Original subtitles

[AARON COPLAND'S "FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN" PLAYS] Announcer: AND NOW A FIRESIDE

[THE COMMON MAN" PLAYS] Announcer: AND NOW A FIRESIDE CHAT WITH

Announcer: AND NOW A FIRESIDE CHAT WITH PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER.

CHAT WITH PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY.

PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER. GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. ON MANY OCCASIONS, I'VE USED

GOOD EVENING, EVERYBODY. ON MANY OCCASIONS, I'VE USED SYMBOLIC ACTS TO COMMUNICATE

ON MANY OCCASIONS, I'VE USED SYMBOLIC ACTS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, 'CAUSE I'M AWARE OF

SYMBOLIC ACTS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU, 'CAUSE I'M AWARE OF SYMBOLISM.

WITH YOU, 'CAUSE I'M AWARE OF SYMBOLISM. AND TONIGHT TO SYMBOLIZE MY

SYMBOLISM. AND TONIGHT TO SYMBOLIZE MY DETERMINATION TO IMPLEMENT THE

AND TONIGHT TO SYMBOLIZE MY DETERMINATION TO IMPLEMENT THE CARTER ENERGY PROGRAM, I'M

DETERMINATION TO IMPLEMENT THE CARTER ENERGY PROGRAM, I'M PERSONALLY AT THIS MOMENT

CARTER ENERGY PROGRAM, I'M PERSONALLY AT THIS MOMENT GENERATING ALL THE ELECTRICITY

PERSONALLY AT THIS MOMENT GENERATING ALL THE ELECTRICITY NECESSARY TO TRANSMIT THIS

GENERATING ALL THE ELECTRICITY NECESSARY TO TRANSMIT THIS TELEVISION BROADCAST TO YOU.

NECESSARY TO TRANSMIT THIS TELEVISION BROADCAST TO YOU. AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ENOUGH

TELEVISION BROADCAST TO YOU. AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ENOUGH ENERGY LEFT OVER TO RUN THIS

AND, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ENOUGH ENERGY LEFT OVER TO RUN THIS ELECTRIC HOT COMB.

ENERGY LEFT OVER TO RUN THIS ELECTRIC HOT COMB. JIMMY?

ELECTRIC HOT COMB. JIMMY? IT'S MY TURN TO POWER THE

JIMMY? IT'S MY TURN TO POWER THE BROADCAST NOW.

IT'S MY TURN TO POWER THE BROADCAST NOW. OKAY.

BROADCAST NOW. OKAY. READY TO MAKE THE SWITCH,

OKAY. READY TO MAKE THE SWITCH, ROSALYNN?

READY TO MAKE THE SWITCH, ROSALYNN? OKAY, NOW I'M READY.

ROSALYNN? OKAY, NOW I'M READY. ONE, TWO, THREE!

OKAY, NOW I'M READY. ONE, TWO, THREE! OH!

ONE, TWO, THREE! OH! OH, LORD HAVE MERCY.

OH! OH, LORD HAVE MERCY. GOOD WORK, HONEY.

OH, LORD HAVE MERCY. GOOD WORK, HONEY. THANK YOU, SUGAR.

GOOD WORK, HONEY. THANK YOU, SUGAR. ALMOST LOST IT THERE.

THANK YOU, SUGAR. ALMOST LOST IT THERE. I KNOW WE DID.

ALMOST LOST IT THERE. I KNOW WE DID. YOU KNOW, JIMMY'S GOT HIS LIFE,

I KNOW WE DID. YOU KNOW, JIMMY'S GOT HIS LIFE, AND I'VE GOT MINE.

YOU KNOW, JIMMY'S GOT HIS LIFE, AND I'VE GOT MINE. BUT WE STILL FIND TIME TO RUN

AND I'VE GOT MINE. BUT WE STILL FIND TIME TO RUN THE GENERATOR TOGETHER.

BUT WE STILL FIND TIME TO RUN THE GENERATOR TOGETHER. DON'T WE, DEAR?

THE GENERATOR TOGETHER. DON'T WE, DEAR? YOU KNOW, AMERICA MUST MOVE

DON'T WE, DEAR? YOU KNOW, AMERICA MUST MOVE AWAY FROM LIQUID FOSSIL FUELS,

YOU KNOW, AMERICA MUST MOVE AWAY FROM LIQUID FOSSIL FUELS, AND TO ENCOURAGE THAT SHIFT I'M

AWAY FROM LIQUID FOSSIL FUELS, AND TO ENCOURAGE THAT SHIFT I'M GONNA IMPOSE A HEAVY TAX ON

AND TO ENCOURAGE THAT SHIFT I'M GONNA IMPOSE A HEAVY TAX ON IMPORTED CRUDE OIL, GASOLINE,

GONNA IMPOSE A HEAVY TAX ON IMPORTED CRUDE OIL, GASOLINE, AND COMMERCIAL LUBRICANTS SUCH

IMPORTED CRUDE OIL, GASOLINE, AND COMMERCIAL LUBRICANTS SUCH AS MOTOR OIL AND PETROLEUM

AND COMMERCIAL LUBRICANTS SUCH AS MOTOR OIL AND PETROLEUM JELLY.

AS MOTOR OIL AND PETROLEUM JELLY. MISS LILLIAN, IT'S YOUR TURN.

JELLY. MISS LILLIAN, IT'S YOUR TURN. COME ON, MAMA.

MISS LILLIAN, IT'S YOUR TURN. COME ON, MAMA. YOUR TURN TO POWER THE

COME ON, MAMA. YOUR TURN TO POWER THE BROADCAST.

YOUR TURN TO POWER THE BROADCAST. COME ON.

BROADCAST. COME ON. ALL RIGHT, ROSALYNN, HERE I

COME ON. ALL RIGHT, ROSALYNN, HERE I COME.

ALL RIGHT, ROSALYNN, HERE I COME. EVERYBODY TRIES TO PITCH IN

COME. EVERYBODY TRIES TO PITCH IN AS BEST THEY CAN.

EVERYBODY TRIES TO PITCH IN AS BEST THEY CAN. THAT'S RIGHT.

AS BEST THEY CAN. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW ARE YOU READY?

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW ARE YOU READY? YES.

NOW ARE YOU READY? YES. WE'RE LOSING THE PICTURE.

YES. WE'RE LOSING THE PICTURE. COME ON, MAMA.

WE'RE LOSING THE PICTURE. COME ON, MAMA. COME ON.

COME ON, MAMA. COME ON. THAT'S IT, MAMA.

COME ON. THAT'S IT, MAMA. I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY.

THAT'S IT, MAMA. I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY. COME ON, MAMA.

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY. COME ON, MAMA. KEEP PEDALING, HONEY.

COME ON, MAMA. KEEP PEDALING, HONEY. LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE

KEEP PEDALING, HONEY. LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE SUBSTANCE OF MY ENERGY PROGRAMS

LET'S FORGET ABOUT THE SUBSTANCE OF MY ENERGY PROGRAMS FOR A MINUTE, AND I JUST WANT TO

SUBSTANCE OF MY ENERGY PROGRAMS FOR A MINUTE, AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M DOING SOMETHING

FOR A MINUTE, AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY...

SAY I'M DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY... I'M FEELING A LITTLE FAINT,

PERSONALLY... I'M FEELING A LITTLE FAINT, JIMMY.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE FAINT, JIMMY. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON ANY

JIMMY. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON ANY LONGER.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO ON ANY LONGER. COME ON, MAMA.

LONGER. COME ON, MAMA. NO, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU,

COME ON, MAMA. NO, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU, JIMMY.

NO, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU, JIMMY. SPEED UP, MAMA.

JIMMY. SPEED UP, MAMA. WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT

SPEED UP, MAMA. WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT PICTURE.

WE DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT PICTURE. JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES.

PICTURE. JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES. AS I WAS SAYING, YOU CAN SEE I'M

JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES. AS I WAS SAYING, YOU CAN SEE I'M DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY ABOUT

AS I WAS SAYING, YOU CAN SEE I'M DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY ABOUT THE ENERGY CRISIS AND ABOUT

DOING SOMETHING PERSONALLY ABOUT THE ENERGY CRISIS AND ABOUT KEEPING THE AMERICAN FAMILY UNIT

THE ENERGY CRISIS AND ABOUT KEEPING THE AMERICAN FAMILY UNIT WORKING TOGETHER.

KEEPING THE AMERICAN FAMILY UNIT WORKING TOGETHER. AND I THINK...

WORKING TOGETHER. AND I THINK... COME ON, MAMA.

AND I THINK... COME ON, MAMA. YES, I'M DOING IT, JIMMY.

COME ON, MAMA. YES, I'M DOING IT, JIMMY. I THINK IF YOU TAKE UP THE

YES, I'M DOING IT, JIMMY. I THINK IF YOU TAKE UP THE EXAMPLES WE'VE SET, IT'LL ALL

I THINK IF YOU TAKE UP THE EXAMPLES WE'VE SET, IT'LL ALL WORK OUT FOR THE BETTER.

EXAMPLES WE'VE SET, IT'LL ALL WORK OUT FOR THE BETTER. I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU

WORK OUT FOR THE BETTER. I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MAMA?

VERY MUCH. MAMA? MAMA?

MAMA? MAMA? I'M ALL RIGHT.

MAMA? I'M ALL RIGHT. COME ON NOW.

I'M ALL RIGHT. COME ON NOW. COME ON, MAMA.

COME ON NOW. COME ON, MAMA. COME ON, MAMA.

COME ON, MAMA. COME ON, MAMA. I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY.

COME ON, MAMA. I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY. I'D DO ANY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK,

I'D DO ANYTHING FOR MY JIMMY. I'D DO ANY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

I'D DO ANY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BUCK HENRY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. NOW I'VE BEEN HERE A FEW TIMES BEFORE, AND THIS TIME WHEN I WAS

NOW I'VE BEEN HERE A FEW TIMES BEFORE, AND THIS TIME WHEN I WAS CALLED TO HOST THE SHOW AGAIN,

BEFORE, AND THIS TIME WHEN I WAS CALLED TO HOST THE SHOW AGAIN, I SAID, "WELL, I MEAN, THERE'S

CALLED TO HOST THE SHOW AGAIN, I SAID, "WELL, I MEAN, THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO THAT I HAVEN'T

I SAID, "WELL, I MEAN, THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO THAT I HAVEN'T ALREADY DONE."

NOT MUCH I CAN DO THAT I HAVEN'T ALREADY DONE." AND THE FOLKS AT NBC SAID,

ALREADY DONE." AND THE FOLKS AT NBC SAID, "WELL, CONSIDER THE STAGE YOURS.

AND THE FOLKS AT NBC SAID, "WELL, CONSIDER THE STAGE YOURS. DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

"WELL, CONSIDER THE STAGE YOURS. DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. YOU HAVE FREEDOM.

DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. YOU HAVE FREEDOM. NBC IS A NETWORK THAT HAS BROKEN

YOU HAVE FREEDOM. NBC IS A NETWORK THAT HAS BROKEN TABOOS.

NBC IS A NETWORK THAT HAS BROKEN TABOOS. THIS SHOW IS AN ICONOCLASTIC

TABOOS. THIS SHOW IS AN ICONOCLASTIC SHOW.

THIS SHOW IS AN ICONOCLASTIC SHOW. IT DOES ANYTHING IT WANTS TO DO.

SHOW. IT DOES ANYTHING IT WANTS TO DO. IT DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES."

IT DOES ANYTHING IT WANTS TO DO. IT DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES." SO LORNE MICHAELS, THE CRACK

IT DOESN'T PLAY BY THE RULES." SO LORNE MICHAELS, THE CRACK PRODUCER OF NBC's "SATURDAY

SO LORNE MICHAELS, THE CRACK PRODUCER OF NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," SAID, "DO WHATEVER

PRODUCER OF NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," SAID, "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT... WHATEVER YOU WANT."

NIGHT LIVE," SAID, "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT... WHATEVER YOU WANT." AND SO I TOOK MY CUE FROM THE

YOU WANT... WHATEVER YOU WANT." AND SO I TOOK MY CUE FROM THE CITY OF NEW YORK AND FROM THE

AND SO I TOOK MY CUE FROM THE CITY OF NEW YORK AND FROM THE 42nd STREET AREA, AND I PROPOSED

CITY OF NEW YORK AND FROM THE 42nd STREET AREA, AND I PROPOSED TO LORNE AND TO THE NETWORK TO

42nd STREET AREA, AND I PROPOSED TO LORNE AND TO THE NETWORK TO BASE THE SHOW ON THE THEME OF

TO LORNE AND TO THE NETWORK TO BASE THE SHOW ON THE THEME OF PORNOGRAPHY.

BASE THE SHOW ON THE THEME OF PORNOGRAPHY. OR, FOR YOU INTELLECTUALS,

PORNOGRAPHY. OR, FOR YOU INTELLECTUALS, FILTH.

OR, FOR YOU INTELLECTUALS, FILTH. [LAUGHTER]

FILTH. [LAUGHTER] SO IF LORNE AND NBC AND THE

[LAUGHTER] SO IF LORNE AND NBC AND THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" GROUP IS READY,

SO IF LORNE AND NBC AND THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" GROUP IS READY, I AM ABOUT TO OFFER THEM THIS

"SATURDAY NIGHT" GROUP IS READY, I AM ABOUT TO OFFER THEM THIS CHALLENGE, TO SEE IF INDEED

I AM ABOUT TO OFFER THEM THIS CHALLENGE, TO SEE IF INDEED THEY'RE READY TO PUT THEIR MONEY

CHALLENGE, TO SEE IF INDEED THEY'RE READY TO PUT THEIR MONEY WHERE THEIR MOUTH IS.

THEY'RE READY TO PUT THEIR MONEY WHERE THEIR MOUTH IS. SO I'VE ORDERED AS PROPS FROM

WHERE THEIR MOUTH IS. SO I'VE ORDERED AS PROPS FROM THIS UNBELIEVABLY WELL-DEVELOPED

SO I'VE ORDERED AS PROPS FROM THIS UNBELIEVABLY WELL-DEVELOPED PROP DEPARTMENT THIS STOCK,

THIS UNBELIEVABLY WELL-DEVELOPED PROP DEPARTMENT THIS STOCK, THIS LEATHER WHIP, THIS CLEVER

PROP DEPARTMENT THIS STOCK, THIS LEATHER WHIP, THIS CLEVER FOLD-AWAY BED, AND THIS VAT OF

THIS LEATHER WHIP, THIS CLEVER FOLD-AWAY BED, AND THIS VAT OF COTTAGE CHEESE, LARGE CURD...

FOLD-AWAY BED, AND THIS VAT OF COTTAGE CHEESE, LARGE CURD... [LAUGHTER]

COTTAGE CHEESE, LARGE CURD... [LAUGHTER] WITH WHICH, IF MR. MICHAELS

[LAUGHTER] WITH WHICH, IF MR. MICHAELS AND THE NBC CENSOR AND THE

WITH WHICH, IF MR. MICHAELS AND THE NBC CENSOR AND THE ENTIRE NETWORK, IN FACT, IS

AND THE NBC CENSOR AND THE ENTIRE NETWORK, IN FACT, IS READY, I OFFER THE CHALLENGE

ENTIRE NETWORK, IN FACT, IS READY, I OFFER THE CHALLENGE THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, I

READY, I OFFER THE CHALLENGE THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, I PROPOSE, ON NETWORK TELEVISION

THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME, I PROPOSE, ON NETWORK TELEVISION TO PERFORM ON STAGE A LIVE SEX

PROPOSE, ON NETWORK TELEVISION TO PERFORM ON STAGE A LIVE SEX ACT.

TO PERFORM ON STAGE A LIVE SEX ACT. [LAUGHTER]

ACT. [LAUGHTER] HOW ABOUT THAT, MR. MICHAELS?

[LAUGHTER] HOW ABOUT THAT, MR. MICHAELS? GO AHEAD, BUCK.

HOW ABOUT THAT, MR. MICHAELS? GO AHEAD, BUCK. WITH A MEMBER OF THE

GO AHEAD, BUCK. WITH A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE.

WITH A MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AUDIENCE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] CENSOR'S RIGHT BESIDE ME.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] CENSOR'S RIGHT BESIDE ME. HE SAYS, "FINE, BUCK."

CENSOR'S RIGHT BESIDE ME. HE SAYS, "FINE, BUCK." HE SAYS FINE, LORNE?

HE SAYS, "FINE, BUCK." HE SAYS FINE, LORNE? ABSOLUTELY. GO AHEAD.

HE SAYS FINE, LORNE? ABSOLUTELY. GO AHEAD. WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT.

ABSOLUTELY. GO AHEAD. WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT. CAN YOU GET SOME SHOTS OF THE

WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT. CAN YOU GET SOME SHOTS OF THE AUDIENCE, DAVID, AND WE'LL SEE

CAN YOU GET SOME SHOTS OF THE AUDIENCE, DAVID, AND WE'LL SEE IF THERE'S A LIKELY VOLUNTEER

AUDIENCE, DAVID, AND WE'LL SEE IF THERE'S A LIKELY VOLUNTEER FOR THIS TELEVISION FIRST.

IF THERE'S A LIKELY VOLUNTEER FOR THIS TELEVISION FIRST. MM-HMM.

FOR THIS TELEVISION FIRST. MM-HMM. YES, IT COULD BE YOU.

MM-HMM. YES, IT COULD BE YOU. NO, I THINK NOT YOU, SISTER.

YES, IT COULD BE YOU. NO, I THINK NOT YOU, SISTER. NO.

NO, I THINK NOT YOU, SISTER. NO. MAYBE NEXT YEAR.

NO. MAYBE NEXT YEAR. COULD BE YOU.

MAYBE NEXT YEAR. COULD BE YOU. NO. WELL, MAYBE.

COULD BE YOU. NO. WELL, MAYBE. WHAT ABOUT YOU, LADY?

NO. WELL, MAYBE. WHAT ABOUT YOU, LADY? THAT'S NOT BAD.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, LADY? THAT'S NOT BAD. HUH? NO?

THAT'S NOT BAD. HUH? NO? OKAY.

HUH? NO? OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,

OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD THAT CAMERA.

WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD THAT CAMERA. I THINK WE SEE A VOLUNTEER.

HOLD THAT CAMERA. I THINK WE SEE A VOLUNTEER. YES, INDEED, IT DEFINITELY COULD

I THINK WE SEE A VOLUNTEER. YES, INDEED, IT DEFINITELY COULD BE YOU.

YES, INDEED, IT DEFINITELY COULD BE YOU. SO COME ON DOWN!

BE YOU. SO COME ON DOWN! [LAUGHTER]

SO COME ON DOWN! [LAUGHTER] THIS IS IT, LORNE.

[LAUGHTER] THIS IS IT, LORNE. YOU LET ME DO IT.

THIS IS IT, LORNE. YOU LET ME DO IT. AHH!

YOU LET ME DO IT. AHH! ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO!

AHH! ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO! WAIT A MINUTE!

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO! WAIT A MINUTE! GO AHEAD, BUCK.

WAIT A MINUTE! GO AHEAD, BUCK. [LAUGHTER]

GO AHEAD, BUCK. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

["POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE" PLAYS] UM, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR

[PLAYS] UM, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE DELAY.

UM, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY FOR THE DELAY. DEAN BYNAM WILL BE WITH YOU IN A

THE DELAY. DEAN BYNAM WILL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT.

DEAN BYNAM WILL BE WITH YOU IN A MOMENT. IT'S JUST HE'S PERFORMING A LIVE

MOMENT. IT'S JUST HE'S PERFORMING A LIVE SEX ACT ON STAGE, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST HE'S PERFORMING A LIVE SEX ACT ON STAGE, ALL RIGHT? YOU DON'T MIND WAITING A LITTLE

SEX ACT ON STAGE, ALL RIGHT? YOU DON'T MIND WAITING A LITTLE BIT, DO YOU?

YOU DON'T MIND WAITING A LITTLE BIT, DO YOU? EXCUSE ME.

SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. JUST FINISHING MY COTTAGE CHEESE.

JUST FINISHING MY COTTAGE CHEESE. NOW, UH, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

CHEESE. NOW, UH, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? DEAN BYNAM, WE DEMAND THAT

NOW, UH, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? DEAN BYNAM, WE DEMAND THAT THERE BE AN END TO

DEAN BYNAM, WE DEMAND THAT THERE BE AN END TO RACE-INTOLERANT PRACTICES.

THERE BE AN END TO RACE-INTOLERANT PRACTICES. WE WANT OUR OWN ALL-BLACK

RACE-INTOLERANT PRACTICES. WE WANT OUR OWN ALL-BLACK STUDENT UNION, AND WE INSIST

WE WANT OUR OWN ALL-BLACK STUDENT UNION, AND WE INSIST UPON AN INCREASE IN FUNDING

STUDENT UNION, AND WE INSIST UPON AN INCREASE IN FUNDING ALLOCATED FOR AFRO-AMERICAN

UPON AN INCREASE IN FUNDING ALLOCATED FOR AFRO-AMERICAN STUDIES.

ALLOCATED FOR AFRO-AMERICAN STUDIES. NOW DO YOU DIG?

STUDIES. NOW DO YOU DIG? YES, I DO, KEITH.

NOW DO YOU DIG? YES, I DO, KEITH. THAT'S JAMAL.

YES, I DO, KEITH. THAT'S JAMAL. OH, JAMAL. I'M SORRY.

THAT'S JAMAL. OH, JAMAL. I'M SORRY. YES.

OH, JAMAL. I'M SORRY. YES. THEN WHAT, MAY I ASK, DO YOU

YES. THEN WHAT, MAY I ASK, DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT?

THEN WHAT, MAY I ASK, DO YOU PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT? NOT A THING.

PROPOSE TO DO ABOUT IT? NOT A THING. WELL, IF THAT IS YOUR ANSWER,

NOT A THING. WELL, IF THAT IS YOUR ANSWER, MAN, THAN THE AUTHORIZATION OF

WELL, IF THAT IS YOUR ANSWER, MAN, THAN THE AUTHORIZATION OF AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENTS WILL

MAN, THAN THE AUTHORIZATION OF AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENTS WILL CONTINUE ITS OCCUPATION OF THIS

AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENTS WILL CONTINUE ITS OCCUPATION OF THIS ADMINISTRATION BUILDING UNTIL

CONTINUE ITS OCCUPATION OF THIS ADMINISTRATION BUILDING UNTIL THESE DEMANDS ARE MET.

ADMINISTRATION BUILDING UNTIL THESE DEMANDS ARE MET. JAMAL, LET ME EXPLAIN

THESE DEMANDS ARE MET. JAMAL, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU.

JAMAL, LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU. IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS SINCE YOUR

SOMETHING TO YOU. IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS SINCE YOUR GROUP SEIZED THE ADMINISTRATION

IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS SINCE YOUR GROUP SEIZED THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING.

GROUP SEIZED THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. AM I RIGHT?

BUILDING. AM I RIGHT? YEAH.

AM I RIGHT? YEAH. DURING THOSE LAST FIVE YEARS,

YEAH. DURING THOSE LAST FIVE YEARS, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE

DURING THOSE LAST FIVE YEARS, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE CONSTRUCTION ACTIVITY GOING ON

HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE CONSTRUCTION ACTIVITY GOING ON ACROSS THE QUAD?

CONSTRUCTION ACTIVITY GOING ON ACROSS THE QUAD? YOU KNOW, THE BULLDOZERS, THE

ACROSS THE QUAD? YOU KNOW, THE BULLDOZERS, THE CRANES?

YOU KNOW, THE BULLDOZERS, THE CRANES? YES.

CRANES? YES. YEAH, I HAVE.

YES. YEAH, I HAVE. WHAT YOU SAW, KEITH, GOING UP

YEAH, I HAVE. WHAT YOU SAW, KEITH, GOING UP WAS OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION

WHAT YOU SAW, KEITH, GOING UP WAS OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING.

WAS OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. JAMAL.

BUILDING. JAMAL. JAMAL, SORRY.

JAMAL. JAMAL, SORRY. THAT'S OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION

JAMAL, SORRY. THAT'S OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING.

THAT'S OUR NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. IT WAS GOING TO BE THE NEW

BUILDING. IT WAS GOING TO BE THE NEW AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENT UNION, BUT

IT WAS GOING TO BE THE NEW AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENT UNION, BUT WHEN YOUR GROUP OCCUPIED THE

AFRO-AMERICAN STUDENT UNION, BUT WHEN YOUR GROUP OCCUPIED THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, WE

WHEN YOUR GROUP OCCUPIED THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, WE DECIDED TO CHANGE THE SIGNS.

ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, WE DECIDED TO CHANGE THE SIGNS. IN OTHER WORDS, OUR GROUP HAS

DECIDED TO CHANGE THE SIGNS. IN OTHER WORDS, OUR GROUP HAS SEIZED WHAT IS NOW THE OLD

IN OTHER WORDS, OUR GROUP HAS SEIZED WHAT IS NOW THE OLD ADMINISTRATION BUILDING.

SEIZED WHAT IS NOW THE OLD ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. AND HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST

ADMINISTRATION BUILDING. AND HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS.

AND HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS. THAT'S WHY YOUR LIST OF DEMANDS

FIVE YEARS. THAT'S WHY YOUR LIST OF DEMANDS HAS BEEN GIVEN SUCH LITTLE

THAT'S WHY YOUR LIST OF DEMANDS HAS BEEN GIVEN SUCH LITTLE ATTENTION LATELY.

HAS BEEN GIVEN SUCH LITTLE ATTENTION LATELY. OH.

ATTENTION LATELY. OH. OKAY.

OH. OKAY. I CAN DIG THAT.

OKAY. I CAN DIG THAT. ALL RIGHT.

I CAN DIG THAT. ALL RIGHT. SO IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED IN

ALL RIGHT. SO IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED IN THOSE DEMANDS, I SUGGEST YOU

SO IF YOU'RE STILL INTERESTED IN THOSE DEMANDS, I SUGGEST YOU TAKE OVER THE NEW ADMINISTRATION

THOSE DEMANDS, I SUGGEST YOU TAKE OVER THE NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, AND WE'LL TALK.

TAKE OVER THE NEW ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, AND WE'LL TALK. HELLO.

BUILDING, AND WE'LL TALK. HELLO. YES, HONEY.

HELLO. YES, HONEY. YEP.

YES, HONEY. YEP. IT'S BEEN AN EXCEPTIONALLY ROUGH

YEP. IT'S BEEN AN EXCEPTIONALLY ROUGH DAY.

IT'S BEEN AN EXCEPTIONALLY ROUGH DAY. THAT'LL BE ALL.

DAY. THAT'LL BE ALL. NOW THERE'S ONE LAST STUDENT

THAT'LL BE ALL. NOW THERE'S ONE LAST STUDENT THAT I HAVE TO SEE.

NOW THERE'S ONE LAST STUDENT THAT I HAVE TO SEE. UM, UH, DEAN, THE STUDENT IS

THAT I HAVE TO SEE. UM, UH, DEAN, THE STUDENT IS HERE NOW.

UM, UH, DEAN, THE STUDENT IS HERE NOW. HERE'S HIS FILE.

HERE NOW. HERE'S HIS FILE. THANK YOU.

HERE'S HIS FILE. THANK YOU. IT'S SOME SENIOR THAT I CAN'T

THANK YOU. IT'S SOME SENIOR THAT I CAN'T ALLOW TO GRADUATE.

IT'S SOME SENIOR THAT I CAN'T ALLOW TO GRADUATE. I DON'T KNOW... A BIG MAN ON

ALLOW TO GRADUATE. I DON'T KNOW... A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS WHO'S IN FOR A REAL

I DON'T KNOW... A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS WHO'S IN FOR A REAL SURPRISE, YEAH.

CAMPUS WHO'S IN FOR A REAL SURPRISE, YEAH. YEAH, IT'LL BE ANOTHER ONE.

SURPRISE, YEAH. YEAH, IT'LL BE ANOTHER ONE. OKAY.

YEAH, IT'LL BE ANOTHER ONE. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. BYE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER. BYE. Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER

BYE. Announcer: AND NOW ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT TAKE A SEAT AND LET'S GET RIGHT

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, BUT TAKE A SEAT AND LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE POINT.

TAKE A SEAT AND LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE POINT. ALL RIGHT.

TO THE POINT. ALL RIGHT. FRANKLY, AS DEAN OF

ALL RIGHT. FRANKLY, AS DEAN OF MONROE COLLEGE, I CANNOT IN GOOD

FRANKLY, AS DEAN OF MONROE COLLEGE, I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE PERMIT YOU TO RECEIVE

MONROE COLLEGE, I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE PERMIT YOU TO RECEIVE A DEGREE FROM OUR SCHOOL.

CONSCIENCE PERMIT YOU TO RECEIVE A DEGREE FROM OUR SCHOOL. HMM?

A DEGREE FROM OUR SCHOOL. HMM? YEAH.

HMM? YEAH. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

YEAH. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE.

ABSOLUTELY NOT. I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE. I'VE HEARD THE EXPLANATIONS.

I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE. I'VE HEARD THE EXPLANATIONS. I'VE HEARD THE EXCUSES.

I'VE HEARD THE EXPLANATIONS. I'VE HEARD THE EXCUSES. I KNOW YOU HAD MONO.

I'VE HEARD THE EXCUSES. I KNOW YOU HAD MONO. THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

I KNOW YOU HAD MONO. THAT'S NO EXCUSE. LISTEN.

THAT'S NO EXCUSE. LISTEN. I'VE DEALT WITH YOUR KIND FOR

LISTEN. I'VE DEALT WITH YOUR KIND FOR QUITE A LONG TIME.

I'VE DEALT WITH YOUR KIND FOR QUITE A LONG TIME. YOU'RE ALL FUN AND GAMES.

QUITE A LONG TIME. YOU'RE ALL FUN AND GAMES. THAT'S ALL YOU SEEM TO CARE

YOU'RE ALL FUN AND GAMES. THAT'S ALL YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT.

THAT'S ALL YOU SEEM TO CARE ABOUT. ARE YOU STILL NOT CONVINCED?

ABOUT. ARE YOU STILL NOT CONVINCED? LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, AS

ARE YOU STILL NOT CONVINCED? LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, AS GOOD, OLD CALVIN COOLIDGE SAID.

LET'S LOOK AT THE RECORD, AS GOOD, OLD CALVIN COOLIDGE SAID. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

GOOD, OLD CALVIN COOLIDGE SAID. OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT WAS AL SMITH THAT SAID THAT.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT WAS AL SMITH THAT SAID THAT. I SEE YOU'VE BEEN A BUSY MAN FOR

IT WAS AL SMITH THAT SAID THAT. I SEE YOU'VE BEEN A BUSY MAN FOR THESE PAST FOUR YEARS.

I SEE YOU'VE BEEN A BUSY MAN FOR THESE PAST FOUR YEARS. YOU WERE PRESIDENT OF YOUR

THESE PAST FOUR YEARS. YOU WERE PRESIDENT OF YOUR DORMITORY, A MEMBER OF THE

YOU WERE PRESIDENT OF YOUR DORMITORY, A MEMBER OF THE DEBATING TEAM, FUTURE NURSES OF

DORMITORY, A MEMBER OF THE DEBATING TEAM, FUTURE NURSES OF AMERICA.

DEBATING TEAM, FUTURE NURSES OF AMERICA. YOU RAN THE SUSHI CONCESSION AT

AMERICA. YOU RAN THE SUSHI CONCESSION AT THE HOME BASKETBALL GAMES AND

YOU RAN THE SUSHI CONCESSION AT THE HOME BASKETBALL GAMES AND WERE A MEMBER OF THE YOUNG

THE HOME BASKETBALL GAMES AND WERE A MEMBER OF THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS.

WERE A MEMBER OF THE YOUNG REPUBLICANS. IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.

REPUBLICANS. IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE. BUT YOUR GRADES ARE ANOTHER

IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE. BUT YOUR GRADES ARE ANOTHER STORY.

BUT YOUR GRADES ARE ANOTHER STORY. [CLEARS THROAT]

STORY. [CLEARS THROAT] NO, NO, NO.

[CLEARS THROAT] NO, NO, NO. WHAT ARE YOU...

NO, NO, NO. WHAT ARE YOU... WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WHAT ARE YOU... WHAT DID YOU SAY? THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY? THAT'S RIDICULOUS. YES!

THAT'S RIDICULOUS. YES! BUT YOU MAJORED IN BIOLOGY, AND

YES! BUT YOU MAJORED IN BIOLOGY, AND YOU FAILED CHEMISTRY, PHYSICS,

BUT YOU MAJORED IN BIOLOGY, AND YOU FAILED CHEMISTRY, PHYSICS, AND CALCULUS.

YOU FAILED CHEMISTRY, PHYSICS, AND CALCULUS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE ONLY

AND CALCULUS. AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE ONLY COURSE YOU DID WELL IN WAS

AS A MATTER OF FACT, THE ONLY COURSE YOU DID WELL IN WAS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY, AND THAT'S

COURSE YOU DID WELL IN WAS ORGANIC CHEMISTRY, AND THAT'S THE TOUGHEST COURSE WE OFFER.

ORGANIC CHEMISTRY, AND THAT'S THE TOUGHEST COURSE WE OFFER. EVERYONE FAILS THAT ONE, AND YOU

THE TOUGHEST COURSE WE OFFER. EVERYONE FAILS THAT ONE, AND YOU GOT AN "A" IN IT.

EVERYONE FAILS THAT ONE, AND YOU GOT AN "A" IN IT. AND YOU TOOK IT WITH

GOT AN "A" IN IT. AND YOU TOOK IT WITH MISS BENNETT, NO LESS, A REALLY

AND YOU TOOK IT WITH MISS BENNETT, NO LESS, A REALLY TOUGH COOKIE OF A PROFESSOR.

MISS BENNETT, NO LESS, A REALLY TOUGH COOKIE OF A PROFESSOR. HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT WITH

TOUGH COOKIE OF A PROFESSOR. HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT WITH MISS BENNETT?

HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT WITH MISS BENNETT? [HUMMING]

MISS BENNETT? [HUMMING] HAVE TO TALK TO MISS BENNETT

[HUMMING] HAVE TO TALK TO MISS BENNETT LATER.

HAVE TO TALK TO MISS BENNETT LATER. WELL, THAT DOES EXPLAIN IT.

LATER. WELL, THAT DOES EXPLAIN IT. NOW LET'S LOOK AT YOUR RECORD.

WELL, THAT DOES EXPLAIN IT. NOW LET'S LOOK AT YOUR RECORD. ALL RIGHT.

NOW LET'S LOOK AT YOUR RECORD. ALL RIGHT. YOU FAILED ASIAN STUDIES.

ALL RIGHT. YOU FAILED ASIAN STUDIES. THAT'S THE EASIEST COURSE WE

YOU FAILED ASIAN STUDIES. THAT'S THE EASIEST COURSE WE GIVE.

THAT'S THE EASIEST COURSE WE GIVE. I MEAN, JUST BEING ABLE TO

GIVE. I MEAN, JUST BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE CONTINENT OF ASIA

I MEAN, JUST BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE CONTINENT OF ASIA SHOULD GET YOU A "C" IN THAT

IDENTIFY THE CONTINENT OF ASIA SHOULD GET YOU A "C" IN THAT COURSE.

SHOULD GET YOU A "C" IN THAT COURSE. YES!

COURSE. YES! [YELLS]

YES! [YELLS] YES, THAT'S ASIA, ALL RIGHT.

[YELLS] YES, THAT'S ASIA, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

YES, THAT'S ASIA, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WE CAN CHANGE THAT TO A "C," I

ALL RIGHT. WE CAN CHANGE THAT TO A "C," I GUESS, BUT A "C" WILL NOT GIVE

WE CAN CHANGE THAT TO A "C," I GUESS, BUT A "C" WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PASSING AVERAGE.

GUESS, BUT A "C" WILL NOT GIVE YOU A PASSING AVERAGE. I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE

YOU A PASSING AVERAGE. I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO NOTIFY YOUR PARENTS AS TO MY

I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO NOTIFY YOUR PARENTS AS TO MY DECISION.

TO NOTIFY YOUR PARENTS AS TO MY DECISION. YEAH.

DECISION. YEAH. [CRYING]

YEAH. [CRYING] YES, I'M SORRY.

[CRYING] YES, I'M SORRY. YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER WILL HAVE

YES, I'M SORRY. YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER WILL HAVE TO KNOW.

YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER WILL HAVE TO KNOW. I SUPPOSE THEY WERE PROBABLY

TO KNOW. I SUPPOSE THEY WERE PROBABLY VERY STRICT WITH YOU.

I SUPPOSE THEY WERE PROBABLY VERY STRICT WITH YOU. OOH!

VERY STRICT WITH YOU. OOH! I UNDERSTAND.

OOH! I UNDERSTAND. I'M TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING

I UNDERSTAND. I'M TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO.

I'M TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. I MUST FAIL YOU.

I CAN DO. I MUST FAIL YOU. YOU CANNOT GRADUATE.

I MUST FAIL YOU. YOU CANNOT GRADUATE. NO!

YOU CANNOT GRADUATE. NO! WAIT A MINUTE!

NO! WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE. IF YOU'RE WILLING TO GO THAT

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE. IF YOU'RE WILLING TO GO THAT FAR, I CAN ALLOW YOU TO

IF YOU'RE WILLING TO GO THAT FAR, I CAN ALLOW YOU TO GRADUATE.

FAR, I CAN ALLOW YOU TO GRADUATE. BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND THIS IS

GRADUATE. BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY.

BUT YOU DO UNDERSTAND THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. I'VE GOT TO CONVINCE THE

NOT GOING TO BE EASY. I'VE GOT TO CONVINCE THE ACADEMIC CREDITS COMMITTEE.

I'VE GOT TO CONVINCE THE ACADEMIC CREDITS COMMITTEE. WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD.

ACADEMIC CREDITS COMMITTEE. WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD. AFTER ALL, THE PRESIDENT IS AN

WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD. AFTER ALL, THE PRESIDENT IS AN OLD FRATERNITY BROTHER OF MINE.

AFTER ALL, THE PRESIDENT IS AN OLD FRATERNITY BROTHER OF MINE. OH, YES, I BELONGED TO A

OLD FRATERNITY BROTHER OF MINE. OH, YES, I BELONGED TO A FRATERNITY.

OH, YES, I BELONGED TO A FRATERNITY. YOU WERE FRATERNITY?

FRATERNITY. YOU WERE FRATERNITY? REALLY? WHICH ONE?

YOU WERE FRATERNITY? REALLY? WHICH ONE? [SCREAMS]

REALLY? WHICH ONE? [SCREAMS] AH!

[SCREAMS] AH! PHI DELTA WATASHI!

AH! PHI DELTA WATASHI! LISTEN.

PHI DELTA WATASHI! LISTEN. THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

LISTEN. THIS IS INCREDIBLE. WE'RE BROTHERS.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE. WE'RE BROTHERS. ABSOLUTELY.

WE'RE BROTHERS. ABSOLUTELY. LOOK.

ABSOLUTELY. LOOK. HERE'S THE PHI DELT PILLOW.

LOOK. HERE'S THE PHI DELT PILLOW. [BOTH CHANTING]

HERE'S THE PHI DELT PILLOW. [BOTH CHANTING] YOU REMEMBER THE YELL, THE

[BOTH CHANTING] YOU REMEMBER THE YELL, THE FRATERNITY YELL?

YOU REMEMBER THE YELL, THE FRATERNITY YELL? ♪ WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN,

FRATERNITY YELL? ♪ WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN, AND YOU'RE LOOKING

♪ WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN, AND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER ♪

AND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ THINK OF PHI DELTA WATASHI,

FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ THINK OF PHI DELTA WATASHI, AND YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE

♪ THINK OF PHI DELTA WATASHI, AND YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BROTHER ♪

AND YOU'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BROTHER ♪ THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

YOUR BROTHER ♪ THIS IS INCREDIBLE. ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE. ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE. YES!

ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN GRADUATE. YES! [YELLS]

YES! [YELLS] CONGRATULATIONS.

[YELLS] CONGRATULATIONS. Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK

CONGRATULATIONS. Announcer: TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

["POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE" PLAYS]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, JENNIFER WARNES. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ SUN GOES DOWN ON A SILKY DAY ♪ ♪ QUARTER MOON WALKIN'

ON A SILKY DAY ♪ ♪ QUARTER MOON WALKIN' THROUGH THE MILKY WAY ♪

♪ QUARTER MOON WALKIN' THROUGH THE MILKY WAY ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME, BABY,

THROUGH THE MILKY WAY ♪ ♪ YOU AND ME, BABY, WE COULD THINK OF SOMETHIN'

♪ YOU AND ME, BABY, WE COULD THINK OF SOMETHIN' TO DO ♪

WE COULD THINK OF SOMETHIN' TO DO ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

TO DO ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN'

OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪

♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ NO USE TALKIN'

OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ NO USE TALKIN' WHEN THE SHADOWS FALL ♪

♪ NO USE TALKIN' WHEN THE SHADOWS FALL ♪ ♪ NIGHT BIRD IS CALLIN',

WHEN THE SHADOWS FALL ♪ ♪ NIGHT BIRD IS CALLIN', AND HE SAYS IT ALL ♪

♪ NIGHT BIRD IS CALLIN', AND HE SAYS IT ALL ♪ ♪ OH, YOU AND ME, BABY ♪

AND HE SAYS IT ALL ♪ ♪ OH, YOU AND ME, BABY ♪ ♪ WE COULD THINK

♪ OH, YOU AND ME, BABY ♪ ♪ WE COULD THINK OF SOMETHIN' TO DO ♪

♪ WE COULD THINK OF SOMETHIN' TO DO ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

OF SOMETHIN' TO DO ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ WHOA, THE STARS ARE WINKIN'

OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ WHOA, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪

♪ WHOA, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ I GOT YOU ♪

OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ I GOT YOU ♪ ♪ YOU GOT ME ♪

♪ I GOT YOU ♪ ♪ YOU GOT ME ♪ ♪ TELL YOU THAT'S THE WAY

♪ YOU GOT ME ♪ ♪ TELL YOU THAT'S THE WAY MY MOMMA

♪ TELL YOU THAT'S THE WAY MY MOMMA ALWAYS SAID IT SHOULD BE ♪

MY MOMMA ALWAYS SAID IT SHOULD BE ♪ ♪ I'LL BE CRUEL,

ALWAYS SAID IT SHOULD BE ♪ ♪ I'LL BE CRUEL, AND YOU'LL BE KIND ♪

♪ I'LL BE CRUEL, AND YOU'LL BE KIND ♪ ♪ WE'LL BE BAD

AND YOU'LL BE KIND ♪ ♪ WE'LL BE BAD IF YOU DON'T MIND ♪

♪ WE'LL BE BAD IF YOU DON'T MIND ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

IF YOU DON'T MIND ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN'

OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪

♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN'

OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪

♪ OH, THE STARS ARE WINKIN' ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

ABOVE ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪

OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ ♪ THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

♪ THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT ♪ ♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OF THE NIGHT FOR MAKIN' LOVE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY! ALL RIGHT! OKAY! ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR, RICHARD HERKIMAN!

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER DOLLAR, RICHARD HERKIMAN! LET'S GO!

RICHARD HERKIMAN! LET'S GO! COME ON.

LET'S GO! COME ON. LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

COME ON. LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO!

LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! HAAA!

LET'S GO! LET'S GO! LET'S GO! HAAA! HOGA, HOGA, HAA, HEYA-HEYA, HO!

HAAA! HOGA, HOGA, HAA, HEYA-HEYA, HO! OH, THAT'S COLD!

HOGA, HOGA, HAA, HEYA-HEYA, HO! OH, THAT'S COLD! AAH!

OH, THAT'S COLD! AAH! THAT MEXICAN FAMILY'S GOT TO GO!

AAH! THAT MEXICAN FAMILY'S GOT TO GO! OH!

THAT MEXICAN FAMILY'S GOT TO GO! OH! ALL THE HOT WATER'S GONE.

OH! ALL THE HOT WATER'S GONE. OKAY.

ALL THE HOT WATER'S GONE. OKAY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

OKAY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... RICHARD HERKIMAN!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... RICHARD HERKIMAN! HEY, HEY!

RICHARD HERKIMAN! HEY, HEY! WHOO!

HEY, HEY! WHOO! THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WHOO! THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WHOO!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WHOO! ♪ WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING

WHOO! ♪ WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WAY THAT THAT GIRL MOVES

♪ WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WAY THAT THAT GIRL MOVES THAT ATTRACTS ME

IN THE WAY THAT THAT GIRL MOVES THAT ATTRACTS ME LIKE NO OTHER LOVER ♪

THAT ATTRACTS ME LIKE NO OTHER LOVER ♪ ♪ YEAH, THERE'S SOMETHING

LIKE NO OTHER LOVER ♪ ♪ YEAH, THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WAY THAT SHE WOOS ME ♪

♪ YEAH, THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WAY THAT SHE WOOS ME ♪ HONEY? HONEY?

IN THE WAY THAT SHE WOOS ME ♪ HONEY? HONEY? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

HONEY? HONEY? LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... ♪ I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HER

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... ♪ I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HER NOW ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HER NOW ♪ A VERY SPECIAL GUEST!

NOW ♪ A VERY SPECIAL GUEST! ♪ YOU KNOW I BELIEVE AND HOW ♪

A VERY SPECIAL GUEST! ♪ YOU KNOW I BELIEVE AND HOW ♪ HONEY?

♪ YOU KNOW I BELIEVE AND HOW ♪ HONEY? MY WIFE,

HONEY? MY WIFE, MRS. RICHARD HERKIMAN,

MY WIFE, MRS. RICHARD HERKIMAN, JANE NASH!

MRS. RICHARD HERKIMAN, JANE NASH! COME ON IN, JANE!

JANE NASH! COME ON IN, JANE! HONEY, WOULD YOU QUIT FOOLING

COME ON IN, JANE! HONEY, WOULD YOU QUIT FOOLING AROUND?

HONEY, WOULD YOU QUIT FOOLING AROUND? I JUST WANT TO TAKE A QUICK

AROUND? I JUST WANT TO TAKE A QUICK SHOWER, ALL RIGHT?

I JUST WANT TO TAKE A QUICK SHOWER, ALL RIGHT? IF YOU DON'T MIND.

SHOWER, ALL RIGHT? IF YOU DON'T MIND. SAY, JANE.

IF YOU DON'T MIND. SAY, JANE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SINGING A

SAY, JANE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SINGING A SONG TODAY, HUH?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SINGING A SONG TODAY, HUH? RICHARD, WOULD YOU QUIT

SONG TODAY, HUH? RICHARD, WOULD YOU QUIT FOOLING AROUND?

RICHARD, WOULD YOU QUIT FOOLING AROUND? I'M JUST TAKING A SHOWER.

FOOLING AROUND? I'M JUST TAKING A SHOWER. WOULD YOU MIND SINGING THAT

I'M JUST TAKING A SHOWER. WOULD YOU MIND SINGING THAT WONDERFUL MORNING SONG?

WOULD YOU MIND SINGING THAT WONDERFUL MORNING SONG? LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER!

WONDERFUL MORNING SONG? LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER! COME ON!

LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER! COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER!

COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER! RICHARD!

LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER! RICHARD! GO AHEAD!

RICHARD! GO AHEAD! ♪ ON A CLEAR DAY,

GO AHEAD! ♪ ON A CLEAR DAY, WHY NOT LOOK AROUND YOU

♪ ON A CLEAR DAY, WHY NOT LOOK AROUND YOU AND YOU'LL SEE ♪

WHY NOT LOOK AROUND YOU AND YOU'LL SEE ♪ OH, RICHARD, STOP IT!

AND YOU'LL SEE ♪ OH, RICHARD, STOP IT! YOU'RE BEING SILLY.

OH, RICHARD, STOP IT! YOU'RE BEING SILLY. LISTEN, HONEY, A LOT OF FOLKS

YOU'RE BEING SILLY. LISTEN, HONEY, A LOT OF FOLKS OUT THERE WANT TO KNOW IF YOU

LISTEN, HONEY, A LOT OF FOLKS OUT THERE WANT TO KNOW IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME.

OUT THERE WANT TO KNOW IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME. DO YOU, HONEY?

REALLY LOVE ME. DO YOU, HONEY? WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE,

DO YOU, HONEY? WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, RICHARD?

WOULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, RICHARD? DO YOU LOVE ME WITH YOUR

RICHARD? DO YOU LOVE ME WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND SOUL?

DO YOU LOVE ME WITH YOUR WHOLE HEART AND SOUL? COME ON, HONEY!

WHOLE HEART AND SOUL? COME ON, HONEY! YES, I LOVE YOU.

COME ON, HONEY! YES, I LOVE YOU. I KNOW THIS IS CORNY AND

YES, I LOVE YOU. I KNOW THIS IS CORNY AND OLD-FASHIONED BUT, COME ON.

I KNOW THIS IS CORNY AND OLD-FASHIONED BUT, COME ON. THERE'S NOBODY ELSE, IS THERE?

OLD-FASHIONED BUT, COME ON. THERE'S NOBODY ELSE, IS THERE? YOU REALLY LOVE, HONOR, AND

THERE'S NOBODY ELSE, IS THERE? YOU REALLY LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH ME?

YOU REALLY LOVE, HONOR, AND CHERISH ME? I LOVE YOU!

CHERISH ME? I LOVE YOU! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.

I LOVE YOU! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M IN A HURRY.

NOW LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M IN A HURRY. WELL, YOU KNOW, HONEY, FOLKS

I'M IN A HURRY. WELL, YOU KNOW, HONEY, FOLKS OUT THERE, WHAT MY WIFE DOESN'T

WELL, YOU KNOW, HONEY, FOLKS OUT THERE, WHAT MY WIFE DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT I KNOW SHE'S BEEN

OUT THERE, WHAT MY WIFE DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT I KNOW SHE'S BEEN CHEATING ON ME FOR THE LAST

KNOW IS THAT I KNOW SHE'S BEEN CHEATING ON ME FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, AND WE'VE GOT

CHEATING ON ME FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS, AND WE'VE GOT BEHIND THE CURTAIN A SURPRISE

COUPLE OF YEARS, AND WE'VE GOT BEHIND THE CURTAIN A SURPRISE GUEST, THE MAN SHE'S BEEN SEEING

BEHIND THE CURTAIN A SURPRISE GUEST, THE MAN SHE'S BEEN SEEING BEHIND MY BACK FOR THE LAST TWO

GUEST, THE MAN SHE'S BEEN SEEING BEHIND MY BACK FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS.

BEHIND MY BACK FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS. HERE HE IS... RICHARD CULARSKY!

YEARS. HERE HE IS... RICHARD CULARSKY! COME ON IN, RICHARD!

HERE HE IS... RICHARD CULARSKY! COME ON IN, RICHARD! GOOD TO HAVE YOU ABOARD!

COME ON IN, RICHARD! GOOD TO HAVE YOU ABOARD! GOOD TO HAVE YOU.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU ABOARD! GOOD TO HAVE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

GOOD TO HAVE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! YES, I BROUGHT HIM ALL THE

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! YES, I BROUGHT HIM ALL THE WAY FROM HIS HOME IN THE CITY TO

YES, I BROUGHT HIM ALL THE WAY FROM HIS HOME IN THE CITY TO BE WITH US HERE TODAY.

WAY FROM HIS HOME IN THE CITY TO BE WITH US HERE TODAY. ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC?

BE WITH US HERE TODAY. ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC? SOMETHING TELLS ME I

ISN'T THAT TERRIFIC? SOMETHING TELLS ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME.

SOMETHING TELLS ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE COME. YOU'RE TOO SURPRISED.

SHOULDN'T HAVE COME. YOU'RE TOO SURPRISED. BUT I DO LOVE YOU, COME WHAT

YOU'RE TOO SURPRISED. BUT I DO LOVE YOU, COME WHAT MAY.

BUT I DO LOVE YOU, COME WHAT MAY. ALL RIGHT.

MAY. ALL RIGHT. NOW TELL ME, KIDS.

ALL RIGHT. NOW TELL ME, KIDS. YOU KIDS MUST SPEND A LOT OF

NOW TELL ME, KIDS. YOU KIDS MUST SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER WHEN

YOU KIDS MUST SPEND A LOT OF TIME IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER WHEN I'M NOT HERE, HUH?

TIME IN THE SHOWER TOGETHER WHEN I'M NOT HERE, HUH? YOU BET!

I'M NOT HERE, HUH? YOU BET! NO, IT'S FUNNY.

YOU BET! NO, IT'S FUNNY. I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

NO, IT'S FUNNY. I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE THE WRONG

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT THAT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT THAT. IT'S ACTUALLY A LOT SAFER TO

IDEA ABOUT THAT. IT'S ACTUALLY A LOT SAFER TO RENT A HOTEL ROOM.

IT'S ACTUALLY A LOT SAFER TO RENT A HOTEL ROOM. YOU KNOW, THERE'S MUCH LESS

RENT A HOTEL ROOM. YOU KNOW, THERE'S MUCH LESS CHANCE OF MEETING AN AUNT OR AN

YOU KNOW, THERE'S MUCH LESS CHANCE OF MEETING AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO

CHANCE OF MEETING AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CHANGING THE SHEETS

UNCLE, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT CHANGING THE SHEETS ON THE BED!

WORRY ABOUT CHANGING THE SHEETS ON THE BED! OUCH!

ON THE BED! OUCH! I FORGOT HOW MUCH IS INVOLVED IN

OUCH! I FORGOT HOW MUCH IS INVOLVED IN THIS KIND OF THING.

I FORGOT HOW MUCH IS INVOLVED IN THIS KIND OF THING. WHOO!

THIS KIND OF THING. WHOO! WELL, HONEY, YOU'VE BEEN

WHOO! WELL, HONEY, YOU'VE BEEN CONFRONTED WITH THIS THING NOW.

WELL, HONEY, YOU'VE BEEN CONFRONTED WITH THIS THING NOW. ARE YOU GONNA BREAK IT OFF WITH

CONFRONTED WITH THIS THING NOW. ARE YOU GONNA BREAK IT OFF WITH HIM FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR

ARE YOU GONNA BREAK IT OFF WITH HIM FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR MARRIAGE, OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA

HIM FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR MARRIAGE, OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA CONTINUE TO STICK THE KNIFE IN

MARRIAGE, OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA CONTINUE TO STICK THE KNIFE IN AND TWIST IT AND TWIST IT, HUH?

CONTINUE TO STICK THE KNIFE IN AND TWIST IT AND TWIST IT, HUH? YES, RICHARD, THAT'S EXACTLY

AND TWIST IT AND TWIST IT, HUH? YES, RICHARD, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO!

YES, RICHARD, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO! WOW, THAT HURTS!

WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO! WOW, THAT HURTS! OKAY, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME,

WOW, THAT HURTS! OKAY, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME, BUT, UH, I'M AN EMOTIONAL GUY,

OKAY, YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME, BUT, UH, I'M AN EMOTIONAL GUY, AND I REALLY HATE TO GET BAD

BUT, UH, I'M AN EMOTIONAL GUY, AND I REALLY HATE TO GET BAD NEWS.

AND I REALLY HATE TO GET BAD NEWS. I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY

NEWS. I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY I'M BUILT.

I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY I'M BUILT. OKAY.

I'M BUILT. OKAY. GEE, I'M AFRAID THAT'S ALL THE

OKAY. GEE, I'M AFRAID THAT'S ALL THE TIME I'VE GOT FOR TODAY.

GEE, I'M AFRAID THAT'S ALL THE TIME I'VE GOT FOR TODAY. THANKS, KIDS, FOR DROPPING BY.

TIME I'VE GOT FOR TODAY. THANKS, KIDS, FOR DROPPING BY. BEFORE YOU FINISH, RICHARD, I

THANKS, KIDS, FOR DROPPING BY. BEFORE YOU FINISH, RICHARD, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT WE'LL BE

BEFORE YOU FINISH, RICHARD, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT WE'LL BE IN PHILADELPHIA THE FIRST WEEK

JUST WANT TO SAY THAT WE'LL BE IN PHILADELPHIA THE FIRST WEEK IN JUNE AT THE STATLER HOTEL.

IN PHILADELPHIA THE FIRST WEEK IN JUNE AT THE STATLER HOTEL. OH, GREAT.

IN JUNE AT THE STATLER HOTEL. OH, GREAT. WELL, I'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOU

OH, GREAT. WELL, I'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOU THERE, OKAY?

WELL, I'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOU THERE, OKAY? THANKS FOR STOPPING BY,

THERE, OKAY? THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, MRS. HERKIMAN AND THE GUY SHE'S

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY, MRS. HERKIMAN AND THE GUY SHE'S BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH!

MRS. HERKIMAN AND THE GUY SHE'S BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH! WHOO!

BEEN MESSING AROUND WITH! WHOO! THANK YOU.

WHOO! THANK YOU. THAT'S ABOUT ALL THE TIME WE'VE

THANK YOU. THAT'S ABOUT ALL THE TIME WE'VE GOT FOR... I GOT TO FINISH UP

THAT'S ABOUT ALL THE TIME WE'VE GOT FOR... I GOT TO FINISH UP MY SHOWER AND JUMP ON THAT BUSY,

GOT FOR... I GOT TO FINISH UP MY SHOWER AND JUMP ON THAT BUSY, CRAZY COMMUTER TRAIN OF MINE AND

MY SHOWER AND JUMP ON THAT BUSY, CRAZY COMMUTER TRAIN OF MINE AND GET BACK INTO WORK.

CRAZY COMMUTER TRAIN OF MINE AND GET BACK INTO WORK. WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL

GET BACK INTO WORK. WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL RIGHT NOW. IS THAT RIGHT?

RIGHT NOW. IS THAT RIGHT? WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL.

IS THAT RIGHT? WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL. BUT BEFORE I'D LIKE TO GO OUT ON

WE'RE GONNA GO TO A COMMERCIAL. BUT BEFORE I'D LIKE TO GO OUT ON ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS.

BUT BEFORE I'D LIKE TO GO OUT ON ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS. ♪ AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS. ♪ AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CLOSE

♪ AND NOW THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CLOSE THE SHOWER CURTAIN ♪

FOR ME TO CLOSE THE SHOWER CURTAIN ♪ ♪ I DID WHAT I HAVE TO DO ♪

THE SHOWER CURTAIN ♪ ♪ I DID WHAT I HAVE TO DO ♪ WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW!

♪ I DID WHAT I HAVE TO DO ♪ WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW! ♪ AND SAW IT THROUGH ♪

[DOORBELL RINGS]

GREETINGS. IS THIS THE HOME OF BELDAR CONEHEAD?

IS THIS THE HOME OF BELDAR CONEHEAD? CORRECT.

BELDAR CONEHEAD? CORRECT. ENTER.

CORRECT. ENTER. BELDAR, I SUMMON YOU!

ENTER. BELDAR, I SUMMON YOU! NOW LET ME GUESS.

BELDAR, I SUMMON YOU! NOW LET ME GUESS. I'LL BET YOU'RE MRS. CONEHEAD.

NOW LET ME GUESS. I'LL BET YOU'RE MRS. CONEHEAD. I AM PRYMAAT.

I'LL BET YOU'RE MRS. CONEHEAD. I AM PRYMAAT. PLEASE ENTER.

I AM PRYMAAT. PLEASE ENTER. BE SEATED.

PLEASE ENTER. BE SEATED. THANK YOU.

BE SEATED. THANK YOU. HUMAN.

THANK YOU. HUMAN. UH...

HUMAN. UH... MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M

UH... MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M DR. RAY BLONDISH.

MR. AND MRS. CONEHEAD, I'M DR. RAY BLONDISH. I'M ASSIGNED TO THE

DR. RAY BLONDISH. I'M ASSIGNED TO THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE

I'M ASSIGNED TO THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND IN

UNITED STATES AIR FORCE AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND IN WORMLING, ARIZONA.

AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND IN WORMLING, ARIZONA. ARIZONA?

WORMLING, ARIZONA. ARIZONA? ARIZONA... AN ARID ZONE IN

ARIZONA? ARIZONA... AN ARID ZONE IN THE SOUTHWEST FEATURES GOOD

ARIZONA... AN ARID ZONE IN THE SOUTHWEST FEATURES GOOD OXYGEN QUALITY, A HIGH

THE SOUTHWEST FEATURES GOOD OXYGEN QUALITY, A HIGH CONCENTRATION OF HUMAN

OXYGEN QUALITY, A HIGH CONCENTRATION OF HUMAN RETIREMENT COLONIES, DESERT

CONCENTRATION OF HUMAN RETIREMENT COLONIES, DESERT REPTILES, AND DOMESTIC HANDGUN

RETIREMENT COLONIES, DESERT REPTILES, AND DOMESTIC HANDGUN OWNERSHIP.

REPTILES, AND DOMESTIC HANDGUN OWNERSHIP. FIVE DAYS AGO, THIS OBJECT

OWNERSHIP. FIVE DAYS AGO, THIS OBJECT ENTERED THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE

FIVE DAYS AGO, THIS OBJECT ENTERED THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE AND FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE

ENTERED THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE AND FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE PARKING LOT OF A TACO BELL IN

AND FELL FROM THE SKY INTO THE PARKING LOT OF A TACO BELL IN DOWNTOWN TUCSON.

PARKING LOT OF A TACO BELL IN DOWNTOWN TUCSON. TACO?

DOWNTOWN TUCSON. TACO? TACO... A FOLDED STARCH DISK

TACO? TACO... A FOLDED STARCH DISK ENCASING VEGETABLE SUBSTANCES

TACO... A FOLDED STARCH DISK ENCASING VEGETABLE SUBSTANCES AND SHREDDED FLESH OF HOOVED

ENCASING VEGETABLE SUBSTANCES AND SHREDDED FLESH OF HOOVED MAMMALS.

AND SHREDDED FLESH OF HOOVED MAMMALS. MR. CONEHEAD, IN MY TIME WITH

MAMMALS. MR. CONEHEAD, IN MY TIME WITH THE AIR FORCE, I'VE SEEN A LOT

MR. CONEHEAD, IN MY TIME WITH THE AIR FORCE, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF SPACE GARBAGE HIT THE GLOBE,

THE AIR FORCE, I'VE SEEN A LOT OF SPACE GARBAGE HIT THE GLOBE, BUT THIS HUNK HAS ME BEAT.

OF SPACE GARBAGE HIT THE GLOBE, BUT THIS HUNK HAS ME BEAT. WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF

BUT THIS HUNK HAS ME BEAT. WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF METAL THIS THING IS MADE FROM,

WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF METAL THIS THING IS MADE FROM, AND WE HAD NO CLUES UNTIL

METAL THIS THING IS MADE FROM, AND WE HAD NO CLUES UNTIL YESTERDAY, WHEN ONE OF OUR

AND WE HAD NO CLUES UNTIL YESTERDAY, WHEN ONE OF OUR INVESTIGATORS MADE A

YESTERDAY, WHEN ONE OF OUR INVESTIGATORS MADE A BREAKTHROUGH DISCOVERY... YOUR

INVESTIGATORS MADE A BREAKTHROUGH DISCOVERY... YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON THE SIDE OF

BREAKTHROUGH DISCOVERY... YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS ON THE SIDE OF THE OBJECT.

NAME AND ADDRESS ON THE SIDE OF THE OBJECT. BELDAR CONEHEAD,

THE OBJECT. BELDAR CONEHEAD, 2130 FINEWAY DRIVE,

BELDAR CONEHEAD, 2130 FINEWAY DRIVE, PARKWOOD HILLS, NEW JERSEY,

2130 FINEWAY DRIVE, PARKWOOD HILLS, NEW JERSEY, U.S.A.

PARKWOOD HILLS, NEW JERSEY, U.S.A. CORRECT, YES.

U.S.A. CORRECT, YES. THANK YOU.

CORRECT, YES. THANK YOU. PLEASE ACCEPT THIS CASH

THANK YOU. PLEASE ACCEPT THIS CASH GRATUITY.

PLEASE ACCEPT THIS CASH GRATUITY. DON'T DISPERSE IT ALL IN ONE

GRATUITY. DON'T DISPERSE IT ALL IN ONE LOCALITY.

DON'T DISPERSE IT ALL IN ONE LOCALITY. NO, NO.

LOCALITY. NO, NO. NO, WAIT A MINUTE, MR. CONEHEAD.

NO, NO. NO, WAIT A MINUTE, MR. CONEHEAD. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

NO, WAIT A MINUTE, MR. CONEHEAD. I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. THE AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND

I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. THE AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND HAS ASSIGNED ME TO FIND OUT WHAT

THE AEROSPACE DEFENSE COMMAND HAS ASSIGNED ME TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS OBJECT IS AND WHERE IT CAME

HAS ASSIGNED ME TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS OBJECT IS AND WHERE IT CAME FROM.

THIS OBJECT IS AND WHERE IT CAME FROM. IT IS A COMMUNICATION FROM

FROM. IT IS A COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAC.

IT IS A COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAC. REMULAC?

REMULAC. REMULAC? REMULAC... A SMALL TOWN IN

REMULAC? REMULAC... A SMALL TOWN IN FRANCE.

REMULAC... A SMALL TOWN IN FRANCE. THIS IS A POSTCARD FROM FRANCE.

FRANCE. THIS IS A POSTCARD FROM FRANCE. YOU SEE, WE COME FROM FRANCE.

THIS IS A POSTCARD FROM FRANCE. YOU SEE, WE COME FROM FRANCE. ATTENTION, PARENTAL UNITS.

YOU SEE, WE COME FROM FRANCE. ATTENTION, PARENTAL UNITS. I AM SPLITTING NOW TO INTERACT

ATTENTION, PARENTAL UNITS. I AM SPLITTING NOW TO INTERACT WITH MY HUMAN FRIENDS AT THE

I AM SPLITTING NOW TO INTERACT WITH MY HUMAN FRIENDS AT THE SHOPPING PLAZA.

WITH MY HUMAN FRIENDS AT THE SHOPPING PLAZA. NO, CONNIE.

SHOPPING PLAZA. NO, CONNIE. YOU CANNOT GO.

NO, CONNIE. YOU CANNOT GO. BUT, MOM, I CLEANED UP MY

YOU CANNOT GO. BUT, MOM, I CLEANED UP MY SLEEP CHAMBER.

BUT, MOM, I CLEANED UP MY SLEEP CHAMBER. CONNIE, WE HAVE RECEIVED A

SLEEP CHAMBER. CONNIE, WE HAVE RECEIVED A VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM

CONNIE, WE HAVE RECEIVED A VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAC.

VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAC. KULDROTH, THE HIGH MASTER OF

REMULAC. KULDROTH, THE HIGH MASTER OF STAR PATH MEGDAZON, HAS DEMANDED

KULDROTH, THE HIGH MASTER OF STAR PATH MEGDAZON, HAS DEMANDED THAT WE RETURN AT ONCE TO OUR

STAR PATH MEGDAZON, HAS DEMANDED THAT WE RETURN AT ONCE TO OUR HOME IN FRANCE.

THAT WE RETURN AT ONCE TO OUR HOME IN FRANCE. WAIT A MINUTE.

HOME IN FRANCE. WAIT A MINUTE. I'VE BICYCLED THROUGH FRANCE 27

WAIT A MINUTE. I'VE BICYCLED THROUGH FRANCE 27 TIMES, AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF

I'VE BICYCLED THROUGH FRANCE 27 TIMES, AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF REMULAC.

TIMES, AND I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF REMULAC. PARLEZ-VOUS FRANçAIS?

REMULAC. PARLEZ-VOUS FRANçAIS? OUI.

PARLEZ-VOUS FRANçAIS? OUI. OUI.

OUI. OUI. NOUS PARLONS FRANçAIS.

OUI. NOUS PARLONS FRANçAIS. SALUT! ENTRE!

NOUS PARLONS FRANçAIS. SALUT! ENTRE! [SPEAKING FRENCH]

SALUT! ENTRE! [SPEAKING FRENCH] THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD ACCENT,

[SPEAKING FRENCH] THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD ACCENT, BELDAR, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU

THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD ACCENT, BELDAR, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU COME FROM FRANCE.

BELDAR, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU COME FROM FRANCE. I DON'T THINK YOU COME FROM

COME FROM FRANCE. I DON'T THINK YOU COME FROM ANYWHERE NEAR FRANCE.

I DON'T THINK YOU COME FROM ANYWHERE NEAR FRANCE. I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU

ANYWHERE NEAR FRANCE. I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE.

I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE. YOU'RE KU KLUX KLAN.

PEOPLE ARE. YOU'RE KU KLUX KLAN. INCORRECT!

YOU'RE KU KLUX KLAN. INCORRECT! THERE IS NO NEED TO DECEIVE THE

INCORRECT! THERE IS NO NEED TO DECEIVE THE HUMAN ANY LONGER.

THERE IS NO NEED TO DECEIVE THE HUMAN ANY LONGER. I AM BELDAR, THE FIRST

HUMAN ANY LONGER. I AM BELDAR, THE FIRST TIMEKEEPER FROM THE PLANET

I AM BELDAR, THE FIRST TIMEKEEPER FROM THE PLANET REMULAC.

TIMEKEEPER FROM THE PLANET REMULAC. OUR STAR CRUISER ARRIVED HERE 15

REMULAC. OUR STAR CRUISER ARRIVED HERE 15 YEARS AGO.

OUR STAR CRUISER ARRIVED HERE 15 YEARS AGO. WE HAD INSTRUCTIONS TO SEIZE

YEARS AGO. WE HAD INSTRUCTIONS TO SEIZE YOUR MISERABLE WORLD.

WE HAD INSTRUCTIONS TO SEIZE YOUR MISERABLE WORLD. YES, AND ALL WAS WELL UNTIL

YOUR MISERABLE WORLD. YES, AND ALL WAS WELL UNTIL YOU CRASHED THE STAR CRUISER

YES, AND ALL WAS WELL UNTIL YOU CRASHED THE STAR CRUISER INTO LAKE MICHIGAN.

YOU CRASHED THE STAR CRUISER INTO LAKE MICHIGAN. LET US NOT GET INTO THAT

INTO LAKE MICHIGAN. LET US NOT GET INTO THAT AGAIN.

LET US NOT GET INTO THAT AGAIN. YOU MEAN IT'S TRUE?

AGAIN. YOU MEAN IT'S TRUE? THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS.

YOU MEAN IT'S TRUE? THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS. FLYING SAUCERS DO EXIST.

THERE IS LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS. FLYING SAUCERS DO EXIST. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO TEACH US.

FLYING SAUCERS DO EXIST. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO TEACH US. INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL IS

YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO TEACH US. INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE.

INTERGALACTIC TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE. I'D LOVE TO EXPERIENCE THE

POSSIBLE. I'D LOVE TO EXPERIENCE THE SENSATION OF FLYING THROUGH

I'D LOVE TO EXPERIENCE THE SENSATION OF FLYING THROUGH SPACE AT UNTHINKABLE SPEEDS.

SENSATION OF FLYING THROUGH SPACE AT UNTHINKABLE SPEEDS. All: NO PROBLEM!

SPACE AT UNTHINKABLE SPEEDS. All: NO PROBLEM! AAHHH!

All: NO PROBLEM! AAHHH! WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE FOR THE

AAHHH! WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE FOR THE PLANET REMULAC.

WE MUST LEAVE AT ONCE FOR THE PLANET REMULAC. GATHER GIFTS FOR THE HIGH

PLANET REMULAC. GATHER GIFTS FOR THE HIGH MASTER.

GATHER GIFTS FOR THE HIGH MASTER. BUT, DADDY, WHAT MANNER OF

MASTER. BUT, DADDY, WHAT MANNER OF CONVEYANCE WILL TRANSPORT US?

BUT, DADDY, WHAT MANNER OF CONVEYANCE WILL TRANSPORT US? WE MUST DRIVE TO THE ISLAND

CONVEYANCE WILL TRANSPORT US? WE MUST DRIVE TO THE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN.

WE MUST DRIVE TO THE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN. THERE WE FIND THE CHRYSLER

OF MANHATTAN. THERE WE FIND THE CHRYSLER BUILDING.

THERE WE FIND THE CHRYSLER BUILDING. IT IS THE SITE OF THE EMERGENCY

BUILDING. IT IS THE SITE OF THE EMERGENCY RETURN VEHICLE WHICH WILL CARRY

IT IS THE SITE OF THE EMERGENCY RETURN VEHICLE WHICH WILL CARRY US OFF THE EARTH.

RETURN VEHICLE WHICH WILL CARRY US OFF THE EARTH. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]

US OFF THE EARTH. [SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] MEET ME IN THE

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] MEET ME IN THE PETROLEUM-COMBUSTION UNIT.

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[HORN HONKS]

[HORNS HONKING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE] ALL HAIL THE HIGH MASTER OF STAR PATH MEGDAZON.

ALL HAIL THE HIGH MASTER OF STAR PATH MEGDAZON. MEP, MEP, MEP.

STAR PATH MEGDAZON. MEP, MEP, MEP. HOW WAS YOUR JOURNEY?

MEP, MEP, MEP. HOW WAS YOUR JOURNEY? SATISFACTORY.

HOW WAS YOUR JOURNEY? SATISFACTORY. WE DID EXPERIENCE SOME

SATISFACTORY. WE DID EXPERIENCE SOME TURBULENCE NEAR THE CRAB NEBULA.

WE DID EXPERIENCE SOME TURBULENCE NEAR THE CRAB NEBULA. WE HAVE EARTH GIFTS FOR YOU,

TURBULENCE NEAR THE CRAB NEBULA. WE HAVE EARTH GIFTS FOR YOU, OH, HIGH MASTER.

WE HAVE EARTH GIFTS FOR YOU, OH, HIGH MASTER. PRESENT THESE OBJECTS TO ME.

OH, HIGH MASTER. PRESENT THESE OBJECTS TO ME. OH!

PRESENT THESE OBJECTS TO ME. OH! THIS SUBSTANCE IS KNOWN AS

OH! THIS SUBSTANCE IS KNOWN AS BEER.

THIS SUBSTANCE IS KNOWN AS BEER. SUCK BACK A COUPLE OF THESE.

BEER. SUCK BACK A COUPLE OF THESE. THANK YOU.

SUCK BACK A COUPLE OF THESE. THANK YOU. OH.

THANK YOU. OH. CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES.

OH. CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. AHH!

CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. AHH! KULDROTH, WHY HAVE YOU

AHH! KULDROTH, WHY HAVE YOU SUMMONED US FROM EARTH?

KULDROTH, WHY HAVE YOU SUMMONED US FROM EARTH? A PRICE OF TEPTORIS HAS BEEN

SUMMONED US FROM EARTH? A PRICE OF TEPTORIS HAS BEEN DROPPED AND FORCED US TO CUT

A PRICE OF TEPTORIS HAS BEEN DROPPED AND FORCED US TO CUT BACK ON OUR SPACE PROGRAM.

DROPPED AND FORCED US TO CUT BACK ON OUR SPACE PROGRAM. THE EARTH PROJECT HAS BEEN

BACK ON OUR SPACE PROGRAM. THE EARTH PROJECT HAS BEEN TERMINATED.

THE EARTH PROJECT HAS BEEN TERMINATED. THAT'S THE WAY THE CLARTHOP

TERMINATED. THAT'S THE WAY THE CLARTHOP CRYSTAL SHATTERS.

THAT'S THE WAY THE CLARTHOP CRYSTAL SHATTERS. IN ADDITION, MENTUK HAS

CRYSTAL SHATTERS. IN ADDITION, MENTUK HAS DETERMINED THAT YOUR YOUNG ONE

IN ADDITION, MENTUK HAS DETERMINED THAT YOUR YOUNG ONE IS MY GENETIC MATE.

DETERMINED THAT YOUR YOUNG ONE IS MY GENETIC MATE. I WILL MARRY HER IMMEDIATELY.

IS MY GENETIC MATE. I WILL MARRY HER IMMEDIATELY. OH, NO!

I WILL MARRY HER IMMEDIATELY. OH, NO! WHAT A DRAG!

OH, NO! WHAT A DRAG! WHAT A BUMMER!

WHAT A DRAG! WHAT A BUMMER! WHY GET MARRIED?

WHAT A BUMMER! WHY GET MARRIED? LET'S JUST GET IT ON.

WHY GET MARRIED? LET'S JUST GET IT ON. YOU ARE MISTAKEN, YOUNG ONE.

LET'S JUST GET IT ON. YOU ARE MISTAKEN, YOUNG ONE. THE HIGH MASTER HAS ASKED FOR

YOU ARE MISTAKEN, YOUNG ONE. THE HIGH MASTER HAS ASKED FOR YOUR CONE.

THE HIGH MASTER HAS ASKED FOR YOUR CONE. YOU CANNOT DENY HIM.

YOUR CONE. YOU CANNOT DENY HIM. MENTUK?

YOU CANNOT DENY HIM. MENTUK? MENTUK, EXAMINE HER CONE.

MENTUK? MENTUK, EXAMINE HER CONE. BE SURE I AM TO BE THE FIRST.

MENTUK, EXAMINE HER CONE. BE SURE I AM TO BE THE FIRST. MMM.

BE SURE I AM TO BE THE FIRST. MMM. [GASPS]

MMM. [GASPS] SORRY.

[GASPS] SORRY. THIS CONE HAS ALREADY

SORRY. THIS CONE HAS ALREADY EXPERIENCED THE SENSOR RINGS.

THIS CONE HAS ALREADY EXPERIENCED THE SENSOR RINGS. SO WHAT?

EXPERIENCED THE SENSOR RINGS. SO WHAT? THIS IS THE NEW WAY.

SO WHAT? THIS IS THE NEW WAY. I LEARNED FROM THE HUMANS.

THIS IS THE NEW WAY. I LEARNED FROM THE HUMANS. YES, MY CONE HAS BEEN HONED.

I LEARNED FROM THE HUMANS. YES, MY CONE HAS BEEN HONED. THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE STILL

YES, MY CONE HAS BEEN HONED. THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE STILL CAN'T CRUISE AND GROOVE AND HAVE

THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE STILL CAN'T CRUISE AND GROOVE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

CAN'T CRUISE AND GROOVE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME. WHAT?

A GOOD TIME. WHAT? WELL, BELDAR, YOUR YOUNG ONE IS

WHAT? WELL, BELDAR, YOUR YOUNG ONE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COMMON FLUFF

WELL, BELDAR, YOUR YOUNG ONE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COMMON FLUFF RAG.

NOTHING MORE THAN A COMMON FLUFF RAG. YOU CAN'T CALL MY YOUNG ONE A

RAG. YOU CAN'T CALL MY YOUNG ONE A COMMON FLUFF RAG.

YOU CAN'T CALL MY YOUNG ONE A COMMON FLUFF RAG. OH, YES, I CAN.

COMMON FLUFF RAG. OH, YES, I CAN. SHE IS A FLUFF RAG.

OH, YES, I CAN. SHE IS A FLUFF RAG. SHE IS NOT!

SHE IS A FLUFF RAG. SHE IS NOT! MEPS!

SHE IS NOT! MEPS! MEPS!

MEPS! MEPS! MEPS!

MEPS! MEPS! MEPS!

MEPS! MEPS! MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS,

MEPS! MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS!

MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS! I SHALL TAKE PLEASURE

MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS, MEPS! I SHALL TAKE PLEASURE PERSONALLY KICKING YOUR CONE.

I SHALL TAKE PLEASURE PERSONALLY KICKING YOUR CONE. AH!

[BOTH GRUNTING] [BOTH YELLING]

OUR HOME PLANET OF REMULAC HAS SCARCELY ALTERED SINCE WE LEFT.

HAS SCARCELY ALTERED SINCE WE LEFT. YES.

LEFT. YES. LET US CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES.

YES. LET US CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. IT WILL BE A LONG TIME BEFORE WE

LET US CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. IT WILL BE A LONG TIME BEFORE WE GET ANOTHER SIX-PACK.

Announcer: AND NOW "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING.

UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

GOOD EVENING. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... CALIFORNIA POLICE REPORT THAT

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... CALIFORNIA POLICE REPORT THAT DEAN MARTIN AND FRANK SINATRA

CALIFORNIA POLICE REPORT THAT DEAN MARTIN AND FRANK SINATRA HAVE KIDNAPPED PATRICIA HEARST

DEAN MARTIN AND FRANK SINATRA HAVE KIDNAPPED PATRICIA HEARST AND FORCED HER TO JOIN THEIR

HAVE KIDNAPPED PATRICIA HEARST AND FORCED HER TO JOIN THEIR NIGHTCLUB ACT.

AND FORCED HER TO JOIN THEIR NIGHTCLUB ACT. REPORTS SAY THAT THE TWO

NIGHTCLUB ACT. REPORTS SAY THAT THE TWO ENTERTAINERS DRAGGED MISS HEARST

REPORTS SAY THAT THE TWO ENTERTAINERS DRAGGED MISS HEARST SCREAMING FROM HER SAN FRANCISCO

ENTERTAINERS DRAGGED MISS HEARST SCREAMING FROM HER SAN FRANCISCO APARTMENT, THREW HER INTO THE

SCREAMING FROM HER SAN FRANCISCO APARTMENT, THREW HER INTO THE TRUNK OF A LEARJET, AND ARE NOW

APARTMENT, THREW HER INTO THE TRUNK OF A LEARJET, AND ARE NOW APPEARING IN LAS VEGAS AS

TRUNK OF A LEARJET, AND ARE NOW APPEARING IN LAS VEGAS AS TONYA AND THE MEATBALLS.

APPEARING IN LAS VEGAS AS TONYA AND THE MEATBALLS. IN EXCHANGE FOR HER RETURN, THEY

TONYA AND THE MEATBALLS. IN EXCHANGE FOR HER RETURN, THEY ARE DEMANDING THE HEAD OF

IN EXCHANGE FOR HER RETURN, THEY ARE DEMANDING THE HEAD OF JERRY LEWIS.

ARE DEMANDING THE HEAD OF JERRY LEWIS. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT

JERRY LEWIS. MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS.

MORE ON THIS STORY AS IT DEVELOPS. IN TEXAS, LATE MILLIONAIRESS

DEVELOPS. IN TEXAS, LATE MILLIONAIRESS SANDRA WEST WAS BURIED THIS WEEK

IN TEXAS, LATE MILLIONAIRESS SANDRA WEST WAS BURIED THIS WEEK IN HER FERRARI SPORTS COUPE, AS

SANDRA WEST WAS BURIED THIS WEEK IN HER FERRARI SPORTS COUPE, AS SHE HAD REQUESTED.

IN HER FERRARI SPORTS COUPE, AS SHE HAD REQUESTED. AFTERWARDS, A SMALL GROUP OF

SHE HAD REQUESTED. AFTERWARDS, A SMALL GROUP OF MOURNERS PLACED A FLORAL WREATH

AFTERWARDS, A SMALL GROUP OF MOURNERS PLACED A FLORAL WREATH AND A SET OF STEEL-BELTED

MOURNERS PLACED A FLORAL WREATH AND A SET OF STEEL-BELTED RADIAL TIRES ON THE GRAVE.

AND A SET OF STEEL-BELTED RADIAL TIRES ON THE GRAVE. INTERVIEWED THIS WEEK FOR THE

RADIAL TIRES ON THE GRAVE. INTERVIEWED THIS WEEK FOR THE THIRD TIME BY DAVID FROST,

INTERVIEWED THIS WEEK FOR THE THIRD TIME BY DAVID FROST, FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON

THIRD TIME BY DAVID FROST, FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON SAID THAT ANY ACT IS LEGAL IF IT

FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON SAID THAT ANY ACT IS LEGAL IF IT IS AUTHORIZED BY THE PRESIDENT.

SAID THAT ANY ACT IS LEGAL IF IT IS AUTHORIZED BY THE PRESIDENT. NIXON CONFESSED THAT IN ADDITION

IS AUTHORIZED BY THE PRESIDENT. NIXON CONFESSED THAT IN ADDITION TO APPROVING WIRETAPS AND

NIXON CONFESSED THAT IN ADDITION TO APPROVING WIRETAPS AND BURGLARIES, AS PRESIDENT HE

TO APPROVING WIRETAPS AND BURGLARIES, AS PRESIDENT HE OCCASIONALLY SHOPLIFTED AND HELD

BURGLARIES, AS PRESIDENT HE OCCASIONALLY SHOPLIFTED AND HELD UP A NUMBER OF LIQUOR STORES IN

OCCASIONALLY SHOPLIFTED AND HELD UP A NUMBER OF LIQUOR STORES IN THE WASHINGTON AREA.

UP A NUMBER OF LIQUOR STORES IN THE WASHINGTON AREA. TODAY WAS THE 102nd RUNNING OF

THE WASHINGTON AREA. TODAY WAS THE 102nd RUNNING OF THE PREAKNESS, AND OUR "UPDATE"

TODAY WAS THE 102nd RUNNING OF THE PREAKNESS, AND OUR "UPDATE" SPORTS TEAM WAS THERE, WHERE WE

THE PREAKNESS, AND OUR "UPDATE" SPORTS TEAM WAS THERE, WHERE WE NOT ONLY COVERED THE RACE BUT

SPORTS TEAM WAS THERE, WHERE WE NOT ONLY COVERED THE RACE BUT ALSO ATTACHED A MICROPHONE TO

NOT ONLY COVERED THE RACE BUT ALSO ATTACHED A MICROPHONE TO THE JOCKEY OF THE RACE'S WINNER,

ALSO ATTACHED A MICROPHONE TO THE JOCKEY OF THE RACE'S WINNER, SEATTLE SLEW.

THE JOCKEY OF THE RACE'S WINNER, SEATTLE SLEW. HERE'S THAT FOOTAGE NOW.

AAH! OUCH, OUCH!

OW! OH, BOY!

HEY! HEY!

AYE!

HEY!

OW, OW!

[As Mr. Ed] IT'S OKAY. WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. WE'RE OKAY.

WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. WE'RE OKAY. OH!

WE'RE OKAY. OH! OH, I TOLD YOU, WILBUR.

OH! OH, I TOLD YOU, WILBUR. [As Wilbur] OH, I WISH I WAS

OH, I TOLD YOU, WILBUR. [As Wilbur] OH, I WISH I WAS WEARING MY JOCKEY SHORTS.

[As Wilbur] OH, I WISH I WAS WEARING MY JOCKEY SHORTS. HEY!

WEARING MY JOCKEY SHORTS. HEY! [As Mr. Ed] HO, BOY, WILBUR.

HEY! [As Mr. Ed] HO, BOY, WILBUR. OH, GOODBYE.

[As Mr. Ed] HO, BOY, WILBUR. OH, GOODBYE. A FOOTNOTE TO THE RACE...

OH, GOODBYE. A FOOTNOTE TO THE RACE... THE OTHER FAVORITE...

A FOOTNOTE TO THE RACE... THE OTHER FAVORITE... RUN, DUSTY, RUN... NOT NOTED FOR

THE OTHER FAVORITE... RUN, DUSTY, RUN... NOT NOTED FOR BEING A GOOD LOSER, THREW A

RUN, DUSTY, RUN... NOT NOTED FOR BEING A GOOD LOSER, THREW A TANTRUM AND HAD TO BE DRAGGED

BEING A GOOD LOSER, THREW A TANTRUM AND HAD TO BE DRAGGED AWAY KICKING AND SCREAMING.

TANTRUM AND HAD TO BE DRAGGED AWAY KICKING AND SCREAMING. BALLET STAR MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV

AWAY KICKING AND SCREAMING. BALLET STAR MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV ATTENDED A PARTY WITH

BALLET STAR MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV ATTENDED A PARTY WITH JACQUELINE ONASSIS FOLLOWING THE

ATTENDED A PARTY WITH JACQUELINE ONASSIS FOLLOWING THE NEW YORK PREMIER OF

JACQUELINE ONASSIS FOLLOWING THE NEW YORK PREMIER OF BARYSHNIKOV'S PRODUCTION OF "THE

NEW YORK PREMIER OF BARYSHNIKOV'S PRODUCTION OF "THE NUTCRACKER" FOR THE AMERICAN

BARYSHNIKOV'S PRODUCTION OF "THE NUTCRACKER" FOR THE AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE.

NUTCRACKER" FOR THE AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE. THOUGH THE OPENING WAS A BIG

BALLET THEATRE. THOUGH THE OPENING WAS A BIG SUCCESS, MRS. ONASSIS MADE

THOUGH THE OPENING WAS A BIG SUCCESS, MRS. ONASSIS MADE BARYSHNIKOV CRY WHEN SHE

SUCCESS, MRS. ONASSIS MADE BARYSHNIKOV CRY WHEN SHE INFORMED HIM THAT SHE COULD SEE

BARYSHNIKOV CRY WHEN SHE INFORMED HIM THAT SHE COULD SEE VERY LITTLE UNDER HIS TIGHTS.

INFORMED HIM THAT SHE COULD SEE VERY LITTLE UNDER HIS TIGHTS. IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK

VERY LITTLE UNDER HIS TIGHTS. IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK THAT CHARLES LINDBERGH MADE HIS

IT WAS 50 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK THAT CHARLES LINDBERGH MADE HIS HISTORIC SOLO FLIGHT FROM

THAT CHARLES LINDBERGH MADE HIS HISTORIC SOLO FLIGHT FROM NEW YORK TO PARIS.

HISTORIC SOLO FLIGHT FROM NEW YORK TO PARIS. TAKING OFF FROM ROOSEVELT FIELD

NEW YORK TO PARIS. TAKING OFF FROM ROOSEVELT FIELD ON LONG ISLAND, IT WAS A FEAT

TAKING OFF FROM ROOSEVELT FIELD ON LONG ISLAND, IT WAS A FEAT THAT WAS HAILED BY MILLIONS OF

ON LONG ISLAND, IT WAS A FEAT THAT WAS HAILED BY MILLIONS OF CITIZENS EXCEPT FOR THE

THAT WAS HAILED BY MILLIONS OF CITIZENS EXCEPT FOR THE RESIDENTS OF HOWARD BEACH, WHO

CITIZENS EXCEPT FOR THE RESIDENTS OF HOWARD BEACH, WHO PROTESTED AGAINST THE NOISE.

RESIDENTS OF HOWARD BEACH, WHO PROTESTED AGAINST THE NOISE. THIS JUST IN...

PROTESTED AGAINST THE NOISE. THIS JUST IN... WE NOW TAKE YOU LIVE TO OUR

THIS JUST IN... WE NOW TAKE YOU LIVE TO OUR CRACK POLITICAL REPORTER,

WE NOW TAKE YOU LIVE TO OUR CRACK POLITICAL REPORTER, MISS EMILY LITELLA, WHO IS WITH

CRACK POLITICAL REPORTER, MISS EMILY LITELLA, WHO IS WITH BELLA ABZUG, WHO IS ABOUT TO

MISS EMILY LITELLA, WHO IS WITH BELLA ABZUG, WHO IS ABOUT TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

BELLA ABZUG, WHO IS ABOUT TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. EMILY?

YES, JANE.

I'M STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF

CITY HALL WITH FORMER

CONGRESSWOMAN STELLA ABZUG, WHO

HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

STELLA?

EMILY, IT'S BELLA, BELLA. OH, YOU SPEAK ITALIAN! HOW NICE.

OH, YOU SPEAK ITALIAN! HOW NICE. THAT'S LOVELY, JUST LOVELY.

HOW NICE. THAT'S LOVELY, JUST LOVELY. NOW TELL ME, STELLA, WHAT DO YOU

THAT'S LOVELY, JUST LOVELY. NOW TELL ME, STELLA, WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO...

NOW TELL ME, STELLA, WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO... IT'S BELLA.

PLAN TO... IT'S BELLA. IT'S BELLA.

IT'S BELLA. IT'S BELLA. OH, CIAO, CIAO.

IT'S BELLA. OH, CIAO, CIAO. SHALOM, SHALOM.

OH, CIAO, CIAO. SHALOM, SHALOM. WELL, STELLA, WE KNOW YOU

SHALOM, SHALOM. WELL, STELLA, WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE ITALIAN VOTE.

WELL, STELLA, WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE ITALIAN VOTE. I HAVE A LOT OF RAPPORT WITH

HAVE THE ITALIAN VOTE. I HAVE A LOT OF RAPPORT WITH VOTERS, BUT...

I HAVE A LOT OF RAPPORT WITH VOTERS, BUT... DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU'RE

VOTERS, BUT... DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU'RE GOING TO THROW YOUR CAT INTO THE

DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU'RE GOING TO THROW YOUR CAT INTO THE RING BECAUSE I THINK IT'S

GOING TO THROW YOUR CAT INTO THE RING BECAUSE I THINK IT'S TERRIBLE THE WAY PETS ARE

RING BECAUSE I THINK IT'S TERRIBLE THE WAY PETS ARE MISTREATED JUST TO GET A FEW

TERRIBLE THE WAY PETS ARE MISTREATED JUST TO GET A FEW VOTES FOR POLITICIANS.

MISTREATED JUST TO GET A FEW VOTES FOR POLITICIANS. THROWING YOUR CAT INTO... WHAT,

VOTES FOR POLITICIANS. THROWING YOUR CAT INTO... WHAT, WHAT?

THROWING YOUR CAT INTO... WHAT, WHAT? IT'S NOT CAT.

WHAT? IT'S NOT CAT. IT'S HAT.

IT'S NOT CAT. IT'S HAT. HAT IN THE RING.

IT'S HAT. HAT IN THE RING. YOU SEE, MY HAT... IT'S STILL

HAT IN THE RING. YOU SEE, MY HAT... IT'S STILL ON, BUT I'M PLANNING TO TOSS IT

YOU SEE, MY HAT... IT'S STILL ON, BUT I'M PLANNING TO TOSS IT INTO THE...

ON, BUT I'M PLANNING TO TOSS IT INTO THE... OH!

INTO THE... OH! IT'S A VERY LOVELY HAT, I MIGHT

OH! IT'S A VERY LOVELY HAT, I MIGHT ADD.

IT'S A VERY LOVELY HAT, I MIGHT ADD. IT'S JUST LOVELY.

ADD. IT'S JUST LOVELY. I SEE YOU HAVE A NICE HAT,

IT'S JUST LOVELY. I SEE YOU HAVE A NICE HAT, COPYCAT... I MEAN, HAT!

I SEE YOU HAVE A NICE HAT, COPYCAT... I MEAN, HAT! WELL, I'M HERE, AND STELLA

COPYCAT... I MEAN, HAT! WELL, I'M HERE, AND STELLA HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, AND

WELL, I'M HERE, AND STELLA HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

HAS AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS. STELLA ABZUG IS GOING TO THROW

I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS. STELLA ABZUG IS GOING TO THROW HER CAT INTO THE RING.

STELLA ABZUG IS GOING TO THROW HER CAT INTO THE RING. AND NOW HERE'S THE BIG

HER CAT INTO THE RING. AND NOW HERE'S THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

AND NOW HERE'S THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! NEVER MIND.

THANK YOU, EMILY. NOW AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" GUEST

NOW AS A PUBLIC SERVICE, "WEEKEND UPDATE'S" GUEST EDITORIAL COMMENTATOR,

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S" GUEST EDITORIAL COMMENTATOR, BUCK HENRY.

EDITORIAL COMMENTATOR, BUCK HENRY. THANK YOU, JANE.

BUCK HENRY. THANK YOU, JANE. ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE

THANK YOU, JANE. ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU. I'M NOT HERE TO DELIVER AN

SURPRISE FOR YOU. I'M NOT HERE TO DELIVER AN EDITORIAL OR A COMMENTARY BUT TO

I'M NOT HERE TO DELIVER AN EDITORIAL OR A COMMENTARY BUT TO MAKE A PRESENTATION.

EDITORIAL OR A COMMENTARY BUT TO MAKE A PRESENTATION. THE COUNCIL OF TELEVISION

MAKE A PRESENTATION. THE COUNCIL OF TELEVISION JOURNALISTS, OF WHICH I AM

THE COUNCIL OF TELEVISION JOURNALISTS, OF WHICH I AM HONORARY CHAIRMAN, HAS

JOURNALISTS, OF WHICH I AM HONORARY CHAIRMAN, HAS UNANIMOUSLY VOTED YOU,

HONORARY CHAIRMAN, HAS UNANIMOUSLY VOTED YOU, JANE CURTIN, AMERICA'S

UNANIMOUSLY VOTED YOU, JANE CURTIN, AMERICA'S OUTSTANDING TELEVISION

JANE CURTIN, AMERICA'S OUTSTANDING TELEVISION JOURNALIST FOR THE 1976-77

OUTSTANDING TELEVISION JOURNALIST FOR THE 1976-77 SEASON.

JOURNALIST FOR THE 1976-77 SEASON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SEASON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT IS SUCH AN HONOR.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT IS SUCH AN HONOR. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

THAT IS SUCH AN HONOR. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WHO'S GOTTEN THIS AWARD BEFORE?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WHO'S GOTTEN THIS AWARD BEFORE? WELL, NO ONE, JANE.

WHO'S GOTTEN THIS AWARD BEFORE? WELL, NO ONE, JANE. THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT

WELL, NO ONE, JANE. THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT WE'VE PRESENTED IT.

THIS IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT WE'VE PRESENTED IT. WELL, WHY ME?

WE'VE PRESENTED IT. WELL, WHY ME? WHY? WHY, JANE?

WELL, WHY ME? WHY? WHY, JANE? I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION.

WHY? WHY, JANE? I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION. BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN, AND I'M

I CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION. BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN, AND I'M A MAN.

BECAUSE YOU'RE A WOMAN, AND I'M A MAN. WHAT COULD CRONKITE, BRINKLEY,

A MAN. WHAT COULD CRONKITE, BRINKLEY, SMITH, OR CHANCELLOR EVER DO FOR

WHAT COULD CRONKITE, BRINKLEY, SMITH, OR CHANCELLOR EVER DO FOR ME IF I GAVE THEM THIS PLAQUE?

SMITH, OR CHANCELLOR EVER DO FOR ME IF I GAVE THEM THIS PLAQUE? THEY'D SAY, "THANK YOU"... BIG

ME IF I GAVE THEM THIS PLAQUE? THEY'D SAY, "THANK YOU"... BIG DEAL.

THEY'D SAY, "THANK YOU"... BIG DEAL. BUT WITH YOU IT'S A DIFFERENT

DEAL. BUT WITH YOU IT'S A DIFFERENT SITUATION.

BUT WITH YOU IT'S A DIFFERENT SITUATION. YOU ASK, "WHY ME?"

SITUATION. YOU ASK, "WHY ME?" I CAN TELL YOU.

YOU ASK, "WHY ME?" I CAN TELL YOU. BECAUSE I'VE WATCHED YOU SITTING

I CAN TELL YOU. BECAUSE I'VE WATCHED YOU SITTING HERE, SHOW AFTER SHOW, WITH YOUR

BECAUSE I'VE WATCHED YOU SITTING HERE, SHOW AFTER SHOW, WITH YOUR BLOND HAIR BRUSHING THE SIDE OF

HERE, SHOW AFTER SHOW, WITH YOUR BLOND HAIR BRUSHING THE SIDE OF YOUR FACE AS YOU'VE KEPT ME

BLOND HAIR BRUSHING THE SIDE OF YOUR FACE AS YOU'VE KEPT ME INFORMED OF THE NEWS OF THE

YOUR FACE AS YOU'VE KEPT ME INFORMED OF THE NEWS OF THE WORLD.

INFORMED OF THE NEWS OF THE WORLD. I'VE HEARD THAT BREATHLESS,

WORLD. I'VE HEARD THAT BREATHLESS, LITTLE CATCH IN YOUR VOICE WHEN

I'VE HEARD THAT BREATHLESS, LITTLE CATCH IN YOUR VOICE WHEN A PARTICULAR NEWS ITEM AFFECTED

LITTLE CATCH IN YOUR VOICE WHEN A PARTICULAR NEWS ITEM AFFECTED YOUR EMOTIONS.

A PARTICULAR NEWS ITEM AFFECTED YOUR EMOTIONS. I'VE SEEN YOU UNBUTTON THAT TOP

YOUR EMOTIONS. I'VE SEEN YOU UNBUTTON THAT TOP BUTTON ON YOUR BLOUSE TO BOOST

I'VE SEEN YOU UNBUTTON THAT TOP BUTTON ON YOUR BLOUSE TO BOOST YOUR RATINGS, AS WELL AS MY

BUTTON ON YOUR BLOUSE TO BOOST YOUR RATINGS, AS WELL AS MY PULSE.

YOUR RATINGS, AS WELL AS MY PULSE. I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THOSE SILKEN

PULSE. I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THOSE SILKEN THIGHS UNDERNEATH THE DESK,

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THOSE SILKEN THIGHS UNDERNEATH THE DESK, CROSSING AND UNCROSSING.

THIGHS UNDERNEATH THE DESK, CROSSING AND UNCROSSING. I-I JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU'RE

CROSSING AND UNCROSSING. I-I JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU'RE LIKE UNDERNEATH THIS DESK.

I-I JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU'RE LIKE UNDERNEATH THIS DESK. THE UNSEEN NEWSWOMAN, AS IT

LIKE UNDERNEATH THIS DESK. THE UNSEEN NEWSWOMAN, AS IT WERE.

THE UNSEEN NEWSWOMAN, AS IT WERE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WERE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO WHEN YOU ASK ME, I CAN SAFELY

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO WHEN YOU ASK ME, I CAN SAFELY ANSWER, JANE.

SO WHEN YOU ASK ME, I CAN SAFELY ANSWER, JANE. BECAUSE I WANT YOU AS I'VE NEVER

ANSWER, JANE. BECAUSE I WANT YOU AS I'VE NEVER BEFORE WANTED A NETWORK

BECAUSE I WANT YOU AS I'VE NEVER BEFORE WANTED A NETWORK ANCHORPERSON.

BEFORE WANTED A NETWORK ANCHORPERSON. WELL...

ANCHORPERSON. WELL... IN ADDITION, JANE, TO THIS

WELL... IN ADDITION, JANE, TO THIS LOVELY PLAQUE, THERE'S A TROPHY,

IN ADDITION, JANE, TO THIS LOVELY PLAQUE, THERE'S A TROPHY, A RATHER LARGE TROPHY, I MIGHT

LOVELY PLAQUE, THERE'S A TROPHY, A RATHER LARGE TROPHY, I MIGHT SAY.

A RATHER LARGE TROPHY, I MIGHT SAY. WHICH, UH, I'D RATHER GIVE TO

SAY. WHICH, UH, I'D RATHER GIVE TO YOU IN PRIVATE, IF I COULD.

WHICH, UH, I'D RATHER GIVE TO YOU IN PRIVATE, IF I COULD. THAT... THAT'S OKAY.

YOU IN PRIVATE, IF I COULD. THAT... THAT'S OKAY. I CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT.

THAT... THAT'S OKAY. I CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT. WELL, THE TROPHY IS OF AN

I CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT. WELL, THE TROPHY IS OF AN UNUSUAL AND ORIGINAL DESIGN.

WELL, THE TROPHY IS OF AN UNUSUAL AND ORIGINAL DESIGN. IT'S NOT SUITABLE FOR HOME

UNUSUAL AND ORIGINAL DESIGN. IT'S NOT SUITABLE FOR HOME VIEWING.

IT'S NOT SUITABLE FOR HOME VIEWING. SO IF I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU

VIEWING. SO IF I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU AFTER THE SHOW, SAY, AT YOUR

SO IF I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU AFTER THE SHOW, SAY, AT YOUR PLACE...

AFTER THE SHOW, SAY, AT YOUR PLACE... UH... THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

PLACE... UH... THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. HENRY, BUT NO, THANK YOU.

UH... THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. HENRY, BUT NO, THANK YOU. I'M TAKING THE SCROLL BACK.

MR. HENRY, BUT NO, THANK YOU. I'M TAKING THE SCROLL BACK. I DON'T THINK YOU'LL NEED IT

I'M TAKING THE SCROLL BACK. I DON'T THINK YOU'LL NEED IT ANYWAY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'LL NEED IT ANYWAY. I'LL GO TALK TO BARBARA.

ANYWAY. I'LL GO TALK TO BARBARA. I'VE HEARD THINGS ABOUT HER.

I'LL GO TALK TO BARBARA. I'VE HEARD THINGS ABOUT HER. GOOD NIGHT AND...

I'VE HEARD THINGS ABOUT HER. GOOD NIGHT AND... THAT'S THE NEWS AND HAVE A

GOOD NIGHT AND... THAT'S THE NEWS AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

♪ HAPPY ENGAGEMENT, DEAR RHONDA ♪ ♪ HAPPY ENGAGEMENT TO YOU ♪

DEAR RHONDA ♪ ♪ HAPPY ENGAGEMENT TO YOU ♪ YAY!

♪ HAPPY ENGAGEMENT TO YOU ♪ YAY! OH, YOU GUYS, THIS IS REALLY

YAY! OH, YOU GUYS, THIS IS REALLY INCREDIBLE.

OH, YOU GUYS, THIS IS REALLY INCREDIBLE. YOU ARE REALLY THE BEST IN THE

INCREDIBLE. YOU ARE REALLY THE BEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

YOU ARE REALLY THE BEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD. WE ARE TALKING MAJOR NICENESS OF

WHOLE WORLD. WE ARE TALKING MAJOR NICENESS OF LIFE.

WE ARE TALKING MAJOR NICENESS OF LIFE. REALLY MAJOR.

LIFE. REALLY MAJOR. RHONDA, JOYCEY AND I ARE YOUR

REALLY MAJOR. RHONDA, JOYCEY AND I ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS.

RHONDA, JOYCEY AND I ARE YOUR BEST FRIENDS. WE LOVE YOU, AND IF YOU THINK

BEST FRIENDS. WE LOVE YOU, AND IF YOU THINK WE'D LET YOUR ENGAGEMENT GO BY

WE LOVE YOU, AND IF YOU THINK WE'D LET YOUR ENGAGEMENT GO BY WITH NO SHOWER, WELL, FORGET IT.

WE'D LET YOUR ENGAGEMENT GO BY WITH NO SHOWER, WELL, FORGET IT. NO WAY!

WITH NO SHOWER, WELL, FORGET IT. NO WAY! GET SERIOUS.

NO WAY! GET SERIOUS. COME ON, REALLY.

GET SERIOUS. COME ON, REALLY. NO KIDDING.

COME ON, REALLY. NO KIDDING. HONEST TO GOD!

NO KIDDING. HONEST TO GOD! NOW LISTEN.

HONEST TO GOD! NOW LISTEN. OKAY, IT'S A KITCHEN SHOWER,

NOW LISTEN. OKAY, IT'S A KITCHEN SHOWER, EVERYBODY.

OKAY, IT'S A KITCHEN SHOWER, EVERYBODY. AND DON'T WORRY.

EVERYBODY. AND DON'T WORRY. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOUR COLORS

AND DON'T WORRY. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOUR COLORS ARE BURNT ORANGE AND TAPIOCA.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOUR COLORS ARE BURNT ORANGE AND TAPIOCA. NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE A

ARE BURNT ORANGE AND TAPIOCA. NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE A BOUQUET OF ALL YOUR RIBBONS, AND

NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE A BOUQUET OF ALL YOUR RIBBONS, AND JOYCEY IS GOING TO MAKE A LIST

BOUQUET OF ALL YOUR RIBBONS, AND JOYCEY IS GOING TO MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU SAY WHEN YOU

JOYCEY IS GOING TO MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU SAY WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR PRESENTS, AND THAT'LL

OF EVERYTHING YOU SAY WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR PRESENTS, AND THAT'LL BE WHAT YOU SAY ON YOUR WEDDING

OPEN YOUR PRESENTS, AND THAT'LL BE WHAT YOU SAY ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, OKAY?

BE WHAT YOU SAY ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT, OKAY? OH, YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT.

NIGHT, OKAY? OH, YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT. REALLY, REALLY YOU ARE.

OH, YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT. REALLY, REALLY YOU ARE. OKAY, OKAY.

REALLY, REALLY YOU ARE. OKAY, OKAY. THE FIRST ONE IS FROM

OKAY, OKAY. THE FIRST ONE IS FROM JOANNE PEARLSTEIN.

THE FIRST ONE IS FROM JOANNE PEARLSTEIN. LET ME JUST TAKE THE RIBBON.

JOANNE PEARLSTEIN. LET ME JUST TAKE THE RIBBON. OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE.

LET ME JUST TAKE THE RIBBON. OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS

OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY

I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT.

YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT. THANK YOU.

LIKE IT. THANK YOU. [ALL GASP]

THANK YOU. [ALL GASP] OH, A MELON BALLER.

[ALL GASP] OH, A MELON BALLER. OH!

OH, A MELON BALLER. OH! OH, ISN'T THAT THOUGHTFUL?

OH! OH, ISN'T THAT THOUGHTFUL? HOW WONDERFUL!

OH, ISN'T THAT THOUGHTFUL? HOW WONDERFUL! YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, WHEN

HOW WONDERFUL! YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MELON, THEN

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE, WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MELON, THEN YOU DON'T WANT IT IN BALLS, YOU

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MELON, THEN YOU DON'T WANT IT IN BALLS, YOU KNOW?

YOU DON'T WANT IT IN BALLS, YOU KNOW? YOU DON'T MIND THAT YOU DON'T

KNOW? YOU DON'T MIND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A MELON BALLER.

YOU DON'T MIND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A MELON BALLER. BUT IF YOU DO HAVE MELON, AND

HAVE A MELON BALLER. BUT IF YOU DO HAVE MELON, AND YOU WANT IT IN BALLS, AND YOU

BUT IF YOU DO HAVE MELON, AND YOU WANT IT IN BALLS, AND YOU DON'T HAVE A MELON BALLER, THEN

YOU WANT IT IN BALLS, AND YOU DON'T HAVE A MELON BALLER, THEN YOU REALLY WISH THAT YOU HAD A

DON'T HAVE A MELON BALLER, THEN YOU REALLY WISH THAT YOU HAD A MELON.

YOU REALLY WISH THAT YOU HAD A MELON. AM I RIGHT?

MELON. AM I RIGHT? ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY.

AM I RIGHT? ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY. I KNOW, 'CAUSE BEFORE I HAD MY

ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY. I KNOW, 'CAUSE BEFORE I HAD MY MELON BALLER, I WENT WITHOUT

I KNOW, 'CAUSE BEFORE I HAD MY MELON BALLER, I WENT WITHOUT HAVING MY MELON IN BALLS FOR A

MELON BALLER, I WENT WITHOUT HAVING MY MELON IN BALLS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

HAVING MY MELON IN BALLS FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. ME TOO.

REALLY LONG TIME. ME TOO. I DID, TOO.

ME TOO. I DID, TOO. OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE.

I DID, TOO. OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE. OKAY, THIS ONE IS FROM

OH, THANK YOU, JOANNE. OKAY, THIS ONE IS FROM RACHEL.

OKAY, THIS ONE IS FROM RACHEL. OH, THANK YOU, RACHE.

RACHEL. OH, THANK YOU, RACHE. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS

OH, THANK YOU, RACHE. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY

I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT.

YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT. THANK YOU.

LIKE IT. THANK YOU. [ALL GASP]

THANK YOU. [ALL GASP] OH, AN EGG TWEEZER.

[ALL GASP] OH, AN EGG TWEEZER. OH, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE KIND

OH, AN EGG TWEEZER. OH, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT YOU ALWAYS REALLY

OH, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT YOU ALWAYS REALLY WANT BUT YOU'D NEVER BUY FOR

OF THING THAT YOU ALWAYS REALLY WANT BUT YOU'D NEVER BUY FOR YOURSELF.

WANT BUT YOU'D NEVER BUY FOR YOURSELF. YES, IT IS.

YOURSELF. YES, IT IS. LIKE, BEFORE I HAD MY EGG

YES, IT IS. LIKE, BEFORE I HAD MY EGG TWEEZER, I DIDN'T REALLY MISS

LIKE, BEFORE I HAD MY EGG TWEEZER, I DIDN'T REALLY MISS IT.

TWEEZER, I DIDN'T REALLY MISS IT. BUT NOW THAT I HAVE ONE, I

IT. BUT NOW THAT I HAVE ONE, I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT.

BUT NOW THAT I HAVE ONE, I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT. IT'S SO TRUE.

COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT. IT'S SO TRUE. I ENJOY MINE SO MUCH, AND EVERY

IT'S SO TRUE. I ENJOY MINE SO MUCH, AND EVERY TIME I TWEEZE AN EGG, I THINK OF

I ENJOY MINE SO MUCH, AND EVERY TIME I TWEEZE AN EGG, I THINK OF THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT TO ME.

TIME I TWEEZE AN EGG, I THINK OF THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT TO ME. THANK YOU, RACHEL.

THE PERSON WHO GAVE IT TO ME. THANK YOU, RACHEL. CUTE PAPER, RACHEL.

THANK YOU, RACHEL. CUTE PAPER, RACHEL. CUTE CARD, TOO.

CUTE PAPER, RACHEL. CUTE CARD, TOO. CUTE RIBBON, GOOD CURLING.

CUTE CARD, TOO. CUTE RIBBON, GOOD CURLING. OOH.

CUTE RIBBON, GOOD CURLING. OOH. OH, THIS ONE.

OOH. OH, THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS FROM

OH, THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS FROM EILEEN FRIEDLANDER.

THIS ONE IS FROM EILEEN FRIEDLANDER. OH, THANK YOU, EILEEN.

EILEEN FRIEDLANDER. OH, THANK YOU, EILEEN. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS

OH, THANK YOU, EILEEN. I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY

I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT.

YET, BUT I'M SURE I'LL REALLY LIKE IT. OH, LOOK!

LIKE IT. OH, LOOK! OH, LOOK!

OH, LOOK! OH, LOOK! OH, IT'S AN APRON!

OH, LOOK! OH, IT'S AN APRON! IT'S AN APRON, AND IT SAYS, "FOR

OH, IT'S AN APRON! IT'S AN APRON, AND IT SAYS, "FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?"

IT'S AN APRON, AND IT SAYS, "FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?" OH!

THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?" OH! I JUST LOVE IT.

OH! I JUST LOVE IT. OH, YOU GUYS.

I JUST LOVE IT. OH, YOU GUYS. THIS IS THE BEST BRIDAL SHOWER A

OH, YOU GUYS. THIS IS THE BEST BRIDAL SHOWER A PERSON EVER HAD, EXCEPT FOR THE

THIS IS THE BEST BRIDAL SHOWER A PERSON EVER HAD, EXCEPT FOR THE ONE MY COUSIN JUDY GAVE ME LAST

PERSON EVER HAD, EXCEPT FOR THE ONE MY COUSIN JUDY GAVE ME LAST SATURDAY.

ONE MY COUSIN JUDY GAVE ME LAST SATURDAY. OKAY, WELL, NOW IT'S TIME FOR

SATURDAY. OKAY, WELL, NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE SURPRISE.

OKAY, WELL, NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE SURPRISE. SURPRISE?

THE SURPRISE. SURPRISE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SURPRISE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT COULD IT BE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT COULD IT BE? YOU'LL SEE.

WHAT COULD IT BE? YOU'LL SEE. OH, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING

YOU'LL SEE. OH, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE.

OH, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE. NO, THIS IS ENOUGH, REALLY.

ELSE. NO, THIS IS ENOUGH, REALLY. OH, NO!

NO, THIS IS ENOUGH, REALLY. OH, NO! OH, GOD, WHAT IS IT?

OH, NO! OH, GOD, WHAT IS IT? IT'S A COMBINATION

OH, GOD, WHAT IS IT? IT'S A COMBINATION BLENDER/MICROWAVE OVEN/

IT'S A COMBINATION BLENDER/MICROWAVE OVEN/ YOGURT MAKER/WAFFLE IRON, AND

BLENDER/MICROWAVE OVEN/ YOGURT MAKER/WAFFLE IRON, AND VEGETABLE STEAMER.

YOGURT MAKER/WAFFLE IRON, AND VEGETABLE STEAMER. FROM LOUISE AND I WITH L-U-V.

VEGETABLE STEAMER. FROM LOUISE AND I WITH L-U-V. I-I MEAN, LIKE, THIS IS

FROM LOUISE AND I WITH L-U-V. I-I MEAN, LIKE, THIS IS THE...

I-I MEAN, LIKE, THIS IS THE... LIKE, LIKE, I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT

THE... LIKE, LIKE, I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT I, LIKE, THIS IS...

LIKE, LIKE, I MEAN, THIS IS WHAT I, LIKE, THIS IS... ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAVE ONLY

I, LIKE, THIS IS... ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAVE ONLY WANTED THIS SINCE I SAW IT LAST

ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAVE ONLY WANTED THIS SINCE I SAW IT LAST SEPTEMBER IN BLOOMINGDALE'S

WANTED THIS SINCE I SAW IT LAST SEPTEMBER IN BLOOMINGDALE'S HOUSEWARES SALE CATALOGUE.

SEPTEMBER IN BLOOMINGDALE'S HOUSEWARES SALE CATALOGUE. MAY I DIE IF I AM LYING?

HOUSEWARES SALE CATALOGUE. MAY I DIE IF I AM LYING? I MEAN, I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP

MAY I DIE IF I AM LYING? I MEAN, I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP MY GOING-AWAY DRESS TO GET THIS.

I MEAN, I WAS WILLING TO GIVE UP MY GOING-AWAY DRESS TO GET THIS. PLEASE, GOD, IF I AM LYING, MAY

MY GOING-AWAY DRESS TO GET THIS. PLEASE, GOD, IF I AM LYING, MAY I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOW MY

PLEASE, GOD, IF I AM LYING, MAY I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOW MY CONTACT LENSES WHEN I AM WASHING

I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOW MY CONTACT LENSES WHEN I AM WASHING THEM IN MY MOUTH?

CONTACT LENSES WHEN I AM WASHING THEM IN MY MOUTH? OH, RHONDA!

THEM IN MY MOUTH? OH, RHONDA! OH, WAIT.

OH, RHONDA! OH, WAIT. WHERE IS IT?

OH, WAIT. WHERE IS IT? HERE'S YOUR RIBBON BOUQUET TO

WHERE IS IT? HERE'S YOUR RIBBON BOUQUET TO CARRY DOWN THE AISLE AT YOUR

HERE'S YOUR RIBBON BOUQUET TO CARRY DOWN THE AISLE AT YOUR REHEARSAL.

CARRY DOWN THE AISLE AT YOUR REHEARSAL. OKAY, AND HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL

REHEARSAL. OKAY, AND HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL SAY ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT.

OKAY, AND HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL SAY ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. "THANK YOU.

SAY ON YOUR WEDDING NIGHT. "THANK YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I'M

"THANK YOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I'M REALLY SURE I'LL LIKE IT!"

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I'M REALLY SURE I'LL LIKE IT!" THANK YOU.

REALLY SURE I'LL LIKE IT!" THANK YOU. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. I-I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY. I-I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE THAT YOU'LL ALL BE ABLE TO MEET

I-I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE THAT YOU'LL ALL BE ABLE TO MEET VERY NICE CRIMINAL LAWYERS NAMED

THAT YOU'LL ALL BE ABLE TO MEET VERY NICE CRIMINAL LAWYERS NAMED BARRY LEBOWITZ IN YOUR FUTURES.

VERY NICE CRIMINAL LAWYERS NAMED BARRY LEBOWITZ IN YOUR FUTURES. THANK YOU.

GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO "HOW YOUR CHILDREN GROW." MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF

"HOW YOUR CHILDREN GROW." MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST BEHAVIORAL

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF AMERICA'S FOREMOST BEHAVIORAL SCIENTISTS, WHO'S HERE TO

AMERICA'S FOREMOST BEHAVIORAL SCIENTISTS, WHO'S HERE TO DISCUSS HIS RESEARCH ON PROBLEMS

SCIENTISTS, WHO'S HERE TO DISCUSS HIS RESEARCH ON PROBLEMS IN LEARNING DIFFICULTIES.

DISCUSS HIS RESEARCH ON PROBLEMS IN LEARNING DIFFICULTIES. HIS NAME IS DR. RICHARD DALTON.

IN LEARNING DIFFICULTIES. HIS NAME IS DR. RICHARD DALTON. WELCOME.

HIS NAME IS DR. RICHARD DALTON. WELCOME. THANK YOU...

WELCOME. THANK YOU... COMMA.

THANK YOU... COMMA. JANE.

COMMA. JANE. PERIOD.

JANE. PERIOD. IT'S VERY NICE TO BE HERE.

PERIOD. IT'S VERY NICE TO BE HERE. EXCLAMATION POINT.

IT'S VERY NICE TO BE HERE. EXCLAMATION POINT. [BELL DINGS]

EXCLAMATION POINT. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. DR. DALTON, WHEN DID YOU FIRST

THANK YOU. DR. DALTON, WHEN DID YOU FIRST BECOME INVOLVED WITH YOUR WORK

DR. DALTON, WHEN DID YOU FIRST BECOME INVOLVED WITH YOUR WORK WITH THE HANDICAPPED?

BECOME INVOLVED WITH YOUR WORK WITH THE HANDICAPPED? ABOUT 12...

WITH THE HANDICAPPED? ABOUT 12... DASH.

ABOUT 12... DASH. 13 YEARS AGO.

DASH. 13 YEARS AGO. PERIOD.

13 YEARS AGO. PERIOD. I WAS FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE...

PERIOD. I WAS FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE... PARENTHESES.

I WAS FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE... PARENTHESES. I WENT TO HARVARD.

PARENTHESES. I WENT TO HARVARD. CLOSED PARENTHESES.

I WENT TO HARVARD. CLOSED PARENTHESES. WHERE I GOT A PhD.

CLOSED PARENTHESES. WHERE I GOT A PhD. PERIOD.

WHERE I GOT A PhD. PERIOD. IN SPEECH THERAPY.

PERIOD. IN SPEECH THERAPY. PERIOD.

IN SPEECH THERAPY. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS FIELD,

THANK YOU. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS FIELD, SIR?

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS FIELD, SIR? WHY?

SIR? WHY? QUESTION MARK.

WHY? QUESTION MARK. I GUESS BECAUSE IT'S SO...

QUESTION MARK. I GUESS BECAUSE IT'S SO... DOT, DOT, DOT.

I GUESS BECAUSE IT'S SO... DOT, DOT, DOT. DAMN REWARDING.

DOT, DOT, DOT. DAMN REWARDING. PERIOD.

DAMN REWARDING. PERIOD. YEARS AGO, JANE...

PERIOD. YEARS AGO, JANE... DASH.

YEARS AGO, JANE... DASH. MY FATHER TOLD ME THAT...

DASH. MY FATHER TOLD ME THAT... QUOTATION MARKS.

MY FATHER TOLD ME THAT... QUOTATION MARKS. "IF I COULD JUST HELP ONE

QUOTATION MARKS. "IF I COULD JUST HELP ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD...

"IF I COULD JUST HELP ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD... COMMA.

PERSON IN THE WORLD... COMMA. THEN SURELY I WOULD BE

COMMA. THEN SURELY I WOULD BE LOOKED UPON FAVORABLY BY THE

THEN SURELY I WOULD BE LOOKED UPON FAVORABLY BY THE LORD!"

LOOKED UPON FAVORABLY BY THE LORD!" EXCLAMATION POINT, CLOSED

LORD!" EXCLAMATION POINT, CLOSED QUOTATION.

EXCLAMATION POINT, CLOSED QUOTATION. [BELL DINGS]

QUOTATION. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. YOUR FATHER SOUNDS LIKE A WISE

THANK YOU. YOUR FATHER SOUNDS LIKE A WISE MAN.

YOUR FATHER SOUNDS LIKE A WISE MAN. IS HE STILL ALIVE?

MAN. IS HE STILL ALIVE? NO, JANE...

IS HE STILL ALIVE? NO, JANE... DOT, DOT, DOT.

NO, JANE... DOT, DOT, DOT. HE HAD A TUMOR...

DOT, DOT, DOT. HE HAD A TUMOR... DASH.

HE HAD A TUMOR... DASH. AND THE DOCTORS REMOVED

DASH. AND THE DOCTORS REMOVED HALF HIS COLON...

AND THE DOCTORS REMOVED HALF HIS COLON... SEMICOLON.

HALF HIS COLON... SEMICOLON. BEFORE HE LAPSED INTO A

SEMICOLON. BEFORE HE LAPSED INTO A COMA...

BEFORE HE LAPSED INTO A COMA... COMMA.

COMA... COMMA. AND THEN DIED.

COMMA. AND THEN DIED. PERIOD.

AND THEN DIED. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. DR. DALTON, WHAT CAUSES LEARNING

THANK YOU. DR. DALTON, WHAT CAUSES LEARNING DISABILITIES?

DR. DALTON, WHAT CAUSES LEARNING DISABILITIES? IT'S REALLY HARD TO SAY,

DISABILITIES? IT'S REALLY HARD TO SAY, JANE...

IT'S REALLY HARD TO SAY, JANE... DASH.

JANE... DASH. WE'RE STILL LEARNING ABOUT IT

DASH. WE'RE STILL LEARNING ABOUT IT WITH HOPES THAT DETERMINING THAT

WE'RE STILL LEARNING ABOUT IT WITH HOPES THAT DETERMINING THAT CAUSE WILL GIVE US INSIGHT INTO

WITH HOPES THAT DETERMINING THAT CAUSE WILL GIVE US INSIGHT INTO TREATMENT.

CAUSE WILL GIVE US INSIGHT INTO TREATMENT. PERIOD.

TREATMENT. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. WE'VE READ THAT MANY PEOPLE WHO

THANK YOU. WE'VE READ THAT MANY PEOPLE WHO WORKED IN YOUR FIELD ARE

WE'VE READ THAT MANY PEOPLE WHO WORKED IN YOUR FIELD ARE ASSISTED BY PEOPLE WHO INDEED

WORKED IN YOUR FIELD ARE ASSISTED BY PEOPLE WHO INDEED THEMSELVES HAVE SIMILAR

ASSISTED BY PEOPLE WHO INDEED THEMSELVES HAVE SIMILAR PROBLEMS.

THEMSELVES HAVE SIMILAR PROBLEMS. IT MAKES THEM MORE EMPATHETIC.

PROBLEMS. IT MAKES THEM MORE EMPATHETIC. ARE THESE YOUR ASSISTANTS?

IT MAKES THEM MORE EMPATHETIC. ARE THESE YOUR ASSISTANTS? YES, THEY ARE.

ARE THESE YOUR ASSISTANTS? YES, THEY ARE. PERIOD.

YES, THEY ARE. PERIOD. TWO YEARS AGO, I WAS AT A

PERIOD. TWO YEARS AGO, I WAS AT A PARTY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE.

TWO YEARS AGO, I WAS AT A PARTY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE. PERIOD.

PARTY AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE. PERIOD. I SAW FRANCINE JUST SITTING

PERIOD. I SAW FRANCINE JUST SITTING THERE...

I SAW FRANCINE JUST SITTING THERE... SEMICOLON.

THERE... SEMICOLON. AND PUNCTUATING.

SEMICOLON. AND PUNCTUATING. EXCLAMATION POINT.

AND PUNCTUATING. EXCLAMATION POINT. JUST SITTING THERE...

EXCLAMATION POINT. JUST SITTING THERE... DASH.

JUST SITTING THERE... DASH. SAYING WORDS LIKE

DASH. SAYING WORDS LIKE PERIOD...

SAYING WORDS LIKE PERIOD... COMMA.

PERIOD... COMMA. EXCLAMATION POINT...

COMMA. EXCLAMATION POINT... COMMA.

EXCLAMATION POINT... COMMA. AND...

COMMA. AND... OPTIONAL COMMA.

AND... OPTIONAL COMMA. DASH.

OPTIONAL COMMA. DASH. PERIOD.

DASH. PERIOD. I HIRED HER ON THE SPOT.

PERIOD. I HIRED HER ON THE SPOT. PERIOD.

I HIRED HER ON THE SPOT. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. VERY INTERESTING.

THANK YOU. VERY INTERESTING. AND YOUR OTHER ASSISTANT... WHAT

VERY INTERESTING. AND YOUR OTHER ASSISTANT... WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM DOES SHE HAVE?

AND YOUR OTHER ASSISTANT... WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM DOES SHE HAVE? NONE THAT WE CAN DETERMINE.

KIND OF PROBLEM DOES SHE HAVE? NONE THAT WE CAN DETERMINE. PERIOD.

NONE THAT WE CAN DETERMINE. PERIOD. AS FAR AS WE KNOW...

PERIOD. AS FAR AS WE KNOW... DASH.

AS FAR AS WE KNOW... DASH. SHE'S JUST SOME DUMBO WHO

DASH. SHE'S JUST SOME DUMBO WHO LIKES TO RING A BELL AND POINT

SHE'S JUST SOME DUMBO WHO LIKES TO RING A BELL AND POINT TO HER RIGHT.

LIKES TO RING A BELL AND POINT TO HER RIGHT. PERIOD.

TO HER RIGHT. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. JUST HOW HAVE THESE ASSISTANTS

THANK YOU. JUST HOW HAVE THESE ASSISTANTS HELPED YOU WITH YOUR RESEARCH,

JUST HOW HAVE THESE ASSISTANTS HELPED YOU WITH YOUR RESEARCH, DOCTOR?

HELPED YOU WITH YOUR RESEARCH, DOCTOR? THEY HAVE HELPED ME PROVE ALL

DOCTOR? THEY HAVE HELPED ME PROVE ALL OF MY THEOREMS EXCEPT FOR ONE...

THEY HAVE HELPED ME PROVE ALL OF MY THEOREMS EXCEPT FOR ONE... DASH.

OF MY THEOREMS EXCEPT FOR ONE... DASH. WHICH WE'RE STILL WORKING

DASH. WHICH WE'RE STILL WORKING ON.

WHICH WE'RE STILL WORKING ON. PERIOD.

ON. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU. WHICH ONE IS THAT?

THANK YOU. WHICH ONE IS THAT? MY ATTEMPT TO DISPROVE THE

WHICH ONE IS THAT? MY ATTEMPT TO DISPROVE THE VALIDITY OF THE CONDITIONED

MY ATTEMPT TO DISPROVE THE VALIDITY OF THE CONDITIONED REFLEX, AS DESCRIBED BY PAVLOV,

VALIDITY OF THE CONDITIONED REFLEX, AS DESCRIBED BY PAVLOV, WHOSE DOGS WERE TAUGHT TO

REFLEX, AS DESCRIBED BY PAVLOV, WHOSE DOGS WERE TAUGHT TO SALIVATE AT THE SOUND OF A BELL.

WHOSE DOGS WERE TAUGHT TO SALIVATE AT THE SOUND OF A BELL. PERIOD.

SALIVATE AT THE SOUND OF A BELL. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH IT, AND

[BELL DINGS] WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH IT, AND I'VE ALWAYS QUESTIONED THE MAN

WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH IT, AND I'VE ALWAYS QUESTIONED THE MAN MYSELF.

I'VE ALWAYS QUESTIONED THE MAN MYSELF. THANK YOU VERY MUCH...

MYSELF. THANK YOU VERY MUCH... COMMA.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH... COMMA. JANE.

COMMA. JANE. PERIOD.

JANE. PERIOD. [BELL DINGS]

PERIOD. [BELL DINGS] THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

[BELL DINGS] THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. UM...

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. UM... GOOD NIGHT AND TUNE IN NEXT

UM... GOOD NIGHT AND TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.

THE FOLLOWING PIECE WAS DONE BY BILL WEGMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[TICKING]

[ALARM BLARES]

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KENNY VANCE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ASK ME POLITELY ♪ ♪ I'LL BE HAPPY, I'M SURE, TO DO TRICKS FOR YOU ♪

♪ I'LL BE HAPPY, I'M SURE, TO DO TRICKS FOR YOU ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN A PERFORMER

TO DO TRICKS FOR YOU ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN A PERFORMER SINCE I PREFER NOT TO RECALL ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN A PERFORMER SINCE I PREFER NOT TO RECALL ♪ ♪ I'M REALLY SO FINE

SINCE I PREFER NOT TO RECALL ♪ ♪ I'M REALLY SO FINE AT WHATEVER I DO ♪

♪ I'M REALLY SO FINE AT WHATEVER I DO ♪ ♪ WHATEVER YOU WANT,

AT WHATEVER I DO ♪ ♪ WHATEVER YOU WANT, YES, I'M GOOD AT THAT, TOO ♪

♪ WHATEVER YOU WANT, YES, I'M GOOD AT THAT, TOO ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER

YES, I'M GOOD AT THAT, TOO ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪

♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪ ♪ I SCREAM IN CONFUSION

FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪ ♪ I SCREAM IN CONFUSION AT WHAT I SUPPOSE

♪ I SCREAM IN CONFUSION AT WHAT I SUPPOSE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ♪

AT WHAT I SUPPOSE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ♪ ♪ MY EXPECTATIONS

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ♪ ♪ MY EXPECTATIONS ARE JUST CHOKIN' AWAY MY SOUL ♪

♪ MY EXPECTATIONS ARE JUST CHOKIN' AWAY MY SOUL ♪ ♪ IT'S HARD ENOUGH BEING

ARE JUST CHOKIN' AWAY MY SOUL ♪ ♪ IT'S HARD ENOUGH BEING ALONE WHEN YOU CARE ♪

♪ IT'S HARD ENOUGH BEING ALONE WHEN YOU CARE ♪ ♪ BEING ALONE

ALONE WHEN YOU CARE ♪ ♪ BEING ALONE WHEN THERE'S SOMEBODY THERE ♪

♪ BEING ALONE WHEN THERE'S SOMEBODY THERE ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER

WHEN THERE'S SOMEBODY THERE ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪

♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪

DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪ ♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪

♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪ ♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA

♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪

♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪

DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪ ♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪

♪ PA'LANTE ECHALE ♪ ♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA

♪ YO NO ME QUEDO ATRáS ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪

♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ WHEN LOVE IS HOPELESS,

DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ WHEN LOVE IS HOPELESS, YOU'RE GUARANTEED

♪ WHEN LOVE IS HOPELESS, YOU'RE GUARANTEED JUST A LITTLE PAIN ♪

YOU'RE GUARANTEED JUST A LITTLE PAIN ♪ ♪ WHEN IT'S OVER,

JUST A LITTLE PAIN ♪ ♪ WHEN IT'S OVER, NOBODY LEFT AROUND TO PLAY ♪

♪ WHEN IT'S OVER, NOBODY LEFT AROUND TO PLAY ♪ ♪ AND WHAT YOU LOSE IN LOVE

NOBODY LEFT AROUND TO PLAY ♪ ♪ AND WHAT YOU LOSE IN LOVE YOU MAKE UP IN A BET ♪

♪ AND WHAT YOU LOSE IN LOVE YOU MAKE UP IN A BET ♪ ♪ DON'T GET TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪

YOU MAKE UP IN A BET ♪ ♪ DON'T GET TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪ ♪ TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪

♪ DON'T GET TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪ ♪ TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪ ♪ I SING YOU THIS SONG

♪ TOO CLOSE TO HER ♪ ♪ I SING YOU THIS SONG HOPING YOU'LL UNDERSTAND

♪ I SING YOU THIS SONG HOPING YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT'S INSIDE MY MIND ♪

HOPING YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT'S INSIDE MY MIND ♪ ♪ YOU'LL PROBABLY FOLLOW

WHAT'S INSIDE MY MIND ♪ ♪ YOU'LL PROBABLY FOLLOW SINCE YOU'RE A PERFORMER, TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL PROBABLY FOLLOW SINCE YOU'RE A PERFORMER, TOO ♪ ♪ SOMETIMES I'M HAPPY

SINCE YOU'RE A PERFORMER, TOO ♪ ♪ SOMETIMES I'M HAPPY WHENEVER YOU'RE NEAR ♪

♪ SOMETIMES I'M HAPPY WHENEVER YOU'RE NEAR ♪ ♪ TELL ME YOU LOVE ME ♪

WHENEVER YOU'RE NEAR ♪ ♪ TELL ME YOU LOVE ME ♪ ♪ I'LL DROWN IN MY FEAR ♪

♪ TELL ME YOU LOVE ME ♪ ♪ I'LL DROWN IN MY FEAR ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER

♪ I'LL DROWN IN MY FEAR ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪

♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER

FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU? ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE,

♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE, FELL IN LOVE? ♪

FELL IN LOVE, FELL IN LOVE? ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER

FELL IN LOVE? ♪ ♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE,

♪ WHAT WOULD I DO IF I EVER FELL IN LOVE, FELL IN LOVE? ♪

FELL IN LOVE, FELL IN LOVE? ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA

FELL IN LOVE? ♪ ♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪

♪ ME DICEN SEMILLA DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PERO ME DICEN MOZAMBIQUE ♪

DE CAÑA BRAVA ♪ ♪ PERO ME DICEN MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ PERO ME DICEN MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO, YEAH ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO, YEAH ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO, YEAH ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪

♪ MO ♪ ♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪

♪ MOZAMBIQUE ♪ ♪ MO ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ LUCKY LINDY UP IN THE SKY ♪ FIFTY YEARS AGO TODAY, A QUIET, DETERMINED MAN NAMED

FIFTY YEARS AGO TODAY, A QUIET, DETERMINED MAN NAMED CHARLES LINDBERGH WAS GREETED BY

QUIET, DETERMINED MAN NAMED CHARLES LINDBERGH WAS GREETED BY THOUSANDS OF CHEERING PARISIANS

CHARLES LINDBERGH WAS GREETED BY THOUSANDS OF CHEERING PARISIANS AS HE LANDED HIS

THOUSANDS OF CHEERING PARISIANS AS HE LANDED HIS SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS AT

AS HE LANDED HIS SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS AT LE BOURGET FIELD.

SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS AT LE BOURGET FIELD. OTHER CREWS HAD ATTEMPTED A

LE BOURGET FIELD. OTHER CREWS HAD ATTEMPTED A TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT AND HAD

OTHER CREWS HAD ATTEMPTED A TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT AND HAD DIED TRYING.

TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT AND HAD DIED TRYING. BUT THE LONE EAGLE DID IT ALONE,

DIED TRYING. BUT THE LONE EAGLE DID IT ALONE, CHALLENGING THE OCEAN AND

BUT THE LONE EAGLE DID IT ALONE, CHALLENGING THE OCEAN AND DROWSINESS FOR 33 GRUELING

CHALLENGING THE OCEAN AND DROWSINESS FOR 33 GRUELING HOURS, ON HIS WAY TO

DROWSINESS FOR 33 GRUELING HOURS, ON HIS WAY TO IMMORTALITY.

HOURS, ON HIS WAY TO IMMORTALITY. ONLY 32 HOURS TO GO.

IMMORTALITY. ONLY 32 HOURS TO GO. AND THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST

ONLY 32 HOURS TO GO. AND THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST FEW GRUELING MINUTES OF THE 33

AND THAT WAS JUST THE FIRST FEW GRUELING MINUTES OF THE 33 GRUELING HOURS.

FEW GRUELING MINUTES OF THE 33 GRUELING HOURS. ONCE HE LEFT THE JERSEY COAST,

GRUELING HOURS. ONCE HE LEFT THE JERSEY COAST, NIGHT AND FOG CLOSED IN.

ONCE HE LEFT THE JERSEY COAST, NIGHT AND FOG CLOSED IN. UNABLE TO SEE IN THE DARKNESS,

NIGHT AND FOG CLOSED IN. UNABLE TO SEE IN THE DARKNESS, LINDBERGH COULD NOT TELL HOW FAR

UNABLE TO SEE IN THE DARKNESS, LINDBERGH COULD NOT TELL HOW FAR ABOVE THE OCEAN HIS

LINDBERGH COULD NOT TELL HOW FAR ABOVE THE OCEAN HIS SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS WAS FLYING.

ABOVE THE OCEAN HIS SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS WAS FLYING. AND AT TIMES THE LONE EAGLE

SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS WAS FLYING. AND AT TIMES THE LONE EAGLE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE

AND AT TIMES THE LONE EAGLE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF I'M PERILOUSLY

INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF I'M PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE

I WONDER IF I'M PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. YES, I AM.

ICY ATLANTIC. YES, I AM. YET, LINDY'S GREATEST DANGER

YES, I AM. YET, LINDY'S GREATEST DANGER WAS HIS OWN FATIGUE.

YET, LINDY'S GREATEST DANGER WAS HIS OWN FATIGUE. ALONE IN THE TINY COCKPIT, HE

WAS HIS OWN FATIGUE. ALONE IN THE TINY COCKPIT, HE TALKED TO HIMSELF TO KEEP AWAKE.

ALONE IN THE TINY COCKPIT, HE TALKED TO HIMSELF TO KEEP AWAKE. OH, BOY, AM I TIRED.

TALKED TO HIMSELF TO KEEP AWAKE. OH, BOY, AM I TIRED. I GOT TO STAY AWAKE, THOUGH.

OH, BOY, AM I TIRED. I GOT TO STAY AWAKE, THOUGH. IF I CAN JUST STAY AWAKE,

I GOT TO STAY AWAKE, THOUGH. IF I CAN JUST STAY AWAKE, SOMEDAY THEY'LL BE SINGING A

IF I CAN JUST STAY AWAKE, SOMEDAY THEY'LL BE SINGING A SONG ABOUT THIS.

SOMEDAY THEY'LL BE SINGING A SONG ABOUT THIS. ♪ LUCKY BERGY, STAYING AWAKE ♪

SONG ABOUT THIS. ♪ LUCKY BERGY, STAYING AWAKE ♪ NO, NO, NO, NO.

♪ LUCKY BERGY, STAYING AWAKE ♪ NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT "BERGY."

NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT "BERGY." CHARLIE'S MY NAME.

NOT "BERGY." CHARLIE'S MY NAME. IT'S CHARLIE.

CHARLIE'S MY NAME. IT'S CHARLIE. ♪ LUCKY CHARLIE ♪

IT'S CHARLIE. ♪ LUCKY CHARLIE ♪ WAIT A MINUTE.

♪ LUCKY CHARLIE ♪ WAIT A MINUTE. ♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF NEW ♪

WAIT A MINUTE. ♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF NEW ♪ ♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF WILD ♪

♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF NEW ♪ ♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF WILD ♪ ♪ CHARLIE ♪

♪ CHARLIE, KIND OF WILD ♪ ♪ CHARLIE ♪ AND ALL WAS AT HAND WAS HIS

♪ CHARLIE ♪ AND ALL WAS AT HAND WAS HIS TRUSTY THERMOS OF HOT TEA.

IT'S THE LAST OF THE HOT TEA. [URINATING]

GEE, I WISH THERE WERE SOMEONE TO TALK TO IN HERE. WAIT A MINUTE.

SOMEONE TO TALK TO IN HERE. WAIT A MINUTE. I KNOW.

WAIT A MINUTE. I KNOW. STEWARDESS?

I KNOW. STEWARDESS? OH, STEWARDESS?

STEWARDESS? OH, STEWARDESS? YES, SIR?

OH, STEWARDESS? YES, SIR? COULD I HAVE SOME MORE MACADAMIA

YES, SIR? COULD I HAVE SOME MORE MACADAMIA NUTS, PLEASE?

COULD I HAVE SOME MORE MACADAMIA NUTS, PLEASE? RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

NUTS, PLEASE? RIGHT AWAY, SIR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MOVIE?

RIGHT AWAY, SIR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MOVIE? IS THERE ANY EXTRA CHARGE?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MOVIE? IS THERE ANY EXTRA CHARGE? NOT FOR YOU, BIG BOY.

IS THERE ANY EXTRA CHARGE? NOT FOR YOU, BIG BOY. [PROJECTOR RUNS]

NOT FOR YOU, BIG BOY. [PROJECTOR RUNS] WAIT A MINUTE, STEWARDESS.

[PROJECTOR RUNS] WAIT A MINUTE, STEWARDESS. I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE.

WAIT A MINUTE, STEWARDESS. I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINES?

I'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINES? CERTAINLY, SIR.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINES? CERTAINLY, SIR. WE HAVE SPICY STORIES AND

CERTAINLY, SIR. WE HAVE SPICY STORIES AND FRENCH MODELS.

WE HAVE SPICY STORIES AND FRENCH MODELS. REALLY? LET ME SEE!

FRENCH MODELS. REALLY? LET ME SEE! MMM...

REALLY? LET ME SEE! MMM... GOLLY.

MMM... GOLLY. SPICY STORIES.

GOLLY. SPICY STORIES. I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO

SPICY STORIES. I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE A NAP, STEWARDESS.

THEN, TURBULENCE. YES, UNEXPECTED TURBULENCE SUDDENLY JERKED THE PLANE OFF...

YES, UNEXPECTED TURBULENCE SUDDENLY JERKED THE PLANE OFF... COURSE.

SUDDENLY JERKED THE PLANE OFF... COURSE. COURSE.

COURSE. COURSE. THE BRAVE, YOUNG AVIATOR

COURSE. THE BRAVE, YOUNG AVIATOR STRUGGLED VAINLY AGAINST SLEEP,

THE BRAVE, YOUNG AVIATOR STRUGGLED VAINLY AGAINST SLEEP, AND ONCE AGAIN HE SWOOPED

STRUGGLED VAINLY AGAINST SLEEP, AND ONCE AGAIN HE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY

AND ONCE AGAIN HE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. WAKE UP!

DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. WAKE UP! YOU'RE PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE

WAKE UP! YOU'RE PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

YOU'RE PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF I AM PERILOUSLY

INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF I AM PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE

I WONDER IF I AM PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. YEP.

ICY ATLANTIC. YEP. OUT THERE IN THE DARK, THE

YEP. OUT THERE IN THE DARK, THE PLUCKY, YOUNG AMERICAN FLYER

OUT THERE IN THE DARK, THE PLUCKY, YOUNG AMERICAN FLYER FOUND COMFORT IN THOUGHTS OF THE

PLUCKY, YOUNG AMERICAN FLYER FOUND COMFORT IN THOUGHTS OF THE ALMIGHTY.

FOUND COMFORT IN THOUGHTS OF THE ALMIGHTY. GOD, I AM TIRED.

ALMIGHTY. GOD, I AM TIRED. YET ONCE AGAIN THE LONE EAGLE

GOD, I AM TIRED. YET ONCE AGAIN THE LONE EAGLE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE

YET ONCE AGAIN THE LONE EAGLE SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

SWOOPED PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF, ONCE AGAIN, I AM

INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. I WONDER IF, ONCE AGAIN, I AM PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY

I WONDER IF, ONCE AGAIN, I AM PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC.

PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC. ["JAWS" THEME PLAYS]

MONSIEUR LINDBERGH? HUH? WHAT? CAPTAIN LINDBERGH?

HUH? WHAT? CAPTAIN LINDBERGH? WHO IS THAT?!

CAPTAIN LINDBERGH? WHO IS THAT?! CANDYGRAM.

WHO IS THAT?! CANDYGRAM. I DIDN'T ORDER ANY CANDY.

CANDYGRAM. I DIDN'T ORDER ANY CANDY. UM... EXTERMINATOR.

I DIDN'T ORDER ANY CANDY. UM... EXTERMINATOR. I-I DON'T NEED AN

UM... EXTERMINATOR. I-I DON'T NEED AN EXTERMINATOR.

I-I DON'T NEED AN EXTERMINATOR. I'M FLYING SOLO TO PARIS.

EXTERMINATOR. I'M FLYING SOLO TO PARIS. MAPS... PARIS MAPS.

I'M FLYING SOLO TO PARIS. MAPS... PARIS MAPS. I'VE GOT A MAP.

MAPS... PARIS MAPS. I'VE GOT A MAP. COMPASS.

I'VE GOT A MAP. COMPASS. AND I'VE GOT A COMPASS.

COMPASS. AND I'VE GOT A COMPASS. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!

AND I'VE GOT A COMPASS. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! AMPHETAMINES.

NOW LEAVE ME ALONE! AMPHETAMINES. WELL, OKAY, I GUESS WE COULD

AMPHETAMINES. WELL, OKAY, I GUESS WE COULD CHAT FOR A WHILE.

WELL, OKAY, I GUESS WE COULD CHAT FOR A WHILE. C-COULD YOU SLOW DOWN A BIT?

CHAT FOR A WHILE. C-COULD YOU SLOW DOWN A BIT? I CAN'T KEEP UP.

C-COULD YOU SLOW DOWN A BIT? I CAN'T KEEP UP. ARE YOU SWIMMING?

I CAN'T KEEP UP. ARE YOU SWIMMING? I'M RUNNING.

ARE YOU SWIMMING? I'M RUNNING. YOU'RE RUNNING?!

I'M RUNNING. YOU'RE RUNNING?! YES, SIR.

YOU'RE RUNNING?! YES, SIR. I'M RUNNING.

YES, SIR. I'M RUNNING. YOU MEAN I'M ON LAND,

I'M RUNNING. YOU MEAN I'M ON LAND, FINALLY?

YOU MEAN I'M ON LAND, FINALLY? I'VE MADE IT TO PARIS?

FINALLY? I'VE MADE IT TO PARIS? I'VE GONE ALL THE WAY TO FRANCE?

I'VE MADE IT TO PARIS? I'VE GONE ALL THE WAY TO FRANCE? OUI, OUI, MONSIEUR.

I'VE GONE ALL THE WAY TO FRANCE? OUI, OUI, MONSIEUR. AND SO CHARLES LINDBERGH

OUI, OUI, MONSIEUR. AND SO CHARLES LINDBERGH MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE DURING

AND SO CHARLES LINDBERGH MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE DURING MAN'S FIRST SOLO FLIGHT ALL THE

MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE DURING MAN'S FIRST SOLO FLIGHT ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE INKY DEEPS OF THE

MAN'S FIRST SOLO FLIGHT ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC WITH NOTHING BUT A

WAY ACROSS THE INKY DEEPS OF THE ICY ATLANTIC WITH NOTHING BUT A SIMPLE COMPASS, A THERMOS OF HOT

ICY ATLANTIC WITH NOTHING BUT A SIMPLE COMPASS, A THERMOS OF HOT TEA, AND NINE CHEAP JOKES.

SIMPLE COMPASS, A THERMOS OF HOT TEA, AND NINE CHEAP JOKES. HE BECAME A LEGEND IN HIS OWN

TEA, AND NINE CHEAP JOKES. HE BECAME A LEGEND IN HIS OWN TIME, THAT LUCKY, LUCKY LINDY.

HE BECAME A LEGEND IN HIS OWN TIME, THAT LUCKY, LUCKY LINDY. ♪ LUCKY LINDY UP IN THE SKY ♪

THE PIECE IS CALLED "DEPARTURE LOUNGE." WRITTEN BY HOWARD SHORE AND

"DEPARTURE LOUNGE." WRITTEN BY HOWARD SHORE AND PLAYED NOW BY THE "SATURDAY

WRITTEN BY HOWARD SHORE AND PLAYED NOW BY THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND.

PLAYED NOW BY THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" BAND. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NIGHT" BAND. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [UPBEAT INTRODUCTION PLAYS]

[MID-TEMPO JAZZ PLAYS]

♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪ ♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪ ♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪

♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪ ♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪ ♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ HA-AH-AH-AH ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

A YEAR OR SO AGO, IT WAS MY DISTINCT GOOD FORTUNE TO INTRODUCE ONE OF THE MOST

DISTINCT GOOD FORTUNE TO INTRODUCE ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING MEN IT'S BEEN MY

INTRODUCE ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING MEN IT'S BEEN MY PRIVILEGE EVER TO SEE IN THE

AMAZING MEN IT'S BEEN MY PRIVILEGE EVER TO SEE IN THE WORLD OF SHOW BUSINESS... A

PRIVILEGE EVER TO SEE IN THE WORLD OF SHOW BUSINESS... A UNIQUE AND EXTRAORDINARY

WORLD OF SHOW BUSINESS... A UNIQUE AND EXTRAORDINARY IMPRESSIONIST,

UNIQUE AND EXTRAORDINARY IMPRESSIONIST, MR. MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.

IMPRESSIONIST, MR. MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MR. MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AS A TOP IMPRESSIONIST, I

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AS A TOP IMPRESSIONIST, I SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME OUT ON

AS A TOP IMPRESSIONIST, I SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME OUT ON THE ROAD DOING CLUB DATES.

SPEND SO MUCH OF MY TIME OUT ON THE ROAD DOING CLUB DATES. AND THE THING I LIKE TO DO THE

THE ROAD DOING CLUB DATES. AND THE THING I LIKE TO DO THE MOST AFTER THE SHOW TO RELAX AND

AND THE THING I LIKE TO DO THE MOST AFTER THE SHOW TO RELAX AND SORT OF WIND DOWN... YOU JUST

MOST AFTER THE SHOW TO RELAX AND SORT OF WIND DOWN... YOU JUST TURN ON THE OLD STEREO AND

SORT OF WIND DOWN... YOU JUST TURN ON THE OLD STEREO AND LISTEN TO A GREAT CHOIR.

TURN ON THE OLD STEREO AND LISTEN TO A GREAT CHOIR. AND WHEN YOU'RE TALKING GREAT

LISTEN TO A GREAT CHOIR. AND WHEN YOU'RE TALKING GREAT CHOIR, YOU'RE TALKING MORMON

AND WHEN YOU'RE TALKING GREAT CHOIR, YOU'RE TALKING MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR.

CHOIR, YOU'RE TALKING MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

TABERNACLE CHOIR. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH! YEAH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YEAH! YEAH! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

YEAH! YEAH! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! YOU KNOW, I KID THE MORMON

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! YOU KNOW, I KID THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR, BUT I LOVE

YOU KNOW, I KID THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR, BUT I LOVE THEM.

TABERNACLE CHOIR, BUT I LOVE THEM. AND I HAPPENED TO BE IN UTAH

THEM. AND I HAPPENED TO BE IN UTAH RECENTLY, SO I DROVE OVER TO THE

AND I HAPPENED TO BE IN UTAH RECENTLY, SO I DROVE OVER TO THE TABERNACLE TO HEAR THEM, AND

RECENTLY, SO I DROVE OVER TO THE TABERNACLE TO HEAR THEM, AND WHILE THEY WERE SINGING

TABERNACLE TO HEAR THEM, AND WHILE THEY WERE SINGING "SHENANDOAH" OR "THE BATTLE HYMN

WHILE THEY WERE SINGING "SHENANDOAH" OR "THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC" OR "FOR UNTO US

"SHENANDOAH" OR "THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC" OR "FOR UNTO US A CHILD IS BORN"... YOU KNOW,

OF THE REPUBLIC" OR "FOR UNTO US A CHILD IS BORN"... YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE MOVING,

A CHILD IS BORN"... YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE MOVING, INSPIRATIONAL SONGS THAT JUST

ONE OF THOSE MOVING, INSPIRATIONAL SONGS THAT JUST SENDS A CHILL RIGHT UP YOUR

INSPIRATIONAL SONGS THAT JUST SENDS A CHILL RIGHT UP YOUR SPINE... WELL, I WAS LISTENING

SENDS A CHILL RIGHT UP YOUR SPINE... WELL, I WAS LISTENING TO THIS, AND A FUNNY THOUGHT

SPINE... WELL, I WAS LISTENING TO THIS, AND A FUNNY THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME.

TO THIS, AND A FUNNY THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME. I THOUGHT, "WHAT IF SOMEONE TOOK

OCCURRED TO ME. I THOUGHT, "WHAT IF SOMEONE TOOK STEEL NEEDLES... WELL, ACTUALLY,

I THOUGHT, "WHAT IF SOMEONE TOOK STEEL NEEDLES... WELL, ACTUALLY, HUNDREDS OF PAIRS OF STEEL

STEEL NEEDLES... WELL, ACTUALLY, HUNDREDS OF PAIRS OF STEEL NEEDLES, SAY, 15, 18 INCHES

HUNDREDS OF PAIRS OF STEEL NEEDLES, SAY, 15, 18 INCHES LONG, WITH REAL SHARP POINTS...

NEEDLES, SAY, 15, 18 INCHES LONG, WITH REAL SHARP POINTS... AND PLUNGED THEM INTO THE MORMON

LONG, WITH REAL SHARP POINTS... AND PLUNGED THEM INTO THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR'S EYES?

AND PLUNGED THEM INTO THE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOIR'S EYES? WHAT WOULD THEIR REACTION BE?"

TABERNACLE CHOIR'S EYES? WHAT WOULD THEIR REACTION BE?" I THINK IT MIGHT GO SOMETHING

WHAT WOULD THEIR REACTION BE?" I THINK IT MIGHT GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

[PLAYS PITCH PIPE] [CHOIR VOCALIZES]

[ALL SCREAMING]

GOOD NIGHT.

HAVE A GOOD SUMMER.

THANKS TO MY GUEST SHARK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: THE LAND SHARK,

THE JOCKEY, AND THE HORSE WERE

ALL PLAYED BY CHEVY CHASE.

NEXT WEEK, A "SATURDAY NIGHT"

RERUN WITH HOST

BRODERICK CRAWFORD.

WE'LL RETURN LIVE ON

SEPTEMBER 24th.

THIS IS DON PARDO, AND I'M

SENDING MY VOICE TO SUMMER CAMP.

GOOD NIGHT.