Original subtitles

COLONEL VARBODIMNIKOV, WE JUST RAN IN RIGHT FROM THE AFFILIATES DINNER, SO PERHAPS

JUST RAN IN RIGHT FROM THE AFFILIATES DINNER, SO PERHAPS WE'RE NOT UP TO DATE ON THE

AFFILIATES DINNER, SO PERHAPS WE'RE NOT UP TO DATE ON THE LATEST DETAILS.

WE'RE NOT UP TO DATE ON THE LATEST DETAILS. WHAT IS THIS ABOUT

LATEST DETAILS. WHAT IS THIS ABOUT MARSHAL BREZHNEV WANTING TO BACK

WHAT IS THIS ABOUT MARSHAL BREZHNEV WANTING TO BACK OUT?

MARSHAL BREZHNEV WANTING TO BACK OUT? I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL.

OUT? I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL. THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING

I THOUGHT WE HAD A DEAL. THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY HAS AGREED TO PAY IN

THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY HAS AGREED TO PAY IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL VIDEOTAPE

COMPANY HAS AGREED TO PAY IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL VIDEOTAPE RIGHTS... VISUAL AND SOUND... TO

EXCHANGE FOR ALL VIDEOTAPE RIGHTS... VISUAL AND SOUND... TO THE 1980 MOSCOW-HELD OLYMPICS TO

RIGHTS... VISUAL AND SOUND... TO THE 1980 MOSCOW-HELD OLYMPICS TO THE SOVIET PEOPLE'S SPORTS

THE 1980 MOSCOW-HELD OLYMPICS TO THE SOVIET PEOPLE'S SPORTS TRIBUNAL, THE SUM OF 80 MILLION

THE SOVIET PEOPLE'S SPORTS TRIBUNAL, THE SUM OF 80 MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS.

TRIBUNAL, THE SUM OF 80 MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS. IS THAT RIGHT?

AMERICAN DOLLARS. IS THAT RIGHT? [Russian accent] GOOD.

IS THAT RIGHT? [Russian accent] GOOD. PLUS... I HAVE A "PLUS."

[Russian accent] GOOD. PLUS... I HAVE A "PLUS." PLUS THE ARMY OF THE SOVIET GETS

PLUS... I HAVE A "PLUS." PLUS THE ARMY OF THE SOVIET GETS ALL VIDEOTAPE-RECORDING

PLUS THE ARMY OF THE SOVIET GETS ALL VIDEOTAPE-RECORDING EQUIPMENT AT LOCATION...

ALL VIDEOTAPE-RECORDING EQUIPMENT AT LOCATION... CAMERAS, LIGHTS, TRUCKS,

EQUIPMENT AT LOCATION... CAMERAS, LIGHTS, TRUCKS, SCREENS.

CAMERAS, LIGHTS, TRUCKS, SCREENS. HERB, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S

SCREENS. HERB, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S WITHIN THE PARAMETERS WHICH THE

HERB, I'M NOT SURE THAT'S WITHIN THE PARAMETERS WHICH THE NBC BOARD OUTLINED TO US.

WITHIN THE PARAMETERS WHICH THE NBC BOARD OUTLINED TO US. PHIL, THIS IS THE GREATEST

NBC BOARD OUTLINED TO US. PHIL, THIS IS THE GREATEST DEAL IN THE HISTORY OF

PHIL, THIS IS THE GREATEST DEAL IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

DEAL IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. I'M NOT GONNA BLOW IT OVER A FEW

TELEVISION. I'M NOT GONNA BLOW IT OVER A FEW LOUSY MINICAMS.

I'M NOT GONNA BLOW IT OVER A FEW LOUSY MINICAMS. GENTLEMEN, PLEASE AGREE.

LOUSY MINICAMS. GENTLEMEN, PLEASE AGREE. MARSHAL BREZHNEV WILL BE

GENTLEMEN, PLEASE AGREE. MARSHAL BREZHNEV WILL BE RETURNING SHORTLY.

MARSHAL BREZHNEV WILL BE RETURNING SHORTLY. OKAY, COLONEL, YOU'VE GOT

RETURNING SHORTLY. OKAY, COLONEL, YOU'VE GOT YOUR EQUIPMENT.

OKAY, COLONEL, YOU'VE GOT YOUR EQUIPMENT. GOOD! GOOD!

YOUR EQUIPMENT. GOOD! GOOD! EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

GOOD! GOOD! EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. MR. BREZHNEV IS FINISHED IN THE

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. MR. BREZHNEV IS FINISHED IN THE BATHROOM.

MR. BREZHNEV IS FINISHED IN THE BATHROOM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

BATHROOM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] COLONEL, I GUESS YOU CAN TELL

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] COLONEL, I GUESS YOU CAN TELL MARSHAL BREZHNEV THAT WE HAVE A

COLONEL, I GUESS YOU CAN TELL MARSHAL BREZHNEV THAT WE HAVE A DEAL.

MARSHAL BREZHNEV THAT WE HAVE A DEAL. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

DEAL. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] NO. HE SAYS NO DEAL.

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] NO. HE SAYS NO DEAL. HE HAS ADDITIONAL DEMANDS.

NO. HE SAYS NO DEAL. HE HAS ADDITIONAL DEMANDS. ADDITIONAL DEMANDS?

HE HAS ADDITIONAL DEMANDS. ADDITIONAL DEMANDS? HERB, I THOUGHT WE'D COVERED

ADDITIONAL DEMANDS? HERB, I THOUGHT WE'D COVERED EVERYTHING.

HERB, I THOUGHT WE'D COVERED EVERYTHING. COLONEL, PLEASE CORRECT ME IF

EVERYTHING. COLONEL, PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT HAVEN'T WE

COLONEL, PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT HAVEN'T WE ALREADY AGREED TO ALL OF YOUR

I'M WRONG, BUT HAVEN'T WE ALREADY AGREED TO ALL OF YOUR TERMS?

ALREADY AGREED TO ALL OF YOUR TERMS? [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

TERMS? [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] PSSSSS!

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] PSSSSS! [IMITATES EXPLOSION]

PSSSSS! [IMITATES EXPLOSION] AAH!

[IMITATES EXPLOSION] AAH! HE IS SAYING HE WILL GO HOME

AAH! HE IS SAYING HE WILL GO HOME AND PUSH THE...

HE IS SAYING HE WILL GO HOME AND PUSH THE... YES, YES, I THINK I KNOW WHAT

AND PUSH THE... YES, YES, I THINK I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS.

YES, YES, I THINK I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS. WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO FOR HIM?

HE MEANS. WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO FOR HIM? [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO FOR HIM? [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE SAYS HE WOULD LIKE TO SEE

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE SAYS HE WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE DETAILED OPERATION OF YOUR

HE SAYS HE WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE DETAILED OPERATION OF YOUR NETWORK INSIDE.

MORE DETAILED OPERATION OF YOUR NETWORK INSIDE. I'LL SET UP A STUDIO TOUR FOR

NETWORK INSIDE. I'LL SET UP A STUDIO TOUR FOR HIM.

I'LL SET UP A STUDIO TOUR FOR HIM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

HIM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE WANTS TO BE ON TELEVISION.

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE WANTS TO BE ON TELEVISION. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT,

HE WANTS TO BE ON TELEVISION. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT, PHIL.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT, PHIL. WHEN?

PHIL. WHEN? THE NIGHT BEFORE THE S.A.L.T.

WHEN? THE NIGHT BEFORE THE S.A.L.T. TALKS.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE S.A.L.T. TALKS. WELL, I'M SURE PROGRAMMING

TALKS. WELL, I'M SURE PROGRAMMING WOULD JUMP AT THAT.

WELL, I'M SURE PROGRAMMING WOULD JUMP AT THAT. YEAH, BUT I COULD FORESEE

WOULD JUMP AT THAT. YEAH, BUT I COULD FORESEE SOME VERY HEAVY RESISTANCE FROM

YEAH, BUT I COULD FORESEE SOME VERY HEAVY RESISTANCE FROM LEGAL ON THIS.

SOME VERY HEAVY RESISTANCE FROM LEGAL ON THIS. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

LEGAL ON THIS. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] MNNNNN!

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] MNNNNN! [IMITATES EXPLOSION]

MNNNNN! [IMITATES EXPLOSION] I'M SURE WE CAN ARRANGE

[IMITATES EXPLOSION] I'M SURE WE CAN ARRANGE SOMETHING.

I'M SURE WE CAN ARRANGE SOMETHING. PHIL, GIVE NETWORK NEWS A CALL.

SOMETHING. PHIL, GIVE NETWORK NEWS A CALL. MAYBE HE CAN DO AN HOUR WITH

PHIL, GIVE NETWORK NEWS A CALL. MAYBE HE CAN DO AN HOUR WITH CHANCELLOR.

MAYBE HE CAN DO AN HOUR WITH CHANCELLOR. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

CHANCELLOR. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] NO, NO, NO. NO CHANCELLOR.

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] NO, NO, NO. NO CHANCELLOR. HE SAYS HE WANTS TO GO TO

NO, NO, NO. NO CHANCELLOR. HE SAYS HE WANTS TO GO TO COAST.

HE SAYS HE WANTS TO GO TO COAST. JOHNNY. JOHNNY.

COAST. JOHNNY. JOHNNY. JOHNNY.

JOHNNY. JOHNNY. JOHNNY. HE WANTS TO BE ON JOHNNY.

JOHNNY. HE WANTS TO BE ON JOHNNY. PHIL, CALL FREDDY IN L.A. AND

HE WANTS TO BE ON JOHNNY. PHIL, CALL FREDDY IN L.A. AND TELL HIM TO BOOK SOVIET PARTY

PHIL, CALL FREDDY IN L.A. AND TELL HIM TO BOOK SOVIET PARTY LEADER BREZHNEV ON CARSON.

TELL HIM TO BOOK SOVIET PARTY LEADER BREZHNEV ON CARSON. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

LEADER BREZHNEV ON CARSON. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] WAIT. WAIT.

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] WAIT. WAIT. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ON

WAIT. WAIT. HE SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ON LAST 15 MINUTES OF PROGRAM.

HE SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE ON LAST 15 MINUTES OF PROGRAM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

LAST 15 MINUTES OF PROGRAM. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE ON

[SPEAKING RUSSIAN] HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE ON WITH JOHNNY... NO GUEST HOSTS,

HE SAYS HE WANTS TO BE ON WITH JOHNNY... NO GUEST HOSTS, NO DAVID BRENNER, NO

WITH JOHNNY... NO GUEST HOSTS, NO DAVID BRENNER, NO McLEAN STEVENSON.

NO DAVID BRENNER, NO McLEAN STEVENSON. YES. ALSO, HE SAYS, HE WANTS

McLEAN STEVENSON. YES. ALSO, HE SAYS, HE WANTS AS SPECIAL GUEST CLINT EASTWOOD.

YES. ALSO, HE SAYS, HE WANTS AS SPECIAL GUEST CLINT EASTWOOD. [IMITATES GUNFIRE]

AS SPECIAL GUEST CLINT EASTWOOD. [IMITATES GUNFIRE] HERB, YOU KNOW, HE COULD

[IMITATES GUNFIRE] HERB, YOU KNOW, HE COULD GUEST HOST.

HERB, YOU KNOW, HE COULD GUEST HOST. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, PHIL.

GUEST HOST. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, PHIL. LOOK, WE'RE IN A POSITION HERE

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, PHIL. LOOK, WE'RE IN A POSITION HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD.

LOOK, WE'RE IN A POSITION HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD. YOU ON JOHNNY... JOHNNY!

TO SAVE THE WORLD. YOU ON JOHNNY... JOHNNY! "AND HE-E-E-E-E-RE'S LEONID!"

YOU ON JOHNNY... JOHNNY! "AND HE-E-E-E-E-RE'S LEONID!" Together: [HUMMING "THE

"AND HE-E-E-E-E-RE'S LEONID!" Together: [HUMMING "THE TONIGHT SHOW" THEME]

Together: [HUMMING "THE TONIGHT SHOW" THEME] WELL?

[TONIGHT SHOW" THEME] WELL? WE GOT A DEAL.

WELL? WE GOT A DEAL. WE GOT A DEAL?

WE GOT A DEAL. WE GOT A DEAL? DO WE HAVE A DEAL?

WE GOT A DEAL? DO WE HAVE A DEAL? YES.

DO WE HAVE A DEAL? YES. UH, ALSO, HE WOULD VERY MUCH

YES. UH, ALSO, HE WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO SAY...

UH, ALSO, HE WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO SAY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

LIKE TO SAY... LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT"... STARRING...

"SATURDAY NIGHT"... STARRING... WITH SPECIAL GUESTS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... ELLIOTT GOULD! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO! AND HERE I AM BACK IN NEW YORK,

HELLO! AND HERE I AM BACK IN NEW YORK, AND THIS IS WHERE I'M FROM,

AND HERE I AM BACK IN NEW YORK, AND THIS IS WHERE I'M FROM, RIGHT?

AND THIS IS WHERE I'M FROM, RIGHT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A LITTLER

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A LITTLER KID, I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A LITTLER KID, I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SONG-AND-DANCE

KID, I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SONG-AND-DANCE MAN ON BROADWAY, SO I DID THAT.

SUPPOSED TO BE A SONG-AND-DANCE MAN ON BROADWAY, SO I DID THAT. AND WHENEVER I COME ON THE SHOW,

MAN ON BROADWAY, SO I DID THAT. AND WHENEVER I COME ON THE SHOW, I KNOW THE FIRST TIME... I LOVE

AND WHENEVER I COME ON THE SHOW, I KNOW THE FIRST TIME... I LOVE TO SING OLD SONGS.

I KNOW THE FIRST TIME... I LOVE TO SING OLD SONGS. AND I SANG "CRAZY RHYTHM" AND

TO SING OLD SONGS. AND I SANG "CRAZY RHYTHM" AND "LET YOURSELF GO."

AND I SANG "CRAZY RHYTHM" AND "LET YOURSELF GO." AND THEN LAST TIME, I SANG

"LET YOURSELF GO." AND THEN LAST TIME, I SANG "ANYTHING GOES," BY COLE PORTER.

AND THEN LAST TIME, I SANG "ANYTHING GOES," BY COLE PORTER. AND TONIGHT I HAD PLANNED TO

"ANYTHING GOES," BY COLE PORTER. AND TONIGHT I HAD PLANNED TO SING THE VERSE OF

AND TONIGHT I HAD PLANNED TO SING THE VERSE OF "ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE" AND

SING THE VERSE OF "ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE" AND "DON'T FENCE ME IN" AND

"ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE" AND "DON'T FENCE ME IN" AND "YOU GOT TO HAVE HEART," BUT WE

"DON'T FENCE ME IN" AND "YOU GOT TO HAVE HEART," BUT WE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

"YOU GOT TO HAVE HEART," BUT WE GOT A BETTER IDEA. I'D LIKE TO RE-INTRODUCE A DANCE

GOT A BETTER IDEA. I'D LIKE TO RE-INTRODUCE A DANCE SONG THAT WAS THE RAGE A LONG

I'D LIKE TO RE-INTRODUCE A DANCE SONG THAT WAS THE RAGE A LONG TIME AGO, AND IT'S ALMOST

SONG THAT WAS THE RAGE A LONG TIME AGO, AND IT'S ALMOST FORGOTTEN NOW.

TIME AGO, AND IT'S ALMOST FORGOTTEN NOW. IT WAS WRITTEN BY

FORGOTTEN NOW. IT WAS WRITTEN BY MR. TOMMY MALONE AND

IT WAS WRITTEN BY MR. TOMMY MALONE AND MOE SILVERFARB, BOTH OF THEM

MR. TOMMY MALONE AND MOE SILVERFARB, BOTH OF THEM GONE NOW, GOD BLESS THEM.

MOE SILVERFARB, BOTH OF THEM GONE NOW, GOD BLESS THEM. AND IT'S FROM A SHOW CALLED "THE

GONE NOW, GOD BLESS THEM. AND IT'S FROM A SHOW CALLED "THE GYPSY PRIEST," WHICH OPENED IN

AND IT'S FROM A SHOW CALLED "THE GYPSY PRIEST," WHICH OPENED IN THE WINTER GARDEN THEATER IN THE

GYPSY PRIEST," WHICH OPENED IN THE WINTER GARDEN THEATER IN THE SPRING OF 1927, AND IT SET ALL

THE WINTER GARDEN THEATER IN THE SPRING OF 1927, AND IT SET ALL AMERICA DANCING.

SPRING OF 1927, AND IT SET ALL AMERICA DANCING. SO TONIGHT, FOLKS, 50 YEARS

AMERICA DANCING. SO TONIGHT, FOLKS, 50 YEARS LATER, I'D LIKE TO SHOW IT TO

SO TONIGHT, FOLKS, 50 YEARS LATER, I'D LIKE TO SHOW IT TO YOU.

LATER, I'D LIKE TO SHOW IT TO YOU. [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU. [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING] Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE FROM

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING] Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE FROM STUDIO 8H, HIGH ATOP MANHATTAN'S

Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE FROM STUDIO 8H, HIGH ATOP MANHATTAN'S FAMED ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, NBC

STUDIO 8H, HIGH ATOP MANHATTAN'S FAMED ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, NBC PROUDLY PRESENTS THE DANCE CRAZE

FAMED ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, NBC PROUDLY PRESENTS THE DANCE CRAZE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

PROUDLY PRESENTS THE DANCE CRAZE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... "THE CASTRATION WALK!"

YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... "THE CASTRATION WALK!" Together: ♪ PUT YOUR HAND ON

"THE CASTRATION WALK!" Together: ♪ PUT YOUR HAND ON YOUR CROTCH AND THE OTHER ONE,

Together: ♪ PUT YOUR HAND ON YOUR CROTCH AND THE OTHER ONE, TOO ♪

YOUR CROTCH AND THE OTHER ONE, TOO ♪ ♪ THEN YOU GIVE A LITTLE SQUEEZE

TOO ♪ ♪ THEN YOU GIVE A LITTLE SQUEEZE TILL YOUR BOOTS TURN BLUE ♪

♪ THEN YOU GIVE A LITTLE SQUEEZE TILL YOUR BOOTS TURN BLUE ♪ ♪ AND IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU CAN

TILL YOUR BOOTS TURN BLUE ♪ ♪ AND IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU CAN BARELY TALK ♪

♪ AND IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU CAN BARELY TALK ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE

BARELY TALK ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪

NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪ Together: ♪ THEN YOU HOP ON

CASTRATION WALK ♪ Together: ♪ THEN YOU HOP ON YOUR FOOT AND YOU ROLL ON THE

Together: ♪ THEN YOU HOP ON YOUR FOOT AND YOU ROLL ON THE FLOOR ♪

YOUR FOOT AND YOU ROLL ON THE FLOOR ♪ ♪ AND YOU KNOCK THINGS OVER AND

FLOOR ♪ ♪ AND YOU KNOCK THINGS OVER AND YOU BANG ON THE DOOR ♪

♪ AND YOU KNOCK THINGS OVER AND YOU BANG ON THE DOOR ♪ ♪ AND YOU SCREAM, "OW! OW!" ♪

YOU BANG ON THE DOOR ♪ ♪ AND YOU SCREAM, "OW! OW!" ♪ ♪ AND YOU SHOUT, "OHH! OHH!" ♪

♪ AND YOU SCREAM, "OW! OW!" ♪ ♪ AND YOU SHOUT, "OHH! OHH!" ♪ ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE

♪ AND YOU SHOUT, "OHH! OHH!" ♪ ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪

♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪ Together: ♪ THEN YOUR VOICE

CASTRATION WALK ♪ Together: ♪ THEN YOUR VOICE GOES UP ♪

Together: ♪ THEN YOUR VOICE GOES UP ♪ [High-pitched] ♪ AND YOU SOUND

GOES UP ♪ [High-pitched] ♪ AND YOU SOUND LIKE THIS ♪

[High-pitched] ♪ AND YOU SOUND LIKE THIS ♪ ♪ AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HUG AND

LIKE THIS ♪ ♪ AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HUG AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KISS ♪

♪ AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HUG AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KISS ♪ ♪ AND YOUR SHORTS DON'T FIT AND

YOU DON'T WANT TO KISS ♪ ♪ AND YOUR SHORTS DON'T FIT AND YOU START TO SQUAWK ♪

♪ AND YOUR SHORTS DON'T FIT AND YOU START TO SQUAWK ♪ ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE

YOU START TO SQUAWK ♪ ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Together: NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪

Together: NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT'S A BRAND-NEW SENSATION ♪

THE CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT'S A BRAND-NEW SENSATION ♪ [Normal voice] ♪ I WENT TO

♪ IT'S A BRAND-NEW SENSATION ♪ [Normal voice] ♪ I WENT TO THE RABBI, AND HE SENT ME TO THE

[Normal voice] ♪ I WENT TO THE RABBI, AND HE SENT ME TO THE MOHEL ♪

THE RABBI, AND HE SENT ME TO THE MOHEL ♪ ♪ BUT THE MOHEL WAS CLUMSY, AND

MOHEL ♪ ♪ BUT THE MOHEL WAS CLUMSY, AND HE MADE ME A "GOHEL" ♪

♪ BUT THE MOHEL WAS CLUMSY, AND HE MADE ME A "GOHEL" ♪ Together: [High-pitched]

HE MADE ME A "GOHEL" ♪ Together: [High-pitched] ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE

Together: [High-pitched] ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪

♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT WILL SOON SWEEP THE

CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT WILL SOON SWEEP THE NATION ♪

♪ IT WILL SOON SWEEP THE NATION ♪ [Normal voice] ♪ I WAS

NATION ♪ [Normal voice] ♪ I WAS SLIDING DOWN THE BANISTER AND

[Normal voice] ♪ I WAS SLIDING DOWN THE BANISTER AND DIDN'T SEE THE OUCH ♪

SLIDING DOWN THE BANISTER AND DIDN'T SEE THE OUCH ♪ ♪ NOW I FEEL LIKE A KANGAROO WHO

DIDN'T SEE THE OUCH ♪ ♪ NOW I FEEL LIKE A KANGAROO WHO LOST HIS POUCH ♪

♪ NOW I FEEL LIKE A KANGAROO WHO LOST HIS POUCH ♪ Together: [High-pitched]

LOST HIS POUCH ♪ Together: [High-pitched] ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE

Together: [High-pitched] ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪

♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT'S NO CAUSE FOR ELATION ♪

CASTRATION ♪ ♪ IT'S NO CAUSE FOR ELATION ♪ OFFICER, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A

♪ IT'S NO CAUSE FOR ELATION ♪ OFFICER, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A JEWEL HEIST!

OFFICER, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A JEWEL HEIST! Together: ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING

JEWEL HEIST! Together: ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪

Together: ♪ NOW YOU'RE DOING THE CASTRATION WALK ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

THE CASTRATION WALK ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[DOORBELL RINGING] HELLO? PHONE COMPANY. ANYBODY HOME?

HELLO? PHONE COMPANY. ANYBODY HOME? Together: GREETINGS!

IS THIS THE CON-ED REDISENCE? CONEHEAD, MAN. THE NAME IS CONEHEAD.

CONEHEAD, MAN. THE NAME IS CONEHEAD. I AM CONNIE.

THE NAME IS CONEHEAD. I AM CONNIE. THESE ARE MY PARENTAL UNITS,

I AM CONNIE. THESE ARE MY PARENTAL UNITS, BELDAR AND PRYMAAT.

THESE ARE MY PARENTAL UNITS, BELDAR AND PRYMAAT. YEAH. RIGHT.

BELDAR AND PRYMAAT. YEAH. RIGHT. WELL, OKAY, YOU WANTED A PHONE

YEAH. RIGHT. WELL, OKAY, YOU WANTED A PHONE INSTALLED ON THE PREMISES?

WELL, OKAY, YOU WANTED A PHONE INSTALLED ON THE PREMISES? CORRECT.

INSTALLED ON THE PREMISES? CORRECT. IN FACT, WE NEED SEVERAL OF THE

CORRECT. IN FACT, WE NEED SEVERAL OF THE DEVICES.

IN FACT, WE NEED SEVERAL OF THE DEVICES. WELL, HOW MANY DID YOU HAVE

DEVICES. WELL, HOW MANY DID YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND?

WELL, HOW MANY DID YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND? 35.

IN YOUR MIND? 35. 35?

35. 35? YOU WANT 35 SEPARATE EXTENSIONS?

35? YOU WANT 35 SEPARATE EXTENSIONS? CORRECT!

YOU WANT 35 SEPARATE EXTENSIONS? CORRECT! ARE YOU CAPABLE OF SUPPLYING

CORRECT! ARE YOU CAPABLE OF SUPPLYING THIS NUMBER?

ARE YOU CAPABLE OF SUPPLYING THIS NUMBER? WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

THIS NUMBER? WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MR. CONEHEAD.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MR. CONEHEAD. I'LL HAVE TO CHECK TO SEE HOW

MR. CONEHEAD. I'LL HAVE TO CHECK TO SEE HOW MANY SETS I HAVE IN MY TRUCK.

I'LL HAVE TO CHECK TO SEE HOW MANY SETS I HAVE IN MY TRUCK. WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY?

MANY SETS I HAVE IN MY TRUCK. WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY? WE NEED THEM.

WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY? WE NEED THEM. WE'RE FROM FRANCE.

WE NEED THEM. WE'RE FROM FRANCE. OH, YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE RIGHT

WE'RE FROM FRANCE. OH, YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. IT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE THAT

BACK. IT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE THAT THE HUMAN ARRIVED AS WE WERE

IT IS MOST UNFORTUNATE THAT THE HUMAN ARRIVED AS WE WERE RECEIVING VITAL COMMUNICATION

THE HUMAN ARRIVED AS WE WERE RECEIVING VITAL COMMUNICATION IMPULSES FROM OUR HOME PLANET,

RECEIVING VITAL COMMUNICATION IMPULSES FROM OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK.

IMPULSES FROM OUR HOME PLANET, REMULAK. YES, DADDY.

REMULAK. YES, DADDY. YOU MUST RETURN TO THE MONOTRON

YES, DADDY. YOU MUST RETURN TO THE MONOTRON AND CONTINUE TO ABSORB THE

YOU MUST RETURN TO THE MONOTRON AND CONTINUE TO ABSORB THE MESSAGE IMPULSES.

AND CONTINUE TO ABSORB THE MESSAGE IMPULSES. YOUNG ONE, AT TIMES YOU ARE

MESSAGE IMPULSES. YOUNG ONE, AT TIMES YOU ARE WISE, ALTHOUGH I CANNOT DIG

YOUNG ONE, AT TIMES YOU ARE WISE, ALTHOUGH I CANNOT DIG YOUR WHOLE BAG.

WISE, ALTHOUGH I CANNOT DIG YOUR WHOLE BAG. YES, RETURN TO THE MONOTRON

YOUR WHOLE BAG. YES, RETURN TO THE MONOTRON CRYSTAL.

YES, RETURN TO THE MONOTRON CRYSTAL. CONNIE AND I WILL ASSUME

CRYSTAL. CONNIE AND I WILL ASSUME HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE

CONNIE AND I WILL ASSUME HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE ACTIVITIES.

HOUSEHOLD MAINTENANCE ACTIVITIES. [VACUUM CLEANER TURNS ON]

THIS PARTICLE COLLECTOR IS MOST INEFFICIENT. CORRECT.

MOST INEFFICIENT. CORRECT. IT IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HUMAN

CORRECT. IT IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HUMAN TECHNOLOGY.

IT IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HUMAN TECHNOLOGY. IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING

TECHNOLOGY. IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT, USE YOUR OWN CONE.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING RIGHT, USE YOUR OWN CONE. [AIR SUCKING IN]

OKAY, WHERE DO YOU WANT THEM? MOMMY, TELL THE HUMAN WHERE YOU WANT YOURS.

MOMMY, TELL THE HUMAN WHERE YOU WANT YOURS. I NEED 14 WALL UNITS IN THE

YOU WANT YOURS. I NEED 14 WALL UNITS IN THE FOOD-PREPARATION CHAMBER AND 11

I NEED 14 WALL UNITS IN THE FOOD-PREPARATION CHAMBER AND 11 HERE IN THE CENTRAL RECEPTION

FOOD-PREPARATION CHAMBER AND 11 HERE IN THE CENTRAL RECEPTION AREA.

HERE IN THE CENTRAL RECEPTION AREA. AND ALSO PLEASE INSTALL 10

AREA. AND ALSO PLEASE INSTALL 10 PINK PRINCESS PHONES IN THE

AND ALSO PLEASE INSTALL 10 PINK PRINCESS PHONES IN THE SLEEP CHAMBER MODELED TO

PINK PRINCESS PHONES IN THE SLEEP CHAMBER MODELED TO ACCOMMODATE A PUBESCENT HUMAN

SLEEP CHAMBER MODELED TO ACCOMMODATE A PUBESCENT HUMAN FEMALE.

ACCOMMODATE A PUBESCENT HUMAN FEMALE. OKAY, MAN?

FEMALE. OKAY, MAN? YEAH, WELL, I THINK I CAN

OKAY, MAN? YEAH, WELL, I THINK I CAN GET THAT TOGETHER.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK I CAN GET THAT TOGETHER. I REALLY THINK YOU'RE CUTE.

GET THAT TOGETHER. I REALLY THINK YOU'RE CUTE. VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM

I REALLY THINK YOU'RE CUTE. VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAK!

VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAK! VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM

REMULAK! VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAK!

VITAL COMMUNICATION FROM REMULAK! [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING]

REMULAK! [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] IT SEEMS THAT MERKON, THE

[HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] IT SEEMS THAT MERKON, THE MESSENGER OF THE HIGH MASTER, IS

IT SEEMS THAT MERKON, THE MESSENGER OF THE HIGH MASTER, IS COMING HERE.

MESSENGER OF THE HIGH MASTER, IS COMING HERE. THE MONOTRON INDICATES THAT HIS

COMING HERE. THE MONOTRON INDICATES THAT HIS STAR CRUISER HAS ALREADY ENTERED

THE MONOTRON INDICATES THAT HIS STAR CRUISER HAS ALREADY ENTERED THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE!

STAR CRUISER HAS ALREADY ENTERED THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE! MERKON? REMULAK?

THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE! MERKON? REMULAK? REMULAK... A SMALL TOWN IN

MERKON? REMULAK? REMULAK... A SMALL TOWN IN FRANCE.

REMULAK... A SMALL TOWN IN FRANCE. YES, UH, MERKON... OUR... OUR

FRANCE. YES, UH, MERKON... OUR... OUR OUR UNCLE MERKON FROM FRANCE.

YES, UH, MERKON... OUR... OUR OUR UNCLE MERKON FROM FRANCE. YES!

OUR UNCLE MERKON FROM FRANCE. YES! WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST POKE

YES! WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST POKE ALONG UPSTAIRS AND START TO

WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST POKE ALONG UPSTAIRS AND START TO INSTALL THESE PHONES.

ALONG UPSTAIRS AND START TO INSTALL THESE PHONES. HUMAN.

INSTALL THESE PHONES. HUMAN. [DOORBELL RINGS]

HUMAN. [DOORBELL RINGS] IT IS MERKON.

GREETINGS. I AM MERKON. I BEAR THE CRYSTAL OF THE HIGH RULERS.

I BEAR THE CRYSTAL OF THE HIGH RULERS. Together: NIKBAT KLARTOV

RULERS. Together: NIKBAT KLARTOV MIKTUS.

Together: NIKBAT KLARTOV MIKTUS. [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING]

MIKTUS. [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] KLAATU FA BAT.

[HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING] KLAATU FA BAT. PLEASE SIT.

KLAATU FA BAT. PLEASE SIT. OUR YOUNG ONE WILL PREPARE MASS

PLEASE SIT. OUR YOUNG ONE WILL PREPARE MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD AND DRINK FOR

OUR YOUNG ONE WILL PREPARE MASS QUANTITIES OF FOOD AND DRINK FOR YOU TO CONSUME.

QUANTITIES OF FOOD AND DRINK FOR YOU TO CONSUME. HOW ARE THINGS BACK HOME ON

YOU TO CONSUME. HOW ARE THINGS BACK HOME ON REMULAK?

HOW ARE THINGS BACK HOME ON REMULAK? OH, WE NEVER HAVE A BIGGER

REMULAK? OH, WE NEVER HAVE A BIGGER YIELD OF GLATLATISPHERES.

OH, WE NEVER HAVE A BIGGER YIELD OF GLATLATISPHERES. HIGH QUALITY?

YIELD OF GLATLATISPHERES. HIGH QUALITY? MMM, THE BEST... NICE, REAL

HIGH QUALITY? MMM, THE BEST... NICE, REAL COLOR.

MMM, THE BEST... NICE, REAL COLOR. HMM.

COLOR. HMM. DID THE BLEGTHARBS WIN THE

HMM. DID THE BLEGTHARBS WIN THE PROTOID BOWL?

DID THE BLEGTHARBS WIN THE PROTOID BOWL? NO!

PROTOID BOWL? NO! THE VALTHURIANS KICKED THEIR

NO! THE VALTHURIANS KICKED THEIR CONES!

THE VALTHURIANS KICKED THEIR CONES! [LAUGHS]

CONES! [LAUGHS] I TRUST YOU WILL BE ABLE TO

[LAUGHS] I TRUST YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STAY WITH US FOR AT LEAST A

I TRUST YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STAY WITH US FOR AT LEAST A DECADE?

STAY WITH US FOR AT LEAST A DECADE? OH, NO TIME.

DECADE? OH, NO TIME. I MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY THIS

OH, NO TIME. I MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY THIS YEAR.

I MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY THIS YEAR. AND HOW IS THE HIGH MASTER?

YEAR. AND HOW IS THE HIGH MASTER? THE HIGH MASTER DEMANDS AN

AND HOW IS THE HIGH MASTER? THE HIGH MASTER DEMANDS AN EXPLANATION, BELDAR!

THE HIGH MASTER DEMANDS AN EXPLANATION, BELDAR! WHEN YOU LEFT REMULAK, YOU WERE

EXPLANATION, BELDAR! WHEN YOU LEFT REMULAK, YOU WERE INSTRUCTED TO SEIZE ALL MAJOR

WHEN YOU LEFT REMULAK, YOU WERE INSTRUCTED TO SEIZE ALL MAJOR CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION

INSTRUCTED TO SEIZE ALL MAJOR CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION AND INFORM THE PEOPLE OF THE

CENTERS OF RADIO AND TELEVISION AND INFORM THE PEOPLE OF THE EARTH THAT WE WOULD BE TAKING

AND INFORM THE PEOPLE OF THE EARTH THAT WE WOULD BE TAKING OVER THEIR WORLD!

EARTH THAT WE WOULD BE TAKING OVER THEIR WORLD! CORRECT.

OVER THEIR WORLD! CORRECT. I WAS TO INFORM THEM THAT WE

CORRECT. I WAS TO INFORM THEM THAT WE WOULD BE THE TIMEKEEPERS FROM

I WAS TO INFORM THEM THAT WE WOULD BE THE TIMEKEEPERS FROM THE PLANET REMULAK, WE WOULD

WOULD BE THE TIMEKEEPERS FROM THE PLANET REMULAK, WE WOULD REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES,

THE PLANET REMULAK, WE WOULD REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES, THAT EARTH WEAPONS WERE USELESS

REMAIN HERE FOR SEVEN CENTURIES, THAT EARTH WEAPONS WERE USELESS AGAINST US, WE WOULD DESTROY

THAT EARTH WEAPONS WERE USELESS AGAINST US, WE WOULD DESTROY THEM IF THEY DID NOT COMPLY.

AGAINST US, WE WOULD DESTROY THEM IF THEY DID NOT COMPLY. WELL, I ASK YOU... WHAT

THEM IF THEY DID NOT COMPLY. WELL, I ASK YOU... WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I ASK YOU... WHAT HAPPENED? I LOST THE SPEECH I WAS

HAPPENED? I LOST THE SPEECH I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE.

I LOST THE SPEECH I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE. HE HAD A SPEECH PREPARED...

SUPPOSED TO MAKE. HE HAD A SPEECH PREPARED... "PEOPLE OF EARTH, WE ARE THE

HE HAD A SPEECH PREPARED... "PEOPLE OF EARTH, WE ARE THE TIMEKEEPERS OF THE PLANET

"PEOPLE OF EARTH, WE ARE THE TIMEKEEPERS OF THE PLANET REMULAK.

TIMEKEEPERS OF THE PLANET REMULAK. YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST

REMULAK. YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST US."

YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST US." HE LOST THE REST OF IT, THE PART

US." HE LOST THE REST OF IT, THE PART WITH THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES,

HE LOST THE REST OF IT, THE PART WITH THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES, DATES, PLACES, THE ORDERS FOR

WITH THE INSTRUCTIONS, TIMES, DATES, PLACES, THE ORDERS FOR THE U.N.

DATES, PLACES, THE ORDERS FOR THE U.N. ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

THE U.N. ENOUGH! ENOUGH! THE PLAN FOR THE CONQUEST OF

ENOUGH! ENOUGH! THE PLAN FOR THE CONQUEST OF EARTH HAS BEEN NULLIFIED BY YOUR

THE PLAN FOR THE CONQUEST OF EARTH HAS BEEN NULLIFIED BY YOUR ACTIONS, SO YOU ARE TO REMAIN

EARTH HAS BEEN NULLIFIED BY YOUR ACTIONS, SO YOU ARE TO REMAIN HERE FOR ANOTHER 125 EARTH

ACTIONS, SO YOU ARE TO REMAIN HERE FOR ANOTHER 125 EARTH YEARS.

HERE FOR ANOTHER 125 EARTH YEARS. THEN YOU WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO

YEARS. THEN YOU WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE MOONS OF MEEPZOR.

THEN YOU WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE MOONS OF MEEPZOR. MEEPZOR?

THE MOONS OF MEEPZOR. MEEPZOR? 125 EARTH YEARS?

MEEPZOR? 125 EARTH YEARS? MM-HMM.

125 EARTH YEARS? MM-HMM. WE'LL HAVE TO START PACKING

MM-HMM. WE'LL HAVE TO START PACKING SOON.

WE'LL HAVE TO START PACKING SOON. YES.

SOON. YES. MERKON, WE INVITE YOU TO

YES. MERKON, WE INVITE YOU TO CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES.

MERKON, WE INVITE YOU TO CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. PIZZA.

CONSUME MASS QUANTITIES. PIZZA. PIZZA?

PIZZA. PIZZA? PIZZA... YES, STARCH DISKS

PIZZA? PIZZA... YES, STARCH DISKS WITH VEGETABLE MATTER AND MOLTEN

PIZZA... YES, STARCH DISKS WITH VEGETABLE MATTER AND MOLTEN LACTATE EXTRACT OF HOOVED

WITH VEGETABLE MATTER AND MOLTEN LACTATE EXTRACT OF HOOVED MAMMALS, SPRINKLED WITH FISH

LACTATE EXTRACT OF HOOVED MAMMALS, SPRINKLED WITH FISH FLESH.

MAMMALS, SPRINKLED WITH FISH FLESH. MMM, FISH FLESH?

FLESH. MMM, FISH FLESH? ANCHOVIES.

MMM, FISH FLESH? ANCHOVIES. OH, WELL, I'LL HAVE THE

ANCHOVIES. OH, WELL, I'LL HAVE THE STARCH DISKS WITH NO

OH, WELL, I'LL HAVE THE STARCH DISKS WITH NO ANCHOVIES.

STARCH DISKS WITH NO ANCHOVIES. MMM!

ANCHOVIES. MMM! MR. CONEHEAD, I'M SORRY TO

MMM! MR. CONEHEAD, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT I'VE INSTALLED

MR. CONEHEAD, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT I'VE INSTALLED EIGHT OF THOSE PRINCESS PHONES

BOTHER YOU, BUT I'VE INSTALLED EIGHT OF THOSE PRINCESS PHONES IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM.

EIGHT OF THOSE PRINCESS PHONES IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM. PRINCESS PHONE?

IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM. PRINCESS PHONE? PRINCESS PHONE... A

PRINCESS PHONE? PRINCESS PHONE... A GLAMORIZED ELECTRONIC

PRINCESS PHONE... A GLAMORIZED ELECTRONIC TELECOMMUNICATION DEVICE.

GLAMORIZED ELECTRONIC TELECOMMUNICATION DEVICE. HUMANS OFTEN USE LABELS OF

TELECOMMUNICATION DEVICE. HUMANS OFTEN USE LABELS OF ROYALTY AS A MASS-PRODUCT

HUMANS OFTEN USE LABELS OF ROYALTY AS A MASS-PRODUCT APPEAL TECHNIQUE.

ROYALTY AS A MASS-PRODUCT APPEAL TECHNIQUE. EXAMPLES... KING BURGER,

APPEAL TECHNIQUE. EXAMPLES... KING BURGER, QUEEN-SIZE, AND THE PRINCESS

EXAMPLES... KING BURGER, QUEEN-SIZE, AND THE PRINCESS PHONE.

QUEEN-SIZE, AND THE PRINCESS PHONE. THE DEVICES ARE USELESS TO

PHONE. THE DEVICES ARE USELESS TO US, EXCEPT THAT THE BONDING

THE DEVICES ARE USELESS TO US, EXCEPT THAT THE BONDING POLYMERS IN THE PAINT ARE A

US, EXCEPT THAT THE BONDING POLYMERS IN THE PAINT ARE A NUTRITIONAL DELICACY.

POLYMERS IN THE PAINT ARE A NUTRITIONAL DELICACY. OH, BY THE WAY, I FOUND THESE

NUTRITIONAL DELICACY. OH, BY THE WAY, I FOUND THESE UNDER THE LUMINESCENT WATERBED

OH, BY THE WAY, I FOUND THESE UNDER THE LUMINESCENT WATERBED WHILE I WAS INSTALLING THE

UNDER THE LUMINESCENT WATERBED WHILE I WAS INSTALLING THE PHONES IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM.

WHILE I WAS INSTALLING THE PHONES IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM. AAAAAH!

PHONES IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S ROOM. AAAAAH! CONNIE! CONNIE!

AAAAAH! CONNIE! CONNIE! UNACCEPTABLE! UNACCEPTABLE!

CONNIE! CONNIE! UNACCEPTABLE! UNACCEPTABLE! WHERE DID YOU FIND THE

UNACCEPTABLE! UNACCEPTABLE! WHERE DID YOU FIND THE SENSO-RINGS!

WHERE DID YOU FIND THE SENSO-RINGS! I FOUND THEM IN YOUR SLEEP

SENSO-RINGS! I FOUND THEM IN YOUR SLEEP CHAMBER.

I FOUND THEM IN YOUR SLEEP CHAMBER. YOUR CONE IS TOO YOUNG TO

CHAMBER. YOUR CONE IS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW THE SENSO-RING!

YOUR CONE IS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW THE SENSO-RING! GO TO YOUR SLEEP CHAMBER WITHOUT

KNOW THE SENSO-RING! GO TO YOUR SLEEP CHAMBER WITHOUT CONSUMING MASS QUANTITIES!

GO TO YOUR SLEEP CHAMBER WITHOUT CONSUMING MASS QUANTITIES! GO! GO!

CONSUMING MASS QUANTITIES! GO! GO! GO!

GO! GO! GO! MMM!

GO! MMM! DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT

MMM! DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE PROTOID BOWL?

DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE PROTOID BOWL? YES.

THE PROTOID BOWL? YES. IT WAS A BIG, BIG, BIG UPSET,

YES. IT WAS A BIG, BIG, BIG UPSET, MAN.

IT WAS A BIG, BIG, BIG UPSET, MAN. I AM TELLING YOU.

MAN. I AM TELLING YOU. THERE WAS BLACK HOLES ON THAT

I AM TELLING YOU. THERE WAS BLACK HOLES ON THAT ONE, TOO.

THERE WAS BLACK HOLES ON THAT ONE, TOO. OOH!

ONE, TOO. OOH! OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY!

OOH! OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY! OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY!

OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY! OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY, OOH, BABY! OOH!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KATE AND ANNA, THE McGARRIGLE SISTERS.

KATE AND ANNA, THE McGARRIGLE SISTERS. ["KISS AND SAY GOODBYE"

SISTERS. ["KISS AND SAY GOODBYE" PLAYING]

♪ CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE COMING THROUGH TOWN ♪ ♪ JUST SOON AS YOUR PLANE PUTS

THROUGH TOWN ♪ ♪ JUST SOON AS YOUR PLANE PUTS DOWN ♪

♪ JUST SOON AS YOUR PLANE PUTS DOWN ♪ ♪ CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE ♪

DOWN ♪ ♪ CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE ♪ ♪ BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE TRAVELING

♪ CALL ME ON THE TELEPHONE ♪ ♪ BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE TRAVELING ALONE ♪

♪ BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE TRAVELING ALONE ♪ ♪ COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS ♪

ALONE ♪ ♪ COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS ♪ ♪ THROUGH THE SUNSHINE AND THE

♪ COUNTING DOWN THE HOURS ♪ ♪ THROUGH THE SUNSHINE AND THE SHOWERS ♪

♪ THROUGH THE SUNSHINE AND THE SHOWERS ♪ ♪ TODAY'S THE DAY ♪

SHOWERS ♪ ♪ TODAY'S THE DAY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA COME MY

♪ TODAY'S THE DAY ♪ ♪ YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA COME MY WAY ♪

♪ YOU'RE FINALLY GONNA COME MY WAY ♪ ♪ LET'S MAKE A DATE TO SEE A

WAY ♪ ♪ LET'S MAKE A DATE TO SEE A MOVIE ♪

♪ LET'S MAKE A DATE TO SEE A MOVIE ♪ ♪ MOVIE ♪

MOVIE ♪ ♪ MOVIE ♪ ♪ SOME FOREIGN FILM FROM GAY

♪ MOVIE ♪ ♪ SOME FOREIGN FILM FROM GAY "PAREE" ♪

♪ SOME FOREIGN FILM FROM GAY "PAREE" ♪ ♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE TO THINK

"PAREE" ♪ ♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE TO THINK YOU GOT TASTE ♪

♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE TO THINK YOU GOT TASTE ♪ ♪ SO I'M GONNA LET YOU CHOOSE

YOU GOT TASTE ♪ ♪ SO I'M GONNA LET YOU CHOOSE THE TIME AND PLACE ♪

♪ SO I'M GONNA LET YOU CHOOSE THE TIME AND PLACE ♪ ♪ HAVE SOME DINNER FOR TWO ♪

THE TIME AND PLACE ♪ ♪ HAVE SOME DINNER FOR TWO ♪ ♪ IN SOME EASTSIDE RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ HAVE SOME DINNER FOR TWO ♪ ♪ IN SOME EASTSIDE RENDEZVOUS ♪ ♪ THEN WE'LL WALK ARM IN ARM

♪ IN SOME EASTSIDE RENDEZVOUS ♪ ♪ THEN WE'LL WALK ARM IN ARM AROUND THE BLOCK AND TALK ♪

♪ THEN WE'LL WALK ARM IN ARM AROUND THE BLOCK AND TALK ♪ [INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]

♪ TONIGHT ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ♪ ♪ MINE ♪

♪ YOU'RE ♪ ♪ MINE ♪ ♪ LET'S NOT ♪

♪ MINE ♪ ♪ LET'S NOT ♪ ♪ WASTE TIME ♪

♪ LET'S NOT ♪ ♪ WASTE TIME ♪ ♪ I DO BELIEVE THE DIE IS

♪ WASTE TIME ♪ ♪ I DO BELIEVE THE DIE IS CAST ♪

♪ I DO BELIEVE THE DIE IS CAST ♪ ♪ LET'S TRY AND MAKE THE

CAST ♪ ♪ LET'S TRY AND MAKE THE NIGHTTIME LAST ♪

♪ LET'S TRY AND MAKE THE NIGHTTIME LAST ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S

NIGHTTIME LAST ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S COMING FROM ♪

♪ AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT'S COMING FROM ♪ ♪ BUT I WANT TO KISS YOU TILL MY

COMING FROM ♪ ♪ BUT I WANT TO KISS YOU TILL MY MOUTH GETS NUMB ♪

♪ BUT I WANT TO KISS YOU TILL MY MOUTH GETS NUMB ♪ ♪ I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO

MOUTH GETS NUMB ♪ ♪ I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU ♪

♪ I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU ♪ ♪ TILL THE DAY COMES BREAKING

YOU ♪ ♪ TILL THE DAY COMES BREAKING THROUGH ♪

♪ TILL THE DAY COMES BREAKING THROUGH ♪ ♪ AND WHEN THE SUN IS HIGH IN

THROUGH ♪ ♪ AND WHEN THE SUN IS HIGH IN THE SKY ♪

♪ AND WHEN THE SUN IS HIGH IN THE SKY ♪ ♪ WE'LL KISS AND SAY

THE SKY ♪ ♪ WE'LL KISS AND SAY GOODBYE ♪

♪ WE'LL KISS AND SAY GOODBYE ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

GOODBYE ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO. 5" PLAYING] GOOD AFTERNOON

[PLAYING] GOOD AFTERNOON AND WELCOME TO

GOOD AFTERNOON AND WELCOME TO "YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BUDDY,"

AND WELCOME TO "YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BUDDY," THE SHOW FOR MEN, BY MEN.

"YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY, BUDDY," THE SHOW FOR MEN, BY MEN. WE HAVE AN ALL-MALE STAFF.

THE SHOW FOR MEN, BY MEN. WE HAVE AN ALL-MALE STAFF. OUR RESEARCHERS ARE MEN.

WE HAVE AN ALL-MALE STAFF. OUR RESEARCHERS ARE MEN. OUR WRITERS, THE PRODUCERS, EVEN

OUR RESEARCHERS ARE MEN. OUR WRITERS, THE PRODUCERS, EVEN THE CAMERAMEN ARE MEN.

OUR WRITERS, THE PRODUCERS, EVEN THE CAMERAMEN ARE MEN. TODAY WE HAVE WITH US

THE CAMERAMEN ARE MEN. TODAY WE HAVE WITH US ROY MATTHEWS OF THE NATIONAL

TODAY WE HAVE WITH US ROY MATTHEWS OF THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF MEN, BOB LEWIS

ROY MATTHEWS OF THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF MEN, BOB LEWIS OF THE BLACK YOUNG MEN

ORGANIZATION OF MEN, BOB LEWIS OF THE BLACK YOUNG MEN RECREATIONAL CENTER,

OF THE BLACK YOUNG MEN RECREATIONAL CENTER, SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO HAS STARTED

RECREATIONAL CENTER, SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO HAS STARTED A RAPE HOTLINE, AND

SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO HAS STARTED A RAPE HOTLINE, AND TED MEYERS... TED MEYERS, WHO'S

A RAPE HOTLINE, AND TED MEYERS... TED MEYERS, WHO'S BROUGHT WITH HIM SOME PAINTINGS

TED MEYERS... TED MEYERS, WHO'S BROUGHT WITH HIM SOME PAINTINGS PAINTED BY MEN ARTISTS, WHICH

BROUGHT WITH HIM SOME PAINTINGS PAINTED BY MEN ARTISTS, WHICH ARE CURRENTLY ON EXHIBIT AT THE

PAINTED BY MEN ARTISTS, WHICH ARE CURRENTLY ON EXHIBIT AT THE BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY.

ARE CURRENTLY ON EXHIBIT AT THE BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY. AND WE'VE DECORATED OUR SET WITH

BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY. AND WE'VE DECORATED OUR SET WITH SOME OF THESE PAINTINGS BY MEN.

AND WE'VE DECORATED OUR SET WITH SOME OF THESE PAINTINGS BY MEN. THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG.

SOME OF THESE PAINTINGS BY MEN. THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG. MANY MEN ARE DISCOURAGED AS BOYS

THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG. MANY MEN ARE DISCOURAGED AS BOYS FROM ENGAGING IN THE ARTS.

MANY MEN ARE DISCOURAGED AS BOYS FROM ENGAGING IN THE ARTS. THEY'RE CALLED SISSIES OR OTHER

FROM ENGAGING IN THE ARTS. THEY'RE CALLED SISSIES OR OTHER NAMES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE CALLED SISSIES OR OTHER NAMES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW? AND THEY'RE NOT TOLD ABOUT THE

NAMES LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW? AND THEY'RE NOT TOLD ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTION MADE BY MEN

AND THEY'RE NOT TOLD ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTION MADE BY MEN ARTISTS.

CONTRIBUTION MADE BY MEN ARTISTS. AT THE BROTHERS COLLECTIVE ART

ARTISTS. AT THE BROTHERS COLLECTIVE ART GALLERY, WE DISPLAY ONLY ART

AT THE BROTHERS COLLECTIVE ART GALLERY, WE DISPLAY ONLY ART THAT WAS PAINTED BY MEN.

GALLERY, WE DISPLAY ONLY ART THAT WAS PAINTED BY MEN. WELL, PERHAPS YOU COULD TELL

THAT WAS PAINTED BY MEN. WELL, PERHAPS YOU COULD TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT THE

WELL, PERHAPS YOU COULD TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT THE PAINTINGS, TED.

US SOMETHING ABOUT THE PAINTINGS, TED. YEAH, OKAY.

PAINTINGS, TED. YEAH, OKAY. THE PAINTING UP THERE BEHIND YOU

YEAH, OKAY. THE PAINTING UP THERE BEHIND YOU IS A VINCENT VAN GOGH.

THE PAINTING UP THERE BEHIND YOU IS A VINCENT VAN GOGH. HE WAS A DUTCH PAINTER OF THE

IS A VINCENT VAN GOGH. HE WAS A DUTCH PAINTER OF THE 19th CENTURY.

HE WAS A DUTCH PAINTER OF THE 19th CENTURY. HE USED UNIQUE COLORS, AND HE

19th CENTURY. HE USED UNIQUE COLORS, AND HE INFLUENCED MANY ARTISTS, AND HE

HE USED UNIQUE COLORS, AND HE INFLUENCED MANY ARTISTS, AND HE WAS A MAN.

INFLUENCED MANY ARTISTS, AND HE WAS A MAN. THAT'S VERY NICE.

WAS A MAN. THAT'S VERY NICE. AND THIS HERE'S BY

THAT'S VERY NICE. AND THIS HERE'S BY PABLO PICASSO, A MODERN ARTIST

AND THIS HERE'S BY PABLO PICASSO, A MODERN ARTIST FROM SPAIN.

PABLO PICASSO, A MODERN ARTIST FROM SPAIN. IT'S VERY ORIGINAL.

FROM SPAIN. IT'S VERY ORIGINAL. YOU CAN SEE HE WAS A MAN.

IT'S VERY ORIGINAL. YOU CAN SEE HE WAS A MAN. AND OVER HERE, RIGHT BEHIND YOU,

YOU CAN SEE HE WAS A MAN. AND OVER HERE, RIGHT BEHIND YOU, LEONARDO DA VINCI... A PAINTING

AND OVER HERE, RIGHT BEHIND YOU, LEONARDO DA VINCI... A PAINTING BY LEONARDO DA VINCI.

LEONARDO DA VINCI... A PAINTING BY LEONARDO DA VINCI. HE WAS AN ITALIAN, AN INVENTOR,

BY LEONARDO DA VINCI. HE WAS AN ITALIAN, AN INVENTOR, AND HE WAS A MAN.

HE WAS AN ITALIAN, AN INVENTOR, AND HE WAS A MAN. WELL, HE CERTAINLY WAS A GOOD

AND HE WAS A MAN. WELL, HE CERTAINLY WAS A GOOD PAINTER.

WELL, HE CERTAINLY WAS A GOOD PAINTER. AND HE WAS A MAN.

PAINTER. AND HE WAS A MAN. WELL, THANK YOU, TED, FOR

AND HE WAS A MAN. WELL, THANK YOU, TED, FOR BRINGING THESE TERRIFIC

WELL, THANK YOU, TED, FOR BRINGING THESE TERRIFIC PAINTINGS.

BRINGING THESE TERRIFIC PAINTINGS. I THINK THAT MEN IN NEW YORK

PAINTINGS. I THINK THAT MEN IN NEW YORK SHOULD BE SURE TO GO DOWN TO THE

I THINK THAT MEN IN NEW YORK SHOULD BE SURE TO GO DOWN TO THE BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY.

SHOULD BE SURE TO GO DOWN TO THE BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY. THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG.

BROTHERS ART COLLECTIVE GALLERY. THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG. WOMEN, TOO.

THAT SURE IS RIGHT, CRAIG. WOMEN, TOO. YEAH, WOMEN ENJOY MEN'S ART,

WOMEN, TOO. YEAH, WOMEN ENJOY MEN'S ART, AS WELL, YOU KNOW?

YEAH, WOMEN ENJOY MEN'S ART, AS WELL, YOU KNOW? ALSO, BY THE WAY, CRAIG, AT THE

AS WELL, YOU KNOW? ALSO, BY THE WAY, CRAIG, AT THE GALLERY, WE PIPE IN MUSIC THAT

ALSO, BY THE WAY, CRAIG, AT THE GALLERY, WE PIPE IN MUSIC THAT HAS BEEN COMPOSED BY MEN.

GALLERY, WE PIPE IN MUSIC THAT HAS BEEN COMPOSED BY MEN. AND YOU CAN ENJOY MEN'S MUSIC

HAS BEEN COMPOSED BY MEN. AND YOU CAN ENJOY MEN'S MUSIC WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE

AND YOU CAN ENJOY MEN'S MUSIC WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE MEN'S ART.

WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE MEN'S ART. YES, YES, THE MUSIC WE PLAYED

MEN'S ART. YES, YES, THE MUSIC WE PLAYED AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW WAS FROM

YES, YES, THE MUSIC WE PLAYED AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW WAS FROM YOUR GALLERY.

AT THE TOP OF THE SHOW WAS FROM YOUR GALLERY. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR GALLERY. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT WAS LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN,

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT WAS LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN, 18th-CENTURY MALE COMPOSER.

THAT WAS LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN, 18th-CENTURY MALE COMPOSER. VERY NICE MUSIC, TED, AND

18th-CENTURY MALE COMPOSER. VERY NICE MUSIC, TED, AND THANK YOU.

VERY NICE MUSIC, TED, AND THANK YOU. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE

THANK YOU. YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE BEST CHEFS IN THE WORLD ARE MEN.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THE BEST CHEFS IN THE WORLD ARE MEN. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, TED.

BEST CHEFS IN THE WORLD ARE MEN. WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, TED. WE HAD SEVERAL ON THE SHOW LAST

WELL, THAT'S RIGHT, TED. WE HAD SEVERAL ON THE SHOW LAST WEEK.

WE HAD SEVERAL ON THE SHOW LAST WEEK. NOW, BOB LEWIS.

WEEK. NOW, BOB LEWIS. YEAH.

NOW, BOB LEWIS. YEAH. YOU WORK UP IN HARLEM WITH

YEAH. YOU WORK UP IN HARLEM WITH BLACK MEN AND BOYS AND DEAL WITH

YOU WORK UP IN HARLEM WITH BLACK MEN AND BOYS AND DEAL WITH THEIR SPECIAL PROBLEMS.

BLACK MEN AND BOYS AND DEAL WITH THEIR SPECIAL PROBLEMS. THAT'S RIGHT, CLAIG... CRAIG,

THEIR SPECIAL PROBLEMS. THAT'S RIGHT, CLAIG... CRAIG, RATHER.

THAT'S RIGHT, CLAIG... CRAIG, RATHER. THE BLACK MAN HAS KIND OF A

RATHER. THE BLACK MAN HAS KIND OF A DOUBLE NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST

THE BLACK MAN HAS KIND OF A DOUBLE NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST HIM, MAN.

DOUBLE NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST HIM, MAN. HE'S BLACK, AND HE'S A MAN.

HIM, MAN. HE'S BLACK, AND HE'S A MAN. NOW, THE BLACK MAN VERY OFTEN IS

HE'S BLACK, AND HE'S A MAN. NOW, THE BLACK MAN VERY OFTEN IS ISOLATED.

NOW, THE BLACK MAN VERY OFTEN IS ISOLATED. LIKE IN HARLEM, A BLACK MAN

ISOLATED. LIKE IN HARLEM, A BLACK MAN LEAVES HIS WOMAN AND KIDS FOR

LIKE IN HARLEM, A BLACK MAN LEAVES HIS WOMAN AND KIDS FOR TWO YEARS, MAYBE EVEN ONLY ONE,

LEAVES HIS WOMAN AND KIDS FOR TWO YEARS, MAYBE EVEN ONLY ONE, AND VERY OFTEN THE FAMILY WILL

TWO YEARS, MAYBE EVEN ONLY ONE, AND VERY OFTEN THE FAMILY WILL HAVE MOVED AND BE GONE WHEN HE

AND VERY OFTEN THE FAMILY WILL HAVE MOVED AND BE GONE WHEN HE COMES BACK, MAN, YOU KNOW?

HAVE MOVED AND BE GONE WHEN HE COMES BACK, MAN, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, THE LOSS OF FAMILY IS A

COMES BACK, MAN, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, THE LOSS OF FAMILY IS A BIG PROBLEM THERE.

I MEAN, THE LOSS OF FAMILY IS A BIG PROBLEM THERE. WELL, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO

BIG PROBLEM THERE. WELL, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO WITH BLACK YOUNG MEN?

WELL, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO WITH BLACK YOUNG MEN? WELL, SEE, THE BLACK YOUNG

YOU DO WITH BLACK YOUNG MEN? WELL, SEE, THE BLACK YOUNG MAN HAS KIND OF A TRIPLE

WELL, SEE, THE BLACK YOUNG MAN HAS KIND OF A TRIPLE NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST HIM,

MAN HAS KIND OF A TRIPLE NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST HIM, MAN.

NEGATIVE WORKING AGAINST HIM, MAN. HE'S BLACK, HE'S YOUNG...

MAN. HE'S BLACK, HE'S YOUNG... AND HE'S A MAN.

HE'S BLACK, HE'S YOUNG... AND HE'S A MAN. EXACTLY. SEE?

AND HE'S A MAN. EXACTLY. SEE? NOW, THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS

EXACTLY. SEE? NOW, THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS VERY HIGH FOR YOUNG BLACK MEN.

NOW, THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE IS VERY HIGH FOR YOUNG BLACK MEN. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO VERY

VERY HIGH FOR YOUNG BLACK MEN. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO VERY OFTEN BUT JUST GET IN TROUBLE.

THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO VERY OFTEN BUT JUST GET IN TROUBLE. SO WHAT WE'RE DOING UP IN HARLEM

OFTEN BUT JUST GET IN TROUBLE. SO WHAT WE'RE DOING UP IN HARLEM WITH THE BLACK YOUNG MEN'S

SO WHAT WE'RE DOING UP IN HARLEM WITH THE BLACK YOUNG MEN'S RECREATIONAL CENTER IS TO TRY TO

WITH THE BLACK YOUNG MEN'S RECREATIONAL CENTER IS TO TRY TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO KEEP

RECREATIONAL CENTER IS TO TRY TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO KEEP THEIR MINDS AND BODIES ACTIVE.

GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO KEEP THEIR MINDS AND BODIES ACTIVE. AND WHAT IS THAT, BOB?

THEIR MINDS AND BODIES ACTIVE. AND WHAT IS THAT, BOB? WELL, WE'VE STARTED AN

AND WHAT IS THAT, BOB? WELL, WE'VE STARTED AN ALL-MALE, ALL-BLACK BASKETBALL

WELL, WE'VE STARTED AN ALL-MALE, ALL-BLACK BASKETBALL LEAGUE.

ALL-MALE, ALL-BLACK BASKETBALL LEAGUE. DIG THAT.

LEAGUE. DIG THAT. REMEMBER... YOU HEARD IT

DIG THAT. REMEMBER... YOU HEARD IT FIRST ON THIS SHOW.

REMEMBER... YOU HEARD IT FIRST ON THIS SHOW. BUT, EVERYBODY, WE ARE IN

FIRST ON THIS SHOW. BUT, EVERYBODY, WE ARE IN NEED OF MONEY NOW.

BUT, EVERYBODY, WE ARE IN NEED OF MONEY NOW. SEE, CRAIG, WE HAVE NO BUILDING,

NEED OF MONEY NOW. SEE, CRAIG, WE HAVE NO BUILDING, AND WE HAVE TO GO TO THE

SEE, CRAIG, WE HAVE NO BUILDING, AND WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PLAYGROUND AND GET IN SOME

AND WE HAVE TO GO TO THE PLAYGROUND AND GET IN SOME PICK-UP GAMES.

PLAYGROUND AND GET IN SOME PICK-UP GAMES. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, BOB.

PICK-UP GAMES. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, BOB. NOW, SEATED ON YOUR RIGHT IS

WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, BOB. NOW, SEATED ON YOUR RIGHT IS ROY MATTHEWS FROM THE NATIONAL

NOW, SEATED ON YOUR RIGHT IS ROY MATTHEWS FROM THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF MEN.

ROY MATTHEWS FROM THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF MEN. THAT'S N.O.O.M., AND THEY'VE

ORGANIZATION OF MEN. THAT'S N.O.O.M., AND THEY'VE OPENED A BAR IN NEW YORK.

THAT'S N.O.O.M., AND THEY'VE OPENED A BAR IN NEW YORK. NOW, IS THIS BAR JUST FOR MEN,

OPENED A BAR IN NEW YORK. NOW, IS THIS BAR JUST FOR MEN, ROY?

NOW, IS THIS BAR JUST FOR MEN, ROY? NO, CRAIG.

ROY? NO, CRAIG. THIS IS A BAR FOR MEN AND WOMEN

NO, CRAIG. THIS IS A BAR FOR MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE TIRED OF THE SINGLES

THIS IS A BAR FOR MEN AND WOMEN WHO ARE TIRED OF THE SINGLES SCENE HERE IN NEW YORK.

WHO ARE TIRED OF THE SINGLES SCENE HERE IN NEW YORK. YOU SEE, THE AVERAGE GUY CAN'T

SCENE HERE IN NEW YORK. YOU SEE, THE AVERAGE GUY CAN'T GO INTO A BAR AND CONVERSE,

YOU SEE, THE AVERAGE GUY CAN'T GO INTO A BAR AND CONVERSE, STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION

GO INTO A BAR AND CONVERSE, STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH AN INTELLIGENT,

STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH AN INTELLIGENT, GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN WITHOUT THE

WITH AN INTELLIGENT, GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN WITHOUT THE WOMAN THINKING THE GUY'S TRYING

GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN WITHOUT THE WOMAN THINKING THE GUY'S TRYING TO PICK HER UP, OKAY?

WOMAN THINKING THE GUY'S TRYING TO PICK HER UP, OKAY? SO THIS MAKES IT HARD FOR A GUY

TO PICK HER UP, OKAY? SO THIS MAKES IT HARD FOR A GUY TO MEET A GIRL WHO DOESN'T

SO THIS MAKES IT HARD FOR A GUY TO MEET A GIRL WHO DOESN'T THINK, YOU KNOW, HE JUST WANTS

TO MEET A GIRL WHO DOESN'T THINK, YOU KNOW, HE JUST WANTS TO GET IN BETWEEN THE SHEETS,

THINK, YOU KNOW, HE JUST WANTS TO GET IN BETWEEN THE SHEETS, THAT KIND OF THING.

TO GET IN BETWEEN THE SHEETS, THAT KIND OF THING. AND YOU'VE CREATED A

THAT KIND OF THING. AND YOU'VE CREATED A DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR

AND YOU'VE CREATED A DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR NOT-JUST... WHAT'S THE NAME OF

DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE IN YOUR NOT-JUST... WHAT'S THE NAME OF IT?

NOT-JUST... WHAT'S THE NAME OF IT? IT'S THE NOT-JUST-A-MEAT-RACK

IT? IT'S THE NOT-JUST-A-MEAT-RACK BAR, ELLIOTT.

IT'S THE NOT-JUST-A-MEAT-RACK BAR, ELLIOTT. IT'S A PLACE WHERE MEN AND WOMEN

BAR, ELLIOTT. IT'S A PLACE WHERE MEN AND WOMEN CAN JUST GET TOGETHER AND TALK.

IT'S A PLACE WHERE MEN AND WOMEN CAN JUST GET TOGETHER AND TALK. WELL, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

CAN JUST GET TOGETHER AND TALK. WELL, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. AND HOW IS IT WORKING?

WELL, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. AND HOW IS IT WORKING? WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE

AND HOW IS IT WORKING? WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE GETTING

WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE GETTING WOMEN TO COME ON IN.

HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE GETTING WOMEN TO COME ON IN. THEY DON'T TRUST US EVENTUALLY,

WOMEN TO COME ON IN. THEY DON'T TRUST US EVENTUALLY, SO TO ATTRACT WOMEN, WE'RE

THEY DON'T TRUST US EVENTUALLY, SO TO ATTRACT WOMEN, WE'RE STARTING TO GIVE THEM FREE

SO TO ATTRACT WOMEN, WE'RE STARTING TO GIVE THEM FREE DRINKS NOW AT HAPPY HOUR.

STARTING TO GIVE THEM FREE DRINKS NOW AT HAPPY HOUR. WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD

DRINKS NOW AT HAPPY HOUR. WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DEAL, AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DEAL, AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU. THANK YOU, CRAIG.

DEAL, AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU. THANK YOU, CRAIG. NOW, OUR LAST GUEST IS

THANK YOU, CRAIG. NOW, OUR LAST GUEST IS SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO, I

NOW, OUR LAST GUEST IS SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO, I UNDERSTAND, HAS STARTED A

SAM MONTGOMERY, WHO, I UNDERSTAND, HAS STARTED A 24-HOUR RAPE HOTLINE.

UNDERSTAND, HAS STARTED A 24-HOUR RAPE HOTLINE. THAT'S RIGHT, CRAIG.

24-HOUR RAPE HOTLINE. THAT'S RIGHT, CRAIG. ALMOST INVARIABLY, A MAN IS VERY

THAT'S RIGHT, CRAIG. ALMOST INVARIABLY, A MAN IS VERY UPSET AFTER HE'S COMMITTED A

ALMOST INVARIABLY, A MAN IS VERY UPSET AFTER HE'S COMMITTED A RAPE.

UPSET AFTER HE'S COMMITTED A RAPE. WE GIVE THE RAPIST AN

RAPE. WE GIVE THE RAPIST AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO SOMEONE

WE GIVE THE RAPIST AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE'S GONE

OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE'S GONE THROUGH.

WHO UNDERSTANDS WHAT HE'S GONE THROUGH. WELL, DO YOU ENCOURAGE THE

THROUGH. WELL, DO YOU ENCOURAGE THE RAPIST TO GO TO THE POLICE?

WELL, DO YOU ENCOURAGE THE RAPIST TO GO TO THE POLICE? YES, OF COURSE WE DO.

RAPIST TO GO TO THE POLICE? YES, OF COURSE WE DO. A BIG REASON WHY THERE ARE SO

YES, OF COURSE WE DO. A BIG REASON WHY THERE ARE SO MANY RAPES IS THAT RAPISTS ARE

A BIG REASON WHY THERE ARE SO MANY RAPES IS THAT RAPISTS ARE OFTEN AFRAID TO GO TO THE

MANY RAPES IS THAT RAPISTS ARE OFTEN AFRAID TO GO TO THE POLICE.

OFTEN AFRAID TO GO TO THE POLICE. WELL, WHY IS THAT?

POLICE. WELL, WHY IS THAT? WELL, FOR ONE THING, THEY GET

WELL, WHY IS THAT? WELL, FOR ONE THING, THEY GET ARRESTED.

WELL, FOR ONE THING, THEY GET ARRESTED. AND THE POLICE TREAT THE RAPIST

ARRESTED. AND THE POLICE TREAT THE RAPIST WITH DISRESPECT.

AND THE POLICE TREAT THE RAPIST WITH DISRESPECT. AND POLICE PSYCHIATRISTS, WHO

WITH DISRESPECT. AND POLICE PSYCHIATRISTS, WHO ARE OFTEN "WOMEN," YOU KNOW, ASK

AND POLICE PSYCHIATRISTS, WHO ARE OFTEN "WOMEN," YOU KNOW, ASK EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS.

ARE OFTEN "WOMEN," YOU KNOW, ASK EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS. IT'S A HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE,

EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS. IT'S A HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE, AND WE ADVISE RAPISTS OF HIS

IT'S A HUMILIATING EXPERIENCE, AND WE ADVISE RAPISTS OF HIS RIGHTS, AND WE GET HIM A LAWYER

AND WE ADVISE RAPISTS OF HIS RIGHTS, AND WE GET HIM A LAWYER IF HE NEEDS A LAWYER.

RIGHTS, AND WE GET HIM A LAWYER IF HE NEEDS A LAWYER. I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS WHAT

IF HE NEEDS A LAWYER. I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND I BELIEVE WE

I THINK IT'S MARVELOUS WHAT YOU'RE DOING, AND I BELIEVE WE HAVE A NUMBER THAT THE RAPISTS

YOU'RE DOING, AND I BELIEVE WE HAVE A NUMBER THAT THE RAPISTS CAN CALL 24 HOURS A DAY.

THERE IT IS... RAPE-RAP.

RIGHT.

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO THANK THE

PHONE COMPANY FOR THEIR

COOPERATION, FOR GIVING US THIS

NUMBER HERE.

SO IF YOU'VE COMMITTED A RAPE

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS, PLEASE

CALL THAT NUMBER.

RIGHT. NOW, IT'S COMPLETELY

ANONYMOUS.

AND WE SEE TO IT THAT THE NAME IS NOT PRINTED IN THE PAPER. VERY OFTEN, TO BE KNOWN AS A

IS NOT PRINTED IN THE PAPER. VERY OFTEN, TO BE KNOWN AS A RAPIST HAS A SOCIAL STIGMA, EVEN

VERY OFTEN, TO BE KNOWN AS A RAPIST HAS A SOCIAL STIGMA, EVEN TODAY, AND IT CAN RUIN A MAN'S

RAPIST HAS A SOCIAL STIGMA, EVEN TODAY, AND IT CAN RUIN A MAN'S LIFE.

TODAY, AND IT CAN RUIN A MAN'S LIFE. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, SAM.

LIFE. WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, SAM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, SAM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELL, WE'VE RUN OUT OF TIME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELL, WE'VE RUN OUT OF TIME. THANKS, GENTLEMEN.

WELL, WE'VE RUN OUT OF TIME. THANKS, GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU.

THANKS, GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU. BEAUTIFUL!

THANK YOU. BEAUTIFUL! TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN

BEAUTIFUL! TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MAYOR BEAME TALKS ABOUT MIXING

TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MAYOR BEAME TALKS ABOUT MIXING MARRIAGE AND A CAREER.

MAYOR BEAME TALKS ABOUT MIXING MARRIAGE AND A CAREER. [BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO. 5"

MARRIAGE AND A CAREER. [BEETHOVEN'S "SYMPHONY NO. 5" PLAYING]

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING.

JANE CURTIN. GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING. I'M JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT...

I'M JANE CURTIN. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... JUST KIDDING.

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... JUST KIDDING. [LAUGHS]

JUST KIDDING. [LAUGHS] FUNERAL SERVICES WERE HELD THIS

[LAUGHS] FUNERAL SERVICES WERE HELD THIS WEEK FOR 82-YEAR-OLD CHEWING-GUM

FUNERAL SERVICES WERE HELD THIS WEEK FOR 82-YEAR-OLD CHEWING-GUM MAGNATE PHILIP K. WRIGLEY.

WEEK FOR 82-YEAR-OLD CHEWING-GUM MAGNATE PHILIP K. WRIGLEY. IN KEEPING WITH HIS LAST

MAGNATE PHILIP K. WRIGLEY. IN KEEPING WITH HIS LAST REQUEST, WRIGLEY'S REMAINS WILL

IN KEEPING WITH HIS LAST REQUEST, WRIGLEY'S REMAINS WILL BE STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF A

REQUEST, WRIGLEY'S REMAINS WILL BE STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF A LUNCHEONETTE COUNTER.

BE STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF A LUNCHEONETTE COUNTER. FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD R. FORD

LUNCHEONETTE COUNTER. FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD R. FORD LECTURED THIS WEEK AT HIS ALMA

FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD R. FORD LECTURED THIS WEEK AT HIS ALMA MATER, THE

LECTURED THIS WEEK AT HIS ALMA MATER, THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN.

MATER, THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. A FORMER FOOTBALL CAPTAIN, HE

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. A FORMER FOOTBALL CAPTAIN, HE WENT OUT TO SPRING TRAINING TO

A FORMER FOOTBALL CAPTAIN, HE WENT OUT TO SPRING TRAINING TO GIVE THE BOYS SOME POINTERS.

WENT OUT TO SPRING TRAINING TO GIVE THE BOYS SOME POINTERS. FORD IS SHOWN HERE THROWING A

GIVE THE BOYS SOME POINTERS. FORD IS SHOWN HERE THROWING A FOOTBALL INTO HIS HAT.

FORD IS SHOWN HERE THROWING A FOOTBALL INTO HIS HAT. [LAUGHS]

FOOTBALL INTO HIS HAT. [LAUGHS] HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR A HAT.

[LAUGHS] HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR A HAT. WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S MOTHER,

HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR A HAT. WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S MOTHER, MISS LILLIAN CARTER, WAS THROWN

WELL, THE PRESIDENT'S MOTHER, MISS LILLIAN CARTER, WAS THROWN INTO A WASHINGTON JAIL TODAY.

MISS LILLIAN CARTER, WAS THROWN INTO A WASHINGTON JAIL TODAY. THE CHARGE... SPANKING THE

INTO A WASHINGTON JAIL TODAY. THE CHARGE... SPANKING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

THE CHARGE... SPANKING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THE 78-YEAR-OLD MATRIARCH,

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. THE 78-YEAR-OLD MATRIARCH, CITING THE RETRACTION OF THE $50

THE 78-YEAR-OLD MATRIARCH, CITING THE RETRACTION OF THE $50 FEDERAL INCOME-TAX REBATE SAID,

CITING THE RETRACTION OF THE $50 FEDERAL INCOME-TAX REBATE SAID, "I ALWAYS SPANK JIMMY WHEN HE

FEDERAL INCOME-TAX REBATE SAID, "I ALWAYS SPANK JIMMY WHEN HE BREAKS A PROMISE."

"I ALWAYS SPANK JIMMY WHEN HE BREAKS A PROMISE." [LAUGHS]

BREAKS A PROMISE." [LAUGHS] WELL, THE DRIVE AGAINST

[LAUGHS] WELL, THE DRIVE AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY DISTRICTS IN MAJOR

WELL, THE DRIVE AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY DISTRICTS IN MAJOR CITIES CONTINUED TO GAIN

PORNOGRAPHY DISTRICTS IN MAJOR CITIES CONTINUED TO GAIN MOMENTUM THIS WEEK AS MORE

CITIES CONTINUED TO GAIN MOMENTUM THIS WEEK AS MORE DEMONSTRATIONS WERE HELD IN

MOMENTUM THIS WEEK AS MORE DEMONSTRATIONS WERE HELD IN NEW YORK.

DEMONSTRATIONS WERE HELD IN NEW YORK. BILL MURRAY WAS ON THE SCENE AT

NEW YORK. BILL MURRAY WAS ON THE SCENE AT ONE OF THEM IN MANHATTAN AND HAS

BILL MURRAY WAS ON THE SCENE AT ONE OF THEM IN MANHATTAN AND HAS AN EYEWITNESS REPORT.

ONE OF THEM IN MANHATTAN AND HAS AN EYEWITNESS REPORT. BILL?

AN EYEWITNESS REPORT. BILL? THANK YOU, JANE.

THE CITIZENS COMMITTEE TO CLEAN

UP NEW YORK'S PORN-INFESTED

AREAS CONTINUED ITS SERIES OF

RALLIES TODAY, AS A HUGE,

THROBBING, PULSATING CROWD

SPRANG ERECT FROM NOWHERE AND

FORCED ITS WAY INTO THE STEAMING

NETHER REGIONS SURROUNDING THE

GLISTENING, SWEATY INTERSECTION

OF 8th AVENUE AND 42nd STREET.

THRUSTING, DRIVING, PUSHING ITS WAY INTO THE UNUSUALLY RECEPTIVE NEIGHBORHOOD, THE EXCITED

WAY INTO THE UNUSUALLY RECEPTIVE NEIGHBORHOOD, THE EXCITED THRONG, NOW GROWN TO FIVE TIMES

NEIGHBORHOOD, THE EXCITED THRONG, NOW GROWN TO FIVE TIMES ITS ORIGINAL SIZE, RAMMED ITSELF

THRONG, NOW GROWN TO FIVE TIMES ITS ORIGINAL SIZE, RAMMED ITSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN INTO

ITS ORIGINAL SIZE, RAMMED ITSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN INTO THE QUIVERING, PERSPIRING, MUSTY

AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN INTO THE QUIVERING, PERSPIRING, MUSTY DANKNESS, FLUCTUATING BETWEEN

THE QUIVERING, PERSPIRING, MUSTY DANKNESS, FLUCTUATING BETWEEN EAGER ANTICIPATION AND TREMBLING

DANKNESS, FLUCTUATING BETWEEN EAGER ANTICIPATION AND TREMBLING REVULSION.

EAGER ANTICIPATION AND TREMBLING REVULSION. NOW, SUDDENLY, THE TUMESCENT

REVULSION. NOW, SUDDENLY, THE TUMESCENT CROWD AND THE IRRESISTIBLE AREA

NOW, SUDDENLY, THE TUMESCENT CROWD AND THE IRRESISTIBLE AREA WERE ONE HEAVING, ALTERNATELY

CROWD AND THE IRRESISTIBLE AREA WERE ONE HEAVING, ALTERNATELY MELTING AND THAWING TURGID

WERE ONE HEAVING, ALTERNATELY MELTING AND THAWING TURGID ENTITY, ASCENDING TO HEIGHTS

MELTING AND THAWING TURGID ENTITY, ASCENDING TO HEIGHTS HERETOFORE UNHEARD OF.

ENTITY, ASCENDING TO HEIGHTS HERETOFORE UNHEARD OF. THEN, WITH A GIGANTIC,

HERETOFORE UNHEARD OF. THEN, WITH A GIGANTIC, SOUL-SEARING, HEART-STOPPING

THEN, WITH A GIGANTIC, SOUL-SEARING, HEART-STOPPING SERIES OF ERUPTIONS, IT WAS

SOUL-SEARING, HEART-STOPPING SERIES OF ERUPTIONS, IT WAS OVER.

SERIES OF ERUPTIONS, IT WAS OVER. AFTERWARDS, THE CROWD HAD A

OVER. AFTERWARDS, THE CROWD HAD A CIGARETTE AND WENT HOME.

THANK YOU, BILL. THAT WAS A VERY STIMULATING STORY.

THAT WAS A VERY STIMULATING STORY. I'LL SAY.

STORY. I'LL SAY. THE STORY'S OVER.

I'LL SAY. THE STORY'S OVER. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW.

THE STORY'S OVER. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. UH, NO, I CAN'T.

YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. UH, NO, I CAN'T. IT WOULD BE VERY EMBARRASSING.

UH, NO, I CAN'T. IT WOULD BE VERY EMBARRASSING. I SEE.

IT WOULD BE VERY EMBARRASSING. I SEE. WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU RELAX

I SEE. WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU RELAX AND HAVE SOME STORIES?

WELL, THEN, WHY DON'T YOU RELAX AND HAVE SOME STORIES? THANKS VERY MUCH.

AND HAVE SOME STORIES? THANKS VERY MUCH. MRS. MARGARET TRUDEAU WAS

THANKS VERY MUCH. MRS. MARGARET TRUDEAU WAS SPOTTED AT AN OTTAWA DRY

MRS. MARGARET TRUDEAU WAS SPOTTED AT AN OTTAWA DRY CLEANERS TODAY.

SPOTTED AT AN OTTAWA DRY CLEANERS TODAY. THE WIFE OF CANADIAN PRIME

CLEANERS TODAY. THE WIFE OF CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER ELLIOTT TRUDEAU WOULD

THE WIFE OF CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER ELLIOTT TRUDEAU WOULD GIVE NO EXPLANATION FOR THE TRIP

MINISTER ELLIOTT TRUDEAU WOULD GIVE NO EXPLANATION FOR THE TRIP AND REFUSED TO COMMENT ON WHY

GIVE NO EXPLANATION FOR THE TRIP AND REFUSED TO COMMENT ON WHY HER HUSBAND HAD NOT ACCOMPANIED

AND REFUSED TO COMMENT ON WHY HER HUSBAND HAD NOT ACCOMPANIED HER.

HER HUSBAND HAD NOT ACCOMPANIED HER. WHEN REPORTERS CONTACTED THE

HER. WHEN REPORTERS CONTACTED THE PRIME MINISTER AND INFORMED HIM

WHEN REPORTERS CONTACTED THE PRIME MINISTER AND INFORMED HIM OF HIS WIFE'S TRIP TO A DRY

PRIME MINISTER AND INFORMED HIM OF HIS WIFE'S TRIP TO A DRY CLEANERS, HE SAID HE HAD HAD NO

OF HIS WIFE'S TRIP TO A DRY CLEANERS, HE SAID HE HAD HAD NO IDEA SHE'D EVEN PLANNED A TRIP

CLEANERS, HE SAID HE HAD HAD NO IDEA SHE'D EVEN PLANNED A TRIP TO ANY DRY CLEANERS, AND IT WAS

IDEA SHE'D EVEN PLANNED A TRIP TO ANY DRY CLEANERS, AND IT WAS THE FIRST HE'D HEARD ABOUT IT.

TO ANY DRY CLEANERS, AND IT WAS THE FIRST HE'D HEARD ABOUT IT. CONNECTICUT GOVERNOR

THE FIRST HE'D HEARD ABOUT IT. CONNECTICUT GOVERNOR ELLA GRASSO MET THIS WEEK WITH

CONNECTICUT GOVERNOR ELLA GRASSO MET THIS WEEK WITH ACTRESS SHIRLEY MacLAINE TO

ELLA GRASSO MET THIS WEEK WITH ACTRESS SHIRLEY MacLAINE TO DISCUSS THE EQUAL RIGHTS

ACTRESS SHIRLEY MacLAINE TO DISCUSS THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT.

DISCUSS THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT. GOVERNOR GRASSO THANKED MISS

AMENDMENT. GOVERNOR GRASSO THANKED MISS MacLAINE FOR HER COMMITMENT AND

GOVERNOR GRASSO THANKED MISS MacLAINE FOR HER COMMITMENT AND DEDICATION, THEN TOOK HER HOME

MacLAINE FOR HER COMMITMENT AND DEDICATION, THEN TOOK HER HOME AND THREW HER ON A BED.

DEDICATION, THEN TOOK HER HOME AND THREW HER ON A BED. WELL, AT LONG LAST, MEDICAL

AND THREW HER ON A BED. WELL, AT LONG LAST, MEDICAL SCIENCE HAS COME UP WITH A

WELL, AT LONG LAST, MEDICAL SCIENCE HAS COME UP WITH A DEVICE THAT COMPLETELY

SCIENCE HAS COME UP WITH A DEVICE THAT COMPLETELY ELIMINATES THE RISK OF CANCER BY

DEVICE THAT COMPLETELY ELIMINATES THE RISK OF CANCER BY SMOKING.

ELIMINATES THE RISK OF CANCER BY SMOKING. IT'S A SURPRISINGLY SIMPLE

SMOKING. IT'S A SURPRISINGLY SIMPLE METHOD IN WHICH A WHITE MOUSE IS

IT'S A SURPRISINGLY SIMPLE METHOD IN WHICH A WHITE MOUSE IS USED AS A FILTER, WHICH TRAPS

METHOD IN WHICH A WHITE MOUSE IS USED AS A FILTER, WHICH TRAPS ALL THE CANCER-CAUSING AGENTS

USED AS A FILTER, WHICH TRAPS ALL THE CANCER-CAUSING AGENTS BEFORE THEY ARE INHALED BY THE

ALL THE CANCER-CAUSING AGENTS BEFORE THEY ARE INHALED BY THE SMOKER.

BEFORE THEY ARE INHALED BY THE SMOKER. BILL?

SMOKER. BILL? YES, JANE, I HAVE ONE RIGHT

BILL? YES, JANE, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE, AS YOU CAN SEE.

YES, JANE, I HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE, AS YOU CAN SEE. AND IF YOU LIKE TO SMOKE AND

HERE, AS YOU CAN SEE. AND IF YOU LIKE TO SMOKE AND HOLD SMALL ANIMALS, I THINK

AND IF YOU LIKE TO SMOKE AND HOLD SMALL ANIMALS, I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY THIS.

HOLD SMALL ANIMALS, I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY THIS. [CHUCKLES]

YOU'LL ENJOY THIS. [CHUCKLES] WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T

[CHUCKLES] WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T HAVE A LIGHT, SO...

WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, I DON'T HAVE A LIGHT, SO... AND I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

HAVE A LIGHT, SO... AND I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE.

AND I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE. [BOTH LAUGH]

ONE. [BOTH LAUGH] A MEDICAL MILESTONE THIS WEEK,

[BOTH LAUGH] A MEDICAL MILESTONE THIS WEEK, WHEN A TEAM OF DOCTORS IN

A MEDICAL MILESTONE THIS WEEK, WHEN A TEAM OF DOCTORS IN THAILAND SUCCESSFULLY JOINED A

WHEN A TEAM OF DOCTORS IN THAILAND SUCCESSFULLY JOINED A PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, WHICH WAS

THAILAND SUCCESSFULLY JOINED A PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, WHICH WAS BORN SEPARATED.

PAIR OF SIAMESE TWINS, WHICH WAS BORN SEPARATED. HAVING GOTTEN THIS OPERATION OUT

BORN SEPARATED. HAVING GOTTEN THIS OPERATION OUT OF THE WAY, THE DOCTORS' NEXT

HAVING GOTTEN THIS OPERATION OUT OF THE WAY, THE DOCTORS' NEXT TEST WILL BE TO JOIN TWO SIAMESE

OF THE WAY, THE DOCTORS' NEXT TEST WILL BE TO JOIN TWO SIAMESE CATS SO THE TWINS CAN HAVE A

TEST WILL BE TO JOIN TWO SIAMESE CATS SO THE TWINS CAN HAVE A PET.

CATS SO THE TWINS CAN HAVE A PET. TRAGEDY STRUCK THE WORLD OF

PET. TRAGEDY STRUCK THE WORLD OF SHOW BUSINESS THIS WEEK WHEN TV

TRAGEDY STRUCK THE WORLD OF SHOW BUSINESS THIS WEEK WHEN TV PERSONALITY HOWDY DOODY

SHOW BUSINESS THIS WEEK WHEN TV PERSONALITY HOWDY DOODY COMMITTED SUICIDE ON THURSDAY IN

PERSONALITY HOWDY DOODY COMMITTED SUICIDE ON THURSDAY IN HIS BEVERLY HILLS HOME.

COMMITTED SUICIDE ON THURSDAY IN HIS BEVERLY HILLS HOME. CLOSE FRIEND BUFFALO BOB, WHO

HIS BEVERLY HILLS HOME. CLOSE FRIEND BUFFALO BOB, WHO WAS VISITING, SAID THE

CLOSE FRIEND BUFFALO BOB, WHO WAS VISITING, SAID THE 33-YEAR-OLD DOODY SUDDENLY

WAS VISITING, SAID THE 33-YEAR-OLD DOODY SUDDENLY LEAPED FROM THE COUCH AND THREW

33-YEAR-OLD DOODY SUDDENLY LEAPED FROM THE COUCH AND THREW HIMSELF INTO THE FIREPLACE.

LEAPED FROM THE COUCH AND THREW HIMSELF INTO THE FIREPLACE. HOWDY LEFT A SUICIDE NOTE WHICH

HIMSELF INTO THE FIREPLACE. HOWDY LEFT A SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ SIMPLY, "HEY, KIDS, WHAT

HOWDY LEFT A SUICIDE NOTE WHICH READ SIMPLY, "HEY, KIDS, WHAT TIME IS IT?

READ SIMPLY, "HEY, KIDS, WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DIE."

TIME IS IT? IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DIE." TODAY LARAINE NEWMAN WAS THERE

IT'S TIME FOR ME TO DIE." TODAY LARAINE NEWMAN WAS THERE AT THE FUNERAL.

TODAY LARAINE NEWMAN WAS THERE AT THE FUNERAL. LARAINE?

AT THE FUNERAL. LARAINE? JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE

LARAINE? JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE FOREST LAWN CEMETERY, WHERE

JANE, I'M STANDING OUTSIDE FOREST LAWN CEMETERY, WHERE FUNERAL SERVICES HAVE JUST BEEN

FOREST LAWN CEMETERY, WHERE FUNERAL SERVICES HAVE JUST BEEN HELD FOR HOWDY DOODY.

FUNERAL SERVICES HAVE JUST BEEN HELD FOR HOWDY DOODY. IT WAS A SOLEMN BUT STAR-STUDDED

HELD FOR HOWDY DOODY. IT WAS A SOLEMN BUT STAR-STUDDED OCCASION, WITH THE FORMER

IT WAS A SOLEMN BUT STAR-STUDDED OCCASION, WITH THE FORMER PUPPET'S CLOSE FRIENDS AND

OCCASION, WITH THE FORMER PUPPET'S CLOSE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IN ATTENDANCE.

PUPPET'S CLOSE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IN ATTENDANCE. PALLBEARERS INCLUDED

RELATIVES IN ATTENDANCE. PALLBEARERS INCLUDED CHARLIE McCARTHY,

PALLBEARERS INCLUDED CHARLIE McCARTHY, MORTIMER SNERD, JERRY MAHONEY,

CHARLIE McCARTHY, MORTIMER SNERD, JERRY MAHONEY, KNUCKLEHEAD SMIFF,

MORTIMER SNERD, JERRY MAHONEY, KNUCKLEHEAD SMIFF, DAVID EISENHOWER, AND

KNUCKLEHEAD SMIFF, DAVID EISENHOWER, AND SEÑOR WENCES' FIST.

DAVID EISENHOWER, AND SEÑOR WENCES' FIST. FEW PEOPLE KNEW THAT DOODY HAD A

SEÑOR WENCES' FIST. FEW PEOPLE KNEW THAT DOODY HAD A WIFE... DEBBIE DOODY.

FEW PEOPLE KNEW THAT DOODY HAD A WIFE... DEBBIE DOODY. I SEE SHE'S APPROACHING ME RIGHT

WIFE... DEBBIE DOODY. I SEE SHE'S APPROACHING ME RIGHT NOW.

I SEE SHE'S APPROACHING ME RIGHT NOW. HOWDY, DEBBIE.

NOW. HOWDY, DEBBIE. HOWDY.

HOWDY, DEBBIE. HOWDY. OH, I'M SO SORRY.

HOWDY. OH, I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW THIS IS A TIME OF GRIEF

OH, I'M SO SORRY. I KNOW THIS IS A TIME OF GRIEF FOR YOU, DEBBIE, BUT WHAT'S IN

I KNOW THIS IS A TIME OF GRIEF FOR YOU, DEBBIE, BUT WHAT'S IN THE FUTURE FOR DEBBIE DOODY?

FOR YOU, DEBBIE, BUT WHAT'S IN THE FUTURE FOR DEBBIE DOODY? I DON'T KNOW.

THE FUTURE FOR DEBBIE DOODY? I DON'T KNOW. WELL, THANK YOU FOR SPENDING

I DON'T KNOW. WELL, THANK YOU FOR SPENDING THIS TIME WITH US, YOUR MOMENT

WELL, THANK YOU FOR SPENDING THIS TIME WITH US, YOUR MOMENT OF GRIEF.

THIS TIME WITH US, YOUR MOMENT OF GRIEF. THANK YOU.

OF GRIEF. THANK YOU. BACK TO YOU, JANE.

HOWDY DOODY, DEAD AT 33.

AND NOW HERE IS

"WEEKEND UPDATE'S"

METEOROLOGIST, JOHN BELUSHI,

WITH A WORD ABOUT THE WEATHER.

THANK YOU, JANE.

TONIGHT I'D LIKE TO ADDRESS

MYSELF TO THOSE OF YOU WHO

CANNOT OR ARE TOO PARANOID TO GO

OUTSIDE, THE SO-CALLED SHUT-INS,

PEOPLE WHO REALLY DON'T KNOW

WHAT WEATHER IS ABOUT.

THERE'S REALLY NOTHING TO BE

AFRAID OF.

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF

WEATHER.

OKAY? SUNNY AND WARM. THERE'S SUN. SEE? NICE, YOU GET A TAN FROM IT,

THERE'S SUN. SEE? NICE, YOU GET A TAN FROM IT, YOU KNOW?

NICE, YOU GET A TAN FROM IT, YOU KNOW? IT'S SUN... MAKES PLANTS GROW.

YOU KNOW? IT'S SUN... MAKES PLANTS GROW. PARTY CLOUDY... SEE?

IT'S SUN... MAKES PLANTS GROW. PARTY CLOUDY... SEE? THE SUN... CLOUDY.

PARTY CLOUDY... SEE? THE SUN... CLOUDY. WHOA.

THE SUN... CLOUDY. WHOA. YOU CAN SEE, BUT IT'S CLOUDY,

WHOA. YOU CAN SEE, BUT IT'S CLOUDY, YOU SEE?

YOU CAN SEE, BUT IT'S CLOUDY, YOU SEE? CLOUDY AND COLD.

YOU SEE? CLOUDY AND COLD. OHH, COLD.

CLOUDY AND COLD. OHH, COLD. OHH, I'M COLD.

OHH, COLD. OHH, I'M COLD. SEE THAT?

OHH, I'M COLD. SEE THAT? SOMETIMES WE GET ELECTRICAL

SEE THAT? SOMETIMES WE GET ELECTRICAL STORMS, AND THAT'S LIKE THIS.

SOMETIMES WE GET ELECTRICAL STORMS, AND THAT'S LIKE THIS. [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING]

STORMS, AND THAT'S LIKE THIS. [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] SOMETIMES WE GET SHOWERS.

[IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] SOMETIMES WE GET SHOWERS. SHOWERS ARE LIKE THIS.

SOMETIMES WE GET SHOWERS. SHOWERS ARE LIKE THIS. SEE?

SHOWERS ARE LIKE THIS. SEE? OR SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WEAR A

SEE? OR SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WEAR A HAT FOR SHOWERS, AND JUST...

OR SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO WEAR A HAT FOR SHOWERS, AND JUST... [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING]

HAT FOR SHOWERS, AND JUST... [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] OH, BOY.

[IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] OH, BOY. YOU KNOW?

OH, BOY. YOU KNOW? AND THEN SOMETIMES IT'S CLOUDY

YOU KNOW? AND THEN SOMETIMES IT'S CLOUDY WITH SHOWERS.

AND THEN SOMETIMES IT'S CLOUDY WITH SHOWERS. AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HAVE

WITH SHOWERS. AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HAVE WIND.

AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HAVE WIND. YOU KNOW? THERE'S WIND.

WIND. YOU KNOW? THERE'S WIND. THERE'S WIND... WIND AND

YOU KNOW? THERE'S WIND. THERE'S WIND... WIND AND SHOWERS.

THERE'S WIND... WIND AND SHOWERS. SEE?

SHOWERS. SEE? AND ALSO WE GET HAIL.

SEE? AND ALSO WE GET HAIL. NOW, HAIL IS SOMETHING VERY

AND ALSO WE GET HAIL. NOW, HAIL IS SOMETHING VERY STRANGE.

NOW, HAIL IS SOMETHING VERY STRANGE. IT'S LIKE THIS, SEE?

STRANGE. IT'S LIKE THIS, SEE? BOOM!

IT'S LIKE THIS, SEE? BOOM! HAIL IS LIKE THIS.

BOOM! HAIL IS LIKE THIS. SOMETIMES IT CAN REALLY HURT.

HAIL IS LIKE THIS. SOMETIMES IT CAN REALLY HURT. IT'S LIKE... THE SIZE... IT'S

SOMETIMES IT CAN REALLY HURT. IT'S LIKE... THE SIZE... IT'S LIKE... BAM!

IT'S LIKE... THE SIZE... IT'S LIKE... BAM! IT CAN REALLY HURT YOU.

LIKE... BAM! IT CAN REALLY HURT YOU. SO SOMETIMES YOU GET HAIL, SNOW,

IT CAN REALLY HURT YOU. SO SOMETIMES YOU GET HAIL, SNOW, WIND, AND THERE'S SNOW ALSO.

SO SOMETIMES YOU GET HAIL, SNOW, WIND, AND THERE'S SNOW ALSO. THIS IS SNOW, AND THIS IS HAIL,

WIND, AND THERE'S SNOW ALSO. THIS IS SNOW, AND THIS IS HAIL, AND THIS IS RAIN, OKAY?

THIS IS SNOW, AND THIS IS HAIL, AND THIS IS RAIN, OKAY? AND THEN YOU GET THUNDER.

AND THIS IS RAIN, OKAY? AND THEN YOU GET THUNDER. [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING]

AND THEN YOU GET THUNDER. [IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] AAH! THAT'S SLEET! YOU KNOW?

[IMITATES THUNDER CRASHING] AAH! THAT'S SLEET! YOU KNOW? AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

AAH! THAT'S SLEET! YOU KNOW? AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENING TO YOU... GET OUT OF

WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENING TO YOU... GET OUT OF HERE!

HAPPENING TO YOU... GET OUT OF HERE! WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF

HERE! WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENING TO YOU... AND IF

WHEN YOU GOT ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENING TO YOU... AND IF YOU'RE IN AN AIRPLANE, FORGET

HAPPENING TO YOU... AND IF YOU'RE IN AN AIRPLANE, FORGET IT, PAL.

YOU'RE IN AN AIRPLANE, FORGET IT, PAL. YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD BECAUSE

IT, PAL. YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE, 'CAUSE

YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE, 'CAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE YOU PARACHUTES.

YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE, 'CAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE YOU PARACHUTES. THEY GIVE YOU AN OXYGEN MASK,

THEY DON'T GIVE YOU PARACHUTES. THEY GIVE YOU AN OXYGEN MASK, BUT NO PARACHUTES.

THEY GIVE YOU AN OXYGEN MASK, BUT NO PARACHUTES. LISTEN... I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR

BUT NO PARACHUTES. LISTEN... I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT GOING OUTSIDE, BUT THAT'S

LISTEN... I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT GOING OUTSIDE, BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU, EITHER, PAL,

NOT GOING OUTSIDE, BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HELP YOU, EITHER, PAL, BECAUSE WHAT ABOUT THE TORNADOS,

NOT GONNA HELP YOU, EITHER, PAL, BECAUSE WHAT ABOUT THE TORNADOS, HUH?

BECAUSE WHAT ABOUT THE TORNADOS, HUH? AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT

HUH? AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT CORNER OF THE BASEMENT YOU'RE

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT CORNER OF THE BASEMENT YOU'RE IN.

CORNER OF THE BASEMENT YOU'RE IN. YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD.

IN. YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD. AND A DAM BUSTS.

YOU'RE AS GOOD AS DEAD. AND A DAM BUSTS. A DAM BREAKS, OKAY?

AND A DAM BUSTS. A DAM BREAKS, OKAY? A DAM BREAKS.

A DAM BREAKS, OKAY? A DAM BREAKS. [IMITATES EXPLOSION] BANG!

A DAM BREAKS. [IMITATES EXPLOSION] BANG! IT HITS YOU DURING A TORNADO,

[IMITATES EXPLOSION] BANG! IT HITS YOU DURING A TORNADO, AND A PLANE CRASHES INTO YOUR

IT HITS YOU DURING A TORNADO, AND A PLANE CRASHES INTO YOUR HOUSE, RIGHT?

AND A PLANE CRASHES INTO YOUR HOUSE, RIGHT? AND DON'T EXPECT YOUR INSURANCE

HOUSE, RIGHT? AND DON'T EXPECT YOUR INSURANCE MAN TO BE ON THE SPOT.

AND DON'T EXPECT YOUR INSURANCE MAN TO BE ON THE SPOT. NO, HE'S NO IDIOT.

MAN TO BE ON THE SPOT. NO, HE'S NO IDIOT. HE'LL WAIT.

NO, HE'S NO IDIOT. HE'LL WAIT. HE'LL MAKE SURE YOU'RE DEAD SO

HE'LL WAIT. HE'LL MAKE SURE YOU'RE DEAD SO HE CAN KEEP THE MONEY BECAUSE

HE'LL MAKE SURE YOU'RE DEAD SO HE CAN KEEP THE MONEY BECAUSE INSURANCE COMPANIES OWN

HE CAN KEEP THE MONEY BECAUSE INSURANCE COMPANIES OWN EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY!

INSURANCE COMPANIES OWN EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE,

EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE, PAL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE

AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE, PAL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WEATHER IN THIS COUNTRY, WHY

PAL, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WEATHER IN THIS COUNTRY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO INDIA, HUH?

WEATHER IN THIS COUNTRY, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO INDIA, HUH? GO TO INDIA, WHERE THEY'VE GOT

DON'T YOU GO TO INDIA, HUH? GO TO INDIA, WHERE THEY'VE GOT MONSOONS THAT'LL WASH YOUR CROPS

GO TO INDIA, WHERE THEY'VE GOT MONSOONS THAT'LL WASH YOUR CROPS AWAY, AND YOU'LL PROBABLY DROWN.

MONSOONS THAT'LL WASH YOUR CROPS AWAY, AND YOU'LL PROBABLY DROWN. AND EVEN IF YOU DO SURVIVE, THE

AWAY, AND YOU'LL PROBABLY DROWN. AND EVEN IF YOU DO SURVIVE, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN EAT ARE COWS.

AND EVEN IF YOU DO SURVIVE, THE ONLY THING YOU CAN EAT ARE COWS. BUT YOU CAN'T EAT THE COWS,

ONLY THING YOU CAN EAT ARE COWS. BUT YOU CAN'T EAT THE COWS, 'CAUSE, NO, THEY WON'T EAT THE

BUT YOU CAN'T EAT THE COWS, 'CAUSE, NO, THEY WON'T EAT THE COWS.

'CAUSE, NO, THEY WON'T EAT THE COWS. NO.

COWS. NO. UNH-UNH!

NO. UNH-UNH! THEY WON'T EAT THEM.

UNH-UNH! THEY WON'T EAT THEM. THEY'D RATHER STARVE THAN EAT A

THEY WON'T EAT THEM. THEY'D RATHER STARVE THAN EAT A COW!

THEY'D RATHER STARVE THAN EAT A COW! THEY ONLY THING THEY EAT IS MUD

COW! THEY ONLY THING THEY EAT IS MUD AND CURRY!

THEY ONLY THING THEY EAT IS MUD AND CURRY! AND I HATE CURRY!

AND CURRY! AND I HATE CURRY! I HATE CURRY!

AND I HATE CURRY! I HATE CURRY! I'D RATHER EAT MUD THAN CURRY.

I HATE CURRY! I'D RATHER EAT MUD THAN CURRY. I LIKE COW FLESH.

I'D RATHER EAT MUD THAN CURRY. I LIKE COW FLESH. I LIKE MEAT.

I LIKE COW FLESH. I LIKE MEAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE?

I LIKE MEAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE? I LIKE PRIME RIB.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE? I LIKE PRIME RIB. I LIKE SIRLOIN STEAK.

I LIKE PRIME RIB. I LIKE SIRLOIN STEAK. I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD.

I LIKE SIRLOIN STEAK. I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD. DON'T PUSH ME, CURTIN.

I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD. DON'T PUSH ME, CURTIN. I MEAN IT.

DON'T PUSH ME, CURTIN. I MEAN IT. I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD.

I MEAN IT. I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD. YOU KNOW, ONE THING I'LL NEVER

I LIKE AMERICAN FOOD. YOU KNOW, ONE THING I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IS WHY THE JAPANESE

YOU KNOW, ONE THING I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND IS WHY THE JAPANESE EAT RAW FISH.

UNDERSTAND IS WHY THE JAPANESE EAT RAW FISH. I MEAN, DIDN'T THEY INVENT THE

EAT RAW FISH. I MEAN, DIDN'T THEY INVENT THE HIBACHI?

I MEAN, DIDN'T THEY INVENT THE HIBACHI? I MEAN, NO, THEY DON'T WANT TO

HIBACHI? I MEAN, NO, THEY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!

I MEAN, NO, THEY DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! NO, NOT THEM!

DO THAT! NO, NOT THEM! THEY WANT TO EAT IT RAW.

NO, NOT THEM! THEY WANT TO EAT IT RAW. THEY WANT TO EAT IT WITH THAT

THEY WANT TO EAT IT RAW. THEY WANT TO EAT IT WITH THAT GOOEY, TRANSPARENT NOODLES, YOU

THEY WANT TO EAT IT WITH THAT GOOEY, TRANSPARENT NOODLES, YOU KNOW?

GOOEY, TRANSPARENT NOODLES, YOU KNOW? NOW, SPAGHETTI NOODLES I CAN

KNOW? NOW, SPAGHETTI NOODLES I CAN EAT, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT

NOW, SPAGHETTI NOODLES I CAN EAT, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT OVERCOOKED.

EAT, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT OVERCOOKED. WRAP IT UP, JOHN.

OVERCOOKED. WRAP IT UP, JOHN. DON'T... I SWEAR TO GOD,

WRAP IT UP, JOHN. DON'T... I SWEAR TO GOD, CURTIN!

DON'T... I SWEAR TO GOD, CURTIN! YOU KNOW?

CURTIN! YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE?

YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? MEXICAN CHILI.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I HATE? MEXICAN CHILI. REAL MEXICAN CHILI, YOU KNOW?

MEXICAN CHILI. REAL MEXICAN CHILI, YOU KNOW? BECAUSE IT'S GREEN, YOU KNOW?

REAL MEXICAN CHILI, YOU KNOW? BECAUSE IT'S GREEN, YOU KNOW? IT'S GREEN, AND IT'S REAL HOT.

BECAUSE IT'S GREEN, YOU KNOW? IT'S GREEN, AND IT'S REAL HOT. IT'S NOT LIKE THE CHILI I HAD IN

IT'S GREEN, AND IT'S REAL HOT. IT'S NOT LIKE THE CHILI I HAD IN THE CAFETERIA AT SCHOOL, WHICH

IT'S NOT LIKE THE CHILI I HAD IN THE CAFETERIA AT SCHOOL, WHICH WAS RED CHILI WITH MEAT AND WITH

THE CAFETERIA AT SCHOOL, WHICH WAS RED CHILI WITH MEAT AND WITH BEANS.

WAS RED CHILI WITH MEAT AND WITH BEANS. AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GONNA

BEANS. AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GONNA PAY FOR IT OR EAT IT.

AND THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GONNA PAY FOR IT OR EAT IT. I TOLD THE WAITRESS, "I'M NOT

PAY FOR IT OR EAT IT. I TOLD THE WAITRESS, "I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS!

I TOLD THE WAITRESS, "I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS! THIS IS NOT THE CHILI I KNOW!

PAYING FOR THIS! THIS IS NOT THE CHILI I KNOW! WHERE ARE THE CHILI BEANS, HUH?!

THIS IS NOT THE CHILI I KNOW! WHERE ARE THE CHILI BEANS, HUH?! WHERE'S THE MEAT?!

WHERE ARE THE CHILI BEANS, HUH?! WHERE'S THE MEAT?! WHERE IS IT? FORGET IT!

WHERE'S THE MEAT?! WHERE IS IT? FORGET IT! I'M NOT GONNA... "AAH! AAH! AAH!

WHERE IS IT? FORGET IT! I'M NOT GONNA... "AAH! AAH! AAH! OH, GOD!

I'M NOT GONNA... "AAH! AAH! AAH! OH, GOD! THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT.

OH, GOD! THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT

THAT'S THE NEWS TONIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

[BRUCE JOHNSTON'S "I WRITE THE SONGS" PLAYING] ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE

[SONGS" PLAYING] ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING ♪

♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE NOTES AND THE

THE WHOLE WORLD SING ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE NOTES AND THE WORDS AND EVERYTHING ♪

♪ I WRITE THE NOTES AND THE WORDS AND EVERYTHING ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE

WORDS AND EVERYTHING ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE YOUNG GIRLS CRY ♪

♪ I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE YOUNG GIRLS CRY ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪

THE YOUNG GIRLS CRY ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪

♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ ♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ ♪ I AM MUSIC ♪

♪ I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ ♪ I AM MUSIC ♪ ♪ AND I WRITE THE SONGS ♪

♪ I AM MUSIC ♪ ♪ AND I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ THANK YOU.

♪ AND I WRITE THE SONGS ♪ THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HELLO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HELLO. WELCOME TO THE ZEPHYR ROOM, UP

HELLO. WELCOME TO THE ZEPHYR ROOM, UP AT THE BEAUTIFUL BREEZY POINT

WELCOME TO THE ZEPHYR ROOM, UP AT THE BEAUTIFUL BREEZY POINT LODGE AT LAKE MINNEHONKA.

AT THE BEAUTIFUL BREEZY POINT LODGE AT LAKE MINNEHONKA. MY NAME IS NICK SUMMERS.

LODGE AT LAKE MINNEHONKA. MY NAME IS NICK SUMMERS. THANK YOU.

MY NAME IS NICK SUMMERS. THANK YOU. AND I'M GONNA TRY TO ENTERTAIN

THANK YOU. AND I'M GONNA TRY TO ENTERTAIN YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

AND I'M GONNA TRY TO ENTERTAIN YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I WANT TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.

YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I WANT TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT A

I WANT TO THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT A MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT A MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN SUMMER.

MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN SUMMER. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR.

SUMMER. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR, AND

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR, AND I'M KIND OF A FUN GUY.

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR, AND I'M KIND OF A FUN GUY. SO LET'S RELAX AND HAVE A LITTLE

I'M KIND OF A FUN GUY. SO LET'S RELAX AND HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN.

SO LET'S RELAX AND HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN. SAY, DID ANYBODY HEAR A LOON

BIT OF FUN. SAY, DID ANYBODY HEAR A LOON ABOUT 6:15, HUH?

SAY, DID ANYBODY HEAR A LOON ABOUT 6:15, HUH? I DID.

ABOUT 6:15, HUH? I DID. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP YOUR EARS

I DID. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP YOUR EARS OPEN.

YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP YOUR EARS OPEN. [PIANO KEYS TINKLING]

OPEN. [PIANO KEYS TINKLING] YES, THAT'S WHAT THEY SOUND

[PIANO KEYS TINKLING] YES, THAT'S WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE, PAUL.

YES, THAT'S WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE, PAUL. [CHUCKLES]

LIKE, PAUL. [CHUCKLES] AND IF YOU WANT THE KIDS TO SEE

[CHUCKLES] AND IF YOU WANT THE KIDS TO SEE SOME DEER, GET UP ABOUT 6:30 AND

AND IF YOU WANT THE KIDS TO SEE SOME DEER, GET UP ABOUT 6:30 AND STAND OVER BY THE VOLLEYBALL

SOME DEER, GET UP ABOUT 6:30 AND STAND OVER BY THE VOLLEYBALL COURTS, AND THEY'LL COME OUT.

STAND OVER BY THE VOLLEYBALL COURTS, AND THEY'LL COME OUT. BELIEVE ME.

COURTS, AND THEY'LL COME OUT. BELIEVE ME. OH, FOR ME, I BET.

BELIEVE ME. OH, FOR ME, I BET. THANKS, JANE.

OH, FOR ME, I BET. THANKS, JANE. OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANKS, JANE. OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. JANE'S JUST TOLD ME WE'VE GOT AN

OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. JANE'S JUST TOLD ME WE'VE GOT AN ANNIVERSARY AT THE BREEZY POINT

JANE'S JUST TOLD ME WE'VE GOT AN ANNIVERSARY AT THE BREEZY POINT TONIGHT, RIGHT DOWN IN FRONT.

ANNIVERSARY AT THE BREEZY POINT TONIGHT, RIGHT DOWN IN FRONT. HELLO, AND YOU ARE MR. AND

TONIGHT, RIGHT DOWN IN FRONT. HELLO, AND YOU ARE MR. AND MRS...

HELLO, AND YOU ARE MR. AND MRS... GUNNER ALQUIST FROM

MRS... GUNNER ALQUIST FROM FOND DU LAC, WISCONSIN.

GUNNER ALQUIST FROM FOND DU LAC, WISCONSIN. OH, WELCOME ABOARD.

FOND DU LAC, WISCONSIN. OH, WELCOME ABOARD. AND, MRS. ALQUIST, DO YOU STILL

OH, WELCOME ABOARD. AND, MRS. ALQUIST, DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU

AND, MRS. ALQUIST, DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU EVER DID?

LOVE HIM JUST AS MUCH AS YOU EVER DID? YES, I DO.

EVER DID? YES, I DO. IF YOU HAD IT ALL TO DO OVER

YES, I DO. IF YOU HAD IT ALL TO DO OVER AGAIN, WOULD YOU DO IT?

IF YOU HAD IT ALL TO DO OVER AGAIN, WOULD YOU DO IT? NO.

AGAIN, WOULD YOU DO IT? NO. IS THERE A SONG THAT I CAN

NO. IS THERE A SONG THAT I CAN SING FOR YOU TWO?

IS THERE A SONG THAT I CAN SING FOR YOU TWO? NO!

SING FOR YOU TWO? NO! WELL, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY

NO! WELL, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THIS.

WELL, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THIS. ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MR. AND

THIS. ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MR. AND MRS. GUNNER ALQUIST ♪

♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MR. AND MRS. GUNNER ALQUIST ♪ ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU ♪

MRS. GUNNER ALQUIST ♪ ♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU ♪ THANK YOU.

♪ HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU ♪ THANK YOU. I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

THANK YOU. I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE A CELEBRITY IN THE

I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO INTRODUCE A CELEBRITY IN THE AUDIENCE, SITTING WAY BACK THERE

TO INTRODUCE A CELEBRITY IN THE AUDIENCE, SITTING WAY BACK THERE IN THE DARK.

AUDIENCE, SITTING WAY BACK THERE IN THE DARK. I ALMOST CAN'T SEE YOU, SKEETER.

IN THE DARK. I ALMOST CAN'T SEE YOU, SKEETER. DON'T YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW

I ALMOST CAN'T SEE YOU, SKEETER. DON'T YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE HERE?

DON'T YOU WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE HERE? THE MAN WHO PUT THE BREEZY POINT

THAT YOU'RE HERE? THE MAN WHO PUT THE BREEZY POINT LODGE ON THE MAP,

THE MAN WHO PUT THE BREEZY POINT LODGE ON THE MAP, LAKE MINNEHONKA'S OWN WATER-SKI

LODGE ON THE MAP, LAKE MINNEHONKA'S OWN WATER-SKI INSTRUCTOR... SKEETER MILLER!

LAKE MINNEHONKA'S OWN WATER-SKI INSTRUCTOR... SKEETER MILLER! COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT!

INSTRUCTOR... SKEETER MILLER! COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT! HE ALSO DOES A HECK OF A JOB

COME ON! LET'S HEAR IT! HE ALSO DOES A HECK OF A JOB WITH THE WATER SHOW ON SATURDAY

HE ALSO DOES A HECK OF A JOB WITH THE WATER SHOW ON SATURDAY AFTERNOONS.

WITH THE WATER SHOW ON SATURDAY AFTERNOONS. AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY YOUNG

AFTERNOONS. AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY YOUNG MISS, SKEETER?

AND WHO IS THIS PRETTY YOUNG MISS, SKEETER? WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MISS?

MISS, SKEETER? WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MISS? THAT'S "MRS."

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, MISS? THAT'S "MRS." MRS...

THAT'S "MRS." MRS... MRS. CAMPBELL.

MRS... MRS. CAMPBELL. MRS. CAMPBELL.

MRS. CAMPBELL. MRS. CAMPBELL. OH, OF COURSE.

MRS. CAMPBELL. OH, OF COURSE. YOUR HUSBAND BROKE HIS ANKLE.

OH, OF COURSE. YOUR HUSBAND BROKE HIS ANKLE. HE'S GONNA BE LAID UP THIS WEEK.

YOUR HUSBAND BROKE HIS ANKLE. HE'S GONNA BE LAID UP THIS WEEK. MUCHO SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HE'S GONNA BE LAID UP THIS WEEK. MUCHO SORRY ABOUT THAT. WELL, I'M AWFULLY GLAD THAT YOU

MUCHO SORRY ABOUT THAT. WELL, I'M AWFULLY GLAD THAT YOU TWO COULD COME.

WELL, I'M AWFULLY GLAD THAT YOU TWO COULD COME. THANK YOU FOR THAT.

TWO COULD COME. THANK YOU FOR THAT. AND BE SURE, EVERYBODY, TO CHECK

THANK YOU FOR THAT. AND BE SURE, EVERYBODY, TO CHECK OUT SKEETER'S SHOW OR ASK HIM TO

AND BE SURE, EVERYBODY, TO CHECK OUT SKEETER'S SHOW OR ASK HIM TO HELP YOU GET UP ON THE BOARDS

OUT SKEETER'S SHOW OR ASK HIM TO HELP YOU GET UP ON THE BOARDS YOURSELF, 'CAUSE HE'S A

HELP YOU GET UP ON THE BOARDS YOURSELF, 'CAUSE HE'S A TERRIFIC...

YOURSELF, 'CAUSE HE'S A TERRIFIC... [FANFARE PLAYS]

TERRIFIC... [FANFARE PLAYS] UH-OH!

[FANFARE PLAYS] UH-OH! THAT'S THE CATCH-OF-THE-DAY

UH-OH! THAT'S THE CATCH-OF-THE-DAY FANFARE, WHICH CAN MEAN ONLY ONE

THAT'S THE CATCH-OF-THE-DAY FANFARE, WHICH CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING... TIME FOR A SPECIAL

FANFARE, WHICH CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING... TIME FOR A SPECIAL EVENT... THE CATCH OF THE DAY!

THING... TIME FOR A SPECIAL EVENT... THE CATCH OF THE DAY! HERE HE IS... THE BIGGEST FISH

EVENT... THE CATCH OF THE DAY! HERE HE IS... THE BIGGEST FISH PULLED ON LAKE MINNEHONKA TODAY,

HERE HE IS... THE BIGGEST FISH PULLED ON LAKE MINNEHONKA TODAY, CAUGHT BY OUR OWN FISHING AND

PULLED ON LAKE MINNEHONKA TODAY, CAUGHT BY OUR OWN FISHING AND SNOWMOBILE GUIDE,

CAUGHT BY OUR OWN FISHING AND SNOWMOBILE GUIDE, JIMMY JOE RED SKY.

SNOWMOBILE GUIDE, JIMMY JOE RED SKY. HE IS THE BEST GUIDE IN THE

JIMMY JOE RED SKY. HE IS THE BEST GUIDE IN THE PARTS, NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.

HE IS THE BEST GUIDE IN THE PARTS, NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT. HE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL CHRIS-CRAFT

PARTS, NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT. HE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL CHRIS-CRAFT WITH TWIN MERCS.

HE'S GOT A BEAUTIFUL CHRIS-CRAFT WITH TWIN MERCS. AND HE PACKS THE LUNCH, RIGHT,

WITH TWIN MERCS. AND HE PACKS THE LUNCH, RIGHT, JIMMY JOE?

AND HE PACKS THE LUNCH, RIGHT, JIMMY JOE? [Midwestern accent] BETTER

JIMMY JOE? [Midwestern accent] BETTER NOT TOUCH THAT FISH THERE.

[Midwestern accent] BETTER NOT TOUCH THAT FISH THERE. I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND RIGHT OFF.

NOT TOUCH THAT FISH THERE. I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND RIGHT OFF. LOOK AT THOSE TEETH!

I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND RIGHT OFF. LOOK AT THOSE TEETH! YOU WANT ONE OF THESE, YOU COME

LOOK AT THOSE TEETH! YOU WANT ONE OF THESE, YOU COME TO THE DOCK TOMORROW WITH 10

YOU WANT ONE OF THESE, YOU COME TO THE DOCK TOMORROW WITH 10 BUCKS AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING.

TO THE DOCK TOMORROW WITH 10 BUCKS AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING. I'LL GET YOU A COUPLE.

BUCKS AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING. I'LL GET YOU A COUPLE. NO KIDDING.

I'LL GET YOU A COUPLE. NO KIDDING. AND WHEN HE SAYS THAT, HE MEANS

NO KIDDING. AND WHEN HE SAYS THAT, HE MEANS IT.

AND WHEN HE SAYS THAT, HE MEANS IT. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IT. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. HE'S AN INDIAN, AND THEY DON'T

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING. HE'S AN INDIAN, AND THEY DON'T LIE.

HE'S AN INDIAN, AND THEY DON'T LIE. I LOVE THAT.

LIE. I LOVE THAT. THANK YOU, JIMMY JOE.

I LOVE THAT. THANK YOU, JIMMY JOE. WE'VE REACHED THE

THANK YOU, JIMMY JOE. WE'VE REACHED THE AUDIENCE-PARTICIPATION PART OF

WE'VE REACHED THE AUDIENCE-PARTICIPATION PART OF THE PROGRAM.

AUDIENCE-PARTICIPATION PART OF THE PROGRAM. EVERY NIGHT AT 9:30, WE DANCE

THE PROGRAM. EVERY NIGHT AT 9:30, WE DANCE THE SNOWBALL, WHERE EVERYBODY

EVERY NIGHT AT 9:30, WE DANCE THE SNOWBALL, WHERE EVERYBODY JOINS IN.

THE SNOWBALL, WHERE EVERYBODY JOINS IN. SO PLAY THAT SONG, PAUL, AND LET

JOINS IN. SO PLAY THAT SONG, PAUL, AND LET THE SNOWBALL BEGIN.

SO PLAY THAT SONG, PAUL, AND LET THE SNOWBALL BEGIN. [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

THE SNOWBALL BEGIN. [UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ NOW BEGIN ♪

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪ NOW BEGIN ♪ THE FIRST COUPLE ON THE FLOOR

♪ NOW BEGIN ♪ THE FIRST COUPLE ON THE FLOOR WILL ALSO GET THEIR PICTURE ON

THE FIRST COUPLE ON THE FLOOR WILL ALSO GET THEIR PICTURE ON THE COVER OF NEXT WEEK'S

WILL ALSO GET THEIR PICTURE ON THE COVER OF NEXT WEEK'S BREEZY POINT LODGE BULLETIN, SO,

THE COVER OF NEXT WEEK'S BREEZY POINT LODGE BULLETIN, SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S

BREEZY POINT LODGE BULLETIN, SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S DANCING TIME.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S DANCING TIME. TIME TO GET UP AND DANCE.

DANCING TIME. TIME TO GET UP AND DANCE. WAIT A MINUTE, PAUL, FOR A

TIME TO GET UP AND DANCE. WAIT A MINUTE, PAUL, FOR A SECOND.

WAIT A MINUTE, PAUL, FOR A SECOND. WE NEVER DO THIS IN THE SNOWBALL

SECOND. WE NEVER DO THIS IN THE SNOWBALL DANCE, BUT JUST FOR THE HECK OF

WE NEVER DO THIS IN THE SNOWBALL DANCE, BUT JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT, TONIGHT LET'S MAKE THIS A

DANCE, BUT JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT, TONIGHT LET'S MAKE THIS A LADIES' CHOICE.

IT, TONIGHT LET'S MAKE THIS A LADIES' CHOICE. LET'S DANCE.

LADIES' CHOICE. LET'S DANCE. [MUSIC CONTINUES]

LET'S DANCE. [MUSIC CONTINUES] I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

[MUSIC CONTINUES] I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE,

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE, HAS IT, PAUL?

THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE, HAS IT, PAUL? NO.

HAS IT, PAUL? NO. NEVER HAS. SHELLEY?

NO. NEVER HAS. SHELLEY? THAT'S SURPRISING, ISN'T IT?

NEVER HAS. SHELLEY? THAT'S SURPRISING, ISN'T IT? WELL, I THINK EVERYONE'S

THAT'S SURPRISING, ISN'T IT? WELL, I THINK EVERYONE'S PROBABLY A LITTLE BIT TOO TIRED

WELL, I THINK EVERYONE'S PROBABLY A LITTLE BIT TOO TIRED TO DANCE TONIGHT ANYWAY, SO

PROBABLY A LITTLE BIT TOO TIRED TO DANCE TONIGHT ANYWAY, SO LET'S ALL CALL IT A NIGHT AND

TO DANCE TONIGHT ANYWAY, SO LET'S ALL CALL IT A NIGHT AND GET UP EARLY, AND LET'S HOPE

LET'S ALL CALL IT A NIGHT AND GET UP EARLY, AND LET'S HOPE THAT THOSE RAINDROPS STOP

GET UP EARLY, AND LET'S HOPE THAT THOSE RAINDROPS STOP FALLING ON MY HEAD.

THAT THOSE RAINDROPS STOP FALLING ON MY HEAD. ["RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN' ON MY

FALLING ON MY HEAD. ["RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN' ON MY HEAD" PLAYS]

["RAINDROPS KEEP FALLIN' ON MY HEAD" PLAYS] HEY, LOOK WHO'S CLOWNING!

[HEAD" PLAYS] HEY, LOOK WHO'S CLOWNING! DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? PAUL!

HEY, LOOK WHO'S CLOWNING! DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? PAUL! HE DRIVES OVER FROM ELY, AND IF

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? PAUL! HE DRIVES OVER FROM ELY, AND IF YOU THINK THE MOSQUITOS ARE BAD

HE DRIVES OVER FROM ELY, AND IF YOU THINK THE MOSQUITOS ARE BAD HERE, YOU SHOULD SEE THEM OVER

YOU THINK THE MOSQUITOS ARE BAD HERE, YOU SHOULD SEE THEM OVER IN ELY.

HERE, YOU SHOULD SEE THEM OVER IN ELY. THE MOSQUITOS HAVE LICENSE

IN ELY. THE MOSQUITOS HAVE LICENSE PLATES, AND I MEAN THAT.

THE MOSQUITOS HAVE LICENSE PLATES, AND I MEAN THAT. SERIOUSLY, THE DEERFLIES HAVE

PLATES, AND I MEAN THAT. SERIOUSLY, THE DEERFLIES HAVE ANTLERS.

SERIOUSLY, THE DEERFLIES HAVE ANTLERS. NOW GET OUT OF HERE.

ANTLERS. NOW GET OUT OF HERE. [CHUCKLES]

NOW GET OUT OF HERE. [CHUCKLES] BUT THIS RAIN ISN'T GONNA HOLD

[CHUCKLES] BUT THIS RAIN ISN'T GONNA HOLD TOO MUCH LONGER.

BUT THIS RAIN ISN'T GONNA HOLD TOO MUCH LONGER. I'M SURE OF THAT.

TOO MUCH LONGER. I'M SURE OF THAT. WELL, GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY, AND

I'M SURE OF THAT. WELL, GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY, AND THIS IS NICK SUMMERS SAYING A

WELL, GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY, AND THIS IS NICK SUMMERS SAYING A MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN

THIS IS NICK SUMMERS SAYING A MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN SUMMER.

MINNEHONKA SUMMER IS A FUN SUMMER. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR.

SUMMER. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR. I AM A FUN GUY, AND I HOPE THAT

THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR. I AM A FUN GUY, AND I HOPE THAT YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT.

I AM A FUN GUY, AND I HOPE THAT YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT. SAY, AND ONE MORE THING... I

YOU HAD FUN TONIGHT. SAY, AND ONE MORE THING... I WANT YOU JUST TO REMEMBER...

SAY, AND ONE MORE THING... I WANT YOU JUST TO REMEMBER... ♪ TO SING ♪

WANT YOU JUST TO REMEMBER... ♪ TO SING ♪ THAT'S RIGHT.

♪ TO SING ♪ THAT'S RIGHT. ♪ SING A SONG ♪

THAT'S RIGHT. ♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING IT LOUD ♪

♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ SING IT LOUD ♪ ♪ SING IT SHORT ♪

♪ SING IT LOUD ♪ ♪ SING IT SHORT ♪ REMEMBER TO PUT ON SOME 6-12

♪ SING IT SHORT ♪ REMEMBER TO PUT ON SOME 6-12 WHEN YOU GO OUT.

REMEMBER TO PUT ON SOME 6-12 WHEN YOU GO OUT. ♪ SING IT HAPPY, NOT SAD ♪

WHEN YOU GO OUT. ♪ SING IT HAPPY, NOT SAD ♪ YOU KNOW, WE GOT BEARS OVER AT

♪ SING IT HAPPY, NOT SAD ♪ YOU KNOW, WE GOT BEARS OVER AT THE GARBAGE DUMP.

YOU KNOW, WE GOT BEARS OVER AT THE GARBAGE DUMP. JUST FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS.

THE GARBAGE DUMP. JUST FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS. ♪ SING OF THE GOOD TIMES AND NOT

JUST FLASH YOUR HEADLIGHTS. ♪ SING OF THE GOOD TIMES AND NOT THE BAD ♪

♪ SING OF THE GOOD TIMES AND NOT THE BAD ♪ ♪ WELL, NO MATTER IF IT'S NOT

THE BAD ♪ ♪ WELL, NO MATTER IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪

♪ WELL, NO MATTER IF IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH ♪ THIS IS MY SEVENTH SUMMER UP

GOOD ENOUGH ♪ THIS IS MY SEVENTH SUMMER UP HERE!

THIS IS MY SEVENTH SUMMER UP HERE! ♪ FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HEAR ♪

HERE! ♪ FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪

♪ FOR ANYONE ELSE TO HEAR ♪ ♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪

♪ JUST SING ♪ ♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ PLEASE WON'T YOU SING ME A

♪ SING A SONG ♪ ♪ PLEASE WON'T YOU SING ME A SONG? ♪

♪ PLEASE WON'T YOU SING ME A SONG? ♪ THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT.

SONG? ♪ THANK YOU. GOOD NIGHT. [APPLAUSE]

MEET KENNY RALSTON. LIKE MILLIONS OF AMERICANS, EVERY YEAR, LITTLE KENNY WAS

LIKE MILLIONS OF AMERICANS, EVERY YEAR, LITTLE KENNY WAS BORN WITHOUT A FACE.

EVERY YEAR, LITTLE KENNY WAS BORN WITHOUT A FACE. IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE KENNY,

BORN WITHOUT A FACE. IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE KENNY, BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE KENNY, BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP. HELLO. I'M JOAN CRAWFORD,

BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP. HELLO. I'M JOAN CRAWFORD, SPEAKING FOR THE

HELLO. I'M JOAN CRAWFORD, SPEAKING FOR THE UNITED FACE BANK.

SPEAKING FOR THE UNITED FACE BANK. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT LIFE

UNITED FACE BANK. HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A FACE?

WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A FACE? SORT OF LIKE THIS, I SUPPOSE.

NOT VERY MUCH FUN, IS IT? LITTLE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED, THINGS LIKE EATING,

LITTLE THINGS WE TAKE FOR GRANTED, THINGS LIKE EATING, SEEING, HEARING, SMELLING,

GRANTED, THINGS LIKE EATING, SEEING, HEARING, SMELLING, TALKING, SINGING, LAUGHING,

SEEING, HEARING, SMELLING, TALKING, SINGING, LAUGHING, BREATHING... THOSE ARE ALL

TALKING, SINGING, LAUGHING, BREATHING... THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THE FACELESS NEVER KNOW.

BREATHING... THOSE ARE ALL THINGS THE FACELESS NEVER KNOW. ALL THEY KNOW IS THE WORLD OF

THINGS THE FACELESS NEVER KNOW. ALL THEY KNOW IS THE WORLD OF TUBES... LOTS AND LOTS OF TUBES.

ALL THEY KNOW IS THE WORLD OF TUBES... LOTS AND LOTS OF TUBES. HERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL US

TUBES... LOTS AND LOTS OF TUBES. HERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL US ABOUT THAT WORLD, SOMEONE'S

HERE'S SOMEONE WHO CAN TELL US ABOUT THAT WORLD, SOMEONE'S WHOSE FACE TRANSPLANT ALLOWED

ABOUT THAT WORLD, SOMEONE'S WHOSE FACE TRANSPLANT ALLOWED HIM TO BECOME A TOP PROFESSIONAL

WHOSE FACE TRANSPLANT ALLOWED HIM TO BECOME A TOP PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL STAR... ELDO JOHNSON OF

HIM TO BECOME A TOP PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL STAR... ELDO JOHNSON OF THE MIAMI DOLPHINS.

FOOTBALL STAR... ELDO JOHNSON OF THE MIAMI DOLPHINS. THANK YOU, JOAN.

THE MIAMI DOLPHINS. THANK YOU, JOAN. I USED TO THINK THAT I WOULD

THANK YOU, JOAN. I USED TO THINK THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE A FACE, BUT

I USED TO THINK THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE A FACE, BUT UNITED FACE BANK GAVE ME A NEW

NEVER HAVE A FACE, BUT UNITED FACE BANK GAVE ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE, WHEN I WAS

UNITED FACE BANK GAVE ME A NEW LEASE ON LIFE, WHEN I WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO RECEIVE ONE

LEASE ON LIFE, WHEN I WAS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO RECEIVE ONE FROM AN 11-YEAR-OLD WHITE

FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO RECEIVE ONE FROM AN 11-YEAR-OLD WHITE GIRL... SCOUT... KILLED IN A

FROM AN 11-YEAR-OLD WHITE GIRL... SCOUT... KILLED IN A ROCKFALL.

GIRL... SCOUT... KILLED IN A ROCKFALL. ADMITTEDLY, I MIGHT HAVE

ROCKFALL. ADMITTEDLY, I MIGHT HAVE PREFERRED THE FACE OF A BLACK,

ADMITTEDLY, I MIGHT HAVE PREFERRED THE FACE OF A BLACK, ADULT MALE, BUT THEY DID THE

PREFERRED THE FACE OF A BLACK, ADULT MALE, BUT THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD WITH WHAT THEY

ADULT MALE, BUT THEY DID THE BEST THEY COULD WITH WHAT THEY HAD.

BEST THEY COULD WITH WHAT THEY HAD. YES, ELDO, BUT SOMETIMES, AS

HAD. YES, ELDO, BUT SOMETIMES, AS IN YOUR CASE, THEIR BEST JUST

YES, ELDO, BUT SOMETIMES, AS IN YOUR CASE, THEIR BEST JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

IN YOUR CASE, THEIR BEST JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. HEY, JOAN, DO YOU THINK THEY

WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. HEY, JOAN, DO YOU THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE A BLACK ONE NOW?

HEY, JOAN, DO YOU THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE A BLACK ONE NOW? I MEAN, DO YOU MIND IF I POKE

MIGHT HAVE A BLACK ONE NOW? I MEAN, DO YOU MIND IF I POKE AROUND IN THE FRIDGE A LITTLE

I MEAN, DO YOU MIND IF I POKE AROUND IN THE FRIDGE A LITTLE BIT?

AROUND IN THE FRIDGE A LITTLE BIT? GO RIGHT AHEAD.

BIT? GO RIGHT AHEAD. OKAY.

GO RIGHT AHEAD. OKAY. YES, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE

OKAY. YES, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DESPAIR AND

YES, ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DESPAIR AND HOPE.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DESPAIR AND HOPE. ONLY YOU CAN PROVIDE THE CHANCE

HOPE. ONLY YOU CAN PROVIDE THE CHANCE FOR A BETTER LIFE.

ONLY YOU CAN PROVIDE THE CHANCE FOR A BETTER LIFE. OF COURSE, FUNDS ARE URGENTLY

FOR A BETTER LIFE. OF COURSE, FUNDS ARE URGENTLY NEEDED, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,

OF COURSE, FUNDS ARE URGENTLY NEEDED, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I'M ASKING YOU TO GIVE OF

NEEDED, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I'M ASKING YOU TO GIVE OF YOURSELF.

I'M ASKING YOU TO GIVE OF YOURSELF. HELP LITTLE KENNY PUT ON A HAPPY

YOURSELF. HELP LITTLE KENNY PUT ON A HAPPY FACE.

HELP LITTLE KENNY PUT ON A HAPPY FACE. DID YOU FIND ANYTHING?

FACE. DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? WELL, THE CLOSEST I CAN COME

DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? WELL, THE CLOSEST I CAN COME UP WITH IS A FILIPINO

WELL, THE CLOSEST I CAN COME UP WITH IS A FILIPINO SCHOOLTEACHER HERE.

UP WITH IS A FILIPINO SCHOOLTEACHER HERE. THAT WON'T DO IT.

SCHOOLTEACHER HERE. THAT WON'T DO IT. Announcer: SUPPORT THE

THAT WON'T DO IT. Announcer: SUPPORT THE UNITED FACE BANK.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES PLAY BALL JUST FOR THE

ABOUT THE FACT THAT PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES PLAY BALL JUST FOR THE MONEY THESE DAYS.

ATHLETES PLAY BALL JUST FOR THE MONEY THESE DAYS. WELL, GARY WEIS' FILM THIS WEEK

MONEY THESE DAYS. WELL, GARY WEIS' FILM THIS WEEK SHOWS THAT COMPETITION CAN BRING

WELL, GARY WEIS' FILM THIS WEEK SHOWS THAT COMPETITION CAN BRING OUT THE VERY BEST IN US.

SHOWS THAT COMPETITION CAN BRING OUT THE VERY BEST IN US. AND NOW, THIS WEEK'S FILM BY

OUT THE VERY BEST IN US. AND NOW, THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS.

AND NOW, THIS WEEK'S FILM BY GARY WEIS. ♪ OH, BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS

GARY WEIS. ♪ OH, BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS SKIES ♪

♪ OH, BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS SKIES ♪ ♪ FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN ♪

SKIES ♪ ♪ FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN ♪ ♪ FOR PURPLE MOUNTAIN

♪ FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN ♪ ♪ FOR PURPLE MOUNTAIN MAJESTIES ♪

♪ FOR PURPLE MOUNTAIN MAJESTIES ♪ ♪ ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAIN ♪

MAJESTIES ♪ ♪ ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAIN ♪ WELL, NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

♪ ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAIN ♪ WELL, NOW WAIT A MINUTE! I'M TALKING ABOUT...

WELL, NOW WAIT A MINUTE! I'M TALKING ABOUT... ♪ AMERICA ♪

I'M TALKING ABOUT... ♪ AMERICA ♪ ♪ SWEET AMERICA ♪

♪ AMERICA ♪ ♪ SWEET AMERICA ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW, GOD DONE SHED HIS

♪ SWEET AMERICA ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW, GOD DONE SHED HIS GRACE ON THEE ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, GOD DONE SHED HIS GRACE ON THEE ♪ ♪ HE CROWN THY GOOD ♪

GRACE ON THEE ♪ ♪ HE CROWN THY GOOD ♪ ♪ YES, HE DID ♪

♪ HE CROWN THY GOOD ♪ ♪ YES, HE DID ♪ ♪ WITH BROTHERHOOD ♪

♪ YES, HE DID ♪ ♪ WITH BROTHERHOOD ♪ ♪ FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA ♪

♪ WITH BROTHERHOOD ♪ ♪ FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA ♪ YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD SOMEBODY

♪ FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA ♪ YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD SOMEBODY TO HELP ME SING THIS.

YOU KNOW, I WISH I HAD SOMEBODY TO HELP ME SING THIS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW, ONCE AGAIN, THE McGARRIGLE SISTERS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

McGARRIGLE SISTERS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["HEART LIKE A WHEEL" PLAYING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["HEART LIKE A WHEEL" PLAYING] ♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST

["HEART LIKE A WHEEL" PLAYING] ♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST LIKE A WHEEL ♪

♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST LIKE A WHEEL ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T

LIKE A WHEEL ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T MEND IT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T MEND IT ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A

MEND IT ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A SINKING SHIP ♪

♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A SINKING SHIP ♪ ♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT SHIP

SINKING SHIP ♪ ♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT SHIP OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪

♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT SHIP OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪ ♪ THEY SAY THAT DEATH IS A

OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪ ♪ THEY SAY THAT DEATH IS A TRAGEDY ♪

♪ THEY SAY THAT DEATH IS A TRAGEDY ♪ ♪ IT COMES ONCE AND IT'S OVER ♪

TRAGEDY ♪ ♪ IT COMES ONCE AND IT'S OVER ♪ ♪ BUT MY ONLY WISH IS FOR THAT

♪ IT COMES ONCE AND IT'S OVER ♪ ♪ BUT MY ONLY WISH IS FOR THAT DEEP DARK ABYSS ♪

♪ BUT MY ONLY WISH IS FOR THAT DEEP DARK ABYSS ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT'S THE USE OF

DEEP DARK ABYSS ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE WHAT'S THE USE OF LIVING WITH NO TRUE LOVER? ♪

♪ WHEN HARM'S DONE, NO LOVE CAN BE WON ♪ ♪ I KNOW IT HAPPENS FREQUENTLY ♪

CAN BE WON ♪ ♪ I KNOW IT HAPPENS FREQUENTLY ♪ Both: ♪ WHAT I CAN'T

♪ I KNOW IT HAPPENS FREQUENTLY ♪ Both: ♪ WHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪

Both: ♪ WHAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ OH, PLEASE, GOD, HOLD MY

UNDERSTAND ♪ ♪ OH, PLEASE, GOD, HOLD MY HAND ♪

♪ OH, PLEASE, GOD, HOLD MY HAND ♪ ♪ WHY IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED

HAND ♪ ♪ WHY IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME ♪

♪ WHY IT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ME ♪ Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

TO ME ♪ Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING ♪ ♪ AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪

♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING ♪ ♪ AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪ ♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING

♪ AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪ ♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪

♪ THAT CAN WRECK A HUMAN BEING AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪ ♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST LIKE

AND TURN HIM INSIDE OUT ♪ ♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST LIKE A WHEEL ♪

♪ SOME SAY A HEART IS JUST LIKE A WHEEL ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T

A WHEEL ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T MEND IT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU BEND IT, YOU CAN'T MEND IT ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A

MEND IT ♪ ♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A SINKING SHIP ♪

♪ AND MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A SINKING SHIP ♪ ♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT

SINKING SHIP ♪ ♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT SHIP OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪

♪ AND MY HEART IS ON THAT SHIP OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪ Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

SHIP OUT IN MID-OCEAN ♪ Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

Both: ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ ♪ AND IT'S ONLY LOVE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU JIVING ME, SUCKER? THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA SEE ANY MONEY FROM YOU NOW.

THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA SEE ANY MONEY FROM YOU NOW. THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT, AND ALL

MONEY FROM YOU NOW. THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT, AND ALL THE BANKS ARE CLOSED.

THIS IS SATURDAY NIGHT, AND ALL THE BANKS ARE CLOSED. EASY, MAN.

THE BANKS ARE CLOSED. EASY, MAN. I'M GOOD FOR IT.

EASY, MAN. I'M GOOD FOR IT. DON'T PRESS ME.

I'M GOOD FOR IT. DON'T PRESS ME. I GOT A 24-HOUR BANK CARD RIGHT

DON'T PRESS ME. I GOT A 24-HOUR BANK CARD RIGHT HERE.

I GOT A 24-HOUR BANK CARD RIGHT HERE. IT'S GOOD FOR CASH ANYTIME.

HERE. IT'S GOOD FOR CASH ANYTIME. YEAH, WELL, IT BETTER WORK,

IT'S GOOD FOR CASH ANYTIME. YEAH, WELL, IT BETTER WORK, 'CAUSE IF I DON'T COLLECT FROM

YEAH, WELL, IT BETTER WORK, 'CAUSE IF I DON'T COLLECT FROM YOU TONIGHT, IT'LL BE BAD NEWS

'CAUSE IF I DON'T COLLECT FROM YOU TONIGHT, IT'LL BE BAD NEWS FOR YOU, SUCKER.

YOU TONIGHT, IT'LL BE BAD NEWS FOR YOU, SUCKER. LIGHTEN UP, MAN.

FOR YOU, SUCKER. LIGHTEN UP, MAN. YOU'LL GET YOUR BREAD.

LIGHTEN UP, MAN. YOU'LL GET YOUR BREAD. I USE THIS SYSTEM ALL THE TIME.

YOU'LL GET YOUR BREAD. I USE THIS SYSTEM ALL THE TIME. I'LL SHOW YOU.

I USE THIS SYSTEM ALL THE TIME. I'LL SHOW YOU. I PUT THE CARD RIGHT IN HERE.

I'LL SHOW YOU. I PUT THE CARD RIGHT IN HERE. NOW I PUSH THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I

I PUT THE CARD RIGHT IN HERE. NOW I PUSH THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I OWE YOU... 200 BUCKS.

NOW I PUSH THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I OWE YOU... 200 BUCKS. [MACHINE BEEPING]

OWE YOU... 200 BUCKS. [MACHINE BEEPING] PLUS EIGHT WEEKS' INTEREST.

[MACHINE BEEPING] PLUS EIGHT WEEKS' INTEREST. 400 BUCKS.

PLUS EIGHT WEEKS' INTEREST. 400 BUCKS. [MACHINE BEEPING]

400 BUCKS. [MACHINE BEEPING] AND I PUNCH MY CODE NUMBER.

[MACHINE BEEPING] AND I PUNCH MY CODE NUMBER. [MACHINE BEEPING]

AND I PUNCH MY CODE NUMBER. [MACHINE BEEPING] AND THEN THE MONEY COMES RIGHT

[MACHINE BEEPING] AND THEN THE MONEY COMES RIGHT OUT HERE, THE LITTLE SLOT.

AND THEN THE MONEY COMES RIGHT OUT HERE, THE LITTLE SLOT. YEAH.

OUT HERE, THE LITTLE SLOT. YEAH. WELL, IT USUALLY COMES RIGHT

YEAH. WELL, IT USUALLY COMES RIGHT OUT HERE.

WELL, IT USUALLY COMES RIGHT OUT HERE. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

OUT HERE. WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THERE MUST BE A PROBLEM.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THERE MUST BE A PROBLEM. HEY, WHAT'S THIS, MAN?

THERE MUST BE A PROBLEM. HEY, WHAT'S THIS, MAN? WHAT'S THIS?

HEY, WHAT'S THIS, MAN? WHAT'S THIS? "FURTHER INFO NEEDED," MAN.

WHAT'S THIS? "FURTHER INFO NEEDED," MAN. WHAT'S...

"FURTHER INFO NEEDED," MAN. WHAT'S... I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

WHAT'S... I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I SWEAR TO YOU I'M NOT LYING.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. I SWEAR TO YOU I'M NOT LYING. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A RIP-OFF.

I SWEAR TO YOU I'M NOT LYING. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A RIP-OFF. I'VE NEVER PULLED THIS BEFORE.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A RIP-OFF. I'VE NEVER PULLED THIS BEFORE. LOOK "TO OBTAIN CASH COMPLETE

I'VE NEVER PULLED THIS BEFORE. LOOK "TO OBTAIN CASH COMPLETE SECURITY TEST."

LOOK "TO OBTAIN CASH COMPLETE SECURITY TEST." WHAT'S...

SECURITY TEST." WHAT'S... I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

WHAT'S... I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THIS IS A BANK.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THIS IS A BANK. THEY'RE SO WEIRD.

THIS IS A BANK. THEY'RE SO WEIRD. THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE WHOLE

THEY'RE SO WEIRD. THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE WHOLE COUNTRY.

THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE WHOLE COUNTRY. "I.Q. QUIZ... CHOOSE "A,"

COUNTRY. "I.Q. QUIZ... CHOOSE "A," "B," OR "C."

"I.Q. QUIZ... CHOOSE "A," "B," OR "C." WHAT?

"B," OR "C." WHAT? "WHERE IS THE CRADLE OF..."

WHAT? "WHERE IS THE CRADLE OF..." "WYOMING," "SATURN"...

"WHERE IS THE CRADLE OF..." "WYOMING," "SATURN"... UH, PUNCH "C," "MESOPOTAMIA."

"WYOMING," "SATURN"... UH, PUNCH "C," "MESOPOTAMIA." ARE YOU SURE, MAN?

UH, PUNCH "C," "MESOPOTAMIA." ARE YOU SURE, MAN? PUNCH "C."

ARE YOU SURE, MAN? PUNCH "C." LOOK, MAN, MESOPOTAMIA, THE

PUNCH "C." LOOK, MAN, MESOPOTAMIA, THE VALLEY OF THE TIGRIS AND THE

LOOK, MAN, MESOPOTAMIA, THE VALLEY OF THE TIGRIS AND THE EUPHRATES RIVER IN AFRICA, MAN.

VALLEY OF THE TIGRIS AND THE EUPHRATES RIVER IN AFRICA, MAN. RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

EUPHRATES RIVER IN AFRICA, MAN. RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. LOOK AT THIS. SEE?

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. LOOK AT THIS. SEE? ALL RIGHT. WE WIN. WE WIN.

LOOK AT THIS. SEE? ALL RIGHT. WE WIN. WE WIN. "A TRIANGLE WITH EQUAL SIDES

ALL RIGHT. WE WIN. WE WIN. "A TRIANGLE WITH EQUAL SIDES IS CALLED..."

"A TRIANGLE WITH EQUAL SIDES IS CALLED..." I USED TO KNOW THIS, MAN.

IS CALLED..." I USED TO KNOW THIS, MAN. UH, "EQUILATERAL."

I USED TO KNOW THIS, MAN. UH, "EQUILATERAL." PUNCH "B." PUNCH "B."

UH, "EQUILATERAL." PUNCH "B." PUNCH "B." OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

PUNCH "B." PUNCH "B." OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WE'RE HOT. WE'RE HOT.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. WE'RE HOT. WE'RE HOT. LITTLE BIT OF SKIN ON THE PINK

WE'RE HOT. WE'RE HOT. LITTLE BIT OF SKIN ON THE PINK SIDE, PRINCE.

LITTLE BIT OF SKIN ON THE PINK SIDE, PRINCE. LET'S GO. HEY.

SIDE, PRINCE. LET'S GO. HEY. OH, SPORTS!

LET'S GO. HEY. OH, SPORTS! UH, DR. J. HEY!

OH, SPORTS! UH, DR. J. HEY! DR. J, DR. J.

UH, DR. J. HEY! DR. J, DR. J. [WHISTLES]

DR. J, DR. J. [WHISTLES] YEAH, NO KIDDING.

[WHISTLES] YEAH, NO KIDDING. NOW, WHERE IS MY CASH?

YEAH, NO KIDDING. NOW, WHERE IS MY CASH? ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

NOW, WHERE IS MY CASH? ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S THE CASH? LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S THE CASH? LET'S GO. WHERE'S MY CASH?

WHERE'S THE CASH? LET'S GO. WHERE'S MY CASH? CASH IS COMING.

WHERE'S MY CASH? CASH IS COMING. HEY, "CONGRATULATIONS.

CASH IS COMING. HEY, "CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY.

HEY, "CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY. YOU NOW QUALIFY FOR THE OPTIONAL

YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY. YOU NOW QUALIFY FOR THE OPTIONAL GENIUS TEST."

YOU NOW QUALIFY FOR THE OPTIONAL GENIUS TEST." GREAT. GREAT. GREAT.

GENIUS TEST." GREAT. GREAT. GREAT. A DRIVING TEST.

GREAT. GREAT. GREAT. A DRIVING TEST. WAIT A MINUTE.

A DRIVING TEST. WAIT A MINUTE. I'M NOT PREPARED FOR A DRIVING

WAIT A MINUTE. I'M NOT PREPARED FOR A DRIVING TEST.

I'M NOT PREPARED FOR A DRIVING TEST. WAIT A MINUTE.

TEST. WAIT A MINUTE. WHOA!

WAIT A MINUTE. WHOA! THERE'S NO WHEEL.

WHOA! THERE'S NO WHEEL. [CAR ENGINE HUMMING]

THERE'S NO WHEEL. [CAR ENGINE HUMMING] OH! HEY!

[CAR ENGINE HUMMING] OH! HEY! OH, THIS IS RIGHT.

OH! HEY! OH, THIS IS RIGHT. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

OH, THIS IS RIGHT. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. AAH! AAH! AAH!

COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. AAH! AAH! AAH! I'M TRYING. I'M TRYING.

AAH! AAH! AAH! I'M TRYING. I'M TRYING. WELL, THAT HURTS A LITTLE BIT,

I'M TRYING. I'M TRYING. WELL, THAT HURTS A LITTLE BIT, MAN.

WELL, THAT HURTS A LITTLE BIT, MAN. I'M SORRY.

MAN. I'M SORRY. OKAY, "TESTS COMPLETED.

I'M SORRY. OKAY, "TESTS COMPLETED. WITHDRAW MONEY FROM DISPENSER."

OKAY, "TESTS COMPLETED. WITHDRAW MONEY FROM DISPENSER." OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

WITHDRAW MONEY FROM DISPENSER." OKAY. ALL RIGHT. SIX... LET'S GO.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT. SIX... LET'S GO. [WHISTLES]

SIX... LET'S GO. [WHISTLES] WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT.

[WHISTLES] WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. "DATA SOURCE"... WHAT'S THIS?

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. "DATA SOURCE"... WHAT'S THIS? "CURRENCY EXCHANGE."

"DATA SOURCE"... WHAT'S THIS? "CURRENCY EXCHANGE." "BULLETIN."

"CURRENCY EXCHANGE." "BULLETIN." "URGENT BULLETIN."

"BULLETIN." "URGENT BULLETIN." "AS OF APRIL 1997, TREASURY

"URGENT BULLETIN." "AS OF APRIL 1997, TREASURY ACKNOWLEDGED LEGAL TENDER

"AS OF APRIL 1997, TREASURY ACKNOWLEDGED LEGAL TENDER CHANGED FROM EXISTING FEDERAL

ACKNOWLEDGED LEGAL TENDER CHANGED FROM EXISTING FEDERAL RESERVE PAPER CURRENCY TO

CHANGED FROM EXISTING FEDERAL RESERVE PAPER CURRENCY TO HEADCHEESE"?

"EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY..."

"HEADCHEESE TO REPLACE THE

FEDERAL RESERVE NOTES"?

MAN, I CAN'T STAND HEADCHEESE!

YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN THAT STUFF?

I THINK IT'S BRAINS OR

SOMETHING.

"HEADCHEESE STANDARD NOW

EFFECTIVE."

OH! WELL, HERE IT COMES. OH, NO!

WELL, HERE IT COMES. OH, NO! I'M SORRY, MAN.

OH, NO! I'M SORRY, MAN. DON'T GET DOWN ON ME.

I'M SORRY, MAN. DON'T GET DOWN ON ME. THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT.

DON'T GET DOWN ON ME. THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT. THIS IS THE ECONOMY.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT. THIS IS THE ECONOMY. SORRY.

THIS IS THE ECONOMY. SORRY. YOU ASKED ME.

SORRY. YOU ASKED ME. $400, MAN. $400.

[BELLS RING] SHELLY, THIS IS IT? OH, ISN'T IT LOVELY?

SHELLY, THIS IS IT? OH, ISN'T IT LOVELY? DOESN'T LOOK VERY BUSY.

OH, ISN'T IT LOVELY? DOESN'T LOOK VERY BUSY. WELL, I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT

DOESN'T LOOK VERY BUSY. WELL, I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT MAYBE PEOPLE ARE... IT'S NOT

WELL, I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT MAYBE PEOPLE ARE... IT'S NOT CLOSED, IS IT?

MAYBE PEOPLE ARE... IT'S NOT CLOSED, IS IT? MAYBE WE OUGHT TO JUST SIT

CLOSED, IS IT? MAYBE WE OUGHT TO JUST SIT DOWN, YEAH.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO JUST SIT DOWN, YEAH. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYONE'S

DOWN, YEAH. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYONE'S HERE.

IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ANYONE'S HERE. LOOK... CHOPSTICKS.

HERE. LOOK... CHOPSTICKS. CHOPSTICKS.

LOOK... CHOPSTICKS. CHOPSTICKS. WELCOME TO THE NATURAL CAUSES

CHOPSTICKS. WELCOME TO THE NATURAL CAUSES RESTAURANT.

WELCOME TO THE NATURAL CAUSES RESTAURANT. I'M JASON, AND THIS IS MY OLD

RESTAURANT. I'M JASON, AND THIS IS MY OLD LADY, SUNSET.

I'M JASON, AND THIS IS MY OLD LADY, SUNSET. SHE'S REALLY FAR OUT.

LADY, SUNSET. SHE'S REALLY FAR OUT. WELCOME TO OUR SPACE.

SHE'S REALLY FAR OUT. WELCOME TO OUR SPACE. IT IS NO ACCIDENT THAT YOU HAVE

WELCOME TO OUR SPACE. IT IS NO ACCIDENT THAT YOU HAVE STUMBLED UPON OUR DOOR.

IT IS NO ACCIDENT THAT YOU HAVE STUMBLED UPON OUR DOOR. [CHUCKLES]

STUMBLED UPON OUR DOOR. [CHUCKLES] HI, WE'RE SHELLY AND

[CHUCKLES] HI, WE'RE SHELLY AND ELAINE MELCHER.

HI, WE'RE SHELLY AND ELAINE MELCHER. WE READ ABOUT THE NATURAL CAUSE

ELAINE MELCHER. WE READ ABOUT THE NATURAL CAUSE RESTAURANT IN NEW WEST

WE READ ABOUT THE NATURAL CAUSE RESTAURANT IN NEW WEST MAGAZINE... YOU KNOW, THAT

RESTAURANT IN NEW WEST MAGAZINE... YOU KNOW, THAT ARTICLE, "BEYOND VEGETARIANISM."

MAGAZINE... YOU KNOW, THAT ARTICLE, "BEYOND VEGETARIANISM." THAT WAS A FAR-OUR ARTICLE.

ARTICLE, "BEYOND VEGETARIANISM." THAT WAS A FAR-OUR ARTICLE. IT'S REALLY BROUGHT US A LOT OF

THAT WAS A FAR-OUR ARTICLE. IT'S REALLY BROUGHT US A LOT OF BUSINESS.

IT'S REALLY BROUGHT US A LOT OF BUSINESS. THAT WAS REALLY A GOOD THING.

BUSINESS. THAT WAS REALLY A GOOD THING. IS IT OKAY THAT WE SIT HERE?

THAT WAS REALLY A GOOD THING. IS IT OKAY THAT WE SIT HERE? UH, WHAT ARE YOUR SIGNS?

IS IT OKAY THAT WE SIT HERE? UH, WHAT ARE YOUR SIGNS? OH, GEMINI AND PISCES.

UH, WHAT ARE YOUR SIGNS? OH, GEMINI AND PISCES. YOU'RE AT THE RIGHT TABLE.

OH, GEMINI AND PISCES. YOU'RE AT THE RIGHT TABLE. THAT'S PERFECT, PERFECT FOR YOUR

YOU'RE AT THE RIGHT TABLE. THAT'S PERFECT, PERFECT FOR YOUR ENERGY.

THAT'S PERFECT, PERFECT FOR YOUR ENERGY. OKAY, GEMINI, PISCES.

ENERGY. OKAY, GEMINI, PISCES. NO, NO, IT'S THE OTHER WAY

OKAY, GEMINI, PISCES. NO, NO, IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

NO, NO, IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND. OH, I KNEW IT!

AROUND. OH, I KNEW IT! OH, WOW!

OH, I KNEW IT! OH, WOW! FAR OUT.

OH, WOW! FAR OUT. LIKE, HERE AT THE NATURAL

FAR OUT. LIKE, HERE AT THE NATURAL CAUSES RESTAURANT, WE ARE

LIKE, HERE AT THE NATURAL CAUSES RESTAURANT, WE ARE REALLY, LIKE, BEYOND

CAUSES RESTAURANT, WE ARE REALLY, LIKE, BEYOND VEGETARIANISM.

REALLY, LIKE, BEYOND VEGETARIANISM. LIKE, WE SERVE MEAT, BUT WE

VEGETARIANISM. LIKE, WE SERVE MEAT, BUT WE DON'T BELIEVE IN KILLING.

LIKE, WE SERVE MEAT, BUT WE DON'T BELIEVE IN KILLING. DIG IT.

DON'T BELIEVE IN KILLING. DIG IT. YOU SEE, WE FEEL THAT, LIKE,

DIG IT. YOU SEE, WE FEEL THAT, LIKE, SLAUGHTERED ANIMALS ARE FULL OF

YOU SEE, WE FEEL THAT, LIKE, SLAUGHTERED ANIMALS ARE FULL OF FEAR, YOU KNOW?

SLAUGHTERED ANIMALS ARE FULL OF FEAR, YOU KNOW? AND EATING FEAR PRODUCES BAD

FEAR, YOU KNOW? AND EATING FEAR PRODUCES BAD KARMA, YOU KNOW?

AND EATING FEAR PRODUCES BAD KARMA, YOU KNOW? SO, LIKE, WE SERVE ANIMALS THAT

KARMA, YOU KNOW? SO, LIKE, WE SERVE ANIMALS THAT HAVE ONLY DIED FROM NATURAL

SO, LIKE, WE SERVE ANIMALS THAT HAVE ONLY DIED FROM NATURAL CAUSES.

HAVE ONLY DIED FROM NATURAL CAUSES. HERE ARE YOUR MENUS.

CAUSES. HERE ARE YOUR MENUS. WELL, THIS MENU DOESN'T

HERE ARE YOUR MENUS. WELL, THIS MENU DOESN'T DESCRIBE WHAT YOU HAVE IN THE

WELL, THIS MENU DOESN'T DESCRIBE WHAT YOU HAVE IN THE DISHES.

DESCRIBE WHAT YOU HAVE IN THE DISHES. WHAT'S THE KOHUTEK SPECIAL?

DISHES. WHAT'S THE KOHUTEK SPECIAL? OH, WELL, SEE, IT CHANGES ALL

WHAT'S THE KOHUTEK SPECIAL? OH, WELL, SEE, IT CHANGES ALL THE TIME, 'CAUSE, LIKE, YOU

OH, WELL, SEE, IT CHANGES ALL THE TIME, 'CAUSE, LIKE, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA DIE AT

THE TIME, 'CAUSE, LIKE, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA DIE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.

NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA DIE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. LIKE TODAY THE KOHUTEK

ANY GIVEN MOMENT. LIKE TODAY THE KOHUTEK SPECIAL MIGHT BE LEG OF LAMB,

LIKE TODAY THE KOHUTEK SPECIAL MIGHT BE LEG OF LAMB, 'CAUSE WE HAVE A SHEEP BACK IN

SPECIAL MIGHT BE LEG OF LAMB, 'CAUSE WE HAVE A SHEEP BACK IN THE KITCHEN THAT'S DYING OF

'CAUSE WE HAVE A SHEEP BACK IN THE KITCHEN THAT'S DYING OF ANTHRAX, YOU KNOW?

THE KITCHEN THAT'S DYING OF ANTHRAX, YOU KNOW? DO YOU WANT TO GO AND SEE IF

ANTHRAX, YOU KNOW? DO YOU WANT TO GO AND SEE IF IT'S DEAD YET, SUNSET?

DO YOU WANT TO GO AND SEE IF IT'S DEAD YET, SUNSET? FOR SURE.

IT'S DEAD YET, SUNSET? FOR SURE. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO

FOR SURE. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GO THROUGH WITH THIS. SHELLY!

THROUGH WITH THIS. SHELLY! OHH, BAD NEWS.

SHELLY! OHH, BAD NEWS. UH, THE SHEEP'S STILL WHEEZING.

OHH, BAD NEWS. UH, THE SHEEP'S STILL WHEEZING. OH. WELL, WHAT'S THIS?

UH, THE SHEEP'S STILL WHEEZING. OH. WELL, WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THE MEHER BABA?

OH. WELL, WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THE MEHER BABA? OKAY, THE MEHER BABA IS,

WHAT'S THE MEHER BABA? OKAY, THE MEHER BABA IS, LIKE, FROG'S LEGS ON A BED OF

OKAY, THE MEHER BABA IS, LIKE, FROG'S LEGS ON A BED OF BROWN RICE.

LIKE, FROG'S LEGS ON A BED OF BROWN RICE. OH, SHELLY, YOU LOVE FROG'S

BROWN RICE. OH, SHELLY, YOU LOVE FROG'S LEGS.

OH, SHELLY, YOU LOVE FROG'S LEGS. WHERE DO YOU GET THEM FROM?

LEGS. WHERE DO YOU GET THEM FROM? I PICK THEM UP FROM FAIRFAX

WHERE DO YOU GET THEM FROM? I PICK THEM UP FROM FAIRFAX HIGH BIOLOGY LAB.

I PICK THEM UP FROM FAIRFAX HIGH BIOLOGY LAB. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST MISSING

HIGH BIOLOGY LAB. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST MISSING THEIR MOUTHPARTS.

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST MISSING THEIR MOUTHPARTS. I THINK I'LL PASS.

THEIR MOUTHPARTS. I THINK I'LL PASS. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE?

I THINK I'LL PASS. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE? HOW ABOUT SEA GULL?

WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE? HOW ABOUT SEA GULL? Both: SEA GULL?

HOW ABOUT SEA GULL? Both: SEA GULL? YEAH, SEA GULLS DROWNED IN A

Both: SEA GULL? YEAH, SEA GULLS DROWNED IN A SANTA BARBARA OIL SLICK.

YEAH, SEA GULLS DROWNED IN A SANTA BARBARA OIL SLICK. IT'S COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW...

SANTA BARBARA OIL SLICK. IT'S COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW... WHAT'S THE EASY WINNER?

IT'S COMPLETELY, YOU KNOW... WHAT'S THE EASY WINNER? OH, RACEHORSE STRUCK BY

WHAT'S THE EASY WINNER? OH, RACEHORSE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING ON STONE-GROUND PITA

OH, RACEHORSE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING ON STONE-GROUND PITA BREAD WITH HUMMUS.

LIGHTNING ON STONE-GROUND PITA BREAD WITH HUMMUS. RIGHT, AND PREPARED WITH

BREAD WITH HUMMUS. RIGHT, AND PREPARED WITH LOVE... LOTS OF LOVE.

RIGHT, AND PREPARED WITH LOVE... LOTS OF LOVE. HORSE. HORSE.

LOVE... LOTS OF LOVE. HORSE. HORSE. SHELLY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE HORSE?

HORSE. HORSE. SHELLY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE HORSE? NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN EAT A

SHELLY, DO YOU FEEL LIKE HORSE? NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN EAT A HORSE.

NO, I DON'T THINK I CAN EAT A HORSE. OH, SHELLY.

HORSE. OH, SHELLY. YOU SEE, WE'RE A LITTLE NEW AT

OH, SHELLY. YOU SEE, WE'RE A LITTLE NEW AT THIS.

YOU SEE, WE'RE A LITTLE NEW AT THIS. MAYBE YOU COULD RECOMMEND

THIS. MAYBE YOU COULD RECOMMEND SOMETHING.

MAYBE YOU COULD RECOMMEND SOMETHING. WELL, THE FRESH CAT IS VERY

SOMETHING. WELL, THE FRESH CAT IS VERY NICE.

WELL, THE FRESH CAT IS VERY NICE. FRESH CAT?

NICE. FRESH CAT? YEAH, IT WAS JUST RUN OVER AN

FRESH CAT? YEAH, IT WAS JUST RUN OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO ON HIGHWAY

YEAH, IT WAS JUST RUN OVER AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO ON HIGHWAY 1.

HOUR AND A HALF AGO ON HIGHWAY 1. YOU MEAN YOU USE ANIMALS THAT

1. YOU MEAN YOU USE ANIMALS THAT WERE KILLED IN TRAFFIC

YOU MEAN YOU USE ANIMALS THAT WERE KILLED IN TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS?

WERE KILLED IN TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS? HEY, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS.

ACCIDENTS? HEY, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. WELL, "PASADENA" ON THE CAT.

HEY, THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. WELL, "PASADENA" ON THE CAT. WOULD YOU MIND CHECKING ON THAT

WELL, "PASADENA" ON THE CAT. WOULD YOU MIND CHECKING ON THAT SHEEP AGAIN?

WOULD YOU MIND CHECKING ON THAT SHEEP AGAIN? SURE.

SHEEP AGAIN? SURE. LIKE, WE GARNISH IT WITH

SURE. LIKE, WE GARNISH IT WITH INSECTS THAT I SCRAPE OFF THE

LIKE, WE GARNISH IT WITH INSECTS THAT I SCRAPE OFF THE WINDSHIELD OF MY VAN, YOU KNOW?

INSECTS THAT I SCRAPE OFF THE WINDSHIELD OF MY VAN, YOU KNOW? OH, WOW.

WINDSHIELD OF MY VAN, YOU KNOW? OH, WOW. BAD NEWS AGAIN.

OH, WOW. BAD NEWS AGAIN. THE SHEEP SEEMS TO HAVE PERKED

BAD NEWS AGAIN. THE SHEEP SEEMS TO HAVE PERKED UP.

THE SHEEP SEEMS TO HAVE PERKED UP. OH, WELL, THAT'S A DRAG.

UP. OH, WELL, THAT'S A DRAG. WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE... FROG, SEA

OH, WELL, THAT'S A DRAG. WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE... FROG, SEA GULL, HORSE, OR CAT?

WELL, WHAT'LL IT BE... FROG, SEA GULL, HORSE, OR CAT? WELL, WHAT IS THIS OM

GULL, HORSE, OR CAT? WELL, WHAT IS THIS OM SURPRISE?

WELL, WHAT IS THIS OM SURPRISE? OH, THE OM SURPRISE.

SURPRISE? OH, THE OM SURPRISE. WELL, THAT'S JUST STEAK, MAN,

OH, THE OM SURPRISE. WELL, THAT'S JUST STEAK, MAN, YOU KNOW?

WELL, THAT'S JUST STEAK, MAN, YOU KNOW? STEAK? WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU KNOW? STEAK? WHAT HAPPENED? DID THE COW HAVE A HEART ATTACK?

STEAK? WHAT HAPPENED? DID THE COW HAVE A HEART ATTACK? NO, MAN.

DID THE COW HAVE A HEART ATTACK? NO, MAN. WHAT HAPPENED WAS ONE DAY I WAS

NO, MAN. WHAT HAPPENED WAS ONE DAY I WAS STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE

WHAT HAPPENED WAS ONE DAY I WAS STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE RESTAURANT, OKAY?

STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE RESTAURANT, OKAY? AND, LIKE, THIS COW DROPPED OUT

RESTAURANT, OKAY? AND, LIKE, THIS COW DROPPED OUT OF THE SKY, YOU KNOW?

AND, LIKE, THIS COW DROPPED OUT OF THE SKY, YOU KNOW? AND LATER I FOUND OUT IT WAS

OF THE SKY, YOU KNOW? AND LATER I FOUND OUT IT WAS THIS FLYING MEXICAN MEAT

AND LATER I FOUND OUT IT WAS THIS FLYING MEXICAN MEAT SMUGGLER'S AIRPLANE, YOU KNOW?

THIS FLYING MEXICAN MEAT SMUGGLER'S AIRPLANE, YOU KNOW? HE WAS BEING CHASED BY THE U.S.

SMUGGLER'S AIRPLANE, YOU KNOW? HE WAS BEING CHASED BY THE U.S. BORDER PATROL.

HE WAS BEING CHASED BY THE U.S. BORDER PATROL. HE GOT CAUGHT ON RADAR, AND HE

BORDER PATROL. HE GOT CAUGHT ON RADAR, AND HE HAD TO JETTISON HIS CATTLE.

HE GOT CAUGHT ON RADAR, AND HE HAD TO JETTISON HIS CATTLE. ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME

HAD TO JETTISON HIS CATTLE. ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE STEAK ON THE MENU

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE STEAK ON THE MENU BECAUSE SOME FLYING MEXICAN MEAT

THAT YOU HAVE STEAK ON THE MENU BECAUSE SOME FLYING MEXICAN MEAT SMUGGLER WHO WAS BEING CHASED BY

BECAUSE SOME FLYING MEXICAN MEAT SMUGGLER WHO WAS BEING CHASED BY AMERICAN FEDS DROPPED A COW OVER

SMUGGLER WHO WAS BEING CHASED BY AMERICAN FEDS DROPPED A COW OVER YOUR RESTAURANT ACCIDENTALLY?

AMERICAN FEDS DROPPED A COW OVER YOUR RESTAURANT ACCIDENTALLY? THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS.

YOUR RESTAURANT ACCIDENTALLY? THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. REALLY.

THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS. REALLY. [PLANE APPROACHING]

SO, MAN, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR STEAK... RARE, MEDIUM, OR WELL-DONE?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY SON JASON'S AUNT... ROZZIE KIND. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

JASON'S AUNT... ROZZIE KIND. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["I'M NOT ANYONE" PLAYING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ["I'M NOT ANYONE" PLAYING] ♪ I'M NOT ANYONE ♪

["I'M NOT ANYONE" PLAYING] ♪ I'M NOT ANYONE ♪ ♪ NO, NOT JUST ANYONE ♪

♪ I'M NOT ANYONE ♪ ♪ NO, NOT JUST ANYONE ♪ ♪ I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAD A

♪ NO, NOT JUST ANYONE ♪ ♪ I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAD A LIFE FULFILLED ♪

♪ I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAD A LIFE FULFILLED ♪ ♪ EVERY NEED ♪

LIFE FULFILLED ♪ ♪ EVERY NEED ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ANY GIRL DESIGNED TO

♪ EVERY NEED ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ANY GIRL DESIGNED TO FIT SOMEONE'S PLAN ♪

♪ I'M NOT ANY GIRL DESIGNED TO FIT SOMEONE'S PLAN ♪ ♪ I HAVE MY OWN DESIRES OF THE

FIT SOMEONE'S PLAN ♪ ♪ I HAVE MY OWN DESIRES OF THE THINGS A GIRL ASPIRES ♪

♪ I HAVE MY OWN DESIRES OF THE THINGS A GIRL ASPIRES ♪ ♪ NO, I'LL NOT BE USED ♪

THINGS A GIRL ASPIRES ♪ ♪ NO, I'LL NOT BE USED ♪ ♪ MISLED, DECEIVED, OR ABUSED ♪

♪ NO, I'LL NOT BE USED ♪ ♪ MISLED, DECEIVED, OR ABUSED ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪

♪ MISLED, DECEIVED, OR ABUSED ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ I AM FREE ♪

♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ I AM FREE ♪ ♪ AND I'LL NOT GIVE AWAY ♪

♪ I AM FREE ♪ ♪ AND I'LL NOT GIVE AWAY ♪ ♪ THE FREEDOM I HAVE IS TO SAY ♪

♪ AND I'LL NOT GIVE AWAY ♪ ♪ THE FREEDOM I HAVE IS TO SAY ♪ ♪ TO SAY I DO, I DON'T ♪

♪ THE FREEDOM I HAVE IS TO SAY ♪ ♪ TO SAY I DO, I DON'T ♪ ♪ I WILL OR I WON'T ♪

♪ TO SAY I DO, I DON'T ♪ ♪ I WILL OR I WON'T ♪ ♪ "KNOW THYSELF" ♪

♪ I WILL OR I WON'T ♪ ♪ "KNOW THYSELF" ♪ ♪ THESE WORDS ARE TRUE ♪

♪ "KNOW THYSELF" ♪ ♪ THESE WORDS ARE TRUE ♪ ♪ KNOW THYSELF ♪

♪ THESE WORDS ARE TRUE ♪ ♪ KNOW THYSELF ♪ ♪ I HOPE I DO ♪

♪ KNOW THYSELF ♪ ♪ I HOPE I DO ♪ ♪ TOILED AWHILE, BUT NOT IN

♪ I HOPE I DO ♪ ♪ TOILED AWHILE, BUT NOT IN VAIN ♪

♪ TOILED AWHILE, BUT NOT IN VAIN ♪ ♪ I REMOVE THE CHILD ♪

VAIN ♪ ♪ I REMOVE THE CHILD ♪ ♪ THE WOMAN REMAINED ♪

♪ I REMOVE THE CHILD ♪ ♪ THE WOMAN REMAINED ♪ ♪ LIFE'S FILLED WITH THOSE WHO

♪ THE WOMAN REMAINED ♪ ♪ LIFE'S FILLED WITH THOSE WHO FAIL ♪

♪ LIFE'S FILLED WITH THOSE WHO FAIL ♪ ♪ THE WEAK, THE STRONG ♪

FAIL ♪ ♪ THE WEAK, THE STRONG ♪ ♪ THE MEEK, THE FRAIL ♪

♪ THE WEAK, THE STRONG ♪ ♪ THE MEEK, THE FRAIL ♪ ♪ THOSE WHO JUST REFUSE TO TRY ♪

♪ THE MEEK, THE FRAIL ♪ ♪ THOSE WHO JUST REFUSE TO TRY ♪ ♪ THOSE WHO JUST LIVE TO DIE ♪

♪ THOSE WHO JUST REFUSE TO TRY ♪ ♪ THOSE WHO JUST LIVE TO DIE ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ♪

♪ THOSE WHO JUST LIVE TO DIE ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE ♪

♪ I'M NOT ♪ ♪ I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE ♪ ♪ I'M FULL OF PRIDE I SUPPOSE ♪

♪ I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE ♪ ♪ I'M FULL OF PRIDE I SUPPOSE ♪ ♪ I'LL SAY IT LOUD ♪

♪ I'M FULL OF PRIDE I SUPPOSE ♪ ♪ I'LL SAY IT LOUD ♪ ♪ I AM PROUD ♪

♪ I'LL SAY IT LOUD ♪ ♪ I AM PROUD ♪ ♪ AND I'LL NOT ♪

♪ I AM PROUD ♪ ♪ AND I'LL NOT ♪ ♪ I'LL NOT BE A SPACE ♪

♪ AND I'LL NOT ♪ ♪ I'LL NOT BE A SPACE ♪ ♪ A COLD ONE, A NUMBER, OR

♪ I'LL NOT BE A SPACE ♪ ♪ A COLD ONE, A NUMBER, OR FACE ♪

♪ A COLD ONE, A NUMBER, OR FACE ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪

FACE ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ I AM FREE ♪

♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ I AM FREE ♪ ♪ I'LL LAY MY LIFE ♪

♪ I AM FREE ♪ ♪ I'LL LAY MY LIFE ♪ ♪ ON THE LINE ♪

♪ I'LL LAY MY LIFE ♪ ♪ ON THE LINE ♪ ♪ THIS FREEDOM I'VE GOT IS ALL

♪ ON THE LINE ♪ ♪ THIS FREEDOM I'VE GOT IS ALL MINE ♪

♪ THIS FREEDOM I'VE GOT IS ALL MINE ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪

MINE ♪ ♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR IT? ♪

♪ NO, SIR, NOT ME ♪ ♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR IT? ♪ ♪ I'M FREE ♪

♪ CAN'T YOU HEAR IT? ♪ ♪ I'M FREE ♪ ♪ FREE ♪

♪ I'M FREE ♪ ♪ FREE ♪ ♪ FREE ♪

♪ FREE ♪ ♪ FREE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, ROZZIE, NOW HERE'S THIS WEEK'S HOME MOVIE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WEEK'S HOME MOVIE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Announcer: IF YOU HAVE A SUPER 8 OR A 16mm HOME MOVIE

Announcer: IF YOU HAVE A SUPER 8 OR A 16mm HOME MOVIE APPROXIMATELY TWO MINUTES IN

SUPER 8 OR A 16mm HOME MOVIE APPROXIMATELY TWO MINUTES IN LENGTH, SEND IT TO...

AND INCLUDE A STAMPED, SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. THEY'LL BE NO MONEY AT ALL.

SELF-ADDRESSED ENVELOPE. THEY'LL BE NO MONEY AT ALL. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS FILMED

THEY'LL BE NO MONEY AT ALL. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS FILMED MESSAGE.

SO LONG, MA. NO TIME RIGHT NOW. [LAUGHS]

NO TIME RIGHT NOW. [LAUGHS] HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF

[LAUGHS] HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE

HI, I'M CHEVY CHASE, AND IF YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO

YOU'RE SKIPPING MEALS BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S

YOU JUST CAN'T FIND THE TIME TO EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNER?

EAT THEM, WHY NOT TRY A PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNER? YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG

FEED BAG DINNER? YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS

YOU KNOW, EACH PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF

DINNER HAS THREE SCRUMPTIOUS COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF SIX EXCITING ENTRéES, PLUS A

COURSES... SOUP, YOUR CHOICE OF SIX EXCITING ENTRéES, PLUS A YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY.

SIX EXCITING ENTRéES, PLUS A YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY. AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR

YUMMY APPLE BROWN BETTY. AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR FACE.

AND IT STRAPS RIGHT ON TO YOUR FACE. I'M 15 MINUTES LATE FOR AN

FACE. I'M 15 MINUTES LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I

I'M 15 MINUTES LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I JUST HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT.

IMPORTANT DATE RIGHT NOW, AND I JUST HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT. MMM, MMM!

JUST HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EAT. MMM, MMM! TUNA... TASTES GREAT ALREADY.

MMM, MMM! TUNA... TASTES GREAT ALREADY. ♪ EAT AND RUN ♪

TUNA... TASTES GREAT ALREADY. ♪ EAT AND RUN ♪ ♪ EAT AND RUN, EAT AND RUN ♪

♪ EAT AND RUN ♪ ♪ EAT AND RUN, EAT AND RUN ♪ ♪ EVERYONE ♪

♪ EAT AND RUN, EAT AND RUN ♪ ♪ EVERYONE ♪ ♪ EVERYONE, EVERYONE ♪

♪ EVERYONE ♪ ♪ EVERYONE, EVERYONE ♪ ♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪

♪ EVERYONE, EVERYONE ♪ ♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪ ♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪

♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪ ♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪ ♪ ANYPLACE ♪

♪ FEED YOUR FACE ♪ ♪ ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ ANYPLACE, ANYPLACE ♪

♪ ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ ANYPLACE, ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪

♪ ANYPLACE, ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG

♪ TIE ONE ON ANYPLACE ♪ ♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED

♪ WITH PILSON'S FEED BAG DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED YOUR FACE ♪

DINNERS, YOU'VE GOT TIME TO FEED YOUR FACE ♪ HI, HONEY.

YOUR FACE ♪ HI, HONEY. SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT?

HI, HONEY. SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT? [LAUGHS]

SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING TO EAT? [LAUGHS] ♪ FEED BAGS, FROM PILSON'S ♪

[MAKES HISSING NOISE] I'M ON? WE GOT 60 SECONDS TO FILL,

I'M ON? WE GOT 60 SECONDS TO FILL, RIGHT?

WE GOT 60 SECONDS TO FILL, RIGHT? I KNOW WE GOT "EARL THE PEARL"

RIGHT? I KNOW WE GOT "EARL THE PEARL" SITTING UP THERE.

I KNOW WE GOT "EARL THE PEARL" SITTING UP THERE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SITTING UP THERE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HE'S UP THERE?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HE'S UP THERE? YEAH.

HE'S UP THERE? YEAH. HEY, I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN

YEAH. HEY, I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPEAL.

HEY, I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPEAL. I NEED A PAIR OF TANKS FOR A

APPEAL. I NEED A PAIR OF TANKS FOR A HARLEY-DAVIDSON, A '71

I NEED A PAIR OF TANKS FOR A HARLEY-DAVIDSON, A '71 ELECTRA-GLIDE POLICE SPECIAL.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON, A '71 ELECTRA-GLIDE POLICE SPECIAL. I NEED FAT-BOB TANKS.

ELECTRA-GLIDE POLICE SPECIAL. I NEED FAT-BOB TANKS. I'VE ONLY GOT THE 3.2-GALLON

I NEED FAT-BOB TANKS. I'VE ONLY GOT THE 3.2-GALLON TANKS.

I'VE ONLY GOT THE 3.2-GALLON TANKS. I NEED THE BIG TANKS.

TANKS. I NEED THE BIG TANKS. PLEASE WRITE ME A LETTER IF

I NEED THE BIG TANKS. PLEASE WRITE ME A LETTER IF YOU'VE GOT THEM.

PLEASE WRITE ME A LETTER IF YOU'VE GOT THEM. I'LL PAY YOU GOOD MONEY.

YOU'VE GOT THEM. I'LL PAY YOU GOOD MONEY. THIS IS FOR A 1971 ELECTRA-GLIDE

I'LL PAY YOU GOOD MONEY. THIS IS FOR A 1971 ELECTRA-GLIDE HARLEY-DAVIDSON POLICE SPECIAL.

THIS IS FOR A 1971 ELECTRA-GLIDE HARLEY-DAVIDSON POLICE SPECIAL. I NEED THE TANKS, SOME FAT-BOB

HARLEY-DAVIDSON POLICE SPECIAL. I NEED THE TANKS, SOME FAT-BOB TANKS.

I NEED THE TANKS, SOME FAT-BOB TANKS. THANK YOU.

TANKS. THANK YOU. ALSO, GALE SAYERS...

THANK YOU. ALSO, GALE SAYERS... GALE SAYERS... I HOPE THAT HE

ALSO, GALE SAYERS... GALE SAYERS... I HOPE THAT HE GETS BETTER, AND DICK BUTKUS,

GALE SAYERS... I HOPE THAT HE GETS BETTER, AND DICK BUTKUS, ALSO... MY TWO IDOLS.

GETS BETTER, AND DICK BUTKUS, ALSO... MY TWO IDOLS. THAT'S IT.

ALSO... MY TWO IDOLS. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL. SAY GOOD NIGHT.

THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL. SAY GOOD NIGHT. GILDA, YOU WANT TO SAY

THAT'S ALL. SAY GOOD NIGHT. GILDA, YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING?

GILDA, YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING? NOTHING.

ANYTHING? NOTHING. SAY GOOD NIGHT TO

NOTHING. SAY GOOD NIGHT TO JOHNNY CARSON, ED McMAHON,

SAY GOOD NIGHT TO JOHNNY CARSON, ED McMAHON, AND...

JOHNNY CARSON, ED McMAHON, AND... DOC SEVERINSEN.

AND... DOC SEVERINSEN. WE DON'T WATCH YOUR SHOW, BUT

DOC SEVERINSEN. WE DON'T WATCH YOUR SHOW, BUT WE RESPECT YOU VERY MUCH.

WE DON'T WATCH YOUR SHOW, BUT WE RESPECT YOU VERY MUCH. ELLIOTT GOULD IS THE BEST HOPE

WE RESPECT YOU VERY MUCH. ELLIOTT GOULD IS THE BEST HOPE WE EVER HAD.

ELLIOTT GOULD IS THE BEST HOPE WE EVER HAD. HE'S THE BEST HOST WE'VE EVER

WE EVER HAD. HE'S THE BEST HOST WE'VE EVER HAD, HONESTLY.

HE'S THE BEST HOST WE'VE EVER HAD, HONESTLY. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

ERIC IDLE, WITH MUSICAL GUESTS

NEIL INNES AND ALAN PRICE.

YOUR ANNOUNCER IS DON PARDO.

I WONDER... SHOULD I LEAVE MY

MAKEUP ON TILL I GET HOME?

WHY NOT?

I LOOK SO HANDSOME WITH MAKEUP!

GOODBYE!