Original subtitles

Man: aah!

Aah!

[ laughs ]

Aah!

Relax. It's okay. You're in hell.

[ grunts ]

Aah!

There's a video explaining Everything at the end.

Let's pick it up, gary. Don't make friends.

Just yank out the internals And move on.

I will cut with the chit-chat, Mr. Claude-with-the-clipboard.

[ buzzer ]

I should have spent More time in church.

Am I right, ubuntu?

-sure. -yep.

Hey, gary? Satan wants to see you.

Like I'm not in the middle Of something. [ scoffs ]

Satan: come on in. I have a question for you.

How many r's are In your first name?

One or two?

It's two, right? You spell it with two!

One. G-a-r-y. It's gary.

Oh, goodness. [ laughs ]

We made a bit of a goof.

Yep. We had a bit of a goof.

What the hell's Going on here?

I'm literally in the middle Of sorting some guy's guts.

Yeah. You know How long it takes.

Listen to me -- When you died,

You were Supposed to go to heaven.

Not hell.

Big mistake. Clerical error.

Garry with two r's Is supposed to be here.

Are you serious?

No hard feelings, huh?

[ laughs ]

Whoa.

Congratulations. What -- what?

Can I gouge his eyes out One more time?

I'm afraid not.

But what you do with garry with Two r's is not really my call.

[ whimpers ] Get out of here.

Take care, buddy.

[ door closes ] Get you checked in.

I'm gonna need five gallons Of boiling oil,

Some razor wire, And a child molester --

The one with the clown mask From the pit. Thank you.

Have a seat. It's just gonna take a minute.

* I am in the right way With jesus *

* in fact, I want to take The long way home *

Whoa!

[ laughing ] Whoa! Whoa!

Oh, my god!

Not in vain. [ laughs ]

Shc'mon!

Oh, my god!

Not in vain again. I'm just surprised.

Wait. It's not coming off. Oh, well.

No problemo. We'll fix it later, big guy.

Whoa!

Where you going?

These snacks -- Can I eat these snacks?

Uh, yeah! All you can eat!

Whoo!

This is just the beginning, Okay?

Now, you ready To get off the chain?

I'm coming! I'm not done yet.

I'm an eagle!

Isn't this off the chain? I'm flying!

Yeah, that, too. But I was Talking about the golf courses.

We have over 10,000 Different

Ben hogan-designed Golf courses up here.

Oh, wow.

I'm not that Really into golf. Well, we all are.

Over there is shopping And a pottery studio.

You know, for the women.

Let's go meet the team.

Hey-oh! Here he is. Gary with one r, everybody.

[ applause ]

Things have a way Of working out.

Except for old Garry with two r's.

[ laughter ]

Right? Whoa!

Edgy. Edgy humor.

That's exactly what we need To appeal to the youth.

You mind spit-balling Some ideas with us?

Right now, I'm presenting My idea

For an internal newsletter Called "Angel news".

Huh.

"Angel news". Yeah.

Do you mind If I toss in an idea?

-please. -of course.

Don't want to offend you.

It's a stupid idea, And it's a waste of time.

Instead, what we do Is a comic book.

Radioactive jesus christ Bites some dude.

He gets jesus powers.

Call him jesus-man.

Genius!

Boom! Goes the dynamite.

We could have, like, Radioactive apostles

Biting different people.

Get like a supergroup.

And maybe, since jesus Is a carpenter,

Maybe you could have Like a big hammer

Or something Like that, right?

So you're talking About, like, thor?

Not -- I mean, Not like thor.

You're just trying to Plagiarize thor?

No hammers.

Jesus-man has got Laser eye beams

That can forgive people From a long distance.

And he shoots webs.

I love it. It's fresh, it's tight.

And I know you said You weren't really into golf,

But, uh, here's your own set Of golf clubs.

Thank you. You know, back where I'm from, down in hell,

Uh, the only balls We whacked around were mine.

Aww.

Hey, language. Come on.

You guys, we're always saying We want to be more edgy.

But we can't say balls?

And it's not like We're using the word

For a guy's hot dog Or anything.

To heck with it!

Balls, dennis. [ laughs ]

Balls going up. Whoo!

Jesus-man -- kicking evil In the balls.

Kicking evil In the golf balls.

This man really Likes his golf.

[ gurgling ]

Where is your bathroom?

No. There are No bathrooms, gary.

We don't need them.

Waste not, want not.

But I pretty significantly Need to waste much.

[ bell rings ] Heads up, guys.

Prayer break! -prayer break!

[ laughs ]

**

Child: god bless mommy And daddy and gigi,

And please make it snow Tomorrow.

[ whispering ] Hey.

Is there any way I can Make it snow for this kid?

Is there like a button Or something?

Oh, he can't hear you. The mikes don't work.

[ laughs ] Then, uh, why do we have them?

They actually don't sell these Without the mouthpieces, so.

If god has perfect memory,

Why are we writing down The messages?

You can take notes or not. You know, it doesn't matter.

We're pretty chill.

You can work At your own pace.

I can do zero pace If I want to?

Absolutely.

So I can...

Yep.

Put those back on! I'm just kidding.

[ laughs ] I'm just kidding.

You scared me.

[ laughs ] No, It all goes to voicemail.

We're really just listening To be nice.

Aah!

[ laughs ] Aah!

Aah! It sees me!

Are you okay?!

I think he has ptsd.

[ gurgling ]

Why don't you Knock off early

And do a little golf, G-dawg?

I'm going to go Make some pottery.

With the women? [ laughs ]

**

[ sizzling ] -ooh! Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Okay.

Ooh!

God! God!

[ groans ] Oh, god!

Oh! [ farts ]

Claude: whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop! Wait!

Wait, wait! Stop! Gary!

Claude?

Stop shitting me Out of your butt.

C-claude, You are not here.

Hey, gar!

Benji! What are you Doing down there?

I'm here in case something Happens to claude.

And this mission Is way too important.

Hey, gary.

Ubuntu?

Mission? What are You guys talking about?

You're a plant.

We hacked into st. Peter's book To get you up here

So I could spy On their whole operation.

I am not gonna do that With you, all right?

God loves me.

And his love is as pure And as white

As gwyneth paltrow's Belly button.

And there's jerky here -- A shit ton of it.

-st. Peter! -st. Peter.

This gary is a fraud!

Shut your mouth. Bye!

Yeah, how do you Like that, huh, claude?

[ laughs ] Got you, claude.

What are you doing, Gary?

I'm just marking my ball.

Well, the course Is way over there.

Oh, must have shanked it.

Yeah, that's a term.

I mean, it looks like You're taking a poop, so...

No one wants to see Your butt.

I'm made In god's image.

Me and god have the same Exact perfect butt.

You criticizing god's butt?

[ gasps ] Are you, claudius?

Are you criticizing God's butt?

Of course I'm not criticizing God's butt.

Claudius!

It seemed like you were. I love god's butt.

Why don't you go Whack some balls around?

On the holes.

They're called links.

So are sausages.

[ laughs ] Nice pottery, by the way.

Thank you so much. It's a soup tureen.

We should have Some soup later.

[ laughs ] I'd love that!

[ indistinct singing ]

[ farting ]

Claude, benji, and ubuntu: Gary!

I'm really sorry. This pew keeps creaking.

Ow. Um.

[ farts ]

Touch --

All: gary!

[ farts ]

Gary!

This floor is weak.

[ farts ]

Gary!

[ farts ]

I got to go golfing.

Keep praying!

[ farts ]

[ farts ]

All right. What do I got to do?

You just get around heaven, Moon some classified stuff.

I'll take a few photos, And that's it.

Let's start With this column.

I don't really know why You got to take a picture

Of a load-bearing column, But --

[ groans ] Hey, gar? What do you think?

You think you could get Your ass

Up near that support beam Up there?

I guess I can Just crawl up there

And hang my ass off the balcony Like I'm spider-man.

Let's do that.

You get your picture?

Almost there!

You got plenty Of pictures.

Not yet! Shut up!

[ groans ]

Got it!

* gonna lay down my burdens

* down by the riverside

* down by the riverside

* down by the riverside

* gonna lay down my burdens

* down by the riverside

* ain't gonna study war No more *

All right.

We're out of your ass For good.

Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Stop what you're doing.

My stomachache's Gone, wendy.

Good news, bro.

Oh, wow! Jesus-man!

Kicking evil in the...

What's a golfgroin?

Standards wasn't comfortable With golf balls.

It's golf balls. They're everywhere around here.

My grandmother says Golf balls, all right?

And she won't even say Damn or pussy.

Groin is still edgy.

All right? You're right.

The golfgroin!

-the golfgroin! -the golfgroin!

[ groans ]

[ explosions ]

There were demons in my ass That made me do this.

It has been very nice To have met you,

And I wish you all the luck In your future endeavors.

We can maybe pray About this, huh?

Aah!

Gary! What's up, man?

Hey, psyche!

I was a double agent The whole time!

Yeah, satan sent me to heaven Because he said

I was the only demon That he could trust, so I accepted the burden.

You were the only one With an anal fissure big enough

To hold three dudes And six tons of explosives.

That is true, as well.

I know there's a video, Ubuntu!