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EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #056
"Earth Day"
Closed Captioned
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CHRIS ROCK:
Every school year,
there were always days
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when students had to do
special assignments.
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00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:09,577
Good morning, everybody.
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Some were easy,
like Thanksgiving.
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Your assignment
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00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:16,484
is to write a report
about what you're thankful for.
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And Martin Luther King Day.
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Your assignment
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00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,490
is to report
about what you would dream about
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if you were about to be shot.
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Some were a lot harder.
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This week is my favorite
holiday: Earth Day.
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Or, as you would say, Chris,
Earf Day.
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If you live on Earth,
isn't every day Earth Day?
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What's Earth Day?
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Well, Chris, people are
destroying the planet
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with things like plastic bags
and cans, bottles,
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00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:44,112
and indestructible foodstuffs.
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On Earth Day, we put forth our
best efforts to save the planet.
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I thought saving the planet
was a waste of time,
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because I was too busy
trying to save me.
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I tried saving my face.
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I tried saving my ass.
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I even tried saving
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my future kid's ass.
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To this day, I love geography.
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Your assignment is to do
something you think
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will help save the Earth.
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Greg.
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You mean something like building
a solar-powered tanning bed?
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Isn't that what the beach is?
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That's very good, Greg.
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Chris, what would you
like to do?
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I knew my dad had a truck
and Bed-Stuy was a mess.
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So I had the perfect project.
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Uh, collect cans
and recycle them?
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That's wonderful.
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Then you could
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take the money and do something
for the environment.
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You could plant a tree.
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Maybe I could plant
my foot in your b...
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* Ah, make it funky now.
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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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Having my father help me
with my Earth Day project
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seemed like a great idea
until he found out about it.
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Earth Day?
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It's the day we try
to save the Earth.
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I have a project
to do, too.
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Well, Earth Day must
not be too important
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if I still got
to go to work.
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Are the banks closed?
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You still got to feed
the parking meters.
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And what are you doing
to save the Earth?
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I'm recycling cans, and the
money I make I'm going to use
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to help the environment.
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Just like the Republicans.
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I don't know, Chris.
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Sounds like it might
take too much time.
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Julius, your son is trying
to save the Earth.
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Are you going
to help him or not?
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My father had been asked
that question before,
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and there was only
one right answer,
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whether it was something
minor...
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Are you going to do
the dishes or not?
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Or something major.
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Are you going
to propose to me or not?
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Here you go, baby.
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Oh!
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Thank you.
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See?
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Sure, I'll help you out.
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Here's your first can.
I hope you get an "A."
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Thanks, Dad.
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What are you doing, boy?
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I have to build a car
out of this piece of wood.
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I want to know what you're
doing with my potatoes.
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That's how I'm going
to power it.
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It's environmentally
friendly.
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You wasting my potatoes
is butt-whipping friendly.
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Me and Drew were trying
to save the world,
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but Tonya was about to be
in a world of trouble.
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Listen to this:
"Dear Parent,
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"Your daughter Tonya
has been cited
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"for a conduct violation,
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and your presence is being
requested for a conference."
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What kind
of conduct violation?
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She said I was being
rude and belligerent.
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Ain't no damn body
rude and belligerent.
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I'm going
to go down there
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and show them what
rude and belligerent is.
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No kidding.
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Rude and belligerent.
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While I had my father
on my side,
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my mother was going to get
a teacher off of Tonya's back.
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I don't see why I have to take
a whole day off of work,
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to come down here
for this nonsense.
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I don't think it's nonsense.
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Tonya was exhibiting
some aggressive behavior
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toward a classmate.
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I just wanted you
to be aware of it.
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I was just trying to read,
and she wouldn't be quiet.
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Girl, you interrupt
me again,
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I'm going to knock
the sound out of your mouth.
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How is she being
aggressive?
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Apparently, Tonya turned toward
her study partner and said this.
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(mumbling)
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Did you say this?
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Sorta.
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Well, she was trying
to study, right?
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That's not the point.
Oh, well, I think it is.
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This is school, and her behavior
will not be tolerated.
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Her behavior?
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What about the other
little girl's behavior?
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Why don't you have her mother
come down here
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and tell her kid to shut up
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while my baby
is trying to study?
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That's neither here nor there.
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Then please, where is it?
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What I'd like to ask is
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do you know where Tonya
got this language from?
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My mother had two answers
to that question.
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Answer A:
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00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,808
She got it from this knot I'm
about to put upside your head.
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And Answer B:
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Well, I don't know,
but it won't happen again.
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Have a nice day.
Tonya, come on.
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I want to get
transferred.
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00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,751
Girl, don't backtalk me
right now.
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Now is not the time.
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Later, I found out
that before Al Gore,
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people had no idea what to do
to save the Earth.
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If you want to save the Earth,
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00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,761
you better figure out
what to do about them Russians.
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They got bombs.
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00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,831
My whole family worked
in the fields.
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00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,132
I hate fields.
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00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,767
I love concrete.
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00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,370
You can't grow cotton
on concrete.
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00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,872
I help the environment
by driving as much as I can.
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00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,973
You ever ride that train?
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That train is filthy, man.
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00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:44,645
You know it's dirty as hell
when rats got footies on.
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00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,113
You want to save this planet?
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00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:49,717
Get rid of them trains.
Get rid of them trains.
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00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,019
I help the environment
by wearing wigs.
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00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,488
People put a whole lot
of chemicals in their hair.
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00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,889
Then they wash it out.
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00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,391
It goes right into the river.
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00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:58,592
People got to drink that water.
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00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,795
When you done with a wig,
just flush it down the toilet.
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00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,898
If it ends up in your glass,
well, at least you can see it.
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00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,801
I use "I Can't Believe
This Is Not Margarine."
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00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,403
It tastes real great.
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00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:14,107
Plus it has paudridridamadra-
hydraglycerin.
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That saves cows.
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00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,646
If the Earth died,
that would be tragic,
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but I sure like
to sell that coffin.
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00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,583
So how'd it go with Tonya?
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00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,184
Her teacher is crazy.
That's how it went.
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What happened?
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I was trying to study and this
girl kept talking so I told her:
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00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,523
(in Rochelle's voice):
"If you don't shut up
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"I'm going to slap
the chatter out of you."
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And she left me alone.
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00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,994
Wow, you sound just like mom.
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No, she doesn't.
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She does.
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I mean, just a little.
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So you think
that this is my fault?
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Well, you do kind of
always yell.
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Okay, then fine, I'll stop.
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(all laughing)
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What? That's funny?
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You're going to stop yelling?
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Yes, I'm going to stop yelling.
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You just watch.
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I got five dollars says
you won't last a week.
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Bet.
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00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,858
Getting my father
to agree to help me
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00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:06,660
with my project was one thing.
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00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,962
Getting him to actually help
was something else.
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Dad.
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00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:11,565
Dad.
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00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,733
Hmm?
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00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,234
You think we can go out
and get started?
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00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,203
Started on what?
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Collecting cans.
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00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,473
What cans?
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For my project.
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00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,209
What project?
My school project.
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00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,611
What school project?
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00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,012
Collecting cans.
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00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,915
Chris, I'm tired.
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00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,517
Can't you do it yourself?
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00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:33,086
Yeah, I guess I can start
by myself.
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00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,793
A kid collecting cans
with his dad is recycling.
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00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,963
A kid collecting cans
by himself is bum practice.
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00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,632
Dad?
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00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:49,937
Well Earth, It's just us.
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00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,908
Since my dad wouldn't help me,
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00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:59,279
I had no choice but to collect
a few cans on my own.
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00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,015
Unfortunately, you could turn
in cans for money,
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00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,785
and every bum
in Bed-Stuy knew it.
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00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,789
They may be bums,
but they're not lazy bums.
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00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,923
Hey, Chris.
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00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,592
What are you doing in there?
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00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,626
Collecting cans.
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00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,127
Turn in enough,
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00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,964
get a lot of cash, plus,
it's good for the environment.
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00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,599
What are you doing, soldier?
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00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,233
I'm trying to collect cans, too.
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00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,735
It's for my Earth Day project.
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00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,571
Want to collect cans
around here?
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00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,705
You got to be quick.
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00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,039
Yeah, I guess so.
217
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,047
Got to be quicker than that.
218
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,920
(water flushing)
219
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,022
After a couple of days,
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00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,124
my can project
was going down the toilet.
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00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,659
You've got to be quick
to get the cans.
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00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,627
That's a big business.
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00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,662
I thought my dad was
going to be helping me.
224
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:49,697
This was supposed
to be easy.
225
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,198
Maybe you should
switch projects.
226
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,132
Yeah, now all I have to do
227
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,201
is come up with a
solar-powered excuse.
228
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,237
I'd help you, but I ran
into a major problem.
229
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,305
What happened?
230
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,273
While I was making
my tanning bed,
231
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:03,310
I accidentally invented
an incandescent light bulb
232
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,813
that won't burn out
for 600 years.
233
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,948
That's amazing. Then
you'll definitely get an "A."
234
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,983
I can't turn that in.
Why not?
235
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,252
Are you crazy?
I'd be a marked man.
236
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,922
I'm not taking down every major
power company in the nation.
237
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,924
They'd have me
killed in a minute.
238
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,992
So I decided to switch projects.
239
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,829
I'm going with
a dung-powered radar system.
240
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:25,098
US patent #D349127.
241
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,267
So what are you
going to do?
242
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,369
Well, I figure there's a bunch
of cans around here somewhere.
243
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,271
I might as well
just keep looking.
244
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,606
See these two little
cup-like things?
245
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,774
Mm-hmm?
246
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,909
Put the potatoes in them.
247
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,045
Take one of these
little electrodes
248
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,246
and plunge it
into the potato there,
249
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,950
and take the other one and
plunge it into the other potato.
250
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,985
Back at home,
my mother needed help, too.
251
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:48,188
Drew, what is all this stuff
on the table?
252
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,357
Boy, you better clean this table
before I knock...!
253
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,825
Are you yelling?
254
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,360
No.
255
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,397
Sweetie.
256
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,667
When you get a chance...
257
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,635
would you mind
putting this stuff away,
258
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:02,970
so I-I-I can set the table
for dinner?
259
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,672
Yeah, I'll do it in a minute.
260
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,709
Hi, Tonya.
261
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,278
Did Daddy say you could have
ice cream before dinner?
262
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,380
Nope, but I got hungry.
263
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,082
But Tonya,
it's almost dinnertime.
264
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,817
I don't want you
to ruin your appetite.
265
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,018
Mama, don't worry about it.
266
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,087
I'm going to eat my dinner.
267
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,836
Tonya, why are you reading
268
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:36,670
at the table?
269
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,838
Why aren't you eating
your dinner?
270
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,139
I'm just not hungry.
271
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:40,741
Hmm, well,
272
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:42,743
maybe it's all that ice cream
you had before dinner.
273
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,343
Yeah, maybe.
274
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:44,211
Who said
275
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,779
you could eat ice cream
before dinner?
276
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:46,313
Nobody.
277
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,881
That's the
problem.
278
00:10:47,915 --> 00:10:48,348
What?
279
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,817
Nothing.
280
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,320
So,
281
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,021
Chris,
282
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,789
how's your project coming along?
283
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:58,959
Okay.
284
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,161
Um, me and Dad are just trying
to figure out a time
285
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,963
that's good for us
to go looking for cans.
286
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,832
Yeah, we're working on the time.
287
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,033
Oh, okay, that's nice.
288
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,334
I'm sure you two
will work it out.
289
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,402
Mm-hmm.
290
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,371
Well, I finally figured out
my project.
291
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,206
I hope you figured out
how to clean that mess up.
292
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,343
I-I built a potato clock.
293
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,312
Now all I have
to do is paint it.
294
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,413
Paint?
295
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,782
On my dining room table?
296
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,717
Mm-hmm.
297
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,353
Oh, no, you don't.
298
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,721
You're not getting me.
299
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,356
I'm keeping
that five dollars.
300
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,358
Paint all you want.
301
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,026
Paint 20 potatoes
302
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,828
if you have to, Drew.
303
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:35,729
Are those my good potatoes?
304
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:36,830
Not anymore!
305
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:37,931
Yeah, but I'll
chop 'em up
306
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,399
and make French fries
after I turn my project in.
307
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,868
Hey, check it out.
308
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,135
I put a calendar
on the front.
309
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,271
I thought
you were supposed
310
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,438
to be making a car.
311
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,908
I thought you were supposed
to be eating your dinner.
312
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,810
I was,
313
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,746
but the potatoes were
too weak to run it.
314
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,081
I wonder
how many potatoes we need
315
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,382
to get rid of the light bill.
316
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,118
Enough to make mashed potatoes
for the next million years.
317
00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:00,387
So Dad, you think you could pick
me up after school tomorrow?
318
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:01,755
For what?
319
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,924
To pick up cans.
320
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:07,460
Yeah, yeah, cans.
321
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,062
No problem.
322
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,064
Work tomorrow? No problem.
323
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:14,067
Unfortunately for me,
if you offer my dad a job,
324
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,936
he forgot
about everything else.
325
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,938
So Dad, I'm going
to come straight home
326
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,172
after school
tomorrow, okay?
327
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,408
Oh, I'm sorry, Chris.
328
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,476
I just picked up
an extra shift.
329
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,078
I get paid time
and a half, but,
330
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,379
hey, you're doing
okay though, right?
331
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,982
Yeah, Dad, I'm fine.
332
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,984
All right, I knew you would.
333
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,953
You're the man.
That's my boy.
334
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,925
We learned the reason
my mother yelled
335
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,559
wasn't because
she liked yelling.
336
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,096
It was because if she didn't
yell, no one would hear her.
337
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,164
Drew, wake up.
338
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,299
Hey, right.
339
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,968
Chris, you're going
to be late.
340
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,302
I'm coming.
341
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,104
Okay, fine.
342
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,239
Don't go to school.
343
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,808
Grow up stupid.
344
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,545
Tonya, wake up, baby.
345
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,547
All right, all right.
346
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,116
Five more minutes.
347
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,956
(chuckles)
348
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,590
See?
349
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,425
Oh, this is
what I'm talking about.
350
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,427
I tried to be nice
351
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,429
and this is the thanks I get.
352
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,432
Yeah, I try not to be
rude and belligerent.
353
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,601
If I wasn't, nothing
would get done around here.
354
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,603
But that's okay.
355
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,974
Oh, okay, I guess I'm supposed
to clean this up too?
356
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,242
Oh, no, no, no problem,
Mr. Potato.
357
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,310
I'll clean you up.
358
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,945
I have nothing else
better to do.
359
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,947
No, please, you sit right there.
360
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,949
I'll be back.
No, really, stay!
361
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,951
No, it's okay.
362
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,287
It's okay because...
363
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,926
Now that is just nasty.
364
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:49,262
After searching around,
I found a few cans,
365
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,398
but what I really needed
was some help.
366
00:13:55,335 --> 00:14:00,040
* Whoa, oh, mercy, mercy me...
367
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,943
There he is, Officer.
That's the man.
368
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:05,012
* Oh, things ain't what...
369
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,014
That's my boy.
370
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,482
If I ever needed my dad's help,
I needed it then.
371
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,018
Dad?
372
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,286
Dad!
373
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,288
(panting)
374
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,290
Dad... ah, dang it!
375
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,291
Wait!
376
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:19,392
(panting)
377
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,229
Move, move, move.
378
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,338
Dad?
379
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,140
I'm not your daddy.
380
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,210
(tires squealing)
381
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,349
Am I?
382
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,516
No.
383
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,552
Thank you, God.
384
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,465
(crackling)
385
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,669
Hey, baby, what you doing?
386
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,372
I looked everywhere
and I couldn't find any cans.
387
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,606
So I figured I'd get my own.
388
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,075
Want a soda?
389
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,342
Yeah, thanks.
390
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,577
You mean to tell me
391
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,345
you and your daddy
couldn't find one can?
392
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:15,983
I didn't want to tell on my
dad, but I didn't want to lie.
393
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,319
Well, Dad hasn't really had
any time
394
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:20,954
to come looking for cans
with me.
395
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,256
He's been working.
396
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:25,292
Really.
397
00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,427
My project was on its last leg.
398
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,163
And for my mother,
that was the last straw.
399
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,364
Julius, wake up!
400
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,000
Oh, oh, what's going on?
What? What?
401
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,002
I thought you were gonna help
Chris with his homework.
402
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,203
I was. I am.
403
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,404
When?
404
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,405
I don't know.
405
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,073
Rochelle, I've been working.
406
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,309
Oh, and I've just been laying
around the house all day?
407
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:43,310
Is that what it is?
408
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,178
I ask you
to help that boy
409
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,714
with one homework assignment,
in what, 15 years?!
410
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,549
And you can't
even do that!
411
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,618
All I ask you to do
is take the boy
412
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,286
and pick up some cans.
413
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,521
I'm sorry.
414
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,456
"I'm sorry"? You ought to be!
415
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,258
Your son needed
your help
416
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,529
with one school assignment,
but, no, you were too busy.
417
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,531
But, baby...
418
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,233
But-but-but what?
419
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,767
Are you going to help him
or not?
420
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,103
Mmm.
421
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,139
That's exactly what I thought.
422
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,540
Hmm.
423
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,175
Take your money.
424
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:19,679
I'm back!
425
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,583
Dad?
426
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,688
What's wrong?
427
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,223
What happened?
428
00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:31,558
Whoa, calm down.
429
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,426
I'm here to help you
with your Earth Day project.
430
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,062
I thought you had to work.
431
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,296
I do.
432
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,764
Now let's go get these cans.
433
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:41,601
* People, let me tell you
about my best friend *
434
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:45,238
* He's a warm-hearted person
who loves me to the end *
435
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:49,476
* Now, people, let me tell you
about my best friend *
436
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:54,547
* He's a one boy, cuddly toy, my
up, my down, my pride and joy *
437
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,349
* People, let me tell you
about him *
438
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:57,217
* He's so much fun
439
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:00,220
* Whether we're talkin'
man to man *
440
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,389
* Or whether we're talking
son to son *
441
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:05,225
* 'Cause he's my best friend
442
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:09,429
* Yes, he's my best friend...
443
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,464
(laughing):
Whoa!
444
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,501
(scatting)
445
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,470
Looks pretty full.
446
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:18,705
Yeah, so you want
to take it
447
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,207
to the recycling center?
448
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,708
No, let's take it
first thing in the morning.
449
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,576
Yeah.
450
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,318
So, Tonya,
451
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,586
I know you heard me
scream yesterday.
452
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,622
Yeah, are you sorry?
453
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,624
No, I'm not sorry
454
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,492
and I'll tell you why.
455
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:42,695
You can only talk that way
to someone when you love them.
456
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,264
But you have to be nice
457
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:45,732
to the people
that you don't know.
458
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,568
But that doesn't
make any sense.
459
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,870
No, it doesn't
make any sense,
460
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,872
but it so happens
to be true.
461
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,707
Like when Bush got reelected.
462
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:58,145
How can it be true
if it doesn't make any sense?
463
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,613
Because that's just
the way the truth is.
464
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,782
Oh.
465
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,817
So this means that
I'm going to go back
466
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,653
to yelling
at everybody.
467
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,288
Because you love us?
468
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,456
Exactly.
469
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,624
So I can yell
at you, too?
470
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,326
Mmm, if you want
the fillings
471
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,328
knocked out of your face,
go right ahead.
472
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:17,364
(giggling)
473
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,343
Sorry you had to miss work
for this, Dad.
474
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,511
That's okay.
475
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,812
So how much money
did you make?
476
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:33,880
$100? $200?
477
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:35,148
Six.
478
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,183
$600?!
479
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,450
No, six dollars.
480
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,386
I can't do anything
with this.
481
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,354
How am I supposed to save
the Earth with six dollars?
482
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,425
You know what, Chris?
483
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,695
To some people
six dollars is a lot of money.
484
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,400
You said you wanted
to help the planet.
485
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,904
Hey, Kill Moves.
486
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,472
Konnichiwa!
487
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:00,673
Oh.
488
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:01,641
Hey, Chris.
489
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:02,842
I got something for you.
490
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,477
Uh, what's this for?
491
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,345
Earth Day.
492
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,613
Earth Day, huh?
493
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:07,947
Hmm, thanks.
494
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,350
Hey,
495
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,484
Happy Earth Day.
496
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:15,355
Let's get you to school.
497
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,257
People talk
about saving the planet
498
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,691
by picking up
cansand bottles,
499
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,261
but the one thing
I learned from Earth Day
500
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,630
was that saving the planet
meant a lot to me,
501
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,367
but doing it with my father
meant the world to me.
502
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:34,207
So, Chris, tell us
about your Earth Day project.
503
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,776
Oh, well, me and
my dad collected
a truckful of cans.
504
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,845
Chris, that's wonderful.
505
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,713
And I gave the money
to somebody less fortunate.
506
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,749
I mean, there's no reason
to save the Earth
507
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:43,783
if you can't save the people.
508
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:47,320
Oh, Chris, that's so profound.
509
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,489
Other than the fact
that you can see,
510
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,491
Stevie Wonder's
got nothing on you.
511
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,959
(gasps)
512
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,827
I know in my heart,
513
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:59,366
that money is somehow
going to help us all.
514
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:03,803
So we have
13 Styrofoam ice chests,
515
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,506
four cans
of aerosol spray paint,
516
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,509
one pack of cigarettes,
a gallon of whisky
517
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,979
and one container of "I Can't
Believe It's Not Margarine."
518
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,982
Would that be paper or plastic?
519
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:19,352
Plastic.
520
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:22,789
* Everybody Hates Chris.
521
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,292
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