Original subtitles

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Let's try the puppeting spell one more time, all right?

- You got this! - Really?

'Cause the last ten times say otherwise.

Billie, I believe in you so much

that I'm going to let you practice

on one of my most beloved things.

Roman? Milo?

Oh, your robot vacuum.

No, my childhood best friend, Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms.

- [squeaks] - [kisses]

Now, make Fuzzy B stand up and wave.

Motionless object, please adhere.

Let me be your puppeteer.

[whistling]

[yelling] Fuzzy B!

[exhales] On the bright side, at least it wasn't Milo.

I'm totally gonna fail my wizterms.

[sighs] Look, the Wizard Ministry of Education

isn't coming until next week.

Just a little test anxiety, okay? No big deal.

Tell that to Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms.

I used to get nervous when I took tests too,

which is why I made up

this cool little rhyme to help me. [clears throat]

"Breathe and think through it, and you'll abra-ca-do-it."

When you say it's cool, it's never cool.

Well, okay. Let's try it again.

Bearo repairo!

- [whooshing] - [squeaks]

Just remember, breathe.

[sighs]

Motionless object--

- [phone ringing] - Oh, sorry. Sorry.

I... I thought it was on silent. [chuckles]

Yeah, it's just Alex. Wait.

It's before noon on a Saturday.

I know vampires that wake up earlier than her.

I should get this.

Oh, relax.

I'm not gonna try it again.

I'm on a break.

[groans] I hate tests.

Uh, I love tests.

The studying, the flash cards.

I wish I was taking one right now.

Wait, maybe you can take my wizterm for me.

Well, I'd be an awesome wizard.

I'd just grab my wand and go bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-yah!

A-plus.

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-yah?

You're even terrible at pretending to be a wizard.

It's probably better that magical powers

can skip a generation

because I don't think our fragile relationship

could withstand a wizard rivalry.

Oh, Roman, we would not be rivals.

I would just be better than you.

Easy for you to say. You'll never have to prove it.

Well, I mean, I could

if I had a power glass.

What's a power glass?

It's a magical object

that lets a wizard give their powers

to anyone for one hour.

There might even be one in the lair.

What are we waiting for?

To the lair!

Okay, first rule of being a wizard,

we do not say, "To the lair."

- Right. - To the lair!

What? It's cool when I say it.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

This is the lair.

Whoa!

An ancient sarcophagus?

A crystal ball?

[gasping]

Books!

No way.

Elvish to English Dictionary.

Eh. Don't get too excited.

Doesn't have any swear words. I checked.

Now, let's find that power glass.

Witch's cloak.

Witch's shoe.

Witch's finger.

[exclaims]

Wish I hadn't touched that.

Man, this lair has everything.

Hopefully not the rest of that witch.

That finger was gross.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Well, Alex, if you're not supposed to tell me,

maybe you shouldn't tell me.

Well, now you have to tell me.

I know the Ministry's coming to test Billie,

but that's not till next week.

Oh, they're coming today?

Wha-- Why would they surprise me like that?

It's like they're worried that I'm not teaching her properly.

Oh, they are worried?

Well... W-- Well, now I'm worried.

I know you're not worried.

You don't worry about anything. You worry about nothing.

But that's my job to worry, worry, worry.

Why are you even calling me?

Hey, sweetie. You ready for breakfast?

Dad and I have the pickleball match of our lives today,

so I'm going to need a dozen hard-boiled eggs,

five chicken breasts, and some black coffee.

It's an elementary school tournament.

You're getting cereal and an orange.

Well, can you at least sprinkle a little protein powder on it?

I got 15 minutes to get swole,

so I can take Bella Bianchi down.

[chuckles]

Okay, I know the Bianchis can be a bit much,

but be nice, Bella's our neighbor.

She's a monster. You said it yourself last week.

"She grew out her fangs and she's horrible."

[chuckles]

No, I said she grew out her bangs

and she's adorable.

What is your problem with her?

She said her mom was the best pickleball player on the block.

Then I said, "No, my dad is." Then she said, "Prove it."

- Then I said that she-- - Yeah, honey,

I'm from Staten Island.

I get how trash talk works.

Hey, guys, have you seen Billie?

Dad, what's going on? Why aren't you dressed for pickleball?

Oh, no, the tournament!

I totally forgot. I'm so sorry, buddy.

Someone from the Ministry of Education is coming,

and I have to pick her up at the airport. She's already at the gate!

Wait, a wizard is flying on an airplane?

Have you ever flown in from Newark on a magic carpet?

It's like rug burn city.

Gotta go.

I'm never gonna beat Bella now.

Well, maybe I could be your partner.

You know, we could have a little Mommy and Milo time.

Do you even know how to play pickleball?

You can explain the rules to me on the way.

I'll change into my workout clothes

when we get there. Glad I always keep my Pilates bag in the car.

- You don't do Pilates. - That's why it's always in the car.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

[Billie gasps] Roman, I found the power glass.

Is that the instruction manual? Dibs on reading it.

According to this, we both hold the power glass,

we flip it, and I'll be a wizard until the sand runs out.

You mean you'll try to be a wizard.

Let's just do this.

Unless you're chickening out?

No, I'm not chickening out. Who am I, you?

[♪ mystical instrumental music playing]

So, am I a wizard now?

Well, I hope so, 'cause currently I'm not.

[♪ music concludes]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Never point a wand at your face.

You can lose an eyebrow.

Don't ask how I know that.

Okay, now relax.

Don't grip the wand too tight and repeat after me,

"Sparks-so-brightus, now take flightus."

Sparks-so-brightus, now take flightus.

[crackling]

[gasps, chuckles]

I did it! I'm a wizard! [chuckles]

[gasps] Ooh, what should my wizard name be?

How about just like off the top of my head?

Quintarius Rathbone de Forte.

Hmm. Right off the top of your head, huh?

Come on, teach me something else.

All right, Quintarius.

Let's see how you do with an...

enlarging spell.

Aim your wand at that pillow and say,

- "Short and small be big and tall." - Short and small be big and tall.

[fart noise]

Well, if we were being chased by a killer pillow,

I'd know who to call.

[♪ energetic rock music playing]

[♪ music concludes]

So, where's this pickleball field?

I want to try out this cute little racket.

It's a court, we're on it,

and stop calling our equipment cute.

Well, can I call you cute? 'Cause you are.

Mama loves you.

Hello, Bella.

Milo.

Enough chit chat. I need to talk to you about our bet.

Oh, you mean the one

where after my mom and I beat you in pickleball,

you have to do my math homework for a month?

You know that's the bet I'm talking about.

I need to call it off.

Um... Forget it.

Come on, please.

My dad's busy and now my mom's my partner and she's...

good at a lot of other things.

Sorry, Tater Tot,

- a bet's a bet. - But I'm gonna lose.

Look at you putting two and two together.

You're gonna do great at my math homework.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Short and small be big and tall.

Why am I not great at this? [chuckles]

I'm never bad at learning things.

[shrill] Did I suddenly get bad at learning things?

Well, try it again. Maybe the 33rd time's the charm.

Short and small, be big and tall!

Be right back.

Wow, we're already halfway through.

Time flies when you're humiliating Roman.

[chuckles]

What's this? "Warning,

"transferring powers to mortals is strictly forbidden"?

"Violators will be punished

to the fullest extent of wizard law"?

Why would they put that at the bottom?

[doorbell ringing]

Hello!

I am Minister Bigelow McFigglehorn.

And Quintarius was a crazy name?

Professor Russo didn't pick me up from the airport,

but neither do my friends or family,

so let's just say I know my way around a cab stand.

[laughs forcefully]

Is there something I can help you with?

I certainly hope so.

I'm from the Wizard Ministry of Education.

[gasps] She's not supposed to be here till next week.

I'm here to administer a pop quiz

to a wizard named Billie.

I assume that's you?

Oh, I--

Before we answer that question,

- is there a photo on that clipboard? - No.

Oh, then yep, that's Billie, Billie the wizard.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Billie, the Ministry of Education has sent me

to administer your wizterm early.

That's right.

It's a pop wiz.

A pop wizterm.

[laughs forcefully]

Oh, this is bad.

Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of,

except failing.

Failing is always bad.

[laughs forcefully]

[both giggling nervously]

Billie, could I speak to you in the kitchen real quick?

I-- I'd love it if you would.

Why did you tell her I was you?

There was a warning on the power glass.

Giving you my powers is illegal.

If McFigglehorn finds out,

I could be locked up in the island prison of Wizcatraz.

Wizcatraz?

Do you guys just take our words and add "wiz" to them?

No time to wizplain!

You have my powers. She thinks you're me.

You have to pass this test for me.

I-- You want me to take a test on a subject I know nothing about?

This is a nightmare.

I have literally had this nightmare!

It's gonna be fine.

I'll hide nearby in case you need help.

This is gonna be a wiztastrophe.

Stop making up words, Roman. We have a test to take.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Giada, I didn't know you were going to be here.

Oh, Anita! Yeah, you know, something came up for Justin,

so Milo brought in a ringer.

And that outfit is fantastic.

I mean, I'm not brave enough to wear something that colorful,

but you go for it.

Thanks.

See, if you choose to hear it nice, it's nice.

Here's some math for you.

You plus pickleball equals...

[blows a raspberry]

I'm choosing to hear that nice.

I don't know why you would. That's not how I meant it.

[whistles]

- [whistle blows] - Whoa!

Was that good? Did I do good?

That doesn't count, I wasn't ready!

[whistle blows]

Mom, you're amazing!

And you're surprised?

I mean, yeah, I think my tone pretty much implied it.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

All right, let's get this going. My patience is short,

but this quiz isn't! [laughs forcefully]

Okay, what do you say we start with a spark spell?

Spark spell!

That's the one Billie taught me-- Ha-- I-- I mean,

I, Billie, taught myself this very morning.

Um...

Spark... [chuckles nervously]

Um...

Spark. I know there's a spark in there somewhere!

You said you knew the spark spell.

I'm just-- Okay, I'm-- I'm just distracted because...

I've realized that...

I never offered you a chance to freshen up after your flight.

How rude of me.

- Bathroom's over here. - [laughs forcefully]

Is this a pop quiz on being a gentleman?

Because you just passed.

- [laughs forcefully] - [laughs nervously]

- What's going on with you? - I don't know.

I've never been like this during a test before.

I'm spinning out.

Roman, listen.

Just breathe and think through it,

and you'll abra-ca-do-it.

W-- What does that mean?

I think it means...

just take a deep breath and trust yourself.

Oh, and don't even think about the fact

that if you mess up,

I go to the island prison of Wizcatraz.

- No pressure. - [Bigelow McFigglehorn] Ooh!

Sorry that took so long.

I used some of your fancy lotion,

but then I couldn't open the door.

I started screaming, but apparently no one heard me.

[laughs forcefully]

Now, what do you say we see some sparks?

Breathe and think through it. [sniffles]

Sparks-so-brightus, now take flightus!

[crackling]

I did it!

It's like I'm a real wizard!

Aren't you a real wizard?

- Eh... - [Justin] I'm home!

- Who's that? - Stall!

It's just... my dad-- Teacher.

My... my dad teacher. He's--

We're so close, he's like my dad,

but he's my teacher.

[sighs] I can't believe I missed McFigglehorn at the airport.

[sighs]

What'd you do?

Well, the lady from the Ministry of Education showed up

and now Roman is taking my wizterm for me.

McFigglehorn's here and Roman is taking your test?

How is that possible? He doesn't have any powers!

Well, he kind of does

because we snuck into the lair and used the power glass.

Oh! [gasps]

You... [speaks gibberish] Huh?

You snuck into the lair, yeah, used the power glass?

You realize that is a major crime?

Which is why we need to make sure he passes that test.

Or I might be going

to the island prison of Wizcatraz.

Or he might. Or we all might. I mean, it was your power glass.

[gasps]

[♪ energetic rock music playing]

[♪ music concludes]

Mom, you're a beast!

Thank you! And I know you mean it as a compliment,

but let's pick a different word next time.

Milo, because I'm such a nice person

and I feel bad that you have to go through life

being so annoying,

I'm gonna let you call off the bet.

No way! We're winning!

And just remember when you're doing

my math homework for the next month,

Milo is spelled with two Ls.

Homework bet?

What is Milo up to?

And how long has he been spelling his name wrong?

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Minister McFigglehorn! [chuckles]

Oh.

Professor Russo, so great to see you.

Sorry I missed you at the airport.

If only I had known ahead of time that you were coming.

Wouldn't be much of a pop quiz if you knew.

It takes all the pop out of it!

- [laughs forcefully] - [laughs nervously]

[both giggling nervously]

Perhaps I can show you something that's not in this room.

Li-- Like the... Like the syllabus that I've been teaching from.

To the lair! [chuckles nervously]

It's cooler when Billie says it.

No!

No lair. No stories. I wanna know what's going on.

And may I remind you,

lying to a ministry official

will earn you a one-way ticket

to the island prison of Wizcatraz.

Guys, you can just say Wizcatraz.

We all know it's an island at this point.

Listen, this is all my fault.

No, Justin... [sighs]

...I'm not letting you get in trouble for me.

It's my fault. I couldn't take the test

because I gave my powers to Roman.

Oh! [chuckling] Ooh!

This is fantastic.

I thought he was Billie, but you're Billie,

and you're completely powerless.

This is gonna be so much easier...

[darkly] ...than I thought.

Easier than you thought?

Ooh! Sorry I'm late.

That Ghoulhound bus was a nightmare.

Who are you?

I'm Bigelow McFigglehorn.

Then who are you?

I am Morphia Murkshadow.

And you, real Billie,

are coming with me!

[crackling]

- Did anyone see this coming? - No.

- Nope. - I just got here.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

I was sent to capture a wizard named Billie.

And now,

I finally found her!

- You can't do this! - Let us go!

Eh, I don't think so.

I can't believe I was gonna pick you up from the airport.

A little ruse to get you out of the house,

so I could get to Billie. [chuckles]

But I couldn't just walk in and grab

a powerful wizard without knowing

what they were capable of.

That makes sense, I think.

I have no idea what's going on.

But I should've known you weren't Billie.

You don't exactly scream "powerful wizard."

- Hey! - Eh, she's evil,

but she's not wrong.

I'm not gonna let you take her.

I demand you untie us at on--

Now where were we? Oh, right.

I was taking you to your doom.

There's someone who really wants to meet you.

[both grunting]

Quick, Roman, do the spell that I taught you!

Uh, short and small, be big and tall!

[♪ tense instrumental music plays, fades]

[Roman] I did it!

I did the enlarging spell!

You sure did, buddy, but I meant hit her with some sparks!

Oh, right. Uh... Um...

Sparks-so-brightus, now take flightus!

[♪ tense instrumental music plays, fades]

What? What happened? Did I do it wrong?

I think the power glass ran out!

But to be clear, I didn't do the spell wrong?

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

Mom!

Save the yapping for book club. Let's finish this.

[whistling]

What was that?

Oops.

Mom!

Sorry, I just couldn't get to it.

What's happening?

It's like you both suddenly forgot how to play.

Yeah! That must be it.

I mean, the only other explanation is that

I overheard you and Bella talking about your bet,

and Anita and I decided to teach you both a lesson.

But Mom, if you don't play, I won't win,

and if I don't win, I won't win!

Too bad.

Anita and I aren't helping either of you win.

Come on, Anita.

[whistle blows]

[both] We won!

Anita, what happened?

I thought we were teaching the kids a lesson.

I was teaching a lesson.

A little lesson called Bianchis Rule.

I-- I can't believe you hustled us.

I hope you're better at math than you are at pickleball.

[scoffs] Joke's on you. I'm not.

[♪ energetic rock music plays, fades]

[Justin grunts]

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Who's going to stop me?

There's no one left to help you.

[muffled] Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms!

What?

It sounded like you said Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms,

but that can't be it.

It can be it!

- [grunts] - [squeals]

Roman, my wand!

Okay, Billie, let's abra-ca-do this.

[exhales]

Motionless object, please adhere.

Let me be your puppeteer.

[squeaks]

[gasps] What are you gonna do?

Snuggle me to death?

- [Billie grunts] - [Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms squeaks]

That's how we snuggle in Staten Island.

[♪ tense instrumental music playing]

Come on, Fuzzy Bottoms! You got this!

[Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms squeaking]

- [squeaking] - [exclaims]

You'll never beat me, Billie!

This isn't over!

Eh. I think it is.

[yelps]

And that's how you do the puppeting spell.

[Justin] Ha-ha!

Looks like my rhyme was pretty cool after all, huh?

Yeah, it was cool when I said it.

Morphia Murkshadow,

you are guilty of attempted wiz-napping

unsanctioned magic, and identity theft.

Uh...

Guess you're gonna take me too,

for the whole, giving my powers to a mortal thing.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I saw a powerful young wizard demonstrate her magic

by apprehending a dangerous shapeshifter.

Aw, "dangerous"?

Thank you.

Keep up the good work, Professor Russo.

[sighs, chuckles]

Hey, Billie, I'm so proud of you.

[chuckles softly] Thanks. When I was teaching Roman,

I finally got what you were trying to tell me this morning.

I don't need to freak out so much about my tests.

I just needed to trust myself.

I guess being a wizard wasn't as easy as I thought.

Actually, for your first time

trying magic, you did pretty great.

Really? So can I do it again? Should I go get the power glass?

- Not a chance. - No way.

Okay.

[♪ energetic rock music playing]

[♪ music concludes]

You know, honestly,

the caution tape makes me want to touch it more.

Billie.

I'm kidding.

No, I just don't get it.

Phantomus, Morphia Murkshadow,

why are all these people coming after me?

[♪ sentimental instrumental music playing]

You're a powerful wizard.

Some people see that as a threat.

But I promise,

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

- I know you won't. - [Justin chuckles softly]

[♪ music fades]

[sighs heavily]

[♪ ominous instrumental music playing]

Alex.

Someone else came after Billie. She's fine,

but we have to figure out who's sending these people

before it's too late.

- [thunder crashing] - [♪ ominous music swells]

[metal rattling]

It's you.

How did you get in here?

She's just as powerful as the prophecy foretold.

With his training, she'll be unstoppable.

[♪ darkly dramatic instrumental music playing]

No, please.

I swear I did everything I could.

[whimpering]

[yelling] No!

[♪ music concludes]