Original subtitles

[Carl] You must've known you were destined to end up here, right?

Me?

I always knew this day would come. But I must admit,

I didn't think it would be on the scale of this.

I didn't think you had it in you.

[exhales sharply]

Looking at you now, I take no pleasure

in seeing you this vulnerable. I really don't.

I want to be a friend to you.

And you're going to need a friend like me.

But for me to be your friend,

I'm going to need something in return.

This is Detective Carl Slater of Hawley CID.

Interview with Erin Croft at 10.05 a.m. on 11th November.

["Money (That's What I Want)" playing]

♪ The best things in life are free ♪

♪ But you can give them To the birds and bees… ♪

[sighs]

- You all right? - [Vinnie] Yeah, we're doing good.

We're having a good time, aren't we? Are you having a good time?

Oh, I'm having such a laugh. Sugar and Carol are on form tonight.

- [chuckles] - Is Tyler still up?

Yeah, yeah. We're outside the shack, having a bit of a fire, aren't we?

Put him on the phone, Let me say good night to him.

- [Vinnie] Here. - Hiya, Mum.

Is everything okay? Is Vin…

Is your dad looking after you all right?

Yeah, fine.

Well, I just wanted to say night-night, I love you.

Love you, too.

- All right, darling, night. Love you. - [Vinnie] Have a good time now.

Just enjoy yourself. You don't have to rush back.

Planning a party or something?

No, no, we're having an early night tonight, aren't we?

Just take your time, enjoy yourself.

- All right, then. Bye-bye. - Bye, love.

[Jim chuckling]

- Where are we going, then? - Glad you asked. It's a surprise.

My dad took me when I was little.

And his dad took him when he was little.

- We are going... - Sheep rustling!

- God, dude! I was going to say that bit! - Well, go on then.

Sheep rust… Sheep rustl… You've said it now.

- It's bloody ruined. - Sheep wrestling?

Not wrestling sheep, rustling.

It's like when you round up sheep, like what cowboys do,

but with sheep, not cows.

- So we're not cowboys, then? - No, cowboys are useless, they're lame.

We're sheepboys, bredren.

- Whoo-hoo! - Sheepboys!

[all yelling joyfully]

[Erin] We need some food.

[Carol] I'm starving I've had about 12 vodkas. Come on.

- [mobile ringing] - Hello?

[man] Good evening, Miss Croft, this is Tuma

- calling from your alarm company. - Who?

- Tuma. - Wrong person, I haven't got an alarm.

Oh, hang on.

I had it all.

Fucking Stringfellow level of success.

Top of the world. [sniffs]

Then she came along. She swooped down,

with her nasty acrylic talons and she dug 'em in.

She dug 'em into this empire which I raised from the dirt,

and she fucking tore the arse right out of my heart.

- Oh, dear. - Oh, shock, he's here again.

- Ah, Miss Croft. - Yeah. What's he… what are you doing here?

- It's my fucking club. - No, it's not.

It seems, although the emergency contact details

have been updated with your number,

Mr Tom is still on the system, too.

All right, what's the score?

As you can see, the safe…

is no longer here.

Holy fucking shit!

Fuck! Shit! Shit!

Fuck! Fuck!

- This is you, isn't it? This is you! - I've been in the pub all night.

Why would I steal the safe from me own club?

'Cause it's not your club any more, is it?

And you're a spiteful, vindictive little shit!

Perhaps we should call the police.

No. No police.

The interesting thing is that whoever came in…

had keys.

Weren't fucking me!

This guy is clearly the brains of the operation.

He's wearing the quality tights, obviously a high denier,

anything below a 40 denier and you're risking being recognised.

I'd say these are an 80, maybe 100.

However, his friend isn't as clever, in fact I'd go as far as to say

he has a brain deficiency,

because he's chosen to wear fishnet stockings over his head.

[Erin] Fucking hell.

- [Tommo] Ronnie. - On the telly?

Ronnie? Your Ronnie?

I told you it weren't me. Told you. It's your fucking Ronnie.

- Do you know this person? - That there is her brother.

["Love" playing]

Oh, dear.

Ronnie! Ronnie!

Erin.

I can see the curtains twitching, you stupid twat!

Get down here now and open the fucking door!

[Carol] Here we are. Oh, fuck! I've landed on me head.

- Ronnie? - Fuck!

Get the fuck up! You shitbag.

You went above my dick. Right up. Don't do that, okay?

- It wasn't me. I was set up. - What wasn't you, Ronnie?

- Ah, fuck. Good work, Columbo. - Where's the fucking safe?

I'm sorry, Erin, it's just, erm… I was forced into it.

He said, you do it, otherwise I'll hurt your sister.

I said no! I said, no, I don't want to do that!

But he forced me… [fake crying] And I said, I just want to be good.

And do things that's legal. And all I said was…

- Ronnie! Who? - Oh!

- Fuck! - Who… are you talking about?

- It's Keithy, okay? - Who?

Keithy McBride. The Special K. Big Mac.

McDaddy. Mac and cheese. No?

We were cellmates in Grantham for bar time.

The next thing you know, we started overtaking the joint.

Special K and the Ronnie C going live and loud.

And large. Just running every little gaff,

every little set-up, every little scam, every little scheme.

We were like, let's get out there.

We became partners… I'm fucking tell you, Erin, he is good at stuff.

I want the safe.

Okay. All right. I get it. I'll get it for ya.

- I'm being serious. - I promise I'll get it for yer,

it's just gonna have to be in the morning.

It's just, time-wise, getting over there...

No. No. Not tomorrow. Now!

- Where the fuck do we find him? - He's like a fucking master criminal.

He just… he just moves like that, like a ghoul.

Like a fucking spectre. And the next thing you know, he does a job

and like a fucking puff of smoke, mate, he is just gone.

He's right into the fucking clouds or something like that.

Then it starts raining you're like, is that fucking Keithy? Argh!

Where the fuck do I find him? Tell me.

All right, Erin, I'll tell yer. I'll tell yer.

[Erin] Mr McBride? Mr Keith McBride?

It's Hawley Police here, sir.

I'm afraid a vehicle has collided with yours on Mayfield Street.

We have an officer down there at the moment. Yeah.

- Keithy? - Who's asking?

- Where's the fucking cops? - My name is Erin,

I'm Ronnie Croft's sister. The safe that you stole belonged to me.

Eh? I don't know what you're fucking talking about.

That wasn't my fucking money!

- Right? So… - Right.

What's your problem, then?

The guy that money belongs to is called Terence McCann.

He's my fucking problem.

Get it down!

If I tell him what's gone on, he will be your fucking problem as well, right?

And despite our Ronnie being a fucking half-wit,

I don't want to see him get hurt, all right?

Right.

Fuck your Ronnie, fuck Terence McCann

and fuck you, too. [laughs]

[engine starts]

- [bins clatter] - [women exclaim]

[Carol] That's just fucked driving.

I'm getting it back. Right?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- [screaming] - [grunting]

- You fucking prick! - Oh my God! Get in the car!

[all shouting indistinctly]

- Come here! - [Carol] Oh, fuck off.

[women screaming]

You're smashing your own car up, you fucking lunatic.

[grunts]

[screaming] Get him.

- [spray hisses] - [screaming]

Carol! What the fuck's that?

Get in the fucking car.

Oh, my God. What the fuck?

- [tyres screech] - [Sugar gasping]

Jesus Christ, he is a fucking loon, that one.

And what the fuck is going on, like?

What are you doing mixed up with Terence McCann's money?

I'm laundering it for him, all right? Through the club.

You can't tell a soul, Carol, okay?

You're off your fucking head getting involved with him.

I didn't have a choice, did I?

No one can know, right?

- How much did he get away with? - Thirty grand was McCann's,

and there was a stack of cash that belonged to Vinnie's from the cars.

Oh, shit. How's Vinnie not going to find out about this, like?

And what's McCann gonna do when he hears his 30 grand is missing?

He's not gonna find out.

'Cause I'm getting it the fuck back.

[tyres screech]

Wait a minute.

[vomits]

We haven't got time for this.

It's all right, to be honest. I feel better now, actually.

Okay. Let's go get him.

Am I right? Am I fucking right?

- Come on, let's go get him. - [Sugar] Come on!

[all yell]

[tyres screech]

[gasps]

Oh, fuck!

["No Regrets" playing]

♪ I've no regrets ♪

♪ No regrets, no regrets I'm living the life… ♪

- Oh, my God. - Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus!

- Oh, fuck! - [vomits]

- Erin! - Shit!

- [thud] - Oh!

Please, please tell me I didn't…

Yeah… you just ran over his fucking head. He's under the car.

- Oh, my God, he's right under your seat! - Oh, God!

He's proper stuck under there, like.

- Is he alive? - Fuck knows.

You'll have to pull forward or back till we get him out.

- What? - Let's phone an ambulance.

No, no time for that, we just got to get him out of there fast.

Oh shit, oh shit!

- Erin. - Okay, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.

- [whimpering] - That's it, that's it, you're doing great.

Yes! I can see his head!

That's it. We can see the head. We can see the head. That's it.

That's it. That's it.

[panting]

Er, can I get an ambulance, please? There's been an accident.

- What are you doing? - What the fuck are you doing?

We're after fucking knocking him down. He's dead as a fucking doornail.

- Give me that fucking phone. - Oh, Jesus.

This can't be happening. This can't be happening.

Are you sure he's not asleep?

Yeah. Just because he's got no pulse, doesn't mean he's dead.

Sugar, I was a nurse.

A nurse in a porno, Carol, for 20 minutes.

Not exactly qualified, are yer?

No, look, there's no pulse, no breathing, no nothing.

Tyre tracks across the face. He's fucking toast.

Now, listen,

I don't want to say too much, right,

but I might have been in a situation very similar to this one

a while back in Rhyl. Okay?

Jesus Christ. Let's just phone the police and let's just tell them what happened.

No. No. No. No. No police. No.

You've got a little boy to think of.

That's precisely who I am thinking about, Carol.

We'll just tell them it was just an unfortunate,

- freak accident. - Yes.

Freak accident? What? That he accidentally ran over his own fucking head, twice?

Girls! Think!

We've got to make this problem disappear,

just like that thing in Rhyl that never happened.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck am I even doing?

I didn't even want to come out tonight. My fucking life is ruined

in the space of five fucking minutes.

Okay. All right.

No one knows we were ever here, yeah?

And this prick spent the majority of his life

robbing people and disappearing. So no one's gonna bat an eyelid

if he disappears again.

- What are you saying, Erin? - Ah, right.

I think what she's saying is, we take nobbo here

off for a farewell lap in his own car up into the moors,

bury him and we never speak of this again.

But we need to act now and everyone needs to be on board, yeah?

- Okay. - No bother, c'mon. Let's do it.

- Come on. - Let's go.

- Okay. - You get his hands.

Whay! Someone's had a good night!

I mean, the smell! Piss and shit.

[sheep bleating]

[Jim] You've got to remember that sheep are like people.

A bit thick. If one of them does summat,

- all the others do the same. - [Tyler] So it's like a game of tig?

- And the sheep like it? - Yeah. Oh, yeah, they fucking love it!

Remember playing here when we were kids?

I miss it, man.

We've grown up now. Got busy.

[mobile ringing]

- Fuck. - Is that Sam?

What are you doing?

Dude, she's incredible!

I tell you what, you are going to wreck that

and then you are going to fucking come moaning to me.

Fuck. I'm terrified, to be honest with you.

Dude, she's nice. She's smart.

She's funny. The only thing wrong with Sam

is that she's got an unhealthy attraction to pikey-looking fuckers like you.

[laughs]

Dude, you're waiting for a bus that is just never going to turn up.

Whereas Sam likes you. And if you keep dragging your heels,

- you're going to fuck everything up. - It's not her that terrifies me,

it's the relationship bit, y'know? I'll tell yer,

she's only gonna end up working out why

no one should ever be with me in a relationship.

She'll end up fucking off like the rest of them.

So you're gonna pre-empt that

by just never going out with her in the first place. Is that it?

- Yes. - Oh, I mean…

Do you know what, in fairness, sounds like

a pretty sound approach to finding happiness, so fair play.

- What are you two sheepboys doing? - Just cotching.

Argh! Shit! Shit!

- Oi! - Shit! Shit!

- Fucking language! What's going on? - Shit!

- What? - I fucking fell in shit!

[laughs]

It's what God does to dickheads. Come on.

Get down that end of t'field, they've all bogged off. Come on.

[boot thudding]

- I can't get it shut! - It's his hand! It's poking out.

- No, the fucker's too big. - Carol, stop, stop, stop, stop.

- He's not gonna fit, is he? - Shit!

What the fuck are we gonna do, like?

[sighs] This is creepy as fuck.

Not too slow, Erin. We don't want to be conspicuously slow.

All the windows are smashed in, Carol. I don't think speed's the issue.

- Whoa, watch out! - [screaming]

[man yells indistinctly]

["Let's All Chant" playing]

[screaming, laughing]

Get him off! Get him off!

- [Carol] He likes you, doesn't he? - Why didn't you put a seatbelt on him?

What would I do that for? He's fucking dead.

[Carol] That's perfect, Erin. There's hundreds of cars down there.

They'll never find him. Jesus, he's an awful fucking prick, anyway.

- He got what was coming to him. - [Sugar] Shut. Up. Carol.

[Carol] I'm only trying to help.

Right, then.

Let's do it. [clears throat]

- You get his legs. - [Carol] Jesus.

He is a big one. Fucking huge.

[strains] Come on, you big fucker!

[Sugar] We need to get him so it looks like he's been driving.

Shut up, Sugar!

You're not fucking helping! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

Yeah, you just stand there, Sugar, for fuck's sake.

["What Is Love?" playing]

- [Erin] So much for being discreet, Carol. - [Sugar] For fuck's sake…

[Carol] Get off, you! Oh, there we go. [grunting]

No, no, no, hang on.

- What's he caught on? - Ah, it's this stick.

- Whoa. - Oh, shit! Shit!

Aw, fucking dog shit!

- Fucking shit. - Ah well, that's him off so.

[splash]

- Oh! - Wha'?

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Oh. That's meant to be a bottomless lake.

["Song For Winners" playing]

Get out.

[cheering]

- We did it! We won! - Yay!

Jim, dude, your pants stink of shite!

- Just throw them out the window! - A few years left in them yet.

- Leave them. - What was the point in taking them off

and then just leaving them in here?

Where are we taking the sheep now?

- Where do you think we're taking 'em? - On holiday?

Blackpool?

- Have you ever had a doner kebab? - Hey, Jim.

- All right, let me handle this. - Gentle.

Right, you know what an abattoir is?

That's worse, you dickhead! What are you doing?

Well, where are we going, then?

I thought they just wanted to have a ride in the lorry. Like us.

- They do. - They do. They do.

They do. No. He's right. They do. Yeah, they do.

Every now and again, we just, we drive up to the fields, y'know.

Game of tig. Bit of hide and seek. Take their minds of being sheep for a bit.

And then we just… After that, we just…

And then what?

Take them home and put them in bed.

- So am I… - Just turn it round.

We should take them down Steep Lane.

That's like going down a rollercoaster.

We should take them down Steep Lane. That is the sickest of ideas!

[Jim] Wait till you see it with the lights out.

[all scream]

Jesus Jim, put the lights back on!

[yells]

[Sugar] That were close.

[Carol] Let's move the fucker.

- Sugar, slow it down. - What do you mean?

What do you mean, slow it fucking down?

- [Carol] Did he see us? - [Erin] Fucking hell.

Urgh! This is insane!

What are we gonna do, wheel him around till we get caught?

It was your idea to put him in a wheelie bin.

Yes, I know, but what are we doing now with him?

Why don't we just fucking, like,

- Just cremate him there in the bin? - [lighter clicking]

With that, yeah?

I know, or just fucking, like, bury him like?

I mean, no one ever goes in there, I bet yer.

In there, like. Bet you no one ever goes in there.

Soft ground. Like Rhyl. Come on.

I've just done my nails!

C'mon. We're running out of options here,

it'll be light before we know it.

Back up there. Come on. Back her in. Back her in.

That's it. Straight up. Straighten her up. Straight up.

[indistinct muttering]

- [all exclaim] - Oh, fucking hell.

There's a car. Just get him out.

- [Carol] Fucking hell. - [Erin] Get him out.

[Erin whispers] What are the fucking chances?

Dirty fucker's doing a pish.

- What? - He's doing a… Straining the spuds.

Jesus Christ…

["Right Now" playing]

[Carol] For fuck sake, I can't do it.

- Huh? - Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

That's it. In here. Pull fast! Pull!

- That's it. Fucking hell. - [grunting]

- [Carol] Careful, like. - [straining]

♪ You can feel it coast to coast ♪

- ♪ Right now ♪ - ♪ Right now… ♪

[all muttering]

[panting]

- My fucking wedding ring! - What?

My wedding ring. I'm after losing it. It's buried in there with him.

Oh, fuck. Ah, fuck!

Oh, Jesus Christ. Come on.

Right.

Oh, fuck.

- Fucking watch out. - Argh!

Fucking stupid place to put a fucking sign, anyway.

Let's just go home and pretend tonight never happened.

Get on with our lives.

- Vin. - Mmm-hmm?

I've got something I need to tell you.

What do you mean, "dead"? What do you mean, "dead"? Properly dead?

Yes. Shush!

- Who's dead? - No one. Never you mind.

I am beginning to wish I hadn't told you about any of this.

Same. But it doesn't make any sense. I'm the dickhead. I'm the idiot,

you're supposed to be the sensible one and I'm the bloody idiot.

What about the gang's money? Was that in the…

- I am working on it. - It's gone!

Shush!

- Morning. - Morning.

- Morning. - Morning.

- It's the morning time. - So you told him, then?

Sugar, I'm sorry. I lay awake all night, it was in my head.

I can't fucking believe this!

[door thuds]

- Thomas? - Vincent.

- Can I help you? - Yeah, you can help me actually, Erin.

By stopping leaving snide little notes for me around my club.

How about that?

Well, you are not my priority right now.

First of all, it's not your club, Tommo. And they are not snide little notes.

They are chores for you to do around the place.

I know you like to think of yourself as some little emperor

lording it around, giving it the big 'un,

but it doesn't wash with me, Tommo. Either do it or you can fuck off.

How's about this, then? I'm not fucking doing it!

I don't give a shit either way, Tom, right?

Either you do it or you won't. And if you won't, I'll fire you

and I'll get someone else to do it. Either way,

someone is picking the chewing gum and the pubes

out of them urinals, right?

Fine. I'll do it.

But not because you want me to, 'cause I want to do it.

Ha! Who's won that one, then? Me.

You guys are not going to believe what happened to me last night.

- Oh, my God, you gotta check this out. - Fuck sake, what?

Hello and welcome to another episode of "Fishing with JJ."

Tonight we're on the hunt for perch and I'm going to be talking

- about hair-rigging your worms. - Who cares about worms and fish?

Let me spin it forward, it's worth it. I promise.

- What lake is that? - Demdike Quarry.

- Who cares what fucking lake it is? - Here you go.

You know you want it. Oi! Stop teasing, man, come on.

- What's wrong with yer? - Come get a nibble. Don't be shy.

[splash]

- Holy fuck! - Flipping hell! Did you guys see that?

A flipping car just fell out the bastard sky, bruv!

Police are down there now. They've got fucking divers and everything.

But get this. There's absolutely no trace of the driver.

- [mobile rings] - Fuck sake…

Ash? Yes, mate, did you watch it?

It's gonna go fucking viral, innit? I'm round at Sugar's. Come over.

Have you heard?

The word's out all over town. Police are at the quarry.

Keithy McBride is on the missing persons list.

Oh, fuck me, no.

I feel sick. I can't believe we were that stupid!

Carol, you were the one saying it was a good idea!

- [knocking] - This is a ladies-only conversation.

[Vinnie] The fuck it is! Let me in. What you gonna do,

bury me in a shallow grave in the fucking woods, dickheads?

Erin, I can't believe you told him that.

Listen to me. You gave me such a bollocking

for bringing Cardi home with his arse out and you've killed a man!

Erin, you were meant to keep that quiet, like that thing that happened in Rhyl.

- What happened in Rhyl? - Nothing.

- Exactly. - Right. Fuck me, this is getting serious.

- Who else knows about it? - [all] No one.

Good.

I had to offload it to someone. The burden was too strong.

- Cardi? - Aye

- What? - Fucking hell.

- Carol… - Did anyone see you?

- No. - No one. No one.

Thank fuck.

Except… Except for that hen party that walked past.

A group… of people.

And the police officer when we were wheeling him down the hill.

What do you mean… What do you mean a policeman saw you?

- He waved at us. - He fucking waved at you?

- What, he saw you with the body? - No, no, the body was in a… a bin.

- Why was he in a fucking wheelie bin? - It was easier to manoeuvre.

Of course. What did you do with his stuff?

The things he had on him. His wallet. His phone.

His keys? Anything that might… Honest to fucking God.

There is a body now in a shallow grave

and he has got his fucking phone on him?

What if a fucking dog walker hears it and answers the fucking thing?

Oh, the fucking documentaries, the murder documentaries are sick.

They fucking track your phones and that, how they find…

That's how they find… criminals.

Sounds really bad when you say it like that.

- Really bad. - Frightening.

The police could be banging on that fucking door any second.

- [knock at door] - [all shriek]

Can someone take me to school now?

Abso-shagging-lutely. Get down them stairs.

A fucking dead body.

What the bloody hell is he talking to me about a dead body for?

Tell me he's gone insane. Guys, what is going on?

- Hi. - You all right?

- Hey, big man! - Oh! Here he is,

Mr Worldwide Internet Star,

Jehan Javani in the flesh. [chuckles]

Faces like slapped arses. Who died?

[Ash laughs]

- Right, you have a good day, yeah? - Yeah.

- Give me a cuddle. See You later. - Love you, Mum.

- Love you. - [mobile rings]

- Hello? - [man] Hello, Erin.

- Wondered if we could have a chat. - Who is this?

Hang on a minute, this is a fucking… This is a murder!

All I'm saying is… All I am saying is…

If it were Erin's fault, then we should shop her in to the police.

She's killed once, she's got a taste for it now.

[mobile rings]

- None of us are safe. - Fuck me.

Erin? Erin! Clip him, dickhead.

Erin, where are you, love?

- I've been brought in for questioning. - What? What the fuck?

Hang on a minute… Just say… "No… no comment" to everything.

Stay calm and promise me you'll look after Tyler for me.

Stop it, this is fucking ridiculous!

What are they… What fucking questions are they asking you?

Something to do with the disappearance of someone called Keith McBride.

I don't know, I don't know anything yet.

Listen to me, 'cause this is important. I need you to look after Tyler for me

if need be. Tell me you can do that, Vin.

- Erin… Sweetheart... - Vin. Tell me.

Of course I'll look after him, I'm his fucking dad!

Sweetheart, please!

I've gotta go.

No! Erin! Fuck! Fuck!

What?

They can't charge her without a body, can they?

[Vinnie] We need to find this body fast.

[Dylan] Right. This is Corby Woods. Pull in.

Jesus wept… What's all this shit?

[Ash] Did they narrow it down?

[Cardi] Carol said there was a sign or summat.

Was it that sign there maybe?

Come on. We don't have much time.

Oh, nice. Yeah man. Chop some trees, innit?

- That looks about right. - Oh, yeah, check me out, dude!

- Be careful, Cardi. - Oh yeah, Cardi, look at my one?

Like a tomahawk, from a lovely native American boy,

maybe you want to… Maybe I could have a loan of…

- No, you're all right. - Just hold it for a second…

Ashley. Ashley, listen. We are going to go out in them woods

and spread out, yeah? We are looking for a knobhead in a shallow grave.

- [Dylan] Let's go. - Let's do it.

[Tommo] Yeah, now… Where do we start?

- Look at the fucking size of it. - Listen, don't panic,

Cardi is on the phone to Carol now, she'll give us an idea

of where the fucker is lying.

Thanks. All right. See you later, yeah. Love you. Love you, too, bye.

Okay. So she says it was pretty dark last night,

but she's pretty certain

he's over near… ' "the big tree."

Just to fuck me in the arse.

- Shall I call her back? - [Vinnie] No.

So the disappearance of Keithy McBride.

Kind of had this foisted upon us,

what with the video of his motor in the quarry,

public interest and what-have-you. People love a mystery.

Me, I couldn't give a rat's piss about Keithy McBride.

But unfortunately, since foul play is suspected,

it's kind of my responsibility.

So, let me start from the beginning.

For the benefit of the tape, do you know Keithy McBride?

No.

For the benefit of the tape.

I told you, I don't know him.

Never heard of him until you asked me about him.

So I don't understand why I'm here.

Okay.

Okay.

So the next question would be,

why do you suppose that,

according to Keithy McBride's phone records,

the last person to call him was… you?

At 11:36 last night.

["Katchi" playing]

No comment.

[Cardi] This is a lot harder than it looks and it's heavy.

- Okay. - How's it going? On the job are yer?

Eh? Oh. Er, yeah.

- You know how to use that thing? - Yeah. Reckon I do, yeah.

Well, if you need a hand, you be sure to let me know.

Well, maybe I will. [chuckles]

You could do a lot more damage than his tiny chopper.

[laughs]

- [gasps] The fuck was all that? - What?

- Just a bit of banter. - That wasn't just banter.

- Get back to work, skiver. - No. You get back to work, you.

Go on, sod off. Cheeky.

What's the fucking deal here? Are all lumberjacks gay or something?

- Am I invisible? - They're not gay.

Why do you think everyone's gay?

You with that chainsaw.

That's the only reason they're paying you any attention. It's like a gay Bat-Signal.

- Pass it over. Careful now. Swap it. - No. It's mine.

- Swap it, Cardi. Hand it over. - No, I want the chainsaw.

[both grunt]

See this necklace?

[women screaming]

On a scale of one to ten, how surprised do you reckon I'm gonna be

if we find your prints all over it?

11.42 p.m., a phone call is made to emergency services from your phone.

[Erin on phone] Can we get an ambulance, please? There's been an accident…

- What are you doing? - [Carol] What the fuck are you doing?

We're after fucking knocking him down. He's dead as a fucking doornail.

[Erin] Give me that fucking phone.

Pretty damning that.

Do you know, Erin,

what cell phone triangulation is? It's how we locate a mobile phone,

or a person's whereabouts.

These are Keithy McBride's

mobile phone's movements over the past 24 hours.

And these… are yours.

And, amazingly,

you appear to have been in exactly

the same places as our missing Keithy

for much of last night.

Until, that is, you returned home

and he… he remained behind.

Right here.

In what appears to be these woods just outside of town.

There's a SOCO team on the way to the woods right now.

Do you think they're going to find Mr McBride there?

Give me Vinnie and I'll see you walk.

Name Vinnie

and you'll go home to your kid tonight.

- Has anyone seen anything? - No, Vincent, we haven't seen anything,

- 'cause it's a fucking waste of time. - Oi!

Stop being so grumpy, Willow.

You're just coming down.

I am not on a fucking come-down, Vincent.

I'm just… struggling.

Knobhead.

Fuckin "on a come-down," mate.

[sniffs]

Dang.

[screams]

Shut up, you dickhead! Keep your fucking voice down.

- Fuck! - Fucking hell. Fuck me. Shit.

Get down. Fucking hell. Shh!

Is that it, then, yeah? That's gonna be the dead body, right?

If it isn't, it'll do till the right one gets here,

- won't it, you fucking eejit? - What the fuck are you doing?

I am trying to pull him out of the fucking ground.

- We need a distraction or summat. - [lumberjacks jeering]

- What the fuck is that? - I think it's Cardi.

A convenient distraction.

["Boys Wanna Be Her" playing]

♪ By the balls Causin' waterfalls, stone walls ♪

♪ Bar brawls Common stalls that cause 'em all… ♪

Boys, it's the boss man.

Hey! Who are you lot with?

We're with the crew for the chopping down

of the woods and shit, innit, sir?

You'll have to cover him up and we'll get him later.

We are fucking taking him now. Get his ankles.

[officer over megaphone] Your attention, please.

All work is to be suspended with immediate effect.

These woods have been designated a crime scene.

Fucking get out of it. Fucking leave him!

[officer] Down tools and return to your vehicles, immediately.

[man grunts]

- Cardi, stop doing that grunty thing. - I didn't say anything.

You did, you said "eurgh" and then you grunted.

It wasn't me.

- [screaming] - What the fuck?

- He's alive! - [all yelling]

- [Vinnie] How the fuck is he alive? - He was.

Did you just fucking knock him out?

Well, he shouldn't have sneaked up on us like that.

Oi! He's been through enough.

Fucking knocked him out, poor cunt. Keithy?

- Keithy, love? - Did no one check his pulse?

[high-pitched] Keithy?

[all scream]

Jesus! For fuck's sake! Ashley, that's twice!

[sighs] Thank fuck he's alive.

["Loaded" playing]

- All right, Carl? - No. I'm pretty fucking not.

Keithy McBride was admitted to St Margaret's A&E half an hour ago.

- Alive? - Yeah. It would seem so.

Keithy McBride is alive?

[Hoskins] A few witnesses reported seeing him drinking heavily last night.

Two women found him staggering along the road disorientated this morning.

- Looks like he fell asleep in some woods. - Is that right?

Wow.

- Shit! - Oh, hi.

- Yeah, nice to see you, too! - I didn't mean "shit" like that,

I just… I don't know, it's nice to see you.

So, are you handing yourself in?

No, one of the boys…

Just picking up one of the lads who got in trouble.

- Where are you going? - Off to work at the Crow.

You know, that place you're avoiding in case you run into me.

For fuck's sake. I'm not avoiding…

I've just been busy.

I've not told you because I worry about you…

- Okay. - Shut up.

That's enough of that. All right, then.

[sighs] Get me the fuck out of here.

["2, 3 Scrape" playing]

- [nurse] Wait! - I need to talk to Keithy McBride. Now.

[chuckles]

[gasps, laughs] Fucking hell! Yes! Keithy!

- [groans] - Stop saying "eurgh" and fucking help.

Get it. Quick. Move, you fuck.

Let's fucking go!

[Erin sighs] I really need to get hold of Keithy.

[Vinnie] No. Just stay clear of the whole thing.

- What if he talks, Vin? - Don't matter.

No one is gonna believe him if he does. Fuck him.

I need to get to him. I need to get that money back.

Listen to me, you.

If it's the difference between him getting away with a load of money

and you taking a murder charge, I'd rather take the hit on the dough,

y'know?

It's only cash.

["Sankofa" playing]

[faint shout]

Is that our Ronnie?

- Come on! - Pull over!

Oi! Ronnie!

Ronnie!

[Vinnie] Ronnie, you bellend!

Ronnie, I want my fucking money back!

[faint, indistinct shouting]

[indistinct shouting]

We can't hear you, you fucking idiot!

- What? - We can't hear you, Ronnie!

- Stay there. - [Erin] Just give me the money!

I'm saying, I'm fucking wicked at everything!

We can't hear what you're saying!

Wait! I'm getting a fucking sore throat here!

- [mobile rings] - Fucking calling me. Right, go on.

All right, Erin, it's Ronnie here. I was saying, every fucking time

you underestimate me, and you, Vinnie, you skinny twat,

I am an inspiration to many, Jah told me that, man.

- [horn blares] - [tyres screech]

["Cordeiro De Nana" playing]

- [mobile rings] - Now, let's just…

- That's really bad. We should leave. - We should.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

[mobile ringing]

- He's not gonna give up, is he? - What are you going to do?

- I've got a job. - What is it?

Bees.

- Fuck it. Run away. Run away. - Where are my bees?

Get in… the fucking… cellar!

Oh! Scary bee man.

[all yelp]

- Is that human? - Oh, fuck me.

Drink the tramp piss and let's get the fuck out of here.

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪

♪ Give me the strength to carry on… ♪