Original subtitles

[ Upbeat music playing ]

[ Static ]

Hi, I'm Benji, and welcome to Hell.

Hey, it could be worse! [ Laughs ]

I'm kidding. It could not be worse.

By now, you've met with one of our rusty whaling hooks... [ Clink! ]

...and you have questions like,

"What were my sins that landed me here?"

"What sort of additional tortures should I expect?"

Maybe you're thinking, "Is there a way to escape?"

Or "Would someone please return my intestines

into my gaping stomach wound?"

[ Clears throat ] Is the boring video

a part of the torture? Shh. Quiet.

We have a lot to cover.

But, luckily, we have a lot of time.

So let's "Hey, Macarena"

[distorted] over to the answer forum.

[ Warbling, banging ]

Gary: Hey, what are you doing? Huh?

Aw. All right.

Okay, everybody hang loose.

I'll be back in 45 minutes.

Well, looks like that was our only copy.

We'll have to re-shoot it.

I don't know why we have an orientation video.

Seems like it's better if they're disoriented.

Why don't we make a disoriental tape?

This video is dying out there!

They come down to Hell, they're terrified,

they're in shock, and then we bore them?!

Let's do something fresh.

Let's do something new.

What do you have in mind?

**

All right, hey, hey.

Whoo, I made it. Whoo!

New orientation video.

Satan: All right. Let's see it. Okay.

Now, before I play this,

I just want you to know that it's not fully finalized.

I'm not sure if this TV is color-calibrated or not.

All right, cool. Just play it.

Um, just so you know, also, before I play it,

there's some digital effects I'm waiting on.

Um, and so when they come up,

what I'm gonna do is I'll call them out

and I'll describe them. Yeah, I get it.

I wasn't sure whether to letterbox it or not.

And I know -- Play the [bleep] tape!

Here we go.

[ Beep ]

[ Hip-hop beat plays ]

* Straight outta Hades

* Crazy mother... named Satan

* Hit your knees and start to felatin' *

* When you meet me, you best greet me *

* Or I'll put my horse hoof up your cheap seat *

[ Warble ] * Paid time off, there is none

* Health benefits, you get one

* Everyone here gets to live forever *

* And I'm grating your brain like a block of cheddar *

Yeah, boyyy.

* Or Gouda

[ Beat continues ]

I had nothing to do with this.

Satan: You're in it. What?

You're in it. Huh?

* Straight outta Hades, dawg

* You see any ladies?

* William and V.C.'s the only ones twerkin' *

* So the masturbating spider is jerkin' *

* Hard [ Laughs ]

* He's the head of HR

This guy is the dopest mother[bleep]

I've ever met in my life.

I'm a -- I'm a team player.

* The commode

* That's where your face goes

* When Satan is waiting to explode with a load *

* No one can save you, not even Bruce Wayne *

* And if you don't believe me, why don't you ask Bane *

[ Muffled rapping ]

We got Bane!

[ Muffled rapping continues ] Who is this?

Who's this guy with the tubes coming out of his face?

That's Bane.

That's Batman's bisexual nemesis.

Yeah, and he may be a little difficult to understand,

but what he's saying is,

[deep voice] "He'll be bringing the thunder

down on Boy Wonder.

And then you have my permission to die."

[ Siren wails ] [ Clears throat ]

So, what did everybody think of this?

There's like three more minutes of it.

Okay, we don't -- yeah, we get -- we get the idea.

[ Click, music stops ]

I don't understand at all what Batman...

much less, uh, a peripheral villain of his

has to do with our organization.

I can count at least seven or eight

different licensing issues we're gonna have --

music, character usage.

I also think it's weird

that the song is "Straight Outta Hades,"

and this is directed towards people

who are coming into Hades!

I thought it was really dope.

Yeah.

I thought it was great. I really did.

Gar -- congratulations, Gary! [ Applause ]

I just did -- it just came out of me. Wow.

I've never seen anything like this,

where you -- you take a famous song,

and then you -- you spoof it, you know?

A spoof. "Weird" Al Yankovic.

I don't know who that is,

but I think I want all of our videos done just like that.

Yes. I completely agree.

No, Benji, I want Gary in charge

of all internal videos from now on.

But I run the video department.

Yeah, not anymore, Benji.

You are going to Rapes.

Wait a minute.

You like Rapes.

You're going to Hot Liquids.

Congratulations, Gary.

Yeah! Yeah!

Gary pulls it down! [ Laughs ]

Pbht! Pbht! Pbht! Pbht!

[ Hip-hop beat plays, siren wails ]

Gary: * Give it up [ Keyboard clacking ]

[ Gary beatboxing ]

* Straight outta Workplace Conflict Resolution *

* You better watch my elocution *

* Or you're gonna be facing workplace execution *

Ah, what?! Gary!

I dropped my flow. Gary!

We're trying to work here!

Uh, yeah, so am I, out here.

I don't know if maybe you couldn't notice.

And maybe if you watch the "Straight Outta Workplace Conflict Resolution" video

when I'm done making it,

you'll be able to handle these kind of situations.

Maybe you should make

"Straight Outta Stop Being an Asshole and Dress Up Like a Doofus"

and let people work. Troy.

We're trying to wor-- Troy, walk with me.

Oh, for...

Good energy, everybody.

All right, I'm gonna need two like this

and two like this when we come back.

Tailslate, if you would. [ Claps ]

* Straight outta summoning snakes *

* Ya gotta do what it takes

* Gotta raise the stakes when you're summoning snakes *

[ Hip-hop beat continues ] What are you doing? Damn it, Mike.

Quit doing the cutaways to the snakes.

All right, I want you to stick to the close-up of me.

I thought maybe, uh, we should eventually get to the snake.

Why don't you turn that telephone cord

that I'm playing with, obviously like a snake, into some sort of snake?

I was wondering why... [ Keyboard clacks ]

...you couldn't just actually summon the snake in the video,

uh, instead of having me do that with the phone.

I don't have time to watch a video that I haven't made yet

to learn how to summon snakes, which I don't know how to do!

Just keep editing some video.

I tell you out here, this is "Straight Outta Making Walls Bleed."

This is the new hot realness.

* Straight outta making walls bleed *

* We're about to paint this joint crimson, indeed *

* Uh-huh [ Hip-hop beat continues ]

Now, you're going to digitally add

bleeding walls into that, right?

Yeah. Yes, I'm gonna do that.

Every one of these is "Straight Outta"?

[ Keyboard clacks ] [ Scoffs ]

That's what I was saying. What?

How do you mean?

You could have done

"Satan's Got Racks"... [ Chuckles ]

...instead of "Baby's Got" --

like, "Baby's Got Back."

Yeah, that's -- that's pretty funny.

Yeah. That's good.

But it's not.

I tell you what's funny, right?

Straight Outta videos!

The Straight Outta brand is very simple.

It is "straight outta"

and then a bunch of words about different subjects, right,

and the only things that are the same

are the words "straight outta"

and the melody and the rhymes for each song --

and the beat.

When did you have time to do all these?

I have not made any one of these.

I just have the boxes.

And the "Straight Outta How to R-Repair the Network" video

goes on this whole rigamarole about R2-D2 and C-T3P.

C-3PO.

I just didn't find any of that helpful.

Your fly is down.

Oh. Excuse me.

[ Zip ] [ Hip-hop beat plays ]

* Straight outta understanding how to log into your E-mail *

* You don't wanna have an E-mail fail *

* Are you gonna log onto your E-mail? *

* Here's to logging into E-mail *

Okay, hang on. Cut, cut, cut, cut!

Did you write these raps?

Yes, these are my rhymes.

Yeah, of course they rhyme.

It's because you're saying the same G.D. word, Ted!

"You got to log into your E-mail.

You're gonna be forced to eat a whole bunch of kale.

Or you're gonna have to have sex with a she-male."

You see what I'm saying?

Are we allowed to say "she-male"?

No, Ted, you pig!

Did you not watch "Straight Outta Workplace Sensitivity Training"?

The Force is not with you, my friend.

Take the buns off!

[ As Yoda ] A rapper you are not.

[ Normal voice ] Y'all too white.

E'rybody in this dang room is too white, but me.

I'm the blackest man that's ever been.

I'm as black as Oprah's pocketbook.

Black as 85% Whole Foods dark chocolate!

Let's do this again.

Satan: [ Chuckles ] Gary.

You see what I'm dealing with here?

Shit. Yeah, showbiz, huh?

Phugh. Yeah.

Hey, listen, Gar, I hate to tell you this,

but I badly need more of these videos.

Oh, sure thing, B. How many you need?

You know I love to work.

I need a Straight Outta video

for every letter of the alphabet.

All 20...?

26... 26.

...uh, of the letters.

Straight Outta A, Straight Outta B...

You get it. I want 'em all.

Cool -- cool 'mo B, absolutely.

All right. I'm gonna -- yeah.

Dizzy fo' shizzy, absolutely. Hit it.

Um, what is the deadline on all that?

Oh, tomorrow. I'm gonna screen them

in the auditorium for everyone.

Do you mind if I ask, like, why the whole alphabet?

I mind.

[ Hoofs departing ]

[ Gargling ]

[ Hip-hop beat plays ]

[ Hoarsely ] * Two of these and the name Jeff *

* And that's my rhyme about the letter "F" *

Cut! [ Music stops ]

All right, we need nailed it. Okay.

All right, everybody, um...

All right, action.

We need action on the other set.

Quiet on this different set.

Action on the other set, though.

All right, so action -- other set.

* Straight outta the letter "C" *

* It sound like the letter "D" *

Who's rapping incoherently?

I'm rapping.

Why are you rapping?

You called action.

I called action on the other set, V.C.!

Oh, I -- All right, yes.

You are wrong, I am right. [ Coughs ]

Next, we're gonna be doing the letter "G," as in "ghost."

So...

action on the other-other set.

* It sound like the letter "C" *

I swear to Christ, V.C., I'm gonna split you in half.

* It sound like the letter "D" *

You are fired!

Your -- your old ass is fired!

Everybody's fired!

You are fired, you are fired, you are fired, you are fired,

you are fired, you are fired -- everybody's fired!

[ Clatter ] [ Sobs ]

I'm fired.

Sounds like someone could use a little help.

I can't do it.

You can't.

But we can.

Okay, everyone, we're gonna take five.

And when we come back, we're shooting this live.

No cuts, three cameras -- like a telethon.

And we need to repair your instrument.

I need some hot tea with lemon -- ASAP!

We ain't got no lemons down here.

There's a whole box of lemons over by Paper Cuts.

[ Hip-hop beat playing ]

Ooh! Ooh! Ha! Ha!

You guys are in for a show. [ Chuckles ]

[ Satan clears throat ]

Where's everybody else?

Hmm? Oh, no, it's just you two.

Let's get 'em strapped in.

Nice.

I like the packaging.

Oh. Aw, shucks.

Ow!

[ Squish ]

I've got some, uh, eye drops here

in case you guys need a little moisture.

[ Muffled ] I can't reach the eye droppers.

And, uh, we'll see you guys in, like, 50 years.

* Straight outta the alphabet

* That's the name of this cassette *

* Can I buy a vowel?

* You know you got five

* Unless you want to count sometimes "Y" *

* As in the question...

You know what is most surprising of all?

What?

I sound black.

You do. I really sound black.

If I could close my eyes,

I would be like, "Is that Harley Davidson Jr.?"

I can't think of a black man's name right now,

I'm in too much pain.