Original subtitles

SUNDAY 09:04

OLI: Did you get home okay? I'm worried. Did Daniel get laid?

LAURA: Total blackout! Lying in bed. No more alcohol!

MONDAY 07:41

Shit.

Well, everything okay?

You stink. You okay?

Yeah.

Daniel has something to tell us.

Daniel is officially not a virgin anymore.

You told him?

He didn't have to. He was seen leaving with a girl.

-I can explain, okay? -He should thank us.

-For what, exactly? -Hey, for setting you up.

-With who? -I don't know. He wouldn't say.

I'm not going to thank you either, because...

it wasn't that great.

-No? -The first time is never good.

The second time is better and the third and fourth time.

Laura, come here, I need to talk to you.

Okay, bye.

-Hey ,Daniel, no cigarettes! -Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Thanks for the save.

I really fucked up.

I was so drunk.

I think I'm pregnant.

You think you're pregnant?

You're shitting me, right?

At this party, there was this boy...

and we had no condom, so...

Hold on.

You slept with a boy at a party without a rubber?

Can you please stop repeating everything I say?

I love you. But this is just so stupid.

He said he was going to pull it out in time.

-Wow. -I shouldn't have said anything.

-As if. -Julia, wait.

"Take as soon as possible up to five days or 120 hours after intercourse.

"If the contraceptive method failed, take one tablet.

"If you vomit within three hours, take a second one as soon as possible."

Did you hear that, Julia? Don't puke.

Julia?

Would I have been a good mother?

You would have been a great mother.

I'm really an idiot, aren't I?

No more than anybody else.

No more than me.

Come here.

Why does this always happen to me?

Congratulations by the way.

-What for? -Your first time.

Why don't you tell the whole school?

Don't be embarrassed.

I had mine last year. Really awesome.

But you don't have to tell us.

I don't know how it was with you guys.

But for us girls, anything else is more fun than the first time.

Even jumping off the 15-meter platform.

Even the worst math test is more fun. No joke.

Hey, what is it?

Yeah, sis?

Wanna go to the bathroom?

-No, I don't have to. -Okay.

How long have you two been bathroom buddies?

Since we tell each other about our sexual encounters?

My best friend Fee and me.

Why did you just take off?

When?

The day before yesterday.

-I don't know what you mean. -You know exactly what I mean.

-When I woke up, you were gone. -Right, yeah.

I went to breakfast with Zoe.

-Didn't I tell you? -You didn't.

I guess I forgot then.

Okay, I'm supposed to believe that?

Why would I lie to you?

You? No idea.

Maybe for the same reason you didn't tell Oli that

I brought you home and crashed at your place.

"Crashed with me," that's what you call it?

-What else should I call it? -Let me think a minute.

Maybe you shamelessly took advantage of the situation to sleep with me?

Do you seriously think that we... had sex?

-Didn't we? -No, of course we didn't have sex.

Really nice you think of me that way.

Daniel, sorry, but...

Awesome, Hannah is coming from Sydney for my birthday.

Cool.

-I'll be off, okay? -Okay.

Okay. I love you.

TUESDAY 14:26

-Stop! -Yeah!

Stop!

I've been blowing this up for an hour.

You've got real blowing power.

-Funny. -I brought some food.

-How long have you been here? -We had sixth period free.

-Have you already gone in? -I have.

How about you?

-No. -You're going in now.

-No. It's cold. -Yes.

Yes. I don't care. We're going in now.

Oli, that's some sexist shit.

Is it also sexist if I dunk you?

No, that's just shitty.

-Oli runs after everyone, doesn't he? -Look who's talking.

-What are you trying to say? -Nothing.

Laura, stop with the stupid innuendos. Save yourself the trouble.

-You gonna tell him? -What?

That I'm not pregnant anymore?

There's nothing to talk about.

Besides, I don't even know his name.

But you have his number, right?

Sure.

Have it saved under "Deflowerer."

The Adventures

of the Deflowerer.

Eighteen and up.

-Why did you do that? -What?

Have sex?

You always wanted your first time to be special, right?

I think the new Julia sees it all a bit...

more loosely.

And the old one?

She finally has something to say when it comes to sex.

You know that's bullshit, right?

-Come on, get in the water, pansy. -Come on.

Just chill. I'll be right there.

The first things can go on the grill.

I've tried everything,

but no matter what I do, Niklas always pops up in my head.

Yesterday, I bit into an apple, and bam, it's Niklas's tight ass.

Or I'm swatting at a mosquito, and Niklas comes and saves me from it.

I can manage without him. I don't need a guy.

You know we bet that you guys would get back together?

You're shitting me.

Julia gives you until fall break.

Mira believes in you and thinks you won't get back together.

My girl.

But she doesn't know your on-off story either, that's why.

And I...

-And you? -I say until Christmas break.

Never! I'd rather be a lesbian.

-But women are also totally crazy. -They look better naked.

Just the idea that I'd have something

so absolutely unattractive dangling between my legs.

Maybe something was happening.

-What do you mean? -Between Daniel and me.

I knew it.

No sex.

Not that either.

Did you kiss?

What happened?

It was different from the other thousand times we woke up together.

What are you gonna do now?

I have no fucking clue.

Keep it to yourself.

That's your great advice?

I think I should figure out which one I want.

Yeah, I thought you would choose Oli.

-What about Daniel? -Nothing.

Daniel's great.

But Oli is Oli.

Man, you guys just belong together.

Even head bimbo Fee says so.

-She says that? -Yes.

Although I guarantee she'd never say no to it.

Half the school wants to be in your place, but Oli only wants you.

And I should just carry on like before,

as if nothing ever happened?

What do you think will happen if you come clean?

Well, that's obvious.

We'll all live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

I mean, worst-case scenario, you lose both,

Oli and your best friend.

And you.

You'll never lose me.

Oh, God!

TUESDAY 19:18

OLI: The kid is asleep. I'll be very quiet.

LAURA: And she should stay asleep. Not today, okay?

-Hey. -Hey.

-What's up? -I just wanted to...

Now's not a good time.

-Where are you? -Babysitting.

You can't talk there or what?

Is something wrong, sperm can?

What should be up?

What do you mean?

Aren't you gonna come up with a swear word to top mine or something?

I have to hang up. Frieda woke up.

Okay.

LAURA: It can't go on like this. HELP!

-Why green? -Greenpeace was founded 47 years ago.

WEDNESDAY 10:33

-How do you know these things? -There are other things besides "likes."

Ouch, that hurt.

-Did he get back to you? -Somebody fill me in?

Can I?

She sent Daniel a message that she wants to spend more time with Oli,

and so she can't see Daniel as often.

Context.

She's in love with Daniel.

Hey! Shout it louder.

I didn't hear anything.

Is there anything we can help you with, Killi?

Because Zoe was shouting. I didn't hear anything.

Did you guys do the biology homework?

-Did we do biology? -Do we look like we did biology?

Except for her, maybe?

I don't know. What would you look like if you did biology?

That was a joke. We didn't do biology.

Why didn't anyone do biology? Shit. Crap.

I've never heard him swear before.

Are you serious?

-Laura... -LOL.

Concentrate. So...

-Daniel and you. -There is no Daniel and me.

What's so bad about being single?

I feel like a freak because everyone but me is in a relationship.

Honestly, I'm not that interested in a relationship with pet names.

"Sweetie," "bunny," "mousey."

-Sweetie. -Snuggly.

What? I think "snuggly" is a cool pet name.

You may not have noticed, but Julia and I are single.

Julia. Can you come here a minute?

Shit... the jerk-off video?

-Probably. -Did she really tell the teachers?

-Her mom found out. -Crazy.

Guys, if the video comes out by some shitty circumstance,

-it's going to be really bad. -It won't.

It's more important that the perv hasn't been in contact again, right?

-Hey. -Just a sec, yeah?

WEDNESDAY 18:11

Yeah, just a minute, okay?

Is everything okay?

I just have to go.

Did you clean up the skid marks?

You...

could have told me... that you were coming.

Why? Here.

Is that lipstick?

You didn't reply to my text, and you weren't at school either.

Which one?

that... we can't see each other as often,

because I want to spend more time with Oli.

And if that's okay with you.

Is it?

No.

So why are you here?

We have to read the book for next week.

I thought we'd read it together. Less boring.

Okay.

JOHANN WOLFGANG GOETHE The Sorrows of Young Werther

Hey.

Don't we have to tell Oli what happened?

But nothing happened.

Then why does it feel like something happened?

And like I should tell him?

Oli, for some shitty reason,

got it into his head that I finally had my first time,

and I'm glad he's finally leaving me alone.

If we tell him the truth now,

he'll start it all over again.

And he'll worry for no reason because we lied to him.

So, please don't say anything.

Okay?

Okay.

What did you just promise now?

Okay.

to you - not

to say

that I - love you

But...

THURSDAY 10:08

Hey, Laura, I wanted to get back to you about the other day,

when we were reading, and say...

I'm sorry, for me, there isn't anything more

than friendship.

Sorry, I hope everything can stay like it is.

I just wanted to tell you.

Zoe: This is us!

Ciao.

It's so good that you came.

That's what friends are for.

-But you don't like math? -That's not true, that's a lie.

Should I listen to Daniel's message again?

Sure.

What's this?

It's so beautiful.

-It was for Oli's birthday. -I'm sure he would have liked it.

Who's for giving it to him anyway?

No, that would be totally unfair to him.

For Daniel, it's over.

I don't know, anyway.

At least now you know he's not into you.

It sucks, but it's his own fault. His loss.

I wouldn't make such a big deal out of it.

Yes, and maybe it's good for your relationship with Oli, right?

-What's good about it? -It's always good for something.

You were questioning the relationship.

That's a good thing, right?

-Right? -Yeah. Awesome.

Yeah, it's good.

Now you know something has to change. So you can be the ultimate happy couple.

Was that in your weird...

-relationship guide... -"The ultimate happy couple."

No.

It's from "ask Julia and you will find enlightenment".

Wow.

-Are you going to patent that? -I am. I filed an application,

filled out all the forms.

But do you still have feelings for Oli?

Man...

that's the thing.

Way too much.

That's what makes the whole thing so fucking complicated.

FRIDAY 12:34

Julia, do you have a tampon by any chance?

Yeah, hang on.

Yeah, here you go.

His name is Timon.

-Who? -The deflowerer.

Are you in contact or what?

I asked him to come to Oli's tomorrow.

-And? -He doesn't know if he has time yet.

Why can guys never commit? Always keeping all the options open.

So totally awesome, incredibly hot.

She was insatiable. I banged her three times.

-I fucked her all night long. -Sophie still won't let me.

What is going on there?

Won't even put it in her mouth.

"I love you" and all that shit. It doesn't work. Nothing.

-Try drugs or something. -I said, "I love you."

-I really said that. -Don't turn me on, now.

Well, boys! Tell me, Julia, have you also heard

boys can't pee when someone is watching them?

-What are you doing here? -It's the boys' bathroom!

-Yes, I have heard that. -I didn't get that. What?

-I don't get it. -He should put it in his mouth.

-You're out of your mind. -"I love you."

I can also help with pissing.

Idiots.

Look, I have a mustache.

What is it?

Hey.

You know what?

I think Daniel's avoiding me.

That's what you wanted, isn't it?

Yeah, you're probably right.

Remember what you told me when you first met Oli?

No, tell me.

I still remember a little.

You called me. You said you felt safe.

Really safe for the first time in your life.

And happy, really happy.

Why are you telling me this now?

Because you've kind of lost that lately.

Fuck!

Waxing doesn't help at all.

-What the fuck? -You waxed again!

Well...

But tell me,

braid for tonight or hair loose?

-Show me. -So, like this?

-You have to look. -Yes, I'm looking.

Or like this?

Like that.

No. I think a braid, right?

-Yeah, a braid is good. -Yeah, a braid.

Ok, see you later.

Later.

You look great.

-He's my favorite so far. -Yeah, keep going.

No.

He's a pretty cool guy, I think.

Nice hair, nice eyes.

Are you going to help me?

-With what? -Are you even listening to me?

It's so loud.

Tomorrow, I have five online dates in a row.

You sit two tables to the back,

and if he doesn't look like the photo or isn't my match at all,

you come and say you're my girlfriend, we make out, all that stuff.

-What about a sign? -I'll give you a sign.

Make out?

Yeah, it has to be authentic.

Okay, no making out, but a scene.

And you're doing all this now because of your father?

Yes, if he doesn't want to admit

that I'm the way I am,

then I'll invite my perfect match for dinner.

That's quite the thought process.

Yeah, I've got it worked out.

Will you help me or what?

Yeah.

I'm counting on you, Laura.

Hey, you.

-Man, what took you so long? -It's the boys' fault.

Has there been any drama, before I get too drunk?

Can I have the headphones?

Hey, Zoe!

-Here. -Okay.

What if I was lying when I said I don't feel anything for you?

What if I panicked and didn't want to hurt Oli?

-Is he here? -I don't know, I don't think so yet.

But he's coming.

No idea.

But he will come.

-Sure. Probably. -What do you want to do?

Puke?

That's a good plan.

My stomach hurts now.

Guys, let me introduce you,

Timon, girls. Girls, Timon.

-Timon. -Right, the deflowerer...

-What? -Flowers. Flowers for the birthday.

Laura, who's the one with the curls?

Laura, who's that with the curls?

There? That's Hannah.

Oli's sister. She just came from Australia.

-And what does she do there? -Au pair.

-Is she single? -Yes, just recently.

You'll have to excuse me, ladies.

Go get her.

And you are?

Very funny.

Oh, right, Zoe's ex.

She's just fucking with you.

Besides, you're not my ex anymore.

No?

A bit more enthusiasm. That's what you wanted.

Zoe, I have a girlfriend.

Yes, exactly.

You have a girlfriend?

Yeah.

Yeah. Did you think I...

was going to wait until you realized

that we belonged together? I mean...

Sorry.

Okay. Come on.

What an asshole.

SATURDAY 22:33

Hey, what's up?

I'm glad you could come.

Thank you very much.

Hey!

-Are you having fun? -Yeah.

The cops better not come and turn off the music. Hey, turn it up!

Hey, tell me,

what do you say we get out of here, just you and me.

-Alone. -I can't go now.

Why not?

We'll do it tomorrow, okay?

When we're sober.

And I'll have a new car. Okay?

Where are your girlfriends?

-Sorry, I didn't mean to be so clingy. -I like it when you're like this.

Well?

SATURDAY 23:57

Thanks.

What do you think of him?

-Who? -Who? Timon, of course.

Yeah, sorry, I was thinking.

If I see him first, I'll let you know. I promise.

-And you'll run away with me, too? -Double promise.

Thanks.

Yeah, well... he's really cute.

That's the only thing you can think of.

You know how shallow I am.

Yeah.

But tell me, how did you convince him to come?

The new Julia always finds a way.

-You didn't send them to him? -You heard the guys in the bathroom.

They lose interest quick. It's not a big deal.

-And the jerk-off video? -That was just a stupid joke.

Since when were you such a prude?

It's not about being a prude.

I shouldn't have to send naked photos to a guy just so he'll like me.

Okay.

Ten, nine,

eight, seven,

-six, -I'll be right there.

-five, four, -Come on, hurry up.

three, two, one!

Happy Birthday to you

Apricots in the pants

And a penis pump too

I think it's too late.

Hey, there you are! You're finally here!

Thank you. It took forever.

Hey, where're you going? Aren't you going to say hi?

-Hi! -Hi!

What's going on here? We're not at a company event. Come here.

So, we're off to the party. Let's go.

SATURDAY 03:37

ZOE: Where are you?

LAURA: Bathroom

ZOE: Puking?

LAURA: Hiding

ZOE: Coming!

Occupied.

You're not Zoe.

I'm not Zoe.

You didn't reply to my message.

Now you know how it feels.

Understood.

Then you have to answer now.

But you also lied.

Then you should lie, too.

What was your message again?

What if...

what if I lied

when I said I had no feelings for you?

What if...

what if I panicked and didn't want to hurt Oli?

What if I...

what if I have loved you so long that I don't even know when it started?

I don't think about you...

either day or night...

or in-between.

I lose myself when I'm...

with you, because...

because I'm afraid of doing something wrong.

I can't be myself...

and anyway, I...

I hate your green-brown eyes,

your hands,

that your middle toe is much longer than the others.

That's abnormal.

Laura, are you still in there?

And...

And your smell...

I can't stand it.

Are you done?

One more thing.

Your lips...

I'd never want to kiss them.

Never.

I know.

What is it?

"What is it?"

You tell me.

Take a look at the curtain. You can see the whole outline.

Nothing happened.

Tell that to Oli.

He was standing next to me the whole time nothing was happening.

Fuck!

Oli?

Oli?

Oli!

Did you see Oli? Did any of you see Oli?

Timon sent the pics to the school. He was also the one with the jerk-off video.

Julia, I'm so sorry, but...

Where is Oli? Have you seen Oli?

Oli?

Oli!

Oli, please, open up.

Open up!

Oli.

Please open the fucking door!

Please, stop, you can't leave now!

Please open up!

You can't drive, you're too drunk!

Please, open up!

You can't drive! Please!

No!

Let's talk, please!

Please!

Shit!

Translated by Melody Winkle