Original subtitles

?

[car honking]

[man's voice] Every year it begins.

Planning, hoping, dreaming for the perfect holiday.

You know, the one we see in movies

or on holiday cards we send to friends.

So, we travel on trains.

From far away places.

? ...Funky Christmas alright

? Alright, alright

Excited to deliver the perfect gifts to the people we love.

And we fly through the skies.

Navigating busy crowds and cancelled flights,

all to get home in time for Christmas.

We get our house ready for guests,

pull out all our decorations...

- And for a few weeks... - [car honking]

We feel an extra bit of warmth

for our family, friends and neighbors

as we all prepare for the perfect holiday.

? ... Whoa! ?

? Get lit like Christmas lights ?

? Whoa! ?

But just like everything else in life,

the holidays never quite turn out as we plan.

? ... Get lit like Christmas lights ?

? Ms. Claus got the funk... ?

? uh-huh ?

? Nutcracker got the funk... ?

? oh, yeah ?

Wally, little to the left, pal. A little left.

I don't want any bare spots this year.

Sir, yes sir.

There you go.

A bucket lifter.

He rented a bucket lifter.

What in the world is going on, Chuck?

Oh, we're decorating, hon... and I gotta tell you,

I'm just bursting with holiday spirit this year.

Well, your holiday spirit

is about to make our daughter a widow.

Don't worry about Wally.

He's got a skull like granite.

And re-open an old wound.

Last time I checked, Connie, it was my house

and I'm not gonna have anybody dictating to me

what I can and cannot do in my own house.

It's my house too, Chuck. Do not do this again.

I'm just trying to spread a little merriment

in our corner of the world, hon. [laughs]

You're gonna love it.

I'm gonna have lights on top of lights on top of lights

on top of lights all blinging and pinging and twinkling 24/7.

[Chuck laughs] It's gonna be great.

Not a single light better hang on my side of the fence.

Manny, let's not engage with Chuck this year.

For Kevin's sake.

I've never seen him as happy

or as committed as he is with Katie.

[Manny grumbles]

As long as our children are dating,

no more disputes with Chuck.

?

I'm gonna pick up some Prosecco for your mom,

some scotch for your dad

and that should keep things peaceful for about, what...

10 minutes?

I'm sorry to dump all the holiday prep on you.

Hey, just make sure to finish up

all your work by Christmas dinner.

My parents divided up everything else in the divorce.

Why not the holidays?

And miss the constant tussle to outshine each other with Max?

I know they can both be... prickly.

Speaking of which...

how do you think your dad took the news?

I don't know. Should I call him?

Hmm. It'd give him time to get his game face on.

I mean, it's gotta be weird

to hear that our ex-wife is dating someone else.

At least I finally managed not to get caught in the middle.

I told my mom

I was not playing that role anymore and she listened.

Maybe one day the holidays with my parents will be easy again.

Easy?

- Easier. - [laughing]

Don't forget stuffing.

Correct. That is the plan, Stacey.

You get the renderings to the client,

I get my parents on board with our plan,

and then in 72 hours we are on a plane to Sydney.

The travels of a lifetime.

That is the plan.

Hey. I love...

Stace?

- Honey! - Oh hi, Mom.

It's so good to see you.

Hi Dad.

- Good to have you home, son. - Good to be home.

Oh, it's been too long.

- Yes! - Do I smell...?

- There is gingerbread? - Yes.

[Lorraine] There is gingerbread?

- The place looks great, Mom. - I'm so excited you're home.

Oh! Gingerbread.

Mmmhmm. Holiday baking is in full swing.

Oh, are you actually getting the chance

to use that breadmaker that I sent you?

Oh... I like doing it by hand. Why change what works?

Well, I mean...

it would save you in the clean-up time.

But... anyway, doesn't matter.

Ah, too bad Stacey couldn't join you.

Yes. She is sorry to have missed it

but it just kinda makes more sense

for her to stay behind and wrap everything up

before the big move.

Australia. It's so far away, Josh.

I know. I know, I'm sad too.

But hey, how are you feeling?

Have you been using that Pilates reformer that I got you?

Yeah.

It's great rehab, right? After the fall.

Oh yeah. Yeah.

We use it alright.

Yeah.

I couldn't quite get the hang of it, Joshy,

but it sure helps as a place to fold laundry.

Oh, and it's a great place for a nap

if you need a firm mattress.

Do you have the instruction manual anywhere?

Um...

You know what? Don't worry about it.

I think I can pull it up on YouTube.

Oh... that would be lovely.

I bet you're hungry. I should make us some lunch.

Oh, no. Lunch is handled.

I got us some power bowls from that new place in town.

I just gotta go pick them up. I'm gonna take your car, Dad.

What?

- What kind of power? - I don't want a bowl.

? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ?

[Marcus] Ooh, the Lin house.

[Ted] Welcome to the family home.

[Marcus] You know, it's not too late.

We can still stop by City Hall,

make this our first official family holiday.

I would, except Mom's already gone off with the wedding plans.

Probably gonna keep it up all year until the big day.

Besides, we're already family.

[squealing with excitement]

Oh, and get ready for a bone-crushing mom hug in three, two...

[squealing] [thuds]

- Oh! - There it is.

- Hi Lois. - Hi!

It's a good thing I have my chiropractor on speed dial.

- Okay, let's go inside. - Okay.

- Oh, Ted, get the suitcases. - Yeah.

- Get the suitcases, Ted. - I'm on it.

[laughing]

? ...coming your way, it's a holiday, holiday ?

What do you think?

I think at least one of us can paint.

What do you mean?

Yours... is about an elf or a reindeer?

[laughs]

Hey! Come on!

[laughing]

[in unison] Stephanie Gisondi?

Hey guys. I heard about your club.

It sounds like a lot of fun.

It's not just fun, we're helping people in need

and it's a lot of work.

So... can I help?

Sure. We've got a lot of stuff to do

before the stroll on Christmas Eve.

But we have your dad to help, so...

Do you wanna paint?

I got some old smocks so you won't get dirty.

Here, I'll show you. Come on.

Maybe it might be nice to have a little extra help this year.

But the gift drive has always been me and Max.

And now it's as if Max is happier doing it

with Stephanie Gisondi.

I doubt that.

You and Max have been best friends for years

so have a little faith in that.

Here. A little extra sustenance.

- [bell on door rings] - Thanks, Mom.

Sorry, I'm late.

Cole. Uh, no, you're not late at all.

I'll have these shelves hung in an hour.

You're the best.

Anything else you need done while I've got my toolbelt out?

No. Nothing I can think of.

Didn't you need that window fixed at your house?

Where you may be hanging by the fire with a glass of wine

and an attractively messy hairstyle?

Shh!

I can fix that for you.

Well, I'd be happy to pay you for your time.

How about, uh...

just a little extra milk in my coffee?

I'll, uh... I'll grab the rest of the stuff out of my truck.

Yeah. Okay.

If you two don't stop, that A-rating on the door

is going to turn into an R.

Janet... he's just a nice guy.

Mmhmm.

[laughs]

Nice guys nudge a door open with their foot

when you're coming through with their coffee.

Interested guys,

they hang shelves and fix windows for free.

[phone chimes]

Oh. It's my sister.

And which exotic place is she off to this year?

Actually she's gonna be

spending the holidays with us this year.

Well, it's nice to have family come.

Yeah.

In a way that seems to not excite you.

Look, I love my sister, I do. But Annie and I...

we like to keep the holidays simple.

And Sylvie's the exact opposite.

She blows in like a tornado

and all of a sudden I'm in Sylvie land.

Well, it's been a few years since you've seen her,

maybe she's matured.

- [phone chimes] - Oh...

How many coats do I need to bring?

Snowflake emoji.

Frosty wind emoji.

Snowman emoji.

[phone chimes]

Do you have hypoallergenic pillows or just goose down?

Sleepy face emoji.

Night cap emoji.

What adult uses this many emojis?

[phone chimes]

Do you have blackout blinds?

No! We have night!

Wow.

Yeah.

She's a lot.

[Marcus] The place looks really great, Lois.

I wanted to get it all done

so we can focus on the wedding planning.

Ah, I can't wait.

Me either.

Hey. You still talking to me

or am I on the getting married sell-out list now?

[laughing]

I'll give you a pass as long as you don't get into

any of that matching towels,

ice swans, champagne towers nonsense.

Too late.

I have a whole bunch of ideas involving ice swans,

champagne towers...

Oh, well let's not forget chocolate fountains,

Jordan almonds, centerpieces...

I love this man!

[squeals]

Come on, let me just show you this thing.

Is it going? Oh. Uh... text Stacey.

Uh, had an idea.

If you take some time off work today

maybe look up scuba diving lessons, Great Barrier Reef,

New Year's Eve idea...

Exclamation point. Question mark.

Mermaid emoji.

Coral emoji... wait, is there a coral emoji?

[police siren]

No!

No!

Happy holidays officer.

Um, if this is about me not being hands-free I was...

I was kinda holding it but I was dictating.

So, legally... I think I'm in the clear.

Hm. Well that �s� at the end of �hands� makes it plural.

Meaning you can't use either one.

Nora. Right? Nora.

[laughing]

I knew it was you.

I mean, the way you corrected me on the plurals,

it's like... it's like we're in chem lab all over again.

- [chuckles] Hello Josh. - Hey.

It's nice to see you. It's been a long time.

Yeah, yeah. Life's good.

Um... I'm really busy.

I would love to stay and catch up

but I have to run in a minute, but, uh...

- Huh. - Wow, look at you. A cop!

Yeah.

It makes sense.

You were always such a stickler for the rules.

And you always thought you were above them.

No, I didn't... I didn't think I was...

Okay, a little bit.

Because I always thought they were more like suggestions.

Hm. But they're not suggestions, Josh.

Rules are in place for a reason.

Which made you the ideal president for the Steam Club.

Right? Remember?

STEM club.

[clears throat] License and registration please.

Okay. Hang on. It's me, Josh, your pal.

We're not pals.

Your friend.

See, I don't remember it that way.

Your... uh... friendly acquaintance.

You know what's remarkable about you,

from an evolutionary perspective?

Is this gonna be a really long list? 'Cause I...

[laughs] No. No.

It's that somehow, someway, you haven't changed one bit.

License and registration.

Yeah.

- That wasn't so hard. - Great.

It's not expired.

Uh... 'kay.

I think- I think there's been a bit of a miscommunication here.

Um, I was, uh, texting my girlfriend, Stacey.

She's... it's an emergency.

Ah, and there is confirmation that you were not hands-free.

Happy holidays, Josh.

Thanks.

[mocking noises] Happy Holidays, Josh.

[mocking noises] Happy Holidays, Josh.

Oh my...

Hello! I'm home.

[Clarice] Did you do this?

Hello?

[gasps]

Oh! In here, honey.

[squeals] Mom!

Gaby!

Oh, my Papi, Papi!

Okay my turn, my turn. Oh welcome home, sweetie.

Gracias.

Here, let me take this.

Oh, someone hit the jackpot this year.

Well, we're celebrating a little more

than holidays this year.

Yes, we are. Mom, Dad, I have amazing news.

You know I'm always working on cooking shows?

Well, they're launching a new one and...

They want me to audition!

[gasps]

We are so proud of you!

Thank you! As a chef, can you believe it?!

We have news too.

- Your brother is dating someone. - Mmhmm.

That's, uh... not unusual.

Well, it's serious.

[footsteps]

- Hey! - Hey brother!

My big sister is home!

[laughing] Wait, hold on.

Wow! This new girlfriend

definitely kicked your style up a notch, you fashionista.

I can't wait to meet her.

Well, actually you already have.

[gasps]

[droning sound]

Out of my way, Easy Bake.

[voice distorted] Easy Bake.

Katie Manetti-Hanahan.

Hi Gaby!

Oh.

Katie Manetti-Hanahan?

She tortured me in middle school.

She called me Easy Bake.

Nicknames are a form of affection, mija.

And you loved your Easy Bake oven.

It helped you become a chef.

Eh, eh, eh! Papi! I am making you a souffl�.

[sighs]

And she's a Manetti-Hanahan. Okay?

That family has effectively weaponized Christmas lights.

Hello!

I brought garlic knots.

- Ooooh. - [laughs]

They're amazing.

Um... can we have your special thing later?

It's a souffl�.

They don't keep.

That's a bummer.

Oh hey. We're still on for later, right?

You know it's not Christmas

until you rock it at holiday karaoke.

Hmm?

Hey. You want some? So good.

I just can't believe it. I mean, who does that?

Who gives somebody a ticket during the holidays, huh?

A scrooge, that's who.

She was just doing her job, Josh.

Nora is a wonderful officer.

Which is not always easy around here.

Ugh.

Remember that nonsense between Chuck and Manny last year?

[chuckles] She put a stop to that.

And she figured out that it was actually raccoons

that were setting off the Lin's car alarm.

Right.

Something to do with sap on their roof.

Wow, she sounds like a regular Nancy Drew.

Josh, don't be sarcastic.

Why?

She hasn't gotten over whatever sort of issues

that she had in high school.

I think that's deserving of sarcasm.

She married a wonderful man.

Really?

Yes. And he died a few years back

and now she's raising a son on her own.

Now I feel kinda... kinda bad about that.

Well, sometimes son, feelings are pretty good teachers.

I think what your dad is trying to say is

maybe you could afford to be a little more charitable.

Who knew there were so many different kinds of sprouts?

Yeah. It sure is something.

All the wedding magazines are calling Tulum

the destination wedding of the decade.

Am I seeing this correctly?

They could be pulled to the beach in a chariot

drawn by dolphins?

Mmhmm.

Does no one else see this as excessive?

Well, since this is the only wedding I will ever get to plan,

I say go big or go home.

I agree.

Now the only outstanding issue then is... Nai Nai.

What's the issue?

One we don't have to worry about this year.

Steve booked her a nice, relaxing, stress-free holiday

a thousand miles away in Palm Springs.

You're all welcome.

Go Dad!

That's too bad,

I was actually really looking forward to meeting her.

What am I missing?

I love the smell of family dysfunction at the holidays.

It's... complicated.

Yeah, I can't really believe these words

are even coming out of my mouth, but...

My grandmother doesn't know that I'm gay.

[laughs nervously]

I'm sorry. I think I... I must have misheard you.

Nope.

It's a delicate situation.

Yeah, she's old school.

Church, family, proper table settings.

Table settings?

And she had a heart attack last Christmas.

The doctor recommended the spa in the desert

so she doesn't get agitated this holiday.

We're getting married next year.

Well obviously I'm gonna tell her before then.

Yeah. Welcome to the family, Marcus.

Thanks.

So they're determined to get arrested again this year.

No doubt we'll be the ones bailing them out.

Oh...

- Willow! - [car door slams]

Remember your contact dermatitis

and no tree climbing without a helmet.

I know.

I see you're still putting around in that clown car. Huh?

Conscious of our carbon footprint, Dad.

- Great to see you. - Good to see you too.

Aunt Becky!

It's Rebecca, remember?

Just so you know,

I don't think all your presents are lame.

- Oh! - Hi Wally.

Uh... you put that safety net around the trampoline,

the one I shipped you, right?

Of course.

But I don't know how they're going to do their dismounts

with a net in the way.

Oh, easy-peasy.

You just catch a little more air and clear the whole darn thing.

[laughing]

I'm glad you're here.

Welcome home!

- Thanks Mom. - Hi.

- Hey little brother. - Laurie.

[both grunting]

Come on.

Where's Katie?

[groans]

So, what are we this year?

Cheese adverse, green intolerant or tomato sensitive?

[fake laugh]

We're vegan.

Oh.

And this year we brought our own food

so it really shouldn't cause any stress.

Yeah, I'm gonna go check the roast.

[laughs nervously]

Dad... this is too much.

It's my grandson. It's my job to bring too much.

How was your train ride?

Bad on my back and knees.

How about some scotch, Robert? Take the edge off.

I don't have an edge. And scotch gives me the winds.

So, you talk to Mom?

About?

She was supposed to reach out to you last week.

Well she didn't, so why don't you tell me what it is?

Because it was something personal to her.

Oh...

Well maybe she decided to spare me her personal dramas.

Where's the TV?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, I'll get it.

Nai Nai!

Mom? Dad? Guess who it is?

My flight was cancelled.

Well there has to be some way to get you on another flight

to Palm Springs, Ma.

Seriously Steve, there has to.

I'm... I'm on it. I'm on it.

Okay.

We'll have you on a flight in a jiffy.

Please do, Steven.

Teddy.

Nai Nai.

And, uh, you are?

I'm Marcus. His...

Friend.

This is my... good friend.

Hmm.

[Steve] I will have her out the door

and on a plane before dinner.

[Lois] Okay.

[Marcus] Until then I'm just a... good friend?

Okay, you know what, Marcus is right.

I should just go and tell her.

And kill her right now during the holidays?

Okay, that's a little extreme.

And, I think, my fianc�, the psychotherapist, would agree.

Marcus...

I acknowledge your expertise

but there is an eternal truth here you need to understand.

Okay...

You'll soon be a part of this family

and that means that our oppressed family dysfunction

and our warped relationship to the truth is now yours.

So get with the program!

Go help Ella.

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay, is it just me or is your family, like,

a little extra on the dysfunction?

Oh we're very extra.

Especially when it comes to Nai Nai.

Right?

Ahhh...

- Thanks Ella. - It's gonna be okay.

I can't believe you.

What do you mean?

You were supposed to talk to Dad before the holidays

about your boyfriend.

I tried. He blocked me.

Can you believe that? His wife of 35 years blocked?

Let me put him on now so you can tell him.

No! I have worried most of my life about Robert's comfort.

I'm blessed to be done with all of that.

[laughs] No, no.

You have to tell him. We had a deal.

You would break this to Dad, not me.

Situations change, Jenny.

And you know what situation has changed? Mine.

I just made partner. I'm swamped with work,

and I don't have time to be put in the middle anymore.

If you can't honor your promise to me

then maybe you shouldn't bring your boyfriend.

Fine.

What?

There is a plane at the next gate going to Puerto Vallarta.

We will have a fine time there.

Fine.

You tell Max I feel horribly.

I will.

I had so many gifts for him. But you know what?

I'm sure I can mail them

and they'll get there maybe by new year.

He will be thrilled.

Fine.

So, does Evan have any dietary restrictions?

- Here beautiful. - No.

He's as fit as a fiddle.

And you know you should probably put us

in the back bedroom in case we make noise.

Bye Mom.

Ugh.

And Grandma made Sloppy Joe's!

Are you sure you don't want a Sloppy Joe?

Okay. No, no. Wally, no.

We're modeling ethical eating for Willow.

Ethical eating. That sounds like one of your start-ups.

Clark has a new company. Tell them about it, Clark.

Uh, yeah.

It's basically an app that can help us solve

any number of social issues but on a micro...

[laughing]

Look who's here! Come here.

And I made your favorite, Sloppy Joe's.

- Thank you. - No food for traitors.

I'm kidding.

Sit, eat. I'm thrilled you're here.

Just remember it was because of that family that your mother

spent most of Christmas last year bailing me out.

Can we just have a nice meal together please?

Speaking of enjoyment,

Clark's new company is developing an app

that will literally track every move you make

and let you know daily what your carbon footprint is.

Basically it's an app that will nag you

like your most annoying self-righteous family members?

Ha!

Blech!

That's bad manners, even for our family.

But it tastes like an eraser.

Is he still eating erasers?

It's the vegan hot dog.

But if he's eating Willow's dog then...

Willow? Sweetie? Spit it out.

Sweetie, honey... honey. Spit it out.

Spit it out, sweetie, spit it out.

Oh my God, guys, it's just a hot dog!

It's processed meat.

You know what we'd do with traitors in the military, Katie?

I'm sure it was an accident, Rebecca.

Straight to the brig.

Oh, somehow I highly doubt that.

You know what?!

I'm out.

Oh honey, no wait, honey.

You know that your dad likes to tease.

I'm gonna sleep at Kevin's.

Where I am welcomed.

Wait, wait, oh...

What?

Good thing there isn't a ticket for misuse of a glue gun, huh?

[laughs]

Crafts are not my specialty.

Um... oh, let me guess.

You're here to dispute your ticket.

No. I'm here to pay it and to,

uh, you know, apologize for... for earlier.

I know that the holidays can be a stressful time.

So, do you take credit card?

Uh, sure.

[toys thudding]

Oh!

It keeps falling!

Keep trying, bud, you'll get it.

This is my son, Theo. Theo this is Josh.

Are you a bad guy?

A bad guy?

Uh, no. I'm an architect.

And this is how it all started for me.

Look at this, you're doing great work here.

But can I give you a little bit of advice?

Mmhmm.

I would keep your base simple.

That way it's nice and secure.

Capable of bearing weight.

Once you get that nailed down

you can start adding all of the style that you want.

Is that it? Yeah, that's it.

There that, yeah.

And... voila.

Whoa! Do you wanna stay and play?

Play?

Um... you know, play is not really my thing, per se.

I've just got this, like, really big project

that I have to go do 'cause I'm busy with it, but...

My credit card?

All done.

Thank you so much.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Remember, master the basics and you master your world.

In Legos and in life.

Is he your friend, Mom?

No.

He's just someone I used to know a long time ago.

Lucy!

Sylvie.

You... look amazing. As always.

Thanks Luce.

And... you cut your hair.

Uh, yeah. A couple months ago.

Well I think it's great you tried something new.

Um, I was just on my way out to pick up dinner, so...

make yourself at home.

Okay.

Aunt Sylvie!

[sighs]

So... what did I miss?

? Oh, hang your hat on a Christmas tree. ?

? Naughty or nice,

? your secret Santa's safe with me. ?

? �Til the reindeer come a knockin' ?

? we ain't got no place to be.

? Hang your hat on...

- You're up next, Gaby. - I'll have my phone ready.

I love that we do this every year.

Well it wouldn't be the holidays without it.

[laughing]

Hi! I hope it's okay I'm crashing.

- Hi. - Of course.

- Sit, sit. - Thank you.

What about your family dinner?

Oh, it was a disaster as usual.

Well we're happy to have you.

? We ain't got no place to be, ?

? you can hang your hat on my Christmas tree. ?

? Ho ho ho!

[cheers and applause]

Give it up one more time!

[cheering and whistling]

Nicely done. Nicely done.

Alright, alright.

We have a little holiday surprise.

Two people picked the same song

and we all know what that means.

[crowd chanting] Duet! Duet! Duet! Duet! Duet! Duet...!

Gaby Camarena and Katie Manetti-Hanahan,

come on up to wow us with �Holidays Are Happening Here�.

Wait, wait. That's not my song.

I know.

OMG. I signed us up for a duet.

You remember...

Like the school Christmas pageant.

[cheers and applause]

? What's up Santa?

Whoo!

? Bum bum bum ba dum bum ba dum bum ?

? Bum bum bum da dum

? Away in a crib there's a party just startin' ?

? The gifts are all wrapped and the body's still poppin' ?

? So breakin' with Granny, take selfies with sis ?

? Then dash through the snow for a night you can't miss. ?

[both] ? Sleigh bells ringing, party's still swingin' ?

? It's cranked up, he's a ring a ding dingin' ?

? Ring a ding dingin'

? Stockings are hung for you and for me ?

? The faces are lit, nowhere I'd rather be. ?

? Tonight we can toast to friends far and near ?

? So let's raise a glass, it all happens here. ?

[screams]

[thud]

?

Oh! Gaby.

[Gaby groans]

Gabs?

I can't believe you fell off the stage.

Aw, are you sure you're okay?

I just thought it would be fun for us to sing a duet again

like we did in school.

I'm fine, just humiliated.

You did great.

Gaby, it was hardly noticeable, honey.

Mija, I doubt anybody saw it.

Thanks Dad.

Anyone else have the munchies?

Hey Gabs. How about that souffl�?

I'm tired actually.

Oh, sweetie.

We're gonna let Katie have your room for the night.

What?

Oh yeah. Katie's spending the night and, um...

I'm too tall for the couch.

Seriously?

It's okay, I can take the couch.

Oh, no. Are you kidding?

You're our guest.

Katie had a very hard time with her parents today

so we wanna make her feel extra welcome.

Fine. Why not?

Gaby... you are so sweet.

Come here. Thank you so much.

Dad, can I talk to you for a moment?

Of course, babe.

There's something you should know.

Mom was supposed to tell you but...

She's bringing someone this year

to spend the holidays with us.

Her new boyfriend.

Jenny.

Your mother and I have been divorced for three years.

What she does now is none of my business.

Actually, I'm thrilled that she has some poor soul

that she can nag into his old age.

[laughing]

Come here.

It's okay. We got this.

[GPS voice] You have arrived at Oak Bay Realty.

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here...

Hi. Hi. I'm Josh Hill.

I got a call that the, uh, paperwork is ready

for signature and I was told to, um,

come in and sign the paperwork and I'm here...

Hello?

Oh no! No, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- [crash] - [people screaming]

It's okay!

It's just water.

You are keeping me awfully busy.

It was an accident.

Parking in a fire zone?

I had to rush in to try and sign some paperwork before they...

Fire zones are there for a reason.

Thank you.

If it's worth anything,

I was trying to do something

really, really nice for my parents.

That's sweet but doesn't really matter in this particular...

Rules are rules.

Okay. How much is this gonna cost?

Destruction of city property?

I'm afraid this one goes to court.

Court. No. I'm... I'm so sorry, Nora.

I... I have got to get on a plane.

I have clients to meet.

Well, if you don't show up for your court date,

technically you'd be a fugitive.

Nora, I'm... I'm sorry, you've gotta help me out here.

I know that you have zero incentive to do so

and that you don't like me very much, but...

That's not true.

I've come back home to just get my parents settled

because I'm about to move to Australia

for the job of a lifetime.

And this could ruin all of that.

Hang on one minute.

Thank you.

I'm making no promises.

Okay, alright.

Judge McCaffery, sorry it's so late,

could I swap out some community service for a court date?

I'll explain later, it's just...

I owe you one. Happy holidays.

Because it is the holidays, Judge McCaffery will swap out

the court date in lieu of community service.

Community service, like, picking up trash or?

That's one option.

The other option is helping out the community center

set up the stroll.

The stroll. Okay.

Uh... decorating Christmas trees and slinging hot cocoa

while wearing an elf hat. Is that...?

I know it's not cool enough for you

but it's the best I can do.

No, no, no. That's great. I... thank you.

You're welcome.

I'm actually working on the ornament competition

so I will see you there.

Thank you. See you there.

Okay.

A blanket would be nice.

[box clatters]

[tense music]

[tense music swells]

Oh, Kevin. [in Spanish]

[Steve] I got it.

Mom?

Mom.

Great news.

I got you booked on a new flight to Palm Springs.

A quick layover in St. Louis and then on you go,

direct to your relaxing, tranquil spa.

Isn't that great? Oh, let me get you an Uber.

Oh. Uh... I'm not going.

What?

I have something to say.

This holiday we celebrate a miracle.

To the marriage of this wonderful man and my grandchild.

To Marcus and Ella and their engagement.

Err... cheers.

Cheers.

Grandma!

Max. Oh, look at you.

Oh, look how you've grown!

So... where is he?

Please be an Uber driver.

Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Evan.

Hey everybody.

- What's up man? - Hey.

Okay. So it's very important you remember at this point

that I'm standing on the freeway overpass, right?

And all of a sudden I feel something tugging at my ankles

and it's my wrap skirt.

That's amazing.

I'm sorry. I can't believe I'm telling you this.

[Cole] No, no, no, go ahead.

[Sylvie] You're so easy to talk to.

[Cole] Your life is so incredible.

[Sylvie] That's a really nice thing to say to me.

- [pots banging] - [Football game on TV]

Oh, now what the heck, Connie? We were watching the game.

Okay everybody sit down.

Now!

[Clark] Ok.

Now every year when this family gets together

all we do is fight.

The hot dog was an accident!

Ugh. She totally did it on purpose.

And blame.

This year things are going to be different.

Now this is a behavioral contract that I found online.

And you are all going to sign it.

Clark.

The no-conflict contract?

This year there will be no fighting, insulting,

taunting, ridiculing or drinking.

[all laughing]

That's a good one.

That'll be the day.

For the love of God.

Alright.

Now get out your pens and sign it.

But Mom there's no way this is gonna last.

You will sign it if you love me.

That's a little passive aggressive.

The holidays are all about love and this year we,

like every other family, are going to show some love.

And you are all going to help.

Or... off to the shed.

Now that's just straight-up aggressive.

Whoa!

I'm not signing anything without the advice of counsel.

Not gonna happen.

You will sign that contract, Chuck.

Or you can get cozy in your bucket lifter.

- Hmm. - Yikes.

Right. But first let's go ahead

and light �em up Manetti-Hanahan style.

Wally, here.

- [Wally] Coming. - [Chuck whistles]

Okay, but... can I at least finish my beer?

[Rebecca] Ugh, you would.

Sign that!

Alright Wally. Light �em up.

And make sure all the neighbors have a stellar view!

[electricity booms]

[crowd groans]

Oh f...

Chuck.

Fudge.

Alright. Show's over.

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