Original subtitles

♪ MTV ♪

[both chuckling]

[bluesy rock music]

♪ ♪

I'm gonna head to the barber to get my ears lowered,

so I need you boys to sign for a couple two packages

I got comin' from the Amazon.

[chuckles] Package.

[both chuckling]

They're a birthday present for Marcie

and my new hearing aid.

That one's real important now

because I can't hear nothing without it.

Uh, did you hear me when I called you a butthole?

Well, you're welcome.

I knew I could count on you.

[laughs]

What are we supposed to do with these things again?

Uh...

maybe we'll remember if we open 'em.

[grunts]

It's, like, some kind of earbud that sucks.

Let's throw them in the garbage.

It's the least we can do.

Just gonna open this here.

Whoa. Look, Beavis.

Yeah, yeah. It's amazing.

Let's break it. [chuckles]

Yeah, break it.

There'll be glass everywhere.

- Beavis, wait. - Huh?

Yes, we could smash this crystal thingy

in the street,

and yes, it would be cool,

but we can do better than that, and we must.

Let's throw it off the roof.

[both laugh] - Yeah. Yeah.

Jesus Christ of the Lord God on high,

thank you for making me Post Malone.

[chuckles]

Thank you for making me rich and have lots of chicks too.

[chuckling] Amen.

[chuckling]

♪ ♪

Whoa, oh, he doesn't have any armor on his schlong.

It's just wide open, and his testes too.

Boy, he just doesn't care about his wiener.

[chuckling]

Yeah, yeah, an evil rises in Mordor,

but Post Malone shall not wear any armor on his schlong!

♪ Even when I tried ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You don't believe it ♪

Oh, check it out, Butt-Head, she doesn't have a mouth.

[chuckles] Yeah.

He finally found a chick

who can't tell him his music sucks.

Shut up, Butt-Head. I kind of like it.

He's just kind of lazy. [chuckles]

[humming melody]

♪ I don't believe it ♪

♪ ♪

- Yeah, he looks lazy. - Yeah, that's cool.

[chuckles]

♪ So I don't take the blame ♪

Is he chewing tobacco? [chuckles]

No, he's got, like, a bunch of tattoos

on the inside of his mouth,

and they make his cheeks all puffy.

[chuckles] - Yeah, he looks cool.

[chuckles] - Whoa.

She grew her on noose so she could kill herself

'cause he sucks. - Shut up, Butt-Head.

[chuckles] This kicks ass.

[chuckles] - Well, the noose didn't work.

I guess I'd better drown myself.

Shut up, Butt-Head.

She just needs to go wash her hair for Post Malone,

you know, 'cause people keep stepping on it.

♪ ♪

Come on, butthole. Hurry up.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

I'm kind of afraid of heights.

Quit being such a wuss, Beavis.

Come on. [chuckles]

Okay.

[laughs]

Don't look down.

Whoa. Whoa, that's a long ways.

Hurry the hell up, buttwipe.

[grunting]

[panting]

Oh, boy.

Uh, where's the bowl?

Um, it was, like, too hard to climb

and bring it up here at the same time,

so I decided to climb first

and then bring it up here.

You know what I'm saying? - Damn it, Beavis.

The bowl was the whole reason I came up here.

Now get down there and get it.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

It's kind of scary to try--

Aah!

Uh, hmm.

How are we gonna get down, Butt-Head?

[both laugh]

Get down. [laughs]

Oh, boy. [both chuckle]

Uh, someone's gotta put the ladder back up,

so, Beavis, you're gonna have to jump off the roof.

[laughs]

I don't know, Butt-Head.

We're kind of really far off the ground.

Uh, I don't care.

Maybe you could jump.

Okay, I've got an idea, Beavis.

If you take, like, a running start,

you can jump into that tree and climb down.

That looks kind of far though.

You can do it, Beavis.

I believe in you. [laughs]

So hurry up, nutsack.

Uh, well, I'm--oh, boy.

I guess I could give it a try.

I don't know, Butt-Head.

Run as fast as you can, Beavis.

Okay, here goes. [laughs]

Don't look down. [chuckles]

Aah!

Butt-Head, help!

Uh, help you jump down?

No. No, no!

[grunts] No, no!

Aah! I don't wanna fall!

Ow! That hurt. - Grow up, Beavis.

Aah! No!

Everything isn't always about you.

Aah! Ow.

[groans] Ow.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm all right.

I don't wanna be late for kindergarten.

Circle time sucks.

[chuckles] Whoa.

Whoa, that's a cool bowl.

Never seen anything like that before.

Wow. I'll be damned.

Get the ladder, Beavis.

Oh, hey. Who are you?

I'm Butt-Head, assface.

Um, which one of those is your name

and which one is what you're calling me?

Just get the ladder, dumbass.

What's a ladder?

It's that thing over there that's a ladder.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Thanks, assface.

Yeah, here it is. Yeah.

Now put it against the house so I can climb down.

Okay. Okay, here we go, yeah.

[grunts]

[glass shatters]

[ladder clangs]

Finally, butthole.

Oh, hey, assface.

[laughs] How's it going?

You dumbass. What are you doing up here?

I climbed up this thing.

It's called a ladder. [chuckles]

Wait a second. It was just there.

Uh... [laughs]

[sighs] Dangnabbit.

My packages didn't come.

Now I don't have my GD hearing aid.

I can't hear a goddamn thing.

Uh, help? [laughs]

Yeah, old guy! Help us, yeah.

- Hey. - It looks like I forgot to...

- Old guy! - Put this ladder in the shed.

- Old man. - That's a whoopsie-daisy.

Uh, hey, old guy! Get us down from here!

- Help. - There we go.

Look up, dumbass.

Like, help!

Help or something! - Oh.

Marie's birthday present came at least.

Nice of them to deliver it back here

where the thieves won't get it.

both: Hey. - Hey, hey.

Old guy.

Uh, old guy? [laughs]

Are we gonna be up here forever, Butt-Head?

Uh, I don't know.

Yeah, it's pretty cool, yeah.

The moon sucks. [laughs]

It sure does, yeah. [chuckles]