Original subtitles

80 Jay, you finally ran outta clean clothes, huh?

Well that's a fine observation, Oscar.

Wanna go down to the laundry for a spin?

Oh, no thanks.

I'm workin' on a computer program

that cut my homework time in half.

Brain of yours never stops, does it?

Only for sex or sleep, not necessarily in that order.

You know Jay, I know you're a sound man and all;

but too much loud music in the ear's gonna make you go deaf.

What?

No actually, I wear these so I can tune out

the rest of the world.

Bye, world.

Jerk!

Jerk!

Oh, don't mind him.

He's a little weird, but he's a nice guy.

Now myself on the other hand, I'm free tonight

and I was thinkin' maybe we.

I jump into my car

put my foot on the floor

turn on the rock 'n roll music

I can't take it no more

well I pulled out on the freeway

onto the streets of L.A

'cause there ain't no place I'd rather be than

cruisin' with the top down

I said I'm cruisin' with the top down

cruisin' with the top down

I said I'm cruisin' with the top down

well there ain't no place I'd rather be than

cruisin' with the top down

cruisin' with the top down

cruisin' with the top down

I said I'm cruisin' with the top down

cruisin' with the top down

I said I'm cruisin' with the top down

Trish Burton, entertainment world.

Trish Burton, entertainment world.

Trish Burton, entertainment world.

Trish Burton, entertainment world.

Tell me.

Ooh, my god!

Excuse me.

Trish Burton, entertainment world.

Tell me Ricky, what do you think about.

Hey, you're that lady from the—

Let go of me.

Ricky, how was the Florida tour?

Excuse me, are you up for the la concerts?

Do you think you can handle this kinda schedule?

Tell 'em I can't communicate today.

Folks, folks.

Ricky's not able to answer any questions right now.

Tell 'em to go piss off.

Ricky's color analyst says—— — we heard him.

There's a couple things I have to do at the hotel.

So you go ahead and go and I'll meet ya there, okay?

All right, see ya later. all right,

talk to ya in a little.

Gorgon here, what do ya want?

Mr. Gorgon, it's Trish.

Trish.

Trish who?

Your new reporter.

Oh oh, yeah.

Big mouth, clean cut, yeah. — that's me.

Did you get the Ricky savoy story?

I want that piece on my desk.

Did you get it yet?

Well, not exactly.

You mean no, Mr. Gorgon, sir.

I ain't got your goddamn interview

because I'm a lazy, good—for—nothin' little skirt

who ain't got the brains of a garden variety turnip.

That's what you mean!

Well that's one way of putting it, sir.

Not quite the way I choose.

Listen, girly.

Listen real good.

There are six girls in that waiting room

dreaming of a job like yours, you got that?

Mr. Gorgon, don't you think

you're exaggerating a little bit?

Anybody out there wanna be a reporter?

Yes! — yes, Mr. Gorgon!

Satisfied?

Yeah.

Now get it straight, little lady.

Your interview on my desk by midnight tonight

or you're back—tappin' the tarmac.

That means walkin' the streets.

Catch my drift?

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

Yes, yes.

Now I hope he's not late.

Oh, close the door.

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Hey hey, it won't be the end.

Theo, I told ya it was over.

Over!

Now look, don't gimme no lip about this.

You comin' home and you comin' home.

And just where were you last night anyway?

Hey, that ain't none of your damn business.

I'm not feelin' it.

I know it ain't none of my business no more.

I don't care 'bout you.

Now look, you comin' home and you comin' home now.

Before I scream. — go and scream!

Scream all you want.

What you think, someone's gonna do somethin' huh, huh?

Well I never.

You stop this!

Stop this right now!

What's that, a friend of yours or somethin'?

That's your mama's friend.

You better let go of me.

Theo, stop before I scream.

Vern, this is none of your business.

Huh, huh? — you know

I'm not playin' wit you, Theo.

You better let me go.

You know what?

You may look like Joe Frazier. — I just washed these clothes!

But you sure don't box like him.

C'mon, killer. — Theo, Theo, Theo.

C'mon! — Theo.

All nutso!

It's over, Theo.

37 and Kurtz, 607.

Can't even eat a donut in peace.

I'll meet you later.

Has he got the right bag?

Oh, officers.

Officers, we saw the whole thing.

It was fantastic.

They had a fight!

This man and this woman, they came through the door.

Look, the glass is all over the floor.

You buddy, you see any of what happened here?

What?

You see any of this that happened here?

Huh?

What are you doin' here anyway?

What am I doing here?

Oh, I'm entering the high—tech world

of computer maintenance.

What do you think I'm doin' here?

I'm doin' my laundry.

Well you better move it along.

This here is a crime scene now.

Officer, this is Los Angeles.

Everywhere's a scene of a crime.

Yeah well, move it along

and take your weird noises with you.

I got you.

It's just like Saturday night at the wrestling match.

You know when hulk hogan gets a hold of that—

Son of a bitch.

That and he grabs him this way and he grabs him that way.

Oh I tell you, it's really something, isn't it?

It's wonderful.

No no no, vern.

That's enough. — well.

Well well well, what have we here?

That's your granddaughter's.

Sure.

Well, we don't like it either.

We just do the laundry. — uh-huh.

Getting back to the man in the parking lot.

Young man, is that really necessary?

Standard procedure.

Just doin' my job, ma'am.

Well just relax, for god's sake.

It's only soap powder.

Let me do that. — no, I'll get it.

Let me do that. — I'll get this.

I'll get it.

Now now, I don't see why you policemen

have to harass innocent citizens like us.

Well for heaven's sake, we were only trying

to report a vicious and dangerous example of civic unrest.

Hey. — what is it now?

This isn't soap powder.

This is cocaine.

Wally. Shall I, Heidi?

I'm afraid so. — all of these are cocaine.

These old ladies are dealin' cocaine.

Damn pigs, you'll never take us alive!

I told you we should never

have gotten involved with drugs.

What are you waiting for?

Never, never, never.

Hey, how'd it go? — trouble.

Trouble?

What kinda trouble?

Trouble, but I—think—I—can—fix—it trouble.

The transfer at the laundromat got all screwed up.

There was this black chick, see.

She knocked this guy through the window, see.

The black chick knocked the guy through a window.

Are you sure it was a chick?

No I'm serious, Marty.

It was nutso from the minute I got there.

I mean, Maurice like threw the stuff at me

and these two old broads were givin' these cops a hard time.

Cops, old ladies?

I don't understand this, vito.

I send you to make a simple transfer

and you come back with an episode of Miami vice.

What's this? — somethin' wrong?

Yeah, somethin's wrong.

Something stinks.

cruisin' with the top down

I said I'm cruisin' with the top down

Look out, here comes my roommate.

Hi, guys.

Hey, Larry. — hey, Jay boy.

We're goin' down to the beach, man.

You wanna come?

Corrine here really likes your stereo system, Jay.

I think she wants to check out your tweeters.

Ah.

Oh, come on.

Get your head outta this electronic stuff for a while.

Gotta clear your sinuses.

Get your head in a new place, like corrine.

Look.

Hey, really I'd love to but I can't.

I've gotta work on some wiring for the show tonight.

No kidding, corrine.

Yeah, I told 'em how you were a close

personal friend of Ricky savoy.

I couldn't like believe it, you know?

I mean, like you actually get to go backstage

at a Ricky savoy concert?

Like.

Well, actually I have to.

You see I designed this mixing board,

so they make me go back there with the roadies.

Oh oh, I just love mixing.

Don't you, Lulu? —and blending.

And I bet you both come cordless.

Yeah, great.

Look Jay boy, we gotta make waves before they fade.

Ya comin'? — I can't.

Okay babe, catch ya on the flipside.

Mix, mix, mix.

Hey babe, we're outta here.

It was that funny guy the cops threw out.

He had a laundry bag just like the ladies.

He must've switched 'em when we—

I want you to find this funny guy, vito.

Now.

I want you to find this clown and get my money back.

Right, Marty.

But what about tonight, the Ricky savoy concert?

I remember tonight.

You think I don't remember tonight?

I'm the one who made that little turd

what he is today, a big turd.

He used to open for me in the formica room.

Sure, I care about tonight.

I care about tonight like I care about this dirty laundry.

Where's my money?!

Right Marty, you got it.

I ain't got nothin'.

I'm missin' a goddamn million dollars

and all I got is somebody's dirty laundry!

I don't believe it.

What is it?

It's a backstage pass to the concert.

Kid just gave away a ticket to his own funeral.

Oh crap, I had 'em here just a minute ago.

Water balloons, Oscar?

Don't you think you're being just a between juvenile?

Retrograde, yes; But effective.

I made ya look, didn't I?

I just expect more from a brain

of your obvious dimensions.

I mean, anyone can fill a balloon with water.

They're condoms.

Fine, can fill condoms with water.

Specially—lubricated condoms and they're radio controlled.

Oscar, you're a smart little stinker.

I'll give you that, but some things just aren't poss

Ooh!

Perfect.

Yeah, perfect.

Now if you can just tell me where I put my keys.

You left 'em in the ignition.

You always leave them in the ignition.

By the way, aren't you supposed to be

at the concert hall by now?

Oscar, I don't have to be there until 4:00.

Oh god, it's 4:00.

You're welcome.

Hey, kid.

Go ahead, make my day.

Hey, hey you!

You hit my car, you hit my car, you hit my car!

Why were you driving like such a maniac?

Look what you did to my car, look what you did to my car!

There's no damage.

No damage, no damage, no damage?

Do you realize how much it costs

to repair no damage to a BMW?

You know, I happen to be a lawyer

for a very important century city law firm

and I'm gonna sue you for every penny

that you're worth, believe me.

I wanna see some identification right now.

Can I see your driver's license and your registration?

Look what you did to my car, my poor beautiful car!

How could you do somethin' like this?

Look, I got $64.28 in the bank so sue me.

Hey! — I gotta go.

But, but.

Hey, what do you mean $64.28?

Come back, how 'bout And the money?

This is my car, you didn't even check it.

You can't just pick up and drive away,

like what about all the money in the trunk?

Look what you did to my car!

What is your name?

You can't leave!

Hey, this is radio station krzy Los Angeles

reminding you about the big Ricky savoy

concert at the embassy tonight.

It is gonna be hot.

It's two minutes past the hour.

Hey.

Hey, I wasn't tryin' to break in.

Yes, you were.

Oh okay, I was chasin' a story.

What the hell's wrong with chasin' a story?

That's what I'm supposed to do, isn't it?

I guess.

What do you mean, you guess?

That's the goddamn first amendment, that's what that is.

Okay. — so okay, you got your job.

I got my job.

So don't go givin' me any of your

self—righteous, neo—fascist crap

about how Ricky savoy needs his privacy!

Sure. — we all need our privacy.

But we all need something more than that, don't we?

We need a goddamn break

is what we need around here, if you ask me.

Just what are we talking about here

and do I really wanna know?

An interview.

All I want is an interview.

You wanna go inside? — yes.

It's this way.

Yeah, I'm sorry 'bout all that.

Oh, no problem.

Look hi, I'm Trish Burton

on assignment for entertainment world, music section.

Jay hillis, I work for Ricky savoy;

sound section. — really?

You know, this is my first big story.

Really? — yeah.

A personal interview with Ricky.

Pardon me, Ricky savoy.

How 'bout that? — how 'bout that.

Sounds important.

Oh, you don't think so huh?

Well lemme tell ya one thing.

You know one day it's not gonna be just soap opera queens

and rockstars, some day I am gonna get the big one.

Princess di.

Killer d.

Yeah.

Hey.

No, he's rehearsing

and you don't wanna mess up his concentration.

It's just gonna take one minute, okay?

No.

No.

Look, I happen to be a close personal friend okay?

Ooh, close personal friend of—

Of the sound man up there. — sound man, right.

Come back after the show, maybe he'll give you an autograph.

Okay, honey?

But there'll be other reporters here then.

Just one second. — no!

Hey, Marty!

Marty, how are ya?

How are ya?

Jesus, it's good to see you. — what's goin' on?

My god, you look terrific.

Thanks.

How's the kid, okay? — he's great.

He's all right, yeah. — listen, you got a problem,

talk to vito.

Good to see ya, Marty. — yeah.

Hey Ricky, say hi to your uncle Marty.

My uncle's name is Alfred.

What are ya a big star?

You don't remember your friends?

How you doin', kid?

Everything okay?

I was feelin' pretty good 'til just a second.

Hey, did you tell these people about us?

How far we go back, yeah?

Remember the formica room up Marino?

memories

nothing more than memories

lemme tell ya, kid.

They don't write 'em like that anymore.

Thank god, they don't sing 'em like that anymore.

He's a funny guy.

Blond hair and he's got the million dollars, all of it.

We gotta get it.

Don't move.

What was your name again?

Jay.

Is that an initial or what?

Trish, right?

I bet it's short for Patricia

'cause you have trouble with three syllables in a row.

What?

Nothin'.

Hey look, they finally noticed

I don't have a backstage pass.

So you gonna introduce me to Ricky now?

No, but I'll be happy to throw you outta here.

Throw me out? — mm—hmm.

What do ya mean throw me out?

I've got a job to do, buddy.

You should know that, especially since you're the guy

helped me get backstage in the first place.

Look lady, I did not hire on

to be your personal tour guide.

I do have a job. — oh, come on.

Will you show me around a little bit?

Vouch for me.

Beside, I don't wanna spend the whole concert

hiding back here with you.

Now don't you try and sweet talk me, you little charmer.

I don't know who he is, but I'll know him when I see him.

So keep an eye out for him, got it?

You see him, you get him.

What the hell are ya talkin' about?

Do you wanna meet somebody? — yeah.

I mean you really wanna? — yeah.

Yeah?

Okay, security!

Some friend you turned out to be.

Yo, rowdy. —and you bring him to me.

Yo rowdy, up here.

And don't say nothin' to nobody.

Not tonight. — up here, rowdy!

Then when they find this joker

floating in the la harbor.

You got me? — hey.

Yeah, up here.

What can I say that he hasn't already said about himself?

Ladies and gentlemen: The one, the only Ricky savoy!

tell me does it feel good

come on

feels so good

I can feel like a little fire

since you came to town

aii I want to do is take you higher

never let you go

'cause it feels good

uh huh

'cause it feels good

aii right

'cause it feels good

uh huh

feels so good

'cause it feels good

uh huh

'cause it feels good

aii right

'cause it feels good

uh huh

feels so good

I've been waitin' such a long long time

now my love is stronger

you're all I've got on my one—track mind

now I can't wait any longer

'cause it feels good

uh huh

'cause it feels good

aii right

'cause it feels good

uh huh

feels so good

'cause it feels good

uh huh

'cause it feels good

aii right

'cause it feels good

uh huh

feels so good

come on

come on

come on

feels so good

yeah

'cause it feels good

feels so good

'cause it feels good

uh huh

'cause it feels good

come on

'cause it feels good

uh huh

feels so good

oooh yeah

oh it feels good

huh

That's him!

Everybody down from that guy up there!

Hey man, this is my concert.

C'mon, they're upstairs.

Get 'em!

Let's party!

The door! — push; Harder.

Push.

Harder! — I am!

Watch out for the I.

Move your ass!

Whoa, we can't go that way.

Whoa!

Yuck, where are we?

How's that for a clean getaway?

Clean?

It's dirty.

It's dirty laundry.

Thanks. — you're welcome.

Why was that guy shooting at you?

At me?

I thought he was shooting at you.

Excuse me, I've gotta talk to Maurice.

The guy got away, Maurice.

You know, Marty thinks that it's real funny

that this guy worked for you.

Maybe it's too funny.

Marty says to give you 'til tomorrow morning

to get the money back from this sound guy.

If you don't,

I'm gonna have to cancel your ticket permanently.

It would be a shame to put bullet holes

in your pretty satin jacket, wouldn't it?

Jay boy, is that you?

Jay boy, is that you?

How was the concert?

What happened to Larry?

Corrine, what's—

What the hell's goin' on in here?

Hey buster, let's party.

So much for that party.

Here, we can go to this place.

Park your car, sir? — no, thanks.

Never let a valet park your car.

They have no respect for an automobile.

Nice parking job, Jay.

You know if I had the money to eat at a place like this,

I wouldn't eat at a place like this.

It's okay, I know this place.

Oh fine, great.

I bet a glass of water costs $1.50 here.

whenever you touch me

every day and every night

you all right? — don't worry.

I am buying.

Whoa! — good, good.

I mean I'm not exactly made of money, you know?

there's no choice and there's no need to sacrifice

it's always you and always me

it's paradise

kiss me forever

can we make it last

we'll stay together

so who's tryin' to kill you?

Kill me?

Hey, you're the muckraking

Muckraker?

I am not a muckraker!

Oh really?

Excuse me, the investigative journalist.

Look, I'm just a lonely sound engineer.

The only sound guy I know

whoever got knocked off worked for ac/dc,

then I took 2,000 volts ac.

I'll get the drinks.

it's paradise

every day and every night

it's paradise

it's only you and only me

it's all a device

there's no choice and there's no need to sacrifice

it's always you and always me

it's paradise

I knew it, I knew it.

You tramp.

You are cheatin' on me, you gargoyle.

You dirty, filthy gargoyle.

Trouble seems to be following you around.

You musta been born under an unlucky star.

No, but I was conceived in a drive—in

during a Bruce Lee film.

Does that count?

Well I might as well get some kinda interview.

So how did you hook up with Ricky?

Well, I was just finishing a course

in electronics at Berkeley and a friend of mine,

who's only slightly crazier than I am, liked my ideas.

Told Ricky about me and two months later,

I was down here working

for Ricky savoy and the cockroaches.

That's it?

Well excuse me if my life's not exciting enough for you.

Hey, I didn't say that.

I mean tonight has had its thrills.

Which brings us to your life.

Now, why don't you just level with me

and tell me who's trying to kill you?

I swear, nobody.

I mean, let's face it.

Right now, I'm just another eager reporter with big plans

working for this b—grade entertainment throwaway.

I admit I was trying to pump

this up into something important.

Not just another throb job, you know?

Colorfully put.

Thank you, I'm a writer.

Ah. Anyway,

I never thought a quickie interview with a guy

like Ricky savoy would turn out

to be this exciting or end up with people

like macho Marty benedictine in the picture.

Who? — what do you mean who?

I mean excuse me, but I don't know the name.

You don't know who macho Marty benedictine is?

What, am I a talking jock guy here?

No, I do not know the name.

Oh god, don't you know anything?

Well I know how to get you away

from guys who are shooting at ya.

They weren't shooting at me.

Oh yeah?

Well why would they be shooting at me, huh?

I'm just a sound engineer who doesn't know anything, right?

Why do I even bother with you?

Yeah, why?

and every night

it's paradise

it's only you and only me

it's all a device

okay, where are we goin'?

The morgue.

Oh, I've been dyin' to go there.

This does not look like a body.

This is a newspaper morgue

and that is macho Marty benedictine.

This guy sure gets a lotta press.

He's a bring drug dealer.

Most of his dope is sold to kids in the streets.

The thing I don't get though,

he usually operates outta Miami.

I wonder what he's doing here in la.

Well he's tryin' to kill one of us.

That's the million—dollar question.

We're finished.

I wish you wouldn't put it quite like that.

You're gonna be fine.

Oh, Larry. — ooh, no surfing

for this boy tomorrow. — ooh, Larry.

Man, you see that chick?

I love those.

Not another move, punk.

'Cause the flasher's on the case now.

If you can't stand the light, stay out of the shadows.

You little shit.

Don't mouth off to me, butt sucker.

No one talks to the flasher like that.

Hey, don't you think I can't blow your head off

with this thing, huh?

I was just kidding.

Oscar, what the hell are you up to this time?

Maurice?

Hey, don't you work for Ricky?

He broke in, then he tried to kill me.

This is gettin' weird.

I'm callin' the police.

You understand my position, Mr. Hillis.

I do?

You understand that I don't believe

one single word that you've said.

Oh yeah, why should you believe me?

A nice, straight, honest, intelligent guy

who doesn't even have a traffic on his record.

Now look, officer. — inspector.

Inspector zimbalist.

You're kidding, right?

Inspector zimbalist is with the FBI.

They've taken a very special interest in this case.

It seems your guy Maurice lavant has a federal wrap sheet.

Extortion, assault on a federal officer.

Importation of proscribed substances.

Cocaine?

You know, I didn't realize

you could still get a prescription for that.

You think you're real funny, don't you boy?

You think you're a real comedian.

I'm just standing in 'til Eddie Murphy gets here.

Jay, why are you trying to make him mad?

Why's he tryin' to make us guilty?

Look Lou, we didn't do anything

except walk in on a burglary in progress.

Now unless that's suddenly illegal,

I wanta: A lawyer, b: Some charges filed

or c: The hell outta here for him, for her and for me.

You're a real creep, kid.

Thank you.

Oh tough, very tough.

Cut 'em loose.

Sorry about that, folks.

Yeah, he's a real buttwad.

What else can we tell ya?

At least he didn't say, book 'em, danno.

Hey, are you two cops from Miami?

Uh huh, you notice those three kids in the hall?

Well they just told me a wild story

about macho Marty benedictine.

You know, the guy that you were sent out here to bust?

Well they told me that benedictine wants to kill them.

If that's true, then they'll lead you right to him.

Let's go.

Shit, who put that bucket there?

What is this, man? — I hate janitors.

Goddamn floor—shined shoes.

You know, that guy is a real bonehead.

Yeah.

Oh god, it's 4:00 in the morning.

Let's get Oscar home before his parents miss him.

Aw come on, they won't miss me.

Believe me, they will not miss me.

Oh, I believe you.

I still gotta get ya home though.

And besides, I'd like to file this story

before the noon edition.

Noon edition?

What noon edition?

Why are you so hostile? — I'm sorry.

Look, it's not you.

I just hate cops, all right?

You work for a lousy entertainment rag

that makes people magazine shine like the magna carta.

Jay? — I mean

what is this, stop the presses,

I gotta go rewrite garbage?

I am not your press.

Hey, you want me to go home?

No, I don't want you to.

You never wanna see me again?

See me again.

Jay, I think we're being followed.

Who do you think they are?

I don't know, nice car though.

Yeah, I saw those guys back at the police station.

Yeah, I hate cops.

I'll fix them.

Brigham, watch this.

Man!

Forget those guys.

Hey, quit it!

What, are you crazy?

God, this guy's crazy.

Hey, quit it!

Hey, man.

Hey, yo!

Hey.

Come on.

Hey man, why are we stoppin' here?

Hey, this truck's movin'.

Hey, they're dumpin' stuff on us.

Get us outta here!

I can't find reverse.

Ooh shit. — shit, man.

Look at me.

Look at these Armani slacks.

God, your slacks.

Look at this jacket.

It's a versace original.

An original?

Looks more like shit to me.

You sure you can get inside okay?

Yeah, sure.

One time I was gone for three days,

my mom thought she sent me off to camp

and forgotten where.

I'll be okay.

Now you be careful 'cause you know,

you're not quite as resourceful as I am.

That's a horrifying thought.

You know, I wouldn't have minded what's happened tonight.

I mean, it's been fun

in a weird sorta way if it weren't for Oscar.

I don't know, he seems to be holdin' up okay.

Oh yeah, he's a bright kid and all.

But damn, he's just a kid.

I mean he coulda gotten hurt.

You know you really care about him, don't ya?

I can truthfully say that Oscar's

my best friend in Los Angeles,

Which makes for two horrifying thoughts

in one hour.

Lemme get you somethin' to drink.

'Kay, I'll take some orange juice.

Lemme call my editor first though.

Oh more stop the presses, huh?

What? — Mr. Gorgon?

Oh it's you, isn't it?

Where's the Ricky savoy story?

Well actually, I didn't quite get the interview yet.

Yet, yet?!

I been holdin' up page five for you!

I sent some twerp down to that

goddamn concert to take pictures.

Actually, I got a much better story.

A much better story.

Did you get this assignment from our new editor

here at entertainment world?

No no, it just kinda came up.

It's about Marty benedictine.

You know macho Marty, the organized crime leader?

Hey barton, you remember the name of this rag?

The name of this rag is entertainment world.

Read my lips: Entertainment world, not crime world.

We don't do stories on people like Marty benedictine.

Am I making myself perfectly clear?!

Yes, I know we don't usually.

But it's just that he—

Now I'm gonna ask you one last time:

Did you get the interview with the rockstar or not?

Not.

Not?!

You'll understand then when I have to say:

Barton, as I slowly stand up behind my desk

and I put the telephone real close to my mouth

and I say, you're out on your butt, barton as of now!

You're through, fired, terminated, out the goddamn door!

I got broads out here who'd kill for your job!

I got broads lined up around the block

who can do your job better than you ever will!

You, get in here!

Well did they stop the presses for ya?

He fired me.

What?!

I didn't get the interview, so he fired me.

No.

Oh, Jay.

I'm not gonna cry.

Hey look, it's okay to cry.

No, it's not okay.

I don't wanna fall into that stereotype.

Look, I had a job and I lost it okay?

It's gone, ended, kaput.

We're gonna follow this story

and we're gonna get every bit of it

'til every newspaper in the country's

gonna be begging to hire me, right?

Right. Right.

It's just that it was my big chance

and I feel like I blew it.

No, you didn't blow it.

Look come on, I'll take you to breakfast somewhere

where people don't have crazyglue in their hair.

I'm not hungry. — come on!

It'll be a new experience.

C'mon.

All right. — move, god you're heavy.

Oh look at these shoes.

One day in this frickin' town and we got crap all over us.

This was a new suit, man.

Fresh from georgio.

Hey, button it up.

We have work to do.

Lieutenant, give 'em a little room.

I wanna know exactly what they're in such a big hurry about.

Betty, Veronica.

I want you two out on the street.

I want you to stay on tact—2.

And when we find out the location

of this little,

I want you there waiting for 'em, ?

Right away, inspector.

Come on, Betty.

Will you two please tell me

just exactly what time your flight is back to Miami?

C'mon, there's gotta be somethin' in there

that doesn't smell like last week's lunch, I hope.

Don't move. — I'm not movin'.

Open the trunk.

There's nothin' in my trunk, I swear.

Open the damn trunk!

C'mon!

Sorry, I'm just a little bit nervous.

There.

Oh my.

My my my, I do believe I've solved our little mystery.

Fill it up and get every dollar.

Will there be anything else?

Aside of fries, perhaps. — shut up!

I'm sorry.

When it's full, you're gonna put it in my car

and you're going to get in and drive.

You don't want him to do that, trust me on this.

I'm not kidding, you don't want him to drive.

I said shut up! — right.

You're gonna drive where I tell you.

And when I say stop, you're going to get out

and I'm going to blow your brains

all over the San Fernando valley, you got that?

You wouldn't wanna make that a multiple choice, would ya?

No, I didn't think so.

C'mon, let's get!

Ooh, that's cold.

Don't you move, you little brat.

Don't you move a muscle.

Get in!

It's the money.

It's the money they're after.

And they're still after us.

Jay, here he comes!

Yeah, well he's not gonna catch me.

Stop!

You almost hit those girls!

Almost does not count

you stop your kicking around back there

or I'll blow you in the belly button, get me?

Yeah, you got it.

Look out!

Don't turn there, it's a one—way.

Would you look out for that?

There's a firetruck!

Where did you learn how to drive?

My blind grandma can drive better than you can.

You wanna get out, huh?

You wanna get out right here?

No!

Then shut up, I'm driving.

Look out for that bus!

Is this valet parking?

Erwin, look!

Look, look erwin; It's the a—team!

Oh, it's the a—team!

Sorry.

We're sorry.

Sorry.

The money.

The money.

Money changes everything.

Money speaks all languages.

Loud and clear.

Jay, you coming?

Keep the car.

This way.

Hey, there's a big baldheaded guy following us.

Guys if you'd like to make a little pocket change,

keep him from comin' inside.

C'mon, Jay.

Hi.

Do you ever run an obstacle course?

What? — excuse us.

Excuse me.

Now what?

And now for this evening's entertainment,

we're gonna play bean the bald guy behind us for $1,000.

Excuse me, c'mon!

You gotta be gaggin' me.

Hey gee, thanks guys.

You did a hell of a job.

Food fight! — food fight!

Gotta take your shoes off.

What? — your shoes; Take 'em off.

For crying out loud.

You satisfied? — yeah.

Good.

May I help you?

There's a man chasing us, tryin' to kill us.

You have angered this man.

Anger is a terrible thing.

We don't even know him.

Angry strangers often make the worst enemy.

Now look, master po.

Me and grasshopper here are in big trouble,

so will you save your philosophy for a fortune cookie?

Master, sensei.

Yes. — I have a request.

Speak.

There is a man of unreasonable power

who was sent to do us harm and he is now in hot pursuit.

We know him not, yet he seeks our destruction.

I just said that.

And you wish to use our violence against him?

We seek a balance between our flight and his pursuit.

Bodily sacrifice.

It's a difficult thing for young ones.

Ah, allow me to lift your burden.

Would an even 1,500 about cover it?

Make it 3,000 and you got yourself a deal.

Done.

C'mon.

Students, prove yourself for the sensei

and for $250 a piece!

They got him.

They got him!

Who is that guy anyway?

There just isn't any available

husband material around anymore.

I'm getting desperate.

Oh god, send somebody, anybody to me.

Hi.

You know, how 'bout a quick dip?

Come on.

Excuse me.

Now there's a real man.

Baby?

Baby!

Come to mama!

Come to mama.

Ooh, baby.

Oh, nutso.

Oh my god.

What's that noise by the pool?

I don't know.

Hey iookie here, comin' down the path.

Look, tell the bald eagle following us

that we went through that gate.

C'mon. — it might work.

Nice—iookin' chick.

Out by the gate?

Sure thing.

Wait wait, please don't go!

Wait, I'm a good cook!

Hey baldy, come here.

They went through the gate.

No no, they went through the garage.

They went through the gate, I know it.

I know they went through the gate.

No no, they went through the garage.

So long, sucker.

A getaway car. — yeah, but who's that?

Hey lady, how much for this car?

This car?

I've always wanted a pink Cadillac just like this one.

I mean, I must have it.

How much?

Well lemme see, darling.

$1,000?

$2,000?

$3,000,

cash.

3,000, done.

Ooh!

Wait a minute, my babies.

Babies?

Not these babies, my babies in the backseat.

Here, I'll hand them to you, okay?

Ooh come here, daphy.

Daphne. — please hurry.

Here's Daphne. — Daphne.

Dee Dee. — goofy.

Ooh yeah, here's herbie.

Oh, my lord.

Here is jean—pierre. — jean—pierre.

Herbie.

Come here, my herbie. — jump to her.

And here's my handsome herbie.

Here's herbie. — herbie.

Denise. — Denise.

Ooh yes.

See, finished.

There's cab fare home.

All right! — here you go.

Ooh, thank you.

Thank you.

Goodbye, darlings.

Goodbye.

Merry Christmas, bye!

Babies, we're rich.

We're rich!

Veronica, Betty, you read me?

We're online, inspector.

Get the map coordinates from our fly boy.

I want you to move in.

Move in.

Yes, sir.

What kind of car is this? — $3,000 piece of sh.

Christ!

Where are we? —, I think.

Hey, my man.

Look like I done made a wrong turn.

The hell you talkin' about?

Ah, I get it.

You tryin' to talk negroese, right?

Now you be a real cool dude, right?

Do you know him? — yeah, that's my son.

I taught him how to do that.

You do anything else besides teach your son?

Yeah, look for work.

Some full—time job?

I'm just kidding.

Look, I might have a proposition for you;

a way to make some quick cash.

I don't do nothin' illegal.

Well it's for $500 and it's a good cause.

Well,

the ins justifies the means, I always say.

Walk with me, talk with me.

Hold it, no more of that phony street talk of yours.

I'm sorry.

Hey, he watches a lot of television.

He's impressionable, but he's very sincere.

Like a geek to me.

Look, what we need is a vehicle

to get the hell outta here.

Let's see, elmo found this new corvette last night.

Oh great, now we're gonna be car thieves.

Then everyone'll be after us.

Well, what can you do for $3,000?

How's this? — it's great.

It's fine. — we can't thank you enough.

If there's anything we can do to repay you.

That's $3,000 your buddy promises.

Fine enough.

Hey, we owe you one. —all right.

Hey, we'll pay you back someday.

You're all right, you know that?

Come back anytime, we're always open.

Hey.

See, everything was cool.

Yeah, now let's see if you can get us outta here.

Jay, there he is. — it's him!

All right, we'll lose him down these little streets.

We'll ditch this thing.

We got it.

Oh shit.

Okay, it's been fun.

Enough screwing around already.

Great plan. — I got something you want.

You got something I want.

What do you say to a trade?

Well what do you say to blowin' it out.

That's not a good

negotiating position now, is it?

Aww, nuts.

I couldn't agree more, fella.

So what do ya say?

Gimme the money, I give you the boy

and we all walk outta here in one piece.

You game?

Do I have a choice?

I could just kill you right now.

Oh you could, could ya?

Decide now!

Okay, the money.

Throw it over here.

No, wait wait.

You bastard!

Catch me if ya can, asshole!

God, I hate a cheater!

Get outta the way, it's an emergency!

Not a chance, buddy.

Inspector zimbalist wants to see you.

Look, you dickheads.

There's a kidnapped boy in that car.

Unless we stop it, they're gonna kill him.

Sorry, you're under arrest.

But they have my baby, my baby.

Lady lady, you all right?

All right, get up.

Drop your weapon, funky.

Now move away from the car.

We're gonna need it.

And as soon as we're gone, you call zimbalist

and tell him we didn't hurt anybody

and we're not goin' to, got it?

Yeah.

Jay, is that him watching us?

I hate cop cars.

Is that him?

He's waiting for us.

Maybe he wants us to follow him.

All right, let's follow him.

Like it's a trap. — yeah, it could be.

But when a guy's buddy's kidnapped, you gotta do something.

Look, he's goin' up in the hills.

I think he knows we're following him.

But we don't have any choice.

Yeah, he's got Oscar.

He's got my big story.

Marty benedictine must be involved in this.

Jay, he's turning.

I may be insane, but I'm not crazy.

We go in there and we're tomorrow's concrete.

Yeah, but if we don't go in there?

All right look, you go around the north side

and I'll go

Wait wait, which side is north?

Ooh, Jay.

Oh.

Hi, guys.

How could you do this?

How the hell could you do this?!

They had the money.

They knew all about us and I couldn't kill 'em there

with a couple dozen people looking down,

so I had 'em follow me.

See, I thought—

No, you idiot.

No!

I don't want no evidence of homicides in my house.

It's rule number one with me.

You never kill the house guests.

Sounds reasonable. — and very polite.

Now listen, you wait until dark.

Then you get them the hell outta here,

take them somewhere in the hills, maybe Burbank.

They can use a little excitement there.

You blow 'em away, sweet and easy.

Right, Marty.

I don't want this tied to me, not now or ever.

What if the neighbors saw you

ioadin' a couple of stiffs in the limo?

You think they're gonna think

it's another one of my wild parties or what?

Looks like 525

la—dare—o canyon road, inspector.

Does Marty benedictine mean anything to you?

Jackpot!

Jackpot

don't do anything until I get there.

This could be the big one.

Well it's been great talkin' to you

and we'll have to do it again real soon.

Same to you, fella!

My hero. — hi, you guys.

Welcome to the slammer.

Care for some cognac?

You're okay.

And none of us are gonna be okay

if we don't get outta here by sundown.

They had this lame plan for takin' us up in the hills.

We already heard; So what've you got in mind?

I don't know, I was just catching up on my reading.

Why am I not overcome with confidence of that?

Why do I feel like screaming my lungs out?

No really, it's been great.

Did you see that helicopter out front?

Well I found the pilot's manual for it

and it looks really easy.

I mean anybody could learn how to fly this thing.

Oscar, it's been great that you been able

to carry on your education even here in captivity,

but as ya say, we have to get the hell outta here.

Okay, just lemme finish this last chapter.

Oscar! — okay, jeez!

It's just like being at home.

We've got 'em cold, inspector.

Two known perpetrators implicated

and at least five federal counts

are known to be on the premises.

One reporter kidnapping has been traced there as well.

Here are your search warrants, your arrest warrants,

yourjurisdictional clearances

and a parade permitjust in case.

Right.

I been waitin' for years to get this scuzz.

Years.

I'm sorry, I really am.

I understand, Oscar.

I couldn't do it on—demand either.

I don't think anybody could.

Ready?

Go.

Mister?

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Mister, c'mon!

There is a bathroom in there, kid.

Don't you be playin' with me.

Yeah but the lady, she went in.

She won't come out.

She's sick or something, but she won't.

C'mon, I'm gonna wet my pants!

No way, Mr. Benedictine says

nobody gets out and that means no.

Jesus, kid.

Wait a second.

What the?

Nothin' to it.

Okay, now what?

What's that noise?

You don't wanna know.

Wait here.

Stay where you are, buddy.

You might learn somethin'.

Look what I found.

C'mon.

Stop!

Lunch.

They are gonna kill us in four hours

and they serve us lunch.

Gentlemen, on the double.

Move it out!

Charge!

Now where are we?

Ooh, look at this.

How much do you think there is?

There must be a million dollars at least.

Yeah, well forget it.

Jay, this may be our ticket out.

Did you ever think of that?

You want the truth? — yes.

No, no I did not think of that one.

Oh what the hell?

Let's take it.

We better hurry.

Just passing through.

Whoa.

Hey!

Stop!

Charge!

I didn't know Marty had so many friends.

If you got money, you got friends.

Hey mister, you know how to fly this thing?

Yeah sure, it's for Mr. Benedictine.

Yeah, nevermind that.

How much do we pay ya?

Well let's see, 12 times.

Yeah, well forget it.

You just won the lottery.

Look, it's all yours for one little joyride.

That looks awful tempting,

but you just don't fool with macho Marty.

Yeah and you don't fool with jumpy Jay either.

Hop in.

Jerry!

Jerry, what the hell are you doin'?

Mr. Benedictine, they made me do it.

I swear, they made me do it.

You dirty son of a bitch!

Mr. Benedictine, don't!

There they are!

Three perps ready to escape!

Move in!

Just get us the hell outta here.

Yeah all right, all right.

I'm makin' this up as I go along.

Ooh, higher Oscar.

Do you think you could go just a little higher?

Isn't there some kind of an up button?

Up button?!

What?

So, at long last we meet face—to—face.

My long—time foe, my archenemy.

Who the hell is this guy, vito?

I don't know.

You don't know who I am?

What is this, an American express commercial or what?

Who the hell are you, some kinda fed?

Not fed,

Fred!

Fred zimbalist,

FBI.

That's great, a fed with a name like that.

C'mon Betty, let's go go go go.

Hey dude, what about the fare, man?

It's downtown la.

Burbank down there.

You know, I wouldn't know

what to do with this kinda money.

I would.

I would.

You would?

Oscar, head for those towers.

Yo.

Let's give this back

to the people who it really belongs to.

It'll make one hell of a story.

everybody's runnin'

runnin' around

and I'm up here watchin'

lookin' down

Hey and this is for us,

just for the hell of it.

Now which way's palm Springs?

then I took another look

and I like what I see

what's that?

Ace girl reporter gets scoop.

'Kay, she gets herjob back.

then I took another look

and I like what I see

this is a beginning

for you and me

crowded out on you

stomp and go

sittin' next to you

I just want you to know

then I took another look

and I like what I see

this is a beginning

for you and me