Original subtitles

Hurry up!

What are you doing with the tape? Not so tight!

Let's put the bag on him

before he starts screaming again!

That comes later. First, we put the bag on him.

- He's suffocating! - He's not!

I'll suffocate you, midget!

It's all going perfectly.

He's moving less and less.

He's tired! We've been at it for half an hour!

I think he can't breathe.

Because of the bag.

Shut up! This isn't your first kidnapping!

Shake him up, M.A.

I don't think he's worth taking.

We won't even cover costs with the ransom.

Alright, we fucked up.

He's dead, isn't he?

Okay, let's go.

It's always the same!

Let's go!

Come on, dammit.

Now you're in a hurry? Wait for me!

CRIME REPORT

At five o'clock this morning,

the President of the Bodybuilding Federation

was found murdered in strange circumstances.

This may have been an attempt to kidnap him.

Police sources believe the criminals

to be the terrorist gang "Mutant Action".

MUTANT ACTION

Since Mutant Action was created ten years ago,

this group of handicapped

has perpetrated a number of crimes.

Good looking celebrities

and institutions related to public health and sperm banks

have been their specific targets.

FOOTAGE OF THE SHOW Get Fit with Susana

And now, the most important part.

Assholes!

Gang members have been identified as

Alex and Juan Abadie, Siamese twins since birth.

Cesar Ravenstein, alias Quimicefa,

famous in the criminal world for having five kilos of dynamite

permanently connected to his chest.

José Oscar Telleria, alias Handyman, the gang's mechanic.

He has been arrested more than fifty times.

Let's watch one of these occasions.

Stop! Police! Throw down those crutches.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say may be used against you.

You have the right to an attorney.

Amancio Gonzalez, alias M.A., born deaf and dumb,

who has one of the lowest I.Q.'s on the planet

and is endowed with extraordinary strength.

And José Montero, alias Hump, a hunchbacked dwarf,

Jew, mason, communist and presumed homosexual.

Police sources note the coincidence

of this latest attempt with the imminent release

of Ramon Yarritu, leader and brain of Mutant Action,

after having served a five year sentence

for illegal possession of arms.

Tomorrow, the Orujo family residence,

owners of the world famous

Orujo wholemeal bread factory,

will be richly decorated to celebrate the wedding of Patricia Orujo,

heiress of the industrial empire,

to Luis Maria de Ostolaza.

Yarritu! You're out!

Let's go!

Boss, it must have been hard, being locked up all this time?

Not really. Television is very entertaining,

especially the news.

Stop! Police!

Drop that spray!

Drop that spray!

It was my turn to do the dishes, but with all this hurry...

What's wrong with the computer?

The hard disk is fucked up. I don't know why.

You could have taken down the washing.

- My tuxedo? - In your room, Ramon. impeccable.

- The guns? - We only need to oil them.

Is that the cake!

Yes, we have to add the cream, the decorations...

It still needs some work.

We're leaving in five minutes. I want a perfect cake.

Let's see if you're clear on the plan.

Handyman, the cat's food!

You think he's angry?

He may not know anything.

It was all over the place.

They do it out of spite.

It didn't work out, so they want everyone to know about it.

M.A. says that it failed

because we are not organized.

We need to restructure.

Without a good structure, things don't work out as they should.

Oh!

And we need a guy with balls in the right place.

Otherwise, this is chaos.

Where are you going!

Let go of that hand!

What the hell have you plugged this into?

Maybe if we hit this button...

That pipe is for the brake fluid!

What have I always told you?

That we ask you before touching anything.

But now move your hands and fix this!

The spaceship could explode!

What?

All right!

Let's try and concentrate on the plan.

Okay.

We'll go in this way, with the truck.

There are two guards here.

We can get past them with the cake.

There'll be no problems.

We've got 15 minutes to get out

before the real bakery truck arrives.

This is the back door.

And if we make a hole here? It might be faster!

Well,

it looks like you've been thinking a lot lately.

I'm saying it because there are two guards here...

Was it you who organized the last kidnapping?

Or did nobody organize it?

You simply went there to open holes and hand out oranges!

It's not that, Ramon.

It's not what?

I don't think it was such a big deal.

- He died. We were unlucky. - Right.

- And the plastic surgeon? - That was different.

It was his fault,

he got nervous and jumped from the speeding car.

And the fashion show?

Fifty kilos of explosives that blew up

an hour after everyone had left.

If you wanted me to feel indispensable, you succeeded.

Five years of my life watching you clowns

make fools of yourselves on the news.

"It's not that bad?"

Who do you think you are?

Have you forgotten the three big questions?

What were you when I found you?

We were garbage, hospital refuse!

Who took you out of the gutter?

You, Ramon!

- And what are you now? - Mutants, Mutants, Mutants!

We're soldiers in the Mutant army and we're going to win the war.

Society has treated us like shit

and now we're going to kick some ass!

The world is dominated by pretty boys and spoiled brats.

God! Enough of this "diet" shit!

We've had enough colognes, car commercials,

mineral water!

We don't want to smell good! We don't want to lose weight!

No!

We're the only ones left, my friends.

The rest of the world are either stupid or hipsters.

Yes!

We are mutants, not beach boys or design fagots!

Right!

And now, let's show those shits

what terrorism means.

- Look, there's Cuqui. - Have you seen his face?

He does drugs and alcohol.

They're well matched. She hits it hard too.

- I hear she does drugs. - What do you mean?

Someone told me.

These hors d'oeuvres are shit!

The bride's dress looks like it was handed down.

I'd say it was handed down from her late mother.

The groom's tuxedo looks patterned,

but when get close, it's just covered in lint.

Hello, there!

What a delightful party!

You look like a movie star, dear! Where did you find such a jewel?

Tacky!

You have given me the greatest joy of my life.

I only wish your mother could see it.

Don't cry, father. I'm so happy!

We've brought the cake.

- All of you? - It's very big.

This way.

Wait, only two of you.

Then we'll stay here

and wait for them to come out, okay?

There are a lot of us and it must be crazy in there.

They're taking a long time.

You think there's a problem with the cake?

Maybe we'd better go in.

It's okay, guys.

You are not programmed to let us in.

It must be hard to stand here all day.

Why not ignore your program

and let us in?

What do you say?

M.A., tell these gentlemen that we must go in.

Like I said, try to slip in unnoticed

and mingle with the crowd.

Let's go!

This way.

All those bakers... Thank God they're wearing tuxedos!

I think tonight is going to be unforgettable.

Keep stirring!

It's good, huh?

He is asking if there is any more chicken.

Listen carefully so there are no doubts.

Right.

When the girl cuts the cake,

get the band to play "Aires de Fiesta" by Karina.

Hump, that's your signal to come out

- and knock her out with chloroform. - Got you.

You're in charge of putting out the lights

so that I can grab the girl and get out of here.

Alright. I put out the lights. Okay.

No, you're in charge of the music from the machine.

- And then I turn off the lights. - No. M.A. turns off the lights.

- You stand guard. - You didn't say anything.

I'm saying it now. You stand guard.

Do I stand guard too?

No, you go with your brother to play the song.

- Everyone okay? - Then,

when the lights go out, I go for the girl.

No, no! When the music plays!

- The music is the signal! - Right, the music.

You can't see when the lights go out, can you?

Okay, enough!

Let's do it.

- Give me a coin. - What? I don't have any money.

- What do you mean? - I don't have any.

I didn't know we'd need it.

Stop fucking around and give me a coin!

I don't have one!

I'm a rebel, because the world made me one,

because no one treated me with love...

No, it's not that one! How did it go?

Shit!

See you later, okay?

I declare you...

Let's go.

Shut up!

Stop it!

We have to get out of here!

M.A., go for it.

Stop! Police! Throw down your guns and you won't get hurt.

You better not be fooled by the television.

Even if you see me in jail, you poor devil,

I'm not there anymore.

Yes, yes, that's right. If everything has gone well,

by the time you see this video

I'll be crossing outer space, heading for planet Axturias. ..

with your daughter.

Scumbag, son of a bitch! I'm going to burn you alive!

Dad, calm down, it's only a video.

If we don't listen carefully,

we won't know what ransom he wants.

You better calm down,

or you won't know what ransom I want.

I'm going to tell you right now. It's perfectly clear.

l want one hundred million in small bills

inside an anti- fusion suitcase. Easy, right?

The meeting point is:

"The Lost Mine" bar in the Devil's Valley on Axturias.

Now, I hear that you're a real asshole,

but not as much as to call the police.

If you do call them,

your daughter will lose more than her virginity.

The exchange will take place

two days after you receive this video.

So, haul ass!

I swear you'll pay for this, wherever you are!

Fucking terrorists!

FISHING VESSEL: VIRGEN DEL CARMEN

DECLARED CARGO: 24,000 TONS OF FROZEN FISH.

DESTINATION: UNKNOWN.

CREW: UNKNOWN.

Our number for tax purposes

is 477337 / 7.

Fishing vessel Virgen del Carmen.

- Number of crew members? - One, at your service.

That cool computer does almost everything.

Cargo?

Frozen fish, fish fillets,

cod cakes, crab sticks and so on.

And where is it going?

We're heading for Ganimede, it sells very well there.

Specially the crab sticks.

Fine, now pay attention. Do you know this man?

He looks familiar. Has he been on TV?

I watch it a lot, the computer does the work.

Of course he's been on TV. He's a terrorist.

Now you mention it, it so happens,

30 megon fractions ago

a small, very strange spaceship passed by me.

In what direction?

Well, in my opinion...

some 15 degrees Zelca north- northwest coaxial alfa nine,

but I can't be too sure,

so don't listen to me.

Okay. You may continue, but don't leave your course.

Okay!

That's the third control with this sailor bullshit.

Next time you can fucking do it!

I'm on the wanted list too!

Even with this fucking costume they'll recognize me!

How did it go?

Very well, Ramon, they bought it again.

Keep this course until we reach wave motion force G- 7.

Okay!

Connect the secondary turbine controls

and turn 45 degrees.

What did he say?

- You know what he said? - I didn't hear him.

No matter. Let's eat.

But when do we have to turn?

The same old shit.

Since the kidnapping, all we've had are crab sticks.

Give me two.

You could eat the cat's food.

- Talk. - I bet 50,000.

I'll see your bet

and raise you 50,000.

Tomorrow when we collect the 10 million for the ransom,

you can eat what you want.

Your 50,000 and 50,000 more.

You're not bluffing, are you?

I suppose you realize that what we're betting

is our share of the ransom, not these screws.

We play the way we want.

I'll see your 50,000 and raise you 100,000 more.

- Hand me that can. - You sure?

I'm not clear on this.

Look, I don't want to bore you,

but up to now, you've lost...

2,400,000 ecus. Those 100,000 are all you have left.

What do you mean, 100,000? What about his share?

What share?

You two get one share. Half and half, one share.

Ten million, divided by four, two and a half.

Fine.

Then let's make it four shares.

Is dinner ready?

If we have only one share, then he should only get half.

Where's the remote control? You've hidden it.

Now you're fucked.

Get the control!

Come on, give me the control.

We always watch what you want.

Listen, give me the control, damn it!

I can't stand it anymore!

One of these days I'm going to explode.

What if I explode? Eh?

If I explode, what'll happen?

The daughter of well known industrial tycoon José Maria Orujo...

Hey, look, you're on television!

...known worldwide for his food industries,

specially his wholewheat bread factory,

the famous Orujo buns.

Police sources believe the authors of the crime

to be the terrorist group Mutant Action.

This one has really come out well, huh?

Patricia Orujo was kidnapped on her wedding day

by the previously mentioned terrorist group,

who provoked a Dantean massacre.

Among the corpses, police have identified

Jose Montero, alias Hump, and Amancio Gonzalez, alias M.A.,

responsible for the massacre at the bodybuilding gym

Muscles of Elche,

and the recent murder of Matias Pons.

We have just been informed

that thanks to the victim's family,

we now know the exact ransom demanded by the kidnappers.

It is one hundred million ecus.

The exchange will take place tomorrow, on the planet Axturias,

in the Guttenberg Galaxy.

How much did he say?

Did he say one hundred million, or did I hear wrong?

No, it isn't one hundred. Ramon said ten.

There must be a mistake. Are you sure he said one hundred?

Ramon did the negotiating.

He said he asked for ten million.

If he asked for one hundred and we divide ten between us then...

What's the matter now? Brake fluid again?

No, there's nothing wrong with the brake fluid.

It's just that...

we were watching the television and...

the news were on and...

- they mentioned the kidnapping. - And?

Well, nothing, it seems that...

You didn't tell us the family was going to pay 100,000,000.

What, 100,000,000?

100,000,000! The TV said it very clearly.

One hundred.

And you told us ten.

I said ten and the guy on TV said one hundred, right?

Don't think

we're saying that you're lying or anything.

Alright. I see it all now.

All of these years have counted for nothing.

All these years I've fought for you

and given everything for you,

and you think I'm a dirty cheat,

a treacherous scoundrel, right?

It's not that, Ramon.

- It's not that! - We've never doubted you.

All we want is an explanation.

How can you be so naive?

You watch the news on TV and you believe it.

Don't you realize, you idiots,

that's exactly what they want?

We're doubting ourselves!

We'll end up killing each other and save them the trouble.

Of course. What did I tell you?

One hundred million!

They could have said a thousand!

- Or, whatever. - Or two thousand!

What's important is that tomorrow

we'll have ten million, and those are real.

We have to be ready for the exchange.

Don't fuck me up. Everything has to go perfectly,

just like I planned.

Have you checked the refractory turbo- compressors?

The ones in the atomic modulator room?

- No, the other ones. - No, we haven't.

Well, do it.

Check all the automatic circuit sections.

I did that this morning.

- Have you greased them? - No.

That's bad. They should be greased.

Tomorrow is the most important day of our lives.

We have to do it well.

Let's see, what were you when I found you?

We were garbage, hospital refuse!

And who got you out of the gutter?

You, Ramon!

- And what are you now? - Mutants, Mutants, Mutants!

You know I always do what I'm told

and I never complain, but I don't understand

why we have to redo what we did this morning.

Shut up.

If Ramon says we have to check it, we do it.

Don't complicate things even more.

Besides, we checked the turbo compressors

in the atomic modulator room, not the other ones.

Fine. And where are the other ones?

- You don't know where they are? - No. Do you?

Handyman,

I think we have to find a way

to avoid these misunderstandings.

I think the best way would be for us to have more information

as to how the accounting is handled in this company.

I agree completely.

In fact, now that we've lost Hump,

you could do the accounting of the ransoms.

Really? Thank you! I can hardly believe it!

Me, an accountant! Are you serious?

To be honest, I'm not.

What do these turbo-compressors look like exactly?

What do they look like?

Look for them and I'll tell you when we find them.

Did you hear a scream?

Yeah, the turbo-compressors calling us!

It's eating me!

That was definitely a scream. Let's go!

Get me out of here!

Get me out of here!

It's eating me!

Get me out!

Handyman!

Stay still!

Don't just stand there watching, do something!

You do it, fuckhead!

Don't move, I'm going to...

God, Handyman!

Get out of the way! Move!

Handyman!

Well, guys. This confirms my suspicions.

I didn't say anything before because I wasn't sure,

- but now it's very clear. - What is?

Handyman was smart, he knew what was going on.

That's why he was murdered.

Guys, there's a traitor among us.

And how can we uncover him?

We must stay together.

That way the traitor will reveal himself.

- Why? I don't understand. - Shut up!

In a few hours, we'll reach our meeting point.

Let him take the first step.

But if the traitor is one of us, he'll have heard all of this...

- Do you have a better idea? - No, I think it's great.

I just don't see how he...

Why are you hassling so much?

What if I check out your lab?

Don't get carried away.

Violence won't solve anything.

That's true.

Let's go to our posts.

It wasn't me. You have to believe me.

And you couldn't have done it without me.

That leaves Ramon and Quimicefa.

Who can we trust?

Poor Handyman!

I have to clear up something.

- It's all very clear. - I don't think so.

If you remember, when Ramon came in...

When he came in, bullshit!

Why didn't you say this before?

- Let him speak. - You, shut up!

You think you're so smart, don't you?

It looks like you have it all very clear.

Clearer than you think.

- Well, maybe you'll regret it. - You're the one who's going to regret it.

Why don't you explode and leave us alone?

God!

- Aren't we going to sleep? - Shut up!

Do you want to wake up with a bullet in your head?

I don't trust anyone.

You stand guard. If anything happens, call me.

And what's the matter with you?

If you've got a problem, say so.

You know that you're our guest.

Are you hungry?

Are you cold?

You're almost naked.

What will your father say if you got sick?

We haven't had a chance to talk.

I'm sorry about the wedding, really.

But you know how these things are.

When you don't know how to get out of a place...

I'm sorry, really.

Although, I must say, that guy was a shit.

He was after your money, Patricia.

In the long run, you'll see we did you a favor.

I'm sure that you'll find someone better.

Someone who really loves you, for yourself,

for the way you are,

not for your father's millions.

Someone who knows how to take care of you.

I know, I know. You're uncomfortable,

surrounded by strangers, far from home, from friends.

But we could become good friends, couldn't we?

I'm going to have some money now

and who knows...

Is it time? What time is it?

Have you been listening? You're a pig!

I'm fed up with you always staring at me!

Go away, man.

Go on, get out!

And you, be careful, if you want to come out alive.

Let's go!

I've got something urgent to tell you.

Don't get up, it's only a moment.

I didn't want the others to find out.

This is between you and me.

- Have you found the traitor? - Yes.

It's me.

What a disappointment, huh?

It's Quimicefa! We have to knock down the door!

There's nothing left, Ramon. Only this.

Well, and this.

Fortunately, he was alone, locked up in his room.

Otherwise, we'd all have been blown up.

- He committed suicide! - What?

- Why did he do that? - Why?

Because he was the traitor.

That's why he was giving us such hassle.

What does that have to do with committing suicide?

He committed suicide out of remorse!

No, it was because he knew he'd lost.

He knew you didn't trust him.

That's true. Remember how he left?

Oh, sure. Of course.

That solves the problem, huh?

Tomorrow we get the ten million and share it between us three.

Of course.

Now we're out of danger, we can rest.

We should go to bed.

Tomorrow will be a difficult day.

I can explain it all to you.

He wanted to kill you.

He told me several times.

He was always a nuisance for you.

He was like a nightmare that followed you everywhere.

Don't you see?

At last you're free from him!

Now you can pay for your operation with your five million.

You'll get him off your back forever.

Okay, it's true.

It's one hundred million.

Fifty for each of us.

You can't say I don't think about you.

God!

Don't spoil what could be

the start of a beautiful friendship.

You and I alone against the world, Alex!

We could call ourselves

"The Two from Space".

What do you think?

You're finished without me.

You hear?

You're just a genetic aberration,

and you're stupid as well!

You don't know how to fly this spaceship!

If you kill me, you'll be floating in space until you rot!

Get up!

No bad feelings, okay?

Don't fuck with me anymore, you hear!

Get up, or I'll burn the rest of your face!

Okay, whatever you say.

But it would've been better to think about it before,

wouldn't it?

This way, I don't have to divide the one hundred million.

In the end, this has all worked out well.

I'm meeting your father in a few hours

for that money deal.

Let's see if I can get fixed up a bit.

What will he say if he sees me looking like this?

What was I when my mother had me?

Number one, the best!

And who made me what I am? Me, without anybody's help.

And what am I? The fucking boss!

You need a little fixing up as well.

Shit!

Fuck!

There you have it, Orujo.

That's the end.

- Are you sure? - Ninety eight percent sure.

- That's not enough. - Shall we go on with the plan then?

Of course. We stay on course for Axturias.

You're the boss,

but it's absolutely impossible for them to have survived.

- Ramon. - What?

I think I had a dream.

How interesting!

Okay, let's see...

We should have landed at this point.

And now we must be around here.

I was getting married,

but I was unlucky and I killed a hunchback.

Then I was in a spaceship and I couldn't speak.

Right, the meeting point has to be around here.

Then it all became confused.

Someone wanted to kill you,

but I couldn't do anything to stop it.

That wasn't a dream. It all happened yesterday.

That's how it seemed, but it's like...

- What are you doing? - Tying you up.

You think we'll have to kill my father?

Not the Stockholm Syndrome again...

- Not today, okay? - What?

Shut up. We're leaving.

It's 4:00 PM. We've got five hours to get to "The Lost Mine".

Dear God! What is this?

Two dying men joined at the shoulder!

- I'm still not sure about it, Orujo. - Now what is it?

We might have trouble transporting the material.

Don't give me that. We're going to finish this.

It's very unstable. The terrain is difficult.

It could be dangerous.

This isn't a game, you hear?

I'll finish off that bastard

even if I have to take the rest of the world with me.

The intellectual repression of the minorities is evident.

The media mask the reality in order...

to adapt it to the interest of the factual powers.

The extent to which the system can alienate you is unbelievable.

We must be in this area.

Unless we crashed further south.

Look at me.

21 years wasted

living a life that wasn't my real life,

alienated.

- So we'd be here. - And my father?

He thought he could buy love with money

and he bought me a pink pony.

I wish I had a pink pony now.

That's why I admire you. You can't be fooled.

You knew

you had to react and show up the contradictions in the system.

Destroy it all so as to start again, a new, more just world

in which mutilation will make us all equal,

and beauty won't matter, only the person.

Look, Patricia, don't make it more difficult.

You were bad enough but the sun's making you worse.

You don't take me seriously.

Listen! We've crashed,

we're lost and we've got no water.

I'm tired, hungry, and I've got a headache!

So walk and don't make me angrier.

Ramon...

- What? - You're very strong.

I can't do a lot if you're in a hurry,

but at least it won't decompose for now.

- It stinks! - That's the acids that I used.

When the flesh is bad they really stink.

You'll get used to it.

In any case, you have to get rid of him soon.

Gangrene could set in.

What do you think?

He looks like a doll.

There, there, I'll fix that.

You really scared me this morning.

I though it was something the Wild Miners did.

They'd kill anyone just for fun.

- Yeah? - Yeah, they're very dangerous.

The mine gas drives them crazy.

I must say, though, they have great fun.

Do you know where "The Lost Mine" bar is?

Garcia's bar? It's not what it used to be.

Since the price of coal dropped on Earth

they've been laying off miners.

- Can you show me the way? - Why the big hurry?

Stay here a couple of days and rest,

and we'll finish off your brother.

I've got an appointment there I can't miss.

Settling old scores.

Yes, that's it.

And there's a woman involved.

- A woman? - Yes, that's right.

You mean there'll be a woman in Garcia's Bar?

Yes, the pig is going to get her there somehow.

Dear God! I wish I could see her!

Quickly, there's no time to lose!

Come on!

I'll make some sandwiches and we'll leave right away.

What's the matter now?

Don't you understand, idiot?

On the planet Axturias there are no women!

Know what, Ramon? I know what's wrong with you.

There must be an easier way of making a living.

You feel bad because you've killed all of your friends,

and that's hard.

You have to have things very clear to know what a man's got to do!

Even if you don't like it.

And if someone is an obstacle, you push him away

and carry on.

I know it's hard. Now you're tired and you make yourself sick.

You feel like everything you've done is worthless.

Everyone hates you.

You even hate yourself.

Right, Ramon? Are you listening to me?

Tell me!

Keep calm, eh? Let's not spoil everything now.

I'm a professional.

I should know how to deal with this.

We can't let a minor detail spoil the work of years.

You're angry about what I've said.

No. I'm angry because I don't have the stapler here.

Is it because of what I said about making yourself sick?

Listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat this.

If you say another word about me, I'll cut your legs off.

I'll get half the ransom, but I'll be happy.

You understand?

Shit!

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Where have you come from?

Just what I need! A halfwit! Get off!

Let's see, come here. Where do you live, huh?

Where do you live?

Over there?

- Have you located the spaceship? - Yes, or something like it.

There are no signs of life.

They could have died in the crash.

No, they're here.

I can smell them.

Hurry, we have to reach the meeting point before nightfall.

I thought we'd never find anyone.

We've been walking all day.

We had an accident 30 kilometers from here.

We don't know where we are.

We're looking for a bar that...

Hello.

Shut up!

There's a woman outside.

I've told you not to stay out in the sun.

- It's bad for you. - It's true, grandpa.

- Zacarias brought a woman. - And a man who wants water.

Leave the child alone.

You're always picking on him.

She's outside playing with the dog!

Hello! I was telling the boy

that we had an accident and that...

It all started with the problem of the 100 million.

We didn't know if it was 10 million or 100 million.

It was even on television.

You've probably... No, I don't think you've seen it.

- I don't usually watch television. - On the news.

That's where the problem started.

- Did he kill all of them? - One by one, very clean.

He's intelligent and tough and he's got no scruples.

- A winner. - I wouldn't say that.

- Let's say he's lucky. - But there comes a time

when luck runs out.

- You don't mean me? - No, I mean him.

He was my best friend and today I'm going to kill him.

- Money ruins everything. - So do women.

Yes, women ruin lots of things as well.

A pussy can move more than an ox.

But do you love her?

I don't know.

With my brother, it wasn't easy to be alone with a woman.

That means you've never...

Never what?

You've never said anything to Patricia.

No, she doesn't know anything yet.

Let's hope nothing bad happens to her.

So you want to know

how to go to Garcia's bar, "The Lost Mine"?

It's easy, if you know the way.

Eat all you want, girl.

No, really, I'm not very hungry.

We've got plenty of food.

What we need is someone to cook it.

Not many women have been here lately, you know?

My grandsons have never seen one like this, alive.

What do you think?

He's a nice kid. How old is he?

I think he's ten.

Forgive him, he's not allowed to talk to strangers.

And his mother?

The poor woman died when the boys were still very young.

She was a good woman.

We bought her between all the settlers in the valley.

But, to be honest, she didn't have much resistance.

You know how delicate women are.

Sell her to me. I'll give you everything I have.

- She's worth 100 million. - What? Did you hear that?

He said 100 million!

That's enough!

I'll give you 200,000 ecus and 200 videos. That's all I have.

Forget it. She's not for sale.

Ramon, let's leave. I feel uncomfortable.

Alright.

It seems there's no way to reach an agreement.

- Zacarias, go to your room. - Why?

- Let me stay a bit longer! - Go to your room.

We're going to kill this gentleman.

Alright, alright.

It would be a shame to spoil this dinner.

We're among civilized people, right?

We can come to some agreement.

How about a rental? An hour would be enough for us.

And you don't know where Garcia's bar is.

Anyway, what's an hour? Nothing! What do you think?

No deal. I don't have the time and I don't like videos.

I'm very sorry. Some other time.

Patricia, let's go. We've got a date with daddy.

You may sit down.

What are you doing? Leave that and let's go!

Tie him up well!

Zacarias, go get my razor!

Boys, you don't know how much fun we'll have.

Under this tree, I proposed to the woman who would be my wife.

That was over twenty years ago.

- Did you love her? - Did I love her?

I'll say I did. She was a good woman.

We bought her between all of the settlers in the valley.

Though, to be honest, she didn't have much resistance.

You know how delicate women are.

I get sick just thinking that she's with him.

Don't think about it.

In a few hours you'll get your revenge,

and you'll get your girl too. That's the idea, right?

Yes, that's the idea. The problem is...

- What? - What if it goes wrong?

Why should it go wrong?

I don't know, but it always does.

Well, up to now it has.

Calm down, everything will go smoothly.

For the first time you're alone, without family or a boss.

And you've met a girl. What more do you want?

If you look at it that way...

You think she could fall in love with someone like me?

Of course! Why not?

Women are a mystery. At least that's what they say.

Look, this time you have to do it with decision,

no beating around the bush, straight to the point.

And if it doesn't work...

It's participating that matters, isn't it?

Look, first you kiss her.

- Then we'll see what happens. - I won't know what to say.

I'm going to give you some advice about women

that you'll never forget.

The Wild Miners! Get out of here, you fool!

Shut the fuck up!

He hit me.

I'll go first and explain it to you.

Watch your grandfather and see how good it is.

Are you not going in?

Grandpa, I want a go too.

Alright, but close the door from the outside.

They've tricked you again, huh?

They're inside and you're stuck out here.

You and I could be friends.

I know lots of games.

Let me loose and I'll teach you one.

No, no, no, calm down.

I'll tell you what.

If you untie me, I'll go in there and beat them up,

so they take you seriously, eh, kid?

What are you doing? No, no, no!

Wait, wait a bit...

No!

Listen, I'm bored, let's go somewhere that has more people.

Yeah.

Bastards!

Bastards!

What's happened? Where are we?

It's all under control.

Go on sleeping. You need it.

We won't reach "The Lost Mine" for another fifteen minutes.

And this map?

I swapped it with the kid for something else. He's so sweet.

Zacarias, come here immediately!

No, you'll just beat me!

I won't beat you, son. Come here a minute.

- Does the excavator have gas? - It's got a bit.

We're going to "The Lost Mine".

- Just like old times, huh? - Shut up!

That bitch managed to get me excited.

We're on the right road. That's Hangman's Tree.

What the fuck are you looking at?

How's the food?

Shit!

Calm down, Orujo,

or we'll call attention to ourselves.

I hate this planet.

You've got what you wanted.

It's time for me to go.

- Will it be enough? - I've put a double charge.

Once activated, there's no way to stop it.

I don't want any mistakes.

When that bastard is near, he's going to eat it.

The radius of action is very wide.

Watch it doesn't backfire.

That's my business.

I don't want to interfere,

but will you be able to kill him without harming your daughter?

I don't pay you to ask questions.

You're the best in your field. Stick to that.

This is a matter between that son of a bitch and me.

I don't know how this will end, and I don't want to know.

It's all absurd and I don't like it.

How's it going, pops? All under control?

The guys from TV want to talk to you. They're outside.

Who?

The guys from TV.

They asked me where the swap would be.

I thought they wouldn't come.

We can't waste time. They have to leave.

God, it's almost time.

Hey, you with the doll, get out of the way!

- It's a ventriloquist, grandpa! - Or a mimic.

I need a lift to "The Lost Mine".

Today we're all going to "The Lost Mine"!

Up! Fast!

A whisky with lots of ice, Garcia.

Me too, a double.

Where are the others?

We had problems.

Be careful, Ramon, Orujo was here.

And the police?

They haven't appeared yet.

That's bad.

They're paying.

Thank you.

So what's the plan to get away with my father's money, boss?

Okay.

Let's see if we can get this clear...

Where can I start? Well...

- I kidnapped you, right? - Yes, yes.

So I'm the kidnapper,

and I'm in this to make money, you understand?

That's clear.

And who are you? You're the kidnap victim.

- You're here by force. - No, I want to be here.

No, no, no. You're here

against your will. You don't understand now,

but when you're back home,

with your father, you'll hate me.

But I don't hate you.

I love you.

Patricia, you're sick.

You've got the Stockholm Syndrome.

Now I really do understand.

You don't have to say anything else.

- Patricia... - Leave me alone!

Patricia, come here.

- Come here, I said. - Don't touch me.

Excuse me, miss, is this man bothering you?

She's fine, thank you.

I'm talking to her, asshole.

She doesn't talk. She's retarded.

And if I punch you in the face, what?

I don't want any problems, so leave us alone.

Ramon, wait a minute.

Let's go, there! Quickly!

Ready? Start rolling.

This is Jaime Blanch for JQK TV,

from the bar “The Lost Mine“.

You'll shortly be exclusive witnesses

to the outcome of the Kidnapping of the Year.

But that's enough from me! We're waiting...

Mr. Orujo, industrialist, millionaire and father of the victim

has just come in.

Mr. Orujo, a few comments for the JQK...

It's evident that due to the emotion of this moment,

Mr. Orujo does not wish to make any comments.

But his son-in-law is now coming in to the bar.

He may grant us a few words.

Please, how exactly do the negotiations stand?

Well, I don't think this is the most opportune moment

to make a hasty judgment,

but I would like to thank all the institutions

and personalities in political life

for all the help they've offered us.

And I would like to state my indignation and repulsion

as regards acts of this criminal nature.

So negotiations are proceeding. Thank you.

And now, a few words from our sponsor.

Every breakfast is a trip... with Tripis.

Tripis, illustrated acid flakes.

NEWS SPECIAL

I see you're even more stupid than I've been told.

No police, but you brought a TV crew!

I didn't call them, but you needn't worry.

They won't interfere.

I have the money here, in small bills,

inside an anti- fusion suitcase. Let go of my daughter!

There seem to be some differences of criteria

as regards the exchange.

We are still live, on JQK.

You hear?

Send over the suitcase and I'll let her go.

Me! I'll do it!

Excuse me.

Hello, how are you?

Yes, it's the kidnapped girl's husband,

Luis Maria de Ostolaza, who will hand the suitcase

to the leader of the kidnappers.

He's got the bag.

The girl has just been liberated and...

There seems to be a problem.

- We've got the money! - What are you doing?

- Patricia, come here! - Go to your father!

Patricia, it's me, Luis Mari... Ostolaza.

Shut up! Don't tell me what to do!

Old comics?

Magazines?

What is this shit? I've had enough of this ridiculous game!

I'm tired of voyeurs and clowns in uniform like you.

This is serious, Orujo. You didn't understand anything.

I have all my men aiming at your head.

You hear me?

If you don't bring the money, even the presenter won't survive.

That's just what's going to happen, you fucking cripple!

Neither the presenter, nor the miners, nor you, nor this bitch,

nor I,

will get out alive.

We're all going to die, you hear me?

All of us!

As soon as I press this button.

You know?

I think I'm completely crazy.

I don't care about anything anymore.

Forty- five years of struggle to build up a business I hate

and when the happiest day of my life arrives,

my only daughter's wedding,

a group of cripples appear

and kill all my guests!

And my daughter too!

Because you aren't my daughter!

My daughter died when she was raped by terrorists

who destroyed her innocence.

You're a whore!

What are you looking at, idiots?

You think anyone will be saved?

You lot, sing something, dammit!

The moment of the apocalypse has arrived.

Prepare to die!

Mr. Orujo was right. Prepare to die, asshole!

Alex, you're alive!

Yes, and no thanks to you. I'm here to kill you!

- Great. - Let her go!

Jump, dammit!

Go on, get her, move your ass!

We're fucked, Yarritu!

Well, it's not the first time, Garcia.

Yes, it's true.

- Give me a gun, I want to shoot! - Stay still, Patricia!

Let's go!

If you don't get out right now I'll blast you apart!

What's up?

Attention, members of Mutant Action. This is the police.

You are surrounded. There is no way to escape.

Come out with your hands up and nothing will happen to you.

Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I work in television!

I'm going to count to three and you go out: one, two...

I've been hit!

It's best.

This bar wasn't a great idea, Garcia.

Ramon, that girl...

isn't good for you.

God!

Shit!

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

The matter is we're out of ammunition,

and the police are out there waiting for us.

Patricia! The bomb!

The bomb!

The bomb!

Give it to me. You're still useless, Alex.

Get off!

We have to get out of here.