Original subtitles

Announcer: WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL

SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL PROGRAM.

I'M DON KIRSHNER, AND WELCOME

TO "ROCK CONCERT."

TONIGHT WE HAVE A GROUP THAT'S BEEN AT THE FOREFRONT OF THE R&B... RHYTHM-AND-BLUES... SCENE

BEEN AT THE FOREFRONT OF THE R&B... RHYTHM-AND-BLUES... SCENE FOR A LONG TIME.

R&B... RHYTHM-AND-BLUES... SCENE FOR A LONG TIME. TODAY, WITH THE HELP OF

FOR A LONG TIME. TODAY, WITH THE HELP OF DEE LUSTEN, MO ANTHONY, AND THE

TODAY, WITH THE HELP OF DEE LUSTEN, MO ANTHONY, AND THE STAFF OF CELECTRIC RECORDS,

DEE LUSTEN, MO ANTHONY, AND THE STAFF OF CELECTRIC RECORDS, THEIR MANAGER, MAURY DANIELS,

STAFF OF CELECTRIC RECORDS, THEIR MANAGER, MAURY DANIELS, AND THE WHOLE ROCK DIVISION OF

THEIR MANAGER, MAURY DANIELS, AND THE WHOLE ROCK DIVISION OF THE PROMOTION DEPARTMENT OF ICM,

AND THE WHOLE ROCK DIVISION OF THE PROMOTION DEPARTMENT OF ICM, THEY CONTINUE TO BE AS STRONG A

THE PROMOTION DEPARTMENT OF ICM, THEY CONTINUE TO BE AS STRONG A CREATIVE MUSICAL FORCE AS EVER.

THEY CONTINUE TO BE AS STRONG A CREATIVE MUSICAL FORCE AS EVER. SO NOW LET'S JOIN TINA,

CREATIVE MUSICAL FORCE AS EVER. SO NOW LET'S JOIN TINA, MR. MIKE AND THE MIKETTES...

SO NOW LET'S JOIN TINA, MR. MIKE AND THE MIKETTES... THE "MR. MIKE AND TINA TURNER

MR. MIKE AND THE MIKETTES... THE "MR. MIKE AND TINA TURNER REVUE."

THE "MR. MIKE AND TINA TURNER REVUE." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

EVERY NOW AND THEN, YOU LIKE TO HEAR US DO SOMETHING NICE AND EASY.

TO HEAR US DO SOMETHING NICE AND EASY. ONLY THERE'S JUST ONE THING...

AND EASY. ONLY THERE'S JUST ONE THING... WE NEVER, EVER DO NOTHING NICE

ONLY THERE'S JUST ONE THING... WE NEVER, EVER DO NOTHING NICE AND EASY.

WE NEVER, EVER DO NOTHING NICE AND EASY. WE ONLY DO IT NICE AND ROUGH.

AND EASY. WE ONLY DO IT NICE AND ROUGH. SO WE'RE GONNA TURN THINGS OVER

WE ONLY DO IT NICE AND ROUGH. SO WE'RE GONNA TURN THINGS OVER TO MR. MIKE, WHO'S GONNA DO THE

SO WE'RE GONNA TURN THINGS OVER TO MR. MIKE, WHO'S GONNA DO THE BEGINNING OF THIS SONG NICE AND

TO MR. MIKE, WHO'S GONNA DO THE BEGINNING OF THIS SONG NICE AND EASY.

BEGINNING OF THIS SONG NICE AND EASY. THEN WE'RE GONNA FINISH ROUGH.

EASY. THEN WE'RE GONNA FINISH ROUGH. THIS IS THE WAY WE DO "PROUD

THEN WE'RE GONNA FINISH ROUGH. THIS IS THE WAY WE DO "PROUD MARY."

THIS IS THE WAY WE DO "PROUD MARY." ♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO

MARY." ♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪

♪ DO DO DO-DO-DO DO DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪ MR. MIKE.

DO DO DO-DO-DO DO ♪ MR. MIKE. THIS RABBIT WORKS IN A

MR. MIKE. THIS RABBIT WORKS IN A FACTORY.

THIS RABBIT WORKS IN A FACTORY. ALL OF THE OTHER RABBITS HAVE

FACTORY. ALL OF THE OTHER RABBITS HAVE HAD THEIR EARS AMPUTATED SO THEY

ALL OF THE OTHER RABBITS HAVE HAD THEIR EARS AMPUTATED SO THEY WON'T GET CAUGHT IN THE

HAD THEIR EARS AMPUTATED SO THEY WON'T GET CAUGHT IN THE MACHINERY.

WON'T GET CAUGHT IN THE MACHINERY. BUT THIS ONE RABBIT'S REAL VAIN,

MACHINERY. BUT THIS ONE RABBIT'S REAL VAIN, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO AMPUTATE

BUT THIS ONE RABBIT'S REAL VAIN, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO AMPUTATE HIS EARS.

AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO AMPUTATE HIS EARS. SO HE'S WORKING ON THE LINE, AND

HIS EARS. SO HE'S WORKING ON THE LINE, AND HIS EARS GET CAUGHT IN THIS BIG

SO HE'S WORKING ON THE LINE, AND HIS EARS GET CAUGHT IN THIS BIG WHEEL.

HIS EARS GET CAUGHT IN THIS BIG WHEEL. ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪

WHEEL. ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪

♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ BY THE TIME THEY PULLED HIM

♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ BY THE TIME THEY PULLED HIM OUT OF THE WHEEL, HE LOOKED LIKE

BY THE TIME THEY PULLED HIM OUT OF THE WHEEL, HE LOOKED LIKE TOMATO BISQUE.

OUT OF THE WHEEL, HE LOOKED LIKE TOMATO BISQUE. THE END.

TOMATO BISQUE. THE END. TINA?

THE END. TINA? THAT WASN'T A VERY NICE

TINA? THAT WASN'T A VERY NICE STORY, MR. MIKE.

THAT WASN'T A VERY NICE STORY, MR. MIKE. WELL, I'M NOT A VERY NICE

STORY, MR. MIKE. WELL, I'M NOT A VERY NICE GUY, TINA.

WELL, I'M NOT A VERY NICE GUY, TINA. YOU SEE, EVERY TIME I TRY TO

GUY, TINA. YOU SEE, EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE AND EASY,

YOU SEE, EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE AND EASY, MR. MIKE MAKES ME DO IT ROUGH.

DO SOMETHING NICE AND EASY, MR. MIKE MAKES ME DO IT ROUGH. BECAUSE WE NEVER, EVER DO

MR. MIKE MAKES ME DO IT ROUGH. BECAUSE WE NEVER, EVER DO NOTHING NICE AND EASY.

BECAUSE WE NEVER, EVER DO NOTHING NICE AND EASY. WE ALWAYS DO IT ROUGH!

NOTHING NICE AND EASY. WE ALWAYS DO IT ROUGH! [TEMPO QUICKENS]

♪ LEFT A GOOD JOB IN THE CITY ♪ ♪ WORKIN' FOR THE MAN EVERY NIGHT AND DAY ♪

♪ WORKIN' FOR THE MAN EVERY NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ I NEVER LOST ONE MINUTE

EVERY NIGHT AND DAY ♪ ♪ I NEVER LOST ONE MINUTE OF SLEEPING

♪ I NEVER LOST ONE MINUTE OF SLEEPING WORRYIN' ABOUT THE WAY

OF SLEEPING WORRYIN' ABOUT THE WAY THINGS MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE ♪

WORRYIN' ABOUT THE WAY THINGS MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE ♪ ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪

THINGS MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE ♪ ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪

♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ ♪ AND WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪

♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ ♪ AND WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ AND WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH,

♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH,

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ IF YOU COME DOWN TO THE RIVER, BET YOU'RE GONNA FIND

TO THE RIVER, BET YOU'RE GONNA FIND SOME PEOPLE WHO LIVE ♪

BET YOU'RE GONNA FIND SOME PEOPLE WHO LIVE ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

SOME PEOPLE WHO LIVE ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY ♪

♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY ♪ ♪ PEOPLE ON THE LEVEE

IF YOU HAVE NO MONEY ♪ ♪ PEOPLE ON THE LEVEE ARE HAPPY TO GIVE ♪

♪ PEOPLE ON THE LEVEE ARE HAPPY TO GIVE ♪ ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪

ARE HAPPY TO GIVE ♪ ♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪

♪ BIG WHEEL KEEP ON TURNIN' ♪ ♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ PROUD MARY, KEEP ON BURNIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ I SAID WE'RE ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪ ♪ I SAID ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ I SAID ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' ON THE RIVER ♪

♪ WHAAAAA ♪ LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ROBERT KLEIN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHOO!

THANK YOU. WELCOME TO OUR SHOW. YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT

WELCOME TO OUR SHOW. YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT OF TIME SINCE I'VE DONE THE SHOW

YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT OF TIME SINCE I'VE DONE THE SHOW LAST, AND IT WAS SO

OF TIME SINCE I'VE DONE THE SHOW LAST, AND IT WAS SO DISORGANIZED.

LAST, AND IT WAS SO DISORGANIZED. I DID ONE OF THE FIRST ONES, AND

DISORGANIZED. I DID ONE OF THE FIRST ONES, AND NO ONE KNEW WHAT THEY WERE

I DID ONE OF THE FIRST ONES, AND NO ONE KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING, AND YOU CAN DECIDE FOR

NO ONE KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING, AND YOU CAN DECIDE FOR YOURSELF TONIGHT AFTER THIS MANY

DOING, AND YOU CAN DECIDE FOR YOURSELF TONIGHT AFTER THIS MANY SHOWS.

YOURSELF TONIGHT AFTER THIS MANY SHOWS. WONDERFUL TO BE BACK AND BE AT

SHOWS. WONDERFUL TO BE BACK AND BE AT HOME IN MY HOMETOWN, AND NOT BE,

WONDERFUL TO BE BACK AND BE AT HOME IN MY HOMETOWN, AND NOT BE, UH...

HOME IN MY HOMETOWN, AND NOT BE, UH... [APPLAUSE]

UH... [APPLAUSE] I DON'T MIND SIDESTEPPING THE

[APPLAUSE] I DON'T MIND SIDESTEPPING THE DOG DOODY EVERYWHERE I WALK.

I DON'T MIND SIDESTEPPING THE DOG DOODY EVERYWHERE I WALK. IT'S FUN.

DOG DOODY EVERYWHERE I WALK. IT'S FUN. "SORRY, BE RIGHT WITH YOU."

IT'S FUN. "SORRY, BE RIGHT WITH YOU." SOME OF YOU KNOW... I PLAY A LOT

"SORRY, BE RIGHT WITH YOU." SOME OF YOU KNOW... I PLAY A LOT OF COLLEGE CONCERTS, AND IT

SOME OF YOU KNOW... I PLAY A LOT OF COLLEGE CONCERTS, AND IT KEEPS ME YOUNG.

OF COLLEGE CONCERTS, AND IT KEEPS ME YOUNG. IT KEEPS ME COLLEGIATE, YOU

KEEPS ME YOUNG. IT KEEPS ME COLLEGIATE, YOU KNOW?

IT KEEPS ME COLLEGIATE, YOU KNOW? I WENT TO A SMALL SCHOOL, A VERY

KNOW? I WENT TO A SMALL SCHOOL, A VERY OBSCURE SCHOOL NAMED ALFRED,

I WENT TO A SMALL SCHOOL, A VERY OBSCURE SCHOOL NAMED ALFRED, AND, UH...

OBSCURE SCHOOL NAMED ALFRED, AND, UH... [LAUGHTER AND LIGHT APPLAUSE]

AND, UH... [LAUGHTER AND LIGHT APPLAUSE] GOOD FOR SEVEN CLAPS AT THE

[LAUGHTER AND LIGHT APPLAUSE] GOOD FOR SEVEN CLAPS AT THE "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" SHOW.

GOOD FOR SEVEN CLAPS AT THE "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" SHOW. GOOD FOR ABOUT NINE CLAPS AT

"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" SHOW. GOOD FOR ABOUT NINE CLAPS AT ALFRED UNIVERSITY.

GOOD FOR ABOUT NINE CLAPS AT ALFRED UNIVERSITY. I WENT THERE BECAUSE THEY HAD A

ALFRED UNIVERSITY. I WENT THERE BECAUSE THEY HAD A WONDERFUL BROCHURE, WITH

I WENT THERE BECAUSE THEY HAD A WONDERFUL BROCHURE, WITH HANDSOME PEOPLE WALKING ON THE

WONDERFUL BROCHURE, WITH HANDSOME PEOPLE WALKING ON THE CAMPUS CARRYING BOOKS WITH NICE

HANDSOME PEOPLE WALKING ON THE CAMPUS CARRYING BOOKS WITH NICE WRITING UNDERNEATH IT...

CAMPUS CARRYING BOOKS WITH NICE WRITING UNDERNEATH IT... "WALKING ON THE CAMPUS CARRYING

WRITING UNDERNEATH IT... "WALKING ON THE CAMPUS CARRYING BOOKS IS A FAVORITE PASTIME OF

"WALKING ON THE CAMPUS CARRYING BOOKS IS A FAVORITE PASTIME OF ALFRED STUDENTS."

BOOKS IS A FAVORITE PASTIME OF ALFRED STUDENTS." SUCKERED ME RIGHT IN THERE.

ALFRED STUDENTS." SUCKERED ME RIGHT IN THERE. PLUS, THE "LOVEJOY'S COLLEGE

SUCKERED ME RIGHT IN THERE. PLUS, THE "LOVEJOY'S COLLEGE GUIDE" SAID THEY WOULD ACCEPT

PLUS, THE "LOVEJOY'S COLLEGE GUIDE" SAID THEY WOULD ACCEPT YOU IF YOU WERE IN THE TOP

GUIDE" SAID THEY WOULD ACCEPT YOU IF YOU WERE IN THE TOP 83 PERCENT OF YOUR CLASS, WHICH

YOU IF YOU WERE IN THE TOP 83 PERCENT OF YOUR CLASS, WHICH WAS...

83 PERCENT OF YOUR CLASS, WHICH WAS... THE BROCHURE WAS NICE.

WAS... THE BROCHURE WAS NICE. ALWAYS STUDENTS IN BROCHURES

THE BROCHURE WAS NICE. ALWAYS STUDENTS IN BROCHURES LOOK UP TOWARDS THE FUTURE.

ALWAYS STUDENTS IN BROCHURES LOOK UP TOWARDS THE FUTURE. YOU KNOW, "STUDYING FOR

LOOK UP TOWARDS THE FUTURE. YOU KNOW, "STUDYING FOR FINALS"...

YOU KNOW, "STUDYING FOR FINALS"... "PARTIES"...

FINALS"... "PARTIES"... THEY NEVER HAVE ONES LIKE...

"PARTIES"... THEY NEVER HAVE ONES LIKE... "GOD, I MAY BE PREGNANT."

THEY NEVER HAVE ONES LIKE... "GOD, I MAY BE PREGNANT." ALWAYS HAVE THEM LIKE THAT.

"GOD, I MAY BE PREGNANT." ALWAYS HAVE THEM LIKE THAT. IT WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE

ALWAYS HAVE THEM LIKE THAT. IT WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE GOING TO SCHOOL IN A PLACE SO

IT WAS A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE GOING TO SCHOOL IN A PLACE SO RURAL.

GOING TO SCHOOL IN A PLACE SO RURAL. IT'S A VERY RURAL, FARM, LITTLE

RURAL. IT'S A VERY RURAL, FARM, LITTLE COMMUNITY, AND THIS WAS QUITE A

IT'S A VERY RURAL, FARM, LITTLE COMMUNITY, AND THIS WAS QUITE A FEW YEARS AGO.

COMMUNITY, AND THIS WAS QUITE A FEW YEARS AGO. AND I GOT OFF THE TRAIN WITH A

FEW YEARS AGO. AND I GOT OFF THE TRAIN WITH A COUPLE OF SUITCASES LIKE

AND I GOT OFF THE TRAIN WITH A COUPLE OF SUITCASES LIKE HOLDEN CAULFIELD, AND I SEE...

COUPLE OF SUITCASES LIKE HOLDEN CAULFIELD, AND I SEE... [MOOS]

HOLDEN CAULFIELD, AND I SEE... [MOOS] IT'S FOUR YEARS.

[MOOS] IT'S FOUR YEARS. I GET TO THE DORMITORY FROM A

IT'S FOUR YEARS. I GET TO THE DORMITORY FROM A BUS RIDE, AND THEY TAKE US INTO

I GET TO THE DORMITORY FROM A BUS RIDE, AND THEY TAKE US INTO THE DORMITORY AND [MOOS]

BUS RIDE, AND THEY TAKE US INTO THE DORMITORY AND [MOOS] "ARE-ARE THESE THE DORMITORIES?"

THE DORMITORY AND [MOOS] "ARE-ARE THESE THE DORMITORIES?" "YES, SIR.

"ARE-ARE THESE THE DORMITORIES?" "YES, SIR. JUST SHOO THEM AWAY.

"YES, SIR. JUST SHOO THEM AWAY. THEY'LL GO.

JUST SHOO THEM AWAY. THEY'LL GO. COWS DON'T BOTHER YA NONE."

THEY'LL GO. COWS DON'T BOTHER YA NONE." AND THEY MADE FUN OF THE WAY I

COWS DON'T BOTHER YA NONE." AND THEY MADE FUN OF THE WAY I SPOKE.

AND THEY MADE FUN OF THE WAY I SPOKE. "HEY, NEW YOHK, TOHK, MWOHK..."

SPOKE. "HEY, NEW YOHK, TOHK, MWOHK..." JUST WHAT I NEEDED AT 17, 16.

"HEY, NEW YOHK, TOHK, MWOHK..." JUST WHAT I NEEDED AT 17, 16. OF COURSE, THEY SPOKE FINE.

JUST WHAT I NEEDED AT 17, 16. OF COURSE, THEY SPOKE FINE. "HEY, MY FATHER GAVE ME A

OF COURSE, THEY SPOKE FINE. "HEY, MY FATHER GAVE ME A 'DALLAR' TO GET MARRIED IN

"HEY, MY FATHER GAVE ME A 'DALLAR' TO GET MARRIED IN 'BAFFALO, ' AND I'M GOING NEXT

'DALLAR' TO GET MARRIED IN 'BAFFALO, ' AND I'M GOING NEXT WEEK IF YOU WANNA..."

'BAFFALO, ' AND I'M GOING NEXT WEEK IF YOU WANNA..." THEY CALLED ME "HEY, BAB."

WEEK IF YOU WANNA..." THEY CALLED ME "HEY, BAB." FOR THREE YEARS I DIDN'T KNOW

THEY CALLED ME "HEY, BAB." FOR THREE YEARS I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE TALKING TO.

FOR THREE YEARS I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE TALKING TO. "HEY, BYAB."

WHO THEY WERE TALKING TO. "HEY, BYAB." I DIDN'T KNOW WHO "BYAB" IS.

"HEY, BYAB." I DIDN'T KNOW WHO "BYAB" IS. BUT I HAD TO LEARN AND GROW.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO "BYAB" IS. BUT I HAD TO LEARN AND GROW. A LITTLE THING I ENCOUNTERED

BUT I HAD TO LEARN AND GROW. A LITTLE THING I ENCOUNTERED THERE THAT I REALLY HADN'T

A LITTLE THING I ENCOUNTERED THERE THAT I REALLY HADN'T ENCOUNTERED BEFORE...

THERE THAT I REALLY HADN'T ENCOUNTERED BEFORE... ANTISEMITISM.

ENCOUNTERED BEFORE... ANTISEMITISM. WELL, NOTHING... IT WAS SUBTLE,

ANTISEMITISM. WELL, NOTHING... IT WAS SUBTLE, NOTHING YOU COULD PUT YOUR

WELL, NOTHING... IT WAS SUBTLE, NOTHING YOU COULD PUT YOUR FINGER ON.

NOTHING YOU COULD PUT YOUR FINGER ON. SUBTLE, TO BE SURE.

FINGER ON. SUBTLE, TO BE SURE. "HEY, JEW-BOY!

SUBTLE, TO BE SURE. "HEY, JEW-BOY! WHERE YOU GOIN', JEW-BOY?

"HEY, JEW-BOY! WHERE YOU GOIN', JEW-BOY? HIGH HOLY DAY?"

WHERE YOU GOIN', JEW-BOY? HIGH HOLY DAY?" [HUMS SUSPENSEFUL TUNE]

HIGH HOLY DAY?" [HUMS SUSPENSEFUL TUNE] JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

[HUMS SUSPENSEFUL TUNE] JUST WHAT I NEEDED. I WANTED TO MEET THE GUY NEXT

JUST WHAT I NEEDED. I WANTED TO MEET THE GUY NEXT DOOR IN THE DORMITORY.

I WANTED TO MEET THE GUY NEXT DOOR IN THE DORMITORY. HE WAS DECORATING HIS ROOM WITH

DOOR IN THE DORMITORY. HE WAS DECORATING HIS ROOM WITH A SWASTIKA MOBILE.

HE WAS DECORATING HIS ROOM WITH A SWASTIKA MOBILE. AND I REMEMBER A BRIEF PHONE

A SWASTIKA MOBILE. AND I REMEMBER A BRIEF PHONE CALL HOME TO MY PARENTS.

AND I REMEMBER A BRIEF PHONE CALL HOME TO MY PARENTS. "GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

CALL HOME TO MY PARENTS. "GET ME OUTTA HERE!" SOMETHING TENSE WITH VEINS

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" SOMETHING TENSE WITH VEINS BURSTING.

SOMETHING TENSE WITH VEINS BURSTING. BUT ONE OF THE GUTSIEST THINGS

BURSTING. BUT ONE OF THE GUTSIEST THINGS I EVER DID EVENTUALLY WAS PLAY

BUT ONE OF THE GUTSIEST THINGS I EVER DID EVENTUALLY WAS PLAY SHYLOCK IN "THE MERCHANT OF

I EVER DID EVENTUALLY WAS PLAY SHYLOCK IN "THE MERCHANT OF VENICE" IN THE DRAMA CLUB THERE.

SHYLOCK IN "THE MERCHANT OF VENICE" IN THE DRAMA CLUB THERE. AND THOSE OF YOU WHO REMEMBER

VENICE" IN THE DRAMA CLUB THERE. AND THOSE OF YOU WHO REMEMBER THE OLD PLAY, SHYLOCK IS THE OLD

AND THOSE OF YOU WHO REMEMBER THE OLD PLAY, SHYLOCK IS THE OLD JEW IN THE SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY,

THE OLD PLAY, SHYLOCK IS THE OLD JEW IN THE SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY, AND NO ONE LIKES HIM.

JEW IN THE SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY, AND NO ONE LIKES HIM. HE'S NOT EXACTLY A PUSSYCAT, BUT

AND NO ONE LIKES HIM. HE'S NOT EXACTLY A PUSSYCAT, BUT HE CERTAINLY IS JUSTIFIED,

HE'S NOT EXACTLY A PUSSYCAT, BUT HE CERTAINLY IS JUSTIFIED, BECAUSE HE'S BEEN WRONGED.

HE CERTAINLY IS JUSTIFIED, BECAUSE HE'S BEEN WRONGED. PEOPLE REALLY TREATED HIM BADLY.

BECAUSE HE'S BEEN WRONGED. PEOPLE REALLY TREATED HIM BADLY. AND THERE'S A WONDERFUL SCENE IN

PEOPLE REALLY TREATED HIM BADLY. AND THERE'S A WONDERFUL SCENE IN THE FOURTH ACT... YOU ALL

AND THERE'S A WONDERFUL SCENE IN THE FOURTH ACT... YOU ALL REMEMBER.

THE FOURTH ACT... YOU ALL REMEMBER. THERE'LL BE A TEST ON THIS

REMEMBER. THERE'LL BE A TEST ON THIS AFTERWARDS, BY THE WAY.

THERE'LL BE A TEST ON THIS AFTERWARDS, BY THE WAY. IT'S GONNA BE A MULTIPLE CHOICE.

AFTERWARDS, BY THE WAY. IT'S GONNA BE A MULTIPLE CHOICE. NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.

IT'S GONNA BE A MULTIPLE CHOICE. NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE,

NO, I'M JUST KIDDING. I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE, ONE THAT'S EASY LIKE,

I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE, ONE THAT'S EASY LIKE, "MOUNT EVEREST, MOUNT WHITNEY,

ONE THAT'S EASY LIKE, "MOUNT EVEREST, MOUNT WHITNEY, MOUNT McKINLEY, A RAISIN."

"MOUNT EVEREST, MOUNT WHITNEY, MOUNT McKINLEY, A RAISIN." I LIKE THAT KIND OF...

MOUNT McKINLEY, A RAISIN." I LIKE THAT KIND OF... I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE.

I LIKE THAT KIND OF... I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE. I'M PUTTING ON THE SHAKESPEAREAN

I LIKE AN EASY MULTIPLE CHOICE. I'M PUTTING ON THE SHAKESPEAREAN CAPE FOR THIS SCENE.

I'M PUTTING ON THE SHAKESPEAREAN CAPE FOR THIS SCENE. LET ME REPEAT IT FOR YOU.

CAPE FOR THIS SCENE. LET ME REPEAT IT FOR YOU. CROWDED AUDIENCE OF HOSTILE,

LET ME REPEAT IT FOR YOU. CROWDED AUDIENCE OF HOSTILE, SLIGHTLY NARROW-MINDED PEOPLE UP

CROWDED AUDIENCE OF HOSTILE, SLIGHTLY NARROW-MINDED PEOPLE UP THERE IN THAT LITTLE...

SLIGHTLY NARROW-MINDED PEOPLE UP THERE IN THAT LITTLE... IT'S A 17-YEAR-OLD KID TRYING TO

THERE IN THAT LITTLE... IT'S A 17-YEAR-OLD KID TRYING TO PLAY AN OLD MAN.

IT'S A 17-YEAR-OLD KID TRYING TO PLAY AN OLD MAN. YOU PUT ON THAT QUICK PALSY

PLAY AN OLD MAN. YOU PUT ON THAT QUICK PALSY SHAKE THAT A BAD DRAMA STUDENT

YOU PUT ON THAT QUICK PALSY SHAKE THAT A BAD DRAMA STUDENT DOES TO LOOK OLD IN A HURRY, YOU

SHAKE THAT A BAD DRAMA STUDENT DOES TO LOOK OLD IN A HURRY, YOU KNOW?

DOES TO LOOK OLD IN A HURRY, YOU KNOW? I WAS SO CONSCIENTIOUS, THOUGH.

KNOW? I WAS SO CONSCIENTIOUS, THOUGH. I PUT THE EXACT PLACE IN MY

I WAS SO CONSCIENTIOUS, THOUGH. I PUT THE EXACT PLACE IN MY SCRIPT WHERE I WANTED THE PALSY

I PUT THE EXACT PLACE IN MY SCRIPT WHERE I WANTED THE PALSY SHAKE... "PALSY SHAKE RIGHT

SCRIPT WHERE I WANTED THE PALSY SHAKE... "PALSY SHAKE RIGHT HERE."

SHAKE... "PALSY SHAKE RIGHT HERE." PROBABLY EVEN BLEW THE ERASER

HERE." PROBABLY EVEN BLEW THE ERASER THING.

PROBABLY EVEN BLEW THE ERASER THING. "PALSY SHAKE."

THING. "PALSY SHAKE." FIRST THE USUAL PRELIMINARIES IN

"PALSY SHAKE." FIRST THE USUAL PRELIMINARIES IN MOST SHAKESPEARE... "FORSOOTH ME

FIRST THE USUAL PRELIMINARIES IN MOST SHAKESPEARE... "FORSOOTH ME NOT.

MOST SHAKESPEARE... "FORSOOTH ME NOT. OUR SWEET MERCUTIO IS DEAD, THAT

NOT. OUR SWEET MERCUTIO IS DEAD, THAT GALLANT SPIRIT HATH ASPIRED THE

OUR SWEET MERCUTIO IS DEAD, THAT GALLANT SPIRIT HATH ASPIRED THE CLOUDS, WHICH ALL TOO SOON DID

GALLANT SPIRIT HATH ASPIRED THE CLOUDS, WHICH ALL TOO SOON DID KNOW HIS FATE."

CLOUDS, WHICH ALL TOO SOON DID KNOW HIS FATE." THEY SPIT AT THE FIRST TWO ROWS.

KNOW HIS FATE." THEY SPIT AT THE FIRST TWO ROWS. THIS WONDERFUL SPEECH OF

THEY SPIT AT THE FIRST TWO ROWS. THIS WONDERFUL SPEECH OF SHAKESPEARE'S, WHERE HE EQUATES

THIS WONDERFUL SPEECH OF SHAKESPEARE'S, WHERE HE EQUATES ALL PEOPLE... AREN'T WE ALL

SHAKESPEARE'S, WHERE HE EQUATES ALL PEOPLE... AREN'T WE ALL HUMAN BEINGS?

ALL PEOPLE... AREN'T WE ALL HUMAN BEINGS? IT'S A WONDERFUL...

HUMAN BEINGS? IT'S A WONDERFUL... LISTEN CLOSELY.

IT'S A WONDERFUL... LISTEN CLOSELY. I'M SURE YOU'LL BE REPEATING IT

LISTEN CLOSELY. I'M SURE YOU'LL BE REPEATING IT OFTEN YOURSELF.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE REPEATING IT OFTEN YOURSELF. NOT TO MENTION THERE WILL BE A

OFTEN YOURSELF. NOT TO MENTION THERE WILL BE A TEST.

NOT TO MENTION THERE WILL BE A TEST. "HATH NOT A JEW EYES?

TEST. "HATH NOT A JEW EYES? HATH NOT A JEW HANDS, ORGANS,

"HATH NOT A JEW EYES? HATH NOT A JEW HANDS, ORGANS, SENSES, DIMENSIONS, AFFECTIONS,

HATH NOT A JEW HANDS, ORGANS, SENSES, DIMENSIONS, AFFECTIONS, PASSIONS?"

SENSES, DIMENSIONS, AFFECTIONS, PASSIONS?" PALSY SHAKE.

PASSIONS?" PALSY SHAKE. "PASSIONS?"

PALSY SHAKE. "PASSIONS?" A GOOD PLACE FOR THE...

"PASSIONS?" A GOOD PLACE FOR THE... "FED WITH THE SAME FOOD, HURT

A GOOD PLACE FOR THE... "FED WITH THE SAME FOOD, HURT WITH THE SAME WEAPONS, WARMED

"FED WITH THE SAME FOOD, HURT WITH THE SAME WEAPONS, WARMED AND COOLED BY THE SAME WINTER

WITH THE SAME WEAPONS, WARMED AND COOLED BY THE SAME WINTER AND SUMMER AS A CHRISTIAN IS?"

AND COOLED BY THE SAME WINTER AND SUMMER AS A CHRISTIAN IS?" AND THE AUDIENCE SAID, "NO,

AND SUMMER AS A CHRISTIAN IS?" AND THE AUDIENCE SAID, "NO, JEW-BOY!

AND THE AUDIENCE SAID, "NO, JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY!

JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! GET HIM!"

JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! JEW-BOY! GET HIM!" [APPLAUSE]

"HE'S UP BY THE FRATERNITY HOUSE! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!"

HOUSE! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" AND I KEPT ON THINKING OF THAT

WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!" AND I KEPT ON THINKING OF THAT DAMN BROCHURE.

AND I KEPT ON THINKING OF THAT DAMN BROCHURE. I DON'T REMEMBER ANY PICTURE OF

DAMN BROCHURE. I DON'T REMEMBER ANY PICTURE OF "BEING CHASED BY NAZIS ON THE

I DON'T REMEMBER ANY PICTURE OF "BEING CHASED BY NAZIS ON THE QUAD."

"BEING CHASED BY NAZIS ON THE QUAD." [APPLAUSE]

QUAD." [APPLAUSE] TELL YOU WHAT.

[APPLAUSE] TELL YOU WHAT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

TELL YOU WHAT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'LL HAVE A TUNA-SALAD SANDWICH AND AN ORDER OF FRENCH FRIES, PLEASE.

SANDWICH AND AN ORDER OF FRENCH FRIES, PLEASE. NO. NO TUNA.

FRIES, PLEASE. NO. NO TUNA. YOU'RE OUT OF TUNA?

NO. NO TUNA. YOU'RE OUT OF TUNA? NO TUNA.

YOU'RE OUT OF TUNA? NO TUNA. CHEESEBURGER?

NO TUNA. CHEESEBURGER? UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

CHEESEBURGER? UH, WAIT A MINUTE. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

UH, WAIT A MINUTE. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON! WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY. WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER,

WE AIN'T GOT ALL DAY. WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER, TURNOVER.

WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER, TURNOVER. OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE?

TURNOVER. OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE? I THINK I'LL HAVE GRILLED

OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE? I THINK I'LL HAVE GRILLED CHEESE AND A COKE.

I THINK I'LL HAVE GRILLED CHEESE AND A COKE. UH...

CHEESE AND A COKE. UH... GRILLED CHEESE?

UH... GRILLED CHEESE? NO GRILLED CHEESE.

GRILLED CHEESE? NO GRILLED CHEESE. NO GRILLED CHEESE.

NO GRILLED CHEESE. NO GRILLED CHEESE. CHEESEBURGER AND A COKE.

NO GRILLED CHEESE. CHEESEBURGER AND A COKE. UH, NO COKE... PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER AND A COKE. UH, NO COKE... PEPSI. OKAY, PEPSI AND FRENCH FRIES.

UH, NO COKE... PEPSI. OKAY, PEPSI AND FRENCH FRIES. NO FRIES... CHIPS.

OKAY, PEPSI AND FRENCH FRIES. NO FRIES... CHIPS. OKAY, CHIPS.

NO FRIES... CHIPS. OKAY, CHIPS. ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI,

OKAY, CHIPS. ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI, ONE CHIP!

ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI, ONE CHIP! CHEESEBURGER!

ONE CHIP! CHEESEBURGER! PEPSI, CHIP!

CHEESEBURGER! PEPSI, CHIP! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

PEPSI, CHIP! WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER AND

WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER AND A SMALL COKE.

I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER AND A SMALL COKE. UH, NO COKE... PEPSI.

A SMALL COKE. UH, NO COKE... PEPSI. PEPSI.

UH, NO COKE... PEPSI. PEPSI. ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI!

PEPSI. ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI! CHEESEBURGER!

ONE CHEESEBURGER, ONE PEPSI! CHEESEBURGER! PEPSI!

CHEESEBURGER! PEPSI! CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

PEPSI! CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, FOUR PEPSI, TWO

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, FOUR PEPSI, TWO CHIP.

CHEESEBURGER, FOUR PEPSI, TWO CHIP. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

CHIP. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER!

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER! TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP.

CHEESEBURGER! TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. HI YA, PETE.

TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. HI YA, PETE. I'LL HAVE THE USUAL.

HI YA, PETE. I'LL HAVE THE USUAL. CHEESEBURGER!

I'LL HAVE THE USUAL. CHEESEBURGER! CHEESEBURGER!

CHEESEBURGER! CHEESEBURGER! HEY, I GET MIXED UP.

CHEESEBURGER! HEY, I GET MIXED UP. IS HE YOUR BROTHER?

HEY, I GET MIXED UP. IS HE YOUR BROTHER? HIM? NO.

IS HE YOUR BROTHER? HIM? NO. MY BROTHER, MIKE, HE'S IN THE

HIM? NO. MY BROTHER, MIKE, HE'S IN THE BACK.

MY BROTHER, MIKE, HE'S IN THE BACK. GEORGE HERE IS MY FIRST COUSIN,

BACK. GEORGE HERE IS MY FIRST COUSIN, BUT I TREAT HIM LIKE A BROTHER.

GEORGE HERE IS MY FIRST COUSIN, BUT I TREAT HIM LIKE A BROTHER. SANDY, SHE'S MY SECOND COUSIN.

BUT I TREAT HIM LIKE A BROTHER. SANDY, SHE'S MY SECOND COUSIN. I TREAT HER LIKE A FIRST COUSIN.

SANDY, SHE'S MY SECOND COUSIN. I TREAT HER LIKE A FIRST COUSIN. HIM... HE'S MY THIRD COUSIN.

I TREAT HER LIKE A FIRST COUSIN. HIM... HE'S MY THIRD COUSIN. I TREAT LIKE A FOURTH COUSIN,

HIM... HE'S MY THIRD COUSIN. I TREAT LIKE A FOURTH COUSIN, BECAUSE HE'S VLAHOS.

I TREAT LIKE A FOURTH COUSIN, BECAUSE HE'S VLAHOS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

BECAUSE HE'S VLAHOS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? WHAT? IT MEANS STUPID.

WHAT? IT MEANS STUPID. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

IT MEANS STUPID. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, TWO CHIPS.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, TWO CHIPS. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

CHEESEBURGER, TWO CHIPS. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. ONE PEPSI.

CHEESEBURGER. ONE PEPSI. TWO CHIP, ONE PEPSI.

ONE PEPSI. TWO CHIP, ONE PEPSI. WHAT TO DRINK?

TWO CHIP, ONE PEPSI. WHAT TO DRINK? I'LL HAVE A SMALL ORANGE.

WHAT TO DRINK? I'LL HAVE A SMALL ORANGE. NO ORANGE TODAY.

I'LL HAVE A SMALL ORANGE. NO ORANGE TODAY. WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

NO ORANGE TODAY. WHAT DO YOU HAVE? PEPSI.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? PEPSI. OH, OKAY.

PEPSI. OH, OKAY. OKAY, PEPSI!

OH, OKAY. OKAY, PEPSI! PEPSI!

OKAY, PEPSI! PEPSI! PEPSI!

PEPSI! PEPSI! MORE ICE! MORE ICE, HUH?

PEPSI! MORE ICE! MORE ICE, HUH? COME ON, COME ON!

MORE ICE! MORE ICE, HUH? COME ON, COME ON! ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU ARE.

COME ON, COME ON! ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU ARE. THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU ARE. THANKS. [TELEPHONE RINGS]

THANKS. [TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO, OLYMPIA RESTAURANT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO, OLYMPIA RESTAURANT. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

HELLO, OLYMPIA RESTAURANT. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. THAT TO GO, FOUR

TWO PEPSI, ONE CHIP. THAT TO GO, FOUR CHEESEBURGER?

THAT TO GO, FOUR CHEESEBURGER? CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

CHEESEBURGER? CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. NO, NO FRIES... CHIPS.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. NO, NO FRIES... CHIPS. FOUR CHIP.

NO, NO FRIES... CHIPS. FOUR CHIP. FOUR CHIP.

FOUR CHIP. FOUR CHIP. FOUR CHIP.

FOUR CHIP. FOUR CHIP. WHAT TO DRINK?

FOUR CHIP. WHAT TO DRINK? PEPSI? NO COKE.

WHAT TO DRINK? PEPSI? NO COKE. NO ORANGE. NO GRAPE.

PEPSI? NO COKE. NO ORANGE. NO GRAPE. PEPSI. FOUR PEPSI!

NO ORANGE. NO GRAPE. PEPSI. FOUR PEPSI! OKAY, TEN MINUTES.

PEPSI. FOUR PEPSI! OKAY, TEN MINUTES. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, TEN MINUTES. ALL RIGHT. FOUR PEPSI!

ALL RIGHT. FOUR PEPSI! PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI!

FOUR PEPSI! PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! HEY! HE WANTS YOU.

PEPSI, PEPSI, PEPSI! HEY! HE WANTS YOU. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

HEY! HE WANTS YOU. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF EGGS,

ALL RIGHT. I'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF EGGS, SAUSAGE.

I'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF EGGS, SAUSAGE. IS THAT LINK SAUSAGE OR PATTY?

SAUSAGE. IS THAT LINK SAUSAGE OR PATTY? LINK? LINK?

IS THAT LINK SAUSAGE OR PATTY? LINK? LINK? UH, LINK SAUSAGE, EGGS OVER

LINK? LINK? UH, LINK SAUSAGE, EGGS OVER LIGHTLY, A LARGE ORANGE JUICE,

UH, LINK SAUSAGE, EGGS OVER LIGHTLY, A LARGE ORANGE JUICE, AND COFFEE.

LIGHTLY, A LARGE ORANGE JUICE, AND COFFEE. THANKS.

AND COFFEE. THANKS. CHEESEBURGER?

THANKS. CHEESEBURGER? NO, I DON'T WANT A

CHEESEBURGER? NO, I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER.

NO, I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER. EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS.

CHEESEBURGER. EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS. EGGS.

EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS. EGGS. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

EGGS. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS AND OVER

DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH? EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS AND OVER LIGHTLY, WITH SAUSAGE.

EGGS, COUPLE OF EGGS AND OVER LIGHTLY, WITH SAUSAGE. CAFé? CAFé?

LIGHTLY, WITH SAUSAGE. CAFé? CAFé? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO EGGS...

CAFé? CAFé? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO EGGS... CHEESEBURGER.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO EGGS... CHEESEBURGER. WHEN DO YOU STOP SERVING

CHEESEBURGER. WHEN DO YOU STOP SERVING BREAKFAST?

WHEN DO YOU STOP SERVING BREAKFAST? NOW. NO BREAKFAST.

BREAKFAST? NOW. NO BREAKFAST. NO BREAKFAST?

NOW. NO BREAKFAST. NO BREAKFAST? NOPE.

NO BREAKFAST? NOPE. I JUST WANT A COUPLE OF EGGS.

NOPE. I JUST WANT A COUPLE OF EGGS. NO BREAKFAST!

I JUST WANT A COUPLE OF EGGS. NO BREAKFAST! CHEESEBURGER!

NO BREAKFAST! CHEESEBURGER! I JUST GOT UP.

CHEESEBURGER! I JUST GOT UP. I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER.

I JUST GOT UP. I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. DON'T GIVE ME THAT.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. DON'T GIVE ME THAT. COME ON.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT. COME ON. LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

COME ON. LET'S GO, LET'S GO. WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER!

LET'S GO, LET'S GO. WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER! YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER?

WE GOTTA HAVE TURNOVER! YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER? EVERYBODY GOT A CHEESEBURGER.

YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER? EVERYBODY GOT A CHEESEBURGER. YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER?

EVERYBODY GOT A CHEESEBURGER. YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER? I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER!

YOU WANT A CHEESEBURGER? I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER! IT'S TOO EARLY FOR A

I DON'T WANT A CHEESEBURGER! IT'S TOO EARLY FOR A CHEESEBURGER.

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR A CHEESEBURGER. TOO EARLY FOR CHEESEBURGER?

CHEESEBURGER. TOO EARLY FOR CHEESEBURGER? LOOK.

TOO EARLY FOR CHEESEBURGER? LOOK. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

LOOK. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER,

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER. WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE?

WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE? I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE? I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER. ONE CHEESEBURGER.

I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER. ONE CHEESEBURGER. NO MORE CHEESEBURGER.

ONE CHEESEBURGER. NO MORE CHEESEBURGER. NO MORE CHEESEBURGER.

NO MORE CHEESEBURGER. NO MORE CHEESEBURGER. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER, THEN.

NO MORE CHEESEBURGER. I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER, THEN. HAMBURGER.

I'LL HAVE A HAMBURGER, THEN. HAMBURGER. NO HAMBURGER.

HAMBURGER. NO HAMBURGER. NO HAMBURGER.

NO HAMBURGER. NO HAMBURGER. NO CHEESEBURGER, NO

NO HAMBURGER. NO CHEESEBURGER, NO HAMBURGER, NO BURGER.

NO CHEESEBURGER, NO HAMBURGER, NO BURGER. NO CHEESEBURGER, NO

HAMBURGER, NO BURGER. NO CHEESEBURGER, NO HAMBURGER, NO BURGER.

NO CHEESEBURGER, NO HAMBURGER, NO BURGER. HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF EGGS,

HAMBURGER, NO BURGER. HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF EGGS, THEN?

HOW ABOUT A COUPLE OF EGGS, THEN? EGGS.

THEN? EGGS. OVER LIGHTLY?

EGGS. OVER LIGHTLY? SCRAMBLED.

OVER LIGHTLY? SCRAMBLED. ALL RIGHT, SCRAMBLED.

SCRAMBLED. ALL RIGHT, SCRAMBLED. AND WHAT TO DRINK?

ALL RIGHT, SCRAMBLED. AND WHAT TO DRINK? COKE.

AND WHAT TO DRINK? COKE. NO COKE... PEPSI.

COKE. NO COKE... PEPSI. PEPSI.

NO COKE... PEPSI. PEPSI. ONE PEPSI!

PEPSI. ONE PEPSI! ONE PEPSI!

ONE PEPSI! ONE PEPSI! COME ON, PEPSI!

ONE PEPSI! COME ON, PEPSI! COME ON!

OH, LOOK! ISN'T THAT NICE? IT WAS WONDERFUL OF YOUR MOTHER

ISN'T THAT NICE? IT WAS WONDERFUL OF YOUR MOTHER TO SEND THESE "HIS" AND "HER"

IT WAS WONDERFUL OF YOUR MOTHER TO SEND THESE "HIS" AND "HER" TOWELS BECAUSE OF YOUR

TO SEND THESE "HIS" AND "HER" TOWELS BECAUSE OF YOUR GRADUATION FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL

TOWELS BECAUSE OF YOUR GRADUATION FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL TOMORROW.

GRADUATION FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL TOMORROW. WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE'S

TOMORROW. WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE'S FINALLY ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT

WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK SHE'S FINALLY ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED.

FINALLY ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED. WELL, SHE OUGHT TO.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED. WELL, SHE OUGHT TO. WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR

WELL, SHE OUGHT TO. WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR EIGHT YEARS.

WE'VE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER FOR EIGHT YEARS. WELL, I DON'T THINK YOUR

EIGHT YEARS. WELL, I DON'T THINK YOUR WINNING THE CAL TECH PRIZE FOR

WELL, I DON'T THINK YOUR WINNING THE CAL TECH PRIZE FOR YOUR SOLAR ENERGY RESEARCH HURT

WINNING THE CAL TECH PRIZE FOR YOUR SOLAR ENERGY RESEARCH HURT ANY.

YOUR SOLAR ENERGY RESEARCH HURT ANY. YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR MOM

ANY. YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR MOM AND... AND WHO KNOWS?

YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOUR MOM AND... AND WHO KNOWS? MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WILL GET

AND... AND WHO KNOWS? MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WILL GET HOOKED UP AND REALLY MAKE HER

MAYBE SOMEDAY WE WILL GET HOOKED UP AND REALLY MAKE HER HAPPY.

HOOKED UP AND REALLY MAKE HER HAPPY. I DON'T SEE WHY...

HAPPY. I DON'T SEE WHY... FREEZE!

I DON'T SEE WHY... FREEZE! X-POLICE!

FREEZE! X-POLICE! X-POLICE?

X-POLICE! X-POLICE? YEAH, WE WERE KICKED OFF THE

X-POLICE? YEAH, WE WERE KICKED OFF THE FORCE A FEW MONTHS AGO.

YEAH, WE WERE KICKED OFF THE FORCE A FEW MONTHS AGO. BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM

FORCE A FEW MONTHS AGO. BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM ENFORCING THE LAW.

BUT THAT WON'T KEEP US FROM ENFORCING THE LAW. YOU TWO ARE ADULTS COHABITATING

ENFORCING THE LAW. YOU TWO ARE ADULTS COHABITATING IN A SINGLE-FAMILY DWELLING, AND

YOU TWO ARE ADULTS COHABITATING IN A SINGLE-FAMILY DWELLING, AND IN THIS STATE THAT'S A FELONY!

IN A SINGLE-FAMILY DWELLING, AND IN THIS STATE THAT'S A FELONY! HOW DO YOU KNOW?

IN THIS STATE THAT'S A FELONY! HOW DO YOU KNOW? WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING.

HOW DO YOU KNOW? WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING. WE SEE YOU COMING AND GOING ALL

WE LIVE IN THIS BUILDING. WE SEE YOU COMING AND GOING ALL THE TIME.

WE SEE YOU COMING AND GOING ALL THE TIME. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

THE TIME. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU CAN'T BREAK IN HERE WITHOUT

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. YOU CAN'T BREAK IN HERE WITHOUT A WARRANT!

YOU CAN'T BREAK IN HERE WITHOUT A WARRANT! OH, NO, I GOT A WARRANT

A WARRANT! OH, NO, I GOT A WARRANT RIGHT HERE.

OH, NO, I GOT A WARRANT RIGHT HERE. COME ON.

RIGHT HERE. COME ON. HELP ME WITH IT, WILL YOU?

COME ON. HELP ME WITH IT, WILL YOU? MY GOD! PLEASE!

HELP ME WITH IT, WILL YOU? MY GOD! PLEASE! WE'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG!

MY GOD! PLEASE! WE'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG! YEAH, SURE, SLUT!

WE'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG! YEAH, SURE, SLUT! OH, HONEY!

YEAH, SURE, SLUT! OH, HONEY! IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN TELL IT

OH, HONEY! IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN TELL IT TO THE X-JUDGE.

IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN TELL IT TO THE X-JUDGE. HOW YOU CAN SAY YOU'VE NEVER

TO THE X-JUDGE. HOW YOU CAN SAY YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG REALLY MAKES

HOW YOU CAN SAY YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG REALLY MAKES ME SICK!

DONE ANYTHING WRONG REALLY MAKES ME SICK! BOY, YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!

ME SICK! BOY, YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! FORNICATION, COPULATION, COITUS!

BOY, YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK! FORNICATION, COPULATION, COITUS! IT'S ALL THE SAME... SEX!

FORNICATION, COPULATION, COITUS! IT'S ALL THE SAME... SEX! YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING THIS

IT'S ALL THE SAME... SEX! YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING THIS COUNTRY INTO A GODLESS MIRE!

YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING THIS COUNTRY INTO A GODLESS MIRE! I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE EVER SEEN

COUNTRY INTO A GODLESS MIRE! I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE EVER SEEN A GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'VE EVER SEEN A GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE STREET BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN OUT

A GIRL TURNING TRICKS ON THE STREET BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK... A LITTLE

STREET BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK... A LITTLE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

OF WEDLOCK... A LITTLE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL. JOE.

14-YEAR-OLD GIRL. JOE. JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP

JOE. JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP SLAMMING HER AGAINST THE WALL.

JOE, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP SLAMMING HER AGAINST THE WALL. SHE'S UNCONSCIOUS AND REALLY

SLAMMING HER AGAINST THE WALL. SHE'S UNCONSCIOUS AND REALLY CAN'T BENEFIT FROM YOUR WORDS.

SHE'S UNCONSCIOUS AND REALLY CAN'T BENEFIT FROM YOUR WORDS. IT'S TOO LATE.

CAN'T BENEFIT FROM YOUR WORDS. IT'S TOO LATE. SHE'S DEAD.

IT'S TOO LATE. SHE'S DEAD. ANOTHER PROMISCUITY-RELATED

SHE'S DEAD. ANOTHER PROMISCUITY-RELATED DEATH.

ANOTHER PROMISCUITY-RELATED DEATH. THIS SORT OF THING TURNS MY

DEATH. THIS SORT OF THING TURNS MY STOMACH!

THIS SORT OF THING TURNS MY STOMACH! BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE GUY

STOMACH! BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE GUY DID IT.

BETTER MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE GUY DID IT. RIGHT. HERE.

DID IT. RIGHT. HERE. PUT HIS HANDS AROUND HER NECK.

RIGHT. HERE. PUT HIS HANDS AROUND HER NECK. YEAH, RIGHT, THEN WE'LL THROW

PUT HIS HANDS AROUND HER NECK. YEAH, RIGHT, THEN WE'LL THROW THIS GLASS OF WATER IN HIS FACE.

YEAH, RIGHT, THEN WE'LL THROW THIS GLASS OF WATER IN HIS FACE. WHAT, WHAT, HUH?

THIS GLASS OF WATER IN HIS FACE. WHAT, WHAT, HUH? YEAH, COME ON UP, FELLA.

WHAT, WHAT, HUH? YEAH, COME ON UP, FELLA. YEAH, YOU HAD A ROUGH BLOW

YEAH, COME ON UP, FELLA. YEAH, YOU HAD A ROUGH BLOW THERE.

YEAH, YOU HAD A ROUGH BLOW THERE. WE CAME IN TO BUST YOU FOR

THERE. WE CAME IN TO BUST YOU FOR COHABITATION.

WE CAME IN TO BUST YOU FOR COHABITATION. YOUR GIRLFRIEND HERE TRIED TO

COHABITATION. YOUR GIRLFRIEND HERE TRIED TO BRIBE US WITH SEXUAL FAVORS.

YOUR GIRLFRIEND HERE TRIED TO BRIBE US WITH SEXUAL FAVORS. AND IN A FIT OF JEALOUS RAGE YOU

BRIBE US WITH SEXUAL FAVORS. AND IN A FIT OF JEALOUS RAGE YOU WENT BERSERK, AND YOU STRANGLED

AND IN A FIT OF JEALOUS RAGE YOU WENT BERSERK, AND YOU STRANGLED HER BEFORE WE COULD KNOCK YOU

WENT BERSERK, AND YOU STRANGLED HER BEFORE WE COULD KNOCK YOU OUT!

HER BEFORE WE COULD KNOCK YOU OUT! I DID?

OUT! I DID? OHHH!

I DID? OHHH! FINGERPRINTS!

COHABITATION. [SCOFFS] WELL, JOE, WE'VE DONE ALL WE

[SCOFFS] WELL, JOE, WE'VE DONE ALL WE CAN.

WELL, JOE, WE'VE DONE ALL WE CAN. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE

CAN. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE REAL POLICE COME.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THE REAL POLICE COME. YEAH, RIGHT!

Announcer: DAVE GRIFFIN RECOVERED FROM HIS FALL AND WAS CONVICTED OF FIRST-DEGREE MURDER

RECOVERED FROM HIS FALL AND WAS CONVICTED OF FIRST-DEGREE MURDER IN THE BEATING DEATH OF

CONVICTED OF FIRST-DEGREE MURDER IN THE BEATING DEATH OF SUSAN EDWARDS.

IN THE BEATING DEATH OF SUSAN EDWARDS. GRIFFIN WAS SENTENCED TO LIFE

SUSAN EDWARDS. GRIFFIN WAS SENTENCED TO LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN THE CALIFORNIA

GRIFFIN WAS SENTENCED TO LIFE IMPRISONMENT IN THE CALIFORNIA STATE MEN'S PENITENTIARY AT

IMPRISONMENT IN THE CALIFORNIA STATE MEN'S PENITENTIARY AT CHINO, WHERE HE DIED SIX MONTHS

STATE MEN'S PENITENTIARY AT CHINO, WHERE HE DIED SIX MONTHS LATER WHILE BEING SEXUALLY

CHINO, WHERE HE DIED SIX MONTHS LATER WHILE BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY OTHER INMATES.

JOIN US AGAIN NEXT WEEK FOR

ANOTHER EPISODE OF "X-POLICE."

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BONNIE RAITT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BONNIE RAITT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [PLAYING UP-TEMPO

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [PLAYING UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION]

♪ AS I WALK ALONG I WONDER WHAT WENT WRONG WITH OUR LOVE, A LOVE THAT WAS SO STRONG ♪

WHAT WENT WRONG WITH OUR LOVE, A LOVE THAT WAS SO STRONG ♪ ♪ AS I STILL WALK ON, I THINK

A LOVE THAT WAS SO STRONG ♪ ♪ AS I STILL WALK ON, I THINK OF ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE

♪ AS I STILL WALK ON, I THINK OF ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE TOGETHER

OF ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE TOGETHER WHILE OUR HEARTS WERE YOUNG ♪

TOGETHER WHILE OUR HEARTS WERE YOUNG ♪ ♪ I'M A-WALKIN' IN THE RAIN ♪

WHILE OUR HEARTS WERE YOUNG ♪ ♪ I'M A-WALKIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ TEARS ARE FALLIN',

♪ I'M A-WALKIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ TEARS ARE FALLIN', AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪

♪ TEARS ARE FALLIN', AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪ ♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME

AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪ ♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME TO END THIS MISERY ♪

♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME TO END THIS MISERY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER ♪

TO END THIS MISERY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER ♪ ♪ I WO-O-O-NDER ♪

♪ AND I WONDER ♪ ♪ I WO-O-O-NDER ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW WHY,

♪ I WO-O-O-NDER ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW WHY, YOU RAN AWAY ♪

♪ YOU KNOW WHY, YOU RAN AWAY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER

YOU RAN AWAY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER IF YOU WILL STAY,

♪ AND I WONDER IF YOU WILL STAY, MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪

IF YOU WILL STAY, MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪

[SAXOPHONE PLAYS]

♪ I'M A-WALKIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ TEARS ARE FALLIN', AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪

♪ TEARS ARE FALLIN', AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪ ♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME

AND I FEEL THE PAIN ♪ ♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME TO END THIS MISERY ♪

♪ WISHIN' YOU WERE HERE BY ME TO END THIS MISERY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER ♪

TO END THIS MISERY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER ♪ ♪ I WO-O-O-NDER, BABY, YEAH ♪

♪ AND I WONDER ♪ ♪ I WO-O-O-NDER, BABY, YEAH ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW WHY,

♪ I WO-O-O-NDER, BABY, YEAH ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW WHY, YOU RAN AWAY ♪

♪ YOU KNOW WHY, YOU RAN AWAY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER

YOU RAN AWAY ♪ ♪ AND I WONDER IF YOU WILL STAY,

♪ AND I WONDER IF YOU WILL STAY, MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪

IF YOU WILL STAY, MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪ [SAXOPHONE PLAYS]

MY LITTLE RUNAWAY ♪ [SAXOPHONE PLAYS] ♪ RUNAWAY ♪

[SAXOPHONE PLAYS] ♪ RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪

♪ RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪ ♪ RUN ♪

♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪ ♪ RUN ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T STAY AWAY ♪

♪ RUN ♪ ♪ PLEASE DON'T STAY AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU LEFT ME STANDIN'

♪ PLEASE DON'T STAY AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU LEFT ME STANDIN' IN THE RAIN ♪

♪ YOU LEFT ME STANDIN' IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪

IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪

♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪ ♪ BABY ♪

♪ COME BACK, BABY ♪ ♪ BABY ♪ ♪ RUNAWAY ♪

♪ BABY ♪ ♪ RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ LEFT ME IN THE RAIN ♪

♪ RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ LEFT ME IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪

♪ LEFT ME IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪

♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪ ♪ RUN, RUN, RUNAWAY ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

COMING UP, SEATTLE SLEW MAY NEVER RACE AGAIN. THIS AND OTHER STORIES ON

NEVER RACE AGAIN. THIS AND OTHER STORIES ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," NEXT.

THIS AND OTHER STORIES ON "WEEKEND UPDATE," NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND

"WEEKEND UPDATE," NEXT. Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM.

UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY DIMITAL.

UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BROUGHT TO YOU BY DIMITAL. TURNS YOUR MIND INTO A DOUGHNUT

BROUGHT TO YOU BY DIMITAL. TURNS YOUR MIND INTO A DOUGHNUT SHOP.

TURNS YOUR MIND INTO A DOUGHNUT SHOP. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS

SHOP. HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN.

HERE ARE CO-ANCHORPERSONS DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN. I AM DAN AYKROYD.

DAN AYKROYD AND JANE CURTIN. I AM DAN AYKROYD. AND I'M JANE CURTIN.

I AM DAN AYKROYD. AND I'M JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... THOSE

AND I'M JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... THOSE TWO OLD HUSTLERS, BERT LANCE AND

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... THOSE TWO OLD HUSTLERS, BERT LANCE AND LARRY FLYNT, GOT TOGETHER THIS

TWO OLD HUSTLERS, BERT LANCE AND LARRY FLYNT, GOT TOGETHER THIS WEEK AND FORMED A BUSINESS

LARRY FLYNT, GOT TOGETHER THIS WEEK AND FORMED A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP.

WEEK AND FORMED A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. UTILIZING THEIR RESPECTIVE

PARTNERSHIP. UTILIZING THEIR RESPECTIVE SKILLS, THEY PLAN TO OPEN A GANG

UTILIZING THEIR RESPECTIVE SKILLS, THEY PLAN TO OPEN A GANG BANK.

SKILLS, THEY PLAN TO OPEN A GANG BANK. WELL, THAT RUSSIAN SATELLITE

BANK. WELL, THAT RUSSIAN SATELLITE FILLED WITH 100 POUNDS OF HIGHLY

WELL, THAT RUSSIAN SATELLITE FILLED WITH 100 POUNDS OF HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE URANIUM-235 HAS

FILLED WITH 100 POUNDS OF HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE URANIUM-235 HAS FINALLY TURNED UP IN, OF ALL

RADIOACTIVE URANIUM-235 HAS FINALLY TURNED UP IN, OF ALL PLACES, A NOVA SCOTIA LOBSTER

FINALLY TURNED UP IN, OF ALL PLACES, A NOVA SCOTIA LOBSTER BED.

PLACES, A NOVA SCOTIA LOBSTER BED. SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE

BED. SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE RADIOACTIVITY HAS HAD NO

SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE RADIOACTIVITY HAS HAD NO SIGNIFICANT EFFECT ON MARINE

RADIOACTIVITY HAS HAD NO SIGNIFICANT EFFECT ON MARINE LIFE IN THE AREA, EXCEPT THAT

SIGNIFICANT EFFECT ON MARINE LIFE IN THE AREA, EXCEPT THAT THE LOBSTERS ARE NOW AS LARGE AS

LIFE IN THE AREA, EXCEPT THAT THE LOBSTERS ARE NOW AS LARGE AS HELICOPTERS, AND YOU CAN READ IN

THE LOBSTERS ARE NOW AS LARGE AS HELICOPTERS, AND YOU CAN READ IN THE DARK WITH A MACKEREL.

HELICOPTERS, AND YOU CAN READ IN THE DARK WITH A MACKEREL. BECAUSE OF A STEERING DEFECT,

THE DARK WITH A MACKEREL. BECAUSE OF A STEERING DEFECT, GENERAL MOTORS IS RECALLING SOME

BECAUSE OF A STEERING DEFECT, GENERAL MOTORS IS RECALLING SOME 1960 CADILLAC MODELS, ONE OF

GENERAL MOTORS IS RECALLING SOME 1960 CADILLAC MODELS, ONE OF WHICH BELONGS TO POPE PAUL.

1960 CADILLAC MODELS, ONE OF WHICH BELONGS TO POPE PAUL. WHILE THE PONTIFF COULD NOT BE

WHICH BELONGS TO POPE PAUL. WHILE THE PONTIFF COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR COMMENT, IT'S

WHILE THE PONTIFF COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR COMMENT, IT'S REPORTED HE'S NOT CONCERNED

REACHED FOR COMMENT, IT'S REPORTED HE'S NOT CONCERNED BECAUSE HIS CADILLAC IS USUALLY

REPORTED HE'S NOT CONCERNED BECAUSE HIS CADILLAC IS USUALLY CARRIED ON THE SHOULDERS OF

BECAUSE HIS CADILLAC IS USUALLY CARRIED ON THE SHOULDERS OF VATICAN AIDES, ANYWAY.

CARRIED ON THE SHOULDERS OF VATICAN AIDES, ANYWAY. TELEVISION PERSONALITY

VATICAN AIDES, ANYWAY. TELEVISION PERSONALITY TOM SNYDER WAS LYNCHED YESTERDAY

TELEVISION PERSONALITY TOM SNYDER WAS LYNCHED YESTERDAY BY AN ANGRY STUDIO AUDIENCE.

TOM SNYDER WAS LYNCHED YESTERDAY BY AN ANGRY STUDIO AUDIENCE. A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE MOB SAID

BY AN ANGRY STUDIO AUDIENCE. A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE MOB SAID THEY DID IT FOR NO PARTICULAR

A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE MOB SAID THEY DID IT FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON.

THEY DID IT FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. THEY JUST DIDN'T LIKE SNYDER'S

REASON. THEY JUST DIDN'T LIKE SNYDER'S ATTITUDE.

THEY JUST DIDN'T LIKE SNYDER'S ATTITUDE. AND ALSO IN HOLLYWOOD, SONNY AND

ATTITUDE. AND ALSO IN HOLLYWOOD, SONNY AND CHER ARE DENYING RUMORS THAT

AND ALSO IN HOLLYWOOD, SONNY AND CHER ARE DENYING RUMORS THAT THEY WILL MARRY AGAIN, FOLLOWING

CHER ARE DENYING RUMORS THAT THEY WILL MARRY AGAIN, FOLLOWING CHER'S DIVORCE FROM GREG ALLMAN.

THEY WILL MARRY AGAIN, FOLLOWING CHER'S DIVORCE FROM GREG ALLMAN. THIS JUST IN FROM THE MIDDLE

CHER'S DIVORCE FROM GREG ALLMAN. THIS JUST IN FROM THE MIDDLE EAST... P.L.O. LEADER

THIS JUST IN FROM THE MIDDLE EAST... P.L.O. LEADER YASIR ARAFAT SAID TODAY THAT THE

EAST... P.L.O. LEADER YASIR ARAFAT SAID TODAY THAT THE P.L.O. WILL RECOGNIZE AND FULLY

YASIR ARAFAT SAID TODAY THAT THE P.L.O. WILL RECOGNIZE AND FULLY SUPPORT ISRAEL'S RIGHT TO MAKE

P.L.O. WILL RECOGNIZE AND FULLY SUPPORT ISRAEL'S RIGHT TO MAKE MORE CONCESSIONS.

SUPPORT ISRAEL'S RIGHT TO MAKE MORE CONCESSIONS. NEW EVIDENCE UNCOVERED AT

MORE CONCESSIONS. NEW EVIDENCE UNCOVERED AT PASADENA'S CAL TECH INSTITUTE

NEW EVIDENCE UNCOVERED AT PASADENA'S CAL TECH INSTITUTE HAS SHOWN THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN

PASADENA'S CAL TECH INSTITUTE HAS SHOWN THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS WRONG.

HAS SHOWN THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS WRONG. DR. FRANK KELBOR OF THE NUCLEAR

WAS WRONG. DR. FRANK KELBOR OF THE NUCLEAR PHYSICS WING OF HAVERBAR-ADAMS

DR. FRANK KELBOR OF THE NUCLEAR PHYSICS WING OF HAVERBAR-ADAMS CENTER CLAIMS THAT THE EQUATION

PHYSICS WING OF HAVERBAR-ADAMS CENTER CLAIMS THAT THE EQUATION E=MC2 SHOULD BE CHANGED TO

CENTER CLAIMS THAT THE EQUATION E=MC2 SHOULD BE CHANGED TO E+E=MC-2/V2K.

E=MC2 SHOULD BE CHANGED TO E+E=MC-2/V2K. THAT'S "V" FOR VOLUME SQUARED

E+E=MC-2/V2K. THAT'S "V" FOR VOLUME SQUARED "K."

THAT'S "V" FOR VOLUME SQUARED "K." WHAT THIS FORMULA MEANS IS THAT

"K." WHAT THIS FORMULA MEANS IS THAT THE ATOM NUCLEI ARE COMPACTING

WHAT THIS FORMULA MEANS IS THAT THE ATOM NUCLEI ARE COMPACTING AT A RATE TOO FAST FOR OUR

THE ATOM NUCLEI ARE COMPACTING AT A RATE TOO FAST FOR OUR UNIVERSE, AND IN 15 WEEKS WE CAN

AT A RATE TOO FAST FOR OUR UNIVERSE, AND IN 15 WEEKS WE CAN EXPECT THE END OF TIME, SPACE,

UNIVERSE, AND IN 15 WEEKS WE CAN EXPECT THE END OF TIME, SPACE, AND MATTER AS WE KNOW IT.

EXPECT THE END OF TIME, SPACE, AND MATTER AS WE KNOW IT. SORRY, ALBERT.

AND MATTER AS WE KNOW IT. SORRY, ALBERT. WHILE ADMITTING THAT THE

SORRY, ALBERT. WHILE ADMITTING THAT THE SWASTIKA SYMBOL IS ABHORRENT TO

WHILE ADMITTING THAT THE SWASTIKA SYMBOL IS ABHORRENT TO JEWISH CITIZENS, THE ILLINOIS

SWASTIKA SYMBOL IS ABHORRENT TO JEWISH CITIZENS, THE ILLINOIS SUPREME COURT YESTERDAY RULED

JEWISH CITIZENS, THE ILLINOIS SUPREME COURT YESTERDAY RULED THAT THE AMERICAN NAZI PARTY HAS

SUPREME COURT YESTERDAY RULED THAT THE AMERICAN NAZI PARTY HAS A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO

THAT THE AMERICAN NAZI PARTY HAS A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO DISPLAY THE SWASTIKA IN A PARADE

A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO DISPLAY THE SWASTIKA IN A PARADE DOWN THE MAIN STREET OF THE

DISPLAY THE SWASTIKA IN A PARADE DOWN THE MAIN STREET OF THE LARGELY JEWISH SUBURB OF SKOKIE,

DOWN THE MAIN STREET OF THE LARGELY JEWISH SUBURB OF SKOKIE, ILLINOIS.

LARGELY JEWISH SUBURB OF SKOKIE, ILLINOIS. "WEEKEND UPDATE," IN THE

ILLINOIS. "WEEKEND UPDATE," IN THE INTEREST OF FAIR AND IMPARTIAL

"WEEKEND UPDATE," IN THE INTEREST OF FAIR AND IMPARTIAL JOURNALISM, WOULD LIKE TO REMAIN

INTEREST OF FAIR AND IMPARTIAL JOURNALISM, WOULD LIKE TO REMAIN NEUTRAL ON THIS MATTER.

JOURNALISM, WOULD LIKE TO REMAIN NEUTRAL ON THIS MATTER. AND IF ANY AMERICAN NAZI PARTY

NEUTRAL ON THIS MATTER. AND IF ANY AMERICAN NAZI PARTY MEMBERS WOULD LIKE TO COME TO

AND IF ANY AMERICAN NAZI PARTY MEMBERS WOULD LIKE TO COME TO OUR NEWSROOM, WE'LL GLADLY BEND

MEMBERS WOULD LIKE TO COME TO OUR NEWSROOM, WE'LL GLADLY BEND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM INTO

OUR NEWSROOM, WE'LL GLADLY BEND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM INTO A SHAPE OF A SWASTIKA FREE OF

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM INTO A SHAPE OF A SWASTIKA FREE OF CHARGE.

THE LATE CASEY STENGEL. WAS IT WORTH IT? [LAUGHTER]

WAS IT WORTH IT? [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'LL JUST SIT HERE AND HAVE A

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'LL JUST SIT HERE AND HAVE A CONVERSATION UNTIL OUR SCIENCE

WE'LL JUST SIT HERE AND HAVE A CONVERSATION UNTIL OUR SCIENCE EDITOR, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,

CONVERSATION UNTIL OUR SCIENCE EDITOR, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, COMES INTO PLACE.

EDITOR, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, COMES INTO PLACE. I'M SORRY.

COMES INTO PLACE. I'M SORRY. NOW THAT

I'M SORRY. NOW THAT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA IS IN

NOW THAT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA IS IN PLACE, WE'LL CONTINUE WITH

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA IS IN PLACE, WE'LL CONTINUE WITH ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA INSTEAD OF

PLACE, WE'LL CONTINUE WITH ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA INSTEAD OF DOING THE OTHER STUFF.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA INSTEAD OF DOING THE OTHER STUFF. IT WASN'T FUNNY, ANYWAY.

DOING THE OTHER STUFF. IT WASN'T FUNNY, ANYWAY. FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL

IT WASN'T FUNNY, ANYWAY. FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN MITCHELL WAS REPORTED IN

FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN MITCHELL WAS REPORTED IN SATISFACTORY CONDITION THIS WEEK

JOHN MITCHELL WAS REPORTED IN SATISFACTORY CONDITION THIS WEEK AFTER SURGERY TO REPAIR AN

SATISFACTORY CONDITION THIS WEEK AFTER SURGERY TO REPAIR AN ANEURYSM.

AFTER SURGERY TO REPAIR AN ANEURYSM. HERE TO EXPLAIN TO US EXACTLY

ANEURYSM. HERE TO EXPLAIN TO US EXACTLY WHAT AN ANEURYSM IS, IS "UPDATE"

HERE TO EXPLAIN TO US EXACTLY WHAT AN ANEURYSM IS, IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE REPORTER

WHAT AN ANEURYSM IS, IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE REPORTER ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.

SCIENCE REPORTER ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. WELCOME.

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. WELCOME. THANKS A LOT, JANE.

WELCOME. THANKS A LOT, JANE. THANKS A LOT.

THANKS A LOT, JANE. THANKS A LOT. ROSEANNE, JUST HOW SERIOUS IS

THANKS A LOT. ROSEANNE, JUST HOW SERIOUS IS AN ANEURYSM?

ROSEANNE, JUST HOW SERIOUS IS AN ANEURYSM? OH, IT'S A ROUGH ONE, JANE!

AN ANEURYSM? OH, IT'S A ROUGH ONE, JANE! AN ANEURYSM MEANS THAT AN ARTERY

OH, IT'S A ROUGH ONE, JANE! AN ANEURYSM MEANS THAT AN ARTERY IN YOUR BODY IS WEAK, AND IT

AN ANEURYSM MEANS THAT AN ARTERY IN YOUR BODY IS WEAK, AND IT STARTS TO SWELL OUT LIKE A

IN YOUR BODY IS WEAK, AND IT STARTS TO SWELL OUT LIKE A BALLOON.

STARTS TO SWELL OUT LIKE A BALLOON. IT COULD BURST AND LEAD TO A

BALLOON. IT COULD BURST AND LEAD TO A STROKE.

IT COULD BURST AND LEAD TO A STROKE. BUT, JANE, IF YOU ASK ME,

STROKE. BUT, JANE, IF YOU ASK ME, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,

BUT, JANE, IF YOU ASK ME, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, MR. MITCHELL IS A LUCKY GUY,

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, MR. MITCHELL IS A LUCKY GUY, BECAUSE HIS ANEURYSM IS ON THE

MR. MITCHELL IS A LUCKY GUY, BECAUSE HIS ANEURYSM IS ON THE INSIDE OF HIS BODY, WHERE NO ONE

BECAUSE HIS ANEURYSM IS ON THE INSIDE OF HIS BODY, WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE IT.

INSIDE OF HIS BODY, WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE IT. IF IT WAS ON THE OUTSIDE, THEN

CAN SEE IT. IF IT WAS ON THE OUTSIDE, THEN HE'D BE IN TROUBLE!

IF IT WAS ON THE OUTSIDE, THEN HE'D BE IN TROUBLE! HE'D LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE

HE'D BE IN TROUBLE! HE'D LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE AN IMPORTANT DATE OR A MEETING

HE'D LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE AN IMPORTANT DATE OR A MEETING AND SAY, "OH, NO!

AN IMPORTANT DATE OR A MEETING AND SAY, "OH, NO! TONIGHT'S THE BIG DANCE, AND

AND SAY, "OH, NO! TONIGHT'S THE BIG DANCE, AND I GOT AN ANEURYSM ON MY FACE!

TONIGHT'S THE BIG DANCE, AND I GOT AN ANEURYSM ON MY FACE! I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!"

I GOT AN ANEURYSM ON MY FACE! I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!" LET ME LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE

I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS!" LET ME LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

LET ME LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. ONCE, I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA,

SECRET. ONCE, I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, HAD A LITTLE WART ON MY FACE.

ONCE, I, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, HAD A LITTLE WART ON MY FACE. IT WAS LIKE THIS BUBBLE THING,

HAD A LITTLE WART ON MY FACE. IT WAS LIKE THIS BUBBLE THING, ROUND, AND IT WAS HARD AS A

IT WAS LIKE THIS BUBBLE THING, ROUND, AND IT WAS HARD AS A ROCK.

ROUND, AND IT WAS HARD AS A ROCK. I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONNA DIE!

ROCK. I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONNA DIE! I SAID TO MYSELF,

I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GONNA DIE! I SAID TO MYSELF, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, HOW DID

I SAID TO MYSELF, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, HOW DID YOU GET THIS WART?

"ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, HOW DID YOU GET THIS WART? YOU DIDN'T TOUCH NO TOAD!"

YOU GET THIS WART? YOU DIDN'T TOUCH NO TOAD!" BUT AT LEAST, THANKS A LOT, IT

YOU DIDN'T TOUCH NO TOAD!" BUT AT LEAST, THANKS A LOT, IT WASN'T THE KIND THAT HAD A HAIR

BUT AT LEAST, THANKS A LOT, IT WASN'T THE KIND THAT HAD A HAIR STICKING OUT OF IT.

WASN'T THE KIND THAT HAD A HAIR STICKING OUT OF IT. YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT YOUR

STICKING OUT OF IT. YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT YOUR MOTHER'S FRIENDS USUALLY HAVE,

YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT YOUR MOTHER'S FRIENDS USUALLY HAVE, AND YOU HAVE TO KISS THEM?

MOTHER'S FRIENDS USUALLY HAVE, AND YOU HAVE TO KISS THEM? LIKE, DID YOU EVER STUB YOUR BIG

AND YOU HAVE TO KISS THEM? LIKE, DID YOU EVER STUB YOUR BIG TOE ON THE CAR DOOR OR DROP

LIKE, DID YOU EVER STUB YOUR BIG TOE ON THE CAR DOOR OR DROP SOMETHING HEAVY ON YOUR FOOT,

TOE ON THE CAR DOOR OR DROP SOMETHING HEAVY ON YOUR FOOT, AND THE TOENAIL ON THE BIG TOE

SOMETHING HEAVY ON YOUR FOOT, AND THE TOENAIL ON THE BIG TOE TURNS DIFFERENT COLORS, LIKE

AND THE TOENAIL ON THE BIG TOE TURNS DIFFERENT COLORS, LIKE PURPLE AND BROWN AND GREEN, AND

TURNS DIFFERENT COLORS, LIKE PURPLE AND BROWN AND GREEN, AND THEN IT HANGS THERE, AND THEN IT

PURPLE AND BROWN AND GREEN, AND THEN IT HANGS THERE, AND THEN IT FALLS OFF IN YOUR SOCK?

THEN IT HANGS THERE, AND THEN IT FALLS OFF IN YOUR SOCK? AND YOU'RE LEFT WITH A TOE WITH

FALLS OFF IN YOUR SOCK? AND YOU'RE LEFT WITH A TOE WITH NO NAIL, AND A SOCK THAT HAS A

AND YOU'RE LEFT WITH A TOE WITH NO NAIL, AND A SOCK THAT HAS A NAIL.

NO NAIL, AND A SOCK THAT HAS A NAIL. WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE,

NAIL. WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE, TEENY-TINY BABY TOE?

WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE, TEENY-TINY BABY TOE? THEY ARE ALWAYS SO WEIRD!

TEENY-TINY BABY TOE? THEY ARE ALWAYS SO WEIRD! LIKE, SOMETIMES THE NAIL ON THEM

THEY ARE ALWAYS SO WEIRD! LIKE, SOMETIMES THE NAIL ON THEM LOOKS LIKE A CANOE!

LIKE, SOMETIMES THE NAIL ON THEM LOOKS LIKE A CANOE! OR, LIKE, IT CURVES AROUND LIKE

LOOKS LIKE A CANOE! OR, LIKE, IT CURVES AROUND LIKE ONE OF THOSE BOOMERANGS.

OR, LIKE, IT CURVES AROUND LIKE ONE OF THOSE BOOMERANGS. AND EVEN IF YOU CLIP IT, YOU

ONE OF THOSE BOOMERANGS. AND EVEN IF YOU CLIP IT, YOU CAN'T THROW IT AWAY, BECAUSE

AND EVEN IF YOU CLIP IT, YOU CAN'T THROW IT AWAY, BECAUSE THEY COME BACK!

CAN'T THROW IT AWAY, BECAUSE THEY COME BACK! JANE, I WAS JUST WONDERING...

THEY COME BACK! JANE, I WAS JUST WONDERING... WHAT DOES YOUR BABY TOE LOOK

JANE, I WAS JUST WONDERING... WHAT DOES YOUR BABY TOE LOOK LIKE?

WHAT DOES YOUR BABY TOE LOOK LIKE? ROSEANNE, YOU'RE MAKING ME

LIKE? ROSEANNE, YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK.

ROSEANNE, YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK. HEY, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

SICK. HEY, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHAT DO WARTS, FEVER

HEY, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHAT DO WARTS, FEVER BLISTERS, AND ANYTHING HAVE TO

WHAT DO WARTS, FEVER BLISTERS, AND ANYTHING HAVE TO DO WITH ANEURYSMS?!

BLISTERS, AND ANYTHING HAVE TO DO WITH ANEURYSMS?! WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO

DO WITH ANEURYSMS?! WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU.

WELL, JANE, IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING.

SHOW YOU. IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. I WANTED TO TELL MR. MITCHELL.

IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. I WANTED TO TELL MR. MITCHELL. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR POLITICS

I WANTED TO TELL MR. MITCHELL. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR POLITICS IS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR POLITICS IS. I KNOW YOUR WIFE IS DEAD.

IS. I KNOW YOUR WIFE IS DEAD. I KNOW YOU GOT TO GO BACK TO

I KNOW YOUR WIFE IS DEAD. I KNOW YOU GOT TO GO BACK TO JAIL.

I KNOW YOU GOT TO GO BACK TO JAIL. SO I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.

JAIL. SO I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER USED TO

SO I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER USED TO TELL ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE

IT'S JUST LIKE MY FATHER USED TO TELL ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

TELL ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL. I'D TAKE MY BATH, AND HE'D MAKE

GIRL. I'D TAKE MY BATH, AND HE'D MAKE SURE I WAS NICE AND DRY.

I'D TAKE MY BATH, AND HE'D MAKE SURE I WAS NICE AND DRY. HE'D PUT POWDER UNDER MY ARMS

SURE I WAS NICE AND DRY. HE'D PUT POWDER UNDER MY ARMS AND EVERY PLACE.

HE'D PUT POWDER UNDER MY ARMS AND EVERY PLACE. AND THEN JUST BEFORE HE'D TUCK

AND EVERY PLACE. AND THEN JUST BEFORE HE'D TUCK ME INTO BED, HE'D TAKE MY FOOT

AND THEN JUST BEFORE HE'D TUCK ME INTO BED, HE'D TAKE MY FOOT IN HIS HAND AND HE'D SAY, "THIS

ME INTO BED, HE'D TAKE MY FOOT IN HIS HAND AND HE'D SAY, "THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET.

IN HIS HAND AND HE'D SAY, "THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET. THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED HOME.

LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET. THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED HOME. THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD ROAST

THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED HOME. THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD ROAST BEEF.

THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD ROAST BEEF. THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD NONE.

BEEF. THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD NONE. AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAS A

THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAD NONE. AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAS A TOENAIL THAT LOOKS LIKE A

AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY HAS A TOENAIL THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOOMERANG!

TOENAIL THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOOMERANG! GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE

BOOMERANG! GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA!"

GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA!" GOOD NIGHT,

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA!" GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA.

GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. HEY, YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER?

ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. HEY, YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER? NO!

HEY, YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER? NO! THAT'S THE NEWS.

NO! THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. Announcer: THIS PORTION OF

TOMORROW. Announcer: THIS PORTION OF "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN

Announcer: THIS PORTION OF "WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRANSAMERICA,

"WEEKEND UPDATE" HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRANSAMERICA, WHERE SALAD DRESSING AND WOMEN'S

BROUGHT TO YOU BY TRANSAMERICA, WHERE SALAD DRESSING AND WOMEN'S SANITARY NAPKINS ARE THE ONLY

WHERE SALAD DRESSING AND WOMEN'S SANITARY NAPKINS ARE THE ONLY THINGS WE PUT OUR NAME ON.

[HUMMING TO THE "2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY" THEME] ♪ DUH...

[ODYSSEY" THEME] ♪ DUH... DUH...

♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪

DUH... DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH ♪

DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH ♪ [SCATTING]

♪ DUH-DUH ♪ [SCATTING] ♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪

[SCATTING] ♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH ♪

♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH-DUH DUH DUH-DUH-DUH ♪

♪ DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH-DUH DUH DUH-DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH-DUH ♪

♪ DUH-DUH-DUH DUH DUH-DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH-DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪

♪ DUH-DUH-DUH ♪ ♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪ OH!

♪ DUH... DUH... DUH ♪ OH! THANK YOU!

OH! THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I ALWAYS OPEN WITH A LITTLE

THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I ALWAYS OPEN WITH A LITTLE SOMETHING BY A GUY NAMED

I ALWAYS OPEN WITH A LITTLE SOMETHING BY A GUY NAMED RICHARD STRAUSS CALLED

SOMETHING BY A GUY NAMED RICHARD STRAUSS CALLED "TWENTY-OH-ONE."

RICHARD STRAUSS CALLED "TWENTY-OH-ONE." WELCOME TO THE POWDER ROOM,

"TWENTY-OH-ONE." WELCOME TO THE POWDER ROOM, EVERYBODY, UP HERE AT BEAUTIFUL

WELCOME TO THE POWDER ROOM, EVERYBODY, UP HERE AT BEAUTIFUL MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN.

EVERYBODY, UP HERE AT BEAUTIFUL MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN. I'M NICK WINTERS, AND I'M HERE

MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN. I'M NICK WINTERS, AND I'M HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU.

I'M NICK WINTERS, AND I'M HERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU. SO SIT BACK, HAVE A HOT BUTTERED

TO ENTERTAIN YOU. SO SIT BACK, HAVE A HOT BUTTERED RUM, AND LET IT HAPPEN.

SO SIT BACK, HAVE A HOT BUTTERED RUM, AND LET IT HAPPEN. NOW, WHAT DO I SEE HERE DOWN IN

RUM, AND LET IT HAPPEN. NOW, WHAT DO I SEE HERE DOWN IN THE FRONT?

NOW, WHAT DO I SEE HERE DOWN IN THE FRONT? WE GOT A CUTE, LITTLE GIRL HERE

THE FRONT? WE GOT A CUTE, LITTLE GIRL HERE WITH A CAST ON HER LEG!

WE GOT A CUTE, LITTLE GIRL HERE WITH A CAST ON HER LEG! HONEY, WHY DID YOU BOTHER TO

WITH A CAST ON HER LEG! HONEY, WHY DID YOU BOTHER TO COME UP TO MEATLOAF WITH A

HONEY, WHY DID YOU BOTHER TO COME UP TO MEATLOAF WITH A BROKEN LEG?!

COME UP TO MEATLOAF WITH A BROKEN LEG?! I-I BROKE IT TODAY.

BROKEN LEG?! I-I BROKE IT TODAY. THIS IS MY VACATION.

I-I BROKE IT TODAY. THIS IS MY VACATION. OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

THIS IS MY VACATION. OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE. I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE. I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF YOU HERE IN THE POWDER ROOM,

I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF YOU HERE IN THE POWDER ROOM, HUH?

YOU HERE IN THE POWDER ROOM, HUH? I'M SURE EVERYBODY WANTS TO

HUH? I'M SURE EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW.

I'M SURE EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND HOW DID

KNOW. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND HOW DID YOU DO IT?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND HOW DID YOU DO IT? WELL, I'M MARILYN SUNBERG,

YOU DO IT? WELL, I'M MARILYN SUNBERG, AND I RENTED MY SKIS AND BOOTS

WELL, I'M MARILYN SUNBERG, AND I RENTED MY SKIS AND BOOTS HERE AT MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN.

AND I RENTED MY SKIS AND BOOTS HERE AT MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN. AND MY BINDINGS WERE TOO TIGHT,

HERE AT MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN. AND MY BINDINGS WERE TOO TIGHT, AND I BROKE MY LEG WALKING OVER

AND MY BINDINGS WERE TOO TIGHT, AND I BROKE MY LEG WALKING OVER TO THE TOE LIFT.

AND I BROKE MY LEG WALKING OVER TO THE TOE LIFT. OH, BUMMER-SKI, HUH,

TO THE TOE LIFT. OH, BUMMER-SKI, HUH, EVERYBODY?

OH, BUMMER-SKI, HUH, EVERYBODY? THAT IS AWFUL!

EVERYBODY? THAT IS AWFUL! WELL, THE GUYS IN RENTAL ARE

THAT IS AWFUL! WELL, THE GUYS IN RENTAL ARE USUALLY REAL GOOD.

WELL, THE GUYS IN RENTAL ARE USUALLY REAL GOOD. IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME SABOTAGE

USUALLY REAL GOOD. IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME SABOTAGE OF SOME SORT BY DISGRUNTLED

IT MUST HAVE BEEN SOME SABOTAGE OF SOME SORT BY DISGRUNTLED SKIERS OR SOMETHING.

OF SOME SORT BY DISGRUNTLED SKIERS OR SOMETHING. IT HAPPENS.

SKIERS OR SOMETHING. IT HAPPENS. HEY!

IT HAPPENS. HEY! I AM GONNA AUTOGRAPH YOUR CAST

HEY! I AM GONNA AUTOGRAPH YOUR CAST HERE, IF YOU DON'T MIND... A

I AM GONNA AUTOGRAPH YOUR CAST HERE, IF YOU DON'T MIND... A LITTLE SOMETHING I ALWAYS SIGN.

HERE, IF YOU DON'T MIND... A LITTLE SOMETHING I ALWAYS SIGN. "DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW...

LITTLE SOMETHING I ALWAYS SIGN. "DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW... NICK WINTERS."

"DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW... NICK WINTERS." ALL RIGHT, HONEY?

NICK WINTERS." ALL RIGHT, HONEY? YOU'RE WELCOME, KITTEN.

ALL RIGHT, HONEY? YOU'RE WELCOME, KITTEN. HEY, WHO'S THIS CRAZY DUDE, YOUR

YOU'RE WELCOME, KITTEN. HEY, WHO'S THIS CRAZY DUDE, YOUR OLD MAN?

HEY, WHO'S THIS CRAZY DUDE, YOUR OLD MAN? PAUL SUNBERG.

OLD MAN? PAUL SUNBERG. I'M FROM MINNEAPOLIS.

PAUL SUNBERG. I'M FROM MINNEAPOLIS. UH-HUH?

I'M FROM MINNEAPOLIS. UH-HUH? AND WHAT DO YOU DO, BESIDES

UH-HUH? AND WHAT DO YOU DO, BESIDES BABYSIT FOR MARILYN, HERE?

AND WHAT DO YOU DO, BESIDES BABYSIT FOR MARILYN, HERE? I'M A CHEMICAL PURCHASER

BABYSIT FOR MARILYN, HERE? I'M A CHEMICAL PURCHASER FOR THE ICE MASTERS SALT

I'M A CHEMICAL PURCHASER FOR THE ICE MASTERS SALT COMPANY.

FOR THE ICE MASTERS SALT COMPANY. HERE'S MY CARD.

COMPANY. HERE'S MY CARD. YOU CAN USE THE PRODUCT HERE AT

HERE'S MY CARD. YOU CAN USE THE PRODUCT HERE AT MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN, YOU KNOW?

YOU CAN USE THE PRODUCT HERE AT MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN, YOU KNOW? BUENO, MY AMIGO.

MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN, YOU KNOW? BUENO, MY AMIGO. WE'LL PUT THIS UP OVER THE BAR,

BUENO, MY AMIGO. WE'LL PUT THIS UP OVER THE BAR, WITH SOME OF THE OTHER CARDS.

WE'LL PUT THIS UP OVER THE BAR, WITH SOME OF THE OTHER CARDS. MR. AND MRS. SUNBERG, THIS NEXT

WITH SOME OF THE OTHER CARDS. MR. AND MRS. SUNBERG, THIS NEXT SONG IS GOING TO BE FOR YOU,

MR. AND MRS. SUNBERG, THIS NEXT SONG IS GOING TO BE FOR YOU, BECAUSE I HOPE THAT LEG HEALS

SONG IS GOING TO BE FOR YOU, BECAUSE I HOPE THAT LEG HEALS AND YOU'RE BACK ON THE SLOPES IN

BECAUSE I HOPE THAT LEG HEALS AND YOU'RE BACK ON THE SLOPES IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

AND YOU'RE BACK ON THE SLOPES IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. OH, THAT CAST MAKES ME SO SAD.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS. OH, THAT CAST MAKES ME SO SAD. ♪ OH, DON'T IT MAKE

OH, THAT CAST MAKES ME SO SAD. ♪ OH, DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪

♪ OH, DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE

MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪

♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE

MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES BL-UE-UE-UE? ♪

♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES BL-UE-UE-UE? ♪ TASTY LICK, PAUL.

MY BROWN EYES BL-UE-UE-UE? ♪ TASTY LICK, PAUL. ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES ♪

TASTY LICK, PAUL. ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES ♪ THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAZEL.

♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES ♪ THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAZEL. ♪ DON'T IT MAKE

THEY'RE ACTUALLY HAZEL. ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪

♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES

MY BROWN EYES... ♪ ♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES BL-UE-UE? ♪

♪ DON'T IT MAKE MY BROWN EYES BL-UE-UE? ♪ LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

BL-UE-UE? ♪ LOVE IT, LOVE IT. JUST A SECOND.

LOVE IT, LOVE IT. JUST A SECOND. WE HAVE A CELEBRITY IN THE

JUST A SECOND. WE HAVE A CELEBRITY IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT!

WE HAVE A CELEBRITY IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT! IT'S HEINZ KLEIMER WITH A

AUDIENCE TONIGHT! IT'S HEINZ KLEIMER WITH A SNOW BUNNY ON HIS ARM.

IT'S HEINZ KLEIMER WITH A SNOW BUNNY ON HIS ARM. HE'S THE HEAD OF THE SKI PATROL.

SNOW BUNNY ON HIS ARM. HE'S THE HEAD OF THE SKI PATROL. UP TO A LITTLE BIT OF NIGHT

HE'S THE HEAD OF THE SKI PATROL. UP TO A LITTLE BIT OF NIGHT HOT-DOGGING TONIGHT, HEINZ?

UP TO A LITTLE BIT OF NIGHT HOT-DOGGING TONIGHT, HEINZ? NOT PARTICULARLY.

HOT-DOGGING TONIGHT, HEINZ? NOT PARTICULARLY. I JUST CAME TO CASH MY PAYCHECK.

NOT PARTICULARLY. I JUST CAME TO CASH MY PAYCHECK. YOU KNOW, AT 9:30 TONIGHT,

I JUST CAME TO CASH MY PAYCHECK. YOU KNOW, AT 9:30 TONIGHT, HEINZ WILL LEAD THE SKI SCHOOL

YOU KNOW, AT 9:30 TONIGHT, HEINZ WILL LEAD THE SKI SCHOOL AND THE WHOLE PATROL IN THE

HEINZ WILL LEAD THE SKI SCHOOL AND THE WHOLE PATROL IN THE TORCH SNAKE DANCE, ALL THE WAY

AND THE WHOLE PATROL IN THE TORCH SNAKE DANCE, ALL THE WAY DOWN BEAR RUN.

TORCH SNAKE DANCE, ALL THE WAY DOWN BEAR RUN. LET'S SEE IF HE'S IN ANY KIND OF

DOWN BEAR RUN. LET'S SEE IF HE'S IN ANY KIND OF POSITION TO PULL IT OFF.

LET'S SEE IF HE'S IN ANY KIND OF POSITION TO PULL IT OFF. TELL US, HEINZ, WHERE DID THE

POSITION TO PULL IT OFF. TELL US, HEINZ, WHERE DID THE SNAKE TORCH DANCE ORIGINATE?

TELL US, HEINZ, WHERE DID THE SNAKE TORCH DANCE ORIGINATE? AS A MATTER OF FACT, NICK,

SNAKE TORCH DANCE ORIGINATE? AS A MATTER OF FACT, NICK, THE SNAKE DANCE ORIGINATED IN

AS A MATTER OF FACT, NICK, THE SNAKE DANCE ORIGINATED IN ZERMATT, SWITZERLAND, DURING THE

THE SNAKE DANCE ORIGINATED IN ZERMATT, SWITZERLAND, DURING THE WORLD WAR, AS A SIGNAL TO ALLIED

ZERMATT, SWITZERLAND, DURING THE WORLD WAR, AS A SIGNAL TO ALLIED BOMBERS.

WORLD WAR, AS A SIGNAL TO ALLIED BOMBERS. A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY,

BOMBERS. A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY, EVERYBODY.

A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY, EVERYBODY. IS THAT TRUE?

EVERYBODY. IS THAT TRUE? NO.

IS THAT TRUE? NO. I JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU

NO. I JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING, AND YOU

I JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING, AND YOU ARE A PIMP!

WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING, AND YOU ARE A PIMP! AND IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE,

ARE A PIMP! AND IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, I SHALL STRIKE YOU!

AND IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, I SHALL STRIKE YOU! OKAY.

I SHALL STRIKE YOU! OKAY. AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY SNOW

OKAY. AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY SNOW MUFFIN HERE WITH YOU, HEINZ?

AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY SNOW MUFFIN HERE WITH YOU, HEINZ? MRS. LYMAN.

MUFFIN HERE WITH YOU, HEINZ? MRS. LYMAN. EXCUSE ME, WHAT?

MRS. LYMAN. EXCUSE ME, WHAT? MRS. LYMAN.

EXCUSE ME, WHAT? MRS. LYMAN. I'M SORRY.

MRS. LYMAN. I'M SORRY. COULD YOU SAY IT ONE MORE TIME?

I'M SORRY. COULD YOU SAY IT ONE MORE TIME? MRS. LYMAN!

COULD YOU SAY IT ONE MORE TIME? MRS. LYMAN! OH, MRS. LYMAN.

MRS. LYMAN! OH, MRS. LYMAN. OH, I SEE.

OH, MRS. LYMAN. OH, I SEE. ARE YOU STILL MARRIED,

OH, I SEE. ARE YOU STILL MARRIED, MRS. LYMAN?

ARE YOU STILL MARRIED, MRS. LYMAN? YES.

MRS. LYMAN? YES. MY HUSBAND IS EXHAUSTED.

YES. MY HUSBAND IS EXHAUSTED. HE'S IN THE ROOM, AND I DON'T

MY HUSBAND IS EXHAUSTED. HE'S IN THE ROOM, AND I DON'T SKI.

HE'S IN THE ROOM, AND I DON'T SKI. I SEE.

SKI. I SEE. WELL, YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH

I SEE. WELL, YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH HEINZ HERE.

WELL, YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH HEINZ HERE. HE'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF FREE

HEINZ HERE. HE'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF FREE LESSONS AND HAVE YOU UP ON THE

HE'LL GIVE YOU A COUPLE OF FREE LESSONS AND HAVE YOU UP ON THE BOARDS IN NO TIME.

LESSONS AND HAVE YOU UP ON THE BOARDS IN NO TIME. MRS. LYMAN, HOW ABOUT A REQUEST?

BOARDS IN NO TIME. MRS. LYMAN, HOW ABOUT A REQUEST? NO!

MRS. LYMAN, HOW ABOUT A REQUEST? NO! WELL, THERE ARE NEVER ANY

NO! WELL, THERE ARE NEVER ANY REQUESTS, I GUESS, BECAUSE

WELL, THERE ARE NEVER ANY REQUESTS, I GUESS, BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY EVERYBODY

REQUESTS, I GUESS, BECAUSE THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY EVERYBODY WANTS IT, AND THAT'S WITH PLENTY

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY EVERYBODY WANTS IT, AND THAT'S WITH PLENTY OF SNOW!

WANTS IT, AND THAT'S WITH PLENTY OF SNOW! ♪ AW, THAT'S THE WAY, UH-HUH,

OF SNOW! ♪ AW, THAT'S THE WAY, UH-HUH, UH-HUH, I LIKE IT ♪

♪ AW, THAT'S THE WAY, UH-HUH, UH-HUH, I LIKE IT ♪ SIX INCHES OF POWDER!

UH-HUH, I LIKE IT ♪ SIX INCHES OF POWDER! ♪ THAT'S THE WAY ♪

SIX INCHES OF POWDER! ♪ THAT'S THE WAY ♪ WITH A 50-INCH BASE!

♪ THAT'S THE WAY ♪ WITH A 50-INCH BASE! ♪ I LIKE IT ♪

WITH A 50-INCH BASE! ♪ I LIKE IT ♪ AND A LOT OF CUTE SNOW BUNNIES.

♪ I LIKE IT ♪ AND A LOT OF CUTE SNOW BUNNIES. ♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪

AND A LOT OF CUTE SNOW BUNNIES. ♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ AAH ♪

♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ AAH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪

♪ AAH ♪ ♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ OH, THAT'S THE WAY

♪ DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ OH, THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL LIKE IT ♪

♪ OH, THAT'S THE WAY WE ALL LIKE IT ♪ NO LIFT LINES, EITHER, HUH?

WE ALL LIKE IT ♪ NO LIFT LINES, EITHER, HUH? UH-OH, WAIT A SECOND.

NO LIFT LINES, EITHER, HUH? UH-OH, WAIT A SECOND. [ENGINE HUMMING]

UH-OH, WAIT A SECOND. [ENGINE HUMMING] YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

[ENGINE HUMMING] YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? IT'S THE SNOWCAT...

YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? IT'S THE SNOWCAT... MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN SNOWCAT,

IT'S THE SNOWCAT... MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN SNOWCAT, OPERATED BY OUR OWN

MEATLOAF MOUNTAIN SNOWCAT, OPERATED BY OUR OWN JIMMY JOE RED SKY, THE FELLA

OPERATED BY OUR OWN JIMMY JOE RED SKY, THE FELLA WHO MANICURES ALL THE SLOPES AND

JIMMY JOE RED SKY, THE FELLA WHO MANICURES ALL THE SLOPES AND RUNS THE SNOW GUNS AND MAKES

WHO MANICURES ALL THE SLOPES AND RUNS THE SNOW GUNS AND MAKES SURE NONE OF YOU DUDES HIT ANY

RUNS THE SNOW GUNS AND MAKES SURE NONE OF YOU DUDES HIT ANY ROCKS UP THERE.

SURE NONE OF YOU DUDES HIT ANY ROCKS UP THERE. HE COMES IN EVERY NIGHT ABOUT

ROCKS UP THERE. HE COMES IN EVERY NIGHT ABOUT THIS TIME TO GIVE THE SNOW

HE COMES IN EVERY NIGHT ABOUT THIS TIME TO GIVE THE SNOW REPORT.

THIS TIME TO GIVE THE SNOW REPORT. LET'S GIVE HIM A WELCOME!

REPORT. LET'S GIVE HIM A WELCOME! COME ON! JIMMY JOE RED SKY!

LET'S GIVE HIM A WELCOME! COME ON! JIMMY JOE RED SKY! HELLO, NICK!

COME ON! JIMMY JOE RED SKY! HELLO, NICK! LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE!

HELLO, NICK! LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE! WHOA! WHAT IS THAT?!

LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE! WHOA! WHAT IS THAT?! IT'S A PORCUPINE!

WHOA! WHAT IS THAT?! IT'S A PORCUPINE! I WAS COMING DOWN BEAR RUN,

IT'S A PORCUPINE! I WAS COMING DOWN BEAR RUN, DOING ABOUT 50 IN THE SNOWCAT,

I WAS COMING DOWN BEAR RUN, DOING ABOUT 50 IN THE SNOWCAT, AND HE RAN RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF

DOING ABOUT 50 IN THE SNOWCAT, AND HE RAN RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME.

AND HE RAN RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME. HE FROZE!

ME. HE FROZE! HE LOOKED IN THE HEADLIGHTS,

HE FROZE! HE LOOKED IN THE HEADLIGHTS, FROZE, AND I HIT HIM.

HE LOOKED IN THE HEADLIGHTS, FROZE, AND I HIT HIM. I HIT HIM WITH THE SNOW PACKER.

FROZE, AND I HIT HIM. I HIT HIM WITH THE SNOW PACKER. HE'S FROZEN UP SOLID NOW.

I HIT HIM WITH THE SNOW PACKER. HE'S FROZEN UP SOLID NOW. BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN MAKE A

HE'S FROZEN UP SOLID NOW. BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN MAKE A GOOD SOUP OUT OF THE QUILLS, YOU

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN MAKE A GOOD SOUP OUT OF THE QUILLS, YOU KNOW?

GOOD SOUP OUT OF THE QUILLS, YOU KNOW? WELL, HOW ARE THE SNOW

KNOW? WELL, HOW ARE THE SNOW CONDITIONS FOR TOMORROW?

WELL, HOW ARE THE SNOW CONDITIONS FOR TOMORROW? ONE THING ABOUT INDIANS IS THAT

CONDITIONS FOR TOMORROW? ONE THING ABOUT INDIANS IS THAT THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING

ONE THING ABOUT INDIANS IS THAT THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO SNOW, AND I LOVE THAT.

THEY ALWAYS KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO SNOW, AND I LOVE THAT. IT'S TERRIFIC.

TO SNOW, AND I LOVE THAT. IT'S TERRIFIC. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT

IT'S TERRIFIC. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TOMORROW?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TOMORROW? WELL, MY NOSE TELLS ME IT'S

TOMORROW? WELL, MY NOSE TELLS ME IT'S GONNA SNOW TOMORROW.

WELL, MY NOSE TELLS ME IT'S GONNA SNOW TOMORROW. YOU SEE THE VEINS STICKING OUT?

GONNA SNOW TOMORROW. YOU SEE THE VEINS STICKING OUT? I GUESS YOU'LL GET ABOUT 3 TO 6

YOU SEE THE VEINS STICKING OUT? I GUESS YOU'LL GET ABOUT 3 TO 6 INCHES.

I GUESS YOU'LL GET ABOUT 3 TO 6 INCHES. I KNOW, BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE OUT

INCHES. I KNOW, BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE OUT THERE MAKING IT WITH MY SNOW

I KNOW, BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE OUT THERE MAKING IT WITH MY SNOW GUNS.

THERE MAKING IT WITH MY SNOW GUNS. I NEED A DRINK.

GUNS. I NEED A DRINK. OKAY, AND THIS ONE'S ON

I NEED A DRINK. OKAY, AND THIS ONE'S ON NICK WINTERS.

OKAY, AND THIS ONE'S ON NICK WINTERS. IF YOU WOULD, HERBERT.

NICK WINTERS. IF YOU WOULD, HERBERT. THANK YOU.

IF YOU WOULD, HERBERT. THANK YOU. WELL, GREAT.

THANK YOU. WELL, GREAT. THERE YOU HAVE IT.

WELL, GREAT. THERE YOU HAVE IT. HEY, EVERYBODY, SNOW TOMORROW.

THERE YOU HAVE IT. HEY, EVERYBODY, SNOW TOMORROW. BUT LET'S ALL THINK POWDER AND

HEY, EVERYBODY, SNOW TOMORROW. BUT LET'S ALL THINK POWDER AND LOTS OF IT, PLEASE?

BUT LET'S ALL THINK POWDER AND LOTS OF IT, PLEASE? WHO'S A POWDER ANIMAL?

LOTS OF IT, PLEASE? WHO'S A POWDER ANIMAL? EVERYBODY! ALL RIGHT!

WHO'S A POWDER ANIMAL? EVERYBODY! ALL RIGHT! OKAY, PAULY, YOU READY TO PLAY A

EVERYBODY! ALL RIGHT! OKAY, PAULY, YOU READY TO PLAY A LITTLE BIT OF MUSIC?

OKAY, PAULY, YOU READY TO PLAY A LITTLE BIT OF MUSIC? NO.

LITTLE BIT OF MUSIC? NO. NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

NO. NOW WAIT A MINUTE! THIS IS THE NICK WINTERS SHOW,

NOW WAIT A MINUTE! THIS IS THE NICK WINTERS SHOW, AND I DO THE ENTERTAINING, THANK

THIS IS THE NICK WINTERS SHOW, AND I DO THE ENTERTAINING, THANK YOU!

AND I DO THE ENTERTAINING, THANK YOU! LET'S GO OUT WITH SOMETHING

YOU! LET'S GO OUT WITH SOMETHING REALLY HOT FOR THESE FOLKS...

LET'S GO OUT WITH SOMETHING REALLY HOT FOR THESE FOLKS... THE BIG HIT OUT OF '77.

REALLY HOT FOR THESE FOLKS... THE BIG HIT OUT OF '77. ♪ AH... STAR WARS,

THE BIG HIT OUT OF '77. ♪ AH... STAR WARS, NOTHING BUT STAR WARS ♪

♪ AH... STAR WARS, NOTHING BUT STAR WARS ♪ ♪ GIVE ME THOSE STAR WARS ♪

NOTHING BUT STAR WARS ♪ ♪ GIVE ME THOSE STAR WARS ♪ ♪ DON'T LET THEM END ♪

♪ GIVE ME THOSE STAR WARS ♪ ♪ DON'T LET THEM END ♪ ♪ AH, STAR WARS ♪

♪ DON'T LET THEM END ♪ ♪ AH, STAR WARS ♪ ♪ IF THEY SHOULD BAR WARS ♪

♪ AH, STAR WARS ♪ ♪ IF THEY SHOULD BAR WARS ♪ ♪ PLEASE LET THESE STAR WARS

♪ IF THEY SHOULD BAR WARS ♪ ♪ PLEASE LET THESE STAR WARS STAY ♪

♪ PLEASE LET THESE STAR WARS STAY ♪ ♪ AND, HEY,

STAY ♪ ♪ AND, HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT NUTTY "STAR WARS"

♪ AND, HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT NUTTY "STAR WARS" BAR? ♪

HOW ABOUT THAT NUTTY "STAR WARS" BAR? ♪ ♪ CAN YOU FORGET ALL

BAR? ♪ ♪ CAN YOU FORGET ALL THE CREATURES IN THERE? ♪

♪ CAN YOU FORGET ALL THE CREATURES IN THERE? ♪ ♪ AND, HEY, DARTH VADER

THE CREATURES IN THERE? ♪ ♪ AND, HEY, DARTH VADER IN THAT BLACK AND EVIL MASK ♪

♪ AND, HEY, DARTH VADER IN THAT BLACK AND EVIL MASK ♪ ♪ DID HE SCARE YOU AS MUCH AS HE

IN THAT BLACK AND EVIL MASK ♪ ♪ DID HE SCARE YOU AS MUCH AS HE SCARED ME? ♪

♪ DID HE SCARE YOU AS MUCH AS HE SCARED ME? ♪ AAHHH!

SCARED ME? ♪ AAHHH! ♪ STAR WARS,

AAHHH! ♪ STAR WARS, THOSE NEAR AND FAR WARS ♪

♪ STAR WARS, THOSE NEAR AND FAR WARS ♪ MY SEVENTH WINTER UP HERE!

THOSE NEAR AND FAR WARS ♪ MY SEVENTH WINTER UP HERE! ♪ STAR WARS ♪

[French accent] GOOD EVENING. I AM...

AND WELCOME TO "FROGS LOOK AT FILM." ALORS, JEAN-PAUL SARTRE HAS

FILM." ALORS, JEAN-PAUL SARTRE HAS CALLED HIM L'IDIOT SACRé.

ALORS, JEAN-PAUL SARTRE HAS CALLED HIM L'IDIOT SACRé. JEAN GENET HAS CALLED HIM

CALLED HIM L'IDIOT SACRé. JEAN GENET HAS CALLED HIM L'IMBéCILE MAGNIFIQUE.

JEAN GENET HAS CALLED HIM L'IMBéCILE MAGNIFIQUE. BUT TO THE MILLIONS OF FRENCHMEN

L'IMBéCILE MAGNIFIQUE. BUT TO THE MILLIONS OF FRENCHMEN WHO ADORE HIM, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY

BUT TO THE MILLIONS OF FRENCHMEN WHO ADORE HIM, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY AS LE MORON STUPIDE.

WHO ADORE HIM, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY AS LE MORON STUPIDE. I AM SPEAKING, OF COURSE, OF

AS LE MORON STUPIDE. I AM SPEAKING, OF COURSE, OF JERRY LEWIS, WITHOUT QUESTION

I AM SPEAKING, OF COURSE, OF JERRY LEWIS, WITHOUT QUESTION THE MIGHTIEST CINEMATIC GENIUS

JERRY LEWIS, WITHOUT QUESTION THE MIGHTIEST CINEMATIC GENIUS OF THE 20th CENTURY.

THE MIGHTIEST CINEMATIC GENIUS OF THE 20th CENTURY. IT IS A GREAT HONOR TO PRESENT

OF THE 20th CENTURY. IT IS A GREAT HONOR TO PRESENT THE CLASSIC FILM...

IT IS A GREAT HONOR TO PRESENT THE CLASSIC FILM... [SPEAKING FRENCH]

THE CLASSIC FILM... [SPEAKING FRENCH] OR, AS IT WAS RELEASED IN

[SPEAKING FRENCH] OR, AS IT WAS RELEASED IN AMERICA, "THE NUTTY AIR-TRAFFIC

OR, AS IT WAS RELEASED IN AMERICA, "THE NUTTY AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER."

AMERICA, "THE NUTTY AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER." I THINK YOU'LL AGREE.

CONTROLLER." I THINK YOU'LL AGREE. THIS IS THE CRèME DE LEWIS.

I THINK YOU'LL AGREE. THIS IS THE CRèME DE LEWIS. ENJOY.

NOW, YOU'RE QUITE SURE ABOUT THIS, KITTEN. OH, YES, DADDY.

THIS, KITTEN. OH, YES, DADDY. MELVIN JUST NEEDS A CHANCE TO

OH, YES, DADDY. MELVIN JUST NEEDS A CHANCE TO PROVE HIMSELF.

MELVIN JUST NEEDS A CHANCE TO PROVE HIMSELF. WELL, VERY WELL, THEN.

PROVE HIMSELF. WELL, VERY WELL, THEN. MELVIN, WOULD YOU STEP IN HERE,

WELL, VERY WELL, THEN. MELVIN, WOULD YOU STEP IN HERE, PLEASE?

MELVIN, WOULD YOU STEP IN HERE, PLEASE? WHAA!

PLEASE? WHAA! MELVIN, YOU HAVE HAD THREE

WHAA! MELVIN, YOU HAVE HAD THREE JOBS HERE AT BUTTERWORTH

MELVIN, YOU HAVE HAD THREE JOBS HERE AT BUTTERWORTH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT... DOOR

JOBS HERE AT BUTTERWORTH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT... DOOR BOY, ERRAND BOY, AND BELLBOY...

INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT... DOOR BOY, ERRAND BOY, AND BELLBOY... AND THEY'VE ALL BEEN DISASTERS!

BOY, ERRAND BOY, AND BELLBOY... AND THEY'VE ALL BEEN DISASTERS! DON'T HIT... DON'T HIT A

AND THEY'VE ALL BEEN DISASTERS! DON'T HIT... DON'T HIT A PERSON!

DON'T HIT... DON'T HIT A PERSON! BUT BECAUSE MY LITTLE

PERSON! BUT BECAUSE MY LITTLE PRINCESS HAS FAITH IN YOU, I'M

BUT BECAUSE MY LITTLE PRINCESS HAS FAITH IN YOU, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE LAST

PRINCESS HAS FAITH IN YOU, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE.

GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE. OH, THANK YOU,

CHANCE. OH, THANK YOU, MR. BLISTERWART.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. BLISTERWART. AS AN AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER.

MR. BLISTERWART. AS AN AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. OH, THANK YOU,

AS AN AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. OH, THANK YOU, MR. BUTTERBLIMP.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. BUTTERBLIMP. THE NAME IS BUTTERWORTH!

MR. BUTTERBLIMP. THE NAME IS BUTTERWORTH! CHESTER B. BUTTERWORTH!

THE NAME IS BUTTERWORTH! CHESTER B. BUTTERWORTH! MR. BUTTERBLIMPER.

CHESTER B. BUTTERWORTH! MR. BUTTERBLIMPER. NOW, MELVIN, YOU'LL BE

MR. BUTTERBLIMPER. NOW, MELVIN, YOU'LL BE WORKING CLOSELY WITH THESE THREE

NOW, MELVIN, YOU'LL BE WORKING CLOSELY WITH THESE THREE GENTLEMEN... CLYDE HYMAN,

WORKING CLOSELY WITH THESE THREE GENTLEMEN... CLYDE HYMAN, STEVEN CLAVIN, AND

GENTLEMEN... CLYDE HYMAN, STEVEN CLAVIN, AND IRWIN FLAMEN.

STEVEN CLAVIN, AND IRWIN FLAMEN. HI, MR. HYMAN, MR. CLAVIN,

IRWIN FLAMEN. HI, MR. HYMAN, MR. CLAVIN, MR. BLOYMEN.

HI, MR. HYMAN, MR. CLAVIN, MR. BLOYMEN. MR. CLAVIN, PLEASE GIVE

MR. BLOYMEN. MR. CLAVIN, PLEASE GIVE MELVIN YOUR HEADSET, AND,

MR. CLAVIN, PLEASE GIVE MELVIN YOUR HEADSET, AND, MR. FLAMEN, IF YOU COULD EXPLAIN

MELVIN YOUR HEADSET, AND, MR. FLAMEN, IF YOU COULD EXPLAIN MELVIN'S DUTIES TO HIM, PLEASE.

MR. FLAMEN, IF YOU COULD EXPLAIN MELVIN'S DUTIES TO HIM, PLEASE. AND, MELVIN, IN THE FUTURE,

MELVIN'S DUTIES TO HIM, PLEASE. AND, MELVIN, IN THE FUTURE, WOULD YOU KINDLY WEAR REAL

AND, MELVIN, IN THE FUTURE, WOULD YOU KINDLY WEAR REAL CLOTHES?!

WOULD YOU KINDLY WEAR REAL CLOTHES?! AAH!

CLOTHES?! AAH! OKAY.

AAH! OKAY. THANK YOU, MR. BESTERWART,

OKAY. THANK YOU, MR. BESTERWART, MR. BUTTERBLIMP.

THANK YOU, MR. BESTERWART, MR. BUTTERBLIMP. THAT'S BUTTERWORTH!

MR. BUTTERBLIMP. THAT'S BUTTERWORTH! OH! I'M SORRY!

THAT'S BUTTERWORTH! OH! I'M SORRY! OH, DON'T MIND DADDY, MELVIN.

OH! I'M SORRY! OH, DON'T MIND DADDY, MELVIN. HE'S JUST SO PARTICULAR ABOUT

OH, DON'T MIND DADDY, MELVIN. HE'S JUST SO PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS AIRPORT.

HE'S JUST SO PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS AIRPORT. I KNOW IN TIME HE'LL LOVE YOU

HIS AIRPORT. I KNOW IN TIME HE'LL LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I DO.

I KNOW IN TIME HE'LL LOVE YOU JUST AS MUCH AS I DO. ♪ LA LA LA, LA LA LA ♪

JUST AS MUCH AS I DO. ♪ LA LA LA, LA LA LA ♪ ♪ LA LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA, LA LA LA ♪ ♪ LA LA ♪ YOU'RE A NICE LADY.

♪ LA LA ♪ YOU'RE A NICE LADY. GOOD LUCK, MELVIN.

YOU'RE A NICE LADY. GOOD LUCK, MELVIN. OKAY, MELVIN, TAKE A LOOK AT

GOOD LUCK, MELVIN. OKAY, MELVIN, TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SCREEN HERE, AND I'LL BRIEF

OKAY, MELVIN, TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR SCREEN HERE, AND I'LL BRIEF YOU ON THE TRAFFIC PATTERN IN

YOUR SCREEN HERE, AND I'LL BRIEF YOU ON THE TRAFFIC PATTERN IN YOUR SECTOR.

YOU ON THE TRAFFIC PATTERN IN YOUR SECTOR. OKAY, IT'S GETTING PRETTY BUSY

YOUR SECTOR. OKAY, IT'S GETTING PRETTY BUSY OUT THERE.

OKAY, IT'S GETTING PRETTY BUSY OUT THERE. BRAKING CONDITIONS ARE FAIR TO

OUT THERE. BRAKING CONDITIONS ARE FAIR TO POOR, ZERO ROLLOUT, AND ZERO

BRAKING CONDITIONS ARE FAIR TO POOR, ZERO ROLLOUT, AND ZERO VISIBILITY.

POOR, ZERO ROLLOUT, AND ZERO VISIBILITY. AS YOU CAN SEE HERE, YOU'VE GOT

VISIBILITY. AS YOU CAN SEE HERE, YOU'VE GOT TWO JUMBO JETS HOLDING TO COME

AS YOU CAN SEE HERE, YOU'VE GOT TWO JUMBO JETS HOLDING TO COME IN HERE.

TWO JUMBO JETS HOLDING TO COME IN HERE. YEAH.

IN HERE. YEAH. THAT IS A TRANSEASTERN 601 AT

YEAH. THAT IS A TRANSEASTERN 601 AT 10:00 AND A PAN ASIAN AT 11:00,

THAT IS A TRANSEASTERN 601 AT 10:00 AND A PAN ASIAN AT 11:00, OKAY?

10:00 AND A PAN ASIAN AT 11:00, OKAY? I THINK YOU'LL PICK THIS UP

OKAY? I THINK YOU'LL PICK THIS UP PRETTY QUICKLY.

I THINK YOU'LL PICK THIS UP PRETTY QUICKLY. OH, SURE.

PRETTY QUICKLY. OH, SURE. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T

OH, SURE. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T SEND THEM TO THE SAME RUNWAY,

BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T SEND THEM TO THE SAME RUNWAY, OKAY?

SEND THEM TO THE SAME RUNWAY, OKAY? BUTTERWORTH CENTER, THIS IS

OKAY? BUTTERWORTH CENTER, THIS IS PAN ASIAN 28 HEAVY.

BUTTERWORTH CENTER, THIS IS PAN ASIAN 28 HEAVY. STARTING DESCENT NOW AT 6,000.

PAN ASIAN 28 HEAVY. STARTING DESCENT NOW AT 6,000. STILL WITH YOU. OVER.

STARTING DESCENT NOW AT 6,000. STILL WITH YOU. OVER. COME IN, PAN ASIAN 28.

STILL WITH YOU. OVER. COME IN, PAN ASIAN 28. HI! THIS IS MELVIN.

COME IN, PAN ASIAN 28. HI! THIS IS MELVIN. MELVIN?

HI! THIS IS MELVIN. MELVIN? I MEAN, ROGER.

MELVIN? I MEAN, ROGER. I MEAN, MELVIN.

I MEAN, ROGER. I MEAN, MELVIN. AND MR. FLAMEN AND MR. FLAMEN

I MEAN, MELVIN. AND MR. FLAMEN AND MR. FLAMEN AND MR. KLAMEN.

AND MR. FLAMEN AND MR. FLAMEN AND MR. KLAMEN. TRANSEASTERN 601 HEAVY WITH

AND MR. KLAMEN. TRANSEASTERN 601 HEAVY WITH YOU.

TRANSEASTERN 601 HEAVY WITH YOU. WE'RE HEADING TOWARDS OUTER

YOU. WE'RE HEADING TOWARDS OUTER MARKER AT 2,000.

WE'RE HEADING TOWARDS OUTER MARKER AT 2,000. REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND

MARKER AT 2,000. REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND RUNWAY 22 LEFT.

REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND RUNWAY 22 LEFT. OVER.

RUNWAY 22 LEFT. OVER. WAIT A MINUTE,

OVER. WAIT A MINUTE, MR. TRANSEASTERN.

WAIT A MINUTE, MR. TRANSEASTERN. I'M TALKING TO PAN ASIAN.

MR. TRANSEASTERN. I'M TALKING TO PAN ASIAN. PAN ASIAN 28 WITH YOU AT

I'M TALKING TO PAN ASIAN. PAN ASIAN 28 WITH YOU AT 2,000.

PAN ASIAN 28 WITH YOU AT 2,000. WE'RE LOOKING FOR THAT

2,000. WE'RE LOOKING FOR THAT TRANSEASTERN 601.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR THAT TRANSEASTERN 601. ESTIMATE CLOSE PROXIMITY.

TRANSEASTERN 601. ESTIMATE CLOSE PROXIMITY. STILL NO CONTACT.

ESTIMATE CLOSE PROXIMITY. STILL NO CONTACT. REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND,

STILL NO CONTACT. REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND, RUNWAY 22 LEFT.

REQUEST PERMISSION TO LAND, RUNWAY 22 LEFT. STOP HOLLERING.

RUNWAY 22 LEFT. STOP HOLLERING. TRANSAMERICAN... MR. FLAMEN.

STOP HOLLERING. TRANSAMERICAN... MR. FLAMEN. TRANSEASTERN 601 HEADING 260

TRANSAMERICAN... MR. FLAMEN. TRANSEASTERN 601 HEADING 260 AT 2,000 TO RUNWAY 22 LEFT.

TRANSEASTERN 601 HEADING 260 AT 2,000 TO RUNWAY 22 LEFT. PLEASE ADVISE.

AT 2,000 TO RUNWAY 22 LEFT. PLEASE ADVISE. WHERE ARE YOU, BUTTERWORTH?

PLEASE ADVISE. WHERE ARE YOU, BUTTERWORTH? MR. CLAVIN...

WHERE ARE YOU, BUTTERWORTH? MR. CLAVIN... I'M AT BUTTERWORTH.

MR. CLAVIN... I'M AT BUTTERWORTH. JUST SPOTTED TRANSEASTERN 601!

I'M AT BUTTERWORTH. JUST SPOTTED TRANSEASTERN 601! OH, DON'T GO THAT WAY!

JUST SPOTTED TRANSEASTERN 601! OH, DON'T GO THAT WAY! OH, THEY WENT.

OH, DON'T GO THAT WAY! OH, THEY WENT. MR. FLAMEN, THE TWO... THEY WENT

OH, THEY WENT. MR. FLAMEN, THE TWO... THEY WENT TOGETHER.

MR. FLAMEN, THE TWO... THEY WENT TOGETHER. IT'S NOT GOOD.

TOGETHER. IT'S NOT GOOD. THEY WENT IN THE SAME... THERE

IT'S NOT GOOD. THEY WENT IN THE SAME... THERE WAS YELLING.

THEY WENT IN THE SAME... THERE WAS YELLING. THEY WERE THERE.

WAS YELLING. THEY WERE THERE. WHEN AM I GONNA GET YELLED AT?

THEY WERE THERE. WHEN AM I GONNA GET YELLED AT? YEAH.

WHEN AM I GONNA GET YELLED AT? YEAH. THE TWO PLANES...

YEAH. THE TWO PLANES... ALL RIGHT, WHO WAS

THE TWO PLANES... ALL RIGHT, WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE TWO 747s

ALL RIGHT, WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE TWO 747s CRASHING INTO EACH OTHER?

RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE TWO 747s CRASHING INTO EACH OTHER? IT WAS MELVIN, SIR.

CRASHING INTO EACH OTHER? IT WAS MELVIN, SIR. YOU COULD LOOK AT ME.

IT WAS MELVIN, SIR. YOU COULD LOOK AT ME. YOU COULD TOUCH ME.

YOU COULD LOOK AT ME. YOU COULD TOUCH ME. BUT DON'T HIT ME.

YOU COULD TOUCH ME. BUT DON'T HIT ME. I'M SORRY.

BUT DON'T HIT ME. I'M SORRY. I DID BAD.

I'M SORRY. I DID BAD. I'LL LEAVE.

I DID BAD. I'LL LEAVE. I GUESS I'M... I'M JUST NOT SUCH

I'LL LEAVE. I GUESS I'M... I'M JUST NOT SUCH A SMART PERSON.

I GUESS I'M... I'M JUST NOT SUCH A SMART PERSON. I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

A SMART PERSON. I DIDN'T MEAN TO. I'LL GO NOW.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO. I'LL GO NOW. TELL VERONICA I LOVE HER.

I'LL GO NOW. TELL VERONICA I LOVE HER. NOT SO FAST, YOUNG MAN!

TELL VERONICA I LOVE HER. NOT SO FAST, YOUNG MAN! COME BACK HERE!

NOT SO FAST, YOUNG MAN! COME BACK HERE! MR. BUTTERBLIMP.

COME BACK HERE! MR. BUTTERBLIMP. MELVIN, I WOULD LIKE TO SHAKE

MR. BUTTERBLIMP. MELVIN, I WOULD LIKE TO SHAKE YOUR HAND.

MELVIN, I WOULD LIKE TO SHAKE YOUR HAND. I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.

YOUR HAND. I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON. WHAT?

I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON. WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MAD?

WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MAD? THE TWO PLANES WENT BOOM

YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MAD? THE TWO PLANES WENT BOOM TOGETHER IN THE SAME...

THE TWO PLANES WENT BOOM TOGETHER IN THE SAME... IT WAS A GOOD THING, MELVIN!

TOGETHER IN THE SAME... IT WAS A GOOD THING, MELVIN! THOSE JUMBO JETS WERE FULL OF

IT WAS A GOOD THING, MELVIN! THOSE JUMBO JETS WERE FULL OF BAD RUSSIAN, CHINESE, AND

THOSE JUMBO JETS WERE FULL OF BAD RUSSIAN, CHINESE, AND JAPANESE SPIES.

BAD RUSSIAN, CHINESE, AND JAPANESE SPIES. YOU MEAN THERE WERE BAD

JAPANESE SPIES. YOU MEAN THERE WERE BAD PERSONS ON THEM?

YOU MEAN THERE WERE BAD PERSONS ON THEM? YES, MELVIN!

PERSONS ON THEM? YES, MELVIN! OH, MELVIN, I JUST HEARD WHAT

YES, MELVIN! OH, MELVIN, I JUST HEARD WHAT YOU DID, AND I'M SO PROUD OF

OH, MELVIN, I JUST HEARD WHAT YOU DID, AND I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, DARLING!

YOU DID, AND I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, DARLING! YOU KNOW, MELVIN, I'LL ADMIT

YOU, DARLING! YOU KNOW, MELVIN, I'LL ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE YOU AT FIRST.

YOU KNOW, MELVIN, I'LL ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE YOU AT FIRST. I DON'T KNOW.

THAT I DIDN'T LIKE YOU AT FIRST. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT WAS YOUR PANTS.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE IT WAS YOUR PANTS. BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF

MAYBE IT WAS YOUR PANTS. BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF RETIRING, AND, WELL, MELVIN, I'D

BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING OF RETIRING, AND, WELL, MELVIN, I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE OVER

RETIRING, AND, WELL, MELVIN, I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE OVER BUTTERWORTH INTERNATIONAL

LIKE YOU TO TAKE OVER BUTTERWORTH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR ME.

BUTTERWORTH INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT FOR ME. OH, THANK YOU,

AIRPORT FOR ME. OH, THANK YOU, MR. BUBBLEWART.

OH, THANK YOU, MR. BUBBLEWART. YOU'RE A REAL NICE PERSON.

MR. BUBBLEWART. YOU'RE A REAL NICE PERSON. NOW, MELVIN, THE AIRPORT IS

YOU'RE A REAL NICE PERSON. NOW, MELVIN, THE AIRPORT IS IN YOUR HANDS.

NOW, MELVIN, THE AIRPORT IS IN YOUR HANDS. AND YOUR FIRST JOB IS TO GET OUT

IN YOUR HANDS. AND YOUR FIRST JOB IS TO GET OUT THERE AND CLEAN UP THAT RUNWAY!

AND YOUR FIRST JOB IS TO GET OUT THERE AND CLEAN UP THAT RUNWAY! OKAY!

[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS] YEAH, THAT WAS "GIVE ME BACK MY ALGEBRA HOMEWORK, BABY" BY

YEAH, THAT WAS "GIVE ME BACK MY ALGEBRA HOMEWORK, BABY" BY THE NERDS.

MY ALGEBRA HOMEWORK, BABY" BY THE NERDS. ACID ROCK, PUNK ROCK, WHAT NEXT?

THE NERDS. ACID ROCK, PUNK ROCK, WHAT NEXT? I'M LARRY DUGGAN, AND SITTING

ACID ROCK, PUNK ROCK, WHAT NEXT? I'M LARRY DUGGAN, AND SITTING HERE WITH ME THIS AFTERNOON AT

I'M LARRY DUGGAN, AND SITTING HERE WITH ME THIS AFTERNOON AT KLOG-FM IS THE GROUP WHO

HERE WITH ME THIS AFTERNOON AT KLOG-FM IS THE GROUP WHO RECORDED THAT LAST SONG, THE

KLOG-FM IS THE GROUP WHO RECORDED THAT LAST SONG, THE NERDS, AND THEY FEEL THAT THEY

RECORDED THAT LAST SONG, THE NERDS, AND THEY FEEL THAT THEY HAVE THE ANSWER... WHAT THEY

NERDS, AND THEY FEEL THAT THEY HAVE THE ANSWER... WHAT THEY CALL "NERD ROCK."

HAVE THE ANSWER... WHAT THEY CALL "NERD ROCK." SO LET'S JUST START BY GETTING

CALL "NERD ROCK." SO LET'S JUST START BY GETTING EVERYBODY'S NAME.

SO LET'S JUST START BY GETTING EVERYBODY'S NAME. I'M SPAZ.

EVERYBODY'S NAME. I'M SPAZ. SALUTATIONS FROM THE UNITED

I'M SPAZ. SALUTATIONS FROM THE UNITED NATIONS.

SALUTATIONS FROM THE UNITED NATIONS. I'M "FOUR EYES."

NATIONS. I'M "FOUR EYES." UM... I'M "PIZZA FACE."

I'M "FOUR EYES." UM... I'M "PIZZA FACE." PIZZA FACE?

UM... I'M "PIZZA FACE." PIZZA FACE? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU... NEVER

PIZZA FACE? WHY DO THEY CALL YOU... NEVER MIND.

WHY DO THEY CALL YOU... NEVER MIND. THREE GUESSES, AND THE FIRST

MIND. THREE GUESSES, AND THE FIRST TWO DON'T COUNT.

THREE GUESSES, AND THE FIRST TWO DON'T COUNT. YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA DO THIS

TWO DON'T COUNT. YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA DO THIS INTERVIEW IN PHONES.

YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA DO THIS INTERVIEW IN PHONES. MAYBE IT'LL HELP.

INTERVIEW IN PHONES. MAYBE IT'LL HELP. TELL ME.

MAYBE IT'LL HELP. TELL ME. WHY DID YOU CALL YOURSELVES THE

TELL ME. WHY DID YOU CALL YOURSELVES THE NERDS?

WHY DID YOU CALL YOURSELVES THE NERDS? WE DIDN'T.

NERDS? WE DIDN'T. OTHER PEOPLE DID.

WE DIDN'T. OTHER PEOPLE DID. YEAH, WE HAD ORIGINALLY

OTHER PEOPLE DID. YEAH, WE HAD ORIGINALLY WANTED TO CALL OURSELVES THE

YEAH, WE HAD ORIGINALLY WANTED TO CALL OURSELVES THE BELL TONES.

WANTED TO CALL OURSELVES THE BELL TONES. WELL, WE'LL BE GIVING AWAY

BELL TONES. WELL, WE'LL BE GIVING AWAY COPIES OF THE NERDS' NEW ALBUM,

WELL, WE'LL BE GIVING AWAY COPIES OF THE NERDS' NEW ALBUM, "TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE

COPIES OF THE NERDS' NEW ALBUM, "TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE LIKED," TO THE FIRST 10 LUCKY

"TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE LIKED," TO THE FIRST 10 LUCKY KLOG-FM LISTENERS WHO CALL IN.

LIKED," TO THE FIRST 10 LUCKY KLOG-FM LISTENERS WHO CALL IN. YOU GET SONGS LIKE "I'LL GIVE

KLOG-FM LISTENERS WHO CALL IN. YOU GET SONGS LIKE "I'LL GIVE YOU MY LUNCH MONEY," "I CAN'T

YOU GET SONGS LIKE "I'LL GIVE YOU MY LUNCH MONEY," "I CAN'T HELP IT IF I HAVE EGG SALAD ON

YOU MY LUNCH MONEY," "I CAN'T HELP IT IF I HAVE EGG SALAD ON MY RETAINER," AND "LET MY HEAD

HELP IT IF I HAVE EGG SALAD ON MY RETAINER, " AND " LET MY HEAD UP OUT OF THE JOHN, AND I'LL

MY RETAINER, " AND " LET MY HEAD UP OUT OF THE JOHN, AND I'LL GIVE YOU TOMORROW'S LUNCH

UP OUT OF THE JOHN, AND I'LL GIVE YOU TOMORROW'S LUNCH MONEY."

GIVE YOU TOMORROW'S LUNCH MONEY." SOUNDS LIKE A DYNAMITE ALBUM.

MONEY." SOUNDS LIKE A DYNAMITE ALBUM. TELL ME.

SOUNDS LIKE A DYNAMITE ALBUM. TELL ME. HOW DID THE GROUP GET TOGETHER?

TELL ME. HOW DID THE GROUP GET TOGETHER? OH, WELL, MY AUNT FIXED US

HOW DID THE GROUP GET TOGETHER? OH, WELL, MY AUNT FIXED US UP.

OH, WELL, MY AUNT FIXED US UP. DO YOU REMEMBER IN THE MALTESE

UP. DO YOU REMEMBER IN THE MALTESE BIPPY WHERE THIS GUY...

DO YOU REMEMBER IN THE MALTESE BIPPY WHERE THIS GUY... HEADLOCK! HEADLOCK!

BIPPY WHERE THIS GUY... HEADLOCK! HEADLOCK! WELL, HERE'S THOSE NOOGIES THAT

HEADLOCK! HEADLOCK! WELL, HERE'S THOSE NOOGIES THAT YOU WANTED.

WELL, HERE'S THOSE NOOGIES THAT YOU WANTED. HOW MANY DID YOU SAY?

YOU WANTED. HOW MANY DID YOU SAY? WAS IT SIX OR SEVEN?

HOW MANY DID YOU SAY? WAS IT SIX OR SEVEN? WAS THAT PART OF YOUR ACT?

WAS IT SIX OR SEVEN? WAS THAT PART OF YOUR ACT? NO, BUT THIS IS... INDIAN

WAS THAT PART OF YOUR ACT? NO, BUT THIS IS... INDIAN BURN!

NO, BUT THIS IS... INDIAN BURN! INDIAN BURN!

BURN! INDIAN BURN! THAT'S REAL FUNNY.

INDIAN BURN! THAT'S REAL FUNNY. SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH.

THAT'S REAL FUNNY. SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH. [LAUGHS]

SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH. [LAUGHS] I WISH YOU KLOG-FM LISTENERS

[LAUGHS] I WISH YOU KLOG-FM LISTENERS COULD SEE THESE NERDS.

I WISH YOU KLOG-FM LISTENERS COULD SEE THESE NERDS. PIZZA FACE, YOU'VE GOT DOZENS OF

COULD SEE THESE NERDS. PIZZA FACE, YOU'VE GOT DOZENS OF PENS AND PENCILS IN SOME KIND OF

PIZZA FACE, YOU'VE GOT DOZENS OF PENS AND PENCILS IN SOME KIND OF PLASTIC THING IN YOUR POCKET.

PENS AND PENCILS IN SOME KIND OF PLASTIC THING IN YOUR POCKET. AND, FOUR EYES, YOU'VE GOT A LOT

PLASTIC THING IN YOUR POCKET. AND, FOUR EYES, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF YELLOW PLAQUE ON YOUR TEETH.

AND, FOUR EYES, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF YELLOW PLAQUE ON YOUR TEETH. AND, SPAZ, YOU'RE WEARING A

OF YELLOW PLAQUE ON YOUR TEETH. AND, SPAZ, YOU'RE WEARING A "THIMK" BUTTON.

AND, SPAZ, YOU'RE WEARING A "THIMK" BUTTON. YOU KNOW, I'M CURIOUS.

"THIMK" BUTTON. YOU KNOW, I'M CURIOUS. THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS TOUGH.

YOU KNOW, I'M CURIOUS. THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS TOUGH. WHAT EXACTLY GIVES YOU NERDS THE

THE MUSIC BUSINESS IS TOUGH. WHAT EXACTLY GIVES YOU NERDS THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE GONNA

WHAT EXACTLY GIVES YOU NERDS THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE GONNA CATCH ON?

IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE GONNA CATCH ON? WELL, WE'RE JUST AN IDEA

CATCH ON? WELL, WE'RE JUST AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME.

WELL, WE'RE JUST AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME. WE'RE YOUNG, WE'RE GIFTED, AND

WHOSE TIME HAS COME. WE'RE YOUNG, WE'RE GIFTED, AND WE'RE NERDS.

WE'RE YOUNG, WE'RE GIFTED, AND WE'RE NERDS. AND IT'S OUR TURN TO BE POPULAR!

WE'RE NERDS. AND IT'S OUR TURN TO BE POPULAR! AND IF THE PUNKS DON'T LIKE

AND IT'S OUR TURN TO BE POPULAR! AND IF THE PUNKS DON'T LIKE IT, THEY CAN GO TO H-E-DOUBLE

AND IF THE PUNKS DON'T LIKE IT, THEY CAN GO TO H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS.

IT, THEY CAN GO TO H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS. COME ON, LISTENERS.

HOCKEY STICKS. COME ON, LISTENERS. WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE AWAY THOSE

COME ON, LISTENERS. WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE AWAY THOSE FREE NERD ALBUMS.

WE'RE TRYING TO GIVE AWAY THOSE FREE NERD ALBUMS. SO GIVE US A CALL.

FREE NERD ALBUMS. SO GIVE US A CALL. SOMETIMES I JUST START

SO GIVE US A CALL. SOMETIMES I JUST START TALKING IN A MEXICAN ACCENT FOR

SOMETIMES I JUST START TALKING IN A MEXICAN ACCENT FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

TALKING IN A MEXICAN ACCENT FOR NO REASON AT ALL. AND I'LL JUST TALK LIKE THAT FOR

NO REASON AT ALL. AND I'LL JUST TALK LIKE THAT FOR DAYS AT A TIME.

AND I'LL JUST TALK LIKE THAT FOR DAYS AT A TIME. NO MATTER WHAT YOU WOULD SAY, I

DAYS AT A TIME. NO MATTER WHAT YOU WOULD SAY, I WOULD ALWAYS ANSWER YOU LIKE A

NO MATTER WHAT YOU WOULD SAY, I WOULD ALWAYS ANSWER YOU LIKE A MEXICAN.

WOULD ALWAYS ANSWER YOU LIKE A MEXICAN. WELL, NOW, THAT'S PRETTY

MEXICAN. WELL, NOW, THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY!

WELL, NOW, THAT'S PRETTY FUNNY! WAS THAT FROM YOUR ACT?

FUNNY! WAS THAT FROM YOUR ACT? NO.

WAS THAT FROM YOUR ACT? NO. HEY, YOUR HOBBY SHOP'S OPEN.

NO. HEY, YOUR HOBBY SHOP'S OPEN. OH, IS THAT YOUR HOBBY?

HEY, YOUR HOBBY SHOP'S OPEN. OH, IS THAT YOUR HOBBY? WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT...

OH, IS THAT YOUR HOBBY? WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT... THE NERD WIT.

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT... THE NERD WIT. YOU HEARD IT FIRST ON KLOG-FM.

THE NERD WIT. YOU HEARD IT FIRST ON KLOG-FM. WELL, WE STILL HAVE 10 FREE NERD

YOU HEARD IT FIRST ON KLOG-FM. WELL, WE STILL HAVE 10 FREE NERD ALBUMS TO UNLOAD ON YOU

WELL, WE STILL HAVE 10 FREE NERD ALBUMS TO UNLOAD ON YOU LISTENERS.

ALBUMS TO UNLOAD ON YOU LISTENERS. SO PICK UP THE PHONE.

LISTENERS. SO PICK UP THE PHONE. CALL ME AT KLOG-FM, PLEASE.

SO PICK UP THE PHONE. CALL ME AT KLOG-FM, PLEASE. SOMEBODY'S JUST COME INTO THE

CALL ME AT KLOG-FM, PLEASE. SOMEBODY'S JUST COME INTO THE STUDIO.

SOMEBODY'S JUST COME INTO THE STUDIO. HI, MOM!

STUDIO. HI, MOM! Both: MRS. LOOPNER!

HI, MOM! Both: MRS. LOOPNER! HI, KIDS.

Both: MRS. LOOPNER! HI, KIDS. I HATE TO INTRUDE, BUT I JUST

HI, KIDS. I HATE TO INTRUDE, BUT I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT

I HATE TO INTRUDE, BUT I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT MR. LOOPNER AND I ARE WAITING IN

WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT MR. LOOPNER AND I ARE WAITING IN THE CAR.

MR. LOOPNER AND I ARE WAITING IN THE CAR. YOU MUST BE SPAZ'S MOTHER.

THE CAR. YOU MUST BE SPAZ'S MOTHER. WELL, I'M SURE THE FOLKS OUT

YOU MUST BE SPAZ'S MOTHER. WELL, I'M SURE THE FOLKS OUT THERE WOULDN'T WANT TO KEEP

WELL, I'M SURE THE FOLKS OUT THERE WOULDN'T WANT TO KEEP MR. LOOPNER WAITING.

THERE WOULDN'T WANT TO KEEP MR. LOOPNER WAITING. SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR

MR. LOOPNER WAITING. SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR NERDS HOME?

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR NERDS HOME? OKAY, KIDS, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

NERDS HOME? OKAY, KIDS, WHAT DO YOU SAY? All: THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY

OKAY, KIDS, WHAT DO YOU SAY? All: THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY TIME, MR. DUGGAN!

All: THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY TIME, MR. DUGGAN! OKAY, NERDS.

TIME, MR. DUGGAN! OKAY, NERDS. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ALBUM,

OKAY, NERDS. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ALBUM, "TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ALBUM, "TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE LIKED."

"TRYING DESPERATELY TO BE LIKED." NOBODY SEEMS TO HAVE CALLED US

LIKED." NOBODY SEEMS TO HAVE CALLED US HERE AT KLOG-FM FOR THOSE FREE

NOBODY SEEMS TO HAVE CALLED US HERE AT KLOG-FM FOR THOSE FREE COPIES.

HERE AT KLOG-FM FOR THOSE FREE COPIES. YOU CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY.

COPIES. YOU CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY. I SURE HOPE IT SELLS.

YOU CAN'T GIVE IT AWAY. I SURE HOPE IT SELLS. WILL NERD ROCK MAKE IT?

I SURE HOPE IT SELLS. WILL NERD ROCK MAKE IT? IT'S UP TO YOU.

WILL NERD ROCK MAKE IT? IT'S UP TO YOU. I THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.

IT'S UP TO YOU. I THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. AND NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME GOOD,

I THINK YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. AND NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED PUNK SOUND, WITH

AND NOW, HOW ABOUT SOME GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED PUNK SOUND, WITH "INFECT MY WOUND," BY THE

OLD-FASHIONED PUNK SOUND, WITH "INFECT MY WOUND," BY THE PUS-TONES?

YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE JOYS OF HOSTING THIS SHOW IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH A

HOSTING THIS SHOW IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH A WONDERFUL PERFORMER LIKE

OPPORTUNITY TO WORK WITH A WONDERFUL PERFORMER LIKE BONNIE RAITT.

WONDERFUL PERFORMER LIKE BONNIE RAITT. BONNIE AND I FIRST...

BONNIE RAITT. BONNIE AND I FIRST... ROBERT, I'M SORRY TO

BONNIE AND I FIRST... ROBERT, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU.

ROBERT, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU. PLEASE EXCUSE ME, BUT I'VE JUST

INTERRUPT YOU. PLEASE EXCUSE ME, BUT I'VE JUST BEEN HANDED A "WEEKEND UPDATE"

PLEASE EXCUSE ME, BUT I'VE JUST BEEN HANDED A "WEEKEND UPDATE" BULLETIN.

BEEN HANDED A "WEEKEND UPDATE" BULLETIN. IT SEEMS THOSE GIANT LOBSTERS AS

BULLETIN. IT SEEMS THOSE GIANT LOBSTERS AS LARGE AS HELICOPTERS THAT WERE

IT SEEMS THOSE GIANT LOBSTERS AS LARGE AS HELICOPTERS THAT WERE CREATED BY THE RUSSIAN SATELLITE

LARGE AS HELICOPTERS THAT WERE CREATED BY THE RUSSIAN SATELLITE ARE MOVING DOWN THE EASTERN

CREATED BY THE RUSSIAN SATELLITE ARE MOVING DOWN THE EASTERN SEABOARD TOWARDS NEW YORK CITY.

ARE MOVING DOWN THE EASTERN SEABOARD TOWARDS NEW YORK CITY. "DESPITE EFFORTS BY THE NATIONAL

SEABOARD TOWARDS NEW YORK CITY. "DESPITE EFFORTS BY THE NATIONAL GUARD, BOSTON AND PROVIDENCE

"DESPITE EFFORTS BY THE NATIONAL GUARD, BOSTON AND PROVIDENCE HAVE FALLEN BEFORE THE HUGE

GUARD, BOSTON AND PROVIDENCE HAVE FALLEN BEFORE THE HUGE CRUSTACEANS.

HAVE FALLEN BEFORE THE HUGE CRUSTACEANS. ALL CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS HAVE

CRUSTACEANS. ALL CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS HAVE PROVEN USELESS AGAINST THEM.

ALL CONVENTIONAL WEAPONS HAVE PROVEN USELESS AGAINST THEM. MINUTES AGO, PRESIDENT CARTER

PROVEN USELESS AGAINST THEM. MINUTES AGO, PRESIDENT CARTER DECLARED A STATE OF NATIONAL

MINUTES AGO, PRESIDENT CARTER DECLARED A STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY AND ASSURED THE

DECLARED A STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY AND ASSURED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT THERE WAS

EMERGENCY AND ASSURED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT THERE WAS NO CAUSE FOR"...

AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT THERE WAS NO CAUSE FOR"... IS THAT ALL THERE IS?

NO CAUSE FOR"... IS THAT ALL THERE IS? TELETYPE MACHINE WENT DEAD

IS THAT ALL THERE IS? TELETYPE MACHINE WENT DEAD AFTER THAT.

TELETYPE MACHINE WENT DEAD AFTER THAT. WELL, IF YOU'RE AN ORTHODOX

AFTER THAT. WELL, IF YOU'RE AN ORTHODOX JEW AND LIVE HERE IN NEW YORK, I

WELL, IF YOU'RE AN ORTHODOX JEW AND LIVE HERE IN NEW YORK, I WOULDN'T WORRY, BECAUSE LOBSTERS

JEW AND LIVE HERE IN NEW YORK, I WOULDN'T WORRY, BECAUSE LOBSTERS DON'T EAT ORTHODOX JEWS, EITHER.

WOULDN'T WORRY, BECAUSE LOBSTERS DON'T EAT ORTHODOX JEWS, EITHER. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ONCE

DON'T EAT ORTHODOX JEWS, EITHER. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ONCE AGAIN, BONNIE RAITT!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ONCE AGAIN, BONNIE RAITT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AGAIN, BONNIE RAITT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [UP-TEMPO INTRODUCTION PLAYS]

♪ WELL, I TOLD YOU, PRETTY BABY, SUCH A LONG TIME AGO,

PRETTY BABY, SUCH A LONG TIME AGO, IF I FIND YOU WITH ANOTHER

SUCH A LONG TIME AGO, IF I FIND YOU WITH ANOTHER GONNA WALK RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪

IF I FIND YOU WITH ANOTHER GONNA WALK RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪ ♪ YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY ♪

GONNA WALK RIGHT OUT THE DOOR ♪ ♪ YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY ♪ ♪ ONE THING YOU GOT TO KNOW ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT THINK I'M CRAZY ♪ ♪ ONE THING YOU GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WELL, IF YOU WANT ME

♪ ONE THING YOU GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WELL, IF YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU,

♪ WELL, IF YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU, YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP

TO LOVE YOU, YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP OR LET ME GO ♪

YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP OR LET ME GO ♪ ♪ I KNOW IT'S USELESS

OR LET ME GO ♪ ♪ I KNOW IT'S USELESS TO BE JEALOUS ♪

♪ I KNOW IT'S USELESS TO BE JEALOUS ♪ ♪ I COULDN'T TIE YOU

TO BE JEALOUS ♪ ♪ I COULDN'T TIE YOU IF I TRIED ♪

♪ I COULDN'T TIE YOU IF I TRIED ♪ ♪ THINKIN' YOU'RE MESSIN'

IF I TRIED ♪ ♪ THINKIN' YOU'RE MESSIN' BEHIND MY BACK ♪

♪ THINKIN' YOU'RE MESSIN' BEHIND MY BACK ♪ ♪ IT'S A PAIN I CAN'T HIDE ♪

♪ AND IF CAN MAKE A SACRIFICE, YOU CAN DAMN WELL MAKE IT, TOO ♪

♪ WELL, YOU COME HOME DRUNK AND NASTY ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T TELL ME

DRUNK AND NASTY ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE YOU BEEN ♪

♪ YOU DON'T TELL ME WHERE YOU BEEN ♪ ♪ JUST WHEN THINGS ARE GOIN'

WHERE YOU BEEN ♪ ♪ JUST WHEN THINGS ARE GOIN' NICE AND SWEET,

♪ JUST WHEN THINGS ARE GOIN' NICE AND SWEET, YOU SLIP RIGHT OUT AGAIN ♪

NICE AND SWEET, YOU SLIP RIGHT OUT AGAIN ♪ ♪ WELL, BABY, WHY YOU HAVE TO

YOU SLIP RIGHT OUT AGAIN ♪ ♪ WELL, BABY, WHY YOU HAVE TO MESS UP A GOOD THING? ♪

♪ WELL, BABY, WHY YOU HAVE TO MESS UP A GOOD THING? ♪ ♪ I'LL HAVE TO FIND MYSELF

MESS UP A GOOD THING? ♪ ♪ I'LL HAVE TO FIND MYSELF ANOTHER MAN ♪

♪ I'LL HAVE TO FIND MYSELF ANOTHER MAN ♪ ♪ ONE WHO CAN BLOW ANYTHING ♪

♪ WELL, I TOLD YOU, BABY, LONG TIME AGO IF I CAUGHT YOU WITH ANOTHER,

LONG TIME AGO IF I CAUGHT YOU WITH ANOTHER, I'D WALK OUT YOUR DOOR ♪

IF I CAUGHT YOU WITH ANOTHER, I'D WALK OUT YOUR DOOR ♪ ♪ ONE THING YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪

I'D WALK OUT YOUR DOOR ♪ ♪ ONE THING YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ HONEY, IF YOU WANT ME

♪ ONE THING YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW ♪ ♪ HONEY, IF YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU,

♪ HONEY, IF YOU WANT ME TO LOVE YOU, GIVE IT UP OR LET IT GO ♪

TO LOVE YOU, GIVE IT UP OR LET IT GO ♪ ♪ GIVE IT UP ♪

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[COUGHS] NO KIDDING, BARBARA. I AM SO OUT OF IT.

NO KIDDING, BARBARA. I AM SO OUT OF IT. THIS IS REALLY GREAT STUFF.

I AM SO OUT OF IT. THIS IS REALLY GREAT STUFF. I KNOW.

THIS IS REALLY GREAT STUFF. I KNOW. I AM COMPLETELY WRECKED.

I KNOW. I AM COMPLETELY WRECKED. OF COURSE, WHEN I GET LIKE

I AM COMPLETELY WRECKED. OF COURSE, WHEN I GET LIKE THIS, WE ARE TALKING PARANOID

OF COURSE, WHEN I GET LIKE THIS, WE ARE TALKING PARANOID CITY.

THIS, WE ARE TALKING PARANOID CITY. I AM THE ORIGINAL SPACE CADET.

CITY. I AM THE ORIGINAL SPACE CADET. BEAM ME DOWN, CAPTAIN KIRK.

I AM THE ORIGINAL SPACE CADET. BEAM ME DOWN, CAPTAIN KIRK. YOU SEEM FINE NOW.

BEAM ME DOWN, CAPTAIN KIRK. YOU SEEM FINE NOW. WAIT.

YOU SEEM FINE NOW. WAIT. RHONDA, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST

WAIT. RHONDA, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED?

RHONDA, YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? THAT STAIN ON MY RUG LOOKS JUST

REALIZED? THAT STAIN ON MY RUG LOOKS JUST LIKE A HORSE LAUGHING.

THAT STAIN ON MY RUG LOOKS JUST LIKE A HORSE LAUGHING. YOU KNOW, I CAN SEE MYSELF IN

LIKE A HORSE LAUGHING. YOU KNOW, I CAN SEE MYSELF IN YOUR GLASSES, AND I CAN SEE

YOU KNOW, I CAN SEE MYSELF IN YOUR GLASSES, AND I CAN SEE MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR

YOUR GLASSES, AND I CAN SEE MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR GLASSES.

MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR GLASSES. TRY NOT TO LOOK.

GLASSES. TRY NOT TO LOOK. THE HARDER I TRY, THE MORE I

TRY NOT TO LOOK. THE HARDER I TRY, THE MORE I KEEP DOING IT TO TORTURE MYSELF.

THE HARDER I TRY, THE MORE I KEEP DOING IT TO TORTURE MYSELF. YOU WANT I SHOULD PUT ON MY

KEEP DOING IT TO TORTURE MYSELF. YOU WANT I SHOULD PUT ON MY CONTACTS?

YOU WANT I SHOULD PUT ON MY CONTACTS? NO.

CONTACTS? NO. THEN I'LL START SEEING MYSELF IN

NO. THEN I'LL START SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR CONTACTS, AND I'LL START

THEN I'LL START SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR CONTACTS, AND I'LL START SEEING MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN

YOUR CONTACTS, AND I'LL START SEEING MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR CONTACTS.

SEEING MYSELF SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR CONTACTS. AND THEN I'LL START SEEING YOUR

YOUR CONTACTS. AND THEN I'LL START SEEING YOUR CONTACTS MOVING AROUND IN YOUR

AND THEN I'LL START SEEING YOUR CONTACTS MOVING AROUND IN YOUR EYES.

CONTACTS MOVING AROUND IN YOUR EYES. AND THEN I'LL START SEEING

EYES. AND THEN I'LL START SEEING MYSELF MOVING AROUND IN YOUR

AND THEN I'LL START SEEING MYSELF MOVING AROUND IN YOUR EYES.

MYSELF MOVING AROUND IN YOUR EYES. AND THEN I'LL START BLINKING.

EYES. AND THEN I'LL START BLINKING. ONLY THEN I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT

AND THEN I'LL START BLINKING. ONLY THEN I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT IT.

ONLY THEN I'LL BE THINKING ABOUT IT. SO I'LL START BLINKING A WHOLE

IT. SO I'LL START BLINKING A WHOLE LOT OF EXTRA TIMES AND WORRYING.

SO I'LL START BLINKING A WHOLE LOT OF EXTRA TIMES AND WORRYING. YOU CAN BREAK OUT JUST BY

LOT OF EXTRA TIMES AND WORRYING. YOU CAN BREAK OUT JUST BY WORRYING AND THINKING...

YOU CAN BREAK OUT JUST BY WORRYING AND THINKING... I'M SORRY I MENTIONED IT,

WORRYING AND THINKING... I'M SORRY I MENTIONED IT, OKAY?

I'M SORRY I MENTIONED IT, OKAY? NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS

OKAY? NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT YOU SAID I'M SORRY I

NOW ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT YOU SAID I'M SORRY I MENTIONED IT.

THAT YOU SAID I'M SORRY I MENTIONED IT. I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND.

MENTIONED IT. I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND. ONCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS

I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND. ONCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED TO ME, AND THE WAY I

ONCE SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED TO ME, AND THE WAY I GOT OUT OF IT WAS BY TRYING TO

HAPPENED TO ME, AND THE WAY I GOT OUT OF IT WAS BY TRYING TO IMAGINE THE IDEAL WALLET, KEY

GOT OUT OF IT WAS BY TRYING TO IMAGINE THE IDEAL WALLET, KEY CASE, AND CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET.

IMAGINE THE IDEAL WALLET, KEY CASE, AND CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA... THE

CASE, AND CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA... THE IDEAL WALLET, KEY CASE, AND

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA... THE IDEAL WALLET, KEY CASE, AND CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET.

IDEAL WALLET, KEY CASE, AND CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET. IT KEEPS COMING OUT IN VINYL!

CIGARETTE-HOLDER SET. IT KEEPS COMING OUT IN VINYL! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,

IT KEEPS COMING OUT IN VINYL! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. RHONDA, LET'S GO THROUGH YOUR

OKAY. RHONDA, LET'S GO THROUGH YOUR WEDDING ALBUM, OKAY?

RHONDA, LET'S GO THROUGH YOUR WEDDING ALBUM, OKAY? FIRST, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF

WEDDING ALBUM, OKAY? FIRST, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF YOU.

FIRST, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF YOU. THEN, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF YOU

YOU. THEN, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER.

THEN, THERE'S THE PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER. THEN, THE PICTURE OF YOU AND

AND YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER. THEN, THE PICTURE OF YOU AND BARRY...

THEN, THE PICTURE OF YOU AND BARRY... YOU SKIPPED A PAGE!

BARRY... YOU SKIPPED A PAGE! RHONDA, LET'S CHANGE THE

YOU SKIPPED A PAGE! RHONDA, LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

RHONDA, LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT. ALL RIGHT.

SUBJECT. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME THAT

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME THAT THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENED TO

YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME THAT THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENED TO ME, IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I WENT

THIS KIND OF THING HAPPENED TO ME, IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO BED.

ME, IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO BED. AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS,

TO BED. AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS, "WHO'S GONNA KNOW IF I'M

AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS, "WHO'S GONNA KNOW IF I'M BREATHING AFTER I FALL ASLEEP?"

"WHO'S GONNA KNOW IF I'M BREATHING AFTER I FALL ASLEEP?" BARRY'S ASLEEP.

BREATHING AFTER I FALL ASLEEP?" BARRY'S ASLEEP. HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW IF I'M

BARRY'S ASLEEP. HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW IF I'M BREATHING OR NOT.

HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW IF I'M BREATHING OR NOT. SO I STAYED UP THE ENTIRE NIGHT

BREATHING OR NOT. SO I STAYED UP THE ENTIRE NIGHT TO BE SURE THAT I WAS STILL

SO I STAYED UP THE ENTIRE NIGHT TO BE SURE THAT I WAS STILL BREATHING.

TO BE SURE THAT I WAS STILL BREATHING. I DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP TILL

BREATHING. I DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP TILL 6:00 A.M. AND ONLY BY GIVING ALL

I DIDN'T FALL ASLEEP TILL 6:00 A.M. AND ONLY BY GIVING ALL THE CHENILLE BALLS ON MY

6:00 A.M. AND ONLY BY GIVING ALL THE CHENILLE BALLS ON MY BEDSPREAD NAMES.

THE CHENILLE BALLS ON MY BEDSPREAD NAMES. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN.

BEDSPREAD NAMES. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME ONCE?

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME ONCE? WHAT?

ONCE? WHAT? WELL, DID YOU EVER GET AFRAID

WHAT? WELL, DID YOU EVER GET AFRAID THAT YOU COULDN'T SWALLOW, SO

WELL, DID YOU EVER GET AFRAID THAT YOU COULDN'T SWALLOW, SO YOU KEEP SWALLOWING TO MAKE SURE

THAT YOU COULDN'T SWALLOW, SO YOU KEEP SWALLOWING TO MAKE SURE YOU STILL CAN?

YOU KEEP SWALLOWING TO MAKE SURE YOU STILL CAN? AND THEN YOUR MOUTH GETS SO DRY,

YOU STILL CAN? AND THEN YOUR MOUTH GETS SO DRY, AND THEN YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T

AND THEN YOUR MOUTH GETS SO DRY, AND THEN YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T SWALLOW?

AND THEN YOU ACTUALLY CAN'T SWALLOW? NO.

SWALLOW? NO. I NEVER EXPERIENCED THAT, BUT

NO. I NEVER EXPERIENCED THAT, BUT I'M GOING TO START NOW.

RHONDA? WHAT? NOTHING.

WHAT? NOTHING. NO, REALLY. WHAT?

NOTHING. NO, REALLY. WHAT? I TOLD YOU, NOTHING!

NO, REALLY. WHAT? I TOLD YOU, NOTHING! WHAT?!

I TOLD YOU, NOTHING! WHAT?! LISTEN!

WHAT?! LISTEN! DID YOU JUST HEAR A BLACK MAN

LISTEN! DID YOU JUST HEAR A BLACK MAN COME IN HERE AND STEAL ALL YOUR

DID YOU JUST HEAR A BLACK MAN COME IN HERE AND STEAL ALL YOUR JEWELRY?!

COME IN HERE AND STEAL ALL YOUR JEWELRY?! YES, I DID!

JEWELRY?! YES, I DID! LOOK!

YES, I DID! LOOK! [SCREECHING, HONKING IN

LOOK! [SCREECHING, HONKING IN DISTANCE]

[SCREECHING, HONKING IN DISTANCE] LOOK.

[DISTANCE] LOOK. WHY DON'T WE GET A BAG OF MILANO

LOOK. WHY DON'T WE GET A BAG OF MILANO COOKIES, AND THAT WAY, WHEN

WHY DON'T WE GET A BAG OF MILANO COOKIES, AND THAT WAY, WHEN BARRY COMES HOME, WE'LL BE ABLE

COOKIES, AND THAT WAY, WHEN BARRY COMES HOME, WE'LL BE ABLE TO NOT LOOK...

BARRY COMES HOME, WE'LL BE ABLE TO NOT LOOK... [SCREECHING, HONKING CONTINUE]

TO NOT LOOK... [SCREECHING, HONKING CONTINUE] JANE, WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

[SCREECHING, HONKING CONTINUE] JANE, WHAT'S THAT NOISE? I DON'T KNOW.

JANE, WHAT'S THAT NOISE? I DON'T KNOW. VAN RY, WHAT IS THAT NOISE?

I DON'T KNOW. VAN RY, WHAT IS THAT NOISE? HEY, WE'RE RUNNING LATE.

VAN RY, WHAT IS THAT NOISE? HEY, WE'RE RUNNING LATE. JUST TRY TO FINISH THE SCENE.

HEY, WE'RE RUNNING LATE. JUST TRY TO FINISH THE SCENE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

JUST TRY TO FINISH THE SCENE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BE

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BE HEARD OVER THAT?

HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BE HEARD OVER THAT? BELUSHI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT

HEARD OVER THAT? BELUSHI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

BELUSHI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? I DON'T KNOW.

IS? I DON'T KNOW. THE NOISE, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW. THE NOISE, HUH? WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING.

THE NOISE, HUH? WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING. IT'S NOT THE CONCORDE.

WELL, I CAN TELL YOU ONE THING. IT'S NOT THE CONCORDE. LORNE? LORNE?

IT'S NOT THE CONCORDE. LORNE? LORNE? WILL SOMEBODY OUT THERE FIND

LORNE? LORNE? WILL SOMEBODY OUT THERE FIND LORNE QUICKLY?

WILL SOMEBODY OUT THERE FIND LORNE QUICKLY? WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!

LORNE QUICKLY? WHAT IS THAT NOISE?! [SCREECHING]

WHAT IS THAT NOISE?! [SCREECHING] STRANGE.

[SCREECHING] STRANGE. COULD HAVE SWORN IT SOUNDED LIKE

STRANGE. COULD HAVE SWORN IT SOUNDED LIKE THE ROAR OF A GIANT LOBSTER.

COULD HAVE SWORN IT SOUNDED LIKE THE ROAR OF A GIANT LOBSTER. A GIANT LOBSTER?!

THE ROAR OF A GIANT LOBSTER. A GIANT LOBSTER?! YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE GIANT

A GIANT LOBSTER?! YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE GIANT SPIDERS, ONLY MORE INTELLIGENT.

YEAH, THEY'RE LIKE GIANT SPIDERS, ONLY MORE INTELLIGENT. SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE OUTSIDE THE

SPIDERS, ONLY MORE INTELLIGENT. SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE OUTSIDE THE BUILDING SOMEWHERE... RIGHT

SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE OUTSIDE THE BUILDING SOMEWHERE... RIGHT HERE, OUTSIDE THE...

BUILDING SOMEWHERE... RIGHT HERE, OUTSIDE THE... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING...?

HERE, OUTSIDE THE... WHAT ARE YOU TALKING...? [SCREECHING]

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING...? [SCREECHING] [PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[MAN WHISTLES]

AAH! AAH! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!

AAH! AAH! AAH!

[SIRENS WAILING]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

ARE WE ON? ARE WE ON? I CAN'T HEAR.

ARE WE ON? I CAN'T HEAR. ARE WE ON?

I CAN'T HEAR. ARE WE ON? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I-I JUST

ARE WE ON? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I-I JUST WISH YOU COULD SEE...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I-I JUST WISH YOU COULD SEE... [GUN FIRES]

WISH YOU COULD SEE... [GUN FIRES] MUTILATION SPREAD OUT BEFORE ME.

[GUN FIRES] MUTILATION SPREAD OUT BEFORE ME. ENORMOUS LOBSTERS HAVE BROKEN

MUTILATION SPREAD OUT BEFORE ME. ENORMOUS LOBSTERS HAVE BROKEN THROUGH.

ENORMOUS LOBSTERS HAVE BROKEN THROUGH. THEY'RE NOW CRUSHING AND

THROUGH. THEY'RE NOW CRUSHING AND MANGLING MEMBERS OF THE STUDIO

THEY'RE NOW CRUSHING AND MANGLING MEMBERS OF THE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

MANGLING MEMBERS OF THE STUDIO AUDIENCE. JOHN BELUSHI HAS BEEN SEIZED BY

AUDIENCE. JOHN BELUSHI HAS BEEN SEIZED BY AN IMMENSE CLAW!

JOHN BELUSHI HAS BEEN SEIZED BY AN IMMENSE CLAW! IT'S WAVING ABOUT.

AN IMMENSE CLAW! IT'S WAVING ABOUT. OH, IT'S HORRIBLE!

IT'S WAVING ABOUT. OH, IT'S HORRIBLE! IT'S HORRIBLE.

OH, IT'S HORRIBLE! IT'S HORRIBLE. HE HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF

IT'S HORRIBLE. HE HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM!

HE HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM! OR AT LEAST TWO OR THREE MORE

HIM! OR AT LEAST TWO OR THREE MORE YEARS, ANYWAY.

OR AT LEAST TWO OR THREE MORE YEARS, ANYWAY. BOB! BOB!

YEARS, ANYWAY. BOB! BOB! OH, SAVE YOURSELF!

BOB! BOB! OH, SAVE YOURSELF! NO, I'VE GOT TO STAY HERE.

OH, SAVE YOURSELF! NO, I'VE GOT TO STAY HERE. I'M STAYING UNTIL THE END.

NO, I'VE GOT TO STAY HERE. I'M STAYING UNTIL THE END. THIS APPEARS TO BE THE

I'M STAYING UNTIL THE END. THIS APPEARS TO BE THE DESTRUCTION OF CIVILIZATION AS

THIS APPEARS TO BE THE DESTRUCTION OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT, AND I WANT TO LEAVE

DESTRUCTION OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT, AND I WANT TO LEAVE SOME RECORD FOR THE SURVIVORS

WE KNOW IT, AND I WANT TO LEAVE SOME RECORD FOR THE SURVIVORS IF, INDEED, THERE ARE ANY

SOME RECORD FOR THE SURVIVORS IF, INDEED, THERE ARE ANY SURVIVORS.

IF, INDEED, THERE ARE ANY SURVIVORS. I WANT TO LEAVE A WARNING TO

SURVIVORS. I WANT TO LEAVE A WARNING TO THOSE YET UNBORN NOT TO MAKE THE

I WANT TO LEAVE A WARNING TO THOSE YET UNBORN NOT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES WE DID.

THOSE YET UNBORN NOT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES WE DID. IN THE BACKGROUND, YOU CAN HEAR

SAME MISTAKES WE DID. IN THE BACKGROUND, YOU CAN HEAR HOWARD SHORE AND THE BAND

IN THE BACKGROUND, YOU CAN HEAR HOWARD SHORE AND THE BAND PLAYING "NEARER, MY GOD, TO

HOWARD SHORE AND THE BAND PLAYING "NEARER, MY GOD, TO THEE."

PLAYING "NEARER, MY GOD, TO THEE." DAVEY, ARE THERE ANY CAMERAS

THEE." DAVEY, ARE THERE ANY CAMERAS LEFT TO GET THIS POIGNANT AND

DAVEY, ARE THERE ANY CAMERAS LEFT TO GET THIS POIGNANT AND BEAUTIFUL SCENE?

LEFT TO GET THIS POIGNANT AND BEAUTIFUL SCENE? YES, YOU ARE WITNESSING A RARE

BEAUTIFUL SCENE? YES, YOU ARE WITNESSING A RARE KIND OF COURAGE, AS THESE PLUCKY

YES, YOU ARE WITNESSING A RARE KIND OF COURAGE, AS THESE PLUCKY MUSICIANS DEFIANTLY REFUSE TO

KIND OF COURAGE, AS THESE PLUCKY MUSICIANS DEFIANTLY REFUSE TO FLEE BEFORE THE MUTANT LOBSTERS,

MUSICIANS DEFIANTLY REFUSE TO FLEE BEFORE THE MUTANT LOBSTERS, CHOOSING TO DIE AS THEY LIVED,

FLEE BEFORE THE MUTANT LOBSTERS, CHOOSING TO DIE AS THEY LIVED, WITH THEIR INSTRUMENTS IN THEIR

CHOOSING TO DIE AS THEY LIVED, WITH THEIR INSTRUMENTS IN THEIR HANDS... WHAT A GRAND GESTURE.

WITH THEIR INSTRUMENTS IN THEIR HANDS... WHAT A GRAND GESTURE. ROBERT!

HANDS... WHAT A GRAND GESTURE. ROBERT! SAVE YOURSELVES!

ROBERT! SAVE YOURSELVES! I'VE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT

SAVE YOURSELVES! I'VE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT LOS ANGELES HAS BEEN LEVELED.

I'VE JUST RECEIVED WORD THAT LOS ANGELES HAS BEEN LEVELED. CHICAGO, DALLAS... NOTHING SEEMS

LOS ANGELES HAS BEEN LEVELED. CHICAGO, DALLAS... NOTHING SEEMS TO STOP THEM!

CHICAGO, DALLAS... NOTHING SEEMS TO STOP THEM! AAH!

TO STOP THEM! AAH! [GUN FIRES]

AAH! [GUN FIRES] HELP!

[GUN FIRES] HELP! I TWISTED MY ANKLE!

HELP! I TWISTED MY ANKLE! HOLD TIGHT, BABY!

I TWISTED MY ANKLE! HOLD TIGHT, BABY! I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE!

HOLD TIGHT, BABY! I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM!

I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM! OH, MY GOD! MY GOD!

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM! OH, MY GOD! MY GOD! HAVE YOU TRIED SHOOTING AT

OH, MY GOD! MY GOD! HAVE YOU TRIED SHOOTING AT THE ANTENNA?!

HAVE YOU TRIED SHOOTING AT THE ANTENNA?! GOOD HEAVENS!

THE ANTENNA?! GOOD HEAVENS! ONE OF THE CREATURES IS

GOOD HEAVENS! ONE OF THE CREATURES IS ATTACKING THE BAND!

ONE OF THE CREATURES IS ATTACKING THE BAND! IT'S TOO HIDEOUS TO DESCRIBE.

ATTACKING THE BAND! IT'S TOO HIDEOUS TO DESCRIBE. WORDS FAIL ME!

IT'S TOO HIDEOUS TO DESCRIBE. WORDS FAIL ME! LORDY, LORDY!

WORDS FAIL ME! LORDY, LORDY! LORDY, LORDY, THERE'S A LOBSTER

LORDY, LORDY! LORDY, LORDY, THERE'S A LOBSTER COMING!

LORDY, LORDY, THERE'S A LOBSTER COMING! THERE'S A LOBSTER COMING!

COMING! THERE'S A LOBSTER COMING! SIR!

THERE'S A LOBSTER COMING! SIR! I DON'T WANT NOTHING TO DO

SIR! I DON'T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM LOBSTERS!

I DON'T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM LOBSTERS! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!

WITH THEM LOBSTERS! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! AAH!

YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! AAH! I'M GOING TO STAY ON THE AIR

AAH! I'M GOING TO STAY ON THE AIR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, BUT I'M

I'M GOING TO STAY ON THE AIR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, BUT I'M GETTING A SIGNAL THAT WE DO HAVE

AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, BUT I'M GETTING A SIGNAL THAT WE DO HAVE TO PAUSE HERE FOR A COMMERCIAL

GETTING A SIGNAL THAT WE DO HAVE TO PAUSE HERE FOR A COMMERCIAL MESSAGE.

TO PAUSE HERE FOR A COMMERCIAL MESSAGE. I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL BE BACK.

MESSAGE. I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL BE BACK. [GUNFIRE, PEOPLE SCREAMING]

I DON'T KNOW IF WE'LL BE BACK. [GUNFIRE, PEOPLE SCREAMING] [LOBSTERS SCREECHING, HONKING]

WELL, IT'S STILL GOING ON, EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE. ALL AROUND ME, THE DEAD, THE

WORSE THAN BEFORE. ALL AROUND ME, THE DEAD, THE DYING... OH, THE HUMANITY!

ALL AROUND ME, THE DEAD, THE DYING... OH, THE HUMANITY! OUR ARMY WIPED OUT!

DYING... OH, THE HUMANITY! OUR ARMY WIPED OUT! [LOBSTERS SCREECHING, HONKING]

THIS MAY WELL BE MANKIND'S FINAL BROADCAST. AS I SPEAK, GOOD LORD!

BROADCAST. AS I SPEAK, GOOD LORD! ONE OF THE GIGANTIC LOBSTERS HAS

AS I SPEAK, GOOD LORD! ONE OF THE GIGANTIC LOBSTERS HAS DEMOLISHED OUR LAST CAMERA WITH

ONE OF THE GIGANTIC LOBSTERS HAS DEMOLISHED OUR LAST CAMERA WITH A SINGLE SWIPE OF ITS HORRIBLE

DEMOLISHED OUR LAST CAMERA WITH A SINGLE SWIPE OF ITS HORRIBLE CLAW!

A SINGLE SWIPE OF ITS HORRIBLE CLAW! NOW IT'S MOVING TOWARD ME!

CLAW! NOW IT'S MOVING TOWARD ME! IT'S 15 FEET AWAY.

NOW IT'S MOVING TOWARD ME! IT'S 15 FEET AWAY. TEN!

IT'S 15 FEET AWAY. TEN! I CAN SEE THE LONG, QUIVERING

TEN! I CAN SEE THE LONG, QUIVERING ANTENNAE, THE SLIMY LEGS, ITS

I CAN SEE THE LONG, QUIVERING ANTENNAE, THE SLIMY LEGS, ITS SNOUT AND CLAWS, GLISTENING WITH

ANTENNAE, THE SLIMY LEGS, ITS SNOUT AND CLAWS, GLISTENING WITH HUMAN BLOO...

SNOUT AND CLAWS, GLISTENING WITH HUMAN BLOO... [LOBSTERS SCREECHING, HONKING]

Announcer: ROBERT KLEIN!

ROBERT KLEIN, DO YOU READ ME?

WELL, GOODBYE, AMERICA.

UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, THIS IS

DON PARDO SAYING AAAHHHH!

MY GOD!

PARDO'S BEEN EATEN BY THE BEAST.

IS THERE NO STOPPING THESE

ATOMIC LOBSTERS?

LISTEN. I HAVE A PLAN.

IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT IT JUST

MIGHT WORK.

I'LL NEED BOILING WATER.

BOILING WATER?

HOW MUCH... A COUPLE GALLONS?

NO! MILLIONS OF GALLONS!

ENOUGH TO FILL CENTRAL PARK

POND.

AND I'LL NEED A TRUCKLOAD OF

BUTTER.

MAKE THAT DRAWN BUTTER.

ONE TRUCKLOAD, DRAWN BUTTER.

CHECK.

AND BAKED POTATOES THE SIZE

OF BOXCARS AND LOBSTER BIBS.

LOBSTER BIBS?

YOU MEAN ORDINARY LOBSTER BIBS?

NO! HUGE LOBSTER BIBS...

15 BY 20 FEET AT LEAST.

AND NUTCRACKERS!

NUT...?

YOU MEAN REGULAR NUTCRACKERS?

NO! NOT AT ALL.

ENORMOUS NUTCRACKERS, AT LEAST

10 FEET LONG.

AND LEMONS THE SIZE OF GOLF

CARTS!

CHECK, CHECK.

HOW ABOUT SOME SOUR CREAM FOR

THOSE POTATOES?

GOOD POINT.

I'LL NEED, SAY, ABOUT A MOVING

VAN OF SOUR CREAM.

FOR DESSERT, A CHOCOLATE MOUSSE

AS BIG AS A HOUSE.

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE?

NO, IT'S TOO RICH... MUCH TOO

RICH.

WELL, HOW ABOUT A SWIMMING

POOL FULL OF JELL-O?

UH, WHAT FLAVOR?

ANY FLAVOR YOU WANT.

HOW ABOUT, UH, LIME WITH CARROT

SCRAPINGS?

WELL, I JUST HAD LIME WITH

CARROT SCRAPINGS FOR LUNCH.

I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE SOMETHING

ELSE.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY, BUT, UH...

WELL, WHAT ABOUT RASPBERRY?

WELL, I'M... I'M ALLERGIC TO

RASPBERRY.

HOW ABOUT A... HOW ABOUT A POOL

FULL OF FRUIT CUP?

INSTEAD OF JELL-O?

YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, ISN'T FRUIT CUP MORE AN

APPETIZER, LIKE TOMATO JUICE?

NO, NOT NECESSARILY.

YOU CAN HAVE FRUIT CUP FOR

DESSERT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

LISTEN.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT A

RUM-RAISIN CAKE THE SIZE OF A

TENNIS COURT?

WELL, WHAT KIND OF ICING?

ANY KIND, I SUPPOSE.

ORANGE MARMALADE WOULD BE NICE.

WELL, HOW ABOUT COCONUT

ICING?

WAIT.

YOU KNOW, COCONUT REALLY DOESN'T

GO WITH RUM RAISIN.

IF YOU WANTED COCONUT ICING, I

COULD HAVE A SPONGE CAKE THE

SIZE OF A ROLLER RINK.

OKAY, GOTCHA.

SOUNDS GOOD.

WHO WE GONNA INVITE TO THIS

THING, ACTUALLY?

GONNA BRING EMILY?