Original subtitles

[ screaming ] Come on, you mother!

You mother... [ screaming continues ]

Oh!

Gosh! I think that should do it.

When's it gonna be ready?

You and your Ridiculous queries!

Where do you get These dumb questions?!

[ panting ] Should be later today.

There's my coffee cup.

I must have left it In here.

**

[ grunting ]

Oh, ha ha!

I caught it!

I caught...

Eddie, You almost done in there?

I, uh, got the file That you needed.

Are these tears bitter?

I don't know, eddie. I didn't taste them.

They're supposed To be bitter.

Eddie, what's the deal?

Is it ready?

[ seagulls squawking ] [ upbeat music playing ]

Eddie?

Is it ready?

[ screaming ]

It's ready.

The file is ready! The file is ready!

Eddie: it's ready! It's ready!

It's ready!

It's ready!

It's ready! [ slurping ]

[ whistling upbeat tune ]

[ people screaming ]

Watch out For that rat tail!

[ chuckles ] Touching tip!

Whoo! Rat tail there, buddy!

What's going on, My man?!

What's So god damn funny?

Well, why you come To french italy

If you no like The food?

You so stupid.

[ laughs ]

[ whipping ]

* cinderella dressed In yellow *

* went upstairs To kiss a fella *

* how many doctors Will it take *

Dizzay, stand up When satan's in the room.

I am standing, big dawg!

All right, that's it. That's it!

Drug test right now.

Piss test, everyone, let's go!

Ted, not in your pants.

It's the wine, satan.

The demons Have been drinking the wine.

-what wine? -it's the wine.

It's delicious, though I haven't Tried it, so I don't know.

Gary: drink, drink.

[ all chanting "Drink" ]

All right.

Whoo! He did it!

[ clears throat ] Nothing.

But, as you can guess, I've got A pretty high tolerance.

[ muttering ]

[ seagulls squawking ]

[ upbeat music playing ]

[ screaming ]

[ laughter ]

[ gasping ]

What was in that wine?

-the drink we drank? -yeah.

It was made of wine That was made of the spider.

Spider?

So it was a wednesday, You know, and... [ laughs ]

The spider had me pinned down And was pleasuring itself.

Get to the point, Eddie.

Okay, so, anyway, Some of the spider's baby gravy

Mixed in with the pus on my face And got into my mouth.

And before I knew it, I was tripping balls.

Wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait.

The -- the wine is... Spider ejaculate?

No, no, I mean, I ferment it,

And then to give it A nice smooth finish,

I add human tears.

And how exactly would you Make it, eddie, if he were dead?

I -- I don't follow you.

-excuse me. -what?

-just get behind you here. -no!

Say good-bye! No, no, no, Just jerk it off once.

Don't do it, satan, Don't do it!

We need To up production.

It's not for us, It's for them up there.

-yeah! -amen!

This stuff is so great,

It's like meth, But 10 times better.

It just gets up inside Of your body real good.

Don't touch me, gary!

I'm talking!

We bottle it, we market it.

They love it, They drink it all day,

And then they rip Each other to shreds.

I mean, technically, It is organic.

And the yuppies lap That shit up.

And I guess, you know, you could Mask that spider jizz flavor.

-I like blueberry. -probably have do do that.

Blueberry's good.

I -- I could be down With this.

[ cheering ] Okay, this is great.

Who here worked In advertising?

[ spider laughing ]

[ moaning ]

[ grunting ]

[ alarm blares ] Oh, all right!

Hold on, hold on. Let me inspect this bottle.

[ gulping ]

[ sighs ]

It tastes Like spider jizz!

And I like it.

-hey, hey. -hey, hey.

You got To stop this, claude.

-this is a new shirt. -no, it's not.

It's the same shirt I've been wearing

For literally thousands Of years.

[ spider laughing ]

I'm three hours late For the ad shoot.

Everybody To the ad shoot!

The ad shoot.

He's the spunk spider.

Out on the town, Slinging webs and spinning lies.

It's his web, bro, We're just cobs in it.

Right, now, I thought we were gonna

Downplay The whole spider angle.

Well, I mean, We're not showing his dick.

What is that?

Well, you know what? We can cut down the --

Let's just not even acknowledge That this is spider ejaculate.

Claude was very insistent That it be all about the spider.

That's not what I said, benji. You [bleep] It up.

And you're A child molester.

Sorry I'm late.

Let's rehearse, guys. Get sexy.

Hey, hey, claude, I don't have any lines

Or no seat Or anything, man.

What's -- What do want me to do?

Oh, dizzay, you're just Gonna be there, hanging out,

Appealing to the urban market, All right?

I know you wouldn't hang With these guys in real life

Because they're old And weird,

But be dope and fresh And hang tough.

-yeah, man, yeah. -all right.

Let's do a rehearsal.

Tailgate tony doesn't know What to bring to the tailgate.

Hey, dudes, I brought my uncle gunther.

He likes to yodel.

[ yodeling ]

Vc, when he yodels, Your mug's gonna shatter.

It's gonna be A cutaway, but --

What if I say,

"Why is there a yodeler At this tailgate?"

No, don't do that. Don't follow your instincts.

Those are really bad instincts, All right?

Vc, uh, You doin' all right?

I'm fine.

-I'm fine, I'm fine. -okay, sure, yeah.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine,

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine,

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!

Whoa!

[ radio static ] The couch is dirty.

Let's 86 the couch.

All right, Let's see what you got.

I think You'll like it.

Yeah. [ rock music playing ]

Announcer: Tailgate tony doesn't know What to bring to the tailgate.

Hey, guys, I brought my goat.

She really knows How to polka.

[ record scratches ] [ whistle ]

Flag on the play -- Major party foul.

I brought my uncle gunther. He likes to yodel.

[ yodeling ] [ whistle toots ]

Lame wing man On the play.

Delay of tailgate.

Announcer: Don't be a tailgate tony.

Get some spunk in your trunk. Spunk!

Why is there a yodeler At this tailgate?

I -- I don't like it, Either.

-what, I -- -it needs a button.

Why is vc's head in the one cut But not in the next shot?

His head is gone.

Yeah, that makes no sense. Why is vc's head gone?

I don't know. Why would you -- Why is his head gone?

It's a creative decision That I made,

And I stand by it 100%.

But we'll get rid of it 'cause it sucks.

Yeah, I mean, There's certain things

You have to do When you make a commercial.

Then do them. Well, no, I need to get So I can do it.

"Oh, I need to get." You know who didn't need to get?

Stephen spielberg. -can you fix this at all?

It's gonna Take some time.

You guys might not even need To be here for it.

You got time. Guess what, you got time.

You could use That yodeler as a button.

I always thought that yodeler Was pretty funny.

I don't understand. Why would the yodeler --

What about yodeling Has to do with spunk?

It has nothing To do with it.

That's what's funny About it.

[ distant yelling ]

Oh, what now?

His dick came off In my hand!

He had nothing left!

He gave us all that he had!

Look, we're just gonna move Our delivery date back. Now, when do we ship?

There's only one bottle left. Production [bleep] Up.

One bottle?

Mm-hmm, small batch. Artisanal.

We get 'em hooked, we have 'em Right where we went them.

Who are we gonna hook With one bottle?!

Look, satan, It's the last one.

[ laughing ] Hey, hey, hey!

Give it to me, You perv --

-what did you say to me?! -hey!

Nobody can See you fight here. No.

You two are gonna fight it out For this last bottle of spunk...

In the bone dome.

Oh, yeah. [ laughs ]

All: two guys fight, Then it's over!

Two guys fight, Then it's over!

Begin!

[ cheering ]

How am I supposed To fight him?

Yeah, swing over here And say that to my face!

I can't even see him!

Just lower them down. It's not working.

Just lower them down, We'll have them... Okay.

[ cheering ]

[ chainsaw revving ]

-he had him. -what's he doing?

[ grunts ]

Can -- Can I have some of it?

We'll share it.

Okay, cool, so I... I can have my half?

There's a little bit more left Of my half, I think.

Cool.

I'll tell you this, you're gonna Like this when it gets to you.

Yeah, I bet. I'd love to have some of it.

Eddie: you suck!

Mmm!

Comrade.

You prick!

This is mostly backwash!

You ain't got to riot.

I'm tired.

Are you okay?

[ seagulls squawking ]

**

Together: I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fin--

Man: made in georgia.