Original subtitles

[♪ upbeat rock music playing]

[♪ music concludes]

You sure you wanna go with that outfit?

Milo, tomorrow's my first day of middle school.

I want something that says,

"I didn't grow up around mortals,

"but I totally know what pre-algebra is."

- Do you? - Yeah.

It's... before algebra.

Show me the one I picked out again.

All right. Slay-us all day-us.

Yeah, if I could do it over again,

that's what I'd wear on my first day.

Listen, people, I'm trying to finalize tomorrow morning's bathroom schedule.

Milo, I'm gonna need you to get ready

- in a minute and a half. - No problem.

I'll just skip brushing my teeth and pee in the shower.

Perfect. And Billie-he, are you wearing a scuba suit?

Milo's helping me pick out an outfit for school.

You only get one first day. I wanna make sure I fit in.

Oh, you wanna fit in?

Then, no, I'd wear the other one.

Billie, middle school in Staten Island is a jungle.

Takes more than just an outfit to fit in.

You gotta find your people.

I mean, if I didn't have my best friend, Winter,

I'd be eating lunch in Dad's office alone.

You do eat lunch in Dad's office.

Yes, but with Winter.

Winter's always got my back.

You don't just make a friend like that overnight.

Roman, I know how to make friends.

I've changed schools like a million times.

I'll have my own Winter by the end of the day.

Maybe ten Winters.

Okay, ten seems like a lot, but one, easy.

But not in this outfit.

Even I'd make fun of me in this outfit.

[♪ theme song playing]

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want ♪

♪ By the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

- ♪ What it seems ♪ - [theme song concludes]

Let me get this straight.

Your dad was a wizard, but your mom wasn't.

Your sister's a wizard, but your brother isn't.

And you weren't supposed to be a wizard after you lost the family competition,

but you got to keep your powers because you were named

the youngest headmaster in the history of Wiz-Tech

- until you got fired? - I prefer to say "Got let go,"

but, uh, yeah, you got the gist of it.

- This is overwhelming. - Giada.

Love, listen, I know all this wizard stuff

can be a lot, but I promise you,

absolutely nothing is gonna change.

Check it out! Billie gave me a tail!

Nothing's gonna change?

Okay, that was unfortunate timing.

Billie!

- Why does Milo have a tail? - He asked for it.

Oh, look how excited he is!

I'm gonna pick up a glass with it.

No. Uh.

[glass shattering]

Lose the tail.

Aw, man!

I already cut holes in all my pants!

It's gonna take me a while to get used

to this whole magic thing.

See, Billie, this is why I don't want you using magic.

It freaks mortals out.

Wait, I can't use magic at school?

How am I supposed to make friends?

Being a wizard is the coolest thing about me.

You don't have to worry about being cool, okay?

I wasn't cool in middle school, and, uh, look at me now.

Honey, not helping.

Billie, you're gonna do great. Just be yourself.

Right. Be myself.

Without being a wizard, which is myself.

Sorry, Billie. No magic, okay? I don't make the rules.

Actually, I do make the rules, okay?

So, no magic.

It's gonna be okay. You're not gonna be there alone.

- You'll have Roman. - Come on, Dad. Let's get moving.

Oh, I got the yearn. The yearn to learn.

Nice!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Dude, how cool are we?

- Oh, yeah. - [chuckles]

Yeah, I'm making a new friend today.

- [♪ upbeat rock music playing] - [school bell ringing]

- [♪ music fades] - [indistinct chatter]

This is middle school? You called it the jungle.

Roman, what did I tell you about calling my school

"the jungle"?

That it's an insult to the hardworking educators

doing their best to shape young minds.

Exactly.

Well, I better get to my office. My new assistant starts today,

and I wanna get his first-day gift basket ready.

So, have a magical day.

Not a magical day.

You know what I mean.

Hmm. One of these lucky mortals is about to be my new friend,

and they don't even know it. Is it him or her? Ooh! Or her?

Talia Markowitz? Good luck.

She's so cool, Selena Gomez follows her.

Never heard of this Gomez lady.

But Talia Markowitz, prepare to get BFF'd.

Ooh, I love your jacket, is it dragon?

Uh. I meant faux dragon. I would never wear real dragon.

They're endangered.

I meant, not real!

- [mumbles indistinctly] - So, how'd it go?

I'm still talking to you, aren't I?

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

- [car horn honking] - Milo, carpool's here!

If you don't hurry up,

Mrs. Bianchi's gonna come in to say hi.

With Anita Bianchi, "Hi" is never just "hi."

Do you have everything?

Mom, I have three substitutes today.

All I need is my lunch,

and a funny fake name to give them.

I'm thinking "Howard Butts."

- Not Harry Butts? - Harry Butts?

- Mom, you're a genius! - [laughs] Ooh! [kisses]

- Bye. [grunts softly] - [Milo] Bye.

- [breathes deeply] - [doorbell ringing]

[sighs] What'd you forget?

- Hello? - Hey, down here.

- Who said that? - I did.

[gasps] No, no! That's impossible.

You're... you're a frog. Frogs don't talk.

I'm not a frog.

- I'm a Messenger Gibble. - A messenger what?

[sighs] Never mind. I'm a frog.

Look, Alex sent me with a message.

Oh, Justin said nothing's gonna change,

and now, I'm talking to a frog.

Look, I can tell you're going through some stuff.

So, will you just let Justin know

that a Phantomus has been detected

- in Staten Island? - A what?

A Phantomus.

It's a smoke monster that hunts wizards

by tracking their magic.

So, it's extra important that nobody does magic

outside their family lair.

Got it. Talking lair, wizard hunting frog,

no magic outside the smoke monster,

- is that right? - Not even close.

[sighs]

So, why don't you just take me to Justin,

- and I'll tell him myself? - Sure!

Yeah, it's my one day off from carpool,

and I'm still driving to school.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

So, if you're not sitting with anybody else at lunch,

I was thinking maybe we could eat together.

Is it because I called you a mud Wampus?

Hey, that was the mascot at my old school, so, my bad?

Making friends was so easy in the wizard world.

Now, I'm getting rejected by a mud Wampus.

- Badger. - Badger.

Why can't I remember that?

I told you mortal middle school's really hard.

You're not just gonna magically make friends.

Especially when I can't use magic.

- Unless... - You can't use magic!

Sorry I'm late. On my way to school,

I saw that guy from those bus ads.

Wait, the one with the mustache?

Yeah, and get this. He was getting on a bus.

He was in the bus and on the bus at the same time!

Please tell me you got a picture.

- You know I did. [chuckles] - Yeah!

- [laughs] - [laughs]

- I love it. - I knew you'd love it.

I don't get it.

Oh, Winter, this is Billie.

She's, uh, she's staying with us for a while.

- Nice to meet you. - [school bell ringing]

Well, see you later, Billie.

The only bummer is chasing that bus made me late.

I didn't get here in time to get a breakfast burrito.

Winter, it's just a regular burrito.

Any burrito you eat before lunch is a breakfast burrito.

I'm starving.

If someone gave me one right now, I'd be their friend for life.

Friend for life, huh?

Burrito completo.

Hey, guys, wait up.

Is that a burrito?

Yeah, I guess I got the last one.

You wouldn't wanna split it, would ya?

That's so nice!

Wait, that wasn't on the floor, was it?

Sometimes they drop 'em on the floor.

You know what? I don't wanna know.

Something stinks around here,

and for the first time, it's not the burrito.

- [♪ menacing music playing] - [Phantomus growling]

I smell magic. The wizard is near.

[laughing]

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

I can't believe it!

I was telling you how worried I was about that math test,

and then Mrs. Rodriguez just gave me all the answers.

It was like she couldn't help herself!

If I didn't know any better,

I'd say she had a truth spell cast on her.

Truth spell? [laughs] That's hilarious.

You're hilarious, Billie.

- [chuckles] - I am hilarious, aren't I?

Oh, no. I think I lost my notebook.

- This notebook? - No way!

Are you a magician or something?

What? [scoffs]

No, I'm just a really good friend

who happened to know that my new friend

left her notebook behind.

Nothing magic about that, unless you count the magic of friendship.

- Oh, I definitely do. - [chuckles]

That was the hardest test I've ever taken.

How'd you guys get done so fast?

Mrs. Rodriguez didn't give you the answers?

Give me the answers? [scoffs] Why would she give me the an...

Billie, can I talk to you for a second? [chuckles]

[whispers] I know what you're doing.

You're using magic to trick Winter into liking you.

You were supposed to find your own Winter, not take mine.

Hey, Billie, I just had the best idea.

Wanna be my lab partner?

I don't know what that is, but I'm in.

Ooh! Too bad you can't,

because Billie's not in honor science.

- So, let's go, my Winter. - [sighs]

Okay, my Roman. Are we doing this now?

It's kinda awkward, but in a fun way.

Bye, my Billie.

See, it doesn't mean anything if you do it with everyone.

Honor science, huh?

[chuckles softly]

Hey, guys, good news!

So, I just checked my schedule. Turns out I am in honor science.

We have all the same classes. This is unbelievable!

[chuckles] This is unbelievable.

Perfect. We can be lab partners! Today, we're dissecting frogs.

If that sounds gross, that's because it is.

But I'm your lab partner.

See how long you can keep your new friend without this.

[♪ sinister music playing, fades]

[laughs]

And this is my assistant, Marcus.

Marcus, how are you enjoying your gift basket?

- Oh, I love it. - [Justin chuckling]

I love it more than anything I've ever gotten

in my entire life.

Well, why don't you have a seat in my office?

I'll be right in. Yeah, okay.

Okay, look, these people are from the PTA

and I'm finally gonna convince them to fund my Snack Shack,

so, I don't want any interruptions, all right?

- Nothing. You got it? - [gasps] What if there's a fire?

Well, obviously, if there's a fire.

Got it. Interrupt only when there's a fire.

Nobody goes in except the fire department.

You can count on me, Mr. Russo.

[chuckles] You're gonna be a lot of fun.

I can tell.

[sighs]

Are we there yet? [groans] I'm dying in here.

It smells like old lip gloss and prescription deodorant.

- [groans] - Quit going through my stuff!

Excuse me, is my husband here?

I hope not. This is a middle school.

No, my husband is the vice principal.

- You work for him. - I do.

And my job is to not let anyone into that office. [chuckles]

Mr. Russo is in a very important meeting,

- and can't be disturbed. - But I'm his wife, so...

Outside these doors, that might mean something.

But in here, I'm in charge. So, park it.

Listen, I have something in this bag I need to show him.

Well, why don't you give it to me, and then I'll show it to him.

[slurps]

- You know what? I'll wait. - Hmm.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

And that's how we got the cat out of the tree.

It was a cat, not a gargoyle.

I know I said gargoyle, I meant cat.

I sometimes get those words confused.

Me too.

- Really? - No.

Oh, man, I got the wobbly stool.

Uh. Allow me to fix that for you. [chuckles]

Where's my wand?

Your wand? What are you talking about?

I didn't say "wand."

Yes, you did. I heard you.

I mean, it's not exactly an easy word to mix up,

like cat and gargoyle.

I... I really didn't say "wand." [chuckles]

Okay, if you say you didn't, you didn't.

I mean, why would you lie to me? We're friends.

- We're friends? - Aren't we?

Yeah, we are. And since we are,

there's something I should tell you.

I'm a wizard.

But there's no such thing as wizards.

- You don't have to lie. - I'm not lying. I'm serious.

This is the first time I've been completely honest

with you all day.

That's not my favorite sentence.

Look, I was worried I wouldn't make a friend today.

So, I used my magic to get you the burrito,

the test answers, your notebook.

You know, to impress you, to jump-start our friendship.

You expect me to believe that you're a wizard?

Yes, I can prove it. Just let me find my wand.

Roman. I'll be right back.

I know you stole my wand.

Like how you used magic to steal my Winter.

What... [scoffs] ...what are you doing?

I'm gonna sit with Roman.

I'm saying it's 'cause of the wobbly stool,

but it's actually 'cause the last five minutes

- have taken a real weird turn. - [sighs]

[♪ melancholic music playing, fades]

[Gibble, muffled] Hey, lady. [gasps]

How long are we gonna sit here?

There's a Phantomus on the loose.

This is Justin's work. I can't barge in on his meeting.

I'll look crazy... er than I already do talking into my purse!

Lady, a Phantomus possesses a wizard it's hunting.

And that wizard is never seen again.

- How do you not know this? - How would I?

I didn't know wizards were real until three days ago!

[chuckles] Marcus.

I think we got off on the wrong foot. [chuckles]

If I could just pop into Justin's office

- for just a quick second. - [chuckles]

No, no, no, no.

I am not getting fired on my first day... again.

He gave me an order. No one goes through that door.

Okay, I won't go through

- that door. [grunts] - Mm. [grunts]

[laughs] You wanna dance, sister? Let's dance!

So, our Snack Shack will be stocked

with delicious yet nutritious treats.

Popcorn, pretzels, veggie sticks,

fruit slices, cheese cubes, raisins. Whoo-hoo!

Kale, but as chips. Beets, but as chips.

Turnips, but as chips. Zucchini, but as noodles.

[chuckles] I'm kidding, it's chips.

- [laughs] - [Marcus grunts]

Uh. [clears throat]

If you'll just excuse me for one moment,

I will... I'll be right back.

- What... what is going on? - [pants]

I'm showing your assistant what four years

of varsity field hockey looks like.

You didn't tell me this job required cardio.

I quit!

Actually, I can't quit.

I owe my parents four months’ rent.

I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Russo.

Is he done for the day? It's only 1:00.

Okay. Justin, we need to talk. [pants]

Hey, Russo.

Messenger frog. Giada, that... that is not mine.

I know, and it's not a frog. It's a Gibble.

He says there's a Phantomus in Staten Island,

and you and Billie are in danger

if you do magic outside the lair.

[breathes sharply] Guess I didn't need to bring you down here.

[♪ curious music playing, fades]

- [school bell ringing] - [indistinct chatter]

- Winter, can we talk? - Ooh! This should be good.

- Alone. - Fine.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier,

but I really am a wizard.

[♪ ominous music playing]

- Why are you messing with me? - I'm not. I swear.

Hmm? [grunts]

If Roman would just give me my wand,

- I could prove it to you. - [grunts, screams]

Even if you were a wizard, which you're not,

it would mean you've been tricking me all day.

Does that sound like something a friend would do?

No, it doesn't.

[Phantomus laughing]

Roman, what are you doing?

[Phantomus] The young wizard belongs to us now.

Great, now Roman thinks he's a wizard.

Well, Winter, that's not Roman.

[♪ tense dramatic music playing]

What's happening?

Is this some crazy plan to make me believe

that you're a wizard?

Look, I'm not doing this! Put him down!

[Phantomus] Never!

- [grunts] - [Phantomus growling]

- What are you doing? - Helping!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a best friend?

[Phantomus] Mm, the young wizard is mine!

[grunts] No, he's not a wizard!

[Phantomus] He held the wand whose magic I follow!

It's not his wand, it's mine. I'm the one you're after!

[Phantomus] You are the wizard?

- Roman, are you okay? - Why wouldn't I be okay?

Because that!

- [Phantomus growls] - [screams]

[Phantomus] Ah, you are the one I seek.

- Roman, give me my wand! - [Phantomus laughing]

[whimpers] I'm looking!

- You really had it? - I was teaching her a lesson.

- How's that going? - Not great!

- Guys, I need my wand! - [Phantomus laughing]

I can't believe there's a Phantomus on the loose in Staten Island.

I can't believe I remembered the word "Phantomus."

- What's it doing here? - I don't know.

But don't worry, 'cause it can't find you

if you don't use magic.

I haven't, and... and I told Billie not to.

You think a 12-year-old's not gonna do something

because you said so?

Giada, I'm an authority figure. She respects me.

She's definitely using magic.

- Yeah. - Up here.

[Phantomus laughing]

I will bring you back to the wizard world

where we will absorb your power! [snickering]

Found it!

Give me that! Electree zapparatus!

- [gasps] - [Phantomus groaning]

- Your dad's a wizard? - You two, outta here!

But I wanna watch!

Winter, the man's an authority figure.

[Phantomus groaning]

Now that we've found the young wizard,

we will never stop coming for her!

- [laughing] - It's getting away!

- Here! - What are you doing?

Giving you a wizard lesson!

The only way to stop a Phantomus is to bind it with taze-o restraino!

Taze-o restraino!

[Phantomus groaning, screeching]

- I can't hold it for long. - Giada, give me your purse.

- This was a Mother's Day gift. - Justin!

- Giada! - Fine.

- [Phantomus screeching] - It had a frog in it anyway.

- Bring it down! - [Phantomus wailing, groaning]

- [screeching] - Focus! Focus!

Don't give up. Focus. You got this.

[Phantomus] No! No! No! No! [screeching]

- [grunts, pants] - [grunts]

That was way too close.

I'm gonna go check on Roman and Winter.

Justin, that was terrifying.

What if another one comes for her?

Uh. I'll cast a protection spell so she can't be found.

- Okay. - [Phantomus growling]

I better get this thing back to the lair.

Can't exactly throw a Phantomus in the recycling bin.

[chuckles] Remember this morning when you told me

nothing was gonna change?

- Yeah, about that. Uh. - [chuckles] Yeah.

I'm sorry?

Justin, you're a wizard.

- It's who you are. - Oh.

- You don't owe me an apology. - I don't?

No. But you do owe me a new purse.

- [chuckles] - [Phantomus growling]

Oh!

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

[sighs, chuckles]

[Phantomus] Let me out! Let me out.

Uh. [grunts]

Okay, I believe you now. You're a wizard.

I'm sorry I tricked you.

I get it if you don't wanna be friends.

Yeah, you did trick me,

but you also sacrificed yourself to save Roman.

What more could you ask for in a friend?

- So, can we start over? - I think we just did.

[chuckles]

I'm fine, by the way.

We good?

Well, you stole my friend, but I stole your wand,

and then I got possessed, but you got me unpossessed,

so do the dishes for me tonight, and we're even.

- Deal. - Without magic.

You know that's not gonna happen.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]

[both sigh]

You think every day's gonna be like this?

Well, so far every day has.

- Ooh! [sighs, pants] - Got rid of the Phantomus.

- Whoo! - Whoo! It did not go easy.

You'd think it'd be the sound, but it's the smell that haunts you.

You would not believe my day.

Spelling test, first period.

What even is that?

You guys have a spelling test too?

Something like that.

[♪ upbeat rock music playing, fades]