Original subtitles

["I Got Friends" playing]

♪ That's right ♪

♪ I got a little funny doggy With a little furry collar ♪

♪ Set your name straight Right on it, right now ♪

♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh ♪

♪ Woo-hoo! I know a disco kitten named Minnie ♪

♪ She'll put a new smile in your necktie That's right ♪

♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooh ♪

♪ I know a little guy With a limp and a club foot ♪

♪ That can… Get you from A to B and… ♪

♪ Before you can turn the light off ♪

♪ I know a guy In a drop-top convertible ♪

[lift bell pings]

There you go. That's been flushed, cut, cured.

It's ready to smoke, that.

- How much you got? - Shitloads of the stuff.

Unit's full to bursting. We're harvesting it all now.

Here y'are. Got you a sample there.

Do I look like a man who smokes weed?

I dunno. What does a man who smokes weed look like?

You.

[chuckles]

Last time I smoked a joint,

- I was wearing short trousers. - Yeah?

Summer, was it? Eh?

Sunny day? [chuckles]

- [coughs] - Yeah?

Go… Yeah, go easy on it, though, 'cause it's strong.

- I've had a... - I'm fine.

Smashed out of my head, d'you know what I mean?

Sell it.

- Sell it? - All of it.

No, I… I can't sell… 'Cause I'm a local weed dealer.

I only know a few people.

I invested.

Now I need a return.

[softly] All right.

[grunts softly]

- Are you all right? - [sighs]

["Money" playing]

You're just gonna have to ride it out, man.

Ten, twenty minutes.

You need, like, a cold surface.

And, like, a Crunchie or a…

♪ The best things in life are free… ♪

- What you doing this weekend? - Going to that festival. Chillfest.

- Amazing, why, who's playing? - No idea.

I'm going to get slaughtered in a field. [giggles]

- A festival? - A festival.

A festival? A festival, yeah.

- As in? - As in a festival, you bellends.

Are you out of your mind?

Just think about it. It's the perfect solution.

We've got a shitload of weed to get rid of here.

What's better than a field literally full of pot-heads?

- We don't have a field. Or any bands. - Or any toilets.

We'll get a field, we'll get a band and we'll…

get some toilets.

I think that's a great idea. I love getting twatted in a field.

- What are you doing? - Well, that's me, raving.

- Is that how you rave? - Yeah.

Jesus, it looks like a fucking seizure.

Wait. There's an easier way.

- Yeah? Being? - B-Budapest.

- Fucking Budapest? Go on. - Yeah.

Massive weed shortage. They can't get their hands on the stuff.

- Who's told you that? - My chiropodist, Kelvin.

- Fucking mind boggles. - Fuck me gently.

I've got it. The bloke with the jowls.

The fat… The fat face jowls. Remember?

He's got a lock-up, six doors down from the weed grow. Welsh lad, yes?

- [gasps] Yes. - Got it, yeah.

We were waiting for you lot one day and this guy pulls up.

Personalised reg, gold on every finger and he says…

Are you lost? Can I help?

I mean, he is fucking full of it.

Right fucking show-off. What's his name?

- Styles. - Styles. That's it, because he says…

Styles by name. Styles by nature.

- Bellend. - You're not wrong, yeah.

Anyway, he's bragging about his business, tells us he's into…

Beer festivals. Foodie Fridays.

Where there's nosh, there's dosh.

Started out in Eisteddfods, but…

I outgrew Wales.

[Tommo] He shows us inside. We're talking beer tents,

beer pumps, the works. Fair do's, it were impressive.

- Took a real shine to Erin. - And what's your name?

Erin.

[speaks Welsh] Beautiful name.

Comes from the word Eros, meaning love.

- Does it? - You're a lucky man, Tommo.

You've got a beautiful woman.

Well, unless, this is…

No, no, no neither of them, actually.

Most I've had's a drunken lick.

[Erin] Er, not with me, you haven't.

Yeah, I don't remember that.

To be honest, I don't know why I said that. I was showing off.

Oh, well this is perfect, then, innit?

Let's just rip this knobhead off. That's half the festival sorted.

Yeah. He absolutely deserves it.

Yes, yes. Yes, but, there's er… one tiny little problem.

Have a gander. Eagle eyes. You wanna get this.

Anyone breaks in, sends a message straight to your iPhone. Look.

Nine, nine, nine. Dibble coming running.

[chuckles] I know.

There we have it. We need his phone firmly turned off.

We need him very… very…

distracted.

Nah, you… you are kidding me.

- No, she's not doing that. - Dylan, I can speak for myself.

All right, I'll do it.

But I'm not doing anything until we've got a venue.

A festival? Here?

- Yeah. - Fucking Tilly and Tarquin.

Fucking bank of mum and dad.

Never done a proper day's work in their lives.

With their oversized sunglasses and their fucking designer wellies!

[in posh voice] "Oh, let's bring down the government."

"Let all the immigrants in."

"Why can't we all live in peace and harmony?"

[normal voice] Because we fucking can't!

And no amount of flowers

that you put in your fucking middle-class, henna'd, fucking hair

is gonna change that!

[in posh voice] "Would anybody like a disco biscuit?"

[mimics techno music]

[normal voice] Fuck off!

["Green Onions" playing]

Ta-da. Flatbed truck. JCB.

- You're a legend, man. - Where've you got these from, you?

- My mate, Demolition Dave. - Does he work in demolition?

Yeah. And his name's Dave.

Listen, we need to get down there.

As soon as we get the call from Erin, it's on, all right?

Grand, yeah.

C-Cardi, come here.

[siren wailing in distance]

Do you know what you're doing?

Yeah, circle the block, eyes and ears.

That's right. What else?

Oh, er, don't put it in turbo boost.

Don't put it in turbo boost.

Cardi, if you see anyone, you call me.

- Yeah. - Fucking hell.

- Erin. - Hi.

- [speaks Welsh] Angel. - Oh!

- Even more stunning than I remember. - Aw, Steff.

You're looking good.

[scoffs] This old thing? [chuckles]

So, here we are.

The owner is a very close personal friend of mine.

He'll look after us this evening.

I know. Come in. Come in. Come inside.

- Oh, a gentleman. - [chuckles]

- [mobile rings] - Right, this could be her, this.

- Hello? - Vin, it's Vanessa.

Oh! I, I'm in a tunnel, Vanessa.

I'll have to call you back in a bit. It's a bad reception, love.

- Who's that? - It's me dad's girlfriend.

Enabler. Whatever you wanna call her. She'll be after money.

To wonderful company. [speaks Welsh]

Cheers? Cheers.

[chuckles]

Ooh. Oh, that's like…

like bathing your tongue in the juices of a princess.

Metaphorical.

Yeah. Of course.

Now, I'm gonna turn this off.

I don't know about you, Steff, but I hate phones being on in restaurants.

My sentiments exactly.

I just think it's really important for us to…

stay in the zone, you know,

not be distracted.

Mine's already off, my dear.

- Okay. [laughs] - Cheers.

- Cheers. - [chuckles]

♪ This place ♪

♪ Is coming like a ghost town ♪

Right, get going. But whatever you do, don't hang about. Right. Bye.

♪ Do you remember the good old days Before the ghost town?… ♪

[Vinnie] What the fuck are these three… Three tanks?

- [Ash] Why's he got three tanks? - [Vinnie] Did you mean 6B?

- This is six. 6B's next door. - [Tommo] Could be.

[Vinnie] How the fuck can you not remember?

[Tommo] Why the fuck would I remember? Get that out of me face.

6. 6B. Just call it 6 and 7.

- [mobile rings] - [Vinnie] Shit. Fuck off, Vanessa.

Right. Oi. Oi!

Go and get your JCB. Gonna smash through that wall.

[JJ] Through that wall?

- ♪ This town ♪ - ♪ Town… ♪

Ah, fuck!

[officer] The hell are you doing?

Come quick. There's a m-man with a… [sputters]

- Machete? - No, no, a m-m-m…

- Machine gun? - No, a m-m-m…

S-snake!

- Cardi? - C-Cops. You have to hurry.

Where the fuck… Where are they?

I'm leading 'em away. I told 'em I'd seen a snake man.

- What do you mean, a snake man? - A man with a snake. Hurry up!

Fucking snake man. Do you know what I mean?

What's he doing, him? Oi. oi. Oi!

- What the fuck are you doing? - Does it look like I'm fucking stalling?

Yeah, it looks like you're having it caj, dude.

Sparking fags. What do you think it is? Miami Vice?

Get the fuck off. What are you supposed to be?

Decoration? Come the fuck on.

Oh! Oh, yes.

Oh, Erin.

Oh.

Oh. Oh!

Oh, shit!

Oh, please don't be broken.

[chiming]

Fuck! Shit.

Fuck! Shit! Shit! Shit!

[Cardi] Just here. He was down here.

- The snake man. He's down there. - What shall we do him for?

Anything you like.

- [siren blares] - Whoa. Whoa. What you doing that for?

[siren blares]

Go on, JJ.

[reversing alarm beeping]

Fuck.

- [Ash] Are you all right? - Yeah.

Thank fuck for that.

Oh, shit.

All right, boys. [exhales]

Let's steal some stuff. Ugh!

- Hey! - I'm being robbed. Bloody robbed.

- You're joking. - No, I'm not.

- [Erin] No! - [line ringing]

Police!

Look, yes, I'm being robbed. Right this minute.

I've seen 'em on CCTV. They're in my premises and they're robbing me.

- Shit. - Steffan.

Steffan.

No, not Steve. Steffan. It's Welsh.

Just hurry the fuck up. Just grab anything you can.

We should go, we've got enough.

- Can I have this? - What do you want that for?

- I really like it. - Just take it. Fuck.

- [mobile rings] - Fuck off, Vanessa. Jesus Christ.

Erin?

He knows. Vin, he knows.

He's calling the police.

All right. All right. We need to leave right now.

We need to leave. JJ, Come on! Come on!

In the JCB!

Come on. We need to go now, boys.

♪ Is this real or is it just life? ♪

♪ I can't do this forever I can't do this forever… ♪

- [sirens blare] - Bloody hell! Jesus!

I don't know why you're nicking me

when there's a fucking snake man on t'loose.

♪ We don't wanna know The police are coming ♪

[Tommo] Jesus Christ!

It's about as comfy as a Ryanair flight, this is.

Fucking… Slow down!

Fuck! No, no, no!

Dude, you really want that thing, don't you?

It reminds me of happier times. Fuck… me!

- Erin. Want a lift? - Nah, you're all right, ta.

- He's still cut up, you know. Jake. - Yeah, I know.

- I can't chat, I've got to… - Erin! Goddess, wait!

Shit! Can you take me home?

Yeah, yeah.

[tyres screech]

Vanessa. Look, whatever it is, I don't care. I don't give a shit.

- It's your dad, Vin. - I don't care, Vanessa!

For fuck's sake.

Dude, will you slow the fuck down?

[Ash] The pigs won't be far behind!

- Oh, shit! That's not good. - No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

- Bollocks! - [car horn blares]

Don't you fucking dare.

Argh!

- Shit! Oh, my God. - [shop alarm blares]

- Shit. - Shit.

[Dylan] Right, will you stop gawping, Ash, put your fucking foot down!

- [mobile phone rings] - For fuck's sake.

What?

It, it's your dad, Vin.

I think he's killed himself.

I told him it were over, but he wouldn't have it.

He kept turning up at my house, making all sorts of threats,

and then tonight he calls me and tells me he's gonna kill himself.

And then he hangs up and I've called and called but there's no reply.

What if he's… [sobs]

D-Dad?

Dad?

- Dad? - [whimpers]

- It's all right. Come here. - Oh, Vinnie.

[tearfully] I still love her.

[melancholy violin music]

It's all right. Shh.

It's all right. It's all right.

[melancholy violin music continues]

Erin?

- Are you okay? - Just call the police.

Wh-Wh-What?

Sugar, just call the police.

[coughs]

One wallet.

One boiled egg. Cracked.

One 50%-off voucher for Pita Pata kebab shop.

One troll.

And, erm, three choco bars.

All correct?

D-D-Didn't I have a D-Double D-Decker?

No.

Fucking arsehole!

See you later.

New car, Vincent? Very retro.

All I could get last minute.

- What are you wearing, man? - What?

- That get up. - It's what I wear at home. Yeah.

Not at home now. You're in t'bloody woods.

Well, you said it was an emergency.

It's not so urgent you couldn't put some pants on is all I'm saying.

- I've got some pants on. - Have you fuck.

- Is that a rabbit? - Yeah.

Aw, look at him. Hello.

- He's lovely. - Never mind the rabbit.

- Have you got boxers on under there? - Course I've got boxers on.

Well, show me, then.

All right.

- You… Fuck me. - [laughs]

- Ey, no. - Ey!

Look at that. Commando in the woods is how we're meant to live, Vincent.

It's tiny. You should be ashamed of yourself.

He's in a bad way, Vin.

His liver's dangerously enlarged, his heartbeat's way up,

his blood pressure's low.

If he keeps drinking, he's…

Well, he'll be dead in a few days.

Fuck!

Oh, fuck, he's gonna end up killing himself. He has to drink every day.

It's the only way he can cope. He's an addict.

Well, rehab clinic?

They're expensive. How much will that cost?

There's a pretty good facility quite near here.

I know the woman who runs it.

Melanie.

Fucking incredible.

- Oh, now, fuck… Now, no… - What?

- No, man. - What?

Not cool, you can't just segue

off my dad dying on to Melanie's incredible fucking blow jobs.

- Dinner parties. - That's not. Now, that…

- Chris. That's not... - She gives incredible dinner parties.

No one does that. Who does that at a dinner party?

- Do you want me to call her or not? - Yes, I fucking do.

He picked me up outside the Wood Street restaurant,

about half 10:00.

He said he was passing.

I thought it was a bit weird.

Anyway, I got in.

[Carl] Who were you at the restaurant with?

Er, he's a businessman. Like, a work thing.

Who?

Which businessman?

[clears throat] Well, that's irrelevant, innit?

Okay, so you got into Aaron's car.

And… tell me what happened.

He started to drive and he said…

So, how does it feel to be a free agent?

Or is there someone else on the scene?

No. No one else. Just didn't work out, me and Jake.

I know he can be a bit uptight. [chuckles]

Or was it the sex?

Please tell me he was terrible in bed.

I didn't wanna talk about Jake.

And I certainly didn't wanna talk about sex with him,

but he just kept going on, and on.

Not in an aggressive way, but, like, he was sort of enjoying it.

Anyway I had enough and I said…

You know what? I can… I can walk from here.

Oh, no, no. Don't worry. I can take you home.

Or we could go for a drink, if you like.

Er, home, please.

It's quite late. Let's go home.

And then he goes quiet.

And he was going faster and faster and faster…

- [car engine revs] - Aaron.

Aaron, slow down!

- Aaron. - One drink, Erin. Just one drink.

- You're gonna kill us. Please! - Who cares?

Me? I've got a son! Slow down! Now!

- One drink, Erin, and I'll slow down. - Fuck. Right, one drink! One drink!

Shit!

[tyres screech]

- Kiss me. - [seatbelt clicks]

Fuck off.

- Come on, one kiss. You'll like it. - Get off.

- I'm better than Jake. - Get your hand off me. Get off.

- What is it with you? - Get off!

- Aaron! - Screwed goody two shoes.

What's so special about him? I'm the real deal, Erin.

- I'm better than him, Erin. - Get off. Get off me now.

[slapping]

[breathes hard]

[car engine revs]

[car door closes]

[car roaring away]

Okay, listen, we'll go and speak with him straight away.

That's a serious assault.

I just kept thinking about my son.

What would happen to Tyler…

Yeah, I understand.

Would you like us to arrange a visit from Victim Support?

[voice falters] No.

'Ey. How's your Ronnie doing?

["A Little Bit Of Rain" playing]

Is he still in prison? Theft, GBH.

- Lovely lad… - [music drowns out speech]

♪ Trying to remember All the good times ♪

♪ Long days ♪

♪ Filled with sunshine ♪

♪ And just a little bit of rain ♪

♪ Mmm… ♪

Melanie. Russell.

♪ If you should look back ♪

♪ Try to forget all the bad times ♪

♪ The lonely blue and sad times ♪

[imperceptible]

♪ Just a little bit of rain… ♪

Look, mate, we just need to, er,

take a statement down the station.

Sure, yeah. Glad to help, yeah.

♪ Just a little bit of rain ♪

♪ Just a little bit of rain ♪

♪ Just a little bit of rain ♪

He never sleeps. [chuckles dryly]

Fuck me. Never gets any rest at all.

He's always puking.

Or pissing himself.

Then he gets frustrated and angry.

[sniffles]

Rants to himself.

Then smashes things up in the house, like fucking bottles and that.

TV might go over.

He never does anything too drastic, though, like, he never…

It's like even when he's fucking out of his mind,

there's this small part of him that thinks…

"I can't put a window through." You know, summat like that.

"Can't put a window through, I'll have to get a fucking guy to come round."

[Chris chuckles]

"Spend money that I haven't got."

"He's gonna see the state of my house."

I really miss my dad.

[sniffles]

Come here. Come on.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

- What? - Sorry.

- Are you all right? - Ow! Jesus!

Argh!

- You burn your arse? - Yeah.

- [laughs] - Ahh.

["Little Boxes" playing]

♪ Little boxes made of ticky-tacky ♪

♪ Little Boxes, little boxes ♪

♪ Little boxes all the same ♪

♪ There's a green one, then a pink one ♪

♪ And a blue one and a yellow one ♪

♪ And they're all made Out of ticky-tacky ♪

♪ And they all look just the same ♪

♪ And they all play on the golf course ♪

♪ And drink their martini dry ♪

♪ And they all have pretty children ♪

♪ And the children go to school ♪

♪ And the children go to summer camp ♪

♪ And then to the university ♪

♪ And they all get put in boxes ♪

♪ And they all come out the same ♪

- He says you attacked him. - He's chatting shit.

He says you were drunk, legless, and you came onto him.

When he rebuffed you, you got aggressive.

What, and you believe him, do you?

Give us the name of the man in the restaurant.

- For fuck sake, I can't, I can't. - Why not?

Because I can't.

Without evidence, it's just your word against Aaron's.

- All right, fine. - Nice…

middle class boy versus…

you.

Why don't you go and bum a fucking dog, Carl?

Go on. Go and bum a dog.

Get out. Get out of my house, right now.

- Go on. - That's probably everything, then.

♪ Since you've been gone Since you've been gone ♪

♪ I'm out of my head Can't take it… ♪

Hmm.

♪ Oh, oh, oh… ♪

Oh, fucking hell. He's shit, in't he?

- Yeah, I know. - It's delusional.

- They're a bunch of fat dads. - But he says if we give him a good slot

he'll pay for the stage, lights, and a mixing desk.

Fuck it, he's in, then. Have we got any good bands?

A couple of local bands, glad of the exposure, a few '90s bands.

- Oh? - And Mark Owen from Take That offered,

but I said we weren't that desperate.

- [laughter] - Who else?

- Well… only Europe's leading DJ. - Who's that?

Dead Moose.

- Bloody brilliant, that. Who's made that? - Erin.

- Where is she? - I haven't seen her for days.

She's not answering her phone.

How hard can it be? Drop a few tunes, mix 'em together.

- What's going on here, then? - What the…

Well, wouldn't you like to know?

Get the fuck out of my house.

I would like to know, because I see a lot of coming and going

and I know you're up to something.

Oh, well, you know what they say.

Nosey shot the crow.

No one says that.

What? Course they do.

- Have you ever heard that? - No, never heard that.

Course you have! Fucking…

Nosey shot the crow.

Fucking, you know, don't be…

Don't be sticking that, your nose, where it doesn't belong.

It makes no sense. If Nosey's sticking his beak in,

why does he shoot the crow?

What's the crow done and how's that punishment?

- The crow that's come off worse. - He's got a point, Jim.

That is… It's just a fucking… you know…

a proverb, a fucking…

Softly, softly, catchy monkey.

Yeah, and who the fuck goes around catching monkeys?

Those little buggers shift fast.

It don't matter how softly you go, you wanna catch a monkey,

you need a bag of peanuts, and even then there's no guarantee.

Thank God we sorted it in the end, though, eh?

Piss off, will you?

I will, but I'll leave you with this.

Clause 7C, section 14 of the public events act, 1973.

"Permission must be sought and agreed

"by any neighbour within a two-mile radius."

And for you, that's me.

Have that, Nosey.

Crow's fighting back.

You blonde prick!

Polish arsehole!

- Fuck off! - [door closes]

That's a problem.

[door locking system buzzes]

Erin. Erin.

Erin, Erin, Erin.

Erin.

What's all this?

- What's all what? - This. This. This…

Oh, yeah, I get it. You can you see me aura?

No, but I can see your hippie beads, and what is that on your neck?

Yeah, check it out, man. You know what that is?

Buddha, the God of wonder.

- Why have you got it? - The er… the Ronald Horatio Croft

- that you used to exist… - Yeah?

[whistles] Born again.

Okay, I've been converted.

- I've seen the light, Erin. - [scoffs]

- Which means I'm three things. - What?

I'm peace. I'm love,

and I'm fucking understanding, Erin.

- Well… - So, it don't matter, that the, the,

like, like, my, my, my cell mate, you know,

who's fucking irritating, and he is, he is, you know.

He scratches his arsehole just raw.

Not even through pants, with his fingers direct.

He pisses about with all the liquorice bits in between his toes.

- Fucking hell, it's disgusting. - It's fucking disgusting, Erin.

But it don't matter 'cause of how I am these days.

All right? Nothing can, kind of, penetrate my inner zen.

And all I say is that that is Jah Rastafari.

- Yeah. I get it, it's a ploy. - What?

- What's a ploy? - To get out early. I get it.

- A ploy? - Yeah.

Wow. Can you believe that?

- Who are you talking to? - Erin, do you know what?

I've already set my foot. [mimics explosion]

- Oh, my God. - On the road to Domestos.

- Oh, Damascus. - Erin,

- I've genuinely opened up a new leaf. - Why do you always get it wrong?

It's turned over.

Turned over a new leaf, whatever, der, der, der, der.

But do you know what I'm a bit like at the minute?

- What? - I'm a little bit like a bald John Lennon.

- Right. - I'm out there, just searching, pow,

searching for me Yoko.

- [laughs] - Okay?

I'm not saying actually Yoko, you know,

'cause, like, she was a bit weird, wasn't she?

Not in, like, a racist way, or anything like that, but like…

Like Yoko, but a fit Yoko, blonde, I don't know.

Jah Rastafari to that, sir.

Anyway… How are you? Come on. Come on.

[sighs] Anyway… [clears throat]

Do you remember in school

when I got locked in the bogs with Mark Carver?

- He tried to feel… - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just fucking bat him straight in the sink.

But, well, the old me, that was the old me, man.

- That was so aggressive. - You said,

if anything happened like that again, I need to tell you.

Yeah?

Oh, you fuck…

Do you know what we're gonna have to do about this?

- What? - Let's bless their soul.

Join me and gain redemption.

Om…

Ronnie.

- Ronnie? - Om…

- Ronnie, what are you doing? - It's like Buddhism.

Ronnie, please stop om-ing. Stop it.

Erin, if I don't om, I'll do… I'll do summat else. Or om with me.

- You are embarrassing me. - Om…

Stop. Everyone's looking. People are looking at you now.

- Stop it. You know what, forget it? - I think you're right to be honest.

- It does get you a little bit. - People are looking you.

- You don't even care, do you? - Fuck, the monks do it for ages, man.

They sit at the top of a mountain saying, "om."

- Fuck's sake. - But they look cool when they do it.

No, they don't. You certainly don't.

Turn round.

["Sunflower" playing]

Remember? If it squeals, we gag it.

If it fights, we bag it.

[Ash] You been working on that little rhyme?

No, actually, I just came up with it.

[JJ] Why have you taken your balaclava off to talk?

I like you to see my face.

Does that not defeat the purpose of wearing it in the first place?

Let's just get on with it, shall we? Fucking hell.

[lock clunks]

- [Tommo] Where is the little bastard? - [Ash] Probably asleep.

[JJ] Interestingly,

they have very similar sleep cycles to humans, pigs.

You know when you start a sentence "interestingly,"

it's important to honour that promise.

Shit, Shirley! Fuck.

- [Ash] You said he wasn't home! - Fucking Jesus Christ.

- What the fuck… - [JJ] Hang on.

- He's sleep walking. - [Tommo] Oh, me heart stopped.

Jesus Christ, that's taken years off me, that has, years.

Who fucking sleepwalks? Don't shine it on him.

It's very common, actually. Some people sleep eat, sleep drive.

And in my experience, even furiously sleep masturbate.

[Shirley coughs]

- Fucking hell. - [Ash] Come on, lads.

It's not in here, lads. Bernard.

- Oh… - [JJ] What's this?

[grunting]

[laughter]

- He has it in bed with him? - Each to their own. You grab it.

- You grab it. - JJ?

- Go on, grab it. - Oh, Christ's sake.

Come on, JJ.

Here, piggy, piggy.

Ah!

["Una Zebra A Pois" playing]

[singing in Italian]

- [music pauses] - Fucking hell.

- Ah! - JJ?

Well, you try fucking holding a wriggling pig.

- Come on, then. - [music resumes]

[continues singing in Italian]

- [music ends] - Here we go!

- [Vinnie] He does talk. - [Tyler] He doesn't.

He does. Watch him. [high-pitched] Give me a biscuit.

- That was you. - No, it was him.

- It was you. - [laughs]

Can I ask you a question, man to man?

Your mum… I don't know.

She just don't seem herself.

It's ever since the police came.

Hmm? The police?

They came one day. And Sugar said it was about a bad man.

A bad man.

Do you know who the bad man was?

No.

But mum knows because she had to tell them all about him.

All right. Give me a love.

- [door opens] - You go and put your bag upstairs.

- Hi, Aunty Sugar! - I thought you were having him all day.

I'm sorry. My dad's gone AWOL from rehab.

I have to look for him. I've got to nick a car and everything.

- I'll come with you. - You stay here with Tyler.

Tyler can be looked after by Sugar, it's fine.

[Jim] Oh, here we fucking go.

Where's my pig? Where's Bernard?

- No idea what you're talking about. - You know that's my pride and joy.

I don't know anything about your stupid blonde life.

[mobile chimes]

[Ash chuckles]

[laughs]

Funny, is it? A man's love for a fellow creature?

I hear you sleep with it.

Not with it. Same room.

- [laughs] - I'm not bumming it.

Oh. Under the covers, I heard.

- So, you did fucking steal it. - Oh, not me!

Tucked up in bed, me, alone. [laughs]

[laughter]

Oh! Fine! Have your fucking festival.

And I hope it fucking rains.

And I hope your land gets ruined and you can't grow any more crops.

And you go bankrupt,

and die poor and fucking lonely!

- Bring back Bernard! - Oi, Paslowski!

Your pig's a cunt.

Your pig's a cunt!

Fucking…

Tyler said the police have been round.

Yeah, they have.

- So, are you gonna tell me why? - No.

- Why not? - Because.

Erin, if someone's hurt you, I swear to God...

Vinnie, just look for your dad.

- [honks horn] - Bitch!

- Oh, shit. - What?

Get out the car.

You're no goddess.

You're nothing but a common fucking thief!

Oi! What you…

Bastard! You're lucky you've run.

Pound shop Eminem!

Erin. Oi. Erin.

Oi. Stop it.

What's going on?

Listen to me. You're gonna have to tell me what's going on.

We'll stand here till you do. I know summat's happened.

I can't tell you, Vinnie.

Erin, please.

What's happened?

[sighs] Fuck.

Someone hurt me. Okay?

Who was it?

Erin, you have to tell me.

It was Aaron. It was Jake's… It was Jake's brother.

He attacked me in his car.

He tried to kiss me and… [sighs]

Then tried to run me over, left me in the dirt at the side of the road.

I was scared, Vin.

Honestly, I thought something terrible was gonna happen.

It's all right. I'll deal with it.

- No, I don't want you… No, honestly… - Hey, listen, to me.

You're my friend.

And you're the mother of me child, I'm gonna deal with it.

- No, Vin, please. No… - Come here.

- Sweetheart, it's all right. - Vinnie, I'm fine, honestly.

You go home now. Go and be with Tyler.

Vin, don't.

Vinnie?

["Burn The Witch" playing]

♪ Avoid all eye contact ♪

♪ Do not react ♪

♪ This is a low-flying panic attack ♪

Oh, shit.

♪ Of sixpence that goes ♪

♪ Burn the witch ♪

♪ Burn the witch ♪

[imperceptible]

♪ We know where you live ♪

♪ We know where you live… ♪

[train's horn blares]

[imperceptible]

[train's horn blares]

[train's horn blares]

[chokes]

[wind whistles]

["Is This Man Bothering You?" playing]

♪ Check the latest updates ♪

♪ Sing me all your news ♪

♪ Come around five times a day ♪

♪ You felt it so it's true ♪

♪ Is this man ♪

♪ Bothering you? ♪

["Rocks" playing]

Here we go!

Are you guys ready to rock?

♪ Dealers keep dealing Thieves keep thieving ♪

♪ Bitches keep on bitching Ain't no use in praying ♪

♪ That's the way it's staying, baby… ♪

- Dylan? - Yeah?

- Can I have a word with you? - Okay.

- It's important. I just need to… - What?

- Just go in. - No, Erin, it absolutely stinks in here.

I'm sorry.

For everything. I'm erm…

I'm sorry I lied about the baby.

I'm sorry I lied to you about Vinnie.

I fucked up, Dylan.

And I know you've moved on and that's great

because Sara seems really lovely.

I hate that.

Erm…

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am really, really sorry.

And if I could turn back the clock, I will.

["Behave" playing]

♪ I don't have a clue how to behave ♪

♪ When I'm around you ♪

♪ When I'm around you ♪

♪ When I'm around you ♪

♪ When I'm around… ♪

Hiya, Vinnie.

Oh, hiya, love. Are you all right?

- Yeah, have you seen Dylan? - Eh? Er…

Nah. Healing fields probably.

Yeah. Here, do you want that?

- Yeah. - Yeah? I'll come with you.

[JJ] Is he proposing?

How do you fancy giving them two love birds the best present ever?

- Let's go and get married. - Your cousin's wedding.

This one isn't just for money, it's for love.

Dylan?

What am I supposed to do with that?

They found his body. They've linked him to me.

- Hey! Hey! - What the fuck have you told Sara?

- Grab this and I will get the elephant. - What the fuck!

["I Got So Much Trouble In My Mind" playing]

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪

♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪