All language subtitles for SNL S03E17 Michael Sarrazin.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:02,834 AND NOW, FROM THE WHITE 2 00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:04,269 HOUSE, THE PRESIDENT OF THE 3 00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:07,406 UNITED STATES. 4 00:00:07,673 --> 00:00:12,422 GOOD EVENING, MY FELLOW AMERICANS. IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN 5 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:13,390 AMERICANS. IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN FIRESIDE CHATS. 6 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,192 IN THE PAST, I HAVE GIVEN FIRESIDE CHATS. TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I 7 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,926 FIRESIDE CHATS. TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE 8 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:23,000 TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS SPRING, I HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE CHAT. 9 00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,502 HAVE CHOSEN TO GIVE A PLANTSIDE CHAT. I LOVE THE SPRING. 10 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,137 CHAT. I LOVE THE SPRING. EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS, 11 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,872 I LOVE THE SPRING. EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS, TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS... 12 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,240 EVERYTHING GROWS... PLANTS, TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS... BUT SOME THINGS DON'T. 13 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,042 TREES, LITTLE BABY ANIMALS... BUT SOME THINGS DON'T. SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T 14 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:35,479 BUT SOME THINGS DON'T. SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION. 15 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,946 SOME THINGS GROW THAT WE DON'T WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION. INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S 16 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,548 WANT TO GROW, LIKE INFLATION. INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST 17 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,350 INFLATION IS OUR NATION'S NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT, 18 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,985 NUMBER-ONE PROBLEM, YET MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT, BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. 19 00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:43,487 PEOPLE DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT, BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY 20 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:44,954 BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE. INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS. 21 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,289 INFLATION IS CAUSED BY TOO MANY DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS. NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET 22 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,724 DOLLARS CHASING TOO FEW GOODS. NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO 23 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,159 NOW, THE EASIEST WAY TO GET MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO 24 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,693 MONEY OUT OF CIRCULATION IS TO MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY 25 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,496 MAINTAIN HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT SO PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY TO SPEND. 26 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,963 PEOPLE WON'T HAVE JOBS OR MONEY TO SPEND. THIS IS A PROGRAM MY 27 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,832 TO SPEND. THIS IS A PROGRAM MY ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY 28 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,667 THIS IS A PROGRAM MY ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY PURSUED. 29 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,536 ADMINISTRATION HAS ACTIVELY PURSUED. YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE, 30 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,338 PURSUED. YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE, AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A 31 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,206 YET INFLATION CONTINUES TO RISE, AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL 32 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,908 AND SO TONIGHT, I'M PROPOSING A NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE 33 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,510 NEW PROGRAM, ONE WHICH WILL CALL ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL, 34 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,278 ON ALL AMERICANS TO SACRIFICE ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL, HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT. 35 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:09,712 ONCE AGAIN, BUT WHICH WILL, HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT. I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY 36 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,281 HOWEVER, HAVE IMMEDIATE EFFECT. I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR 37 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:15,618 I'M ASKING EACH AND EVERY AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR MONEY AND BURN IT. 38 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,254 AMERICAN TO TAKE 8% OF YOUR MONEY AND BURN IT. NOW, I KNOW... 39 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:24,094 MONEY AND BURN IT. NOW, I KNOW... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 40 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,895 NOW, I KNOW... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY, 41 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,664 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY, THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT 42 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:28,932 I KNOW YOU MAY BE SAYING, "WHY, THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR 43 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,233 THAT SOUNDS CRAZY, JIMMY," BUT IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN 44 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:30,900 IF ALL OF US BURN 8% OF OUR MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN CIRCULATION. 45 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,269 MONEY, LESS MONEY WILL BE IN CIRCULATION. IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL 46 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,703 CIRCULATION. IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE 47 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,105 IN NO TIME AT ALL, PRICES WILL HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY 48 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:37,207 HOPEFULLY GO DOWN, SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY FOR FUTURE BURNINGS. 49 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,641 ABLE TO SAVE MORE OF YOUR MONEY FOR FUTURE BURNINGS. NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING 50 00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:39,809 FOR FUTURE BURNINGS. NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL 51 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,344 NOW, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE 52 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:41,844 ABOUT ASKING FOR MUTUAL SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE FIRST. 53 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:43,480 SACRIFICE IS WHO WILL SACRIFICE FIRST. SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL 54 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,115 FIRST. SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START 55 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,316 SINCE I'M THE PRESIDENT, I FEEL THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START WITH MY OWN FAMILY. 56 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,219 THAT THE SACRIFICE SHOULD START WITH MY OWN FAMILY. AMY? 57 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,887 WITH MY OWN FAMILY. AMY? I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER, 58 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,655 AMY? I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER, AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS. 59 00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,458 I HAVE ASKED MY OWN DAUGHTER, AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS. SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE 60 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,926 AMY, TO BRING DOWN HER SAVINGS. SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK? 61 00:01:56,950 --> 00:02:01,231 SWEETHEART, HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK? WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50. 62 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:01,731 IN YOUR PEANUT-BUTTER BANK? WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50. GOOD. 63 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,166 WELL, DADDY, I SAVED $12.50. GOOD. NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE 64 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:06,570 GOOD. NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS? 65 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:09,206 NOW, HONEYBUNCH, CAN YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS? SURE, DADDY. 66 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:14,043 OUT WHAT 8% OF $12.50 IS? SURE, DADDY. 8% OF $12.50 IS $1. 67 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,778 SURE, DADDY. 8% OF $12.50 IS $1. EXACTLY $1, DADDY. 68 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,646 8% OF $12.50 IS $1. EXACTLY $1, DADDY. OKAY, AMY. 69 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:17,680 EXACTLY $1, DADDY. OKAY, AMY. GIVE ME A DOLLAR. 70 00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:20,016 OKAY, AMY. GIVE ME A DOLLAR. OKAY, DADDY. 71 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,485 GIVE ME A DOLLAR. OKAY, DADDY. YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO? 72 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:22,919 OKAY, DADDY. YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO? WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR, 73 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:23,353 YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO? WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR, DADDY! 74 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,754 WE'RE GONNA BURN THE DOLLAR, DADDY! THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER 75 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:25,122 DADDY! THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER CUP. 76 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,289 THAT'S RIGHT, PEANUT-BUTTER CUP. AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? 77 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,358 CUP. AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? TO FIGHT INFLATION! 78 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:29,993 AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? TO FIGHT INFLATION! [LIGHTER CLICKING] 79 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,961 TO FIGHT INFLATION! [LIGHTER CLICKING] WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL 80 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,497 [LIGHTER CLICKING] WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE. 81 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:38,535 WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE FUEL HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE. TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE. 82 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,479 HERE AT THE WHITE HOUSE. TRYING TO SAVE ON BUTANE. YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, AMY. 83 00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:05,061 NOW, I'M ASKING ALL AMERICANS TO FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET TONIGHT. 84 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,363 FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE HERE SET TONIGHT. MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK 85 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,597 TONIGHT. MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY 86 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,231 MONDAY MORNING, GO TO THE BANK AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY AND BURN IT. 87 00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,533 AND WITHDRAW 8% OF YOUR MONEY AND BURN IT. IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES 88 00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,867 AND BURN IT. IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL 89 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:11,901 IF EVERYONE COOPERATES, PRICES MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS 90 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,236 MAY NOT GO LOWER, BUT THEY WILL BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND 91 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:13,637 BE ON THEIR WAY TOWARDS STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND ON IT. 92 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,172 STABILIZING, AND YOU CAN DEPEND ON IT. DADDY, CAN I SAY IT? 93 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:17,073 ON IT. DADDY, CAN I SAY IT? WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO 94 00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,108 DADDY, CAN I SAY IT? WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE 95 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,310 WELL, ESKIMO PIE, WE GOT TO BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE LET DADDY SAY IT? 96 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,744 BURN YOUR MONEY, SO WHY DON'T WE LET DADDY SAY IT? OH, PLEASE, DADDY? 97 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,647 LET DADDY SAY IT? OH, PLEASE, DADDY? OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO 98 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:24,847 OH, PLEASE, DADDY? OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT, FOUR EYES. 99 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,116 OKAY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT, FOUR EYES. OH, BOY! 100 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,386 DO IT, FOUR EYES. OH, BOY! LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 101 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,221 OH, BOY! LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 102 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,365 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS] 103 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:44,089 Announcer: IT'S... 104 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,025 STARRING... 105 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,401 WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST... 106 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,841 WITH HOWARD JOHNSON... 107 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:20,352 JOHN BELUSHI... JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS... 108 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,241 JANE CURTIN... GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... 109 00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,298 GARRETT MORRIS... BILL MURRAY... LARAINE NEWMAN... 110 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:39,411 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MICHAEL SARRAZIN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 111 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:10,420 I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE HERE. YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE 112 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:10,820 YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, I WAS A BIT APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE THIS. 113 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,088 APPREHENSIVE TO DO A SHOW LIKE THIS. I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF 114 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,490 THIS. I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY 115 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,924 I MEAN, I'VE DONE A LOT OF MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME. 116 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,426 MOVIES, BUT THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME. BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE 117 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,927 DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE FOR ME. BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT 118 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,329 BUT EVERYBODY'S BEEN REAL NICE AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING 119 00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,830 AROUND HERE, EVEN THOUGH A LOT OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL, 120 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,432 OF THEM HAVE BEEN BUSY DOING THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL, NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX 121 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,433 THEIR TAX RETURNS, AND, WELL, NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX TIME, ARE THEY? 122 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,101 NOBODY'S REALLY HAPPY AROUND TAX TIME, ARE THEY? I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS 123 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,803 TIME, ARE THEY? I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT 124 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,371 I'M ALSO A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES 125 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,307 ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW TONIGHT BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th 126 00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:32,409 BECAUSE APRIL 15th, BESIDES BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF 127 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,911 BEING TAX DAY, IS THE 66th ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC. 128 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,246 ANNIVERSARY OF THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC. ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH? 129 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,949 THE TITANIC. ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH? BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO 130 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:40,750 ANOTHER GOOD OMEN, HUH? BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO BOOTH DAY. 131 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,686 BUT WORST OF ALL, IT'S ALSO BOOTH DAY. NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T 132 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,454 BOOTH DAY. NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY. 133 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,189 NOW, PROBABLY A LOT OF YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY. APRIL 15th IS THE DAY 134 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,957 KNOW ABOUT BOOTH DAY. APRIL 15th IS THE DAY ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED. 135 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:50,059 APRIL 15th IS THE DAY ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED. HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY 136 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:51,994 ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIED. HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH... 137 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,230 HE WAS, OF COURSE, SHOT BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH... AN ACTOR. 138 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,332 JOHN WILKES BOOTH... AN ACTOR. YEAH. 139 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,766 AN ACTOR. YEAH. WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A 140 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:57,834 YEAH. WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A VERY BAD REPUTATION. 141 00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,168 WELL, BOOTH GAVE US ACTORS A VERY BAD REPUTATION. IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE 142 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,770 VERY BAD REPUTATION. IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A 143 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:02,171 IT'S A SUPERSTITION IN THE THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER 144 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,673 THEATER THAT BOOTH DAY WILL BE A BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES 145 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,209 BAD-LUCK DAY IN THE THEATER UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES AN ACTOR. 146 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,477 UNTIL A PRESIDENT ASSASSINATES AN ACTOR. BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE. 147 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,911 AN ACTOR. BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE. I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS 148 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,547 BUT I THINK WE'RE SAFE. I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL 149 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,215 I'M JUST KEEPING MY FINGERS CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING 150 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,316 CROSSED THAT THIS BOOTH DAY WILL BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING WILL GO WRONG. 151 00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,819 BE AN EXCEPTION AND THAT NOTHING WILL GO WRONG. SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 152 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,276 WILL GO WRONG. SO, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 153 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:31,868 HI. I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME 154 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,603 I'M BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID, AND I FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME STAY THAT WAY. 155 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:36,373 FOUND THE SOAP THAT HELPS ME STAY THAT WAY. MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL 156 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,241 STAY THAT WAY. MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE 157 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,042 MY HUSBAND SAYS I LOOK NATURAL AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY 158 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,178 AND UNSPOILED, AND HE LOVES THE WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY OPINIONS. 159 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,481 WAY I NEVER BOTHER HIM WITH MY OPINIONS. LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND 160 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,516 OPINIONS. LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST 161 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,417 LET'S FACE IT... GOOD LOOKS AND COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST DON'T MIX. 162 00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,151 COMPLEX HUMAN EMOTIONS JUST DON'T MIX. I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE 163 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,254 DON'T MIX. I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 164 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,655 I GUESS THAT'S WHY I USE ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 23. 165 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,891 ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 23. ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF 166 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,059 23. ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE 167 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,362 ANGORA BOUQUET'S THOUSANDS OF TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY 168 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,664 TINY TRANQUILIZERS PENETRATE YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS 169 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,533 YOUR SKIN TO WASH REALITY AWAY AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS CLEAR AS A BABY'S. 170 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,503 AND MAKE YOUR MIND AND SKIN AS CLEAR AS A BABY'S. YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY 171 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,506 CLEAR AS A BABY'S. YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME 172 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,474 YOU SEE, ANGORA BOUQUET ACTUALLY CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS 173 00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,777 CONTAINS METHAQUALONE, THE SAME TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS 174 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,412 TRANQUILIZING AGENT THAT IS FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN 175 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,647 FOUND IN THOSE LARGE WHITE PILLS I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I 176 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:18,981 I OFTEN COME ACROSS IN BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I DO THE LAUNDRY. 177 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,484 BILL JR.'s JEANS POCKETS WHEN I DO THE LAUNDRY. HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS 178 00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:23,720 DO THE LAUNDRY. HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE? 179 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:27,323 HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE? A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY. 180 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,292 OTHER SIDE OF THE RAKE HERE? A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY. I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS 181 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,294 A LITTLE MORE LEAVES THAT WAY. I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 182 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,229 I GUESS THAT'S WHY MY SOAP IS ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 23. 183 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,565 ANGORA BOUQUET WITH pH FORMULA 23. ANGORA BOUQUET... 184 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,522 23. ANGORA BOUQUET... WITH pH FORMULA 23. 185 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:56,167 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] HEY, SUSIE. I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET, 186 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,490 HEY, SUSIE. I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET, BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY 187 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,525 I HAVEN'T TOLD MY PARENTS YET, BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE 188 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,726 BUT I'VE DECIDED NOT TO GO AWAY TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE CAN GET MARRIED. 189 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,394 TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR SO THAT WE CAN GET MARRIED. OH, JOHNNY! 190 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:10,199 CAN GET MARRIED. OH, JOHNNY! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! 191 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,401 OH, JOHNNY! THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN, 192 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:13,770 THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN, PLEASE, CLASS? 193 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:14,904 OKAY, OKAY, QUIET DOWN, PLEASE, CLASS? QUIET DOWN. 194 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,673 PLEASE, CLASS? QUIET DOWN. NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A 195 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,475 QUIET DOWN. NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO 196 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,209 NOW, FOR HOMEROOM, WE HAVE A GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER 197 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,178 GUEST... MR. JOSH RAMSEY, WHO WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO 198 00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,045 WAS NICE ENOUGH TO COME OVER FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO TALK TO US. 199 00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,413 FROM THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC TO TALK TO US. MR. RAMSEY? 200 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:28,250 TALK TO US. MR. RAMSEY? THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON. 201 00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,819 MR. RAMSEY? THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON. I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON 202 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,153 THANK YOU, MISS ANDERSON. I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED 203 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,689 I'VE COME TO TALK TO YOU ALL ON A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE 204 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,623 A PROBLEM THAT HAS REACHED NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE AT LINCOLN HIGH. 205 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,091 NEAR-EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS HERE AT LINCOLN HIGH. I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT 206 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:37,595 AT LINCOLN HIGH. I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT VENEREAL DISEASE. 207 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,126 Announcer: STARRING 208 00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,794 PETER FONDA... 209 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,402 NOW, I HEARD SOME OF YOU GIGGLE 210 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,670 WHEN I SAID "V.D.," AND, 211 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:00,805 ACTUALLY, THAT'S QUITE NATURAL. 212 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:04,621 PEOPLE GIGGLE AT THINGS THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY SEX. 213 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,689 DON'T UNDERSTAND, ESPECIALLY SEX. THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S 214 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,958 SEX. THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D. 215 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:11,961 THAT'S RIGHT... SEX, AND IT'S VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D. EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT. 216 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,530 VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET V.D. EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT. ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET 217 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,064 EXCEPT THROUGH SEXUAL CONTACT. ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET 218 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,366 ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU CAN GET V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES. 219 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,435 V.D. FROM A DOORKNOB OR A TOILET SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES. V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS, 220 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:21,838 SEAT IS JUST FULL OF PRUNES. V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS, INSANITY... EVEN DEATH. 221 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,072 V.D. CAN CAUSE BLINDNESS, INSANITY... EVEN DEATH. LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE. 222 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,407 INSANITY... EVEN DEATH. LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE. [GASPS] 223 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,208 LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING HERE. [GASPS] YES. 224 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,011 [GASPS] YES. THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN 225 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,779 YES. THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS. 226 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,581 THIS IS A PICTURE OF A MAN IN THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS. IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A 227 00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:33,449 THE THIRD STAGE OF SYPHILIS. IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION 228 00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,117 IF YOU HAVE A GENITAL SORE, A BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY 229 00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,020 BODY RASH, A BURNING SENSATION WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL 230 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,655 WHEN URINATING, OR A MILKY EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE. 231 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:39,889 EMISSION, YOU MAY HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE. NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH 232 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,223 DISEASE. NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND 233 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,491 NOW, WE AT THE COUNTY HEALTH CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT 234 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,293 CLINIC WANT YOU TO COME IN AND SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING 235 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,762 SEE US IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. 236 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,496 HAVE V.D., AND THERE'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. ANYBODY CAN GET V.D... 237 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,732 TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. ANYBODY CAN GET V.D... MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE 238 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,466 ANYBODY CAN GET V.D... MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE PEOPLE. 239 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,569 MIDDLE-CLASS, INTELLIGENT, NICE PEOPLE. NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? 240 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,503 PEOPLE. NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? UH, YEAH. 241 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:59,408 NOW, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? UH, YEAH. UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.? 242 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,610 UH, YEAH. UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.? NO! 243 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,311 UH, DID YOU EVER HAVE V.D.? NO! [BELL RINGS] 244 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,613 NO! [BELL RINGS] LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 245 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:04,948 [BELL RINGS] LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND. 246 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,449 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND. WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY. 247 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:07,884 NOW, WAIT JUST A SECOND. WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY. NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY 248 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,351 WAIT JUST A SECOND, EVERYBODY. NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I 249 00:10:09,375 --> 00:10:11,721 NOW, I THINK WHAT MR. RAMSEY SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT. 250 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:15,357 SAID IS VERY IMPORTANT, AND I WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT. OKAY, YOU CAN GO. 251 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,759 WANT YOU ALL TO THINK ABOUT IT. OKAY, YOU CAN GO. HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE 252 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:17,694 OKAY, YOU CAN GO. HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE BIG GAME TONIGHT. 253 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:22,264 HEY, UH, SEE YOU AFTER THE BIG GAME TONIGHT. OKAY, JOHNNY. 254 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,634 BIG GAME TONIGHT. OKAY, JOHNNY. UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I 255 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,736 OKAY, JOHNNY. UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE 256 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:27,570 UH, MR. RAMSEY, I WONDER IF I COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE CLINIC. 257 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,504 COULD COME VISIT YOU AT THE CLINIC. SURE. 258 00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:30,306 CLINIC. SURE. WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL? 259 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,441 SURE. WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL? WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP 260 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,877 WHY NOT AFTER SCHOOL? WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT...I 261 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,221 WELL, I'D HAVE TO SKIP CHEERLEADER PRACTICE, BUT... I GUESS IT'S KIND OF IMPORTANT. 262 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:50,727 IT ISN'T LIKE SUSIE TO MISS PRACTICE. I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING 263 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:51,260 PRACTICE. I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WRONG. 264 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,718 I HOPE THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WRONG. OH, GOD, I HOPE NOT. 265 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:10,680 SO I DECIDED TO COME SEE YOU. I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE. IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO 266 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,114 I'M GLAD YOU DID, SUSIE. IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO ME. 267 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,016 IT CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE V.D. TO ME. DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT 268 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:13,516 ME. DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT NOW? 269 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,284 DO I GET MY PENICILLIN SHOT NOW? WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE 270 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,086 NOW? WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX, 271 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:17,687 WELL, LET'S WAIT TILL THE TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX, SUSIE. 272 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,588 TESTS COME BACK, BUT NO SEX, SUSIE. OH, I KNOW. 273 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,390 SUSIE. OH, I KNOW. WELL, THANKS. 274 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,391 OH, I KNOW. WELL, THANKS. I GUESS I'LL GO NOW. 275 00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:23,826 WELL, THANKS. I GUESS I'LL GO NOW. FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE 276 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,094 I GUESS I'LL GO NOW. FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL 277 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:25,795 FINE... AS SOON AS YOU GIVE ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL CONTACTS. 278 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,030 ME THE LIST OF YOUR SEXUAL CONTACTS. SEXUAL CONTACTS? 279 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:27,630 CONTACTS. SEXUAL CONTACTS? YES. 280 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,465 SEXUAL CONTACTS? YES. YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD 281 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:30,199 YES. YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH. 282 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:30,900 YOU KNOW... ANY BOYS YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH. OR GIRLS. 283 00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,434 SEX WITH. OR GIRLS. NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE 284 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,603 OR GIRLS. NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. 285 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:35,571 NO, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT. BUT I CAN'T! 286 00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,239 EMBARRASSED ABOUT. BUT I CAN'T! SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE 287 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,708 BUT I CAN'T! SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER 288 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,509 SUSIE, FRIENDS WHOM YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL 289 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,278 HAD SEX WITH COULD SUFFER IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO 290 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,846 IRREVERSIBLE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO THEY ARE. 291 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,314 DAMAGE IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHO THEY ARE. BUT... BUT JOHNNY... 292 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,248 THEY ARE. BUT... BUT JOHNNY... JOHNNY? 293 00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,216 BUT... BUT JOHNNY... JOHNNY? JOHNNY WHO? 294 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,318 JOHNNY? JOHNNY WHO? WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED. 295 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,320 JOHNNY WHO? WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED. IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D., 296 00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,355 WE WERE GONNA GET MARRIED. IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D., HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH 297 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,657 IF HE FINDS OUT I HAVE V.D., HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 298 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:56,659 HE'LL KNOW I'VE HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE. MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU. 299 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:57,359 SOMEONE ELSE. MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU. NO. 300 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,162 MAYBE HE GAVE IT TO YOU. NO. JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT. 301 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,230 NO. JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT. I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE 302 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,232 JOHNNY'S SUPER STRAIGHT. I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME... 303 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,001 I MUST HAVE GOTTEN IT THAT ONE TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME... SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE 304 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,003 TIME... THAT ONE STUPID TIME... SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU 305 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,237 SUSIE, YOU OWE IT TO THE OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU OWE IT TO JOHNNY. 306 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,206 OTHER BOY, AND MOST OF ALL, YOU OWE IT TO JOHNNY. NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME? 307 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,107 OWE IT TO JOHNNY. NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME? I CAN'T. 308 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:12,108 NOW TELL ME JOHNNY'S LAST NAME? I CAN'T. I LOVE HIM. 309 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,743 I CAN'T. I LOVE HIM. DON'T YOU REALIZE? 310 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:16,012 I LOVE HIM. DON'T YOU REALIZE? HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER! 311 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:16,846 DON'T YOU REALIZE? HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER! NO... 312 00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,748 HE'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER! NO... MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. 313 00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,750 NO... MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY 314 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,952 MAYBE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND 315 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,221 MAYBE I COULD GET ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO 316 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:25,788 GIRLFRIENDS TO SEDUCE HIM, AND THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO HIM. 317 00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:27,623 THEN HE'LL THINK SHE GAVE IT TO HIM. IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A 318 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,691 HIM. IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A POSSIBILITY. 319 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,893 IT'S A WEIRD IDEA, BUT A POSSIBILITY. SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES 320 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,628 POSSIBILITY. SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES WITH VENEREAL DISEASE. 321 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,697 SUSIE, YOU CAN'T PLAY GAMES WITH VENEREAL DISEASE. IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED 322 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:39,202 WITH VENEREAL DISEASE. IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH! 323 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,203 IT'S A LOADED PISTOL POINTED RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH! WHOO! 324 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:40,903 RIGHT AT YOUR CROTCH! WHOO! BOY. 325 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,271 WHOO! BOY. I FEEL GREAT. 326 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,272 BOY. I FEEL GREAT. YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN. 327 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,440 I FEEL GREAT. YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN. WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON 328 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,241 YEAH, ME, TOO, MAN. WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON TONIGHT FOR SURE. 329 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:45,708 WE'RE GONNA STOP WASHINGTON TONIGHT FOR SURE. YEAH. 330 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,043 TONIGHT FOR SURE. YEAH. I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 331 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:52,581 YEAH. I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. OKAY. 332 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:56,285 I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. OKAY. [SCREAMS] 333 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,243 OKAY. [SCREAMS] OW! 334 00:13:07,552 --> 00:13:13,870 BOY, MY PENIS SURE HURTS WHEN I URINATE. HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY 335 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,471 URINATE. HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID? 336 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,639 HEY, REMEMBER WHAT THAT GUY FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID? MAYBE YOU GOT V.D. 337 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,174 FROM THE HEALTH CLINIC SAID? MAYBE YOU GOT V.D. I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT 338 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,208 MAYBE YOU GOT V.D. I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 339 00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,843 I GAVE THAT A THOUGHT, BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU 340 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,678 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX. 341 00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,847 HE SAID THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX. THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX 342 00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:26,015 CAN GET V.D. IS FROM SEX. THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX WITH IS SUSIE. 343 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,051 THE ONLY GIRL I'VE HAD SEX WITH IS SUSIE. MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU. 344 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:31,720 WITH IS SUSIE. MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU. IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT 345 00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,223 MAYBE SHE GAVE IT TO YOU. IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU. 346 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:38,027 IF YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU. OKAY. 347 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,291 SUSIE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU. OKAY. [MARCHING BAND PLAYS] 348 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:51,473 YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH 349 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,409 YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO 350 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,911 ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO THE FIRST-AID STATION. 351 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,578 SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO THE FIRST-AID STATION. SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. 352 00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,614 THE FIRST-AID STATION. SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX 353 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,683 SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT 354 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,285 REPEAT... ANYONE WHO HAS HAD SEX WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO THE FIRST-AID STATION 355 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,219 WITH SUSIE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO THE FIRST-AID STATION IMMEDIATELY. 356 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,844 TO THE FIRST-AID STATION IMMEDIATELY. SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. 357 00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:23,772 OH, SON, I HEARD YOU WON THE GAME. YEAH. 358 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,908 GAME. YEAH. IT MUST FEEL GREAT. 359 00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:28,311 YEAH. IT MUST FEEL GREAT. YEAH. 360 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,848 IT MUST FEEL GREAT. YEAH. NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG. 361 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:35,017 YEAH. NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG. A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL. 362 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,086 NO, SOMETHING'S WRONG. A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL. THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE 363 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:39,388 A MOTHER CAN ALWAYS TELL. THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS. 364 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,257 THERE'S A PICTURE HERE IN THE PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS. SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T 365 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:45,594 PAPER OF SUSIE EDWARDS. SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T SHE, JOHNNY? 366 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,629 SHE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS, ISN'T SHE, JOHNNY? SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL 367 00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:51,600 SHE, JOHNNY? SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. 368 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,669 SAYS HERE, UH, SHE HAS VENEREAL DISEASE. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING 369 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,371 DISEASE. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY. 370 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,173 MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEEING THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY. IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH 371 00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,175 THAT KIND OF GIRL, JOHNNY. IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO 372 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,177 IT SAYS HERE THAT HEALTH AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER, 373 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,913 AUTHORITIES ARE LOOKING FOR TWO BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER, ONE NAMED JOHNNY. 374 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,349 BOYS WHO HAVE HAD SEX WITH HER, ONE NAMED JOHNNY. JOHNNY? 375 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,185 ONE NAMED JOHNNY. JOHNNY? JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN 376 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,053 JOHNNY? JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN WITH SUSIE EDWARDS? 377 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,021 JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN... BEEN WITH SUSIE EDWARDS? YES. 378 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,924 WITH SUSIE EDWARDS? YES. I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S 379 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,959 YES. I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN. 380 00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,417 I'VE HAD SEX WITH HER, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN. OH, MY GOD! 381 00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:34,443 HOW DARE YOU HAVE SEX?! DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER LITTLE SLUTS? 382 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,644 DID YOU DO IT WITH ANY OTHER LITTLE SLUTS? NO! 383 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,146 LITTLE SLUTS? NO! I LOVED SUSIE! 384 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,248 NO! I LOVED SUSIE! I WANTED TO MARRY HER. 385 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,682 I LOVED SUSIE! I WANTED TO MARRY HER. MARRY HER? 386 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,352 I WANTED TO MARRY HER. MARRY HER? HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A 387 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,789 MARRY HER? HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH? 388 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,590 HOW COULD YOU WANT TO MARRY A GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH? MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT 389 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,326 GIRL YOU'VE HAD SEX WITH? MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT 390 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,262 MY MOTHER ONCE TOLD ME WHY EAT GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?! 391 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,031 GARBAGE ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?! I'M SO CONFUSED! 392 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,432 WHEN YOU CAN EAT STEAK?! I'M SO CONFUSED! [DOORBELL RINGS] 393 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,466 I'M SO CONFUSED! [DOORBELL RINGS] A DOORBELL! 394 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,368 [DOORBELL RINGS] A DOORBELL! WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME 395 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:04,540 A DOORBELL! WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT? 396 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:06,475 WHO COULD THIS BE AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT? HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D. 397 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,312 OF NIGHT? HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D. CASEWORKER. 398 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,746 HI, I'M JOSH RAMSEY, V.D. CASEWORKER. YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER. 399 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:11,513 CASEWORKER. YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER. YES, I AM. 400 00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:12,982 YOU MUST BE JOHNNY'S FATHER. YES, I AM. IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO 401 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,317 YES, I AM. IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU. 402 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,751 IF IT'S OKAY, WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU. DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN? 403 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,320 HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH YOU. DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN? I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING 404 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,687 DOES SHE HAVE TO COME IN? I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, MR. LUDLOW. 405 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,721 I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, MR. LUDLOW. ALL RIGHT. 406 00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,790 TO DO, MR. LUDLOW. ALL RIGHT. SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T 407 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:25,161 ALL RIGHT. SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T USE THE BATHROOM! 408 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,895 SHE CAN COME IN, BUT SHE CAN'T USE THE BATHROOM! THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. 409 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,998 USE THE BATHROOM! THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M 410 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:29,731 THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M LEAVING. 411 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,767 WELL, IF SHE'S COMING IN, I'M LEAVING. WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY. 412 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,235 LEAVING. WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY. SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY 413 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,470 WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JOHNNY. SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY INSISTENCE. 414 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,306 SUSIE CAME HERE AT MY INSISTENCE. I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY. 415 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,109 INSISTENCE. I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY. I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME. 416 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:44,280 I'M SORRY I HURT YOU, JOHNNY. I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME. I'M SORRY, BUT I DO. 417 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,514 I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME. I'M SORRY, BUT I DO. IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER, 418 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,015 I'M SORRY, BUT I DO. IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER, JOHNNY. 419 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,283 IT'S OKAY TO HATE HER, JOHNNY. SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS 420 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,650 JOHNNY. SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH 421 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,719 SHE KNEW THE RISKS SHE WAS TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER BOY. 422 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,622 TAKING WHEN SHE HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER BOY. IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT. 423 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,291 ANOTHER BOY. IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT. I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T 424 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,059 IT WAS JUST ONCE, I SWEAR IT. I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE. 425 00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:00,196 I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 426 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,231 BELIEVE YOU ANYMORE, SUSIE. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. [TELEPHONE RINGS] 427 00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:05,634 I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN. [TELEPHONE RINGS] I'LL GET IT. 428 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,302 [TELEPHONE RINGS] I'LL GET IT. HELLO? 429 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:08,170 I'LL GET IT. HELLO? Hello, this is the county 430 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,238 HELLO? Hello, this is the county health clinic. 431 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,740 Hello, this is the county health clinic. Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey 432 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,875 health clinic. Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey there? 433 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,810 Is V.D. caseworker Josh Ramsey there? YES, HE IS. 434 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,412 There? YES, HE IS. MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU. 435 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:20,716 YES, HE IS. MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU. OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. 436 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,650 MR. RAMSEY, IT'S FOR YOU. OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. JOSH RAMSEY. 437 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,619 OH, THANK YOU, MRS. LUDLOW. JOSH RAMSEY. Josh, those test results are 438 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,154 JOSH RAMSEY. Josh, those test results are in on the Edwards girl. 439 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,489 Josh, those test results are in on the Edwards girl. It's not gonorrhea. 440 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,057 In on the Edwards girl. It's not gonorrhea. She's got a simple yeast 441 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:28,857 It's not gonorrhea. She's got a simple yeast infection. 442 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,926 She's got a simple yeast infection. AH, THANK YOU, SETH. 443 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:33,729 Infection. AH, THANK YOU, SETH. Check that. 444 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,364 AH, THANK YOU, SETH. Check that. WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE 445 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,632 Check that. WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE SOME INTERESTING NEWS. 446 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,300 WELL, SAY, EVERYBODY, I HAVE SOME INTERESTING NEWS. IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE 447 00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:39,768 SOME INTERESTING NEWS. IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL. 448 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,103 IT SEEMS THAT SUSIE DOESN'T HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL. IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST 449 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:41,803 VENEREAL DISEASE AFTER ALL. IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST INFECTION. 450 00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:42,905 IT'S JUST A SIMPLE YEAST INFECTION. YEAST INFECTION? 451 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,540 INFECTION. YEAST INFECTION? YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION 452 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,208 YEAST INFECTION? YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, 453 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:46,975 YES, AN UNPLEASANT INFECTION CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, BUT NOT V.D. 454 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,411 CAUSED BY ANY NUMBER OF THINGS, BUT NOT V.D. WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE 455 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,912 BUT NOT V.D. WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT 456 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,147 WELL, I GUESS YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT AFTER ALL, SUSIE. 457 00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,115 NEEDING THAT PENICILLIN SHOT AFTER ALL, SUSIE. BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS 458 00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,384 AFTER ALL, SUSIE. BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE? 459 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,586 BUT HOW COME MY PENIS HURTS SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE? WELL, IT'S PROBABLY 460 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,754 SO MUCH WHEN I URINATE? WELL, IT'S PROBABLY NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS 461 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,156 WELL, IT'S PROBABLY NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST 462 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:00,822 NONSPECIFIC URETHRITIS AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST INFECTION. 463 00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,391 AGGRAVATED BY SUSIE'S YEAST INFECTION. NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST 464 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,926 INFECTION. NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY 465 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,461 NOTHING SERIOUS, JOHNNY... JUST EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT 466 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:07,029 EASE OFF SEX FOR A WHILE, STAY AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE 467 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:10,199 AWAY FROM ALCOHOL, DRINK A LOT OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE FINE. 468 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:16,439 OF CRANBERRY JUICE... YOU'LL BE FINE. JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME? 469 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,943 FINE. JOHNNY, DO YOU STILL HATE ME? YES, I STILL HATE YOU. 470 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:37,541 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEITH JARRETT. [PIANO PLAYS UP-TEMPO MUSIC] 471 00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:28,873 [APPLAUSE] 472 00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:47,469 ♪ HERE I AM ♪ ♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪ ♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪ 473 00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:50,338 ♪ HERE IN MY HOUSE ♪ ♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪ ♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD 474 00:23:50,362 --> 00:23:53,275 ♪ MAKING A CROWN ♪ ♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING 475 00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:53,942 ♪ AND MY SISTER, JENNIFER, HAD TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING ME ♪ 476 00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,411 TO GO TO HER ROOM FOR HITTING ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪ 477 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,412 ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪ ♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪ 478 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:58,280 ♪ AND SHE MAKES ME SICK ♪ ♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪ ♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY, 479 00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:00,248 ♪ OH, YES, SHE DOES ♪ ♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪ 480 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:04,386 ♪ SHE MAKES ME VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪ BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S 481 00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:08,390 VERY, VERY, VERY, SICK ♪ BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"! 482 00:24:08,414 --> 00:24:09,858 BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE NOW IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"! YAY! 483 00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:12,561 THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW"! YAY! ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ 484 00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:14,430 YAY! ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER 485 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,432 ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO, 486 00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:17,800 ♪ OH, IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, 487 00:24:17,824 --> 00:24:18,434 SHOW" AND WE HOPE YOU'RE SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO ♪ 488 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,701 SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO ♪ ♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND 489 00:24:19,725 --> 00:24:20,502 SO, SO, SO, SO ♪ ♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND DISGUSTING ♪ 490 00:24:20,526 --> 00:24:22,037 ♪ YES, SHE IS SO FAT AND DISGUSTING ♪ ♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH 491 00:24:22,061 --> 00:24:24,773 DISGUSTING ♪ ♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH THE DOOR OPEN ♪ 492 00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:25,474 ♪ SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM WITH THE DOOR OPEN ♪ YAY! 493 00:24:25,498 --> 00:24:27,309 THE DOOR OPEN ♪ YAY! ♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER 494 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:28,444 YAY! ♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" ♪ 495 00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,746 ♪ IT'S THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" ♪ GO! 496 00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:33,181 SHOW" ♪ GO! AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG 497 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,350 GO! AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" 498 00:24:35,374 --> 00:24:37,486 AND NOW, HERE IS THE BIG SONG ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO 499 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:39,855 ON THE "HEY, JENNIFER SHOW" BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH 500 00:24:39,879 --> 00:24:43,325 BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE. 501 00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:45,126 LOOKS AT YOU ALL THE TIME WITH THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE. ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ 502 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,628 THESE BIG BOOGERS YOU CAN SEE. ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ 503 00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:48,229 ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS, 504 00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:50,231 ♪ BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ ♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS, AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ 505 00:24:50,255 --> 00:24:56,137 ♪ IT'S YOUR RED-HEAD BOOGERS, AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY! 506 00:24:56,161 --> 00:25:00,308 AND IT'S BOOGERS ALL THE TIME ♪ YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY! WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE 507 00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:02,611 YAY, YAY, YAY! YAY! WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT 508 00:25:02,635 --> 00:25:04,680 WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I HATE JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY 509 00:25:04,704 --> 00:25:07,048 JENNIFER VERY MUCH, AND SO THAT IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC 510 00:25:07,072 --> 00:25:10,085 IS WHY I'M SO GLAD THAT THEY INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE 511 00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,253 INVENTED THE BRAND-NEW, TERRIFIC PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY 512 00:25:12,277 --> 00:25:14,523 PRODUCT CALLED THE WOODS, WHERE I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY 513 00:25:14,547 --> 00:25:15,156 I CAN GO AND LIVE AND GET AWAY FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! 514 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:17,425 FROM JENNIFER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! [Mockingly] BUT, JUDY, 515 00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:19,160 LIFE! [Mockingly] BUT, JUDY, CAN'T I COME, TOO? 516 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,497 [Mockingly] BUT, JUDY, CAN'T I COME, TOO? [Normal voice] WELL, ALL 517 00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:23,832 CAN'T I COME, TOO? [Normal voice] WELL, ALL RIGHT, JENNIFER. 518 00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:25,868 [Normal voice] WELL, ALL RIGHT, JENNIFER. EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN 519 00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:27,970 RIGHT, JENNIFER. EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN BY THE MONSTER? 520 00:25:27,994 --> 00:25:29,705 EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT GET EATEN BY THE MONSTER? [Mockingly] I DON'T CARE. 521 00:25:29,729 --> 00:25:32,207 BY THE MONSTER? [Mockingly] I DON'T CARE. [Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A 522 00:25:32,231 --> 00:25:35,711 [Mockingly] I DON'T CARE. [Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE 523 00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:39,180 [Normal voice] BUT IT WAS A LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO 524 00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,349 LONG, FAR, FAR AWAY WAY TO THE WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO HERE WE GO! 525 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:44,185 WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND, SO HERE WE GO! AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY 526 00:25:44,209 --> 00:25:47,222 HERE WE GO! AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND 527 00:25:47,246 --> 00:25:51,393 AND YOU HAVE TO TRAVEL MANY MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS! 528 00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:54,496 MILES, OVER LAND AND SEA, AND MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS! HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO 529 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,165 MANY PLACES NO ONE EVEN KNOWS! HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO EASY AND FUN! 530 00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,601 HURRY, JENNIFER, FOR THIS IS SO EASY AND FUN! [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T! 531 00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:00,602 EASY AND FUN! [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T! I CAN'T HURRY. 532 00:26:00,626 --> 00:26:02,270 [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T! I CAN'T HURRY. I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET 533 00:26:02,294 --> 00:26:03,572 I CAN'T HURRY. I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET EATEN BY THE SHARKS! 534 00:26:03,596 --> 00:26:04,740 I'M SO AFRAID I'M GONNA GET EATEN BY THE SHARKS! HELP ME, HELP ME! 535 00:26:04,764 --> 00:26:06,241 EATEN BY THE SHARKS! HELP ME, HELP ME! I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS! 536 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,144 HELP ME, HELP ME! I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS! HELP ME! 537 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:11,013 I'M EATEN BY THE SHARKS! HELP ME! [Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S 538 00:26:11,037 --> 00:26:14,082 HELP ME! [Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL. 539 00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:17,485 [Normal voice] AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL. ♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL 540 00:26:17,509 --> 00:26:25,509 TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL. ♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪ 541 00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:28,463 ♪ OH, EVERYONE SHOULD KILL JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪ HELLO! 542 00:26:28,487 --> 00:26:31,399 JENNIFER AS SOON AS THEY CAN ♪ HELLO! HERE IS THE GREAT TWO 543 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,835 HELLO! HERE IS THE GREAT TWO UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS 544 00:26:33,859 --> 00:26:35,403 HERE IS THE GREAT TWO UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE 545 00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,905 UNDERSHIRTS THAT EVERYONE WANTS VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST 546 00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:38,707 VERY BAD AND THEY CAN'T BELIEVE THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST TODAY. 547 00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:41,242 THEIR MOTHER BOUGHT THEM JUST TODAY. AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON 548 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,279 TODAY. AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON YOUR HEAD AS HAIR... 549 00:26:44,303 --> 00:26:48,483 AND THEY CAN BE USED TO GO ON YOUR HEAD AS HAIR... OR AS A BEARD. 550 00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:49,985 YOUR HEAD AS HAIR... OR AS A BEARD. HO, HO, HO. 551 00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:51,954 OR AS A BEARD. HO, HO, HO. SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY 552 00:26:51,978 --> 00:26:53,589 HO, HO, HO. SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY THEM RIGHT AWAY. 553 00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:56,391 SO CONVENIENT, YOU SHOULD BUY THEM RIGHT AWAY. AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE 554 00:26:56,415 --> 00:26:59,027 THEM RIGHT AWAY. AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND! 555 00:26:59,051 --> 00:26:59,962 AND NOW WE MUST GO BACK TO THE WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND! WE JUST HOP AND HOP! 556 00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:01,296 WOODS OF LONDON, ENGLAND! WE JUST HOP AND HOP! WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP! 557 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,131 WE JUST HOP AND HOP! WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP! [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, 558 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:04,933 WE HAVE TO HOP AND HOP AND HOP! [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT 559 00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:08,203 [Mockingly] OH, JUDY, I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW! 560 00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:10,639 I CAN'T HOP AS FAST AS YOU, BUT THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW! [Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER, 561 00:27:10,663 --> 00:27:12,808 THE MONSTER'S COMING RIGHT NOW! [Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER, AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER! 562 00:27:12,832 --> 00:27:14,109 [Deep voice] I'M THE MONSTER, AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER! OH, WATCH OUT! 563 00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,577 AND I'M GONNA EAT JENNIFER! OH, WATCH OUT! I'M GONNA GET HER! 564 00:27:15,601 --> 00:27:16,678 OH, WATCH OUT! I'M GONNA GET HER! [GROWLING] 565 00:27:16,702 --> 00:27:18,246 I'M GONNA GET HER! [GROWLING] OH, NO, HELP! 566 00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:20,348 [GROWLING] OH, NO, HELP! [Normal voice] AND SOON, THE 567 00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:22,517 OH, NO, HELP! [Normal voice] AND SOON, THE MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER 568 00:27:22,541 --> 00:27:25,487 [Normal voice] AND SOON, THE MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH. 569 00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:27,956 MONSTER GOT KILLED, AND JENNIFER JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH. AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW! 570 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,825 JUMPED OUT OF HIS STOMACH. AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW! ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA 571 00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:32,861 AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW! ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ 572 00:27:32,885 --> 00:27:35,530 ♪ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS 573 00:27:35,554 --> 00:27:37,599 DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA ♪ AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, 574 00:27:37,623 --> 00:27:41,503 AND NOW, PRESENTING THE FABULOUS SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, MISS CHICA LALITA. 575 00:27:41,527 --> 00:27:45,874 SINGER THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, MISS CHICA LALITA. ♪ OH ♪ 576 00:27:45,898 --> 00:27:49,577 MISS CHICA LALITA. ♪ OH ♪ ♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER 577 00:27:49,601 --> 00:27:53,481 ♪ OH ♪ ♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS 578 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:56,484 ♪ EVERYONE SHOULD HATE JENNIFER BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE 579 00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:57,418 BECAUSE SHE IS A PERSON WHO GETS CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE STORE ♪ 580 00:27:57,442 --> 00:27:58,887 CARSICK ON THE WAY TO THE STORE ♪ ♪ JUST EVEN... ♪ 581 00:27:58,911 --> 00:28:01,657 STORE ♪ ♪ JUST EVEN... ♪ AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF 582 00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,992 ♪ JUST EVEN... ♪ AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER, 583 00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:08,697 AND NOW, IN THE ADVENTURES OF JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER, JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR! 584 00:28:08,721 --> 00:28:12,734 JUDY MILLER, HER SISTER, JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR! [IMITATING ENGINE NOISES] 585 00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:14,502 JENNIFER, GETS HIT BY A CAR! [IMITATING ENGINE NOISES] WHOA! 586 00:28:14,526 --> 00:28:16,171 [IMITATING ENGINE NOISES] WHOA! YAY, SHE'S DEAD! 587 00:28:16,195 --> 00:28:17,238 WHOA! YAY, SHE'S DEAD! WE KILLED HER! 588 00:28:17,262 --> 00:28:19,074 YAY, SHE'S DEAD! WE KILLED HER! YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED 589 00:28:19,098 --> 00:28:19,541 WE KILLED HER! YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED HER! 590 00:28:19,565 --> 00:28:20,976 YAY, YAY, SHE'S DEAD, WE KILLED HER! SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! 591 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,078 HER! SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! 592 00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:24,412 SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! WHOA! 593 00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:25,580 YAY, SHE'S DEAD, SHE'S DEAD! WHOA! YAY, SHE'S DEAD! 594 00:28:25,604 --> 00:28:28,216 WHOA! YAY, SHE'S DEAD! JUDY! 595 00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:28,950 YAY, SHE'S DEAD! JUDY! JUDY? 596 00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:30,018 JUDY! JUDY? WHAT? 597 00:28:30,042 --> 00:28:32,353 JUDY? WHAT? JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY. 598 00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:33,555 WHAT? JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY. SO? 599 00:28:33,579 --> 00:28:36,391 JENNIFER SAYS SHE SORRY. SO? SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM. 600 00:28:36,415 --> 00:28:38,126 SO? SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM. SO-O-O-O? 601 00:28:38,150 --> 00:28:39,761 SHE'S COMING OUT OF HER ROOM. SO-O-O-O? SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND 602 00:28:39,785 --> 00:28:42,964 SO-O-O-O? SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU. 603 00:28:42,988 --> 00:28:44,532 SHE'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU. PLAY BARBIES? 604 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:47,635 PLAY BARBIES WITH YOU. PLAY BARBIES? UH-HUH. 605 00:28:47,659 --> 00:28:55,659 PLAY BARBIES? UH-HUH. WELL, OKAY. 606 00:28:57,203 --> 00:29:03,085 UH-HUH. WELL, OKAY. AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN, 607 00:29:03,109 --> 00:29:05,087 WELL, OKAY. AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN, FROM MAGIC! 608 00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:07,191 AND NOW... SHE IS ALIVE AGAIN, FROM MAGIC! GOOD NIGHT! 609 00:29:23,494 --> 00:29:27,709 THE METS LICK MONTREAL. THIS AND MORE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP 610 00:29:27,733 --> 00:29:32,447 THIS AND MORE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP NEXT. 611 00:29:32,471 --> 00:29:33,681 "WEEKEND UPDATE," COMING UP NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, 612 00:29:33,705 --> 00:29:35,016 NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE 613 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,417 Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM 614 00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:38,553 "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE 615 00:29:38,577 --> 00:29:40,722 "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND 616 00:29:40,746 --> 00:29:42,958 BROUGHT TO YOU BY PERRIER... THE MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND. 617 00:29:42,982 --> 00:29:44,960 MINERAL WATER THAT GOES BACK AND FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND. OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN 618 00:29:44,984 --> 00:29:46,161 FORTH TO STATEN ISLAND. OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN AND DAN AYKROYD. 619 00:29:46,185 --> 00:29:47,328 OUR ANCHORPERSONS... JANE CURTIN AND DAN AYKROYD. GOOD EVENING. 620 00:29:47,352 --> 00:29:48,696 AND DAN AYKROYD. GOOD EVENING. I'M DAN AYK... ROID. 621 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,298 GOOD EVENING. I'M DAN AYK... ROID. AND I'M JANE CURTIN. 622 00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:51,666 I'M DAN AYK... ROID. AND I'M JANE CURTIN. HERE NOW THE NEWS. 623 00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,769 AND I'M JANE CURTIN. HERE NOW THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE 624 00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:55,670 HERE NOW THE NEWS. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS 625 00:29:55,694 --> 00:29:57,438 OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... AN AIDE OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE 626 00:29:57,462 --> 00:29:59,540 OF SENATOR EDWARD KENNEDY HAS DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER 627 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:01,643 DENIED REPORTS LINKING THE SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO 628 00:30:01,667 --> 00:30:03,344 SENATOR ROMANTICALLY WITH FORMER OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER 629 00:30:03,368 --> 00:30:04,579 OLYMPIC SKIER SUSIE CHAFFEE, WHO IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER ChapStick COMMERCIALS. 630 00:30:04,603 --> 00:30:06,248 IS NOW BEST KNOWN FOR HER ChapStick COMMERCIALS. DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER, 631 00:30:06,272 --> 00:30:07,783 ChapStick COMMERCIALS. DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER, "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED 632 00:30:07,807 --> 00:30:09,217 DESPITE THESE DENIALS, HOWEVER, "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS 633 00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:10,819 "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS LEARNED THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO 634 00:30:10,843 --> 00:30:11,987 THAT THE SHAPELY BLONDE IS PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK. 635 00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:13,321 PLANNING TO CHANGE HER NAME TO SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT 636 00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:15,257 SUSIE CHAPPAQUIDDICK. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. 637 00:30:15,281 --> 00:30:17,192 MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED 638 00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:19,194 DEVELOPS. THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING. 639 00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:21,062 THIS WEEK, BERT LANCE ATTACKED THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING. THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE 640 00:30:21,086 --> 00:30:22,931 THE PRESS FOR BIASED REPORTING. THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE 641 00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:24,866 THE SLEAZY EX-DIRECTOR OF THE OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS 642 00:30:24,890 --> 00:30:26,701 OMB CITED, AS AN EXAMPLE, THE WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC 643 00:30:26,725 --> 00:30:28,837 WAY THE PRESS HAD REPORTED HIS TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO. 644 00:30:28,861 --> 00:30:30,471 TURNING IN OF HIS DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO. THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER 645 00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,174 PASSPORT TWO WEEKS AGO. THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO 646 00:30:32,198 --> 00:30:33,741 THE PRESS SAID THAT THE CARTER WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT 647 00:30:33,765 --> 00:30:35,376 WHITE HOUSE HAD FORCED LANCE TO GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES, 648 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:36,945 GIVE UP HIS SPECIAL PASSPORT WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES, ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO 649 00:30:36,969 --> 00:30:38,579 WHICH, AMONG OTHER PRIVILEGES, ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN 650 00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:39,347 ENTITLES ITS HOLDER TO FORGO CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES. 651 00:30:39,371 --> 00:30:41,082 CUSTOMS INSPECTIONS IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES. THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE 652 00:30:41,106 --> 00:30:42,951 COUNTRIES. THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY 653 00:30:42,975 --> 00:30:44,786 THE OVERWEIGHT SLOB INSISTS HE GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED 654 00:30:44,810 --> 00:30:46,387 GAVE UP THE PASSPORT VOLUNTARILY BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS 655 00:30:46,411 --> 00:30:50,558 BECAUSE HE HAD FINALLY SMUGGLED ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS $5 MILLION OF DEBTS. 656 00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:51,860 ENOUGH DRUGS TO PAY OFF HIS $5 MILLION OF DEBTS. WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC 657 00:30:51,884 --> 00:30:53,494 $5 MILLION OF DEBTS. WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE 658 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:54,729 WELL, ANOTHER CLASSIC AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A 659 00:30:54,753 --> 00:30:56,097 AMERICAN INSTITUTION WENT BY THE BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE 660 00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:57,265 BOARDS THIS WEEK WHEN A SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE PURCHASED WALT DISNEY 661 00:30:57,289 --> 00:30:58,200 SAUDI ARABIAN CONGLOMERATE PURCHASED WALT DISNEY PRODUCTIONS. 662 00:30:58,224 --> 00:31:00,168 PURCHASED WALT DISNEY PRODUCTIONS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S 663 00:31:00,192 --> 00:31:02,204 PRODUCTIONS. NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF 664 00:31:02,228 --> 00:31:03,939 NOT SURPRISINGLY, THE STUDIO'S FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE 665 00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:05,874 FIRST FILM WILL STAR OMAR SHARIF AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE 666 00:31:05,898 --> 00:31:11,213 AND DEAN JONES AND WILL BE RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE "THAT DARN JEW." 667 00:31:11,237 --> 00:31:12,780 RELEASED HERE UNDER THE TITLE "THAT DARN JEW." ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER 668 00:31:12,804 --> 00:31:13,949 "THAT DARN JEW." ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S 669 00:31:13,973 --> 00:31:15,317 ACTIVIST/LAWYER WILLIAM KUNSTLER CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF 670 00:31:15,341 --> 00:31:16,784 CLAIMS THAT LAST FALL'S ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's 671 00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:17,953 ACCIDENTAL SHOOTING DEATH OF WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A 672 00:31:17,977 --> 00:31:19,321 WILLIAM C. SULLIVAN, THE FBI's NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE 673 00:31:19,345 --> 00:31:20,355 NUMBER-THREE MAN, WAS A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY FROM 674 00:31:20,379 --> 00:31:21,089 DELIBERATE ATTEMPT TO SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY FROM PROSECUTION. 675 00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:22,590 L. PATRICK GRAY FROM PROSECUTION. SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT 676 00:31:22,614 --> 00:31:24,125 PROSECUTION. SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING 677 00:31:24,149 --> 00:31:25,493 SULLIVAN WAS ACCIDENTALLY SHOT DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE 678 00:31:25,517 --> 00:31:26,794 DURING A NEW HAMPSHIRE HUNTING TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY 679 00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:28,096 TRIP WHEN, ACCORDING TO THE BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY MISTAKEN FOR A DEER. 680 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,998 BUREAU, HE WAS REPORTEDLY MISTAKEN FOR A DEER. BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T 681 00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:31,900 MISTAKEN FOR A DEER. BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S 682 00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:33,668 BUT THE DEATH OF SULLIVAN DIDN'T SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM 683 00:31:33,692 --> 00:31:35,570 SPARE L. PATRICK GRAY, THE FBI'S FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO 684 00:31:35,594 --> 00:31:37,272 FORMER ACTING DIRECTOR, FROM BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF 685 00:31:37,296 --> 00:31:38,773 BEING CHARGED WITH CONSPIRING TO DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS. 686 00:31:38,797 --> 00:31:40,742 DEPRIVE AMERICAN CITIZENS OF THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS. AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER 687 00:31:40,766 --> 00:31:42,744 THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS. AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S 688 00:31:42,768 --> 00:31:43,511 AND NOW HERE'S STARGAZER BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S REVIEW. 689 00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:44,112 BULL MURRAY WITH THIS WEEK'S REVIEW. BILL? 690 00:31:44,136 --> 00:31:45,580 REVIEW. BILL? THANK YOU, JANE. 691 00:31:45,604 --> 00:31:50,151 BILL? THANK YOU, JANE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 692 00:31:50,175 --> 00:31:51,552 THANK YOU, JANE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT 693 00:31:51,576 --> 00:31:52,954 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT "AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S 694 00:31:52,978 --> 00:31:54,356 WELL, EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT "AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF 695 00:31:54,380 --> 00:31:55,790 "AMERICAN HOT WAX," PARAMOUNT'S NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL 696 00:31:55,814 --> 00:31:57,425 NEW FLICK THAT RIPS THE LID OFF THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A 697 00:31:57,449 --> 00:31:59,160 THE ORIGINS OF THE ROCK-'N'-ROLL GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE 698 00:31:59,184 --> 00:32:00,996 GENERATION, BUT MORE THAN A SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN 699 00:32:01,020 --> 00:32:02,364 SUPER MOVIE, "HOT WAX" IS THE UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD. 700 00:32:02,388 --> 00:32:03,831 UNVEILING OF THE NEWEST STAR IN THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD. SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF 701 00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:04,632 THE HEAVENS OVER HOLLYWOOD. SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF A DARLING SINCE 702 00:32:04,656 --> 00:32:06,101 SHE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE PIXIE OF A DARLING SINCE CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART 703 00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:06,801 A DARLING SINCE CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART AS A CHILD. 704 00:32:06,825 --> 00:32:08,370 CLAUDETTE COLBERT BROKE MY HEART AS A CHILD. OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A 705 00:32:08,394 --> 00:32:09,737 AS A CHILD. OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN. 706 00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:10,906 OF COURSE, I'M TALKING ABOUT A GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN. REMEMBER THAT NAME... 707 00:32:10,930 --> 00:32:12,473 GIRL NAMED LARAINE NEWMAN. REMEMBER THAT NAME... LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE 708 00:32:12,497 --> 00:32:14,042 REMEMBER THAT NAME... LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE 709 00:32:14,066 --> 00:32:15,343 LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO. 710 00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:16,511 GOING TO BE HEARING A LOT MORE FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO. BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING 711 00:32:16,535 --> 00:32:17,812 FROM THIS PRETTY LITTLE DYNAMO. BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE 712 00:32:17,836 --> 00:32:19,147 BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN 713 00:32:19,171 --> 00:32:20,215 ABOUT IT, THE PARTY ANIMAL HERE FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH 714 00:32:20,239 --> 00:32:20,681 FLEW OUT TO HOLLYWOOD TO HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH LARAINE. 715 00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:22,017 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH LARAINE. WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON 716 00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:23,418 LARAINE. WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW 717 00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:24,786 WE WENT TO HER DRESSING ROOM ON THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED 718 00:32:24,810 --> 00:32:26,721 THE LOT WHERE SHE'S MAKING A NEW MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED "SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY." 719 00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:28,556 MOVIE WITH ROBERT MITCHUM CALLED "SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY." ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE 720 00:32:28,580 --> 00:32:29,090 "SAY THAT TO MY FACE, BABY." ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE SHOT. 721 00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:30,926 ANYWAY, HERE'S THE INTERVIEW WE SHOT. LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN. 722 00:32:30,950 --> 00:32:32,260 SHOT. LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN. I'M SITTING HERE WITH 723 00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:33,295 LET'S ROLL THAT FILM IF WE CAN. I'M SITTING HERE WITH LARAINE NEWMAN. 724 00:32:33,319 --> 00:32:34,629 I'M SITTING HERE WITH LARAINE NEWMAN. REMEMBER THAT NAME... 725 00:32:34,653 --> 00:32:36,531 LARAINE NEWMAN. REMEMBER THAT NAME... LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE 726 00:32:36,555 --> 00:32:38,366 REMEMBER THAT NAME... LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT 727 00:32:38,390 --> 00:32:40,902 LARAINE NEWMAN... BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS. 728 00:32:40,926 --> 00:32:44,005 GOING TO BE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS. LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN? 729 00:32:44,029 --> 00:32:45,340 OF THIS TINIEST OF KNUCKLEHEADS. LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN? DO YOU EVER KNOW? 730 00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:46,107 LARAINE, WHY DID IT HAPPEN? DO YOU EVER KNOW? WHY YOU? 731 00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:48,143 DO YOU EVER KNOW? WHY YOU? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE 732 00:32:48,167 --> 00:32:49,945 WHY YOU? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE 733 00:32:49,969 --> 00:32:51,279 HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE ON THE THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE BECOMING? 734 00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:53,815 THRESHOLD OF WHAT YOU ARE BECOMING? WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL, 735 00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:56,251 BECOMING? WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL, BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU 736 00:32:56,275 --> 00:32:58,053 WELL, I THINK, FIRST OF ALL, BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU KNOW? 737 00:32:58,077 --> 00:33:00,255 BILL, I REALLY WANTED IT, YOU KNOW? AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT 738 00:33:00,279 --> 00:33:02,357 KNOW? AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT 739 00:33:02,381 --> 00:33:04,625 AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT 740 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,594 THINGS I'VE LEARNED IS THAT YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T 741 00:33:06,618 --> 00:33:08,997 YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT 742 00:33:09,021 --> 00:33:10,231 TO WATCH YOU, AND I DON'T KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT TO WATCH ME. 743 00:33:10,255 --> 00:33:13,168 KNOW... I GUESS PEOPLE JUST WANT TO WATCH ME. YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU? 744 00:33:13,192 --> 00:33:14,102 TO WATCH ME. YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU? YES. 745 00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:15,103 YOU'RE IMPULSIVE, AREN'T YOU? YES. [CHUCKLES] 746 00:33:15,127 --> 00:33:16,371 YES. [CHUCKLES] YES, I REALLY AM. 747 00:33:16,395 --> 00:33:18,306 [CHUCKLES] YES, I REALLY AM. YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE 748 00:33:18,330 --> 00:33:21,376 YES, I REALLY AM. YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO 749 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,310 YOU KNOW, THERE WAS THIS ONE TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH. 750 00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:24,212 TIME WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH. AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I 751 00:33:24,236 --> 00:33:25,513 TO THE BEACH. AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO. 752 00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:28,416 AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO, AND I REALLY WANTED TO GO. AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR 753 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,219 REALLY WANTED TO GO. AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH, 754 00:33:31,243 --> 00:33:33,554 AND THIS FRIEND CAME TO MY DOOR AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH, AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT. 755 00:33:33,578 --> 00:33:35,090 AND WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH, AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT. [LAUGHS] 756 00:33:35,114 --> 00:33:37,025 AND SO I WENT, JUST LIKE THAT. [LAUGHS] YOU ARE IMPULSIVE. 757 00:33:37,049 --> 00:33:38,293 [LAUGHS] YOU ARE IMPULSIVE. REALLY. 758 00:33:38,317 --> 00:33:39,427 YOU ARE IMPULSIVE. REALLY. [WATER RUNNING] 759 00:33:39,451 --> 00:33:41,429 REALLY. [WATER RUNNING] HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY? 760 00:33:41,453 --> 00:33:43,331 [WATER RUNNING] HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY? WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW 761 00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:45,000 HAS SUCCESS MADE YOU HAPPY? WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. 762 00:33:45,024 --> 00:33:47,535 WELL, I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. ARE YOU HAPPY? 763 00:33:47,559 --> 00:33:49,637 WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU. ARE YOU HAPPY? WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY. 764 00:33:49,661 --> 00:33:51,106 ARE YOU HAPPY? WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY. [WATER STOPS] 765 00:33:51,130 --> 00:33:52,040 WELL, YES, I'M HAPPY. [WATER STOPS] [ZIPPER CLICKING] 766 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:54,275 [WATER STOPS] [ZIPPER CLICKING] YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS 767 00:33:54,299 --> 00:33:55,910 [ZIPPER CLICKING] YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW? 768 00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:58,146 YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT HAPPINESS IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW? I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN 769 00:33:58,170 --> 00:34:00,215 IS RELATIVE, YOU KNOW? I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW 770 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:03,051 I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYBODY IN THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT. 771 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:06,754 THE INDUSTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU 772 00:34:06,778 --> 00:34:07,389 THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW... 773 00:34:07,413 --> 00:34:08,689 BUT, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW... [OBJECT SPLASHES] 774 00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:10,258 KNOW... [OBJECT SPLASHES] [SIGHS] 775 00:34:10,282 --> 00:34:13,361 [OBJECT SPLASHES] [SIGHS] HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES, 776 00:34:13,385 --> 00:34:14,229 [SIGHS] HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES, YOU KNOW? 777 00:34:14,253 --> 00:34:15,497 HAPPY IS AS HAPPY DOES, YOU KNOW? [WATER SPLASHING] 778 00:34:15,521 --> 00:34:17,198 YOU KNOW? [WATER SPLASHING] YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE, 779 00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:17,665 [WATER SPLASHING] YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE, BABE? 780 00:34:17,689 --> 00:34:18,933 YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT SPONGE, BABE? GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU? 781 00:34:18,957 --> 00:34:22,203 BABE? GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU? 'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT. 782 00:34:22,227 --> 00:34:24,005 GET YOUR BACK FOR YOU? 'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT. BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING. 783 00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:26,141 'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT. BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING. IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE 784 00:34:26,165 --> 00:34:28,043 BOY, HOLLYWOOD IS AMAZING. IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX," 785 00:34:28,067 --> 00:34:28,809 IS THIS THE SET YOU USED FOR THE NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX," LARAINE? 786 00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:29,444 NEW YORK SHOTS IN "HOT WAX," LARAINE? NO. 787 00:34:29,468 --> 00:34:31,379 LARAINE? NO. ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY 788 00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:32,680 NO. ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY STORY BEHIND THAT. 789 00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,282 ACTUALLY, THERE'S A VERY FUNNY STORY BEHIND THAT. ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY 790 00:34:34,306 --> 00:34:36,651 STORY BEHIND THAT. ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND 791 00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:38,986 ONE WEEKEND I WAS REALLY HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT 792 00:34:39,010 --> 00:34:41,722 HOMESICK FOR NEW YORK, AND PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME. 793 00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:43,791 PARAMOUNT BUILT THIS EXACT REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME. I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING, 794 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:45,026 REPLICA OF CENTRAL PARK FOR ME. I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING, AND THERE IT WAS. 795 00:34:45,050 --> 00:34:46,127 I JUST GOT TO WORK ONE MORNING, AND THERE IT WAS. ISN'T IT NICE? 796 00:34:46,151 --> 00:34:48,229 AND THERE IT WAS. ISN'T IT NICE? THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE. 797 00:34:48,253 --> 00:34:49,630 ISN'T IT NICE? THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE. I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE. 798 00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:51,066 THAT'S A BIG LAKE BACK THERE. I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE. WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M 799 00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:52,333 I'VE GOT MY DUCKS IN THERE. WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL. 800 00:34:52,357 --> 00:34:53,935 WELL, YOU CAN SEE WHY I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL. OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE, 801 00:34:53,959 --> 00:34:55,537 EXCITED ABOUT THIS GIRL. OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE, "HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT 802 00:34:55,561 --> 00:34:56,938 OFF THE RECORD, I TOLD LARAINE, "HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT 803 00:34:56,962 --> 00:34:57,738 "HONEY, YOU'RE GONNA BE OUR NEXT UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT DON'T CHANGE. 804 00:34:57,762 --> 00:34:59,307 UNPARALLELED SUPERSTAR, BUT DON'T CHANGE. DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE 805 00:34:59,331 --> 00:35:00,741 DON'T CHANGE. DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY 806 00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:01,142 DON'T FORGET THE PEOPLE AND THE REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY UP." 807 00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,510 REVIEWERS YOU MET ON THE WAY UP." SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE 808 00:35:02,534 --> 00:35:03,111 UP." SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE SUPERSTAR. 809 00:35:03,135 --> 00:35:04,612 SO GOOD LUCK, YOU TINY LITTLE SUPERSTAR. GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME 810 00:35:04,636 --> 00:35:04,979 SUPERSTAR. GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME FUN. 811 00:35:05,003 --> 00:35:06,181 GET OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE SOME FUN. YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE. 812 00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:07,115 FUN. YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE. BACK TO YOU, JANE. 813 00:35:07,139 --> 00:35:09,050 YOU'RE TERRIFIC, LARAINE. BACK TO YOU, JANE. THANK YOU, BILL. 814 00:35:09,074 --> 00:35:13,020 BACK TO YOU, JANE. THANK YOU, BILL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 815 00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:14,556 THANK YOU, BILL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT 816 00:35:14,580 --> 00:35:16,157 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT 817 00:35:16,181 --> 00:35:17,459 WELL, OUR RECENT STORY ABOUT ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING. 818 00:35:17,483 --> 00:35:19,194 ORSON WELLES' SKIING ACCIDENT HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING. ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS 819 00:35:19,218 --> 00:35:20,895 HAS HAD A HAPPY ENDING. ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN 820 00:35:20,919 --> 00:35:24,399 ORSON IS FULLY RECOVERED AND WAS SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO. 821 00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:26,867 SEEN SKATEBOARDING YESTERDAY IN THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO. THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT 822 00:35:26,891 --> 00:35:31,206 THE STREETS OF ASPEN, COLORADO. THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB. 823 00:35:31,230 --> 00:35:32,907 THIS WEEK'S POINT/COUNTERPOINT IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB. OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS 824 00:35:32,931 --> 00:35:34,576 IS ON THE NEUTRON BOMB. OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY 825 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,243 OH, BOY, A BOMB THAT KILLS PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY INTACT. 826 00:35:35,267 --> 00:35:36,744 PEOPLE AND LEAVES PROPERTY INTACT. THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR 827 00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,713 INTACT. THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART 828 00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:40,181 THAT OUGHT TO MAKE YOUR MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN. 829 00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:41,682 MILITARISTIC, CAPITALISTIC HEART GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN. SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE 830 00:35:41,706 --> 00:35:43,050 GO PITTER-PATTER, DAN. SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF 831 00:35:43,074 --> 00:35:44,552 SO WHAT IF A FEW MILLION PEOPLE DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL 832 00:35:44,576 --> 00:35:46,087 DIE SO LONG AS THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG 833 00:35:46,111 --> 00:35:47,388 PRODUCTION STAY IN YOUR CONTROL SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF 834 00:35:47,412 --> 00:35:47,955 SO YOU CAN LIVE HIGH ON THE HOG OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF OTHERS? 835 00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:49,023 OFF THE SWEAT AND BLOOD OF OTHERS? YOU'RE A PIG, DAN. 836 00:35:49,047 --> 00:35:50,492 OTHERS? YOU'RE A PIG, DAN. MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT 837 00:35:50,516 --> 00:35:52,227 YOU'RE A PIG, DAN. MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN 838 00:35:52,251 --> 00:35:53,928 MY ONLY CONSOLATION IS THAT YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK 839 00:35:53,952 --> 00:35:56,331 YOU'LL PROBABLY CONTINUE TO GAIN WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK AT AN EARLY AGE. 840 00:35:56,355 --> 00:35:58,199 WEIGHT AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK AT AN EARLY AGE. I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT 841 00:35:58,223 --> 00:35:59,501 AT AN EARLY AGE. I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE. 842 00:35:59,525 --> 00:36:01,369 I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE. THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL 843 00:36:01,393 --> 00:36:01,969 YOUR STUPIDITY, JANE. THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL PICNIC. 844 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:03,771 THE COLD WAR IS NO SUNDAY SCHOOL PICNIC. THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND, 845 00:36:03,795 --> 00:36:04,905 PICNIC. THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND, BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE. 846 00:36:04,929 --> 00:36:06,174 THE RUSSIANS MEAN BUSINESS, AND, BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE. IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY 847 00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:07,074 BY GEORGE, SO SHOULD WE. IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY EDGE, LET'S DO IT. 848 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:08,409 IF WE CAN DEVELOP A MILITARY EDGE, LET'S DO IT. I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO 849 00:36:08,433 --> 00:36:09,277 EDGE, LET'S DO IT. I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO SHOULD YOU, JANE. 850 00:36:09,301 --> 00:36:10,612 I HATE THE COMMUNISTS, AND SO SHOULD YOU, JANE. IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT 851 00:36:10,636 --> 00:36:11,946 SHOULD YOU, JANE. IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU 852 00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:13,314 IF THEY TAKE OVER, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON 853 00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:14,582 GOING TO BE ANY EASIER ON YOU BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM. 854 00:36:14,606 --> 00:36:15,716 BLEEDING-HEART LIBERALS THEN ON US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM. REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN 855 00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:17,084 US, DEFENDERS OF THE FREEDOM. REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN 856 00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:18,286 REMEMBER WHAT THE RUSSIAN SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II. 857 00:36:18,310 --> 00:36:19,621 SOLDIERS DID TO THE GERMAN WOMEN AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II. BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO 858 00:36:19,645 --> 00:36:20,888 AT THE END OF WORLD WAR II. BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING, 859 00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:23,625 BUT I GUESS YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING, DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG. 860 00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:25,092 WORRY ABOUT THERE, YOU AGING, DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG. THANK YOU, JANE. 861 00:36:25,116 --> 00:36:27,128 DRIED-OUT, OLD HAG. THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU. 862 00:36:27,152 --> 00:36:28,729 THANK YOU, JANE. THANK YOU. WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT 863 00:36:28,753 --> 00:36:30,131 THANK YOU. WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO 864 00:36:30,155 --> 00:36:30,565 WELL, JUDGING BY THE WEATHER, IT LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO STAY. 865 00:36:30,589 --> 00:36:31,799 LOOKS LIKE SPRING IS HERE TO STAY. THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE 866 00:36:31,823 --> 00:36:33,401 STAY. THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND 867 00:36:33,425 --> 00:36:34,902 THE GRASS THE GREEN, THE BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE, 868 00:36:34,926 --> 00:36:36,504 BASEBALL SEASON JUST OPENED, AND EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE, AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING 869 00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:37,838 EVERYBODY LOVES TO BE IN LOVE, AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT 870 00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,207 AND HERE TO REPORT ON SPRING FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA. 871 00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:41,442 FEVER IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA. ROSEANNE? 872 00:36:41,466 --> 00:36:45,213 ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA. ROSEANNE? THANKS A LOT, JANE! 873 00:36:45,237 --> 00:36:49,584 ROSEANNE? THANKS A LOT, JANE! UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF 874 00:36:49,608 --> 00:36:52,387 THANKS A LOT, JANE! UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN 875 00:36:52,411 --> 00:36:53,954 UH, MISS DORIS POWELL OF FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR 876 00:36:53,978 --> 00:36:56,491 FORT LEE, NEW JERSEY, WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S 877 00:36:56,515 --> 00:36:59,227 AND SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A 878 00:36:59,251 --> 00:37:01,162 ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, IT'S SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A DOG. 879 00:37:01,186 --> 00:37:02,530 SPRING, AND I'M DEPRESSED AS A DOG. WHAT SHOULD I DO?" 880 00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:04,365 DOG. WHAT SHOULD I DO?" WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW 881 00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:06,167 WHAT SHOULD I DO?" WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING 882 00:37:06,191 --> 00:37:07,902 WELL, MISS POWELL, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I, 883 00:37:07,926 --> 00:37:10,004 EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I, ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO 884 00:37:10,028 --> 00:37:12,173 THROUGH, 'CAUSE ONCE, I, ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA 885 00:37:12,197 --> 00:37:13,874 ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA, WAS SO DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. 886 00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:16,377 DEPRESSED I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS 887 00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:18,613 DIE. YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE 888 00:37:18,637 --> 00:37:20,915 YOU SEE, MY BOYFRIEND, WHO I WAS SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO. 889 00:37:20,939 --> 00:37:22,550 SEEING FOR A LONG TIME... HE DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO. I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I 890 00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:24,219 DROPPED ME LIKE A HOT POTATO. I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE 891 00:37:24,243 --> 00:37:25,553 I FELT SO SAD I COULDN'T EAT, I COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO 892 00:37:25,577 --> 00:37:26,354 COULDN'T SLEEP, I COULDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO NOTHING. 893 00:37:26,378 --> 00:37:28,256 THE HOUSE, I COULDN'T DO NOTHING. I STARTED WEARING THE SAME 894 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:29,657 NOTHING. I STARTED WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES EVERY DAY. 895 00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:31,926 I STARTED WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES EVERY DAY. YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF 896 00:37:31,950 --> 00:37:33,294 CLOTHES EVERY DAY. YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF BECOMING A NUN... 897 00:37:33,318 --> 00:37:35,697 YOU KNOW I WAS EVEN THINKING OF BECOMING A NUN... SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE 898 00:37:35,721 --> 00:37:37,031 BECOMING A NUN... SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA? 899 00:37:37,055 --> 00:37:39,300 SISTER MARY ELIZABETH ROSEANNE ROSEANNADANNA? BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T 900 00:37:39,324 --> 00:37:40,868 ROSEANNADANNA? BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T WANT TO BE NO NUN. 901 00:37:40,892 --> 00:37:43,003 BUT THEN I REALIZED I DON'T WANT TO BE NO NUN. WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT? 902 00:37:43,027 --> 00:37:45,373 WANT TO BE NO NUN. WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT? YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH. 903 00:37:45,397 --> 00:37:47,675 WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT? YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH. SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED 904 00:37:47,699 --> 00:37:49,810 YOU SWEAT TOO MUCH AT THE BEACH. SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND 905 00:37:49,834 --> 00:37:52,213 SO I PICKED MYSELF UP, I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY. 906 00:37:52,237 --> 00:37:53,781 AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR, AND SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY. YOU'RE OKAY. 907 00:37:53,805 --> 00:37:56,384 SAID, "HEY, I'M OKAY. YOU'RE OKAY. I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND. 908 00:37:56,408 --> 00:37:57,852 YOU'RE OKAY. I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND. YES, I CAN. 909 00:37:57,876 --> 00:38:00,087 I'M MY OWN BEST FRIEND. YES, I CAN. MY ERRONEOUS ZONES. 910 00:38:00,111 --> 00:38:02,857 YES, I CAN. MY ERRONEOUS ZONES. I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING. 911 00:38:02,881 --> 00:38:05,727 MY ERRONEOUS ZONES. I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR." 912 00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:08,463 I HAVE NO FEAR OF FLYING. I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR." [ROARS] 913 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:10,931 I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR." [ROARS] AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY 914 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:11,866 [ROARS] AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY AND GOOD. 915 00:38:11,890 --> 00:38:13,434 AND I STARTED TO FEEL REAL ZIPPY AND GOOD. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I 916 00:38:13,458 --> 00:38:15,002 AND GOOD. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL 917 00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:15,536 I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL WOMAN. 918 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,204 STARTED FEELING LIKE A REAL WOMAN. YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I 919 00:38:17,228 --> 00:38:18,406 WOMAN. YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I USED TO BE A TOMBOY. 920 00:38:18,430 --> 00:38:20,207 YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS LITTLE, I USED TO BE A TOMBOY. I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE 921 00:38:20,231 --> 00:38:21,942 USED TO BE A TOMBOY. I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH 922 00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:23,678 I DIDN'T LIKE GIRLS... THEY WERE ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND 923 00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:25,480 ALWAYS CRYING AND PLAYING WITH DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE 924 00:38:25,504 --> 00:38:25,980 DOLLS, SO I PLAYED BASEBALL AND FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE GUYS. 925 00:38:26,004 --> 00:38:27,282 FOOTBALL AND BASKETBALL WITH THE GUYS. BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO 926 00:38:27,306 --> 00:38:28,483 GUYS. BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE 927 00:38:28,507 --> 00:38:30,251 BUT PRETTY SOON, I STARTED TO NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER 928 00:38:30,275 --> 00:38:31,952 NOTICE THAT I FELT A LITTLE STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I 929 00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,087 STRANGE INSIDE, LIKE I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I ASKED MY MOTHER. 930 00:38:33,111 --> 00:38:35,022 FELT THIS WAY BEFORE, AND I ASKED MY MOTHER. I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING 931 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:36,190 ASKED MY MOTHER. I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?" 932 00:38:36,214 --> 00:38:38,426 I SAID, "MOM, HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?" AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE 933 00:38:38,450 --> 00:38:39,527 ON IN HERE?" AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE BOOK CALLED 934 00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:42,485 AND SHE GIVES ME THIS LITTLE BOOK CALLED "WHY JANE CAN'T GO SWIMMING." 935 00:38:50,761 --> 00:38:55,943 HMM. THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND 936 00:38:55,967 --> 00:38:57,645 THIS BOOK... IT HAD A LOT OF PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING 937 00:38:57,669 --> 00:38:58,179 PICTURES OF GIRLS SITTING AROUND THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING SUITS. 938 00:38:58,203 --> 00:38:59,814 THE POOL IN ONE-PIECE BATHING SUITS. WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW 939 00:38:59,838 --> 00:39:01,015 SUITS. WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK? 940 00:39:01,039 --> 00:39:02,417 WHICH REMINDS ME... YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK? WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT 941 00:39:02,441 --> 00:39:03,851 WHAT REALLY MAKES ME SICK? WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY 942 00:39:03,875 --> 00:39:05,052 WHEN IT'S SUMMER AND YOU'RE AT THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING 943 00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:06,287 THE PARK AND YOU'RE REAL THIRSTY AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT 944 00:39:06,311 --> 00:39:07,655 AND YOU GO TO THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL 945 00:39:07,679 --> 00:39:09,424 FOUNTAIN AND SOMEBODY SPIT SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT 946 00:39:09,448 --> 00:39:10,858 SOMETHING IN THERE THAT'S REAL WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP... 947 00:39:10,882 --> 00:39:12,627 WEIRD AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING 948 00:39:12,651 --> 00:39:13,160 IS AND IT'S ON THE TOP... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! 949 00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:14,829 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY 950 00:39:14,853 --> 00:39:15,830 ABOUT?! WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY FROM THE SUBJECT? 951 00:39:15,854 --> 00:39:17,332 WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS STRAY FROM THE SUBJECT? YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU 952 00:39:17,356 --> 00:39:18,933 FROM THE SUBJECT? YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL, 953 00:39:18,957 --> 00:39:20,935 YOU COME ON THE SHOW AND YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL, DISGUSTING PROBLEMS. 954 00:39:20,959 --> 00:39:23,705 TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN PERSONAL, DISGUSTING PROBLEMS. WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO 955 00:39:23,729 --> 00:39:26,374 DISGUSTING PROBLEMS. WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. 956 00:39:26,398 --> 00:39:28,108 WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY 957 00:39:28,132 --> 00:39:29,744 SHOW YOU, IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED... 958 00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:31,479 IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED... HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I 959 00:39:31,503 --> 00:39:33,180 TO ME BEFORE I'D GO TO BED... HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG, 960 00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:34,949 HE'D TUCK ME IN AND MAKE SURE I WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG, AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY 961 00:39:34,973 --> 00:39:37,151 WAS AS SNUG AS A BUG IN A RUG, AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY 962 00:39:37,175 --> 00:39:42,089 AND HE'D TUCK ME IN AND HE'D SAY THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA. 963 00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:45,025 THIS LITTLE POEM WRITTEN BY MY GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA. AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED. 964 00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:46,093 GRANDMOTHER, NANA ROSEANNADANNA. AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED. PENCILS ARE LEAD. 965 00:39:46,117 --> 00:39:47,862 AND HE'D SAY, "ROSES ARE RED. PENCILS ARE LEAD. HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU 966 00:39:47,886 --> 00:39:48,596 PENCILS ARE LEAD. HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU GO TO BED. 967 00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:49,664 HERE'S A LITTLE POEM BEFORE YOU GO TO BED. VIOLETS ARE BLUE. 968 00:39:49,688 --> 00:39:50,965 GO TO BED. VIOLETS ARE BLUE. I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE. 969 00:39:50,989 --> 00:39:52,734 VIOLETS ARE BLUE. I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE. IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR 970 00:39:52,758 --> 00:39:53,167 I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE. IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR YOU. 971 00:39:53,191 --> 00:39:54,335 IT'S SOMETHING I WROTE JUST FOR YOU. SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN. 972 00:39:54,359 --> 00:39:55,536 YOU. SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN. CORNED BEEF IS LEAN. 973 00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,271 SHAMROCKS ARE GREEN. CORNED BEEF IS LEAN. YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER 974 00:39:57,295 --> 00:39:57,739 CORNED BEEF IS LEAN. YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN. 975 00:39:57,763 --> 00:39:58,873 YOU'RE THE CUTEST GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN. DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW. 976 00:39:58,897 --> 00:39:59,907 SEEN. DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW. DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW." 977 00:39:59,931 --> 00:40:01,376 DAFFODILS ARE YELLOW. DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW." IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A 978 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:02,377 DONOVAN SINGS "MELLOW." IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW. 979 00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:03,344 IF YOU WERE MY SON, I'D BE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW. TULIPS ARE PINK. 980 00:40:03,368 --> 00:40:04,712 JOLLY GOOD FELLOW. TULIPS ARE PINK. A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK. 981 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:05,646 TULIPS ARE PINK. A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK. ISN'T THIS FUN? 982 00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:06,714 A PLUMBER FIXED MY SINK. ISN'T THIS FUN? WHAT DO YOU THINK? 983 00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:07,782 ISN'T THIS FUN? WHAT DO YOU THINK? CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN. 984 00:40:07,806 --> 00:40:09,149 WHAT DO YOU THINK? CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN. I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN. 985 00:40:09,173 --> 00:40:10,418 CARNATIONS ARE PLAIN. I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN. THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD. 986 00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:12,420 I LEFT A CUPCAKE IN THE RAIN. THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD. TAKE IT, JANE! 987 00:40:12,444 --> 00:40:15,356 THIS IS REALLY GOING GOOD. TAKE IT, JANE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 988 00:40:15,380 --> 00:40:16,357 TAKE IT, JANE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS. 989 00:40:16,381 --> 00:40:17,892 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT 990 00:40:17,916 --> 00:40:18,659 THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. 991 00:40:18,683 --> 00:40:20,528 GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" 992 00:40:20,552 --> 00:40:21,863 TOMORROW. Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS A PRESENTATION OF 993 00:40:21,887 --> 00:40:23,297 Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS A PRESENTATION OF "SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS," 994 00:40:23,321 --> 00:40:24,866 IS A PRESENTATION OF "SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS," KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED 995 00:40:24,890 --> 00:40:27,824 "SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS," KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED FOR OVER 1/50 OF A CENTURY. 996 00:40:31,829 --> 00:40:35,877 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] COME ON, NOVELLO! COME ON! 997 00:40:35,901 --> 00:40:37,545 COME ON, NOVELLO! COME ON! I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING! 998 00:40:37,569 --> 00:40:38,913 COME ON! I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING! GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT! 999 00:40:38,937 --> 00:40:41,215 I KNOW HIM... HE'S NOTHING! GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT! GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO! 1000 00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:41,816 GIVE HIM A GOOD SHOT! GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO! OKAY! 1001 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,018 GIVE HIM A SHOT, NOVELLO! OKAY! ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME 1002 00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:44,886 OKAY! ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME UP THERE. 1003 00:40:44,910 --> 00:40:46,587 ONE MORE TIME, I'M GONNA COME UP THERE. I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR 1004 00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:47,054 UP THERE. I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR FACE. 1005 00:40:47,078 --> 00:40:50,357 I'M GONNA PASS MY HAND BY YOUR FACE. [CROWD JEERS] 1006 00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:52,393 FACE. [CROWD JEERS] [WHISTLE BLOWS] 1007 00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:54,995 [CROWD JEERS] [WHISTLE BLOWS] NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING. 1008 00:40:55,019 --> 00:40:57,197 [WHISTLE BLOWS] NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING. NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING. 1009 00:40:57,221 --> 00:40:59,801 NUMBER 44 YELLOW, FIGHTING. NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING. SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43, 1010 00:40:59,825 --> 00:41:01,969 NUMBER 23 BLUE, FIGHTING. SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43, NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES, 1011 00:41:01,993 --> 00:41:03,003 SALT LAKE PLAYER NUMBER 43, NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES, FIGHTING. 1012 00:41:03,027 --> 00:41:05,506 NOVELLO... FIVE MINUTES, FIGHTING. SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44, 1013 00:41:05,530 --> 00:41:07,742 FIGHTING. SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44, LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES, 1014 00:41:07,766 --> 00:41:12,447 SAN ANTONIO PLAYER NUMBER 44, LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES, FIGHTING. 1015 00:41:12,471 --> 00:41:18,653 LAVIOLETTE, FIVE MINUTES, FIGHTING. [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 1016 00:41:18,677 --> 00:41:20,020 FIGHTING. [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] BREAK IT UP! 1017 00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:21,388 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! 1018 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:22,857 BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! 1019 00:41:22,881 --> 00:41:25,560 BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED! 1020 00:41:25,584 --> 00:41:31,098 BREAK IT UP! OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED! NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW! 1021 00:41:31,122 --> 00:41:32,967 OH, YOU'LL BE FIRED! NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW! FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN. 1022 00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:34,535 NOW, I MEAN IT, NOW! FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN. HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL. 1023 00:41:34,559 --> 00:41:35,803 FRENCH GUY'S AN ANIMAL, MAN. HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL. WHO, LAVIOLETTE? 1024 00:41:35,827 --> 00:41:37,171 HE'S GOT NO CLASS AT ALL. WHO, LAVIOLETTE? OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE 1025 00:41:37,195 --> 00:41:37,839 WHO, LAVIOLETTE? OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE TEXAS FANS. 1026 00:41:37,863 --> 00:41:38,706 OH, HE'S NOT WORSE THAN THOSE TEXAS FANS. I KNOW THAT GUY. 1027 00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:39,540 TEXAS FANS. I KNOW THAT GUY. JEAN LAVIOLETTE. 1028 00:41:39,564 --> 00:41:40,875 I KNOW THAT GUY. JEAN LAVIOLETTE. I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN 1029 00:41:40,899 --> 00:41:41,943 JEAN LAVIOLETTE. I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC. 1030 00:41:41,967 --> 00:41:45,145 I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM IN THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC. WE KNOW EACH OTHER. 1031 00:41:45,169 --> 00:41:48,649 THREE RIVERS, QUEBEC. WE KNOW EACH OTHER. HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP. 1032 00:41:48,673 --> 00:41:50,885 WE KNOW EACH OTHER. HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP. FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN. 1033 00:41:50,909 --> 00:41:52,487 HURTUBISE, TWO MINUTES IS UP. FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN. OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO. 1034 00:41:52,511 --> 00:41:53,354 FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN. OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO. STAY COOL. 1035 00:41:53,378 --> 00:41:55,356 OKAY, DONNY, HERE I GO. STAY COOL. REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS. 1036 00:41:55,380 --> 00:41:57,257 STAY COOL. REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS. OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN! 1037 00:41:57,281 --> 00:41:59,894 REMEMBER, WE'RE PROFESSIONALS. OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN! [WHISTLE BLOWS] 1038 00:41:59,918 --> 00:42:02,363 OKAY, GO, JEAN, GO, JEAN! [WHISTLE BLOWS] NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING. 1039 00:42:02,387 --> 00:42:04,932 [WHISTLE BLOWS] NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING. SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5, 1040 00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:06,066 NUMBER 5 BLUE, HIGH-STICKING. SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5, HURTUBISE. 1041 00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:09,169 SEAGULL'S PLAYER NUMBER 5, HURTUBISE. TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING. 1042 00:42:09,193 --> 00:42:10,571 HURTUBISE. TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING. NO, IT'S OKAY. 1043 00:42:10,595 --> 00:42:11,939 TWO MINUTES FOR HIGH-STICKING. NO, IT'S OKAY. I KNOW THAT GUY. 1044 00:42:11,963 --> 00:42:13,508 NO, IT'S OKAY. I KNOW THAT GUY. HEY. 1045 00:42:13,532 --> 00:42:14,509 I KNOW THAT GUY. HEY. [French-Canadian accent] 1046 00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:16,878 HEY. [French-Canadian accent] çA VA, çA VA... 1047 00:42:16,902 --> 00:42:18,880 [French-Canadian accent] çA VA, çA VA... YOU SPEAK ENGLISH. 1048 00:42:18,904 --> 00:42:20,748 ÇA VA, çA VA... YOU SPEAK ENGLISH. NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS. 1049 00:42:20,772 --> 00:42:22,316 YOU SPEAK ENGLISH. NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS. THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO 1050 00:42:22,340 --> 00:42:23,885 NOT TOO MUCH HERE IN TEXAS. THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH. 1051 00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:25,920 THEY ALL SPEAK ENGLISH HERE, SO I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH. IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A 1052 00:42:25,944 --> 00:42:27,154 I HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH. IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A LOT OF QUEBECERS. 1053 00:42:27,178 --> 00:42:29,089 IN SAN ANTONIO, YOU DON'T FIND A LOT OF QUEBECERS. SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE 1054 00:42:29,113 --> 00:42:29,857 LOT OF QUEBECERS. SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE STINGERS? 1055 00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:31,458 SO THEY TRADED YOU FROM THE STINGERS? OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI 1056 00:42:31,482 --> 00:42:33,193 STINGERS? OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE 1057 00:42:33,217 --> 00:42:34,395 OUAIS, THE CINCINNATI STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE CALIFORNIA SEALS. 1058 00:42:34,419 --> 00:42:36,230 STINGERS ENTRAINé AVEC THE CALIFORNIA SEALS. OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS. 1059 00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:37,798 CALIFORNIA SEALS. OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS. OH, MON DIEU. 1060 00:42:37,822 --> 00:42:38,866 OUAIS, POUR CINQ AMéRICAINS. OH, MON DIEU. ET PUIS TOI? 1061 00:42:38,890 --> 00:42:40,401 OH, MON DIEU. ET PUIS TOI? OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé? 1062 00:42:40,425 --> 00:42:41,936 ET PUIS TOI? OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé? JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES 1063 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:42,937 OU éTIEZ-VOUS ENTRAINé? JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES BIRMINGHAM BULLS à 1064 00:42:42,961 --> 00:42:44,539 JE M'éTAIS ENTRAINé PAR LES BIRMINGHAM BULLS à SALT LAKE CITY. 1065 00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:46,440 BIRMINGHAM BULLS à SALT LAKE CITY. SALT LAKE CITY? 1066 00:42:46,464 --> 00:42:48,308 SALT LAKE CITY. SALT LAKE CITY? WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE? 1067 00:42:48,332 --> 00:42:49,677 SALT LAKE CITY? WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE? QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS? 1068 00:42:49,701 --> 00:42:50,945 WHAT'S IT LIKE UP THERE? QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS? OH, C'EST DU FUN. 1069 00:42:50,969 --> 00:42:52,613 QU'EST-CE QUE T'AS FAIT Là-BAS? OH, C'EST DU FUN. L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT 1070 00:42:52,637 --> 00:42:53,480 OH, C'EST DU FUN. L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT DU SHOPPING. 1071 00:42:53,504 --> 00:42:55,883 L'ANNéE PASSéE Là, J'AI FAIT DU SHOPPING. J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB 1072 00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:58,485 DU SHOPPING. J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER. 1073 00:42:58,509 --> 00:43:00,421 J'AI ACHETé UN COLOR TV, A CB RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER. OH, ME TOO. 1074 00:43:00,445 --> 00:43:02,990 RADIO, MOTOR HOME, WASHER/DRYER. OH, ME TOO. JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS 1075 00:43:03,014 --> 00:43:05,526 OH, ME TOO. JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS 1076 00:43:05,550 --> 00:43:08,328 JE SUIS MARlé UNE BELLE TEXAS COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS 1077 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:09,496 COWGIRL... BLONDE... ET PUIS ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS RANCH HOUSE, EH? 1078 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:10,364 ACHETé UN CHRYSLER, PUIS UN GROS RANCH HOUSE, EH? AH, OUI? 1079 00:43:10,388 --> 00:43:14,168 RANCH HOUSE, EH? AH, OUI? YEAH. 1080 00:43:14,192 --> 00:43:15,903 AH, OUI? YEAH. HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS 1081 00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:16,871 YEAH. HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS HERE IN TEXAS. 1082 00:43:16,895 --> 00:43:17,538 HEY, THEY'VE GOT NICE BOOTS HERE IN TEXAS. YEAH. 1083 00:43:17,562 --> 00:43:20,441 HERE IN TEXAS. YEAH. ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY 1084 00:43:20,465 --> 00:43:21,008 YEAH. ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS. 1085 00:43:21,032 --> 00:43:22,643 ME, I GOT CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS. CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS. 1086 00:43:22,667 --> 00:43:24,378 BOOTS. CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS. HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC? 1087 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:25,780 CUSTOM-MADE COWBOY BOOTS. HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC? YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT 1088 00:43:25,804 --> 00:43:26,747 HEY, YOU BEEN BACK TO QUEBEC? YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT CHRISTMASTIME. 1089 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:28,482 YEAH, I BEEN BACK AT CHRISTMASTIME. MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE 1090 00:43:28,506 --> 00:43:30,317 CHRISTMASTIME. MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM 1091 00:43:30,341 --> 00:43:31,752 MY WHOLE FAMILY... ALL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM CANADA. 1092 00:43:31,776 --> 00:43:33,821 TALKING ABOUT IS SEPARATING FROM CANADA. HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER 1093 00:43:33,845 --> 00:43:35,089 CANADA. HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER AFTER THE GAME. 1094 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:36,724 HEY, LET'S GET HIGH TOGETHER AFTER THE GAME. GET HIGH WITH WHAT? 1095 00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:37,959 AFTER THE GAME. GET HIGH WITH WHAT? AVEC DU POT! 1096 00:43:37,983 --> 00:43:40,160 GET HIGH WITH WHAT? AVEC DU POT! J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN. 1097 00:43:40,184 --> 00:43:42,396 AVEC DU POT! J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN. ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI. 1098 00:43:42,420 --> 00:43:43,497 J'EN AI DU BON POT COLOMBIEN. ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI. à TON RANCH HOUSE? 1099 00:43:43,521 --> 00:43:45,066 ON PEUT FUMER DU POT CHEZ MOI. à TON RANCH HOUSE? OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE. 1100 00:43:45,090 --> 00:43:46,233 À TON RANCH HOUSE? OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE. JE VAIS AVEC VOUS. 1101 00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:48,168 OUAI, à MON RANCH HOUSE. JE VAIS AVEC VOUS. NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE. 1102 00:43:48,192 --> 00:43:50,537 JE VAIS AVEC VOUS. NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE. GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND 1103 00:43:50,561 --> 00:43:52,940 NOVELLO, LAVIOLETTE. GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES. 1104 00:43:52,964 --> 00:43:59,480 GET READY FOR THE FIVE-SECOND COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES. FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE. 1105 00:43:59,504 --> 00:44:00,748 COUNTDOWN OF YOUR PENALTIES. FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE. YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I 1106 00:44:00,772 --> 00:44:02,083 FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE. YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE 1107 00:44:02,107 --> 00:44:05,620 YOU KNOW, JEAN, SOMETIMES I WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT. 1108 00:44:05,644 --> 00:44:07,421 WONDER WHETHER YOU HONESTLY CARE WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT. YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED 1109 00:44:07,445 --> 00:44:08,889 WHETHER WE WIN OR NOT. YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED 400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES. 1110 00:44:08,913 --> 00:44:10,491 YOU KNOW, MAN, I'VE PLAYED 400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES. THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP 1111 00:44:10,515 --> 00:44:12,326 400 PROFESSIONAL GAMES. THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT 1112 00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:13,227 THESE DAYS, I HAVE TO KEEP CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT TEAM I'M ON. 1113 00:44:13,251 --> 00:44:15,062 CHECKING MY JERSEY TO SEE WHAT TEAM I'M ON. YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC, 1114 00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:15,529 TEAM I'M ON. YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC, HUH? 1115 00:44:15,553 --> 00:44:17,264 YEAH, YOU GUYS FROM QUEBEC, HUH? THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S 1116 00:44:17,288 --> 00:44:18,232 HUH? THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S REALLY TOUGH. 1117 00:44:18,256 --> 00:44:20,101 THAT FRENCHMAN... WHOO, HE'S REALLY TOUGH. OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS 1118 00:44:20,125 --> 00:44:20,901 REALLY TOUGH. OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS ARE TOUGH. 1119 00:44:20,925 --> 00:44:23,738 OH, NO, NO, NO, HIS BROTHERS ARE TOUGH. WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL. 1120 00:44:23,762 --> 00:44:26,140 ARE TOUGH. WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL. HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ. 1121 00:44:26,164 --> 00:44:27,241 WE PLAY FOR THE W.H.A., THE NHL. HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ. THE FLQ? 1122 00:44:27,265 --> 00:44:28,943 HIS BROTHERS PLAY FOR THE FLQ. THE FLQ? WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT? 1123 00:44:28,967 --> 00:44:31,012 THE FLQ? WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT? FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE 1124 00:44:31,036 --> 00:44:32,847 WHAT LEAGUE IS THAT? FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE QUéBEC. 1125 00:44:32,871 --> 00:44:35,082 FRONT DE LIBéRATION DE QUéBEC. [SHOUTING] 1126 00:44:35,106 --> 00:44:37,040 QUéBEC. [SHOUTING] [WHISTLE BLOWING] 1127 00:44:59,496 --> 00:45:02,977 GOOD EVENING. WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS CHANNEL "D." 1128 00:45:03,001 --> 00:45:04,745 WELCOME TO CABLE-TV ACCESS CHANNEL "D." THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S 1129 00:45:04,769 --> 00:45:05,946 CHANNEL "D." THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S EXERCISE WORLD." 1130 00:45:05,970 --> 00:45:07,882 THIS IS "E. BUZZ MILLER'S EXERCISE WORLD." I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER. 1131 00:45:07,906 --> 00:45:09,784 EXERCISE WORLD." I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER. SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE, 1132 00:45:09,808 --> 00:45:12,486 I'M YOUR HOST, E. BUZZ MILLER. SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE, IS THE LOVELY 1133 00:45:12,510 --> 00:45:13,688 SITTING TO MY LEFT, OF COURSE, IS THE LOVELY CHRISTY CHRISTINA. 1134 00:45:13,712 --> 00:45:15,189 IS THE LOVELY CHRISTY CHRISTINA. AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE 1135 00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:16,924 CHRISTY CHRISTINA. AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT 1136 00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:18,525 AND, VIEWERS, SHE WILL BE DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON 1137 00:45:18,549 --> 00:45:19,160 DANCING ALL THIS WEEK BACK AT THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON ROUTE 6. 1138 00:45:19,184 --> 00:45:21,328 THE COACHING POLE LOUNGE ON ROUTE 6. SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY. 1139 00:45:21,352 --> 00:45:22,163 ROUTE 6. SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY. HI. 1140 00:45:22,187 --> 00:45:23,430 SAY HI TO OUR VIEWERS, CHRISTY. HI. [GIGGLES] 1141 00:45:23,454 --> 00:45:25,232 HI. [GIGGLES] OKAY, CHRISTY. 1142 00:45:25,256 --> 00:45:26,600 [GIGGLES] OKAY, CHRISTY. NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS 1143 00:45:26,624 --> 00:45:27,267 OKAY, CHRISTY. NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU. 1144 00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:28,435 NOW, EVERYBODY KNOWS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU. HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN, 1145 00:45:28,459 --> 00:45:29,603 GOOD FOR YOU. HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN, MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD 1146 00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:30,971 HELPS KEEP THE WEIGHT DOWN, MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT. 1147 00:45:30,995 --> 00:45:32,206 MUSCLES STRONGER, THE BLOOD CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. 1148 00:45:32,230 --> 00:45:33,540 CIRCULATING... WE ALL KNOW THAT. ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR 1149 00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:33,941 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR THERE. 1150 00:45:33,965 --> 00:45:35,642 CHRISTY, GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR THERE. OKAY. 1151 00:45:35,666 --> 00:45:37,511 THERE. OKAY. OKAY, CHRISTY. 1152 00:45:37,535 --> 00:45:38,179 OKAY. OKAY, CHRISTY. NOW STAND UP. 1153 00:45:38,203 --> 00:45:39,546 OKAY, CHRISTY. NOW STAND UP. I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING 1154 00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:39,947 NOW STAND UP. I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING FIRST. 1155 00:45:39,971 --> 00:45:40,480 I'M GONNA HAVE YOU DO SOMETHING FIRST. STAND UP. 1156 00:45:40,504 --> 00:45:41,749 FIRST. STAND UP. I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS. 1157 00:45:41,773 --> 00:45:43,617 STAND UP. I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS. OH, THAT. 1158 00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:45,086 I WANT YOU TO DO SOME SQUATS. OH, THAT. DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY, 1159 00:45:45,110 --> 00:45:45,820 OH, THAT. DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY, CHRISTY? 1160 00:45:45,844 --> 00:45:46,721 DO SOME SQUATS, OKAY, CHRISTY? THAT'S IT. 1161 00:45:46,745 --> 00:45:47,487 CHRISTY? THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. 1162 00:45:47,511 --> 00:45:49,223 THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE 1163 00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,025 THAT'S IT. THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS, 1164 00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:52,292 THIS EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR THE QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS, WHICH ARE BACK HERE. 1165 00:45:52,316 --> 00:45:53,961 QUADRICEPS AND THE HAMSTRINGS, WHICH ARE BACK HERE. NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY. 1166 00:45:53,985 --> 00:45:55,930 WHICH ARE BACK HERE. NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY. IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT 1167 00:45:55,954 --> 00:45:56,630 NICE HAMSTRINGS, CHRISTY. IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT OR WHAT? 1168 00:45:56,654 --> 00:45:57,631 IS THAT FROM DANCING EVERY NIGHT OR WHAT? I GUESS SO. 1169 00:45:57,655 --> 00:45:58,432 OR WHAT? I GUESS SO. [GIGGLES] 1170 00:45:58,456 --> 00:46:00,267 I GUESS SO. [GIGGLES] OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER 1171 00:46:00,291 --> 00:46:01,668 [GIGGLES] OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER APART AND DO IT FASTER. 1172 00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:02,569 OKAY, NOW PUT YOUR FEET WIDER APART AND DO IT FASTER. LIKE THIS? 1173 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:04,004 APART AND DO IT FASTER. LIKE THIS? THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. 1174 00:46:04,028 --> 00:46:05,840 LIKE THIS? THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE 1175 00:46:05,864 --> 00:46:06,440 THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE FASTER. 1176 00:46:06,464 --> 00:46:08,042 A LITTLE FASTER... JUST A LITTLE FASTER. I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY! 1177 00:46:08,066 --> 00:46:09,543 FASTER. I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY! WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY? 1178 00:46:09,567 --> 00:46:11,612 I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY! WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY? I COULD DO IT ALL DAY. 1179 00:46:11,636 --> 00:46:13,380 WHAT'S THAT, CHRISTY? I COULD DO IT ALL DAY. I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY. 1180 00:46:13,404 --> 00:46:15,015 I COULD DO IT ALL DAY. I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY. OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE 1181 00:46:15,039 --> 00:46:16,583 I BET YOU COULD, CHRISTY. OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO. 1182 00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:18,785 OKAY, WE'VE GOT SOME MORE EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO. GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR THERE. 1183 00:46:18,809 --> 00:46:20,442 OKAY, WE'RE GONNA DO SOME LEG 1184 00:46:20,577 --> 00:46:21,010 LIFTS. 1185 00:46:21,145 --> 00:46:24,480 OKAY, LIFT YOUR LEGS UP. 1186 00:46:24,614 --> 00:46:25,815 SPREAD THEM OUT A LITTLE. 1187 00:46:25,949 --> 00:46:27,316 WIDEN THEM OUT EVERY TIME YOU 1188 00:46:27,450 --> 00:46:27,884 COME UP. 1189 00:46:28,018 --> 00:46:29,018 THAT'S IT, LIKE THAT. 1190 00:46:29,153 --> 00:46:30,586 REMEMBER, EVERYBODY, THESE ARE 1191 00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:31,453 EASY EXERCISES. 1192 00:46:31,588 --> 00:46:32,822 YOU DON'T NEED ANY SPECIAL 1193 00:46:32,956 --> 00:46:34,190 EQUIPMENT UNLESS YOU WANT. 1194 00:46:34,324 --> 00:46:35,691 CHRISTY, CAN YOU THINK OF ANY 1195 00:46:35,826 --> 00:46:37,160 SPECIAL EQUIPMENT THAT MIGHT 1196 00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:38,795 MAKE THIS EXERCISE A LITTLE MORE 1197 00:46:38,929 --> 00:46:39,528 INTERESTING? 1198 00:46:39,663 --> 00:46:40,797 NOT RIGHT NOW. 1199 00:46:40,931 --> 00:46:42,899 WELL, YOU LET ME KNOW IF YOU 1200 00:46:43,033 --> 00:46:43,365 DO. 1201 00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:44,333 [CHUCKLES] 1202 00:46:44,467 --> 00:46:46,769 OKAY, WIDER, CHRISTY, WIDER. 1203 00:46:46,904 --> 00:46:49,839 ROLL OVER ON YOUR SIDE. 1204 00:46:49,973 --> 00:46:50,706 THAT'S IT. 1205 00:46:50,841 --> 00:46:52,408 NOW, THIS IS GOOD FOR THE 1206 00:46:52,542 --> 00:46:54,343 ABDOMINAL MUSCLES, YOUR OUTER 1207 00:46:54,477 --> 00:46:56,445 THIGH, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE 1208 00:46:56,579 --> 00:46:58,514 GRACILIS MUSCLE, OR INNER THIGH. 1209 00:46:58,648 --> 00:47:00,149 CAN I LET MY LEG DOWN? 1210 00:47:00,284 --> 00:47:02,218 BETTER LET ME GET MY HAND OUT 1211 00:47:02,352 --> 00:47:03,886 OF THERE FIRST, CHRISTY. 1212 00:47:04,021 --> 00:47:04,653 [GIGGLES] 1213 00:47:04,788 --> 00:47:05,955 WORKING UP A LITTLE SWEAT 1214 00:47:06,089 --> 00:47:06,789 THERE, CHRISTY? 1215 00:47:06,924 --> 00:47:07,256 YES. 1216 00:47:07,390 --> 00:47:08,457 OKAY, LET'S MOVE ON TO 1217 00:47:08,591 --> 00:47:09,458 SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 1218 00:47:09,592 --> 00:47:10,359 CHRISTY CAME IN. 1219 00:47:10,493 --> 00:47:11,794 SHE'S GOT A SPECIAL EXERCISE SHE 1220 00:47:11,929 --> 00:47:12,929 JUST LEARNED, RIGHT? 1221 00:47:12,963 --> 00:47:13,696 THAT'S RIGHT. 1222 00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:15,564 I DEVELOPED IT MYSELF. 1223 00:47:15,699 --> 00:47:17,166 OKAY, LET'S SEE IT, CHRISTY. 1224 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:19,969 [LAUGHS] 1225 00:47:20,103 --> 00:47:21,737 THIS IS ONE EVERY BROAD SHOULD 1226 00:47:21,872 --> 00:47:23,439 KNOW. 1227 00:47:23,573 --> 00:47:24,733 OKAY, FOR THIS NEXT EXERCISE, 1228 00:47:24,808 --> 00:47:25,888 ALL YOU NEED IS AN ORDINARY 1229 00:47:25,976 --> 00:47:27,216 STRAIGHT-BACKED CHAIR LIKE THIS 1230 00:47:27,311 --> 00:47:28,471 KITCHEN CHAIR I BROUGHT IN MY 1231 00:47:28,545 --> 00:47:29,712 STATION WAGON. 1232 00:47:29,980 --> 00:47:33,760 OKAY, CHRISTY. NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR. 1233 00:47:33,784 --> 00:47:35,162 NOW BEND OVER THE CHAIR LIKE THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR. YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS? 1234 00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,030 THAT, AND LIFT THE CHAIR. YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS? YOU KNOW WHY? 1235 00:47:36,054 --> 00:47:37,531 YOU SEE HOW HARD THAT IS? YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR 1236 00:47:37,555 --> 00:47:39,133 YOU KNOW WHY? 'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR 1237 00:47:39,157 --> 00:47:40,901 'CAUSE IT'S PULLING ON YOUR BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY 1238 00:47:40,925 --> 00:47:42,402 BICEPS, YOUR TRICEPS, LEVATOR SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT 1239 00:47:42,426 --> 00:47:42,870 SCAPULAE MUSCLES, AND ESPECIALLY YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT HERE. 1240 00:47:42,894 --> 00:47:44,538 YOUR PECTORAL MUSCLES RIGHT HERE. LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A 1241 00:47:44,562 --> 00:47:46,240 HERE. LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY. 1242 00:47:46,264 --> 00:47:47,908 LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 1243 00:47:47,932 --> 00:47:50,077 LOT OF THESE, CHRISTY. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING, 1244 00:47:50,101 --> 00:47:50,945 WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING, CHRISTY? 1245 00:47:50,969 --> 00:47:51,611 THIS REMIND YOU OF ANYTHING, CHRISTY? NO. 1246 00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:54,181 CHRISTY? NO. I'LL BET YOU DON'T. 1247 00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:54,915 NO. I'LL BET YOU DON'T. OKAY, VIEWERS. 1248 00:47:54,939 --> 00:47:56,250 I'LL BET YOU DON'T. OKAY, VIEWERS. I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A 1249 00:47:56,274 --> 00:47:56,951 OKAY, VIEWERS. I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A LITTLE BREAK. 1250 00:47:56,975 --> 00:47:58,285 I'M GONNA LET CHRISTY TAKE A LITTLE BREAK. I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH 1251 00:47:58,309 --> 00:47:59,553 LITTLE BREAK. I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF 1252 00:47:59,577 --> 00:48:01,021 I'M GOING TO CLOSE THE SHOW WITH SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE 1253 00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:02,022 SOME SIMPLE PUSHUPS, AND, OF COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE DOING THESE PUSH-UPS. 1254 00:48:02,046 --> 00:48:03,858 COURSE, MYSELF, E. BUZZ, WILL BE DOING THESE PUSH-UPS. THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND 1255 00:48:03,882 --> 00:48:05,059 DOING THESE PUSH-UPS. THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND THEY GO LIKE THIS. 1256 00:48:05,083 --> 00:48:06,961 THEY'RE FINGERTIP PUSH-UPS, AND THEY GO LIKE THIS. CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER 1257 00:48:06,985 --> 00:48:08,229 THEY GO LIKE THIS. CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER HERE AND HELP ME? 1258 00:48:08,253 --> 00:48:09,629 CHRISTY, YOU WANT TO COME UNDER HERE AND HELP ME? I DON'T THINK SO. 1259 00:48:09,653 --> 00:48:11,631 HERE AND HELP ME? I DON'T THINK SO. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER. 1260 00:48:11,655 --> 00:48:13,567 I DON'T THINK SO. WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER. THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING 1261 00:48:13,591 --> 00:48:14,869 WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE LATER. THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING SO LONG, VIEWERS. 1262 00:48:14,893 --> 00:48:16,971 THIS IS E. BUZZ MILLER SAYING SO LONG, VIEWERS. REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY 1263 00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:18,739 SO LONG, VIEWERS. REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU 1264 00:48:18,763 --> 00:48:21,363 REMEMBER, IT'S IMPORTANT TO STAY IN SHAPE... ESPECIALLY YOU BROADS. 1265 00:48:38,982 --> 00:48:44,798 ONCE AGAIN, HERE'S KEITH JARRETT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1266 00:48:44,822 --> 00:48:47,382 KEITH JARRETT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [PIANO PLAYS MID-TEMPO MUSIC] 1267 00:52:49,232 --> 00:52:52,034 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1268 00:53:10,019 --> 00:53:14,501 [HORNS HONKING] GILDA! GILDA, GILDA! 1269 00:53:14,525 --> 00:53:15,769 GILDA! GILDA, GILDA! GILDA! 1270 00:53:15,793 --> 00:53:17,037 GILDA, GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1271 00:53:17,061 --> 00:53:18,738 GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1272 00:53:18,762 --> 00:53:21,363 GILDA! GILDA! [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 1273 00:53:31,107 --> 00:53:33,576 CIAO, MY DARLINGS! 1274 00:53:39,449 --> 00:53:44,831 ELLA. ELLA. GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS! 1275 00:53:44,855 --> 00:53:46,200 ELLA. GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! 1276 00:53:46,224 --> 00:53:47,401 GILDA, BLOW ME A KISS! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! CIAO, MARCELLO. 1277 00:53:47,425 --> 00:53:49,269 I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! CIAO, MARCELLO. STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH? 1278 00:53:49,293 --> 00:53:51,137 CIAO, MARCELLO. STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH? OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL 1279 00:53:51,161 --> 00:53:52,506 STILL SLEEPING WITH GILDA, EH? OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL OF TELEVISION PEOPLE. 1280 00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:53,207 OH, GOD, THIS PLACE IS FULL OF TELEVISION PEOPLE. PIETRO! 1281 00:53:53,231 --> 00:53:54,675 OF TELEVISION PEOPLE. PIETRO! CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR. 1282 00:53:54,699 --> 00:53:56,142 PIETRO! CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR. I'M DYING OF THIRST. 1283 00:53:56,166 --> 00:53:57,977 CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR. I'M DYING OF THIRST. THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS 1284 00:53:58,001 --> 00:53:58,545 I'M DYING OF THIRST. THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS GOOD. 1285 00:53:58,569 --> 00:54:00,614 THE EARLY FITZGERALD WAS GOOD. BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL 1286 00:54:00,638 --> 00:54:02,349 GOOD. BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL REALISM. 1287 00:54:02,373 --> 00:54:04,318 BUT THEN CAME AN ORGY OF BRUTAL REALISM. I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION. 1288 00:54:04,342 --> 00:54:04,984 REALISM. I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION. NEVER. 1289 00:54:05,008 --> 00:54:06,886 I NEVER WATCH TELEVISION. NEVER. I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER. 1290 00:54:06,910 --> 00:54:09,623 NEVER. I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER. ELECTRICITY... EVIL. 1291 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:11,425 I DON'T EVEN OWN A TOASTER. ELECTRICITY... EVIL. IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES. 1292 00:54:11,449 --> 00:54:13,093 ELECTRICITY... EVIL. IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES. OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND 1293 00:54:13,117 --> 00:54:14,928 IT KILLS THE CREATIVE MICROBES. OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID? 1294 00:54:14,952 --> 00:54:16,630 OH, GILDA, DON'T YOU FIND THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID? LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND 1295 00:54:16,654 --> 00:54:17,397 THESE PEOPLE BORING AND STUPID? LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND MAKE LOVE. 1296 00:54:17,421 --> 00:54:18,565 LET US GO TO THE COLISEUM AND MAKE LOVE. IT IS ALMOST DAWN. 1297 00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,234 MAKE LOVE. IT IS ALMOST DAWN. DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO. 1298 00:54:20,258 --> 00:54:20,934 IT IS ALMOST DAWN. DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO. DON'T GO. 1299 00:54:20,958 --> 00:54:22,703 DON'T LEAVE ME, MARCELLO. DON'T GO. I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING 1300 00:54:22,727 --> 00:54:24,271 DON'T GO. I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING TIGRESS. 1301 00:54:24,295 --> 00:54:27,274 I MUST RIDE THIS ENCHANTING TIGRESS. [LAUGHS] 1302 00:54:27,298 --> 00:54:29,243 TIGRESS. [LAUGHS] STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU. 1303 00:54:29,267 --> 00:54:30,844 [LAUGHS] STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU. [GROWLING] 1304 00:54:30,868 --> 00:54:33,780 STAY DOWN WHILE I RIDE YOU. [GROWLING] SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW 1305 00:54:33,804 --> 00:54:35,148 [GROWLING] SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW TO HAVE FUN. 1306 00:54:35,172 --> 00:54:36,750 SHOW THESE BORING PEOPLE HOW TO HAVE FUN. TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO 1307 00:54:36,774 --> 00:54:37,284 TO HAVE FUN. TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO SLEEP. 1308 00:54:37,308 --> 00:54:38,652 TALK AND KISSES, THEN TO SLEEP. THAT'S HIS SPEED... 1309 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:39,853 SLEEP. THAT'S HIS SPEED... FORGET ABOUT IT. 1310 00:54:39,877 --> 00:54:41,355 THAT'S HIS SPEED... FORGET ABOUT IT. JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR 1311 00:54:41,379 --> 00:54:41,955 FORGET ABOUT IT. JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR A DONKEY. 1312 00:54:41,979 --> 00:54:44,224 JUST LIKE A LITTLE HORSE OR A DONKEY. FASTER, FASTER. 1313 00:54:44,248 --> 00:54:45,425 A DONKEY. FASTER, FASTER. YIPPEE! 1314 00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:47,694 FASTER, FASTER. YIPPEE! CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA? 1315 00:54:47,718 --> 00:54:49,263 YIPPEE! CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA? YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE 1316 00:54:49,287 --> 00:54:50,930 CALIFORNIA! CALIFORNIA? YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU 1317 00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:51,632 YOU GOT THE COKE, YOU GOT THE CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU GOT THE... 1318 00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:53,500 CARS, YOU GOT THE QUAALUDES, YOU GOT THE... SLEEP. 1319 00:54:53,524 --> 00:54:54,868 GOT THE... SLEEP. MUST BE A LEO. 1320 00:54:54,892 --> 00:54:56,936 SLEEP. MUST BE A LEO. I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. 1321 00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,672 MUST BE A LEO. I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU. 1322 00:54:58,696 --> 00:55:00,641 I KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU. GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT 1323 00:55:00,665 --> 00:55:01,341 I KISS YOU, I NEED YOU. GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT CHILD. 1324 00:55:01,365 --> 00:55:03,076 GILDA, GILDA, MY BRIGHT CHILD. DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME? 1325 00:55:03,100 --> 00:55:05,178 CHILD. DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME? FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES, 1326 00:55:05,202 --> 00:55:05,746 DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME? FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES, YES. 1327 00:55:05,770 --> 00:55:06,813 FASTER, FASTER, YES, YES, YES. MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT 1328 00:55:06,837 --> 00:55:07,381 YES. MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT SOMETHING. 1329 00:55:07,405 --> 00:55:08,515 MANGIA, MANGIA, EAT SOMETHING. I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT 1330 00:55:08,539 --> 00:55:09,949 SOMETHING. I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT HUNGRY! 1331 00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:10,950 I'M NOT HUNGRY, I'M NOT HUNGRY! All: GILDA! 1332 00:55:10,974 --> 00:55:12,319 HUNGRY! All: GILDA! GILDA! 1333 00:55:12,343 --> 00:55:13,820 All: GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1334 00:55:13,844 --> 00:55:15,289 GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1335 00:55:15,313 --> 00:55:16,590 GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1336 00:55:16,614 --> 00:55:18,592 GILDA! GILDA! GILDA! 1337 00:55:18,616 --> 00:55:21,928 GILDA! GILDA! [SCREAMS] 1338 00:55:21,952 --> 00:55:23,885 GILDA! [SCREAMS] LEAVE ME ALONE! 1339 00:55:34,263 --> 00:55:39,067 YOU'RE STILL FOLLOWING ME? STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! 1340 00:55:45,642 --> 00:55:52,992 I'M JUST TEASING. COME HERE. COME... CLOSER. 1341 00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:56,196 COME HERE. COME... CLOSER. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE 1342 00:55:56,220 --> 00:55:58,097 COME... CLOSER. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE MONKEYS. 1343 00:55:58,121 --> 00:56:01,368 YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE MONKEYS. BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS. 1344 00:56:01,392 --> 00:56:04,504 MONKEYS. BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS. DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY 1345 00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:07,507 BUT LEAVE ME MY DREAMS. DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY TEAR SO EASILY. 1346 00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:10,510 DREAMS ARE LIKE PAPER... THEY TEAR SO EASILY. BUT I LOVE TO PLAY. 1347 00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:18,418 TEAR SO EASILY. BUT I LOVE TO PLAY. BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN. 1348 00:56:18,442 --> 00:56:20,086 BUT I LOVE TO PLAY. BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 1349 00:56:20,110 --> 00:56:22,230 BUT EVERY TIME I PLAY, YOU WIN. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] CIAO. 1350 00:56:55,177 --> 00:57:01,762 THE MAGNA CONCORD HOVERCRAFT SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS "ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST, 1351 00:57:01,786 --> 00:57:08,902 SYSTEMS GROUP PRESENTS "ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST, TINA GEMINI. 1352 00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:10,169 "ARCHAROLOGICUS" WITH YOUR HOST, TINA GEMINI. GOOD EVENING. 1353 00:57:10,193 --> 00:57:12,406 TINA GEMINI. GOOD EVENING. I'M TINA GEMINI. 1354 00:57:12,430 --> 00:57:16,943 GOOD EVENING. I'M TINA GEMINI. ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF 1355 00:57:16,967 --> 00:57:18,612 I'M TINA GEMINI. ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE 1356 00:57:18,636 --> 00:57:20,480 ON APRIL 12, 1962, A GROUP OF EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A 1357 00:57:20,504 --> 00:57:21,915 EXPLORERS WORKING IN THE BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR 1358 00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:24,751 BLISTERING DESERT HEAT IN A SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG 1359 00:57:24,775 --> 00:57:27,454 SMALL COMMUNITY NEAR PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG CORRIDOR. 1360 00:57:27,478 --> 00:57:29,656 PALM SPRINGS ENTERED THIS LONG CORRIDOR. EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY 1361 00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,058 CORRIDOR. EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO 1362 00:57:32,082 --> 00:57:33,794 EXACTLY 50 PACES AWAY, THEY BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO THIS CHAMBER WITHIN. 1363 00:57:33,818 --> 00:57:36,062 BROKE INTO A SEALED OPENING TO THIS CHAMBER WITHIN. THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST 1364 00:57:36,086 --> 00:57:38,398 THIS CHAMBER WITHIN. THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY 1365 00:57:38,422 --> 00:57:41,435 THEY BEHELD SOME OF THE MOST SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE 1366 00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:43,670 SPLENDID EXAMPLES OF FUNERARY RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY, 1367 00:57:43,694 --> 00:57:46,005 RICHES KNOWN TO MANKIND... THE RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY, PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US 1368 00:57:46,029 --> 00:57:48,073 RELICS OF AN AGE GONE BY, PERFECTLY PRESERVED FOR US TODAY. 1369 00:57:48,097 --> 00:57:50,532 JOIN ME AS WE DISCOVER TOGETHER 1370 00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:53,735 THE TREASURES OF MORTON KAMEN. 1371 00:57:58,575 --> 00:58:04,257 AT THE MOMENT OF MORTON KAMEN'S DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO 1372 00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:06,192 DEATH, THE AIR CONDITIONING IN THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING 1373 00:58:06,216 --> 00:58:07,961 THE SEALED CHAMBER WAS SET SO LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN 1374 00:58:07,985 --> 00:58:10,564 LOW THAT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN PERFECTLY PRESERVED. 1375 00:58:10,588 --> 00:58:12,398 HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, HAS BEEN PERFECTLY PRESERVED. ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN 1376 00:58:12,422 --> 00:58:14,100 PERFECTLY PRESERVED. ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY 1377 00:58:14,124 --> 00:58:15,969 ALL WE KNOW ABOUT MORTON KAMEN IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF 1378 00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,370 IS THAT HE WAS AN INCREDIBLY RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS 1379 00:58:17,394 --> 00:58:18,404 RICH MAN WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS CIVILIZATION. 1380 00:58:18,428 --> 00:58:20,440 WITH THE SPOILS OF HIS CIVILIZATION. POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS 1381 00:58:20,464 --> 00:58:22,141 CIVILIZATION. POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL 1382 00:58:22,165 --> 00:58:23,677 POWERFUL AMULETS PROTECTED HIS FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY 1383 00:58:23,701 --> 00:58:25,779 FEET WHILE POTENT ANIMAL SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT 1384 00:58:25,803 --> 00:58:27,814 SYMBOLS, LIKE THE HOLY ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT HIS LIFE. 1385 00:58:27,838 --> 00:58:29,850 ALLIGATOR, WERE USED TO PROTECT HIS LIFE. HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF 1386 00:58:29,874 --> 00:58:31,918 HIS LIFE. HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY 1387 00:58:31,942 --> 00:58:33,887 HE HAD LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW. 1388 00:58:33,911 --> 00:58:35,856 TUNICS LIKE THIS IN VIRTUALLY EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW. THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE 1389 00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:37,891 EVERY COLOR OF THE RAINBOW. THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND 1390 00:58:37,915 --> 00:58:40,026 THE SACRIFICIAL FEASTS WERE PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A 1391 00:58:40,050 --> 00:58:42,328 PREPARED IN THIS VESSEL, AND MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE 1392 00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:44,464 MIRACULOUSLY, THE REMAINS OF A FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS 1393 00:58:44,488 --> 00:58:46,933 FRESH-WATER TUNA FISH AND NOODLE OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED. 1394 00:58:46,957 --> 00:58:49,168 OFFERING ARE AS FRESH TODAY AS THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED. AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF 1395 00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:51,471 THE DAY IT WAS PREPARED. AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN 1396 00:58:51,495 --> 00:58:54,941 AND HERE, THE MOST EXCITING OF THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED, 1397 00:58:54,965 --> 00:58:57,410 THE RICHES IS THE FAMOUS GOLDEN CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED, WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL 1398 00:58:57,434 --> 00:58:59,646 CHARIOT OF MORTON KAMEN, USED, WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT 1399 00:58:59,670 --> 00:59:01,848 WE BELIEVE, IN AN ANCIENT RITUAL UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE 1400 00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:05,952 UTILIZING LONG STICKS TO BAT TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION. 1401 00:59:05,976 --> 00:59:08,254 TINY BALLS INTO HOLES IN THE GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION. ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE 1402 00:59:08,278 --> 00:59:10,557 GROUND FOR PUBLIC ADULATION. ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES 1403 00:59:10,581 --> 00:59:12,091 ANOTHER FIND WAS THIS PRIMITIVE RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES US TO ACTUALLY HEAR 1404 00:59:12,115 --> 00:59:15,328 RECORDING DEVICE, WHICH ENABLES US TO ACTUALLY HEAR MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS 1405 00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:19,265 US TO ACTUALLY HEAR MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS STRANGE MESSAGE. 1406 00:59:19,289 --> 00:59:20,099 MORTON KAMEN'S VOICE AND THIS STRANGE MESSAGE. Hello! 1407 00:59:20,123 --> 00:59:22,335 STRANGE MESSAGE. Hello! Morton and Shirley are out right 1408 00:59:22,359 --> 00:59:24,370 Hello! Morton and Shirley are out right now, but we'll be good to get 1409 00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:26,540 Morton and Shirley are out right now, but we'll be good to get back if you leave your name and 1410 00:59:26,564 --> 00:59:29,208 now, but we'll be good to get back if you leave your name and number after the beep tone. 1411 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,644 Back if you leave your name and number after the beep tone. Have a nice day. 1412 00:59:30,668 --> 00:59:34,581 Number after the beep tone. Have a nice day. [Beep] 1413 00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:36,349 Have a nice day. [Beep] DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY 1414 00:59:36,373 --> 00:59:38,451 [Beep] DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE 1415 00:59:38,475 --> 00:59:40,186 DID THAT BEEP FREQUENCY BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE TO MORTON KAMEN? 1416 00:59:40,210 --> 00:59:41,821 BRAINWASH CALLERS INTO OBEDIENCE TO MORTON KAMEN? YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE 1417 00:59:41,845 --> 00:59:43,523 TO MORTON KAMEN? YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS 1418 00:59:43,547 --> 00:59:46,225 YOU CAN SEE THAT PEOPLE WERE TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS 1419 00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:48,662 TREATED AS SLAVES WITH NUMBERS INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN 1420 00:59:48,686 --> 00:59:51,598 INSTEAD OF NAMES, BUT PERHAPS THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR 1421 00:59:51,622 --> 00:59:57,604 THE MOST ENIGMATIC FIND IN MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS. 1422 00:59:57,628 --> 00:59:59,305 MORTON KAMEN'S TOMB IS THIS PAIR OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS. THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A 1423 00:59:59,329 --> 01:00:00,941 OF ZIPPERED RUBBER UNDERPANTS. THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER 1424 01:00:00,965 --> 01:00:01,975 THEY WERE FOUND HIDDEN IN A COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER CHAMBER. 1425 01:00:01,999 --> 01:00:04,945 COMPARTMENT NEAR THE WATER CHAMBER. ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE 1426 01:00:04,969 --> 01:00:08,414 CHAMBER. ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN. 1427 01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:11,517 ATTACHED TO THEM WAS THE STRANGE CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN. "SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO 1428 01:00:11,541 --> 01:00:16,089 CURSE OF MORTON KAMEN. "SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW." 1429 01:00:16,113 --> 01:00:17,924 "SALE OF THIS NOVELTY ITEM TO MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW." UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE 1430 01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:19,492 MINORS IS FORBIDDEN BY LAW." UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER 1431 01:00:19,516 --> 01:00:21,561 UNTIL WE FULLY DISCOVER THE SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL 1432 01:00:21,585 --> 01:00:23,630 SIGNIFICANCE OF RUBBER UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY 1433 01:00:23,654 --> 01:00:25,398 UNDERWEAR, THIS ADMONITION WILL REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE, 1434 01:00:25,422 --> 01:00:27,533 REMAIN AS MUCH A MYSTERY AS WHY MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN 1435 01:00:27,557 --> 01:00:28,635 MORTON KAMEN AND HIS WIFE, SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN WITH. 1436 01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:31,137 SHIRLEY, WERE PRESERVED TO BEGIN WITH. UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD 1437 01:00:31,161 --> 01:00:33,095 WITH. UNTIL THEN, I BID YOU A GOOD NIGHT. 1438 01:00:53,783 --> 01:00:57,764 HOWARD JOHNSON IS A MEMBER OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND. HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN 1439 01:00:57,788 --> 01:00:58,164 THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND. HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN BAND. 1440 01:00:58,188 --> 01:01:04,303 HE'S HERE TONIGHT WITH HIS OWN BAND. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY. 1441 01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:06,647 BAND. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, GRAVITY. [MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] 1442 01:01:51,774 --> 01:01:53,575 [TEMPO INCREASES] 1443 01:04:31,667 --> 01:04:33,969 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1444 01:04:52,288 --> 01:04:56,202 WELL, THAT'S IT FOR THIS EVENING. IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY, 1445 01:04:56,226 --> 01:04:56,802 EVENING. IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY, WAS IT? 1446 01:04:56,826 --> 01:04:59,672 IT WASN'T SUCH A BAD BOOTH DAY, WAS IT? [APPLAUSE] 1447 01:04:59,696 --> 01:05:01,574 WAS IT? [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 1448 01:05:01,598 --> 01:05:03,209 [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'D LIKE TO THANK 1449 01:05:03,233 --> 01:05:04,911 THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I'D LIKE TO THANK MR. KEITH JARRETT. 1450 01:05:04,935 --> 01:05:07,780 I'D LIKE TO THANK MR. KEITH JARRETT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1451 01:05:07,804 --> 01:05:09,249 MR. KEITH JARRETT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP 1452 01:05:09,273 --> 01:05:09,815 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP GRAVITY! 1453 01:05:09,839 --> 01:05:12,352 HOWARD JOHNSON AND THE GROUP GRAVITY! ALL RIGHT! 1454 01:05:12,376 --> 01:05:14,053 GRAVITY! ALL RIGHT! THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH 1455 01:05:14,077 --> 01:05:14,954 ALL RIGHT! THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH ALL THIS... THE 1456 01:05:14,978 --> 01:05:16,289 THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME THROUGH ALL THIS... THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 1457 01:05:16,313 --> 01:05:17,723 ALL THIS... THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. 1458 01:05:17,747 --> 01:05:21,660 NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS. COME ON IN, GUYS. 1459 01:05:21,684 --> 01:05:23,444 PLAYERS. COME ON IN, GUYS. MR. LORNE MICHAELS. 1460 01:05:34,897 --> 01:05:36,431 Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY 1461 01:05:36,565 --> 01:05:38,400 NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE 1462 01:05:38,534 --> 01:05:40,601 STEVE MARTIN, WITH MUSICAL 1463 01:05:40,736 --> 01:05:43,438 GUEST THE BLUES BROTHERS. 1464 01:05:43,572 --> 01:05:46,007 THIS IS DON PARDO, HIS MOUTH, 1465 01:05:46,142 --> 01:05:47,442 AND HIS MICROPHONE. 1466 01:05:47,576 --> 01:05:49,210 GOOD NIGHT. 158573

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