Original subtitles

AND NOW FROM STUDIO 8H IN NEW YORK'S FAMED ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED

NEW YORK'S FAMED ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING

ROCKEFELLER CENTER, THE RED NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE

NETWORK JOINS THE BLUE TO BRING YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA,

YOU HOWARD SHORE AND THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA, FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF

NATIONAL BROADCASTING ORCHESTRA, FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF MR. GARRETT MORRIS.

FEATURING THE VOCAL STYLINGS OF MR. GARRETT MORRIS. [ORCHESTRA PLAYS]

♪ ON THE NBC TONIGHT ♪ ♪ YOU'LL HEAR THREE TONES RING OUT ♪

♪ YOU'LL HEAR THREE TONES RING OUT ♪ ♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪

OUT ♪ ♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪ ♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL

♪ THEY HAVE A SPECIAL MEANING ♪ ♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ SO HERE'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT ♪ ♪ I ♪

ABOUT ♪ ♪ I ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ I ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪ ♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE

♪ YOU ♪ ♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪

♪ THREE LITTLE TONES HAVE JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪ ♪ I ♪

JUST HAD THEIR SAY ♪ ♪ I ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ I ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ YOU ♪ ♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S

♪ YOU ♪ ♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ♪

♪ FUNNY, BUT, HONEY, THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY ♪ ♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪

WHAT THEY SAY ♪ ♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪ ♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪

♪ CHIMES HAVE RUNG ♪ ♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪ ♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST

♪ THE PROGRAM'S DONE ♪ ♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST BEGU-U-N ♪

♪ MY LOVE SONG HAS JUST BEGU-U-N ♪ ♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪

BEGU-U-N ♪ ♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪ ♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪

♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪ ♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪ ♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪

♪ TUNE IN TO MY STATION ♪ ♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪ ♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪

♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪ ♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪ ♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪

♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪ ♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪

♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

♪ TURN THE DIAL OF YOUR HEART ♪ ♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪

HEART ♪ ♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪ ♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪

♪ TUNE IN TO OUR STATION ♪ ♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪ ♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I

♪ THOUGH WE MAY BE MILES APART ♪ ♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪

♪ YOUR RADIO TELLS YOU I KNOW ♪ ♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪

KNOW ♪ ♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪

♪ LISTEN, DEAR ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR? ♪ ♪ I LOVE YOU ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND NOW, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

AND NOW, LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"... WITH THE ROLLING STONES...

STARRING DAN AYKROYD... JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN...

JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS...

JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY...

GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN...

BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN... AND GILDA RADNER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THE MAYOR OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, ED KOCH!

OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, ED KOCH! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOW AM I DOING? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"

I'M DELIGHTED TO BE HERE TO WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" BACK TO NEW YORK.

WELCOME "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" BACK TO NEW YORK. THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND

BACK TO NEW YORK. THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW

THIS IS THE FOURTH SEASON, AND WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE

WE WANT THEM TO KNOW HOW GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY.

GRATEFUL WE ARE THAT THEY'RE HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HERE IN THIS GREAT CITY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY, TWO REASONS.

I'M ON THIS SHOW FOR, REALLY, TWO REASONS. ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION.

TWO REASONS. ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION. WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL

ONE IS TO SPEAK TO THE NATION. WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW

WE HERE IN NEW YORK WANT TO TELL THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID

THOSE OF YOU IN OTHER STATES HOW MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT

MUCH WE APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DID FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU

FOR US WHEN WE WERE DOWN AND OUT AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU CAME THROUGH.

AND NEEDED YOUR HELP, AND YOU CAME THROUGH. WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE

CAME THROUGH. WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR

WE WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR THE LOAN.

OF YOU OUT THERE, "THANKS FOR THE LOAN. YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

THE LOAN. YOU WON'T BE SORRY." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NEW YORK CITY IS A GREAT PLACE IN WHICH TO LIVE. WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US

IN WHICH TO LIVE. WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY

WE'RE VERY LUCKY, THOSE OF US WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE

WHO ARE HERE, BUT THE CITY BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE GOING THROUGH A GREAT

BELONGS TO EVERYBODY, AND WE ARE GOING THROUGH A GREAT RENAISSANCE.

GOING THROUGH A GREAT RENAISSANCE. "SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON

RENAISSANCE. "SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN

"SATURDAY NIGHT" IS ONE REASON FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A

FOR THIS RENAISSANCE... AN INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A REASON NEVERTHELESS.

INSIGNIFICANT REASON, BUT A REASON NEVERTHELESS. [LAUGHTER]

REASON NEVERTHELESS. [LAUGHTER] THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY

[LAUGHTER] THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO

THE PEOPLE ON THIS SHOW... THEY COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO

COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO GO ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF

ELSEWHERE, BUT THEY CAME HERE TO NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK.

NEW YORK CITY INSTEAD OF PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK. SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET

PITTSBURGH, DENVER, NEWARK. SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS

SOME COULD PROBABLY EVEN GET WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON

WORK IN HOLLYWOOD, WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT

ME TO THE SECOND AND MAIN REASON WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER

WHY I'M HERE TONIGHT, AND THAT IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST.

IS TO OFFICIALLY HONOR A MEMBER OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST. HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE

OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" CAST. HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO

HE'S APPEARED OFF BROADWAY HERE IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS

IN NEW YORK, AND HE'S GONE ON TO BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY

BE ONE OF THE STARS OF THIS SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE

SHOW AND MOST RECENTLY DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES...

DISTINGUISHED HIMSELF IN THE FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES... A GREAT NEW YORKER...

FIELD OF MOTION PICTURES... A GREAT NEW YORKER... JOHN BELUSHI.

A GREAT NEW YORKER... JOHN BELUSHI. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

JOHN, YOUR CURRENT FILM, "ANIMAL HOUSE," IS BREAKING BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK

"ANIMAL HOUSE," IS BREAKING BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

BOX-OFFICE RECORDS IN NEW YORK AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY. AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY,

AND ACROSS THE COUNTRY. AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY, YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE

AND AS A RESIDENT OF OUR CITY, YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS

YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE IT THE VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS NOW.

VITAL CREATIVE CENTER THAT IT IS NOW. AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE

NOW. AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK,

AND ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A

PEOPLE OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF

I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

CITY OF NEW YORK CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MERIT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH. UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR.

THANK YOU, MAYOR KOCH. UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR. IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE

UH, THIS IS A GREAT HONOR. IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

IT'S, UH, A VERY NICE CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. [LAUGHTER]

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. [LAUGHTER] I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL.

[LAUGHTER] I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL. IT'LL...

I COULD, UH, PUT IT ON MY WALL. IT'LL... MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT...

IT'LL... MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT... THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE?

MR. MAYOR, IS THIS IT... THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE? I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE

THIS PIECE OF PAPER HERE? I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE CITY OR SOMETHING?

I MEAN, ISN'T THERE A KEY TO THE CITY OR SOMETHING? YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON

CITY OR SOMETHING? YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON GOT A KEY TO THE CITY.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, DOLLY PARTON GOT A KEY TO THE CITY. JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS

GOT A KEY TO THE CITY. JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR.

JOHN, THE KEY TO THE CITY IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR. YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR,

A DIFFERENT KIND OF HONOR. YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR, YOU KNOW?

YEAH, IT'S A BIGGER HONOR, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, UH...

YOU KNOW? I MEAN, UH... I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU

I MEAN, UH... I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU KNOW?

I LIVED HERE FOR SIX YEARS, YOU KNOW? A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN

KNOW? A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER

A BLONDE WITH A RACK ROLLS IN FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER THE KEY TO THE CITY.

FROM NASHVILLE, AND YOU GIVE HER THE KEY TO THE CITY. SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER!

THE KEY TO THE CITY. SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER! WAS SHE IN A MOVIE?

SHE LIVES IN L.A. IN A TRAILER! WAS SHE IN A MOVIE? I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE

WAS SHE IN A MOVIE? I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE $60 MILLION, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, "ANIMAL HOUSE" HAS MADE $60 MILLION, YOU KNOW? $60 MILLION.

$60 MILLION, YOU KNOW? $60 MILLION. DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION?

$60 MILLION. DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION? $60 MILLION FOR

DOES NEW YORK HAVE $60 MILLION? $60 MILLION FOR UNIVERSAL STUDIOS...

$60 MILLION FOR UNIVERSAL STUDIOS... THAT'S RIGHT.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS... THAT'S RIGHT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF

THAT'S RIGHT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF IT?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT OUT OF IT? 900 BUCKS!

IT? 900 BUCKS! [LAUGHTER]

900 BUCKS! [LAUGHTER] JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO

[LAUGHTER] JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO CONGRATULATE YOU.

JOHN, I'M JUST HERE TO CONGRATULATE YOU. HOLD IT, ED.

CONGRATULATE YOU. HOLD IT, ED. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A

HOLD IT, ED. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW? I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE

POINT FROM THE FILM, YOU KNOW? I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE PROFITS.

I DIDN'T GET A PERCENTAGE OF THE PROFITS. I GOT ZIP.

PROFITS. I GOT ZIP. DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?

I GOT ZIP. DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR? NO.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR? NO. AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D

NO. AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D GET A PERCENTAGE.

AND IF IT WERE UP TO ME, YOU'D GET A PERCENTAGE. PERCENTAGE OF WHAT...

GET A PERCENTAGE. PERCENTAGE OF WHAT... NEW YORK CITY?

PERCENTAGE OF WHAT... NEW YORK CITY? COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH?

NEW YORK CITY? COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH? ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS

COME ON, WHAT'S THAT WORTH? ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH IS THIS CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE SCHOOL.

I GOT ONE OF THESE IN GRADE SCHOOL. JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST

SCHOOL. JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER

JOHN, FORTUNATELY, I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER CERTIFICATE OF MERIT.

HAPPEN TO HAVE ANOTHER CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. NOT NOW, KOCH.

CERTIFICATE OF MERIT. NOT NOW, KOCH. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME

NOT NOW, KOCH. YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME BACK HERE.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO COME BACK HERE. YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN

BACK HERE. YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD.

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD. EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE

HOLLYWOOD. EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE MOVIES.

EVERYONE TOLD ME, "STAY AND MAKE MOVIES. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE

MOVIES. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK THERE WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR OWN DOG."

WHERE YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR OWN DOG." [LAUGHTER]

YOUR OWN DOG." [LAUGHTER] AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH

[LAUGHTER] AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH EASIER.

AND MAKING FILMS IS SO MUCH EASIER. YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU

EASIER. YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU READY, JOHN?"

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY, "ARE YOU READY, JOHN?" "NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW."

READY, JOHN?" "NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW." "OKAY. 10 MINUTES?"

"NO, I'M NOT READY RIGHT NOW." "OKAY. 10 MINUTES?" I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10

"OKAY. 10 MINUTES?" I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10 MINUTES."

I SAID, "OKAY, MAYBE 10 MINUTES." "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED

MINUTES." "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED TEA, JOHN?"

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE ICED TEA, JOHN?" "YEAH, OKAY.

TEA, JOHN?" "YEAH, OKAY. I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA.

"YEAH, OKAY. I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA. I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND."

I'LL HAVE SOME ICED TEA. I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND." YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN

I'LL BE READY IN A SECOND." YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON

HOLLYWOOD, TAKING ALL THOSE BIG OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO!

OFFERS, HAD A HOUSE ON MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO! I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO

MULHOLLAND DRIVE, BUT NO! I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR

I GOT TO STAY HERE, COME BACK TO NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES.

NEW YORK CITY, AND WORK FOR THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES. 450 BUCKS A SHOW...

THESE LATE-NIGHT-TV WAGES. 450 BUCKS A SHOW... THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET!

450 BUCKS A SHOW... THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON

THAT'S HOW MUCH WE GET! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON "LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"?

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY GET ON "LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"? LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A

"LAVERNE & SHIRLEY"? LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A SHOW!

LENNY AND SQUIGGY GET 5 GRAND A SHOW! JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST

SHOW! JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE.

JOHN, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE. OKAY.

ACCEPT THE CERTIFICATE. OKAY. I'M SORRY, MAYOR.

OKAY. I'M SORRY, MAYOR. I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE.

I'M SORRY, MAYOR. I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE. LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I'LL ACCEPT YOUR THING HERE. LOOK, I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE

LOOK, I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T THE PLACE TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL SCREWED ME.

TO TALK ABOUT HOW UNIVERSAL SCREWED ME. YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH...

SCREWED ME. YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH... JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY

YOU KNOW, IT'S, UH... JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY TAXES, YOU KNOW.

JUST THAT I LIVE HERE AND I PAY TAXES, YOU KNOW. I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS,

TAXES, YOU KNOW. I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS, YOU KNOW?

I SWEATED OUT THE BEAME YEARS, YOU KNOW? I'M, UH...

YOU KNOW? I'M, UH... I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE

I'M, UH... I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE

I'M NOT SAYING THAT I'M THE GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE

GREATEST ACTOR, YOU KNOW, IN THE WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT,

WORLD AND "ANIMAL HOUSE" IS THE GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM...

GREATEST FILM IN THE WORLD, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM... A VERY GOOD FILM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A GOOD FILM... A VERY GOOD FILM. I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN

A VERY GOOD FILM. I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW...

I DID SOME VERY CUTE THINGS IN THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH

THAT MOVIE, YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT THING WITH THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE. REMEMBER THAT?

THE JELLO IN THE CAFETERIA LINE. REMEMBER THAT? I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN.

REMEMBER THAT? I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN. WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE

I'M AFRAID I DON'T, JOHN. WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE MASHED-POTATO THING.

WELL, IT WAS JUST BEFORE THE MASHED-POTATO THING. YOU REMEMBER THAT?

MASHED-POTATO THING. YOU REMEMBER THAT? NO, JOHN.

YOU REMEMBER THAT? NO, JOHN. REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE

NO, JOHN. REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE FLICK.

REGRETTABLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN THE FLICK. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE?

FLICK. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE? YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS?

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE? YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS? ARE YOU KIDDING?

YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS? ARE YOU KIDDING? I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY.

ARE YOU KIDDING? I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY. WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE

I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY. WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WAVERLY THEATER IS?

WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WAVERLY THEATER IS? SURE, I DO.

WAVERLY THEATER IS? SURE, I DO. IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE.

SURE, I DO. IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE. I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW.

IT'S SIX BLOCKS FROM MY HOUSE. I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW. DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR

I GOT A MIDNIGHT SHOW. DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR SOMETHING?

DO YOU HAVE A HAT OR A COAT OR SOMETHING? COAT.

SOMETHING? COAT. COULD SOMEBODY GET THE

COAT. COULD SOMEBODY GET THE MAYOR'S COAT?

COULD SOMEBODY GET THE MAYOR'S COAT? LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND

MAYOR'S COAT? LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND CATCH IT.

LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWNTOWN NOW AND CATCH IT. IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW.

CATCH IT. IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW. WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING.

IT'S A GOOD MOVIE, YOU KNOW. WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING. BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY

WE'LL TAKE A CAB OR SOMETHING. BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY HERE.

BUS, BUT I'D RATHER STAY HERE. YOU WANT TO STAY HERE?

HERE. YOU WANT TO STAY HERE? WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE.

YOU WANT TO STAY HERE? WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WELL, WE GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HI, JOAN. OH. HI, PAT. I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY

OH. HI, PAT. I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE

I JUST THOUGHT I'D DROP BY TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE

TODAY TO SEE THE COLOR OF THE HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE SPARE BATHROOM.

HAND TOWELS YOU'RE USING IN THE SPARE BATHROOM. OH, SURE.

SPARE BATHROOM. OH, SURE. COME ON IN.

OH, SURE. COME ON IN. HMM.

COME ON IN. HMM. SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE

HMM. SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE LILAC.

SOMETHING SURE SMELLS LIKE LILAC. ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME?

LILAC. ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME? THANKS, PAT.

ARE YOU WEARING A NEW PERFUME? THANKS, PAT. BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR.

THANKS, PAT. BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR. YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD?

BUT IT'S NOT ME, IT'S MY CAR. YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD? SURE...

YOUR CAR SMELLS THAT GOOD? SURE... WITH AUTOSCENT, THE

SURE... WITH AUTOSCENT, THE INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER.

WITH AUTOSCENT, THE INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER. AUTOSCENT EXHAUST

INTERNAL-COMBUSTION DEODORIZER. AUTOSCENT EXHAUST FRESHENER... LILAC.

AUTOSCENT EXHAUST FRESHENER... LILAC. HOW DOES IT WORK?

FRESHENER... LILAC. HOW DOES IT WORK? OH, IT'S SO EASY.

HOW DOES IT WORK? OH, IT'S SO EASY. HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

OH, IT'S SO EASY. HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU. ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU. ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100

ALL YOU DO IS PUMP AUTOSCENT INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100 MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO

INTO THE CARBURETOR EVERY 100 MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SCENT.

MILES OR WHENEVER YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SCENT. JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU

CHANGE THE SCENT. JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT

JOAN, YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT CARBURETORS.

KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT CARBURETORS. OH, SURE.

CARBURETORS. OH, SURE. I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN

OH, SURE. I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN NOTHING FLAT.

I CAN TEAR DOWN A CARB IN NOTHING FLAT. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO

NOTHING FLAT. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO USE AUTOSCENT.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT TO USE AUTOSCENT. MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING

USE AUTOSCENT. MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK.

MY EXHAUST HAS BEEN SMELLING LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK. BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL

LIKE LILACS ALL WEEK. BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL LIKE A PINE FOREST.

BUT TODAY, I WANT IT TO SMELL LIKE A PINE FOREST. GO AHEAD.

LIKE A PINE FOREST. GO AHEAD. SMELL THE TAIL PIPE.

GO AHEAD. SMELL THE TAIL PIPE. [ENGINE TURNS OVER]

SMELL THE TAIL PIPE. [ENGINE TURNS OVER] MMM!

[ENGINE TURNS OVER] MMM! IT REALLY WORKS!

MMM! IT REALLY WORKS! AUTOSCENT, THE

IT REALLY WORKS! AUTOSCENT, THE AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER,

AUTOSCENT, THE AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER, IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES...

AUTOMOBILE-EXHAUST FRESHENER, IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES... LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST,

IN FOUR EXCITING FRAGRANCES... LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST, AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY

LILAC, LEMON-LIME, PINE-FOREST, AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE PUMP SPRAY.

AND MUSK... IN ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE PUMP SPRAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU" PLAYS]

GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. WELCOME TO THE "TOMORROW" SHOW. AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM

WELCOME TO THE "TOMORROW" SHOW. AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR

AT THE OUTSET OF THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF

TONIGHT, I'D LIKE TO CLEAR SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT.

SOMETHING UP THAT TICKED ME OFF WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT. THERE'S A, UH...

WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT. THERE'S A, UH... THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT

THERE'S A, UH... THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT KNBC IN LOS ANGELES.

THERE'S A NEWSMAN WHO WORKS AT KNBC IN LOS ANGELES. HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER.

KNBC IN LOS ANGELES. HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER. HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN.

HIS NAME IS PAUL MOYER. HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN. WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP

HE'S A LOCAL NEWS ANCHORMAN. WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW

WELL, LATELY, SOMEBODY WALKED UP TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN

TO ME AND SAID, "TOM, YOU KNOW THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN NEWS.

THAT GUY PAUL MOYER OVER IN NEWS. GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT

NEWS. GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT LIKE YOU."

GEE, HE LOOKS AND SOUNDS A LOT LIKE YOU." WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY

LIKE YOU." WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM,"

WELL, THIS AFTERNOON, SOMEBODY ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM," HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER

ELSE COMES UP AND SAYS, "TOM," HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE

HE SAID, "IS IT TRUE PAUL MOYER FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW'

FROM OVER IN NEWS WILL BE REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW' SHOW?"

REPLACING YOU ON THE 'TOMORROW' SHOW?" WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER

SHOW?" WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND

WELL, NOW, BY GOSH, PAUL MOYER AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER

AND I USED TO WORK TOGETHER, AND I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER NIGHT.

I WATCHED THE NEWS THE OTHER NIGHT. AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND

NIGHT. AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT

AND THIS FELLA DOES SOUND AND LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING

LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE ME, BUT AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW,

AS FAR AS TOM SNYDER BEING REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW, WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK.

REPLACED ON THE "TOMORROW" SHOW, WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK. THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET

WELL, THAT'S JUST A LOT OF BUNK. THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I

THERE'S NO WAY HE'S GONNA GET TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT

TOM SNYDER'S SHOW, 'CAUSE I KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE

KNOW, IF THEY EVER THREW ME OUT OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW

OF HERE, BOBBY BROWN AND THE REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME.

REST OF THE GUYS IN THE CREW WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME. WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM,

WOULD END UP COMING WITH ME. WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM, AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN

WE'D DO IT IN MY LIVING ROOM, AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN SYNDICATION.

AND WE'D PUT THE DAMN THING IN SYNDICATION. WELL, THAT'S THAT.

SYNDICATION. WELL, THAT'S THAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, THAT'S THAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY

ANYWAY, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET.

MAN WHO'S FAMILIAR TO ANYBODY WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET. HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP,

WHO OWNS A HI-FI SET. HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP, THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME

HE'S A MEMBER OF A POP GROUP, THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME IS MR. MICK JAGGER.

THE ROLLING STONES, AND HIS NAME IS MR. MICK JAGGER. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND, SIR... SIR, I GUESS MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY

SIR, I GUESS MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY MICK JAGGER?

TO YOU IS, SIR... WHY MICK JAGGER? WHY THE NAME JAGGER?

MICK JAGGER? WHY THE NAME JAGGER? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

WHY THE NAME JAGGER? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WELL, IT'S MY NAME.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WELL, IT'S MY NAME. IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME.

WELL, IT'S MY NAME. IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME. ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH.

IT WAS MY FATHER'S NAME. ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. I'LL BUY THAT.

ALL RIGHT, FAIR ENOUGH. I'LL BUY THAT. GET OFF MY CLOUD!

I'LL BUY THAT. GET OFF MY CLOUD! GET OFF MY CLOUD?

GET OFF MY CLOUD! GET OFF MY CLOUD? THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD"

GET OFF MY CLOUD? THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD" WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU

THE SONG "GET OFF MY CLOUD" WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU

WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS YOU GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

GUYS EVER DID, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY. I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE

WHY. I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s...

I WAS WORKING AT WESTINGHOUSE INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s... NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN

INDUSTRIES BACK IN THE '50s... NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN THE BROADCASTING DIVISION.

NOT IN THE TOASTER DIVISION, IN THE BROADCASTING DIVISION. THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO

THE BROADCASTING DIVISION. THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU

THERE WAS A UNIT MANAGER WHO USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU KNOW?

USED TO GET ME SO TEED OFF, YOU KNOW? I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO

KNOW? I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY

I USED TO FEEL LIKE SAYING TO HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY CLOUD."

HIM, "GET THE HECK OFF MY CLOUD." YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING,

CLOUD." YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING, "HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER.

YOU EVER FEEL LIKE SAYING, "HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER. I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS.

"HECK, I'M MICK JAGGER. I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS. I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME

I GOT A FEW HIT RECORDS. I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I

I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT"?

OFF AND DO WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT"? DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY?

WANT"? DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY? YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO.

DO YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY? YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO. I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS

YEAH, I SUPPOSE I DO. I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT

I MEAN, WE DID A TOUR THAT WAS REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT CRAZY, I GUESS...

REALLY SUCCESSFUL, AND I WENT CRAZY, I GUESS... A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND

CRAZY, I GUESS... A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING

A LITTLE CRAZY AFTER IT, AND I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING POOL IN THE BACKYARD.

I PUT A BARBECUE AND A SWIMMING POOL IN THE BACKYARD. WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY

POOL IN THE BACKYARD. WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, MICK, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A

WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE. YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS.

GOOD OLD-FASHIONED BARBECUE. YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS. THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING

YOU START COOKING UP THE STEAKS. THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT

THE SMELL OF THE CHARBROILING ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT DOOR.

ATTRACTS EVERYBODY FROM NEXT DOOR. GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE

DOOR. GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

GOLLY, I FIND MYSELF FEEDING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD. THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE.

WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD. THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE. [LAUGHS]

THAT'S THE FUN OF A BARBECUE. [LAUGHS] WELL, YES, SIR.

[LAUGHS] WELL, YES, SIR. I'LL BUY THAT, SIR.

WELL, YES, SIR. I'LL BUY THAT, SIR. YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE

I'LL BUY THAT, SIR. YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A

YOU KNOW, TOM, EVER SINCE WE PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE

PUT THE POOL IN AT OUR HOUSE, A LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST

LOT OF OLD FRIENDS THAT WE HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW,

HAVEN'T SEEN FOR A WHILE JUST DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW, LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART,

DROP IN MORE OFTEN, YOU KNOW, LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART, ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON.

LIKE ROD AND BABS STEWART, ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON. THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT

ERIC AND MADGE CLAPTON. THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT THE HEAT, YOU KNOW.

THEY LOVE TO COME OVER AND BEAT THE HEAT, YOU KNOW. WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU

THE HEAT, YOU KNOW. WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU LEAD, YOU KNOW.

WELL, IT'S A HOT LIFE YOU LEAD, YOU KNOW. SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE

LEAD, YOU KNOW. SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE QUITE THE DANCER.

SPEAKING OF HEAT, BOY, YOU'RE QUITE THE DANCER. I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON.

QUITE THE DANCER. I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON. AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I

I SAW YOUR SHOW IN TUCSON. AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY

AND SOME OF THOSE MOVES... I WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE

WOULDN'T THINK THE HUMAN BODY WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE THAT.

WOULD BE CAPABLE OF MOVING LIKE THAT. THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK,

THAT. THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK, REALLY.

THEY WERE TERRIFIC, MICK, REALLY. THANK YOU.

REALLY. THANK YOU. WHICH ONES?

THANK YOU. WHICH ONES? WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO

WHICH ONES? WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO FOR?

WHICH PARTICULAR ONES DID YOU GO FOR? WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH

FOR? WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE

WELL, THE LITTLE THING WITH YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW...

YOUR LEG, YOU KNOW, AND THE LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW... THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO,

LITTLE WALK, YOU KNOW... THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO, ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS.

THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DO, ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS. WHICH ONE?

ALL THOSE LITTLE THINGS. WHICH ONE? YOU WANT TO SHOW ME?

WHICH ONE? YOU WANT TO SHOW ME? SHOW ME.

YOU WANT TO SHOW ME? SHOW ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SHOW ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM HERE.

WELL, I'LL CLEAR A BIT OF ROOM HERE. WELL, HECK.

HERE. WELL, HECK. HECK, I CAN...

WELL, HECK. HECK, I CAN... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HECK, I CAN... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] ALL RIGHT, AL.

[LAUGHS] ALL RIGHT, AL. LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS.

ALL RIGHT, AL. LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS. HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE

LET'S GET A WIDE SHOT OF THIS. HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE NEXT GUY.

HECK, I CAN BOOGIE JUST LIKE THE NEXT GUY. WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE

NEXT GUY. WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK...

WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK... AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH

LITTLE... THE LITTLE WALK... AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE...

AND, YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE... MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

YOUR LEG... YOU KNOW, THE... MM-HMM. MM-HMM. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

MM-HMM. MM-HMM. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YOU KNOW THAT?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YOU KNOW THAT? THOSE MOVES THERE.

YOU KNOW THAT? THOSE MOVES THERE. HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW.

THOSE MOVES THERE. HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW. [LAUGHS]

HECK, YEAH, YOU KNOW. [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY

[LAUGHS] YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU CLEARLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

MISSED YOUR CALLING IN LIFE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DANCER OR SOMETHING?

YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DANCER OR SOMETHING? WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING.

DANCER OR SOMETHING? WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING. SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK.

WELL, NOT FOR A LIVING. SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK. I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND.

SPEAKING OF RELAXATION, MICK. I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND. YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE.

I JUST DO IT TO FOOL AROUND. YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE. YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER

YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO DANCE. YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED

YOU KNOW, I NOTICED ON A COVER OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR

OF ONE OF YOUR SINGLES RELEASED IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE

IN 1966, "HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT?

MOTHER, BABY, STANDING IN THE SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT? YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT

SHADOW?"... CAN WE SEE THAT? YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW

YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE GUYS THAT ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW AND AGAIN.

ENJOY DRESSING UP AS GALS NOW AND AGAIN. WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY

AND AGAIN. WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP

WELL, IT'S NOT SUCH A REALLY BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP AS A WOMAN.

BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW, DRESSING UP AS A WOMAN. THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A

AS A WOMAN. THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED.

THIS WAS JUST MORE OF A THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED. WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A

THEATRICAL DEVICE WE USED. WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME

WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I GOT A PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK

PINK WOMAN'S HOUSECOAT AT HOME AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T

AND A PAIR OF FUZZY, PINK SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES'

SLIPPERS, AND, HECK, I DIDN'T BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES' THINGS.

BUY THEM 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES' THINGS. I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT,

THINGS. I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT, THEY'RE COMFORTABLE!

I BOUGHT THEM 'CAUSE, DAMN IT, THEY'RE COMFORTABLE! I MEAN...

THEY'RE COMFORTABLE! I MEAN... I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES'

I MEAN... I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES' GARMENTS.

I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE LADIES' GARMENTS. I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM.

GARMENTS. I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM. IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL.

I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOM. IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL. IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE

IT DOESN'T SURPRISE ME AT ALL. IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE

IN FACT, I STILL HAVE A LITTLE PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE

PUSH-UP BRA THAT WE USED ON THE COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE IT IF YOU WANT.

COVER AND, REALLY, YOU CAN HAVE IT IF YOU WANT. REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT?

IT IF YOU WANT. REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT? YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT

REALLY? I COULD HAVE THAT? YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE.

YEAH, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE. WELL, ALL RIGHT.

ANYMORE. WELL, ALL RIGHT. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT.

THAT WOULD BE GREAT. MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

MICK, I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY

US. YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE

YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY,

THAT WHEN THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY, QUITE APPREHENSIVE.

DOING THE SHOW, I WAS, FRANKLY, QUITE APPREHENSIVE. I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF

QUITE APPREHENSIVE. I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION.

I HEARD YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT OF A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION. I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF

A CUTUP, A KIND OF A HELLION. I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS LIKE YOU.

HIGH JINKS TO EXPECT FROM GUYS LIKE YOU. BUT HERE YOU ARE.

LIKE YOU. BUT HERE YOU ARE. YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN.

BUT HERE YOU ARE. YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN. AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM

YOU'RE A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG MAN. AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM SURPRISED.

AND FRANKLY, SIR, I AM SURPRISED. WELL, TOM, THANK YOU.

SURPRISED. WELL, TOM, THANK YOU. THAT'S NICE OF YOU.

WELL, TOM, THANK YOU. THAT'S NICE OF YOU. YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I

THAT'S NICE OF YOU. YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, BEFORE I CAME HERE, I HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU. AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A

HEARD A FEW THINGS ABOUT YOU. AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF

AND I HEARD YOU WERE SLOW AND A BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF A DIM BULB.

BIT THICK... YOU KNOW, A KIND OF A DIM BULB. BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW,

A DIM BULB. BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW, I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT.

BUT NOW I'VE MET YOU, YOU KNOW, I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

I KNOW YOU CAN'T HELP IT. WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME.

SIR. YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME. WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH...

YOU'RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME. WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH... EXCUSE ME, TOM.

WE'VE BEEN TALKING WITH... EXCUSE ME, TOM. ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE

EXCUSE ME, TOM. ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE FINISH UP.

ONE THING, YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE FINISH UP. ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR.

FINISH UP. ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR. THROUGH THIS ENTIRE

ANYTHING AT ALL, SIR. THROUGH THIS ENTIRE INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS

THROUGH THIS ENTIRE INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS FASCINATED ME.

INTERVIEW, ONE THING HAS FASCINATED ME. YES, SIR?

FASCINATED ME. YES, SIR? IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY

YES, SIR? IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR.

IT'S THE EXTRAORDINARY VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR. I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST

VARIETY OF COLORS IN YOUR HAIR. I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST 12.

I MEAN, THERE MUST BE AT LEAST 12. I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK

12. I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN.

I MEAN, THERE'S GRAY AND BLACK AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN. YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT.

AND BLUE AND A LITTLE GREEN. YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT. GREEN?

YOU MUST BE AWARE OF THAT. GREEN? I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF

GREEN? I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THE SPOT OF GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST WITH YOU.

GREEN, MICK, TO BE QUITE HONEST WITH YOU. JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW,"

WITH YOU. JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW," WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A

JOIN US TOMORROW ON "TOMORROW," WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM

WHEN WE'LL BE TALKING WITH A GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS

GROUP OF BEEF FARMERS WHO CLAIM THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS

THAT ELVIS PRESLEY'S GHOST IS RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE

RESPONSIBLE FOR A MYSTERIOUS SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST.

SERIES OF AERIAL CATTLE MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

MUTILATIONS IN THE MIDWEST. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. [THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU"

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. [THE ROLLING STONES' "MISS YOU" PLAYS]

♪ THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪ ♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE

THE SOUND OF MUSIC ♪ ♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪

♪ WITH THE SONGS THEY HAVE SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪ HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER.

SUNG FOR 1,000 YEARS ♪ HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER. HI, TODD.

HELLO, MRS. LOOPNER. HI, TODD. HI, LISA.

HI, TODD. HI, LISA. HI, MOM.

HI, LISA. HI, MOM. WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT,

HI, MOM. WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT, MRS. LOOPNER.

WHAT A BECOMING HOUSECOAT, MRS. LOOPNER. OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU

MRS. LOOPNER. OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE, TODD.

OH, FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYWHERE, TODD. YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING.

EVERYWHERE, TODD. YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING. LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE

YOU KIDS MUST BE STARVING. LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE MARSHMALLOWS.

LET ME GET YOU SOME MINIATURE MARSHMALLOWS. THANKS, MOM!

MARSHMALLOWS. THANKS, MOM! THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER.

THANKS, MOM! THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER. NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE

THANK YOU, MRS. LOOPNER. NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB?

NOW, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB? OH, MOM.

NEW PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB? OH, MOM. THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY.

OH, MOM. THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY. MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING

THEY DON'T PICK TILL FRIDAY. MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING EVERYTHING OUT OF THE

MOM, WHY ARE YOU TAKING EVERYTHING OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR?

EVERYTHING OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR? WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS

REFRIGERATOR? WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS ON THE FRITZ AGAIN.

WELL, THE POOR OLD NORGE IS ON THE FRITZ AGAIN. I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE

ON THE FRITZ AGAIN. I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.

I'M JUST CLEANING IT OUT FOR THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN. OOH! LISA!

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN. OOH! LISA! THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY.

OOH! LISA! THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY. OH, NO!

THIS CAME FOR YOU TODAY. OH, NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

OH, NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT CAME!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT CAME! IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE

IT CAME! IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER.

IT'S FROM BORIS SPASSKY, THE FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER. OH, HE'S SMART.

FAMOUS RUSSIAN CHESS PLAYER. OH, HE'S SMART. LET ME SEE THAT.

OH, HE'S SMART. LET ME SEE THAT. NO! TODD!

LET ME SEE THAT. NO! TODD! TODD, COME ON!

NO! TODD! TODD, COME ON! IT'S MY LETTER!

TODD, COME ON! IT'S MY LETTER! [GROANS]

IT'S MY LETTER! [GROANS] YOU NERD!

[GROANS] YOU NERD! "DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES

YOU NERD! "DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES LOOPNER.

"DEAR COMRADE FOUR-EYES LOOPNER. YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER

LOOPNER. YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE,

YOURS WAS THE STUPIDEST LETTER I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE, AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN

I'VE EVER RECEIVED IN MY LIFE, AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY

AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEARN ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF

ABOUT CHESS, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS

ASK THE FUTURE PRESIDENT OF WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE,

WALDESHERA HIGH SCHOOL CHESS CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE, GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA."

CLUB, THE ALWAYS INCREDIBLE, GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA." [LAUGHS]

GREAT TODD DE LA MUCA." [LAUGHS] THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO

[LAUGHS] THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH.

THAT'S SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH. "SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS

LAUGH. "SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY."

"SERIOUSLY YOURS, BORIS SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY." COME HERE, MOM.

SPAZOLAPOLIS SPASSKY." COME HERE, MOM. THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS.

COME HERE, MOM. THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS. "DEAR MISS LOOPNER,

THIS IS WHAT IT REALLY SAYS. "DEAR MISS LOOPNER, CONGRATULATIONS.

"DEAR MISS LOOPNER, CONGRATULATIONS. KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN

CONGRATULATIONS. KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE.

KING'S KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S PAWN FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE. YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE

FOUR WAS AN INGENIOUS MOVE. YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH

YOU SHOULD HAVE NO TROUBLE BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD

BECOMING PRESIDENT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

SCHOOL CHESS CLUB WITH THAT HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDERS. SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY."

ON YOUR SHOULDERS. SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY." OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT

SINCERELY, BORIS SPASSKY." OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT HEAD BUSINESS.

OH, HE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT HEAD BUSINESS. WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT

HEAD BUSINESS. WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE

WELL, I'M GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE

OF THE CHESS CLUB, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB.

GONNA BE PRESIDENT OF THE PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB. YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF

PEPPERONI-PIZZA-FACE CLUB. YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY?

YOU WANT TO SAY IT INSTEAD OF SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY? [GROANS]

SPRAYING IT, YOUNG LADY? [GROANS] NO WAY, ANYWAY...

[GROANS] NO WAY, ANYWAY... NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG.

NO WAY, ANYWAY... NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG. [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

NOT WITH MY NEW CAMPAIGN SONG. [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS] WHAT'S HE DOING?

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS] WHAT'S HE DOING? ♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪

WHAT'S HE DOING? ♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪ ♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪

♪ CHESS IS THE WORD ♪ ♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪ ♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪

♪ IT'S THE WORD ♪ ♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪ ♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪

♪ THAT YOU HEARD ♪ ♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪ ♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪

♪ CHESS HAS MOOD ♪ ♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪ ♪ OH ♪

♪ CHESS HAS FEELING ♪ ♪ OH ♪ ♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪

♪ OH ♪ ♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪ ♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪

♪ CHESS IS THE TIME ♪ ♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪ TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG.

♪ THE PLACE, THE MOTION ♪ TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG. [LAUGHS]

TODD, YOU KEEP ME SO YOUNG. [LAUGHS] IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD

[LAUGHS] IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS

IF IT WAS UP TO ME, THERE WOULD BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS CLUB.

BE TWO PRESIDENTS OF THE CHESS CLUB. LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE

CLUB. LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN?

LISA, WILL YOU LET IN THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN? I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN? I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY LOOPNER'S.

I'M GOING OVER TO GRANNY LOOPNER'S. OKEYDOKEY, MOM.

LOOPNER'S. OKEYDOKEY, MOM. BYE.

OKEYDOKEY, MOM. BYE. [DOOR CLOSES]

BYE. [DOOR CLOSES] OH, UH, LISA.

[DOOR CLOSES] OH, UH, LISA. YEAH?

OH, UH, LISA. YEAH? I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH

YEAH? I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH MY HISTORY HOMEWORK.

I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP WITH MY HISTORY HOMEWORK. WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU

MY HISTORY HOMEWORK. WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN

WELL, TODD, YOU KNOW IF YOU SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.

SINCERELY NEED MY HELP, YOU CAN COUNT ON IT. OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M

COUNT ON IT. OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M STUDYING ALL ABOUT

OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M STUDYING ALL ABOUT UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS!

STUDYING ALL ABOUT UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS! CUT IT OUT!

UNDERDEVELOPED NATIONS! CUT IT OUT! STOP IT!

CUT IT OUT! STOP IT! UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH?

STOP IT! UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH? [LAUGHS]

UNDERDEVELOPED MUCH? [LAUGHS] WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN

[LAUGHS] WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC?

WHY DON'T YOU GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC? YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL

TRAFFIC? YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC,

YOU KNOW, THAT'S HYSTERICAL THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC, BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE

THAT YOU SHOULD MENTION TRAFFIC, BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE PATROL!

BECAUSE HERE COMES THE NOOGIE PATROL! AAH!

PATROL! AAH! HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU

AAH! HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU ORDERED.

HERE'S THOSE FALL NOOGIES YOU ORDERED. THEY FALL, HUH?

ORDERED. THEY FALL, HUH? OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE

THEY FALL, HUH? OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY

OOH, BLACK AND BLUE ARE GONNA BE THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY DEAR.

THE BIG COLORS THIS YEAR, MY DEAR. CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE!

DEAR. CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE! [DOORBELL RINGS]

CUT IT OUT, CRATER FACE! [DOORBELL RINGS] WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

[DOORBELL RINGS] WHAT HAPPENED HERE? AAH!

WHAT HAPPENED HERE? AAH! ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.

AAH! ABD COOLING SYSTEMS. OH, YOU MUST BE THE

ABD COOLING SYSTEMS. OH, YOU MUST BE THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN.

OH, YOU MUST BE THE REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN. YEAH, WHERE IS SHE?

REFRIGERATOR REPAIRMAN. YEAH, WHERE IS SHE? OH.

YEAH, WHERE IS SHE? OH. [WHISTLES]

OH. [WHISTLES] WHAT A BEAUTY.

[WHISTLES] WHAT A BEAUTY. AN OLD NORGE.

WHAT A BEAUTY. AN OLD NORGE. YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE

AN OLD NORGE. YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE BABES ANYMORE.

YOU DON'T SEE MANY OF THESE BABES ANYMORE. NO, NOT TOO OFTEN.

BABES ANYMORE. NO, NOT TOO OFTEN. NOT TOO OFTEN.

NO, NOT TOO OFTEN. NOT TOO OFTEN. YEAH, THAT...

NOT TOO OFTEN. YEAH, THAT... THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, THAT... THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING

THAT'S A RARE SIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING OKAY.

WELL, THE POWER'S WORKING OKAY. I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE

OKAY. I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER.

I'M GONNA TURN HER AROUND, SEE IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER. YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP...

IF I CAN GET A LOOK AT HER. YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP... MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER.

YEAH, YOU JUST KEEP... MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER. HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE

MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK AT HER. HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE

HEY, TODD, YOU THINK WE SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE MARSHMALLOWS?

SHOULD OFFER HIM SOME MINIATURE MARSHMALLOWS? NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT

MARSHMALLOWS? NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT WANT THE BIG ONES.

NO, I THINK MAYBE HE MIGHT WANT THE BIG ONES. I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WANT THE BIG ONES. I DON'T BELIEVE IT. TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS.

TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT STUDYING OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS. I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO

OVERDEVELOPED NATIONS. I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION.

I THINK MAYBE I'LL SWITCH TO MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION. [Laughing] OH, TODD!

MATH AND GO INTO LONG DIVISION. [Laughing] OH, TODD! YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,

[Laughing] OH, TODD! YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN. WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT

HOMEWORK WASN'T SO MUCH FUN. WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED

WE'RE JUST LAUGHING AT SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED ON THE WHIFF.

SOMETHING FUNNY THAT HAPPENED ON THE WHIFF. YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT

ON THE WHIFF. YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT SURPRISINGLY EARLY.

YEAH, THE MOON CAME OUT SURPRISINGLY EARLY. OH, TODD!

SURPRISINGLY EARLY. OH, TODD! NO WISECRACKS!

OH, TODD! NO WISECRACKS! OH, NICE!

NO WISECRACKS! OH, NICE! WISECRACKS!

OH, NICE! WISECRACKS! I'M BACK, KIDS!

WISECRACKS! I'M BACK, KIDS! HI, MOM.

I'M BACK, KIDS! HI, MOM. OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM

HI, MOM. OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM ABD COOLING SYSTEMS.

OH, YOU MUST BE THE MAN FROM ABD COOLING SYSTEMS. I'M ENID LOOPNER.

ABD COOLING SYSTEMS. I'M ENID LOOPNER. HOW'S THE OLD NORGE?

I'M ENID LOOPNER. HOW'S THE OLD NORGE? JUST A SECOND, MA'AM.

HOW'S THE OLD NORGE? JUST A SECOND, MA'AM. MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT

JUST A SECOND, MA'AM. MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER

MY NOSE TELLS ME I'VE GOT SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD.

SOME DELICIOUS EGG SALAD OVER HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD. MMM!

HERE ABOUT TO GO BAD. MMM! MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE.

MMM! MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE. EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE.

MMM! EGG SALAD'S MY FAVORITE. EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE. YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE

EGG SALAD FOR EVERYONE. YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS

YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER, THE LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS

LATE MR. LOOPNER... GOD REST HIS SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG

SOUL... USED TO SAY, "HAPPINESS IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG SALAD."

IS A NORGE FULL OF TANG AND EGG SALAD." [LAUGHS]

SALAD." [LAUGHS] SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT

[LAUGHS] SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT LIVE?

SO, DOCTOR, WILL THE PATIENT LIVE? I DON'T KNOW.

LIVE? I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE

I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE CONDENSER.

SHE'S GOT A LEAK NEAR THE CONDENSER. SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE

CONDENSER. SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE FREON COMPRESSOR.

SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THE FREON COMPRESSOR. LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A

FREON COMPRESSOR. LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A NEW EXPANSION VALVE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED A NEW EXPANSION VALVE. YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO

NEW EXPANSION VALVE. YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO FIND, THE OLD NORGE.

YOU KNOW, PARTS ARE HARD TO FIND, THE OLD NORGE. I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE

FIND, THE OLD NORGE. I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE SHOP.

I'D BETTER TAKE HER DOWN TO THE SHOP. OH, LISA.

SHOP. OH, LISA. YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER,

OH, LISA. YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER, BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY

YOU WERE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER, BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY LIKE THAT.

BUT THEY TOOK YOUR FATHER AWAY LIKE THAT. AND HE NEVER CAME BACK?

LIKE THAT. AND HE NEVER CAME BACK? NO.

AND HE NEVER CAME BACK? NO. HE DIED.

NO. HE DIED. FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE

HE DIED. FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE NORGE.

FIRST DADDY, AND NOW THE NORGE. JUST WANT TO GET YOUR

NORGE. JUST WANT TO GET YOUR SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM,

JUST WANT TO GET YOUR SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM, IF I COULD.

SIGNATURE ON THIS THING, MA'AM, IF I COULD. JUST SIGN THAT THERE.

IF I COULD. JUST SIGN THAT THERE. I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE

JUST SIGN THAT THERE. I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE OLD NORGE BACK.

I'LL DO MY DARNDEST TO GET THE OLD NORGE BACK. I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING

OLD NORGE BACK. I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER.

I'M SORRY I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER. GOD REST HIS SOUL.

ABOUT THE LATE MR. LOOPNER. GOD REST HIS SOUL. OH, HEY.

GOD REST HIS SOUL. OH, HEY. CHEER UP, EVERYBODY.

OH, HEY. CHEER UP, EVERYBODY. COME ON. HOLD ON HERE.

CHEER UP, EVERYBODY. COME ON. HOLD ON HERE. [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

COME ON. HOLD ON HERE. [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪

♪ NORGE IS THE FRIDGE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪ ♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE

♪ IT'S THE FRIDGE THAT YOU HAD ♪ ♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE TOMORROW ♪

♪ BUT THERE WILL BE A NEW NORGE TOMORROW ♪ ♪ A NEW NORGE ♪

TOMORROW ♪ ♪ A NEW NORGE ♪ ♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪

♪ A NEW NORGE ♪ ♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪ ♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪

♪ A NORGE THAT'S ALL WELL ♪ ♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪ ♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF

♪ IT'LL BE NICE ♪ ♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF TOMORROW ♪

♪ IT'LL MAKE ICE FOR THE TANG OF TOMORROW ♪ BYE, NORGE!

TOMORROW ♪ BYE, NORGE! GOODBYE, OLD NORGE.

BYE, NORGE! GOODBYE, OLD NORGE. COME BACK SOON, NORGE.

[Greek accent] ALL RIGHT. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER!

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER! [Greek accent]

CHEESEBURGER! [Greek accent] CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

[Greek accent] CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. NO.

CHEESEBURGER. NO. NO FRIES. CHEAP.

NO. NO FRIES. CHEAP. CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!

NO FRIES. CHEAP. CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP! [Greek accent] CHEAP,

CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP! [Greek accent] CHEAP, CHEAP!

[Greek accent] CHEAP, CHEAP! WHAT TO DRINK?

CHEAP! WHAT TO DRINK? NO, NO COKE.

WHAT TO DRINK? NO, NO COKE. PEPSI.

NO, NO COKE. PEPSI. PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

PEPSI. PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! 10 MINUTES.

PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! 10 MINUTES. HEY, SANDY.

10 MINUTES. HEY, SANDY. WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND

HEY, SANDY. WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND HERE TODAY?

WHY IS EVERYBODY SO SAD AROUND HERE TODAY? IT'S PETE.

HERE TODAY? IT'S PETE. WHAT HAPPENED?

IT'S PETE. WHAT HAPPENED? HE'S COMING BACK TODAY.

WHAT HAPPENED? HE'S COMING BACK TODAY. WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS

HE'S COMING BACK TODAY. WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER

WELL, I THOUGHT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER WEEK.

SUPPOSED TO BE AWAY ANOTHER WEEK. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

WEEK. DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN? WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO MUCH MONEY.

WELL, HE DIDN'T INHERIT TOO MUCH MONEY. YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY

MUCH MONEY. YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED?

YOU MEAN HE WENT ALL THE WAY TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED? THAT'S RIGHT.

TO GREECE BECAUSE SOMEBODY DIED? THAT'S RIGHT. HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF

THAT'S RIGHT. HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO

HIS UNCLE LEFT HIM MONEY, AND IF HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO GREECE.

HE WANT TO GET IT, HE HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO GREECE. HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT

ALL THE WAY TO GREECE. HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW,

HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO, BUT EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW.

EVERYBODY TOLD HIM, "YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW. IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY."

YOU DON'T KNOW. IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY." SO HE WENT.

IT COULD BE A LOT OF MONEY." SO HE WENT. WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET?

SO HE WENT. WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET? $400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO

WELL, HOW MUCH DID HE GET? $400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET.

$400... NOT EVEN ENOUGH TO PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET. WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN

PAY FOR THE PLANE TICKET. WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU

WELL, HE'LL BE EXCITED WHEN HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU FIXED UP THE PLACE.

HE GETS BACK AND SEES HOW YOU FIXED UP THE PLACE. THAT'S RIGHT.

FIXED UP THE PLACE. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT WAS NIKO'S IDEA.

YOU KNOW, THAT MURAL THERE, THAT WAS NIKO'S IDEA. HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF.

WAS NIKO'S IDEA. HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF. OH.

HE PAINTED IT HIMSELF. OH. THAT IS PATMOS.

OH. THAT IS PATMOS. IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO

THAT IS PATMOS. IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO TO GET HIS MONEY.

IT IS THE TOWN WHERE PETER TO GO TO GET HIS MONEY. THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY

TO GET HIS MONEY. THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY DONKEY, YOU SEE?

THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS BY DONKEY, YOU SEE? HUH. OH.

DONKEY, YOU SEE? HUH. OH. YOU DID THAT, NIKO?

HUH. OH. YOU DID THAT, NIKO? OH.

YOU DID THAT, NIKO? OH. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

OH. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

FOUR CHIPS, FOUR PEPSI. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI. OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK?

FOUR CHIP, FOUR PEPSI. OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK? I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI.

OKAY, WHAT TO DRINK? I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI. PEPSI.

I THINK I'LL HAVE A PEPSI. PEPSI. PEPSI.

PEPSI. PEPSI. FINISH?

PEPSI. FINISH? YEAH.

FINISH? YEAH. PEPSI.

YEAH. PEPSI. PEPPER?

PEPSI. PEPPER? YEAH, JUST A LITTLE.

PEPPER? YEAH, JUST A LITTLE. SAY WHEN.

YEAH, JUST A LITTLE. SAY WHEN. THAT'S FINE.

SAY WHEN. THAT'S FINE. OKAY?

THAT'S FINE. OKAY? YEAH.

OKAY? YEAH. IT'S OKAY.

YEAH. IT'S OKAY. SAY WHEN.

IT'S OKAY. SAY WHEN. WHEN.

SAY WHEN. WHEN. WHEN?

WHEN. WHEN? WHEN.

WHEN? WHEN. OKAY.

WHEN. OKAY. YEAH.

OKAY. YEAH. SAY WHEN.

YEAH. SAY WHEN. WHEN.

SAY WHEN. WHEN. WHEN?

WHEN. WHEN? YES!

WHEN? YES! YES?

YES! YES? NO!

YES? NO! N-NO.

NO! N-NO. NO.

N-NO. NO. OKAY.

NO. OKAY. [TELEPHONE RINGS]

OKAY. [TELEPHONE RINGS] OLYMPIA.

[TELEPHONE RINGS] OLYMPIA. NIKO.

OLYMPIA. NIKO. HEY, EVERYBODY!

NIKO. HEY, EVERYBODY! THERE'S PETE!

HI, PETE. HI, PETE. HI, PETE.

HI, PETE. HI, PETE. HOW WAS GREECE?

HI, PETE. HOW WAS GREECE? THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT,

HOW WAS GREECE? THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT, DOESN'T IT?

THE PLACE SURE LOOKS DIFFERENT, DOESN'T IT? LOOK, PETE... RED VEST,

DOESN'T IT? LOOK, PETE... RED VEST, JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS.

LOOK, PETE... RED VEST, JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS. AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER

JUST LIKE ATHENA GARDENS. AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER HERE.

AND LOOK AT THIS MURAL OVER HERE. NIKO DID IT.

HERE. NIKO DID IT. OUT!

NIKO DID IT. OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING!

OUT! WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING! OUT!

WE'RE NOT FINISHED EATING! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! BUT I WORK HERE.

OUT! OUT! OUT! BUT I WORK HERE. OUT!

BUT I WORK HERE. OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! [KNOCK ON DOOR]

OUT! OUT! OUT! [KNOCK ON DOOR] PETE!

[KNOCK ON DOOR] PETE! PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN

PETE! PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN YOUR CAR!

PETE, SOME GUY'S DRIVING AWAY IN YOUR CAR! MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE

YOUR CAR! MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE OR SOMETHING!

MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE OR SOMETHING! OH, PETE.

OR SOMETHING! OH, PETE. PETE, DON'T WORRY.

OH, PETE. PETE, DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK.

PETE, DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK. MY WIFE.

YOU'LL PROBABLY GET IT BACK. MY WIFE. YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR?

MY WIFE. YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR? MM.

YOUR WIFE WAS IN THE CAR? MM. I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY

MM. I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY SITTING THE BACKSEAT.

I THOUGHT I SAW SOMEBODY SITTING THE BACKSEAT. HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER.

SITTING THE BACKSEAT. HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER. HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE

HE PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE HER. HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE OFF.

HE JUST SAW THE KEYS AND DROVE OFF. MY LUGGAGE.

OFF. MY LUGGAGE. YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE,

MY LUGGAGE. YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE, TOO?

YOUR LUGGAGE WAS IN THERE, TOO? [SIGHS]

TOO? [SIGHS] SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE

[SIGHS] SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD

SANDY, DO YOU THINK IT'D BE ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD TO GO?

ALL RIGHT IF I ORDERED SOME FOOD TO GO? OH.

TO GO? OH. TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO

OH. TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO PEPSIS.

TWO CHEESEBURGERS AND TWO PEPSIS. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

PEPSIS. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. PEPSI, PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. PEPSI, PEPSI. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

PEPSI, PEPSI. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY GOATEX, THE SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS

SANITARY NAPKIN FOR YOUR NANNY. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING.

BILL MURRAY AND JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN. AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I

I'M JANE CURTIN. AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL

AND BEFORE WE START THE NEWS, I WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE."

WANT TO ANNOUNCE A PERSONNEL CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE." DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY

CHANGE HERE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE." DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED

DAN AYKROYD, WHO HAD BEEN MY CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER.

CO-ANCHORPERSON, HAS BEEN KICKED UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM

UPSTAIRS TO STATION MANAGER. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE

NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE ALL WISH HIM LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE

LUCK AND SINCERELY HOPE THAT HE DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE MANAGER THAN HE DID AS

DOES A BETTER JOB AS STAGE MANAGER THAN HE DID AS NEWSCASTER.

MANAGER THAN HE DID AS NEWSCASTER. BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN

NEWSCASTER. BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST

BUT I AM HAPPY TO SAY THAT DAN IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED

IS BEING REPLACED BY A MOST CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL

CAPABLE, HIGHLY RESPECTED BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY

BROADCAST JOURNALIST WHO WILL REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY AND DIGNITY.

REPORT THE NEWS WITH CREDIBILITY AND DIGNITY. PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY.

AND DIGNITY. PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

PLEASE WELCOME MR. BILL MURRAY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS. AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE

HELLO, ALL YOU MANIACS. AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE

AND, WELL, THEY GOT ME DOING THE HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE IT.

HARD NEWS THIS YEAR, AND I LOVE IT. IT'S INCREDIBLE.

IT. IT'S INCREDIBLE. I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS

IT'S INCREDIBLE. I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS THAT ARE GOING ON.

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON THINGS THAT ARE GOING ON. AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THAT ARE GOING ON. AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD

AND I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF.

IT'S OPENED UP A WHOLE NEW WORLD FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF. TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT,

FOR ME... FASCINATING STUFF. TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT, FOR EXAMPLE.

TAKE OUR TOP STORY FOR TONIGHT, FOR EXAMPLE. THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN

FOR EXAMPLE. THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN BEIRUT, LEBANON.

THERE'S A WAR GOING ON IN BEIRUT, LEBANON. 700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS

BEIRUT, LEBANON. 700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS WEEK.

700 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED THIS WEEK. NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA

WEEK. NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A

NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, SYRIA IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A

IS TRYING TO DRAW ISRAEL INTO A WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A TREATY WITH EGYPT.

WAR SO THAT ISRAEL WON'T SIGN A TREATY WITH EGYPT. NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

TREATY WITH EGYPT. NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE. THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE

NOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE. THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE

THE JEWS AND THE EGYPTIANS ARE TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM.

TRYING TO BE GOOD, BUT THE SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM. I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE

SYRIANS WON'T LET THEM. I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS...

I MEAN, WE HAVE NOTHING LIKE THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS... I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING,

THIS IN SHOW BUSINESS... I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING, SURE.

I MEAN, YEAH, SOME BACKSTABBING, SURE. BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN

SURE. BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS

BUT, I MEAN, I GET INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW

ARGUMENT WITH SOMEBODY, IT GETS TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK

TO WHERE WE'RE GONNA THROW PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY, YOU KNOW.

PUNCHES, I TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY, YOU KNOW. BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS,

AWAY, YOU KNOW. BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS, THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE

BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE USING GUNS, THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE DROPPING BOMBS.

THEY'RE USING ARTILLERY, THEY'RE DROPPING BOMBS. I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA

DROPPING BOMBS. I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO

I MEAN, I GET MAD AT COLUMBIA PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON

PICTURES, WHAT AM I, GONNA GO OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON THEM?

OVER THERE AND DROP A BOMB ON THEM? DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD

THEM? DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY NAME WOULD BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER? M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT.

BE IN THIS TOWN OR ANY OTHER? M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT. ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE

M-U-D-H-I-T, AND I MEAN IT. ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS WAR.

ANYWAY, SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS WAR. I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE

DONE ABOUT THIS WAR. I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE "H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M

I MEAN, SYRIA IS JUST WAY THE "H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M TELLING YOU.

"H" OUT OF LINE ON THIS, I'M TELLING YOU. JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.

TELLING YOU. JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU

JANE, IT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE.

YOU DO THE HARD NEWS, AND YOU LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE. WOW.

LEARN A LOT ABOUT PEOPLE. WOW. OUCH.

WOW. OUCH. NOW, HERE'S A STORY.

OUCH. NOW, HERE'S A STORY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE.

NOW, HERE'S A STORY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE. CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S HERE. CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON WATER PROJECT.

CONGRESS SUSTAINS A VETO ON WATER PROJECT. WHO CARES?

WATER PROJECT. WHO CARES? THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN

WHO CARES? THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN LEBANON!

THERE ARE PEOPLE BEING KILLED IN LEBANON! THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF

LEBANON! THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF THE CERVIX.

THE A.M.A., D.E.S., CANCER OF THE CERVIX. I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS

THE CERVIX. I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT

I THINK THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE TALKED ABOUT ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE

ON TV, AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO.

THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR THE POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO. JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING

POPE... WE DID THIS A MONTH AGO. JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY?

JANE, HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY? AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE

INTERESTING OVER THERE, HONEY? AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN

AS MOST OF YOU AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A

COUNTRY ARE AWARE, WE HERE IN NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF

NEW YORK HAVE BEEN HAVING A NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

NEWSPAPER STRIKE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS. AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY

MONTHS. AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR

AND NEW YORKERS HAVE HAD TO RELY ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR INFORMATION.

ALMOST SOLELY ON RUMOR FOR THEIR INFORMATION. SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS,

INFORMATION. SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO

SO FOR YOU NEW YORKERS, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE RUMORS.

CLEAR UP JUST A FEW OF THOSE RUMORS. FIRST OF ALL,

RUMORS. FIRST OF ALL, JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT

FIRST OF ALL, JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY.

JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER DID NOT BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY. CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER

BEAR A MONGOLOID BABY. CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED

CONVICTED "SON OF SAM" SLAYER DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED TO PHYLLIS GEORGE.

DAVID BERKOWITZ IS NOT ENGAGED TO PHYLLIS GEORGE. AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT

TO PHYLLIS GEORGE. AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT

AND POPE JOHN PAUL I DID NOT DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY.

DIE IN HIS SLEEP LAST WEEK, BUT HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY. NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING

HE WAS BURIED LAST THURSDAY. NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING STORY.

NOW, HERE'S AN INTERESTING STORY. THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED

STORY. THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED 60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD

THIS WEEK, THE SENATE VOTED 60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD FOR RATIFICATION OF THE

60 TO 36 TO EXTEND THE PERIOD FOR RATIFICATION OF THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO

FOR RATIFICATION OF THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE

EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S

JUNE 30, 1982, AND THAT IS THE SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT.

SUBJECT OF TONIGHT'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT. BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE

POINT/COUNTERPOINT. BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS

BILL, THE ARGUMENT THAT THE EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE

EXTENSION OF E.R.A. IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL

UNCONSTITUTIONAL IS FULL OF THE SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL OF.

SAME SUBSTANCE THAT YOU ARE FULL OF. NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES

OF. NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT

NOWHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION DOES IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD.

IT SAY THAT CONGRESS CANNOT EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD. YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY

EXTEND THE RATIFICATION PERIOD. YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A

YOU PIGS SIMPLY GRAB AT ANY EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED

EXCUSE TO KEEP WOMEN IN A SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE

SUBSERVIENT ROLE TO BE EXPLOITED AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS.

AS VAPID SEX OBJECTS LIKE THE DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS. E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR

DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS. E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS

E.R.A. NEEDS THE TIME TO CLEAR UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS

UP THE VICIOUS MISCONCEPTIONS AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS OPPONENTS.

AND LIES SPREAD BY ITS OPPONENTS. E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY

OPPONENTS. E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX

E.R.A. WILL NOT MANDATE MILITARY SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF

SERVICE FOR WOMEN, UNISEX BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF ALIMONY, BILL.

BATHROOMS, AND THE ABOLITION OF ALIMONY, BILL. PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND

ALIMONY, BILL. PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND SNAP IT, BILL.

PUT THAT IN YOUR JOCKSTRAP AND SNAP IT, BILL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SNAP IT, BILL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT

WELL, JANE, YOU KNOW SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT THERE.

SOMETHING... YOU'VE GOT A POINT THERE. I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS

THERE. I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE

I'VE BEEN FLIP-FLOPPING ON THIS ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

ISSUE ALL ALONG, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT,

TRUTH. AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT, BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT

AND AT FIRST, I WAS ALL FOR IT, BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS BATHROOM THING, AND

BUT THEN SOMEBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS BATHROOM THING, AND I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT

THIS BATHROOM THING, AND I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES

I... I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN

IT CAN TAKE ME UP TO 15 MINUTES TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN THE SAME ROOM.

TO URINATE IF THERE IS A GIRL IN THE SAME ROOM. SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT.

THE SAME ROOM. SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT. AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN

SO THEN I WAS AGAINST IT. AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN DIDN'T WANT IT.

AND THEN I HEARD THE WOMEN DIDN'T WANT IT. SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T

DIDN'T WANT IT. SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM?

SO I FIGURED IF THE WOMEN DON'T WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM? AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A

WANT IT, WHY FORCE IT ON THEM? AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND

AND NOW, YOU, JANE, YOU KNOW, A WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

WOMAN, COMING OUT FOR IT, AND YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.

TALKING ABOUT. I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND.

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND. NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A

YOU'VE CHANGED ME ALL AROUND. NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A THING LIKE THIS?

NOW, WHAT SHOULD WE DO ON A THING LIKE THIS? I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS?

THING LIKE THIS? I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS? OR WHAT DO WE SAY?

I MEAN, DO WE SEND TELEGRAMS? OR WHAT DO WE SAY? I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS,

OR WHAT DO WE SAY? I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS, GET ON THE BALL.

I MEAN, HEY, STATE LEGISLATORS, GET ON THE BALL. OKAY, DAMN IT.

GET ON THE BALL. OKAY, DAMN IT. ALL RIGHT, UH...

OKAY, DAMN IT. ALL RIGHT, UH... [APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT, UH... [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, YEAH.

[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, YEAH. THIS IS GREAT.

THANK YOU, YEAH. THIS IS GREAT. WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE

THIS IS GREAT. WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE HERE... ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GETTING SOMETHING DONE HERE... ALL RIGHT. A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL

HERE... ALL RIGHT. A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL PILL DEVELOPED AT THE

A MORNING-AFTER BIRTH CONTROL PILL DEVELOPED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED

PILL DEVELOPED AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE.

UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA HAS PROVED TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE. HEY, GREAT NEWS.

TO BE 99% EFFECTIVE. HEY, GREAT NEWS. ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED

HEY, GREAT NEWS. ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE

ONLY ONE PREGNANCY OCCURRED AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER

AMONG 359 WOMEN WHO STARTED THE MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

MEDICATION WITHIN 72 HOURS AFTER UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. NOW, IT'S CALLED A

UNPROTECTED SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. NOW, IT'S CALLED A POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE.

NOW, IT'S CALLED A POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE. AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT

POST-OVULATORY INTERCEPTIVE. AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE

AND I HAVE A SAMPLE RIGHT HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE INCEPTIONS.

HERE... ENOUGH FOR THREE INCEPTIONS. THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY

INCEPTIONS. THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY GOOD.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO ME ANY GOOD. HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY

GOOD. HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY FOR YOU.

HERE, JANE, WHOLE YEAR'S SUPPLY FOR YOU. HA!

FOR YOU. HA! AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT

HA! AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE.

AH, YOU'RE SO TIGHT, AND I GOT YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE. GREAT!

YOU WITH THAT ONE, JANE. GREAT! HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE

GREAT! HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY

HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS... THE WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA.

WORLD'S SECOND TEST-TUBE BABY WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA. DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW

WAS BORN TUESDAY IN CALCUTTA. DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE

DOCTORS THERE PREDICT THAT NOW ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS

ALL INDIAN WOMEN, EVEN THOSE STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE

STERILIZED BY THE PREVIOUS GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN.

GOVERNMENT, WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN. AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE

MORE CHILDREN. AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE

AND WHAT'S MORE, THE PROCEDURE IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT.

IS SO INEXPENSIVE THAT EVEN THE POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT. AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND,

POOREST INDIANS CAN AFFORD IT. AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND, SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND

AS FOR THE SEVEN-POUND, SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING

SIX-OUNCE GIRL, MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING COMFORTABLY.

DAUGHTER ARE BOTH STARVING COMFORTABLY. OOH.

COMFORTABLY. OOH. IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS

OOH. IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE

IN THE LAST FEW YEARS, DISCOS HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE ENTERTAINMENT SCENE.

HAVE BECOME A BIG PART OF THE ENTERTAINMENT SCENE. NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON

ENTERTAINMENT SCENE. NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR

NOW HERE TO FILE HER REPORT ON ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT

ONE OF NEW YORK'S MORE POPULAR DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.

DISCOTHEQUES IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK YOU.

THANKS A LOT, JANE, THANK YOU. A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM

YOU. A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN

A MR. RICHARD FANNER FROM FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR

FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME

AND SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME ABOUT STUDIO 54.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, TELL ME ABOUT STUDIO 54. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN?

ABOUT STUDIO 54. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN? CAN I GET IN?

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET IN? CAN I GET IN? DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET

CAN I GET IN? DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET IN?

DO I GOT TO HAVE A TICKET TO GET IN? DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET

IN? DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET IN?

DO I GOT TO KNOW SOMEONE TO GET IN? DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN?

IN? DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN? WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN?

DO I GOT TO BE FAMOUS TO GET IN? WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN? AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL

WHAT'S IT LIKE WHEN I DO GET IN? AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL HARD TO GET OUT?"

AND IF I DO GET IN, IS IT REAL HARD TO GET OUT?" MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT

HARD TO GET OUT?" MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM

MR. FANNER, YOU SURE ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM NEW JERSEY.

OF QUESTIONS FOR SOMEONE FROM NEW JERSEY. BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY

NEW JERSEY. BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY 'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I,

BUT YOU WROTE TO THE RIGHT LADY 'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO

'CAUSE LAST NIGHT, I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, WENT TO STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO DANCE.

STUDIO 54 'CAUSE I LOVE TO DANCE. I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I,

DANCE. I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN

I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, BUT I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE,

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, CAN REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE MY BOOTIES.

REALLY SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE MY BOOTIES. AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW

SHAKE MY BOOTIES. AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET

AND BESIDES, I WANTED TO SEE HOW THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET CRAZY.

THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" GET CRAZY. SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE

CRAZY. SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER

SO I GO IN, AND WHO DO I SEE FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER MR. HALSTON?

FIRST BUT THAT FANCY DESIGNER MR. HALSTON? AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I

MR. HALSTON? AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE.

AND HE LOOKED SO DEPRESSED, I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE. AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE

THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE. AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES.

AND THEN I NOTICED THAT HE WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES. HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT,

WASN'T WEARING SENSIBLE SHOES. HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT, BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH

HE WAS DANCING IN THESE TIGHT, BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE

BLACK, SLEAZY, ANKLE-HIGH BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS.

BOOTS... THE KIND YOU IMAGINE THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS. WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME

THAT FRANKIE VALLI WEARS. WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE

WELL, ANYWAYS, HALSTON SHOWS ME THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS

THAT THE INSIDE OF HIS SHOE SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER.

SCRAPED AGAINST THE HEEL OF HIS FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER. AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE

FOOT, AND HE GOT A BIG BLISTER. AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT.

AND THE BLISTER BROKE, SO HE PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT. WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS

PUTS A BAND-AID ON IT. WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID,

WELL, THEN THE SHOE STARTS RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID, YOU KNOW.

RUBBING AGAINST THE BAND-AID, YOU KNOW. AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL

YOU KNOW. AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS

AND THEN THE BAND-AID GETS ALL CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS LIQUID STUFF ON IT.

CURLED UP, AND IT GETS THIS LIQUID STUFF ON IT. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

LIQUID STUFF ON IT. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS

I MEAN, THAT GUY MAY BE ONE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS FOOT MADE ME SICK.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, BUT HIS FOOT MADE ME SICK. [LAUGHTER]

FOOT MADE ME SICK. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE]

I-IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE PLACE?

IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE PLACE? ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

ABOUT THE PLACE? ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

ISN'T THERE ANYTHING ELSE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? [LAUGHS]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? [LAUGHS] I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD?

[LAUGHS] I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD? IS THERE A BAND?

I MEAN, DO THEY SERVE FOOD? IS THERE A BAND? WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE?

IS THERE A BAND? WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE? ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS?

WHAT'S THE SOUND SYSTEM LIKE? ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS? IS THERE A BAR?

ARE THERE BLACK LIGHTS? IS THERE A BAR? IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD?

IS THERE A BAR? IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD? DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO

IS IT IN A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD? DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO GET IN?

DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW SOMEBODY TO GET IN? IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S

GET IN? IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW?

IS IT EVERYTHING THAT IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW? ♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE

CRACKED UP TO BE, YOU KNOW? ♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE NEW YORKER ♪

♪ YOU'RE A NATIVE NEW YORKER ♪ R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE,

NEW YORKER ♪ R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS

R-ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND

ROSEANNE, ROSEANNE, STUDIO 54 IS SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND GLAMOROUS.

SUPPOSED TO BE VERY CHIC AND GLAMOROUS. EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT

GLAMOROUS. EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT IT. WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE?

IT. WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE? WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU

WHAT'S IT LIKE IN THERE? WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS.

WELL, JANE, JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS. THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS,

AND ME, IT'S CRAZY NUTS. THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS, GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS

THEY GOT GUYS DANCING WITH GUYS, GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH

GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS

WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS DANCING WITH GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH

GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GUYS, GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE

WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS.

THEMSELVES, GUYS WHO LOOK LIKE DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS. IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS

DOGS DANCING WITH DOGS. IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT

IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER ALWAYS USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT TO BED.

USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I WENT TO BED. HE'D SAY,

TO BED. HE'D SAY, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,

HE'D SAY, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S

"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S EAR.

STUDIO 54 IS JUST LIKE JANE'S EAR. FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF

EAR. FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY

FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S KIND OF PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND

PRETTY AND COULD BE VERY GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY

GLAMOROUS WITH JEWELRY AND DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND

DIAMONDS AND GLITTER AND VERY ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND EVERYTHING LIKE.

ATTRACTIVE AND VERY NICE AND EVERYTHING LIKE. BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL

EVERYTHING LIKE. BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD

BUT ON THE INSIDE, IT'S REAL DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD STUFF IN THERE.

DARK, AND IT'S GOT SOME WEIRD STUFF IN THERE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

STUFF IN THERE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA."

GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." THAT'S THE NEWS.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROLLING STONES. ["BEAST OF BURDEN" PLAYS]

♪ I'LL NEVER BE YOUR BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪

YOUR BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪ ♪ MY FEET HURT ♪

♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪ ♪ MY FEET HURT ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE

♪ MY FEET HURT ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE

♪ DON'T NEED NO CURSING ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪ ♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪

TO ME ♪ ♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I TOUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪

♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED YOUR FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE

♪ DON'T NEED YOUR CURSING ♪ ♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS YOU TO MAKE LOVE TO ME ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪

TO ME ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ I'LL TELL YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE

BURDEN ♪ ♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE CURTAINS ♪

♪ LET'S GO HOME AND DRAW THE CURTAINS ♪ ♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪

CURTAINS ♪ ♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪ ♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪

♪ SOME MUSIC ON THE RADIO ♪ ♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪ ♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪

♪ COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪ ♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I HARD ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AM I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪

♪ AM I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪ ♪ I... IT'S A ♪

♪ I'M NOT TOO BLIND TO SEE ♪ ♪ I... IT'S A ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

YOU SAY IT. ♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪

♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪ ♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪

PRETTY ♪ ♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪ ♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪

♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪ ♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪ ♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪

♪ PRETTY, PRETTY, PRETTY ♪ ♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪ ♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪

♪ SUCH A PRETTY GIRL ♪ ♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

♪ OH, COME ON, BABY, PLEASE ♪ ♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪ ♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪

♪ I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪ ♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪ ♪ ON THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU CAN PUT ME OUT ♪ ♪ ON THE STREET ♪ ♪ PUT ME OUT ♪

♪ ON THE STREET ♪ ♪ PUT ME OUT ♪ ♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪

♪ PUT ME OUT ♪ ♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪ ♪ PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT, PUT ME

♪ WITH NO SHOES ON MY FEET ♪ ♪ PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT, PUT ME OUT OF MISERY ♪

♪ ALL YOUR AFFECTION ♪ ♪ I SUCK IT UP ♪ ♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪

♪ I SUCK IT UP ♪ ♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪ ♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪

♪ THROW IT ALL AT ME ♪ ♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪ ♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪

♪ I SHRUG IT OFF ♪ ♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪ ♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪

♪ THERE'S ONE THING, BABY ♪ ♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪ ♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪

♪ YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME ♪ ♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪ ♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ I AIN'T YOUR KIND OF MAN ♪ ♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I ROUGH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪

♪ AIN'T I RICH ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪

♪ IN LOVE ENOUGH? ♪ ♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF

♪ COME ON, TELL ME, BABY ♪ ♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT NO BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪

BURDEN ♪ ♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪ ♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪

♪ I WALKED FOR MILES ♪ ♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER ♪

♪ MY FEET ARE HURTING ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER, NEVER EVER BE ♪

♪ I WON'T BE YOUR BEAST OF BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪

BURDEN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO FUSSING ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER ♪

♪ DON'T NEED NO NURSING ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪ ♪ AH, SHOULD I? ♪

♪ NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE ♪ ♪ AH, SHOULD I? ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪

♪ NEVER ♪ ♪ NEVER ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WHOA, MY BABY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WHOA, MY BABY. YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE.

WHOA, MY BABY. YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE. ["RESPECTABLE" PLAYS]

♪ WELL, NOW YOU'RE RESPECTED IN SOCIETY ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE

SOCIETY ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪

♪ YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE

THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE PRESIDENT ♪

♪ YOU'RE TALKING HEROIN WITH THE PRESIDENT ♪ ♪ "YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, SIR, BUT

PRESIDENT ♪ ♪ "YES, IT'S A PROBLEM, SIR, BUT IT CAN'T BE BENT" ♪

♪ WELL, NOW YOU'RE THE PILLAR OF SOCIETY ♪ ♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS

SOCIETY ♪ ♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪

♪ YOU WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE

THAT YOU USED TO BE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE QUEEN OF PORN ♪

♪ YOU'RE A RAG-TRADE GIRL, THE QUEEN OF PORN ♪ ♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE

QUEEN OF PORN ♪ ♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE EASIEST LAY ON THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

WHITE HOUSE LAWN ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ YEAH, SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ AH, YOU'RE SO RESPECTABLE ♪ ♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ NOW GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

♪ DON'T TAKE MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪

♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪ ♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T DROP MY WIFE ♪

♪ GET OUT OF MY LIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T DROP MY WIFE ♪ ♪ DON'T COME BACK ♪

[CHEER AND APPLAUSE]

["SHATTERED" PLAYS]

♪ UNH, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE STREETS ♪

♪ STILL SURVIVING ON THE STREETS ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

STREETS ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER

♪ FRIENDS ARE SO ALARMING ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER CHARMING ♪

♪ AND MY LOVER'S NEVER CHARMING ♪ ♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY

CHARMING ♪ ♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY ON THE STREET ♪

♪ LIFE'S JUST A COCKTAIL PARTY ON THE STREET ♪ ♪ BIG APPLE ♪

ON THE STREET ♪ ♪ BIG APPLE ♪ ♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC

♪ BIG APPLE ♪ ♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC BAGS ♪

♪ PEOPLE DRESSED IN PLASTIC BAGS ♪ ♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪

BAGS ♪ ♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪ ♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪

♪ DIRECTING TRAFFIC ♪ ♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND

♪ SOME KIND OF FASHION ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND LONELINESS ♪

♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND LONELINESS ♪ ♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND

LONELINESS ♪ ♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX ♪

♪ AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

SEX ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER,

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER

♪ ALL THIS CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER 'BOUT ♪

CHITTER-CHATTER, CHITTER-CHATTER 'BOUT ♪ ♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I

'BOUT ♪ ♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON

♪ SHMATE, SHMATE, SHMATE... I CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON 7th AVENUE ♪

CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY ON 7th AVENUE ♪ ♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING

7th AVENUE ♪ ♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING TATTERS ♪

♪ THIS TOWN'S BEEN WEARING TATTERS ♪ ♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪

TATTERS ♪ ♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ HUH, SHUT UP ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON

♪ LAUGHTER AND JOY AND DIRTY DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON THE STREET ♪

DREAMS ARE STILL SURVIVING ON THE STREET ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND

THE STREET ♪ ♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND

♪ LAUGHTER, JOY, AND LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX ♪

LONELINESS AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX AND SEX ♪ ♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪

SEX AND SEX ♪ ♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ AND LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ HEY, I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ HEY, I'M SHATTERED ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

♪ GET IT ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

♪ LOOK AT ME ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ UNH, SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ DON'T YOU KNOW THE CRIME IS GOING UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, HUH? ♪ ♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST

GOING UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, HUH? ♪ ♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH,

♪ TO LIVE IN THIS TOWN YOU MUST BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪

BE TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪ ♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE,

TOUGH, TOUGH, TOUGH ♪ ♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE, BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪

♪ WE GOT RATS ON THE WEST SIDE, BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪ ♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN

BEDBUGS UPTOWN ♪ ♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN TATTERS ♪

♪ WHAT A MESS, THIS TOWN'S IN TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪

TATTERS ♪ ♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ I'M SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED, UNH ♪ ♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHADOOBIE ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER

♪ YEAH, MY BRAIN'S BEEN... MY BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER TOWN ♪

BRAIN'S BEEN SPLATTERED ALL OVER TOWN ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,

♪ SHATTERED, SHATTERED ♪ ♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA,

♪ SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪

SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪ ♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME

SHA-TA, TA, TA, TA, TA, HA, HA ♪ ♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME AROUND ♪

♪ ALL MY FRIENDS, THEY COME AROUND ♪ ♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,

AROUND ♪ ♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER,

♪ FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER ♪

FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER, FLATTER ♪ ♪ PILE IT UP ♪

FLATTER ♪ ♪ PILE IT UP ♪ ♪ PILE IT UP ♪

♪ PILE IT UP ♪ ♪ PILE IT UP ♪ ♪ ON A PLATTER ♪

♪ PILE IT UP ♪ ♪ ON A PLATTER ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]

[LAUGHTER] HAL, I... I GOT TO TELL YOU, MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST

HAL, I... I GOT TO TELL YOU, MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST NOT ME.

MY... MY MANAGER SAYS IT'S JUST NOT ME. WHAT'S THIS STUFF?

NOT ME. WHAT'S THIS STUFF? SUSHI.

WHAT'S THIS STUFF? SUSHI. WHAT'S THAT?

SUSHI. WHAT'S THAT? RAW FISH ON RICE.

WHAT'S THAT? RAW FISH ON RICE. [RUMBLING]

RAW FISH ON RICE. [RUMBLING] WHAT'S THAT?

[RUMBLING] WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE

WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE QUAKE.

IT'S A SLIGHT TREMOR, A LITTLE QUAKE. WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME.

QUAKE. WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME. OH, GOD.

WE GET THEM HERE ALL THE TIME. OH, GOD. HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT?

OH, GOD. HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT? THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE.

HAVE YOU READ THE SCRIPT? THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE. LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU.

THIS IS A DYNAMITE CAREER MOVE. LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU. [TELEPHONE RINGING]

LET ME RUN IT DOWN FOR YOU. [TELEPHONE RINGING] HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI

[TELEPHONE RINGING] HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI PARTY.

HELLO, HAL SHUNKA'S SUSHI PARTY. HAL, IT'S MY AGENT.

PARTY. HAL, IT'S MY AGENT. HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN."

HAL, IT'S MY AGENT. HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN." HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF

HE SAID HE LOVED "BROKEN." HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF IT'S GOT LEGS.

HE SAID HE'LL DO $40 MILLION IF IT'S GOT LEGS. ISN'T THAT GREAT?

IT'S GOT LEGS. ISN'T THAT GREAT? NOT NOW, DARLING.

ISN'T THAT GREAT? NOT NOW, DARLING. DADDY'S WORKING.

NOT NOW, DARLING. DADDY'S WORKING. MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE.

DADDY'S WORKING. MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE. OH... YEAH.

MICHAEL, I'M SENSITIVE. OH... YEAH. YOU'RE SENSITIVE?

OH... YEAH. YOU'RE SENSITIVE? IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE.

YOU'RE SENSITIVE? IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE. IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR

IT'S FOR YOU, ANNIE. IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR YOU.

IT'S A PERFECT VEHICLE FOR YOU. IT SAYS SOMETHING.

YOU. IT SAYS SOMETHING. HELLO?

IT SAYS SOMETHING. HELLO? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY,

HELLO? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY, HUH?

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN IN ANYWAY, HUH? I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH,"

HUH? I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH," "ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE,"

I DID A "LOVE BOAT," "MASH," "ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE," "BIG EVENT"...

"ROCKFORD," "DONNY AND MARIE," "BIG EVENT"... [RUMBLING]

"BIG EVENT"... [RUMBLING] UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO

[RUMBLING] UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO "SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND

UH, "STARSKY AND HUTCH," TWO "SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND "A WOMAN CALLED MOSES."

"SPIDER-MAN," AND... AND... AND "A WOMAN CALLED MOSES." LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP

"A WOMAN CALLED MOSES." LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP THIS UNDER YOUR HAT...

LET ME TELL YOU... AND KEEP THIS UNDER YOUR HAT... EARTHQUAKE!

THIS UNDER YOUR HAT... EARTHQUAKE! DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO

EARTHQUAKE! DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO THE REWRITES.

DOC SIMON WILL PROBABLY DO THE REWRITES. THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS

THE REWRITES. THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S

THE STUDIO, OF COURSE, WANTS NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S AGENT IS READING IT...

NICHOLSON, AND REDFORD'S AGENT IS READING IT... HEY, HEY, HEY!

AGENT IS READING IT... HEY, HEY, HEY! EVEN AS WE SPEAK.

HEY, HEY, HEY! EVEN AS WE SPEAK. HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW!

EVEN AS WE SPEAK. HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW! UH, EARTHQUAKE!

HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW! UH, EARTHQUAKE! UH, RUN!

UH, EARTHQUAKE! UH, RUN! YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER

UH, RUN! YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER SHOT AT THIS AGAIN.

YOU MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER SHOT AT THIS AGAIN. BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT,

SHOT AT THIS AGAIN. BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, THEN YOU GOT THEM.

BUT IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, THEN YOU GOT THEM. WHAT?

THEN YOU GOT THEM. WHAT? [SCREAMING]

WHAT? [SCREAMING] I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU

[SCREAMING] I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU GOT THEM."

I SAID, "IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU GOT THEM." WHAT?

WANT, YOU GOT THEM." WHAT? IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU

WHAT? IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU GOT THEM!

IF IT'S POINTS YOU WANT, YOU GOT THEM! [CRASH]

AND NOW WE TAKE YOU TO THE WHITE HOUSE, WHERE PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE

WHITE HOUSE, WHERE PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT.

PRESIDENT CARTER HAS A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT. GOOD EVENING.

ANNOUNCEMENT. GOOD EVENING. THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID

GOOD EVENING. THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT

THE SUCCESS OF THE CAMP DAVID SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE

SUMMIT TWO WEEKS AGO WAS A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF.

ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF. AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I

WORLD, AS WELL AS FOR MYSELF. AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY

AFTER I LOOKED AT THOSE POLLS, I SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT

SAID TO MYSELF, "JIMMY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE

DON'T YOU JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE

YOU DO BEST... BRINGING PEOPLE WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING

WITH SEEMINGLY IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON

DIFFERENCES TOGETHER AND MAKING THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE

THEM SEE THAT THERE IS A COMMON GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE AGREEMENT?"

GROUND ON WHICH TO BASE AGREEMENT?" FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS,

AGREEMENT?" FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS, UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS...

FOR THE LAST 13 DAYS, UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS... I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT

UNBEKNOWNST TO THE PRESS... I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON

I'VE BEEN MEETING SECRETLY AT CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.

CAMP DAVID WITH MR. JOHN LENNON AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY. [APPLAUSE]

AND MR. PAUL McCARTNEY. [APPLAUSE] THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR

[APPLAUSE] THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND

THE SUCCESS OF OUR TALKS FAR EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE

EXCEEDED OUR EXPECTATIONS, AND I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT

I'M HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE

HAVE AGREED TO SIGN A DOCUMENT CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE REUNION OF THE BEATLES."

CALLED "A FRAMEWORK FOR THE REUNION OF THE BEATLES." [APPLAUSE]

REUNION OF THE BEATLES." [APPLAUSE] NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME

[APPLAUSE] NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME DISAGREEMENTS.

NOW, THERE STILL ARE SOME DISAGREEMENTS. A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE

DISAGREEMENTS. A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO

A LOT DEPENDS UPON THE AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT

AVAILABILITY OF GEORGE AND RINGO TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE

TO JOIN IN THE NEGOTIATIONS, BUT SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH

SECRETARY VANCE WILL LEAVE TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT

TOMORROW FOR LONDON TO MEET WITH GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING.

GEORGE, AND WE FEEL CONFIDENT THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING. IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE

THAT RINGO WILL DO ANYTHING. IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY

IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL, THE BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES

BEATLES WILL LAUNCH A 30-CITY TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE

TOUR OF THE UNITED STATES SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE NOVEMBER 1980.

SOMETIME, HOPEFULLY, BEFORE NOVEMBER 1980. [APPLAUSE]

NOVEMBER 1980. [APPLAUSE] PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE

[APPLAUSE] PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD

PLUS, THE BEATLES WILL RELEASE AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT

AN ORIGINAL, LONG-PLAY RECORD ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM.

ALBUM WHICH I'M PROUD TO PREDICT WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM. [APPLAUSE]

WILL BE SHIPPED DOUBLE PLATINUM. [APPLAUSE] ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE

[APPLAUSE] ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK.

ALLOW ME NOW TO READ SOME OF THE KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK. RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY

KEY TERMS OF THE FRAMEWORK. RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE

RICHARD RINGO STARKEY WILL PLAY PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE CONCERTS.

PERCUSSION, DRUMS, AT ALL BEATLE CONCERTS. HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING

CONCERTS. HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S

HOWEVER, IN THE RECORDING STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE

STUDIO, MR. STARKEY'S PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS

PERFORMANCE MAY OR MAY NOT BE REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS AT THE DISCRETION OF

REQUIRED ON CERTAIN SELECTIONS AT THE DISCRETION OF MR. PAUL McCARTNEY.

AT THE DISCRETION OF MR. PAUL McCARTNEY. GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED

MR. PAUL McCARTNEY. GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING

GEORGE HARRISON WILL BE LIMITED TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN

TO ONE SONG PER ALBUM CONCERNING MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN SUBCONTINENT.

MATTERS PERTAINING TO THE INDIAN SUBCONTINENT. YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING.

SUBCONTINENT. YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING. [APPLAUSE]

YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING. [APPLAUSE] YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM,

[APPLAUSE] YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM, SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY

YOKO ONO WILL NOT SING, HUM, SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM

SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR MAKE ANY VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE

VOCAL SOUNDS ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE PERFORMANCE.

OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE PERFORMANCE. [APPLAUSE]

PERFORMANCE. [APPLAUSE] LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY...

[APPLAUSE] LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY... McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM,

LINDA EASTMAN McCARTNEY... McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM, SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE

McCARTNEY WILL NOT SING, HUM, SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM

SCREAM, MOAN, TALK, OR PLAY THE TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE

TAMBOURINE ON ANY BEATLE ALBUM OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE PERFORMANCE.

OR DURING ANY LIVE BEATLE PERFORMANCE. [APPLAUSE]

PERFORMANCE. [APPLAUSE] THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH

[APPLAUSE] THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE

THESE TWO MEN, MY FRIENDS, EACH MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT

MAKE PAINFUL CONCESSIONS IN THE SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE

SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, BUT IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE

HADN'T BEEN FOR MANY PEOPLE WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT.

WORKING BEHIND THE SCENES, WE WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT. AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK

WOULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT. AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND

AND I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON.

SECRETARY CYRUS VANCE AND MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A

MR. SMOKEY ROBINSON. I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I

I GUESS YOU COULD SAY IT WAS A LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW

LONG AND WINDING ROAD, BUT AS I SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK

SAID TO PAUL AND JOHN AS WE FLEW HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END,

HERE FROM CAMP DAVID, I THINK WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END, AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE

WE'VE PROVED THAT, IN THE END, AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE

AS SOMEONE ONCE SAID, THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE.

YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE. [APPLAUSE]

YOU MAKE. [APPLAUSE] [British accent] WELL, LET

[APPLAUSE] [British accent] WELL, LET ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY

[British accent] WELL, LET ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER.

ME JUST SAY A BIT ABOUT MY FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER. THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT

FRIEND, PRESIDENT CARTER. THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT COURAGE.

THIS MAN DISPLAYED GREAT COURAGE. HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO

COURAGE. HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO DID WE.

HE WORKED NIGHT AND DAY, AND SO DID WE. WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED

DID WE. WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE

WE USUALLY DIDN'T GET TO BED UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP

UNTIL 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE

MORNING, AND THEN WE'D GET UP AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.

AGAIN AROUND 3:00 OR 4:00 IN THE AFTERNOON. AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP

AFTERNOON. AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP WORKING.

AND THE PRESIDENT WAS ALREADY UP WORKING. [British accent] THAT'S

WORKING. [British accent] THAT'S RIGHT.

[British accent] THAT'S RIGHT. AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR

RIGHT. AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED

AS YOU KNOW, PAUL AND I HAVE OUR DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE

DISAGREEMENTS, BUT WE PROMISED PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG

PRESIDENT CARTER THAT WE WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS.

WOULD WRITE OUR FIRST NEW SONG TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS. PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER

TOGETHER IN THREE MONTHS. PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN,

PAUL, I HOPE WE DO IT LONGER THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN, SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS.

THAN THREE MONTHS... I MEAN, SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS. SORRY, PAUL.

SOONER THAN THREE MONTHS. SORRY, PAUL. [APPLAUSE]

SORRY, PAUL. [APPLAUSE] ♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪

[APPLAUSE] ♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪ ♪ IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU

♪ THE LOVE YOU TAKE ♪ ♪ IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE ♪

♪ N.B. SEE US ♪ ♪ N.B. SEE US ♪ NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN

♪ N.B. SEE US ♪ NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN ALL-STAR CELEBRITY SPORTS

NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT ON NBC, AN ALL-STAR CELEBRITY SPORTS SPECTACULAR...

THE BIGGEST STARS WITH THE

BIGGEST T's AND THE

NICEST A's...

CHARLIE'S ANGEL CHERYL LADD...

WONDER WOMAN LYNDA CARTER...

SUZANNE SOMERS...

LOLA FALANA...

VALERIE PERRINE AND

ADRIANNE BARBEAU...

ALL YOUR FAVORITE T's AND A's,

INCLUDING HOOTCHY-KOOTCHY GIRL

CHARO AND

SOMETIME-GAME-SHOW-GUEST STAR

CAROL WAYNE...

PLUS THE DALLAS COWBOY

CHEERLEADERS.

HELLO. I'M DAVE MABEL. WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO

I'M DAVE MABEL. WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "DANGER PROBE."

WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO "DANGER PROBE." TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER

"DANGER PROBE." TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER 377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE"

TONIGHT'S STORY IS FILE NUMBER 377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE" FILES.

377 FROM THE "DANGER PROBE" FILES. THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED

FILES. THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN

THE EVENTS IN 377 OCCURRED RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A

RECENTLY IN THE SOUTH AMERICAN REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE

REPUBLIC OF PARAGUAY IN A SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE HEADQUARTERS.

SUBCHAMBER OF FEDERAL POLICE HEADQUARTERS. IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER

HEADQUARTERS. IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER MORNING.

IT IS 6:00 ON A COLD DECEMBER MORNING. THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE,

MORNING. THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE, GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC

THE DIRECTOR OF FEDERAL POLICE, GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING

GENERAL BARDOTO P., A SADISTIC EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF

EX-TAXIDERMIST, IS EXCHANGING SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM

SCALPELS AND LENGTHS OF RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY

RUBBER HOSE WITH MADAM DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL

DR. CHEETAH R., A MENTALLY UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE.

UNSTABLE MINISTER OF INTERNAL SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE. "DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE

SECURITY AND STUDENT TORTURE. "DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS,

"DANGER PROBE" WILL EXAMINE THE REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS, DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO

REACTIONS OF THESE TWO RUTHLESS, DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO STRANGERS ENTER THE

DEPRAVED INDIVIDUALS WHEN TWO STRANGERS ENTER THE SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A

STRANGERS ENTER THE SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM

SUBCHAMBER... IN THIS CASE, A HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS

HARE KRISHNA DISCIPLE FROM ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI, AND HIS HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO.

HITCHHIKING COMPANION, A FEMALE STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO. THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."

STREET MIME FROM SAN FRANCISCO. THIS IS "DANGER PROBE." [Spanish accent] I'M

THIS IS "DANGER PROBE." [Spanish accent] I'M TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP

[Spanish accent] I'M TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE

TELLING YOU, BEATING THE INSTEP OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE IS MOST EFFECTIVE!

OF THE FOOT WITH A RUBBER HOSE IS MOST EFFECTIVE! NO, NO, NO, NO...

IS MOST EFFECTIVE! NO, NO, NO, NO... BEATING THE HEEL!

NO, NO, NO, NO... BEATING THE HEEL! AAAH!

BEATING THE HEEL! AAAH! THAT IS THE BEST!

AAAH! THAT IS THE BEST! STOP! STOP!

THAT IS THE BEST! STOP! STOP! YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT!

STOP! STOP! YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT! BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY

YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT! BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE

BOTH METHODS ARE EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUAL.

PAINFUL, BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE INDIVIDUAL. [ALL LAUGH EVILLY]

INDIVIDUAL. [ALL LAUGH EVILLY] AH!

[ALL LAUGH EVILLY] AH! HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY

AH! HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY TODAY.

HI... IT'S GENTLEMAN'S DAY TODAY. UH, SORRY.

TODAY. UH, SORRY. ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?

UH, SORRY. ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW? DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK

ARE YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW? DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS?

DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE TO TALK ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS? AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN.

ABOUT KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS? AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN. MODERN MAN!

AND NOW MIMES BY MAUREEN. MODERN MAN! GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!

MODERN MAN! GUARDS, SEIZE THEM! HAVE YOU HEARD THE...

GUARDS, SEIZE THEM! HAVE YOU HEARD THE... HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM

HAVE YOU HEARD THE... HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US?

HAVE YOU HEARD THE ALBUM GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US? IT'S A GREAT ALBUM.

GEORGE HARRISON DID FOR US? IT'S A GREAT ALBUM. YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY

IT'S A GREAT ALBUM. YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU?

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ALBUM BY GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU? NO!

GEORGE HARRISON, HAVE YOU? NO! STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE.

NO! STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE. AAH!

STRAP THEM TO THE TABLE. AAH! OKAY.

AAH! OKAY. WHO ARE YOU?

OKAY. WHO ARE YOU? AAAH!

WHO ARE YOU? AAAH! HEY, LOOK.

AAAH! HEY, LOOK. YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR

HEY, LOOK. YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR FREE IF YOU WANT.

YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE BOOKS FOR FREE IF YOU WANT. AAAH!

FREE IF YOU WANT. AAAH! WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST

AAAH! WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST FRIENDS?

WHERE ARE YOUR COMMUNIST FRIENDS? LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO

FRIENDS? LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO HO RENGE KYON"?

LISTEN, CAN YOU SAY, "NAM YO HO RENGE KYON"? NAM YO HO RENGE KYON!

HO RENGE KYON"? NAM YO HO RENGE KYON! THAT'S GOOD.

NAM YO HO RENGE KYON! THAT'S GOOD. THANK YOU.

THAT'S GOOD. THANK YOU. PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR

THANK YOU. PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR AND SMALL BONE SAW.

PREPARE THE SURGICAL GENERATOR AND SMALL BONE SAW. OKAY, HOLD IT!

AND SMALL BONE SAW. OKAY, HOLD IT! WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS!

OKAY, HOLD IT! WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS! OKAY, BOYS!

WE'LL PUT A LID ON THIS! OKAY, BOYS! COME AND GET THEM!

OKAY, BOYS! COME AND GET THEM! [DRILL WHIRS]

COME AND GET THEM! [DRILL WHIRS] GIVE IT UP, HELLION.

[DRILL WHIRS] GIVE IT UP, HELLION. [GRUNTS]

GIVE IT UP, HELLION. [GRUNTS] DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE."

[GRUNTS] DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE." YOU TWO ALL RIGHT?

DAVE MABEL, "DANGER PROBE." YOU TWO ALL RIGHT? YEAH.

YOU TWO ALL RIGHT? YEAH. BOY, AM I GLAD YOU

YEAH. BOY, AM I GLAD YOU "DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP.

BOY, AM I GLAD YOU "DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP. WHEW!

"DANGER PROBE" PEOPLE SHOWED UP. WHEW! WHEW!

WHEW! WHEW! BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE

WHEW! BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE YOU, DAVE MABEL.

BOY, REALLY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE YOU, DAVE MABEL. HOW CAN WE THANK YOU?

YOU, DAVE MABEL. HOW CAN WE THANK YOU? THAT'S OKAY.

HOW CAN WE THANK YOU? THAT'S OKAY. YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW.

THAT'S OKAY. YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW. A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS

YOU TWO RUN ALONG NOW. A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF

A SOUTH AMERICAN POLICE STATE IS NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE

NO PLACE FOR A COUPLE OF ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE YOURSELVES.

ECCENTRIC NONCONFORMISTS LIKE YOURSELVES. I'M DAVE MABEL.

YOURSELVES. I'M DAVE MABEL. THIS IS "DANGER PROBE."

I'M DAVE MABEL. THIS IS "DANGER PROBE." Announcer: ALL STORIES ON

THIS IS "DANGER PROBE." Announcer: ALL STORIES ON "DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE.

Announcer: ALL STORIES ON "DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE. HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT

"DANGER PROBE" ARE TRUE. HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS

HOWEVER, "DANGER PROBE" DOES NOT WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS SITUATIONS.

WISH TO ENDORSE DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE

SITUATIONS. THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE PROFESSIONALS.

THE "DANGER PROBE" SQUAD ARE PROFESSIONALS. VIEWERS SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO

PROFESSIONALS. VIEWERS SHOULD NOT ATTEMPT TO DUPLICATE THEIR ACTIONS.

GOOD NIGHT, AND THANK YOU. [BAND PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

FRED WILLARD, WITH MUSICAL

GUEST DEVO.

THIS IS DON PARDO.

GOOD NIGHT.