Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Benji.

And those of you who know me

know I'm crazy about young boys.

But that doesn't impact my ability

to sexually harass women in the workplace.

Hey, Becky.

That's a dynamite pantsuit.

Well, thank you. [ Laughs ]

Practice with me.

Say "Do you need a man's help, sugar boobs?"

All: Do you need a man's help, sugar boobs?

Why don't you let me help you unfasten that bra,

so you can better see the pornographic picture

I just sent you?

I would like equal pay for equal work.

[ Laughs ]

Geez, is it that time of the month already?

Now fetch me some coffee, Becky.

I'm done with you sexually.

Okay.

Any -- any questions?

Why are we watching this video?

There's no women around here.

Times are changing, Gary.

Women are just as capable as men in the workplace.

So I'm bringing in some stupid bimbos to work with you guys.

[ All cheering ]

Any other questions?

Yeah, William?

My teeth are falling out.

That's more of a statement, William.

Hi, I'm Claude, Satan's number two.

Got you a welcome gift. "Leaves of Grass."

It's a collection of poems by Walt Whitman.

Walt's actually down here, 'cause he's gay.

If you ever want to meet him, I have an in.

His poems are so, uh, sensual, don't you think?

I also got you a bookmark.

Safety first.

[ Sizzle ] Ahh!

[ Screaming ]

Hey, sweetheart.

Are you looking for a chair?

Let me clear some space so you can sit down.

[ Screaming ]

Whoa! Shot down!

[ Laughs ]

Hi, honey. I'm Troy.

You got a burger to go with that shake?

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell!

What? You're right. She does,

and I should go call her right now.

Who's been digging into the pork wall?

Haazim, I thought you guys were Muslims.

Do I got to smell people's breath?

You did.

I did this?

It's taken you many months, but this is almost all you.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I just want to motorboat it.

You guys are the luckiest group of people in this whole place.

Ah, man, hi!

You must be one of the new girls.

It's lovely to meet you.

I hope everything's settling in okay.

[ Giggles ]

Well, righty-duty, let me know if you need anything.

Holy shit!

You walk this way, I'm gonna walk that way.

All right?

We will fix this!

Mama Leony!

I am not stalking you.

[ Laughs ] -[ Giggles ]

You go that way, I'm gonna go this way.

Ah, man!

Fu--

Leave me alone!

Where is she?

Where's she gonna be?

Oh, my sweet brisket!

Ah, man!

You want some?

[ Screams ]

Please don't kill me! Please!

Whoo!

Whoo! [ Laughs ]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's do it again. Start from the top.

[ Moaning ]

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell...

**

[ Whispers ] Stop it, Troy.

What are you doing? -What?

You touched my penis with your foot.

I'm not doing nothin'.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Your mother sucks ding-dongs in Hell.

Thank you, Regan,

for that very enlightening

and informative presentation

on what everybody's mothers have been doing,

down here in Hell.

I got nothing out of that.

How are you ladies settling in?

[ Whispers ]

Claude touched you?

Wait, no!

Uh, she touched me first. She melted my hand.

I was just helping her set up her e-mail.

Just he-- Oh, Claude.

Poetry and colored condoms?

Gentlemen, I did a whole presentation on this,

and inter-office romance is strictly forbidden.

Well, I have a bombshell to drop.

Gary moved the copier in front of his cube

so that he and Lee --

[ Screaming ]

G-Gary, what's he talking about?

I don't know. I don't know what he's talking about, Satan!

And now he's smoking, and I find it disgusting.

[ Coughs ]

Gary's right, Claude.

Please take the smoking down to the loading dock.

[ Whispers ] He thinks we're gonna have

inter-office romance with that thing?

Say it again!

Say it again!

Call her a thing again!

Call "her" a thing again!

Who wants it?!

[ Gary moaning ]

Ohhh, here comes the soup.

We can all hear every word that's coming out of your mouth!

Mind your own business!

I'm only in here.

I'm filing difficult stuff with my coworker.

Filing your dick under the folder marked vagina?

You're really distracting me in a bad way, Troy.

[ Whispering ] I love you, too.

I really do.

But I think we're moving too fast.

You're moving too fast.

You are literally an unseeable blur.

[ Static ]

That's so cool!

Where is that?

Is that where you live?

Whoa! [ Laughs ]

Whoa!

Whoa! I'm in the TV!

I'm a movie star!

I-I just want to try something. I want to try something!

Am I doing it?

* Ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh

[ Gary moaning ]

I can still hear you through the TV!

Hit mute, Troy!

Uh, you wanted to see me?

Gary, get in here!

You must be Lee.

Been seeing her around the office.

Troy tells me that you two are living together,

inside a shack, inside your television?!

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. Don't blame Lee.

She's got nothing to do with it. I talked her into it.

And I'm just -- -[ Whispers ]

Yeah, I'm -- I'm -- I'm -- I'm --

I'm not sorry.

What?

[ Whispers ]

I'm your most valued employee, right?

[ Whispers ] I can't even, I cannot do this...

Lee and I are a platonic team together and we...

[ Whispers ]

We're dating.

[ Laughs ] Go on and date her.

-What? -I don't give a shit.

[ Laughing ]

You got some real balls on you, Gary.

Yes, they are very swollen.

Yeah, they are.

I think I sat on a bee.

They do look bigger, right?

Listen, I didn't care about you two hooking up.

I just said no inter-office romance

because she's got that curse, you know?

What curse?

The curse where you get elephantitis of the nut-sac

when you have sex with her.

But we can be open about dating each other?

Oh, my gosh, of course!

Send out the invitations!

Yes! We did it!

I love you, baby. Oh, ah, okay, all right.

I got like, accidentally hard and it makes them hurt worse.

* Having a barbecue this weekend, y'all *

Lee and I are having a bit of a housewarming this weekend

inside the TV, where we bone.

I really hope you can stop by, Claude.

Lee can pull you through the TV

if she doesn't melt the rest of you first.

[ Laughter ]

If I do come, I'll take Troy's TV.

Troy has a TV?

Yeah.

That's really interesting.

Oh, wow, Troy. [ Laughs ]

That's a pretty big TV.

What is that, a 50-incher?

Yeah. Something like that.

That's pretty big.

You gonna come by the barbecue on Saturday?

Yeah, I think I'm gonna be pretty busy that day, Gary.

That's really weird. You never turn down a party.

And normally somebody turns around

when somebody's talking to them.

I knew I saw you buying a hoodie!

We were gonna tell you after the barbecue.

You son of a bitch!

Oooh! You took her for granted!

You don't know what I do!

Oh, mamacita!

[ Both screaming ]

...any respect!

[ Screaming continues ]

Try!

Ohh, sha poy!

The poy got it!

Everybody makes mistakes, Lee.

Can you ever forgive me for not satisfying you sexually?

[ Crying ] I can get better at it.

I can push more, I can...

* Ooh, ooh

* Ooh

Oh, hey, hey, hey!

Where's the barbecue, boys?

Well, I guess it's been canceled.

Canceled? Why?

Take a look.

[ Grunting ]

[ Laughing ]

They're really trying to work it out there, aren't they?

And I had these prop balls made to mess with Gary.

Troy, do you mind?

I can probably get up if --

Benji, cups all around.

A toast, to Gary and Lee.

So, has anybody hit on that

your-mother-sucks-ding-dongs in-Hell chick yet?

What time did we tell everybody to get here?

[ Whispers ]

My ass and testicles are blocking the door.

Can you open a portal to another TV?

[ Whispers ]

Not Troy's.

What did we talk about?

We gonna backtrack on all the work we did?

[ Whispers ]

I'm not burning them. This is a char.

I'm releasing the natural sugars.

I don't need you to backseat cook me, okay? [ Whispers ]

It's really weird that nobody's wailing on

my defenseless testicles right now.

Oh, here it comes!

Oh, God, they're starting.

Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, my nuts!

My damn nuts!

I am burning these.