Original subtitles

[rock music]

♪ ♪

So, like, what should we do when we get home?

Let me think.

Hey, let's watch TV.

Uh...

Oh, yeah.

That's a good idea.

This is gonna be cool.

Yeah, TV, yeah.

Uh, it won't open.

Why not?

Uh, I don't know.

Oh, maybe it's because I locked it.

Damn it, Beavis. Why did you do that?

Well, I watched a movie about a ghost,

and I got scared.

What movie?

It's called "Ghost."

Really scary.

Uh, do you have a key?

No.

So how are we supposed to get in?

I figured we could just knock.

You know, one of us is usually there, you know?

Uh, we're both out here, Beavis.

Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckles]

I'll be damned.

Stand back, Beavis.

I'm gonna kick it down,

and there's gonna be, like,

pieces of door flying everywhere.

Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Cool.

[both chuckling]

Ugh.

Um, the door's still there, Butt-Head.

This door is strong.

I'm gonna go check the back door.

[both chuckling]

Back door.

The back door is the house's butt.

[chuckles]

Back door.

Damn it.

This house is pissing me off.

Butt-Head, maybe you should kick harder.

Uh, okay, Beavis.

Ah! Cut it out, Butt-Head.

I'm gonna kick your ass.

[both grunting]

Whoa.

That was cool.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, what are you waiting for, Beavis?

Climb in.

Ladies first.

Yeah, that's cool. It's like we're breaking in.

Breaking in.

[ding]

Uh, I don't know, Butt-Head.

This was your idea, Beavis.

Oh, yeah.

It was my hose, yeah. [chuckles]

Hose.

[both chuckling]

Now get the hell in there, Beavis.

Wait a minute. Wait, Butt-Head. No, no, wait.

Wait, wait, no, no.

What's your problem, buttmunch?

No, no, no, no!

Ah!

My nads!

Beavis, you dumbass. What are you doing?

Guess I'll have to do this myself.

- Ah! - Ah!

Damn it.

[both groaning]

Butt-Head?

Yeah?

Do your nads hurt?

Uh, yes.

So do mine.

I'm gonna go in the house and get a band-aid, Butt-Head.

Do you have a key?

Beavis.

You're the dumbest of asses.

[gentle music]

Dandelions.

I like to blow on dandelions

'cause it messes up other people's lawns.

It's, like, hard work,

but it's worth it to spread weeds.

[both chuckling]

Yeah, weeds are cool.

♪ But your mama always said ♪

♪ Look up into the skies ♪

♪ Find the sun on a cloudy day ♪

What's she saying?

"Mama always said look up into the sky"?

My mom never said anything like that.

Yeah, really, neither did mine.

Be like, "Beavis, mama's got the liquor flu.

"Get out of here, and close the door.

Don't slam it."

♪ Mama always said that she's hungover ♪

♪ Just make yourself some cheerios ♪

♪ Mama always said there's food in the fridge ♪

♪ I'll be back in about two weeks ♪

You think this is, like,

like, from a new Pixar movie or something?

Uh, this is cooler than Pixar.

Pixar sucks.

Oh, oh, Butt-Head,

Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

I got something to say.

[chuckles]

Go ahead, Beavis.

Yeah, I was just thinking,

you know, 'cause you said "Pixar."

I was just thinking... [chuckling]

Dixar.

[giggles]

God damn it, Beavis, you still got it.

[both chuckling]

Oh, thanks, Butt-Head.

You know, sometimes, you know,

it just comes to me.

I don't know where it comes from, you know?

Don't even question where it comes from, Beavis.

It is a gift.

But also a responsibility.

Uh, do you have any other good ones?

Well, you know, I was thinking of one.

You know, like, instead of "DreamWorks,"

it would be Shlong-Works.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's not very good.

Ugh.

It sure isn't, Beavis.

That's worse than not very good.

That's horrible.

You're back to being worthless.

[chuckles]

You ruined everything.

Come on, Butt-Head.

I mean, Dixar is still pretty good, right?

Dixar was a long time ago, Beavis.

I don't even know if that's funny anymore.

Okay, Beavis, here's the deal.

We put one end of the chain on Mr. Anderson's truck,

and the other end on our doorknob,

and then when he drives away,

he'll pull off our door.

Pull off. [chuckles]

Now go put the other end on our doorknob.

[chuckles] Knob.

[doorbell rings]

Can I help you fellas?

Uh, some kids, like, keyed your truck.

- My brand new truck? - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we saw them run down the street.

They took your chain too.

Yeah.

You can probably catch them if you get in your truck

and go, like, really fast that way.

Well, then that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

It's probably those two damn boys,

Bufford and Bernardo.

Uh, yeah.

Probably.

Yeah, it was Bernardo!

Marcy, it's that Bernardo and Bufford again.

I'm gonna go get them.

[chuckles] Look at him.

[both chuckling]

Beavis, you dumbass.

You were supposed to put the other end of the chain

on the doorknob.

I did, yeah. Yeah, it's on the door knob.

It's in your hand, dumbass.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess I forgot. Yeah.

Go put it on now, butthole. Hurry up.

Boy, when I catch those two boys,

I'm liable to take them to the woodshed,

I'll tell you what.

Hurry the hell up, Beavis.

What?

What'd you say? I couldn't hear you.

I said hurry up, you ass-wagon.

Get over there.

Well, I don't see where they keyed it,

but those boys wouldn't lie.

Not like those other two.

[chuckles] Bernardo.

[grunts]

[engine starts]

Uh-oh.

That damn Bufford and Bernardo.

Boy, I shouldn't be driving when I'm this mad.

[grunts] Damn it.

I'll just put it on this knob right here.

[chuckles]

Knob.

We'll be in our house in no time, Beavis.

Yeah.

[tires squeak] - What the hell?

This is a brand new truck with 510-foot pounds of torque.

Well, time to kick it into all-wheel drive.

both: Whoa.

- That was cool. - Yeah.

We got in.

Yeah, it's like we worked together,

and we did it.

Feels pretty good, yeah.

And now the house looks cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Boy, these new engines just purr like a kitten,

I tell you what.

Now where the hell are those two son of a bitching bastards?

[sirens wailing] - Pull over!

Are you boys looking for Bufford and Bernardo--

Get out of the car! Make a T!

Make a what now?

Ah!

Hands on your head.

[smacks and grunts]

This hole really kicks ass.

I wouldn't take that attitude if I were you, officer.

He's got a gun! Yeah, take him down.

Mess him up.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Chirp.