Original subtitles

Fuck off!

Shame on you!

Bitch!

Go home!

Fuck off, you little piece of shit.

Just go home already.

Get lost!

-Go home! -Aren't you ashamed?

Get lost!

What's she doing here?

Fuck off, you piece of shit.

What?

You're usually so strong!

-Are you a dirty little whore? -Look at her hair.

She's so pretty.

-You dirty whore. -You little whore. You look so shitty.

-Look at you. -What pretty little tears.

Nobody can help you!

I say let's go. Have fun crying!

3 WEEKS EARLIER

Have you ever wondered what we'd be like if we weren't together?

Would we listen to different music?

Or think differently about things?

I mean...

MONDAY 06:48

...I'd probably still be Laura, who's terrified of spiders,

and more than that, terrified of not being good enough.

We would be different.

-Different than now, right? -Do you want to be different?

I didn't mean it that way.

But you have an influence on me. And I on you.

I'm just curious what it'd be like without you.

I've never asked myself that before.

Not because I'm not interested,

but because I'm happy, with who I became because of you.

-Too cheesy? -Much too cheesy.

-Oh, man. -Mom's about to get up.

How come I'm not allowed to sleep here yet?

Because my mom thinks I'm good and innocent.

Breakfast in 20 minutes!

And before Oli sneaks out the window, I'll set a place for him.

Thanks, Mom.

At least she knows you aren't good anymore.

Or innocent.

Have you ever noticed how stupid it is to watch other people skateboard?

MONDAY 14:53

-As stupid as skateboarding yourself. -You never skateboarded.

Yeah, I...

never did synchronized swimming either, but I know it's stupid.

I had a totally awesome dream.

Listen.

I dreamed I was on a dark street,

like a completely dark room.

And suddenly this guy appeared at the end of the street.

I didn't recognize his face.

I start to panic, reach in my pocket, and suddenly I find a gun.

So I aim at this person.

Just when I'm about to pull the trigger, I recognize his face.

Your face.

Yeah.

Yeah, thanks.

I feel really honored.

You should.

Hey, wait.

Guys, get a room.

Jealous or what?

We're on for tonight?

Yeah, but not 'til seven.

I'm home alone before.

What're you doing tonight?

Gambling. I told you.

Didn't I tell you?

Actually, we had a date.

Fuck. I forgot.

Tomorrow, I promise.

Until then I'm looking for a new boyfriend.

Hopefully, he looks as good as I do.

Supposedly she had a nose job together with her mother.

Perverse, right?

If she likes it?

"If she likes it?"

You know Bastian, right?

-A grade above us with dark hair? -Yeah.

Yesterday, Fee gave him a blowjob in the toilet.

Is that true?

That's what they say.

If one says it, it's a lie. If two say it, it's a lie. If three say it, it's true.

I didn't know they were together.

You're so cute when you're naive.

Hey!

MONDAY 19:46

That was great, wasn't it?

Hang on, I want to take a look.

Now.

If he cheats, doesn't respect your decisions,

he doesn't trust you and takes your freedom away,

or he lies to you.

Or he takes a relationship test with me.

-Take the questions seriously. -What is it this time?

Age restriction on YouTube.

What do I have to do?

Take off the "http" in front and replace it with "nsfw."

Without a period.

Ciao.

Here I am again, Natasha.

And the theme is the perfect blowjob.

I have prepared something for you.

But you know what? Forget it.

I have something much better for you.

This. When you stimulate the man here,

with the tongue, the lips,

he'll go completely nuts.

You must make the man feel it's the most delicious...

Here he is very sensitive.

I would choose "A."

You can always alternate your fingers...

The perfect blowjob?

What kind of sexist shit is that?

For you everything is sexist shit. Give it back.

Do you think Oli Googles how to lick you the right way?

Do you think Fee just sucked on it?

Hey.

You're afraid of losing him to that bimbo?

Hey guys, why is it always about sex with you?

Let's drink to that.

I wanna see it, too.

Tongue, lips...

So are you ready for your score?

Kill me now!

"So you're working toward a family.

"You wish for a loving husband, children, and a nice house.

"You're the quiet type, and many people like your quiet nature.

"Quick tip: You should try something new. It will help you in life."

What, those were your answers.

No, yours, those were your answers.

The complete opposite of Zoe.

So I should try something new.

Let's start with this.

Bottoms up.

And what are we drinking to?

World peace?

To Julia's relationship tests.

To love.

To us!

Cheers!

Does it have any tonic in it?

You made it.

I didn't make anything.

What was that?

What helps with a Kater?

-The domestic cat is a subspecies of... -Stop.

-Not "Kater" like cats. -May I continue reading?

"Kater" like headaches. Hangover.

No. No information.

Just call in sick.

No, I can't. I've got English now.

It still hurts.

It's a little better.

Great. Then I don't need to give you the headache pills.

You have one?

Where?

-Front pocket. -Can you give it to me?

No.

Should I get pizza?

No, you don't have to.

I'm happy to. It's on me. You know that.

It makes me uncomfortable.

But thanks.

What for?

For wanting to fix me.

-What do you actually think of her? -Who?

Who? Fee, of course.

Yeah, not my type.

And what is your type?

You're my type.

What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

Yes.

I love you. Only you.

English.

-When do they take effect? -In an hour.

TUESDAY 13:30

Why do we need math again?

-No idea. -To graduate?

Nah, later in life.

Nobody needs loga-fucking-rithms.

Are we doing it now?

We did it in 11th grade.

No shit.

-I need to pee. What about you? -No.

Did we have homework?

-Do you know how many calories it has? -How many?

-Butter? -Yeah.

What kind of cheese?

-Gouda. I don't know. We've had... -Three hundred twenty one.

Page 321?

No, 321 calories.

-You want to know the fat content, too? -Nope.

Thirteen fats, seven of them saturated.

And no, we didn't have homework.

Fuck that.

Oh, yum.

You get used to it.

Really?

You don't get likes with a cheese sandwich.

You don't need to lose weight.

You're pretty like you are.

And I'm not or what?

It's the cheese sandwich.

TUESDAY 17:34

ZOE: Where are you?

LAURA: WTF???!!!

ZOE: She just sent it to me too.

LAURA: Does she know who that is?

ZOE: Number unknown. Do you recognize the voice?

LAURA: No, you?

ZOE: Nope. He's been texting her. And today this. WTF!!!

LAURA: How is she?

ZOE: She thinks it's funny. You know her. Julia would never say she's feeling bad.

TUESDAY 19:17

DANIEL

Do you think it's that good?

-Well? -Well?

-What are you doing? -Nothing. You?

Congratulating you.

-Is something wrong? -Nope.

What? What did I win?

We have been friends

for exactly five years today.

You remembered that?

Yeah, of course. So... what are you giving me?

-Listen. -Yeah?

Are you ready for the ultimate anniversary gift?

-I'm all excited. -Okay.

-Ready? -Yes.

Go.

Okay, you are so weird.

Yeah, right.

That's why I've burped and puked in front of you,

picked my nose, and grabbed my crotch.

-Oh no, that was all you. -We've been friends for five years,

what do you expect?

I don't know.

There are no more surprises. We've seen it all.

Yeah, maybe we should just split up.

You're right.

Well then.

Take care, bitch.

Do better, anal banana.

One, two, three.

Tell me, what took you so long?

-That was three seconds! Maximum. -Five at least.

Anal banana?

Sorry, I couldn't think of anything better under pressure. You know.

But what was that with bitch?

We can agree we're bad at insults.

But we are unbeatable at being nice.

Oh thanks, we're so boring.

A little, right?

-Hey. -I didn't hear you ring the bell.

Your mother let me in.

-Well, dude, what's up? -Man, it's Oliver.

Daniel. Did you hear from Chris and Rene? They're back from London.

-In the apartment or what? -Yes.

-No, haven't seen that yet. -Read your messages.

I'm hanging up, okay?

-Okay. Have fun. -Bye.

-You did bring pizza. -Surprise. Here you go.

-It's salami. This is yours. -Here.

You're welcome.

You're welcome. I know.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Did you ask your mother about the party on Saturday?

I don't have to. She's working.

I was thinking we should find a date for Daniel.

-What, like a blind date or what? -Yeah.

I think he should finally fire off.

Oh man, blind dates always backfire.

Yeah, I'll organize it. What do you think?

Yeah, whatever. If you say so.

Well, I'll be on my way. See you around.

And now extend them.

WEDNESDAY 10:47

Really come forward, really come forward.

Change. Quick. And chest.

Ten push-ups again, go.

Girls do girl push-ups, boys do boy push-ups.

Here we go. One, two, three, four.

-Who else knows about the video? -Only you two. I want to keep it that way.

I don't know. I think it's totally creepy.

It's just some stupid video.

-You know how boys are. -No one ever sent me a video like that.

-Maybe he's in love or something. -You really think it's okay?

No.

But I don't think it's that bad either.

-I think it's disgusting. -I think it's disgusting, too.

Hey, guys, you have to promise me you won't show it to anyone. Really.

Not even Oli.

-Laura. -Yeah, okay. I promise.

Shake it off well.

-Let's go! -Are you talking about me?

You'd like that.

That's exactly the problem.

-You don't talk behind my back. -You don't want that, Killi.

-One, two... -Of course.

I'm tired of always being the nice guy who does your IT shit.

I'm 16 and still a virgin.

-Too much information. -Come on, Killi.

Nerds are the new cool.

I hadn't noticed.

Someday you'll take over the school, and you'll be in charge.

Let me ask you, ladies, what's going on here?

Nah, let me guess.

All three of you got your period.

All at the same time.

-We're blood sisters. -Okay.

This is the last time.

Next time go to the parallel class, because you're disrupting PE.

-Killian, what're you doing? -I have my period too.

All right, okay. Off to the locker room, Gym clothes on. Otherwise, it's an F.

And we run here.

-All right, Mrs. Pauli. -What did you say?

Did I say anything about stopping?

What's going on? You're mixing up the exercises.

Go on! I said, keep going.

-And go! And one, and two, and three... -I'm going to change my tampon.

I can't believe he doesn't know.

Don't turn around. Don't!

What is it?

Two guys have been watching.

Tell me when I can look.

Now!

They were looking just now, man.

-Sure? -Yes.

Oh, embarrassing.

-Do you know them? -Nope, luckily not.

OLI: I have the perfect girl for Daniel. Should I invite her?

-Oli? -Yeah.

Tell me, do you think we look happy together?

-You and me? -Oli and me, you dummy.

What kind of question is that?

Well, do we look happy, like a couple,

like when we're together? When we kiss?

I've got better things to do than watching you and Oli make out.

Dude, I'm serious.

Who gives a shit if you look happy?

I mean to others. The main thing is that you're happy, right?

Hey!

Oh, God, so embarrassing.

Cute couple.

Are you happy with Oli?

It was a dumb question. Forget it.

I get the feeling you're hoping Oli will start something with Fee,

so you have a reason to break up with him.

-That's not true, and you know it. -Then don't make problems!

Oh, give me that.

-Should I invite her or not? -Yeah.

Yeah.

LAURA: Just invite her.

Oh, God.

Bring her to me.

THURSDAY 12:08

Do you have toilet paper?

Yeah, sure.

Here.

Can I have some more?

-Is it enough? -Yeah.

LAURA: Are you done with the homework?

WHOEVER READS THIS IS STUPID!

WHOEVER READS THIS IS SPECIAL.

ZOE: Yo. You can come back.

-Hey. -Hey.

I didn't even recognize you.

-Why yellow? -Training is in English.

You want some?

Come here.

Nice eyes.

Are you afraid of me? Don't worry, I don't hit on every girl.

-Awesome, isn't it? -What does it cost?

About 30.

I'd have to babysit for four hours.

-Smoke? -No.

Where are you from, anyway?

I was in high school in Hamburg.

And then my parents divorced,

and my mother moved here with everything she had.

I hated Hamburg anyway.

-And your father? -I don't like him. Asshole.

Hey, can I ask you one more question?

Do you want to know how I realized I like girls?

I don't know, I just noticed it at some point.

You know when you're 14,

and you've always done what everyone wants?

Then I realized it wasn't my thing,

and then I just did what I wanted.

Then somehow I realized it.

Weren't you afraid of doing something wrong?

I don't know. How can you find out who you are if you don't make mistakes?

There's no such thing as right.

Come on.

FRIDAY 19:26

He returns the pass. That should be an opportunity.

-Did you see that? -Now it comes in. Will there be a goal?

Now it's on!

And another goal.

Goal for the BVB.

-And in the corner. -He just had to do it.

Like Messi.

Tomorrow you can thank us for the fact you finally got to fire.

Thanks for asking if I wanted to.

Yeah.

That's the point of blind dates.

You have zero say in the matter.

-Do I at least have a veto? -Are you dreaming?

I'm out of here.

You just got here.

Yeah, but I don't have to be here when you're smoking weed and gossip.

Wait a minute.

Say, how long has it been since your last kiss?

-No idea. -Yes, exactly.

We don't want you to embarrass yourself on the first date.

Would you?

-Would I what? -Kiss Daniel so he knows how it's done.

Are you serious?

-When did you get so boring? -Fuck you.

It's just a harmless kiss, nothing to it.

Just a harmless kiss, Oli?

How many harmless kisses have you given?

I didn't mean to say it like that.

Come on, tell me. It's all just fun.

It's all just a game.

I'm sorry, okay?

It's all too stupid for me.

Stay, please.

Can we all just go back to normal?

I am so normal.

And you, Daniel? You're totally normal too, aren't you?

I suppose we can't just forget what happened in the last minute

and keep going where we left off?

-Are you fucking serious? -What do you want to hear?

So with tongue or without?

Come on, let's go in there.

What? No!

Okay, then out here.

So with tongue or without?

-I think I'm going to be sick. -Thanks.

No, that's not what I meant.

Hands here.

Okay, do we keep our eyes open?

No, right? So with tongue or without?

Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.

But please stop being like that.

Oli, don't act like that. It's just for Daniel and his date.

With tongue. And eyes closed.

I think I'm going to puke.

Eyes closed.

Okay. It was a stupid idea. Sorry.

I get it, I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry, okay?

-It's all good. -Asshole is an understatement.

Yeah, let's agree on total asshole.

-I said that I get your point, okay? -Total giant asshole.

How do you put up with me?

Maybe because I'm your mega super giant asshole?

-What are you doing on your phone? -Niklas is texting me.

-Poor you. -Laura, you have a totally cool apartment.

-Vodka or gin? -Vodka.

Laura, did you use to have black hair?

Yeah.

That's me with my dad at the Baltic Sea just after my birthday.

-Were you really close? -Yeah.

-That's my mom's new lover. -Is he nice?

Yeah, if he didn't try to act like my dad the whole time.

-Don't chatter, drink. -I don't drink.

You don't drink?

That's not going in your favor.

This smells totally disgusting.

But I'll give it a try.

It doesn't look bad.

Fuck, guys, turn off the music, will you?

Music off, now! Quick.

-Hey, Mommy. -"Mommy."

Yeah, it's all good.

No, I'm at home. Yes, I'll make myself something to eat.

No, it's the TV that's so loud.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I'll go to bed early. But don't wake me up tomorrow, okay?

Love you, ciao.

Man, can't you guys just shut up for once?

Catch it!

Shut up!

SATURDAY 21:46

Oh, shit, I had to so bad.

Can you feel anything?

Yeah.

Yes, exactly. Another one.

Slow down your peeing.

Look.

-A little photo shoot. -No.

-Dude! -Zoe, no!

-What are you doing with it? -I'm sending it to Niklas.

Who is Niklas?

-On, off. On, off. On, off. -Off.

Guys, come on, we're way too late!

You guys have to help, I want to upload a few.

Upload?

I'll post them on Instagram.

No, that...

Yeah, that. Guys, okay.

Careful!

-Guys, what's with you? -Uploaded!

Cool!

Bye, Niklas, bye.

Take your own bottle.

I'm ready.

I'm happy.

What was the craziest thing you've ever done?

Popped pills and waited for the effects.

Count to three.

One, two, three.

Hey, if you jump, I'll kill you.

All together.

One, two, three!

Oh shit!

Cheers!

SUNDAY 00:12

-Isn't there any lemonade? -Hey, that's vodka.

We're gonna do it now!

Cheers!

Disgusting.

Did they dump ashes in it?

How many is that so far?

Four. I stopped counting at eleven.

-You okay? -Great. Why does everyone keep asking?

I don't know. You're so different somehow.

Laura, can you please stop?

-You're not my mother. -Just relax.

Yes, you should relax.

Laura, where are you?

Dance, come on!

Ew, not in the sink.

That's nasty!

Did you see Daniel's date?

Oh, she's cute.

You smell good!

Shall we go to the bathroom again?

Have you seen Christian yet?

Come to the bathroom?

No. Say no to drugs.

She is not his type.

Not jealous at all?

-Of Daniel's date? Why should I be? -Of Fee in the bathroom with your guy.

Nah, why?

Even if they do the Chinese sleigh ride?

Chinese what?

It's a sex position.

Come on, you want me to show you?

As described, one leg up...

Oh yeah.

-Who's who now? -My guy.

Yes, she's the woman.

What? Where's Julia? Julia!

I was thinking about your question.

If you and Oli look happy.

I told you it was a stupid question.

What if you guys look happy?

And still do? Would that change how you see Daniel?

-And? -Will you do me a favor?

-What? -Don't be a pussy. Decide who you want.

-Tell me, does it work? -Are you dancing with me?

-In a minute. -I want to dance.

-Have you seen Laura? -No, haven't seen her.

She's puking for sure.

SUNDAY 01:42

Is there room?

-Hey. -Hey.

What are you doing out here?

I'm... I'm not feeling so good.

How is your date?

She was just dancing on the table.

Then the hookup plan was successful after all.

No idea.

-I'm really not good at this. -What?

Small talk. Dates. I...

I'm date dyslexic.

I just can't talk to girls.

You're talking to me now, you date dyslexic.

Yeah, with you it's different.

Thanks.

Do you remember last year's party,

where the music was so loud, we had to shout to talk?

Yeah, and you told me about your dream.

Shit, okay, you remember.

Yeah, the epic dream about our biology teacher.

So you remember just when I shouted it to you, the music went out and...

And everybody heard that you dreamt about Mrs. Kluge.

Yeah. And because I'm so bad at dating, and between us, we had this

-awkward silence, I told her... -You didn't.

about the dream. Yes.

I said I'm a date dyslexic.

-And what did she do? -Laughed.

-She laughed. -It's all good, isn't it?

Didn't sound like it.

I'm sorry.

She wasn't my type anyway.

Oli?

Yeah.

Aren't you going to answer him?

No.

He has fun without me.

Oli would never cheat on you. And definitely not with Fee.

He loves only you.

Are you okay?

I'm kind of, I'm...

Oh fuck, sorry.

Yeah, sorry, okay. I needed new ones anyway.

-Where are you going now? -Home.

I'll take you.

Why?

So you can sleep with me?

Wait.

Can you give me a piggyback ride?

-Hop. -Oh, God.

Not so fast!

I think my crown would suit you.

Subtitle translation by Melody Winkle