Original subtitles

Announcer: "EMERGENCY,"

STARRING MEGAN MARSHACK, WILL

NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT WE

MAY BRING YOU THIS SPECIAL

PRESENTATION.

HOW WAS THE MEETING? I DON'T KNOW, JANE. I THINK THERE'S GONNA BE

I DON'T KNOW, JANE. I THINK THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE.

I THINK THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE. LORNE JUST CUT JOHN'S BIG PIECE,

TROUBLE. LORNE JUST CUT JOHN'S BIG PIECE, THE ONE WHERE HE PLAYS

LORNE JUST CUT JOHN'S BIG PIECE, THE ONE WHERE HE PLAYS VICE-PREMIER DENG?

THE ONE WHERE HE PLAYS VICE-PREMIER DENG? I MEAN, JOHN'S BEEN WORKING ON

VICE-PREMIER DENG? I MEAN, JOHN'S BEEN WORKING ON THAT FOR A REAL LONG TIME.

I MEAN, JOHN'S BEEN WORKING ON THAT FOR A REAL LONG TIME. IT'S IMPORTANT TO HIM.

THAT FOR A REAL LONG TIME. IT'S IMPORTANT TO HIM. WELL, WHY WAS IT CUT?

IT'S IMPORTANT TO HIM. WELL, WHY WAS IT CUT? WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE

WELL, WHY WAS IT CUT? WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE WRITERS JUST FOUND OUT THAT DENG

WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THE WRITERS JUST FOUND OUT THAT DENG WENT BACK TO CHINA, YOU KNOW?

WRITERS JUST FOUND OUT THAT DENG WENT BACK TO CHINA, YOU KNOW? THERE WERE ALL SO BUSY THEY

WENT BACK TO CHINA, YOU KNOW? THERE WERE ALL SO BUSY THEY DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO WATCH THE

THERE WERE ALL SO BUSY THEY DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO WATCH THE NEWS OR ANYTHING, AND NOW DENG

DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO WATCH THE NEWS OR ANYTHING, AND NOW DENG ISN'T EVEN HERE ANYMORE.

NEWS OR ANYTHING, AND NOW DENG ISN'T EVEN HERE ANYMORE. WELL, HE LEFT FIVE DAYS AGO.

ISN'T EVEN HERE ANYMORE. WELL, HE LEFT FIVE DAYS AGO. I KNOW, AND THEY JUST FOUND

WELL, HE LEFT FIVE DAYS AGO. I KNOW, AND THEY JUST FOUND OUT.

I KNOW, AND THEY JUST FOUND OUT. WELL, I JUST SAW JOHN IN

OUT. WELL, I JUST SAW JOHN IN MAKEUP, AND HE DIDN'T REALLY

WELL, I JUST SAW JOHN IN MAKEUP, AND HE DIDN'T REALLY SEEM THAT UPSET TO ME.

MAKEUP, AND HE DIDN'T REALLY SEEM THAT UPSET TO ME. I KNOW.

SEEM THAT UPSET TO ME. I KNOW. HE LOOKS OKAY, BUT I CAN SEE

I KNOW. HE LOOKS OKAY, BUT I CAN SEE THAT LOOK IN HIS EYES.

HE LOOKS OKAY, BUT I CAN SEE THAT LOOK IN HIS EYES. I'M JUST AFRAID HE'S GONNA

THAT LOOK IN HIS EYES. I'M JUST AFRAID HE'S GONNA START THROWING THINGS AGAIN.

I'M JUST AFRAID HE'S GONNA START THROWING THINGS AGAIN. [WHISTLING]

START THROWING THINGS AGAIN. [WHISTLING] HEY, WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S THE

[WHISTLING] HEY, WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH GILDA?

HEY, WHAT'S, UH... WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH GILDA? OH, NOTHING.

MATTER WITH GILDA? OH, NOTHING. I THINK SHE'S JUST AFRAID YOU

OH, NOTHING. I THINK SHE'S JUST AFRAID YOU MIGHT HIT HER OR SOMETHING.

I THINK SHE'S JUST AFRAID YOU MIGHT HIT HER OR SOMETHING. [SCOFFS]

MIGHT HIT HER OR SOMETHING. [SCOFFS] WELL, WHY WOULD I HIT HER?

[SCOFFS] WELL, WHY WOULD I HIT HER? WELL, SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT

WELL, WHY WOULD I HIT HER? WELL, SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE MAD BECAUSE THE DENG PIECE

WELL, SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE MAD BECAUSE THE DENG PIECE WAS CUT.

BE MAD BECAUSE THE DENG PIECE WAS CUT. THE DENG PIECE? NAH.

WAS CUT. THE DENG PIECE? NAH. THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

THE DENG PIECE? NAH. THAT DOESN'T MATTER. THAT DOESN'T MATTER.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. THAT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW?

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW? THE GUY LEFT TOWN.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW? THE GUY LEFT TOWN. THOSE THINGS HAPPEN, YOU KNOW?

THE GUY LEFT TOWN. THOSE THINGS HAPPEN, YOU KNOW? YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST

THOSE THINGS HAPPEN, YOU KNOW? YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST AS WELL BECAUSE YOUR DENG

YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST AS WELL BECAUSE YOUR DENG IMITATION IS A LOT LIKE YOUR

AS WELL BECAUSE YOUR DENG IMITATION IS A LOT LIKE YOUR SAMURAI ONLY WITHOUT THE SWORD.

IMITATION IS A LOT LIKE YOUR SAMURAI ONLY WITHOUT THE SWORD. [CHUCKLES]

SAMURAI ONLY WITHOUT THE SWORD. [CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES] UH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

[CHUCKLES] UH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY SAMURAI

UH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY SAMURAI IMITATION IS LIKE MY DENG

YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY SAMURAI IMITATION IS LIKE MY DENG IMITATION?

IMITATION IS LIKE MY DENG IMITATION? THEY'RE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

IMITATION? THEY'RE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. TOTALLY DIFFERENT!

THEY'RE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. TOTALLY DIFFERENT! JAPANESE IS AN ATONAL LANGUAGE.

TOTALLY DIFFERENT! JAPANESE IS AN ATONAL LANGUAGE. IT'S DIFFERENT.

JAPANESE IS AN ATONAL LANGUAGE. IT'S DIFFERENT. HE COMES OUT, AND... THE WALKS

IT'S DIFFERENT. HE COMES OUT, AND... THE WALKS ARE DIFFERENT.

HE COMES OUT, AND... THE WALKS ARE DIFFERENT. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON DENG'S WALK

ARE DIFFERENT. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON DENG'S WALK FOR THREE DAYS NOW.

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON DENG'S WALK FOR THREE DAYS NOW. I MEAN, I KNOW HOW HE WALKS.

FOR THREE DAYS NOW. I MEAN, I KNOW HOW HE WALKS. THE JAPANESE WALK... IT'S A

I MEAN, I KNOW HOW HE WALKS. THE JAPANESE WALK... IT'S A SMALLER WALK.

THE JAPANESE WALK... IT'S A SMALLER WALK. IT'S LIKE...

SMALLER WALK. IT'S LIKE... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

IT'S LIKE... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YOU KNOW?

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] YOU KNOW? CHINESE IS... IS MORE MUSICAL.

YOU KNOW? CHINESE IS... IS MORE MUSICAL. IT'S...

CHINESE IS... IS MORE MUSICAL. IT'S... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

IT'S... [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] AND HE JUST TAKES BIG STEPS, YOU

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] AND HE JUST TAKES BIG STEPS, YOU KNOW, JUST THOSE BIG STEPS.

AND HE JUST TAKES BIG STEPS, YOU KNOW, JUST THOSE BIG STEPS. IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

KNOW, JUST THOSE BIG STEPS. IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT. [CHUCKLES]

IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT. [CHUCKLES] IT'S ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT.

[CHUCKLES] IT'S ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET UPSET

IT'S ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET UPSET ABOUT IT, JOHN.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET UPSET ABOUT IT, JOHN. I'M NOT ANGRY, JANE.

ABOUT IT, JOHN. I'M NOT ANGRY, JANE. NOPE.

I'M NOT ANGRY, JANE. NOPE. I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ANGRY

NOPE. I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT.

I HAVE NOTHING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT. LIFE IS GOOD.

ABOUT. LIFE IS GOOD. I'M IN A HIT MOVIE.

LIFE IS GOOD. I'M IN A HIT MOVIE. I'VE GOT A NUMBER-ONE ALBUM ON

I'M IN A HIT MOVIE. I'VE GOT A NUMBER-ONE ALBUM ON THE CHARTS.

I'VE GOT A NUMBER-ONE ALBUM ON THE CHARTS. AND I'M ON THE BEST SHOW ON

THE CHARTS. AND I'M ON THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION.

AND I'M ON THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION. SO WHAT IF A PART IS CUT NOW AND

TELEVISION. SO WHAT IF A PART IS CUT NOW AND THEN, JANE?

SO WHAT IF A PART IS CUT NOW AND THEN, JANE? THAT'S NOTHING TO BE UPSET

THEN, JANE? THAT'S NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT, REALLY.

THAT'S NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT, REALLY. JOHN, THAT'S QUITE A CHANGE

ABOUT, REALLY. JOHN, THAT'S QUITE A CHANGE FOR YOU.

JOHN, THAT'S QUITE A CHANGE FOR YOU. WELL, I JUST REALIZED NOTHING

FOR YOU. WELL, I JUST REALIZED NOTHING IS WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD ABOUT,

WELL, I JUST REALIZED NOTHING IS WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD ABOUT, YOU KNOW?

IS WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD ABOUT, YOU KNOW? NOT ONE THING IS THAT IMPORTANT

YOU KNOW? NOT ONE THING IS THAT IMPORTANT BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF EGGS

NOT ONE THING IS THAT IMPORTANT BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF EGGS IN THE BASKET.

BECAUSE I'VE GOT A LOT OF EGGS IN THE BASKET. IF THIS SHOW SHOULD END, I'D

IN THE BASKET. IF THIS SHOW SHOULD END, I'D HAVE OTHER STUFF TO DO...

IF THIS SHOW SHOULD END, I'D HAVE OTHER STUFF TO DO... NOT LIKE YOU.

HAVE OTHER STUFF TO DO... NOT LIKE YOU. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

NOT LIKE YOU. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? YOU'D GO BACK TO BOSTON IN SOME

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? YOU'D GO BACK TO BOSTON IN SOME IMPROV GROUP, YOU KNOW?

YOU'D GO BACK TO BOSTON IN SOME IMPROV GROUP, YOU KNOW? "AH, GIVE ME A SUGGESTION OF A

IMPROV GROUP, YOU KNOW? "AH, GIVE ME A SUGGESTION OF A LOCATION, AN OCCUPATION, AN

"AH, GIVE ME A SUGGESTION OF A LOCATION, AN OCCUPATION, AN EMOTION."

LOCATION, AN OCCUPATION, AN EMOTION." HEY, THAT'S GREAT ENTERTAINMENT,

EMOTION." HEY, THAT'S GREAT ENTERTAINMENT, JANE.

HEY, THAT'S GREAT ENTERTAINMENT, JANE. YOU SEE, YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE.

JANE. YOU SEE, YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE. I COULD HAVE STAYED IN

YOU SEE, YOU'VE GOT NO CHOICE. I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD, DONE ANOTHER MOVIE.

I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD, DONE ANOTHER MOVIE. I COULD HAVE DONE A LOT OF

HOLLYWOOD, DONE ANOTHER MOVIE. I COULD HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINGS.

I COULD HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINGS. BUT NO.

THINGS. BUT NO. I CAME BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO.

BUT NO. I CAME BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE

I CAME BACK BECAUSE I WANTED TO. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, JANE.

AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, JANE. I'M HERE NOT BECAUSE I HAVE TO

BETWEEN US, JANE. I'M HERE NOT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE... BECAUSE I WANT TO BE.

I'M HERE NOT BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE... BECAUSE I WANT TO BE. IT'S THE NEW ME.

BE... BECAUSE I WANT TO BE. IT'S THE NEW ME. BETTER GET USED TO IT.

IT'S THE NEW ME. BETTER GET USED TO IT. JOHN, THAT'S GREAT.

BETTER GET USED TO IT. JOHN, THAT'S GREAT. A WHOLE NEW JOHN BELUSHI, THANKS

JOHN, THAT'S GREAT. A WHOLE NEW JOHN BELUSHI, THANKS TO A LITTLE SUCCESS AND A LOT OF

A WHOLE NEW JOHN BELUSHI, THANKS TO A LITTLE SUCCESS AND A LOT OF HEROIN.

TO A LITTLE SUCCESS AND A LOT OF HEROIN. SON OF A...

HEROIN. SON OF A... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

SON OF A... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

WITH CICELY TYSON.

STARRING DAN AYKROYD... JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN... AND GILDA RADNER.

WITH MUSICAL GUEST TALKING HEADS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

TALKING HEADS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CICELY TYSON!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CICELY TYSON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CLEARS THROAT] [High-pitched voice] THANK YOU.

[High-pitched voice] THANK YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DOWN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] DOWN. THANK YOU.

DOWN. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, AS AN AWARD-WINNING

THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, AS AN AWARD-WINNING BLACK ACTRESS, I GET TO HEAR A

YOU KNOW, AS AN AWARD-WINNING BLACK ACTRESS, I GET TO HEAR A LOT OF HILARIOUS ANECDOTES, YOU

BLACK ACTRESS, I GET TO HEAR A LOT OF HILARIOUS ANECDOTES, YOU KNOW?

LOT OF HILARIOUS ANECDOTES, YOU KNOW? SO WHEN THE

KNOW? SO WHEN THE "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" STAFF

SO WHEN THE "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" STAFF CALLED ME TO DO THE SHOW,

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" STAFF CALLED ME TO DO THE SHOW, NATURALLY I SAID TO MYSELF... I

CALLED ME TO DO THE SHOW, NATURALLY I SAID TO MYSELF... I SAID, "CICELY..."

NATURALLY I SAID TO MYSELF... I SAID, "CICELY..." [CHUCKLES]

SAID, "CICELY..." [CHUCKLES] I SAID... I SAID, "WHAT A..."

[CHUCKLES] I SAID... I SAID, "WHAT A..." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

EXCUSE ME, GARRETT, BUT WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING?

YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING? [Normal voice] HEY, I DON'T

DOING? [Normal voice] HEY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

[Normal voice] HEY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT. UH... YOU'RE REALLY HERE.

BELIEVE IT. UH... YOU'RE REALLY HERE. OF COURSE I'M HERE!

UH... YOU'RE REALLY HERE. OF COURSE I'M HERE! I'VE BEEN IN MY DRESSING ROOM, I

OF COURSE I'M HERE! I'VE BEEN IN MY DRESSING ROOM, I MEAN, WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO

I'VE BEEN IN MY DRESSING ROOM, I MEAN, WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO COME AND GET ME.

MEAN, WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO COME AND GET ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

COME AND GET ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEARD

I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEARD ABOUT...

WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN I HEARD ABOUT... THIS IS MY SPOT!

ABOUT... THIS IS MY SPOT! WHEN I HEARD THEM TALK ABOUT,

THIS IS MY SPOT! WHEN I HEARD THEM TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, CICELY TYSON, YOU

WHEN I HEARD THEM TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, CICELY TYSON, YOU KNOW, ON THE SHOW, I DIDN'T

YOU KNOW, CICELY TYSON, YOU KNOW, ON THE SHOW, I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D ACTUALLY GET YOU.

KNOW, ON THE SHOW, I DIDN'T THINK THEY'D ACTUALLY GET YOU. I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS A PART FOR

THINK THEY'D ACTUALLY GET YOU. I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS A PART FOR ME, YOU KNOW?

I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS A PART FOR ME, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I DO A... I DO A GOOD

ME, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I DO A... I DO A GOOD CICELY TYSON, HONEY.

I MEAN, I DO A... I DO A GOOD CICELY TYSON, HONEY. GARRETT, WOULD YOU TELL ME

CICELY TYSON, HONEY. GARRETT, WOULD YOU TELL ME WHY YOU HAVE MY CLOTHES ON?

GARRETT, WOULD YOU TELL ME WHY YOU HAVE MY CLOTHES ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY

WHY YOU HAVE MY CLOTHES ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CLOTHES ON?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY CLOTHES ON? LOOK, LOOK, LET ME EXPLAIN

CLOTHES ON? LOOK, LOOK, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING, NOW.

LOOK, LOOK, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING, NOW. I WAS HIRED BY THIS SHOW,

SOMETHING, NOW. I WAS HIRED BY THIS SHOW, CICELY, UNDER THE TERMS OF THE

I WAS HIRED BY THIS SHOW, CICELY, UNDER THE TERMS OF THE TOKEN MINORITY WINDOW-DRESSING

CICELY, UNDER THE TERMS OF THE TOKEN MINORITY WINDOW-DRESSING ACT OF 1978.

TOKEN MINORITY WINDOW-DRESSING ACT OF 1978. NOW, MY CONTRACT... DIG THIS

ACT OF 1978. NOW, MY CONTRACT... DIG THIS CONTRACT, WILL YOU?

NOW, MY CONTRACT... DIG THIS CONTRACT, WILL YOU? CLEARLY STATES... MY CONTRACT

CONTRACT, WILL YOU? CLEARLY STATES... MY CONTRACT CLEARLY S...

CLEARLY STATES... MY CONTRACT CLEARLY S... WAIT. OH, WHERE? OH, RIGHT HERE.

CLEARLY S... WAIT. OH, WHERE? OH, RIGHT HERE. CLEARLY STATES THAT "IN

WAIT. OH, WHERE? OH, RIGHT HERE. CLEARLY STATES THAT "IN ADDITION TO SERVICES DESCRIBED

CLEARLY STATES THAT "IN ADDITION TO SERVICES DESCRIBED ABOVE..." SEE RIGHT THERE?

ADDITION TO SERVICES DESCRIBED ABOVE... "SEE RIGHT THERE? "PERFORMER AGREES THAT HE WILL

ABOVE... "SEE RIGHT THERE? "PERFORMER AGREES THAT HE WILL PLAY ALL PARTS DARKER THAN

"PERFORMER AGREES THAT HE WILL PLAY ALL PARTS DARKER THAN TONY ORLANDO."

PLAY ALL PARTS DARKER THAN TONY ORLANDO." NOW, THE WAY I READ IT, THAT

TONY ORLANDO." NOW, THE WAY I READ IT, THAT MEAN ALL PARTS!

NOW, THE WAY I READ IT, THAT MEAN ALL PARTS! SO YOU ARE PLAYING A LOT OF

MEAN ALL PARTS! SO YOU ARE PLAYING A LOT OF WOMEN ROLES?

SO YOU ARE PLAYING A LOT OF WOMEN ROLES? IS THAT IT?

WOMEN ROLES? IS THAT IT? YEAH, I'VE DONE TINA TURNER.

IS THAT IT? YEAH, I'VE DONE TINA TURNER. I'VE DONE LEON SPINKS' MOTHER.

YEAH, I'VE DONE TINA TURNER. I'VE DONE LEON SPINKS' MOTHER. I'VE DONE A LOT OF MAIDS, HONEY.

I'VE DONE LEON SPINKS' MOTHER. I'VE DONE A LOT OF MAIDS, HONEY. AND... OH!

I'VE DONE A LOT OF MAIDS, HONEY. AND... OH! DO YOU REMEMBER THE CORETTA KING

AND... OH! DO YOU REMEMBER THE CORETTA KING MUD-WRESTLING PIECE?

DO YOU REMEMBER THE CORETTA KING MUD-WRESTLING PIECE? NO, NO, I DO NOT.

MUD-WRESTLING PIECE? NO, NO, I DO NOT. I CERTAINLY DO NOT.

NO, NO, I DO NOT. I CERTAINLY DO NOT. NO, WELL, THAT WAS ME!

I CERTAINLY DO NOT. NO, WELL, THAT WAS ME! THAT WAS ME, CICELY!

NO, WELL, THAT WAS ME! THAT WAS ME, CICELY! GARRETT, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO

THAT WAS ME, CICELY! GARRETT, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU?

GARRETT, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU? HUH?

YOU? HUH? I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE

HUH? I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I MEAN, LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING. WHEN WE WORKED TOGETHER AT THE

DOING. WHEN WE WORKED TOGETHER AT THE BLACK RESENTMENT DRAMA WORKSHOP

WHEN WE WORKED TOGETHER AT THE BLACK RESENTMENT DRAMA WORKSHOP IN THE 1960s, I EXPECTED

BLACK RESENTMENT DRAMA WORKSHOP IN THE 1960s, I EXPECTED SOMETHING REALLY VERY BIG FROM

IN THE 1960s, I EXPECTED SOMETHING REALLY VERY BIG FROM YOU.

SOMETHING REALLY VERY BIG FROM YOU. I MEAN, THE RANGE YOU SHOWED...

YOU. I MEAN, THE RANGE YOU SHOWED... YOUR TALENT, YOUR VOICE.

I MEAN, THE RANGE YOU SHOWED... YOUR TALENT, YOUR VOICE. REMEMBER WHEN LEE STRASBERG

YOUR TALENT, YOUR VOICE. REMEMBER WHEN LEE STRASBERG STOPPED BY TO WATCH US DO THE

REMEMBER WHEN LEE STRASBERG STOPPED BY TO WATCH US DO THE IMPROVS?

STOPPED BY TO WATCH US DO THE IMPROVS? I MEAN, YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE

IMPROVS? I MEAN, YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT HE REMEMBERED.

I MEAN, YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT HE REMEMBERED. GOD KNOWS I HOPE HE'S NOT

THAT HE REMEMBERED. GOD KNOWS I HOPE HE'S NOT WATCHING THE SHOW TONIGHT.

GOD KNOWS I HOPE HE'S NOT WATCHING THE SHOW TONIGHT. I MEAN, WHERE'S YOUR INTEGRITY?

WATCHING THE SHOW TONIGHT. I MEAN, WHERE'S YOUR INTEGRITY? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT?

I MEAN, WHERE'S YOUR INTEGRITY? WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? WELL, UH...

WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? WELL, UH... I MEAN, YOU HAVE TALENT, AND

WELL, UH... I MEAN, YOU HAVE TALENT, AND YOU ARE JUST THROWING IT AWAY.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE TALENT, AND YOU ARE JUST THROWING IT AWAY. DON'T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A

YOU ARE JUST THROWING IT AWAY. DON'T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY AS A BLACK ACTOR

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY AS A BLACK ACTOR TO PERFECT YOUR CRAFT?

RESPONSIBILITY AS A BLACK ACTOR TO PERFECT YOUR CRAFT? AND YOU ARE HERE ON THIS STAGE,

TO PERFECT YOUR CRAFT? AND YOU ARE HERE ON THIS STAGE, IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE ON

AND YOU ARE HERE ON THIS STAGE, IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE ON TELEVISION, ACTING LIKE A CLOWN.

IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE ON TELEVISION, ACTING LIKE A CLOWN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT FOR?

TELEVISION, ACTING LIKE A CLOWN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT FOR? MONEY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IT FOR? MONEY? WELL, YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T

MONEY? WELL, YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T LOOK BAD ON MY RéSUMé, YOU KNOW?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T LOOK BAD ON MY RéSUMé, YOU KNOW? AND I GET TO KEEP THE DRESSES.

LOOK BAD ON MY RéSUMé, YOU KNOW? AND I GET TO KEEP THE DRESSES. [LAUGHS]

AND I GET TO KEEP THE DRESSES. [LAUGHS] LISTEN, LISTEN, DEAR, WE'RE

[LAUGHS] LISTEN, LISTEN, DEAR, WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER.

LISTEN, LISTEN, DEAR, WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS LATER. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ LOVE ME TENDER ♪

Announcer: THE NEW JERSEY

CIVIC COLISEUM IS PROUD TO

PRESENT, APPEARING LIVE FOR A

LIMITED ENGAGEMENT...

ELVIS PRESLEY'S COAT!

HEAR THE HITS OF THE KING AND

SEE THE COAT THAT MADE HIM

FAMOUS.

♪ NUMBER 47 SAID TO NUMBER 3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD I EVER DID SEE ♪

3, "YOU'RE THE CUTEST JAILBIRD I EVER DID SEE ♪ ♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH

I EVER DID SEE ♪ ♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH YOUR COMPANY ♪

♪ I SURE WOULD BE DELIGHTED WITH YOUR COMPANY ♪ ♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE

YOUR COMPANY ♪ ♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK WITH ME" ♪

♪ COME ON AND DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK WITH ME" ♪ ♪ LET'S ROCK ♪

ROCK WITH ME" ♪ ♪ LET'S ROCK ♪ IT'S SEXY!

♪ LET'S ROCK ♪ IT'S SEXY! ♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪

IT'S SEXY! ♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪ ♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪

♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪ ♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪ SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING.

♪ I'M ALL SHOOK UP ♪ SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING. UNCANNY.

SIMPLY MIND-BOGGLING. UNCANNY. IT'S VISUAL.

UNCANNY. IT'S VISUAL. I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE.

IT'S VISUAL. I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE. I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE

I THINK IT WAS REMARKABLE. I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE KIDS.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO BRING THE KIDS. Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC,

KIDS. Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC, "IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO

Announcer: SAID ONE CRITIC, "IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO ELVIS HIMSELF."

"IT WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO ELVIS HIMSELF." ♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪

ELVIS HIMSELF." ♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪ WELL, THE LIGHTS.

♪ AND BLUE HAWAII ♪ WELL, THE LIGHTS. THE SOUNDS.

WELL, THE LIGHTS. THE SOUNDS. I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE

THE SOUNDS. I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY

I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL OF THE IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING.

IMITATION-COAT SHOWS, BUT THEY DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING. NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND

DON'T COMPARE TO THE REAL THING. NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND I'M STANDING THERE WITH

NOW THE STAGE IS BARE, AND I'M STANDING THERE WITH EMPTINESS ALL AROUND.

I'M STANDING THERE WITH EMPTINESS ALL AROUND. Announcer: THE KING MAY BE

EMPTINESS ALL AROUND. Announcer: THE KING MAY BE DEAD, BUT THE COAT LIVES ON.

ENGAGEMENT BEGINS TUESDAY,

NOVEMBER 7th.

IT'S A TRIP.

I MEAN, YOU REALLY HAVE TO SEE

IT.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

HELLO? WIDETTE RESIDENCE. OH, HI, PAULA! OH, NO, I'M SORRY.

OH, HI, PAULA! OH, NO, I'M SORRY. WE CAN'T GO TO THE

OH, NO, I'M SORRY. WE CAN'T GO TO THE "SAVE THE WHALES" CONCERT.

WE CAN'T GO TO THE "SAVE THE WHALES" CONCERT. WE'RE HAVING EARL AND WILMA BASS

"SAVE THE WHALES" CONCERT. WE'RE HAVING EARL AND WILMA BASS OVER FOR DINNER.

WE'RE HAVING EARL AND WILMA BASS OVER FOR DINNER. [VEHICLE APPROACHES]

OVER FOR DINNER. [VEHICLE APPROACHES] OH, LOOK, PAULA, BOB JUST PULLED

[VEHICLE APPROACHES] OH, LOOK, PAULA, BOB JUST PULLED INTO THE DRIVEWAY.

OH, LOOK, PAULA, BOB JUST PULLED INTO THE DRIVEWAY. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

INTO THE DRIVEWAY. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER. GOODBYE.

HI, HONEY BUNS, I'M HOME. HI, SWEETHEART. OH, GOOD!

HI, SWEETHEART. OH, GOOD! YOU BROUGHT THE CHEESECAKES HOME

OH, GOOD! YOU BROUGHT THE CHEESECAKES HOME FOR DESSERT.

YOU BROUGHT THE CHEESECAKES HOME FOR DESSERT. THANK YOU.

FOR DESSERT. THANK YOU. COME HERE.

THANK YOU. COME HERE. COME HERE AND LOOK OUT THE

COME HERE. COME HERE AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW.

COME HERE AND LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. LOOK AT THIS.

WINDOW. LOOK AT THIS. THOSE DAMN NEIGHBOR KIDS HAVE

LOOK AT THIS. THOSE DAMN NEIGHBOR KIDS HAVE PUT TOILET PAPER ALL OVER THE

THOSE DAMN NEIGHBOR KIDS HAVE PUT TOILET PAPER ALL OVER THE TREES IN THE FRONT YARD AGAIN.

PUT TOILET PAPER ALL OVER THE TREES IN THE FRONT YARD AGAIN. OH, THOSE BRATS!

TREES IN THE FRONT YARD AGAIN. OH, THOSE BRATS! I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY ALWAYS

OH, THOSE BRATS! I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY ALWAYS PICK ON US.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY ALWAYS PICK ON US. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S UNFAIR.

PICK ON US. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S UNFAIR. HI, DAD.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S UNFAIR. HI, DAD. HI, JEFF.

HI, DAD. HI, JEFF. YOU GOT A GAME TONIGHT?

HI, JEFF. YOU GOT A GAME TONIGHT? YEAH, WE'RE PLAYING

YOU GOT A GAME TONIGHT? YEAH, WE'RE PLAYING WILLIAM TAFT HIGH.

YEAH, WE'RE PLAYING WILLIAM TAFT HIGH. AH.

WILLIAM TAFT HIGH. AH. YOU SHOULD EAT LIGHT IF YOU GOT

AH. YOU SHOULD EAT LIGHT IF YOU GOT A GAME.

YOU SHOULD EAT LIGHT IF YOU GOT A GAME. [CHUCKLES]

A GAME. [CHUCKLES] SOMETIMES I THINK HE HAS A

[CHUCKLES] SOMETIMES I THINK HE HAS A HOLLOW LEG.

SOMETIMES I THINK HE HAS A HOLLOW LEG. AH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

HOLLOW LEG. AH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'LL PROBABLY JUST BE A

AH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'LL PROBABLY JUST BE A BENCH WARMER AGAIN.

I'LL PROBABLY JUST BE A BENCH WARMER AGAIN. OH, COME ON, NOW.

BENCH WARMER AGAIN. OH, COME ON, NOW. DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, JEFF.

OH, COME ON, NOW. DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, JEFF. YOU JUST GET OUT THERE AND

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, JEFF. YOU JUST GET OUT THERE AND HUSTLE!

YOU JUST GET OUT THERE AND HUSTLE! ALL RIGHT, DAD!

HUSTLE! ALL RIGHT, DAD! TWO POINTS!

ALL RIGHT, DAD! TWO POINTS! [LAUGHS]

TWO POINTS! [LAUGHS] GOODBYE, SON! GOOD LUCK!

[LAUGHS] GOODBYE, SON! GOOD LUCK! JUST ABOUT ALL I SEE OF THAT

GOODBYE, SON! GOOD LUCK! JUST ABOUT ALL I SEE OF THAT GUY IS WHEN HE'S GOING OUT THE

JUST ABOUT ALL I SEE OF THAT GUY IS WHEN HE'S GOING OUT THE DOOR.

GUY IS WHEN HE'S GOING OUT THE DOOR. I KNOW. I KNOW.

DOOR. I KNOW. I KNOW. LORDY.

I KNOW. I KNOW. LORDY. HI, MOM. HI, DAD.

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD. I THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH THE FLU OR SOMETHING.

I THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH THE FLU OR SOMETHING. MAYBE YOU BETTER STAY HOME

FLU OR SOMETHING. MAYBE YOU BETTER STAY HOME INSTEAD OF GOING FIGURE SKATING.

MAYBE YOU BETTER STAY HOME INSTEAD OF GOING FIGURE SKATING. OH, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT

INSTEAD OF GOING FIGURE SKATING. OH, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT HAVE A BIT OF A FEVER.

OH, YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MIGHT HAVE A BIT OF A FEVER. WE BETTER TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE.

HAVE A BIT OF A FEVER. WE BETTER TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE. YEAH.

OH, MOM, DO WE HAVE TO? COME ON, YOUNG LADY, INTO THE BEDROOM.

COME ON, YOUNG LADY, INTO THE BEDROOM. COME ON.

BEDROOM. COME ON. OH, PLEASE, MOM.

COME ON. OH, PLEASE, MOM. WELL, LOOK, IF YOU FEEL SICK,

OH, PLEASE, MOM. WELL, LOOK, IF YOU FEEL SICK, WE MIGHT AS WELL TAKE YOUR

WELL, LOOK, IF YOU FEEL SICK, WE MIGHT AS WELL TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE.

WE MIGHT AS WELL TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE. NOW COME ON.

TEMPERATURE. NOW COME ON. NOW, YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT,

NOW COME ON. NOW, YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT, YOUNG LADY.

NOW, YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT, YOUNG LADY. [GROANING]

YOUNG LADY. [GROANING] [DOORBELL RINGS]

[GROANING] [DOORBELL RINGS] AH, EARL, WILMA, COME ON IN.

[DOORBELL RINGS] AH, EARL, WILMA, COME ON IN. HI, BOB.

AH, EARL, WILMA, COME ON IN. HI, BOB. HOW ARE YOU?

HI, BOB. HOW ARE YOU? HI, BOBBY.

HOW ARE YOU? HI, BOBBY. I SEE THOSE KIDS T.B.'d...

HI, BOBBY. I SEE THOSE KIDS T.B.'d... T.P.'d YOUR LAWN AGAIN.

I SEE THOSE KIDS T.B.'d... T.P.'d YOUR LAWN AGAIN. OH, YEAH, WE GET IT, TOO,

T.P.'d YOUR LAWN AGAIN. OH, YEAH, WE GET IT, TOO, BOBBY.

OH, YEAH, WE GET IT, TOO, BOBBY. WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT THE

BOBBY. WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES.

WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES. I DON'T KNOW.

ONLY ONES. I DON'T KNOW. COME ON IN.

I DON'T KNOW. COME ON IN. TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET.

COME ON IN. TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET. SIT DOWN.

TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET. SIT DOWN. WHERE'S BETTY?

SIT DOWN. WHERE'S BETTY? WELL, SHE'S GOT HER HANDS

WHERE'S BETTY? WELL, SHE'S GOT HER HANDS FULL RIGHT NOW.

WELL, SHE'S GOT HER HANDS FULL RIGHT NOW. TAMMY CAME DOWN WITH A

FULL RIGHT NOW. TAMMY CAME DOWN WITH A TEMPERATURE THERE, SO SHE'S

TAMMY CAME DOWN WITH A TEMPERATURE THERE, SO SHE'S PUTTING HER TO BED AND MAKING

TEMPERATURE THERE, SO SHE'S PUTTING HER TO BED AND MAKING SURE SHE GETS A LITTLE REST, YOU

PUTTING HER TO BED AND MAKING SURE SHE GETS A LITTLE REST, YOU KNOW?

SURE SHE GETS A LITTLE REST, YOU KNOW? AAH!

KNOW? AAH! OHH, MOM!

AAH! OHH, MOM! HERE'S YOUR... YOUR EVENING

OHH, MOM! HERE'S YOUR... YOUR EVENING NEWSPAPER.

HERE'S YOUR... YOUR EVENING NEWSPAPER. UH-HUH.

NEWSPAPER. UH-HUH. THANKS A LOT.

UH-HUH. THANKS A LOT. I WAS JUST READING ABOUT THAT

THANKS A LOT. I WAS JUST READING ABOUT THAT CARTER, YOU KNOW?

I WAS JUST READING ABOUT THAT CARTER, YOU KNOW? YEAH.

CARTER, YOU KNOW? YEAH. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM ANYMORE.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ANYMORE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW? I KNOW ABOUT HIM.

KNOW? I KNOW ABOUT HIM. I GOT MAD WHEN HE FIRED

I KNOW ABOUT HIM. I GOT MAD WHEN HE FIRED BELLA ABZUG.

I GOT MAD WHEN HE FIRED BELLA ABZUG. WASN'T THAT AN ASININE THING TO

BELLA ABZUG. WASN'T THAT AN ASININE THING TO DO?

WASN'T THAT AN ASININE THING TO DO? YEAH, THAT WAS.

DO? YEAH, THAT WAS. BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE WAY

YEAH, THAT WAS. BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE WAY THE PRESS IS TREATING HIM, YOU

BUT I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE WAY THE PRESS IS TREATING HIM, YOU KNOW?

THE PRESS IS TREATING HIM, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT

KNOW? I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S HEMORRHOIDS?

I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S HEMORRHOIDS? EVERYBODY'S GOT THEM!

THE PRESIDENT'S HEMORRHOIDS? EVERYBODY'S GOT THEM! DON'T MAKE SUCH A FUSS OVER IT.

EVERYBODY'S GOT THEM! DON'T MAKE SUCH A FUSS OVER IT. OH, THAT'S TRUE.

DON'T MAKE SUCH A FUSS OVER IT. OH, THAT'S TRUE. HI!

OH, THAT'S TRUE. HI! HI, BETTY!

HI! HI, BETTY! SIT DOWN, BETTY.

HI, BETTY! SIT DOWN, BETTY. I SIT IN MY CAB ALL DAY.

SIT DOWN, BETTY. I SIT IN MY CAB ALL DAY. AH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

I SIT IN MY CAB ALL DAY. AH, WELL, ALL RIGHT. [CHUCKLES]

AH, WELL, ALL RIGHT. [CHUCKLES] WELL, COME ON.

[CHUCKLES] WELL, COME ON. HELP YOURSELF TO SOME TWINKIES,

WELL, COME ON. HELP YOURSELF TO SOME TWINKIES, RING DINGS, HO HOS, SCOOTER

HELP YOURSELF TO SOME TWINKIES, RING DINGS, HO HOS, SCOOTER PIES, YODELS, DEVIL DOGS, AND

RING DINGS, HO HOS, SCOOTER PIES, YODELS, DEVIL DOGS, AND DRAKE'S CAKES.

PIES, YODELS, DEVIL DOGS, AND DRAKE'S CAKES. WELL, MY GOD, WHERE'S YOUR

DRAKE'S CAKES. WELL, MY GOD, WHERE'S YOUR SUZY Q's?

WELL, MY GOD, WHERE'S YOUR SUZY Q's? WOULD WE FORGET YOUR

SUZY Q's? WOULD WE FORGET YOUR SUZY Q's, WILMA?

WOULD WE FORGET YOUR SUZY Q's, WILMA? DID YOU FORGET ME SUZY Q's?

SUZY Q's, WILMA? DID YOU FORGET ME SUZY Q's? OH, NO.

DID YOU FORGET ME SUZY Q's? OH, NO. OH, BLESS YOU.

OH, NO. OH, BLESS YOU. NOW, HOW... HOW LONG HAVE WE

OH, BLESS YOU. NOW, HOW... HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN EACH OTHER NOW?

NOW, HOW... HOW LONG HAVE WE KNOWN EACH OTHER NOW? OH.

KNOWN EACH OTHER NOW? OH. WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE, UM...

OH. WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE, UM... I MET BETTY ABOUT A YEAR AGO,

WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE, UM... I MET BETTY ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WHEN WE WERE BOTH BRINGING OUR

I MET BETTY ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WHEN WE WERE BOTH BRINGING OUR WICKER CHAIRS TO BE RE-CANED.

WHEN WE WERE BOTH BRINGING OUR WICKER CHAIRS TO BE RE-CANED. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, FOR THE

WICKER CHAIRS TO BE RE-CANED. OH, THAT'S RIGHT, FOR THE PORCH.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, FOR THE PORCH. MY HEAVENS.

PORCH. MY HEAVENS. YEAH.

MY HEAVENS. YEAH. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SUCH

YEAH. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SUCH A LONG TIME AGO.

I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SUCH A LONG TIME AGO. COME ON, PUT THE THING ON RIGHT

A LONG TIME AGO. COME ON, PUT THE THING ON RIGHT THERE.

COME ON, PUT THE THING ON RIGHT THERE. DO YOU WANT A...

THERE. DO YOU WANT A... YEAH, I...

DO YOU WANT A... YEAH, I... WANT A COASTER FOR THAT?

YEAH, I... WANT A COASTER FOR THAT? WHY, YES, THAT WOULD BE NICE.

WANT A COASTER FOR THAT? WHY, YES, THAT WOULD BE NICE. LET'S SEE WHAT I CAN DO FOR

WHY, YES, THAT WOULD BE NICE. LET'S SEE WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU HERE.

LET'S SEE WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU HERE. I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND YOU ONE.

YOU HERE. I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND YOU ONE. OH, WHAT'S THAT?

I'LL SEE IF I CAN FIND YOU ONE. OH, WHAT'S THAT? OHH! MY CONTACT LENS!

OH, WHAT'S THAT? OHH! MY CONTACT LENS! MY CONTACT LENS!

OHH! MY CONTACT LENS! MY CONTACT LENS! IT'S ON THE FLOOR.

MY CONTACT LENS! IT'S ON THE FLOOR. I THINK IT'S ON THE FLOOR.

IT'S ON THE FLOOR. I THINK IT'S ON THE FLOOR. NOBODY MOVE.

I THINK IT'S ON THE FLOOR. NOBODY MOVE. DON'T WALK AROUND.

NOBODY MOVE. DON'T WALK AROUND. LET'S JUST BEND DOWN AND FIND

DON'T WALK AROUND. LET'S JUST BEND DOWN AND FIND IT.

LET'S JUST BEND DOWN AND FIND IT. BEND DOWN WHERE YOU'RE STANDING

IT. BEND DOWN WHERE YOU'RE STANDING AND FEEL WITH YOUR FINGERS.

BEND DOWN WHERE YOU'RE STANDING AND FEEL WITH YOUR FINGERS. OKAY.

AND FEEL WITH YOUR FINGERS. OKAY. [FABRIC TEARING]

[ALL CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]

Announcer: A NATION STANDS AT THE BRINK OF CIVIL WAR. ONE BASTION OF SANITY STANDS

THE BRINK OF CIVIL WAR. ONE BASTION OF SANITY STANDS BETWEEN ORDER AND CHAOS... THE

ONE BASTION OF SANITY STANDS BETWEEN ORDER AND CHAOS... THE UNITED STATES EMBASSY.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] I... LISTEN. I AM SORRY, BUT I DON'T SPEAK

I... LISTEN. I AM SORRY, BUT I DON'T SPEAK IRANIAN.

I AM SORRY, BUT I DON'T SPEAK IRANIAN. JUST, LIKE, SIT DOWN.

IRANIAN. JUST, LIKE, SIT DOWN. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

JUST, LIKE, SIT DOWN. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] NO, NO, SIT. SIT DOWN.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] NO, NO, SIT. SIT DOWN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

NO, NO, SIT. SIT DOWN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. JUST SIT DOWN.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. JUST SIT DOWN. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

JUST SIT DOWN. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ♪ YMCA ♪

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ♪ YMCA ♪ ♪ IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE ♪

♪ YMCA ♪ ♪ IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE ♪ ♪ YMCA ♪

♪ IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE ♪ ♪ YMCA ♪ ♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN ♪

♪ YMCA ♪ ♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN ♪ [MUSIC STOPS]

♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN ♪ [MUSIC STOPS] UH...

[MUSIC STOPS] UH... HI.

UH... HI. HI.

HI. HI. UH, I-I'M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN,

HI. UH, I-I'M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE

UH, I-I'M AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE AMBASSADOR.

AND I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE AMBASSADOR. WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S,

AMBASSADOR. WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S, LIKE, IN A REALLY, REALLY

WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S, LIKE, IN A REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING.

LIKE, IN A REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING. OKAY, WELL... WELL, THEN

IMPORTANT MEETING. OKAY, WELL... WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME.

OKAY, WELL... WELL, THEN MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME. SEE, LIKE, I WAS WONDERING IF I

MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME. SEE, LIKE, I WAS WONDERING IF I GAVE YOU MY AMERICAN PASSPORT

SEE, LIKE, I WAS WONDERING IF I GAVE YOU MY AMERICAN PASSPORT NUMBER, COULD YOU POSSIBLY GIVE

GAVE YOU MY AMERICAN PASSPORT NUMBER, COULD YOU POSSIBLY GIVE ME, LIKE, YOU KNOW, $700 IN

NUMBER, COULD YOU POSSIBLY GIVE ME, LIKE, YOU KNOW, $700 IN TRAVELERS CHECKS SO THAT, LIKE,

ME, LIKE, YOU KNOW, $700 IN TRAVELERS CHECKS SO THAT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I COULD GET HOME?

TRAVELERS CHECKS SO THAT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I COULD GET HOME? AND, LIKE, WHEN I GOT BACK TO

YOU KNOW, I COULD GET HOME? AND, LIKE, WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE STATES, YOU KNOW, I'D MAKE

AND, LIKE, WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE STATES, YOU KNOW, I'D MAKE ARRANGEMENTS, YOU KNOW, LIKE TO

THE STATES, YOU KNOW, I'D MAKE ARRANGEMENTS, YOU KNOW, LIKE TO PAY BACK THE MONEY.

ARRANGEMENTS, YOU KNOW, LIKE TO PAY BACK THE MONEY. YOU KNOW, I HAD THE MONEY, BUT,

PAY BACK THE MONEY. YOU KNOW, I HAD THE MONEY, BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS TRAVELING

YOU KNOW, I HAD THE MONEY, BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS TRAVELING THROUGH AFGHANISTAN AND THAT,

YOU KNOW, I WAS TRAVELING THROUGH AFGHANISTAN AND THAT, YOU KNOW, LIKE WITH SOME GUY WHO

THROUGH AFGHANISTAN AND THAT, YOU KNOW, LIKE WITH SOME GUY WHO CAUGHT HEPATITIS.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WITH SOME GUY WHO CAUGHT HEPATITIS. OH.

CAUGHT HEPATITIS. OH. AND, YOU KNOW, I INCURRED A

OH. AND, YOU KNOW, I INCURRED A LOT OF HEAVY MEDICAL EXPENSES,

AND, YOU KNOW, I INCURRED A LOT OF HEAVY MEDICAL EXPENSES, YOU KNOW?

LOT OF HEAVY MEDICAL EXPENSES, YOU KNOW? MM.

YOU KNOW? MM. UH, HE WAS THIS GERMAN GUY,

MM. UH, HE WAS THIS GERMAN GUY, KURT.

UH, HE WAS THIS GERMAN GUY, KURT. OH, WELL, THIS REALLY DOES

KURT. OH, WELL, THIS REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE SOMETHING FOR THE

OH, WELL, THIS REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE SOMETHING FOR THE AMBASSADOR.

SOUND LIKE SOMETHING FOR THE AMBASSADOR. REALLY.

AMBASSADOR. REALLY. MR. AMBASSADOR, WE HAVE AN

REALLY. MR. AMBASSADOR, WE HAVE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN OUT HERE.

MR. AMBASSADOR, WE HAVE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN OUT HERE. HE'S IN A REALLY TIGHT SPOT.

AMERICAN CITIZEN OUT HERE. HE'S IN A REALLY TIGHT SPOT. MISS NORWALK, DIDN'T I TELL

HE'S IN A REALLY TIGHT SPOT. MISS NORWALK, DIDN'T I TELL YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE

MISS NORWALK, DIDN'T I TELL YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED WHILE I'M IN

YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED WHILE I'M IN CONFERENCE?

INTERRUPTED WHILE I'M IN CONFERENCE? SORRY.

CONFERENCE? SORRY. THINGS HAVE BEEN REALLY HAIRY

SORRY. THINGS HAVE BEEN REALLY HAIRY AROUND HERE, MAN.

THINGS HAVE BEEN REALLY HAIRY AROUND HERE, MAN. [Laughing] I CAN DIG IT,

AROUND HERE, MAN. [Laughing] I CAN DIG IT, MAN.

[Laughing] I CAN DIG IT, MAN. UH...

MAN. UH... [CLEARS THROAT]

UH... [CLEARS THROAT] FOR SURE.

[CLEARS THROAT] FOR SURE. LISTEN, LIKE, UM, YOU'RE AN

FOR SURE. LISTEN, LIKE, UM, YOU'RE AN AMERICAN AND EVERYTHING.

LISTEN, LIKE, UM, YOU'RE AN AMERICAN AND EVERYTHING. UH-HUH.

AMERICAN AND EVERYTHING. UH-HUH. AND, LIKE, EVERY TIME I SEE

UH-HUH. AND, LIKE, EVERY TIME I SEE AN AMERICAN, I ALWAYS ASK THEM

AND, LIKE, EVERY TIME I SEE AN AMERICAN, I ALWAYS ASK THEM IF MAYBE THEY MIGHT HAVE SOME

AN AMERICAN, I ALWAYS ASK THEM IF MAYBE THEY MIGHT HAVE SOME TAPES OR SOME RECORDS OR

IF MAYBE THEY MIGHT HAVE SOME TAPES OR SOME RECORDS OR SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO, 'CAUSE

TAPES OR SOME RECORDS OR SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO, 'CAUSE LIKE I SAID, NOTHING HERE IN

SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO, 'CAUSE LIKE I SAID, NOTHING HERE IN TEHRAN, MAN.

LIKE I SAID, NOTHING HERE IN TEHRAN, MAN. I HEAR YOU, MAN, BUT, LIKE,

TEHRAN, MAN. I HEAR YOU, MAN, BUT, LIKE, WHEN KURT WENT INTO THE

I HEAR YOU, MAN, BUT, LIKE, WHEN KURT WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL, I GAVE ALL MY TAPES TO

WHEN KURT WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL, I GAVE ALL MY TAPES TO HIM, YOU KNOW?

HOSPITAL, I GAVE ALL MY TAPES TO HIM, YOU KNOW? OH.

HIM, YOU KNOW? OH. I HAVE AN ABBA TAPE, THOUGH,

OH. I HAVE AN ABBA TAPE, THOUGH, THAT HE LAID ON ME... ABBA?

I HAVE AN ABBA TAPE, THOUGH, THAT HE LAID ON ME... ABBA? NO. EW.

THAT HE LAID ON ME... ABBA? NO. EW. EW, NO, I DON'T LIKE THEM.

NO. EW. EW, NO, I DON'T LIKE THEM. THANK YOU.

EW, NO, I DON'T LIKE THEM. THANK YOU. OKAY, WELL, I'LL JUST HANG

THANK YOU. OKAY, WELL, I'LL JUST HANG OUT UNTIL I CAN SEE THE

OKAY, WELL, I'LL JUST HANG OUT UNTIL I CAN SEE THE AMBASSADOR.

OUT UNTIL I CAN SEE THE AMBASSADOR. OKAY, FAR OUT.

AMBASSADOR. OKAY, FAR OUT. OKAY, FAR OUT.

OKAY, FAR OUT. OKAY, FAR OUT. HI, I'M JASON.

OKAY, FAR OUT. HI, I'M JASON. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

HI, I'M JASON. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ♪ YMCA ♪

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ♪ YMCA ♪ HI.

♪ YMCA ♪ HI. ♪ THEY HAVE EVERYTHING ♪

HI. ♪ THEY HAVE EVERYTHING ♪ ♪ FOR YOU MEN TO ENJOY ♪

♪ THEY HAVE EVERYTHING ♪ ♪ FOR YOU MEN TO ENJOY ♪ GAIL BARNES OF THE

♪ FOR YOU MEN TO ENJOY ♪ GAIL BARNES OF THE WASHINGTON POST.

GAIL BARNES OF THE WASHINGTON POST. I HAVE AN 11:00 APPOINTMENT WITH

WASHINGTON POST. I HAVE AN 11:00 APPOINTMENT WITH THE AMBASSADOR, PLEASE.

I HAVE AN 11:00 APPOINTMENT WITH THE AMBASSADOR, PLEASE. I'M SORRY, MISS BARNES, BUT

THE AMBASSADOR, PLEASE. I'M SORRY, MISS BARNES, BUT THE AMBASSADOR'S IN A REALLY

I'M SORRY, MISS BARNES, BUT THE AMBASSADOR'S IN A REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING.

THE AMBASSADOR'S IN A REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING. BUT HONESTLY, YOU'RE THE NEXT

IMPORTANT MEETING. BUT HONESTLY, YOU'RE THE NEXT APPOINTMENT.

BUT HONESTLY, YOU'RE THE NEXT APPOINTMENT. WELL, WHO IS HE WITH?

APPOINTMENT. WELL, WHO IS HE WITH? IS IT THE SHAH?

WELL, WHO IS HE WITH? IS IT THE SHAH? WELL, THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW

IS IT THE SHAH? WELL, THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT.

WELL, THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO FIND OUT. [CHUCKLES]

AND YOU TO FIND OUT. [CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES] I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO

[CHUCKLES] I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE.

I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE. I NEED TO SEE...

WASTE. I NEED TO SEE... HEY, HEY.

I NEED TO SEE... HEY, HEY. HI, SUGAR LIPS.

HEY, HEY. HI, SUGAR LIPS. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HI, SUGAR LIPS. WHAT'S HAPPENING? OH, GUY, ROGER, YOU'RE LATE.

WHAT'S HAPPENING? OH, GUY, ROGER, YOU'RE LATE. THE MEETING ALREADY STARTED.

OH, GUY, ROGER, YOU'RE LATE. THE MEETING ALREADY STARTED. OH, EXCUSE ME.

THE MEETING ALREADY STARTED. OH, EXCUSE ME. UM, THIS IS GAIL BARNES FROM THE

OH, EXCUSE ME. UM, THIS IS GAIL BARNES FROM THE WASHINGTON POST.

UM, THIS IS GAIL BARNES FROM THE WASHINGTON POST. THIS IS ROGER FERGUSON FROM

WASHINGTON POST. THIS IS ROGER FERGUSON FROM ACME INDUSTRIAL CORPORATION.

THIS IS ROGER FERGUSON FROM ACME INDUSTRIAL CORPORATION. YOU MEAN HE'S THE C.I.A.

ACME INDUSTRIAL CORPORATION. YOU MEAN HE'S THE C.I.A. [CHUCKLES]

YOU MEAN HE'S THE C.I.A. [CHUCKLES] YOU'RE AN AMERICAN, AREN'T YOU?

[CHUCKLES] YOU'RE AN AMERICAN, AREN'T YOU? YES, I AM.

YOU'RE AN AMERICAN, AREN'T YOU? YES, I AM. ALL RIGHT.

YES, I AM. ALL RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT

ALL RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THE SHAH'S IN WITH THE

DO YOU KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THE SHAH'S IN WITH THE AMBASSADOR?

THE SHAH'S IN WITH THE AMBASSADOR? WELL, I'M SORRY.

AMBASSADOR? WELL, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DISCUSS IRAN'S INTERNAL

WELL, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T DISCUSS IRAN'S INTERNAL POLITICAL SITUATION AT THIS

I CAN'T DISCUSS IRAN'S INTERNAL POLITICAL SITUATION AT THIS TIME.

POLITICAL SITUATION AT THIS TIME. WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING.

TIME. WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING. [CHUCKLES]

WELL, THANKS FOR NOTHING. [CHUCKLES] HEY, IS THE, UH, AH-SHAY IN?

[CHUCKLES] HEY, IS THE, UH, AH-SHAY IN? WHAT KIND OF MOOD'S THE OLD MAN

HEY, IS THE, UH, AH-SHAY IN? WHAT KIND OF MOOD'S THE OLD MAN IN?

WHAT KIND OF MOOD'S THE OLD MAN IN? HE IS REALLY P.O.'d.

IN? HE IS REALLY P.O.'d. WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT

HE IS REALLY P.O.'d. WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE?

WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE? WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

THERE? WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? IT'S A ZOO OUT THERE.

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? IT'S A ZOO OUT THERE. [CHUCKLES]

IT'S A ZOO OUT THERE. [CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW, IT TOOK ME AN HOUR...

[CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW, IT TOOK ME AN HOUR... AN HOUR AND A HALF TO DRIVE A

YOU KNOW, IT TOOK ME AN HOUR... AN HOUR AND A HALF TO DRIVE A BLOCK.

AN HOUR AND A HALF TO DRIVE A BLOCK. BOY, AM I GLAD I HAD MY TAPE

BLOCK. BOY, AM I GLAD I HAD MY TAPE DECK.

BOY, AM I GLAD I HAD MY TAPE DECK. I'D HAVE GONE NUTS.

DECK. I'D HAVE GONE NUTS. WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?!

I'D HAVE GONE NUTS. WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?! THEY'RE CRAZY.

WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE?! THEY'RE CRAZY. ROGER, IT'S REALLY HEAVY.

THEY'RE CRAZY. ROGER, IT'S REALLY HEAVY. I MEAN, THE IRANIAN PEOPLE

ROGER, IT'S REALLY HEAVY. I MEAN, THE IRANIAN PEOPLE DIDN'T LIKE THE SHAH ANYMORE.

I MEAN, THE IRANIAN PEOPLE DIDN'T LIKE THE SHAH ANYMORE. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

DIDN'T LIKE THE SHAH ANYMORE. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? THEY'RE CRAZY ABOUT THE SHAH!

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? THEY'RE CRAZY ABOUT THE SHAH! GEEZ.

THEY'RE CRAZY ABOUT THE SHAH! GEEZ. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT,

GEEZ. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW THAT MILLION

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW THAT MILLION PEOPLE THAT MADE YOU LATE HERE

LIKE, YOU KNOW THAT MILLION PEOPLE THAT MADE YOU LATE HERE TODAY?

PEOPLE THAT MADE YOU LATE HERE TODAY? DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY'RE

TODAY? DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY'RE YELLING?

DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY'RE YELLING? "MARG BAR SHAH."

YELLING? "MARG BAR SHAH." SO?

"MARG BAR SHAH." SO? GUY, THAT MEANS "DEATH TO THE

SO? GUY, THAT MEANS "DEATH TO THE SHAH."

GUY, THAT MEANS "DEATH TO THE SHAH." [WHISTLES] OH, BOY.

SHAH." [WHISTLES] OH, BOY. OOH, WELL, I BETTER GET IN

[WHISTLES] OH, BOY. OOH, WELL, I BETTER GET IN THERE.

OOH, WELL, I BETTER GET IN THERE. REALLY.

THERE. REALLY. SOLDIER.

REALLY. SOLDIER. [Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH!

SOLDIER. [Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!

[Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE!

I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE! ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE!

ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE! ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE! BELIEVE ME... BELIEVE ME...

ALL MY HORSES ARE HERE! BELIEVE ME... BELIEVE ME... SAY, UH, YOU'RE A REPORTER,

BELIEVE ME... BELIEVE ME... SAY, UH, YOU'RE A REPORTER, AREN'T YOU?

SAY, UH, YOU'RE A REPORTER, AREN'T YOU? YES, I'M A CORRESPONDENT...

AREN'T YOU? YES, I'M A CORRESPONDENT... THE MIDDLE EAST, THAT IS... FOR

YES, I'M A CORRESPONDENT... THE MIDDLE EAST, THAT IS... FOR THE WASHINGTON POST.

THE MIDDLE EAST, THAT IS... FOR THE WASHINGTON POST. LIKE, YOU WRITE ARTICLES

THE WASHINGTON POST. LIKE, YOU WRITE ARTICLES FREELANCE, RIGHT?

LIKE, YOU WRITE ARTICLES FREELANCE, RIGHT? WELL, LIKE, I HAD THIS IDEA, YOU

FREELANCE, RIGHT? WELL, LIKE, I HAD THIS IDEA, YOU KNOW, FOR A STORY ABOUT

WELL, LIKE, I HAD THIS IDEA, YOU KNOW, FOR A STORY ABOUT TRAVELING IN THE MIDDLE EAST,

KNOW, FOR A STORY ABOUT TRAVELING IN THE MIDDLE EAST, YOU KNOW?

TRAVELING IN THE MIDDLE EAST, YOU KNOW? LIKE, YOU COULD WRITE ABOUT, YOU

YOU KNOW? LIKE, YOU COULD WRITE ABOUT, YOU KNOW, A LIST OF NUDE BEACHES,

LIKE, YOU COULD WRITE ABOUT, YOU KNOW, A LIST OF NUDE BEACHES, YOU KNOW, WHERE TO GET THE BEST

KNOW, A LIST OF NUDE BEACHES, YOU KNOW, WHERE TO GET THE BEST DOPE AT LOCAL PRICES, YOU KNOW,

YOU KNOW, WHERE TO GET THE BEST DOPE AT LOCAL PRICES, YOU KNOW, HOW TO CHANGE MONEY ON THE BLACK

DOPE AT LOCAL PRICES, YOU KNOW, HOW TO CHANGE MONEY ON THE BLACK MARKET, YOU KNOW, HOW TO GET

HOW TO CHANGE MONEY ON THE BLACK MARKET, YOU KNOW, HOW TO GET HOME WHEN YOU'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF

MARKET, YOU KNOW, HOW TO GET HOME WHEN YOU'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF AND STUFF, YOU KNOW, BUT, LIKE,

HOME WHEN YOU'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF AND STUFF, YOU KNOW, BUT, LIKE, MOST OF MY NOTES ARE HOME IN THE

AND STUFF, YOU KNOW, BUT, LIKE, MOST OF MY NOTES ARE HOME IN THE STATES, YOU KNOW?

MOST OF MY NOTES ARE HOME IN THE STATES, YOU KNOW? I WAS WONDERING IF, LIKE, YOU

STATES, YOU KNOW? I WAS WONDERING IF, LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE WASHINGTON POST COULD

I WAS WONDERING IF, LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE WASHINGTON POST COULD ADVANCE ME THE MONEY, LIKE, YOU

KNOW, THE WASHINGTON POST COULD ADVANCE ME THE MONEY, LIKE, YOU KNOW, $400 OR $500 IN TRAVELERS

ADVANCE ME THE MONEY, LIKE, YOU KNOW, $400 OR $500 IN TRAVELERS CHECKS, YOU KNOW?

KNOW, $400 OR $500 IN TRAVELERS CHECKS, YOU KNOW? AND THEN, LIKE, WHEN I GOT HOME,

CHECKS, YOU KNOW? AND THEN, LIKE, WHEN I GOT HOME, I COULD WRITE THE ARTICLE AND

AND THEN, LIKE, WHEN I GOT HOME, I COULD WRITE THE ARTICLE AND MAIL IT TO YOU.

I COULD WRITE THE ARTICLE AND MAIL IT TO YOU. WHY DON'T YOU WRITE IT TO

MAIL IT TO YOU. WHY DON'T YOU WRITE IT TO HIGH TIMES.

WHY DON'T YOU WRITE IT TO HIGH TIMES. THAT'S A HIP IDEA.

HIGH TIMES. THAT'S A HIP IDEA. [DOOR OPENS]

THAT'S A HIP IDEA. [DOOR OPENS] [Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH!

[DOOR OPENS] [Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH! ALL MY PARTIES ARE HERE!

[Crying] BUT I AM THE SHAH! ALL MY PARTIES ARE HERE! ALL MY CARS ARE...

ALL MY PARTIES ARE HERE! ALL MY CARS ARE... WHOO, BOY!

ALL MY CARS ARE... WHOO, BOY! IS THE AMBASSADOR EVER MAD!

WHOO, BOY! IS THE AMBASSADOR EVER MAD! AND THE SHAH'S A WRECK.

IS THE AMBASSADOR EVER MAD! AND THE SHAH'S A WRECK. WELL, WOULDN'T...

AND THE SHAH'S A WRECK. WELL, WOULDN'T... HE'S TAKING IT PRETTY HARD,

WELL, WOULDN'T... HE'S TAKING IT PRETTY HARD, BOY.

HE'S TAKING IT PRETTY HARD, BOY. I MEAN, WOULDN'T YOU BE A

BOY. I MEAN, WOULDN'T YOU BE A WRECK?

I MEAN, WOULDN'T YOU BE A WRECK? IT'S NEVER EASY TO DEAL WITH

WRECK? IT'S NEVER EASY TO DEAL WITH REJECTION.

IT'S NEVER EASY TO DEAL WITH REJECTION. OKAY. SOLDIER.

REJECTION. OKAY. SOLDIER. [Crying] I DON'T WANT TO

OKAY. SOLDIER. [Crying] I DON'T WANT TO GO!

[Crying] I DON'T WANT TO GO! WE DON'T HAVE TO GO!

GO! WE DON'T HAVE TO GO! HOW COME THAT GUY GETS TO GO

WE DON'T HAVE TO GO! HOW COME THAT GUY GETS TO GO IN THERE RIGHT AWAY?

HOW COME THAT GUY GETS TO GO IN THERE RIGHT AWAY? HE'S WITH THE C.I.A.

IN THERE RIGHT AWAY? HE'S WITH THE C.I.A. THE C.I.A.?

HE'S WITH THE C.I.A. THE C.I.A.? I'M HOLDING HALF A POUND OF HASH

THE C.I.A.? I'M HOLDING HALF A POUND OF HASH HERE.

I'M HOLDING HALF A POUND OF HASH HERE. IT'S LIKE "MIDNIGHT EXPRESS."

HERE. IT'S LIKE "MIDNIGHT EXPRESS." [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

IT'S LIKE "MIDNIGHT EXPRESS." [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [INTERCOM BUZZES]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] [INTERCOM BUZZES] MISS NORWALK, WILL YOU SEE

[INTERCOM BUZZES] MISS NORWALK, WILL YOU SEE THAT THE SHAH'S CAR IS BROUGHT

MISS NORWALK, WILL YOU SEE THAT THE SHAH'S CAR IS BROUGHT AROUND TO THE BACK ENTRANCE

THAT THE SHAH'S CAR IS BROUGHT AROUND TO THE BACK ENTRANCE RIGHT AWAY, PLEASE?

AROUND TO THE BACK ENTRANCE RIGHT AWAY, PLEASE? FOR SURE, MR. AMBASSADOR.

RIGHT AWAY, PLEASE? FOR SURE, MR. AMBASSADOR. WOULD YOU SEND THE SHAH'S CAR...

FOR SURE, MR. AMBASSADOR. WOULD YOU SEND THE SHAH'S CAR... [Crying] NO, I DON'T WANT

WOULD YOU SEND THE SHAH'S CAR... [Crying] NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO!

[Crying] NO, I DON'T WANT TO GO! COME ON.

TO GO! COME ON. YOU'RE ALREADY A FEW MINUTES

COME ON. YOU'RE ALREADY A FEW MINUTES LATE.

YOU'RE ALREADY A FEW MINUTES LATE. YOUR HIGHNESS... YOUR

LATE. YOUR HIGHNESS... YOUR HIGHNESS, IS IT TRUE THAT THE

YOUR HIGHNESS... YOUR HIGHNESS, IS IT TRUE THAT THE U.S. IS ASKING YOU TO LEAVE THE

HIGHNESS, IS IT TRUE THAT THE U.S. IS ASKING YOU TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY?

U.S. IS ASKING YOU TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY? NO! NO! NO!

COUNTRY? NO! NO! NO! DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

NO! NO! NO! DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? WELL, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? WELL, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? WHERE'S MY CAR?

WELL, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? WHERE'S MY CAR? THEY LET SHAHS CRY, TOO.

WHERE'S MY CAR? THEY LET SHAHS CRY, TOO. COME ON!

THEY LET SHAHS CRY, TOO. COME ON! YOU KNOW, YOU CAN OPEN UP A NICE

COME ON! YOU KNOW, YOU CAN OPEN UP A NICE IRANIAN RESTAURANT... LET'S

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN OPEN UP A NICE IRANIAN RESTAURANT... LET'S GO... IN WASHINGTON.

IRANIAN RESTAURANT... LET'S GO... IN WASHINGTON. COME ON!

GO... IN WASHINGTON. COME ON! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

COME ON! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? POOR SHAH... GUY.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? POOR SHAH... GUY. [INTERCOM BUZZES]

POOR SHAH... GUY. [INTERCOM BUZZES] YEAH?

[INTERCOM BUZZES] YEAH? MISS NORWALK, LET'S PROCEED

YEAH? MISS NORWALK, LET'S PROCEED WITH THE NEXT APPOINTMENT.

MISS NORWALK, LET'S PROCEED WITH THE NEXT APPOINTMENT. OKAY, MR. AMBASSADOR.

WITH THE NEXT APPOINTMENT. OKAY, MR. AMBASSADOR. THE AMBASSADOR WILL SEE YOU NOW,

OKAY, MR. AMBASSADOR. THE AMBASSADOR WILL SEE YOU NOW, FINALLY.

THE AMBASSADOR WILL SEE YOU NOW, FINALLY. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

♪ YMCA ♪ ♪ IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE YMCA ♪ [DOOR CLOSES]

♪ IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE YMCA ♪ [DOOR CLOSES] ♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF

[DOOR CLOSES] ♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN ♪

♪ YOU CAN GET YOURSELF CLEAN ♪ ♪ YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD MEAL ♪

CLEAN ♪ ♪ YOU CAN HAVE A GOOD MEAL ♪ ♪ YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU FEEL ♪

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE TALKING HEADS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

TALKING HEADS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "TAKE ME TO THE

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "TAKE ME TO THE RIVER" PLAYS]

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ ALL THE CHANGES THAT YOU PUT

♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ ALL THE CHANGES THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪

♪ ALL THE CHANGES THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪ ♪ TAKE MY MONEY, MY CIGARETTES ♪

ME THROUGH ♪ ♪ TAKE MY MONEY, MY CIGARETTES ♪ ♪ HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE WORST OF

♪ TAKE MY MONEY, MY CIGARETTES ♪ ♪ HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE WORST OF IT YET ♪

♪ HAVEN'T SEEN ALL THE WORST OF IT YET ♪ ♪ I WANT KNOW ♪

IT YET ♪ ♪ I WANT KNOW ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪

♪ I WANT KNOW ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪ ♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪

♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪ ♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪ ♪ TAKE ME TO THE RIVER ♪

♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪ ♪ TAKE ME TO THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ TAKE ME TO THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ WALK ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ WALK ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪

♪ WALK ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WASHING ME ♪

♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WASHING ME ♪ ♪ HOLD ME ♪

♪ WASHING ME ♪ ♪ HOLD ME ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE ME ♪

♪ HOLD ME ♪ ♪ SQUEEZE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME ♪

♪ SQUEEZE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME ♪ ♪ TEASE ME ♪

♪ LOVE ME ♪ ♪ TEASE ME ♪ ♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪

♪ TEASE ME ♪ ♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪ ♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪

♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪ ♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪ ♪ I CANT TAKE NO MORE ♪

♪ TILL I CAN'T ♪ ♪ I CANT TAKE NO MORE ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ I CANT TAKE NO MORE ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ PUT ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ PUT ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪

♪ PUT ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ ALL THE TROUBLE THAT YOU PUT

♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪ ♪ ALL THE TROUBLE THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪

♪ ALL THE TROUBLE THAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH ♪ ♪ THERE'S 16 CANDLES UP THERE

ME THROUGH ♪ ♪ THERE'S 16 CANDLES UP THERE ON MY WALL ♪

♪ THERE'S 16 CANDLES UP THERE ON MY WALL ♪ ♪ HERE AM I, BIGGEST FOOL OF

ON MY WALL ♪ ♪ HERE AM I, BIGGEST FOOL OF THEM ALL ♪

♪ HERE AM I, BIGGEST FOOL OF THEM ALL ♪ ♪ OH, AND I WANT TO KNOW ♪

THEM ALL ♪ ♪ OH, AND I WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪

♪ OH, AND I WANT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪ ♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪

♪ CAN YOU TELL ME? ♪ ♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪

♪ I LOVE TO STAY ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪

♪ DIP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE WATER ♪

♪ DROP ME IN THE RIVER ♪ ♪ DROP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪

♪ DROP ME IN THE WATER ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪

♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ OOH, YEAH ♪

♪ WASHING ME DOWN ♪ ♪ OOH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH, AHH ♪

♪ OOH, YEAH ♪ ♪ OOH, AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, AHH, AHH ♪

♪ OOH, AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, AHH, AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, AYE, OOP ♪

♪ AHH, AHH, AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, AYE, OOP ♪ ♪ BA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ AHH, AYE, OOP ♪ ♪ BA DA DA DA DA ♪ ♪ OH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OH ♪

♪ BA DA DA DA DA ♪ ♪ OH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OH ♪ ♪ BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA ♪

♪ OH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OH ♪ ♪ BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA ♪ ♪ AHH ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA-BA ♪ ♪ AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, WHOO ♪

♪ AHH ♪ ♪ AHH, WHOO ♪ ♪ AHH ♪

♪ AHH, WHOO ♪ ♪ AHH ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

♪ AHH ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[WIND HOWLING] WHOO! HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

WHOO! HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. [BABBLING]

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. [BABBLING] WHAT'S THE NEWS, FRENCHY?

[BABBLING] WHAT'S THE NEWS, FRENCHY? WELL, THE SNOWS HAVE BLOCKED

WHAT'S THE NEWS, FRENCHY? WELL, THE SNOWS HAVE BLOCKED ALL THE PATHS, AND THE LAKE ARE

WELL, THE SNOWS HAVE BLOCKED ALL THE PATHS, AND THE LAKE ARE FROZEN.

ALL THE PATHS, AND THE LAKE ARE FROZEN. AND I WAS CHECKING THE TRAP

FROZEN. AND I WAS CHECKING THE TRAP LINE, AND I PASSED BY OLD

AND I WAS CHECKING THE TRAP LINE, AND I PASSED BY OLD CALLOP'S CABIN.

LINE, AND I PASSED BY OLD CALLOP'S CABIN. I FOUND HIM FROZEN TO DEATH IN

CALLOP'S CABIN. I FOUND HIM FROZEN TO DEATH IN HIS OWN BED.

I FOUND HIM FROZEN TO DEATH IN HIS OWN BED. BUT I BROUGHT HIS CAT.

HIS OWN BED. BUT I BROUGHT HIS CAT. THAT COULD FETCH A GOOD PRICE IN

BUT I BROUGHT HIS CAT. THAT COULD FETCH A GOOD PRICE IN TOWN.

THAT COULD FETCH A GOOD PRICE IN TOWN. YEAH, IF WE EVER GET TO TOWN!

TOWN. YEAH, IF WE EVER GET TO TOWN! OH, HELLO, THERE.

YEAH, IF WE EVER GET TO TOWN! OH, HELLO, THERE. HOW IS POOR RENE?

OH, HELLO, THERE. HOW IS POOR RENE? AAH, NO BETTER.

HOW IS POOR RENE? AAH, NO BETTER. OHH.

AAH, NO BETTER. OHH. NO BETTER.

OHH. NO BETTER. POOR RENE.

NO BETTER. POOR RENE. THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO ABOUT

POOR RENE. THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO ABOUT IT. I FEEL SO HELPLESS.

IT. I FEEL SO HELPLESS. YEAH, CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT

I FEEL SO HELPLESS. YEAH, CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.

YEAH, CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. NOTHING TO DO.

IT. NOTHING TO DO. IT'S ALL RIGHT!

NOTHING TO DO. IT'S ALL RIGHT! WHAT?

IT'S ALL RIGHT! WHAT? IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT? IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S OKAY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S OKAY. I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE IS

IT'S OKAY. I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE IS HERE.

I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE IS HERE. QUICK NOW, LET'S THROW SOME WOOD

HERE. QUICK NOW, LET'S THROW SOME WOOD ON THE FIRE AND PUT ON A POT OF

QUICK NOW, LET'S THROW SOME WOOD ON THE FIRE AND PUT ON A POT OF BOILING-HOT WATER.

ON THE FIRE AND PUT ON A POT OF BOILING-HOT WATER. BOILING WATER?!

BOILING-HOT WATER. BOILING WATER?! JUST DO AS I TELL YOU TO DO!

BOILING WATER?! JUST DO AS I TELL YOU TO DO! NOW, I'M GONNA NEED SOME

JUST DO AS I TELL YOU TO DO! NOW, I'M GONNA NEED SOME BANDAGES, PLENTY OF THEM, CLEAN

NOW, I'M GONNA NEED SOME BANDAGES, PLENTY OF THEM, CLEAN ONES.

BANDAGES, PLENTY OF THEM, CLEAN ONES. RIP THEM UP. COME ON.

ONES. RIP THEM UP. COME ON. HELP RIP IT UP.

RIP THEM UP. COME ON. HELP RIP IT UP. COME... RI... RIP IT UP, I SAY!

HELP RIP IT UP. COME... RI... RIP IT UP, I SAY! HEY, THAT'S MY BED.

COME... RI... RIP IT UP, I SAY! HEY, THAT'S MY BED. THOSE SHEETS COME ALL THE WAY

HEY, THAT'S MY BED. THOSE SHEETS COME ALL THE WAY FROM ST. LOUIS!

THOSE SHEETS COME ALL THE WAY FROM ST. LOUIS! NOW, LISTEN.

FROM ST. LOUIS! NOW, LISTEN. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO THIS

NOW, LISTEN. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS?

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS? NOW, IF YOU AIN'T GONNA HELP,

WOMAN IS? NOW, IF YOU AIN'T GONNA HELP, GO ON OUTSIDE AND PACE BACK AND

NOW, IF YOU AIN'T GONNA HELP, GO ON OUTSIDE AND PACE BACK AND FORTH.

GO ON OUTSIDE AND PACE BACK AND FORTH. WELL, I SAID GO ON OUT AND PACE

FORTH. WELL, I SAID GO ON OUT AND PACE BACK AND FORTH!

WELL, I SAID GO ON OUT AND PACE BACK AND FORTH! NOW, I WANT ONE MAN WITH CLEAN

BACK AND FORTH! NOW, I WANT ONE MAN WITH CLEAN HANDS AND A STRONG STOMACH...

NOW, I WANT ONE MAN WITH CLEAN HANDS AND A STRONG STOMACH... STRONG STOMACH.

HANDS AND A STRONG STOMACH... STRONG STOMACH. I GOT A STRONG STOMACH.

STRONG STOMACH. I GOT A STRONG STOMACH. WELL, I'VE GOT STRONG HANDS,

I GOT A STRONG STOMACH. WELL, I'VE GOT STRONG HANDS, BUT MY STOMACH IS FILTHY.

WELL, I'VE GOT STRONG HANDS, BUT MY STOMACH IS FILTHY. WELL, YOU DON'T WANT ME.

BUT MY STOMACH IS FILTHY. WELL, YOU DON'T WANT ME. WELL, LISTEN, LISTEN... DON'T

WELL, YOU DON'T WANT ME. WELL, LISTEN, LISTEN... DON'T YOU BE TELLING ME NOTHING.

WELL, LISTEN, LISTEN... DON'T YOU BE TELLING ME NOTHING. I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE.

YOU BE TELLING ME NOTHING. I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE. I GIVE THE ORDERS 'ROUND HERE.

I'M THE FRONTIER MIDWIFE. I GIVE THE ORDERS 'ROUND HERE. BUT WE DON'T NEED YOU.

I GIVE THE ORDERS 'ROUND HERE. BUT WE DON'T NEED YOU. YOU DON'T NEED ME?

BUT WE DON'T NEED YOU. YOU DON'T NEED ME? WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED

YOU DON'T NEED ME? WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED ME?

WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED ME? IF WE'RE GONNA OPEN THE WEST, WE

ME? IF WE'RE GONNA OPEN THE WEST, WE NEED MEN AND WOMEN TO DO IT.

IF WE'RE GONNA OPEN THE WEST, WE NEED MEN AND WOMEN TO DO IT. I SEEN TOO MANY INFANTS DIE...

NEED MEN AND WOMEN TO DO IT. I SEEN TOO MANY INFANTS DIE... DIE NEEDLESSLY... BECAUSE OF

I SEEN TOO MANY INFANTS DIE... DIE NEEDLESSLY... BECAUSE OF IGNORANT AND STUBBORN MEN!

DIE NEEDLESSLY... BECAUSE OF IGNORANT AND STUBBORN MEN! BUT, MA'AM, THERE AIN'T

IGNORANT AND STUBBORN MEN! BUT, MA'AM, THERE AIN'T NOBODY, UH, HAVING A BABY HERE.

BUT, MA'AM, THERE AIN'T NOBODY, UH, HAVING A BABY HERE. I MEAN, RENE IS FEELING POORLY,

NOBODY, UH, HAVING A BABY HERE. I MEAN, RENE IS FEELING POORLY, BUT HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, RENE IS FEELING POORLY, BUT HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. THE FACT IS, MA'AM, WE

BUT HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. THE FACT IS, MA'AM, WE HAVEN'T SEEN A WOMAN FOR TWO

THE FACT IS, MA'AM, WE HAVEN'T SEEN A WOMAN FOR TWO YEARS.

HAVEN'T SEEN A WOMAN FOR TWO YEARS. WE DON'T SEE NO WOMAN EXCEPT

YEARS. WE DON'T SEE NO WOMAN EXCEPT FOR YOU!

WE DON'T SEE NO WOMAN EXCEPT FOR YOU! AFRAID, UH, THIS JUST ISN'T

FOR YOU! AFRAID, UH, THIS JUST ISN'T YOUR EPISODE, MA'AM.

AFRAID, UH, THIS JUST ISN'T YOUR EPISODE, MA'AM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOUR EPISODE, MA'AM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LET... LET ME... LET ME GO

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? LET... LET ME... LET ME GO FIRST!

LET... LET ME... LET ME GO FIRST! I'VE BEEN SICK!

FIRST! I'VE BEEN SICK! ALL RIGHT!

I'VE BEEN SICK! ALL RIGHT! Announcer: JOIN US NEXT WEEK

ALL RIGHT! Announcer: JOIN US NEXT WEEK ON "FRONTIER MIDWIFE," WHEN

Announcer: JOIN US NEXT WEEK ON "FRONTIER MIDWIFE," WHEN FRONTIER MIDWIFE DELIVERS HER

ON "FRONTIER MIDWIFE," WHEN FRONTIER MIDWIFE DELIVERS HER OWN BABY.

ANWAR SADAT BUYS HIMSELF AN INFLATABLE CHILD. THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON

INFLATABLE CHILD. THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON "WEEKEND UPDATE."

THIS STORY AND MORE COMING UP ON "WEEKEND UPDATE." Announcer: AND NOW

"WEEKEND UPDATE." Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

"WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRISCUITS, THE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRISCUITS, THE CRACKERS THAT COME IN BITE-SIZE

BROUGHT TO YOU BY BRISCUITS, THE CRACKERS THAT COME IN BITE-SIZE AND CIRCUM-SIZE. [Circumcise]

CRACKERS THAT COME IN BITE-SIZE AND CIRCUM-SIZE. [Circumcise] ANCHORPERSONS JANE CURTAIN AND

AND CIRCUM-SIZE. [Circumcise] ANCHORPERSONS JANE CURTAIN AND BILL MURRAY.

ANCHORPERSONS JANE CURTAIN AND BILL MURRAY. GOOD EVENING.

BILL MURRAY. GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTAIN.

GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTAIN. BEFORE WE BEGIN, WEEKEND UPDATE

I'M JANE CURTAIN. BEFORE WE BEGIN, WEEKEND UPDATE AND THE ENTIRE "SATURDAY NIGHT"

BEFORE WE BEGIN, WEEKEND UPDATE AND THE ENTIRE "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAFF WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS

AND THE ENTIRE "SATURDAY NIGHT" STAFF WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO PAY HOMAGE TO A MAN

STAFF WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO PAY HOMAGE TO A MAN WHOSE RECENT PASSING HAS DEEPLY

MOMENT TO PAY HOMAGE TO A MAN WHOSE RECENT PASSING HAS DEEPLY AFFECTED US ALL.

WHOSE RECENT PASSING HAS DEEPLY AFFECTED US ALL. TRUE, THERE ARE QUESTIONS

AFFECTED US ALL. TRUE, THERE ARE QUESTIONS CONCERNING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF

TRUE, THERE ARE QUESTIONS CONCERNING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIS DEATH, BUT HE WAS A SOLID

CONCERNING THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIS DEATH, BUT HE WAS A SOLID ROCK DURING TIMES OF CONFUSION

HIS DEATH, BUT HE WAS A SOLID ROCK DURING TIMES OF CONFUSION AND FEAR AND A REAL FELLA IN OUR

ROCK DURING TIMES OF CONFUSION AND FEAR AND A REAL FELLA IN OUR MOMENTS OF JOY AND APPRECIATION.

AND FEAR AND A REAL FELLA IN OUR MOMENTS OF JOY AND APPRECIATION. HE LEAVES BEHIND A GREAT FORTUNE

MOMENTS OF JOY AND APPRECIATION. HE LEAVES BEHIND A GREAT FORTUNE IN MEMORIES AND HOPES, AND NO

HE LEAVES BEHIND A GREAT FORTUNE IN MEMORIES AND HOPES, AND NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE HIM.

IN MEMORIES AND HOPES, AND NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE HIM. THIS TRIBUTE IS TO YOU,

ONE WILL EVER REPLACE HIM. THIS TRIBUTE IS TO YOU, SID VICIOUS.

THIS TRIBUTE IS TO YOU, SID VICIOUS. AND NOW THE NEWS.

SID VICIOUS. AND NOW THE NEWS. THE DETAILS OF

AND NOW THE NEWS. THE DETAILS OF NELSON ROCKEFELLER'S WILL WERE

THE DETAILS OF NELSON ROCKEFELLER'S WILL WERE DIVULGED YESTERDAY, AND IT

NELSON ROCKEFELLER'S WILL WERE DIVULGED YESTERDAY, AND IT INCLUDED THE NAME OF THE WOMAN

DIVULGED YESTERDAY, AND IT INCLUDED THE NAME OF THE WOMAN WHO WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED,

INCLUDED THE NAME OF THE WOMAN WHO WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED, MEGAN MARSHACK.

WHO WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE DIED, MEGAN MARSHACK. IN IT, HE RELEASED HER FROM A

MEGAN MARSHACK. IN IT, HE RELEASED HER FROM A $45,000 LOAN AND GAVE HER A GIFT

IN IT, HE RELEASED HER FROM A $45,000 LOAN AND GAVE HER A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR A COURSE IN

$45,000 LOAN AND GAVE HER A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR A COURSE IN CARDIAC LIFE-SAVING PROCEDURE AT

CERTIFICATE FOR A COURSE IN CARDIAC LIFE-SAVING PROCEDURE AT A NEW YORK HOSPITAL.

CARDIAC LIFE-SAVING PROCEDURE AT A NEW YORK HOSPITAL. IN A RELATED STORY,

A NEW YORK HOSPITAL. IN A RELATED STORY, SARA JANE MOORE, WHO IS SERVING

IN A RELATED STORY, SARA JANE MOORE, WHO IS SERVING A PRISON TERM FOR ATTEMPTING TO

SARA JANE MOORE, WHO IS SERVING A PRISON TERM FOR ATTEMPTING TO ASSASSINATE PRESIDENT

A PRISON TERM FOR ATTEMPTING TO ASSASSINATE PRESIDENT GERALD FORD, EXPRESSED SHOCK AND

ASSASSINATE PRESIDENT GERALD FORD, EXPRESSED SHOCK AND ANGER UPON LEARNING SHE WAS LEFT

GERALD FORD, EXPRESSED SHOCK AND ANGER UPON LEARNING SHE WAS LEFT OUT OF THE FORMER VICE

ANGER UPON LEARNING SHE WAS LEFT OUT OF THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT'S WILL.

OUT OF THE FORMER VICE PRESIDENT'S WILL. SHE COMMENTED, "NOW I'M GLAD I

PRESIDENT'S WILL. SHE COMMENTED, "NOW I'M GLAD I MISSED."

SHE COMMENTED, "NOW I'M GLAD I MISSED." BILL?

MISSED." BILL? IN CALIFORNIA, THE TREND

BILL? IN CALIFORNIA, THE TREND CONTINUES AS STEPHEN WEED, THE

IN CALIFORNIA, THE TREND CONTINUES AS STEPHEN WEED, THE FORMER FIANCé OF PATTY HEARST,

CONTINUES AS STEPHEN WEED, THE FORMER FIANCé OF PATTY HEARST, HAS FILED SUIT TO RECOVER

FORMER FIANCé OF PATTY HEARST, HAS FILED SUIT TO RECOVER ONE-HALF THE MONEY SHE RECEIVED

HAS FILED SUIT TO RECOVER ONE-HALF THE MONEY SHE RECEIVED FROM HER TRUST FUND WHILE THEY

ONE-HALF THE MONEY SHE RECEIVED FROM HER TRUST FUND WHILE THEY LIVED TOGETHER.

FROM HER TRUST FUND WHILE THEY LIVED TOGETHER. WEED, WHO NOW INSISTS ON BEING

LIVED TOGETHER. WEED, WHO NOW INSISTS ON BEING CALLED "STEPHEN WEED HEARST,"

WEED, WHO NOW INSISTS ON BEING CALLED "STEPHEN WEED HEARST," CLAIMS THAT PATTY ONCE PROMISED

CALLED "STEPHEN WEED HEARST," CLAIMS THAT PATTY ONCE PROMISED NEVER TO ABANDON HIM, EVEN IF

CLAIMS THAT PATTY ONCE PROMISED NEVER TO ABANDON HIM, EVEN IF SHE WERE "KIDNAPPED, ABUSED IN A

NEVER TO ABANDON HIM, EVEN IF SHE WERE "KIDNAPPED, ABUSED IN A CLOSET, AND FORCED TO ROB A

SHE WERE "KIDNAPPED, ABUSED IN A CLOSET, AND FORCED TO ROB A SPORTING-GOODS STORE."

CLOSET, AND FORCED TO ROB A SPORTING-GOODS STORE." MORE ON THAT STORY AS IT

SPORTING-GOODS STORE." MORE ON THAT STORY AS IT DEVELOPS.

MORE ON THAT STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. THIS WEEK, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED

DEVELOPS. THIS WEEK, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED THAT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO

THIS WEEK, AN A.P. POLL SHOWED THAT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO THINK PRESIDENT CARTER IS DOING

THAT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO THINK PRESIDENT CARTER IS DOING A GOOD JOB FELL FROM 42% TO 28%

THINK PRESIDENT CARTER IS DOING A GOOD JOB FELL FROM 42% TO 28% IN JUST FIVE MONTHS.

A GOOD JOB FELL FROM 42% TO 28% IN JUST FIVE MONTHS. AS PUNISHMENT FOR THE POOR

IN JUST FIVE MONTHS. AS PUNISHMENT FOR THE POOR SHOWING, THE CARTER FAMILY HAS

AS PUNISHMENT FOR THE POOR SHOWING, THE CARTER FAMILY HAS BEEN SET ADRIFT IN AN OPEN BOAT

SHOWING, THE CARTER FAMILY HAS BEEN SET ADRIFT IN AN OPEN BOAT FOR THE NORTH ATLANTIC FOR THE

BEEN SET ADRIFT IN AN OPEN BOAT FOR THE NORTH ATLANTIC FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS.

FOR THE NORTH ATLANTIC FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS. GERALD FORD'S DAUGHTER, SUSAN,

NEXT 14 DAYS. GERALD FORD'S DAUGHTER, SUSAN, WAS MARRIED THIS AFTERNOON IN

GERALD FORD'S DAUGHTER, SUSAN, WAS MARRIED THIS AFTERNOON IN PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA, TO

WAS MARRIED THIS AFTERNOON IN PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA, TO SECRET SERVICE AGENT

PALM DESERT, CALIFORNIA, TO SECRET SERVICE AGENT CHARLES VANCE.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT CHARLES VANCE. A FAMILY SPOKESMAN REPORTED

CHARLES VANCE. A FAMILY SPOKESMAN REPORTED THAT, FOR A WEDDING PRESENT, THE

A FAMILY SPOKESMAN REPORTED THAT, FOR A WEDDING PRESENT, THE FORMER PRESIDENT GAVE HIS FOOL

THAT, FOR A WEDDING PRESENT, THE FORMER PRESIDENT GAVE HIS FOOL DAUGHTER A FULL AND COMPLETE

FORMER PRESIDENT GAVE HIS FOOL DAUGHTER A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON AND THE OTHER HALF OF A

DAUGHTER A FULL AND COMPLETE PARDON AND THE OTHER HALF OF A MOTHER/DAUGHTER FACE-LIFT.

PARDON AND THE OTHER HALF OF A MOTHER/DAUGHTER FACE-LIFT. JANE?

MOTHER/DAUGHTER FACE-LIFT. JANE? NEXT THURSDAY, THE FORD MOTOR

JANE? NEXT THURSDAY, THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY WILL BE ARRAIGNED ON

NEXT THURSDAY, THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY WILL BE ARRAIGNED ON THREE COUNTS OF CRIMINAL

COMPANY WILL BE ARRAIGNED ON THREE COUNTS OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN AN INDIANA COURT,

THREE COUNTS OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN AN INDIANA COURT, AS A RESULT OF DEATHS CAUSED BY

NEGLIGENCE IN AN INDIANA COURT, AS A RESULT OF DEATHS CAUSED BY FLAMING EXPLOSION OF GAS TANKS

AS A RESULT OF DEATHS CAUSED BY FLAMING EXPLOSION OF GAS TANKS IN PINTO AUTOMOBILES.

FLAMING EXPLOSION OF GAS TANKS IN PINTO AUTOMOBILES. REPORTEDLY, FORD WILL PLEAD

IN PINTO AUTOMOBILES. REPORTEDLY, FORD WILL PLEAD INNOCENT, EXPLAINING IT WAS ONLY

REPORTEDLY, FORD WILL PLEAD INNOCENT, EXPLAINING IT WAS ONLY TRYING TO TEST-MARKET ITS NEW

INNOCENT, EXPLAINING IT WAS ONLY TRYING TO TEST-MARKET ITS NEW PRODUCT, A PORTABLE,

TRYING TO TEST-MARKET ITS NEW PRODUCT, A PORTABLE, FIVE-PASSENGER STOVE.

PRODUCT, A PORTABLE, FIVE-PASSENGER STOVE. URGENT PLEAS TO SPARE THE LIFE

FIVE-PASSENGER STOVE. URGENT PLEAS TO SPARE THE LIFE OF PAKISTAN EX-PRIME MINISTER

URGENT PLEAS TO SPARE THE LIFE OF PAKISTAN EX-PRIME MINISTER BHUTTO ARE POURING IN FROM WORLD

OF PAKISTAN EX-PRIME MINISTER BHUTTO ARE POURING IN FROM WORLD LEADERS... JIMMY CARTER,

BHUTTO ARE POURING IN FROM WORLD LEADERS... JIMMY CARTER, LEONID BREZHNEV,

LEADERS... JIMMY CARTER, LEONID BREZHNEV, VALéRY GISCARD DESTAING, AND

LEONID BREZHNEV, VALéRY GISCARD DESTAING, AND POPE JOHN PAUL II.

VALéRY GISCARD DESTAING, AND POPE JOHN PAUL II. BHUTTO HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO

POPE JOHN PAUL II. BHUTTO HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO HANG FOR A 1974 CONSPIRACY

BHUTTO HAS BEEN SENTENCED TO HANG FOR A 1974 CONSPIRACY CONVICTION.

HANG FOR A 1974 CONSPIRACY CONVICTION. TODAY, IN A DESPERATE EFFORT TO

CONVICTION. TODAY, IN A DESPERATE EFFORT TO SAVE BHUTTO FROM THE GALLOWS

TODAY, IN A DESPERATE EFFORT TO SAVE BHUTTO FROM THE GALLOWS NEXT WEEK, THE GOVERNOR OF UTAH

SAVE BHUTTO FROM THE GALLOWS NEXT WEEK, THE GOVERNOR OF UTAH OFFERED TO SEND A FIRING SQUAD

NEXT WEEK, THE GOVERNOR OF UTAH OFFERED TO SEND A FIRING SQUAD TO PAKISTAN FREE OF CHARGE.

OFFERED TO SEND A FIRING SQUAD TO PAKISTAN FREE OF CHARGE. IN LAST NOVEMBER'S ELECTIONS,

TO PAKISTAN FREE OF CHARGE. IN LAST NOVEMBER'S ELECTIONS, PHILADELPHIA MAYOR FRANK RIZZO

IN LAST NOVEMBER'S ELECTIONS, PHILADELPHIA MAYOR FRANK RIZZO LOST HIS BID FOR A THIRD TERM IN

PHILADELPHIA MAYOR FRANK RIZZO LOST HIS BID FOR A THIRD TERM IN OFFICE AND RETURNED TO PRIVATE

LOST HIS BID FOR A THIRD TERM IN OFFICE AND RETURNED TO PRIVATE LIFE.

OFFICE AND RETURNED TO PRIVATE LIFE. WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE," CURIOUS

LIFE. WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE," CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO RIZZO,

WELL, "WEEKEND UPDATE," CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO RIZZO, TRACKED HIM DOWN AND FOUND HIM

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO RIZZO, TRACKED HIM DOWN AND FOUND HIM OPERATING A TOLL GATE ON THE

TRACKED HIM DOWN AND FOUND HIM OPERATING A TOLL GATE ON THE PENNSYLVANIA TURNPIKE.

OPERATING A TOLL GATE ON THE PENNSYLVANIA TURNPIKE. GOOD LUCK, FRANK, IN WHATEVER

PENNSYLVANIA TURNPIKE. GOOD LUCK, FRANK, IN WHATEVER YOU DO.

GOOD LUCK, FRANK, IN WHATEVER YOU DO. BILL?

YOU DO. BILL? THIS JUST IN... THE NEW NBC

BILL? THIS JUST IN... THE NEW NBC SITCOM "HELLO, LARRY" HAS

THIS JUST IN... THE NEW NBC SITCOM "HELLO, LARRY" HAS CHANGED ITS TITLE TO

SITCOM "HELLO, LARRY" HAS CHANGED ITS TITLE TO "GOODBYE, FREDDY."

CHANGED ITS TITLE TO "GOODBYE, FREDDY." ACCORDING TO RELIABLE SOURCES,

"GOODBYE, FREDDY." ACCORDING TO RELIABLE SOURCES, THE EARTH, WOBBLY AFTER A PASS

ACCORDING TO RELIABLE SOURCES, THE EARTH, WOBBLY AFTER A PASS THROUGH THE CONSTELLATION

THE EARTH, WOBBLY AFTER A PASS THROUGH THE CONSTELLATION PISCES, IS HEADING STEADILY

THROUGH THE CONSTELLATION PISCES, IS HEADING STEADILY TOWARDS THE SUN, AND TEMPERATURE

PISCES, IS HEADING STEADILY TOWARDS THE SUN, AND TEMPERATURE COULD SOAR TO 4,000 DEGREES

TOWARDS THE SUN, AND TEMPERATURE COULD SOAR TO 4,000 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT WITHIN THE NEXT FEW

COULD SOAR TO 4,000 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.

FAHRENHEIT WITHIN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. OUCH.

MONTHS. OUCH. LEAVE YOUR COATS AT HOME, HUH?

OUCH. LEAVE YOUR COATS AT HOME, HUH? JANE?

LEAVE YOUR COATS AT HOME, HUH? JANE? [INHALES SHARPLY]

JANE? [INHALES SHARPLY] CONGRESSMAN DANIEL FLOOD, WHOSE

[INHALES SHARPLY] CONGRESSMAN DANIEL FLOOD, WHOSE TRIAL ON CHARGES OF EXTORTION

CONGRESSMAN DANIEL FLOOD, WHOSE TRIAL ON CHARGES OF EXTORTION AND INFLUENCE PEDDLING ENDED IN

TRIAL ON CHARGES OF EXTORTION AND INFLUENCE PEDDLING ENDED IN A HUNG JURY LAST WEEK, MAY BE IN

AND INFLUENCE PEDDLING ENDED IN A HUNG JURY LAST WEEK, MAY BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN.

A HUNG JURY LAST WEEK, MAY BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN. IT APPEARS THAT THE SINGLE JUROR

TROUBLE AGAIN. IT APPEARS THAT THE SINGLE JUROR WHO FORCED THE MISTRIAL BY

IT APPEARS THAT THE SINGLE JUROR WHO FORCED THE MISTRIAL BY STUBBORNLY HOLDING OUT FOR

WHO FORCED THE MISTRIAL BY STUBBORNLY HOLDING OUT FOR ACQUITTAL MAY HAVE BEEN THE

STUBBORNLY HOLDING OUT FOR ACQUITTAL MAY HAVE BEEN THE OBJECT OF JURY TAMPERING.

ACQUITTAL MAY HAVE BEEN THE OBJECT OF JURY TAMPERING. THE INVESTIGATION BEGAN WHEN

OBJECT OF JURY TAMPERING. THE INVESTIGATION BEGAN WHEN CURIOUS NEIGHBORS COMMENTED ON

THE INVESTIGATION BEGAN WHEN CURIOUS NEIGHBORS COMMENTED ON THE $150-MILLION

CURIOUS NEIGHBORS COMMENTED ON THE $150-MILLION VETERANS-HOSPITAL FACILITY GOING

THE $150-MILLION VETERANS-HOSPITAL FACILITY GOING UP IN THE JUROR'S BACKYARD.

VETERANS-HOSPITAL FACILITY GOING UP IN THE JUROR'S BACKYARD. AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME

UP IN THE JUROR'S BACKYARD. AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME BACK "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" STATION

AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME BACK "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" STATION MANAGER.

BACK "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" STATION MANAGER. HERE IS DAN AYKROYD,

MANAGER. HERE IS DAN AYKROYD, "STRICTLY SPEAKING."

HERE IS DAN AYKROYD, "STRICTLY SPEAKING." HIS TOPIC TONIGHT IS AMERICA'S

"STRICTLY SPEAKING." HIS TOPIC TONIGHT IS AMERICA'S NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH RED CHINA.

HIS TOPIC TONIGHT IS AMERICA'S NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH RED CHINA. DAN?

THANK YOU, JANE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, HERE IT IS, EARLY 1979.

THE UNITED STATES HAS FINALLY

FORMALLY RECOGNIZED THE

PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA.

NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG AND

START THINKING, "OH, NO, HERE

COMES ANOTHER 'IT'S ABOUT TIME

WE RECOGNIZED RED CHINA'

EDITORIAL," BECAUSE, TRUTHFULLY,

I DON'T THINK IT'S SUCH A HOT

IDEA AT ALL.

AND I'M NOT A PRO-TAIWAN

ADVOCATE, EITHER.

I CAN'T FEEL SORRY FOR A COUNTRY THAT HAS A CORNER ON THE WORLD MARKET OF CERAMIC SOUVENIRS.

THAT HAS A CORNER ON THE WORLD MARKET OF CERAMIC SOUVENIRS. NO, THERE'S A MUCH DEEPER

MARKET OF CERAMIC SOUVENIRS. NO, THERE'S A MUCH DEEPER TRAGEDY INHERENT IN THE NEW

NO, THERE'S A MUCH DEEPER TRAGEDY INHERENT IN THE NEW SINO-AMERICAN RELATIONSHIP.

TRAGEDY INHERENT IN THE NEW SINO-AMERICAN RELATIONSHIP. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE AMERICAN

SINO-AMERICAN RELATIONSHIP. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE AMERICAN PLAN TO EXPORT TO CHINA MASSIVE

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE AMERICAN PLAN TO EXPORT TO CHINA MASSIVE SHIPMENTS OF A CERTAIN

PLAN TO EXPORT TO CHINA MASSIVE SHIPMENTS OF A CERTAIN DARK-COLORED SUGAR-PHOSPHORUS

SHIPMENTS OF A CERTAIN DARK-COLORED SUGAR-PHOSPHORUS SOFT DRINK IN A RED AND WHITE

DARK-COLORED SUGAR-PHOSPHORUS SOFT DRINK IN A RED AND WHITE CAN AND A CERTAIN DOUBLE-PATTY

SOFT DRINK IN A RED AND WHITE CAN AND A CERTAIN DOUBLE-PATTY HAMBURGER WITH A BRAND NAME WE

CAN AND A CERTAIN DOUBLE-PATTY HAMBURGER WITH A BRAND NAME WE ALL HEARD AS CHILDREN AND A SONG

HAMBURGER WITH A BRAND NAME WE ALL HEARD AS CHILDREN AND A SONG ABOUT A CERTAIN FARMER WHO HAD

ALL HEARD AS CHILDREN AND A SONG ABOUT A CERTAIN FARMER WHO HAD HERE A DUCK, THERE A DUCK,

ABOUT A CERTAIN FARMER WHO HAD HERE A DUCK, THERE A DUCK, EVERYWHERE A DUCK, DUCK.

HERE A DUCK, THERE A DUCK, EVERYWHERE A DUCK, DUCK. WHAT ARE THE CHINESE OFFERING US

EVERYWHERE A DUCK, DUCK. WHAT ARE THE CHINESE OFFERING US IN THIS NEW EXCHANGE?

WHAT ARE THE CHINESE OFFERING US IN THIS NEW EXCHANGE? ANCIENT MEDICINE, HERBAL CURES,

IN THIS NEW EXCHANGE? ANCIENT MEDICINE, HERBAL CURES, A FEW TIPS ON MASS MANUAL

ANCIENT MEDICINE, HERBAL CURES, A FEW TIPS ON MASS MANUAL AGRICULTURE.

A FEW TIPS ON MASS MANUAL AGRICULTURE. AND WHAT ARE WE OFFERING THEM?

AGRICULTURE. AND WHAT ARE WE OFFERING THEM? JUNK FOOD.

AND WHAT ARE WE OFFERING THEM? JUNK FOOD. WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S A FAIR

JUNK FOOD. WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S A FAIR EXCHANGE.

WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S A FAIR EXCHANGE. EVERY AMERICAN WHO HAS VISITED

EXCHANGE. EVERY AMERICAN WHO HAS VISITED RED CHINA GENERALLY COMES BACK

EVERY AMERICAN WHO HAS VISITED RED CHINA GENERALLY COMES BACK WITH THE IMPRESSION OF A MILD,

RED CHINA GENERALLY COMES BACK WITH THE IMPRESSION OF A MILD, COOPERATIVE, GENTLE RACE OF

WITH THE IMPRESSION OF A MILD, COOPERATIVE, GENTLE RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON A

COOPERATIVE, GENTLE RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON A NONAGGRESSIVE DIET OF

PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON A NONAGGRESSIVE DIET OF VEGETABLES AND BROWN RICE.

NONAGGRESSIVE DIET OF VEGETABLES AND BROWN RICE. BUT IF THE CURRENT TRADE

VEGETABLES AND BROWN RICE. BUT IF THE CURRENT TRADE AGREEMENT CONTINUES, THE WORLD

BUT IF THE CURRENT TRADE AGREEMENT CONTINUES, THE WORLD WILL SOON HAVE TO FACE MILLIONS

AGREEMENT CONTINUES, THE WORLD WILL SOON HAVE TO FACE MILLIONS OF HAMBURGER-GOBBLING GOOKS WITH

WILL SOON HAVE TO FACE MILLIONS OF HAMBURGER-GOBBLING GOOKS WITH A HEAVY THIRST FOR CARBONATED

OF HAMBURGER-GOBBLING GOOKS WITH A HEAVY THIRST FOR CARBONATED BEVERAGES AND AN INBRED

A HEAVY THIRST FOR CARBONATED BEVERAGES AND AN INBRED KNOWLEDGE OF MARTIAL ARTS.

BEVERAGES AND AN INBRED KNOWLEDGE OF MARTIAL ARTS. FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE

KNOWLEDGE OF MARTIAL ARTS. FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT

FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT ALL.

GOING TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT ALL. BESIDES, WE'VE ONLY KNOWN THEM

ALL. BESIDES, WE'VE ONLY KNOWN THEM FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND HERE

BESIDES, WE'VE ONLY KNOWN THEM FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND HERE WE ARE, ALREADY FREELY IMPARTING

FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS, AND HERE WE ARE, ALREADY FREELY IMPARTING TO THEM THE VERY SECRETS AND

WE ARE, ALREADY FREELY IMPARTING TO THEM THE VERY SECRETS AND FORMULAS THAT ARE THE HALLMARKS

TO THEM THE VERY SECRETS AND FORMULAS THAT ARE THE HALLMARKS IN THE AMERICAN IDENTITY.

FORMULAS THAT ARE THE HALLMARKS IN THE AMERICAN IDENTITY. IT'S TAKEN US 30 YEARS TO

IN THE AMERICAN IDENTITY. IT'S TAKEN US 30 YEARS TO DEVELOP THE COLA, THE

IT'S TAKEN US 30 YEARS TO DEVELOP THE COLA, THE DOUBLE-MEAT PATTY, THE LOW-TAR

DEVELOP THE COLA, THE DOUBLE-MEAT PATTY, THE LOW-TAR CIGARETTE, AND THE COMPACT

DOUBLE-MEAT PATTY, THE LOW-TAR CIGARETTE, AND THE COMPACT MUSCLE CAR.

CIGARETTE, AND THE COMPACT MUSCLE CAR. WHY SHOULD WE SUDDENLY START

MUSCLE CAR. WHY SHOULD WE SUDDENLY START SELLING THEM TO A HORDE OF

WHY SHOULD WE SUDDENLY START SELLING THEM TO A HORDE OF STRANGERS?

SELLING THEM TO A HORDE OF STRANGERS? THEY'RE ALL GOING TO WAKE UP ONE

STRANGERS? THEY'RE ALL GOING TO WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND WANT MORE, AND

THEY'RE ALL GOING TO WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND WANT MORE, AND BELIEVE ME, ON A DIET OF OUR

MORNING AND WANT MORE, AND BELIEVE ME, ON A DIET OF OUR HAMBURGERS, THEY'LL BE READY TO

BELIEVE ME, ON A DIET OF OUR HAMBURGERS, THEY'LL BE READY TO MOVE IN HERE AND TAKE IT.

HAMBURGERS, THEY'LL BE READY TO MOVE IN HERE AND TAKE IT. A LONG TIME AGO, NAPOLéON SAID

MOVE IN HERE AND TAKE IT. A LONG TIME AGO, NAPOLéON SAID THAT CHINA IS A SLEEPING GIANT.

A LONG TIME AGO, NAPOLéON SAID THAT CHINA IS A SLEEPING GIANT. WELL, IF CHINA IS A SLEEPING

THAT CHINA IS A SLEEPING GIANT. WELL, IF CHINA IS A SLEEPING GIANT AND WE HAVE TO SELL THEM A

WELL, IF CHINA IS A SLEEPING GIANT AND WE HAVE TO SELL THEM A PRODUCT, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET IT

GIANT AND WE HAVE TO SELL THEM A PRODUCT, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET IT BE SOMINEX.

PRODUCT, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LET IT BE SOMINEX. THAT'S THE NEWS.

BE SOMINEX. THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

♪ FREAK OUT ♪ ♪ LE FREAK, SO CHIC ♪ ♪ FREAK OUT ♪

♪ LE FREAK, SO CHIC ♪ ♪ FREAK OUT ♪ ♪ LE FREAK, SO CHIC ♪

♪ FREAK OUT ♪ ♪ LE FREAK, SO CHIC ♪ ♪ FREAK O-U-U-U-U-U-UT! ♪

♪ LE FREAK, SO CHIC ♪ ♪ FREAK O-U-U-U-U-U-UT! ♪ THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

♪ FREAK O-U-U-U-U-U-UT! ♪ THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WELCOME TO THE AUTO TRAIN

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WELCOME TO THE AUTO TRAIN LOUNGE!

WELCOME TO THE AUTO TRAIN LOUNGE! I'M YOUR H... EXCUSE ME.

LOUNGE! I'M YOUR H... EXCUSE ME. I'M YOUR HOST, NICK RAILS, AND

I'M YOUR H... EXCUSE ME. I'M YOUR HOST, NICK RAILS, AND I'LL BE THE ENTERTAINMENT, LIKE

I'M YOUR HOST, NICK RAILS, AND I'LL BE THE ENTERTAINMENT, LIKE IT OR LOVE IT, ALL THE WAY TO

I'LL BE THE ENTERTAINMENT, LIKE IT OR LOVE IT, ALL THE WAY TO ORLANDO.

IT OR LOVE IT, ALL THE WAY TO ORLANDO. [PIANO TINKLING]

ORLANDO. [PIANO TINKLING] ♪ PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪

[PIANO TINKLING] ♪ PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪ ♪ GET YOUR CAR ♪

♪ PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD ♪ ♪ GET YOUR CAR ♪ ♪ DRIVE IT ONTO THE AUTO TRAIN ♪

♪ GET YOUR CAR ♪ ♪ DRIVE IT ONTO THE AUTO TRAIN ♪ ♪ THE NEXT STOP THAT WE MAKE ♪

♪ DRIVE IT ONTO THE AUTO TRAIN ♪ ♪ THE NEXT STOP THAT WE MAKE ♪ ♪ WILL BE FLORIDA ♪

♪ THE NEXT STOP THAT WE MAKE ♪ ♪ WILL BE FLORIDA ♪ HOW MANY PEOPLE YOUR FIRST TRIP

♪ WILL BE FLORIDA ♪ HOW MANY PEOPLE YOUR FIRST TRIP TO THE SUNSHINE STATE, HUH?

HOW MANY PEOPLE YOUR FIRST TRIP TO THE SUNSHINE STATE, HUH? HOW MANY PEOPLE, FIRST TRIP TO

TO THE SUNSHINE STATE, HUH? HOW MANY PEOPLE, FIRST TRIP TO FLORIDA ON THE AUTO TRAIN?

HOW MANY PEOPLE, FIRST TRIP TO FLORIDA ON THE AUTO TRAIN? YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET DOWN

FLORIDA ON THE AUTO TRAIN? YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET DOWN THERE, YOU REALLY HAVE TO WATCH

YOU KNOW, WHEN WE GET DOWN THERE, YOU REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THE UNLOADING OF THE CARS

THERE, YOU REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THE UNLOADING OF THE CARS BECAUSE THE AUTO TRAIN STAFF IS

THE UNLOADING OF THE CARS BECAUSE THE AUTO TRAIN STAFF IS THE BEST.

BECAUSE THE AUTO TRAIN STAFF IS THE BEST. IT'S REALLY SOMETHING TO SEE.

THE BEST. IT'S REALLY SOMETHING TO SEE. LET ME SEE WHO'S HERE ENJOYING

IT'S REALLY SOMETHING TO SEE. LET ME SEE WHO'S HERE ENJOYING THE RIDE ON THE AUTO TRAIN.

LET ME SEE WHO'S HERE ENJOYING THE RIDE ON THE AUTO TRAIN. UH-OH, A SERVICEMAN!

THE RIDE ON THE AUTO TRAIN. UH-OH, A SERVICEMAN! TEN-HUT!

UH-OH, A SERVICEMAN! TEN-HUT! NICK RAILS, REPORTING AS

TEN-HUT! NICK RAILS, REPORTING AS ORDERED!

NICK RAILS, REPORTING AS ORDERED! GIVE ME YOUR NAME, RANK, AND

ORDERED! GIVE ME YOUR NAME, RANK, AND SERIAL NUMBER, WILL YOU?

GIVE ME YOUR NAME, RANK, AND SERIAL NUMBER, WILL YOU? I'M CAPTAIN DR. RICELEET,

SERIAL NUMBER, WILL YOU? I'M CAPTAIN DR. RICELEET, UNITED STATES ARMY MEDICAL

I'M CAPTAIN DR. RICELEET, UNITED STATES ARMY MEDICAL CORPS.

UNITED STATES ARMY MEDICAL CORPS. I'M ON ROUTE TO THE COMBINED

CORPS. I'M ON ROUTE TO THE COMBINED SERVICES TRAUMA CENTER IN

I'M ON ROUTE TO THE COMBINED SERVICES TRAUMA CENTER IN KEY WEST, FLORIDA.

SERVICES TRAUMA CENTER IN KEY WEST, FLORIDA. AND, UH, WHAT KIND OF CAR DO

KEY WEST, FLORIDA. AND, UH, WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE, CAPTAIN DR.?

AND, UH, WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE, CAPTAIN DR.? UH, I GOT A '68 'VETTE, WITH

YOU HAVE, CAPTAIN DR.? UH, I GOT A '68 'VETTE, WITH A BLOWN 427 AND A HEARST

UH, I GOT A '68 'VETTE, WITH A BLOWN 427 AND A HEARST COMPETITION SHIFTER ON THE

A BLOWN 427 AND A HEARST COMPETITION SHIFTER ON THE FLOOR AND A FUZZ-BUSTER ON THE

COMPETITION SHIFTER ON THE FLOOR AND A FUZZ-BUSTER ON THE DASH.

FLOOR AND A FUZZ-BUSTER ON THE DASH. I MADE IT FROM UTICA TO

DASH. I MADE IT FROM UTICA TO WASHINGTON IN 2 HOURS AND 20

I MADE IT FROM UTICA TO WASHINGTON IN 2 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES.

WASHINGTON IN 2 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES. OOH-HOO!

MINUTES. OOH-HOO! THAT MUST BE SOME KIND OF

OOH-HOO! THAT MUST BE SOME KIND OF RECORD, I THINK.

THAT MUST BE SOME KIND OF RECORD, I THINK. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE SERVICE?

RECORD, I THINK. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE SERVICE? UH, I'M AN ARMY UROLOGIST.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE SERVICE? UH, I'M AN ARMY UROLOGIST. YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE TO

UH, I'M AN ARMY UROLOGIST. YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH YOU LATER, IF I COULD.

YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK WITH YOU LATER, IF I COULD. I'D APPRECIATE IT.

TALK WITH YOU LATER, IF I COULD. I'D APPRECIATE IT. WELL, WE'VE GOT AN ARMY DOCTOR

I'D APPRECIATE IT. WELL, WE'VE GOT AN ARMY DOCTOR ON.

WELL, WE'VE GOT AN ARMY DOCTOR ON. IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO?

ON. IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO? YEAH, HERE'S SOMETHING FOR ALL

IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO? YEAH, HERE'S SOMETHING FOR ALL YOU ARMY MEDICS.

YEAH, HERE'S SOMETHING FOR ALL YOU ARMY MEDICS. ♪ G.I.'s WHO'VE BEEN DRAFTED ♪

YOU ARMY MEDICS. ♪ G.I.'s WHO'VE BEEN DRAFTED ♪ ♪ VIET VETS WHO'VE BEEN

♪ G.I.'s WHO'VE BEEN DRAFTED ♪ ♪ VIET VETS WHO'VE BEEN SHAFTED ♪

♪ VIET VETS WHO'VE BEEN SHAFTED ♪ ♪ THEY ALL KNOW THE WORDS TO THE

SHAFTED ♪ ♪ THEY ALL KNOW THE WORDS TO THE THEME FROM "M.A.S.H." ♪

♪ THEY ALL KNOW THE WORDS TO THE THEME FROM "M.A.S.H." ♪ THANK YOU.

THEME FROM "M.A.S.H." ♪ THANK YOU. SAY, UH, HERE'S AN ODD COUPLE.

THANK YOU. SAY, UH, HERE'S AN ODD COUPLE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

SAY, UH, HERE'S AN ODD COUPLE. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? [MUMBLES]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? [MUMBLES] EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY.

[MUMBLES] EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. I DON'T THINK EVERYBODY HEARD

EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY. I DON'T THINK EVERYBODY HEARD YOU.

I DON'T THINK EVERYBODY HEARD YOU. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

YOU. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LESLIE NEWCOMBE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LESLIE NEWCOMBE. LESLIE, AND WHAT KIND OF CAR

LESLIE NEWCOMBE. LESLIE, AND WHAT KIND OF CAR DID YOU BRING ON?

LESLIE, AND WHAT KIND OF CAR DID YOU BRING ON? IT AIN'T NONE OF MY CAR.

DID YOU BRING ON? IT AIN'T NONE OF MY CAR. IT'S HIS CAR.

IT AIN'T NONE OF MY CAR. IT'S HIS CAR. WHAT KIND IS IT?

IT'S HIS CAR. WHAT KIND IS IT? '78 WHITE AND GREEN FOUR-DOOR

WHAT KIND IS IT? '78 WHITE AND GREEN FOUR-DOOR PLYMOUTH FURY!

'78 WHITE AND GREEN FOUR-DOOR PLYMOUTH FURY! UH-HUH.

PLYMOUTH FURY! UH-HUH. ARE YOU FROM FLORIDA?

UH-HUH. ARE YOU FROM FLORIDA? I'M FROM ILLINOIS.

ARE YOU FROM FLORIDA? I'M FROM ILLINOIS. BUT I WAS DOWN THERE A COUPLE

I'M FROM ILLINOIS. BUT I WAS DOWN THERE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.

BUT I WAS DOWN THERE A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. HAD A REAL GOOD TIME, YOU KNOW,

WEEKS AGO. HAD A REAL GOOD TIME, YOU KNOW, SO, UH, THEY WANT ME BACK, AND I

HAD A REAL GOOD TIME, YOU KNOW, SO, UH, THEY WANT ME BACK, AND I THINK MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL

SO, UH, THEY WANT ME BACK, AND I THINK MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL PROBABLY STAY ABOUT 8 OR 10

THINK MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL PROBABLY STAY ABOUT 8 OR 10 YEARS.

PROBABLY STAY ABOUT 8 OR 10 YEARS. OUCH.

YEARS. OUCH. WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, THEN,

OUCH. WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, THEN, HUH?

WELL, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, THEN, HUH? ♪ I SEE A TRAIN A-COMIN' ♪

HUH? ♪ I SEE A TRAIN A-COMIN' ♪ ♪ COMIN' AROUND THE BEND ♪

♪ I SEE A TRAIN A-COMIN' ♪ ♪ COMIN' AROUND THE BEND ♪ ♪ I AIN'T SEEN NO SUNSHINE SINCE

♪ COMIN' AROUND THE BEND ♪ ♪ I AIN'T SEEN NO SUNSHINE SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN ♪

♪ I AIN'T SEEN NO SUNSHINE SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHEN ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M STUCK IN... ♪

I DON'T KNOW WHEN ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M STUCK IN... ♪ ♪ GAINESVILLE ♪

♪ WELL, I'M STUCK IN... ♪ ♪ GAINESVILLE ♪ ♪ GAINESVILLE PRISON ♪

♪ GAINESVILLE ♪ ♪ GAINESVILLE PRISON ♪ ♪ AND TIME KEEPS DRAGGIN' ON ♪

♪ GAINESVILLE PRISON ♪ ♪ AND TIME KEEPS DRAGGIN' ON ♪ ♪ BUT THAT TRAIN KEEPS

♪ AND TIME KEEPS DRAGGIN' ON ♪ ♪ BUT THAT TRAIN KEEPS A-ROLLIN' ON DOWN TO ORLANDO ♪

♪ BUT THAT TRAIN KEEPS A-ROLLIN' ON DOWN TO ORLANDO ♪ [CHUCKLES]

A-ROLLIN' ON DOWN TO ORLANDO ♪ [CHUCKLES] THANK YOU.

[CHUCKLES] THANK YOU. HEY, FREE DRINK FOR THIS LADY ON

THANK YOU. HEY, FREE DRINK FOR THIS LADY ON NICK RAILS, PLEASE, WOULD YOU?

HEY, FREE DRINK FOR THIS LADY ON NICK RAILS, PLEASE, WOULD YOU? MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR ORANGE

NICK RAILS, PLEASE, WOULD YOU? MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR ORANGE BLOSSOMS, WOULD YOU?

MAKE IT ONE OF YOUR ORANGE BLOSSOMS, WOULD YOU? IT'S A SPECIAL DRINK INVENTED BY

BLOSSOMS, WOULD YOU? IT'S A SPECIAL DRINK INVENTED BY OUR BARTENDER, JAMAL.

IT'S A SPECIAL DRINK INVENTED BY OUR BARTENDER, JAMAL. COULD WE HAVE A HAND FOR HIM?

OUR BARTENDER, JAMAL. COULD WE HAVE A HAND FOR HIM? JAMAL!

COULD WE HAVE A HAND FOR HIM? JAMAL! [SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

JAMAL! [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] [CHUCKLES]

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE] [CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW, "J," THE FIRST PLACE I

[CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW, "J," THE FIRST PLACE I GO DOWN IN ORLANDO IS

YOU KNOW, "J," THE FIRST PLACE I GO DOWN IN ORLANDO IS DISNEY WORLD, BECAUSE IT'S

GO DOWN IN ORLANDO IS DISNEY WORLD, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS NEW, IT'S ALWAYS

DISNEY WORLD, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS NEW, IT'S ALWAYS EXCITING, IT'S ALWAYS ALIVE.

ALWAYS NEW, IT'S ALWAYS EXCITING, IT'S ALWAYS ALIVE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

EXCITING, IT'S ALWAYS ALIVE. WHAT DO YOU DO? I LIKE TO GET A SHOESHINE, A

WHAT DO YOU DO? I LIKE TO GET A SHOESHINE, A HAIRCUT, AND TAKE OUT MY

I LIKE TO GET A SHOESHINE, A HAIRCUT, AND TAKE OUT MY JET-SKI, CRUISE THE BEACHES FOR

HAIRCUT, AND TAKE OUT MY JET-SKI, CRUISE THE BEACHES FOR SOME YOUNG WHITE GIRLS.

JET-SKI, CRUISE THE BEACHES FOR SOME YOUNG WHITE GIRLS. YOU KNOW, I NEVER KNOW

SOME YOUNG WHITE GIRLS. YOU KNOW, I NEVER KNOW WHETHER HE'S KIDDING OR NOT!

YOU KNOW, I NEVER KNOW WHETHER HE'S KIDDING OR NOT! [CHUCKLES]

WHETHER HE'S KIDDING OR NOT! [CHUCKLES] HEY, HERE'S A NICE COUPLE!

[CHUCKLES] HEY, HERE'S A NICE COUPLE! WHO ARE YOU FOLKS?

HEY, HERE'S A NICE COUPLE! WHO ARE YOU FOLKS? UH, THE SULFREES.

WHO ARE YOU FOLKS? UH, THE SULFREES. THE SULFREES, YEAH.

UH, THE SULFREES. THE SULFREES, YEAH. THE SULFREES, YEAH.

THE SULFREES, YEAH. THE SULFREES, YEAH. ELAINE SULFREE.

THE SULFREES, YEAH. ELAINE SULFREE. UH, BILL SULFREE, FROM

ELAINE SULFREE. UH, BILL SULFREE, FROM NEW LONDON, CONNECTICUT.

UH, BILL SULFREE, FROM NEW LONDON, CONNECTICUT. ARE YOU GOING DOWN TO VISIT

NEW LONDON, CONNECTICUT. ARE YOU GOING DOWN TO VISIT RELATIVES?

ARE YOU GOING DOWN TO VISIT RELATIVES? MY MOTHER.

RELATIVES? MY MOTHER. I HAD A FEELING.

MY MOTHER. I HAD A FEELING. SHE JUST GOT A NEW PACEMAKER.

I HAD A FEELING. SHE JUST GOT A NEW PACEMAKER. WE'RE GONNA SPEND ANOTHER ONE

SHE JUST GOT A NEW PACEMAKER. WE'RE GONNA SPEND ANOTHER ONE OF OUR VACATIONS IN FLORIDA,

WE'RE GONNA SPEND ANOTHER ONE OF OUR VACATIONS IN FLORIDA, DRIVING HER MOTHER AROUND,

OF OUR VACATIONS IN FLORIDA, DRIVING HER MOTHER AROUND, BUT WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO DO

DRIVING HER MOTHER AROUND, BUT WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO DO THE SAME FOR US, SO...

BUT WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO DO THE SAME FOR US, SO... WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU

THE SAME FOR US, SO... WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE?

WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? OH, WE HAVE A NEW MERCEDES,

HAVE? OH, WE HAVE A NEW MERCEDES, AND HE'S GONNA TEACH ME TO

OH, WE HAVE A NEW MERCEDES, AND HE'S GONNA TEACH ME TO DRIVE.

AND HE'S GONNA TEACH ME TO DRIVE. IT'S A 450SL, CREAM COLORED.

DRIVE. IT'S A 450SL, CREAM COLORED. IT'S EGGSHELL, FOR CRYIN'

IT'S A 450SL, CREAM COLORED. IT'S EGGSHELL, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD.

IT'S EGGSHELL, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD. EGGSHELL, EGGSHELL.

OUT LOUD. EGGSHELL, EGGSHELL. YOU KNOW, I AM FASCINATED BY

EGGSHELL, EGGSHELL. YOU KNOW, I AM FASCINATED BY HOW MANY JEWS DRIVE GERMAN CARS.

YOU KNOW, I AM FASCINATED BY HOW MANY JEWS DRIVE GERMAN CARS. I USED TO HAVE A VOLKSWAGEN.

HOW MANY JEWS DRIVE GERMAN CARS. I USED TO HAVE A VOLKSWAGEN. I SAW "HOLOCAUST."

I USED TO HAVE A VOLKSWAGEN. I SAW "HOLOCAUST." I WALKED OUT TO MY BUG THE NEXT

I SAW "HOLOCAUST." I WALKED OUT TO MY BUG THE NEXT MORNING, AND I THREW UP ALL OVER

I WALKED OUT TO MY BUG THE NEXT MORNING, AND I THREW UP ALL OVER IT.

MORNING, AND I THREW UP ALL OVER IT. I HAD TO GET RID OF IT, AND I'M

IT. I HAD TO GET RID OF IT, AND I'M NOT EVEN JEWISH.

I HAD TO GET RID OF IT, AND I'M NOT EVEN JEWISH. BUT THAT IS ONE OF THE GREAT

NOT EVEN JEWISH. BUT THAT IS ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT THE AUTO TRAIN...

BUT THAT IS ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT THE AUTO TRAIN... WHAT HAPPENS HERE.

THINGS ABOUT THE AUTO TRAIN... WHAT HAPPENS HERE. IT D... HERE, LISTEN TO THIS.

WHAT HAPPENS HERE. IT D... HERE, LISTEN TO THIS. SEE IF THIS MAKES SENSE TO

IT D... HERE, LISTEN TO THIS. SEE IF THIS MAKES SENSE TO ANYBODY.

SEE IF THIS MAKES SENSE TO ANYBODY. AFTER I FINISH THE SHOW, I GO

ANYBODY. AFTER I FINISH THE SHOW, I GO BACK TO THE FIRST VISTA CRUISER,

AFTER I FINISH THE SHOW, I GO BACK TO THE FIRST VISTA CRUISER, BEHIND THE AUTOMOBILE CAR, AND

BACK TO THE FIRST VISTA CRUISER, BEHIND THE AUTOMOBILE CAR, AND I SIT THERE, AND I LOOK DOWN ON

BEHIND THE AUTOMOBILE CAR, AND I SIT THERE, AND I LOOK DOWN ON THE CARS, 18 TO A FLATCAR, AND

I SIT THERE, AND I LOOK DOWN ON THE CARS, 18 TO A FLATCAR, AND IT HITS ME... NO CAR IS TREATED

THE CARS, 18 TO A FLATCAR, AND IT HITS ME... NO CAR IS TREATED ANY BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CAR ON

IT HITS ME... NO CAR IS TREATED ANY BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CAR ON THE AUTO TRAIN.

ANY BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CAR ON THE AUTO TRAIN. NO CAR IS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER

THE AUTO TRAIN. NO CAR IS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CAR ON THE AUTO TRAIN.

NO CAR IS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CAR ON THE AUTO TRAIN. SAME GOES FOR ALL OF US.

CAR ON THE AUTO TRAIN. SAME GOES FOR ALL OF US. WHEN I GET OFF THIS TRAIN, I

SAME GOES FOR ALL OF US. WHEN I GET OFF THIS TRAIN, I MIGHT FIND OUT THAT THIS GUY

WHEN I GET OFF THIS TRAIN, I MIGHT FIND OUT THAT THIS GUY THAT I MET DRIVES A PACER, AND I

MIGHT FIND OUT THAT THIS GUY THAT I MET DRIVES A PACER, AND I DRIVE A MONARCH.

THAT I MET DRIVES A PACER, AND I DRIVE A MONARCH. BUT I DON'T CARE AT ALL.

DRIVE A MONARCH. BUT I DON'T CARE AT ALL. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS ON THIS

BUT I DON'T CARE AT ALL. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS ON THIS TRAIN.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS ON THIS TRAIN. IT DOES SOMETHING.

TRAIN. IT DOES SOMETHING. ♪ DON'T GO CHANGIN' ♪

IT DOES SOMETHING. ♪ DON'T GO CHANGIN' ♪ ♪ TO TRY TO PLEASE ME ♪

♪ DON'T GO CHANGIN' ♪ ♪ TO TRY TO PLEASE ME ♪ ♪ YOU NEVER LET NICK RAILS DOWN

♪ TO TRY TO PLEASE ME ♪ ♪ YOU NEVER LET NICK RAILS DOWN BEFORE ♪

♪ YOU NEVER LET NICK RAILS DOWN BEFORE ♪ ♪ YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE MY UNSPOKEN

BEFORE ♪ ♪ YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE MY UNSPOKEN PLEASURE ♪

♪ YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE MY UNSPOKEN PLEASURE ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ♪

PLEASURE ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ♪ ♪ A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ♪ ♪ A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A ♪ ♪ ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE ♪

♪ A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A ♪ ♪ ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪

♪ ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE, ARE ♪ ♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ WHOA, O-H-H-H-H-H-H-H ♪

♪ WHOA ♪ ♪ WHOA, O-H-H-H-H-H-H-H ♪ [APPLAUSE]

♪ WHOA, O-H-H-H-H-H-H-H ♪ [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. YOU'RE GONNA BE IN ORLANDO IN

THANK YOU. YOU'RE GONNA BE IN ORLANDO IN NINE HOURS.

YOU'RE GONNA BE IN ORLANDO IN NINE HOURS. THANK YOU.

NINE HOURS. THANK YOU. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES.

THANK YOU. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THE BAR'S NOT CLOSED.

THANK YOU SO MUCH. THE BAR'S NOT CLOSED. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELVES.

GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS.

WELCOME TO "BLACK PERSPECTIVE." I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS. TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE

I'M YOUR HOST, GARRETT MORRIS. TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE DISCUSSING ROLE MODELS WITH

TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA BE DISCUSSING ROLE MODELS WITH OUR GUEST, CICELY TYSON, WHO, AS

DISCUSSING ROLE MODELS WITH OUR GUEST, CICELY TYSON, WHO, AS A DOUBLE EMMY AWARD-WINNING

OUR GUEST, CICELY TYSON, WHO, AS A DOUBLE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS, IS HERSELF A MOST

A DOUBLE EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS, IS HERSELF A MOST POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUNG

ACTRESS, IS HERSELF A MOST POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUNG BLACKS.

POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUNG BLACKS. GOOD EVENING, CICELY.

BLACKS. GOOD EVENING, CICELY. GOOD EVENING, GARRETT, AND

GOOD EVENING, CICELY. GOOD EVENING, GARRETT, AND THANK YOU.

GOOD EVENING, GARRETT, AND THANK YOU. IT IS TRUE THAT I TRY THROUGH MY

THANK YOU. IT IS TRUE THAT I TRY THROUGH MY WORK... I MEAN, THROUGH THE

IT IS TRUE THAT I TRY THROUGH MY WORK... I MEAN, THROUGH THE PARTS THAT I CHOOSE... TO SHOW

WORK... I MEAN, THROUGH THE PARTS THAT I CHOOSE... TO SHOW THAT, UH, THE BLACK WOMAN HAS

PARTS THAT I CHOOSE... TO SHOW THAT, UH, THE BLACK WOMAN HAS BEEN A STRONG, POSITIVE FIGURE

THAT, UH, THE BLACK WOMAN HAS BEEN A STRONG, POSITIVE FIGURE THROUGHOUT AMERICAN HISTORY,

BEEN A STRONG, POSITIVE FIGURE THROUGHOUT AMERICAN HISTORY, YES.

THROUGHOUT AMERICAN HISTORY, YES. WELL, CERTAINLY YOUR

YES. WELL, CERTAINLY YOUR PORTRAYALS OF, UH, JANE PITTMAN,

WELL, CERTAINLY YOUR PORTRAYALS OF, UH, JANE PITTMAN, OF HARRIET TUBMAN, WHO RAN THE

PORTRAYALS OF, UH, JANE PITTMAN, OF HARRIET TUBMAN, WHO RAN THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD... AND

OF HARRIET TUBMAN, WHO RAN THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD... AND RIGHT ON TO THAT... HAVE

UNDERGROUND RAILROAD... AND RIGHT ON TO THAT... HAVE DEMONSTRATED THE COURAGE, THE

RIGHT ON TO THAT... HAVE DEMONSTRATED THE COURAGE, THE DETERMINATION OF THE BLACK WOMAN

DEMONSTRATED THE COURAGE, THE DETERMINATION OF THE BLACK WOMAN THROUGHOUT OUR HISTORY.

DETERMINATION OF THE BLACK WOMAN THROUGHOUT OUR HISTORY. BUT, NOW, HOLLYWOOD WASN'T

THROUGHOUT OUR HISTORY. BUT, NOW, HOLLYWOOD WASN'T ALWAYS THAT KIND TO THE BLACK

BUT, NOW, HOLLYWOOD WASN'T ALWAYS THAT KIND TO THE BLACK WOMAN, NOW, WAS IT?

ALWAYS THAT KIND TO THE BLACK WOMAN, NOW, WAS IT? OH, NO.

WOMAN, NOW, WAS IT? OH, NO. ALL RIGHT, TELL THEM.

OH, NO. ALL RIGHT, TELL THEM. IT CERTAINLY WAS NOT,

ALL RIGHT, TELL THEM. IT CERTAINLY WAS NOT, GARRETT.

IT CERTAINLY WAS NOT, GARRETT. UH-HUH.

GARRETT. UH-HUH. UNTIL JUST A FEW YEARS AGO,

UH-HUH. UNTIL JUST A FEW YEARS AGO, THE ONLY PARTS AVAILABLE TO

UNTIL JUST A FEW YEARS AGO, THE ONLY PARTS AVAILABLE TO BLACK ACTRESSES HAVE BEEN THOSE

THE ONLY PARTS AVAILABLE TO BLACK ACTRESSES HAVE BEEN THOSE OF MAIDS.

BLACK ACTRESSES HAVE BEEN THOSE OF MAIDS. YOU VERY WELL KNOW THAT.

OF MAIDS. YOU VERY WELL KNOW THAT. FOR A WHILE, I... I MEAN, I GREW

YOU VERY WELL KNOW THAT. FOR A WHILE, I... I MEAN, I GREW UP BELIEVING THAT WHITE PEOPLE

FOR A WHILE, I... I MEAN, I GREW UP BELIEVING THAT WHITE PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PICK UP AFTER

UP BELIEVING THAT WHITE PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES.

DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES. [LAUGHS]

THEMSELVES. [LAUGHS] OF COURSE, NOW I KNOW SEVERAL

[LAUGHS] OF COURSE, NOW I KNOW SEVERAL SELF-SUFFICIENT WHITES.

OF COURSE, NOW I KNOW SEVERAL SELF-SUFFICIENT WHITES. CICELY, CI... UH, LOOK, UM...

SELF-SUFFICIENT WHITES. CICELY, CI... UH, LOOK, UM... I KNOW A FEW, TOO.

CICELY, CI... UH, LOOK, UM... I KNOW A FEW, TOO. [Laughing] I'M SURE YOU DO!

I KNOW A FEW, TOO. [Laughing] I'M SURE YOU DO! UH, CICELY, NOW, NOW, LOOK,

[Laughing] I'M SURE YOU DO! UH, CICELY, NOW, NOW, LOOK, YOU TELL US... WHY DO YOU THINK

UH, CICELY, NOW, NOW, LOOK, YOU TELL US... WHY DO YOU THINK THAT HOLLYWOOD, UNTIL RECENTLY,

YOU TELL US... WHY DO YOU THINK THAT HOLLYWOOD, UNTIL RECENTLY, REFUSED TO OFFER POSITIVE ROLE

THAT HOLLYWOOD, UNTIL RECENTLY, REFUSED TO OFFER POSITIVE ROLE MODELS TO THE BLACK WOMAN?

REFUSED TO OFFER POSITIVE ROLE MODELS TO THE BLACK WOMAN? I MEAN...

MODELS TO THE BLACK WOMAN? I MEAN... WELL, I THINK...

I MEAN... WELL, I THINK... GARRETT, I THINK, UNTIL

WELL, I THINK... GARRETT, I THINK, UNTIL RECENTLY, THIS WAS A MAN'S

GARRETT, I THINK, UNTIL RECENTLY, THIS WAS A MAN'S SOCIETY.

RECENTLY, THIS WAS A MAN'S SOCIETY. MM-HMM.

SOCIETY. MM-HMM. AND, UM, AN ETHNIC GROUP OR

MM-HMM. AND, UM, AN ETHNIC GROUP OR RACE WAS REALLY JUDGED BY ITS

AND, UM, AN ETHNIC GROUP OR RACE WAS REALLY JUDGED BY ITS MEN.

RACE WAS REALLY JUDGED BY ITS MEN. MM.

MEN. MM. SO WHAT I THINK HAPPENED WAS

MM. SO WHAT I THINK HAPPENED WAS THAT THE BLACK WOMAN HAS JUST

SO WHAT I THINK HAPPENED WAS THAT THE BLACK WOMAN HAS JUST GOTTEN A RAW DEAL BECAUSE BLACK

THAT THE BLACK WOMAN HAS JUST GOTTEN A RAW DEAL BECAUSE BLACK MAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A

GOTTEN A RAW DEAL BECAUSE BLACK MAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A LOSER.

MAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A LOSER. SAY WHAT?

LOSER. SAY WHAT? I MEAN, YOU ARE ALL SO

SAY WHAT? I MEAN, YOU ARE ALL SO SHIFTLESS AND LAZY, I MEAN,

I MEAN, YOU ARE ALL SO SHIFTLESS AND LAZY, I MEAN, JUST TOO SHIFTLESS AND TOO LAZY

SHIFTLESS AND LAZY, I MEAN, JUST TOO SHIFTLESS AND TOO LAZY TO GET ANYWHERE!

JUST TOO SHIFTLESS AND TOO LAZY TO GET ANYWHERE! WAIT A MINUTE, CICELY.

TO GET ANYWHERE! WAIT A MINUTE, CICELY. I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND WHAT

WAIT A MINUTE, CICELY. I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING NOW.

I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING NOW. COULD YOU ELABORATE ON THAT?

YOU'RE SAYING NOW. COULD YOU ELABORATE ON THAT? IT'S NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL,

COULD YOU ELABORATE ON THAT? IT'S NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL, GARRETT.

IT'S NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL, GARRETT. IT IS VERY SIMPLE.

GARRETT. IT IS VERY SIMPLE. WELL, BREAK IT DOWN FOR ME.

IT IS VERY SIMPLE. WELL, BREAK IT DOWN FOR ME. IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

WELL, BREAK IT DOWN FOR ME. IT'S VERY SIMPLE. BLACK MEN JUST RUINED IT FOR

IT'S VERY SIMPLE. BLACK MEN JUST RUINED IT FOR BLACK WOMEN.

BLACK MEN JUST RUINED IT FOR BLACK WOMEN. I MEAN, YOU WERE ALWAYS BUSY

BLACK WOMEN. I MEAN, YOU WERE ALWAYS BUSY GETTING HIGH, PIMPING, TRYING TO

I MEAN, YOU WERE ALWAYS BUSY GETTING HIGH, PIMPING, TRYING TO PROVE YOUR MANHOOD BY FIGHTING

GETTING HIGH, PIMPING, TRYING TO PROVE YOUR MANHOOD BY FIGHTING AND STEALING AND WHEELING AND

PROVE YOUR MANHOOD BY FIGHTING AND STEALING AND WHEELING AND DEALING, INSTEAD OF STUDYING

AND STEALING AND WHEELING AND DEALING, INSTEAD OF STUDYING LIKE THE JEWISH MEN!

DEALING, INSTEAD OF STUDYING LIKE THE JEWISH MEN! UH...

LIKE THE JEWISH MEN! UH... I MEAN, DO YOU THINK THAT

UH... I MEAN, DO YOU THINK THAT BARBRA STREISAND HAS ANY

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK THAT BARBRA STREISAND HAS ANY DIFFICULTY GETTING PARTS?

BARBRA STREISAND HAS ANY DIFFICULTY GETTING PARTS? WELL, NOW, LISTEN, BITCH,

DIFFICULTY GETTING PARTS? WELL, NOW, LISTEN, BITCH, UH...

WELL, NOW, LISTEN, BITCH, UH... NOW JUST WAIT A MINUTE, NOW!

UH... NOW JUST WAIT A MINUTE, NOW! I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT WRONG WITH

NOW JUST WAIT A MINUTE, NOW! I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT WRONG WITH YOU BLACK MEN!

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT WRONG WITH YOU BLACK MEN! JOKE! JOKE!

YOU BLACK MEN! JOKE! JOKE! CICELY, YOU HAVE THE MOST

JOKE! JOKE! CICELY, YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EYES I HAVE SEEN IN MY

CICELY, YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EYES I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE!

BEAUTIFUL EYES I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE! OH, MAN, DON'T GIVE ME THAT!

LIFE! OH, MAN, DON'T GIVE ME THAT! THE AVENUES OPEN TO WHITE

OH, MAN, DON'T GIVE ME THAT! THE AVENUES OPEN TO WHITE MEN, CICELY, WERE TRADITIONALLY

THE AVENUES OPEN TO WHITE MEN, CICELY, WERE TRADITIONALLY CLOSED TO BLACK MEN!

MEN, CICELY, WERE TRADITIONALLY CLOSED TO BLACK MEN! NOW, YOU KNOW THAT!

CLOSED TO BLACK MEN! NOW, YOU KNOW THAT! HEY, LISTEN... YOU ALL FALL

NOW, YOU KNOW THAT! HEY, LISTEN... YOU ALL FALL BACK ON THAT OLD STORY ALL THE

HEY, LISTEN... YOU ALL FALL BACK ON THAT OLD STORY ALL THE TIME!

BACK ON THAT OLD STORY ALL THE TIME! IT'S OLD. IT'S CLICHéD.

TIME! IT'S OLD. IT'S CLICHéD. FORGET IT!

IT'S OLD. IT'S CLICHéD. FORGET IT! THE BLACK MAN JUST NEVER GOT

FORGET IT! THE BLACK MAN JUST NEVER GOT HIMSELF TOGETHER, AND THAT'S ALL

THE BLACK MAN JUST NEVER GOT HIMSELF TOGETHER, AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT!

HIMSELF TOGETHER, AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! I MEAN, LOOK WHAT Y'ALL DID TO

THERE IS TO IT! I MEAN, LOOK WHAT Y'ALL DID TO DETROIT!

I MEAN, LOOK WHAT Y'ALL DID TO DETROIT! THAT USED TO BE A NICE TOWN.

DETROIT! THAT USED TO BE A NICE TOWN. WELL, NOW, COME TO THINK OF

THAT USED TO BE A NICE TOWN. WELL, NOW, COME TO THINK OF IT, MY DADDY WAS A LITTLE

WELL, NOW, COME TO THINK OF IT, MY DADDY WAS A LITTLE SHIFTLESS, YOU KNOW.

IT, MY DADDY WAS A LITTLE SHIFTLESS, YOU KNOW. UH-HUH.

SHIFTLESS, YOU KNOW. UH-HUH. WELL, I WISH I COULD CONTINUE

UH-HUH. WELL, I WISH I COULD CONTINUE WITH THIS, BUT WE'RE OUT OF

WELL, I WISH I COULD CONTINUE WITH THIS, BUT WE'RE OUT OF TIME.

WITH THIS, BUT WE'RE OUT OF TIME. UH, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN WE

TIME. UH, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN WE TALK TO FORMER SENATOR

UH, TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN WE TALK TO FORMER SENATOR EDWARD BROOKS ABOUT HIS PERJURED

TALK TO FORMER SENATOR EDWARD BROOKS ABOUT HIS PERJURED TESTIMONY IN HIS DIVORCE

EDWARD BROOKS ABOUT HIS PERJURED TESTIMONY IN HIS DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS.

TESTIMONY IN HIS DIVORCE PROCEEDINGS. AND NOW STAY TUNED TO

PROCEEDINGS. AND NOW STAY TUNED TO "THE WORLD AT WAR," STARRING

AND NOW STAY TUNED TO "THE WORLD AT WAR," STARRING RICHARD BURTON.

"THE WORLD AT WAR," STARRING RICHARD BURTON. NOW, YOU KNOW, I NEVER...

RICHARD BURTON. NOW, YOU KNOW, I NEVER... NOW JUST A MINUTE.

NOW, YOU KNOW, I NEVER... NOW JUST A MINUTE. WE MAY BE OUT OF TIME, BUT I

NOW JUST A MINUTE. WE MAY BE OUT OF TIME, BUT I HAVE A FEW STORIES TO TELL YOU.

WE MAY BE OUT OF TIME, BUT I HAVE A FEW STORIES TO TELL YOU. NOW, I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE

HAVE A FEW STORIES TO TELL YOU. NOW, I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU.

NOW, I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU. [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

IT IS THE DAY BEFORE 300,000 ALLIED FORCES HIT THE BEACHES AT NORMANDY TO SAVE A NAZI-OCCUPIED

ALLIED FORCES HIT THE BEACHES AT NORMANDY TO SAVE A NAZI-OCCUPIED FRANCE.

NORMANDY TO SAVE A NAZI-OCCUPIED FRANCE. THE LEADERS OF BOTH THE ALLIED

FRANCE. THE LEADERS OF BOTH THE ALLIED AND AXIS POWERS HAD READIED

THE LEADERS OF BOTH THE ALLIED AND AXIS POWERS HAD READIED THEMSELVES FOR THE CONFRONTATION

AND AXIS POWERS HAD READIED THEMSELVES FOR THE CONFRONTATION THAT WOULD DECIDE THE FATE OF

THEMSELVES FOR THE CONFRONTATION THAT WOULD DECIDE THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD.

THAT WOULD DECIDE THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD. ONE MAN, GENERAL

THE ENTIRE FREE WORLD. ONE MAN, GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, MADE A

ONE MAN, GENERAL DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, MADE A LAST-DITCH EFFORT TO AVOID

DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER, MADE A LAST-DITCH EFFORT TO AVOID BLOODSHED AND PEACEFULLY

LAST-DITCH EFFORT TO AVOID BLOODSHED AND PEACEFULLY LIBERATE FRANCE.

BLOODSHED AND PEACEFULLY LIBERATE FRANCE. TO ACCOMPLISH THIS, HE CALLED UP

LIBERATE FRANCE. TO ACCOMPLISH THIS, HE CALLED UP THE WALKER BRIGADE.

TO ACCOMPLISH THIS, HE CALLED UP THE WALKER BRIGADE. [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

GOOD EVENING. I'M RICHARD BURTON. IKE WAS HESITANT TO LAUNCH A

I'M RICHARD BURTON. IKE WAS HESITANT TO LAUNCH A "D" DAY ATTACK THAT WOULD

IKE WAS HESITANT TO LAUNCH A "D" DAY ATTACK THAT WOULD JEOPARDIZE THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS

"D" DAY ATTACK THAT WOULD JEOPARDIZE THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN.

JEOPARDIZE THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN. SO WHEN IT WAS SUGGESTED THAT

OF THOUSANDS OF MEN. SO WHEN IT WAS SUGGESTED THAT THE 45-MAN WALKER BRIGADE

SO WHEN IT WAS SUGGESTED THAT THE 45-MAN WALKER BRIGADE CONFRONT THE NAZI GUNS ON

THE 45-MAN WALKER BRIGADE CONFRONT THE NAZI GUNS ON JUNE 5, IKE JUMPED AT THE

CONFRONT THE NAZI GUNS ON JUNE 5, IKE JUMPED AT THE NOTION.

JUNE 5, IKE JUMPED AT THE NOTION. WALKER PLATOON, TEN-HUT!

NOTION. WALKER PLATOON, TEN-HUT! LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT THE

WALKER PLATOON, TEN-HUT! LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT THE WALKER BRIGADE.

LITTLE IS KNOWN ABOUT THE WALKER BRIGADE. THIS RARE FOOTAGE SHOWS THAT

WALKER BRIGADE. THIS RARE FOOTAGE SHOWS THAT THEY WERE A GROUP OF PATRIOTIC

THIS RARE FOOTAGE SHOWS THAT THEY WERE A GROUP OF PATRIOTIC MEN WHO WERE EAGER TO SERVE

THEY WERE A GROUP OF PATRIOTIC MEN WHO WERE EAGER TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY.

MEN WHO WERE EAGER TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY. DON'T LET LOOKS DECEIVE YOU.

THE WALKER BRIGADE WAS NOT

COMPOSED OF DISABLED SOLDIERS.

THEY WERE A GROUP OF ABLE-BODIED

MEN WHO KNEW THAT THE GENEVA

CONVENTION STATED THAT THE ENEMY

CANNOT SHOOT AT ANY SOLDIER WHO

HAS A WALKER.

AND SO IT BEGAN. IN THE GRAY DAWN OF JUNE 5, THE GREATEST AIRLIFT IN THE HISTORY

IN THE GRAY DAWN OF JUNE 5, THE GREATEST AIRLIFT IN THE HISTORY OF AMBULATORY AIDS TOOK PLACE

GREATEST AIRLIFT IN THE HISTORY OF AMBULATORY AIDS TOOK PLACE OVER FRANCE.

THE STRATEGY... WORK BEHIND

GERMAN LINES AT ORLEANS,

APPROACH JERRY'S SOUTHERN FRONT,

DRIVE HIM NORTH, AND FORCE HIM

TO SURRENDER, HIS BACK TO THE

ENGLISH CHANNEL.

SLOWLY, THE WALKER BRIGADE ADVANCED ALONG THE PERIMETER OF BATTLE.

ADVANCED ALONG THE PERIMETER OF BATTLE. THE WALKERS DROVE DEEP INTO AXIS

BATTLE. THE WALKERS DROVE DEEP INTO AXIS TERRITORY, RELENTLESSLY

THE WALKERS DROVE DEEP INTO AXIS TERRITORY, RELENTLESSLY APPROACHING ORLEANS, WHERE THE

TERRITORY, RELENTLESSLY APPROACHING ORLEANS, WHERE THE ENTIRE GERMAN WEHRMACHT WAS

APPROACHING ORLEANS, WHERE THE ENTIRE GERMAN WEHRMACHT WAS COILED AND READY TO STRIKE.

ENTIRE GERMAN WEHRMACHT WAS COILED AND READY TO STRIKE. IF THEIR MISSION FAILED, THE

COILED AND READY TO STRIKE. IF THEIR MISSION FAILED, THE ULTIMATE CONFLICT WOULD BE AT

IF THEIR MISSION FAILED, THE ULTIMATE CONFLICT WOULD BE AT HAND, A CLASH BETWEEN TWO

ULTIMATE CONFLICT WOULD BE AT HAND, A CLASH BETWEEN TWO OPPOSING FORCES WHOSE COMBINED

HAND, A CLASH BETWEEN TWO OPPOSING FORCES WHOSE COMBINED POWER COULD DESTROY

OPPOSING FORCES WHOSE COMBINED POWER COULD DESTROY CIVILIZATION.

POWER COULD DESTROY CIVILIZATION. THIS WAS THE CONFRONTATION THAT

CIVILIZATION. THIS WAS THE CONFRONTATION THAT THESE HEROIC MEN, 45 STRONG,

THIS WAS THE CONFRONTATION THAT THESE HEROIC MEN, 45 STRONG, WANTED TO PREVENT.

THESE HEROIC MEN, 45 STRONG, WANTED TO PREVENT. AT EXACTLY 11:31 A.M., THE

WANTED TO PREVENT. AT EXACTLY 11:31 A.M., THE UNDAUNTED WALKER BRIGADE BROKE

AT EXACTLY 11:31 A.M., THE UNDAUNTED WALKER BRIGADE BROKE THROUGH A CRACK IN THE

UNDAUNTED WALKER BRIGADE BROKE THROUGH A CRACK IN THE SIEGFRIED LINE.

THROUGH A CRACK IN THE SIEGFRIED LINE. AND AT EXACTLY 11:32, JERRY,

SIEGFRIED LINE. AND AT EXACTLY 11:32, JERRY, WITH NO REGARD FOR THE

AND AT EXACTLY 11:32, JERRY, WITH NO REGARD FOR THE GENEVA CONVENTION, DECIMATED THE

WITH NO REGARD FOR THE GENEVA CONVENTION, DECIMATED THE WALKER BRIGADE.

GENEVA CONVENTION, DECIMATED THE WALKER BRIGADE. "D" DAY WENT ON AS SCHEDULED.

WALKER BRIGADE. "D" DAY WENT ON AS SCHEDULED. THE WALKER BRIGADE WAS IDIOTIC,

"D" DAY WENT ON AS SCHEDULED. THE WALKER BRIGADE WAS IDIOTIC, A STUPID IDEA FROM A MILITARY

THE WALKER BRIGADE WAS IDIOTIC, A STUPID IDEA FROM A MILITARY STANDPOINT, BUT A GOOD ONE IF

A STUPID IDEA FROM A MILITARY STANDPOINT, BUT A GOOD ONE IF YOU HOST A SHOW LIKE THIS AND

STANDPOINT, BUT A GOOD ONE IF YOU HOST A SHOW LIKE THIS AND ARE RUNNING OUT OF RARE FILM

YOU HOST A SHOW LIKE THIS AND ARE RUNNING OUT OF RARE FILM FOOTAGE THAT STILL MAKES

ARE RUNNING OUT OF RARE FILM FOOTAGE THAT STILL MAKES WORLD WAR II LOOK INTERESTING.

FOOTAGE THAT STILL MAKES WORLD WAR II LOOK INTERESTING. I'M RICHARD BURTON.

WORLD WAR II LOOK INTERESTING. I'M RICHARD BURTON. PLEASE JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN

I'M RICHARD BURTON. PLEASE JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN "WORLD AT WAR" BRINGS YOU RARE

PLEASE JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN "WORLD AT WAR" BRINGS YOU RARE FOOTAGE ABOUT THE DIALYSIS

"WORLD AT WAR" BRINGS YOU RARE FOOTAGE ABOUT THE DIALYSIS DIVISION.

FOOTAGE ABOUT THE DIALYSIS DIVISION. TILL THEN, GOOD NIGHT.

HI, CARLA, I'M HOME. OH, GOOD. DINNER'S ALMOST READY.

OH, GOOD. DINNER'S ALMOST READY. OH, GREAT. I'M STARVED.

DINNER'S ALMOST READY. OH, GREAT. I'M STARVED. HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY AT

OH, GREAT. I'M STARVED. HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL?

HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL? OH, GOD, IT WAS FABULOUS.

SCHOOL? OH, GOD, IT WAS FABULOUS. YOU KNOW, TEACHING HANDICAPPED

OH, GOD, IT WAS FABULOUS. YOU KNOW, TEACHING HANDICAPPED CHILDREN REALLY TEACHES YOU A

YOU KNOW, TEACHING HANDICAPPED CHILDREN REALLY TEACHES YOU A LOT ABOUT YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS.

CHILDREN REALLY TEACHES YOU A LOT ABOUT YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

LOT ABOUT YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. WHEN A REALLY BAD CASE COMES

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. WHEN A REALLY BAD CASE COMES INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, I

WHEN A REALLY BAD CASE COMES INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, I THINK, "THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE

INTO THE EMERGENCY ROOM, I THINK, "THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD," YOU KNOW?

THINK, "THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD," YOU KNOW? BUT WE HAD A BURN VICTIM THAT WE

OF GOD," YOU KNOW? BUT WE HAD A BURN VICTIM THAT WE HAD TO WORK ON FOR SIX HOURS.

BUT WE HAD A BURN VICTIM THAT WE HAD TO WORK ON FOR SIX HOURS. AM I EXHAUSTED.

HAD TO WORK ON FOR SIX HOURS. AM I EXHAUSTED. OH, HERE. TURN AROUND.

AM I EXHAUSTED. OH, HERE. TURN AROUND. I'LL GIVE YOU A BACKRUB.

OH, HERE. TURN AROUND. I'LL GIVE YOU A BACKRUB. OH, THANK YOU.

I'LL GIVE YOU A BACKRUB. OH, THANK YOU. HOW'S THAT?

OH, THANK YOU. HOW'S THAT? THAT'S WONDERFUL.

HOW'S THAT? THAT'S WONDERFUL. OH, GOOD.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. OH, GOOD. FREEZE!

OH, GOOD. FREEZE! EX-POLICE!

Announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME

FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF

"EX-POLICE."

EX-POLICE?! WE WERE KICKED OFF THE FORCE ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

WE WERE KICKED OFF THE FORCE ABOUT A YEAR AGO. BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM

ABOUT A YEAR AGO. BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM ENFORCING THE LAW.

BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM ENFORCING THE LAW. BUT WHAT LAW DID WE BREAK?

ENFORCING THE LAW. BUT WHAT LAW DID WE BREAK? COME ON.

BUT WHAT LAW DID WE BREAK? COME ON. GET OFF IT, MISS LESBO!

COME ON. GET OFF IT, MISS LESBO! YOU'RE CRAZY.

GET OFF IT, MISS LESBO! YOU'RE CRAZY. DON'T GIVE US THAT.

YOU'RE CRAZY. DON'T GIVE US THAT. WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING.

DON'T GIVE US THAT. WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING. WE'VE SEEN YOU TWO... TWO SINGLE

WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING. WE'VE SEEN YOU TWO... TWO SINGLE WOMEN IN A ONE-BEDROOM

WE'VE SEEN YOU TWO... TWO SINGLE WOMEN IN A ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT.

WOMEN IN A ONE-BEDROOM APARTMENT. REMEMBER LAST WEEK IN THE

APARTMENT. REMEMBER LAST WEEK IN THE GARAGE?

REMEMBER LAST WEEK IN THE GARAGE? I CAME ON TO YOU, AND YOU

GARAGE? I CAME ON TO YOU, AND YOU IGNORED ME, DYKE!

I CAME ON TO YOU, AND YOU IGNORED ME, DYKE! I IGNORED YOU BECAUSE YOU

IGNORED ME, DYKE! I IGNORED YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE MY FLESH CRAWL.

I IGNORED YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE MY FLESH CRAWL. AAH!

MAKE MY FLESH CRAWL. AAH! BULL DYKES!

AAH! BULL DYKES! OHH! OHH!

BULL DYKES! OHH! OHH! BUTCHES! FEMALE HOMOS!

OHH! OHH! BUTCHES! FEMALE HOMOS! THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!

BUTCHES! FEMALE HOMOS! THEY'RE ALL THE SAME! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A 14-YEAR-OLD

THEY'RE ALL THE SAME! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE STREET BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT HER

GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE STREET BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT HER MOTHER WAS A LESBIAN?

STREET BECAUSE SHE FOUND OUT HER MOTHER WAS A LESBIAN? WELL, I HAVE, AND IT'S NOT A

MOTHER WAS A LESBIAN? WELL, I HAVE, AND IT'S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT!

WELL, I HAVE, AND IT'S NOT A PRETTY SIGHT! JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP

PRETTY SIGHT! JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP POUNDING HER HEAD AGAINST THE

JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP POUNDING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL.

POUNDING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL. SHE'S ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS.

WALL. SHE'S ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS. SHE PROBABLY CAN'T HEAR WHAT

SHE'S ALREADY UNCONSCIOUS. SHE PROBABLY CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ANYWAY.

SHE PROBABLY CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ANYWAY. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE SAYING ANYWAY. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TOO LATE. SHE'S DEAD.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TOO LATE. SHE'S DEAD. ANOTHER HOMOSEXUALITY-RELATED

IT'S TOO LATE. SHE'S DEAD. ANOTHER HOMOSEXUALITY-RELATED DEATH.

ANOTHER HOMOSEXUALITY-RELATED DEATH. BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE

DEATH. BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE OTHER DYKE DID IT.

BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE OTHER DYKE DID IT. YEAH, THROW THAT GLASS OF

OTHER DYKE DID IT. YEAH, THROW THAT GLASS OF WATER THERE IN THE LESBO'S FACE.

YEAH, THROW THAT GLASS OF WATER THERE IN THE LESBO'S FACE. YEAH.

WATER THERE IN THE LESBO'S FACE. YEAH. [GASPING]

YEAH. [GASPING] WHAT HAPPENED?

[GASPING] WHAT HAPPENED? WE WERE WALKING BY.

WHAT HAPPENED? WE WERE WALKING BY. WE HEARD SOME NOISE.

WE WERE WALKING BY. WE HEARD SOME NOISE. YOU AND YOUR FRIEND WERE HAVING

WE HEARD SOME NOISE. YOU AND YOUR FRIEND WERE HAVING AN ARGUMENT.

YOU AND YOUR FRIEND WERE HAVING AN ARGUMENT. YOU MUST HAVE KILLED HER BEFORE

AN ARGUMENT. YOU MUST HAVE KILLED HER BEFORE YOU FELL DOWN AND HIT YOUR HEAD

YOU MUST HAVE KILLED HER BEFORE YOU FELL DOWN AND HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE SOFA, KNOCKING YOU

YOU FELL DOWN AND HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE SOFA, KNOCKING YOU UNCONSCIOUS.

ON THE SOFA, KNOCKING YOU UNCONSCIOUS. ME AND CATHY ARGUING?

UNCONSCIOUS. ME AND CATHY ARGUING? YEAH, IT WAS A LOVERS'

ME AND CATHY ARGUING? YEAH, IT WAS A LOVERS' QUARREL, SOMETHING ABOUT HER

YEAH, IT WAS A LOVERS' QUARREL, SOMETHING ABOUT HER LEAVING YOU FOR SOME OTHER DYKE.

QUARREL, SOMETHING ABOUT HER LEAVING YOU FOR SOME OTHER DYKE. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

LEAVING YOU FOR SOME OTHER DYKE. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. WE WEREN'T LOVERS!

BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. WE WEREN'T LOVERS! NOW I REMEMBER.

WE WEREN'T LOVERS! NOW I REMEMBER. YOU'RE THE EX-POLICE.

NOW I REMEMBER. YOU'RE THE EX-POLICE. YOU BROKE IN HERE!

YOU'RE THE EX-POLICE. YOU BROKE IN HERE! YOU TOOK A PRETTY SEVERE BLOW

YOU BROKE IN HERE! YOU TOOK A PRETTY SEVERE BLOW ON THE HEAD, MA'AM.

YOU TOOK A PRETTY SEVERE BLOW ON THE HEAD, MA'AM. MAYBE YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS.

ON THE HEAD, MA'AM. MAYBE YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS. YOU ACCUSED US OF BEING

MAYBE YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS. YOU ACCUSED US OF BEING LESBIANS, AND THEN YOU... THEN

YOU ACCUSED US OF BEING LESBIANS, AND THEN YOU... THEN YOU KILLED HER!

LESBIANS, AND THEN YOU... THEN YOU KILLED HER! MURDERERS!

YOU KILLED HER! MURDERERS! SHUT UP!

MURDERERS! SHUT UP! AAH!

SHUT UP! AAH! SHE'S THE ONLY LIVING PERSON

AAH! SHE'S THE ONLY LIVING PERSON WHO KNOWS ABOUT US.

SHE'S THE ONLY LIVING PERSON WHO KNOWS ABOUT US. BETTER KILL HER.

WHO KNOWS ABOUT US. BETTER KILL HER. YEAH.

BETTER KILL HER. YEAH. NO, NO, NO, WAIT.

YEAH. NO, NO, NO, WAIT. NO GUNSHOTS.

NO, NO, NO, WAIT. NO GUNSHOTS. OUT THE WINDOW.

NO GUNSHOTS. OUT THE WINDOW. OH, IT'S ALWAYS OUT THE

OUT THE WINDOW. OH, IT'S ALWAYS OUT THE WINDOW.

OH, IT'S ALWAYS OUT THE WINDOW. [GRUNTING]

WINDOW. [GRUNTING] MEET YOUR MAKER, DYKE.

[GRUNTING] MEET YOUR MAKER, DYKE. [HORN HONKS]

MEET YOUR MAKER, DYKE. [HORN HONKS] HAPPY LANDINGS!

[HORN HONKS] HAPPY LANDINGS! BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE

HAPPY LANDINGS! BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE REAL POLICE COME.

CARLA BRYSON SURVIVED HER 16-STORY PLUNGE TO STAND TRIAL FOR THE MURDER OF HER ROOMMATE,

16-STORY PLUNGE TO STAND TRIAL FOR THE MURDER OF HER ROOMMATE, CATHY LABERGE.

FOR THE MURDER OF HER ROOMMATE, CATHY LABERGE. THE JUDGE AND JURY DID NOT

CATHY LABERGE. THE JUDGE AND JURY DID NOT BELIEVE HER STORY ABOUT THE

THE JUDGE AND JURY DID NOT BELIEVE HER STORY ABOUT THE EX-POLICE, AND SHE WAS SENTENCED

BELIEVE HER STORY ABOUT THE EX-POLICE, AND SHE WAS SENTENCED TO 20 YEARS AT THE CALIFORNIA

EX-POLICE, AND SHE WAS SENTENCED TO 20 YEARS AT THE CALIFORNIA STATE WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY AT

TO 20 YEARS AT THE CALIFORNIA STATE WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY AT CHINO, WHERE, SIX MONTHS LATER,

STATE WOMEN'S PENITENTIARY AT CHINO, WHERE, SIX MONTHS LATER, SHE DIED OF INJURIES SUSTAINED

CHINO, WHERE, SIX MONTHS LATER, SHE DIED OF INJURIES SUSTAINED WHILE BEING ASSAULTED BY A

SHE DIED OF INJURIES SUSTAINED WHILE BEING ASSAULTED BY A FELLOW INMATE.

Announcer: FINALLY, IT'S HERE, THE RECORD ALBUM THAT HAD TO BE MADE.

HERE, THE RECORD ALBUM THAT HAD TO BE MADE. FINALLY, THE WOMAN AND THE

TO BE MADE. FINALLY, THE WOMAN AND THE ISLAND OF THE SAME NAME MEET...

FINALLY, THE WOMAN AND THE ISLAND OF THE SAME NAME MEET... "CICELY SINGS SICILY," THE VOICE

ISLAND OF THE SAME NAME MEET... "CICELY SINGS SICILY," THE VOICE OF CICELY TYSON, THE SONGS OF

"CICELY SINGS SICILY," THE VOICE OF CICELY TYSON, THE SONGS OF SICILY, ITALY.

OF CICELY TYSON, THE SONGS OF SICILY, ITALY. BUT IT'S NOT JUST AN ALBUM FOR

SICILY, ITALY. BUT IT'S NOT JUST AN ALBUM FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE TWO CICELYS.

BUT IT'S NOT JUST AN ALBUM FOR PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE TWO CICELYS. IT'S AN ALBUM EVERYONE WILL

PEOPLE WHO LOVE THE TWO CICELYS. IT'S AN ALBUM EVERYONE WILL WANT.

IT'S AN ALBUM EVERYONE WILL WANT. HERE!

WANT. HERE! [SINGING IN ITALIAN]

HERE! [SINGING IN ITALIAN] Announcer: "QUANTU E BEDDA

[SINGING IN ITALIAN] Announcer: "QUANTU E BEDDA CEFALU"!

CEFALU"! ♪ QUANTU E BEDDA CEFALU ♪

THIS RECORD IS NOT AVAILABLE IN

RECORD STORES.

YOU GET...

AND MORE!

FINALLY, THE VOICE OF

CICELY TYSON MEETS THE SONGS OF

SICILY, ITALY, NOW DURING THE

INTRODUCTORY PERIOD ONLY $7.95,

BUT, SORRY, ONLY ONE ALBUM SOLD

PER FAMILY.

"CICELY SINGS SICILY," AVAILABLE

ONLY THROUGH...

FROM TAX SHELTER RECORDS, A

DIVISION OF ARIZONA LAND

DEVELOPMENT CORP.

HELLO, I'M EMILY LITELLA, AND THIS THE "EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW."

THIS THE "EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW." SO...

"EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW." SO... SO SIT BACK AND RELAX AND MAKE

SO... SO SIT BACK AND RELAX AND MAKE YOURSELF A NICE CUP OF TEA AND

SO SIT BACK AND RELAX AND MAKE YOURSELF A NICE CUP OF TEA AND SOME TOAST, LIKE I'VE MADE

YOURSELF A NICE CUP OF TEA AND SOME TOAST, LIKE I'VE MADE MYSELF.

SOME TOAST, LIKE I'VE MADE MYSELF. MMM!

MYSELF. MMM! GOOD TOAST.

MMM! GOOD TOAST. NOW, TONIGHT ON

GOOD TOAST. NOW, TONIGHT ON "LITELLA-VISION," WE'RE ALL

NOW, TONIGHT ON "LITELLA-VISION," WE'RE ALL GOING TO WATCH A SPECIAL

"LITELLA-VISION," WE'RE ALL GOING TO WATCH A SPECIAL PRESENTATION, THE VERY NICE LOVE

GOING TO WATCH A SPECIAL PRESENTATION, THE VERY NICE LOVE DUET ON THE STAIRS FROM

PRESENTATION, THE VERY NICE LOVE DUET ON THE STAIRS FROM GEORGE GERSHWIN'S IMMORAL

DUET ON THE STAIRS FROM GEORGE GERSHWIN'S IMMORAL CLASSIC "PORKY AND BESS."

GEORGE GERSHWIN'S IMMORAL CLASSIC "PORKY AND BESS." ♪ PORKY, I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪

CLASSIC "PORKY AND BESS." ♪ PORKY, I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪ ♪ I IS ♪

♪ PORKY, I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪ ♪ I IS ♪ ♪ I IS ♪

♪ I IS ♪ ♪ I IS ♪ ♪ AND I AIN'T NEVER GOIN'

♪ I IS ♪ ♪ AND I AIN'T NEVER GOIN' NOWHERES ♪

♪ AND I AIN'T NEVER GOIN' NOWHERES ♪ ♪ 'LESS'N YOU SHARES THE FUN ♪

NOWHERES ♪ ♪ 'LESS'N YOU SHARES THE FUN ♪ ♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪

♪ 'LESS'N YOU SHARES THE FUN ♪ ♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪ ♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WO-WOMAN

♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪ ♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WO-WOMAN NOW ♪

♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WO-WOMAN NOW ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW ♪

NOW ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW ♪ ♪ BUT I AIN'T GOIN' ♪

♪ SOMEHOW ♪ ♪ BUT I AIN'T GOIN' ♪ ♪ YOU HEAR ME SAYIN' ♪

♪ BUT I AIN'T GOIN' ♪ ♪ YOU HEAR ME SAYIN' ♪ ♪ IF YOU AIN'T GOIN' ♪

♪ YOU HEAR ME SAYIN' ♪ ♪ IF YOU AIN'T GOIN' ♪ ♪ WITH YOU I'M STAYIN' ♪

♪ IF YOU AIN'T GOIN' ♪ ♪ WITH YOU I'M STAYIN' ♪ ♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪

♪ WITH YOU I'M STAYIN' ♪ ♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪ ♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WOMAN

♪ BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BE-BESS ♪ ♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WOMAN N-NOW ♪

♪ YOU IS MY WO-WO-WO-WOMAN N-NOW ♪ ♪ I'S YOURS FOREVER ♪

Both: ♪ MORNIN' TIME AND EVENIN' TIME ♪ ♪ AND SUMMERTIME AND

EVENIN' TIME ♪ ♪ AND SUMMERTIME AND WINTERTIME ♪

♪ AND SUMMERTIME AND WINTERTIME ♪ ♪ WHOA, MY BESSIE ♪

WINTERTIME ♪ ♪ WHOA, MY BESSIE ♪ ♪ PORKY ♪

♪ WHOA, MY BESSIE ♪ ♪ PORKY ♪ ♪ WE'S HAPPY NOW ♪

♪ PORKY ♪ ♪ WE'S HAPPY NOW ♪ ♪ I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪

♪ WE'S HAPPY NOW ♪ ♪ I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪ ♪ WE IS WARM ♪

♪ I'S YOUR WOMAN NOW ♪ ♪ WE IS WARM ♪ Both: ♪ NOW ♪

♪ B-B-B-BESS ♪ ♪ B-B-B-BESS ♪ ♪ B-B-B-BESS, YOU IS M-M-M-MY

♪ B-B-B-BESS ♪ ♪ B-B-B-BESS, YOU IS M-M-M-MY WOMAN ♪

♪ B-B-B-BESS, YOU IS M-M-M-MY WOMAN ♪ WASN'T THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVELY?

WOMAN ♪ WASN'T THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVELY? IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE

WASN'T THAT ABSOLUTELY LOVELY? IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE FINALLY WRITING OPERAS FOR

IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE FINALLY WRITING OPERAS FOR STUTTERING PIGS.

ARE FINALLY WRITING OPERAS FOR STUTTERING PIGS. NOW ALL OF YOU BE SURE TO JOIN

STUTTERING PIGS. NOW ALL OF YOU BE SURE TO JOIN ME NEXT WEEK ON THE

NOW ALL OF YOU BE SURE TO JOIN ME NEXT WEEK ON THE "EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW,"

ME NEXT WEEK ON THE "EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW," WHEN WE'LL BE WATCHING

"EMILY LITELLA-VISION SHOW," WHEN WE'LL BE WATCHING WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S TRAGIC

WHEN WE'LL BE WATCHING WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S TRAGIC LOVE SAGA, "RODEO AND JULIET."

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S TRAGIC LOVE SAGA, "RODEO AND JULIET." THIS HAS BEEN "LITELLA-VISION."

LOVE SAGA, "RODEO AND JULIET." THIS HAS BEEN "LITELLA-VISION." NOW SHUT IT OFF AND GO TO BED!

Announcer: ONCE AGAIN, TALKING HEADS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

TALKING HEADS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "ARTISTS ONLY"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "ARTISTS ONLY" PLAYS]

♪ I'M PAINTING ♪ ♪ I'M PAINTING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M PAINTING ♪

♪ I'M PAINTING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M PAINTING ♪ ♪ I'M PAINTING AGAIN ♪

♪ I'M PAINTING ♪ ♪ I'M PAINTING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING ♪

♪ I'M PAINTING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING AGAIN ♪

♪ I'M CLEANING ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING ♪

♪ I'M CLEANING AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'M CLEANING ♪ ♪ CLEANING MY BRAIN ♪

♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪ ♪ I WILL BE BITTER ♪ ♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪

♪ I WILL BE BITTER ♪ ♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪ ♪ WILL BE A QUITTER ♪

♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪ ♪ WILL BE A QUITTER ♪ ♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪

♪ WILL BE A QUITTER ♪ ♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪ ♪ I WILL BE BITTER ♪

♪ PRETTY SOON NOW ♪ ♪ I WILL BE BITTER ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T SEE IT TILL IT'S

♪ I WILL BE BITTER ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T SEE IT TILL IT'S FINISHED ♪

♪ I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE THAT I AM CREATIVE ♪ ♪ I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE THAT I

AM CREATIVE ♪ ♪ I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE THAT I AM CREATIVE ♪

♪ I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE THAT I AM CREATIVE ♪ ♪ ALL MY PICTURES ARE CONFUSED ♪

AM CREATIVE ♪ ♪ ALL MY PICTURES ARE CONFUSED ♪ ♪ AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE ME

♪ ALL MY PICTURES ARE CONFUSED ♪ ♪ AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKE ME TO YOU ♪

[FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHS] IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL WEEK FOR ME!

IT'S BEEN A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL WEEK FOR ME! I'VE HAD AN ABSOLUTE BALL!

WEEK FOR ME! I'VE HAD AN ABSOLUTE BALL! I LOVE THEM ALL!

I'VE HAD AN ABSOLUTE BALL! I LOVE THEM ALL! MY BEST FRIENDS!

I LOVE THEM ALL! MY BEST FRIENDS! NIGHT! THANK YOU! NIGHT!

MY BEST FRIENDS! NIGHT! THANK YOU! NIGHT! HI, LOU!

NIGHT! THANK YOU! NIGHT! HI, LOU! NIGHT!

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

RICK NELSON, WITH MUSICAL GUEST

JUDY COLLINS.

THIS IS YOUR OLD VALENTINE,

DON PARDO, SAYING "GOOD NIGHT."