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All language subtitles for SNL S03E09 Steve Martin.DVDRip.HI.RLP.cc.en.UNVSL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:06,049 Announcer: WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL 2 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:09,508 SEEN TONIGHT SO THAT NBC MAY PRESENT THE FOLLOWING SPECIAL PROGRAM. 3 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:11,410 THIS IS WASHINGTON 4 00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,845 CORRESPONDENT BARRY POTTER HERE 5 00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:15,214 AT THE CAPITAL. 6 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,316 THE HOUSE DOORKEEPER IS ABOUT TO 7 00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:19,418 ANNOUNCE THE PRESIDENT, AS WE GO 8 00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:23,155 TO THE FLOOR. 9 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:25,457 MR. SPEAKER, THE PRESIDENT OF 10 00:00:25,591 --> 00:00:27,159 THE UNITED STATES! 11 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:32,575 THE PRESIDENT IS ENTERING THE CHAMBER. HE'S SMILING, OBVIOUSLY VERY 12 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,378 CHAMBER. HE'S SMILING, OBVIOUSLY VERY HAPPY HE'S STILL PRESIDENT. 13 00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:35,979 HE'S SMILING, OBVIOUSLY VERY HAPPY HE'S STILL PRESIDENT. THE CONGRESSMEN FROM BOTH SIDES 14 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,481 HAPPY HE'S STILL PRESIDENT. THE CONGRESSMEN FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE ARE STANDING AND 15 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:38,982 THE CONGRESSMEN FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE ARE STANDING AND APPLAUDING, AS IS TRADITIONAL 16 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,517 OF THE AISLE ARE STANDING AND APPLAUDING, AS IS TRADITIONAL FOR EVEN THE MOST DISRESPECTED 17 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,085 APPLAUDING, AS IS TRADITIONAL FOR EVEN THE MOST DISRESPECTED AND INCOMPETENT OF PRESIDENTS. 18 00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:43,653 FOR EVEN THE MOST DISRESPECTED AND INCOMPETENT OF PRESIDENTS. MR. CARTER NOW HAS REACHED THE 19 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,222 AND INCOMPETENT OF PRESIDENTS. MR. CARTER NOW HAS REACHED THE PODIUM, AND THE SPEAKER OF THE 20 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,724 MR. CARTER NOW HAS REACHED THE PODIUM, AND THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE SHOULD ANNOUNCE HIM. 21 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,526 PODIUM, AND THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE SHOULD ANNOUNCE HIM. HERE HE IS, LADIES AND 22 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,594 HOUSE SHOULD ANNOUNCE HIM. HERE HE IS, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN... THE PRESIDENT OF 23 00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:52,729 HERE HE IS, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN... THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! 24 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,034 GENTLEMAN... THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! [APPLAUSE] 25 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:10,813 THANK YOU, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, MR. SPEAKER, MEMBERS OF THE 95th CONGRESS, 26 00:01:10,837 --> 00:01:12,849 MR. VICE PRESIDENT, MR. SPEAKER, MEMBERS OF THE 95th CONGRESS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 27 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,484 MEMBERS OF THE 95th CONGRESS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. TWO YEARS AGO TODAY, WE HELD THE 28 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,952 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. TWO YEARS AGO TODAY, WE HELD THE FIRST CAUCUS IN IOWA, AND ONE 29 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,387 TWO YEARS AGO TODAY, WE HELD THE FIRST CAUCUS IN IOWA, AND ONE YEAR AGO TOMORROW, I'LL WALK 30 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,988 FIRST CAUCUS IN IOWA, AND ONE YEAR AGO TOMORROW, I'LL WALK FROM HERE TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO 31 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,557 YEAR AGO TOMORROW, I'LL WALK FROM HERE TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO TAKE UP DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENT 32 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,526 FROM HERE TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO TAKE UP DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 33 00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,161 TAKE UP DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. SINCE I HOPE TO DO THE SAME IN 34 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,762 OF THE UNITED STATES. SINCE I HOPE TO DO THE SAME IN 1981, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT I'M 35 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,497 SINCE I HOPE TO DO THE SAME IN 1981, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT I'M GONNA STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY AND 36 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,166 1981, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT I'M GONNA STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY AND TELL YOU THE STATE OF THE UNION 37 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,200 GONNA STAND BEFORE YOU TODAY AND TELL YOU THE STATE OF THE UNION IS SOUND. 38 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:35,594 TELL YOU THE STATE OF THE UNION IS SOUND. [APPLAUSE] 39 00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:39,498 THIS YEAR, OUR COUNTRY WILL HAVE 40 00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:41,333 THE FIRST $2-TRILLION ECONOMY IN 41 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,268 THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. 42 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:48,085 WHAT DO I MEAN BY THAT? I MEAN 1,000 MILLION IS A BILLION, AND 1,000 BILLION IS A 43 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:48,785 I MEAN 1,000 MILLION IS A BILLION, AND 1,000 BILLION IS A TRILLION. 44 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,520 BILLION, AND 1,000 BILLION IS A TRILLION. $2 TRILLION IS $2,000-BILLION, 45 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,189 TRILLION. $2 TRILLION IS $2,000-BILLION, AND I BELIEVE THAT'S A LOT OF 46 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:56,025 $2 TRILLION IS $2,000-BILLION, AND I BELIEVE THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. 47 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,394 AND I BELIEVE THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY. THIS RESOURCE WILL PROVIDE A 48 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:58,661 MONEY. THIS RESOURCE WILL PROVIDE A TRADE BALANCE AND, IN TURN, 49 00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,163 THIS RESOURCE WILL PROVIDE A TRADE BALANCE AND, IN TURN, BALANCE IT AGAINST THE PRESSURES 50 00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,198 TRADE BALANCE AND, IN TURN, BALANCE IT AGAINST THE PRESSURES OF AN EVER-BALANCING 51 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,699 BALANCE IT AGAINST THE PRESSURES OF AN EVER-BALANCING DOMESTIC-ECONOMY BALANCE. 52 00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,090 WE HOPE TO CREATE GROWTH 53 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,825 INCENTIVES FOR LIGHT INDUSTRY 54 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,660 IN JOB-CREATING AREAS, LIKE THE 55 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,195 MANUFACTURE OF DISPOSABLE 56 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,397 CIGARETTE LIGHTERS, DISPOSABLE 57 00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,466 RAZORS, AND CHEAP PAPERBACK 58 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,469 ROMANCES. 59 00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,037 WE'RE A GREAT COUNTRY, A STRONG 60 00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,506 COUNTRY, A VITAL AND DYNAMIC 61 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,073 COUNTRY, AND SO WE WILL REMAIN. 62 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,509 WE'RE A CONFIDENT PEOPLE, A 63 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,976 HARD-WORKING PEOPLE, A DECENT 64 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,612 AND COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE, AND SO 65 00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,513 WE WILL REMAIN. 66 00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:28,880 WE'RE A COLD, HUNGRY, AND 67 00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,382 UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE, AND SO WE 68 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,650 WILL REMAIN. 69 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,218 THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE UNEMPLOYED 70 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,419 MUST HAVE JOBS. 71 00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:37,556 JOBS ARE A BASIC HUMAN NEED. 72 00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:40,225 THEREFORE, YOU NEED JOBS. 73 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,660 IT IS THE ATTENTION OF THIS 74 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:43,061 ADMINISTRATION TO INITIATE 75 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,663 DYNAMIC PROGRAMS OF THE YOUNG, 76 00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,064 PROGRAMS FOR THE YOUNG AND 77 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,967 DISADVANTAGED, SPECIFICALLY A 78 00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,702 PROGRAM OF T-SHIRT DISTRIBUTION 79 00:02:50,836 --> 00:02:52,371 FOR THE YOUNG AND DISADVANTAGED. 80 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,972 THEY'RE SIGNED BY MY SON CHIP. 81 00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:55,340 THESE WILL HELP THEM HELP 82 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,809 THEMSELVES BECOME MORE VISIBLE. 83 00:02:58,077 --> 00:03:03,160 WE COME TOGETHER TONIGHT. WE MOURN THE LOSS OF A GREAT MAN, SENATOR HUBERT HUMPHREY, 84 00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:04,594 WE MOURN THE LOSS OF A GREAT MAN, SENATOR HUBERT HUMPHREY, WHO TAUGHT US THAT WE'RE A 85 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,229 MAN, SENATOR HUBERT HUMPHREY, WHO TAUGHT US THAT WE'RE A COMMUNITY AND ALL OUR FATES ARE 86 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:06,796 WHO TAUGHT US THAT WE'RE A COMMUNITY AND ALL OUR FATES ARE LINKED. 87 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,298 COMMUNITY AND ALL OUR FATES ARE LINKED. YOU, THE PEOPLE, AND I, YOUR 88 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,799 LINKED. YOU, THE PEOPLE, AND I, YOUR PRESIDENT, HAVE OUR FUTURES 89 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,567 YOU, THE PEOPLE, AND I, YOUR PRESIDENT, HAVE OUR FUTURES INTERTWINED. 90 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,269 PRESIDENT, HAVE OUR FUTURES INTERTWINED. I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT 91 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,171 INTERTWINED. I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS FOR AWHILE. 92 00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:16,039 I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS FOR AWHILE. WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACT IN 93 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,574 IS FOR AWHILE. WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACT IN THAT KNOWLEDGE AND SPIRIT 94 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,043 WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ACT IN THAT KNOWLEDGE AND SPIRIT TOGETHER, AND, AS THE BIBLE 95 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:26,383 THAT KNOWLEDGE AND SPIRIT TOGETHER, AND, AS THE BIBLE SAYS, WE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. 96 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,551 TOGETHER, AND, AS THE BIBLE SAYS, WE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 97 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,152 SAYS, WE CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT 98 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,487 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 99 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,488 I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY BUT LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! 100 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,632 LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS] 101 00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:50,355 Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"... STARRING... 102 00:03:56,869 --> 00:03:58,604 WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST... 103 00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:43,715 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STEVE MARTIN! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 104 00:05:04,136 --> 00:05:12,136 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FOR ME? OH, NO, NO! 105 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,527 FOR ME? OH, NO, NO! HEY! 106 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,596 OH, NO, NO! HEY! ♪ I'VE GOT MUSIC ♪ 107 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,666 HEY! ♪ I'VE GOT MUSIC ♪ ♪ I GOT RHY-HY-THM! ♪ 108 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,066 ♪ I'VE GOT MUSIC ♪ ♪ I GOT RHY-HY-THM! ♪ [LAUGHTER] 109 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:25,568 ♪ I GOT RHY-HY-THM! ♪ [LAUGHTER] OKAY, WELCOME TO "SATURDAY 110 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,569 [LAUGHTER] OKAY, WELCOME TO "SATURDAY NIGHT," WITH THE 111 00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:27,970 OKAY, WELCOME TO "SATURDAY NIGHT," WITH THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 112 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,439 NIGHT," WITH THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS AND THE DIRT BAND. 113 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,040 NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS AND THE DIRT BAND. THERE WAS A BIG SNOWSTORM IN 114 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,175 PLAYERS AND THE DIRT BAND. THERE WAS A BIG SNOWSTORM IN NEW YORK YESTERDAY. 115 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,810 THERE WAS A BIG SNOWSTORM IN NEW YORK YESTERDAY. WE DID NOT GET TO REHEARSE AT 116 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,044 NEW YORK YESTERDAY. WE DID NOT GET TO REHEARSE AT ALL. 117 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,746 WE DID NOT GET TO REHEARSE AT ALL. THAT'S NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE, 118 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:37,280 ALL. THAT'S NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE, HUH? 119 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,214 THAT'S NEVER STOPPED US BEFORE, HUH? [LAUGHTER] 120 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,382 HUH? [LAUGHTER] AND I'M EXCITED. 121 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,150 [LAUGHTER] AND I'M EXCITED. WE HAVE RANDY NEWMAN ON THE 122 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,185 AND I'M EXCITED. WE HAVE RANDY NEWMAN ON THE SHOW, AND I... 123 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:46,022 WE HAVE RANDY NEWMAN ON THE SHOW, AND I... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 124 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,491 SHOW, AND I... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I MET... 125 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,560 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I MET... I MET RANDY NEWMAN, AND YOU 126 00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:54,163 I MET... I MET RANDY NEWMAN, AND YOU KNOW HE'S ONLY ABOUT THIS BIG? 127 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,933 I MET RANDY NEWMAN, AND YOU KNOW HE'S ONLY ABOUT THIS BIG? ANYWAY, IT'S GREAT TO C... 128 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,402 KNOW HE'S ONLY ABOUT THIS BIG? ANYWAY, IT'S GREAT TO C... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! 129 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:02,806 ANYWAY, IT'S GREAT TO C... HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I HAD $50 IN HERE! 130 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,140 HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I HAD $50 IN HERE! AND IT'S GONE! 131 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,041 I HAD $50 IN HERE! AND IT'S GONE! WAIT A MINUTE! 132 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,710 AND IT'S GONE! WAIT A MINUTE! I HAD... I HAD THE $50... THIS 133 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,177 WAIT A MINUTE! I HAD... I HAD THE $50... THIS WAS MY NEW YORK MONEY, AND 134 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,779 I HAD... I HAD THE $50... THIS WAS MY NEW YORK MONEY, AND IT'S... I HAD IT BACK IN THE 135 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:10,714 WAS MY NEW YORK MONEY, AND IT'S... I HAD IT BACK IN THE DRESSING ROOM. 136 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,315 IT'S... I HAD IT BACK IN THE DRESSING ROOM. JOHN BELUSHI WAS BACK THERE. 137 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,651 DRESSING ROOM. JOHN BELUSHI WAS BACK THERE. I WENT BACK TO THE M... 138 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:18,888 JOHN BELUSHI WAS BACK THERE. I WENT BACK TO THE M... JOHN BELUSHI STOLE MY $50! 139 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:19,956 I WENT BACK TO THE M... JOHN BELUSHI STOLE MY $50! I HAD IT RIGHT HERE! 140 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,424 JOHN BELUSHI STOLE MY $50! I HAD IT RIGHT HERE! THIS WAS MY MONEY FOR THE... I 141 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,792 I HAD IT RIGHT HERE! THIS WAS MY MONEY FOR THE... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THAT HE 142 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:26,028 THIS WAS MY MONEY FOR THE... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY STEAL $50! 143 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,430 CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY STEAL $50! WHERE IS HE? 144 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:28,598 WOULD ACTUALLY STEAL $50! WHERE IS HE? WHERE... THIS BOTHERS ME! 145 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,165 WHERE IS HE? WHERE... THIS BOTHERS ME! I'M SORRY. 146 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,367 WHERE... THIS BOTHERS ME! I'M SORRY. JUST HOLD IT JUST FOR A... 147 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,702 I'M SORRY. JUST HOLD IT JUST FOR A... THERE! YOU! YOU! 148 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,738 JUST HOLD IT JUST FOR A... THERE! YOU! YOU! YOU STOLE MY $50! 149 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,138 THERE! YOU! YOU! YOU STOLE MY $50! I'M SURE! 150 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:37,874 YOU STOLE MY $50! I'M SURE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 151 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,842 I'M SURE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NO, HOLD IT! 152 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:39,242 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] NO, HOLD IT! STOP! 153 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:40,477 NO, HOLD IT! STOP! I GOT TO GET READY FOR 154 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,277 STOP! I GOT TO GET READY FOR ANOTHER SCENE. 155 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,645 I GOT TO GET READY FOR ANOTHER SCENE. NO, THIS KIND OF BUGS ME! 156 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,046 ANOTHER SCENE. NO, THIS KIND OF BUGS ME! YOU WERE IN MY DRESSING ROOM. 157 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:44,947 NO, THIS KIND OF BUGS ME! YOU WERE IN MY DRESSING ROOM. I WENT TO MAKEUP. 158 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,349 YOU WERE IN MY DRESSING ROOM. I WENT TO MAKEUP. THESE PANTS WERE IN HERE, AND 159 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,851 I WENT TO MAKEUP. THESE PANTS WERE IN HERE, AND THIS WAS WHERE THE $50 WAS. 160 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,586 THESE PANTS WERE IN HERE, AND THIS WAS WHERE THE $50 WAS. SO, YOU STOLE IT! I'M SORRY! 161 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,254 THIS WAS WHERE THE $50 WAS. SO, YOU STOLE IT! I'M SORRY! NOW, GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON! 162 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,088 SO, YOU STOLE IT! I'M SORRY! NOW, GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON! NO, I'M SORRY! 163 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,223 NOW, GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON! NO, I'M SORRY! THAT JUST BOTHERS ME! 164 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,859 NO, I'M SORRY! THAT JUST BOTHERS ME! NO, I MEAN, THAT BOTHERS ME! 165 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,326 THAT JUST BOTHERS ME! NO, I MEAN, THAT BOTHERS ME! I KNOW I HAD THE $50 IN HERE 166 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,895 NO, I MEAN, THAT BOTHERS ME! I KNOW I HAD THE $50 IN HERE BECAUSE I NEVER PUT MY MONEY IN 167 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:04,066 I KNOW I HAD THE $50 IN HERE BECAUSE I NEVER PUT MY MONEY IN THIS POCK... 168 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,902 BECAUSE I NEVER PUT MY MONEY IN THIS POCK... OKAY. 169 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,471 THIS POCK... OKAY. [APPLAUSE] 170 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,972 OKAY. [APPLAUSE] SORRY. 171 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:10,840 [APPLAUSE] SORRY. I'M SORRY. 172 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,443 SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M JUST IN A... I'M IN BAD MOOD 173 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,944 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST IN A... I'M IN BAD MOOD TONIGHT, JUST... 174 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,546 I'M JUST IN A... I'M IN BAD MOOD TONIGHT, JUST... THIS WHOLE PUBLICITY THING. 175 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:20,082 TONIGHT, JUST... THIS WHOLE PUBLICITY THING. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH SO 176 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:20,983 THIS WHOLE PUBLICITY THING. MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH SO FAST WITH THIS. 177 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,652 MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH SO FAST WITH THIS. I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO PRIVATE 178 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:23,787 FAST WITH THIS. I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO PRIVATE LIVES? 179 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,354 I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO PRIVATE LIVES? DON'T I GET TO HAVE A PRIVATE 180 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,188 LIVES? DON'T I GET TO HAVE A PRIVATE LIFE ANYMORE? 181 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:27,624 DON'T I GET TO HAVE A PRIVATE LIFE ANYMORE? I MEAN, THE THINGS THEY'RE 182 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,991 LIFE ANYMORE? I MEAN, THE THINGS THEY'RE WRITING ABOUT ME NOW... I 183 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,393 I MEAN, THE THINGS THEY'RE WRITING ABOUT ME NOW... I JUST... I READ A THING IN 184 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,162 WRITING ABOUT ME NOW... I JUST... I READ A THING IN NATIONAL ENQUIRER THIS MORNING 185 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,398 JUST... I READ A THING IN NATIONAL ENQUIRER THIS MORNING THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE. 186 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,266 NATIONAL ENQUIRER THIS MORNING THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE. I MEAN, SO WHAT IF I HAVE THIS 187 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,535 THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE. I MEAN, SO WHAT IF I HAVE THIS THING ON MY WIENIE? 188 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,738 I MEAN, SO WHAT IF I HAVE THIS THING ON MY WIENIE? [LAUGHTER] 189 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:45,041 THING ON MY WIENIE? [LAUGHTER] [SCOFFS] 190 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:45,475 [LAUGHTER] [SCOFFS] OH! 191 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,176 [SCOFFS] OH! [Czech accent] OH, NO! 192 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,178 OH! [Czech accent] OH, NO! I'VE SPILLED WATER! OH, BOY! 193 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,613 [Czech accent] OH, NO! I'VE SPILLED WATER! OH, BOY! [Normal voice] OKAY, YOU 194 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,180 I'VE SPILLED WATER! OH, BOY! [Normal voice] OKAY, YOU KNOW... 195 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:56,686 [Normal voice] OKAY, YOU KNOW... [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING] 196 00:07:56,710 --> 00:08:04,160 KNOW... [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING] [BREATHING HEAVILY] 197 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,624 [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING] [BREATHING HEAVILY] [ELECTRICITY ZAPPING] 198 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:22,827 YOU... CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE... AND NEVER PAY TAXES! YOU CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE AND 199 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,385 AND NEVER PAY TAXES! YOU CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE AND NEVER PAY TAXES! 200 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:32,856 YOU CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE AND NEVER PAY TAXES! YOU SAY, "STEVE... 201 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,860 NEVER PAY TAXES! YOU SAY, "STEVE... HOW CAN I BE A MILLIONAIRE AND 202 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,028 YOU SAY, "STEVE... HOW CAN I BE A MILLIONAIRE AND NEVER PAY TAXES?" 203 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,498 HOW CAN I BE A MILLIONAIRE AND NEVER PAY TAXES?" FIRST, GET A MILLION DOLLARS. 204 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:45,702 NEVER PAY TAXES?" FIRST, GET A MILLION DOLLARS. NOW... 205 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,304 FIRST, GET A MILLION DOLLARS. NOW... YOU SAY, "STEVE, WHAT DO I SAY 206 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:50,473 NOW... YOU SAY, "STEVE, WHAT DO I SAY TO THE TAX MAN WHEN HE COMES TO 207 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,408 YOU SAY, "STEVE, WHAT DO I SAY TO THE TAX MAN WHEN HE COMES TO MY DOOR AND SAYS, 'YOU HAVE 208 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,011 TO THE TAX MAN WHEN HE COMES TO MY DOOR AND SAYS, 'YOU HAVE NEVER PAID TAXES'?" 209 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:59,281 MY DOOR AND SAYS, 'YOU HAVE NEVER PAID TAXES'?" TWO SIMPLE WORDS. 210 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:01,784 NEVER PAID TAXES'?" TWO SIMPLE WORDS. TWO SIMPLE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH 211 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,920 TWO SIMPLE WORDS. TWO SIMPLE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE... 212 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,557 TWO SIMPLE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE... "I FORGOT!" 213 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,025 LANGUAGE... "I FORGOT!" HOW MANY TIMES DO WE LET 214 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,627 "I FORGOT!" HOW MANY TIMES DO WE LET OURSELVES GET INTO TERRIBLE 215 00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,095 HOW MANY TIMES DO WE LET OURSELVES GET INTO TERRIBLE SITUATIONS BECAUSE WE DON'T SAY, 216 00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:15,064 OURSELVES GET INTO TERRIBLE SITUATIONS BECAUSE WE DON'T SAY, "I FORGOT"? 217 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,766 SITUATIONS BECAUSE WE DON'T SAY, "I FORGOT"? LET'S SAY YOU'RE ON TRIAL FOR 218 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,501 "I FORGOT"? LET'S SAY YOU'RE ON TRIAL FOR ARMED ROBBERY. 219 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:21,838 LET'S SAY YOU'RE ON TRIAL FOR ARMED ROBBERY. YOU SAY TO THE JUDGE, "I FORGOT 220 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:26,042 ARMED ROBBERY. YOU SAY TO THE JUDGE, "I FORGOT ARMED ROBBERY WAS ILLEGAL." 221 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,011 YOU SAY TO THE JUDGE, "I FORGOT ARMED ROBBERY WAS ILLEGAL." LET'S SUPPOSE HE SAYS BACK TO 222 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:31,147 ARMED ROBBERY WAS ILLEGAL." LET'S SUPPOSE HE SAYS BACK TO YOU, "YOU HAVE COMMITTED A FOUL 223 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,214 LET'S SUPPOSE HE SAYS BACK TO YOU, "YOU HAVE COMMITTED A FOUL CRIME. 224 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,816 YOU, "YOU HAVE COMMITTED A FOUL CRIME. YOU HAVE STOLEN HUNDREDS AND 225 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,585 CRIME. YOU HAVE STOLEN HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FROM PEOPLE 226 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,588 YOU HAVE STOLEN HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FROM PEOPLE AT RANDOM, AND YOU SAY, 'I 227 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,190 THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FROM PEOPLE AT RANDOM, AND YOU SAY, 'I FORGOT'?" 228 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,993 AT RANDOM, AND YOU SAY, 'I FORGOT'?" TWO SIMPLE WORDS... 229 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:47,597 FORGOT'?" TWO SIMPLE WORDS... "EXCU-U-U-SE ME!" 230 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:50,900 TWO SIMPLE WORDS... "EXCU-U-U-SE ME!" [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 231 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,769 "EXCU-U-U-SE ME!" [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE 232 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:53,335 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE WORDS! 233 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:54,403 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE WORDS! GOODBYE! 234 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,360 WORDS! GOODBYE! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 235 00:10:00,265 --> 00:10:05,982 AS A SALESMAN, I DO A LOT OF TRAVELING, SO WHEN IT COMES TO LUNCH, I GRAB WHAT I CAN, 236 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:07,383 TRAVELING, SO WHEN IT COMES TO LUNCH, I GRAB WHAT I CAN, USUALLY ON THE RUN. 237 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,518 LUNCH, I GRAB WHAT I CAN, USUALLY ON THE RUN. AND WHEN I WANT MINERAL WATER, I 238 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,454 USUALLY ON THE RUN. AND WHEN I WANT MINERAL WATER, I KEEP IT SIMPLE AND I KEEP IT 239 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,822 AND WHEN I WANT MINERAL WATER, I KEEP IT SIMPLE AND I KEEP IT DOMESTIC. 240 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,191 KEEP IT SIMPLE AND I KEEP IT DOMESTIC. I DRINK SWILL... 241 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,226 DOMESTIC. I DRINK SWILL... THE WATER THAT'S DREDGED FROM 242 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,227 I DRINK SWILL... THE WATER THAT'S DREDGED FROM LAKE ERIE. 243 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,528 THE WATER THAT'S DREDGED FROM LAKE ERIE. NOTHING'S ADDED TO SWILL. 244 00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,064 LAKE ERIE. NOTHING'S ADDED TO SWILL. IT COMES STRAIGHT FROM THE LAKE 245 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:21,598 NOTHING'S ADDED TO SWILL. IT COMES STRAIGHT FROM THE LAKE TO YOU. 246 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,232 IT COMES STRAIGHT FROM THE LAKE TO YOU. MAYBE YOU THOUGHT ONLY EUROPEAN 247 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:24,867 TO YOU. MAYBE YOU THOUGHT ONLY EUROPEAN COUNTRIES HAD MINERAL WATER, BUT 248 00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:26,368 MAYBE YOU THOUGHT ONLY EUROPEAN COUNTRIES HAD MINERAL WATER, BUT LET ME TELL YOU... WE BOTTLE 249 00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:27,971 COUNTRIES HAD MINERAL WATER, BUT LET ME TELL YOU... WE BOTTLE SOME PRETTY SPECIAL WATER RIGHT 250 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:28,871 LET ME TELL YOU... WE BOTTLE SOME PRETTY SPECIAL WATER RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA. 251 00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,940 SOME PRETTY SPECIAL WATER RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA. YEAH. AMERICA. 252 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,775 HERE IN AMERICA. YEAH. AMERICA. WATER WITH A CHARACTER ALL ITS 253 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,977 YEAH. AMERICA. WATER WITH A CHARACTER ALL ITS OWN. 254 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,813 WATER WITH A CHARACTER ALL ITS OWN. SWILL'S REFRESHING, SWILL'S LOW 255 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,715 OWN. SWILL'S REFRESHING, SWILL'S LOW IN CALORIES, AND SWILL HELPS 256 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,316 SWILL'S REFRESHING, SWILL'S LOW IN CALORIES, AND SWILL HELPS WASH DOWN A HEARTY MEAL LIKE 257 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,818 IN CALORIES, AND SWILL HELPS WASH DOWN A HEARTY MEAL LIKE THIS, WHICH TENDS TO JUST LAY IN 258 00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:45,622 WASH DOWN A HEARTY MEAL LIKE THIS, WHICH TENDS TO JUST LAY IN YOUR STOMACH. 259 00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:50,526 THIS, WHICH TENDS TO JUST LAY IN YOUR STOMACH. ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ 260 00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:53,963 YOUR STOMACH. ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ 261 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:58,801 ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ ♪ IS MAKING ME WAIT ♪ 262 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:05,041 ♪ ANTICIPATION ♪ ♪ IS MAKING ME WAIT ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WAITING ♪ 263 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:08,800 ♪ IS MAKING ME WAIT ♪ ♪ KEEPING ME WAITING ♪ I LIKE MINE WITH A TWIST. 264 00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:29,598 BOY, HONEY, ALL THIS FUSS AROUND THESE PARTS ABOUT BIGFOOT SURE IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, 265 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,299 AROUND THESE PARTS ABOUT BIGFOOT SURE IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, ISN'T IT? 266 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,067 SURE IS GETTING OUT OF HAND, ISN'T IT? SURE IS! 267 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,769 ISN'T IT? SURE IS! GETTIN' SO'S PEOPLE AROUND HERE 268 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,470 SURE IS! GETTIN' SO'S PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE SCARED OF THEIR OWN SHADOW. 269 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,104 GETTIN' SO'S PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE SCARED OF THEIR OWN SHADOW. YEAH. 270 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,973 ARE SCARED OF THEIR OWN SHADOW. YEAH. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 271 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:37,840 YEAH. [KNOCKING ON DOOR] COME ON IN! 272 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,142 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] COME ON IN! DOOR'S ALWAYS OPEN! 273 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,944 COME ON IN! DOOR'S ALWAYS OPEN! COME ON IN! 274 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:42,779 DOOR'S ALWAYS OPEN! COME ON IN! [WIND HOWLING] 275 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:43,445 COME ON IN! [WIND HOWLING] OHH! 276 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,080 [WIND HOWLING] OHH! OHH! 277 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:45,014 OHH! OHH! OHH! 278 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,150 OHH! OHH! [COUGHS] 279 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,918 OHH! [COUGHS] BOY, THAT'S SOME BLIZZARD OUT 280 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:49,418 [COUGHS] BOY, THAT'S SOME BLIZZARD OUT THERE! 281 00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,187 BOY, THAT'S SOME BLIZZARD OUT THERE! MY SNOWMOBILE BROKE DOWN ABOUT A 282 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:51,921 THERE! MY SNOWMOBILE BROKE DOWN ABOUT A MILE BACK. 283 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,589 MY SNOWMOBILE BROKE DOWN ABOUT A MILE BACK. WHY, LOOK, IT'S PARK RANGER 284 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,323 MILE BACK. WHY, LOOK, IT'S PARK RANGER McCONNELL. 285 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,059 WHY, LOOK, IT'S PARK RANGER McCONNELL. WELL, PARK RANGER McCONNELL, 286 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,727 McCONNELL. WELL, PARK RANGER McCONNELL, WHAT MADE YOU LEAVE THE WARMTH 287 00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,428 WELL, PARK RANGER McCONNELL, WHAT MADE YOU LEAVE THE WARMTH OF YOUR RANGER STATION TO COME 288 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,863 WHAT MADE YOU LEAVE THE WARMTH OF YOUR RANGER STATION TO COME OUT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS? 289 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,565 OF YOUR RANGER STATION TO COME OUT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS? WELL, WE JUST GOT WORD FROM 290 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,333 OUT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS? WELL, WE JUST GOT WORD FROM PARK WARDEN MITCHELL TO EVACUATE 291 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:05,935 WELL, WE JUST GOT WORD FROM PARK WARDEN MITCHELL TO EVACUATE THIS WHOLE AREA, ALL THE WAY 292 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,336 PARK WARDEN MITCHELL TO EVACUATE THIS WHOLE AREA, ALL THE WAY FROM MOOSE CREEK OVER TO 293 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,237 THIS WHOLE AREA, ALL THE WAY FROM MOOSE CREEK OVER TO OTTER VALLEY. 294 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,139 FROM MOOSE CREEK OVER TO OTTER VALLEY. YOU KNOW, BIGFOOT'S LOOSE AGAIN, 295 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,741 OTTER VALLEY. YOU KNOW, BIGFOOT'S LOOSE AGAIN, AND WE'VE GOT TO SOLVE THIS 296 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:12,408 YOU KNOW, BIGFOOT'S LOOSE AGAIN, AND WE'VE GOT TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY. 297 00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,177 AND WE'VE GOT TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY. THE RED CROSS HAS SET UP SOME 298 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,978 MYSTERY. THE RED CROSS HAS SET UP SOME COTS DOWN AT THE GYMNASIUM AT 299 00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,847 THE RED CROSS HAS SET UP SOME COTS DOWN AT THE GYMNASIUM AT BUNYAN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEY'VE 300 00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,749 COTS DOWN AT THE GYMNASIUM AT BUNYAN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEY'VE INSTRUCTED ME AND ALL THE OTHER 301 00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,617 BUNYAN HIGH SCHOOL, AND THEY'VE INSTRUCTED ME AND ALL THE OTHER RANGERS TO GET EVERYBODY OUT OF 302 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,552 INSTRUCTED ME AND ALL THE OTHER RANGERS TO GET EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE FROM, OH, MOOSE CREEK CLEAR 303 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,354 RANGERS TO GET EVERYBODY OUT OF HERE FROM, OH, MOOSE CREEK CLEAR DOWN TO OTTER VALLEY. 304 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,056 HERE FROM, OH, MOOSE CREEK CLEAR DOWN TO OTTER VALLEY. YOU KNOW, EACH ONE OF THESE GUNS 305 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,524 DOWN TO OTTER VALLEY. YOU KNOW, EACH ONE OF THESE GUNS IS LOADED WITH ONE OF THESE 306 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,625 YOU KNOW, EACH ONE OF THESE GUNS IS LOADED WITH ONE OF THESE TRANQUILIZER DARTS. 307 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,260 IS LOADED WITH ONE OF THESE TRANQUILIZER DARTS. IN CASE WE SEE BIGFOOT, WE CAN 308 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,895 TRANQUILIZER DARTS. IN CASE WE SEE BIGFOOT, WE CAN STUN HIM AND CAPTURE HIM BEFORE 309 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:33,963 IN CASE WE SEE BIGFOOT, WE CAN STUN HIM AND CAPTURE HIM BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT. 310 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,664 STUN HIM AND CAPTURE HIM BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT. WELL, DO YOU THINK THERE'S 311 00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:37,166 SOMEONE GETS HURT. WELL, DO YOU THINK THERE'S REALLY ANY TRUTH TO THESE 312 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,534 WELL, DO YOU THINK THERE'S REALLY ANY TRUTH TO THESE STORIES ABOUT BIGFOOT, 313 00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,736 REALLY ANY TRUTH TO THESE STORIES ABOUT BIGFOOT, RANGER McCONNELL? 314 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,704 STORIES ABOUT BIGFOOT, RANGER McCONNELL? WELL, FOR ONE THING, DURING 315 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,539 RANGER McCONNELL? WELL, FOR ONE THING, DURING THE LAST SIX MONTHS, THERE'S 316 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,574 WELL, FOR ONE THING, DURING THE LAST SIX MONTHS, THERE'S BEEN SIGHTINGS OF GIANT BIGFOOT 317 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,476 THE LAST SIX MONTHS, THERE'S BEEN SIGHTINGS OF GIANT BIGFOOT TRACKS, WHY, ALL THE WAY FROM 318 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,812 BEEN SIGHTINGS OF GIANT BIGFOOT TRACKS, WHY, ALL THE WAY FROM MOOSE CREEK, OH, CLEAR OUT TO 319 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,047 TRACKS, WHY, ALL THE WAY FROM MOOSE CREEK, OH, CLEAR OUT TO OTTER VALLEY. 320 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,949 MOOSE CREEK, OH, CLEAR OUT TO OTTER VALLEY. WHY, THERE'S HUNDREDS OF BIGFOOT 321 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,717 OTTER VALLEY. WHY, THERE'S HUNDREDS OF BIGFOOT TRACKS ALL AROUND THIS CABIN. 322 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,452 WHY, THERE'S HUNDREDS OF BIGFOOT TRACKS ALL AROUND THIS CABIN. PERHAPS YOU'VE HAD SOME CLOSE 323 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,987 TRACKS ALL AROUND THIS CABIN. PERHAPS YOU'VE HAD SOME CLOSE BRUSHES WITH THIS ELUSIVE 324 00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,688 PERHAPS YOU'VE HAD SOME CLOSE BRUSHES WITH THIS ELUSIVE CREATURE THAT MIGHT PUT ME A 325 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,557 BRUSHES WITH THIS ELUSIVE CREATURE THAT MIGHT PUT ME A STEP CLOSER TO BRINGING BIGFOOT 326 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:02,859 CREATURE THAT MIGHT PUT ME A STEP CLOSER TO BRINGING BIGFOOT TO CAPTIVITY. 327 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,761 STEP CLOSER TO BRINGING BIGFOOT TO CAPTIVITY. AS YOU KNOW, NOW, PARK RANGER 328 00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,428 TO CAPTIVITY. AS YOU KNOW, NOW, PARK RANGER McCONNELL, WE'VE BEEN LIVING 329 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,197 AS YOU KNOW, NOW, PARK RANGER McCONNELL, WE'VE BEEN LIVING HERE SIX MONTHS NOW, AND WE'VE 330 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,032 McCONNELL, WE'VE BEEN LIVING HERE SIX MONTHS NOW, AND WE'VE BEEN ALL OVER THESE PARTS, FROM 331 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,934 HERE SIX MONTHS NOW, AND WE'VE BEEN ALL OVER THESE PARTS, FROM MOOSE CREEK TO OTTER VALLEY, AND 332 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:19,776 BEEN ALL OVER THESE PARTS, FROM MOOSE CREEK TO OTTER VALLEY, AND WE AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO BIGFOOT. 333 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,644 MOOSE CREEK TO OTTER VALLEY, AND WE AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO BIGFOOT. RANGER... 334 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,879 WE AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO BIGFOOT. RANGER... SORRY, RANGER McCONNELL, WE 335 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,213 RANGER... SORRY, RANGER McCONNELL, WE CAN'T BE OF MORE HELP, BUT YOU 336 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:24,981 SORRY, RANGER McCONNELL, WE CAN'T BE OF MORE HELP, BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING? 337 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,382 CAN'T BE OF MORE HELP, BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN, AND 338 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:27,616 KNOW SOMETHING? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN, AND I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE CUP OF 339 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,084 WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT DOWN, AND I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE CUP OF COFFEE? 340 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,020 I'LL MAKE YOU A NICE CUP OF COFFEE? WELL... 341 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,521 COFFEE? WELL... HAVE A SEAT. 342 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,524 WELL... HAVE A SEAT. ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST FOR A 343 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,425 HAVE A SEAT. ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE. 344 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,894 ALL RIGHT, BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE. THAT'S A NICE WOOD-BURNING STOVE 345 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:38,661 MINUTE. THAT'S A NICE WOOD-BURNING STOVE YOU GOT THERE. 346 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:41,597 THAT'S A NICE WOOD-BURNING STOVE YOU GOT THERE. OH, SANTA BROUGHT IT TO ME! 347 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,332 YOU GOT THERE. OH, SANTA BROUGHT IT TO ME! I WOKE UP CHRISTMAS MORNING AND 348 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:48,871 OH, SANTA BROUGHT IT TO ME! I WOKE UP CHRISTMAS MORNING AND FOUND IT IN MY STOCKING. 349 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,907 I WOKE UP CHRISTMAS MORNING AND FOUND IT IN MY STOCKING. BOY, YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY 350 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,275 FOUND IT IN MY STOCKING. BOY, YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY A MYSTERY. 351 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,410 BOY, YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY A MYSTERY. YOU SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A 352 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,878 A MYSTERY. YOU SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A CREATURE AROUND HERE THAT WOULD 353 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,780 YOU SURE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A CREATURE AROUND HERE THAT WOULD LEAVE A FOOTPRINT ABOUT, OH, 354 00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,216 CREATURE AROUND HERE THAT WOULD LEAVE A FOOTPRINT ABOUT, OH, THIS BIG? 355 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,784 LEAVE A FOOTPRINT ABOUT, OH, THIS BIG? NO, NO, NO. 356 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,385 THIS BIG? NO, NO, NO. NO, MOST CREATURES AROUND 357 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,188 NO, NO, NO. NO, MOST CREATURES AROUND HERE... YOU KNOW, LIKE OTTER, 358 00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:08,124 NO, MOST CREATURES AROUND HERE... YOU KNOW, LIKE OTTER, WOLF, DEER, FOX... THEY ALL HAVE 359 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,226 HERE... YOU KNOW, LIKE OTTER, WOLF, DEER, FOX... THEY ALL HAVE PRETTY SMALL FEET. 360 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,861 WOLF, DEER, FOX... THEY ALL HAVE PRETTY SMALL FEET. WELL, RANGER McCONNELL, WHAT 361 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,329 PRETTY SMALL FEET. WELL, RANGER McCONNELL, WHAT DOES THIS HERE BIGFOOT THING 362 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,396 WELL, RANGER McCONNELL, WHAT DOES THIS HERE BIGFOOT THING LOOK LIKE? 363 00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,265 DOES THIS HERE BIGFOOT THING LOOK LIKE? WELL, THE ONLY SIGHTINGS OF 364 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,134 LOOK LIKE? WELL, THE ONLY SIGHTINGS OF BIGFOOT HIMSELF HAVE BEEN MADE 365 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,568 WELL, THE ONLY SIGHTINGS OF BIGFOOT HIMSELF HAVE BEEN MADE FROM LONG DISTANCES IN 366 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,370 BIGFOOT HIMSELF HAVE BEEN MADE FROM LONG DISTANCES IN BLIZZARDS, BUT THEY ALL AGREE 367 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,239 FROM LONG DISTANCES IN BLIZZARDS, BUT THEY ALL AGREE THAT THE CREATURE ALWAYS WALKS 368 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,208 BLIZZARDS, BUT THEY ALL AGREE THAT THE CREATURE ALWAYS WALKS UPRIGHT LIKE A MAN, WITH A THICK 369 00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,575 THAT THE CREATURE ALWAYS WALKS UPRIGHT LIKE A MAN, WITH A THICK FUR COVERING HIS BODY. 370 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,377 UPRIGHT LIKE A MAN, WITH A THICK FUR COVERING HIS BODY. NO, NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE 371 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:28,878 FUR COVERING HIS BODY. NO, NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE THAT. 372 00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,713 NO, NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE THAT. WELL, I GOT TO GO CUT SOME MORE 373 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,147 THAT. WELL, I GOT TO GO CUT SOME MORE WOOD. 374 00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,614 WELL, I GOT TO GO CUT SOME MORE WOOD. ALL RIGHT, HONEY, YOU BE 375 00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:33,382 WOOD. ALL RIGHT, HONEY, YOU BE CAREFUL NOW. 376 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:33,983 ALL RIGHT, HONEY, YOU BE CAREFUL NOW. OKAY. 377 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,617 CAREFUL NOW. OKAY. WATCH OUT FOR THAT BLIZZARD. 378 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,752 OKAY. WATCH OUT FOR THAT BLIZZARD. WELL, CAN YOU GET THE DOOR? 379 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:37,987 WATCH OUT FOR THAT BLIZZARD. WELL, CAN YOU GET THE DOOR? AS SOON AS I GET THIS DOOR 380 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:38,321 WELL, CAN YOU GET THE DOOR? AS SOON AS I GET THIS DOOR HERE. 381 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,121 AS SOON AS I GET THIS DOOR HERE. GET THAT DOOR. 382 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,157 HERE. GET THAT DOOR. WHOA! WATCH OUT FOR THAT! 383 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,624 GET THAT DOOR. WHOA! WATCH OUT FOR THAT! WHOA! 384 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,193 WHOA! WATCH OUT FOR THAT! WHOA! RANGER McCONNELL. 385 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,962 WHOA! RANGER McCONNELL. RANGER McCONNELL, SINCE YOUR 386 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,897 RANGER McCONNELL. RANGER McCONNELL, SINCE YOUR SNOWMOBILE BROKE, WHY DON'T YOU 387 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:49,665 RANGER McCONNELL, SINCE YOUR SNOWMOBILE BROKE, WHY DON'T YOU STAY THE NIGHT HERE WITH US? 388 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,500 SNOWMOBILE BROKE, WHY DON'T YOU STAY THE NIGHT HERE WITH US? WE GOT AN EXTRA MATTRESS, AND 389 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,469 STAY THE NIGHT HERE WITH US? WE GOT AN EXTRA MATTRESS, AND YOU CAN USE ONE OF MY SOCKS AS A 390 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,504 WE GOT AN EXTRA MATTRESS, AND YOU CAN USE ONE OF MY SOCKS AS A SLEEPING BAG. 391 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,805 YOU CAN USE ONE OF MY SOCKS AS A SLEEPING BAG. NO, I'M SORRY. 392 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,875 SLEEPING BAG. NO, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T REST UNTIL I'VE SOLVED 393 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,310 NO, I'M SORRY. I CAN'T REST UNTIL I'VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF BIGFOOT. 394 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,311 I CAN'T REST UNTIL I'VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF BIGFOOT. WELL, GOOD LUCK. 395 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,612 THE MYSTERY OF BIGFOOT. WELL, GOOD LUCK. WELL, THANK YOU, AND SAY 396 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,114 WELL, GOOD LUCK. WELL, THANK YOU, AND SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HUSBAND FOR ME. 397 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:05,915 WELL, THANK YOU, AND SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR HUSBAND FOR ME. I WILL. 398 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:06,515 GOODBYE TO YOUR HUSBAND FOR ME. I WILL. WAIT! 399 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,416 I WILL. WAIT! THERE HE IS! 400 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,351 WAIT! THERE HE IS! IT'S BIGFOOT! 401 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:11,075 THERE HE IS! IT'S BIGFOOT! HE'S AROUND THE WOODPILE! 402 00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:20,829 GO! GET HIM! [GUNSHOT] WAIT A MINUTE... THAT WAS 403 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,630 [GUNSHOT] WAIT A MINUTE... THAT WAS YOUR HUSBAND. 404 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,299 WAIT A MINUTE... THAT WAS YOUR HUSBAND. OH, NO, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE 405 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,901 YOUR HUSBAND. OH, NO, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE LONG DISTANCE AND THE BLIZZARD. 406 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,535 OH, NO, IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE LONG DISTANCE AND THE BLIZZARD. YES, THE WILDERNESS LIKES TO 407 00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:31,240 LONG DISTANCE AND THE BLIZZARD. YES, THE WILDERNESS LIKES TO PLAY FUNNY TRICKS ON A MAN. 408 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,474 YES, THE WILDERNESS LIKES TO PLAY FUNNY TRICKS ON A MAN. YOU KNOW... 409 00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,842 PLAY FUNNY TRICKS ON A MAN. YOU KNOW... [WIND HOWLING] 410 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,444 YOU KNOW... [WIND HOWLING] NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I 411 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,779 [WIND HOWLING] NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I DID NOTICE A LOT OF BIG 412 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,547 NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT, I DID NOTICE A LOT OF BIG FOOTPRINTS GOING TO AND FROM THE 413 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:39,681 DID NOTICE A LOT OF BIG FOOTPRINTS GOING TO AND FROM THE WOOD PILE, YOU KNOW? 414 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:40,950 FOOTPRINTS GOING TO AND FROM THE WOOD PILE, YOU KNOW? BOY, I'M REALLY TIRED. 415 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,584 WOOD PILE, YOU KNOW? BOY, I'M REALLY TIRED. I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE A LITTLE 416 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,288 BOY, I'M REALLY TIRED. I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE A LITTLE NAP. 417 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,123 I THINK I'M GONNA TAKE A LITTLE NAP. YOU KNOW, JUST A MINUTE AGO, 418 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,958 NAP. YOU KNOW, JUST A MINUTE AGO, I LOOKED OUT, AND I THOUGHT YOU 419 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:49,892 YOU KNOW, JUST A MINUTE AGO, I LOOKED OUT, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE BIGFOOT. 420 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,727 I LOOKED OUT, AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE BIGFOOT. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY 421 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,262 WERE BIGFOOT. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY THE LONG DISTANCE AND THE 422 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:53,963 YOU MUST HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY THE LONG DISTANCE AND THE BLIZZARD. 423 00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:54,830 THE LONG DISTANCE AND THE BLIZZARD. [CHUCKLES] 424 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,399 BLIZZARD. [CHUCKLES] YEAH, I GUESS I WAS. 425 00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,467 [CHUCKLES] YEAH, I GUESS I WAS. YOU KNOW, IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS 426 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,169 YEAH, I GUESS I WAS. YOU KNOW, IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS TO THINK THAT THAT BIGFOOT 427 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,238 YOU KNOW, IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS TO THINK THAT THAT BIGFOOT CREATURE IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. 428 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,973 TO THINK THAT THAT BIGFOOT CREATURE IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. WHY, HE COULD BE ANYWHERE. 429 00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,874 CREATURE IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. WHY, HE COULD BE ANYWHERE. HE COULD BE AROUND THIS CABIN 430 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,209 WHY, HE COULD BE ANYWHERE. HE COULD BE AROUND THIS CABIN RIGHT NOW. 431 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,312 HE COULD BE AROUND THIS CABIN RIGHT NOW. YEAH. HE COULD BE. 432 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,447 RIGHT NOW. YEAH. HE COULD BE. HE COULD BE THERE. 433 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,417 YEAH. HE COULD BE. HE COULD BE THERE. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. 434 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,419 HE COULD BE THERE. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. I GUESS WE'LL NEVER SOLVE THIS 435 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,483 I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. I GUESS WE'LL NEVER SOLVE THIS MYSTERY OF BIGFOOT. 436 00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:48,184 [Czech accent] OH! HEY! HERE IS SOMETHING! [CHUCKLES] 437 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,386 HERE IS SOMETHING! [CHUCKLES] I BET YOU CANNOT GUESS WHO'S 438 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,554 [CHUCKLES] I BET YOU CANNOT GUESS WHO'S HERE NOW BEHIND YOU WITH HIS 439 00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,556 I BET YOU CANNOT GUESS WHO'S HERE NOW BEHIND YOU WITH HIS HANDS COVERING YOUR EYES! 440 00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:56,058 HERE NOW BEHIND YOU WITH HIS HANDS COVERING YOUR EYES! [Czech accent] I CANNOT 441 00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,526 HANDS COVERING YOUR EYES! [Czech accent] I CANNOT AGREE WITH YOU THERE, FOR IT 442 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,028 [Czech accent] I CANNOT AGREE WITH YOU THERE, FOR IT MUST BE MY SWINGING BROTHER, 443 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,532 AGREE WITH YOU THERE, FOR IT MUST BE MY SWINGING BROTHER, GEORG! 444 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:13,675 SEE? NEXT TIME, DON'T ASK ME AGAIN! IT WAS NO DIFFICULTY FOR ME 445 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,077 NEXT TIME, DON'T ASK ME AGAIN! IT WAS NO DIFFICULTY FOR ME TO GUESS, FOR WE ARE HERE 446 00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:16,545 IT WAS NO DIFFICULTY FOR ME TO GUESS, FOR WE ARE HERE TOGETHER, ALL ALONE IN OUR 447 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,114 TO GUESS, FOR WE ARE HERE TOGETHER, ALL ALONE IN OUR APARTMENT IN AMERICA, AND WE 448 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,316 TOGETHER, ALL ALONE IN OUR APARTMENT IN AMERICA, AND WE HAVE ONE KEY ONLY! 449 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,919 APARTMENT IN AMERICA, AND WE HAVE ONE KEY ONLY! WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY 450 00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:28,724 HAVE ONE KEY ONLY! WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! 451 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:29,992 WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! HOLD IT. 452 00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,960 GUYS! HOLD IT. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 453 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:37,166 HOLD IT. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU AND WHAT ARMY? 454 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,135 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? YOU AND WHAT ARMY? HOW ABOUT A SWINGING DRINK? 455 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:43,672 YOU AND WHAT ARMY? HOW ABOUT A SWINGING DRINK? NO WAY! 456 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,207 HOW ABOUT A SWINGING DRINK? NO WAY! YOU KNOW, SUCH A THING WAS 457 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,308 NO WAY! YOU KNOW, SUCH A THING WAS NOT POSSIBLE BACK IN 458 00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,976 YOU KNOW, SUCH A THING WAS NOT POSSIBLE BACK IN CZECHOSLOVAKIA BEFORE WE BLEW UP 459 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,312 NOT POSSIBLE BACK IN CZECHOSLOVAKIA BEFORE WE BLEW UP THE TANKS AND RAN FROM THEM. 460 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,248 CZECHOSLOVAKIA BEFORE WE BLEW UP THE TANKS AND RAN FROM THEM. ALL THE PORTABLE BACHELOR-PAD 461 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,483 THE TANKS AND RAN FROM THEM. ALL THE PORTABLE BACHELOR-PAD BARS WERE OWNED BY THE STATE. 462 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,453 ALL THE PORTABLE BACHELOR-PAD BARS WERE OWNED BY THE STATE. SAY, YOUR SLACKS ARE REALLY 463 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,488 BARS WERE OWNED BY THE STATE. SAY, YOUR SLACKS ARE REALLY TIGHT... 464 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,323 SAY, YOUR SLACKS ARE REALLY TIGHT... JUST LIKE MINE! 465 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,459 TIGHT... JUST LIKE MINE! BOY, IT IS CERTAINLY NO 466 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,994 JUST LIKE MINE! BOY, IT IS CERTAINLY NO DIFFICULTY NOW FOR ANY WOMEN TO 467 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:11,067 BOY, IT IS CERTAINLY NO DIFFICULTY NOW FOR ANY WOMEN TO SEE OUR BULGES. 468 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,834 DIFFICULTY NOW FOR ANY WOMEN TO SEE OUR BULGES. THAT'S FOR YOU TO FIND OUT! 469 00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:15,337 SEE OUR BULGES. THAT'S FOR YOU TO FIND OUT! SO BRING ON THE FOXES! 470 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,505 THAT'S FOR YOU TO FIND OUT! SO BRING ON THE FOXES! WAIT. 471 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,507 SO BRING ON THE FOXES! WAIT. HERE IS SOMETHING I CAN TELL 472 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:19,641 WAIT. HERE IS SOMETHING I CAN TELL YOU. 473 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,978 HERE IS SOMETHING I CAN TELL YOU. TWO SWINGING FOXES ARE COMING TO 474 00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,913 YOU. TWO SWINGING FOXES ARE COMING TO OUR PAD TONIGHT. 475 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,915 TWO SWINGING FOXES ARE COMING TO OUR PAD TONIGHT. FOXES COMING HERE TONIGHT? 476 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:27,849 OUR PAD TONIGHT. FOXES COMING HERE TONIGHT? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? 477 00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,952 FOXES COMING HERE TONIGHT? WHO TOLD YOU THAT? FORGET ABOUT IT. 478 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,921 WHO TOLD YOU THAT? FORGET ABOUT IT. TODAY IN AMERICA, ALL THE MOST 479 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,624 FORGET ABOUT IT. TODAY IN AMERICA, ALL THE MOST SWINGING PEOPLE USE COMPUTERS TO 480 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,626 TODAY IN AMERICA, ALL THE MOST SWINGING PEOPLE USE COMPUTERS TO FIND OTHERS WHO WILL HAVE SEX 481 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,061 SWINGING PEOPLE USE COMPUTERS TO FIND OTHERS WHO WILL HAVE SEX WITH THEM! 482 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,163 FIND OTHERS WHO WILL HAVE SEX WITH THEM! I HAVE DONE THIS NOW. 483 00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,732 WITH THEM! I HAVE DONE THIS NOW. COMPUTERS TO FIND FOXES? 484 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,834 I HAVE DONE THIS NOW. COMPUTERS TO FIND FOXES? LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT. 485 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,972 COMPUTERS TO FIND FOXES? LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT. STAY HERE, AND I'LL TELL YOU! 486 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,475 LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT. STAY HERE, AND I'LL TELL YOU! I PUT OUR NAMES... YORTUK AND 487 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,077 STAY HERE, AND I'LL TELL YOU! I PUT OUR NAMES... YORTUK AND GEORG FESTRUNK... ON CARDS FOR 488 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,412 I PUT OUR NAMES... YORTUK AND GEORG FESTRUNK... ON CARDS FOR THE COMPUTER. 489 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,914 GEORG FESTRUNK... ON CARDS FOR THE COMPUTER. I TOLD THEM THAT WE HAVE MANY 490 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,517 THE COMPUTER. I TOLD THEM THAT WE HAVE MANY SWINGING HOBBIES, AND WE ENJOY 491 00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,385 I TOLD THEM THAT WE HAVE MANY SWINGING HOBBIES, AND WE ENJOY A GREAT DEAL MANY INTERESTS, 492 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,254 SWINGING HOBBIES, AND WE ENJOY A GREAT DEAL MANY INTERESTS, LIKE MEETING GIRLS AND BEING 493 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,022 A GREAT DEAL MANY INTERESTS, LIKE MEETING GIRLS AND BEING NEXT TO THEIR BIG AMERICAN 494 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,625 LIKE MEETING GIRLS AND BEING NEXT TO THEIR BIG AMERICAN BREASTS! 495 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,760 NEXT TO THEIR BIG AMERICAN BREASTS! HEY, WHO'S TO KNOW? 496 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:13,429 BREASTS! HEY, WHO'S TO KNOW? OUT TO LUNCH! 497 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:16,898 HEY, WHO'S TO KNOW? OUT TO LUNCH! [DOORBELL RINGS] 498 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,634 OUT TO LUNCH! [DOORBELL RINGS] [DOORBELL RINGS] 499 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,770 [DOORBELL RINGS] [DOORBELL RINGS] FOXES! 500 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,640 [DOORBELL RINGS] FOXES! LET'S NOT WAIT, FOR WE ARE 501 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,633 FOXES! LET'S NOT WAIT, FOR WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! 502 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:41,223 NOT FOXES. IT'S CLIFF, OUR SWINGING AMERICAN BUDDY WHO LIVES ALSO IN 503 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,526 IT'S CLIFF, OUR SWINGING AMERICAN BUDDY WHO LIVES ALSO IN THIS APARTMENT BUILDING WITH US. 504 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:44,426 AMERICAN BUDDY WHO LIVES ALSO IN THIS APARTMENT BUILDING WITH US. HI! 505 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,963 THIS APARTMENT BUILDING WITH US. HI! WHAT'S HAPPENING, SOUL MAN? 506 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,097 HI! WHAT'S HAPPENING, SOUL MAN? HI, GEORG, YORTUK. 507 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,666 WHAT'S HAPPENING, SOUL MAN? HI, GEORG, YORTUK. LOOK, I'M HAVING A PARTY AT MY 508 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,301 HI, GEORG, YORTUK. LOOK, I'M HAVING A PARTY AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT, AND I WANT 509 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:53,402 LOOK, I'M HAVING A PARTY AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT, AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO COME. 510 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:57,406 HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT, AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO COME. HEY, GET OFF MY BACK. 511 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,275 YOU GUYS TO COME. HEY, GET OFF MY BACK. WALK OVER WITH US NOW TO THE 512 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,043 HEY, GET OFF MY BACK. WALK OVER WITH US NOW TO THE BACHELOR-PAD BAR, WHERE WE'RE 513 00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:04,667 WALK OVER WITH US NOW TO THE BACHELOR-PAD BAR, WHERE WE'RE SPENDING A GREAT DEAL OF TIME. 514 00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:15,357 [GROANS] CLIFF, I AM TELLING YOU SOMETHING NOW. 515 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,159 CLIFF, I AM TELLING YOU SOMETHING NOW. YOU ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ALL OF 516 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,661 SOMETHING NOW. YOU ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ALL OF THE ETHIOPIAN ENGINEERING 517 00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,296 YOU ARE VERY SIMILAR TO ALL OF THE ETHIOPIAN ENGINEERING STUDENTS THAT WE KNEW AT THE 518 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,997 THE ETHIOPIAN ENGINEERING STUDENTS THAT WE KNEW AT THE POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE BACK IN 519 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,532 STUDENTS THAT WE KNEW AT THE POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE BACK IN BRATISLAVA. 520 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,501 POLYTECHNIC INSTITUTE BACK IN BRATISLAVA. YEAH, YEAH, I CAN DIG IT. 521 00:20:25,525 --> 00:20:28,859 BRATISLAVA. YEAH, YEAH, I CAN DIG IT. SLAP MY HAND, BLACK SOUL MAN! 522 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:39,815 UH-OH, CLIFF, GET OUT OF HERE NOW! SOME DATES ARE COMING OVER FROM 523 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,684 NOW! SOME DATES ARE COMING OVER FROM COMPUTER DATING TO MEET US, AND 524 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,552 SOME DATES ARE COMING OVER FROM COMPUTER DATING TO MEET US, AND YOU CANNOT BE HERE, FOR WE WILL 525 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:47,089 COMPUTER DATING TO MEET US, AND YOU CANNOT BE HERE, FOR WE WILL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM SOON. 526 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,424 YOU CANNOT BE HERE, FOR WE WILL WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM SOON. YOU GUYS GOT SOME ACTION 527 00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:48,890 WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM SOON. YOU GUYS GOT SOME ACTION GOING? 528 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,292 YOU GUYS GOT SOME ACTION GOING? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT, MAN. 529 00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:51,793 GOING? YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT, MAN. FIX ME A DRINK, I'LL FINISH IT, 530 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,295 YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT, MAN. FIX ME A DRINK, I'LL FINISH IT, AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I'LL SPLIT. 531 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,930 FIX ME A DRINK, I'LL FINISH IT, AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I'LL SPLIT. [DOORBELL RINGS] 532 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:58,267 AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I'LL SPLIT. [DOORBELL RINGS] OH! NOW ARE THE FOXES! 533 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,236 [DOORBELL RINGS] OH! NOW ARE THE FOXES! CLIFF, DON'T WAIT HERE RIGHT 534 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,700 OH! NOW ARE THE FOXES! CLIFF, DON'T WAIT HERE RIGHT AWAY! 535 00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:16,619 LOOK WHO IT IS... TWO SWINGING CHICKS! TAKE OFF YOUR COATS SO WE CAN 536 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:20,055 CHICKS! TAKE OFF YOUR COATS SO WE CAN SEE YOUR BIG AMERICAN BREASTS. 537 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,624 TAKE OFF YOUR COATS SO WE CAN SEE YOUR BIG AMERICAN BREASTS. DON'T WORRY ABOUT 538 00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,792 SEE YOUR BIG AMERICAN BREASTS. DON'T WORRY ABOUT BIRTH-CONTROL DEVICES FOR SEX. 539 00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:27,630 DON'T WORRY ABOUT BIRTH-CONTROL DEVICES FOR SEX. WE HAVE MANY. 540 00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,331 BIRTH-CONTROL DEVICES FOR SEX. WE HAVE MANY. [Croatian accent] HELLO. 541 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:31,833 WE HAVE MANY. [Croatian accent] HELLO. WE ARE KNOWING SOMETHING NOW. 542 00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:33,569 [Croatian accent] HELLO. WE ARE KNOWING SOMETHING NOW. I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE 543 00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:35,137 WE ARE KNOWING SOMETHING NOW. I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE GEORG AND YORTUK FESTRUNK. 544 00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:36,905 I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU ARE GEORG AND YORTUK FESTRUNK. WE HAVE SELECTED YOUR COMPUTER 545 00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:38,206 GEORG AND YORTUK FESTRUNK. WE HAVE SELECTED YOUR COMPUTER CARDS, AND TONIGHT WE ARE DATING 546 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:38,641 WE HAVE SELECTED YOUR COMPUTER CARDS, AND TONIGHT WE ARE DATING YOU. 547 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:40,342 CARDS, AND TONIGHT WE ARE DATING YOU. [Croatian accent] THAT'S 548 00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:42,177 YOU. [Croatian accent] THAT'S RIGHT, AND SORRY TO BE PLACING A 549 00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,747 [Croatian accent] THAT'S RIGHT, AND SORRY TO BE PLACING A BUM TRIP ON MY MIND, BUT BEFORE 550 00:21:44,771 --> 00:21:47,249 RIGHT, AND SORRY TO BE PLACING A BUM TRIP ON MY MIND, BUT BEFORE HAVING SEX, YOU WILL BE BUYING 551 00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,685 BUM TRIP ON MY MIND, BUT BEFORE HAVING SEX, YOU WILL BE BUYING US AN EXPENSIVE MEAL AND MANY 552 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,588 HAVING SEX, YOU WILL BE BUYING US AN EXPENSIVE MEAL AND MANY PEPSIS! 553 00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:54,256 US AN EXPENSIVE MEAL AND MANY PEPSIS! YOU'LL BE PARDONING ME FOR A 554 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,514 PEPSIS! YOU'LL BE PARDONING ME FOR A MOMENT. 555 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:07,869 THESE... THERE ARE NOT AMERICAN FOXES. I BLAME MYSELF. 556 00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:09,638 FOXES. I BLAME MYSELF. WE ARE CROATIAN SISTERS... 557 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:12,107 I BLAME MYSELF. WE ARE CROATIAN SISTERS... BODKA AND VOBSINA CHERBU, WHO 558 00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:13,842 WE ARE CROATIAN SISTERS... BODKA AND VOBSINA CHERBU, WHO ARE JUMPING TWO YEARS AGO OFF 559 00:22:13,866 --> 00:22:15,644 BODKA AND VOBSINA CHERBU, WHO ARE JUMPING TWO YEARS AGO OFF SOVIET FISHING TROLLER OFF THE 560 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:16,679 ARE JUMPING TWO YEARS AGO OFF SOVIET FISHING TROLLER OFF THE COAST OF MAINE. 561 00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:18,480 SOVIET FISHING TROLLER OFF THE COAST OF MAINE. WE ARE SWIMMING TWO WEEKS WITH 562 00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,248 COAST OF MAINE. WE ARE SWIMMING TWO WEEKS WITH OUR UNCLE KRABOSH, WHO IS WITH 563 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:21,650 WE ARE SWIMMING TWO WEEKS WITH OUR UNCLE KRABOSH, WHO IS WITH US NOW, ALSO, AS WELL. 564 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:22,584 OUR UNCLE KRABOSH, WHO IS WITH US NOW, ALSO, AS WELL. THAT'S RIGHT. 565 00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:24,687 US NOW, ALSO, AS WELL. THAT'S RIGHT. UNCLE KRABOSH! 566 00:22:24,711 --> 00:22:27,712 THAT'S RIGHT. UNCLE KRABOSH! COME IN AND DATE WITH US. 567 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:37,232 [Croatian accent] NOT TO WORRY TOO MUCH FOR ME. I CAN WATCH WHILE OTHERS SWING. 568 00:22:37,256 --> 00:22:39,401 WORRY TOO MUCH FOR ME. I CAN WATCH WHILE OTHERS SWING. UM, WELL, I SEE THAT YOU GUYS 569 00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:41,537 I CAN WATCH WHILE OTHERS SWING. UM, WELL, I SEE THAT YOU GUYS ARE, YOU KNOW, GETTING READY TO 570 00:22:41,561 --> 00:22:42,170 UM, WELL, I SEE THAT YOU GUYS ARE, YOU KNOW, GETTING READY TO PARTY. 571 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:45,040 ARE, YOU KNOW, GETTING READY TO PARTY. SO, I'M GOING TO JUST GET MYSELF 572 00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:46,342 PARTY. SO, I'M GOING TO JUST GET MYSELF TOGETHER AND SPLIT, MAN. 573 00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:48,109 SO, I'M GOING TO JUST GET MYSELF TOGETHER AND SPLIT, MAN. HEY, VOBSINA, LET'S FORGET 574 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:49,177 TOGETHER AND SPLIT, MAN. HEY, VOBSINA, LET'S FORGET ABOUT THEM NOW. 575 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,046 HEY, VOBSINA, LET'S FORGET ABOUT THEM NOW. THESE TWO NOT KNOW HOW TO SWING 576 00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:51,814 ABOUT THEM NOW. THESE TWO NOT KNOW HOW TO SWING CORRECTLY. 577 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,449 THESE TWO NOT KNOW HOW TO SWING CORRECTLY. I HAVE JUST SEEN THIS BLACK 578 00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:55,317 CORRECTLY. I HAVE JUST SEEN THIS BLACK PERSON WHO WOULD BE MUCH BETTER 579 00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:56,752 I HAVE JUST SEEN THIS BLACK PERSON WHO WOULD BE MUCH BETTER TO SWING US IN AMERICA. 580 00:22:56,776 --> 00:22:57,353 PERSON WHO WOULD BE MUCH BETTER TO SWING US IN AMERICA. HEY! 581 00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:59,054 TO SWING US IN AMERICA. HEY! SO, NOW WE WILL BE TAKING OFF 582 00:22:59,078 --> 00:22:59,788 HEY! SO, NOW WE WILL BE TAKING OFF HIS PANTS. 583 00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:00,155 SO, NOW WE WILL BE TAKING OFF HIS PANTS. HA! 584 00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:01,156 HIS PANTS. HA! NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 585 00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,123 HA! NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 586 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,225 NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. LOOK, I'M SPLITTING. 587 00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:04,226 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. LOOK, I'M SPLITTING. I GOT NIGHT CLASS. 588 00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,061 LOOK, I'M SPLITTING. I GOT NIGHT CLASS. HA! DON'T TELL US! 589 00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:07,429 I GOT NIGHT CLASS. HA! DON'T TELL US! THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM! 590 00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:08,764 HA! DON'T TELL US! THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM! WHAT A HASSLE! 591 00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:10,466 THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM! WHAT A HASSLE! SOON WE WILL BE SEEING YOU 592 00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:12,634 WHAT A HASSLE! SOON WE WILL BE SEEING YOU WITH NO PANTS ON WHATSOEVER! 593 00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:13,602 SOON WE WILL BE SEEING YOU WITH NO PANTS ON WHATSOEVER! [CHUCKLES] 594 00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:16,171 WITH NO PANTS ON WHATSOEVER! [CHUCKLES] I AM OLD, TIRED A BIT, BUT 595 00:23:16,195 --> 00:23:18,640 [CHUCKLES] I AM OLD, TIRED A BIT, BUT EVEN SO, MY HEALTH IS NOT SO 596 00:23:18,664 --> 00:23:19,207 I AM OLD, TIRED A BIT, BUT EVEN SO, MY HEALTH IS NOT SO GOOD. 597 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:21,844 EVEN SO, MY HEALTH IS NOT SO GOOD. SO YOU MUST HELP ME TO SWING. 598 00:23:21,868 --> 00:23:24,246 GOOD. SO YOU MUST HELP ME TO SWING. THIS GUY IS TOO MUCH FOR ALL 599 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,214 SO YOU MUST HELP ME TO SWING. THIS GUY IS TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US! 600 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,016 THIS GUY IS TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US! CLIFF IS NOW SWINGING WITH 601 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,318 OF US! CLIFF IS NOW SWINGING WITH BODKA AND VOBSINA! 602 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:31,754 CLIFF IS NOW SWINGING WITH BODKA AND VOBSINA! GOODBYE, CLIFF! 603 00:23:31,778 --> 00:23:33,522 BODKA AND VOBSINA! GOODBYE, CLIFF! ENJOY YOUR SEX! 604 00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:35,257 GOODBYE, CLIFF! ENJOY YOUR SEX! YOU ARE BRINGING BIRTH-CONTROL 605 00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:36,658 ENJOY YOUR SEX! YOU ARE BRINGING BIRTH-CONTROL DEVICES, GEORG? 606 00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:38,026 YOU ARE BRINGING BIRTH-CONTROL DEVICES, GEORG? WHO'S TO KNOW? 607 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:40,829 DEVICES, GEORG? WHO'S TO KNOW? OUT TO LUNCH! 608 00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:44,366 WHO'S TO KNOW? OUT TO LUNCH! NOW WE ARE... 609 00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:47,836 OUT TO LUNCH! NOW WE ARE... WE ARE THREE WILD AND CRAZY 610 00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:49,794 NOW WE ARE... WE ARE THREE WILD AND CRAZY GUYS! 611 00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:11,693 I'VE KNOWN THIS NEXT GROUP SINCE WE WERE... SMALL. [CHUCKLES] 612 00:24:11,717 --> 00:24:13,295 SINCE WE WERE... SMALL. [CHUCKLES] WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER, 613 00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:14,830 [CHUCKLES] WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER, AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BEST 614 00:24:14,854 --> 00:24:16,031 WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER, AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BEST MUSICIANS YOU CAN FIND. 615 00:24:16,055 --> 00:24:17,332 AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BEST MUSICIANS YOU CAN FIND. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE 616 00:24:17,356 --> 00:24:18,199 MUSICIANS YOU CAN FIND. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DIRT BAND! 617 00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:19,468 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DIRT BAND! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 618 00:24:19,492 --> 00:24:21,470 DIRT BAND! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [THE DIRT BAND'S "ON THE LOOSE 619 00:24:21,494 --> 00:24:24,414 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [THE DIRT BAND'S "ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES" PLAYS] 620 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:51,132 ♪ BABY'S JUST LOOKING SO BAD ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T TALK HER INTO 621 00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:53,502 BAD ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T TALK HER INTO FEELING GLAD ♪ 622 00:24:53,526 --> 00:24:55,838 ♪ YOU CAN'T TALK HER INTO FEELING GLAD ♪ ♪ WELL, I GUESS SHE'S BEEN DOWN 623 00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:57,840 FEELING GLAD ♪ ♪ WELL, I GUESS SHE'S BEEN DOWN ON HER LUCK ♪ 624 00:24:57,864 --> 00:25:00,609 ♪ WELL, I GUESS SHE'S BEEN DOWN ON HER LUCK ♪ ♪ LIVING OUT OF SOME OLD PICKUP 625 00:25:00,633 --> 00:25:02,110 ON HER LUCK ♪ ♪ LIVING OUT OF SOME OLD PICKUP TRUCK ♪ 626 00:25:02,134 --> 00:25:04,045 ♪ LIVING OUT OF SOME OLD PICKUP TRUCK ♪ ♪ SHE'S BEEN RUNNING SINCE SHE 627 00:25:04,069 --> 00:25:06,081 TRUCK ♪ ♪ SHE'S BEEN RUNNING SINCE SHE CAN'T SAY WHEN ♪ 628 00:25:06,105 --> 00:25:08,350 ♪ SHE'S BEEN RUNNING SINCE SHE CAN'T SAY WHEN ♪ ♪ THINK SHE STARTED 'BOUT THE 629 00:25:08,374 --> 00:25:10,486 CAN'T SAY WHEN ♪ ♪ THINK SHE STARTED 'BOUT THE AGE OF 10 ♪ 630 00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:12,420 ♪ THINK SHE STARTED 'BOUT THE AGE OF 10 ♪ ♪ WELL, SHE'S WORN OUT HER 631 00:25:12,444 --> 00:25:13,956 AGE OF 10 ♪ ♪ WELL, SHE'S WORN OUT HER HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ 632 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:19,728 ♪ WELL, SHE'S WORN OUT HER HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 633 00:25:19,752 --> 00:25:23,465 HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHE'S NEVER EVEN SEEN HER PA ♪ 634 00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:25,433 ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHE'S NEVER EVEN SEEN HER PA ♪ ♪ THINK HE'S OUT THERE TRYING TO 635 00:25:25,457 --> 00:25:27,636 ♪ SHE'S NEVER EVEN SEEN HER PA ♪ ♪ THINK HE'S OUT THERE TRYING TO DODGE THE LAW ♪ 636 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:29,872 ♪ THINK HE'S OUT THERE TRYING TO DODGE THE LAW ♪ ♪ AND THE ONLY FAMILY 637 00:25:29,896 --> 00:25:31,974 DODGE THE LAW ♪ ♪ AND THE ONLY FAMILY SHE'S GOT ♪ 638 00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:33,475 ♪ AND THE ONLY FAMILY SHE'S GOT ♪ ♪ IS HER MOTHER, 639 00:25:33,499 --> 00:25:36,344 SHE'S GOT ♪ ♪ IS HER MOTHER, AND SHE'S GONE A LOT ♪ 640 00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,114 ♪ IS HER MOTHER, AND SHE'S GONE A LOT ♪ ♪ BUT SHE'D NEVER LET YOU SEE NO 641 00:25:39,138 --> 00:25:40,616 AND SHE'S GONE A LOT ♪ ♪ BUT SHE'D NEVER LET YOU SEE NO PAIN ♪ 642 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,818 ♪ BUT SHE'D NEVER LET YOU SEE NO PAIN ♪ ♪ SAYS SHE'LL TAKE THE SUNSHINE 643 00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,887 PAIN ♪ ♪ SAYS SHE'LL TAKE THE SUNSHINE WITH THE RAIN ♪ 644 00:25:44,911 --> 00:25:46,755 ♪ SAYS SHE'LL TAKE THE SUNSHINE WITH THE RAIN ♪ ♪ LONELY EYES THAT SHOW WHAT 645 00:25:46,779 --> 00:25:48,423 WITH THE RAIN ♪ ♪ LONELY EYES THAT SHOW WHAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH ♪ 646 00:25:48,447 --> 00:25:54,362 ♪ LONELY EYES THAT SHOW WHAT SHE'S BEEN THROUGH ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 647 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:57,399 SHE'S BEEN THROUGH ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY ♪ 648 00:25:57,423 --> 00:26:00,268 ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY ♪ ♪ SHE'S HAD FAR TOO MANY CLOUDY 649 00:26:00,292 --> 00:26:01,803 ♪ SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY ♪ ♪ SHE'S HAD FAR TOO MANY CLOUDY DAYS ♪ 650 00:26:01,827 --> 00:26:04,472 ♪ SHE'S HAD FAR TOO MANY CLOUDY DAYS ♪ ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN 651 00:26:04,496 --> 00:26:06,008 DAYS ♪ ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN LAST ♪ 652 00:26:06,032 --> 00:26:08,376 ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN LAST ♪ ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE 653 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,211 LAST ♪ ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE FAST ♪ 654 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:12,447 ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE FAST ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO 655 00:26:12,471 --> 00:26:13,582 FAST ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO MANY DUES ♪ 656 00:26:13,606 --> 00:26:17,019 ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO MANY DUES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 657 00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:19,363 MANY DUES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ [HARMONICA SOLO] 658 00:26:36,527 --> 00:26:44,527 ♪ SHOULDN'T BE THIS WAY ♪ ♪ SHE'S HAD FAR TOO MANY CLOUDY DAYS ♪ 659 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,750 ♪ SHE'S HAD FAR TOO MANY CLOUDY DAYS ♪ ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN 660 00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:50,485 DAYS ♪ ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN LAST ♪ 661 00:26:50,509 --> 00:26:52,554 ♪ AND I REALLY HOPE THAT SHE CAN LAST ♪ ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE 662 00:26:52,578 --> 00:26:54,489 LAST ♪ ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE FAST ♪ 663 00:26:54,513 --> 00:26:56,558 ♪ BEEN HITTING LIFE A LITTLE FAST ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO 664 00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:57,859 FAST ♪ ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO MANY DUES ♪ 665 00:26:57,883 --> 00:27:02,497 ♪ WELL, THE LADY'S PAYING TOO MANY DUES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 666 00:27:02,521 --> 00:27:04,432 MANY DUES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHE'S JUST WORN OUT THOSE 667 00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,968 ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ SHE'S JUST WORN OUT THOSE HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ 668 00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:11,707 ♪ SHE'S JUST WORN OUT THOSE HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 669 00:27:11,731 --> 00:27:14,643 HIGHWAY SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ BABY'S REALLY FEELING USED ♪ 670 00:27:14,667 --> 00:27:17,746 ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ ♪ BABY'S REALLY FEELING USED ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ 671 00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:21,010 ♪ BABY'S REALLY FEELING USED ♪ ♪ ON THE LOOSE WITH THE BLUES ♪ [INSTRUMENTAL BREAK] 672 00:27:44,428 --> 00:27:46,229 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 673 00:28:04,448 --> 00:28:06,249 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 674 00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:25,936 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 675 00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:51,895 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 676 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:10,640 FIRST THERE WAS SOAP. THEN THERE WAS THE WASHCLOTH. AND NOW... 677 00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:15,197 THEN THERE WAS THE WASHCLOTH. AND NOW... THERE'S BODY FLOSS, THE 678 00:29:15,221 --> 00:29:16,832 AND NOW... THERE'S BODY FLOSS, THE REVOLUTIONARY NEW HYGIENE 679 00:29:16,856 --> 00:29:18,700 THERE'S BODY FLOSS, THE REVOLUTIONARY NEW HYGIENE INVENTION THAT GIVES THE WORD 680 00:29:18,724 --> 00:29:23,471 REVOLUTIONARY NEW HYGIENE INVENTION THAT GIVES THE WORD "CLEAN" A WHOLE NEW MEANING. 681 00:29:23,495 --> 00:29:25,640 INVENTION THAT GIVES THE WORD "CLEAN" A WHOLE NEW MEANING. IT'S LIKE EXERCISING WHILE 682 00:29:25,664 --> 00:29:27,642 "CLEAN" A WHOLE NEW MEANING. IT'S LIKE EXERCISING WHILE YOU'RE GETTING CLEAN, ONLY 683 00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:28,543 IT'S LIKE EXERCISING WHILE YOU'RE GETTING CLEAN, ONLY BETTER! 684 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,979 YOU'RE GETTING CLEAN, ONLY BETTER! IT UNLODGES PARTICLES BEFORE 685 00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:34,382 BETTER! IT UNLODGES PARTICLES BEFORE THEY CAN BECOME DIRT! 686 00:29:34,406 --> 00:29:34,983 IT UNLODGES PARTICLES BEFORE THEY CAN BECOME DIRT! YEAH! 687 00:29:35,007 --> 00:29:37,219 THEY CAN BECOME DIRT! YEAH! THE SWEDES HAVE BEEN DOING IT 688 00:29:37,243 --> 00:29:39,487 YEAH! THE SWEDES HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS! 689 00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:41,489 THE SWEDES HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR YEARS! YOU SEE, THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR 690 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:44,025 FOR YEARS! YOU SEE, THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SKIN... THE EPITHELIAL LAYER... 691 00:29:44,049 --> 00:29:45,393 YOU SEE, THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SKIN... THE EPITHELIAL LAYER... TRAPS DIRT. 692 00:29:45,417 --> 00:29:48,496 SKIN... THE EPITHELIAL LAYER... TRAPS DIRT. ONLY BODY FLOSS CAN GENTLY FREE 693 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,899 TRAPS DIRT. ONLY BODY FLOSS CAN GENTLY FREE THE EPITHELIA. 694 00:29:50,923 --> 00:29:53,434 ONLY BODY FLOSS CAN GENTLY FREE THE EPITHELIA. THE BODY FLOSS REACHES SPACES 695 00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:55,837 THE EPITHELIA. THE BODY FLOSS REACHES SPACES AND PLACES YOUR WASHCLOTH JUST 696 00:29:55,861 --> 00:29:56,938 THE BODY FLOSS REACHES SPACES AND PLACES YOUR WASHCLOTH JUST CAN'T GO! 697 00:29:56,962 --> 00:29:59,707 AND PLACES YOUR WASHCLOTH JUST CAN'T GO! YOU CAN USE BODY FLOSS ALONE 698 00:29:59,731 --> 00:30:01,643 CAN'T GO! YOU CAN USE BODY FLOSS ALONE OR AT A FLOSS PARTY! 699 00:30:01,667 --> 00:30:03,912 YOU CAN USE BODY FLOSS ALONE OR AT A FLOSS PARTY! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! 700 00:30:03,936 --> 00:30:06,047 OR AT A FLOSS PARTY! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! IT'S THE CLEANEST WAY TO HAVE 701 00:30:06,071 --> 00:30:07,682 THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! IT'S THE CLEANEST WAY TO HAVE FUN IN THE WHOLE WORLD! 702 00:30:07,706 --> 00:30:09,584 IT'S THE CLEANEST WAY TO HAVE FUN IN THE WHOLE WORLD! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! 703 00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:11,319 FUN IN THE WHOLE WORLD! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! YEAH, AND I LIKE THAT NEW 704 00:30:11,343 --> 00:30:12,453 THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! YEAH, AND I LIKE THAT NEW MINT FLAVOR! 705 00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:16,024 YEAH, AND I LIKE THAT NEW MINT FLAVOR! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! 706 00:30:16,048 --> 00:30:18,026 MINT FLAVOR! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! THE BODY FLOSS... IT MAKES 707 00:30:18,050 --> 00:30:20,162 THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT! THE BODY FLOSS... IT MAKES YOU CLEAN AFTER YOU THOUGHT YOU 708 00:30:20,186 --> 00:30:22,297 THE BODY FLOSS... IT MAKES YOU CLEAN AFTER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE CLEAN. 709 00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:24,399 YOU CLEAN AFTER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE CLEAN. NO BODY CAN REALLY BE CLEAN 710 00:30:24,423 --> 00:30:26,383 WERE CLEAN. NO BODY CAN REALLY BE CLEAN WITHOUT IT. 711 00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:38,680 COMING UP NEXT, FREDDIE LAKER ANNOUNCES ECONOMY BUS SERVICE TO MIAMI. 712 00:30:38,704 --> 00:30:40,381 ANNOUNCES ECONOMY BUS SERVICE TO MIAMI. THIS STORY AND MORE ON "WEEKEND 713 00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:42,565 MIAMI. THIS STORY AND MORE ON "WEEKEND UPDATE" AT 12:00. 714 00:30:50,381 --> 00:30:55,964 Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. 715 00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,465 UPDATE," WITH THE "WEEKEND UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BEFORE WE START THE NEWS 716 00:30:57,489 --> 00:30:59,167 UPDATE" NEWS TEAM. BEFORE WE START THE NEWS TONIGHT, WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" 717 00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:00,501 BEFORE WE START THE NEWS TONIGHT, WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS 718 00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:01,769 TONIGHT, WE AT "WEEKEND UPDATE" WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WELCOME 719 00:31:01,793 --> 00:31:03,271 WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WELCOME MR. FRED SILVERMAN, THE NEW 720 00:31:03,295 --> 00:31:04,605 OPPORTUNITY TO WELCOME MR. FRED SILVERMAN, THE NEW PRESIDENT OF NBC. 721 00:31:04,629 --> 00:31:06,708 MR. FRED SILVERMAN, THE NEW PRESIDENT OF NBC. AS YOU KNOW, MR. SILVERMAN WAS 722 00:31:06,732 --> 00:31:08,910 PRESIDENT OF NBC. AS YOU KNOW, MR. SILVERMAN WAS THE PROGRAMMING WHIZ AT ABC, AND 723 00:31:08,934 --> 00:31:11,012 AS YOU KNOW, MR. SILVERMAN WAS THE PROGRAMMING WHIZ AT ABC, AND HE HAS VOWED TO TRY TO ELEVATE 724 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:13,181 THE PROGRAMMING WHIZ AT ABC, AND HE HAS VOWED TO TRY TO ELEVATE NBC's RATING IN THE SAME MANNER 725 00:31:13,205 --> 00:31:14,782 HE HAS VOWED TO TRY TO ELEVATE NBC's RATING IN THE SAME MANNER THAT HE DID IN HIS PREVIOUS JOB. 726 00:31:14,806 --> 00:31:16,318 NBC's RATING IN THE SAME MANNER THAT HE DID IN HIS PREVIOUS JOB. WE WISH HIM LUCK. 727 00:31:16,342 --> 00:31:18,053 THAT HE DID IN HIS PREVIOUS JOB. WE WISH HIM LUCK. NOW FOR THE NEWS. 728 00:31:18,077 --> 00:31:19,221 WE WISH HIM LUCK. NOW FOR THE NEWS. I'M LAVERNE CURTAIN. 729 00:31:19,245 --> 00:31:21,156 NOW FOR THE NEWS. I'M LAVERNE CURTAIN. I'M SHIRLEY AYKROYD. 730 00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:22,824 I'M LAVERNE CURTAIN. I'M SHIRLEY AYKROYD. AND NOW, OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, 731 00:31:22,848 --> 00:31:24,425 I'M SHIRLEY AYKROYD. AND NOW, OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, OF COURSE, HAS TO BE ABOUT THE 732 00:31:24,449 --> 00:31:25,393 AND NOW, OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT, OF COURSE, HAS TO BE ABOUT THE BIG SNOW. 733 00:31:25,417 --> 00:31:27,329 OF COURSE, HAS TO BE ABOUT THE BIG SNOW. JANE? 734 00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:28,796 BIG SNOW. JANE? WILLIAM H. WEBSTER, THE 735 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:30,531 JANE? WILLIAM H. WEBSTER, THE FEDERAL JUDGE WHO WAS NOMINATED 736 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:32,067 WILLIAM H. WEBSTER, THE FEDERAL JUDGE WHO WAS NOMINATED THURSDAY TO BECOME THE NEXT 737 00:31:32,091 --> 00:31:33,735 FEDERAL JUDGE WHO WAS NOMINATED THURSDAY TO BECOME THE NEXT DIRECTOR OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU 738 00:31:33,759 --> 00:31:35,136 THURSDAY TO BECOME THE NEXT DIRECTOR OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, HAS NOT 739 00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,905 DIRECTOR OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, HAS NOT ANNOUNCED WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL 740 00:31:36,929 --> 00:31:38,539 OF INVESTIGATION, HAS NOT ANNOUNCED WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL GIVE UP HIS MEMBERSHIP IN THE 741 00:31:38,563 --> 00:31:41,376 ANNOUNCED WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL GIVE UP HIS MEMBERSHIP IN THE ALL-MALE, ALL-WHITE, MYSTERIOUS 742 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:43,478 GIVE UP HIS MEMBERSHIP IN THE ALL-MALE, ALL-WHITE, MYSTERIOUS ORDER OF THE VEILED PROPHETS. 743 00:31:43,502 --> 00:31:46,514 ALL-MALE, ALL-WHITE, MYSTERIOUS ORDER OF THE VEILED PROPHETS. HOWEVER, HE DID PROMISE TO 744 00:31:46,538 --> 00:31:48,350 ORDER OF THE VEILED PROPHETS. HOWEVER, HE DID PROMISE TO "MAINTAIN THE HIGH STANDARDS AND 745 00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:51,119 HOWEVER, HE DID PROMISE TO "MAINTAIN THE HIGH STANDARDS AND TRADITIONS OF THE FBI." 746 00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:52,787 "MAINTAIN THE HIGH STANDARDS AND TRADITIONS OF THE FBI." AND REPORTEDLY, 20 SPECIAL 747 00:31:52,811 --> 00:31:54,756 TRADITIONS OF THE FBI." AND REPORTEDLY, 20 SPECIAL AGENTS WERE ASSIGNED TO HIS HOME 748 00:31:54,780 --> 00:31:56,491 AND REPORTEDLY, 20 SPECIAL AGENTS WERE ASSIGNED TO HIS HOME THIS MORNING TO SHOVEL SNOW, 749 00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,260 AGENTS WERE ASSIGNED TO HIS HOME THIS MORNING TO SHOVEL SNOW, CLEAN OUT HIS GARAGE, AND TO 750 00:31:58,284 --> 00:32:01,804 THIS MORNING TO SHOVEL SNOW, CLEAN OUT HIS GARAGE, AND TO UNPLUG A STUBBORN KITCHEN DRAIN. 751 00:32:03,487 --> 00:32:08,236 AS PART OF HIS RECENT RELIGIOUS CONVERSION, PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT HAS INVITED 752 00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:10,171 CONVERSION, PUBLISHER LARRY FLYNT HAS INVITED EVANGELIST ORAL ROBERTS TO JOIN 753 00:32:10,195 --> 00:32:12,473 LARRY FLYNT HAS INVITED EVANGELIST ORAL ROBERTS TO JOIN THE STAFF OF HUSTLER MAGAZINE. 754 00:32:12,497 --> 00:32:14,409 EVANGELIST ORAL ROBERTS TO JOIN THE STAFF OF HUSTLER MAGAZINE. TODAY ROBERTS ACCEPTED THE OFFER 755 00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:16,311 THE STAFF OF HUSTLER MAGAZINE. TODAY ROBERTS ACCEPTED THE OFFER AND, IN A SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, 756 00:32:16,335 --> 00:32:18,246 TODAY ROBERTS ACCEPTED THE OFFER AND, IN A SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, HAS AGREED TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO 757 00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:22,150 AND, IN A SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE, HAS AGREED TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO "ORAL SEX." 758 00:32:22,174 --> 00:32:23,952 HAS AGREED TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO "ORAL SEX." WHAT DO MILITARY MEN DO WHEN 759 00:32:23,976 --> 00:32:25,753 "ORAL SEX." WHAT DO MILITARY MEN DO WHEN PEACE TALKS ARE AT A STALEMATE? 760 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:27,488 WHAT DO MILITARY MEN DO WHEN PEACE TALKS ARE AT A STALEMATE? WELL, DURING THE SUSPENSION OF 761 00:32:27,512 --> 00:32:29,024 PEACE TALKS ARE AT A STALEMATE? WELL, DURING THE SUSPENSION OF MIDDLE EAST TALKS, ISRAELI 762 00:32:29,048 --> 00:32:30,658 WELL, DURING THE SUSPENSION OF MIDDLE EAST TALKS, ISRAELI FOREIGN MINISTER MOSHE DAYAN 763 00:32:30,682 --> 00:32:32,360 MIDDLE EAST TALKS, ISRAELI FOREIGN MINISTER MOSHE DAYAN PLANS TO STAND IN FOR A TIRED 764 00:32:32,384 --> 00:32:34,062 FOREIGN MINISTER MOSHE DAYAN PLANS TO STAND IN FOR A TIRED YUL BRYNNER IN BROADWAY'S HIT 765 00:32:34,086 --> 00:32:36,631 PLANS TO STAND IN FOR A TIRED YUL BRYNNER IN BROADWAY'S HIT REVIVAL OF "THE KING AND I." 766 00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:38,133 YUL BRYNNER IN BROADWAY'S HIT REVIVAL OF "THE KING AND I." YOU SEE THAT THEY LOOK ALIKE, 767 00:32:38,157 --> 00:32:40,969 REVIVAL OF "THE KING AND I." YOU SEE THAT THEY LOOK ALIKE, SOMEWHAT, THE TWO MEN. 768 00:32:40,993 --> 00:32:42,370 YOU SEE THAT THEY LOOK ALIKE, SOMEWHAT, THE TWO MEN. MORE DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE 769 00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:43,138 SOMEWHAT, THE TWO MEN. MORE DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST. 770 00:32:43,162 --> 00:32:44,806 MORE DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST. THE KIND OF SAUDI ARABIA AND THE 771 00:32:44,830 --> 00:32:46,274 MIDDLE EAST. THE KIND OF SAUDI ARABIA AND THE EMIR OF KUWAIT LAST WEEK HAD 772 00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:47,943 THE KIND OF SAUDI ARABIA AND THE EMIR OF KUWAIT LAST WEEK HAD THEIR BEARDS EPOXIED TOGETHER IN 773 00:32:47,967 --> 00:32:49,477 EMIR OF KUWAIT LAST WEEK HAD THEIR BEARDS EPOXIED TOGETHER IN A DEMONSTRATION OF SOLIDARITY 774 00:32:49,501 --> 00:32:50,912 THEIR BEARDS EPOXIED TOGETHER IN A DEMONSTRATION OF SOLIDARITY AGAINST EGYPT'S PEACE MOVES. 775 00:32:50,936 --> 00:32:52,414 A DEMONSTRATION OF SOLIDARITY AGAINST EGYPT'S PEACE MOVES. THE TWO ARAB LEADERS SAY THEY 776 00:32:52,438 --> 00:32:53,915 AGAINST EGYPT'S PEACE MOVES. THE TWO ARAB LEADERS SAY THEY WILL REMAIN THIS WAY UNTIL THE 777 00:32:53,939 --> 00:32:55,483 THE TWO ARAB LEADERS SAY THEY WILL REMAIN THIS WAY UNTIL THE CONTROVERSY IS SETTLED OR UNTIL 778 00:32:55,507 --> 00:32:56,851 WILL REMAIN THIS WAY UNTIL THE CONTROVERSY IS SETTLED OR UNTIL THEY RUN OUT OF MOUTHWASH, 779 00:32:56,875 --> 00:33:00,956 CONTROVERSY IS SETTLED OR UNTIL THEY RUN OUT OF MOUTHWASH, WHICHEVER IS SOONER. 780 00:33:00,980 --> 00:33:02,958 THEY RUN OUT OF MOUTHWASH, WHICHEVER IS SOONER. MAKING SHOW-BUSINESS NEWS ALSO 781 00:33:02,982 --> 00:33:04,926 WHICHEVER IS SOONER. MAKING SHOW-BUSINESS NEWS ALSO WAS LEO, THE BELOVED MGM LION, 782 00:33:04,950 --> 00:33:07,028 MAKING SHOW-BUSINESS NEWS ALSO WAS LEO, THE BELOVED MGM LION, WHO WAS PICKED UP IN LOS ANGELES 783 00:33:07,052 --> 00:33:08,729 WAS LEO, THE BELOVED MGM LION, WHO WAS PICKED UP IN LOS ANGELES THIS WEEK ON A "DRUNK AND 784 00:33:08,753 --> 00:33:11,366 WHO WAS PICKED UP IN LOS ANGELES THIS WEEK ON A "DRUNK AND DISORDERLY" CHARGE. 785 00:33:11,390 --> 00:33:12,700 THIS WEEK ON A "DRUNK AND DISORDERLY" CHARGE. THE FELINE EXECUTIVE WAS 786 00:33:12,724 --> 00:33:14,369 DISORDERLY" CHARGE. THE FELINE EXECUTIVE WAS REPORTEDLY STILL DEPRESSED OVER 787 00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:16,004 THE FELINE EXECUTIVE WAS REPORTEDLY STILL DEPRESSED OVER THE DEATH OF BERT LAHR SOME 10 788 00:33:16,028 --> 00:33:19,007 REPORTEDLY STILL DEPRESSED OVER THE DEATH OF BERT LAHR SOME 10 YEARS AGO. 789 00:33:19,031 --> 00:33:20,842 THE DEATH OF BERT LAHR SOME 10 YEARS AGO. WELL, JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN 790 00:33:20,866 --> 00:33:22,743 YEARS AGO. WELL, JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN PRESIDENT FOR A YEAR AND A DAY. 791 00:33:22,767 --> 00:33:24,645 WELL, JIMMY CARTER HAS BEEN PRESIDENT FOR A YEAR AND A DAY. LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, SHALL 792 00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:25,080 PRESIDENT FOR A YEAR AND A DAY. LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, SHALL WE? 793 00:33:25,104 --> 00:33:26,881 LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, SHALL WE? HIS BEST FRIEND, BERT LANCE, HAD 794 00:33:26,905 --> 00:33:28,516 WE? HIS BEST FRIEND, BERT LANCE, HAD BEEN ACCUSED OF QUESTIONABLE 795 00:33:28,540 --> 00:33:29,750 HIS BEST FRIEND, BERT LANCE, HAD BEEN ACCUSED OF QUESTIONABLE BANKING PRACTICES. 796 00:33:29,774 --> 00:33:31,652 BEEN ACCUSED OF QUESTIONABLE BANKING PRACTICES. HIS SON CHIP IS HAVING MARITAL 797 00:33:31,676 --> 00:33:32,387 BANKING PRACTICES. HIS SON CHIP IS HAVING MARITAL PROBLEMS. 798 00:33:32,411 --> 00:33:33,955 HIS SON CHIP IS HAVING MARITAL PROBLEMS. HIS BROTHER, BILLY, IS A 799 00:33:33,979 --> 00:33:35,323 PROBLEMS. HIS BROTHER, BILLY, IS A BEER-DRINKING CLOWN. 800 00:33:35,347 --> 00:33:36,924 HIS BROTHER, BILLY, IS A BEER-DRINKING CLOWN. HIS MOTHER, LILLIAN, IS A 801 00:33:36,948 --> 00:33:38,193 BEER-DRINKING CLOWN. HIS MOTHER, LILLIAN, IS A WRESTLING GROUPIE. 802 00:33:38,217 --> 00:33:40,061 HIS MOTHER, LILLIAN, IS A WRESTLING GROUPIE. HIS WHITE HOUSE STAFF CHIEF, 803 00:33:40,085 --> 00:33:41,963 WRESTLING GROUPIE. HIS WHITE HOUSE STAFF CHIEF, HAMILTON JORDAN, IS GETTING A 804 00:33:41,987 --> 00:33:42,663 HIS WHITE HOUSE STAFF CHIEF, HAMILTON JORDAN, IS GETTING A DIVORCE. 805 00:33:42,687 --> 00:33:44,732 HAMILTON JORDAN, IS GETTING A DIVORCE. HIS SISTER RUTH CARTER STAPLETON 806 00:33:44,756 --> 00:33:46,801 DIVORCE. HIS SISTER RUTH CARTER STAPLETON IS ASSOCIATING WITH LARRY FLYNT, 807 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:48,136 HIS SISTER RUTH CARTER STAPLETON IS ASSOCIATING WITH LARRY FLYNT, A PORNOGRAPHER. 808 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,604 IS ASSOCIATING WITH LARRY FLYNT, A PORNOGRAPHER. BUT TO BE FAIR, LET'S LOOK AT 809 00:33:49,628 --> 00:33:50,605 A PORNOGRAPHER. BUT TO BE FAIR, LET'S LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE. 810 00:33:50,629 --> 00:33:52,073 BUT TO BE FAIR, LET'S LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE. HIS DAUGHTER AMY'S NURSE IS A 811 00:33:52,097 --> 00:33:54,609 THE BRIGHTER SIDE. HIS DAUGHTER AMY'S NURSE IS A CONVICTED MURDERER. 812 00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,577 HIS DAUGHTER AMY'S NURSE IS A CONVICTED MURDERER. IT RESTORES ONE'S FAITH, DOESN'T 813 00:33:56,601 --> 00:33:58,579 CONVICTED MURDERER. IT RESTORES ONE'S FAITH, DOESN'T IT? 814 00:33:58,603 --> 00:33:59,714 IT RESTORES ONE'S FAITH, DOESN'T IT? [CLEARS THROAT] 815 00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:01,349 IT? [CLEARS THROAT] AND IN LOUISIANA, FRANIA TYE LEE 816 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:02,884 [CLEARS THROAT] AND IN LOUISIANA, FRANIA TYE LEE BEGAN HER TRIAL, IN WHICH SHE 817 00:34:02,908 --> 00:34:04,185 AND IN LOUISIANA, FRANIA TYE LEE BEGAN HER TRIAL, IN WHICH SHE HOPES TO BE DECLARED THE 818 00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:05,520 BEGAN HER TRIAL, IN WHICH SHE HOPES TO BE DECLARED THE PUTATIVE WIFE OF THE LATE 819 00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:06,187 HOPES TO BE DECLARED THE PUTATIVE WIFE OF THE LATE H.L. HUNT. 820 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,588 PUTATIVE WIFE OF THE LATE H.L. HUNT. PICTURED HERE, MRS. LEE IS 821 00:34:07,612 --> 00:34:09,190 H.L. HUNT. PICTURED HERE, MRS. LEE IS RECOVERING FROM AN ACCIDENT SHE 822 00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:10,825 PICTURED HERE, MRS. LEE IS RECOVERING FROM AN ACCIDENT SHE HAD IN POLAND, WHERE HER SEVERED 823 00:34:10,849 --> 00:34:12,494 RECOVERING FROM AN ACCIDENT SHE HAD IN POLAND, WHERE HER SEVERED ARM WAS SEWED BACK ONTO HER BODY 824 00:34:12,518 --> 00:34:18,033 HAD IN POLAND, WHERE HER SEVERED ARM WAS SEWED BACK ONTO HER BODY IN EMERGENCY SURGERY. 825 00:34:18,057 --> 00:34:19,600 ARM WAS SEWED BACK ONTO HER BODY IN EMERGENCY SURGERY. AND FROM DETROIT... THIS WEEK, 826 00:34:19,624 --> 00:34:21,136 IN EMERGENCY SURGERY. AND FROM DETROIT... THIS WEEK, THE BUICK DIVISION OF GENERAL 827 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:22,803 AND FROM DETROIT... THIS WEEK, THE BUICK DIVISION OF GENERAL MOTORS RECALLED 12,000 CARS THAT 828 00:34:22,827 --> 00:34:24,339 THE BUICK DIVISION OF GENERAL MOTORS RECALLED 12,000 CARS THAT WERE MISTAKENLY EQUIPPED WITH 829 00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:25,907 MOTORS RECALLED 12,000 CARS THAT WERE MISTAKENLY EQUIPPED WITH BEDSPREADS WHICH WERE TOO LONG 830 00:34:25,931 --> 00:34:29,144 WERE MISTAKENLY EQUIPPED WITH BEDSPREADS WHICH WERE TOO LONG FOR THE ENGINE. 831 00:34:29,168 --> 00:34:31,079 BEDSPREADS WHICH WERE TOO LONG FOR THE ENGINE. AND NOW, WITH THIS WEEK'S 832 00:34:31,103 --> 00:34:33,214 FOR THE ENGINE. AND NOW, WITH THIS WEEK'S CONSUMER REPORT IS CORRESPONDENT 833 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:35,150 AND NOW, WITH THIS WEEK'S CONSUMER REPORT IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. 834 00:34:35,174 --> 00:34:36,351 CONSUMER REPORT IS CORRESPONDENT ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. WELCOME, ROSEANNE. 835 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:37,419 ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. WELCOME, ROSEANNE. THANK YOU, JANE. 836 00:34:37,443 --> 00:34:39,054 WELCOME, ROSEANNE. THANK YOU, JANE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO REPORT 837 00:34:39,078 --> 00:34:39,820 THANK YOU, JANE. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO REPORT ON TONIGHT? 838 00:34:39,844 --> 00:34:42,257 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO REPORT ON TONIGHT? WELL, JANE, MR. RICHARD FEDER 839 00:34:42,281 --> 00:34:44,225 ON TONIGHT? WELL, JANE, MR. RICHARD FEDER OF NEW YORK CITY WRITES IN AND 840 00:34:44,249 --> 00:34:45,593 WELL, JANE, MR. RICHARD FEDER OF NEW YORK CITY WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR 841 00:34:45,617 --> 00:34:48,963 OF NEW YORK CITY WRITES IN AND SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I GOT NO 842 00:34:48,987 --> 00:34:49,664 SAYS, "DEAR ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I GOT NO HEAT. 843 00:34:49,688 --> 00:34:51,132 ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, I GOT NO HEAT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?" 844 00:34:51,156 --> 00:34:52,867 HEAT. WHAT SHOULD I DO?" WELL, MR. FEDER, I WANT TO HELP 845 00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:54,669 WHAT SHOULD I DO?" WELL, MR. FEDER, I WANT TO HELP YOU BECAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. 846 00:34:54,693 --> 00:34:56,371 WELL, MR. FEDER, I WANT TO HELP YOU BECAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. ONCE I DIDN'T HAVE NO HEAT, AND 847 00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:58,005 YOU BECAUSE I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. ONCE I DIDN'T HAVE NO HEAT, AND I WAS AFRAID I WAS GONNA COME 848 00:34:58,029 --> 00:34:59,340 ONCE I DIDN'T HAVE NO HEAT, AND I WAS AFRAID I WAS GONNA COME DOWN WITH THE FLU. 849 00:34:59,364 --> 00:35:00,375 I WAS AFRAID I WAS GONNA COME DOWN WITH THE FLU. I HAD A TEMPERATURE. 850 00:35:00,399 --> 00:35:01,309 DOWN WITH THE FLU. I HAD A TEMPERATURE. I HAD THE CHILLS. 851 00:35:01,333 --> 00:35:02,810 I HAD A TEMPERATURE. I HAD THE CHILLS. I DIDN'T HAVE TOO MANY BLANKETS 852 00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:03,711 I HAD THE CHILLS. I DIDN'T HAVE TOO MANY BLANKETS IN MY APARTMENT. 853 00:35:03,735 --> 00:35:05,180 I DIDN'T HAVE TOO MANY BLANKETS IN MY APARTMENT. SO, I WENT OUTSIDE TO GET SOME 854 00:35:05,204 --> 00:35:06,714 IN MY APARTMENT. SO, I WENT OUTSIDE TO GET SOME SOUP, 'CAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 855 00:35:06,738 --> 00:35:08,183 SO, I WENT OUTSIDE TO GET SOME SOUP, 'CAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR YOU IF YOU'RE CLOGGED 856 00:35:08,207 --> 00:35:08,516 SOUP, 'CAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR YOU IF YOU'RE CLOGGED UP. 857 00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:10,118 GOOD FOR YOU IF YOU'RE CLOGGED UP. I GO TO THE RESTAURANT, AND I 858 00:35:10,142 --> 00:35:10,952 UP. I GO TO THE RESTAURANT, AND I ORDERED SOUP. 859 00:35:10,976 --> 00:35:12,687 I GO TO THE RESTAURANT, AND I ORDERED SOUP. WELL, I GOT IT, AND WOULDN'T YOU 860 00:35:12,711 --> 00:35:16,023 ORDERED SOUP. WELL, I GOT IT, AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW THERE WAS A HAIR IN IT? 861 00:35:16,047 --> 00:35:17,525 WELL, I GOT IT, AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW THERE WAS A HAIR IN IT? CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? 862 00:35:17,549 --> 00:35:19,494 KNOW THERE WAS A HAIR IN IT? CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? IT WAS ABOUT THIS LONG. 863 00:35:19,518 --> 00:35:21,429 CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? IT WAS ABOUT THIS LONG. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. 864 00:35:21,453 --> 00:35:23,264 IT WAS ABOUT THIS LONG. I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. NOW, LET ME ASK YOU THIS... DID 865 00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:24,999 I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. NOW, LET ME ASK YOU THIS... DID YOU EVER EAT A HAMBURGER, AND 866 00:35:25,023 --> 00:35:27,402 NOW, LET ME ASK YOU THIS... DID YOU EVER EAT A HAMBURGER, AND THERE'S A HARD THING IN IT? 867 00:35:27,426 --> 00:35:28,503 YOU EVER EAT A HAMBURGER, AND THERE'S A HARD THING IN IT? YOU KNOW? 868 00:35:28,527 --> 00:35:30,505 THERE'S A HARD THING IN IT? YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE A TOENAIL. 869 00:35:30,529 --> 00:35:31,672 YOU KNOW? IT'S LIKE A TOENAIL. AND YOU KNOW IT'S NOT PART OF 870 00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:32,940 IT'S LIKE A TOENAIL. AND YOU KNOW IT'S NOT PART OF THE HAMBURGER, BUT YOU SEPARATE 871 00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,209 AND YOU KNOW IT'S NOT PART OF THE HAMBURGER, BUT YOU SEPARATE THE MEAT AND THE PICKLE AND THE 872 00:35:34,233 --> 00:35:35,443 THE HAMBURGER, BUT YOU SEPARATE THE MEAT AND THE PICKLE AND THE LETTUCE AND THE TOMATOES ALL ON 873 00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:36,744 THE MEAT AND THE PICKLE AND THE LETTUCE AND THE TOMATOES ALL ON ONE SIDE OF YOUR MOUTH, AND THEN 874 00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:37,812 LETTUCE AND THE TOMATOES ALL ON ONE SIDE OF YOUR MOUTH, AND THEN FINALLY YOU GET IT ON YOUR 875 00:35:37,836 --> 00:35:39,647 ONE SIDE OF YOUR MOUTH, AND THEN FINALLY YOU GET IT ON YOUR TONGUE, THAT LITTLE THING, AND 876 00:35:39,671 --> 00:35:41,416 FINALLY YOU GET IT ON YOUR TONGUE, THAT LITTLE THING, AND IT'S LIKE A BONE. 877 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,618 TONGUE, THAT LITTLE THING, AND IT'S LIKE A BONE. BUT IT'S NOT A BONE. 878 00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:45,153 IT'S LIKE A BONE. BUT IT'S NOT A BONE. I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, 879 00:35:45,177 --> 00:35:47,255 BUT IT'S NOT A BONE. I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, IF THEY 880 00:35:47,279 --> 00:35:49,056 I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, IF THEY CAN MAKE A COFFEE YOU LIKE 881 00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,226 "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, IF THEY CAN MAKE A COFFEE YOU LIKE WITHOUT CAFFEINE, WHY CAN'T THEY 882 00:35:51,250 --> 00:35:53,294 CAN MAKE A COFFEE YOU LIKE WITHOUT CAFFEINE, WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE A HAMBURGER YOU LIKE WITH 883 00:35:53,318 --> 00:35:54,895 WITHOUT CAFFEINE, WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE A HAMBURGER YOU LIKE WITH NO TOENAILS? 884 00:35:54,919 --> 00:35:56,097 MAKE A HAMBURGER YOU LIKE WITH NO TOENAILS? AND WAIT A MINUTE. 885 00:35:56,121 --> 00:35:57,832 NO TOENAILS? AND WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU GET SOME 886 00:35:57,856 --> 00:35:59,267 AND WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU GET SOME FRIED CHICKEN, AND YOU GOT A 887 00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:00,901 WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU GET SOME FRIED CHICKEN, AND YOU GOT A THIGH, YOU GOT A BREAST, YOU GOT 888 00:36:00,925 --> 00:36:02,470 FRIED CHICKEN, AND YOU GOT A THIGH, YOU GOT A BREAST, YOU GOT A LEG, YOU GOT A WING, AND THEN 889 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,005 THIGH, YOU GOT A BREAST, YOU GOT A LEG, YOU GOT A WING, AND THEN YOU GOT THIS OTHER PART THAT'S 890 00:36:04,029 --> 00:36:05,607 A LEG, YOU GOT A WING, AND THEN YOU GOT THIS OTHER PART THAT'S GOT ABOUT TWO INCHES OF BREADING 891 00:36:05,631 --> 00:36:06,541 YOU GOT THIS OTHER PART THAT'S GOT ABOUT TWO INCHES OF BREADING ON IT, YOU KNOW? 892 00:36:06,565 --> 00:36:07,875 GOT ABOUT TWO INCHES OF BREADING ON IT, YOU KNOW? AND AFTER YOU EAT ALL THE 893 00:36:07,899 --> 00:36:09,377 ON IT, YOU KNOW? AND AFTER YOU EAT ALL THE BREADING OFF OF IT, YOU DON'T 894 00:36:09,401 --> 00:36:11,613 AND AFTER YOU EAT ALL THE BREADING OFF OF IT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT THERE. 895 00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:14,182 BREADING OFF OF IT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT THERE. AND DID YOU EVER EAT ROAST BEEF 896 00:36:14,206 --> 00:36:16,684 KNOW WHAT YOU GOT THERE. AND DID YOU EVER EAT ROAST BEEF THAT HAD A RAINBOW ON IT? 897 00:36:16,708 --> 00:36:18,453 AND DID YOU EVER EAT ROAST BEEF THAT HAD A RAINBOW ON IT? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN... IT'S 898 00:36:18,477 --> 00:36:18,953 THAT HAD A RAINBOW ON IT? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN... IT'S BLUE? 899 00:36:18,977 --> 00:36:20,655 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN... IT'S BLUE? HOW DO THEY GET THAT COLOR? 900 00:36:20,679 --> 00:36:22,524 BLUE? HOW DO THEY GET THAT COLOR? DID SOMEONE LEAVE THE BEEF OUT 901 00:36:22,548 --> 00:36:23,724 HOW DO THEY GET THAT COLOR? DID SOMEONE LEAVE THE BEEF OUT IN THE RAIN? 902 00:36:23,748 --> 00:36:25,293 DID SOMEONE LEAVE THE BEEF OUT IN THE RAIN? [LAUGHS] 903 00:36:25,317 --> 00:36:27,228 IN THE RAIN? [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? 904 00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:28,596 [LAUGHS] YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? SOFT-BOILED EGGS. 905 00:36:28,620 --> 00:36:30,632 YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? SOFT-BOILED EGGS. THERE'S THAT GUCKY PART THAT 906 00:36:30,656 --> 00:36:32,634 SOFT-BOILED EGGS. THERE'S THAT GUCKY PART THAT GOES UP AND DOWN AND UP AND 907 00:36:32,658 --> 00:36:32,967 THERE'S THAT GUCKY PART THAT GOES UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN. 908 00:36:32,991 --> 00:36:34,235 GOES UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN. YOU CAN'T KEEP IT ON THE SPOON. 909 00:36:34,259 --> 00:36:35,203 DOWN. YOU CAN'T KEEP IT ON THE SPOON. IT FALLS OFF YOUR SPOON. 910 00:36:35,227 --> 00:36:36,304 YOU CAN'T KEEP IT ON THE SPOON. IT FALLS OFF YOUR SPOON. IT GOES DOWN TO THE PLATE. 911 00:36:36,328 --> 00:36:37,405 IT FALLS OFF YOUR SPOON. IT GOES DOWN TO THE PLATE. THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON. 912 00:36:37,429 --> 00:36:38,506 IT GOES DOWN TO THE PLATE. THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON. THEN IT'S BACK ON THE PLATE 913 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:38,873 THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON. THEN IT'S BACK ON THE PLATE AGAIN. 914 00:36:38,897 --> 00:36:39,974 THEN IT'S BACK ON THE PLATE AGAIN. THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON 915 00:36:39,998 --> 00:36:40,341 AGAIN. THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON AGAIN. 916 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:41,509 THEN IT GOES ON YOUR SPOON AGAIN. THEN IT GOES ONTO THE FLOOR. 917 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:42,710 AGAIN. THEN IT GOES ONTO THE FLOOR. SO, YOU GOT TO WIPE IT UP AND 918 00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:45,380 THEN IT GOES ONTO THE FLOOR. SO, YOU GOT TO WIPE IT UP AND EAT IT OFF A TOWEL! 919 00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:46,881 SO, YOU GOT TO WIPE IT UP AND EAT IT OFF A TOWEL! AND LET ME ASK YOU THIS... 920 00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:48,082 EAT IT OFF A TOWEL! AND LET ME ASK YOU THIS... ROSEANNE. 921 00:36:48,106 --> 00:36:50,851 AND LET ME ASK YOU THIS... ROSEANNE. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 922 00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:54,822 ROSEANNE. WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK. 923 00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:56,090 WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 924 00:36:56,114 --> 00:36:57,725 YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'RE MAKING ME NAUSEOUS 925 00:36:57,749 --> 00:36:59,460 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'RE MAKING ME NAUSEOUS WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD 926 00:36:59,484 --> 00:37:00,161 YOU'RE MAKING ME NAUSEOUS WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD AND HAIR. 927 00:37:00,185 --> 00:37:01,962 WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT FOOD AND HAIR. WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO ABOUT A 928 00:37:01,986 --> 00:37:03,831 AND HAIR. WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO ABOUT A GUY WITH NO HEAT? 929 00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:06,568 WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO ABOUT A GUY WITH NO HEAT? WELL, JANE, IT ALL GOES TO 930 00:37:06,592 --> 00:37:08,969 GUY WITH NO HEAT? WELL, JANE, IT ALL GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT IT'S ALWAYS 931 00:37:08,993 --> 00:37:11,206 WELL, JANE, IT ALL GOES TO SHOW YOU THAT IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. 932 00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:13,208 SHOW YOU THAT IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY 933 00:37:13,232 --> 00:37:15,210 SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, TINY 934 00:37:15,234 --> 00:37:17,044 IT'S LIKE MY FATHER USED TO SAY TO ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, TINY GIRL BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP. 935 00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:18,713 TO ME WHEN I WAS A LITTLE, TINY GIRL BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP. HE'D SAY, 936 00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:21,616 GIRL BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP. HE'D SAY, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, 937 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,151 HE'D SAY, "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE. 938 00:37:24,175 --> 00:37:26,521 "ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA, IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE. EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY. 939 00:37:26,545 --> 00:37:27,788 IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE. EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY. YOU MADE YOUR BED. 940 00:37:27,812 --> 00:37:29,724 EVERY DOG HAS ITS DAY. YOU MADE YOUR BED. SO, NOW YOU GOT TO SLEEP IN IT. 941 00:37:29,748 --> 00:37:31,626 YOU MADE YOUR BED. SO, NOW YOU GOT TO SLEEP IN IT. DON'T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS 942 00:37:31,650 --> 00:37:32,126 SO, NOW YOU GOT TO SLEEP IN IT. DON'T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU. 943 00:37:32,150 --> 00:37:34,095 DON'T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE 944 00:37:34,119 --> 00:37:35,263 YOU. WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING. 945 00:37:35,287 --> 00:37:36,997 WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING. DON'T CRY OVER SPILT MILK. 946 00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:38,766 TOUGH GET GOING. DON'T CRY OVER SPILT MILK. AND IT'S SIX OF ONE, HALF A 947 00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:40,101 DON'T CRY OVER SPILT MILK. AND IT'S SIX OF ONE, HALF A DOZEN OF THE OTHER. 948 00:37:40,125 --> 00:37:41,669 AND IT'S SIX OF ONE, HALF A DOZEN OF THE OTHER. TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. 949 00:37:41,693 --> 00:37:42,203 DOZEN OF THE OTHER. TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. GOOD NIGHT, 950 00:37:42,227 --> 00:37:44,872 TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." 951 00:37:44,896 --> 00:37:47,430 GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." ROSEANNE... 952 00:37:52,870 --> 00:37:57,885 I THINK THAT, UH... I THINK THAT YOUR FATHER WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID, "GOOD NIGHT, 953 00:37:57,909 --> 00:37:59,019 YOUR FATHER WAS RIGHT WHEN HE SAID, "GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." 954 00:37:59,043 --> 00:38:00,421 SAID, "GOOD NIGHT, ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." WELL, LOOK, JANE, HOW WOULD 955 00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:01,856 ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA." WELL, LOOK, JANE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME 956 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,892 WELL, LOOK, JANE, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT? 957 00:38:04,916 --> 00:38:06,093 YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT? I WOULD... 958 00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:06,994 TONIGHT? I WOULD... [LAUGHS] 959 00:38:07,018 --> 00:38:08,263 I WOULD... [LAUGHS] ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. 960 00:38:08,287 --> 00:38:08,996 [LAUGHS] ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. ALL RIGHT. 961 00:38:09,020 --> 00:38:09,597 ROSEANNE ROSANNADANNA. ALL RIGHT. [CHUCKLES] 962 00:38:09,621 --> 00:38:10,898 ALL RIGHT. [CHUCKLES] THAT'S THE NEWS. 963 00:38:10,922 --> 00:38:12,833 [CHUCKLES] THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT 964 00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:16,837 THAT'S THE NEWS. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. 965 00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:18,406 GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW. Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" 966 00:38:18,430 --> 00:38:20,007 TOMORROW. Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS A PRESENTATION OF "SATURDAY 967 00:38:20,031 --> 00:38:21,509 Announcer: "WEEKEND UPDATE" IS A PRESENTATION OF "SATURDAY NIGHT" NEWS, KEEPING AMERICA 968 00:38:21,533 --> 00:38:22,943 IS A PRESENTATION OF "SATURDAY NIGHT" NEWS, KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED FOR OVER 1/50 OF A 969 00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:25,280 NIGHT" NEWS, KEEPING AMERICA INFORMED FOR OVER 1/50 OF A CENTURY. 970 00:38:25,304 --> 00:38:26,781 INFORMED FOR OVER 1/50 OF A CENTURY. HERE'S THE MAN WITH THE 971 00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:28,182 CENTURY. HERE'S THE MAN WITH THE NUMBER-ONE RECORD IN THE 972 00:38:28,206 --> 00:38:30,050 HERE'S THE MAN WITH THE NUMBER-ONE RECORD IN THE COUNTRY... RANDY NEWMAN. 973 00:38:30,074 --> 00:38:32,019 NUMBER-ONE RECORD IN THE COUNTRY... RANDY NEWMAN. [RANDY NEWMAN'S "SHORT PEOPLE" 974 00:38:32,043 --> 00:38:34,443 COUNTRY... RANDY NEWMAN. [RANDY NEWMAN'S "SHORT PEOPLE" PLAYS] 975 00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:54,575 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON ♪ 976 00:38:54,599 --> 00:38:57,712 NO REASON ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON 977 00:38:57,736 --> 00:39:01,416 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON TO LIVE ♪ 978 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,251 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NO REASON TO LIVE ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE HANDS ♪ 979 00:39:04,275 --> 00:39:06,354 TO LIVE ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE HANDS ♪ ♪ LITTLE EYES ♪ 980 00:39:06,378 --> 00:39:08,489 ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE HANDS ♪ ♪ LITTLE EYES ♪ ♪ THEY WALK AROUND TELLIN' GREAT 981 00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:09,590 ♪ LITTLE EYES ♪ ♪ THEY WALK AROUND TELLIN' GREAT BIG LIES ♪ 982 00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:11,892 ♪ THEY WALK AROUND TELLIN' GREAT BIG LIES ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE NOSES ♪ 983 00:39:11,916 --> 00:39:13,361 BIG LIES ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE NOSES ♪ ♪ AND TINY LITTLE TEETH ♪ 984 00:39:13,385 --> 00:39:15,563 ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE NOSES ♪ ♪ AND TINY LITTLE TEETH ♪ ♪ THEY WEAR PLATFORM SHOES ♪ 985 00:39:15,587 --> 00:39:17,365 ♪ AND TINY LITTLE TEETH ♪ ♪ THEY WEAR PLATFORM SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THEIR NASTY LITTLE FEET ♪ 986 00:39:17,389 --> 00:39:20,935 ♪ THEY WEAR PLATFORM SHOES ♪ ♪ ON THEIR NASTY LITTLE FEET ♪ ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT 987 00:39:20,959 --> 00:39:22,303 ♪ ON THEIR NASTY LITTLE FEET ♪ ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ 988 00:39:22,327 --> 00:39:26,307 ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ 989 00:39:26,331 --> 00:39:29,410 PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE 990 00:39:29,434 --> 00:39:32,274 ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE 'ROUND HERE ♪ 991 00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:46,242 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE ARE JUST THE SAME AS YOU AND I ♪ ♪ A FOOL SUCH AS I ♪ 992 00:39:46,752 --> 00:39:49,263 SAME AS YOU AND I ♪ ♪ A FOOL SUCH AS I ♪ ♪ ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS UNTIL 993 00:39:49,287 --> 00:39:52,132 ♪ A FOOL SUCH AS I ♪ ♪ ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS UNTIL THE DAY THEY DIE ♪ 994 00:39:52,156 --> 00:39:54,101 ♪ ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS UNTIL THE DAY THEY DIE ♪ ♪ IT'S A WONDERFUL WORLD ♪ 995 00:39:54,125 --> 00:39:58,038 THE DAY THEY DIE ♪ ♪ IT'S A WONDERFUL WORLD ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ 996 00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:01,976 ♪ IT'S A WONDERFUL WORLD ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ 997 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,580 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY TO 998 00:40:05,604 --> 00:40:08,883 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY ♪ ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY TO LOVE ♪ 999 00:40:08,907 --> 00:40:11,085 ♪ SHORT PEOPLE GOT NOBODY TO LOVE ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE BABY LEGS ♪ 1000 00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:12,920 LOVE ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE BABY LEGS ♪ ♪ AND THEY STAND SO LOW ♪ 1001 00:40:12,944 --> 00:40:14,722 ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE BABY LEGS ♪ ♪ AND THEY STAND SO LOW ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO PICK 'EM UP ♪ 1002 00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:16,758 ♪ AND THEY STAND SO LOW ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO PICK 'EM UP ♪ ♪ JUST TO SAY HELLO ♪ 1003 00:40:16,782 --> 00:40:19,360 ♪ YOU GOT TO PICK 'EM UP ♪ ♪ JUST TO SAY HELLO ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE CARS THAT GO 1004 00:40:19,384 --> 00:40:20,495 ♪ JUST TO SAY HELLO ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE CARS THAT GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP ♪ 1005 00:40:20,519 --> 00:40:23,264 ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE CARS THAT GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE VOICES GOIN' 1006 00:40:23,288 --> 00:40:24,565 BEEP, BEEP, BEEP ♪ ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE VOICES GOIN' PEEP, PEEP, PEEP ♪ 1007 00:40:24,589 --> 00:40:26,901 ♪ THEY GOT LITTLE VOICES GOIN' PEEP, PEEP, PEEP ♪ ♪ THEY GOT GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS 1008 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:28,836 PEEP, PEEP, PEEP ♪ ♪ THEY GOT GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS AND DIRTY LITTLE MINDS ♪ 1009 00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:31,906 ♪ THEY GOT GRUBBY LITTLE FINGERS AND DIRTY LITTLE MINDS ♪ ♪ THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU EVERY 1010 00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:32,473 AND DIRTY LITTLE MINDS ♪ ♪ THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU EVERY TIME ♪ 1011 00:40:32,497 --> 00:40:35,943 ♪ THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU EVERY TIME ♪ ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT 1012 00:40:35,967 --> 00:40:37,177 TIME ♪ ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ 1013 00:40:37,201 --> 00:40:41,181 ♪ WELL, I DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ 1014 00:40:41,205 --> 00:40:44,251 PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE 1015 00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:47,115 ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT NO SHORT PEOPLE 'ROUND HERE ♪ 1016 00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:58,265 [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. 1017 00:40:58,289 --> 00:41:00,601 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT. [COUGHS] 1018 00:41:00,625 --> 00:41:04,972 ALL RIGHT. [COUGHS] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1019 00:41:04,996 --> 00:41:09,844 [COUGHS] THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. 1020 00:41:09,868 --> 00:41:12,713 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF ABUSE FOR 1021 00:41:12,737 --> 00:41:14,715 THANK YOU. I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF ABUSE FOR THAT SONG, YOU KNOW? 1022 00:41:14,739 --> 00:41:16,250 I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF ABUSE FOR THAT SONG, YOU KNOW? I'VE BEEN ON THE NEWS, AND THERE 1023 00:41:16,274 --> 00:41:18,052 THAT SONG, YOU KNOW? I'VE BEEN ON THE NEWS, AND THERE WERE LITTLE PEOPLE THROWING EGGS 1024 00:41:18,076 --> 00:41:19,454 I'VE BEEN ON THE NEWS, AND THERE WERE LITTLE PEOPLE THROWING EGGS AT ME. 1025 00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:20,855 WERE LITTLE PEOPLE THROWING EGGS AT ME. AND I DON'T THINK I REALLY 1026 00:41:20,879 --> 00:41:22,657 AT ME. AND I DON'T THINK I REALLY DESERVED IT, AND I HAVEN'T 1027 00:41:22,681 --> 00:41:25,025 AND I DON'T THINK I REALLY DESERVED IT, AND I HAVEN'T COMMENTED ON IT TILL NOW, BUT I 1028 00:41:25,049 --> 00:41:27,361 DESERVED IT, AND I HAVEN'T COMMENTED ON IT TILL NOW, BUT I WANTED TO RESPOND IN SOME WAY. 1029 00:41:27,385 --> 00:41:28,863 COMMENTED ON IT TILL NOW, BUT I WANTED TO RESPOND IN SOME WAY. AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY TO THE 1030 00:41:28,887 --> 00:41:30,364 WANTED TO RESPOND IN SOME WAY. AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY OFFENDED 1031 00:41:30,388 --> 00:41:32,066 AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY TO THE PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY OFFENDED BY IT... PBHT! 1032 00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:34,730 PEOPLE THAT ARE REALLY OFFENDED BY IT... PBHT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1033 00:41:41,899 --> 00:41:46,914 I'M SENSITIVE, TOO, YOU KNOW? THIS IS A SONG THAT WILL ONLY OFFEND REAL COWBOYS. 1034 00:41:46,938 --> 00:41:48,749 THIS IS A SONG THAT WILL ONLY OFFEND REAL COWBOYS. [RANDY NEWMAN'S "RIDER IN THE 1035 00:41:48,773 --> 00:41:52,520 OFFEND REAL COWBOYS. [RANDY NEWMAN'S "RIDER IN THE RAIN" PLAYS] 1036 00:41:52,544 --> 00:41:57,091 [RANDY NEWMAN'S "RIDER IN THE RAIN" PLAYS] ♪ GOT A GUN IN MY HOLSTER ♪ 1037 00:41:57,115 --> 00:42:01,562 [RAIN" PLAYS] ♪ GOT A GUN IN MY HOLSTER ♪ ♪ GOT A HORSE BETWEEN MY KNEES ♪ 1038 00:42:01,586 --> 00:42:06,501 ♪ GOT A GUN IN MY HOLSTER ♪ ♪ GOT A HORSE BETWEEN MY KNEES ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1039 00:42:06,525 --> 00:42:08,769 ♪ GOT A HORSE BETWEEN MY KNEES ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ PARDON ME, BOYS, IF YOU 1040 00:42:08,793 --> 00:42:10,872 ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ PARDON ME, BOYS, IF YOU PLEASE ♪ 1041 00:42:10,896 --> 00:42:15,910 ♪ PARDON ME, BOYS, IF YOU PLEASE ♪ ♪ I HAVE BEEN A DESPERADO ♪ 1042 00:42:15,934 --> 00:42:18,846 PLEASE ♪ ♪ I HAVE BEEN A DESPERADO ♪ ♪ RAPED AND PILLAGED ACROSS THE 1043 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,848 ♪ I HAVE BEEN A DESPERADO ♪ ♪ RAPED AND PILLAGED ACROSS THE PLAINS ♪ 1044 00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:25,653 ♪ RAPED AND PILLAGED ACROSS THE PLAINS ♪ ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1045 00:42:25,677 --> 00:42:29,924 PLAINS ♪ ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1046 00:42:29,948 --> 00:42:34,829 ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1047 00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:39,767 ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1048 00:42:39,791 --> 00:42:44,271 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1049 00:42:44,295 --> 00:42:50,144 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1050 00:42:50,168 --> 00:42:55,349 ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ OH, MY MOTHER'S IN ST. LOUIS ♪ 1051 00:42:55,373 --> 00:42:59,654 ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ OH, MY MOTHER'S IN ST. LOUIS ♪ ♪ MY BRIDE'S IN TENNESSEE ♪ 1052 00:42:59,678 --> 00:43:03,624 ♪ OH, MY MOTHER'S IN ST. LOUIS ♪ ♪ MY BRIDE'S IN TENNESSEE ♪ ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1053 00:43:03,648 --> 00:43:08,629 ♪ MY BRIDE'S IN TENNESSEE ♪ ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ WITH A BANJO ON MY KNEE ♪ 1054 00:43:08,653 --> 00:43:11,832 ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ WITH A BANJO ON MY KNEE ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1055 00:43:11,856 --> 00:43:13,367 ♪ WITH A BANJO ON MY KNEE ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1056 00:43:13,391 --> 00:43:19,006 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1057 00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:23,010 ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1058 00:43:23,034 --> 00:43:27,715 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1059 00:43:27,739 --> 00:43:29,650 ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ USED TO WORK 1060 00:43:29,674 --> 00:43:32,787 ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ USED TO WORK IN UNCLE'S FEED STORE ♪ 1061 00:43:32,811 --> 00:43:35,489 ♪ USED TO WORK IN UNCLE'S FEED STORE ♪ ♪ WHILE HE WAS FIGHTIN' IN THE 1062 00:43:35,513 --> 00:43:37,424 IN UNCLE'S FEED STORE ♪ ♪ WHILE HE WAS FIGHTIN' IN THE WAR ♪ 1063 00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:42,096 ♪ WHILE HE WAS FIGHTIN' IN THE WAR ♪ ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1064 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:45,132 WAR ♪ ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ AIN'T GONNA WORK FOR HIM NO 1065 00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:46,634 ♪ NOW I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ AIN'T GONNA WORK FOR HIM NO MORE ♪ 1066 00:43:46,658 --> 00:43:51,939 ♪ AIN'T GONNA WORK FOR HIM NO MORE ♪ ♪ I'M THE SON OF THE PRAIRIE ♪ 1067 00:43:51,963 --> 00:43:54,976 MORE ♪ ♪ I'M THE SON OF THE PRAIRIE ♪ ♪ AND THE WIND THAT SWEEPS THE 1068 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,176 ♪ I'M THE SON OF THE PRAIRIE ♪ ♪ AND THE WIND THAT SWEEPS THE PLAIN ♪ 1069 00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:01,415 ♪ AND THE WIND THAT SWEEPS THE PLAIN ♪ ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1070 00:44:01,439 --> 00:44:05,586 PLAIN ♪ ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1071 00:44:05,610 --> 00:44:10,390 ♪ SO, I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1072 00:44:10,414 --> 00:44:15,062 ♪ BE A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1073 00:44:15,086 --> 00:44:19,767 ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1074 00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:24,705 ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1075 00:44:24,729 --> 00:44:27,742 ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1076 00:44:27,766 --> 00:44:29,343 ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1077 00:44:29,367 --> 00:44:32,579 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1078 00:44:32,603 --> 00:44:34,982 ♪ I'M A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW I'M A RIDER ♪ 1079 00:44:35,006 --> 00:44:39,887 ♪ HE'S A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW I'M A RIDER ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ 1080 00:44:39,911 --> 00:44:44,714 ♪ YOU KNOW I'M A RIDER ♪ ♪ AND I'M GOIN' TO ARIZONA ♪ ♪ JUST A RIDER IN THE RAIN ♪ 1081 00:44:50,654 --> 00:44:58,654 TAKE IT BOYS. ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1082 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:06,847 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1083 00:45:06,871 --> 00:45:10,685 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1084 00:45:10,709 --> 00:45:16,023 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1085 00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:19,949 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1086 00:45:25,756 --> 00:45:33,756 ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1087 00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:39,346 ♪ MMM ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ MMM ♪ 1088 00:45:39,370 --> 00:45:42,138 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ 1089 00:45:45,342 --> 00:45:51,658 Announcer: IT'S TIME FOR AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR FAMILY GAME SHOW... "FAMILY FEUD"! 1090 00:45:51,682 --> 00:45:53,194 AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR FAMILY GAME SHOW... "FAMILY FEUD"! AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, 1091 00:45:53,218 --> 00:45:55,362 GAME SHOW... "FAMILY FEUD"! AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, FORMER "HOGAN'S HEROES" REGULAR, 1092 00:45:55,386 --> 00:45:57,497 AND NOW HERE'S YOUR HOST, FORMER "HOGAN'S HEROES" REGULAR, RICHARD DAWSON! 1093 00:45:57,521 --> 00:46:01,135 FORMER "HOGAN'S HEROES" REGULAR, RICHARD DAWSON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1094 00:46:01,159 --> 00:46:02,269 RICHARD DAWSON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, EVERYBODY. 1095 00:46:02,293 --> 00:46:03,904 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, EVERYBODY. I HOPE YOU'RE AS EXCITED AS I'M 1096 00:46:03,928 --> 00:46:05,505 HELLO, EVERYBODY. I HOPE YOU'RE AS EXCITED AS I'M PRETENDING TO BE BECAUSE WE'RE 1097 00:46:05,529 --> 00:46:07,307 I HOPE YOU'RE AS EXCITED AS I'M PRETENDING TO BE BECAUSE WE'RE READY TO PLAY "FAMILY FEUD." 1098 00:46:07,331 --> 00:46:08,642 PRETENDING TO BE BECAUSE WE'RE READY TO PLAY "FAMILY FEUD." OKAY, IS EVERYONE READY? 1099 00:46:08,666 --> 00:46:10,677 READY TO PLAY "FAMILY FEUD." OKAY, IS EVERYONE READY? LET'S MEET OUR FIRST FAMILY, THE 1100 00:46:10,701 --> 00:46:12,747 OKAY, IS EVERYONE READY? LET'S MEET OUR FIRST FAMILY, THE JOE MELS, FROM EL CAMINO DEL REY 1101 00:46:12,771 --> 00:46:14,749 LET'S MEET OUR FIRST FAMILY, THE JOE MELS, FROM EL CAMINO DEL REY MAR VISTA, CALIFORNIA, AND HERE 1102 00:46:14,773 --> 00:46:15,515 JOE MELS, FROM EL CAMINO DEL REY MAR VISTA, CALIFORNIA, AND HERE THEY ARE! 1103 00:46:15,539 --> 00:46:18,719 MAR VISTA, CALIFORNIA, AND HERE THEY ARE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1104 00:46:18,743 --> 00:46:24,825 THEY ARE! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] 1105 00:46:24,849 --> 00:46:25,960 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHS] SETTLE DOWN, KIDS. 1106 00:46:25,984 --> 00:46:27,361 [LAUGHS] SETTLE DOWN, KIDS. HELLO, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL 1107 00:46:27,385 --> 00:46:28,695 SETTLE DOWN, KIDS. HELLO, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING? 1108 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:29,630 HELLO, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING? HELLO, RICHARD. 1109 00:46:29,654 --> 00:46:30,831 US WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING? HELLO, RICHARD. I'M THE SPOKESMAN FOR THE 1110 00:46:30,855 --> 00:46:31,966 HELLO, RICHARD. I'M THE SPOKESMAN FOR THE ROMAINE LETTUCE GROWERS 1111 00:46:31,990 --> 00:46:33,567 I'M THE SPOKESMAN FOR THE ROMAINE LETTUCE GROWERS ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA. 1112 00:46:33,591 --> 00:46:35,302 ROMAINE LETTUCE GROWERS ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA. YOU KNOW, TOO MANY PEOPLE USE 1113 00:46:35,326 --> 00:46:36,971 ASSOCIATION OF CALIFORNIA. YOU KNOW, TOO MANY PEOPLE USE ICEBERG LETTUCE IN THEIR SALADS, 1114 00:46:36,995 --> 00:46:38,572 YOU KNOW, TOO MANY PEOPLE USE ICEBERG LETTUCE IN THEIR SALADS, AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED JUST HOW 1115 00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:40,141 ICEBERG LETTUCE IN THEIR SALADS, AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED JUST HOW EXCITING A SALAD CAN BE WITH A 1116 00:46:40,165 --> 00:46:41,375 AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED JUST HOW EXCITING A SALAD CAN BE WITH A LITTLE ROMAINE LETTUCE! 1117 00:46:41,399 --> 00:46:42,810 EXCITING A SALAD CAN BE WITH A LITTLE ROMAINE LETTUCE! WELL, SO FAR, JOE, YOU'RE 1118 00:46:42,834 --> 00:46:44,444 LITTLE ROMAINE LETTUCE! WELL, SO FAR, JOE, YOU'RE ABOUT AS EXCITING AS ONE OF YOUR 1119 00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:45,212 WELL, SO FAR, JOE, YOU'RE ABOUT AS EXCITING AS ONE OF YOUR SALADS. 1120 00:46:45,236 --> 00:46:46,981 ABOUT AS EXCITING AS ONE OF YOUR SALADS. SO LET US MOVE ON. 1121 00:46:47,005 --> 00:46:48,348 SALADS. SO LET US MOVE ON. [LAUGHTER] 1122 00:46:48,372 --> 00:46:49,683 SO LET US MOVE ON. [LAUGHTER] GIVE US A KISS. COME ON. 1123 00:46:49,707 --> 00:46:50,717 [LAUGHTER] GIVE US A KISS. COME ON. MWAH! 1124 00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:52,119 GIVE US A KISS. COME ON. MWAH! TELL US, WHAT DO YOU DO, HONEY? 1125 00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:53,453 MWAH! TELL US, WHAT DO YOU DO, HONEY? WELL, I TEACH AN 1126 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,522 TELL US, WHAT DO YOU DO, HONEY? WELL, I TEACH AN ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING CLASS FOR 1127 00:46:55,546 --> 00:46:58,358 WELL, I TEACH AN ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING CLASS FOR WOMEN IN EL CAMINO DEL RAY MAR 1128 00:46:58,382 --> 00:46:59,626 ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING CLASS FOR WOMEN IN EL CAMINO DEL RAY MAR VISTA. 1129 00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:00,661 WOMEN IN EL CAMINO DEL RAY MAR VISTA. AND I COOK. 1130 00:47:00,685 --> 00:47:02,129 VISTA. AND I COOK. AND WHAT DO YOU COOK? 1131 00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:04,464 AND I COOK. AND WHAT DO YOU COOK? OH, WELL, I COOK SALADS AND A 1132 00:47:04,488 --> 00:47:06,066 AND WHAT DO YOU COOK? OH, WELL, I COOK SALADS AND A LOT OF ROMAINE BLTs! 1133 00:47:06,090 --> 00:47:08,269 OH, WELL, I COOK SALADS AND A LOT OF ROMAINE BLTs! WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU COME FOR 1134 00:47:08,293 --> 00:47:08,769 LOT OF ROMAINE BLTs! WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU COME FOR DINNER! 1135 00:47:08,793 --> 00:47:10,237 WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU COME FOR DINNER! ALL RIGHT, WELL, IF I CAN'T 1136 00:47:10,261 --> 00:47:11,638 DINNER! ALL RIGHT, WELL, IF I CAN'T MAKE IT, I'LL SEND MY RABBIT. 1137 00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:12,739 ALL RIGHT, WELL, IF I CAN'T MAKE IT, I'LL SEND MY RABBIT. [LAUGHTER] 1138 00:47:12,763 --> 00:47:14,708 MAKE IT, I'LL SEND MY RABBIT. [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A RABBIT. 1139 00:47:14,732 --> 00:47:15,342 [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A RABBIT. WE DO! 1140 00:47:15,366 --> 00:47:17,077 YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A RABBIT. WE DO! ALL RIGHT, AND NOW HERE'S THE 1141 00:47:17,101 --> 00:47:18,312 WE DO! ALL RIGHT, AND NOW HERE'S THE MELS' CUTE LITTLE SON. 1142 00:47:18,336 --> 00:47:19,413 ALL RIGHT, AND NOW HERE'S THE MELS' CUTE LITTLE SON. THIS IS JOE MEL JR. 1143 00:47:19,437 --> 00:47:20,948 MELS' CUTE LITTLE SON. THIS IS JOE MEL JR. HE'S A SHARP LITTLE GUY, AND 1144 00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:22,549 THIS IS JOE MEL JR. HE'S A SHARP LITTLE GUY, AND WE'RE EXPECTING A LOT FROM YOU 1145 00:47:22,573 --> 00:47:23,984 HE'S A SHARP LITTLE GUY, AND WE'RE EXPECTING A LOT FROM YOU TODAY, LITTLE FELLA! 1146 00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,019 WE'RE EXPECTING A LOT FROM YOU TODAY, LITTLE FELLA! UH, CAN WE CUT THE 1147 00:47:25,043 --> 00:47:26,420 TODAY, LITTLE FELLA! UH, CAN WE CUT THE CONDESCENDING CRAP AND PLAY THE 1148 00:47:26,444 --> 00:47:27,587 UH, CAN WE CUT THE CONDESCENDING CRAP AND PLAY THE GAME? 1149 00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:29,323 CONDESCENDING CRAP AND PLAY THE GAME? WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY, JOE. 1150 00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:30,925 GAME? WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY, JOE. OKAY, LET'S MEET THE 1151 00:47:30,949 --> 00:47:33,327 WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY, JOE. OKAY, LET'S MEET THE CHALLENGERS, THE BELDAR CONEHEAD 1152 00:47:33,351 --> 00:47:34,661 OKAY, LET'S MEET THE CHALLENGERS, THE BELDAR CONEHEAD FAMILY! 1153 00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:36,297 CHALLENGERS, THE BELDAR CONEHEAD FAMILY! COME ON OUT HERE, CONEHEADS! 1154 00:47:36,321 --> 00:47:43,437 FAMILY! COME ON OUT HERE, CONEHEADS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1155 00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:44,138 COME ON OUT HERE, CONEHEADS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, BELDAR. 1156 00:47:44,162 --> 00:47:44,771 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO, BELDAR. GREETINGS. 1157 00:47:44,795 --> 00:47:45,940 HELLO, BELDAR. GREETINGS. HEY, YOU'RE A BIG FELLA. 1158 00:47:45,964 --> 00:47:47,141 GREETINGS. HEY, YOU'RE A BIG FELLA. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? 1159 00:47:47,165 --> 00:47:48,909 HEY, YOU'RE A BIG FELLA. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I AM A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. 1160 00:47:48,933 --> 00:47:49,543 WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? I AM A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. MM-HMM. 1161 00:47:49,567 --> 00:47:50,878 I AM A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR. MM-HMM. AND WHERE DO YOU FOLKS COME 1162 00:47:50,902 --> 00:47:52,813 MM-HMM. AND WHERE DO YOU FOLKS COME FROM? 1163 00:47:52,837 --> 00:47:53,948 AND WHERE DO YOU FOLKS COME FROM? FRANCE. 1164 00:47:53,972 --> 00:47:55,515 FROM? FRANCE. WE COME FROM FRANCE. 1165 00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:56,783 FRANCE. WE COME FROM FRANCE. OKAY, AND HELLO THERE, 1166 00:47:56,807 --> 00:47:57,918 WE COME FROM FRANCE. OKAY, AND HELLO THERE, MRS. CONEHEAD. 1167 00:47:57,942 --> 00:47:59,053 OKAY, AND HELLO THERE, MRS. CONEHEAD. MWAH! 1168 00:47:59,077 --> 00:48:00,520 MRS. CONEHEAD. MWAH! WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND WHAT DO 1169 00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,022 MWAH! WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND WHAT DO YOU DO BESIDES KEEPING BELDAR 1170 00:48:02,046 --> 00:48:02,489 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, AND WHAT DO YOU DO BESIDES KEEPING BELDAR HAPPY? 1171 00:48:02,513 --> 00:48:03,357 YOU DO BESIDES KEEPING BELDAR HAPPY? I AM PRYMAAT. 1172 00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:04,691 HAPPY? I AM PRYMAAT. I MAINTAIN OUR HOME BASE AND 1173 00:48:04,715 --> 00:48:06,160 I AM PRYMAAT. I MAINTAIN OUR HOME BASE AND ENJOY PREPARING MASS QUANTITIES 1174 00:48:06,184 --> 00:48:07,494 I MAINTAIN OUR HOME BASE AND ENJOY PREPARING MASS QUANTITIES OF CONSUMABLES FOR MY FAMILY 1175 00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:07,828 ENJOY PREPARING MASS QUANTITIES OF CONSUMABLES FOR MY FAMILY UNIT. 1176 00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:08,963 OF CONSUMABLES FOR MY FAMILY UNIT. MM-HMM, WELL, GOOD LUCK TO 1177 00:48:08,987 --> 00:48:10,164 UNIT. MM-HMM, WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, PRYMAAT, AND THIS IS YOUR 1178 00:48:10,188 --> 00:48:10,865 MM-HMM, WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, PRYMAAT, AND THIS IS YOUR LOVELY DAUGHTER. 1179 00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:11,966 YOU, PRYMAAT, AND THIS IS YOUR LOVELY DAUGHTER. I SEE WHERE YOU GET HER GOOD 1180 00:48:11,990 --> 00:48:12,733 LOVELY DAUGHTER. I SEE WHERE YOU GET HER GOOD LOOKS. 1181 00:48:12,757 --> 00:48:14,068 I SEE WHERE YOU GET HER GOOD LOOKS. YOU'RE FRENCH, SO I'M GONNA GIVE 1182 00:48:14,092 --> 00:48:14,902 LOOKS. YOU'RE FRENCH, SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A FRENCH KISS. 1183 00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:15,569 YOU'RE FRENCH, SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A FRENCH KISS. HOW'S THAT? 1184 00:48:15,593 --> 00:48:17,304 YOU A FRENCH KISS. HOW'S THAT? MMM! 1185 00:48:17,328 --> 00:48:19,406 HOW'S THAT? MMM! OH, BABY! OH, BABY! 1186 00:48:19,430 --> 00:48:20,407 MMM! OH, BABY! OH, BABY! MMM. 1187 00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:21,976 OH, BABY! OH, BABY! MMM. WELL, UH, THEY START EARLY IN 1188 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,244 MMM. WELL, UH, THEY START EARLY IN FRANCE, WHAT THE HECK? 1189 00:48:23,268 --> 00:48:24,544 WELL, UH, THEY START EARLY IN FRANCE, WHAT THE HECK? WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DEAR? 1190 00:48:24,568 --> 00:48:25,479 FRANCE, WHAT THE HECK? WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DEAR? WHAT DO YOU DO? 1191 00:48:25,503 --> 00:48:27,114 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DEAR? WHAT DO YOU DO? MY NAME IS CONNIE, AND I AM 1192 00:48:27,138 --> 00:48:28,815 WHAT DO YOU DO? MY NAME IS CONNIE, AND I AM 16 EARTH YEARS OLD. 1193 00:48:28,839 --> 00:48:29,616 MY NAME IS CONNIE, AND I AM 16 EARTH YEARS OLD. ALL RIGHT. 1194 00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:30,817 16 EARTH YEARS OLD. ALL RIGHT. THERE'S OUR FAMILIES. 1195 00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:32,186 ALL RIGHT. THERE'S OUR FAMILIES. NOW LET'S START THE FEUD. 1196 00:48:32,210 --> 00:48:33,487 THERE'S OUR FAMILIES. NOW LET'S START THE FEUD. COME ON, JOE AND BELDAR. 1197 00:48:33,511 --> 00:48:34,621 NOW LET'S START THE FEUD. COME ON, JOE AND BELDAR. LET'S GO. 1198 00:48:34,645 --> 00:48:38,425 COME ON, JOE AND BELDAR. LET'S GO. [APPLAUSE] 1199 00:48:38,449 --> 00:48:40,027 LET'S GO. [APPLAUSE] OKAY, DOCTOR, WE'RE GONNA NEED A 1200 00:48:40,051 --> 00:48:41,461 [APPLAUSE] OKAY, DOCTOR, WE'RE GONNA NEED A LITTLE MORE ROOM, BIG FELLA. 1201 00:48:41,485 --> 00:48:42,096 OKAY, DOCTOR, WE'RE GONNA NEED A LITTLE MORE ROOM, BIG FELLA. THERE YOU GO. 1202 00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:43,397 LITTLE MORE ROOM, BIG FELLA. THERE YOU GO. STAND BEHIND THIS LINE OR YOU'LL 1203 00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:43,864 THERE YOU GO. STAND BEHIND THIS LINE OR YOU'LL GET HIT. 1204 00:48:43,888 --> 00:48:44,531 STAND BEHIND THIS LINE OR YOU'LL GET HIT. ALL RIGHT. 1205 00:48:44,555 --> 00:48:46,000 GET HIT. ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE TOSS-UP QUESTION, 1206 00:48:46,024 --> 00:48:47,601 ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE TOSS-UP QUESTION, WHICH WE ASKED OF 100 PEOPLE IN 1207 00:48:47,625 --> 00:48:48,702 HERE'S THE TOSS-UP QUESTION, WHICH WE ASKED OF 100 PEOPLE IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE. 1208 00:48:48,726 --> 00:48:50,371 WHICH WE ASKED OF 100 PEOPLE IN OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE. TRY TO GIVE THE ANSWER THAT THEY 1209 00:48:50,395 --> 00:48:51,738 OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE. TRY TO GIVE THE ANSWER THAT THEY GAVE THE MOST, ALL RIGHT? 1210 00:48:51,762 --> 00:48:54,741 TRY TO GIVE THE ANSWER THAT THEY GAVE THE MOST, ALL RIGHT? NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE LIKE TO 1211 00:48:54,765 --> 00:48:55,910 GAVE THE MOST, ALL RIGHT? NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. 1212 00:48:55,934 --> 00:48:58,779 NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. [RINGING] 1213 00:48:58,803 --> 00:49:02,950 BITE. [RINGING] PROTOID CAPSULES. 1214 00:49:02,974 --> 00:49:03,884 [RINGING] PROTOID CAPSULES. PROTOID CAPSULES? 1215 00:49:03,908 --> 00:49:05,152 PROTOID CAPSULES. PROTOID CAPSULES? THAT'S AN INTERESTING ANSWER. 1216 00:49:05,176 --> 00:49:06,387 PROTOID CAPSULES? THAT'S AN INTERESTING ANSWER. I NEVER WOULD HAVE SAID THAT, 1217 00:49:06,411 --> 00:49:07,587 THAT'S AN INTERESTING ANSWER. I NEVER WOULD HAVE SAID THAT, BUT YOU SAID THAT, BIG GUY. 1218 00:49:07,611 --> 00:49:11,292 I NEVER WOULD HAVE SAID THAT, BUT YOU SAID THAT, BIG GUY. SO, SHOW ME "PROTOID CAPSULES"! 1219 00:49:11,316 --> 00:49:13,027 BUT YOU SAID THAT, BIG GUY. SO, SHOW ME "PROTOID CAPSULES"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1220 00:49:13,051 --> 00:49:15,595 SO, SHOW ME "PROTOID CAPSULES"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] 1221 00:49:15,619 --> 00:49:16,797 [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] TOUGH LUCK THERE, BELDAR. 1222 00:49:16,821 --> 00:49:18,198 [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] TOUGH LUCK THERE, BELDAR. THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING HEAD 1223 00:49:18,222 --> 00:49:18,999 TOUGH LUCK THERE, BELDAR. THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING HEAD YOU HAVE THERE. 1224 00:49:19,023 --> 00:49:20,434 THAT'S A VERY INTERESTING HEAD YOU HAVE THERE. WHAT DO I DO, BREAK IT OPEN AND 1225 00:49:20,458 --> 00:49:23,137 YOU HAVE THERE. WHAT DO I DO, BREAK IT OPEN AND LET ALL THE PRESENTS FALL OUT? 1226 00:49:23,161 --> 00:49:23,804 WHAT DO I DO, BREAK IT OPEN AND LET ALL THE PRESENTS FALL OUT? [CHUCKLES] 1227 00:49:23,828 --> 00:49:25,605 LET ALL THE PRESENTS FALL OUT? [CHUCKLES] ALL RIGHT, MEL FAMILY, YOU MIGHT 1228 00:49:25,629 --> 00:49:27,408 [CHUCKLES] ALL RIGHT, MEL FAMILY, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO STEAL THIS ONE IF YOU 1229 00:49:27,432 --> 00:49:29,076 ALL RIGHT, MEL FAMILY, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO STEAL THIS ONE IF YOU CAN TELL ME SOMETHING THAT THE 1230 00:49:29,100 --> 00:49:30,677 BE ABLE TO STEAL THIS ONE IF YOU CAN TELL ME SOMETHING THAT THE AUDIENCE SAYS PEOPLE LIKE TO 1231 00:49:30,701 --> 00:49:31,178 CAN TELL ME SOMETHING THAT THE AUDIENCE SAYS PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. 1232 00:49:31,202 --> 00:49:34,214 AUDIENCE SAYS PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. UH... ROMAINE LETTUCE. 1233 00:49:34,238 --> 00:49:35,715 BITE. UH... ROMAINE LETTUCE. OKAY. 1234 00:49:35,739 --> 00:49:38,419 UH... ROMAINE LETTUCE. OKAY. SHOW ME "ROMAINE LETTUCE"! 1235 00:49:38,443 --> 00:49:39,353 OKAY. SHOW ME "ROMAINE LETTUCE"! [DING!] 1236 00:49:39,377 --> 00:49:40,654 SHOW ME "ROMAINE LETTUCE"! [DING!] ALL RIGHT, ONE PERSON SAID 1237 00:49:40,678 --> 00:49:41,621 [DING!] ALL RIGHT, ONE PERSON SAID "ROMAINE LETTUCE". 1238 00:49:41,645 --> 00:49:42,656 ALL RIGHT, ONE PERSON SAID "ROMAINE LETTUCE". YOU'RE ON THE BOARD. 1239 00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,124 "ROMAINE LETTUCE". YOU'RE ON THE BOARD. NOW, MEL FAMILY, ARE YOU GONNA 1240 00:49:44,148 --> 00:49:44,791 YOU'RE ON THE BOARD. NOW, MEL FAMILY, ARE YOU GONNA PASS OR PLAY? 1241 00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:45,826 NOW, MEL FAMILY, ARE YOU GONNA PASS OR PLAY? PASS! PASS! PASS! 1242 00:49:45,850 --> 00:49:47,261 PASS OR PLAY? PASS! PASS! PASS! PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! 1243 00:49:47,285 --> 00:49:48,362 PASS! PASS! PASS! PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION. 1244 00:49:48,386 --> 00:49:49,463 PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION. I CAN ONLY THINK OF ROMAINE 1245 00:49:49,487 --> 00:49:49,896 THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION. I CAN ONLY THINK OF ROMAINE LETTUCE. 1246 00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:50,697 I CAN ONLY THINK OF ROMAINE LETTUCE. WE'RE GONNA PASS. 1247 00:49:50,721 --> 00:49:52,199 LETTUCE. WE'RE GONNA PASS. ALL RIGHT. 1248 00:49:52,223 --> 00:49:53,867 WE'RE GONNA PASS. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, PRYMAAT, WHAT ELSE DO 1249 00:49:53,891 --> 00:49:55,302 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, PRYMAAT, WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK OUR SURVEY SHOWED 1250 00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:57,204 ALL RIGHT, PRYMAAT, WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK OUR SURVEY SHOWED PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE? 1251 00:49:57,228 --> 00:49:58,638 YOU THINK OUR SURVEY SHOWED PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE? ORGANICALLY INACTIVE MEAT OR 1252 00:49:58,662 --> 00:49:59,940 PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE? ORGANICALLY INACTIVE MEAT OR VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN TWO 1253 00:49:59,964 --> 00:50:02,876 ORGANICALLY INACTIVE MEAT OR VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN TWO STARCHED PLAINS. 1254 00:50:02,900 --> 00:50:04,378 VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN TWO STARCHED PLAINS. IT'S A LONG WALK BACK TO 1255 00:50:04,402 --> 00:50:06,113 STARCHED PLAINS. IT'S A LONG WALK BACK TO FRANCE IF YOU DON'T GET THIS ONE 1256 00:50:06,137 --> 00:50:07,047 IT'S A LONG WALK BACK TO FRANCE IF YOU DON'T GET THIS ONE RIGHT, PRYMAAT. 1257 00:50:07,071 --> 00:50:08,015 FRANCE IF YOU DON'T GET THIS ONE RIGHT, PRYMAAT. ALL RIGHT. 1258 00:50:08,039 --> 00:50:09,783 RIGHT, PRYMAAT. ALL RIGHT. SHOW ME "ORGANICALLY INACTIVE 1259 00:50:09,807 --> 00:50:11,685 ALL RIGHT. SHOW ME "ORGANICALLY INACTIVE MEAT OR VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN 1260 00:50:11,709 --> 00:50:13,653 SHOW ME "ORGANICALLY INACTIVE MEAT OR VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN TWO STARCHED PLAINS!" 1261 00:50:13,677 --> 00:50:14,554 MEAT OR VEGETABLE MATTER BETWEEN TWO STARCHED PLAINS!" [DING!] 1262 00:50:14,578 --> 00:50:16,123 TWO STARCHED PLAINS!" [DING!] SANDWICH! ALL RIGHT! 1263 00:50:16,147 --> 00:50:17,924 [DING!] SANDWICH! ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ACCEPTABLE. OKAY. 1264 00:50:17,948 --> 00:50:19,293 SANDWICH! ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ACCEPTABLE. OKAY. 12 PEOPLE SAID SANDWICH. 1265 00:50:19,317 --> 00:50:20,861 THAT'S ACCEPTABLE. OKAY. 12 PEOPLE SAID SANDWICH. ALL RIGHT, CONNIE, SOMETHING 1266 00:50:20,885 --> 00:50:23,530 12 PEOPLE SAID SANDWICH. ALL RIGHT, CONNIE, SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. 1267 00:50:23,554 --> 00:50:26,933 ALL RIGHT, CONNIE, SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. HMM. THE BIG ONE! 1268 00:50:26,957 --> 00:50:28,902 THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE. HMM. THE BIG ONE! BITE THE BIG ONE, ALL RIGHT. 1269 00:50:28,926 --> 00:50:30,270 HMM. THE BIG ONE! BITE THE BIG ONE, ALL RIGHT. DOES OUR AUDIENCE BITE THE BIG 1270 00:50:30,294 --> 00:50:30,637 BITE THE BIG ONE, ALL RIGHT. DOES OUR AUDIENCE BITE THE BIG ONE? 1271 00:50:30,661 --> 00:50:32,006 DOES OUR AUDIENCE BITE THE BIG ONE? WELL, WE ALL WANT TO KNOW THAT 1272 00:50:32,030 --> 00:50:32,373 ONE? WELL, WE ALL WANT TO KNOW THAT ONE. 1273 00:50:32,397 --> 00:50:33,773 WELL, WE ALL WANT TO KNOW THAT ONE. WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT RIGHT NOW. 1274 00:50:33,797 --> 00:50:36,343 ONE. WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT RIGHT NOW. SHOW ME "THE BIG ONE!" 1275 00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:36,843 WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT RIGHT NOW. SHOW ME "THE BIG ONE!" [DING!] 1276 00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:40,481 SHOW ME "THE BIG ONE!" [DING!] ALL RIGHT! 1277 00:50:40,505 --> 00:50:42,216 [DING!] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT. 1278 00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:43,550 ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE REALLY ROLLING NOW, 1279 00:50:43,574 --> 00:50:44,218 ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE REALLY ROLLING NOW, CONEHEADS. 1280 00:50:44,242 --> 00:50:45,919 YOU'RE REALLY ROLLING NOW, CONEHEADS. NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU, BELDAR. 1281 00:50:45,943 --> 00:50:47,687 CONEHEADS. NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU, BELDAR. WHAT ELSE DO PEOPLE LIKE TO 1282 00:50:47,711 --> 00:50:48,288 NOW, IT'S UP TO YOU, BELDAR. WHAT ELSE DO PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE? 1283 00:50:48,312 --> 00:50:53,593 WHAT ELSE DO PEOPLE LIKE TO BITE? A TRAPEZE! 1284 00:50:53,617 --> 00:50:55,162 BITE? A TRAPEZE! JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, 1285 00:50:55,186 --> 00:50:56,963 A TRAPEZE! JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, BELDAR, ARE YOU CIRCUS FOLKS? 1286 00:50:56,987 --> 00:50:59,333 JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, BELDAR, ARE YOU CIRCUS FOLKS? [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] 1287 00:50:59,357 --> 00:51:02,503 BELDAR, ARE YOU CIRCUS FOLKS? [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [LAUGHTER] 1288 00:51:02,527 --> 00:51:03,937 [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] [LAUGHTER] WELL, I HAD TO ASK. 1289 00:51:03,961 --> 00:51:07,607 [LAUGHTER] WELL, I HAD TO ASK. ALL RIGHT, SHOW ME "TRAPEZE"! 1290 00:51:07,631 --> 00:51:08,608 WELL, I HAD TO ASK. ALL RIGHT, SHOW ME "TRAPEZE"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1291 00:51:08,632 --> 00:51:10,977 ALL RIGHT, SHOW ME "TRAPEZE"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] 1292 00:51:11,001 --> 00:51:11,611 [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] ALL RIGHT. 1293 00:51:11,635 --> 00:51:12,979 [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] ALL RIGHT. MEL FAMILY, NOW YOU'VE GOT A 1294 00:51:13,003 --> 00:51:14,448 ALL RIGHT. MEL FAMILY, NOW YOU'VE GOT A CHANCE TO STEAL ALL THE POINTS 1295 00:51:14,472 --> 00:51:15,349 MEL FAMILY, NOW YOU'VE GOT A CHANCE TO STEAL ALL THE POINTS AND WIN THE GAME. 1296 00:51:15,373 --> 00:51:16,383 CHANCE TO STEAL ALL THE POINTS AND WIN THE GAME. OKAY, CHICKEN NECK! 1297 00:51:16,407 --> 00:51:17,384 AND WIN THE GAME. OKAY, CHICKEN NECK! WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? 1298 00:51:17,408 --> 00:51:18,552 OKAY, CHICKEN NECK! WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? THE LIP SKIN OF A DOG! 1299 00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:19,819 WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? THE LIP SKIN OF A DOG! DAD, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME 1300 00:51:19,843 --> 00:51:20,854 THE LIP SKIN OF A DOG! DAD, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE? 1301 00:51:20,878 --> 00:51:22,122 DAD, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE? I'M TELLING YOU IT'S CHICKEN 1302 00:51:22,146 --> 00:51:22,489 FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE? I'M TELLING YOU IT'S CHICKEN NECK. 1303 00:51:22,513 --> 00:51:23,857 I'M TELLING YOU IT'S CHICKEN NECK. WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME 1304 00:51:23,881 --> 00:51:25,125 NECK. WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME DECIDE?! 1305 00:51:25,149 --> 00:51:26,527 WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME DECIDE?! WE'LL GO WITH CHICKEN NECK ON 1306 00:51:26,551 --> 00:51:27,827 DECIDE?! WE'LL GO WITH CHICKEN NECK ON THIS. 1307 00:51:27,851 --> 00:51:29,296 WE'LL GO WITH CHICKEN NECK ON THIS. OKAY, JOE, YOU'RE GONNA TAKE 1308 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:30,764 THIS. OKAY, JOE, YOU'RE GONNA TAKE JOE JR.'s ADVICE, AND IF YOU'RE 1309 00:51:30,788 --> 00:51:32,732 OKAY, JOE, YOU'RE GONNA TAKE JOE JR.'s ADVICE, AND IF YOU'RE WRONG, THE CONEHEADS WILL WIN. 1310 00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:33,934 JOE JR.'s ADVICE, AND IF YOU'RE WRONG, THE CONEHEADS WILL WIN. CHICKEN NECK! CHICKEN NECK! 1311 00:51:33,958 --> 00:51:35,702 WRONG, THE CONEHEADS WILL WIN. CHICKEN NECK! CHICKEN NECK! ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK. 1312 00:51:35,726 --> 00:51:40,607 CHICKEN NECK! CHICKEN NECK! ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK. SHOW ME "CHICKEN NECK"! 1313 00:51:40,631 --> 00:51:41,641 ALL RIGHT. GOOD LUCK. SHOW ME "CHICKEN NECK"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1314 00:51:41,665 --> 00:51:43,977 SHOW ME "CHICKEN NECK"! [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] 1315 00:51:44,001 --> 00:51:45,379 [BUZZER SOUNDS] [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] YOU STUPID MORON! 1316 00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:47,314 [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] YOU STUPID MORON! WE'RE SENDING YOU TO MILITARY 1317 00:51:47,338 --> 00:51:47,981 YOU STUPID MORON! WE'RE SENDING YOU TO MILITARY SCHOOL! 1318 00:51:48,005 --> 00:51:49,249 WE'RE SENDING YOU TO MILITARY SCHOOL! I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO! 1319 00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:49,983 SCHOOL! I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO! OH, SHUT UP. 1320 00:51:50,007 --> 00:51:51,218 I WANT TO GO! I WANT TO GO! OH, SHUT UP. YOU DON'T DESERVE MY NAME! 1321 00:51:51,242 --> 00:51:52,086 OH, SHUT UP. YOU DON'T DESERVE MY NAME! I DON'T WANT IT! 1322 00:51:52,110 --> 00:51:52,852 YOU DON'T DESERVE MY NAME! I DON'T WANT IT! I DON'T WANT IT! 1323 00:51:52,876 --> 00:51:54,588 I DON'T WANT IT! I DON'T WANT IT! WELL, WHAT A HAPPY, HAPPY 1324 00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:55,722 I DON'T WANT IT! WELL, WHAT A HAPPY, HAPPY BUNCH OF CONEHEADS! 1325 00:51:55,746 --> 00:51:57,091 WELL, WHAT A HAPPY, HAPPY BUNCH OF CONEHEADS! HOW ABOUT IT, CONEHEADS? 1326 00:51:57,115 --> 00:51:58,825 BUNCH OF CONEHEADS! HOW ABOUT IT, CONEHEADS? [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] 1327 00:51:58,849 --> 00:52:00,160 HOW ABOUT IT, CONEHEADS? [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] WELL, WE'RE AWFULLY SORRY, MEL 1328 00:52:00,184 --> 00:52:01,528 [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] WELL, WE'RE AWFULLY SORRY, MEL FAMILY, BUT I GUESS YOU'RE OUT. 1329 00:52:01,552 --> 00:52:02,929 WELL, WE'RE AWFULLY SORRY, MEL FAMILY, BUT I GUESS YOU'RE OUT. WELL, WE KNEW THEY'D WIN WHEN 1330 00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:04,531 FAMILY, BUT I GUESS YOU'RE OUT. WELL, WE KNEW THEY'D WIN WHEN WE SAW THE SIZE OF THEIR HEADS. 1331 00:52:04,555 --> 00:52:06,133 WELL, WE KNEW THEY'D WIN WHEN WE SAW THE SIZE OF THEIR HEADS. WELL, I'M SURE THAT WAS SAID 1332 00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:07,734 WE SAW THE SIZE OF THEIR HEADS. WELL, I'M SURE THAT WAS SAID IN THE BEST SPIRIT OF THE GAME, 1333 00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:08,135 WELL, I'M SURE THAT WAS SAID IN THE BEST SPIRIT OF THE GAME, HUH? 1334 00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:08,969 IN THE BEST SPIRIT OF THE GAME, HUH? NO, IT WASN'T. 1335 00:52:08,993 --> 00:52:09,736 HUH? NO, IT WASN'T. [CHUCKLES] 1336 00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:10,937 NO, IT WASN'T. [CHUCKLES] WELL, NOBODY CARES BECAUSE 1337 00:52:10,961 --> 00:52:11,638 [CHUCKLES] WELL, NOBODY CARES BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSERS. 1338 00:52:11,662 --> 00:52:12,872 WELL, NOBODY CARES BECAUSE YOU'RE LOSERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? 1339 00:52:12,896 --> 00:52:13,974 YOU'RE LOSERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? ALL RIGHT, BELDAR CONEHEAD 1340 00:52:13,998 --> 00:52:15,142 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? ALL RIGHT, BELDAR CONEHEAD FAMILY, YOUR FAMILY'S GOT A 1341 00:52:15,166 --> 00:52:16,276 ALL RIGHT, BELDAR CONEHEAD FAMILY, YOUR FAMILY'S GOT A CHANCE TO PLAY FAST MONEY. 1342 00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:17,611 FAMILY, YOUR FAMILY'S GOT A CHANCE TO PLAY FAST MONEY. WHO'S GONNA PLAY FOR IT FOR YOU? 1343 00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:18,845 CHANCE TO PLAY FAST MONEY. WHO'S GONNA PLAY FOR IT FOR YOU? I, BELDAR, WILL ATTEMPT TO 1344 00:52:18,869 --> 00:52:19,679 WHO'S GONNA PLAY FOR IT FOR YOU? I, BELDAR, WILL ATTEMPT TO OBTAIN FAST MONEY. 1345 00:52:19,703 --> 00:52:20,947 I, BELDAR, WILL ATTEMPT TO OBTAIN FAST MONEY. ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, COME ON! 1346 00:52:20,971 --> 00:52:22,116 OBTAIN FAST MONEY. ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, COME ON! LET'S MAKE SOME FAST MONEY! 1347 00:52:22,140 --> 00:52:23,484 ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, COME ON! LET'S MAKE SOME FAST MONEY! COME ON DOWN HERE! 1348 00:52:23,508 --> 00:52:25,152 LET'S MAKE SOME FAST MONEY! COME ON DOWN HERE! ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, I'M GONNA ASK 1349 00:52:25,176 --> 00:52:26,786 COME ON DOWN HERE! ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, I'M GONNA ASK YOU FIVE QUESTIONS APIECE, FROM 1350 00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:28,455 ALL RIGHT, BELDAR, I'M GONNA ASK YOU FIVE QUESTIONS APIECE, FROM $100 APIECE, AND YOU ANSWER THEM 1351 00:52:28,479 --> 00:52:29,789 YOU FIVE QUESTIONS APIECE, FROM $100 APIECE, AND YOU ANSWER THEM ALL IN 15 SECONDS, OKAY? 1352 00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:31,391 $100 APIECE, AND YOU ANSWER THEM ALL IN 15 SECONDS, OKAY? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE FIRST 1353 00:52:31,415 --> 00:52:32,826 ALL IN 15 SECONDS, OKAY? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR 1354 00:52:32,850 --> 00:52:34,394 I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD, WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE A 1355 00:52:34,418 --> 00:52:36,230 THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD, WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE A LOW-FLYING PLANE, AND WE'LL SEE 1356 00:52:36,254 --> 00:52:37,998 HEAD, WHICH WILL PROBABLY BE A LOW-FLYING PLANE, AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT JIVES WITH OUR AUDIENCE 1357 00:52:38,022 --> 00:52:38,932 LOW-FLYING PLANE, AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT JIVES WITH OUR AUDIENCE SURVEY, OKAY? 1358 00:52:38,956 --> 00:52:40,300 HOW IT JIVES WITH OUR AUDIENCE SURVEY, OKAY? PROCEED, HUMAN, PROCEED! 1359 00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:42,868 SURVEY, OKAY? PROCEED, HUMAN, PROCEED! IS THAT LIKE "GO, MAN, GO"? 1360 00:52:42,892 --> 00:52:45,494 ALL RIGHT, NAME A FAMOUS 1361 00:52:45,629 --> 00:52:46,262 EXPLORER. 1362 00:52:46,396 --> 00:52:47,429 ZYTHRON THE INSISTENT. 1363 00:52:47,564 --> 00:52:48,297 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1364 00:52:48,431 --> 00:52:49,632 THE BIGGEST HOLIDAY OF THE 1365 00:52:49,766 --> 00:52:50,032 YEAR. 1366 00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:51,167 THE MOONS OF MYPZOR. 1367 00:52:51,268 --> 00:52:52,000 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1368 00:52:52,135 --> 00:52:53,135 A PLACE YOU KEEP YOUR 1369 00:52:53,270 --> 00:52:53,702 VALUABLES. 1370 00:52:53,836 --> 00:52:55,003 IN A MOLDROTH ION FIELD. 1371 00:52:55,138 --> 00:52:55,871 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1372 00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:57,206 A MODE OF TRANSPORTATION. 1373 00:52:57,340 --> 00:52:58,174 THE FOAM SHOE. 1374 00:52:58,308 --> 00:52:59,141 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 1375 00:52:59,276 --> 00:53:00,742 SOMETHING YOU EAT WITH EGGS. 1376 00:53:00,877 --> 00:53:02,344 FIBERGLASS. 1377 00:53:02,612 --> 00:53:06,092 OKAY, BELDAR, VERY INTERESTING. YOU WERE ON QUITE A ROLL THERE, 1378 00:53:06,116 --> 00:53:06,593 INTERESTING. YOU WERE ON QUITE A ROLL THERE, FELLA. 1379 00:53:06,617 --> 00:53:08,128 YOU WERE ON QUITE A ROLL THERE, FELLA. NO POINTS, NO MONEY... DON'T 1380 00:53:08,152 --> 00:53:09,363 FELLA. NO POINTS, NO MONEY... DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, THOUGH. 1381 00:53:09,387 --> 00:53:10,631 NO POINTS, NO MONEY... DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, THOUGH. WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, AND 1382 00:53:10,655 --> 00:53:11,965 FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, THOUGH. WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, AND YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT 1383 00:53:11,989 --> 00:53:12,766 WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, AND YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT THE FAST MONEY. 1384 00:53:12,790 --> 00:53:13,833 YOU'LL HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT THE FAST MONEY. UNTIL THEN, EVERYBODY, 1385 00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:15,235 THE FAST MONEY. UNTIL THEN, EVERYBODY, REMEMBER... OLD PEOPLE ARE OUR 1386 00:53:15,259 --> 00:53:16,503 UNTIL THEN, EVERYBODY, REMEMBER... OLD PEOPLE ARE OUR GREATEST NATIONAL RESOURCE. 1387 00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:17,604 REMEMBER... OLD PEOPLE ARE OUR GREATEST NATIONAL RESOURCE. [IMITATING BUZZER] 1388 00:53:17,628 --> 00:53:19,039 GREATEST NATIONAL RESOURCE. [IMITATING BUZZER] SO, CHECK IN ONE TODAY AND PUSH 1389 00:53:19,063 --> 00:53:20,106 [IMITATING BUZZER] SO, CHECK IN ONE TODAY AND PUSH THEM AROUND THE BLOCK. 1390 00:53:20,130 --> 00:53:21,675 SO, CHECK IN ONE TODAY AND PUSH THEM AROUND THE BLOCK. SO LONG, EVERYBODY! 1391 00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:24,460 THEM AROUND THE BLOCK. SO LONG, EVERYBODY! [CONEHEADS IMITATING BUZZER] 1392 00:53:40,183 --> 00:53:47,033 GOOD EVENING. I'M JOAN CAGE. WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?" THIS WEEK'S "WHAT IF?" COMES 1393 00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:49,035 WELCOME AGAIN TO "WHAT IF?" THIS WEEK'S "WHAT IF?" COMES FROM A MR. KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 1394 00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:50,737 THIS WEEK'S "WHAT IF?" COMES FROM A MR. KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 9, A PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, 1395 00:53:50,761 --> 00:53:51,572 FROM A MR. KEVIN O'DONNELL, AGE 9, A PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS. 1396 00:53:51,596 --> 00:53:53,507 9, A PAPERBOY FROM ALTON, ILLINOIS. KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF NAPOLEON 1397 00:53:53,531 --> 00:53:55,342 ILLINOIS. KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF 1398 00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:56,975 KEVIN ASKS, "WHAT IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO?" 1399 00:53:56,999 --> 00:53:58,300 WITH US TO HELP ANSWER THIS 1400 00:53:58,435 --> 00:53:59,935 QUESTION IS TONIGHT'S "WHAT IF?" 1401 00:54:00,069 --> 00:54:01,270 PANEL OF EXPERTS, 1402 00:54:01,404 --> 00:54:03,004 MR. JULIUS CARRUTHERS, A 1403 00:54:03,139 --> 00:54:04,540 CUM LAUDE GRADUATE OF 1404 00:54:04,674 --> 00:54:06,475 HOWARD UNIVERSITY IN MODERN 1405 00:54:06,610 --> 00:54:08,410 EUROPEAN HISTORY AND FRENCH, 1406 00:54:08,545 --> 00:54:09,978 AND COLONEL RAY EGGHARDT OF THE 1407 00:54:10,113 --> 00:54:11,213 LONG ISLAND POST OF THE 1408 00:54:11,348 --> 00:54:12,648 INTERNATIONAL GUARD RESERVE, 1409 00:54:12,782 --> 00:54:13,782 RETIRED. 1410 00:54:14,050 --> 00:54:18,998 MR. CARRUTHERS, WHAT IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO? 1411 00:54:19,022 --> 00:54:21,835 HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO? WELL, AT THE OFFSET, LET ME 1412 00:54:21,859 --> 00:54:24,738 WATERLOO? WELL, AT THE OFFSET, LET ME POINT OUT TO KEVIN THAT IN THE 1413 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:28,007 WELL, AT THE OFFSET, LET ME POINT OUT TO KEVIN THAT IN THE YEAR 1815, NAPOLEON'S LUCK 1414 00:54:28,031 --> 00:54:30,544 POINT OUT TO KEVIN THAT IN THE YEAR 1815, NAPOLEON'S LUCK FINALLY RAN OUT. 1415 00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:33,413 YEAR 1815, NAPOLEON'S LUCK FINALLY RAN OUT. VIRTUALLY ALL EUROPE WAS ALLIED 1416 00:54:33,437 --> 00:54:36,283 FINALLY RAN OUT. VIRTUALLY ALL EUROPE WAS ALLIED AGAINST HIM... AUSTRIA, RUSSIA, 1417 00:54:36,307 --> 00:54:39,052 VIRTUALLY ALL EUROPE WAS ALLIED AGAINST HIM... AUSTRIA, RUSSIA, PRUSSIA, AND GREAT BRITAIN HAD 1418 00:54:39,076 --> 00:54:41,521 AGAINST HIM... AUSTRIA, RUSSIA, PRUSSIA, AND GREAT BRITAIN HAD UNITED AT WATERLOO FOR ONE 1419 00:54:41,545 --> 00:54:44,324 PRUSSIA, AND GREAT BRITAIN HAD UNITED AT WATERLOO FOR ONE PURPOSE... THE DOWNFALL OF HIS 1420 00:54:44,348 --> 00:54:44,891 UNITED AT WATERLOO FOR ONE PURPOSE... THE DOWNFALL OF HIS EMPIRE. 1421 00:54:44,915 --> 00:54:46,226 PURPOSE... THE DOWNFALL OF HIS EMPIRE. I HAVE TO AGREE WITH 1422 00:54:46,250 --> 00:54:47,160 EMPIRE. I HAVE TO AGREE WITH MR. CARRUTHERS. 1423 00:54:47,184 --> 00:54:48,495 I HAVE TO AGREE WITH MR. CARRUTHERS. NAPOLEON'S SITUATION AT 1424 00:54:48,519 --> 00:54:50,196 MR. CARRUTHERS. NAPOLEON'S SITUATION AT WATERLOO COULD HARDLY HAVE BEEN 1425 00:54:50,220 --> 00:54:50,631 NAPOLEON'S SITUATION AT WATERLOO COULD HARDLY HAVE BEEN WORSE. 1426 00:54:50,655 --> 00:54:51,931 WATERLOO COULD HARDLY HAVE BEEN WORSE. HE WOULD HAVE JUMPED AT THE 1427 00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:52,966 WORSE. HE WOULD HAVE JUMPED AT THE CHANCE TO USE A B-52. 1428 00:54:52,990 --> 00:54:53,567 HE WOULD HAVE JUMPED AT THE CHANCE TO USE A B-52. MM-HMM. 1429 00:54:53,591 --> 00:54:54,968 CHANCE TO USE A B-52. MM-HMM. SO, YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE 1430 00:54:54,992 --> 00:54:56,470 MM-HMM. SO, YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE BATTLE. 1431 00:54:56,494 --> 00:54:57,837 SO, YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE BATTLE. WELL, JOAN, THE USE OF ANY 1432 00:54:57,861 --> 00:54:59,573 MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE BATTLE. WELL, JOAN, THE USE OF ANY AIR SUPPORT IN THE YEAR 1815 1433 00:54:59,597 --> 00:55:01,174 WELL, JOAN, THE USE OF ANY AIR SUPPORT IN THE YEAR 1815 WOULD HAVE BEEN EFFECTIVE, 1434 00:55:01,198 --> 00:55:02,976 AIR SUPPORT IN THE YEAR 1815 WOULD HAVE BEEN EFFECTIVE, PARTICULARLY AN AIRCRAFT WITH 1435 00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:04,745 WOULD HAVE BEEN EFFECTIVE, PARTICULARLY AN AIRCRAFT WITH THE STRATEGIC CAPABILITIES OF 1436 00:55:04,769 --> 00:55:06,045 PARTICULARLY AN AIRCRAFT WITH THE STRATEGIC CAPABILITIES OF THE B-52. 1437 00:55:06,069 --> 00:55:07,648 THE STRATEGIC CAPABILITIES OF THE B-52. WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR 1438 00:55:07,672 --> 00:55:09,316 THE B-52. WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S 1439 00:55:09,340 --> 00:55:11,217 WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S HISTORICAL HYPOTHESIS... "WHAT 1440 00:55:11,241 --> 00:55:13,052 DRAMATIZATION OF TONIGHT'S HISTORICAL HYPOTHESIS... "WHAT IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE 1441 00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:14,388 HISTORICAL HYPOTHESIS... "WHAT IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO?" 1442 00:55:14,412 --> 00:55:18,714 IF NAPOLEON HAD A B-52 AT THE BATTLE OF WATERLOO?" [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS] 1443 00:55:18,981 --> 00:55:20,516 [French accent] IT'S 1444 00:55:20,650 --> 00:55:21,350 HOPELESS. 1445 00:55:21,484 --> 00:55:23,619 VIRTUALLY ALL IS LOST. 1446 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:25,688 EUROPE HAS ALLIED AGAINST ME... 1447 00:55:25,822 --> 00:55:27,790 AUSTRIA, RUSSIA, PRUSSIA, AND 1448 00:55:27,924 --> 00:55:28,924 ENGLAND. 1449 00:55:29,192 --> 00:55:34,374 I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP! [French accent] OH, NAPPY, DON'T DESPAIR. 1450 00:55:34,398 --> 00:55:35,975 [French accent] OH, NAPPY, DON'T DESPAIR. I KNOW YOU. 1451 00:55:35,999 --> 00:55:37,110 DON'T DESPAIR. I KNOW YOU. YOU WERE LIKE THIS IN 1452 00:55:37,134 --> 00:55:38,312 I KNOW YOU. YOU WERE LIKE THIS IN AUSTERLITZ. 1453 00:55:38,336 --> 00:55:39,579 YOU WERE LIKE THIS IN AUSTERLITZ. SOMETHING GOOD IS BOUND TO 1454 00:55:39,603 --> 00:55:40,046 AUSTERLITZ. SOMETHING GOOD IS BOUND TO HAPPEN! 1455 00:55:40,070 --> 00:55:40,947 SOMETHING GOOD IS BOUND TO HAPPEN! NOT THIS TIME. 1456 00:55:40,971 --> 00:55:42,683 HAPPEN! NOT THIS TIME. I'M AFRAID MY LUCK HAS RUN OUT. 1457 00:55:42,707 --> 00:55:44,150 NOT THIS TIME. I'M AFRAID MY LUCK HAS RUN OUT. [French accent] YOUR 1458 00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:45,786 I'M AFRAID MY LUCK HAS RUN OUT. [French accent] YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE 1459 00:55:45,810 --> 00:55:47,153 [French accent] YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT WE'VE JUST FOUND! 1460 00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:48,855 EXCELLENCY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT WE'VE JUST FOUND! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR 1461 00:55:48,879 --> 00:55:49,556 WHAT WE'VE JUST FOUND! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. 1462 00:55:49,580 --> 00:55:51,625 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. BUT YOUR EXCELLENCY, IT'S A 1463 00:55:51,649 --> 00:55:53,760 ABOUT IT. BUT YOUR EXCELLENCY, IT'S A FUELED, FULLY ARMED BOEING B-52 1464 00:55:53,784 --> 00:55:55,295 BUT YOUR EXCELLENCY, IT'S A FUELED, FULLY ARMED BOEING B-52 STRATOFORTRESS WITH A 1465 00:55:55,319 --> 00:55:57,263 FUELED, FULLY ARMED BOEING B-52 STRATOFORTRESS WITH A FULL-COMPLEMENT CREW OF SIX! 1466 00:55:57,287 --> 00:55:59,399 STRATOFORTRESS WITH A FULL-COMPLEMENT CREW OF SIX! YOU MUST AT LEAST COME AND HAVE 1467 00:55:59,423 --> 00:55:59,933 FULL-COMPLEMENT CREW OF SIX! YOU MUST AT LEAST COME AND HAVE A LOOK! 1468 00:55:59,957 --> 00:56:01,100 YOU MUST AT LEAST COME AND HAVE A LOOK! WHY BOTHER? 1469 00:56:01,124 --> 00:56:02,436 A LOOK! WHY BOTHER? OH, MON DIEU! 1470 00:56:02,460 --> 00:56:04,237 WHY BOTHER? OH, MON DIEU! STOP WITH THIS SELF-PITY. 1471 00:56:04,261 --> 00:56:06,005 OH, MON DIEU! STOP WITH THIS SELF-PITY. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? 1472 00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,674 STOP WITH THIS SELF-PITY. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? PERHAPS YOU ARE RIGHT, MY 1473 00:56:07,698 --> 00:56:08,642 WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? PERHAPS YOU ARE RIGHT, MY DEAR. 1474 00:56:08,666 --> 00:56:10,344 PERHAPS YOU ARE RIGHT, MY DEAR. IF WE FAIL, WE LOSE. 1475 00:56:10,368 --> 00:56:12,512 DEAR. IF WE FAIL, WE LOSE. IF WE SUCCEED, WE WIN. 1476 00:56:12,536 --> 00:56:14,748 IF WE FAIL, WE LOSE. IF WE SUCCEED, WE WIN. LET'S BOLT. 1477 00:56:14,772 --> 00:56:17,092 IF WE SUCCEED, WE WIN. LET'S BOLT. ["LA MARSEILLAISE" PLAYS] 1478 00:56:41,130 --> 00:56:45,211 YES, THIS IS REALLY QUITE INCREDIBLE. AH, ISN'T IT HARD TO BELIEVE? 1479 00:56:45,235 --> 00:56:46,446 INCREDIBLE. AH, ISN'T IT HARD TO BELIEVE? [Southern accent] UH, 1480 00:56:46,470 --> 00:56:46,980 AH, ISN'T IT HARD TO BELIEVE? [Southern accent] UH, EMPEROR? 1481 00:56:47,004 --> 00:56:48,181 [Southern accent] UH, EMPEROR? I GUESS I'LL JUST CALL YOU 1482 00:56:48,205 --> 00:56:48,782 EMPEROR? I GUESS I'LL JUST CALL YOU "EMPEROR." 1483 00:56:48,806 --> 00:56:50,250 I GUESS I'LL JUST CALL YOU "EMPEROR." WE'RE JUST ABOUT OVER THE TARGET 1484 00:56:50,274 --> 00:56:51,385 "EMPEROR." WE'RE JUST ABOUT OVER THE TARGET AREA RIGHT NOW, SIR. 1485 00:56:51,409 --> 00:56:52,819 WE'RE JUST ABOUT OVER THE TARGET AREA RIGHT NOW, SIR. TARGET AREA. 1486 00:56:52,843 --> 00:56:54,153 AREA RIGHT NOW, SIR. TARGET AREA. WHERE? I DO NOT SEE THEM! 1487 00:56:54,177 --> 00:56:55,188 TARGET AREA. WHERE? I DO NOT SEE THEM! I WAS NOT INFORMED! 1488 00:56:55,212 --> 00:56:55,856 WHERE? I DO NOT SEE THEM! I WAS NOT INFORMED! NO, NO. 1489 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:57,524 I WAS NOT INFORMED! NO, NO. WELL, THE ENEMY'S GONNA APPEAR 1490 00:56:57,548 --> 00:56:59,192 NO, NO. WELL, THE ENEMY'S GONNA APPEAR RIGHT HERE ON THIS SCREEN HERE 1491 00:56:59,216 --> 00:57:00,560 WELL, THE ENEMY'S GONNA APPEAR RIGHT HERE ON THIS SCREEN HERE AS THIS BLIP RIGHT HERE. 1492 00:57:00,584 --> 00:57:01,961 RIGHT HERE ON THIS SCREEN HERE AS THIS BLIP RIGHT HERE. AND THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO KNOW 1493 00:57:01,985 --> 00:57:02,929 AS THIS BLIP RIGHT HERE. AND THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO KNOW FROM UP HERE. 1494 00:57:02,953 --> 00:57:04,698 AND THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO KNOW FROM UP HERE. WAIT UNTIL WELLINGTON SEES 1495 00:57:04,722 --> 00:57:05,198 FROM UP HERE. WAIT UNTIL WELLINGTON SEES THIS. 1496 00:57:05,222 --> 00:57:06,900 WAIT UNTIL WELLINGTON SEES THIS. I'LL BET HE NEVER DREAMED IT 1497 00:57:06,924 --> 00:57:07,634 THIS. I'LL BET HE NEVER DREAMED IT POSSIBLE! 1498 00:57:07,658 --> 00:57:09,669 I'LL BET HE NEVER DREAMED IT POSSIBLE! OUR MAIN PROCEDURE INITIATED. 1499 00:57:09,693 --> 00:57:11,237 POSSIBLE! OUR MAIN PROCEDURE INITIATED. WE HAVE GREEN SEQUENCE. 1500 00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:11,738 OUR MAIN PROCEDURE INITIATED. WE HAVE GREEN SEQUENCE. YEAH. 1501 00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:13,507 WE HAVE GREEN SEQUENCE. YEAH. OH, THE LIGHTS ARE VERY 1502 00:57:13,531 --> 00:57:14,574 YEAH. OH, THE LIGHTS ARE VERY PRETTY. 1503 00:57:14,598 --> 00:57:16,242 OH, THE LIGHTS ARE VERY PRETTY. MR. BONAPARTE, WOULD YOU LIKE 1504 00:57:16,266 --> 00:57:17,310 PRETTY. MR. BONAPARTE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME OVER HERE? 1505 00:57:17,334 --> 00:57:18,645 MR. BONAPARTE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME OVER HERE? I'LL SHOW YOU SOME OF THE 1506 00:57:18,669 --> 00:57:20,213 TO COME OVER HERE? I'LL SHOW YOU SOME OF THE EQUIPMENT THAT WE'LL BE USING 1507 00:57:20,237 --> 00:57:21,615 I'LL SHOW YOU SOME OF THE EQUIPMENT THAT WE'LL BE USING AGAINST THE BRITISH TODAY. 1508 00:57:21,639 --> 00:57:23,283 EQUIPMENT THAT WE'LL BE USING AGAINST THE BRITISH TODAY. JUST TO FAMILIARIZE YOU WITH OUR 1509 00:57:23,307 --> 00:57:24,885 AGAINST THE BRITISH TODAY. JUST TO FAMILIARIZE YOU WITH OUR CONSOLE HERE, THIS SWITCH HERE 1510 00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:26,486 JUST TO FAMILIARIZE YOU WITH OUR CONSOLE HERE, THIS SWITCH HERE WILL ACTIVATE EIGHT EXTERNALLY 1511 00:57:26,510 --> 00:57:27,921 CONSOLE HERE, THIS SWITCH HERE WILL ACTIVATE EIGHT EXTERNALLY ANCHORED, ROTARY-DISPENSED 1512 00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:28,922 WILL ACTIVATE EIGHT EXTERNALLY ANCHORED, ROTARY-DISPENSED S.R.A.M. MISSILES. 1513 00:57:28,946 --> 00:57:30,290 ANCHORED, ROTARY-DISPENSED S.R.A.M. MISSILES. WE LIKE TO CALL THEM "DAISY 1514 00:57:30,314 --> 00:57:31,792 S.R.A.M. MISSILES. WE LIKE TO CALL THEM "DAISY CUTTERS," AND RIGHT HERE, THIS 1515 00:57:31,816 --> 00:57:33,393 WE LIKE TO CALL THEM "DAISY CUTTERS," AND RIGHT HERE, THIS SWITCH WILL ACTIVATE TWO SMALLER 1516 00:57:33,417 --> 00:57:35,128 CUTTERS," AND RIGHT HERE, THIS SWITCH WILL ACTIVATE TWO SMALLER A.G.M. "HOUND DOG" MISSILES. 1517 00:57:35,152 --> 00:57:36,996 SWITCH WILL ACTIVATE TWO SMALLER A.G.M. "HOUND DOG" MISSILES. AND RIGHT OVER HERE IS... WELL, 1518 00:57:37,020 --> 00:57:38,665 A.G.M. "HOUND DOG" MISSILES. AND RIGHT OVER HERE IS... WELL, THIS DROPS ALL THE MARBLES. 1519 00:57:38,689 --> 00:57:41,034 AND RIGHT OVER HERE IS... WELL, THIS DROPS ALL THE MARBLES. THAT'S 30,000 K.G.s OF 1520 00:57:41,058 --> 00:57:43,770 THIS DROPS ALL THE MARBLES. THAT'S 30,000 K.G.s OF 100-MEGATON CHARGED NUCLEAR 1521 00:57:43,794 --> 00:57:44,704 THAT'S 30,000 K.G.s OF 100-MEGATON CHARGED NUCLEAR EXPLOSIVES... 1522 00:57:44,728 --> 00:57:46,372 100-MEGATON CHARGED NUCLEAR EXPLOSIVES... WE ARE NOW DIRECTLY OVER THE 1523 00:57:46,396 --> 00:57:47,507 EXPLOSIVES... WE ARE NOW DIRECTLY OVER THE TARGET COORDINATES. 1524 00:57:47,531 --> 00:57:49,509 WE ARE NOW DIRECTLY OVER THE TARGET COORDINATES. WE HAVE A GREEN SEQUENCE. 1525 00:57:49,533 --> 00:57:50,877 TARGET COORDINATES. WE HAVE A GREEN SEQUENCE. SO, UH, WELL, WE'RE RIGHT 1526 00:57:50,901 --> 00:57:52,145 WE HAVE A GREEN SEQUENCE. SO, UH, WELL, WE'RE RIGHT OVER THE TARGET RIGHT NOW. 1527 00:57:52,169 --> 00:57:53,580 SO, UH, WELL, WE'RE RIGHT OVER THE TARGET RIGHT NOW. EMPEROR, IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO 1528 00:57:53,604 --> 00:57:55,114 OVER THE TARGET RIGHT NOW. EMPEROR, IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO DROP OUR PRINCIPLE PAYLOAD, AND, 1529 00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:56,583 EMPEROR, IF YOU'D JUST LIKE TO DROP OUR PRINCIPLE PAYLOAD, AND, MA'AM, IF YOU'D LIKE TO RELEASE 1530 00:57:56,607 --> 00:57:58,017 DROP OUR PRINCIPLE PAYLOAD, AND, MA'AM, IF YOU'D LIKE TO RELEASE OUR AIR-TO-SURFACE MISSILES... 1531 00:57:58,041 --> 00:57:59,486 MA'AM, IF YOU'D LIKE TO RELEASE OUR AIR-TO-SURFACE MISSILES... SO LONG AS YOU'RE ABOARD TODAY, 1532 00:57:59,510 --> 00:58:00,854 OUR AIR-TO-SURFACE MISSILES... SO LONG AS YOU'RE ABOARD TODAY, MA'AM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO 1533 00:58:00,878 --> 00:58:01,354 SO LONG AS YOU'RE ABOARD TODAY, MA'AM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THAT? 1534 00:58:01,378 --> 00:58:03,156 MA'AM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THAT? I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LOOK 1535 00:58:03,180 --> 00:58:05,959 THAT? I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LOOK ON WELLINGTON'S FACE. 1536 00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:08,703 I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE LOOK ON WELLINGTON'S FACE. [LOUD EXPLOSION] 1537 00:58:13,957 --> 00:58:16,358 ["LA MARSEILLAISE" PLAYS] 1538 00:58:21,998 --> 00:58:26,913 ANY FINAL WORDS, GENTLEMEN? I HAVEN'T PREPARED ANY. WELL, JOAN, I WOULD JUST ADD 1539 00:58:26,937 --> 00:58:28,849 I HAVEN'T PREPARED ANY. WELL, JOAN, I WOULD JUST ADD THAT IF NAPOLEON HAD USED A B-52 1540 00:58:28,873 --> 00:58:30,650 WELL, JOAN, I WOULD JUST ADD THAT IF NAPOLEON HAD USED A B-52 AT WATERLOO, WE'D PROBABLY ALL 1541 00:58:30,674 --> 00:58:32,519 THAT IF NAPOLEON HAD USED A B-52 AT WATERLOO, WE'D PROBABLY ALL BE PARLEZ-VOUSING FRENCH TODAY. 1542 00:58:32,543 --> 00:58:35,555 AT WATERLOO, WE'D PROBABLY ALL BE PARLEZ-VOUSING FRENCH TODAY. [LAUGHTER] 1543 00:58:35,579 --> 00:58:36,923 BE PARLEZ-VOUSING FRENCH TODAY. [LAUGHTER] WELL, THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN, 1544 00:58:36,947 --> 00:58:38,124 [LAUGHTER] WELL, THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN, FOR BEING WITH US, AND, OF 1545 00:58:38,148 --> 00:58:39,459 WELL, THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN, FOR BEING WITH US, AND, OF COURSE, THANK YOU, KEVIN, FOR 1546 00:58:39,483 --> 00:58:40,193 FOR BEING WITH US, AND, OF COURSE, THANK YOU, KEVIN, FOR YOUR QUESTION. 1547 00:58:40,217 --> 00:58:41,628 COURSE, THANK YOU, KEVIN, FOR YOUR QUESTION. NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S 1548 00:58:41,652 --> 00:58:42,428 YOUR QUESTION. NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S SHOW. 1549 00:58:42,452 --> 00:58:43,329 NOW FOR THE MAIL ON LAST WEEK'S SHOW. WE GOT THIS FROM A 1550 00:58:43,353 --> 00:58:45,754 SHOW. WE GOT THIS FROM A MR. R.J. DROWDEN IN WISCONSIN. 1551 00:58:52,896 --> 00:58:54,530 NEVERTHELESS, MR. DROWDEN, WE AT 1552 00:58:54,664 --> 00:58:56,197 "WHAT IF?" STAND BY OUR STORY. 1553 00:58:56,332 --> 00:58:57,633 WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR 1554 00:58:57,767 --> 00:58:58,266 TONIGHT. 1555 00:58:58,401 --> 00:58:59,935 JOIN US NEXT WEEK WHEN WE POSE 1556 00:59:00,069 --> 00:59:01,603 THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF GOD AND 1557 00:59:01,738 --> 00:59:03,672 SUPERMAN GOT IN A FIGHT?" 1558 00:59:03,806 --> 00:59:05,607 GOOD NIGHT. 1559 00:59:18,922 --> 00:59:24,538 I WAS IN CALIFORNIA LAST WEEK WITH GARY WEIS, THE FAMOUS FILMMAKER WHO'S MADE SUCH BIG 1560 00:59:24,562 --> 00:59:25,772 WITH GARY WEIS, THE FAMOUS FILMMAKER WHO'S MADE SUCH BIG FILMS AS, UM... 1561 00:59:25,796 --> 00:59:26,439 FILMMAKER WHO'S MADE SUCH BIG FILMS AS, UM... [CLEARS THROAT] 1562 00:59:26,463 --> 00:59:27,674 FILMS AS, UM... [CLEARS THROAT] WELL, HE DID A LOT OF THINGS FOR 1563 00:59:27,698 --> 00:59:28,675 [CLEARS THROAT] WELL, HE DID A LOT OF THINGS FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT." 1564 00:59:28,699 --> 00:59:30,109 WELL, HE DID A LOT OF THINGS FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT." WE WERE TOGETHER FOR AWHILE, AND 1565 00:59:30,133 --> 00:59:31,210 "SATURDAY NIGHT." WE WERE TOGETHER FOR AWHILE, AND WE PUT THIS LITTLE FILM 1566 00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:31,745 WE WERE TOGETHER FOR AWHILE, AND WE PUT THIS LITTLE FILM TOGETHER. 1567 00:59:31,769 --> 00:59:32,646 WE PUT THIS LITTLE FILM TOGETHER. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. 1568 00:59:32,670 --> 00:59:33,847 TOGETHER. HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY 1569 00:59:33,871 --> 00:59:35,015 HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. 1570 00:59:35,039 --> 00:59:37,918 HERE'S THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. [APPLAUSE] 1571 00:59:37,942 --> 00:59:39,085 GARY WEIS. [APPLAUSE] I LOVE SHOW BUSINESS. 1572 00:59:39,109 --> 00:59:40,386 [APPLAUSE] I LOVE SHOW BUSINESS. I LOVE THE PEOPLE IN IT. 1573 00:59:40,410 --> 00:59:41,922 I LOVE SHOW BUSINESS. I LOVE THE PEOPLE IN IT. THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT WE MIGHT 1574 00:59:41,946 --> 00:59:43,322 I LOVE THE PEOPLE IN IT. THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT WE MIGHT DRIVE AROUND BEVERLY HILLS 1575 00:59:43,346 --> 00:59:44,858 THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT WE MIGHT DRIVE AROUND BEVERLY HILLS TODAY, BEL AIR, AND I'LL TAKE 1576 00:59:44,882 --> 00:59:45,992 DRIVE AROUND BEVERLY HILLS TODAY, BEL AIR, AND I'LL TAKE YOU BY SOME OF THESE 1577 00:59:46,016 --> 00:59:47,661 TODAY, BEL AIR, AND I'LL TAKE YOU BY SOME OF THESE CELEBRITIES' HOMES AND SAY HELLO 1578 00:59:47,685 --> 00:59:48,261 YOU BY SOME OF THESE CELEBRITIES' HOMES AND SAY HELLO TO THEM. 1579 00:59:48,285 --> 00:59:51,565 CELEBRITIES' HOMES AND SAY HELLO TO THEM. THEY'RE GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE. 1580 00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:52,065 TO THEM. THEY'RE GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE. HELLO? 1581 00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:52,699 THEY'RE GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE. HELLO? HELLO. 1582 00:59:52,723 --> 00:59:53,166 HELLO? HELLO. HI. 1583 00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:54,200 HELLO. HI. CAN I HELP YOU? 1584 00:59:54,224 --> 00:59:54,901 HI. CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH... 1585 00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:55,735 CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH... HI, HI, HI. 1586 00:59:55,759 --> 00:59:56,502 YEAH... HI, HI, HI. HOW ARE YOU? 1587 00:59:56,526 --> 00:59:57,938 HI, HI, HI. HOW ARE YOU? FINE, AND I'M EMBARRASSED 'CAUSE 1588 00:59:57,962 --> 00:59:59,172 HOW ARE YOU? FINE, AND I'M EMBARRASSED 'CAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME. 1589 00:59:59,196 --> 00:59:59,973 FINE, AND I'M EMBARRASSED 'CAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME. THAT'S TERRIBLE. 1590 00:59:59,997 --> 01:00:02,241 I CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME. THAT'S TERRIBLE. UH, GEORGE CARLIN. 1591 01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:03,677 THAT'S TERRIBLE. UH, GEORGE CARLIN. YOU HAVE MAPS TO STARS' HOMES? 1592 01:00:03,701 --> 01:00:05,178 UH, GEORGE CARLIN. YOU HAVE MAPS TO STARS' HOMES? YES. DID YOU WANT TO SEE ONE? 1593 01:00:05,202 --> 01:00:05,679 YOU HAVE MAPS TO STARS' HOMES? YES. DID YOU WANT TO SEE ONE? YES. 1594 01:00:05,703 --> 01:00:07,346 YES. DID YOU WANT TO SEE ONE? YES. SURE! 1595 01:00:07,370 --> 01:00:08,481 YES. SURE! YOU GOT MOST OF THE BIG 1596 01:00:08,505 --> 01:00:09,215 SURE! YOU GOT MOST OF THE BIG PEOPLE ON HERE? 1597 01:00:09,239 --> 01:00:09,983 YOU GOT MOST OF THE BIG PEOPLE ON HERE? UH-HUH, YEAH. 1598 01:00:10,007 --> 01:00:11,217 PEOPLE ON HERE? UH-HUH, YEAH. YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU WHERE 1599 01:00:11,241 --> 01:00:12,485 UH-HUH, YEAH. YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU'RE AT AND HOW TO FOLLOW IT 1600 01:00:12,509 --> 01:00:13,620 YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU'RE AT AND HOW TO FOLLOW IT AND TELL YOU ABOUT OUR NEW 1601 01:00:13,644 --> 01:00:14,020 YOU'RE AT AND HOW TO FOLLOW IT AND TELL YOU ABOUT OUR NEW STARS? 1602 01:00:14,044 --> 01:00:15,288 AND TELL YOU ABOUT OUR NEW STARS? OKAY. NEW STARS? 1603 01:00:15,312 --> 01:00:15,889 STARS? OKAY. NEW STARS? UH-HUH. 1604 01:00:15,913 --> 01:00:16,890 OKAY. NEW STARS? UH-HUH. FOR AN EXAMPLE... 1605 01:00:16,914 --> 01:00:17,991 UH-HUH. FOR AN EXAMPLE... IS JOHN BELUSHI ON HERE? 1606 01:00:18,015 --> 01:00:18,625 FOR AN EXAMPLE... IS JOHN BELUSHI ON HERE? NO. 1607 01:00:18,649 --> 01:00:20,126 IS JOHN BELUSHI ON HERE? NO. WE'RE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT IN 1608 01:00:20,150 --> 01:00:21,761 NO. WE'RE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF JERRY LEWIS' HOUSE... A 1609 01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:23,329 WE'RE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF JERRY LEWIS' HOUSE... A CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE. 1610 01:00:23,353 --> 01:00:24,798 FRONT OF JERRY LEWIS' HOUSE... A CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE. JERRY IS THE CLOWN PRINCE OF 1611 01:00:24,822 --> 01:00:27,033 CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE. JERRY IS THE CLOWN PRINCE OF COMEDY, AND I'D LOVE TO SAY 1612 01:00:27,057 --> 01:00:27,801 JERRY IS THE CLOWN PRINCE OF COMEDY, AND I'D LOVE TO SAY HELLO TO HIM. 1613 01:00:27,825 --> 01:00:29,803 COMEDY, AND I'D LOVE TO SAY HELLO TO HIM. JERRY! 1614 01:00:29,827 --> 01:00:32,806 HELLO TO HIM. JERRY! HEY! 1615 01:00:32,830 --> 01:00:35,742 JERRY! HEY! HEY, JERRY! 1616 01:00:35,766 --> 01:00:39,779 HEY! HEY, JERRY! HOW'S IT GOING? 1617 01:00:39,803 --> 01:00:41,447 HEY, JERRY! HOW'S IT GOING? HE'S A GOOD GUY. 1618 01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:43,516 HOW'S IT GOING? HE'S A GOOD GUY. THAT'S RIGHT... DEBBY BOONE'S 1619 01:00:43,540 --> 01:00:43,917 HE'S A GOOD GUY. THAT'S RIGHT... DEBBY BOONE'S HOUSE. 1620 01:00:43,941 --> 01:00:45,218 THAT'S RIGHT... DEBBY BOONE'S HOUSE. SHE JUST RECENTLY BOUGHT THIS. 1621 01:00:45,242 --> 01:00:46,552 HOUSE. SHE JUST RECENTLY BOUGHT THIS. BELIEVE ME, SHE'S A GOOD, CLOSE, 1622 01:00:46,576 --> 01:00:47,921 SHE JUST RECENTLY BOUGHT THIS. BELIEVE ME, SHE'S A GOOD, CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE, AND I'D 1623 01:00:47,945 --> 01:00:49,022 BELIEVE ME, SHE'S A GOOD, CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE, AND I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO HER. 1624 01:00:49,046 --> 01:00:51,124 PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE, AND I'D LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO HER. DEBBIE! 1625 01:00:51,148 --> 01:00:54,928 LIKE TO SAY HELLO TO HER. DEBBIE! HEY, DEBBIE! 1626 01:00:54,952 --> 01:00:56,496 DEBBIE! HEY, DEBBIE! WE'RE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF 1627 01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:57,631 HEY, DEBBIE! WE'RE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF SONNY BONO'S HOUSE. 1628 01:00:57,655 --> 01:00:59,398 WE'RE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF SONNY BONO'S HOUSE. SONNY, YOU REALLY LOOK DIFFERENT 1629 01:00:59,422 --> 01:01:01,635 SONNY BONO'S HOUSE. SONNY, YOU REALLY LOOK DIFFERENT OFF-CAMERA. 1630 01:01:01,659 --> 01:01:02,802 SONNY, YOU REALLY LOOK DIFFERENT OFF-CAMERA. IS THIS SONNY'S HOUSE? 1631 01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:03,336 OFF-CAMERA. IS THIS SONNY'S HOUSE? YES. 1632 01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:04,170 IS THIS SONNY'S HOUSE? YES. IS HE HOME? 1633 01:01:04,194 --> 01:01:04,638 YES. IS HE HOME? NO. 1634 01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:05,739 IS HE HOME? NO. OH, HE'S NOT HOME? 1635 01:01:05,763 --> 01:01:07,107 NO. OH, HE'S NOT HOME? 'CAUSE I'M A CLOSE, PERSONAL 1636 01:01:07,131 --> 01:01:07,907 OH, HE'S NOT HOME? 'CAUSE I'M A CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF HIS. 1637 01:01:07,931 --> 01:01:09,109 'CAUSE I'M A CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF HIS. I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF 1638 01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:10,010 FRIEND OF HIS. I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF MR. KROC'S HOUSE. 1639 01:01:10,034 --> 01:01:11,477 I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF MR. KROC'S HOUSE. HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN, OWNER OF 1640 01:01:11,501 --> 01:01:12,846 MR. KROC'S HOUSE. HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN, OWNER OF MCDONALD'S AND THE SAN DIEGO 1641 01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:14,280 HE'S A WONDERFUL MAN, OWNER OF MCDONALD'S AND THE SAN DIEGO PADRES, AND I KNOW HIM PRETTY 1642 01:01:14,304 --> 01:01:14,914 MCDONALD'S AND THE SAN DIEGO PADRES, AND I KNOW HIM PRETTY WELL. 1643 01:01:14,938 --> 01:01:17,383 PADRES, AND I KNOW HIM PRETTY WELL. HE'S A VERY, VERY DAPPER MAN. 1644 01:01:17,407 --> 01:01:19,252 WELL. HE'S A VERY, VERY DAPPER MAN. HE'S VERY DIGNIFIED. 1645 01:01:19,276 --> 01:01:20,319 HE'S A VERY, VERY DAPPER MAN. HE'S VERY DIGNIFIED. HE COLLECTS ART. 1646 01:01:20,343 --> 01:01:22,022 HE'S VERY DIGNIFIED. HE COLLECTS ART. HE'S A REAL CONNOISSEUR AND A 1647 01:01:22,046 --> 01:01:23,389 HE COLLECTS ART. HE'S A REAL CONNOISSEUR AND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE. 1648 01:01:23,413 --> 01:01:25,158 HE'S A REAL CONNOISSEUR AND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE. HEY, KROC! 1649 01:01:25,182 --> 01:01:27,861 GOOD FRIEND OF MINE. HEY, KROC! HEY, KROC! 1650 01:01:27,885 --> 01:01:28,995 HEY, KROC! HEY, KROC! HEY! 1651 01:01:29,019 --> 01:01:30,463 HEY, KROC! HEY! COME ON OUT! 1652 01:01:30,487 --> 01:01:31,898 HEY! COME ON OUT! THIS IS MY FRIEND CARL REINER'S 1653 01:01:31,922 --> 01:01:32,331 COME ON OUT! THIS IS MY FRIEND CARL REINER'S HOUSE. 1654 01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:33,633 THIS IS MY FRIEND CARL REINER'S HOUSE. HE AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY IN 1655 01:01:33,657 --> 01:01:34,367 HOUSE. HE AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY IN SHOW BUSINESS. 1656 01:01:34,391 --> 01:01:35,468 HE AND I GO BACK A LONG WAY IN SHOW BUSINESS. CARL! 1657 01:01:35,492 --> 01:01:37,637 SHOW BUSINESS. CARL! HEY, CARL! 1658 01:01:37,661 --> 01:01:39,706 CARL! HEY, CARL! CARL, IT'S ME, STEVE! 1659 01:01:39,730 --> 01:01:42,241 HEY, CARL! CARL, IT'S ME, STEVE! COME ON! HEY! 1660 01:01:42,265 --> 01:01:44,678 CARL, IT'S ME, STEVE! COME ON! HEY! I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS. 1661 01:01:44,702 --> 01:01:46,546 COME ON! HEY! I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS. CARL! 1662 01:01:46,570 --> 01:01:47,981 I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS. CARL! COME ON! IT'S STEVE! 1663 01:01:48,005 --> 01:01:51,751 CARL! COME ON! IT'S STEVE! COME ON! HEY! 1664 01:01:51,775 --> 01:01:53,753 COME ON! IT'S STEVE! COME ON! HEY! [RAPPING ON DOOR] 1665 01:01:53,777 --> 01:01:56,122 COME ON! HEY! [RAPPING ON DOOR] CARL! 1666 01:01:56,146 --> 01:01:56,756 [RAPPING ON DOOR] CARL! [DOG BARKS] 1667 01:01:56,780 --> 01:01:57,390 CARL! [DOG BARKS] THAT'S RIGHT. 1668 01:01:57,414 --> 01:01:58,725 [DOG BARKS] THAT'S RIGHT. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT 1669 01:01:58,749 --> 01:02:00,459 THAT'S RIGHT. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF RIN TIN TIN'S HOUSE. 1670 01:02:00,483 --> 01:02:01,895 I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF RIN TIN TIN'S HOUSE. RIN TIN TIN IS A GREAT DOG. 1671 01:02:01,919 --> 01:02:03,462 OF RIN TIN TIN'S HOUSE. RIN TIN TIN IS A GREAT DOG. HE'S ONE OF THE FEW STARS THAT 1672 01:02:03,486 --> 01:02:04,964 RIN TIN TIN IS A GREAT DOG. HE'S ONE OF THE FEW STARS THAT CAME OUT HERE TO ACTUALLY SAY 1673 01:02:04,988 --> 01:02:06,132 HE'S ONE OF THE FEW STARS THAT CAME OUT HERE TO ACTUALLY SAY HELLO TO ME. 1674 01:02:06,156 --> 01:02:07,300 CAME OUT HERE TO ACTUALLY SAY HELLO TO ME. HI, RIN. 1675 01:02:07,324 --> 01:02:08,001 HELLO TO ME. HI, RIN. [DOG BARKS] 1676 01:02:08,025 --> 01:02:09,102 HI, RIN. [DOG BARKS] GOOD TALKING WITH YOU. 1677 01:02:09,126 --> 01:02:09,936 [DOG BARKS] GOOD TALKING WITH YOU. HOW'S IT GOING? 1678 01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:11,071 GOOD TALKING WITH YOU. HOW'S IT GOING? [DOG BARKS] 1679 01:02:11,095 --> 01:02:12,605 HOW'S IT GOING? [DOG BARKS] UH-HUH. 1680 01:02:12,629 --> 01:02:14,607 [DOG BARKS] UH-HUH. HOW'S THE FAMILY? 1681 01:02:14,631 --> 01:02:15,909 UH-HUH. HOW'S THE FAMILY? TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIS FAMILY. 1682 01:02:15,933 --> 01:02:16,542 HOW'S THE FAMILY? TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIS FAMILY. HE LOVES IT. 1683 01:02:16,566 --> 01:02:17,276 TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIS FAMILY. HE LOVES IT. SEE YOU LATER. 1684 01:02:17,300 --> 01:02:18,377 HE LOVES IT. SEE YOU LATER. THANKS FOR SAYING HELLO. 1685 01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:19,179 SEE YOU LATER. THANKS FOR SAYING HELLO. [DOG BARKS] 1686 01:02:19,203 --> 01:02:21,136 THANKS FOR SAYING HELLO. [DOG BARKS] OKAY. BYE. 1687 01:02:31,313 --> 01:02:35,294 HERE'S A SONG WRITTEN BY THE DIRT BAND WHEN THEY WERE IN RUSSIA. 1688 01:02:35,318 --> 01:02:36,730 DIRT BAND WHEN THEY WERE IN RUSSIA. IT'S CALLED "WHITE RUSSIA." 1689 01:02:36,754 --> 01:02:38,732 RUSSIA. IT'S CALLED "WHITE RUSSIA." [BANJO PLAYS INTRO TO 1690 01:02:38,756 --> 01:02:42,602 IT'S CALLED "WHITE RUSSIA." [BANJO PLAYS INTRO TO "WHITE RUSSIA"] 1691 01:02:42,626 --> 01:02:44,559 [BANJO PLAYS INTRO TO "WHITE RUSSIA"] [BAND JOINS] 1692 01:03:03,146 --> 01:03:04,946 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 1693 01:03:16,859 --> 01:03:18,660 [SAXOPHONE SOLO] 1694 01:03:38,714 --> 01:03:40,515 [HARMONICA SOLO] 1695 01:03:58,701 --> 01:04:00,501 [MUSIC CONTINUES] 1696 01:04:14,150 --> 01:04:15,951 [CLARINET SOLO] 1697 01:04:29,165 --> 01:04:35,703 [BANJO SOLO] [RECORDER SOLO] 1698 01:05:00,796 --> 01:05:08,136 [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1699 01:05:24,820 --> 01:05:26,054 THAT'S OUR COMEDY GAGS! 1700 01:05:26,188 --> 01:05:26,754 GOOD NIGHT! 1701 01:05:26,889 --> 01:05:28,390 RANDY NEWMAN, THE DIRT BAND, THE 1702 01:05:28,524 --> 01:05:29,824 THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME 1703 01:05:29,959 --> 01:05:31,159 PLAYERS! 1704 01:05:31,294 --> 01:05:33,094 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1705 01:05:46,775 --> 01:05:48,343 Announcer: NEXT "SATURDAY 1706 01:05:48,477 --> 01:05:49,811 NIGHT," OUR HOST WILL BE 1707 01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:51,712 ROBERT KLEIN, WITH MUSICAL GUEST 1708 01:05:51,847 --> 01:05:53,048 BONNIE RAITT. 1709 01:05:53,182 --> 01:05:54,983 THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING, "IF 1710 01:05:55,117 --> 01:05:56,818 IT'S SNOWING WHERE YOU ARE, 1711 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:58,886 BUTTON UP YOUR OVERCOAT, 'CAUSE 1712 01:05:59,021 --> 01:06:00,888 YOU BELONG TO ME." 1713 01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:02,824 GOODBYE. 185333