Original subtitles

I'm just looking over your new contract proposal, here, guys.

Umm, it says here that you want to add more horsemen.

Uhh, fellas, the Bible specifically states

that there are four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

I can't change the Bible.

More horsemen would certainly help the workload.

Yeah, see, I'm thinking, what workload,

because there hasn't been an apocalypse.

Yeah, but we're always on call.

Satan: Yeah, listen, Famine,

are you the reason for the mac and cheese and frozen "lustard"?

It's frozen custard for the lactose-intolerance.

Yeah, but it's listed under "horse food."

Our animals crave a diverse diet.

Yeah, they seem to crave carbs and frozen desserts.

Listen, "so hungry I can eat a horse" is just an expression.

You don't have to literally do it.

War: We love those horses! We'd never eat those horses!

You son of a bitch!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, just settle down.

You know what's good for stress, War?

Exercise. -That's why we put in

for a horsemen gym, and a modest spa --

Who the hell would get in a hot tub with you?

You're going to turn it into a boiling pot of gumbo.

Dude, I'm Pestilence. That's what I do.

And FYI, leprosy is a pre-existing,

and you're in a high-risk pool,

so upgrading your health insurance policy

is not gonna happen.

Listen, I know there's more to your proposal.

I just don't have those pages in front of me...

because I wiped my ass with them.

War: That's it! We're out of here.

You've got 48 hours to meet our demands, or we walk.

Well, this one's not walking. He's riding a [bleep] scooter.

Gentlemen, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

have asked for a higher head count,

and well, I'm caving in to their demands.

You're all being temporarily re-assigned.

[ Cheering ]

Satan, I, for one, am thrilled about this promotion,

but what's the catch?

No catch. I just thought you guys

could use a change of scenery.

And you will have to vote the way I tell you to

in the upcoming union contract.

That sounds like a catch.

What is it with this guy and the catch?

There's no catch, Claude.

It sounds like a ca-- I'm sorry.

Hey, you want to play catch?

You want to play catch? Hey, somebody -- catch!

[ Yells ]

What's the matter? Your dad never played catch with you?

♪♪

Pestilence: New horsemen.

Ha ha ha.

He caved to our demands.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome.

This is so great. Welcome.

Don't touch me, okay?

Yeah, don't you come near me.

Follow me, dudes.

This way.

To the new horsemen!

[ Light cheers, applause ]

[ Coughs ]

Looks like someone humped Pestilence.

Yeah.

You I dub Racial Profiling.

You I dub Wealth Disparity.

Ignorant Tweetstorm.

Climate Change Denier.

And Eddie, we saw how brilliant you were at shoveling shit.

Can we stop feeding the horses mac and cheese?

I mean, look at this!

On behalf of the original four, I brand you

The Squire of the End Times Stable.

Oh, my God!

I can't believe it!

You're not using a real brand, are you?

Ahh!

Benji: Do me. Do me.

Ahh!

Okay, do not move.

Do not move.

You flinched! Oh, man.

Now that doesn't look right.

I'm gonna have to do the other side.

-Oh, come on! -You moved again!

Turn around. Let me get your dick, okay?

♪ Don't wanna stand on no picket line ♪

♪ But I'll do it for these friends of mine ♪

♪ When the boss man, Satan, squeezes a dime ♪

♪ I'll stand together with the men of the equine ♪

♪ The sun won't turn black

♪ And the moon won't turn blood ♪

♪ And sinners won't be swept up in the mighty flood ♪

♪ We ain't gonna ride with Beelzebub ♪

♪ Unless we get a new gym complete with hot tub ♪

♪ So, point me the way to the picket line ♪

♪ I'm a union demon till the end times ♪

♪ And together, we stand, our interests align ♪

♪ You won't ever break the four men of the equine ♪

All: ♪ The nine men of equine ♪

[ Cheering ]

Gentlemen, tomorrow we vote on a new union contract.

And tomorrow, he will hear our mighty union roar.

Yeah!

You cut back our entire horse count to two?

I think you could put three or four on a horse.

I think I've seen that in movies and things.

And the personal chef is gone.

You can eat the same slop that the horses eat.

Just standard boilerplate stuff,

but it's only a third of my original offer.

Unacceptable. We vote.

All in favor of Satan's ridiculous contract proposal,

raise your hands.

Satan: Oh, it's four to four.

Gary, I do think you were telling me

the other day how much in favor of this new proposal you were.

Gary?

There we go. We have a majority. Great.

I should have known this was a big scam.

You're all sons of bitches!

Horsemen, ha!

More like whores, man.

-Yeah. -Benji!

You look just like what you are --

one big scab.

♪ Saying sorry just can't convey ♪

♪ Just how sorry I am today ♪

Give me that [bleep] guitar!

We're walking off the job, Satan, effective now.

So good luck if the Apocalypse happens.

Satan: Leave that flaming sword!

Good luck.

Dust off the résumés.

Bye-bye, now.

You guys still here?

Let's go! Come on!

Put this stuff on.

Get to work.

They're, like, right outside.

I don't know how to ride a horse.

♪♪

Dizzay: Damn, man. They didn't even clean up the place

before they left.

Oh, shit.

War left his sword up against all this hay.

It's got to be some kind of fire code violation!

Ahh! -Get it out.

It's too hot. You get it out.

I'm War, and I demand the sword out now!

I'm War, and I command you, as my second lieutenant,

to get the sword out now!

Gary, as War, I demand it now. Sword!

I will gratefully ask that you prostate yourself.

Come over here, grab this sword, and get to --

Give me the sword now.

[ Indistinct arguing ]

Exactly. Take it out now!

I will do it because I want to do it!

That is so bad!

What the hell? Mosquitoes!

Someone lead me to an eye-wash station?

Fire!

Fire! Fire!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

I still -- I still have the chills.

Claude: So, we've been here roughly 10 minutes.

We've burned down the stables, the horses have run off,

and the locusts are gonzo.

Nice. -Stop it, Benji.

Does that manual say anything about sick days?

What'd you say?

-Never mind. -What?

[ Muffled ] Never mind.What did you say?

[ Speaks unintelligibly ]

Benji, what are you saying?

You're mumbling.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, I found the horses.

Does the manual say anything

about the horses running into the lava?

You've got to be kidding me with this.

The Apocalypse is gonna happen right now,

and we're not gonna have our horses.

It's been 2,000 years.

You really think the Apocalypse is happening right now, Gary?

[ Alarm sounds ]

What do you think that is?

[ Alarm continues ]

Shit, it's the Apocalypse alarm!

You've got to be kidding me! Get me the flaming sword!

I'm War! Get me the flaming sword!

I am War!I am War!

Judgment Day has arrived!

May the scourge of your sins reign down upon you --

Where are my -- the locusts?

Gary: Don't start it yet!

Claude: Ow.

This doesn't look apocalyptic.

Don't worry. They're coming. It's gonna look good.

It's, like, supposed to be dark skies and volcanoes.

Thank you for joining us. -Okay.

Jesus is coming any second.

I'm gonna look like a [bleep] idiot!

Come on!

Gary: Okay.

Okay.

-What is this? -It's Benji.

I got all the bigger pieces that I could get together

after he rotted apart.

I guess the penis didn't make the cut.

Where's my global pandemic?

Are we just going to, like, wipe Benji on a bunch of door knobs?

Is that's what's going on?

We kind of assumed you would tell us what to do.

This isn't Revelation, Claude.

Do I have to micromanage everything?

[ Stammering ]

[ Trumpet plays ]

You've got to be kidding me.

We pulled the alarm.

If this had been a real apocalypse,

you'd have been screwed, buddy boy.

He's got a point, buddy boy.

That certainly was a pathetic display of incompetence.

Speak for yourself.

I don't speak for myself anymore.

♪♪

I vote union.

So does Benji.

Okay. Fine.

You showed me.

Let's have a meeting tomorrow, Horsemen.

I will present you with a brand-new contract proposal.

[ Cheering ]

♪♪

Satan: My final offer.

♪♪

What is this? It's just a picture of some weird guy holding his dick.

See, because that's what I'm offering you --

dick.

You're all being replaced with immigrant labor and robots.

They don't eat, sleep, or shit,

and they can run up to 80 miles an hour.

Mexicans can do that?

Satan: I don't think those horsemen jobs are coming back, fellas,

so hit the bricks.

Vamanos. -Fine.

We're going on strike again.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Everybody lock arms.Lock arms.

Metaphorically.

Actually, I think I'm gonna transfer back into marketing.

Yeah. I'm gonna go back to being whipped

if that's cool with you guys.

Come on, Benji.

I just...

Can we transfer into marketing, too?

Well, I don't know. Do you have any experience in that field?

Well, we co-- No, not really.

Being a horseman used to be a good job down here!

I -- I could maybe get you jobs in, like, web development.

What's a web?

And how can we develop it?

Well, I'll tell you what. There's power in a union.

♪ Well...

No. No.