Original subtitles

There are these abacus boxes Called com-pu-tairs,

And they are filled With ghost spirits.

And people have these boxes On an intercontinental line

On which everyone Is on that line,

Hence "Online" Being the vernacular.

We all know what social media Is, caleb, okay?

What's your plan To get more eyeballs?

In my day, If we wanted eyeballs,

We would just pluck them Out of little indian babies.

Satan, I could head this up.

I died way more recently Than caleb.

Mr. Vernon, I've been here since The war of northern aggression.

I have seniority.

I have a plan to get him One million followers

By monday at 8:00 a.M.

Shut up. Shut up. Just shut up.

Back in my day, a groupie Didn't follow you with a click.

She followed you back to The hotel room after the show,

And then the only thing that Would go viral was your dong

[chuckles] From herpes.

[ chuckles ]

Sunset strip, man. It was 1983.

The coolest life ever got.

End of discussion!

**

[ heavy metal playing ]

Get out! Get the [bleep] Out of here!

I meant to knock louder! I'm sorry!

Get out! No! No, no, wait! Wait, wait, wait!

Hold on. Hold on.

[ sighs ] All right. Yeah. Come on in.

Hey.

-everything okay, b? -yeah. It's good, man.

Come here. I want you guys To hear something.

[ distorted voice ] Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

Kill yourself. Kill yourself.

Yeah. That's me on the mike.

Kid committed suicide 'cause of that.

With a lawn mower. Go figure.

Yeah, he's still knocking Around here somewhere.

Anyway [chuckles] Crazy days, man.

Oh, byle! I remember byle.

My dad was, like, Way into byle.

Like, way more than He was into ol' gary.

God, I looked good. Look at those abs, huh?

You know, I used to... You know, just to stay thin.

You looked like A steven tyler scarecrow.

We owned l.A.

It was 1983, sunset strip.

Byle was the music And I was their muse.

We had a non-stop Stream of runaways

Following a trail of quaaludes To our front door.

I had a hypodermic needle Full of adrenaline.

Had its own holster.

They called me Dr. Party, phd.

Phd stood for "Party hard, dipshit."

Wow. You must have partied Pretty hard, huh?

Hard as hell! [ grunts ]

[ grunts ]

Aah!

Ah, throw this l.E.D. Bullshit Like a frisbee.

See, back in the old days,

They were built into cabinets, You know?

To make the pool Was an accomplishment.

[ heavy metal playing ]

-"Imp in the furnace!" -oh!

Both: * imp in the furnace!

* burnin' your epidermis!

* imp in the furnace!

* who's gonna burn us? The imp in the furnace! *

Yeah!

My dad used to listen To that song all the time

Instead of taking me To school.

Oh, that's it!

That's what these Millennials need --

A swift steel-toed kick In their hairless crotches.

That's gonna be our new Social media strategy.

We're gonna get byle Back together.

Um, byle's still together. They're doing cruises now. See?

The byle barge? Told me they broke up.

When I died, Rap was sort of big.

We take one of these byle songs And we sample it.

Then we have some rappers Rap over it. No, no, no, no.

Rapping: * imp in the furnace

* we gotta earn this

* look at my hair

* you know You got to perm this *

* hey, everybody

I'll work on the lyrics.

I was a deejay, Not a lyricist.

[ sniffs ]

But we -- It's an option.

All right, man. We're gonna lay

This double-wide rail here For dean.

And chase and blaze Are gonna want to blow

These skinnies up Each other's asses, so, uh...

Good. These guys, man, They're awesome.

You're gonna love going down On these guys. I'll tell you.

-[ chuckles ] Yeah. -really.

It'll be a fun time for you. A good afternoon.

[ knock on door ]

That's them. That's them.

All right, man. Here we go.

Yeah! There they are!

[ laughs ] Dudes!

There's my boys.

Look at this. Yeah, it's been a while, huh?

Good to see you guys.

Our management said this was Some sort of a corporate gig.

Uh, here's the deal, Fellas.

Millennials are pussies.

They're not going to hell In large enough numbers.

So, byle is gonna change All that.

You guys are gonna headline That thing --

That -- that us festival.

What -- what is it, claude?

Bonnaroo? South by?

You're gonna headline Bonnaroo south by, final night.

It's happening!

That's two different festivals, Numb nuts.

Claude, You lied to me.

Ow!

No, no!

Aah! No. You're right.

He's right.

He wants you to headline Both of those festivals.

Gary: first of all, chase, This drum setup is sparse.

We need like 90 more drums On this with water on them

So when you bop them And you bip them,

Water comes out, And it's like blue man group.

Everyone likes Blue man group.

And blaze, you cannot sit.

They let me sit On the cruise.

-if he sits, can I sit? -no. No. No.

The only person who gets to sit Is the drummer.

I can't sit. I got a bad back, man.

Also, satan specifically Said only ripped jeans.

Looking at you, rudy.

Pristine jeans. Slash them with a razor.

And dean, could I get A smidgen of your time?

Uh, take a look at this.

What's wrong With this microphone stand?

One scarf. Is that gonna cut the mustard?

Look at this poster. Velvet is [bleep] Huge in it.

Yeah, and his hair's Covering my face, man.

Who is velvet?

The velvet lurker.

[ laughs ] Who do you think?

The velvet lurker?

We had several nicknames For him.

Style-cramper...

Cock-blocker...

Lord of dorkness.

Every time you'd turn around, He'd be doing that dorky dance.

Hey, you remember We used to always put

That fog machine In his face?

I told him rudy lost His favorite pick in the toilet,

And then he went Right in for it.

And somehow he came out of there With a pick.

[ laughter ]

We had to fake our breakup.

It's the only way We could get him to leave.

You guys need to start Whispering about this stuff.

He hears everything.

He could be a bee in a room.

He could be me. I could be him.

What's he gonna do?

He's gonna rip your brains out Through your faces!

He did it to me. Twice!

On my birthday As a present.

All right. Here he comes.

I can smell the sulfur.

Hey, guys. How we doing, man?

Sorry I'm late.

Dean, I had to go To two different places

To get your soy latte.

Claude, my tech guy here,

We cooked up some stuff In the studio last night.

We backward-masked Some of you md3s, right?

We're gonna back-- Play them the backward md3.

How do play an mp3 Backwards?

Well, you have to have people Download a piece of software

That renders the file So then you can play the song.

I'm not interested.

-hey, dean, man -- -still rendering. 42%.

Dean, I got disco biscuits For you, brother.

Don't go too far.

Hey. What's going on? Here we go.

[ distorted voice ] * satan is pussy... *

Satan is a pussy?

[ laughter ]

You think That's what it said?

It kind of does Sound like

You were calling yourself A pussy.

Oh, yeah. No. Re-cue it. Re-cue it.

Well, then I have to render it Again do that.

Okay. This is what it said. It says, uh,

"Satan is proceeding With his diabolical plan."

* satan is pussy... *

It sounds like --

Proceeding! It's a diabolical --

Why does my -- Why is my voice so low in there?

That's the problem.

Because you were distorting The mike.

The p's weren't popping, S's were --

No, I understand. Okay. Okay, claude.

But maybe now's the time To turn it up.

I have to side with gary here. It's like --

And I have bad ears, And you know that

Because I grew up Next to the airport.

No, no. Can I just --

Yeah, sure, It's still rendering.

* satan is pussy... *

Satan is a pussy.

[bleep] It!

Son of a...

Let's play the new song -- The one we wrote for satan.

What?

Yeah.

Byle doing new stuff? Are you kidding me?

Come on!

It's called "The velvet lurker."

[ heavy metal playing ]

* the velvet lurker

-he's a -- [ music stops ]

Watch out! Watch out!

Watch out! Everybody!

I saw a wasp Near the snare.

Chase: Bro, how is this even a chair?

You see, it's clear, right?

This is so you can sit And relax,

And from the seats, It looks like you're standing.

All right.

See, now, my feet aren't even Gonna touch the ground.

Let your natural gravity Coast you forward.

No. Oh, now it's got My scrotum. Good.

Dean, what the hell?

There's only one song On this set list,

And it's the exact same song

I specifically told you Not to play.

[ vocalizing ]

Lurker alert.

Hey, claude, gary, Listen.

I got two dozen black roses, And you, uh --

You hand these to the hot talent Out there, and you say,

"Byle requests Your presence backstage."

And I think I speak for the guys When I say

I like them skinny With big breasts, all right?

Dudes, right?

[ chuckles ] God, I love these guys, man.

It's gonna be great! It's gonna be great.

I'm gonna get A tambourine.

[ cheers and applause ]

[ guitar riff playing ]

I'd like to dedicate this song To satan.

[ heavy metal plays ]

* the velvet lurker

* he's a circle-jerker

* he's always hanging out After the show *

* killing the vibe

* velvet lurker, Please leave us alone *

* blocking cocks is your game

* you're scaring The talent away *

* velvet lurker, You dance like a fool *

* the velvet clown, Always bringing the room down *

[ laughs ]

* the crimson loomer

* you're a party tumor

* with the prince of dorkness By our side *

* we practically Had to stay high *

* to survive

No one gets out alive.

[ sirens wail ]

[ crowd screaming ]

[ coughs ]

[ feedback ]

* velvet lurker

* he's a circle-jerker

Hey, satan! You busy?

I don't mean to interrupt!

The giant spider monkey -- It came down,

And it bit off Rudy's fingers,

So he's trying to play The guitar with the nubs,

But you can hear it In his solo!

These guys are tired!

Frankly, we all need a break From hearing the song!

I'm sorry. What?

I think that byle Should take a break!

Keep it going. One more.

All right!

We're doing it again.

Oh, dean is just a skeleton now.

Is that all right?

We'll make his bones --

Make his bones rattle At the microphone!