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suddenly we rise from sleep,

we come here only to dream,

it is not true, it is not true,

that we come to live upon the earth

so it has been said by tochihuitzin.

Mom, where do I sign?

No dear, you don't have to sign.

No?

No.

Take care of yourself.

OK

Whatever you need, call me.

OK.

- Really, Laura. - Thank you.

Where's your suitcase?

first moment

Everything is still the same.

It's unbelievable.

As if nothing had happened.

As if nothing ever happened.

You haven't take a shower.

Get in the shower, honey.

We said we were going to the group that the hospital recommended.

It'll do you good to get out.

It's a nice day.

Did you take your medications?

Yeah, I took them.

I'll pick you up later.

Are you sure you can? I can take a taxi.

I am sure I can.

OK.

- Hello Lucia. - Hello.

- Welcome. - Hello.

Normally what we do is introduce ourselves,

each one with her own story,

and of course we invite our first-time visitors to listen,

or if you are ready and if you feel like it, you can tell us yours.

Sure.

Hello.

I'm Lucia.

Lucia Alfaro.

I'm...

…Um…

…well…

I was…

I am or I was Sebastian's mother?

You are, and you always will be.

OK.

I'm Sebastian's mother.

This year he would have been

6 years old.

He died August 27 of the last year

of a cerebral aneurysm.

One day he went into the hospital

and the next day he wasn't here anymore.

They say aneurysms are very rare among children.

Um...

…so now we're…

…we're part of this very peculiar club.

Well...

…what else, I'm...

I'm a very good mother,

and I don't understand what...

what comes next for me.

Lucia, what comes next is that your life has changed

just as all our lives have changed,

nothing will ever be the same

unfortunately it takes a long time to understand.

It's so difficult that there is no word

in our vocabulary that describes

those of us who have lost our children.

People who lose their parents are orphans

but it seems that no language has a word for parents who lose children.

Sadly that's the way it is.

It seems there is no way to describe this pain.

But we know that it can be done,

and I think you are going to make it.

Just one, Mom?

Yes, that's fine.

Valpariso?

No, Valparaiso is in Chile

and Varadero is in Cuba.

The convention was in Cuba.

We were in Havanna for three months.

Three months?

It was endless.

But at that time you still liked being his wife, right?

Hm, I'm not sure.

You know, your sister, Paola's mom

got to see a completely different Emilio.

I have almost no memories of my dad from when I was little.

Well no, since he was never around.

Just once I asked him to stay with you kids,

I was taking classes and you were little,

and honestly I was at my wit's end.

He said yes, and I left,

but I sensed something,

and I hid behind the bushes.

No.

Sure!

No!

Ten minutes later he left with his briefcase!

What an ass!

And you, that's crazy, Mom.

He knew I would come back, but you see?

An asshole and a crazy lady.

Lu.

Lu.

Lu.

Sweetheart.

Please respond.

I'm forgetting what my life was like.

It's disappearing.

Please honey,

please.

We can do this together.

I can't do anything,

I don't want anything.

Think about us.

Think about all of us who love you.

What will happen to us if you were to try again?

I don't give a shit about anyone else, Mom.

The seas of Baja California are the ideal place for our research…

…since here we find six of the eight species of whales…

…that exist in the whole world.

After several years of systematic monitoring of the sounds they produce…

Lu?

Lu.

What's that?

Mariana brought it,

she left it downstairs, she didn't want to bother you.

Everyone wants to see you.

Your brother and sister ask about you.

Emilio is asking when we'll go to this house with kids.

Don't you want to go out?

Let's go to the grocery store, it'll be good for you.

Why don't you make another one?

No thanks.

I had two espressos this morning,

one more would be a little much,

My meeting lasted forever.

She's here. Hi Mom.

Hi Honey.

My son.

Mom, how are you? Fine, sweetheart.

Paola. How great that you're here!

No one told me they were coming.

They surprised me.

I didn't tell you?

No, Mom, you didn't tell me.

Listen Lu, it's just,

well, we were thinking,

I, I thought

it would be good if you came over,

if you saw the kids.

They love you, and they miss you.

And...

I think that this is something we have to get

through as a family.

Mom, understand I need to be alone.

It's not you, I can stand any closeness

any noise, any sound, any anything.

Lucia,

you understand, I can't leave you alone.

Not yet.

Federico was very clear.

It's too soon.

We can't risk it.

Even your father agrees.

- You talked to Dad? - Yes but that's not important.

I can't leave you alone!

Mom, there's no room for you here, listen to me.

- I'm perfectly fine in the living room. - That's not what I mean Mom!

I need my space, I need you to leave.

I accept responsibility for the consequences.

I accept the consequences? No way in hell! No!

What's that?

It's the music I would play to put Sebastian to sleep.

- Look! A whale! - It's a whale, how cool!

Now it's going to turn over, look closely honey, look, look, look!

He is going to turn over!

See, he's waving hi, look!

Look.

Who's going to take you to see the whales for your birthday?

You.

Yes, we're going to see the whales!

You're going to take me to the ocean?

When?

When we go swing on the whales.

Exactly, we're going to go on a boat ok?

- Yeah. - How old will you be?

- Six, then seven. - And then?

Ah, Malik!

Hi Malik!

- Hi Malick! - Hello!

Look, that one has a little baby!

Look at its mouth!

Look!

Look a whale!

With her baby, that's her baby,

how beautiful. Bye bye!

second moment

- Will that be all? - Yes, thanks.

It's been such a long time since we saw you!

Yes, I hadn't been by in a while.

I'm so glad you came today. How is your precious little boy?

He's fine.

He's fine, fine thanks.

- Do you have a bag. - Yes.

- Or I can give you one. - No I have one here.

Alejandra called me.

My cousin.

And what did she say?

Who knows!

She just left a message on my machine, but I didn't listen to it.

How's my uncle?

They finally

gave him the award

from the Mexican Academy of Sciences.

Now he has his international recognition

so he's quite successful these days.

He always was.

Even when we were children,

he always wanted to be better than me at everything.

Your uncle

only has one priority in life:

Science.

Everything else can rot.

Same as you, Dad.

Do you remember

the day

you offered to take care of Sebastian

so I could go play my first Ponce concert without worrying?

You offered.

And I went, scared out of my mind,

because you were such a disaster and he was

so little.

But I wasn't

such a disaster.

You were a total disaster Dad.

But that time you surprised me.

When I came back I found you

both asleep in front of the TV.

You were a disaster Dad,

you never took care of me like that

never.

I learned to live with the pain of my son,

but I can't share it with my husband,

because he is always drunk.

I can't talk to him or anything.

Speaking of madness,

yesterday after two years.

I went downstairs and took out the photos of my son.

I told Toño, maybe you'll laugh at me,

but sometimes I feel crazy like my son never existed,

but these pictures prove that he was here with us

that he was an important part of our lives, like you say

that we enjoyed him so much.

He was so close to me you can't even imagine um,

so, yes, I cried a few tears it's only natural

but I didn't think I would, I thought I'd be crying up a storm

but no, thank God.

I'm thinking of framing them.

Whenever I was in a group of people,

when I went to a bus station or to the airport

I always looked for my son.

Other people, whether it's your brother

or your good friend,

want to help by saying things that don't help at all.

Things like "God has something better for you"

which is what a good friend told me

and I hated her in that moment. I wish God had sent this to you.

Why, why, why did he send it to me?

She didn't have bad intentions

but she didn't know what to say or she didn't understand how it feels.

If one of you says the same thing to me,

I know you're feeling the same pain that I am.

I really want to tell Lucia

that I have older son,

who is a blessing, um,

when I started coming to this group

and we were going to make our book,

he would laugh at me and say:

"Mom, why do you go to that group?

It's not going to help, I don't know, they're always crying."

And I'd tell him, " Don't be so judgmental."

And he laughed one day… Dorita knows where this is going…

…one day he joked,

"You're like a mom going to day care, but it's for you!

You stay at day care with the other moms!"

"You should at least bring a joint to pass around!"

Exactly.

Yikes, it got so late!

Don't worry Laura, I'll wash up.

Are you sure?

Sweetheart,

eat a little something, ok?

Bye my dear.

What are you doing?

Silly!

The Mama camel is going to the grocery store with the baby camel,

and the baby asks her.

"Mama Camel,"

are we there yet?

"Baby Camel,

we're almost there."

Have you told Dad that you quit school again?

No, no, no fucking way.

And you don't tell him.

An ambulance,

on the other side,

farther away.

Aha.

A little dog.

Where?

Right in front of us.

No,

no, I can't hear it.

Far, far away.

There!

How did you find that one?

Your turn, Dad.

Someone is hammering.

Where?

On the right side,

not that far.

You haven't played anything?

No.

Don't you think it would do you good?

I can't even listen to music.

I think it would be great for you to play.

I got a call from Valderrama.

He wants you to premiere his newest composition

at the concert hall, in April.

Lu, he composed it for you.

I know it doesn't seem like the best timing, but, well…

It's happening now for a reason, ok?

How many times have we talked about something like this?

It could change everything.

It's what we wanted to do.

Think about it in that light.

I honestly think it would be good for you.

This is my goodbye,

because I'm going

very far away

and I needed to see you all before I leave

so I can tell you I'm going to live in a little town

in a Patagonia, in Argentina, named Clemente Onelli.

My godmother was born there.

And now that my godmother died and left me her house,

I'm going to live there.

I've never been to Onelli,

I've only seen pictures.

There's nothing there,

nothing.

It's been nine years since Fernanda decided to leave

this world,

and I'm in the same place,

with the same pain.

There's no answer,

only pain.

I don't know what I'm doing here,

what I'm doing in this world.

Everything I've done up to now

has no meaning for me.

Let's be honest, ok?

There is no cure for this.

Nothing is ever the same.

Hello.

Hi!

How are you guys? You look lovely!

Fine, how are you?

What is this?

What do you think?

Now we're all friends!

After 20 years we can now live like

a Scandinavian or Danish family.

Hi!

Hi Mom.

Hi my dear.

- Hello. - Hello.

- How are you? - Just fine dear.

Happy dog.

Thanks, cheers.

Hey, everybody get some food ok?

- One. - I've got mezcal.

- Two. - Dude open it up!

She wanted her bottle and I came with her blanket, I just forgot!

Cheers!

Give your aunt a kiss.

And how did it end?

At six in the morning in the pool.

- Mezcal my friend. - Please.

Thanks man.

This is great.

Cheers, cheers.

Move it!

This one is eating the other.

This one is bigger Thant the giraffe.

I'm biting you!

Go away!

- I'll trade you this one. - I'm taking care of it.

OK I'll take it.

Malik?

Hi Malik.

I'm getting along,

it's rough,

really rough.

I needed to talk to you.

I need to see you.

No, you don't understand,

I need to see you now.

Yes.

What I have to tell you is so difficult Malik.

You already know deep down inside,

it's really hard,

very hard.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't I ever fucking ask you?

How could I tell you Malik?

I couldn't.

Maria would have been hurt terribly if I had told you.

I wanted to keep it.

It was just a drunken night between you and me.

We're friends,

we've always been friends.

And I had no right

to hurt your family,

your kids.

I couldn't tell you, Malik.

We could have done something.

I could have spent more time with him.

In some other way.

Is that you when you were little?

At the Latin American Tower.

I almost never saw my dad when I was little.

But he liked to take me to the Latin American Tower.

The whales.

I never got to take him.

Tell me about the day you met Sebastian.

Do you remember?

Of course I remember.

It was your birthday.

It was my birthday...

and it had been a long time since we saw each other.

Your kids were there,

and María,

some biologist friends of yours and the usual group.

Come on, tell me.

But you were there, Lu.

Yeah but I want you to tell me,

I want the details.

Let's see.

We arrived at our house and…

You rang the doorbell,

my mom went to open the door.

And immediately we heard little Sebastien all excited. Yelling,

"Avocados!

Avocados! Look Mama, Avocados!"

And we all laughed because really what he saw

was a lime tree at the back of the garden.

It was amazing that such a little boy could see

the tree and its fruit from so far away.

Then Sebastian blew out the candles on the cake,

my cake.

He was so happy that everyone sang happy birthday to him too.

And then

all the kids started blowing out the candles

somehow it became a birthday party

for everyone who was there.

Lucia.

It's Francisco, don't come to the door,

I don't want to bother you.

I, m, I'm leaving you Valderrama's music,

he gave me the sheet music.

You don't have to decide anything right now.

Just look at it, ok?

Lu,

I know I'm being really stubborn but I'm telling you,

I'm very certain of this.

Sebastian already knew he was going to die.

He told me very calmy, very serenely.

When we were packing his bag to go to the hospital,

he asked me for a little lamp

because he was going to a very dark place.

And just before we found out he was sick,

he told me a story

about a dragonfly

who dies

but doesn't realize he's dead.

So he comes back to life

and dies again

until he realizes

he's dead,

and finally

he is calm.

third moment

Hey Malik, I didn't know you were like this.

What do you mean you didn't know I was like this?

Why are you riding in the middle? You're jealous right?

Actually I'm riding in the middle because I know exactly what you're like.

Isn't that right my friend?

No, I'm not like that!

Always fishing for an opportunity!

But fishing for a fish, not for anything else, never!

- Malik! - Hello!

Careful, careful.

Karla, how's it going?

Memo?

Uncle Chejo!

- This is Lu. - Lu!

Hello

I'm coming right back, Chejo, see you in a minute.

The only thing in your whole house I don't like

is that Cruz Azul team flag there.

Ah that's the best.

The Chivas have only won for the past two years.

Cruz Azul will be the winning team this year, alright.

You'll stay here Lu.

- Really. - Yes.

I'll take the couch.

I'm going to ask Chejo for some blankets.

OK.

Rest.

Thanks Chejo.

Hey Malik, we already has Lucila's quinceañera party.

Fifteen years old already.

How was it?

Great, great.

Well, cheers to that, Chejo.

Will you help me?

Oh, that smells strong.

Nothing wrong with that.

It's good for that cough, my friend.

Hello.

Maestro!

Bon appetit.

Come on Ramon, my man!

Come on Ramon, my man!

This is a party now!

Don't cry yet Malik, don't cry, this is the first one.

I was just remembering.

You have to keep on moving with what life brings you,

everything will keep moving forward.

Yes. You have to keep going, because that's what life does.

Sometimes things happen to us and we feel like

we'll never get over them.

But then you see that strength comes and.

God gives you a way to move forward.

Happy or mournful they leave Ensenada.

The old fishing boats that go seek in the deep.

The invaluable prizes they sometimes encounter.

But sometimes in the sea they find eternal sleep.

Goodbye to Sauzal and also San Miguel.

Our faithful coxswain departs woefully.

He leaves here his woman while he goes out fishing.

He leaves her here weeping on the edge of the sea.

Yeaming for Guaymas, for Cabo San Lucas.

La Paz, Manzanillo also Mazatlan.

The port of Acapulco and Salinas Cruz

I'll always remember its bright beacon's light.

Will you pass me the guitar?

Thanks.

Hey, will you lend me the case?

Oh how lovely to fly.

In the wee hours of the morning.

In the wee hours of the morning.

Oh how lovely to fly ay mama!

To fly and to let yourself fall.

Into the arms of a lady.

Into the arms of a lady.

Oh how lovely to fly, ay mama!

And now you cursed old witch.

Now that you have taken my son.

Now that you have taken my son.

All that I want is to weep ay mama!

The witch grabs me and takes me home with her.

Turns me into a flowerpot and into a pumpkin.

Oh tell me please.

How many little children did you suck dry yesterday?

Not one! Not one!

Oh, I don't know, now I think I'll take you…

Oh how lovely.

To fly.

Open the trunk please?

No, this is it, Malick.

3 moments for guitar. Dedicated to Lucia Alfaro.

Look Mom! A whale!

Wow, how beautiful!

And there's her baby, look!

That's her baby,

did you see?

Yeah.

It's beautiful. Oh little one.

Look, touch it, hello, touch it sweetheart.

Hello.

Hello.

THE DREAM OF LU

For Emilia, our sweet Emilia