Original subtitles

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Flatline ]

♪♪

Donald, come into the light.

No, no, no, no, no. No, Donald.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't want to go up there.

They're gonna make you sing boring old hymns.

You like rock 'n' roll? Yeah!

You want to come down here. This is a Party Hole.

It's called Hell. It's not a Party Hole.

We got bats!

[ Laughs ] Yes, entice them with bats, Gary.

It's marketing, Claudius. Ever heard of it?

No, no! No!

Hey, no!

Let go, Gary.

Ow! I fell on my keys!

♪♪

T-shirts are in, Chief. You're really gonna like this.

Okay, "Keep Calm and Party Hole On."

And then you got this. "It's a Party Hole Thang.

You wouldn't understand."

Could make it exclusive. And, oh, look, we got this here.

Team-building exercise at one of these, uh,

"Get Me the Heck Out Of Here" rooms.

This is Auschwitz-themed.

You're invited, and I think it would mean a lot

to all the team to see you there.

We're gonna do a bunch of puzzles, we're gonna eat nachos,

we're gonna fight off a bunch of kids and --

Great, great. You're not going anywhere.

This whole Party Hole thing was a dumb idea.

-I'm shutting it down. -Well, ye-- Hold it.

Hold on a second! Please let me do this.

My whole team -- they've worked so hard --

Gary, this wack-a-pack group of left-behinds

is not a "team," and you're not a manager.

This entire operation has netted me

to the sum total of zero souls.

Oh, yeah? Well, what do you call this?

-I don't know. -It's a ghost sock.

This is like 1/20 of a soul.

We're getting very close.

Listen, guys, burn all the T-shirts, all right?

-I'm shuttin' it down. -Can not do this to me.

Look, all right, like, just give me a shot.

I'm gonna give you one week, understand?

That's it. And then I'm gonna start

plugging all your party holes. You understand?

No.

The party hole that's in the back.

Oh. You're gonna [bleep] me in the ass.

Gentlemen, our backs are against the wall here, okay?

We're gonna need a brain hurricane, pronto.

Give me some ideas.

What if we hit the angel in the head with a hammer?

Party Hole's supposed to be a fun atmosphere,

you know what I mean? I think if we start off

with beating an angel to death with a hammer,

I think it's gonna ruin the fun brand

that we're trying to build here, but I love your energy.

Love that you brought your own hammer.

[ Clears throat ] Kind of in the middle

of a brainstorming sesh here. -I hate to be a stickler,

but we have this room reserved for 3:30 PM.

Thing is, is that I don't think you hate to be a stickler.

Go to The Alcove. Get out of here.

The Alcove is not a meeting place, Claude.

[ Scream ]

There's just bats and just glow worms that scream,

and someone comes, rolls a bolder in front of the entrance,

and you're stuck in there for three weeks.

Peep the sheet.

[ Flatline ]

Randy, come into the ligh--

Yeah! No! Oh, God, no, Johnny!

I said one or two whacks!

No, Johnny!

Hey, Johnny, you got to stop!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh. Uh...

Hey, don't go in that light up there.

It's dumb.

You want to come down to this light.

You're red, and you got horns.

And I saw you hit that man with a hammer and take his clothes.

He's a devil in disguise, and I'm an angel in disguise.

And I had to get in disguise

in order to beat him at his own tricks.

So, come into the light. Come into the light.

You're safe with us, child.

Go. Go, go, go.

All right.

Well, this is Heaven.

Congratulations!

-It's hot in here. -That's called God's Love.

Ben, could you check him in, please?

-Spread your cheeks, please. -Just do it, please.

Just go it.

What's that spider doing to that fella over there?

-[ Laughing ] -[ Screaming ]

Is that a vice?

Oh, no. He's just measuring him for a halo.

Ah!

Get on in there. Your wife's in there.

-Nadine? -Yes.

[ Screaming ]What's all that screaming?

It's Nadine and it's your family.

And it's every pet that you've ever had.

Nadine's right there. She's slippery wet for you.

Randy: Help!

We got one! Yeah! Yeah!

[ Monitor beeping, flatline ]

Hey, uh, you guys seen Claudius?

He didn't make it to his tee time yesterday.

Claudius?

I don't know a Claudius.

Really, 'cause that looks like his robe.

Did you make a halo out of tinfoil?

Go down the hole! Go down the --

Okay. All right.

-We just got to regroup. -Where is this?

We're in outpatient. We're just gonna chill out here

until the whole Claudius incident blows over.

What are you doing, Johnny?

Don't push a living person into the hole! No!

Ohh! Oh, this is bad.

[ Groans ]

Oh. Hey, welcome to Heaven.

[ Harp playing ]

No, I-I'm not dead.

That's impossible.

I was just getting some hair plugs.

[ Beeping ]

His ass ain't scanning.

That's because he's not dead, Ben.

Just leave -- Just leave for a second.

Johnny, no! Johnny.

God told me, though, that your hair

is actually in the bottom of this cave.

Go on in there. They're all waiting on you.

Okay.

What do I put in for the soul code?

Doesn't matter. You can make it up.

Nobody checks.

Nobody checks.

Gentlemen, we can abduct the living and fake the soul codes.

We'll never have to hit an angel with a hammer again!

So easy, it's Japanese-y.

[ Laughter ]

Come on, goons.

Let's wrap it up. We've got the room.

Claude, I cannot be in here

brainstorming with you outside staring at me.

You got to peep the sheet, okay?

Go to The Alcove.

Man: Help! Help!

-The Pillbox Room is open. -What's the Pillbox Room?

-Pardon me. -Sorry.

-Excuse me. -Excuse me.

What we need to do is we need to take the Party Hole

to, like, a place where people want to go in the hole.

A grave. To have sex with a corpse.

No, Ben. No.

Why not paint it like a big ol' vagina or a butthole?

No.

People like having sex with corpses.

People don't like to have sex with a corpse.

Uh...a-a golf course. Uh, a hole in one!

-The hole is too small, William. -I-I-I like the giant's vagina.

I-I'm gonna write that one down.

Gary: No. No, no, no, no, no. It needs to be a place.

People want to escape from someplace else.

[ Pencil scratching ]

Wait a second.

I think I've got it.

[ Laughter ]

All right, you guys have three hours to work together

and figure out the clues for how to

"Get the Heck Out Of This Room." [ Laughs ]

Press that red button if anyone has diarrhea or something.

[ Door closes ]

Okay, gang. Let's do it.

Hey, gang. Congratulations!

You just got the heck out of this room!

Come on down! Yeah!

Come on down. Come on down!

Uh, this was supposed to last three hours.

That was like three minutes.

Unless this is a larger room

we're supposed to get the heck out of?

You don't want to get the heck out of this room

because you are in Heaven.

-Congratulations! -We died?

Yeah. Gas leak.

-We're a Methodist Youth Group. -Mm-hmm.

Why would God send demons to meet us?

-Where is St. Peter? -Um...

-I want to see your manager. -Okay.

Johnny, could you show him where the manager is?

Aah!

♪♪

We're having nothing but laughs down here.

Get in there. Get in there.

Gary, these soul codes aren't right.

Some of these numbers don't even have the right amount of digits.

-Well, I inter-officed them. -What?

Maybe the ass-scanner's broken.

I don't know. It's a lame system, so...

Did you inter-office them to me or is the ass-scanner broken,

'cause I can't follow your lies.

-No. -"No," what?

No, Johnny. Put it down.

What are you [bleep] taking about?

I don't have time to be scanning all these assholes' assholes.

Fine. Then I'll do it for you.

Just tell me where the souls are.

I don't know, Claude! Hell's a big place!

People running from monsters, going into lava.

I don't know what they do!

Satan: I don't believe it.

-Satan. -70 souls.

Congratulations! [ Laughing ]

I got to tell you, I thought this whole Party Hole thing

was a dumb idea,

but you cannot argue with results.

Whoo!

Um, sir, the soul codes don't match up --

Listen, Claude, uh, you're the bean counter.

Go count the beans, buddy, okay?

We're in the "Party Hole.

You wouldn't understand." -"It's a Party Hole thang!"

-He doesn't understand. -He doesn't understand.

-Thanks, Claude. -Whoo!

-Okay, sir. -Is this champagne?

Uh, it's piss -- donkey piss.

But, uh, cold though, right?

I'm just not following any of these numbers.

Doesn't make any sense.

♪♪

Gary, what are you doing in here?

Satan says that this is now the Party Hole office.

Peep the sheet.

Fine.

But I do need those soul codes.

[ Mocking ] Mmeh mmhe mmhe those soul codes, Gary.

Mmhe mmeh mmeh.

Yeah, that's right, boys. Yeah!

Aw, the nerd dropped his files!

Yeah! [ Laughing ]

All right, y'all, spread around.

You can put your feet up, get blood all over everything.

Yeah, those ass-hats have to go to The Alcove.

[ Laughs ] Right.

The Alcove.

The Alcove. Oh, shit!

Come on!

That's him! That's the man!

Told you we should have killed them all.

Claude tells me that you assaulted

an angel with a hammer.

Is it true?

-What is truth, really? -Shut up.

I'm gonna deal with you in a second.

But you, Claude, I want to thank you

for always finding and reporting corruption here in Hell.

And for doing so,

I would like to award you our highest honor --

The Whistleblower's Fife.

This is awesome.

-Is this real gold? -Pure gold.

I used to play alto sax in elementary school, second chair.

Can I play it?

Sure. But I have to attach it first.

N-No.

Ple-- Plea-- Aaaah!

[ Gurgling, playing off-key notes ]

You knew the rules, Gary, and you still disobeyed them.

Stick out your hand.

[ Groans ]

Uh?

Now, don't do it again. [ Laughs ]

All right, you boys behave yourselves.

Does he mean he actually wants me

to keep doing the Party Hole stuff?

Because it seems very mixed in the messages I got.

Are you playing a song? Can I guess it?

Is it -- Oh, yeah, I love this game!

Okay, all right, play the song again.

[ Playing off-key notes ]

Is it Rush?

Okay, you're right. You're right.

Just try it again. Try it again. All right.

[ Playing off-key notes ]

Is that Rush?