not to click on it, and now we're trapped.

Looks like our phishing trip landed us a couple of big ones.

No, man! Dumb baby!

[ Ghost moaning ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Ghost moaning ]

Our intern set up a phishing scam

to try to get a demon's summon word.

It looked like a legitimate e-mail.

We even put up wards on all the walls

to make sure that none of them could escape.

Here's a door. Oh! Ow! Oh! Shit!

We've blocked off all the exits so you can't escape, demon!

Yes, I'm coming! Just hold on a damn second!

Don't tell them we're here.

By the power of Christ, we compel you, foul beast!

Okay, you go cause a distraction,

and I'm gonna clean off these wards.

Why do I got to do the distraction?

'Cause I'm really good at getting blood off walls.

How in the world do you think I juggled

being a popular local weatherman

while raping and eating all those kids?

You're a monster.Yes, but I'm a winner.

And unlike you, I'm not some dipshit

who got us in this situation.

So just do your job, because you can't be trusted

with anything important ever!

I'm not a dipshit, Benji.

I'm a charismatic person with tiny hands,

so people are drawn to me.

Now, you go and you lick those walls

like the dog that you are while I go be a distraction,

which this whole operation hinges upon.

Come up and meet your fate!

I'm coming!

[ Zipper opens ]

[ Groaning ]

♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy ♪

♪ A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam ♪

♪ Born on the Fourth of July ♪

[ Continues indistinctly ]

Ahh.

Okay, Gary, let's go! We can escape!

♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy

Gary, come on!

♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle Boy

♪ Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony ♪

♪ I am that Yankee Doodle, who is that Yankee Doodle? ♪

♪ I am that Yankee Doodle Booooooy ♪

Come now! We got to go! It's closing!

[ Laughs ]

♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle...

Ah, screw it!

Look like ol' Gary is back.

Lexi: We finally had a real demon,

and he was eager to tell his story.

How did you get into hell?

Let's just say that trouble had a way of finding me.

Can I take that back?

Is that okay? To take back? Yes, please.

Bblll-bbbblll-bblll-aaa.

[ Gibberish ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Deep voice ] Let's just say trouble has a way of finding me.

You don't seem too imposing for a demon. Am I...?

You don't seem too charismatic for a host.

How does he have a show and I don't?

Well, first of all, I don't think you've sampled

enough of our material to make that judgment call.

This is your show.It's "Specter Inspectors."

This is your show.

Man: ♪ Gary Bunda: Demon Killer, Gary Bunda: Demon Killer ♪

[ Laughs menacingly ]

Lexi: There hadn't been many reports

that this four-star restaurant was haunted...

[ Whirring and chirping ]

...and I'm not getting any readings, Gary.

You're not reading that machine correctly,

'cause I smell demons.

They must have turned tail when Gary came around.

Shh. Stay right here. Stay back.

Shh. Shh.

Clear!

Come out, demon!

Come out with your horns up! Whoa!

TV food celebrity Rocco DiSpirito,

what are you doing here?

You hungry?Yeah, of course I'm hungry.

Dude, I made something real special for you guys --

raw vegan sunchoke dip.Mmm.

I like how the tortillas are shaped like little demon horns.

Yeah. I call them demon horns-o-plenty.

Little more paprika.

If my horns were as delicious as this,

people would hunt me like a rhino.

Tell me, you got a recipe that our viewers can check out?

Viewers? No one watches this show.

And look at all the shine on his forehead.

Shame on you, makeup department.

I wouldn't let this happen on my show.

And it should be my show because I actually have TV experience --

11 years as Charlotte's top weatherman.

Does Satan have any idea he's doing this?

You mean you haven't seen Gary's brilliant decoy?

Hi. Sorry, I can't do that. I'm working all day in my cube.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

State-of-the-art.

And who the hell's pulling on the ropes?

I'm working all day in my cube. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[ Clears throat ]

Gary asked me to do this until his show goes on hiatus.

And, ah, where are you supposed to be right now?

Hot liquids.

But don't worry. He made a decoy for me, too.

It's the seven circles of hell,

and these peppers are little demons.

I know. It's hot like it's hell.

But honestly, the jalapeños, I feel, is a little tropey.

What are you doing? That's my favorite gun!

The name of the show is "Gary Bunda: Demon Killer."

What if -- spitballing here --

we change the name of the show to "Gary Bunda: Killer Eats"?

We're not changing the name of the show.

Okay, what about if we just change

the pronunciation of the show, right?

So it's like, "Gary Bunda: Demon Killer."

Like, it's killer that --Gary.

Like, it's awesome

that he's a demon and that he's eating stuff.

You said you were gonna kill a different demon every week.

Okay, well, you go find me one, then.

Because we've been to every single rib-sticking

down-home kitchen across this great country,

and we have yet to find a demon for me to kill,

but we have found some excellent dishes

made by home chefs that are hungry... Okay.

...to share their food with the entire country.

Okay, what about that one we trapped you with?

The child molester.

Well, he's a lot more than just a child molester.

Really?Yes, he's also a cannibal.

He did bad things!

But he's still one of my best friends, okay?

So I will not even think of harming a hair on his head.

Unless it leads to some form of second season.

[ Telephone rings ]Benji.

Gary: Hey, buddy. How you doing, Benji?

What's the deal, man? You left me at the hellmouth.

[ Scoffs ] Spare me.

Your makeup team is blowing it, by the way.

Not that I watch your show. I mean, who does?

175,000 people watch my show,

Benji, as a matter of fact, on the Haunt Network, alright?

Which is channel 147.

Yeah, well, I just used to be

the number-one weatherman in Charlotte

for 11 years straight before the FBI raided my basement.

But what do I know?

Anyway, what do you want? I'm really busy.

We are doing a super-fun, sinful fettuccine episode,

and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come co-host.

I don't think I could get out of work for that long.

Yeah, I know, and that's why I went ahead

and I whipped you up a decoy.

I bet it will get a lot more work done than you do.

[ Both laughing ]

I'm just busting your balls. [ Laughs ]

Alright, I'll see you.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

Man: ♪ Demon Killer [ Laughs menacingly ]

GARY: I smell sulfur.

It's either a Denver omelette or a demon.

Let's go.

[ Guns cock ]

Oh! Hey, Gary.

I'm just here with "Gunshow's" Kevin Gillespie

making Devil Went Down to Georgia Deviled Eggs.

That's redundant, you child-molesting demon!

Hit it!

Gary?

Kill him.

Ohh! [ Groans ]

Shoot him in the head! You've got more bullets.

Kill him.

What?! Wh-- What happened?

You did it! You killed him, Gary!

But I shot him in the foot!

You shot Benji with a silver bullet

dipped in wolf urine blessed by the pope.

You said they were demon-killing bullets.

I made that shit up!Well, how does it make you feel?

You know, to kill your best friend?

I don't want to be filmed right now!

I don't want to be filmed! Okay? Alright?

I just -- I need -- I need like five minutes, okay?

I think I might have killed my best friend.

Take all the time you need.

[ Quietly ] Get him.

Does anybody want to try the eggs?Go away, Kevin!

I'm so sorry, Kevin Gillespie of "Gunshow."

Were those the hero eggs?Yeah.

I need some air. I need some air, please!

[ Mutters ]

Hello?

Hello?

Where is everybody?Hello, there.

I like to molest young boys.

Hello, there.

I like to molest young...

Benji was so many things to so many people --

a thoughtful helper to his co-workers,

beloved weatherman to his fans.

He didn't deserve to be slain in his prime.

I'd say he's in a better place,

but I'm not sure where the hell you go from here.

It was an accident. I didn't want to do it.

I did it for the TV.

Get out of here!

You're not welcome here!

Can I just go and say goodbye one last time?

Bought a big wall

'cause I thought you'd be killing more demons,

you know, between duck sliders.

[ Sniffs ]

It should have been me, Benji,

instead of you, you perfect, perfect man.

It should have been me!

It should have been me!

This wall doesn't seem very secure.

Noooooo!

Noooooooooo!

Gary!

Ga-- No! No!

When somebody comes to hell,

you think they're gonna be here forever.

[ Sobs ]

You see this?

Never be afraid to show your emotions, even if they're fake.

You taught me that.

That's how you win a pair of these!

Best Short-form Supernatural Reality Show Unscripted, baby!

Gary: I don't really understand how I don't win an Emmy

for my own damn show.

If these walls could talk? Right, Satan?

Or more like if this shelf could shut up. Am I right?

[ Laughing ]I'm a man, not a shelf.