Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[both chuckling]

That statue kicks ass.

Yeah, yeah. [both chuckle]

What kind of pants are those?

They're yoga pants, dumbass.

Everybody knows that. [chuckles]

Well, that statue sure looks good in those yoga pants.

[chuckles] - It sure does.

[chuckles] - [chuckles]

Yoga pants. [chuckles]

Mm.

Um, Butt-Head?

I wonder if I would look sexy in yoga pants.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Everyone looks sexy in yoga pants.

Yeah, except for you, Beavis,

'cause you're disgusting.

No way, Butt-Head. [chuckles]

You heard what she said.

I'm gonna listen to a chick and not you.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna go get some yoga pants,

and then I shall score.

[chuckles]

[slurps]

You've seen it before, but not on this scale.

[laughs]

I thought we all needed cheering up, myself included.

So I know how you love a little bit of rock cooking.

I thought I'd go OTT with it.

You know--you know, Butt-Head, um,

sometimes I worry that I'll never score, you know?

But, um--

but this guy will never score.

Yeah, I don't see how he could.

[chuckles]

Is this the outback or something?

He's in the outback

'cause his wife kicked him out,

and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.

[chuckles]

"Mom, can I play breakfast in the backyard again?"

[both chuckle]

This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out

of food, he just goes to his mom's house

and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?

[both chuckle]

And then he just goes into the backyard

and cooks it all, yeah.

[chuckles]

On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.

[chuckles]

Why didn't he just, like, get some Froot Loops

or something?

[both chuckle]

This breakfast is a cry for help.

[both chuckle]

He made a face out of eggs and sausage

'cause he's lonely.

[both chuckle]

"Let's make some pancake boobs here."

[both chuckle]

He's like, "I'm cooking for two

"in case Jennifer comes back. Has anyone seen her?

No? Well, that means more for me."

[chuckles]

This is turning out to be a great day

without Jennifer, and many more to come, yeah.

[chuckles]

" Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,

so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.

[chuckles]

And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.

[both chuckle]

That was lovely.

[chuckles]

Yup, all good things must come to an end,

like this filthy breakfast and my marriage of 14 months.

[both chuckle]

Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.

[chuckles]

Yeah. [chuckles]

"And now I filled this backpack with rocks,

and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."

[both chuckle] - Yeah.

"In the next episode, you'll be seeing an outback funeral."

[both chuckle]

"Let me know if she's there." [chuckles]

"She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret

running off with her college roommate."

Yeah. [both chuckle]

She'll be like, "You know, if I hadn't left him,

"he'd still be alive and cooking me a filthy breakfast

on a rock."

[both chuckle]

"And don't forget, if you like this video,

can you please go find my wife?"

[both chuckle]

Just smash that find-my-wife button.

[both chuckle]

Go get me some yoga pants.

Ooh, yeah. [chuckles]

Uh, here you go, Beavis. [chuckles]

Um, those look kind of small, Butt-Head.

Of course they look small, dumbass.

That's because they, like, stretch and stuff so that

they can, like, rearrange your butt or something.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah.

[chuckles] This is gonna be cool.

[chuckles]

- [slurps] - Okay.

I'll take these off.

Here we go. [chuckles]

Ah.

Hey, how's it going? [chuckles]

Hey, Butt-Head, I'm, like, naked in a place

that, like, chicks have been naked in.

Cool. [chuckles]

- Boing, oing, oing. - [chuckles]

Okay, okay. [chuckles]

- [slurps] - Put these bad boys on.

[chuckles]

[grunting]

[slurps]

[grunting]

About halfway there.

[grunting]

Son of a bitch!

[elastic snaps]

[sighs] Okay.

[chuckles] Here we go.

How do I look? [chuckles]

Uh, Beavis?

Pretty sexy.

[chuckles] - Uh, Beavis?

[chuckles] - Yeah, I'd tap that.

Yeah--ooh. [chuckles]

Uh, Beavis, it looks like you don't have any nads.

What? What're you talking about?

Or a schlong. [chuckles]

No way, Butt-Head. My schlong is right--

[screams]

No, what happened to my nads? - [chuckles]

I know they're in there 'cause these pants

are really making 'em hurt.

Uh, you better take 'em off

before any chicks see you, Beavis.

That's embarrassing. - [grunting]

They won't come off, Butt-Head.

[grunts]

My wiener's going numb. [screaming]

Just get ahold of yourself, Beavis.

Hold of yourself. [chuckles]

I can't get 'em off. Ahh!

[grunting] You gotta help me, Butt-Head.

These pants are cutting off oxygen to my schlong.

Hmm, we need to find a place that sells schlong oxygen.

No, we gotta find something to get 'em off

before my wiener dies.

Damn it. [grumbles]

We just need to, like, oil 'em up,

and then they'll just slide right off.

Now just wait over there.

I'll be right back. [chuckles]

Care to try our new olive oils from Tuscany?

Okay, Beavis, I got you some oil,

and it has Tuscany in it.

What's that?

I don't know, but it'll grease you up good.

Open up your pants. [chuckles]

It's not working, Butt-Head.

That's 'cause you need some muscle, dumbass.

Hold on to that thing, and let a real man do this.

Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Butt-Head, I'm starting to slip.

Hold on, dumbass.

- I can't. - Almost got it.

No, Butt-Head.

No, no, no--oh, no!

Ahh!

[screaming]

[chuckles] That was cool.

[chuckles]

[grunts]

I can't get up, Butt-Head.

Ow, ah. [grunting]

It just keeps going down.

Uh, don't worry, Beavis. I'm gonna go get help.

Ow. [grunting]

Going down. [chuckles]

Oh, yeah. [grunting]

Eh, but really, Butt-Head, come on.

Ah, ow, ah.

Uh, excuse me.

We need help and stuff.

What's the problem?

Uh, my friend has no nads.

[grunts] Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!

Uh, he says he doesn't know how to help you, Beavis.

Damn it.

[grunting]

Well, I'll see you at home.

- [screams] - Let me know how it turns out.

[chuckles] - Okay, see you later.

Damn it.

Ah, ow. Ah, ow.

[grunting]

Ah!

Damn it.

[snoring]

- Good morning. - Good morning.

[chuckles]

[snoring]

[coughs]

[snoring]

Chirp.