All language subtitles for Adam.Ruins.Everything.S01E01.HDTV.x264-[eSc]

♪

>> (sighing)
Don't forget about the
Give-a-thon this afternoon.

Don't forget about the
Give-a-thon this afternoon.
Hey, guys, Give-a-thon today.

Give-a-thon this afternoon.
Hey, guys, Give-a-thon today.
Make a difference.

Hey, guys, Give-a-thon today.
Make a difference.
Hi.

Make a difference.
Hi.
(gasping)

Hi.
(gasping)
>> Surprise!

(gasping)
>> Surprise!
(laughing)

>> Surprise!
(laughing)
>> Happy birthday, babe.

(laughing)
>> Happy birthday, babe.
>> You guys!

>> Happy birthday, babe.
>> You guys!
So cool.

>> You guys!
So cool.
I love surprises.

So cool.
I love surprises.
Mwah!

I love surprises.
Mwah!
>> Good, 'cause I've got

Mwah!
>> Good, 'cause I've got
another one.

Emily, you've made me
the happiest man in the world.
Will you marry me?

the happiest man in the world.
Will you marry me?
>> How sweet.

Will you marry me?
>> How sweet.
He likes it,

>> How sweet.
He likes it,
so he's putting a ring on it.

He likes it,
so he's putting a ring on it.
But here's a question.

so he's putting a ring on it.
But here's a question.
Why do we put diamond rings

But here's a question.
Why do we put diamond rings
on things we like at all?

Why do we put diamond rings
on things we like at all?
>> I don't-- I'm sorry,

on things we like at all?
>> I don't-- I'm sorry,
who are you?

>> I don't-- I'm sorry,
who are you?
>> Hi, I'm Adam Conover.

who are you?
>> Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> Okay.

>> Hi, I'm Adam Conover.
>> Okay.
>> And this is

>> Okay.
>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."

>> And this is
"Adam Ruins Everything."
♪

(crackling)
(ding-ding)
(buzzer)

Closed Captions Provided by
truTV

>> Is this, like, a TV show?
>> Yeah, it's mine.
It's my TV show.

>> Yeah, it's mine.
It's my TV show.
Every week, I reveal the awful

It's my TV show.
Every week, I reveal the awful
truth about a beloved part of

Every week, I reveal the awful
truth about a beloved part of
your world.

truth about a beloved part of
your world.
>> That sounds like a terrible

your world.
>> That sounds like a terrible
premise.

>> That sounds like a terrible
premise.
>> Mmm, no, it's gonna be

premise.
>> Mmm, no, it's gonna be
really cool.

>> Mmm, no, it's gonna be
really cool.
And today, our topic is...

really cool.
And today, our topic is...
Giving.

And today, our topic is...
Giving.
>> Are you serious?

Giving.
>> Are you serious?
You're gonna ruin my birthday

>> Are you serious?
You're gonna ruin my birthday
engagement for your dumb show

You're gonna ruin my birthday
engagement for your dumb show
about how smart you are?

engagement for your dumb show
about how smart you are?
>> Yup.

about how smart you are?
>> Yup.
Oh, and, uh, just so you know

>> Yup.
Oh, and, uh, just so you know
that everything I'm saying is

Oh, and, uh, just so you know
that everything I'm saying is
right, I'll be listing all of

that everything I'm saying is
right, I'll be listing all of
my sources on the screen.

>> Yes, police, he's 5'9",
glasses, very smarmy.

glasses, very smarmy.
>> So, we may think of the

>> So, we may think of the
diamond engagement ring as

diamond engagement ring as
a timeless symbol of love,

but it turns out this ancient
tradition was invented less than
a century ago by the De Beers

tradition was invented less than
a century ago by the De Beers
Diamond Corporation.

a century ago by the De Beers
Diamond Corporation.
Before the 1930s, people didn't

Diamond Corporation.
Before the 1930s, people didn't
exchange diamond rings when they

Before the 1930s, people didn't
exchange diamond rings when they
got engaged.

exchange diamond rings when they
got engaged.
It wasn't a thing.

got engaged.
It wasn't a thing.
>> Hey, Ethel, what do you say

It wasn't a thing.
>> Hey, Ethel, what do you say
we get married?

>> Hey, Ethel, what do you say
we get married?
>> Sounds well.

we get married?
>> Sounds well.
What'll you give me, Frank?

>> Sounds well.
What'll you give me, Frank?
>> Well, I've got nothing.

What'll you give me, Frank?
>> Well, I've got nothing.
Except my undying love and

>> Well, I've got nothing.
Except my undying love and
devotion.

Except my undying love and
devotion.
>> Sold! Oh, I love ya, Frank!

devotion.
>> Sold! Oh, I love ya, Frank!
>> But in 1938, De Beers

>> Sold! Oh, I love ya, Frank!
>> But in 1938, De Beers
launched a massive ad campaign

>> But in 1938, De Beers
launched a massive ad campaign
claiming that the only way for a

launched a massive ad campaign
claiming that the only way for a
real man to show his love is

claiming that the only way for a
real man to show his love is
with a hunk of crystallized

real man to show his love is
with a hunk of crystallized
carbon.

with a hunk of crystallized
carbon.
And we bought it.

carbon.
And we bought it.
>> Hold on, it says if I don't

And we bought it.
>> Hold on, it says if I don't
buy you one of these ring

>> Hold on, it says if I don't
buy you one of these ring
dealies, then I'm a

buy you one of these ring
dealies, then I'm a
pencil-necked dandy poof.

dealies, then I'm a
pencil-necked dandy poof.
>> And it's on the side of

pencil-necked dandy poof.
>> And it's on the side of
a building, so it must be true.

>> And it's on the side of
a building, so it must be true.
>> In fact, every part of the

a building, so it must be true.
>> In fact, every part of the
engagement tradition was

>> In fact, every part of the
engagement tradition was
designed to make more money

engagement tradition was
designed to make more money
for De Beers.

designed to make more money
for De Beers.
Like, how much did you drop on

for De Beers.
Like, how much did you drop on
that rock?

Like, how much did you drop on
that rock?
>> Four grand.

that rock?
>> Four grand.
>> What? That's more than

>> Four grand.
>> What? That's more than
your car.

>> What? That's more than
your car.
>> My dad said the rule was two

your car.
>> My dad said the rule was two
months' salary.

>> My dad said the rule was two
months' salary.
>> Dude, that's not a rule.

months' salary.
>> Dude, that's not a rule.
That's just an arbitrary number

>> Dude, that's not a rule.
That's just an arbitrary number
from an old De Beers'

That's just an arbitrary number
from an old De Beers'
ad campaign.

from an old De Beers'
ad campaign.
>> Buy her a diamond worth

ad campaign.
>> Buy her a diamond worth
one month's salary.

>> Buy her a diamond worth
one month's salary.
She'll be sure to love you

one month's salary.
She'll be sure to love you
eterni-ally.

She'll be sure to love you
eterni-ally.
>> Uh... profits are down.

eterni-ally.
>> Uh... profits are down.
Better make it two months.

>> Uh... profits are down.
Better make it two months.
>> This has gotta be the most

Better make it two months.
>> This has gotta be the most
successful ad campaign

>> This has gotta be the most
successful ad campaign
of all time.

successful ad campaign
of all time.
Like, think if every brand

of all time.
Like, think if every brand
could do this.

Like, think if every brand
could do this.
In 50 years, we'd all be

could do this.
In 50 years, we'd all be
going...

>> Oh, sweetie, the same thing
again?

again?
>> Well, you know that old rule.

Pizza in the morning,
pizza in the evening,
pizza at suppertime.

pizza in the evening,
pizza at suppertime.
When pizza's on a bagel,

pizza at suppertime.
When pizza's on a bagel,
you must eat pizza all the time.

When pizza's on a bagel,
you must eat pizza all the time.
>> No, there's no crime.

you must eat pizza all the time.
>> No, there's no crime.
He's just telling us a lot

>> No, there's no crime.
He's just telling us a lot
of annoying facts.

He's just telling us a lot
of annoying facts.
(beep, dial tone)

of annoying facts.
(beep, dial tone)
Hello? Hello?!

(beep, dial tone)
Hello? Hello?!
>> Well, it's not like I threw

Hello? Hello?!
>> Well, it's not like I threw
my money away.

>> Well, it's not like I threw
my money away.
I mean, at least the ring

my money away.
I mean, at least the ring
is worth something.

I mean, at least the ring
is worth something.
>> Actually, diamonds are

is worth something.
>> Actually, diamonds are
intrinsically worthless.

>> Actually, diamonds are
intrinsically worthless.
>> I refuse to believe that.

intrinsically worthless.
>> I refuse to believe that.
>> Oh, well, maybe you'll

>> I refuse to believe that.
>> Oh, well, maybe you'll
believe De Beers Chairman

>> Oh, well, maybe you'll
believe De Beers Chairman
Nicky Oppenheimer, who was once

believe De Beers Chairman
Nicky Oppenheimer, who was once
quoted as saying:

>> No, I refuse to believe you.
>> Yeah, you're just some guy
with a basic cable show.

>> Yeah, you're just some guy
with a basic cable show.
I mean, it's not like you wrote

with a basic cable show.
I mean, it's not like you wrote
the book on it.

I mean, it's not like you wrote
the book on it.
>> No, but Edward Jay Epstein

the book on it.
>> No, but Edward Jay Epstein
did.

>> No, but Edward Jay Epstein
did.
Hey, Ed.

did.
Hey, Ed.
>> Hi, Adam.

Hey, Ed.
>> Hi, Adam.
>> He's a journalist who's

>> Hi, Adam.
>> He's a journalist who's
written about the De Beers

>> He's a journalist who's
written about the De Beers
diamond cartel for over 30

written about the De Beers
diamond cartel for over 30
years, and he's the foremost

diamond cartel for over 30
years, and he's the foremost
expert on the subject.

years, and he's the foremost
expert on the subject.
>> Well, crud.

expert on the subject.
>> Well, crud.
>> Have you ever tired

>> Well, crud.
>> Have you ever tired
to sell a diamond?

>> Have you ever tired
to sell a diamond?
Well, I have.

When I was writing my book,
I took a diamond that someone

I took a diamond that someone
had paid $6,000 for

had paid $6,000 for
the day before,

the day before,
and I took it from one

and I took it from one
diamond store to another

diamond store to another
diamond store in New York.

And you know what I was offered?
Less than $1,000.
>> I know that, 'cause I read

Less than $1,000.
>> I know that, 'cause I read
the book, so...

>> I know that, 'cause I read
the book, so...
>> That diamond had lost

the book, so...
>> That diamond had lost
five-sixths of its value

>> That diamond had lost
five-sixths of its value
overnight.

five-sixths of its value
overnight.
>> So, diamonds aren't a great

overnight.
>> So, diamonds aren't a great
investment per se?

>> So, diamonds aren't a great
investment per se?
>> Face it, kid.

investment per se?
>> Face it, kid.
You got ripped off.

>> Face it, kid.
You got ripped off.
>> Thanks, Ed.

You got ripped off.
>> Thanks, Ed.
>> Aah!

>> Thanks, Ed.
>> Aah!
>> The thing is, diamonds aren't

>> Aah!
>> The thing is, diamonds aren't
rare at all.

>> The thing is, diamonds aren't
rare at all.
In fact, they're quite common.

rare at all.
In fact, they're quite common.
The only reason diamonds are

In fact, they're quite common.
The only reason diamonds are
even expensive is that De Beers

The only reason diamonds are
even expensive is that De Beers
has a global monopoly on diamond

even expensive is that De Beers
has a global monopoly on diamond
mining and they artificially

has a global monopoly on diamond
mining and they artificially
restrict the supply to jack

mining and they artificially
restrict the supply to jack
the prices up.

restrict the supply to jack
the prices up.
But in reality, those (bleep)

the prices up.
But in reality, those (bleep)
have a (bleep) ton of them.

But in reality, those (bleep)
have a (bleep) ton of them.
>> These are extremely rare.

Pay no attention to that.
>> And that's why De Beers
wants us to think a diamond

>> And that's why De Beers
wants us to think a diamond
is forever.

wants us to think a diamond
is forever.
As long as we never try to

is forever.
As long as we never try to
sell them, we'll never figure

As long as we never try to
sell them, we'll never figure
out how badly we got screwed.

sell them, we'll never figure
out how badly we got screwed.
>> Okay, so what can we

out how badly we got screwed.
>> Okay, so what can we
do about it?

>> Okay, so what can we
do about it?
>> Nothing-- a century of

do about it?
>> Nothing-- a century of
advertising has embedded

>> Nothing-- a century of
advertising has embedded
the diamond engagement ring

advertising has embedded
the diamond engagement ring
so deeply in our culture that

the diamond engagement ring
so deeply in our culture that
even knowing all that doesn't

so deeply in our culture that
even knowing all that doesn't
stop us from wanting them.

even knowing all that doesn't
stop us from wanting them.
>> He's right,

stop us from wanting them.
>> He's right,
I still want that rock.

>> He's right,
I still want that rock.
>> Great, um, well, then,

I still want that rock.
>> Great, um, well, then,
here's some worthless junk I was

>> Great, um, well, then,
here's some worthless junk I was
tricked into buying from an

here's some worthless junk I was
tricked into buying from an
international cartel, I guess.

tricked into buying from an
international cartel, I guess.
>> Well, it isn't worthless

international cartel, I guess.
>> Well, it isn't worthless
to me.

>> Well, it isn't worthless
to me.
It means you love me.

to me.
It means you love me.
>> Because De Beers told you

It means you love me.
>> Because De Beers told you
that's what it means.

>> Because De Beers told you
that's what it means.
>> Whatever.

that's what it means.
>> Whatever.
♪

>> Now that that's over.
>> Oh. (laughs)
Here's a present for the

>> Oh. (laughs)
Here's a present for the
bride-to-be.

Here's a present for the
bride-to-be.
>> Ooh, thank you.

bride-to-be.
>> Ooh, thank you.
(clearing throat)

>> Ooh, thank you.
(clearing throat)
Oh, it's a pair of TOMS shoes.

(clearing throat)
Oh, it's a pair of TOMS shoes.
Oh, these are so wonderful.

Oh, it's a pair of TOMS shoes.
Oh, these are so wonderful.
Every time you buy one,

Oh, these are so wonderful.
Every time you buy one,
they give one to a child...

Every time you buy one,
they give one to a child...
What are you doing here?

they give one to a child...
What are you doing here?
>> Well, there's something you

What are you doing here?
>> Well, there's something you
should know about TOMS shoes.

>> Well, there's something you
should know about TOMS shoes.
>> Oh, crap.

should know about TOMS shoes.
>> Oh, crap.
♪

(school bell ringing)
>> Okay, class is about to
start so... get the hell out.

>> Okay, class is about to
start so... get the hell out.
>> Hi, kids, I'm Adam.

start so... get the hell out.
>> Hi, kids, I'm Adam.
>> Good morning, Adam.

>> Hi, kids, I'm Adam.
>> Good morning, Adam.
>> Don't say my name in unison.

>> Good morning, Adam.
>> Don't say my name in unison.
It promotes blind obedience.

>> Don't say my name in unison.
It promotes blind obedience.
And don't give me apples.

It promotes blind obedience.
And don't give me apples.
>> But an apple a day

And don't give me apples.
>> But an apple a day
keeps the doctor away.

>> But an apple a day
keeps the doctor away.
>> No, kid, that's just an

keeps the doctor away.
>> No, kid, that's just an
ad slogan created by the

>> No, kid, that's just an
ad slogan created by the
apple industry.

ad slogan created by the
apple industry.
In fact, until the late 19th

apple industry.
In fact, until the late 19th
century, apples were exclusively

In fact, until the late 19th
century, apples were exclusively
used to make hard cider.

century, apples were exclusively
used to make hard cider.
It wasn't until the temperance

used to make hard cider.
It wasn't until the temperance
movement that--

It wasn't until the temperance
movement that--
>> Hey, stay on track.

movement that--
>> Hey, stay on track.
>> Sorry, save that for another

>> Hey, stay on track.
>> Sorry, save that for another
episode.

>> Sorry, save that for another
episode.
We all know TOMS shoes.

episode.
We all know TOMS shoes.
Their "Buy one, give one"

We all know TOMS shoes.
Their "Buy one, give one"
business model has made them

Their "Buy one, give one"
business model has made them
massively successful.

business model has made them
massively successful.
>> What if I started a shoe

massively successful.
>> What if I started a shoe
company, and every time

>> What if I started a shoe
company, and every time
I sold a pair of shoes,

company, and every time
I sold a pair of shoes,
I gave a pair away?

I sold a pair of shoes,
I gave a pair away?
♪

I gave a pair away?
♪
>> (sighs)

♪
>> (sighs)
I love Tom.

>> (sighs)
I love Tom.
>> Well, there is no Tom.

I love Tom.
>> Well, there is no Tom.
(all gasp and exclaim)

>> Well, there is no Tom.
(all gasp and exclaim)
Oh, no-no-no, he's just a myth.

(all gasp and exclaim)
Oh, no-no-no, he's just a myth.
Like Santa Claus.

Oh, no-no-no, he's just a myth.
Like Santa Claus.
(all gasp and exclaim)

Like Santa Claus.
(all gasp and exclaim)
>> What the heck?

(all gasp and exclaim)
>> What the heck?
>> I know, I was surprised too.

>> What the heck?
>> I know, I was surprised too.
But the real owner of TOMS

>> I know, I was surprised too.
But the real owner of TOMS
is a guy named Blake Mycoskie.

But the real owner of TOMS
is a guy named Blake Mycoskie.
And as noble as Blake's

is a guy named Blake Mycoskie.
And as noble as Blake's
intentions may be, the "Buy one,

And as noble as Blake's
intentions may be, the "Buy one,
give one" model is incredibly

intentions may be, the "Buy one,
give one" model is incredibly
misguided.

give one" model is incredibly
misguided.
(girl sobbing)

misguided.
(girl sobbing)
>> Oh...

(girl sobbing)
>> Oh...
>> I'm sorry, I don't know

>> Oh...
>> I'm sorry, I don't know
how to talk to kids.

>> I'm sorry, I don't know
how to talk to kids.
Oh, geez.

how to talk to kids.
Oh, geez.
Hey, darlin'...

Oh, geez.
Hey, darlin'...
you like questioning

Hey, darlin'...
you like questioning
social norms or...

you like questioning
social norms or...
Oh, never mind.

social norms or...
Oh, never mind.
>> (muttering)

Oh, never mind.
>> (muttering)
Great.

>> (muttering)
Great.
So, we're done here.

Great.
So, we're done here.
>> Yeah, let's leave.

So, we're done here.
>> Yeah, let's leave.
(zap, whoosh, crackle)

>> Yeah, let's leave.
(zap, whoosh, crackle)
(kids whispering)

(zap, whoosh, crackle)
(kids whispering)
>> Teacher's gone!

(kids whispering)
>> Teacher's gone!
(all screaming)

>> Teacher's gone!
(all screaming)
>> What? How did we...?

(all screaming)
>> What? How did we...?
>> Oh, it's my show, so I can

>> What? How did we...?
>> Oh, it's my show, so I can
just like, whatever.

>> Oh, it's my show, so I can
just like, whatever.
It's not common knowledge, but

just like, whatever.
It's not common knowledge, but
before Blake founded TOMS shoes,

It's not common knowledge, but
before Blake founded TOMS shoes,
he was a reality star who

before Blake founded TOMS shoes,
he was a reality star who
appeared on "The Amazing Race"

he was a reality star who
appeared on "The Amazing Race"
and Fox's "Sexiest Bachelor

appeared on "The Amazing Race"
and Fox's "Sexiest Bachelor
in America" pageant,

and Fox's "Sexiest Bachelor
in America" pageant,
where he gave away something

in America" pageant,
where he gave away something
even more valuable than shoes--

where he gave away something
even more valuable than shoes--
dat ass.

even more valuable than shoes--
dat ass.
>> Really?

dat ass.
>> Really?
Whoa.

>> Really?
Whoa.
>> But while on a trip to

Whoa.
>> But while on a trip to
Argentina, Blake saw the

>> But while on a trip to
Argentina, Blake saw the
devastating effects of poverty

Argentina, Blake saw the
devastating effects of poverty
with his own piercing blue eyes.

devastating effects of poverty
with his own piercing blue eyes.
And he decided then and

with his own piercing blue eyes.
And he decided then and
there to devote his life

And he decided then and
there to devote his life
to helping the needy...

there to devote his life
to helping the needy...
by giving them shoes.

to helping the needy...
by giving them shoes.
>> Yeah, he's a generous guy.

by giving them shoes.
>> Yeah, he's a generous guy.
>> Is he? Is it generous

>> Yeah, he's a generous guy.
>> Is he? Is it generous
to give people something

>> Is he? Is it generous
to give people something
they don't want or need?

to give people something
they don't want or need?
>> What are you talking about?

they don't want or need?
>> What are you talking about?
People in those countries

>> What are you talking about?
People in those countries
need shoes.

People in those countries
need shoes.
>> Do they?

need shoes.
>> Do they?
>> Yeah...

>> Do they?
>> Yeah...
>> How do you know?

>> Yeah...
>> How do you know?
>> I don't know, uh...

>> How do you know?
>> I don't know, uh...
When I picture someone in

>> I don't know, uh...
When I picture someone in
Africa, I imagine them living in

When I picture someone in
Africa, I imagine them living in
a village, you know, with no

Africa, I imagine them living in
a village, you know, with no
shoes and no clothes and...

a village, you know, with no
shoes and no clothes and...
They live in this cute little

shoes and no clothes and...
They live in this cute little
hut with an elephant and

They live in this cute little
hut with an elephant and
everyone's always playing music

hut with an elephant and
everyone's always playing music
and walking around with water

everyone's always playing music
and walking around with water
jugs on their heads and...

and walking around with water
jugs on their heads and...
Oh, my God, this is

jugs on their heads and...
Oh, my God, this is
condescending, isn't it?

Oh, my God, this is
condescending, isn't it?
>> Tell you what, why don't we

condescending, isn't it?
>> Tell you what, why don't we
just ask someone from Africa?

>> Tell you what, why don't we
just ask someone from Africa?
>> Yeah, we should prob...

just ask someone from Africa?
>> Yeah, we should prob...
Yeah, let's do that.

Yeah, let's do that.
>> Hey, Teddy, how's it going?

>> Hey, Teddy, how's it going?
>> Hey, Adam.

>> Hey, Adam.
>> I want you to meet

>> I want you to meet
my friend Emily.

>> Um, do you have shoes
in Uganda?

in Uganda?
>> Surprisingly, yes,

>> Surprisingly, yes,
we do have shoes.

we do have shoes.
We also have shoe stores,

We also have shoe stores,
and we also have cobblers.

and we also have cobblers.
>> But what about those TOMS

>> But what about those TOMS
ads, you know, with, with all

ads, you know, with, with all
the videos of the shoeless

the videos of the shoeless
children?

children?
>> That's what we call

>> That's what we call
"poverty porn."

"poverty porn."
They find the most extreme

They find the most extreme
situations and make it look

situations and make it look
like the most common situation

like the most common situation
on the continent.

Shoes is the least of our
problems, really, guys.

problems, really, guys.
We're worried about malaria.

We're worried about malaria.
We're worried about getting

We're worried about getting
jobs, we're just worried about

jobs, we're just worried about
having electricity in the

having electricity in the
village, for example.

village, for example.
>> Well, if those kids don't

>> Well, if those kids don't
need free shoes, why did they

need free shoes, why did they
take them in the first place?

take them in the first place?
>> A kid doesn't understand

>> A kid doesn't understand
the ramifications of me

the ramifications of me
receiving these free shoes

receiving these free shoes
from somebody in America.

from somebody in America.
>> Like what kind of

>> Like what kind of
ramifications?
>> Well, what it does is

ramifications?
>> Well, what it does is
actually put people who are

>> Well, what it does is
actually put people who are
creating shoes right out of

actually put people who are
creating shoes right out of
business.

creating shoes right out of
business.
It takes way the agency of the

business.
It takes way the agency of the
community to be

It takes way the agency of the
community to be
self-sustaining.

community to be
self-sustaining.
>> Yeah, one study showed that

self-sustaining.
>> Yeah, one study showed that
free clothing donations to

>> Yeah, one study showed that
free clothing donations to
Africa reduced employment in

free clothing donations to
Africa reduced employment in
their garment industry by half.

Africa reduced employment in
their garment industry by half.
>> Am I clay?

their garment industry by half.
>> Am I clay?
>> And here's the kicker.

>> Am I clay?
>> And here's the kicker.
The shoes TOMS gives away cost

>> And here's the kicker.
The shoes TOMS gives away cost
them only four dollars to make.

The shoes TOMS gives away cost
them only four dollars to make.
>> But wait, they cost 60.

them only four dollars to make.
>> But wait, they cost 60.
So, if I get a pair of

>> But wait, they cost 60.
So, if I get a pair of
four-dollar shoes and they

So, if I get a pair of
four-dollar shoes and they
give away a pair of four-dollar

four-dollar shoes and they
give away a pair of four-dollar
shoes, where do

give away a pair of four-dollar
shoes, where do
the other 52

shoes, where do
the other 52
dollars go?

the other 52
dollars go?
(zap, whoosh)

dollars go?
(zap, whoosh)
>> Look, TOMS may kind of act

(zap, whoosh)
>> Look, TOMS may kind of act
like they're a charity,

>> Look, TOMS may kind of act
like they're a charity,
but they're a for-profit

like they're a charity,
but they're a for-profit
company.

but they're a for-profit
company.
And last year, Blake sold his

company.
And last year, Blake sold his
stake in TOMS in a deal that

And last year, Blake sold his
stake in TOMS in a deal that
valued them at $600 million.

stake in TOMS in a deal that
valued them at $600 million.
>> Corporations are so evil.

valued them at $600 million.
>> Corporations are so evil.
>> Oh, no, look, corporations

>> Corporations are so evil.
>> Oh, no, look, corporations
are capable of doing plenty of

>> Oh, no, look, corporations
are capable of doing plenty of
good in the world.

are capable of doing plenty of
good in the world.
Like, when they contribute to

good in the world.
Like, when they contribute to
local economies.

Like, when they contribute to
local economies.
But the "Buy one, give one"

local economies.
But the "Buy one, give one"
model doesn't help anyone.

But the "Buy one, give one"
model doesn't help anyone.
>> Wow, and here I thought...

model doesn't help anyone.
>> Wow, and here I thought...
Oh, my God!

>> Wow, and here I thought...
Oh, my God!
♪

Oh, my God!
♪
(school bell ringing)

♪
(school bell ringing)
>> Wow, you are not good

(school bell ringing)
>> Wow, you are not good
at teaching.

>> Wow, you are not good
at teaching.
>> Faculty and students,

at teaching.
>> Faculty and students,
please assemble in the gym.

>> Faculty and students,
please assemble in the gym.
>> Oh, God, the Give-a-thon.

please assemble in the gym.
>> Oh, God, the Give-a-thon.
Okay, thank you very much

>> Oh, God, the Give-a-thon.
Okay, thank you very much
for this informative, magical

Okay, thank you very much
for this informative, magical
journey, I don't even know what

for this informative, magical
journey, I don't even know what
we were doing, but now I am in

journey, I don't even know what
we were doing, but now I am in
charge of a canned food drive.

we were doing, but now I am in
charge of a canned food drive.
Stop running!

charge of a canned food drive.
Stop running!
Be careful!

Stop running!
Be careful!
>> Oh, canned food drives,

Be careful!
>> Oh, canned food drives,
now, those have some problems.

>> Oh, canned food drives,
now, those have some problems.
Actually, your local food

now, those have some problems.
Actually, your local food
pantry doesn't even want your

Actually, your local food
pantry doesn't even want your
dusty old...

pantry doesn't even want your
dusty old...
(door closes)

dusty old...
(door closes)
Oh, and she's gone.

(door closes)
Oh, and she's gone.
♪

Oh, and she's gone.
♪
>> Hi, Clay Adam here.

♪
>> Hi, Clay Adam here.
Stick around, because,

>> Hi, Clay Adam here.
Stick around, because,
I promise, I will eventually

Stick around, because,
I promise, I will eventually
tell you the best way to give.

I promise, I will eventually
tell you the best way to give.
>> Hey, get out of my clay shop!

tell you the best way to give.
>> Hey, get out of my clay shop!
>> You're right, I'm sorry.

>> Hey, get out of my clay shop!
>> You're right, I'm sorry.
>> Hate to break it to you,

>> You're right, I'm sorry.
>> Hate to break it to you,
but if you line up to give blood

>> Hate to break it to you,
but if you line up to give blood
after a major disaster,

but if you line up to give blood
after a major disaster,
you're doing it wrong.

after a major disaster,
you're doing it wrong.
Mass blood drives became an

you're doing it wrong.
Mass blood drives became an
American civic tradition during

Mass blood drives became an
American civic tradition during
World War II, when huge amounts

American civic tradition during
World War II, when huge amounts
of blood were needed by the

World War II, when huge amounts
of blood were needed by the
military.

of blood were needed by the
military.
>> There are three ways to help

military.
>> There are three ways to help
your boys overseas...

I'm sure that in 50 years,
these will all seem like
great decisions.

these will all seem like
great decisions.
>> Now, whenever there's

great decisions.
>> Now, whenever there's
a tragedy in the news, we all

>> Now, whenever there's
a tragedy in the news, we all
reflexively rush to have our

a tragedy in the news, we all
reflexively rush to have our
veins vacuumed.

reflexively rush to have our
veins vacuumed.
>> Send my blood to Des Moines.

veins vacuumed.
>> Send my blood to Des Moines.
>> The problem is when everyone

>> Send my blood to Des Moines.
>> The problem is when everyone
in the country does this,

>> The problem is when everyone
in the country does this,
we end up with a lot more blood

in the country does this,
we end up with a lot more blood
than we actually need.

we end up with a lot more blood
than we actually need.
>> Yeah, I'll throw it

than we actually need.
>> Yeah, I'll throw it
on the pile.

>> Yeah, I'll throw it
on the pile.
>> Now, this wouldn't be

on the pile.
>> Now, this wouldn't be
a problem except that blood

>> Now, this wouldn't be
a problem except that blood
expires after just 42 days.

After September 11th prompted
patriotic Americans to donate in

patriotic Americans to donate in
record numbers, blood banks were

record numbers, blood banks were
forced to trash over 300,000

forced to trash over 300,000
pints of blood.

pints of blood.
Those donations were made with

Those donations were made with
the best of intentions, but they

the best of intentions, but they
didn't help anyone.

didn't help anyone.
Except maybe vampires.

Except maybe vampires.
>> (slurping)

>> The worst part is blood banks
need donations year round.

need donations year round.
And most of the time, only 5% of

And most of the time, only 5% of
eligible Americans donate.

>> Eh, I'm gonna wait for the
next earthquake.
>> So, if you really wanna help

next earthquake.
>> So, if you really wanna help
after a disaster, wait a few

>> So, if you really wanna help
after a disaster, wait a few
months and donate blood then.

after a disaster, wait a few
months and donate blood then.
And then, keep donating,

months and donate blood then.
And then, keep donating,
like, all the time.

And then, keep donating,
like, all the time.
>> Yes... donate frequently.

like, all the time.
>> Yes... donate frequently.
>> All right, this segment's

>> Yes... donate frequently.
>> All right, this segment's
over.

>> All right, this segment's
over.
Let's get back to the real show.

over.
Let's get back to the real show.
♪

Here's the problem with canned
food drives.
First, you should know that one

food drives.
First, you should know that one
in seven Americans rely on food

First, you should know that one
in seven Americans rely on food
pantries to help feed their

in seven Americans rely on food
pantries to help feed their
families.

pantries to help feed their
families.
>> Exactly, hunger

families.
>> Exactly, hunger
is a real problem.

>> Exactly, hunger
is a real problem.
>> Yes, but canned food drives

is a real problem.
>> Yes, but canned food drives
are a terrible solution.

>> Yes, but canned food drives
are a terrible solution.
You know the first thing

are a terrible solution.
You know the first thing
the food pantry does with

You know the first thing
the food pantry does with
our old cans?

the food pantry does with
our old cans?
They throw half of 'em out.

our old cans?
They throw half of 'em out.
>> Oh.

They throw half of 'em out.
>> Oh.
>> We tend to use food drives

>> Oh.
>> We tend to use food drives
to clean out our cabinets,

>> We tend to use food drives
to clean out our cabinets,
which means we only donate the

to clean out our cabinets,
which means we only donate the
food that's so old and gross,

which means we only donate the
food that's so old and gross,
even we won't eat it.

food that's so old and gross,
even we won't eat it.
>> This candy corn...

even we won't eat it.
>> This candy corn...
Eh, the poor will eat it.

>> This candy corn...
Eh, the poor will eat it.
>> Others buy food at full

Eh, the poor will eat it.
>> Others buy food at full
retail price, picking out cans

>> Others buy food at full
retail price, picking out cans
as though they were the needy's

retail price, picking out cans
as though they were the needy's
personal shopper.

as though they were the needy's
personal shopper.
>> Do the poor like original

personal shopper.
>> Do the poor like original
or bold and spicy?

>> Do the poor like original
or bold and spicy?
Original, they're not fancy.

or bold and spicy?
Original, they're not fancy.
>> Okay, but they're still

Original, they're not fancy.
>> Okay, but they're still
chipping in free food.

>> Okay, but they're still
chipping in free food.
>> Yeah, dream on, lady.

chipping in free food.
>> Yeah, dream on, lady.
Free? Somebody has to pay to

>> Yeah, dream on, lady.
Free? Somebody has to pay to
haul all of this stuff

Free? Somebody has to pay to
haul all of this stuff
to a warehouse.

haul all of this stuff
to a warehouse.
Oh, oh, my God...

to a warehouse.
Oh, oh, my God...
>> And someone has to sort and

Oh, oh, my God...
>> And someone has to sort and
throw out all the expired cans.

>> And someone has to sort and
throw out all the expired cans.
>> And plus, canned food is high

throw out all the expired cans.
>> And plus, canned food is high
in sodium, which causes

>> And plus, canned food is high
in sodium, which causes
high blood pressure.

Ahh!
>> Well, that's an exaggeration.
Your heart wouldn't literally

>> Well, that's an exaggeration.
Your heart wouldn't literally
explode-- great work, Tony--

Your heart wouldn't literally
explode-- great work, Tony--
but it is true that nearly half

explode-- great work, Tony--
but it is true that nearly half
the food we donate doesn't meet

but it is true that nearly half
the food we donate doesn't meet
basic nutritional standards.

the food we donate doesn't meet
basic nutritional standards.
>> Okay, so what kind of food

basic nutritional standards.
>> Okay, so what kind of food
do pantries need?

>> Okay, so what kind of food
do pantries need?
>> I don't know,

do pantries need?
>> I don't know,
what do you eat?

>> I don't know,
what do you eat?
>> Me? Oh, well..

what do you eat?
>> Me? Oh, well..
(clearing throat)

>> Me? Oh, well..
(clearing throat)
I really like fruits and

(clearing throat)
I really like fruits and
veggies, I eat a lot of salads.

I really like fruits and
veggies, I eat a lot of salads.
Oh, and I try to eat lean meats,

veggies, I eat a lot of salads.
Oh, and I try to eat lean meats,
you know, chicken and turkey and

Oh, and I try to eat lean meats,
you know, chicken and turkey and
stuff like that, and...

you know, chicken and turkey and
stuff like that, and...
Oh, I just love a loaf of fresh,

stuff like that, and...
Oh, I just love a loaf of fresh,
crusty bread.

Oh, I just love a loaf of fresh,
crusty bread.
>> Exactly, but you can't donate

crusty bread.
>> Exactly, but you can't donate
any of those foods because

>> Exactly, but you can't donate
any of those foods because
they're all perishable.

any of those foods because
they're all perishable.
Genevieve, would you tell Emily

they're all perishable.
Genevieve, would you tell Emily
why canned food drives suck?

Genevieve, would you tell Emily
why canned food drives suck?
>> Canned food drives don't

why canned food drives suck?
>> Canned food drives don't
suck, but they're not the most

>> Canned food drives don't
suck, but they're not the most
efficient way to give.

>> Oh, you run a food bank,
don't you? >> Yeah, I do.

And at our food bank, we have a
lot of canned food drives, but
they're a whole lot of work.

lot of canned food drives, but
they're a whole lot of work.
And sometimes we have to throw

they're a whole lot of work.
And sometimes we have to throw
away food, and there's some cost

And sometimes we have to throw
away food, and there's some cost
involved in that.

away food, and there's some cost
involved in that.
>> But there are benefits,

involved in that.
>> But there are benefits,
right?

>> But there are benefits,
right?
>> Well, yeah, I mean,

right?
>> Well, yeah, I mean,
one of the things that's great

>> Well, yeah, I mean,
one of the things that's great
is it can help children

one of the things that's great
is it can help children
connect to giving.

is it can help children
connect to giving.
Maybe they'll go out and shop

connect to giving.
Maybe they'll go out and shop
for their favorite canned food

Maybe they'll go out and shop
for their favorite canned food
or soup and knowing that another

for their favorite canned food
or soup and knowing that another
child is gonna get it really

or soup and knowing that another
child is gonna get it really
helps to make that connection

child is gonna get it really
helps to make that connection
with giving.

helps to make that connection
with giving.
>> Oh, that sounds like

with giving.
>> Oh, that sounds like
a good thing.

>> Oh, that sounds like
a good thing.
>> Okay, all right, fair point,

a good thing.
>> Okay, all right, fair point,
fair point, but...

>> Okay, all right, fair point,
fair point, but...
>> The truth is the best way to

fair point, but...
>> The truth is the best way to
help a food bank is to donate

>> The truth is the best way to
help a food bank is to donate
money, because we buy food on

help a food bank is to donate
money, because we buy food on
a wholesale level, and we work

money, because we buy food on
a wholesale level, and we work
with farmers, so we can take the

a wholesale level, and we work
with farmers, so we can take the
dollar that you might spend on a

with farmers, so we can take the
dollar that you might spend on a
single can of beans and turn it

dollar that you might spend on a
single can of beans and turn it
into exponentially more food.

single can of beans and turn it
into exponentially more food.
>> Hey, there, folks.

into exponentially more food.
>> Hey, there, folks.
I got a delivery here

>> Hey, there, folks.
I got a delivery here
for one dollar's worth of food.

I got a delivery here
for one dollar's worth of food.
I mean, comically large amount

for one dollar's worth of food.
I mean, comically large amount
of food.

I mean, comically large amount
of food.
>> I get it, but I like the

of food.
>> I get it, but I like the
canned food drive.

>> I get it, but I like the
canned food drive.
It brings the community together

canned food drive.
It brings the community together
and everyone feels good...

It brings the community together
and everyone feels good...
>> Yeah, but those are all ways

and everyone feels good...
>> Yeah, but those are all ways
in which the canned food drive

>> Yeah, but those are all ways
in which the canned food drive
helps you, not the people

in which the canned food drive
helps you, not the people
who need it.

helps you, not the people
who need it.
That's not generosity.

who need it.
That's not generosity.
That's selfishness.

That's not generosity.
That's selfishness.
>> Has anyone ever told you

That's selfishness.
>> Has anyone ever told you
you're a little abrasive?

>> Has anyone ever told you
you're a little abrasive?
>> Yeah, like all the time.

you're a little abrasive?
>> Yeah, like all the time.
>> Oh, wow.

>> Yeah, like all the time.
>> Oh, wow.
>> Oh, oh, wow.

>> Oh, wow.
>> Oh, oh, wow.
♪

>> Oh, oh, wow.
♪
Everything is wrong in here.

♪
Everything is wrong in here.
(laughing)

Everything is wrong in here.
(laughing)
>> Come on, dude.

(laughing)
>> Come on, dude.
>> 90% of what's collected

>> Come on, dude.
>> 90% of what's collected
by coat drives is recycled

>> 90% of what's collected
by coat drives is recycled
for scrap.

by coat drives is recycled
for scrap.
A lot of the people who get free

for scrap.
A lot of the people who get free
farm animals just sell them.

A lot of the people who get free
farm animals just sell them.
You know what relief groups call

farm animals just sell them.
You know what relief groups call
the deluge of unneeded supplies

You know what relief groups call
the deluge of unneeded supplies
we send to disaster areas?

the deluge of unneeded supplies
we send to disaster areas?
>> No.

we send to disaster areas?
>> No.
>> "The second disaster."

>> No.
>> "The second disaster."
>> Fascinating.

>> "The second disaster."
>> Fascinating.
>> Oh, and finally...

>> Fascinating.
>> Oh, and finally...
soda can pull tabs.

>> Oh, and finally...
soda can pull tabs.
People all over America collect

soda can pull tabs.
People all over America collect
them for charity, which is

People all over America collect
them for charity, which is
weird, because they're totally

them for charity, which is
weird, because they're totally
worthless.

weird, because they're totally
worthless.
>> Really?

worthless.
>> Really?
>> Yeah, sorry, kid,

>> Really?
>> Yeah, sorry, kid,
it's an urban myth.

>> Yeah, sorry, kid,
it's an urban myth.
>> Wasted all my time on this!

it's an urban myth.
>> Wasted all my time on this!
Why?! Why?!

>> Wasted all my time on this!
Why?! Why?!
So dumb! Why?!

Why?! Why?!
So dumb! Why?!
(continues shouting)

So dumb! Why?!
(continues shouting)
Why?!

(continues shouting)
Why?!
>> Should we...?

Why?!
>> Should we...?
>> Nah, you just gotta

>> Should we...?
>> Nah, you just gotta
wait it out.

>> Nah, you just gotta
wait it out.
>> So dumb! Who cares?!

wait it out.
>> So dumb! Who cares?!
>> Oh, poor Degbert.

>> So dumb! Who cares?!
>> Oh, poor Degbert.
(sighs)

>> Oh, poor Degbert.
(sighs)
So, what's your message?

(sighs)
So, what's your message?
Giving is bad?

So, what's your message?
Giving is bad?
>> No, giving is wonderful.

Giving is bad?
>> No, giving is wonderful.
I just think that we can all

>> No, giving is wonderful.
I just think that we can all
give better.

I just think that we can all
give better.
And there actually is one

give better.
And there actually is one
single, simple best way to give.

And there actually is one
single, simple best way to give.
>> Why didn't you lead with

single, simple best way to give.
>> Why didn't you lead with
that? What is it?

>> Why didn't you lead with
that? What is it?
>> Well, if we--

that? What is it?
>> Well, if we--
>> Wait, Adam.

>> Well, if we--
>> Wait, Adam.
Hey, we gotta go to commercial.

>> Wait, Adam.
Hey, we gotta go to commercial.
Save it for act four.

Hey, we gotta go to commercial.
Save it for act four.
Can you do me a big favor and

Save it for act four.
Can you do me a big favor and
look right in camera and give

Can you do me a big favor and
look right in camera and give
me a "We'll be right back?"

look right in camera and give
me a "We'll be right back?"
>> Seriously?

me a "We'll be right back?"
>> Seriously?
We'll be right back.

>> Seriously?
We'll be right back.
Apparently.

We'll be right back.
Apparently.
>> Great job.

>> Okay, everybody, listen up.
The way you're giving is wrong.
But don't worry, me and Emily

The way you're giving is wrong.
But don't worry, me and Emily
are gonna tell you how

But don't worry, me and Emily
are gonna tell you how
to fix it.

are gonna tell you how
to fix it.
>> Okay, smart guy,

to fix it.
>> Okay, smart guy,
what's the big secret?

>> Okay, smart guy,
what's the big secret?
What should we give?

what's the big secret?
What should we give?
(baby crying)

What should we give?
(baby crying)
>> Simple, the one gift that

(baby crying)
>> Simple, the one gift that
costs nothing to ship and that

>> Simple, the one gift that
costs nothing to ship and that
everybody needs.

costs nothing to ship and that
everybody needs.
The single most empowering gift

everybody needs.
The single most empowering gift
ever invented...

The single most empowering gift
ever invented...
Money.

ever invented...
Money.
(booing)

Money.
(booing)
>> Ridiculous.

(booing)
>> Ridiculous.
>> You're gonna wheel in

>> Ridiculous.
>> You're gonna wheel in
an expert, aren't you?

>> You're gonna wheel in
an expert, aren't you?
>> Ooh, yeah, that's a good

an expert, aren't you?
>> Ooh, yeah, that's a good
idea, yeah, yeah.

>> Ooh, yeah, that's a good
idea, yeah, yeah.
Wheel him in, John.

Please welcome Sophal Ear,
Associate Professor of Diplomacy

Associate Professor of Diplomacy
and World Affairs at

and World Affairs at
Occidental College.

So, I'm just trying to explain
to all these folks what
the most effective form

to all these folks what
the most effective form
of charity giving is.

the most effective form
of charity giving is.
Would you mind telling them

of charity giving is.
Would you mind telling them
what you told me?

Would you mind telling them
what you told me?
>> If you really wanna help

what you told me?
>> If you really wanna help
people, if you really wanna make

>> If you really wanna help
people, if you really wanna make
a difference, the best way is to

people, if you really wanna make
a difference, the best way is to
give money directly.

a difference, the best way is to
give money directly.
(disappointed chatter)

give money directly.
(disappointed chatter)
>> You can't just give poor

(disappointed chatter)
>> You can't just give poor
people money.

>> You can't just give poor
people money.
What if they waste it on things

people money.
What if they waste it on things
they don't need?

What if they waste it on things
they don't need?
>> Yeah, or buy unhealthy food?

they don't need?
>> Yeah, or buy unhealthy food?
>> Or spend it on alcohol?

>> Yeah, or buy unhealthy food?
>> Or spend it on alcohol?
>> No, that way of thinking

>> Or spend it on alcohol?
>> No, that way of thinking
is totally misguided.

>> No, that way of thinking
is totally misguided.
>> Lots of studies across the

is totally misguided.
>> Lots of studies across the
board have shown that money

>> Lots of studies across the
board have shown that money
allows people to buy the things

board have shown that money
allows people to buy the things
they need and helps local

allows people to buy the things
they need and helps local
economies.

they need and helps local
economies.
People do spend money on selfish

economies.
People do spend money on selfish
things, but usually those

People do spend money on selfish
things, but usually those
selfish things make them better

things, but usually those
selfish things make them better
off, and it could be things

selfish things make them better
off, and it could be things
like, uh, their business or

off, and it could be things
like, uh, their business or
their, uh, children's education

like, uh, their business or
their, uh, children's education
or their health care.

their, uh, children's education
or their health care.
>> It's like, give a man a fish,

or their health care.
>> It's like, give a man a fish,
he eats for a day.

>> It's like, give a man a fish,
he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he eats

he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he eats
for a lifetime.

Teach a man to fish and he eats
for a lifetime.
But give a man cash,

for a lifetime.
But give a man cash,
and he can buy some apples.

But give a man cash,
and he can buy some apples.
He can take a cooking class.

and he can buy some apples.
He can take a cooking class.
I don't know, maybe he doesn't

He can take a cooking class.
I don't know, maybe he doesn't
like fish.

I don't know, maybe he doesn't
like fish.
Who are you to tell him

like fish.
Who are you to tell him
what to eat?

Who are you to tell him
what to eat?
>> Let me get this straight,

what to eat?
>> Let me get this straight,
egghead.

>> Let me get this straight,
egghead.
Instead of donating canned food,

egghead.
Instead of donating canned food,
we should do what?

Instead of donating canned food,
we should do what?
(baby crying)

we should do what?
(baby crying)
>> Maybe give money to your

(baby crying)
>> Maybe give money to your
local food bank.

>> Maybe give money to your
local food bank.
>> Okay, but what do we do

local food bank.
>> Okay, but what do we do
instead of donating clothes

>> Okay, but what do we do
instead of donating clothes
to Africa?

instead of donating clothes
to Africa?
>> You could donate to a direct

to Africa?
>> You could donate to a direct
giving organization.

>> You could donate to a direct
giving organization.
There are lots of them.

giving organization.
There are lots of them.
You can search for them online.

There are lots of them.
You can search for them online.
>> And what are we supposed

You can search for them online.
>> And what are we supposed
to do instead of buying

>> And what are we supposed
to do instead of buying
engagement rings?

to do instead of buying
engagement rings?
>> You could take the money

engagement rings?
>> You could take the money
and put it into a retirement

>> You could take the money
and put it into a retirement
account... if your fiancée's

and put it into a retirement
account... if your fiancée's
good with that.

account... if your fiancée's
good with that.
>> Mm, she's not-- just get

good with that.
>> Mm, she's not-- just get
a sapphire, it's cheaper,

>> Mm, she's not-- just get
a sapphire, it's cheaper,
more ethical, I get a ring.

a sapphire, it's cheaper,
more ethical, I get a ring.
>> You got it, babe.

more ethical, I get a ring.
>> You got it, babe.
>> So, what you're saying

>> You got it, babe.
>> So, what you're saying
is this wonderful

>> So, what you're saying
is this wonderful
community event...

is this wonderful
community event...
is a complete waste of time.

community event...
is a complete waste of time.
What we should really do is shut

is a complete waste of time.
What we should really do is shut
it down and write a check.

What we should really do is shut
it down and write a check.
(baby crying)

it down and write a check.
(baby crying)
>> Yeah, that would be the

(baby crying)
>> Yeah, that would be the
rational thing to do.

>> Yeah, that would be the
rational thing to do.
(baby crying)

rational thing to do.
(baby crying)
(all shouting)

(baby crying)
(all shouting)
>> What?! What are you,

(all shouting)
>> What?! What are you,
what are you doing?!

>> What?! What are you,
what are you doing?!
Ah, oh, guh-- oh, they did

what are you doing?!
Ah, oh, guh-- oh, they did
not take that well.

Ah, oh, guh-- oh, they did
not take that well.
>> Well, you can be pretty

not take that well.
>> Well, you can be pretty
abrasive, Adam.

>> Well, you can be pretty
abrasive, Adam.
>> Thanks, Sophal.

abrasive, Adam.
>> Thanks, Sophal.
Gosh, sheesh...

>> Thanks, Sophal.
Gosh, sheesh...
>> Thank you, bye.

Gosh, sheesh...
>> Thank you, bye.
>> Bye.

>> Thank you, bye.
>> Bye.
>> Hey, Adam, uh...

>> Bye.
>> Hey, Adam, uh...
if it makes you feel any better,

>> Hey, Adam, uh...
if it makes you feel any better,
I actually did learn something.

if it makes you feel any better,
I actually did learn something.
>> Wait, really?

I actually did learn something.
>> Wait, really?
>> Yeah, it was pretty

>> Wait, really?
>> Yeah, it was pretty
interesting.

>> Yeah, it was pretty
interesting.
>> W... well, you know, in that

interesting.
>> W... well, you know, in that
case, I just read this article--

>> W... well, you know, in that
case, I just read this article--
>> Not an invitation for more.

case, I just read this article--
>> Not an invitation for more.
It's time to go.

>> Not an invitation for more.
It's time to go.
>> You're right.

It's time to go.
>> You're right.
I'm afraid I'm needed elsewhere.

>> You're right.
I'm afraid I'm needed elsewhere.
♪

I'm afraid I'm needed elsewhere.
♪
(bird screeching)

♪
(bird screeching)
Oh, I don't fly,

(bird screeching)
Oh, I don't fly,
I ride a folding bike.

Oh, I don't fly,
I ride a folding bike.
It's much more efficient.

I ride a folding bike.
It's much more efficient.
(chuckling)

It's much more efficient.
(chuckling)
(bike bell dings)

(chuckling)
(bike bell dings)
Join me this season on

(bike bell dings)
Join me this season on
"Adam Ruins Everything,"

Join me this season on
"Adam Ruins Everything,"
when I'll be talking about how

"Adam Ruins Everything,"
when I'll be talking about how
vitamins aren't good for you,

when I'll be talking about how
vitamins aren't good for you,
how your purebred puppy's

vitamins aren't good for you,
how your purebred puppy's
a genetic monster and about

how your purebred puppy's
a genetic monster and about
how nothing we can do will

a genetic monster and about
how nothing we can do will
stop climate change.

how nothing we can do will
stop climate change.
♪

stop climate change.
♪
>> Who hurt that guy?

♪
>> Who hurt that guy?
♪

>> Mmm.

Mm, you know, um, it's been
proven that GMOs are no more
harmful for you than

proven that GMOs are no more
harmful for you than
conventional produce.

harmful for you than
conventional produce.
You don't really need to worry

conventional produce.
You don't really need to worry
about it.

You don't really need to worry
about it.
(slurping)

about it.
(slurping)
Mmm.

(slurping)
Mmm.
Oh, you know what you should

Mmm.
Oh, you know what you should
worry about, though,

Oh, you know what you should
worry about, though,
is pesticide residue.

worry about, though,
is pesticide residue.
The residue, it's like on apples

is pesticide residue.
The residue, it's like on apples
and things you buy...

The residue, it's like on apples
and things you buy...
uh, from the...

Well, I don't know, I thought
it was interesting.

it was interesting.
Mmm.

Mmm.
(gulps)