Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Today we're talking about fossils.

Okay?

And a fossil, class, is really just another name

for an ancient bone.

[Beavis and Butt-Head snickering]

But what you may not know

is that these bony messengers from the past

can be found in our own backyard.

Recently, not far from here, a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton

was found by amateur bone hunters.

Beavis' mom is an amateur bone hunter.

Shut up, Butt-Head. That's not funny.

And while they may not have the glitz

of popular youth culture,

dinosaur exhibits bring in millions of dollars

for the American Paleontological Foundation--

Uh, sir? Sir! Hey!

What was the part about a million dollars?

More like millions, Butt-Head.

You know, a good research project would be to find--

Beavis, our hard work in school is about to pay off.

[chuckles]

Yeah, finally.

Jesus. [chuckles]

Eh, sorry, Butt-Head.

Anderson only had one shovel.

One is all we need, Beavis.

Now start digging.

Van Driessen said we'd find them in our own backyard.

[chuckles]

[shovel clanking]

[grunting]

Um, I don't see any bones, Butt-Head.

Beavis, you wuss.

You're not digging good.

Step aside.

You got to put your back into it, dumbass, like this.

Beavis, we'll find no dinosaurs here.

If it's this hard for us to dig,

there's no way the dinosaurs could have dug their houses

with those wimpy little kangaroo arms.

Oh, yeah. [both chuckling]

[shovel scraping]

Uh, those dumbass bones got to be in somebody's backyard.

Yeah, yeah.

Whoa, a bone!

It's just like that dinosaur bone we saw in class

but newer.

That butt-munch dog stole our idea.

Damn it.

Come on, give it. [dog growling]

It's mine.

What are you going to do

with a million dollars, butthole?

[dog growling]

Whoa, bones.

Yeah, we don't even have to dig.

That stupid dog did all our work for us.

He even put them in bags.

Yeah, there's still some dinosaur on this one.

Not bad really.

Wait, what's this show called?

Uh, this is "Ghosted." [chuckles]

So is there a ghost on that chair?

[chuckles] - No.

That dude there, he like, ghosted her.

And so now they're going to like, find out why

and then work it out or something,

or settle it in the cage or something.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you like, spend the holidays with me?

I was your girlfriend.

Boy, she must have done something

really bad for him to ghost her.

Yeah, she probably like, killed his dog

and slapped his mom and stuff, you know?

And even then though,

I still don't think I'd ghost her, Butt-Head.

- [sighs] - Yeah, this better be good.

This is really embarrassing.

We got to pay attention.

The real reason I ghosted you, Giovanna,

is because you're a sex addict.

What?

Uh, what? [chuckles]

Wait, wait, wait a second. Whoa, whoa. [chuckles]

You know, it almost sounded like he said

she wants to have sex too much,

and that's why he broke up with her.

Uh, that can't be right.

Girl, you're like a [bleep] rabbit.

Like, you just [bleep], [bleep], [bleep], [bleep],

[bleep], [bleep], [bleep], [bleep].

Wait, he is! He is complaining!

- You're pathetic. - What?

- You're for real pathetic. - He's complaining about that?

This is the dumbest dude I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, he's not just dumb, Butt-Head.

[chuckles]

He's a lousy son of a bitch! Yeah.

- He sure is. - How dare he!

I mean, some of us, you know, like me,

don't have any sex, ever.

And he's sitting there with his man bun

and complaining about having too much sex?

Jesus Christ.

Multiple times a day, every day.

I don't know what number multiple is,

but it's better than zero.

Exactly.

There's starving kids in poor countries,

and they probably get to score, but I don't.

And look at this guy. Who does he think he is?

For once, I'm not going to say settle down, Beavis.

You're absolutely right.

I hate him! I hate him, Butt-Head!

[screaming]

[glass shatters]

Shut up! - That's right, Beavis.

Shut up! [screams]

Shut up, you butt monkey! - Kick his ass.

[screams]

Lousy son of a bitch. Teach him a lesson.

- [grunting] - There you go.

You don't want to score?

Well, how about not scoring with some of this?

- Yes. - [grunts]

[sighs]

That's how you take care of that.

That'll teach him a lesson.

[chuckles] That was cool.

Sorry, sorry.

Yeah, I just really hated him, Butt-Head, you know?

[both chuckle]

We don't have a TV anymore. [chuckles]

Why not?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[metallic scraping] [both grunting]

So let's, like, assemble the bones.

[chuckles]

Um, are there instructions or something?

I don't see any.

They must have fell out of the bag or something.

We don't need instructions, asswipe.

I know plenty about dinosaurs.

Now, this is an ass bone. [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

How's it look? [chuckles]

Uh...

pretty realistic.

Hmm, it feels like it's missing something though.

Like what?

Uh...

oh, yeah.

[both chuckling]

I shall call you Bonersaurus.

The mighty Bonersaurus.

[both chuckling]

Beavis, it's going to be hard for us

not to make a million dollars.

[chuckles]

Come see the dinosaur.

It's a real skeleton of a dinosaur monster.

Yes, sir. [chuckles]

And then, like, visit the gift shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

We've got a t-shirt that says "Bonersaurus"

and then like, Butt-Head's retainer,

and that's, like, a bra I found in a parking lot once.

Come see the ancient Bonersaurus.

Oh, my God. Pull over, pull over.

Look at this.

- Step right up. - Hey, you.

That is too perfect.

Let's get a picture,

and then we'll get the hell out of here.

Come see the Bonersaurus.

Come check out our museum that's going to make us rich.

Did you make this?

Uh, yeah, this is Bonersaurus.

Would you like to see it for $2?

Yes, we'd love to see it. Here you go.

Welcome to our museum.

Hundreds of years ago,

Bonersaurus walked the land, killing everything in sight,

and scoring with chick dinosaurs.

Yeah, its name was Bonersaurus,

which means saurus that has a boner.

[chuckles] - And this ends our tour.

Please exit through the gift shop.

And buy some stuff.

[camera shutter clicks]

I have to post this right now.

[both chuckling]

Um, how much money have we made so far, Butt-Head?

Uh, let's see here.

One, two--uh...

it's like $100 or, like, a million or something.

Kickass.

What are you going to buy with your half?

Half?

Boner-saurus was my idea, Beavis.

No way.

It was my idea, and I built most of it!

Well, I stuck on the boner. [chuckles]

And that's what everybody's here to see.

Damn it, Butt-Head.

Now, I'm going to take the boner...

- No, you're not. - And build my own Bonersaurus!

And mine is going to be all boners

with none of that dumb stuff like arms! Yeah.

Beavis, if you touch my boner,

I swear to God I'm going-- - This boner is mine!

Beavis, get your damn hands off my boner.

[fist impacting] - Make me!

[both grunting]

[chuckles]

[wind blows softly]

I guess the museum's closed, Butt-Head.

The age of the mighty Bonersaurus is over.

Perhaps in a hundred years, people will find these bones

and say, "Once long ago, there was a dinosaur

that had a boner or something."

I don't know. [chuckles]

This is stupid. [chuckles]

Why did we even do this?

Makes you think. [chuckles] It really makes you think.

[both chuckling]

[dog growling]

Chirp.