Original subtitles

HI, WELCOME TO CABLE TV CHANNEL "D." THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY

CHANNEL "D." THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY NAME IS RAY.

THIS IS "TELEPSYCHIC," AND MY NAME IS RAY. I'LL BE TAKING YOUR CALLS TODAY.

HERE'S THE NUMBERS...

555-1231, 2, 3 AND 4 AND 5.

ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING, ABOUT

LIFE, MONEY, LOVE.

I'LL PREDICT FOR YOU OKAY?

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. UH, YEAH, I WAS, UH, WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA

UH, YEAH, I WAS, UH, WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA LIVE TO?

WONDERING... HOW OLD AM I GONNA LIVE TO? UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY?

LIVE TO? UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY? OKAY, YEAH, THANKS!

UM, I FEEL, UH, 74, OKAY? OKAY, YEAH, THANKS! OKAY, THANK YOU.

OKAY, YEAH, THANKS! OKAY, THANK YOU. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.

OKAY, THANK YOU. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. YEAH.

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. YEAH. [CLEARS THROAT]

YEAH. [CLEARS THROAT] IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC?

[CLEARS THROAT] IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC? YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD.

IS THIS TELEPSYCHIC? YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD. YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD.

YEAH, YEAH, GO AHEAD. YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD. UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I

YOU'RE ON LIVE. GO AHEAD. UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE,

UM, I HAVE NO PROOF, BUT I GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE, MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME.

GOT A FEELING MY WIFE, LUCILLE, MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY

MIGHT BE CHEATING ON ME. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS. UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO

THOUGHTS ON THIS. UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING

UH, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK

TELL YOU THIS, BUT I'M GETTING AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE.

AN IMAGE WHICH MAKES ME THINK SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE. OH, NO!

SHE'S GETTING IT ON THE SIDE. OH, NO! WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM!

OH, NO! WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM! ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A

WHO IS IT?! I'LL KILL HIM! ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A NAME... DICK, OKAY?

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS A NAME... DICK, OKAY? DICK.

NAME... DICK, OKAY? DICK. OKAY. THANK YOU.

DICK. OKAY. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC.

ALL RIGHT. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. IS THIS RAY?

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. IS THIS RAY? YEAH, THIS IS RAY.

IS THIS RAY? YEAH, THIS IS RAY. YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD.

YEAH, THIS IS RAY. YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD. OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I

YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD. OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY

OKAY, ABOUT A YEAR AGO, I GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY 12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO

GAVE A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY 12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO BUILD MY HOUSE.

12,000 BUCKS DOWN PAYMENT TO BUILD MY HOUSE. YEAH.

BUILD MY HOUSE. YEAH. AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A

YEAH. AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM

AND, UH, THEY PUT IN A BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS.

BASEMENT, AND I GAVE THEM ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS. YEAH.

ANOTHER 12,000 BUCKS. YEAH. AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION

YEAH. AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T

AND THEY STOPPED CONSTRUCTION LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS.

LAST SEPTEMBER, AND THEY WON'T ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS. UH-HUH.

ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS. UH-HUH. NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS

UH-HUH. NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT.

NOW, A FRIEND OF MINE TELLS ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT. YEAH.

ME THEY'RE GOING BANKRUPT. YEAH. OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

YEAH. OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? MAY... MAY 25th.

OKAY, WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? MAY... MAY 25th. WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM

MAY... MAY 25th. WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM 'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR

WELL, YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM 'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR YOU TO DO BUSINESS.

'CAUSE THIS IS A BAD TIME FOR YOU TO DO BUSINESS. SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY

YOU TO DO BUSINESS. SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY MONEY BACK?

SO, UH, AM I GONNA GET MY MONEY BACK? DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY?

MONEY BACK? DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY? OKAY.

DEFINITELY NOT. NO. OKAY? OKAY. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD. YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME

HELLO. TELEPSYCHIC. GO AHEAD. YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS

YEAH, MY BROTHER LEFT HOME AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM

AND DISAPPEARED ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU

AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW WHERE HE IS.

HIM, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU KNEW WHERE HE IS. UH, YES.

KNEW WHERE HE IS. UH, YES. HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH

UH, YES. HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE

HE WAS, UH, HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE CATS.

A ROCK AND, UH, EATEN BY LARGE CATS. AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN

CATS. AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN COLORADO, OKAY?

AND, UH, HE WAS ALONE IN COLORADO, OKAY? OKAY, THANK YOU.

COLORADO, OKAY? OKAY, THANK YOU. OKAY.

OKAY, THANK YOU. OKAY. TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON.

OKAY. TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD.

TELEPSYCHIC. YOU'RE ON. GO AHEAD. YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY

GO AHEAD. YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE TV SHOW IS

YEAH, LIKE, MAN, YOU KNOW, MY FAVORITE TV SHOW IS "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW?

FAVORITE TV SHOW IS "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW? YEAH.

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," YOU KNOW? YEAH. AND I WAS WONDERING IF

YEAH. AND I WAS WONDERING IF THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY

AND I WAS WONDERING IF THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY START THE SHOW.

THEY'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE WAY THEY START THE SHOW. NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE,

THEY START THE SHOW. NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

NO, NO, IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'" [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

WITH MAUREEN STAPLETON.

STARRING DAN AYKROYD... JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN... AND GILDA RADNER.

WITH MUSICAL GUESTS LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAUREEN STAPLETON!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAUREEN STAPLETON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, ALL. THANK YOU, ALL, VERY, VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO

THANK YOU, ALL, VERY, VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A WONDERFUL TIME.

I'VE HAD A GREAT WEEK, A WONDERFUL TIME. IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A

WONDERFUL TIME. IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN

IT'S A GREAT COMPANY AND A WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN SO NICE TO ME.

WONDERFUL CREW, AND THEY'VE BEEN SO NICE TO ME. AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN

SO NICE TO ME. AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE

AND IT'S... IT'S... FOR AN ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS

ELDERLY PERSON LIKE ME, TO BE WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS TERRIFIC.

WITH SUCH YOUNG BLOOD IS TERRIFIC. AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND

TERRIFIC. AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST

AND TO HAVE LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST GREAT.

PHOEBE SNOW ON THIS SHOW IS JUST GREAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GREAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] EVERYTHING...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] EVERYTHING... IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN

EVERYTHING... IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE...

IT REALLY... EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE... DUMB ERROR.

PERFECT, EXCEPT I MADE ONE... DUMB ERROR. I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW

DUMB ERROR. I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT

I-I DIDN'T REALIZE WHEN THE SHOW WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND

WAS LIVE THAT THAT MEANT THAT PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND COME AND SEE THE SHOW.

PEOPLE WOULD GET TICKETS AND COME AND SEE THE SHOW. SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I

COME AND SEE THE SHOW. SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS.

SO I DIDN'T ALSO KNOW THAT I ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS. SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED,

ONLY GOT 10 TICKETS. SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED, THEY SAID, "TWO?"

SO THE FIRST PEOPLE THAT CALLED, THEY SAID, "TWO?" I SAID, "SURE.

THEY SAID, "TWO?" I SAID, "SURE. AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?"

I SAID, "SURE. AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?" I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW."

AND THEY SAID, "MAYBE THREE?" I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?"

I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW." THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?" "FINE."

THEN THE NEXT, "FOUR?" "FINE." ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN

"FINE." ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN ANOTHER ONE TWO.

ANOTHER ONE TWO, AND THEN ANOTHER ONE TWO. AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T

ANOTHER ONE TWO. AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS.

AND THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS. I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND

HAVE ANY MORE TICKETS. I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND THEY SAID, "NO."

I THOUGHT I COULD GET MORE, AND THEY SAID, "NO." SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE

THEY SAID, "NO." SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME,

SO THAT MEANS THAT MY VERY CLOSE FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME, AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON

FRIENDS ARE WATCHING AT HOME, AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM.

AND MY CHILDREN ARE WATCHING ON A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM. AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU

A SET IN THE DRESSING ROOM. AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND

AND I'M SORRY, BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND PLEASE WAIT.

ENJOY THE SHOW ANYWAY, AND PLEASE WAIT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PLEASE WAIT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: THE NAVY.

SEE YOUR LOCAL RECRUITER OR CALL

TOLL FREE.

HI, HONEY. OH, HI. OH. GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE.

OH, HI. OH. GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE. WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE.

GLAD YOU STOPPED AT THE STORE. WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE. I KNOW.

WE GOT NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE. I KNOW. YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT.

I KNOW. YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY

YOUR HOUSEGUEST CLEANED US OUT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY HOUSEGUEST?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY HOUSEGUEST? YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO.

HOUSEGUEST? YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO. OH!

YOU KNOW HIM AS WELL AS I DO. OH! UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE

OH! UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN?

UGH, DID YOU SEE THE MESS HE LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN? I KNOW.

LEFT US IN THE KITCHEN? I KNOW. HE WALKED OUT TODAY.

I KNOW. HE WALKED OUT TODAY. HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER.

HE WALKED OUT TODAY. HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER. OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT.

HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR, EITHER. OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT. I-I LIVE HERE, TOO.

OH, MAN, I MEAN, THAT'S IT. I-I LIVE HERE, TOO. THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT.

I-I LIVE HERE, TOO. THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT. HE'S GOT TO GO.

THIS IS HALF MY APARTMENT. HE'S GOT TO GO. I KNOW.

HE'S GOT TO GO. I KNOW. I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT.

I KNOW. I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT. FORGET IT.

I'M TELLING HIM TONIGHT. FORGET IT. WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF

FORGET IT. WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I WILL.

WELL, YOU BETTER, 'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I WILL. [EXHALES SHARPLY]

YOU DON'T, I WILL. [EXHALES SHARPLY] [DOORKNOB TURNS]

[Ugandan accent] H-HELLO, DOUG, CATHERINE. I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW.

DOUG, CATHERINE. I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW. I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT.

I WENT TO THE STORE, YOU KNOW. I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT. YOU WANT SOME?

I GOT SOME CHEESE. WE WERE OUT. YOU WANT SOME? NO. NO, THANKS, IDI.

YOU WANT SOME? NO. NO, THANKS, IDI. SO, IDI...

NO. NO, THANKS, IDI. SO, IDI... HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

SO, IDI... HOW WAS YOUR DAY? HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

HOW WAS YOUR DAY? HOW WAS YOUR DAY? FINE.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY? FINE. HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH?

FINE. HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH? OH, TERRIBLE.

HOW DID YOUR DAY GO TODAY, HUH? OH, TERRIBLE. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY.

OH, TERRIBLE. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY. I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TODAY. I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW? I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND

I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, YOU KNOW? I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING

I'VE BEEN HERE A MONTH NOW, AND I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING AT TV.

I'LL I'VE BEEN DOING IS LOOKING AT TV. MM-HMM.

AT TV. MM-HMM. TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG

MM-HMM. TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG DAY, YOU KNOW?

TODAY WAS GONNA BE THE BIG DAY, YOU KNOW? FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA

DAY, YOU KNOW? FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA FINALLY GET STARTED.

FINALLY... TODAY I WAS GONNA FINALLY GET STARTED. THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00.

FINALLY GET STARTED. THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00. I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN.

THEN I WOKE UP AT 4:00. I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN. HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

I'M REALLY MAD AT MYSELF, MAN. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT

HOW WAS YOUR DAY? IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR

IDI, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT.

SOMETHING, AND THAT IS YOUR STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT. NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU

STAYING HERE IN OUR APARTMENT. NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP.

NOW, ABOUT A MONTH AGO, YOU SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP. YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN.

SHOWED UP AT MY DOORSTEP. YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN. YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY.

YOU'D BEEN OVERTHROWN. YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY. THAT'S COOL.

YOU NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY. THAT'S COOL. I WAS GLAD TO DO IT.

THAT'S COOL. I WAS GLAD TO DO IT. BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND,

I WAS GLAD TO DO IT. BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND, YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE

BUT THAT WAS A MONTH AGO, AND, YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE MOVING ON ABOUT NOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY SHOULD BE MOVING ON ABOUT NOW. DON'T YOU THINK?

MOVING ON ABOUT NOW. DON'T YOU THINK? OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG.

DON'T YOU THINK? OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG. HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR

OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE DOUG. HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR NERVES?

HAVE I BEEN GETTING ON YOUR NERVES? IT'S NOT THAT.

NERVES? IT'S NOT THAT. IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A

IT'S NOT THAT. IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A SMALL PLACE.

IT'S JUST THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A SMALL PLACE. WE NEED THE SPACE.

SMALL PLACE. WE NEED THE SPACE. OH, YEAH, I...

WE NEED THE SPACE. OH, YEAH, I... WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID

OH, YEAH, I... WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW?

WELL, I WISH YOU HAD SAID SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW? HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A

SOMETHING SOONER, YOU KNOW? HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A WHILE?

HAVE YOU FELT THIS WAY FOR A WHILE? WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A

WHILE? WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

WELL, IT REALLY STARTED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE

COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO. THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME

THERE WAS THIS THING WHERE CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE

CATHERINE CAME HOME AND CAME INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN

INTO THE KITCHEN, AND SOMEONE HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN THERE.

HAD SLAUGHTERED AN ANTELOPE IN THERE. I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND

THERE. I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST

I MEAN, THERE WAS THE HOOVES AND THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND

THE HIDES AND THE HEAD JUST SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY

SITTING OUT ON THE COUNTER, AND I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT

I TOLD CATHERINE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT YOU'D CLEAN IT UP.

ANYTHING OR DO ANYTHING, THAT YOU'D CLEAN IT UP. WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT

YOU'D CLEAN IT UP. WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY

WELL, WE WAITED UNTIL THE NEXT AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY HAD TO DO IT.

AFTERNOON, AND THEN WE FINALLY HAD TO DO IT. THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED

HAD TO DO IT. THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO."

THEN I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAD USED THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO." I MEAN, COME ON, IDI!

THE KITCHEN, AND YOU SAID, "NO." I MEAN, COME ON, IDI! NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE.

I MEAN, COME ON, IDI! NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE. LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG.

NEITHER OF US EAT ANTELOPE. LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG. I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT

LOOK, I'M SORRY, DOUG. I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT MORE.

I PLAN TO START HELPING OUT MORE. I-I-I...

MORE. I-I-I... [TELEPHONE RINGS]

I-I-I... [TELEPHONE RINGS] WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS...

[TELEPHONE RINGS] WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS... I'LL GET IT.

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS... I'LL GET IT. THANK YOU.

I'LL GET IT. THANK YOU. YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP

THANK YOU. YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP OUT MORE.

YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA HELP OUT MORE. THIS IS FOR REAL.

OUT MORE. THIS IS FOR REAL. HELLO.

THIS IS FOR REAL. HELLO. YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN?

HELLO. YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN? WELL, THERE'S, UH...

YOU WANT TO TALK TO IDI AMIN? WELL, THERE'S, UH... THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT

WELL, THERE'S, UH... THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT NAME.

THERE'S NO ONE HERE BY THAT NAME. NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED

NAME. NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING

NO, WHY WOULD THE DEPOSED PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING IN OUR APARTMENT?

PRESIDENT OF UGANDA BE STAYING IN OUR APARTMENT? NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

IN OUR APARTMENT? NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT. YES.

NO, THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT. YES. OKAY, GOODBYE.

YES. OKAY, GOODBYE. I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE

OKAY, GOODBYE. I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE ON THE PHONE!

I HATE HAVING TO LIE TO PEOPLE ON THE PHONE! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!

ON THE PHONE! IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO

IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR

YOU KNOW, IT'S STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR APARTMENT ANYMORE.

FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT EVEN OUR APARTMENT ANYMORE. I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK

APARTMENT ANYMORE. I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK LATE AT NIGHT.

I MEAN, I COME HOME FROM WORK LATE AT NIGHT. I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM,

LATE AT NIGHT. I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM, BUT YOU'RE IN THERE

I'D LIKE TO USE THE BATHROOM, BUT YOU'RE IN THERE INTERROGATING SOMEBODY.

BUT YOU'RE IN THERE INTERROGATING SOMEBODY. YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST

INTERROGATING SOMEBODY. YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME

YEAH, I MEAN, THOSE GUYS LAST NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR

NIGHT... THOSE TWO GUYS KEPT ME UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR SCREAMING.

UP TILL 3:30 WITH THEIR SCREAMING. OH, I'M... I'M SORRY.

SCREAMING. OH, I'M... I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T

OH, I'M... I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T TALK!

I'M SORRY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T TALK! THEY WOULDN'T TALK!

TALK! THEY WOULDN'T TALK! THEY WOULDN'T TALK.

THEY WOULDN'T TALK! THEY WOULDN'T TALK. WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO

THEY WOULDN'T TALK. WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW

WELL, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING?

YOU THAT MAYBE THEY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING? CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE

ANYTHING? CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT...

CATHERINE, I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT... THAT LOUD.

WE WERE BEING, YOU KNOW, THAT... THAT LOUD. BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK!

THAT LOUD. BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK! OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK! OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME HOME.

OKAY, THIS AFTERNOON I CAME HOME. I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET,

HOME. I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET, AND I FOUND THESE GUYS.

I WALKED INTO THE HALL CLOSET, AND I FOUND THESE GUYS. WHO ARE THEY?!

AND I FOUND THESE GUYS. WHO ARE THEY?! THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL

WHO ARE THEY?! THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL OPPONENTS, DOUG.

THEY'RE... THEY'RE POLITICAL OPPONENTS, DOUG. WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?!

OPPONENTS, DOUG. WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?! ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?!

WELL, WHAT IS THE STORY?! ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?! IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT

ARE THEY UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD?! IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND

IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS, I WANT YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD,

YOU TO WAKE THEM UP AND SEND THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD, I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE!

THEM HOME, AND IF THEY'RE DEAD, I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE! DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!

I WANT THEM OUT OF HERE! DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT! I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!

DOUG, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT! I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT! I... OH, OH, OH.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT! I... OH, OH, OH. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.

I... OH, OH, OH. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES!

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES! UH, I'M SORRY.

CATHERINE, CATHERINE, YES! UH, I'M SORRY. Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS

UH, I'M SORRY. Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS AGO.

Y-Y-YOUR AUNT CALLED TWO DAYS AGO. I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU.

AGO. I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU. I FORGOT.

I-I-I MEANT TO TELL YOU. I FORGOT. YOU SEE?

I FORGOT. YOU SEE? YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE

YOU SEE? YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE MESSAGES.

YOU DON'T EVEN WRITE DOWN PHONE MESSAGES. LOOK, THERE'S A PAD.

MESSAGES. LOOK, THERE'S A PAD. RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH.

LOOK, THERE'S A PAD. RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH. WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL

RIGHT BY THE PHONE, YEAH. WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL THAT CAME LAST WEEK.

WHICH REMINDS ME ABOUT THIS BILL THAT CAME LAST WEEK. "KAMPALA, $19.00.

THAT CAME LAST WEEK. "KAMPALA, $19.00. KAMPALA, $18.50.

"KAMPALA, $19.00. KAMPALA, $18.50. KAMPALA, $71."

KAMPALA, $18.50. KAMPALA, $71." OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT

KAMPALA, $71." OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE

OKAY, PHILADELPHIA WAS MINE, BUT ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE ARE YOURS.

ALMOST ALL THE REST OF THEM HERE ARE YOURS. THE SUDAN!

ARE YOURS. THE SUDAN! WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?!

THE SUDAN! WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?! LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING

WHO HERE IS CALLING THE SUDAN?! LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING AN ARMY!

LOOK, DOUG, I'VE BEEN RAISING AN ARMY! I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW,

AN ARMY! I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW, AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO

I'M MOUNTING A COUP RIGHT NOW, AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE

AND AS SOON AS I RETURN TO POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE BILL.

POWER, I WILL PAY THE PHONE BILL. I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO

BILL. I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO RALLY MY ARMY.

I-I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME TO RALLY MY ARMY. WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE

RALLY MY ARMY. WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST

WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA BE RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT

RALLYING YOUR ARMY, I SUGGEST YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE.

YOU GET YOURSELF A NICE LOFT DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE. I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO

DOWNTOWN AND RALLY THEM THERE. I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO WORK.

I MEAN, I NEED THIS PLACE TO WORK. IDI, LISTEN.

WORK. IDI, LISTEN. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL

IDI, LISTEN. HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET?

HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET? CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW,

ABOUT FINDING A SUBLET? CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW, REALLY, HOW TO START.

CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW, REALLY, HOW TO START. I TOLD YOU... THE

REALLY, HOW TO START. I TOLD YOU... THE VILLAGE VOICE, IDI.

I TOLD YOU... THE VILLAGE VOICE, IDI. ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE

VILLAGE VOICE, IDI. ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE VILLAGE VOICE.

ALL THE LISTINGS ARE IN THE VILLAGE VOICE. YOU GET THE LISTINGS.

VILLAGE VOICE. YOU GET THE LISTINGS. WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN

YOU GET THE LISTINGS. WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN APARTMENT.

WE'LL HELP YOU FIND AN APARTMENT. IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT

APARTMENT. IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR

IN THE MEANTIME, I THINK IT WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A

WOULD BE A VERY MATURE THING FOR YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK.

YOU TO GO AND GET YOURSELF A FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK. OKAY, DOUG.

FURNISHED ROOM BY THE WEEK. OKAY, DOUG. DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES

OKAY, DOUG. DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES WHERE...

DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PLACES WHERE... OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE

WHERE... OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE COLLINGWOOD.

OH, LOOK, THERE'S THE COLLINGWOOD. THERE'S THE SEVILLE.

COLLINGWOOD. THERE'S THE SEVILLE. THE SEVILLE.

THERE'S THE SEVILLE. THE SEVILLE. UM... WHAT ABOUT THE

THE SEVILLE. UM... WHAT ABOUT THE ESSEX HOUSE?

UM... WHAT ABOUT THE ESSEX HOUSE? OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE.

ESSEX HOUSE? OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE. COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM?

OH, THE ESSEX HOUSE. COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM? YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED

COULD I COOK IN THE ROOM? YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW.

YOU KNOW, I MIGHT GET RECOGNIZED IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW. WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM

IN RESTAURANTS, YOU KNOW. WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM SERVICE.

WELL, YOU CAN HAVE ROOM SERVICE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF

SERVICE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING

AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT

NEW YORK'S GREAT DINING EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT MARRIOTT'S ESSEX HOUSE,

EXPERIENCES IS ROOM SERVICE AT MARRIOTT'S ESSEX HOUSE, OVERLOOKING CENTRAL PARK.

REALLY? TELL ME MORE.

Announcer: ONE OF NEW YORK'S

GREAT DINING EXPERIENCES IS ROOM

SERVICE AT MARRIOTT'S

ESSEX HOUSE, OVERLOOKING

CENTRAL PARK.

FOR RESERVATIONS, CALL TOLL

FREE.

HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS FURNISHED

IN EXCHANGE FOR THIS

ANNOUNCEMENT.

SAY, THANKS A LOT. THAT SOUNDS GREAT! MM-HMM.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT! MM-HMM. OKAY, IDI.

MM-HMM. OKAY, IDI. I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER

OKAY, IDI. I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER HAVING YOUR OWN PLACE.

I THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER HAVING YOUR OWN PLACE. YEAH. GOODBYE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LINDA RONSTADT AND PHOEBE SNOW. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS

[INTRO TO RUDY CLARK'S "THE SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS KISS)" PLAYS]

[SHOOP SHOOP SONG (IT'S IN HIS KISS)" PLAYS] ♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪

[(KISS)" PLAYS] ♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪ ♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ DOES HE LOVE ME? ♪ ♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES

♪ I WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES ME SO? ♪

♪ HOW CAN I TELL IF HE LOVES ME SO? ♪ ♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪

ME SO? ♪ ♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE

♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE DECEIVED ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, YOU'D BE DECEIVED ♪ ♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪

DECEIVED ♪ ♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪ ♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪

♪ IS IT IN HIS EYES? ♪ ♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ OH, NO, YOU MAKE BELIEVE ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS

♪ WELL, IS IT IN HIS FACE? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS CHARMS ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS CHARMS ♪ ♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪

CHARMS ♪ ♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS

♪ OR IN HIS WARM EMBRACE? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS ARMS ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S JUST HIS ARMS ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ARMS ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ OH, IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪

Both: ♪ HUG HIM ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪ ♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO

♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪ ♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT

KNOW ♪ ♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT REALLY IS ♪

♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT REALLY IS ♪ ♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪

REALLY IS ♪ ♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE

♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE ACTS? ♪

♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE ACTS? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE

ACTS? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE WAY ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE WAY ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO

WAY ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO ALL I SAY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO ALL I SAY ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ALL I SAY ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

Both: ♪ SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP ♪ ♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪

SHOOP, SHOOP, SHOOP ♪ ♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪ ♪ HUG HIM ♪

♪ SHOO-DOOP ♪ ♪ HUG HIM ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪

♪ HUG HIM ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪ ♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO

♪ SQUEEZE HIM TIGHT ♪ ♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

♪ AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT

KNOW ♪ ♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT REALLY IS ♪

♪ IF IT'S LOVE, IF IT REALLY IS ♪ ♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪

REALLY IS ♪ ♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE

♪ IT'S THERE IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE ACTS? ♪

♪ HOW 'BOUT THE WAY HE ACTS? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE

ACTS? ♪ ♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE WAY ♪

♪ WHOA, NO, THAT'S NOT THE WAY ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO

WAY ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO ALL I SAY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENIN' TO ALL I SAY ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪

ALL I SAY ♪ Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪

Both: ♪ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ IF HE LOVES YOU SO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ OH ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪

♪ OH ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, CHILD, NOW ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪

♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS ♪ ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH, HO HO ♪

♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ ♪ OH, HO HO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪

♪ OH, HO HO ♪ ♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪ Both: ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪

♪ IT'S IN HIS KISS, NOW ♪ Both: ♪ THAT'S WHERE IT IS ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AHH! GOT IT! THOSE DARN COCKROACHES. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

THOSE DARN COCKROACHES. THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. GOT A ROACH PROBLEM?

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. GOT A ROACH PROBLEM? WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO

GOT A ROACH PROBLEM? WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS

WELL, BETTER GET READY FOR IT TO GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES

GET WORSE BECAUSE SUMMERTIME IS ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS

ROACH TIME, AND ANYTIME ROACHES ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT

ARE AROUND, IT MEANS BAD NEWS FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT DWELLERS.

FOR YOU HOME AND APARTMENT DWELLERS. NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING

DWELLERS. NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE

NOW THERE'S A WAY OF ELIMINATING MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION.

MAN'S OLDEST PEST BY USING THE WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION. INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL.

WORLD'S OLD PROFESSION. INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL. EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL

INTRODUCING THE ROACH BROTHEL. EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE

EACH HOUSE CONTAINS SENSUAL FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A

FEMALES WHO SENSE, LURE UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN

UNSUSPECTING MALES INTO A SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN RESIST.

SITUATION THAT NO ROACH CAN RESIST. HEY!

RESIST. HEY! HEY, HANDSOME!

HEY! HEY, HANDSOME! WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST?

HEY, HANDSOME! WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST? OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE YOU GOING SO FAST? OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND.

OH, I DON'T KNOW. I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND. MMM.

I'M JUST SORT OF WALKING AROUND. MMM. WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO?

MMM. WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO? UH, WHERE?

WELL, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO? UH, WHERE? RIGHT IN HERE.

UH, WHERE? RIGHT IN HERE. OH, WHAT FOR?

RIGHT IN HERE. OH, WHAT FOR? YOU KNOW WHAT FOR.

OH, WHAT FOR? YOU KNOW WHAT FOR. WELL...

YOU KNOW WHAT FOR. WELL... [SNIFFS]

WELL... [SNIFFS] SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD.

[SNIFFS] SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD. AWW, COME ON IN!

SOMETHING SURE SMELLS GOOD. AWW, COME ON IN! MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO.

AWW, COME ON IN! MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO. COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.

MM, I DON'T THINK SO, NO. COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A

COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A LITTLE ROACH à TROIS.

THE THREE OF US COULD HAVE A LITTLE ROACH à TROIS. WELL, ALL RIGHT.

LITTLE ROACH à TROIS. WELL, ALL RIGHT. I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME,

WELL, ALL RIGHT. I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME, THOUGH.

I HAVEN'T GOT A LOT OF TIME, THOUGH. VERY GOOD, GIRLS.

THOUGH. VERY GOOD, GIRLS. WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR

VERY GOOD, GIRLS. WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK

WHY DON'T YOU SHOW YOUR GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK ROOM?

GENTLEMAN FRIEND INTO THE BACK ROOM? OOH!

ROOM? OOH! [MUMBLING EXCITEDLY]

OOH! [MUMBLING EXCITEDLY] EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET

[MUMBLING EXCITEDLY] EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR

EVEN THE BEST HOUSES GET ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE WITH THIS HOUSE...

ROACHES, SO WHY NOT PROTECT YOUR HOUSE WITH THIS HOUSE... THE ROACH BROTHEL.

Announcer: BY...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[SIGHS] [CHUCKLES] OH!

[CHUCKLES] OH! HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

OH! HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. MY BABY!

HI, MOM. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. MY BABY! OH!

MY BABY! OH! HI.

OH! HI. OH, DEAR.

HI. OH, DEAR. OH.

OH, DEAR. OH. [EXHALES SHARPLY]

OH. [EXHALES SHARPLY] [SIGHS]

[EXHALES SHARPLY] [SIGHS] WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

[SIGHS] WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? OH, I'M ALL RIGHT.

WELL, MOM, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? OH, I'M ALL RIGHT. MOM, WHAT'S WRONG?

OH, I'M ALL RIGHT. MOM, WHAT'S WRONG? NOTHING.

MOM, WHAT'S WRONG? NOTHING. NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE.

NOTHING. NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE. DON'T WORRY.

NOTHING. I'LL BE FINE. DON'T WORRY. OKAY, I WON'T WORRY.

DON'T WORRY. OKAY, I WON'T WORRY. HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY

OKAY, I WON'T WORRY. HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY HERE?

HOW'S, UH, LITTLE BOOTSY HERE? WORRIED.

HERE? WORRIED. MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO

WORRIED. MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO DINNER?

MOM, ARE YOU READY TO GO TO DINNER? WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT

DINNER? WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE

WELL, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE FIRST!

WE COULD HAVE AN APPETIZER HERE FIRST! MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE

FIRST! MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE RESTAURANT.

MOM, MOM, WE'LL EAT AT THE RESTAURANT. OH, BUT I MADE YOUR

RESTAURANT. OH, BUT I MADE YOUR FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST

OH, BUT I MADE YOUR FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST POTATO.

FAVORITE... BRISKET AND A ROAST POTATO. MOM, MOM, I MADE A

POTATO. MOM, MOM, I MADE A RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE

MOM, MOM, I MADE A RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL.

RESERVATION AT YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL. IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

RESTAURANT, MADRIGAL. IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL BE HAPPY.

I'M TAKING YOU THERE SO YOU'LL BE HAPPY. WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I

BE HAPPY. WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY

WELL, HONEY... OH, BABY, I HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON ME.

HATE TO SEE YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON ME. WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY

ON ME. WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY YOURSELF A COAT?

WHY DON'T YOU SAVE UP AND BUY YOURSELF A COAT? MOM, I HAVE A COAT.

YOURSELF A COAT? MOM, I HAVE A COAT. I HAVE LOTS OF COATS.

MOM, I HAVE A COAT. I HAVE LOTS OF COATS. WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD

I HAVE LOTS OF COATS. WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD HAVE MY COAT!

WELL, YOU... YOU... YOU COULD HAVE MY COAT! MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE

HAVE MY COAT! MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOUR COAT.

MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOUR COAT. I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL

YOUR COAT. I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT YOUR COAT, ALL RIGHT? EXCUSE ME.

RIGHT? EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY.

EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. MOM, WOULD YOU STOP

I'M SORRY. MOM, WOULD YOU STOP APOLOGIZING?

MOM, WOULD YOU STOP APOLOGIZING? I'M SORRY.

APOLOGIZING? I'M SORRY. MOTHER...

I'M SORRY. MOTHER... I'M SORRY.

MOTHER... I'M SORRY. MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU

I'M SORRY. MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL

MOTHER, YOU ARE JUST... YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY.

ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY. DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES

GUILTY. DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU

DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU WON'T FEEL GUILTY.

YOU FEEL GUILTY, AND THEN YOU WON'T FEEL GUILTY. MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND

WON'T FEEL GUILTY. MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE

MOTHER, COULD YOU JUST GO AND PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO

PUT THE BRISKET BACK IN THE FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO DINNER, OKAY?

FRIDGE, AND WE'RE GOING OUT TO DINNER, OKAY? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

DINNER, OKAY? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER YOU WANT.

OH, UH, YES, IS THIS THE DOORMAN? UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD

DOORMAN? UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S

UM, I WAS WONDERING, UH, COULD YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S APARTMENT, 18K?

YOU SEND A CAB FOR MRS. ARTHUR'S APARTMENT, 18K? YEAH.

APARTMENT, 18K? YEAH. AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S

YEAH. AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S THERE?

AND YOU'LL PHONE US WHEN IT'S THERE? OKAY, THANK YOU.

THERE? OKAY, THANK YOU. AH, HERE, BABY.

OKAY, THANK YOU. AH, HERE, BABY. TAKE THE BRISKET.

AH, HERE, BABY. TAKE THE BRISKET. MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT

TAKE THE BRISKET. MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT IT.

MOM, I DON'T... I DON'T WANT IT. WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE

IT. WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE BRISKET.

WELL, HONEY, I DON'T LIKE BRISKET. I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT.

BRISKET. I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT. I CAN'T EAT...

I NEVER EAT IT, SO TAKE IT. I CAN'T EAT... MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK

I CAN'T EAT... MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A

MOTHER, I DON'T WANT TO WALK INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A BRISKET.

INTO A RESTAURANT CARRYING A BRISKET. YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET.

BRISKET. YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET. I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE

YOU CAN CHECK THE BRISKET. I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE BRISKET.

I DON'T WANT TO CHECK THE BRISKET. WHY?

BRISKET. WHY? IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T

WHY? IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T CHECK A BRISKET?

IS THERE A LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T CHECK A BRISKET? WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE

CHECK A BRISKET? WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE PRESIDENT PASSED NEW

WHILE I WAS ASLEEP, THE PRESIDENT PASSED NEW LEGISLATION...

PRESIDENT PASSED NEW LEGISLATION... LEGISLATION. LEGIS...

LEGISLATION... LEGISLATION. LEGIS... ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS?

LEGISLATION. LEGIS... ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS? I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET

ABOUT CHECKING BRISKETS? I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET TO THE RESTAURANT.

I AM NOT TAKING THE BRISKET TO THE RESTAURANT. TAKE THE BRISKET.

TO THE RESTAURANT. TAKE THE BRISKET. HELP, GOD.

TAKE THE BRISKET. HELP, GOD. GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION.

HELP, GOD. GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION. IT WAS A $12 BRISKET.

GET ME OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION. IT WAS A $12 BRISKET. OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE.

IT WAS A $12 BRISKET. OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE. $12.

OKAY, MOM. OKAY, FINE. $12. $12. HERE, MOM.

$12. $12. HERE, MOM. TAKE THE $12.

$12. HERE, MOM. TAKE THE $12. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER

TAKE THE $12. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT TRADER VIC'S.

CHECKED A VEAL ROAST AT TRADER VIC'S. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS

TRADER VIC'S. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS HER EVERY DAY.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER CALLS HER EVERY DAY. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK

HER EVERY DAY. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER TOOK MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS

MRS. KELLMAN TO NASSAU. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER HAS THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN. AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES

THREE WONDERFUL GRANDCHILDREN. AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME

AND MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER DOES IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH

IT WITH YOUR DENTIST IN THE SAME CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH CLEANED.

CHAIR WHERE YOU GET YOUR TEETH CLEANED. I DON'T HAVE TO HEAR THIS.

THAT'S, UM... THAT'S A NICE TEA SET. IS IT NEW?

TEA SET. IS IT NEW? IT'S JAPANESE.

IS IT NEW? IT'S JAPANESE. HERE, TAKE IT.

IT'S JAPANESE. HERE, TAKE IT. MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO

HERE, TAKE IT. MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO GIVE ME STUFF?

MOM, WOULD YOU QUIT TRYING TO GIVE ME STUFF? I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

GIVE ME STUFF? I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING?

I MEAN, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING? BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR

CAN'T I GIVE YOU SOMETHING? BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR RESPECT.

BUT ALL I WANT IS YOUR RESPECT. YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE

RESPECT. YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE YOU A GIFT.

YEAH, WELL, I'D RATHER GIVE YOU A GIFT. WHAT?

YOU A GIFT. WHAT? NOTHING, MOM.

WHAT? NOTHING, MOM. DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY?

NOTHING, MOM. DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY? WHAT FOR?

DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY? WHAT FOR? I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT.

WHAT FOR? I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT. I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING.

I WANT TO THROW UP IN IT. I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT

I THOUGHT YOU QUIT SMOKING. MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS.

MRS. KELLMAN'S DAUGHTER QUIT SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS. IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE

SMOKING... THE ADULTERESS. IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

IS, UM... THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? NO, THIS IS WHAT

WEARING? NO, THIS IS WHAT CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING.

NO, THIS IS WHAT CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING. SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING.

CARMEN MIRANDA IS WEARING. SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING. OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE

SHE'S WEARING WHAT I'M WEARING. OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE WAY OVER HERE.

OUR OUTFIT'S GOT MIXED UP ON THE WAY OVER HERE. ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM

WAY OVER HERE. ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM ENOUGH?

ARE YOU SURE YOU'LL BE WARM ENOUGH? NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT

ENOUGH? NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY

NO, MOTHER, ACTUALLY, I'M NOT NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON AT ALL.

NOT SURE WHETHER I HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON AT ALL. YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND

CLOTHES ON AT ALL. YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS

YOU KNOW, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS MYSELF.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS MYSELF. I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO

MYSELF. I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK AN EGG.

I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK AN EGG. I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A

COOK AN EGG. I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT

I THINK YOU JUST BREAK IT ONTO A PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT SCRAMBLED.

PLATE, AND IT COMES OUT SCRAMBLED. AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE

SCRAMBLED. AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS

AND, YOU KNOW, MOM, I TAP-DANCE IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC

IN THE BATHTUB, AND I'M ALWAYS PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC SOCKETS.

PUTTING MY FINGER INTO ELECTRIC SOCKETS. AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU

SOCKETS. AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW, MOM.

AND, UH, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW, MOM. UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A

DON'T KNOW, MOM. UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A CARVING KNIFE.

UH, I SHAVE MY ARMPITS WITH A CARVING KNIFE. AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS

CARVING KNIFE. AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE

AND I FORGET TO PUT MY PANTS BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE BATHROOM.

BACK ON EVERY TIME I GO TO THE BATHROOM. AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO

BATHROOM. AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO MUCH THAT THE UNDERNEATH OF YOUR

AND I LOVE PICKING MY NOSE SO MUCH THAT THE UNDERNEATH OF YOUR COUCH IS CAKED WITH SNOT.

HERE, BOOTSY. MAYBE BOOTSY WOULD LIKE SOME BRISKET?

MAYBE BOOTSY WOULD LIKE SOME BRISKET? [TELEPHONE BUZZES]

BRISKET? [TELEPHONE BUZZES] OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU.

[TELEPHONE BUZZES] OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU. THANKS VERY MUCH.

OH. OH, YEAH, THANK YOU. THANKS VERY MUCH. ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

THANKS VERY MUCH. ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN. MOM, THE CAB'S HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT DOWN. MOM, THE CAB'S HERE. HERE.

MOM, THE CAB'S HERE. HERE. MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE

HERE. MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT?

MOM, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT? IT'S SO HEAVY.

GONNA BE HOT IN THIS COAT? IT'S SO HEAVY. WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.

IT'S SO HEAVY. WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT?

WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT? YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL

WHAT? YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL OVER YOUR TEETH.

YOU... YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ALL OVER YOUR TEETH. HERE?

OVER YOUR TEETH. HERE? NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT.

HERE? NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT. WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, WAIT. I'LL GET IT. WAIT A MINUTE. COME HERE.

WAIT A MINUTE. COME HERE. THERE YOU GO.

COME HERE. THERE YOU GO. HOW DO I LOOK?

THERE YOU GO. HOW DO I LOOK? YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

HOW DO I LOOK? YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. COME ON. LET'S GO.

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES

BROUGHT TO YOU BY PREMATURE EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU

EJAC-O-LANTERNS... MAKES HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.

HALLOWEEN GET HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS

KNOW IT. HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE ANCHORPERSONS BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING.

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN. HERE NOW THE NEWS.

I'M JANE CURTIN. HERE NOW THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE

HERE NOW THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AS THE PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE $1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE

PRICE OF GASOLINE WENT OVER THE $1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY

$1.00 MARK, A SOLUTION TO THE SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY CALIFORNIA SENATOR

SHORTAGE WAS OFFERED BY CALIFORNIA SENATOR S.I. HAYAKAWA.

CALIFORNIA SENATOR S.I. HAYAKAWA. HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE

S.I. HAYAKAWA. HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES

HE SAID THE PROBLEM WILL ONLY BE SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON.

SOLVED WHEN GASOLINE PRICES REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON. ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY

REACH $2.00 OR $3.00 A GALLON. ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE

ASKED ABOUT THE HARDSHIP ON MANY PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE

PEOPLE, HAYAKAWA REPLIED, "THE POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT WORKING."

POOR DON'T NEED GAS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT WORKING." WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS

THEY'RE NOT WORKING." WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH

WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH ITS FIRST ANNUAL

PRESENTING SENATOR HAYAKAWA WITH ITS FIRST ANNUAL MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT

ITS FIRST ANNUAL MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT CAKE" AWARD.

MARIE ANTOINETTE "LET THEM EAT CAKE" AWARD. LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S

CAKE" AWARD. LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED

LAST WEEK, TEHRAN'S REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS

REVOLUTIONARY TRIBUNAL ANNOUNCED THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF

THAT ANYONE IN THE WORLD WAS FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN

FREE TO ASSASSINATE THE SHAH OF IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN EXILE.

IRAN AND HIS FAMILY HIDING IN EXILE. THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE

EXILE. THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG

THIS WEEK, THE OWNER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED

REVOLUTIONARY ANGOLA-BERANG NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP

NEWSPAPER IN QOM, IRAN, OFFERED THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID.

THE SHAH'S ASSASSIN A FREE TRIP TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID. AND THAT'S NOT ALL.

TO MECCA WITH ALL EXPENSES PAID. AND THAT'S NOT ALL. TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT

AND THAT'S NOT ALL. TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO.

TELL THAT WOULD-BE ASSASSIN WHAT ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO. Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE

ELSE HE MIGHT WIN, DON PARDO. Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN

Announcer: WELL, JANE, THE LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC

LUCKY ASSASSIN WILL BE FLOWN NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA

NONSTOP TO MECCA ON ISLAMIC AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS

AIRLINES' LUXURIOUS SUPER MECCA JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS THE WORLD OVER.

JET CRUISER, FAVORED BY PILGRIMS THE WORLD OVER. BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A

THE WORLD OVER. BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING

BEFORE BOARDING, HE'LL RECEIVE A MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED

MATCHING SET OF CLOUD KING AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE,

AIR-PAL GENUINE HAND-CURED MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE, JANE.

MEDITERRANEAN GOATSKIN LUGGAGE, JANE. WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN

JANE. WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS

WHILE IN MECCA, THE ASSASSIN WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING

WILL HAVE EXCLUSIVE USE OF HIS PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE

PERSONAL AIR 'R' WE FLYING CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A

CARPET, WITH THE FAMOUS GLIDE PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN

PATH, PLUS PILE DRIVE, A CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN TRANSPORTATION.

CENTURIES-OLD TRADITION IN TRANSPORTATION. AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE

TRANSPORTATION. AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE

AND, JANE, DURING HIS VISIT, THE PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS

PAMPERED MURDERER WILL BE STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH

STAYING IN THE SUMPTUOUS IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA

IMPERIAL SUITE IN MECCA'S PLUSH AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES

AYATOLLAH BEACH HOTEL AND CABANA CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES EAST.

CLUB, WHERE EVERY ROOM FACES EAST. AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE,

EAST. AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE, HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF

AND TO REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE, HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY

HE'LL TAKE HOME HIS OWN FLOCK OF PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE

PUREBRED IRANIAN SHEEP, THE ONLY SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE CAVIAR.

SHEEP IN THE WORLD THAT GIVE CAVIAR. JANE?

CAVIAR. JANE? THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL?

JANE? THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL? THE STATE DEPARTMENT

THANK YOU, DON PARDO. BILL? THE STATE DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE

THE STATE DEPARTMENT ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE 900 BODIES FROM THE

ANNOUNCED THAT RETURNING THOSE 900 BODIES FROM THE PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST

900 BODIES FROM THE PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3

PEOPLE'S TEMPLE IN GUYANA LAST YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3 MILLION.

YEAR COST TAXPAYERS $4.3 MILLION. HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH

MILLION. HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER

HEARING THE FIGURE, BRITISH NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID,

NO-FRILLS AIRLINE OWNER FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID, "I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK

FREDDIE LAKER REPORTEDLY SAID, "I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING

"I COULD HAVE FLOWN THEM BACK FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF

FOR UNDER $1 MILLION, INCLUDING A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE."

A COMPLIMENTARY GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE." IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA,

CHAMPAGNE." IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA, SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A

IN SIOUX FALLS, SOUTH DAKOTA, SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO

SCHOOL OFFICIALS HAVE APPROVED A HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE

HIGH-SCHOOL SENIOR'S REQUEST TO TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE PROM.

TAKE HIS MALE FRIEND TO THE PROM. THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH

PROM. THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT

THE PRINCIPAL OF LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS

SCHOOL SAID, "MY BELIEF IS THAT PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS PROTECTED.

PEOPLE NEED THEIR RIGHTS PROTECTED. HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS.

PROTECTED. HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT."

HOMOSEXUALS HAVE RIGHTS. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT." IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN

YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT." IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS

IN A RELATED STORY, THE LINCOLN HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL

HIGH SCHOOL PROM COMMITTEE HAS CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND

CANCELED THE TRADITIONAL STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO

STOOP-TAG DANCE THIS YEAR, AND THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION.

THE PRINCIPAL HAS GIVEN NO EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION. JANE?

EXPLANATION FOR THE DECISION. JANE? TELEVISION PERSONALITY

JANE? TELEVISION PERSONALITY DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED

TELEVISION PERSONALITY DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL

DR. JOYCE BROTHERS WAS MUGGED OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL YESTERDAY.

OUTSIDE A LOS ANGELES HOTEL YESTERDAY. WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER

YESTERDAY. WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS

WHEN ASKED TO DESCRIBE HER ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A

ASSAILANT, DR. BROTHERS REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO

REPORTEDLY SAID THAT HE WAS A MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY

MALE, CAUCASIAN, ABOUT 5'9", WHO WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY REPRESSED HATRED FOR

WAS ACTING OUT A PATHOLOGICALLY REPRESSED HATRED FOR PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER

REPRESSED HATRED FOR PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS,

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGISTS WHO OFFER ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS, WHINING TONE.

ASININE ADVICE IN A MONOTONOUS, WHINING TONE. HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD,

WHINING TONE. HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD, STATION MANAGER FOR

HELLO, I'M DAN AYKROYD, STATION MANAGER FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE."

STATION MANAGER FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE." YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED

"WEEKEND UPDATE." YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED $10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF

YESTERDAY A FEDERAL JURY AWARDED $10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD

$10.5 MILLION TO THE ESTATE OF KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD LABORATORY TECHNICIAN

KAREN SILKWOOD, A 28-YEAR-OLD LABORATORY TECHNICIAN CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN

LABORATORY TECHNICIAN CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN 1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A

CONTAMINATED BY RADIATION IN 1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM

1974 WHILE EMPLOYED AT A KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM PLANT.

KERR-McGEE CORPORATION PLUTONIUM PLANT. THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A

PLANT. THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF

THE VERDICT COULD HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY,

NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THE FUTURE OF THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY, ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE

THE NUCLEAR POWER INDUSTRY, ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT.

ALREADY CLOUDED BY THE THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT. THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF

THREE-MILE ISLAND INCIDENT. THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT."

THIS WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT." JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR

TONIGHT'S "POINT/COUNTERPOINT." JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE

JANE WILL TAKE THE ANTI-NUCLEAR POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT.

POINT, AND I WILL TAKE THE PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT. DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE

PRO-NUCLEAR COUNTERPOINT. DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR

DAN, YOU SELF-IMPORTANT SWINE ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE

ASS, THERE'S NO FUTURE FOR NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT

NUCLEAR ENERGY BECAUSE THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US

THREE-MILE ISLAND TAUGHT EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US ALREADY KNEW... THAT

EVERYBODY WHAT SOME OF US ALREADY KNEW... THAT NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME

ALREADY KNEW... THAT NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN.

NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS ARE TIME BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN. AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS

BOMBS READY TO MELT DOWN. AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T,

AND EVEN IF NUCLEAR-POWER PLANTS WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T, THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY

WERE SAFE, WHICH THEY AREN'T, THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE

THERE'S STILL THE POTENTIALLY MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE PROBLEM.

MORE DANGEROUS NUCLEAR-WASTE PROBLEM. BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE,

PROBLEM. BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE, DAN.

BUT YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WASTE, DAN. YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE

DAN. YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE

YOU'RE CONTENT TO WALLOW IN THE SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES.

SHORT-TERM PROFITS THE CORPORATE PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES. BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE

PIGS REAP FOR THEMSELVES. BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T

BUT UNLIKE REAL PIGS, THE CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE

CORPORATE ANIMALS HAVEN'T LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR

LEARNED THAT YOU DON'T EXCRETE WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE

WHERE YOU EAT AND THAT THEIR RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS.

RADIOACTIVE EXCREMENT WILL BE WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS. THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T

WITH US FOR 250,000 YEARS. THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN.

THAT'S ONE PILE YOU JUST CAN'T FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN. JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY

FLUSH DOWN THE TOILET, DAN. JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY IGNORANT SLUT...

JANE, YOU MAGNIFICENTLY IGNORANT SLUT... AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T

IGNORANT SLUT... AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA

AREN'T THE GAS LINES... AREN'T THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY

THE GAS LINES IN CALIFORNIA PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY CRISIS IS FOR REAL?

PROOF ENOUGH THAT THE ENERGY CRISIS IS FOR REAL? NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF

CRISIS IS FOR REAL? NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND

NUCLEAR ENERGY PROVIDES 12% OF OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN

OUR NATION'S ELECTRICITY, AND WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT,

WHO'D BE THE FIRST TO COMPLAIN WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT, JANE?

WHEN THE ELECTRICITY GOES OUT, JANE? YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF

JANE? YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR

YOU AND YOUR HORDE OF PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR HARPIES.

PROMISCUOUS, ANTI-NUCLEAR HARPIES. I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING

HARPIES. I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED

I CAN JUST SEE YOU NOW, SITTING ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT

ALONE IN YOUR DARKENED APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR.

APARTMENT, STARING FORLORNLY AT YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR. YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT

YOUR NOW-USELESS VIBRATOR. YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT TUNE THEN, JANE.

YOU'LL BE HUMMING A DIFFERENT TUNE THEN, JANE. BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT

TUNE THEN, JANE. BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE.

BUT LET'S... LET'S TALK ABOUT RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE. SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS,

RISKS FOR A MINUTE, JANE. SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS, EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE

SURE, NUCLEAR POWER HAS RISKS, EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY.

EVEN THOUGH THERE HAS YET TO BE AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY. BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A

AN INDUSTRY-RELATED FATALITY. BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A RISK-FREE SOCIETY.

BUT EVEN SO, THIS IS NOT A RISK-FREE SOCIETY. WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION

RISK-FREE SOCIETY. WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE

WHERE'S YOUR LIBERAL COMPASSION WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE MINES?

WHEN COAL MINERS DIE IN THE MINES? AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR

MINES? AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS?

AND HOW ABOUT THE 50,000 A YEAR KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS? YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF

KILLED ON OUR NATION'S HIGHWAYS? YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR

YOU UNDERGO A BIGGER RISK OF CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN

CANCER TAKING ONE OF YOUR BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN

BIRTH-CONTROL PILLS, JANE, THAN YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE

YOU WOULD LIVING NEXT DOOR TO AN ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING

ATOMIC PLANT, AND ALL FOR THE CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED

CONVENIENCE OF HOPPING INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS.

INDISCRIMINATELY FROM BED TO BED WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS. AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE,

WITH YOUR FELLOW NO-NUKE-NIKS. AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE, I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN

AS FOR THE WASTE PROBLEM, JANE, I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY.

I FOR ONE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY. YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE

GOOD OLD AMERICAN TECHNOLOGY. YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SCIENTIFIC MIND.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SCIENTIFIC MIND. LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT

SCIENTIFIC MIND. LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED,

LET US THANK GOD ALMIGHTY THAT THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED, SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR

THIS COUNTRY HAS DEDICATED, SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG

SOBER SCIENTISTS SOLVING OUR PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS

PROBLEMS THROUGH THE LONG NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS

NIGHTS, WHILE IGNORANT SLUTS LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES.

LIKE YOURSELF WRITHE IN COITUS AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES. THANK YOU, DAN.

AT ANTI-NUCLEAR TOGA PARTIES. THANK YOU, DAN. IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE

THANK YOU, DAN. IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS,

IN A MOVE TO CONSERVE GASOLINE DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS, THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500

DURING THE CURRENT OIL CRISIS, THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500 WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS

THIS YEAR'S INDIANAPOLIS 500 WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS.

WILL BE RUN ON FOOT BY DRIVERS WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS. THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR

WHO QUALIFY WITHOUT CARS. THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD,

THE FAVORITES SO FAR THIS YEAR ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD, AND KRISTY McNICOL.

ARE BRUCE JENNER, ROBERT CONRAD, AND KRISTY McNICOL. BILL?

AND KRISTY McNICOL. BILL? IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE

BILL? IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE

IN A RELATED STORY FROM THE RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS

RACING WORLD, TRAGEDY AT THE PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS 3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL,

PREAKNESS THIS AFTERNOON, AS 3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL, THE PRIDE OF

3-YEAR-OLD FILLY FRAGRANT STOOL, THE PRIDE OF MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED

THE PRIDE OF MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST

MEADOW MUFFIN FARMS, COLLAPSED AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST TURN.

AND DIED AS IT ROUNDED THE FIRST TURN. BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD

TURN. BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS

BEWILDERED TRACK OFFICIALS HAD NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE

NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY

UNFORTUNATE OCCURRENCE BUT WERE THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED.

THANKFUL THAT JOCKEY ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED. A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID,

ANGEL DIARIO WAS UNHARMED. A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID, "I LOVE THAT HORSE.

A DESPONDENT DIARIO LATER SAID, "I LOVE THAT HORSE. I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER

"I LOVE THAT HORSE. I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER TONIGHT."

I'M HAVING IT FOR DINNER TONIGHT." JANE?

TONIGHT." JANE? AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON

JANE? AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY

AND NOW, FOR A REPORT ON SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS

SKYLAB AND ITS UPCOMING RE-ENTRY AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE

AND FALL TO EARTH, HERE IS "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI.

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" SCIENCE EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI. THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU.

EDITOR, JOHN BELUSHI. THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU. WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM

THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU. WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE

WELL, THE LATEST REPORTS FROM NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH

NASA SAY THAT THE SKYLAB SPACE STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH AROUND THE END OF JUNE.

STATION WILL FALL TO EARTH AROUND THE END OF JUNE. NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED

AROUND THE END OF JUNE. NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A

NOW, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A SAFETY HAZARD.

THAT THE DEBRIS MIGHT POSE A SAFETY HAZARD. BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID

SAFETY HAZARD. BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE

BUT THIS IS REALLY A PARANOID NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE UNINFORMED.

NOTION FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE UNINFORMED. I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS,

UNINFORMED. I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS, AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THIS, AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE

AND ACCORDING TO THE EXPERTS WHO BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE 1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY

BUILT THIS THING, THE ODDS ARE 1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF

1 IN 150 THAT SOME PERSON MAY BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF BLAZING METAL.

BE TORN TO SHREDS BY A HUNK OF BLAZING METAL. I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID

BLAZING METAL. I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO

I READ ANOTHER ARTICLE THAT SAID THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO CALL THEMSELVES THE

THAT THERE'S AN ORGANIZATION WHO CALL THEMSELVES THE CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY

CALL THEMSELVES THE CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE

CHICKEN LITTLE SOCIETY WHO SAY THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD

THAT IF SKYLAB HITS THE WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD KNOCK IT OVER.

WORLD TRADE CENTER, IT WOULD KNOCK IT OVER. [LAUGHS]

KNOCK IT OVER. [LAUGHS] NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR

[LAUGHS] NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT

NOW, THAT'S A SPECTACULAR FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY

FANTASY, BUT NOT SOMETHING THAT A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY ABOUT.

A KNOWLEDGEABLE MAN WOULD WORRY ABOUT. AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET

ABOUT. AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS.

AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY 118 FEET LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS. BUT DON'T WORRY.

LONG AND WEIGHTS 77 1/2 TONS. BUT DON'T WORRY. IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING

BUT DON'T WORRY. IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING

IT'S NOT AS IF YOU'D BE STANDING THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING THE SIZE OF A HOUSE.

THERE AND GET HIT BY THIS THING THE SIZE OF A HOUSE. OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

THE SIZE OF A HOUSE. OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS

OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO

YOU SEE, WHEN THIS THING STARTS BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES.

BURNING UP, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES. NOW, GET THIS.

BREAK UP INTO 500 PIECES. NOW, GET THIS. UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH

NOW, GET THIS. UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND

UH, "THE BIGGEST PIECES TO REACH THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND

THE GROUND WILL BE A 5,100-POUND AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY

AIR-LOCK SHROUD, A 3,900-POUND LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET

LEAD-LINED FILM VAULT, AND THEY WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET PER SECOND ON IMPACT."

WILL BE TRAVELING AT 400 FEET PER SECOND ON IMPACT." HEY, NO PROBLEM.

PER SECOND ON IMPACT." HEY, NO PROBLEM. NO DANGER THERE, HUH?

HEY, NO PROBLEM. NO DANGER THERE, HUH? OH.

NO DANGER THERE, HUH? OH. OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET

OH. OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET HURT.

OF COURSE, SOMEONE MIGHT GET HURT. SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW,

HURT. SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW, HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A

SOMEONE COULD BE, UH, YOU KNOW, HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF

HUDDLING IN HIS BASEMENT WITH A HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM

HELMET ON, AND THREE TONS OF SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM LIKE AN ANT.

SIZZLING STEEL COULD CRUSH HIM LIKE AN ANT. SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I

LIKE AN ANT. SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I

SO MAYBE YOU'RE THINKING, "I KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS

KNOW THIS IS SILLY, BUT, UH, I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS STUFF HITS, OKAY?

DON'T WANT TO BE THERE WHEN THIS STUFF HITS, OKAY? SO WHERE CAN I GO?

STUFF HITS, OKAY? SO WHERE CAN I GO? SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA?

SO WHERE CAN I GO? SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA? MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?"

SOUTH AMERICA? ALASKA? MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?" YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

MALIBU? MILL VALLEY?" YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY HAVE NO IDEA.

YOU KNOW? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY HAVE NO IDEA. WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE

THEY HAVE NO IDEA. WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S

WHEN THIS THING HITS THE DENSE PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS.

PART OF OUR ATMOSPHERE, IT'S GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS. [IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING]

GONNA SKIP AROUND LIKE THIS. [IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING] AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

[IMITATES ENGINE HUMMING] AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S GONNA FALL!

THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT'S GONNA FALL! BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW

GONNA FALL! BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD

BUT, YOU KNOW... BUT THEY KNOW THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG

THAT 500 PIECES WILL BE SPREAD OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG AND 100 MILES WIDE.

OUT IN A PATH 4,000 MILES LONG AND 100 MILES WIDE. WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB.

AND 100 MILES WIDE. WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB. WHOO, WHOO!

WHOA, HERE COMES SKYLAB. WHOO, WHOO! UH-OH!

WHOO, WHOO! UH-OH! THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE.

UH-OH! THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE. HE'S IN HIS BOAT.

THERE'S A FISHERMAN THERE. HE'S IN HIS BOAT. WHOA!

HE'S IN HIS BOAT. WHOA! K-K-K-K! AAH!

WHOA! K-K-K-K! AAH! OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES.

K-K-K-K! AAH! OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES. YAY.

OH, IT'S SMASHED TO PIECES. YAY. LOOK OUT.

YAY. LOOK OUT. THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO.

LOOK OUT. THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO. "OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?"

THERE'S MOM AND DAD AT THE ZOO. "OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?" K-K-K-K! AAH!

"OH, AREN'T THOSE BEARS FUNNY?" K-K-K-K! AAH! OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE

K-K-K-K! AAH! OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE.

OH, NOW THEY'RE LIKE GUM ON THE BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE. HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS

BOTTOM OF SOMEBODY'S SHOE. HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS APARTMENT IN NEW YORK.

HEY, HERE'S JOHN BELUSHI IN HIS APARTMENT IN NEW YORK. YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT

APARTMENT IN NEW YORK. YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT SKYLAB, NO.

YEAH, HE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT SKYLAB, NO. K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!

SKYLAB, NO. K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K!

K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW?

K-K-K-K! K-K-K-K! THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW? I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

THAT'S SILLY! YOU KNOW? I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON

YOU KNOW, I'M... I'M SIZZLING LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON LEAD FILM VAULT.

LIKE A PIZZA UNDER THE TWO-TON LEAD FILM VAULT. BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO

LEAD FILM VAULT. BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO WORRY OR BE AFRAID?

BUT DO I HAVE ANY REASON TO WORRY OR BE AFRAID? THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY

WORRY OR BE AFRAID? THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR!

THE GOVERNMENT TAKES 50% OF MY MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR! THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON

MONEY THAT I EARN EVERY YEAR! THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY,

THEY COULD BE SPENDING IT ON MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY, CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT.

MASS TRANSIT, SOLAR ENERGY, CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT. BUT N-O-O-O-O!

CLEAN UP THE ENVIRONMENT. BUT N-O-O-O-O! N-O-O-O-O!

BUT N-O-O-O-O! N-O-O-O-O! THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS

N-O-O-O-O! THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL

THEY HAVE TO SPEND MILLIONS SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH

SENDING UP HUGE CHUNKS OF STEEL SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE!

SO THEY CAN SCREAM BACK TO EARTH AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE! AAH! AAH!

AND MAYBE KILL INNOCENT PEOPLE! AAH! AAH! THAT'S THE NEWS.

AAH! AAH! THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

♪ ...OF MY CLOUD ♪ ♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪ ♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪

♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪ ♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪ ♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪

♪ GET OFF OF MY CLOUD ♪ ♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪ ♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪

♪ UH, HEY, YOU ♪ ♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪ AND STAY OFF.

♪ GET O-O-FF MY CLOUD ♪ AND STAY OFF. [LAUGHS]

AND STAY OFF. [LAUGHS] THANK YOU.

[LAUGHS] THANK YOU. THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE,

THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE, THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE

TRANSEASTERN'S V.I.P. LOUNGE, THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE

THE V.I.P. HERE AT O'HARE INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE

INTERNATIONAL, A GOOD PLACE WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD.

WHERE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE GET THE OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD. YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S

OTHER PEOPLE OFF OF THEIR CLOUD. YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE

YOU KNOW, FOR A LOT OF US, IT'S EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE

EVEN ESSENTIAL TO KEEP THE ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS.

ADORING HORDES FROM RIPPING THE SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS. NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS.

SHIRTS OFF OUR BACKS. NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS. BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO.

NOW, WE USUALLY DON'T DO THIS. BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO. WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE

BUT IN THIS CASE, I HAVE TO. WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS

WE SEE A LOT OF CELEBRITIES HERE IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS PEARLIE MAE.

IN THE V.I.P., BUT THIS ONE IS PEARLIE MAE. MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND

PEARLIE MAE. MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

MISS PEARL BAILEY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE

GENTLEMEN. MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE UNITED NATIONS.

MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE UNITED NATIONS. HELLO, PEARL.

UNITED NATIONS. HELLO, PEARL. HELLO, HONEY.

HELLO, PEARL. HELLO, HONEY. YOU'RE VERY SWEET.

HELLO, HONEY. YOU'RE VERY SWEET. LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB...

YOU'RE VERY SWEET. LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB... KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS

LET ME TAKE A WILD STAB... KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE

KURT WALDHEIM OF THE U.N. HAS ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE MIDDLE EAST.

ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE MIDDLE EAST. IS THAT IT?

MIDDLE EAST. IS THAT IT? OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING

IS THAT IT? OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING TO NEW YORK TO DO

OH, NO, NO, HONEY, I'M GOING TO NEW YORK TO DO "THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW,"

TO NEW YORK TO DO "THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW," HONEY.

"THE STANLEY SIEGEL SHOW," HONEY. BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE

HONEY. BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD,

BUT I AM RUNNING ALL OVER THE WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD, HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO

WORLD, ALL OVER THE WORLD, HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE

HONEY, FOR THE U.N., TRYING TO GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

GET EVERYBODY TO JUST LOVE ONE ANOTHER. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ANOTHER. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BLESS YOU, PEARLIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? BLESS YOU, PEARLIE. WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?

BLESS YOU, PEARLIE. WHO IS YOUR FRIEND? OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE.

WHO IS YOUR FRIEND? OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE. OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE,

OH, HI. I'M MRS. BOB HOPE. OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE, BOB.

OH, MY GOSH, WHAT A PLEASURE, BOB. IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU,

BOB. IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

IT IS A REAL HONOR TO MEET YOU, MA'AM. ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL

MA'AM. ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL SHOW, TOO?

ARE YOU HEADING FOR THE SIEGEL SHOW, TOO? WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT

SHOW, TOO? WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH.

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, NICK, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH. THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY,

I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH. THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

THAT'S A LITTLE BIT KINKY, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME. IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN

BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME. IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN NEW YORK?

IS THAT ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IN NEW YORK? NO, NO.

NEW YORK? NO, NO. ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB

NO, NO. ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND

ON MONDAY, I'LL BE JOINING BOB AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS

AND JOEY HEATHERTON AND ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE

ANDREA MIKOLAS, THE NEW MISS WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE LUNCH.

WORLD, AND JACK JONES FOR A LATE LUNCH. THAT IS TERRIFIC.

LUNCH. THAT IS TERRIFIC. ♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE

THAT IS TERRIFIC. ♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE MEMORIES ♪

♪ THANKS, MRS. HOPE, FOR THE MEMORIES ♪ GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU?

MEMORIES ♪ GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU? IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS.

GO AHEAD. FINISH IT, WOULD YOU? IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS. I LOVE THAT SONG.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS. I LOVE THAT SONG. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG.

I LOVE THAT SONG. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG. SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG. SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE?

SIT BACK AND COOL OFF A LITTLE BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE? HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING

BIT, OKAY, PEARLIE? HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING

HONEY, MY BRAIN IS BOILING OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.

OVER, BUT MY FEET ARE KILLING ME. ♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S

ME. ♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER BE ANYONE'S BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪ ♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES

BEAST OF BURDEN, PEARLIE ♪ ♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING

♪ I KNOW YOU'VE WALKED FOR MILES AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪

AND YOUR POOCHES ARE HURTING YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪ ♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME

YOU, PEARLIE MAE ♪ ♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪

♪ ALL THAT YOU WANT IS FOR SOME PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪ ♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪

PEOPLE TO MAKE LOVE ♪ ♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪ MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE

♪ TO OTHER PEOPLE ♪ MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE,

MISS PEARL BAILEY OF THE UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE PERFORMER.

UNITED NATIONS, THE INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE PERFORMER. FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW

INCREDIBLE PERFORMER. FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT

FLIGHT 362 TO NEWARK IS NOW IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT GATE 13.

IN ITS FINAL BOARDING STAGE AT GATE 13. HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE.

GATE 13. HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE. OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW.

HOPE NOBODY MISSED THAT ONE. OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW. DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW.

OH, PHOEBE SNOW. PHOEBE SNOW. DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW. [CHUCKLES]

DO YOU SEE HER? PHOEBE SNOW. [CHUCKLES] THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW.

[CHUCKLES] THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW. HELLO, V.I.P.

THAT'S HER... PHOEBE SNOW. HELLO, V.I.P. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HELLO, V.I.P. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? WHAT DO YOU DO? I'M BRETT MITTLAN.

WHAT DO YOU DO? I'M BRETT MITTLAN. I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN

I'M BRETT MITTLAN. I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN NIPPON INSTRUMENTS.

I'M VICE PRESIDENT OF WISCONSIN NIPPON INSTRUMENTS. GREAT.

NIPPON INSTRUMENTS. GREAT. AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE?

GREAT. AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE? WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA

AND WHO IS YOUR FRIEND HERE? WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA PARTNER, MR. YOSH.

WELL, THIS IS MY OSAKA PARTNER, MR. YOSH. JOSH YOSH.

PARTNER, MR. YOSH. JOSH YOSH. HI, NICE TO MEET YOU,

JOSH YOSH. HI, NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. YOSH.

HI, NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. YOSH. MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK

MR. YOSH. MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH AS YET.

MR. YOSH DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH AS YET. WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P.

ENGLISH AS YET. WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P. HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE?

WELL, HE IS STILL A V.I.P. HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE? WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN

HOW DO YOU TWO COMMUNICATE? WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY.

WELL, THIS IS THE LATEST IN SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY. IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER

SILICON MICROCHIP TECHNOLOGY. IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER TRANSLATOR.

IT'S A LEXICON POCKET-COMPUTER TRANSLATOR. IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250

TRANSLATOR. IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250 COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO

IT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES 250 COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO JAP.

COMMON WORDS FROM ENGLISH TO JAP. MM-HMM.

JAP. MM-HMM. HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE,

MM-HMM. HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE, SAY, "UNDERWEAR"?

HOW WOULD YOU SAY IN JAPANESE, SAY, "UNDERWEAR"? ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST

SAY, "UNDERWEAR"? ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST PUNCH IT IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU JUST PUNCH IT IN HERE. U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R.

PUNCH IT IN HERE. U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R. E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE

U-N-D-E-R-W-E-A-R. E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE EQUAL SIGN AND...

E-A-R, AND YOU PUNCH THE EQUAL SIGN AND... [LAUGHS]

EQUAL SIGN AND... [LAUGHS] BLESS YOU.

[LAUGHS] BLESS YOU. YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY

BLESS YOU. YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU

YOU GOT TO WORK WITH THIS GUY TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU KNOW?

TO KNOW WHAT A ZANE HE IS, YOU KNOW? [LAUGHS]

KNOW? [LAUGHS] WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU,

[LAUGHS] WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, MR. YOSH.

WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, MR. YOSH. [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

ROCK 'N' ROLL COUNTRY. HEY! GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK?

HEY! GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK? WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER?

GEE WHIZ, GALS. WHAT THE HECK? WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER? WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK.

WHY IS THIS TABLE SO SOBER? WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK. NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.

WE DON'T DRINK TO GET DRUNK. NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE. MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT?

NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE. MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT? NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM,

MISS STEINEM, ISN'T IT? NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM, BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE.

NO, I'M NOT GLORIA STEINEM, BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE. IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A

BUT I'VE WORKED WITH HER BEFORE. IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL

IN FACT, WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO A NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN,

NATIONAL WOMEN'S POLITICAL CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT.

CAUCUS IN NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT. IS THAT SO?

CONNECTICUT. IS THAT SO? UM, THAT'S RIGHT.

IS THAT SO? UM, THAT'S RIGHT. ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER

UM, THAT'S RIGHT. ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES WILL BE

ABOUT 1,500 WOMEN FROM ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES WILL BE DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE

THE UNITED STATES WILL BE DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND

DRAFTING PROPOSALS TO RATIFY THE E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND THEN THE WORLD.

E.R.A. IN THE UNITED STATES AND THEN THE WORLD. WAIT A MINUTE.

THEN THE WORLD. WAIT A MINUTE. 1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE?

WAIT A MINUTE. 1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE? I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD

1,500 WOMEN IN ONE PLACE? I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD SCORE, HUH?

I THINK EVEN NICK WINGS COULD SCORE, HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

SCORE, HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? I WOULDN'T BET ON IT. AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING

I WOULDN'T BET ON IT. AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING OUT OF MY FACE.

AND TAKE THAT OBNOXIOUS THING OUT OF MY FACE. THANKS, OKAY.

OUT OF MY FACE. THANKS, OKAY. WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE

THANKS, OKAY. WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE PERSONS AT THIS TABLE.

WELL, THIS ONE IS FOR THE PERSONS AT THIS TABLE. ♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE

PERSONS AT THIS TABLE. ♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪

♪ THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪

GIRLS ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪ ♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LITTLE GIRLS ♪ ♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪ ♪ EVERY DAY ♪

♪ GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪ ♪ EVERY DAY ♪ ♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪

♪ EVERY DAY ♪ ♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪ ♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪

♪ THANK HEAVEN ♪ ♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪ AAH!

♪ FOR LITTLE GIRLS ♪ AAH! OH, MY GOD!

AAH! OH, MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

OH, MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU! OH!

LINDA RONSTADT, IT IS YOU! OH! I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL."

OH! I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL." AND I ADORE YOU!

I ADORED "HEART LIKE A WHEEL." AND I ADORE YOU! YEAH?

AND I ADORE YOU! YEAH? OH, YOU ARE CUTE!

YEAH? OH, YOU ARE CUTE! JESUS.

OH, YOU ARE CUTE! JESUS. THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY.

JESUS. THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY. OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO

THAT'S REAL NICE OF YOU TO SAY. OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO STAY THAT.

OH, THAT IS NICE OF YOU TO STAY THAT. LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA!

STAY THAT. LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA! YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER

LOOK AT YOUR SCHNOZOLA! YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER THERE.

YOU HAVE A CUTE LITTLE HONKER THERE. OH, CAN I?

THERE. OH, CAN I? COME HERE.

OH, CAN I? COME HERE. MWAH!

COME HERE. MWAH! OH!

MWAH! OH! WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND

OH! WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA?

WHO IS THIS, A NEW BOYFRIEND COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA? NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S

COMING BETWEEN US, LINDA? NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S BODYGUARD.

NO, UH, I AM MISS RONSTADT'S BODYGUARD. SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY?

BODYGUARD. SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY? OH.

SO LET'S WATCH IT, CLOWN, OKAY? OH. YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE,

OH. YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE, PLEASE?

YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE, PLEASE? ♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪

PLEASE? ♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ AH, YOU'RE NO GOOD, LINDA ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ MISS RONSTADT, YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪

GOOD ♪ ♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ I WANT YOU TO SAY IT AGAIN ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ UGH!

♪ YOU'RE NO GOOD ♪ UGH! [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

WHICH BRINGS UP AN INTERESTING POINT. EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF

POINT. EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P...

EVERY PERSON... I DON'T CARE IF HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P... IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN

HE'S A V.I.P. OR A V.V.I.P... IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT

IS ENTITLED TO HIS OR HER OWN V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT PERSON'S PRIVACY."

V.I.P.P., "VERY IMPORTANT PERSON'S PRIVACY." THAT, OF COURSE...

PERSON'S PRIVACY." THAT, OF COURSE... FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA,

THAT, OF COURSE... FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA, NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING.

FLIGHT 419 TO LAGUARDIA, NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING. THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE

NEW YORK, IS NOW BOARDING. THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE V.I.P., OF COURSE.

THAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE V.I.P., OF COURSE. OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW

V.I.P., OF COURSE. OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR

OUR NONSTOP TO NEW YORK IS NOW BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS

BOARDING, AND OUR E.T.B., OUR ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS ABOUT TWO MINUTES.

ESTIMATED TIME OF BREAK, IS ABOUT TWO MINUTES. SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO

ABOUT TWO MINUTES. SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T

SO LET'S GO OUT WITH THIS ONE TO FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T BE HERE FOR THE REST OF

FINISH FOR THE FOLKS WHO WON'T BE HERE FOR THE REST OF INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT.

BE HERE FOR THE REST OF INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT. NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT

INTRA-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT. NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT TAKES YOU...

NO MATTER WHERE YOUR FLIGHT TAKES YOU... ♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪

TAKES YOU... ♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪ ♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE GOING ♪ ♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

♪ TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR

THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪

♪ REMEMBER ME TO THE DUDE OR CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪ ♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE

CHICK WHO LIVES THERE ♪ ♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ HE OR SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ ♪ P.S. ♪

OF MINE ♪ ♪ P.S. ♪ ♪ ROSEMARY ♪

♪ P.S. ♪ ♪ ROSEMARY ♪ ♪ AND THYME! ♪

GOOD EVENING, AND WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE." WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS

WE HAVE A SPECIAL PROGRAM TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT

TONIGHT, FOR ALTHOUGH MY GUESTS ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN

ARE NOT BLACK, THEY REPRESENT ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL

ANOTHER VICTIMIZED MINORITY IN THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL ALIEN.

THIS COUNTRY... THE ILLEGAL ALIEN. PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA...

ALIEN. PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA... HIS WIFE, VESNA...

PLEASE WELCOME JOVAN SHEGULA... HIS WIFE, VESNA... AND THEIR FRIEND,

HIS WIFE, VESNA... AND THEIR FRIEND, ROSA SANTANGELO.

AND THEIR FRIEND, ROSA SANTANGELO. YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND

ROSA SANTANGELO. YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND CONGRATULATIONS.

YEAH, WELCOME, JOVAN, AND CONGRATULATIONS. YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON

YOU AND YOUR WIFE ARE THE FIRST UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON "BLACK PERSPECTIVE."

UKRAINIANS WE'VE EVER HAD ON "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." [Ukrainian accent] HELLO.

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE." [Ukrainian accent] HELLO. [Ukrainian accent] MUCH

[Ukrainian accent] HELLO. [Ukrainian accent] MUCH HELLO.

[Ukrainian accent] MUCH HELLO. YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM

HELLO. YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM GUATEMALA, RIGHT?

YEAH, AND, ROSA, YOU ARE FROM GUATEMALA, RIGHT? AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE

GUATEMALA, RIGHT? AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON

AND I UNDERSTAND YOU... YOU'RE NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN

NOW EMPLOYED BY THE EXXON CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK.

CORPORATION RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK. WHAT DO YOU DO?

NEW YORK. WHAT DO YOU DO? [Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN

WHAT DO YOU DO? [Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

[Guatemalan accent] I CLEAN UP, OKAY? NOW...

UP, OKAY? NOW... JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU

NOW... JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO

JOVAN, WHY DID YOU, UH, YOU KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE

KNOW, AND YOUR WIFE CHOOSE TO LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE TO THE UNITED STATES?

LEAVE THE UKRAINE AND COME HERE TO THE UNITED STATES? MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS

TO THE UNITED STATES? MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS SHOT IN TAXI.

MY BROTHER, ENSI, HE GETS SHOT IN TAXI. WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY

SHOT IN TAXI. WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY TO GO BACK.

WE COME TO FUNERAL... NO MONEY TO GO BACK. FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY,

TO GO BACK. FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY, ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755,

FIRST SECRETARY OF TREASURY, ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755, DIED IN 1804.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON, BORN 1755, DIED IN 1804. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

DIED IN 1804. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST.

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST. I COACH, YOU KNOW?

SHE STUDIED FOR CITIZEN TEST. I COACH, YOU KNOW? [CLEARS THROAT]

I COACH, YOU KNOW? [CLEARS THROAT] THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT

[CLEARS THROAT] THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK

THE PLIGHT OF THE IMMIGRANT IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA.

IS QUITE SIMILAR TO THE BLACK EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA. THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY.

EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA. THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY. THE WORK HARD.

THEY COME TO OUR COUNTRY. THE WORK HARD. THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS.

THE WORK HARD. THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS. BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS

THEY'RE PROUD TO BE AMERICANS. BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS.

BUT THEY'RE STILL REGARDED AS SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS. HE'S RIGHT.

SECOND-CLASS CITIZENS. HE'S RIGHT. WE ARE NEW NIGGY.

HE'S RIGHT. WE ARE NEW NIGGY. UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER."

WE ARE NEW NIGGY. UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER." YES, NEW NIGGY.

UH, YOU MEAN "NEW NIGGER." YES, NEW NIGGY. UH-HUH.

YES, NEW NIGGY. UH-HUH. WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD

UH-HUH. WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD POINT, JOVAN.

WELL, UH, THAT'S A GOOD POINT, JOVAN. THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU

POINT, JOVAN. THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE

THE BLACK IS NO LONGER, YOU KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU

KNOW, ON THE LOWEST RUNG ON THE SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU PEOPLE.

SOCIAL LADDER, THANKS TO YOU PEOPLE. YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY?

PEOPLE. YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY? THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN

YOU'RE WELCOME, OKAY? THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE

THE BLACK MAN HAS BEEN ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF

ELEVATED IN THE 25 YEARS SINCE BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

BROWN vs. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION. TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954.

EDUCATION. TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954. YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

TOPEKA, KANSAS, 1954. YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

YES, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS.

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, AND NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS. NEW NIGGY.

NOW YOU ARE THE NEW NIGGERS. NEW NIGGY. OLD NIGGY.

NEW NIGGY. OLD NIGGY. OLD NIGGY, OKAY?

OLD NIGGY. OLD NIGGY, OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S

OLD NIGGY, OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S GET BACK TO YOUR STORY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT LET'S GET BACK TO YOUR STORY. AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE

GET BACK TO YOUR STORY. AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB,

AS I UNDERSTAND IT, YOU'RE NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB, RIGHT?

NOW DRIVING YOUR BROTHER'S CAB, RIGHT? BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR

RIGHT? BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES

BUT YOU'VE BEEN LIVING IN FEAR OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK

OF THE IMMIGRATION AUTHORITIES BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK VISA, HMM?

BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOT A WORK VISA, HMM? IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE.

VISA, HMM? IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE. STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING

IT'S NO WAY TO LIVE. STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING...

STATUE OF LIBERTY SAY, "BRING POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING... BRING..."

POOR, BRING TIRED, BRING... BRING..." [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

BRING..." [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] "HUDDLED MASSES."

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] "HUDDLED MASSES." "HUDDLED," YEAH.

"HUDDLED MASSES." "HUDDLED," YEAH. "BRING POOR, BRING TIRED."

"HUDDLED," YEAH. "BRING POOR, BRING TIRED." JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED.

"BRING POOR, BRING TIRED." JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED. JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES.

JOVAN IS POOR, TIRED. JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES. BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME!

JOVAN IS HUDDLED MASSES. BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME! YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU

BUT NO VISA, SHIP YOU ON HOME! YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT

YEAH, SO, UH, HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT PROBLEM, JOVAN?

DEALING WITH THE WORK-PERMIT PROBLEM, JOVAN? MM.

PROBLEM, JOVAN? MM. IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN

MM. IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN STAY.

IF JOVAN MARRIES CITIZEN, HE CAN STAY. NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE

STAY. NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE

NOW, JOVAN, ACCORDING TO THE LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S.

LAW, AN IMMIGRANT CAN STAY HERE IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S. CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE

IN AMERICA IF HE MARRIES A U.S. CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA.

CITIZEN, BUT, JOVAN, YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA. I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE

ALREADY MARRIED TO VESNA. I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG...

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

FLAG... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB...

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB... UH-HUH.

JOVAN PICK UP ROSA IN CAB... UH-HUH. TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE

UH-HUH. TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE SHE WORK...

TAKE HER TO EXXON, WHERE SHE WORK... I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

SHE WORK... I CLEAN UP, OKAY? DIVORCE VESNA.

I CLEAN UP, OKAY? DIVORCE VESNA. JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY.

DIVORCE VESNA. JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY. JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA...

JOVAN AND ROSA MARRY. JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA... CHILDREN!

JOVAN AND ROSA ADOPT VESNA... CHILDREN! PAPA.

CHILDREN! PAPA. AH!

PAPA. AH! NOW, LET ME GET THIS

AH! NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

NOW, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE.

STRAIGHT. YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE. YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND,

YOU DIVORCED YOUR WIFE. YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND, AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE

YOU THEN MARRIED YOUR FRIEND, AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR

AND YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HAVE ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR DAUGHTER.

ADOPTED YOUR EX-WIFE AS YOUR DAUGHTER. THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL

DAUGHTER. THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL AMERICAN FAMILY!

THAT'S RIGHT... TYPICAL AMERICAN FAMILY! [LAUGHS]

AMERICAN FAMILY! [LAUGHS] WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE

[LAUGHS] WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE STORY, JOVAN.

WELL, THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE STORY, JOVAN. UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN...

STORY, JOVAN. UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN... WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU

UH, JUST CURIOUSLY, MAN... WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU SLEEP WITH?

WHICH ONE OF THESE TWO DO YOU SLEEP WITH? MY DAUGHTER!

SLEEP WITH? MY DAUGHTER! AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY?

MY DAUGHTER! AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY? [LAUGHS]

AND I CLEAN UP, OKAY? [LAUGHS] WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING

[LAUGHS] WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN.

WELL, UH, THANK YOU FOR TELLING US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN. IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME

US YOUR PATHETIC STORY, JOVAN. IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO

IT'S BEEN AN INSPIRATION TO ME AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT

AND MILLIONS OF OTHER BLACKS WHO SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL

SOMETIMES LIKE TO FEEL THAT SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL THAN WE ARE.

SOMEBODY'S GETTING A WORSE DEAL THAN WE ARE. AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING

THAN WE ARE. AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING "BLACK PERSPECTIVE."

AND I THANK YOU FOR WATCHING "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN

"BLACK PERSPECTIVE." PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US

PLEASE JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE

SAMUEL BREAKSTONE WILL TELL US WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE CHEESE.

WHY THERE'S NO BLACK COTTAGE CHEESE. TILL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.

HELLO. WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE ISN'T PRETTY.

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE ISN'T PRETTY. THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT.

PRETTY. THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT. THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED.

THE LANGUAGE IS DIRECT. THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED. BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH

THE EMOTIONS ARE UNGUARDED. BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING.

BUT IN THE END, IT IS THE TRUTH OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING. FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF

OF IT THAT IS THE MOST SHOCKING. FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN

FOR YEARS NOW, UNTOLD NUMBERS OF VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND

VACATIONING AMERICANS HAVE BEEN TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING

TRAVELING ABROAD, ONLY TO FIND THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND

THEMSELVES THE UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS.

VICTIMS OF UNNECESSARY AND UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS. STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE

UNEARTHLY HAIRDOS. STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT...

STRIPPED OF WHAT COULD ONLY BE CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT... THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN

CALLED AN INALIENABLE RIGHT... THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF

THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW

HAIRSTYLE... MORE AND MORE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME

THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST NOW FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR

FINDING THE COURAGE TO COME FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR STORY.

FORWARD AND TELL THIS, THEIR STORY. THERE... THERE WERE THESE

STORY. THERE... THERE WERE THESE CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL

THERE... THERE WERE THESE CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL WINDOW.

CROWDS RIGHT UNDER OUR HOTEL WINDOW. THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING

WINDOW. THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING IN ITALIAN.

THEY WERE... THEY WERE CHANTING IN ITALIAN. AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS

IN ITALIAN. AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL

AT LEAST, I THOUGHT IT WAS ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL TROUBLE.

ITALIAN... SOME POLITICAL TROUBLE. THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING,

TROUBLE. THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING, "HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!"

THEY WERE... THEY WERE YELLING, "HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!" I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS

"HENNA! HENNA! HENNA!" I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT HENNA WAS SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING. OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED

SOME KIND OF HAIR COLORING. OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST,

OUR ROOM WAS ON A MODIFIED PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST, A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A

PLAN... CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST, A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A SEMIPRIVATE BATH.

A RINSE AND A TRIM, AND A SEMIPRIVATE BATH. I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT

SEMIPRIVATE BATH. I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT IS RAGE.

I SUPPOSE YOUR FIRST INSTINCT IS RAGE. I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO

IS RAGE. I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO THEM?

I MEAN, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO THEM? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE,

THEM? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT. IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY.

AND YOU CAN'T IGNORE IT. IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY. I WANTED REVENGE.

IT DOESN'T JUST GO AWAY. I WANTED REVENGE. I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD

I WANTED REVENGE. I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE.

I WANTED TO STUFF THEIR DEAD BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE. EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO

BODIES UP A CHIMNEY SOMEWHERE. EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO BE SEDATED.

EVENTUALLY, OF COURSE, I HAD TO BE SEDATED. WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS.

BE SEDATED. WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS. WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I

WHY US? WE WERE GRACIOUS. WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I

WE OVER-TIPPED WELL, AND I SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS.

SMILED AT EVERYONE SO OFTEN I GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS. I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER.

GOT CRAMPS IN MY CHEEKS. I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER. WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM?

I WAS IN A MOVIE THEATER. WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM? IT...

WHAT WAS THAT STRANGE FILM? IT... OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM,

IT... OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM, SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE.

OH, IT WAS A ZIPPY THE HOG FILM, SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE. WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN

SORT OF A TRAVELOGUE. WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY

WELL, THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE IN THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE

THE SEATS BEHIND ME, AND THEY SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY

SAID TO RELAX, NOT TO BE ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY HAIR.

ALARMED, THEY WERE GONNA FIX MY HAIR. THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY

HAIR. THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY THE HOG MOVIE."

THEY SAID, "JUST WATCH THE ZIPPY THE HOG MOVIE." LET ME THINK.

THE HOG MOVIE." LET ME THINK. I KNOW THE NAME OF IT.

LET ME THINK. I KNOW THE NAME OF IT. IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED

I KNOW THE NAME OF IT. IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED "ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS

IT WAS, UM, UH... IT WAS CALLED "ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'"

"ZIPPY THE HOG IN 'WHICH WAY IS PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'" AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS

PARIS? WHICH WAY IS ROME?'" AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE

AND THEY SAID THE HAIRCUT WAS INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT.

INCLUDED IN THE PRICE OF THE MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT. AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE

MOVIE AND THAT I HAD TO HAVE IT. AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE

AND SO I SAID, "WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE LOBBY?

BETTER TO DO IT OUT IN THE LOBBY? THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE."

LOBBY? THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE." AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE

THERE'S MORE LIGHT OUT THERE." AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER

AND THEY SAID LIGHT FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER NEEDED.

MOVIE SCREEN WAS ALL THEY EVER NEEDED. BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED?

NEEDED. BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED? ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT

BUT WAS THAT ALL THEY NEEDED? ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN

ACCORDING TO THE RECORDS, WHAT THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN AMERICAN VICTIM.

THEY REALLY NEEDED WAS AN AMERICAN VICTIM. SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF

AMERICAN VICTIM. SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS

SINCE 1950, THE NUMBER OF UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED

UNPROVOKED HAIRDOS ON AMERICANS ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO

ROSE A WHOPPING 39%, AS COMPARED TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5%

TO THE JAPANESE TOURISTS, WHO ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5% INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS

ONLY EXPERIENCED A 0.5% INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE,

INCREASE, AND THIS INCREASE CUTS EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE, COLOR, OR CREED.

EVENLY ALONG THE LINES OF RACE, COLOR, OR CREED. I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE,

COLOR, OR CREED. I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE, WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU

I WAS SITTING ON THE PLANE, WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME

WAITING FOR IT TO TAKE OFF, YOU KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED

KNOW, WAIT FOR IT TO TAKE ME HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT?

HOME, YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M CALLED OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT? NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS

OFF THE PLANE, RIGHT? NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE.

NOW, THERE ARE THESE TWO GUYS WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE. NOW, I ASKED.

WAITING FOR ME AT THE GATE. NOW, I ASKED. I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS

NOW, I ASKED. I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, YOU KNOW?

I SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, YOU KNOW? WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?"

ABOUT, YOU KNOW? WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?" THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT?

WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU KNOW?" THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT? THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE,

THEY WOULDN'T ANSWER ME, RIGHT? THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE, AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY

THEY WALKED ME TO THE OFFICE, AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY SPOKE TO ME.

AND THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY SPOKE TO ME. THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE.

SPOKE TO ME. THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE. EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY

THEY SAID I HAD A CHOICE. EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY

EITHER I COULD HAVE ALL OF MY LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY HAIR DONE.

LUGGAGE SEARCHED AGAIN OR GET MY HAIR DONE. THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER.

HAIR DONE. THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER. THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE

THEY WANTED US TO TAKE ETHER. THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL

THEY SAID IT HELPS RELAX THE HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER.

HAIR, AND THEY TOLD US THAT ALL THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER. THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT

THE GOOD HAIR SALONS USED ETHER. THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T

THEY TRIED TO TELL US THAT IT WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE

WAS A CUSTOM, THAT WE WOULDN'T OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE IT.

OFFEND THEM IF WE'D JUST TAKE IT. THEN THEY SET UP THIS

IT. THEN THEY SET UP THIS PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT

THEN THEY SET UP THIS PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED

PROJECTOR AND THIS EQUIPMENT RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT

RIGHT IN OUR HOTEL ROOM, SHOWED US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST.

US A FILM ABOUT SOME PIG THAT COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST. REMEMBER THAT?

COULD RUN EXTRAORDINARILY FAST. REMEMBER THAT? YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING

REMEMBER THAT? YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR

YEAH, THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO RELAX OUR HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE.

HAIR... THIS GIANT HOG RUNNING LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE. WE'D BEEN DRUGGED.

LIKE HELL ALL OVER EUROPE. WE'D BEEN DRUGGED. THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF

WE'D BEEN DRUGGED. THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED

THE FIRST TIME I WAS AWARE OF WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND

WHAT HAD HAPPENED, I STRETCHED AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER.

AND CUT MY HAND ON MY HAIR, AND I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER. I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT

I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER. I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN.

I JUST CAME TO IN THE NEXT ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN. I SAW HER LIKE THAT.

ROOM, AND I WENT RUNNING IN. I SAW HER LIKE THAT. I STARTED SCREAMING.

I SAW HER LIKE THAT. I STARTED SCREAMING. AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND

I STARTED SCREAMING. AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND I STARTED TO SCREAM.

AND I SAW HIM LIKE THAT, AND I STARTED TO SCREAM. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING

I STARTED TO SCREAM. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY

I THOUGHT SHE WAS SCREAMING BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY BEHIND ME.

BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMEBODY BEHIND ME. HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND

BEHIND ME. HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND STARTED SWINGING IT.

HE GRABBED A CHAIR AND STARTED SWINGING IT. I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND.

STARTED SWINGING IT. I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND. WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS

I THOUGHT HE'D LOST HIS MIND. WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS ANGERED BY IT.

WELL, I CAN'T SAY I WAS ANGERED BY IT. I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT

ANGERED BY IT. I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO

I MEAN, I WAS SURPRISED AT FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK.

FIRST, AND THEN I BEGAN TO APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK. THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY

APPRECIATE THE INTRICATE WORK. THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE.

THEY PUT IN BRIDGES, AND THEY MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE. AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE

MADE A GARDEN ON THIS SIDE. AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE TREES?

AND THEN THEY... SEE THE LITTLE TREES? YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN

TREES? YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS

YOU KNOW, IT'S REMARKABLE WHEN YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER.

YOU CONSIDER THEY DID ALL THIS IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER. THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT

IN A DARKENED MOVIE THEATER. THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I

THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN

BOTHERS ME... THAT EVERY TIME I NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AT THE

NEED A TRIM, I HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AT THE BOTANICAL GARDENS.

APPOINTMENT AT THE BOTANICAL GARDENS. THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO

BOTANICAL GARDENS. THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S

THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE.

GO AWAY BY ITSELF, AND THAT'S WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE. WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN

WHY THIS OFFICE IS HERE. WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL

WE'RE VETERANS OF FOREIGN HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL WE CAN.

HAIRDOS, AND WE WANT TO HELP ALL WE CAN. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

WE CAN. ISN'T THAT RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT. HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS

THAT'S RIGHT. HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN

HI, I'M DOLLY PARTON, AND I WAS AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN HAIRDO.

AN EARLY VICTIM OF A FOREIGN HAIRDO. BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES.

HAIRDO. BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY

BUT I WAS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN

THE WEIGHT OF IT STRAIGHTENED MY POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION.

POSTURE AND HELPED ME TO WALK IN AN UPRIGHT POSITION. ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS,

AN UPRIGHT POSITION. ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS, BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE

ALL OF YOU KNOW ABOUT HAIRDOS, BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE HAIR DON'TS?

BUT HOW MANY OF YOU KNOW THE HAIR DON'TS? DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL.

HAIR DON'TS? DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL. KEEP IT MOVING AROUND.

DON'T KEEP YOUR HEAD STILL. KEEP IT MOVING AROUND. DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES,

KEEP IT MOVING AROUND. DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES, ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX

DON'T GO TO THE MOVIES, ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX COUNTRIES.

ESPECIALLY IN THE BENELUX COUNTRIES. DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A

COUNTRIES. DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A RESTAURANT.

DON'T EVER CHECK YOUR HAT IN A RESTAURANT. WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN

RESTAURANT. WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN HAIRDOS.

WE'RE THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN HAIRDOS. WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER

HAIRDOS. WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE

WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR HAIR OVER THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE CARE.

THERE, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE CARE. SO, THERE. BYE-BYE.

CARE. SO, THERE. BYE-BYE. FOR MORE INFORMATION,

SO, THERE. BYE-BYE. FOR MORE INFORMATION, WRITE...

WELL, PHOEBE AND I WERE IN NEW YORK TOGETHER ABOUT A YEAR AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO

NEW YORK TOGETHER ABOUT A YEAR AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE

AGO, AND WE WENT DOWN TO GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE ROCHE SISTERS.

GERDE'S FOLK CITY TO SEE THE ROCHE SISTERS. AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH

ROCHE SISTERS. AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY

AND WE BOTH FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY HAD WRITTEN.

THIS ONE AMAZING SONG THAT THEY HAD WRITTEN. AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT.

HAD WRITTEN. AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT. AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE

AND PHOEBE RECORDED IT. AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT

AND I WAS SO JEALOUS THAT SHE GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY

GOT TO SCOOP ME ON THIS GREAT TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME

TUNE THAT I TOLD HER THE ONLY WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH

WAY SHE COULD MAKE IT UP TO ME WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO

WAS IF SHE LET ME SING IT WITH HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO IT TOGETHER NOW.

HER ONE TIME, SO WE'RE GONNA DO IT TOGETHER NOW. IT'S CALLED "MARRIED MAN."

IT TOGETHER NOW. IT'S CALLED "MARRIED MAN." [INTRO PLAYS]

♪ ONE IN LOUISIANA ♪ ♪ ANOTHER ONE WHO TRAVELS AROUND ♪

♪ ANOTHER ONE WHO TRAVELS AROUND ♪ ♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN

AROUND ♪ ♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM MAINLY STAYS IN HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪ ♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN

HEARTTHROB TOWN ♪ ♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN CONCERN ♪

♪ I AM NOT THEIR MAIN CONCERN ♪ ♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪

CONCERN ♪ ♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪ ♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING

♪ THEY ARE LONELY, TOO ♪ ♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING THROUGH ♪

♪ I AM JUST AN ARROW PASSING THROUGH ♪ ♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY

THROUGH ♪ ♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY EYES ♪

♪ WHEN THEY LOOK INTO MY EYES ♪ ♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

EYES ♪ ♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪ ♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY

♪ I KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪ ♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY ARE TRUE ♪

♪ I MAKE SURE THE WORDS I SAY ARE TRUE ♪ ♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT

ARE TRUE ♪ ♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT DAWN ♪

♪ WHEN THEY SEND ME OFF AT DAWN ♪ ♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪

DAWN ♪ ♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪ Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN'

♪ AND PAY THE DRIVER MY FARE ♪ Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN' DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪

Both: ♪ THEY KNOW I AM GOIN' DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

DOWN SOMEWHERE ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD TIME AGAIN ♪

♪ NEVER WOULD HAVE HAD A GOOD TIME AGAIN ♪ ♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED

TIME AGAIN ♪ ♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ IF IT WASN'T FOR THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER

MEN ♪ ♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER ME ♪

♪ ONE SAYS HE'LL COME AFTER ME ♪ ♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A

ME ♪ ♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A LINE ♪

♪ ANOTHER ONE'LL DROP ME A LINE ♪ ♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY

LINE ♪ ♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪

♪ ONE OF THEM SAYS ALL OF MY AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪ ♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG

AGONY IS IN MY MIND ♪ ♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ♪

♪ THEY KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ♪ ♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪

WITH ME ♪ ♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪ Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY

♪ NONE OF 'EM WANTS MY HAND ♪ Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪

Both: ♪ SOLOIN' IN MY TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

TRAVELING WEDDING BAND ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL

♪ OH, THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL AGAIN ♪

♪ MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A GIRL AGAIN ♪ ♪ TO RUN WITH THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM'S GOT A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪

BOY ♪ ♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪ ♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE

♪ OTHER ONE, HE'S GOT TWO ♪ ♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE WEEK OVERDUE ♪

♪ ONE OF 'EM'S WIFE IS ONE WEEK OVERDUE ♪ ♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪

WEEK OVERDUE ♪ ♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪ ♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪

♪ I KNOW THESE GIRLS ♪ ♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪ ♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪

♪ THEY DON'T LIKE ME ♪ ♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪ Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE

♪ BUT I AM JUST LIKE THEM ♪ Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE OFF A STEM ♪

Both: ♪ PICKIN' A CRAZY APPLE OFF A STEM ♪ ♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪

OFF A STEM ♪ ♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ GIVIN' IT TO THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO

♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO SPEND ♪

♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO SPEND ♪ ♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪

SPEND ♪ ♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO

♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED MEN ♪ ♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO SPEND ♪

♪ ALL OF THAT TIME IN HELL TO SPEND ♪ ♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪

SPEND ♪ ♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪ ♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪

♪ FOR KISSIN' THE MARRIED ♪ ♪ THE MARRIED MEN ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, MARY. HI, JENNY. AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE

HI, JENNY. AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR

AREN'T YOU GOING OVER TO THE GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE?

GOING-OUT-OF-BUSINESS SALE FOR PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE? NO.

PUPPYLAND WITH DIANE AND JOANNE? NO. I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER

NO. I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER THERE WITHOUT CRYING.

I DON'T THINK I COULD GO OVER THERE WITHOUT CRYING. JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME

THERE WITHOUT CRYING. JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK

JUST TELL THEM GOODBYE FOR ME AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES

AND THAT I WISH THEM GOOD LUCK IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES INTO NEXT.

IN WHATEVER THEY GET THEMSELVES INTO NEXT. HOW'S BUSINESS?

INTO NEXT. HOW'S BUSINESS? OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD

HOW'S BUSINESS? OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY

OH, WELL, YESTERDAY I SOLD ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD.

ABOUT $10 WORTH, BUT TODAY HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD. HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH

HASN'T BEEN SO GOOD. HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH BOUTIQUE?

HOW ARE THINGS AT THE SCOTCH BOUTIQUE? OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS

BOUTIQUE? OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS IS GREAT!

OH, THE SCOTCH TAPE BUSINESS IS GREAT! AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL

IS GREAT! AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES

AND DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS ALL OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"?

OVER THAT SAY "THOMAS SHOES GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"? YES, I DID.

GOING OUT OF BUSINESS"? YES, I DID. THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED

YES, I DID. THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED TO PUT THEM UP.

THAT WAS OUR TAPE THEY USED TO PUT THEM UP. WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING,

TO PUT THEM UP. WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING, THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT

WITH THOMAS' SHOES CLOSING, THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR

THAT'LL MAKE IT 10 STORES THAT MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR THIS YEAR.

MOVED OUT OF THE MALL SO FAR THIS YEAR. YEAH, I KNOW.

THIS YEAR. YEAH, I KNOW. [SIGHS]

YEAH, I KNOW. [SIGHS] HI, JENNY, MARY.

[SIGHS] HI, JENNY, MARY. HI, FLOYD.

HI, JENNY, MARY. HI, FLOYD. HI, FLOYD.

HI, FLOYD. HI, FLOYD. AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY

HI, FLOYD. AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO THE PARTY FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND? YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY

FOR, UH, PUPPYLAND? YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY WAY.

YEAH, WELL, I WAS JUST ON MY WAY. I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY,

WAY. I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY, GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS

I THOUGHT I'D KIND OF DROP BY, GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS A GOING-AWAY GIFT.

GET SOME CANDY, AND BRING IT AS A GOING-AWAY GIFT. WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY

A GOING-AWAY GIFT. WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT?

WELL, THE MALL IS REALLY GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT? I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE

GOING UNDER, ISN'T IT? I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS

I THINK BUSINESS WILL BE PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS CRISIS GETS WORSE.

PICKING UP AS SOON AS THIS GAS CRISIS GETS WORSE. REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER

CRISIS GETS WORSE. REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND

REMEMBER, WE'RE TWO MILES CLOSER TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL

TO TOWN THAN THE NEW MALL, AND NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL

NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO WASTE ALL THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY.

THAT GAS AND DRIVE TO A MALL THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY. WE'RE CLOSER.

THAT'S TWO MILES FARTHER AWAY. WE'RE CLOSER. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT,

WE'RE CLOSER. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT, FLOYD.

I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT, FLOYD. SURE.

FLOYD. SURE. THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING

SURE. THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING OUT OF BUSINESS?

THEN WHY IS PUPPYLAND GOING OUT OF BUSINESS? I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU

OUT OF BUSINESS? I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT

I MEAN, WHY... WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT MONTH?

MAKE THEM HOLD ON TILL NEXT MONTH? WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES,

MONTH? WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY

WELL, MARY, WITH PUPPIES, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S

IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WITH CANDY OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S CLOTHING.

OR SCOTCH TAPE OR MEN'S CLOTHING. IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR

CLOTHING. IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL,

IF I GOT A SUIT ON THE RACK FOR SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL, BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON

SIX MONTHS, IT'S NO BIG DEAL, BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS.

BUT YOU CAN'T KEEP PUPPIES ON INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS. THEY TURN INTO DOGS.

INVENTORY FOR SIX MONTHS. THEY TURN INTO DOGS. IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS,

THEY TURN INTO DOGS. IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS, YOU KNOW?

IT'S AS BAD AS THE EGG BUSINESS, YOU KNOW? YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE

YOU KNOW? YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS

YEAH, I HEARD THEY DON'T HAVE ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS THAN 8 MONTHS OLD.

ONE PUPPY IN THERE THAT IS LESS THAN 8 MONTHS OLD. AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE

THAN 8 MONTHS OLD. AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH

AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE GARBAGE MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG

MEN JOKE THAT PUPPYLAND'S TRASH BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG FOOD.

BAGS ONLY CONTAIN CYCLE-TWO DOG FOOD. [CHUCKLES]

FOOD. [CHUCKLES] THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE

[CHUCKLES] THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE THEY MADE UP.

THAT'S... THAT'S, LIKE, A JOKE THEY MADE UP. DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE

THEY MADE UP. DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE

DIDN'T YOU EVER SEE THE COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR

COMMERCIAL WHERE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS?

DIFFERENT CANS OF DOG FOOD FOR DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS? NO, I NEVER DID.

DIFFERENT-AGED DOGS? NO, I NEVER DID. I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE.

NO, I NEVER DID. I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE. WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS

I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT ONE. WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR

WELL, ONE, UH... ONE CAN IS CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED

CALLED "CYCLE ONE," AND IT'S FOR PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED "CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS

PUPPIES, AND THE OTHER IS CALLED "CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH,

"CYCLE TWO," AND IT'S FOR DOGS OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH, THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY

OVER SIX MONTHS OLD, AND, UH, THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO

THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT WHEN THEY SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE

SAID THAT THERE'S ONLY CYCLE-TWO DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO

DOG FOOD IN THE TRASH BECAUSE ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T

ALL PUPPYLAND'S PUPPIES ARE SO OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE.

OLD THAT, UM, THEY... THEY DON'T EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE. I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET

EAT CYCLE ONE ANYMORE. I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET OVER THERE.

I THINK MAYBE WE BETTER GET OVER THERE. YEAH.

OVER THERE. YEAH. IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME!

YEAH. IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME! WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY.

IT'S PUPPYLAND PARTY TIME! WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY. YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR

WE WERE JUST ON OUR WAY. YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN

YEAH, YOU KNOW, DID YOU HEAR THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN

THE JOKE THAT THE GARBAGE MEN ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN PUPPYLAND'S TRASH?

ARE MAKING ABOUT THE DOG FOOD IN PUPPYLAND'S TRASH? NO.

PUPPYLAND'S TRASH? NO. WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER

NO. WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY,

WHY DON'T YOU GO ON OVER THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY, AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS?

THERE, AND I'LL GET SOME CANDY, AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS? WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM?

AND I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS? WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM? SHAMPOO.

WHAT ARE YOU GIVING THEM? SHAMPOO. THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT

SHAMPOO. THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR!

THEY MAY BE BROKE AND SAD, BUT THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR! [BOTH LAUGH]

THEY'RE GONNA HAVE CLEAN HAIR! [BOTH LAUGH] I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD.

[BOTH LAUGH] I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD. SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY.

I'LL SEE YOU OVER THERE, FLOYD. SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY. OKAY.

SEE YOU OVER THERE, MARY. OKAY. BYE, MARY.

OKAY. BYE, MARY. UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE

BYE, MARY. UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE

UH, MARY, I THINK I'LL TAKE ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH...

ABOUT 75 CENTS WORTH OF THE ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH... OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME

ALMOND CREAMS, AND, UH... OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY?

OKAY, AND I'LL PUT IN SOME RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY? OH, SURE, SURE.

RAISIN CLUSTERS, OKAY? OH, SURE, SURE. AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT

OH, SURE, SURE. AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT I SENT THEM?

AND WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT I SENT THEM? YEAH, CERTAINLY.

I SENT THEM? YEAH, CERTAINLY. UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS

YEAH, CERTAINLY. UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU?

UH... YOU CAN... YOU CAN PUT THIS ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU? WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY

ON MY BILL, CAN'T YOU? WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE

WELL, FLOYD, I HATE TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX

ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL DO OWE ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX OF ASSORTED CREAMS.

ME $7.95 FOR THE VALENTINE BOX OF ASSORTED CREAMS. I MEAN...

OF ASSORTED CREAMS. I MEAN... HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER.

I MEAN... HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER. Both: HI, KEVIN.

HI, MARY. HI, MR. HUNGER. Both: HI, KEVIN. HI.

Both: HI, KEVIN. HI. UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75

HI. UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75 CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL

UH, KEVIN, DO YOU HAVE 75 CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL TOMORROW?

CENTS YOU CAN LOAN ME TILL TOMORROW? YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER.

TOMORROW? YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER. YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20?

YEAH, SURE, MR. HUNGER. YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20? KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A

YOU GOT CHANGE FOR A $20? KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A LOT OF MONEY.

KEVIN, YOU... YOU DO HAVE A LOT OF MONEY. YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING

LOT OF MONEY. YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU

YEAH, WELL, I'VE BEEN HELPING WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU KNOW?

WHEEL OF HARDWARE MOVE, YOU KNOW? UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY

KNOW? UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV.

UH, I DON'T THINK I HAVE ANY SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV. UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE

SMALL BILLS ON ME, KEV. UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE THIS $20?

UH, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST TAKE THIS $20? I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU

THIS $20? I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU TOMORROW.

I'LL PAY IT BACK TO YOU TOMORROW. OKAY.

TOMORROW. OKAY. I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU

OKAY. I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY.

I'LL BRING THAT CHANGE TO YOU AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY. UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT

AROUND TOMORROW THERE, MARY. UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO

UH, THEY SAY THEY REALLY WANT YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR

YOU OVER AT THE PARTY, MARY, SO I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE

I VOLUNTEERED TO WATCH YOUR STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE FOR A WHILE.

STORE WHILE YOU GO OVER THERE FOR A WHILE. OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I...

FOR A WHILE. OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I... I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS

OH, THANKS, KEVIN, BUT I... I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS STORE.

I DON'T LIKE TO LEAVE THIS STORE. YOU NEVER CAN TELL.

STORE. YOU NEVER CAN TELL. MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL. MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN. WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND

MAYBE A CUSTOMER WOULD COME IN. WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN.

WELL, I COULD COME OVER AND GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN. THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

GET YOU IF SOMEBODY CAME IN. THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. NO, THANKS, KEVIN.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING. NO, THANKS, KEVIN. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD.

NO, THANKS, KEVIN. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD. OH.

I DON'T THINK I SHOULD. OH. OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX

OH. OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND

OKAY, THEN MAYBE I'LL TAKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS.

OF CHOCOLATE-COVERED PEANUTS AND A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS. OH.

A BOX OF VANILLA CARAMELS. OH. I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY...

OH. I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY... PRETTY SAD, HUH?

I'LL BET THAT PARTY IS PRETTY... PRETTY SAD, HUH? NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO

PRETTY SAD, HUH? NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE

NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE SMELL, YOU KNOW?

STAY, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE OF THE SMELL, YOU KNOW? MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING

SMELL, YOU KNOW? MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW?

MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE STANDING IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW? IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE.

IN THE DOORWAY, YOU KNOW? IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE. OH, DEAR.

IT'S NOT AS BAD THERE. OH, DEAR. THAT'LL BE $8.70.

OH, DEAR. THAT'LL BE $8.70. THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND.

THAT'LL BE $8.70. THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND. GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s.

THEY'RE $4.35 A POUND. GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s. IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT.

GEEZ, ALL I GOT'S THESE $20s. IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY

IT'S THE SMALLEST THING I GOT. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR CHANGE?

TOMORROW, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR CHANGE? OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

CHANGE? OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. OKAY.

OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. OKAY. BYE, KEVIN.

OKAY. BYE, KEVIN. BYE, MARY.

BYE, KEVIN. BYE, MARY. HI, MARY.

BYE, MARY. HI, MARY. HI, MARY.

HI, MARY. HI, MARY. OH, HI!

HI, MARY. OH, HI! WHAT YOU INTO?

OH, HI! WHAT YOU INTO? OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T

WHAT YOU INTO? OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE

OH, WE KNEW YOU COULDN'T LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU.

LEAVE THE CANDY STORE, SO WE CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU. AWW, THAT'S SO NICE.

CAME TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU. AWW, THAT'S SO NICE. AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH

AWW, THAT'S SO NICE. AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT

AND LISTEN, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT OVER.

FOR THE BOX OF CANDY YOU SENT OVER. OH, THAT'S OKAY.

OVER. OH, THAT'S OKAY. LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF

OH, THAT'S OKAY. LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN

LISTEN, UH, YOU DON'T MIND IF WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE

WE JUST, UM, KEEP A FEW DOGS IN HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE?

HERE FOR A WHILE WHILE WE'RE CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE? AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND.

CLEANING THINGS OUT OVER THERE? AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND. AWW, GOOD.

AWW, NO, NO, I DON'T MIND. AWW, GOOD. I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN.

AWW, GOOD. I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN. AWW.

I'LL START BRINGING THEM IN. AWW. AREN'T THEY CUTE?

AWW. AREN'T THEY CUTE? THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD.

AREN'T THEY CUTE? THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD. WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T

THEY'RE ONLY 8 WEEKS OLD. WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET

WELL, NOW, YOU SEE, ISN'T THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET STARTED?

THAT SOMETHING HOW RUMORS GET STARTED? THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T

STARTED? THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER

THEY WERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER SIX MONTHS OLD.

HAVE A PUPPY OVER THERE UNDER SIX MONTHS OLD. [CHUCKLES]

SIX MONTHS OLD. [CHUCKLES] WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE.

[CHUCKLES] WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE. IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A

WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS TRUE. IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD

IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING, BUT A COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD PUPPIES.

COUPLE OF OUR PUPPIES HAD PUPPIES. [LAUGHS]

PUPPIES. [LAUGHS] OH.

[LAUGHS] OH. YEAH.

OH. YEAH. UH... OH!

YEAH. UH... OH! HELLO.

UH... OH! HELLO. OH, HERE THEY COME.

HELLO. OH, HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME.

OH, HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY ARE.

HERE THEY COME. HERE THEY ARE. I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM

HERE THEY ARE. I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM A HAND.

I-I THINK I BETTER GIVE THEM A HAND. THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH

A HAND. THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH THE BIG ONES.

THEY MIGHT NEED SOME HELP WITH THE BIG ONES. OH.

THE BIG ONES. OH. STAY. STAY.

OH. STAY. STAY. OKAY, GUYS, STAY.

STAY. STAY. OKAY, GUYS, STAY. STAY. STAY.

OKAY, GUYS, STAY. STAY. STAY. STAY.

[HORN HONKS] HELLO, KIDDIES! HEY! OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN

HELLO, KIDDIES! HEY! OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE

OH, BOY, ARE WE GONNA HAVE FUN TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE!

TODAY 'CAUSE ME AND SPOT ARE GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE! YAY!

GOING TO WATCH A SILENT MOVIE! YAY! AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY

YAY! AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL!

AND THE STAR OF THE FILM IS MY GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL! SAY, MR. BILL, THE

GRANDFATHER, VAUDEVILLE BILL! SAY, MR. BILL, THE PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP.

SAY, MR. BILL, THE PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP. UH-OH.

PROJECTIONIST DIDN'T SHOW UP. UH-OH. CAN YOU LEND A HAND?

UH-OH. CAN YOU LEND A HAND? OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW

CAN YOU LEND A HAND? OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE

OH, MR. HANDS, BUT YOU KNOW I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

I'D RATHER RELAX AND WATCH THE MOVIE. OH, COME ON.

MOVIE. OH, COME ON. IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND.

OH, COME ON. IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND. OH, OKAY.

IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND. OH, OKAY. SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY

OH, OKAY. SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY SEAT, HUH?

SAY, SPOT, WILL YOU SAVE MY SEAT, HUH? [BARKS]

SEAT, HUH? [BARKS] OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL,

[BARKS] OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL, I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM

OKAY, NOW FIRST, MR. BILL, I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM INTO THE PROJECTOR...

I WANT YOU TO THREAD THE FILM INTO THE PROJECTOR... OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO

INTO THE PROJECTOR... OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT, MR. HANDS.

OH, BUT YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT, MR. HANDS. I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION.

THAT, MR. HANDS. I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION. WHILE I TURN IT ON.

I'M NOT EVEN IN THE UNION. WHILE I TURN IT ON. NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON!

WHILE I TURN IT ON. NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON! NO! NO! STOP IT!

NO, WAIT, I CAN'T HOLD ON! NO! NO! STOP IT! Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL.

NO! NO! STOP IT! Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL. THE MOVIE'S STARTING.

Shh, QUIET, MR. BILL. THE MOVIE'S STARTING. OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND.

THE MOVIE'S STARTING. OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND. I DON'T LIKE GOING TO THE

OH, AND THANKS FOR THE HAND. I DON'T LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES!

MOVIES! [BELL DINGS]

[BELL DINGS] [CALLIOPE MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DRUMROLL] [CYMBALS CRASH] [SPECTATORS BOOING]

[CYMBALS CRASH] [SPECTATORS BOOING] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

SEE YOU NEXT TIME! BYE-BYE!

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE. WE HAD A GREAT TIME. YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME. YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE. AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY

YOU WERE A GREAT AUDIENCE. AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE.

AND THEY ARE THE MOST LOVELY GROUP OF PEOPLE. MAUREEN STAPLETON!

GROUP OF PEOPLE. MAUREEN STAPLETON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MAUREEN STAPLETON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [WHISTLES]