Original subtitles

Oh, man.

Why is there even A chicken hell?

Satan agreed to take all the Chickens to pad his soul tally.

So you mean to say

That every chicken finger I ever ate's down here?

Yep. And every Chicken nugget?

Yes. And every Chicken patty?

Yes. And every Chicken pot pie?

Yes!

Every chicken Got hit by a train?

Pick up A damn shovel.

What I'm Really afraid of is

That chickens are gonna All remember who eat them,

And then there's gonna be A bunch of chicken revenge

Like in That movie "Oldboy".

[ yello's "Oh yeah" plays ]

* oh yeah

[ laughs ]

Guys! They got showers in here!

[ laughs ]

Move, move, move, move, move, Let me take a look.

Showers?

Fool, there's naked ladies Up in there!

I see a butt! Oh, my god, it's a woman's butt!

This is my hole!

Excuse me gentlemen, I need To put my dick in that hole.

No, no! My ladies!

Boys, boys, There's no butts in there.

All right, there's just a rock In there that looks like a butt.

And I know that rock Because that rock is my wife.

Take a look For yourself.

Watch out, dizzay, Let me look at this myself.

* oh yeah

Get the shovels. Ahh!

[ laughter ]

* hey

* we're gonna get laid

* we're gonna get laid

**

Sounds like you guys found Slut circle.

I can't believe -- I Didn't think that there Was women in hell.

Satan keeps all the nymphos And adulterers

And fornicators Over there.

They crave the "D," But they can never have it.

That's their Eternal torment.

Guys, we got To get over there! Yeah!

You're idiots if you think Satan's gonna let us over there.

You said it, Four eyes.

It's a sheer rock wall 10,000 feet up,

Guarded by a battery Of penar-equipped lasers.

Penar is radar But for penises.

Anyway, they shoot dick And ask questions later.

Oh, he shot that penis Right off the top of his balls.

It's game over, dudes. Game over!

U-unless you were to--

What? What?

Nah. No, you guys Don't have the stones.

Come on! Man, Tell us something!

I got a whole bag Of stones, buddy.

All right, Let's do this.

[ laughter ] Am I right?

So, I cover myself In peanut butter,

And the women --

They smell the peanut butter, And then they come running?

No, no. See that stupid monster Over there?

[ growling ]

That's seth.

Okay.

Seth has A nut allergy.

When seth swallows you, The nuts hit his system,

And he'll spit you Over that ridge.

He's gonna spit me Over the ridge in chunks!

No!

Why can't dizzay Be spit over the ridge?

Sorry, gary, I'm doing the laser pointer.

And I'm doing the rope!

And, uh, william and I Are helping dizzay

With The laser pointer.

We all have a role here, Gary.

Did you even listen To my presentation?

You know what? I'm not doing it.

How about them apples, You stupid jerk?

Hey, quite playing With the rope.

[ growling ]

No!

Eddie, I said don't let The monster get the rope!

Aah!

[ screaming ]

That's my skull!

Aah! Wonderful, super.

I guess we're on, people. Look alive.

Dizzay, Point that puppy up high

So the creature will spit gary At the proper angle.

Look, he's not even -- he's Not even paying attention to it.

Gary might be in there awhile. [ chuckles ]

Eddie, did you hack into The mainframe to disable The penis lasers?

I thought I was doing the rope.

Well, then who is going to hack Into the mainframe, eddie?

You're a computer! You do it!

Oh, my god, I knew You goobers weren't ready.

Well, well, well, What do we have here?

Tell them What you told me.

Russ doesn't know What he's talking about.

He's riddled With malware.

La-lance, this does not Concern you at all.

Did he tell you to rub yourself In peanut butter?

I bet he did. That creature Loves peanut butter.

You're just jealous, Lance.

Once he spits gary Over the ridge --

Gary will be dead Within the hour.

He's not allergic To the nuts!

Tell russ He's not allergic to the nuts.

You want to see those Women? There's a maintenance Door halfway up.

Guys, I can see the door From here!

Those hills have thousands Of lasers trained on your junk!

There's one. One! And I have a workaround.

Guys, this is totally bogus, Dudes!

Help! Help!

Dizzay, did russ say there's A place I'm supposed to stand?

Please, help!

Help?

Slathered In peanut butter...

**

I remember Those days.

[ chuckles ]

You want To come at me, buddy?

Ow, ow, ow, oh! I'm getting burned!

Oh, I'm getting burned! Hey, Here, here, here, here.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Aah! Come on, get under his gizzard.

It will protect you From his digestive juices.

Come on, come on, Come on, come on.

Thank god You're here.

You better? Yeah.

You better? Yeah.

You spare a lick? [ moaning ]

You're a stranger To me.

[ moaning continues ]

Lance: There she is, guys.

It's the only thing Standing between us and --

No, no, no, William! No, no, no!

[ beeping ]

Oh!

I warned him About the penis lasers.

I get -- I get one more toss 'cause home team.

Plus I cleaned you off, So...

Oh, um, That's a gumdrop.

I get one more. Not like the candy,

But when it hits the gum Like that and drops on it,

You get a free turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen those.

Oh, Home team gets two.

I need one volunteer

To deactivate the penis detector Laser on the main gate,

But you cannot bring Your penis.

It would get detected And subsequently lasered.

So someone's gonna have to Slice their penis off.

Peanut butter doesn't sound So bad now, does it?

All right guys, I, um...

Don't want To be here.

Cool, bro.

Eddie, I thought I saw your hand up?

Doing good, eddie, You're almost there, buddy.

I'm feeling Really dizzy.

That's just The blood loss talking.

Keep your eyes On the prize.

I'm at the door!

Woman: hi. I hear giggling!

Now, There should be a switch.

Pull that switch and it Will turn off the penis lasers.

I just see A keypad.

Oh, um, boy...

I guess They changed it.

You guess They changed it?!

Calm down, Eddie.

I've got this. Tell him To try 666.

It's not Going to be 666.

Try 666, eddie!

Try 666, eddie!

I'm coming back down.

Why don't you Come on back down, eddie!

That's what I'm doing!

Yes! [ chuckles ]

Boom goes the dynamite!

I'm the belt champion. I am.

What is it, 18 times in a row?

[ laughs ] But let's do it Again, man, you never know.

Come on. Look, Nothing personal, ted,

But I got To get the hell out of here. Why?

There's refreshing saliva To drink...

There's soft bowels To bed on.

I know.

Satan doesn't even know You're in here, man!

We beat The system!

Look, ted, Up over that wall

Somewhere Outside of this monster,

There is a lady's butt, And it's got my name on it.

I'm one Of the names on it.

All right, now please just show Me the way to the anus, bud.

Don't go To the anus.

Just go to the nasal passage, It's right up there.

He'll sneeze you out.

Thank you, Man.

Come with me, Ted.

I know in here, It's easy and simple for you,

But out there Is a whole, wide world of butts!

Come with me...

To slut circle.

I ca-- I can't, gary.

I can't.

This is my world now, In here.

[ clicks tongue ]

Well, I'll be seeing you.

Oh, And ted?

Yeah.

**

You are The belt champion.

[ chuckles ]

That came back around.

[ both laugh ]

All right, Stop it.

Plan b -- We all cut our penises off.

We put them In a vat of franks and beans.

Penises look like what?

Franks! Very good.

Then we pretend To be chefs

While eddie Hacks into the mainframe.

I don't know nothing About computers!

Seth: Ah-ah...

[ sneezes ] Whoo!

Yeah, gary!

Whoo! Gary!

Way to go, gary! All right, gary.

I told you assholes This would work.

I'm doing it!

Yeah! I'm doing it!

Whoo!

[ screaming ]

Hey, ladies.

Whoo!

What are your names? My name is gary!

[ sneezes ]

Whoo-hoo!

Ted, you did it, buddy! High-five, man!

[ laughs ]

Oh, gary, You were right.

Living inside seth Was no kind of life!

[ chuckles ] Life's too short!

Yeah, I mean, in hell, Life is forever,

But I get what you're saying, Yeah, yeah.

Hey, you have to take chances And shoot for the moon.

Even if you miss, You land among the --

Ted? No!

Gary: Ted! No!

Get back To work.

No!

Oh, my god! [ grunts ]

[ chickens clucking ]

Am I In slut circle?

You plum overshot that, Son.

This here Is chicken hell.

Chicken hell?

Daddy, can we strip him down and Hose off all his chicken shit?

Get in the barn, bertha! This don't concern you.

Now, you wouldn't happen to be One of them fancy city demons

Come here to have sex With my daughter, would you?

No, sir. I would never dream Of something like that.

Well, That's good.

That's real good, 'cause, You see, she's a good girl.

She don't want the likes of you Coming around --

[ grunts ]

Hurry, 'fore daddy wakes!

We can do it, but you just Can't look at my pubic hairs.

That's cool, sure! Absolutely!

Mm, bertha --

[ hissing ]

Oh, no.

I said don't be lookin' At my pubes!

But those are armpit hairs. Do you call those pubes?

You get them During puberty!

When did you Hit puberty? Recently.

[ creaking ] Bertha...

Welcome back, bro, We missed you.

[ muffled ] I got laid.

What? What's that?

I got laid, Man.

Hey, everybody, Gary got laid!

[ chuckles ] [ laughs ]

That's my boy, Man.

[ moans ]

I have to say, I sort of Expected that to happen.

[ yello's "Oh yeah" plays ]

* oh yeah