Original subtitles

Get this on the twix, will you, Nell?

Chicken feed, Ralph! I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times.

I know, D.J. Now, about Seattle...

Don't miss the meeting on the 23rd.

I called the airport, Mr. Mulrooney. The Boston plane is on time.

Then I'd better be going. Can't keep these people waiting.

How about the Henderson deal, D.J.?

Wire them two million five, take it or leave it.

I wonder if you'd okay this, D.J.

Oh, not another electronics company, Paul.

Well, we can pick it up for a song, and since we've gone into plastics so heavily...

Plastics, toys, electronics... What next?

There's one thing you young fellas seem to forget.

We are in the lumber business.

We started out in lumber and lumber is still number one.

Of course, D.J.

But if it'll make you happy, go ahead and buy it.

Well, thank you, sir!

- Oh, not that one, Gregg. The Rolls. - The Rolls? Right, sir.

May I have your undivided attention for 30 seconds, D.J.?

- Yes, Ralph. - I can't emphasize enough

the success of the Seattle deal depends on your being there.

Well, I'll do my best to make it, but in case I miss, you've got all the facts.

That's not good enough. They don't want me or Logan or Winkler.

They've been promised D.J. Mulrooney.

They want that 50,000 acres of timber. Now, that's our bait.

And don't you forget it! - Of course.

But if you're not in Seattle, the whole deal goes down the drain.

I'll be there, Ralph Now, will you please stop worrying?

Ah, there she is.

As beautiful as the day I first brought her home.

Remember? We had just put together that Sagatuck lumber deal.

And all the profits went right into this car, I remember perfectly.

Yeah, well, that was in the days when I only had one million.

Still had to impress people

- I'll be doing my own driving, Gregg. - Yes, sir.

Special occasion.

I'm meeting some very important people.

You've only got a half an hour to get to the airport.

Don't worry I'll make it. I always do, don't I?

Five minutes early. Why don't you run your planes on time?

It was the tail wind, Mr. Mulrooney.

Well, it's very important that I should be here to meet them.

- We're very sorry. - Where are they? Where are they? Where...

Grandfather!

- Hi, Grandfather. - Hi, Rodney.

My goodness, but you've grown. And, Elizabeth...

Well, you look more like your mother every time I see you.

- How is she? - Fine. She told me to give you her love.

- And Dad said he'll bring you champagne from Paris. - Good.

That's the sort of a son-in-law I like.

Oh, how were these passengers? Well behaved, I hope.

The perfect travelers It was a pleasure to have them with us.

- Good-bye, Elizabeth. - Good-bye.

Good-bye, Rodney.

Where are we going, Grandfather?

Oh, I thought maybe we'd head up the Redwood Highway.

I used to take your mother there when she was your age.

Then we'll follow our noses on up to Seattle.

Seattle? Can we go on the yacht?

I've got a new one now. 4,000-horsepower diesel.

Does 25 knots, if she's pushed.

- Oh, boy! - Cost nearly a million dollars.

Well, how come if you're so rich

you drive a funny old car like this?

"Funny old car"?

I tell you, young man, this is a fine car. You won't find its like anymore.

- Well, it's certainly a pretty car. - Yes, but how fast does it go?

Oh, fast enough to get us there.

When I get a car, it's going to be a Maserati.

Oh, Rodney, you're always talking so big.

Oh, there's no harm in that, son.

When I was a young lad in Ireland, I always dreamt of owning myself a jaunting car.

A jaunting car? Never heard of that make.

Well, Rodney, my boy, it was the Maserati of its time.

Real cool. Hot stuff. One horsepower.

- One horsepower? - Yes, sir.

In me jaunting car me jaunting car

joggin' along in me jaunting car

I'm the handsomest sight by far.

Joggin' along in me jaunting car.

Oh, the seats are leather and face to face

The wheels go round at a merry pace

And given a horse that loves to race

I'll bet I could win the steeplechase.

In me jaunting car me jaunting car

joggin' along in me jaunting car

I'm the handsomest sight by far

joggin' along in me jaunting car.

I called on Jennifer Jane Magee

To come along on a jaunt with me

Traveling merrily near and far

She fell in love

With me jaunting car.

In me jaunting car me jaunting car

joggin' along in me jaunting car

I'm the handsomest sight by far

joggin' along in me jaunting car.

In me jaunting car me jaunting car

joggin' along in me jaunting car

I'm the handsomest sight by far

joggin' along in me jaunting car.

- Lunchtime. - Great!

Where's the restaurant?

Right here, I thought it'd be fun to have our first meal together in the open air.

- Look, Rodney! - "Mulrooney Grove".

Grandfather, are these wonderful trees all yours?

Every single one of them. Mine, yours, everybody's.

What did you do, buy 'em?

All that sign means is,

that I had the privilege of seeing that they'll always be here.

- Just for people to look at? - Exactly.

My, they're big!

Must've taken a long time to grow.

Four thousand years for some of them.

Tuna... ham...

So beautiful! Like being in fairyland.

Don't go too far away now.

Rodney's hungry, there might not be anything left when you get back.

- Having trouble, son? - No peanut butter and jelly!

Oh, dig down, they're probably down near the bottom.

You know, she... she could be the one.

I wouldn't if I were you. Don't do it.

Well, but of- of all of 'em I've seen, she's the one I think I could trust.

- You can't trust any of them. - That's right. That's right!

- But I have to talk to someone. - Talk to me.

- Anytime. - And us.

Just as much as you like.

Well, I have talked to you, all of you.

And there's not one of you can help me with my problem.

- Don't do it, Jasper. - Only mean trouble!

- What trouble? - Gnome hunters, that's what.

Gnome hunters, all over the place.

Our woods will be full of 'em.

And none of 'em can keep their mouths shut.

Blab, blab, blab.

- No peace for any of us anymore. - No peace at all. No peace at all.

My mind's made up.

I, uh... didn't mean to frighten you.

Oh, you didn't!

Yeah, but I'll bet you're surprised to see a gnome.

Oh, not really.

I was just thinking what a lovely place this is for gnomes.

Are there many of you living here?

Well, that's... that's my problem.

If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be showing myself to a doo-deen.

A "doo-deen"?

Well, that's what we call you big people.

Am I the first doo-deen you've ever spoken to?

Yeah, yeah. All my friends advised against it, but...

Well, I had to talk to someone.

Well, if I'm the first doo-deen you've ever spoken to,

how is it you speak such good English?

Uh, English?

The language we've been talking.

Well, now, don't that beat all!

And here I've been wondering how come you spoke such good Gnomish.

And me father'd no more'n than took his eyes off the leprechaun,

for less time than it takes to say "Seanny O'Shannon's shillelagh"

when, whoosh, the little creature up and disappeared on him.

You don't really believe in that silly stuff, do you, Grandfather?

- Why not? - There's still no peanut butter.

- Oh, they probably got the labels mixed. - Grandfather!

Grandfather, please, you've got to come quickly!

I promised him we'd be right back. - Promised who?

- The gnome. - The what?

The gnome! And he's got a simply awful problem.

Oh, not just a gnome, but a gnome with a problem. Now, that is something.

- Hey, I found one! - Good.

But, Grandfather, he's waiting to talk to you.

- To me? But why me? - Because I told him

if anyone could help him with his problem, it was you.

- You've got to come. He's waiting! - Well, come on, Rodney.

We've got to go talk to a gnome.

Now, Elizabeth, on the possibility this little fellow isn't there...

- He'll be there. - About six inches high, I imagine?

- Taller than that. - Little yellow cap and buckles on his shoes?

His hat was green, and I didn't notice any buckles

I don't understand that. In all the stories about leprechauns...

I didn't say he was a leprechaun. He said he was a gnome.

Oh, a gnome! Well, that's different.

That's the place. I'm here! I've brought him!

Yoo-hoo! Jasper!

His name's Jasper. - Oh?

- Jasper! - Jasper!

The girl, all right, I maybe could go along.

But how about him?

You ever seen a fiercer-lookin' critter?

He, uh...

He does look awful shifty about the eyes.

Jasper! Jasper!

Maybe this is the wrong place. Forests can fool you.

But, Grandfather, this was the place.

Well, it could be the little lep... gnome had second thoughts,

on seeing me, I mean.

Now, a little girl, that's one thing, but an old curmudgeon like myself...

And it could be in her imagination, too.

I didn't imagine him! I did see him!

Of course you saw a gnome, darlin'

But not with these eyes. These up here.

That's where all the little folks live.

Like gnomes, elves, leprechauns, whatever you want to call them.

But, Grandfather, honest, I talked to him!

Jasper! Jasper!...

They're making her into a fool, and all on account of me.

Come on, darling. We best be getting back.

Now, you must be really hungry by now.

But he was right there. He was right there!

I can't let it end like this.

- Hey, you! She did too see a gnome! - Who said that?

- I think it's him! - Uh-oh. Now you've done it.

Come on out and show yourself.

Don't do it, Jasper. Don't do it.

What kind of a trick is that to play on a little girl?

Come on, darling. - Oh, Grandfather.

Hold on, you!

- Jasper! - Seanny O'Shannon's shillelagh.

There, Grandfather, you see?

Why...

yes.

A gnome. You see him, Rodney?

I still think it's Elizabeth's imagination.

Jasper, this is my brother Rodney and my grandfather.

Glad to see you, Jasper. Say hello to him, Rodney.

- Hi. - Is this the wizard you spoke of?

The one with all the solutions?

So you're the gnome with the problem.

Tell him what you told me.

Well, instead of that, since seeing is believing with you doo-deens,

follow me.

Come on!

Well, there's my problem.

My old grandpa just lies there

a-growin' more "see-throughish" with every passin' hour.

What's making him so see-throughish?

Well, I'm not an authority on gnomes,

but if they're anything like leprechauns, they live on and on.

But... only if they want to. - You mean they just fade away?

Jasper, have you any idea what made him lose his will to live?

Grandpa's given up all hope

of ever seeing me married and having young'uns of my own.

Why is that?

Well, Grandpa and me, we're, uh, we're the last of the gnomes.

There's no gnome maidens for me to marry up with.

Well, now, that is a serious problem.

Jasper?

Jasper boy, is that you I hear?

It is, Grandpa.

I'm, uh... I'm talking with some friends.

Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

I'm happy for ya.

They're, uh, doo-deen friends.

Mm, good. Good...

Now, go away... Doo-deens?

Now, Grandpa, before you get your dander up, they mean to help us.

Help from doo-deens? You gone plumb out of your senses?

It's doo-deens that's been the cause of all our troubles!

I know that, Grandpa. Only these big'uns are, well, different.

There ain't no such a thing as a different doo-deen.

That's why, in all my 900 years

I've never let one of 'em so much as lay an eye on my boot!

- Now, Grandpa, if I may... - Not one step further, doo-deen.

Ailin' I may be,

but not enough to let you get a hold of me without puttin' up a fight.

- But my grandfather just wanted to help. - Help?

Sayin' you could help, why would you wanna?

Because you've got a problem, and my grandfather is good at solving problems.

Well, you don't say!

Jasper told me that there are rumors about gnomes

living in other forests.

Ah, idle cluckin' of gossipy animals.

And Grandfather's got a wonderful car, and he'll drive you anywhere.

- Won't you, Grandfather? - Now, just a minute, darlin'...

- And what about the yacht? - Oh, please, Grandfather.

Well, dear, I do have to be in Seattle.

Supposin' I was to go with ya?

I hear tell how you big ones treat free things in the forest.

How ya put 'em in cages, and sell 'em as curiosities.

Exhibit 'em to other doo-deens.

Oh, we'd never do that, would we, Grandfather?

We'll give you our most solemn word

we won't even mention your existence to another soul.

Nobody'd believe us anyway.

It's our only chance, Grandpa.

What do you say?

Well, not that I got any hopes of findin' gnomes, mind you,

but you do got somewhat of an honorable look about your eyes, so...

Yahoo! We're going! Yahoo!

Oh, Grandfather, you're wonderful!

Yippee!

We're going!

Well, if I may coin a phrase,

he's jumpin' out of the frying pan into the fire.

Yes, sir. Smack into the fire.

The gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

Hunting for gnomes in the gnome-mobile

Sooner or later we feel that we'll

Find where they are with the gnome-mobile.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

Hunting for gnomes in the gnome-mobile

Sooner or later we feel that we'll

Find where they are in the gnome-mobile.

As we ride along through the countryside

We're keeping our peepers open wide

Looking to find where she may hide

The beautiful gnome for Jasper's bride.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're hunting for gnomes in the gnome-mobile

Sooner or later we feel that we'll

Find where she is in the gnome-mobile.

Oh, the gnome-mobile is a grand machine

The like of which I have never seen!

But you're going too fast, you big doo-deen

When I look where I'm going that's where I've been.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're hunting for gnomes in the gnome-mobile

Sooner or later we feel that we'll.

Find where they roam in the gnome-mobile.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're hunting for gnomes in the gnome-mobile

Sooner or later we feel that we'll

Find where they roam in the gnome-mobile.

Well, I must say, Jasper was right for once.

- You doo-deens are different. - Thanks, Grandpa.

You don't have to keep calling me Grandpa. The name's Knobby.

Knobby, just call me D.J. Everyone does.

D.J. Don't come much shorter than that.

Grandfather, where do we start this gnome-hunting?

Well, I figure the most likely place would be a virgin forest.

Now, I happen to know of a 50,000-acre patch of timber

that's never been touched by... by doo-deens.

- Is it very far? - Oh, we cannot make it tonight.

We'll have to stop over somewhere. But we'll make it easy in the morning.

Jasper, what happened to all the other gnomes?

Well, I was, uh, too little to remember much about it.

But I've heard it said that they migrated, a lot of 'em.

'Tweren't that at all.

Well, what about all the fern seeds failin' and the food gettin' scarce?

- Why, I heard that... - I don't care what you heared

I'm tellin' ya, I was there.

It was the choppin' down of the trees that made the gnomes disappear.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Everything was so pleasant and peaceful.

Everybody mindin' their own business.

Then all of a sudden, "Timber!"

Trees started a-comin'down, a-fallin'.

And a-crashin' like giants, they came down.

It was "timber" on the right and "timber" on the left.

And the gnomes a-panickin' and a-runnin'

and a-fallin' down and a-bumpin' into each other.

And comin' right behind 'em all the time was the big axes

a-slashin' and a-cuttin' and, "Timber!"

Grandpa, I remember the...

You remember nothin'. You weren't no bigger'n that.

I grabbed you in my arms and started to run.

And right behind me I hear, "Timber!"

And I looked back over my shoulder

and here come one of those giants fallin' right at me.

- How did you escape? - I didn't. It landed right on me.

Did it kill you?

No I ducked down a rabbit hole.

But I was under that there tree for 40 days and 40 nights.

And when I finally dug myself out,

there were dead trees everywhere and nary a gnome in sight.

- How awful! - Oh, the carnage.

And them infernal axe swingers.

They wouldn't give up. They kept a-comin' and a-comin'.

And the worst of 'em all was that Mulrooney outfit.

- Mulrooney? - But, Grandfather...

Shh! Don't interrupt while he's talking

I never seen the blackguard himself face-to-face,

but I seen them henchmen of his often enough,

a-slashin'and a-cuttin' and a-destroyin'.

"Mulrooney's Marauders," we called 'em.

Now, just a minute.

It so happens that my grandfather is...

In complete accord with you, Knobby.

Any vandal who cuts down trees indiscriminately ought to be...

Well, he ought to be taken out and horsewhipped.

Yes, sir! Thoroughly horsewhipped.

Well, here we are.

Everything secure in the gnome department?

Oh, please get down, Knobby.

You don't want the other doo-deens to see you.

Packin' us in here like we was a couple of sandwiches.

And me, at my age.

I'll take this. Thanks.

Hey, you! You can't park that thing there.

I won't be staying long, my good man.

The name is Quaxton of Quaxton's Academy of Fantastic Freaks.

Brilliant show. Don't miss it.

Hello, sport.

Well, you look like an intelligent patron of the arts.

Here.

Accept these free tickets with my compliments.

A rare opportunity to enlarge the experience and broaden the mind.

Two bedrooms and a sitting room in one of the cottages?

Oh, you are the lucky one, sir. There's one left.

Oh!

I'm very sorry, sir, but dogs are not allowed in the hotel.

- But they're not dogs. - They're geese!

- Geese?! - Shh, Grandpa, Grandpa, shh.

And very well trained too.

I'm very sorry, sir, but the rule is unbreakable.

No pets of any kind.

Who said anything about pets?

These geese happen to be investments. Business investments.

Royal Abyssinian geese.

And very rare.

You do not seem to understand, sir.

This hotel does not permit any animals of any kind whatsoev...

Oh, Mr. Mulrooney.

- Oh, I am so... - Mulrooney!

- The marauder himself. We've been trapped. - Shh.

Let me out of here!

Grandpa, be quiet.

Here! Show Mr. Mulrooney to his room.

A little action, please! Quick, quick, quick.

You unlock this thing! Let me out of here.

Pardon me, sir. Are those voices coming from there?

Correct. A peculiar trait of Abyssinian geese.

They make sounds just like people.

You hear me? Answer me.

That's fine. Thank you. Thank you. Set it down.

- Thank you, sir. - That's all right.

Whew!

All right, Rodney. You can turn off the music now.

- We've been trapped. Let me out of here! - Granpa, be quiet!

- Let me out! Let me out! - Grandpa, be quiet.

- Why, you connivin', double-dealin' doo-deen! - Now, Grandpa, settle yourself down.

Settle myself. How can I settle myself down

when I find myself travelin' in the very company of me own worst enemy?

Knobby, that is not so.

Unscrupulous, lyin' prevaricator.

Gettin' us to leave our Redwood sanctuary under false pretenses.

Oh, but he's a schemin' one.

- He did it for you. - We'd rather be in Seattle.

Oh, don't give me none your druthers, ya... ya Mulrooney-in-the-makin'

All right, Knobby. Enough of this yelling now.

You want to arouse the whole neighborhood?

Grandpa, even sayin' what you're sayin's true...

Of course it's true.

Are you insinuatin'your own grandfather's a liar?

No, Grandpa I'm only askin'ya to give Mr. Mulrooney a chance to explain.

I ain't listenin'to nothin'more that one's got to say.

Mulrooney! Lyin', cheatin', schemin'...

Knobby! Knobby! Calm down now and listen a minute.

I'm only trying to help.

Ah, no, you don't, Mulrooney, I fell for that line afore.

Now, I'm a little different from a lot of other lumbermen.

You can say that again. You're the worst!

- You want to find gnomes, don't you? - Not with you, I don't.

Knobby, supposing, just for the sake of argument

that everything you say about me is true.

- Ah, then you admit it! - I do not admit anything.

I'm only saying that even if it were true, that's all in the past.

Yesterday. Let's talk about tomorrow.

Whose tomorrow? Yours?

No, yours, you rock-headed little mule, and Jasper's.

Now, we're doing everything we can to help you.

And I told you I don't want nothin' to do with no help from you!

Grandpa, please, just try to hear Mr. Mulrooney out. Try to... trust him.

I rather trust a predatory vulture with a hungry eye

and an empty belly.

All right, Knobby, I've had it. I've tried everything

even humbled myself in the hope that you'd see the light.

And hope is all you've got left, you stubborn old donkey.

This is the end!

Tomorrow morning, first light of day, we're going back to the Redwoods.

And we're gonna drop you off and be free of you.

And from that moment on, as far as I'm concerned, you never even existed!

And that goes for me too.

But, Grandfather...

Now, I'm gonna get the car serviced, and I don't want to waste a minute tomorrow.

- Can I come with you? - Yes, come on.

Without a doubt, the most exasperating, ornery gnome I ever met.

Then do we go right on to Seattle, Grandfather?

And the yacht. And the sooner the better, son.

Where's the nearest service station?

Turn right, two blocks, at the corner of Elm and Grange.

Thank you.

Here in nature's kingdom

dwell the regal giants of the forest,

the great sequoias, monarchs of all they survey.

Pictures, Grandpa, from right out in the air.

Well, take a look, it'll make you feel better!

I ain't gonna feel better till I get out of here.

Older than written history itself, they tower above their surroundings.

Look, it's the Redwoods!

Yet, in man's scheme of things, these great trees have practical use,

as well as aesthetic value.

Well, what do you know? My Redwoods.

From these forests, selected trees are taken.

And when the lumberjack's cry of "Timber!" echoes through the woods...

Them bloody blackhearted blackguard doo-deens!

Timber! And another giant comes down,

to serve the needs of mankind.

Settle down, Grandpa!

Shh! Now, calm yourself.

Hello? Yes.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, miss, but there's been an accident.

A bad accident.

Oh, no! Not grandfather?

I'm afraid so. It's your grandfather's Rolls-Royce.

Is he hurt?

- Well, he can't talk to you right now. - But where is he?

- Where did it happen? - At the corner of Elm and Grange.

And he wants you to come right away.

I'll be right there.

- They don't make 'em like this anymore. - You're right there, sir.

These new jobs are all right on the highway,

but you take a car like this, it's built to go places.

Yes, sir. That'll be 6.20, sir. Out of tens.

Keep the change It's nice to talk to a man who appreciates cars.

Yes, sir! Thank you, sir.

- Grandfather, you're all right? - Of course we're all right, darling.

They said there'd been an accident, that you and Rodney were hurt.

- Who told you? - Someone on the telephone.

In the car, quickly!

Watch out, sir!

Yeah All right Thank you.

Only what I expected. Nobody in the hotel saw anything.

Why don't you call the police?

No, not the police.

Tell the police, and next thing the papers would be full of it.

That's just what we promised Knobby wouldn't happen.

This is a job for my own security staff.

I can trust my own team, and that's just what we need now.

Operator, would you get me person-to-person San Francisco,

Mr. Ralph Yarby?

- How am I doing, Doc? - Sound as a dollar.

- Mulrooney Medical. - I only hope D.J. checks out as well.

- If I can ever get him up here. - Oh, yes. He's here.

Mr. Yarby, it's for you. D.J.'s on the line.

D.J.?

D.J., where are you? We've been trying to reach you for...

Ralph, they're gone. Missing.

- Gone? Not... - That's right.

- Kidnapped. - Well, have you notified the police yet?

Ralph... Ralph-boy, they're the last ones in the world I want to call now.

Good thinking, D.J.

Yes, the press get a hold of this and the kidnappers get scared

and the children have had it.

Who said anything about children? Now, listen, Ralph,

this is gonna be hard for someone like you to accept, but you've got to believe me.

- Do you understand? - Well, I always understand, D.J.

Well, it's the gnomes who've been kidnapped.

The gnomes!

Uh, D.J., something seems to have gone wrong with the phone.

Would- Would you mind repeating that last?

Can you hear me now?

You're coming through clear now.

I said a pair of gnomes. Little people.

Now, there's not a minute to lose.

I want you to put our security people on this right away, and I mean right now!

Security. Uh, right now. Right away.

And remember, nobody's to know about this besides our own people,

or there's no telling what might happen.

You couldn't be more right, D.J.

Look. Where are you right now?

Cedar Creek Lodge.

Right. I'll fly up there and meet you there tonight.

Right. Good-bye.

Get me security.

This isn't a case for security.

What D.J. needs now is a psychiatrist.

- You mean you think he's lost his marbles? - I'll get in touch with Conrad Ramsey.

He's got a place not far from there.

An old estate he's turned into a private sanitarium.

D.J. will never sit still for a psychiatrist.

Suppose he thinks he's meeting a private detective.

An expert, with a great organization for handling cases such as this.

Yes... Yes, I think that might work.

I still wish you'd brought a couple of our own security men along.

Our men are good, D.J.,

but as you just said, this is a special case, and it needs a special man.

But this Ramsey guy, has he handled cases like this before?

One after another.

Funny I never heard of him.

Good evening, gentlemen Welcome to Five Oaks.

Thanks. Quite a place you've got here.

You know, this Ramsey must do all right.

This layout makes Brinks and Pinkerton look like a couple of pikers.

In all honesty, D.J., you can't even put them in the same category.

Now, don't say it can't be done.

Yarby tells me that you often work on cases like mine.

- Oh, yes, Mr. Mulrooney, all the time. - Locating lost gnomes?

Well, gnomes, no.

But we have uncovered some strange things in our time.

- Very well, then. - Now, getting back to the little men.

You say you first saw them in the Redwoods?

That's right. We took them as far as Cedar Creek with us.

And that's where they were kidnapped.

- Where they disappeared, you mean. - I said they were kidnapped,

and I mean kidnapped! - Yes, yes, yes.

Now, during the trip, did anybody else see them, besides you and your grandchildren, that is?

Someone else had to see them, of course, or how would they have gotten kidnapped?

Well, that's a good question.

Yes, and that's one that you have to find the answer to.

Mr. Mulrooney, everything you've said thus far

leads me to believe that you did see gnomes.

Of course I saw them! What do you think I'm doing here?

But not with these eyes. With those up here.

That is where all the little people, the gnomes, the gremlins,

or whatever you like to call them, live

Ralph, this guy thinks I'm nuts.

- Now, D.J., just calm... - I say he thinks I'm nuts!

- He thinks that I'm nuts! - Not "nuts", Mr. Mulrooney.

Just, shall we say, overfatigued?

What is this, Ramsey? Who are these fellas?

Uh, my assistants.

- Would you come with me, please? - Yarby, what have you done?

Yarby, you double-crosser! I ought to break you in a dozen pieces!

Let go of me, you thugs! Let go of me! Yarby, you're fired!

You're fired! Why are you doing this to me?

Don't you think it's about time for bed, children?

We'll wait up for grandfather.

Well, he's liable to be tied up for a long time.

Hello. Grandfather?

Oh... It's for you.

Thank you, Rodney. I'll take it in the bedroom.

Wait just a minute. You can hang up now, Rodney.

Thank you.

Rodney, that is not nice.

Mr. Yarby, am I glad to hear from you.

- How are the children? - Fine. Only...

Well, I'm sure they suspect something.

Oh, I was afraid they might. Are you free to talk?

- Yes. - Well, uh...

here's the way things shape up from here.

It's much worse than we thought.

D.J. got violent.

Oh, how awful!

I'm afraid he's going to be here for quite some time.

Dr Ramsey's fixed up a room for me next to D.J.'s.

So, if you want me for anything, at least for the next couple of days,

you can call me at this number.

Uh, Ramsey's Five Oaks.

Klondike-5-3-1-1-1.

Room 302. Got it?

- Got it. - Fine.

Thank you, Mr. Yarby. Good-bye.

Gee, it must be getting late

- I'm bushed. - Me too.

Guess we might just as well get to bed.

That does sound like a good idea, doesn't it?

- Good night. - Good night, Rodney.

- Good night. - Good night, Elizabeth.

They've got Grandfather locked up. They think he's nuts.

But they can't! Not grandfather! What are you doing?

We're going to rescue him.

But we don't know where this Five Oaks is.

It's down the road. I saw it as we came in.

Come on!

- Do you really think we should? - Sure. Why not?

But you haven't got a license.

Of course not! I'm too young to have a license.

And what if you get caught?

Look, it's Grandfather's car, isn't it?

And we're taking it to him, aren't we?

And it is an emergency, isn't it?

You'll have to help. Get down by the pedals.

Push that one down.

Now... let it up!

Well, let's try another gear.

Get ready to stop.

Now!

What are you taking those for?

To make sure that I'm ready for anything.

You stay here. Grandfather and I'll be back soon.

How will you be able to find Grandfather's room?

- I mean, you just can't ask. - I won't have to.

I know it's on the third floor. I'll just listen.

No one's got a snore like Grandfather.

How is he? Is he all right?

Relax, Mr. Yarby. He's sleeping like a baby. Listen.

Quiet, boy, it's nothing.

Grandfather. Psst.

Grandfather.

Grandfather.

Rodney.

Why, you little rascal.

I don't sound that bad, do I?

Well, let's start snoring off this bar.

There.

Now, then, in the old days

I used to bend a bar twice this size.

I'll get it on the next exhale.

It's not scary as long as you don't look down.

Young man, I was climbing trees and topping them out before you were born.

- This is the difficult part. - Won't worry an old high-climber like me.

You just be very careful.

Oh, sure.

Timber!

Grandfather, you hurt?

Nope, son. It's the old Mulrooney luck.

Fall in a glasshouse and come up smelling like a petunia.

Let's get out of here.

What happened? What's wrong?

- He's gone! - D.J.! Oh, no!

Faster, Grandfather! Faster!

I'm going as fast as I can.

There he is!

Come on!

After him, Duke.

Up here in the tree!

Watch out, Grandfather!

Grandfather!

Hurry, Grandfather.

D.J., come back! Come back!

Help me.

You shouldn't have done it, D.J.

- Anybody on our tail? - Nobody in sight, Grandfather.

- What do we do now? - Can't say, darlin',

but one thing's for sure. Whatever it is, we do it alone.

Sure can't count on that Mulrooney team.

Next question is, who could've seen the gnomes?

The desk clerk?

- I doubt it. - Maybe the bellboy...

I know! The fellow with the fantastic freaks.

Fantastic freaks?

He was in the lobby, putting up posters, and he gave me these.

Uh-huh.

"Quaxton's Fantastic Freaks."

Highway 175.

South of Homerville, huh?

Rodney, my boy, you've just hit on a very possible possibility.

Here it is.

It sure is a crummy-looking place.

Oh, I do hope they're all right.

You two wait here. This shouldn't take long.

Quaxton!

- Hold it, you! - What's happenin', Char-

Breakin' and enterin', it looks like to me.

- Breaking and entering? - Look! Five Oaks.

Five Oaks? Ain't that some kind of a nuthouse or something?

Mister, I'm perfectly sane, and I can explain all this.

Get on the phone, Etta. Call the cops. I'll keep the loony covered.

Wait a minute. You tell me where I can find this fella Quaxton, I'll be on my way.

- Go on, Etta. Call the cops. - Grab 'em, men!

Reach, mister.

All right, you two, I don't care whether you believe me or not,

I want to know where this Quaxton feller is. - He's gettin' violent.

You doggone right I am! And there's no time to argue.

- Two lives are at stake. - Two lives?

And I'm warning you, if you hold anything back and anything happens to those two...

to those two lives... I'll personally see to it that both of you are arrested as accomplices.

Look, mister, we only work for Quaxton.

Oh, Etta, you don't believe this loony?

Well, I don't know whether I do or not.

But I'd believe almost anything about Horatio Quaxton.

And that phone call. - Be quiet!

- Well, Quaxton's up to something, and you know it. - Be quiet!

- What phone call? - Oh, five, six hours ago.

- He said we had to run things till he got back. - Etta!

- Got back from where? - Well, his mountain cabin, probably.

- I told you to keep quiet! - Mountain cabin? Where is it?

Oh, somewhere around Homerville. A little road called, uh, Old Willow.

But- But we ain't sure he's there, mind ya. But he could be.

Well, in case we don't find him there,

and you hear from him again,

there's double that in it for you.

Oh, Charlie, look!

"I owe you $5,000 D.J. Mulrooney."

Huh! Told you he was tetched.

Fill 'er up!

Hold it a minute.

How much money you kids got?

Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven... Thirty-nine cents.

How about you, Elizabeth?

Um, a quarter and two nickels.

Better make it two gallons.

A man named Quaxton, has a cabin around here.

- Do you know where it is? - Nope.

- Do you know him? - Nope.

Well, I know he has a place here.

Well, that puts you one up on me, don't it?

Well, how about the Old Willow Road? Do you know where that is?

- Yep. - Well, where?

About two dirt roads back.

- Thanks. - That's 72 cents.

Here's 74. Keep the change.

Last of the big spenders.

Oh, why'd I ever leave my Redwoods?

This is all my fault, Jasper.

Grandpa, I'll get you out of here, I promise.

If I'd had sense enough to stay where I belonged, we'd never be in this mess.

- It's no use, Jasper. - Now, Grandpa, we'll get out of here,

but we gotta do it before he gets back.

Don't bother about me,

I'm only a burden to you.

- I'm too old. - No, Grandpa.

Ending up cooped up like this...

Come on, Grandpa.

Oh, me poor legs.

I can't even climb out of here, let alone escape.

You leave that to me.

Maybe if you go with that Quaxton fella...

be in his show like he said, you'd make out.

Never

I would spit on a doo-deen like that Quaxton.

Well, maybe so.

Do as you like.

Me, I'm wanting to fade away and call it quits.

Oh, that's enough of that kind of talk, Grandpa.

Come on. We're getting out of here.

Supposin' we do escape...

What good's it gonna do us?

We're the last of the gnomes, you and me.

This is the... it's the end of the line.

Grandpa, look. There's a beautiful forest down the road a piece.

Now, you'll feel more yourself when we get you back where you belong.

Now...

Quick! That's him!

I keep telling you, boy, I'm too old.

Here we are, gents... gnome burgers.

Hey, you sneaky little weasel! Come back here!

Keep going, Grandpa! Keep going! I'll catch up with you later!

Oh, no, you won't!

Oh, no, you don't!

Oh, now, look, little fella.

You and me have great things ahead of us.

Great things! Oh, you have no idea.

Oh, I got idea enough.

Oh, now, don't be like that.

Well, well, aren't you the lively little fellow though, huh?

Which is more than can be said for your old grandpa.

Oh, but never mind him.

Don't you see? We don't have to cut him in on this.

It's just you and me and one million dollars.

One whole cool million dollars,

waiting for us to come and pick it up. - Uh-uh.

Stand back, Quaxton. I'm- I'm warning you.

Come one step closer and I'll shoot.

Oh, come on now, little fella, I'm not trying to hurt you.

Besides, the gun isn't even loaded.

See? What did I tell you?

Now, you should, uh... should learn to listen to me once in a while.

Now, you shouldn't have done that, little friend.

You just might have hurt me.

Fact is, you might have killed me!

All right, Quaxton, care to try again?

I've... got you!

Now, my little fish...

Oh, back you come!

I'm warning you. Don't make me mad.

When I get mad, I get dangerous, and I'll wring your neck if I have to.

Now remember, young fella,

I can make just as much money with a stuffed gnome.

So from now on, I think you better play it my way, huh?

I mean it. This is your last chance!

I'm through being nice, kid.

Now, you hold still or I'll break you in pieces.

Jasper! Are you all right?

Yeah, but Grandpa's gone and I'm...

I'm worried about him. He's wanting to fade away.

- You skunk! - Now, now, now, take it...

- You low-down, unmitigated scoundrel! - Mr. Mulrooney,

let's watch our language in front of the children. - You unscrupulous doo-deen!

Now, now, now, now, please! Watch it. I wasn't trying to hurt him.

Honest I wasn't! I was only trying to make a little deal.

Wait just a minute! He's my gnome.

You said you wanted nothing more to do with him.

- Where's Knobby? - There's a forest down the road,

I said I'd meet him there.

Now, look, Mr. Mulrooney, you're a businessman.

I have a proposition to make to you on a good thing.

Listen, you're missing a... You're missing a bet!

There's a fortune in it for all of us!

Mulrooney!

Have you seen anything of an old gaffer and a couple of kids

in a Rolls-Royce? - Rolls-Royce? Like that one?

Yes, like that one. Hey, that's it!

What are we waiting for? After 'em!

Hey!

Oh, no!

Grandpa, there's somebody tailing us.

Anybody we know?

- It's Mr. Yarby. - Mr. Yarby? Well, well, well.

Keep out of sight, Jasper.

All right, Mr. Mulrooney.

But why, Grandfather? Why not stop and let them see him?

That would prove you weren't crazy.

Not on your life, honey.

It'll be a cold day in the tropics when D.J. Mulrooney

does anything just to prove to Ralph Yarby that he's got all his marbles.

Faster, man, faster.

Yes, Mr. Yarby.

- They're gaining on us! - Oh, no!

They won't for long. Let's see how well they keep up

when the going gets rough.

Jasper, I thought I told you to keep out of sight.

I'm trying to, Mr. Mulrooney.

- Look where you're going, man! - I can't see the road for the trees!

Don't stop, stupid. Get going! Get going!

Get that hood closed. We can't see where we're going.

I know, Mr. Yarby, but how?

Give her the gas! Full speed ahead!

I said ahead! Put on the brakes!

Maybe you'd care to try.

They're with us again.

Well, let's see how they are on cornering.

Hold tight, everybody!

Whee! I take it all back, Grandfather.

This is some car!

Just some fenders. Nothing to worry about.

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Mr. Yarby, would you care to drive?

What did we lose now?

Only the rear wheels.

Look out, Ralph!

They don't make 'em like they used to, huh, Ralph?

Grandpa!

- Grandpa! - Knobby!

- Knobby! - Yoo-hoo!

- Knobby! - Where are you? Knobby!

- Where are you? - Knobby!

Grandpa!

Grandpa, show yourself!

- Knobby! - Grandpa!

You don't think he's faded away?

Oh, no! Knobby!

- Knobby! - Where are you?

- Yahoo! Yahoo! - Shh!

- I think I hear something! - Yahoo!

Yippee!

Yahoo! Yahoo! Yippee!

- Grandpa, what's happened? What's got into you? - Mulrooney, you were right.

- We ain't the only gnomes in the world. - Yippee!

- Rufus? - Yes?

Come on out and meet my doo-deen friends.

Oh, yes, well, any friend of Knobby's is a friend of ours.

- Hello, doo-deens. Welcome. - Well, thank you.

- It's nice to be here. - Hi.

And is this the young one who would like to meet some other gnomes?

Yes, sir, I- I sure would.

Well, all right.

My boy, if you were afraid that you were the last of the gnomes, take heart.

There's lots of us... and here's the proof.

You needn't ever be lonesome again.

Something ailin' you, boy?

Ain't you glad to find more gnomes?

Well, yeah, Grandpa,

only, uh, uh...

Well, what about the, uh, uh...

- Well, you know what I mean. - All right, out with it!

What do you mean? - Knobby...

I think what the boy's trying to say is, "Are there any girl gnomes?"

Well, of course! How stupid of me.

Rufus here has more girl gnomes than he knows what to do with.

Right, Rufus?

Oh, you know I have.

My goodness! Have I got girls!

I've got big girls... you know, I really mean big ones, and...

little girls... You want a little one? I've got medium-sized ones.

Have I got girls! I've got some that...

I'll show you. Girls?

Girls! Come on out, girls!

The eligible gnome is here.

Stop this! Hold it!

Now, don't lose your heads, girls! Back there. Back there.

Go. Line up. Line up, now.

Girls are so silly!

- Don't you think so? - No.

Which one do you like, Grandfather?

- Well, now, it's kind of hard to say. - I like them all.

Well, don't stand there like a stump, boy!

Ya come looking for a bride. Get going!

Go on, go on! This is no time to be bashful.

Go ahead, boy! Go ahead!

That one's Poppy.

And the next, that's Petunia.

Named after a flower, you know.

That's Heather, and that one is Morning Glory.

That's a lovely name.

Oh, Jasper, that's Snapdragon.

By the way, she's my niece, Jasper.

She's the one I think he'll like, you know, my niece.

Yeah, she's the one I think you'll like.

Oh, that next one... that's Buttercup.

That's Daisy. Daisy...

That's a pretty name.

Isn't it? He must be getting old...

And- And Thistle Down.

And that's Primrose.

And there's Dewdrop. Dewdrop.

How pretty, that... Azalea.

And that's Pearblossom.

Pearblossom. That's two words made into one, you know.

And last but not least, poor Violet there.

A bit bashful, I'm afraid.

Uh, hi.

Well, come on, boy. If that's the one, go ahead and take her.

Oh, no, you don't!

And why not? He's picked the one he wants.

The one he wants? Oh, my goodness.

It's not the male that picks his mate.

It's the "she-male" that picks the date.

It'll all end out all right. It's the oldest law in nature

- I never heared such nonsense. - What are you talking about, Knobby?

You know that whenever we have a bumper crop of females,

we like to give every maiden a chance.

Well, you mean he's stuck with whoever picks him?

Now you're getting it.

Prepare the eligible gnome!

What are they doing to Jasper?

Oh, just a little complication.

You know, I thought of it myself.

- It makes for a little more fun. - Fun?

- A greased gnome! - A what?

It's like a greased pig chase back in Ireland.

The one who catches him gets to keep him.

It's not very romantic, is it?

Form your circle!

All right, girls, you all know the rules.

You've got to hang on to your gnome for a count of seven.

Is that clear?

On your mark.

Get set.

Go!

Aw, keep quiet!

Run for it, Jasper! Head for the tall timber!

Watch it, boy! They're tricky!

For a man to win this game, he's got to have eyes in the back of his head.

What's happening? Where's Jasper?

He's escaped. Hey, look!

Psst! Violet! Catch me!

Good girl, Snapdragon!

How'd you like that snappy catch, Knobby?

Whoops!

Get in there, Violet! It's anybody's gnome!

Catch me! Now's your chance.

Well, hurry up! Grab me before it's too late.

- Now, girl, now! - Go on! Go ahead!

Grab him!

Oh, no! Did you ever see such a backward female?

Atta girl!

Reminds me of the time I was chasing this greased pig...

Plumb disgusting! There ain't gonna be much left of the boy

when whoever gets him, gets him.

Dodge 'em, son! Dodge em!

Look below you, boy! Below you!

Come on, Violet! Get in there! Get in there!

Jasper!

- She's got him! - Hold on! Oh, hold on!

How do you like that, you old coot?

Hang on, Violet! You've got your gnome.

- Start counting! - One...

two...

three... - Faster!

Stop interrupting me! You know I always get flustered

when I get, uh, stuttered... when I get stuttered...

I mean, I get... Look what you've...

F-F-F-Four...

f-f-five...

s... What comes after five?

- Six! - Oh.

- S-S-Six... - Seven!

- Oh, no! - There he is.

Violet!

She got him!

- Who's got him? - Well, start counting.

One, two...

three...

four...

five...

six...

seven!

It's Violet! It's Violet!

- It's Violet! - It's Violet

- Violet! - Violet is the official winner.

By the power and authority

vested in me by the Gnomish Council of Elders

I now pronounce you gnome and wife.

Well, go ahead, boy. Kiss her! Kiss her!

Do I have to do everything for you?

Folks Folks!

May I have your attention, please?

To honor this memorable occasion,

sort of as a wedding present,

I am deeding to the gnomes 50,000 acres of virgin Redwoods.

To be yours for eternity... and even longer.

Any and all young married couples

who want to come along and start a new colony...

there's a gnome-mobile leaving immediately.

Three cheers for D.J. Mulrooney!

- Hip, hip... - Hooray!

- Hip, hip... - Hooray!

- Hip, hip... - Hooray!

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're rolling along in the gnome-mobile

Oh what a wonderful way to feel

Rolling along in the gnome-mobile.

In years to come I can guarantee.

A dozen grandchildren at your knee

And everyone of 'em proud to claim

Mulrooney is me middle name.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're rolling along in the gnome-mobile

Oh, what a wonderful way to feel

Rolling along in the gnome-mobile.

In the gnome-mobile, the gnome-mobile

We're rolling along in the gnome-mobile

Oh, what a wonderful way to feel

Rolling along in the gnome-mobile.