Original subtitles

Announcer: PORTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN PRE-RECORDED.

FOLLOWING PROGRAM HAVE BEEN PRE-RECORDED. [GUITAR PLAYS]

PRE-RECORDED. [GUITAR PLAYS] ♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪

[GUITAR PLAYS] ♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪ ♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪

♪ THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND ♪ ♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪ ♪ FROM CAL.. ♪

♪ THIS LAND IS MY LAND ♪ ♪ FROM CAL.. ♪ THANK YOU.

♪ FROM CAL.. ♪ THANK YOU. ♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK

THANK YOU. ♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK ISLANDS ♪

♪ ...IFORNIA TO THE NEW YORK ISLANDS ♪ CHEVY! CHEVY!

ISLANDS ♪ CHEVY! CHEVY! PAUL, HOW ARE YOU?

CHEVY! CHEVY! PAUL, HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU!

PAUL, HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU! HOW ARE YA?

GOOD TO SEE YOU! HOW ARE YA? I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE.

HOW ARE YA? I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE. WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING

I'M FINE. I'M FINE. I'M FINE. WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW?

WELL, HOW'S IT BEEN GOING SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW? OH, HEY. DYNAMITE!

SINCE YOU LEFT THE SHOW? OH, HEY. DYNAMITE! REALLY?

OH, HEY. DYNAMITE! REALLY? ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS?

REALLY? ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS? OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON

ARE YOU DOING SPECIALS? OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK.

OH, YEAH, I'M WORKING ON SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK. MOVIES?

SPECIALS EVEN AS WE TALK. MOVIES? I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES.

MOVIES? I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES. FANTASTIC.

I'M WRITING, THE MOVIES. FANTASTIC. SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE

FANTASTIC. SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE SHOW WHEN YOU DID.

SO IT WAS WORTH IT TO LEAVE THE SHOW WHEN YOU DID. YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHOW WHEN YOU DID. YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW

YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA DO THE SHOW TONIGHT. THAT'S GREAT!

TONIGHT. THAT'S GREAT! I'M THE HOST, YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT! I'M THE HOST, YEAH. YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY.

I'M THE HOST, YEAH. YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY. I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A

YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT EARLY. I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A COSTUME FOR THE OPENING.

I HAVE TO GET CHANGED INTO A COSTUME FOR THE OPENING. OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

COSTUME FOR THE OPENING. OH, THAT'S FUNNY. IS IT GOOD?

OH, THAT'S FUNNY. IS IT GOOD? TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE

IS IT GOOD? TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I HAVE MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE CONCEPT.

MY DOUBTS ABOUT THE WHOLE CONCEPT. IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE.

CONCEPT. IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE. I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT

IT'S SOMETHING THEY WROTE. I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT ANYWAY.

I'M GONNA TALK TO LORNE ABOUT IT ANYWAY. AH. HEY, HEY.

ANYWAY. AH. HEY, HEY. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

AH. HEY, HEY. LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV.

"SATURDAY NIGHT"! OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV. SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER.

OKAY, YEAH. GREAT, CHEV. SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER. OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

SEE YOU A LITTLE BIT LATER. OKAY, SEE YOU LATER. OOH! LISTEN.

OKAY, SEE YOU LATER. OOH! LISTEN. HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE

OOH! LISTEN. HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE PARTY AFTER THE SHOW?

HEY! WHY DON'T YOU COME TO THE PARTY AFTER THE SHOW? PARTY?

PARTY AFTER THE SHOW? PARTY? I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN.

PARTY? I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN. IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK,

I'D LOVE TO DO THAT, MAN. IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK, I'LL BE THERE.

IF I'M FINISHED WITH MY WORK, I'LL BE THERE. EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE

I'LL BE THERE. EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU.

EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU. THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU

YOU. THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THEY WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. OKAY.

AGAIN. OKAY. BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY. BEAUTIFUL. SEE YOU LATER.

BEAUTIFUL. SEE YOU LATER. OKAY, BEAUTIFUL.

SEE YOU LATER. OKAY, BEAUTIFUL. ♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪

OKAY, BEAUTIFUL. ♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪ [STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD]

♪ DO YOU KNOW... DO ♪ [STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD] [HUMS]

[STRUMS OUT-OF-TUNE CHORD] [HUMS] ♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO

[HUMS] ♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE? ♪

♪ DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE? ♪ ♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪

SAN JOSE? ♪ ♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪ DYLAN!

♪ DO YOU KNOW... ♪ DYLAN! DYLAN

DYLAN! DYLAN ♪ NOBODY FEELS ANY PAIN ♪

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL? I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

FEEL? I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT. NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW.

I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT. NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW. I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY.

NO GOOD SAYING THAT NOW. I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY. $3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL.

I'VE COME ALL THIS WAY. $3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL. I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST

$3,000. THAT WAS THE DEAL. I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS.

I UNDERSTAND, BUT IT WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS. I MEAN, IT'S...

ONE OF THOSE MIX-UPS. I MEAN, IT'S... [INDISTINCT ARGUING]

I MEAN, IT'S... [INDISTINCT ARGUING] HI, GEORGE.

[INDISTINCT ARGUING] HI, GEORGE. HI, LORNE.

HI, GEORGE. HI, LORNE. WE BETTER GET STARTED.

HI, LORNE. WE BETTER GET STARTED. LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO

WE BETTER GET STARTED. LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

LORNE, CAN I JUST TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE? IN PRIVATE?

YOU FOR A MINUTE? IN PRIVATE? SURE.

IN PRIVATE? SURE. CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A

SURE. CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT?

CAN YOU JUST EXCUSE US FOR A MOMENT? WHAT IS IT?

MOMENT? WHAT IS IT? LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS

WHAT IS IT? LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THE COSTUME.

LORNE, I HAVE GRAVE DOUBTS ABOUT THE COSTUME. WHAT, IN THE OPENING?

ABOUT THE COSTUME. WHAT, IN THE OPENING? YES, I DO.

WHAT, IN THE OPENING? YES, I DO. I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING

YES, I DO. I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING WONDERFULLY.

I THINK THE OPENING'S WORKING WONDERFULLY. WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

WONDERFULLY. WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT...

WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT... I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD

I-I'M WORRIED ABOUT... I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A

I-I FEEL THERE'S A REAL GOOD CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

CHANCE THAT I COULD LOOK LIKE A FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT. NOT A CHANCE. REALLY.

FOOL IS WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT. NOT A CHANCE. REALLY. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE

NOT A CHANCE. REALLY. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE.

YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE. BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK.

WHEN YOU GO OUT THERE. BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK. I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

BELIEVE ME, IT'LL WORK. I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. DO YOU BELIEVE ME? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I

DO YOU BELIEVE ME? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, BUT I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. REALLY, I THINK...

HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. REALLY, I THINK... IT WILL BE GREAT.

REALLY, I THINK... IT WILL BE GREAT. YOU BETTER CHANGE.

IT WILL BE GREAT. YOU BETTER CHANGE. I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE.

YOU BETTER CHANGE. I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE. FINE.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT, LORNE. FINE. I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M

FINE. I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE FUTURE.

GONNA GET IT STRAIGHT IN THE FUTURE. I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO

FUTURE. I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT...

I KNOW, BUT IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT... IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT,

ON TONIGHT... IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT, IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART.

IF YOU DON'T GO ON TONIGHT, IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART. I MEAN, IT MUST BE...

IT'LL BREAK HIS HEART. I MEAN, IT MUST BE... SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD

I MEAN, IT MUST BE... SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000

SEE, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000 FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD

UNDERSTAND THAT IF IT WAS $3,000 FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU.

FOR FOUR PEOPLE, THEN IT WOULD JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU. I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

JUST BE $750 FOR EACH OF YOU. I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL

I MEAN, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL $3,000.

I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE THE FULL $3,000. IT'S THE NETWORK.

$3,000. IT'S THE NETWORK. $750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY,

IT'S THE NETWORK. $750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY, ISN'T IT?

$750, THAT'S PRETTY CHINTZY, ISN'T IT? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

ISN'T IT? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250 AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING,

I KNOW THAT THERE'S ANOTHER $250 AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING, FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE

AVAILABLE FOR THE OPENING, FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY

FOR THE PERSON WHO SAYS "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'"

FROM NEW YORK, IT'S 'SATURDAY NIGHT.'" LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

NIGHT.'" LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"!

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT"... STARRING PAUL SIMON...

"SATURDAY NIGHT"... STARRING PAUL SIMON... WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST

STARRING PAUL SIMON... WITH HIS SPECIAL GUEST GEORGE HARRISON...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME PLAYERS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PAUL SIMON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INTRO TO "STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" PLAYS]

♪ I MET MY OLD LOVER ON THE STREET LAST NIGHT ♪ ♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,

STREET LAST NIGHT ♪ ♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME, I JUST SMILED ♪

♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME, I JUST SMILED ♪ ♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD

I JUST SMILED ♪ ♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD TIMES ♪

♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD TIMES ♪ ♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME

TIMES ♪ ♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME BEERS ♪

♪ AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME BEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

BEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪

YEARS ♪ ♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪ CUT!

♪ OH, STILL CRA... ♪ CUT! OKAY, CUT IT.

CUT! OKAY, CUT IT. [MUSIC STOPS]

OKAY, CUT IT. [MUSIC STOPS] FORGET IT, RICHARD.

[MUSIC STOPS] FORGET IT, RICHARD. [LAUGHTER]

FORGET IT, RICHARD. [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY

[LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP,

YOU KNOW, I SAID WHEN THE TURKEY CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP, I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD

CONCEPT WAS FIRST BROUGHT UP, I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP

I SAID THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT

CHANCE I'M GONNA END UP LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT WEARING IT.

LOOKING STUPID IF I COME OUT WEARING IT. I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S

WEARING IT. I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD."

I MEAN, EVERYONE SAID, "OH, IT'S THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD." I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY

THANKSGIVING, GO AHEAD." I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE,

I FELT THAT IT WAS NOT IN ANY WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE, THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF

WAY IN KEEPING WITH MY IMAGE, THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF THOSE SONGS.

THE LYRICS, "THE BOXER," ANY OF THOSE SONGS. THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU

THOSE SONGS. THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.

THEY SAID, "HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY. WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING

TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY. WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A

WHY DON'T YOU STOP TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT,

YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY FOR A WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT, AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH?

WHILE, LOOSEN UP A LITTLE BIT, AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH? YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION?

AND MAYBE PEOPLE WILL LAUGH? YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION? YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION."

YOU WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION? YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION." WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE

YOU CAN BE MR. ALIENATION." WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO BE MR. ALIENATION. I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY,

MR. ALIENATION. I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY, BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A

I-I WANT TO BE A REGULAR GUY, BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A DISASTER.

BUT I FEEL THIS HAS JUST BEEN A DISASTER. I'M SORRY.

DISASTER. I'M SORRY. I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE.

I'M SORRY. I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE. IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

I'M JUST GONNA GO AND CHANGE. IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. [APPLAUSE]

IT'S JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. [APPLAUSE] [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[APPLAUSE] [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] WONDERFUL!

[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL?

WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL? YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL?

WONDERFUL? YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL? WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

YOU CALL THAT WONDERFUL? WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM? IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST

WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM? IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY

IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!

HUMILIATING EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE! WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE?

LIFE! WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE? THE BAND IS FINE!

WHAT, THE BAND CAME IN LATE? THE BAND IS FINE! IT'S NOT THE BAND!

THE BAND IS FINE! IT'S NOT THE BAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE

IT'S NOT THE BAND! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROBLEM IS. THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING

PROBLEM IS. THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING "STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

THE PROBLEM IS I'M SINGING "STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT!

"STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A

YEARS" IN A TURKEY OUTFIT! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A TURKEY OUTFIT?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SING IN A TURKEY OUTFIT? I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT.

TURKEY OUTFIT? I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT. YEAH?

I THOUGHT IT WORKED GREAT. YEAH? WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE,

YEAH? WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE?

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE? YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD?

JAN-MICHAEL VINCENT HERE? YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD? YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY.

YOU THINK I'M LOOKING GOOD? YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE?

YOU LOOK GREAT! HONESTLY. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE? YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO CHANGE? YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT. LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF

YEAH, LET'S JUST DO THAT. LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.

LET'S SAY IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF

OPINION. MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED

MAYBE IT WAS A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED GREAT.

OPINION, BUT I THINK IT WORKED GREAT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS

GREAT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS FOLLOWING MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS FOLLOWING MESSAGE. I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!

FOLLOWING MESSAGE. I CAN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR! ALL RIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU.

[MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN' FASTER ♪

♪ THIS WORLD'S A-CHANGIN' FASTER ♪ ♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO

FASTER ♪ ♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO LAUGHTER ♪

♪ THAN A TEARDROP TURNS TO LAUGHTER ♪ ♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪

LAUGHTER ♪ ♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪ ♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT

♪ BUT SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE ♪ ♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER ♪

♪ AND THEY'RE THE THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER ♪ ♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY

REALLY MATTER ♪ ♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY LANES ♪

♪ LIKE WEATHER VANES AND COUNTRY LANES ♪ ♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP

LANES ♪ ♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP AT NIGHT ♪

♪ WHERE CRICKETS CHIRP AT NIGHT ♪ ♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY

AT NIGHT ♪ ♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY MORNING ♪

♪ AND BREAKFAST IN THE EARLY MORNING ♪ ♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪

MORNING ♪ ♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪ OUT HERE ON A FARM,

♪ TO START YOUR DAY OFF RIGHT ♪ OUT HERE ON A FARM, BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT

OUT HERE ON A FARM, BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT MEAL.

BREAKFAST IS OUR MOST IMPORTANT MEAL. THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY

MEAL. THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY THE NATURAL WAY...

THAT'S WHY WE START EACH DAY THE NATURAL WAY... WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF

THE NATURAL WAY... WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF QUARRY.

WITH A BIG BRIMMING BOWL OF QUARRY. QUARRY CONTAINS NO

QUARRY. QUARRY CONTAINS NO PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO

QUARRY CONTAINS NO PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING.

PRESERVATIVES, NO ADDITIVES, NO ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING. AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF

ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING. AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC

AND IT'S MADE WITHOUT THE USE OF PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC FERTILIZER.

PESTICIDES OR INORGANIC FERTILIZER. BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN...

FERTILIZER. BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN... IT'S MINED.

BECAUSE QUARRY ISN'T GROWN... IT'S MINED. HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL

IT'S MINED. HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND

HERE'S A READY-TO-EAT CEREAL THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY,

THAT'S PURE 100% ROCKS AND PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY, OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE

PEBBLES, WITH A HEARTY, OLD-FASHIONED FLAVOR THE WHOLE FAMILY WILL ENJOY.

[CRUNCHING] MMM. GREAT, MOM. IT'S REALLY GOOD.

MMM. GREAT, MOM. IT'S REALLY GOOD. IT'S DELICIOUS!

IT'S REALLY GOOD. IT'S DELICIOUS! AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM

IT'S DELICIOUS! AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS

AND IT'S GOOD FOR THEM BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS.

BECAUSE EVERY SERVING IS CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS. I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S

CHOCK-FULL OF MINERALS. I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S CRUNCHY.

I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S CRUNCHY. [CRUNCHING CONTINUES]

CRUNCHY. [CRUNCHING CONTINUES] WHAT?

[CRUNCHING CONTINUES] WHAT? I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE

WHAT? I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S CRUNCHY"!

I SAID, "I LIKE QUARRY 'CAUSE IT'S CRUNCHY"! SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT

IT'S CRUNCHY"! SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE

SO, IF BREAKFAST IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE NATURAL WAY...

TO YOU, START YOUR DAY THE NATURAL WAY... WITH QUARRY.

NATURAL WAY... WITH QUARRY. ♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND

WITH QUARRY. ♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE

♪ LIKE SWIMMIN' HOLES AND BRIMMIN' BOWLS OF CEREAL MADE FROM STONE ♪

[INTRO TO "50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" PLAYS] ♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE

[YOUR LOVER" PLAYS] ♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪

♪ "THE PROBLEM IS ALL INSIDE YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪ ♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU

YOUR HEAD," SHE SAID TO ME ♪ ♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪

♪ "THE ANSWER IS EASY IF YOU TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪ ♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR

TAKE IT LOGICALLY ♪ ♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪

♪ I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU IN YOUR STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

STRUGGLE TO BE FREE ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪ ♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY

YOUR LOVER" ♪ ♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪

♪ SHE SAID, "IT'S REALLY NOT MY HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪ ♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING

HABIT TO INTRUDE ♪ ♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪

♪ FURTHERMORE, I HOPE MY MEANING WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪ ♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF

WON'T BE LOST OR MISCONSTRUED ♪ ♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪

♪ SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

AT THE RISK OF BEING CRUDE ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪

YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪ ♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER" ♪ ♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

♪ NO NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪ ♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪ ♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪ [GUITAR SOLO]

♪ SHE SAID, "IT GRIEVES ME SO TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪ ♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I

TO SEE YOU IN SUCH PAIN ♪ ♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE

♪ I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE AGAIN ♪

COULD DO TO MAKE YOU SMILE AGAIN ♪ ♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE

AGAIN ♪ ♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE THAT ♪

♪ I SAID, "HEY, I APPRECIATE THAT ♪ ♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN

THAT ♪ ♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪

♪ AND WOULD YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪ ♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH

ABOUT THE 50 WAYS?" ♪ ♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪

♪ SHE SAID, "WHY DON'T WE BOTH JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪ ♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING

JUST SLEEP ON IT TONIGHT? ♪ ♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪

♪ AND I BELIEVE IN THE MORNING YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪ ♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I

YOU'LL BEGIN TO SEE THE LIGHT" ♪ ♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS

♪ AND THEN SHE KISSED ME AND I REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS RIGHT ♪

REALIZED SHE PROBABLY WAS RIGHT ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE

RIGHT ♪ ♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪

♪ THERE MUST BE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪

YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER ♪ ♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ JUST SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ YOU MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪ ♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪ ♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪ ♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪

♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪ ♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪

♪ OOH, SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK ♪ ♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪

♪ MAKE A NEW PLAN, STAN ♪ ♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪

♪ DON'T NEED TO BE COY, ROY ♪ ♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪

♪ JUST LISTEN TO ME ♪ ♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS

♪ HOP ON THE BUS, GUS ♪ ♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪

♪ YOU DON'T NEED TO DISCUSS MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪

MUCH ♪ ♪ JUST DROP OFF THE KEY, LEE ♪ ♪ AND GET YOURSELF FREE ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

HELLO! I'M BABA WAWA! AND WELCOME TO "BABA WAWA AT WARGE."

AND WELCOME TO "BABA WAWA AT WARGE." WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS

"BABA WAWA AT WARGE." WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY

WE ARE INDEED WUCKY TO HAVE AS OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED

OUR GUEST TONIGHT THE GWEATWY WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY,

WESPECTED AND WORLD-WENOWNED CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY, SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT

CWEATOR OF SHUTTLE DIPWOMACY, SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR

SOMETIMES CONTROVEWSIAL, BUT TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE

TO MY MIND, A WEALLY WEGULAR GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE DR. HENWY KISSINGER.

GUY... SECWETARY OF STATE DR. HENWY KISSINGER. DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID

DR. HENWY KISSINGER. DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST

DR. KISSINGER, YOU ONCE SAID THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST APHWODISIAC.

THAT POWER IS THE GWEATEST APHWODISIAC. WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY

APHWODISIAC. WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY THIS?

WHAT EXACTLY TO YOU MEAN BY THIS? [German accent] WELL, HAVE

THIS? [German accent] WELL, HAVE YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR

[German accent] WELL, HAVE YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR WARHEAD?

YOU EVER STUDIED A NUCLEAR WARHEAD? ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A

WARHEAD? ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR

ONCE, WHEN I WAS WORKING ON A WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR PROWIFEWATION.

WHITE PAPER WEPORT ON NUCWEAR PROWIFEWATION. DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS

PROWIFEWATION. DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN

DR. KISSINGER, IN A PWEVIOUS INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR

INTERVIEW WITH THE ITALIAN BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU

BABA WAWA, AWIANA FAWACCI, OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A

WHATEVER HER NAME IS, YOU WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE

WEFERRED TO YOURSELF AS A GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY.

GUNSWINGER, SORT OF A WONE WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY. UH...

WANGER OF FOWEIGN POWICY. UH... OH...

UH... OH... NO.

OH... NO. LONE RANGER?

NO. LONE RANGER? I NEVER SAID THAT.

LONE RANGER? I NEVER SAID THAT. LONE RANGER? COME ON.

I NEVER SAID THAT. LONE RANGER? COME ON. BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID

LONE RANGER? COME ON. BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS

BUT, DR. KISSINGER, YOU DID WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT.

WEFER TO PRESIDENT NIXON AS THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT. NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL

THE MEATBALL PWESIDENT. NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL PWESIDENT FORD?

NOW, WHAT DO YOU CALL PWESIDENT FORD? TONTO.

PWESIDENT FORD? TONTO. JUST KIDDING. TONTO.

TONTO. JUST KIDDING. TONTO. DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

JUST KIDDING. TONTO. DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR

DOCTOR, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE?

WAS THE HIGH POINT OF YOUR TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE? WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973

TENURE AS SECWETARY OF STATE? WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973 WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

WELL, I WOULD SAY IN 1973 WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR.

WHEN I WON THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR. AND THE LOW POINT?

FOR ENDING THE VIETNAM WAR. AND THE LOW POINT? I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE

AND THE LOW POINT? I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE VIETNAM WAR ENDED.

I'D SAY 1975 WHEN THE VIETNAM WAR ENDED. DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION,

VIETNAM WAR ENDED. DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION, THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY,

DR. KISSINGER, IN CONCWUSION, THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY, WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU...

THERE IS ONE THING THAT WEAWY, WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU... AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS

WEAWY IWITATES ME ABOUT YOU... AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK

AFTER 40 YEARS OF BEING IN THIS COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT?

COUNTWY, WHY DO YOU STILL TALK WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT? WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A

WITH THAT SIWWY, SIWWY ACCENT? WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE

WELL, IF YOU TALK WITH A GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU

GERMAN ACCENT, IT HELPS PEOPLE FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU SEE?

FORGET THAT YOU ARE JEWISH, YOU SEE? CAN YOU SAY THIS...

SEE? CAN YOU SAY THIS... "I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,

CAN YOU SAY THIS... "I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT, WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"?

"I AM A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT, WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"? "I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT,

WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT"? "I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT, WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU

"I'M A WEAWY, WEAWY FAT, WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU SIWWY WABBIT.

WOWY-POWY DIPLOMAT," YOU SIWWY WABBIT. OKAY?

SIWWY WABBIT. OKAY? WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF

OKAY? WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF TIME.

WE'VE JUST ABOUT WUN OUT OF TIME. DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I,

TIME. DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I, BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO

DOCTOR, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I, BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS

BABA WAWA, WAS THE FIRST TO EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS SECRETAWY OF STATE.

EXCLUSIVEWY INTERVIEW YOU AS SECRETAWY OF STATE. NOW, WITH

SECRETAWY OF STATE. NOW, WITH PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER,

NOW, WITH PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER, WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU,

PWESIDENT-EWECT CARTER, WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU, I MAY BE THE WAST.

WHO PWOMISED TO WEPWACE YOU, I MAY BE THE WAST. HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR

I MAY BE THE WAST. HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC?

HAVE YOU ANY FINAL WORDS FOR THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC? NO.

THE AMEWICAN PUBWIC? NO. THANK YOU VEWY MUCH.

NO. THANK YOU VEWY MUCH. THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A

THANK YOU VEWY MUCH. THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A PWEASANT WEEKEND.

THIS IS BABA WAWA SAYING HAVE A PWEASANT WEEKEND. [MUMBLES]

["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]

YOU'RE TRAVELING TO ANOTHER DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF

DIMENSION, A DIMENSION OF TIME AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF SIGHT AND OF MIND.

AND OF SPACE, A DIMENSION OF SIGHT AND OF MIND. YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF

SIGHT AND OF MIND. YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE.

YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE. YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO

BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE. YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."

YOU'VE JUST CROSSED OVER INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE." MEET BETTY MARTIN.

THE "TWILITE ZONE." MEET BETTY MARTIN. AGE 27.

MEET BETTY MARTIN. AGE 27. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS

AGE 27. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS A MODEL.

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING AS A MODEL. TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER

A MODEL. TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST

TOLD TO MEET A CERTAIN PRODUCER BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE

BY HER AGENT PEGGY, WHO'S JUST CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE

CHECKED INTO ROOM 16 OF THE BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO

BLAINE MOTEL, A MOTEL WHERE THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME

THERE ARE NO CHECK-OUT TIMES, NO ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME REASON, NO SINKS.

ROOM SERVICE, AND, FOR SOME REASON, NO SINKS. SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM

REASON, NO SINKS. SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE

SHE'S JUST GOTTEN A ROOM RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE "TWILITE ZONE."

RESERVED FOR GUESTS OF THE "TWILITE ZONE." [KEYS JINGLE]

"TWILITE ZONE." [KEYS JINGLE] [SCREAMS]

[KEYS JINGLE] [SCREAMS] [GASPS]

[SCREAMS] [GASPS] I'M TERRIBLY SORRY!

[GASPS] I'M TERRIBLY SORRY! MY GOODNESS.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY! MY GOODNESS. YOU FRIGHTENED ME.

MY GOODNESS. YOU FRIGHTENED ME. WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET

YOU FRIGHTENED ME. WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET SOMEONE HERE.

WELL, I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET SOMEONE HERE. THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT?

SOMEONE HERE. THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT? YES.

THIS IS ROOM 16, ISN'T IT? YES. MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND.

YES. MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND. AGE 26.

MEET MEET SYLVIA TOWNSEND. AGE 26. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING

AGE 26. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS WORKING NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY

NIGHTS AS A COCKTAIL WAITRESS AT THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED

THE EL PADRINO BAR, A SEEDY ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL

ESTABLISHMENT PATRONIZED BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL AGENTS.

BY DOWN-AND-OUT THEATRICAL AGENTS. SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED

AGENTS. SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."

SYLVIA, TOO, HAS JUST CHECKED INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE." [SIGHS]

INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE." [SIGHS] YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST.

[SIGHS] YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST. THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT

YOU FRIGHTENED ME AT FIRST. THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT THE DESK.

THEY MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE AT THE DESK. HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL.

THE DESK. HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL. THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL.

HERE, YOU SIT, AND I'LL GO CALL. THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL. A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A

THIS REALLY IS UNUSUAL. A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM

A CUSTOMER OF MINE SAID HE WAS A PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN

PRODUCER, AND HE HAD ME MEET HIM UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN AUDITION.

UP HERE IN THIS ROOM FOR AN AUDITION. THE LINE IS DEAD.

AUDITION. THE LINE IS DEAD. [KEYS JINGLING]

THE LINE IS DEAD. [KEYS JINGLING] [DOOR RATTLING]

[KEYS JINGLING] [DOOR RATTLING] OH! IS THIS ROOM 16?

[DOOR RATTLING] OH! IS THIS ROOM 16? Both: YES!

OH! IS THIS ROOM 16? Both: YES! NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A

Both: YES! NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A NIGHT.

NO WONDER IT WAS ONLY $7 A NIGHT. YOU HAVE TO SHARE.

NIGHT. YOU HAVE TO SHARE. MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN.

YOU HAVE TO SHARE. MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN. AGE 26.

MEET RHONDA FRIEDMAN. AGE 26. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY

AGE 26. A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING

A STRUGGLING ACTRESS CURRENTLY WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS.

WORKING IN A FACTORY TESTING RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS. WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS

RUBBER GLOVES FOR IMPERFECTIONS. WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED

WHAT RHONDA DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED THE "TWILITE ZONE."

THAT SHE, TOO, HAS JUST ENTERED THE "TWILITE ZONE." I GUESS THERE MUST BE

THE "TWILITE ZONE." I GUESS THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER

I GUESS THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE

SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE MANAGER OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE

OF THIS PLACE, SENDING ALL THREE OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE SAME ROOM.

OF US YOUNG ACTRESSES TO THE SAME ROOM. [KNOCK ON DOOR]

SAME ROOM. [KNOCK ON DOOR] WHAT IS IT?!

[KNOCK ON DOOR] WHAT IS IT?! ROO-O-O-M SERVICE!

WHAT IS IT?! ROO-O-O-M SERVICE! ROOM SERVICE?

ROO-O-O-M SERVICE! ROOM SERVICE? UH-HUH.

ROOM SERVICE? UH-HUH. CHAMPAGNE.

UH-HUH. CHAMPAGNE. CHAMPAGNE?

CHAMPAGNE. CHAMPAGNE? YES.

CHAMPAGNE? YES. IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING.

YES. IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING. THAT'S FUNNY.

IT'S FROM A... MR. SERLING. THAT'S FUNNY. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD

THAT'S FUNNY. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD ROOM SERVICE.

I DIDN'T KNOW THIS MOTEL HAD ROOM SERVICE. WAIT! THERE'S MORE.

ROOM SERVICE. WAIT! THERE'S MORE. "COMPLIMENTS OF... THE

WAIT! THERE'S MORE. "COMPLIMENTS OF... THE 'TWILITE ZONE.'"

"COMPLIMENTS OF... THE 'TWILITE ZONE.'" [DOOR LOCKS]

'TWILITE ZONE.'" [DOOR LOCKS] [SQUEALS]

[DOOR LOCKS] [SQUEALS] THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE

[SQUEALS] THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE DOOR!

THERE'S SOMEONE LOCKING THE DOOR! NO!

DOOR! NO! [ALL SQUEALING]

NO! [ALL SQUEALING] SUBMITTED FOR YOUR

[ALL SQUEALING] SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL...

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL... THREE PRETTY GIRLS,

APPROVAL... THREE PRETTY GIRLS, ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES,

THREE PRETTY GIRLS, ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES, LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH

ALL OF THEM ACTRESSES, LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND

LOCKED IN A MOTEL ROOM, EACH POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND TALENTS.

POSSESSING SIMILAR CHARMS AND TALENTS. VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE,

TALENTS. VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE, PERHAPS.

VICTIMS OF A BIZARRE JOKE, PERHAPS. OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES

PERHAPS. OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES A TELEVISION SHOW.

OR PERHAPS THIS... A MAN CREATES A TELEVISION SHOW. HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES.

A TELEVISION SHOW. HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES. HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY

HE GOES TO A LOT OF PARTIES. HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY ACTRESSES.

HE MEETS A LOT OF PRETTY ACTRESSES. HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING.

ACTRESSES. HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING. PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO

HE WAKES UP IN THE MORNING. PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK.

PERHAPS HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK. HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES

MUCH TO DRINK. HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE.

HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE PROMISES HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE. ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER

HE MADE THE NIGHT BEFORE. ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN,

ALTHOUGH HE'S A BRILLIANT WRITER AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN, AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS.

AND CREATOR, HE IS ALSO HUMAN, AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS. THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS

AND HE HAS HIS NEEDS. THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS,

THAT'S WHY HE ARRANGED THIS MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS, WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE

MEETING, AND, IN A FEW MOMENTS, WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE."

WILL CROSS FOREVER INTO THE "TWILITE ZONE." ["TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS]

Announcer: AND NOW, "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH JANE CURTIN.

GOOD EVENING. OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A LONG-TERM STUDY OF

OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT... A LONG-TERM STUDY OF CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A

A LONG-TERM STUDY OF CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF

CONTRACEPTION HAS RESULTED IN A HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE

HIGHLY FAVORABLE EVALUATION OF THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL...

THE DIAPHRAGM, AS OPPOSED TO THE ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL... WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER

ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL... WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER ITS SIDE EFFECTS.

WHICH HAS HAD CONTROVERSIES OVER ITS SIDE EFFECTS. THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE

ITS SIDE EFFECTS. THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL,

THE MAJOR COMPLAINT ABOUT THE DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL, IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH

DIAPHRAGM, COMPARED TO THE PILL, IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH HARDER TO SWALLOW.

IS THAT THE DIAPHRAGM IS MUCH HARDER TO SWALLOW. [LAUGHTER]

HARDER TO SWALLOW. [LAUGHTER] PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM

[LAUGHTER] PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY,

PATTY HEARST WAS RELEASED FROM PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY, PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT

PRISON ON BAIL YESTERDAY, PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT A LATER DATE.

PENDING APPEALS OF HER TRIAL AT A LATER DATE. SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND

A LATER DATE. SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A

SHE WAS TAKEN FROM HER CELL AND DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR

DRIVEN HOME IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY.

CAR AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET FOR OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY. THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN

OBVIOUS REASON OF SECURITY. THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH

THE BAIL WAS $1.5 MILLION IN CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST

CASH AND BONDS, AND ALTHOUGH OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE,

OFFICIALS DENY THAT THE HEARST FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE, THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE

FORTUNE BOUGHT PATTY'S RELEASE, THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS

THEY DIDN'T DENY THAT THE CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE

CALIFORNIA STATE BUDGET HAS FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS.

FINALLY BEEN BALANCED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS. STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé,

FIRST TIME IN 75 YEARS. STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé, WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE

STEVEN WEED, PATTY'S EX-FIANCé, WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER

WAS ASKED IF THE THOUGHT THE COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER NOW THAT SHE'S HOME.

COUPLE WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER NOW THAT SHE'S HOME. WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY

NOW THAT SHE'S HOME. WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS

WEED ANSWERED, "I'M USUALLY VERY UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO."

UNDERSTANDING, BUT THIS GIRL HAS A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO." A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY

A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO." A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER

A REPORT RELEASED THIS WEEK BY CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT

CARTER CAMPAIGN TREASURER ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY

ROBERT LIPSCHUTZ STATES THAT JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY $35 MILLION TO WIN THE

JIMMY CARTER SPENT NEARLY $35 MILLION TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY.

$35 MILLION TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY. THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN

PRESIDENCY. THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF

THE PRESIDENT-ELECT IS SHOWN HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS

HERE BEGGING ON THE STREETS OF PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS DEFICIT.

PLAINS FOR MONEY TO MAKE UP HIS DEFICIT. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DEFICIT. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA

AT A PRIVATE BUSINESS GATHERING IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID

IN BOSTON, FORMER CALIFORNIA GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S

GOVERNOR RONALD REAGAN SAID YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE,

YESTERDAY THAT "IF AMERICA'S TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW

TWO-PARTY SYSTEM IS TO SURVIVE, THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY NEEDS A NEW SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW NAME."

SUPPORTING COALITION AND A NEW NAME." TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS

NAME." TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS

TODAY, G.O.P. HEADQUARTERS IS BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST

BEING FLOODED BY SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP]

FOR THE NEW NAME, THE MOST POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP] FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY

POPULAR OF WHICH IS [BLEEP] FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY "THE SUPREMES."

FOLLOWED BY [BLEEP] AND FINALLY "THE SUPREMES." [LAUGHTER]

"THE SUPREMES." [LAUGHTER] WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW,

[LAUGHTER] WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, THE AREA KNOWN AS THE

WELL, FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW, THE AREA KNOWN AS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS

THE AREA KNOWN AS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE

BERMUDA TRIANGLE HAS MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND

MYSTERIOUSLY ACCOUNTED FOR THE DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT.

DISAPPEARANCE OF PLANES AND BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT. BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED

BOATS THAT TRAVEL THROUGH IT. BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART

BUT TODAY, IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW

THAT THE TRIANGLE WAS ONLY PART OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA

OF A LARGER CONFIGURATION, NOW BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA SHORTS.

BEING REFERRED TO AS THE BERMUDA SHORTS. [LAUGHTER]

SHORTS. [LAUGHTER] ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO

[LAUGHTER] ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE

ALTHOUGH STILL AT A LOSS AS TO HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE

HOW THE BOATS AND PLANES ARE LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT

LOST, SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE

REVELATION DOES SHED SOME LIGHT AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS.

AS TO WHY ALL THE FISH IN THE AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS. THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE,

AREA ARE WEARING KNEE SOCKS. THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE, YUGOSLAVIA.

THIS STORY FROM BELGRADE, YUGOSLAVIA. CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS,

YUGOSLAVIA. CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS, YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND

CONTRARY TO PREVIOUS REPORTS, YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO

YUGOSLAV PRESIDENT TITO AND SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS.

SOVIET LEADER LEONID BREZHNEV DO CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS. [LAUGHTER]

CLOSE THEIR EYES WHEN THEY KISS. [LAUGHTER] ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST

[LAUGHTER] ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST MEMBER OF THE CAST OF

ACTOR HARRY REEMS, THE LARGEST MEMBER OF THE CAST OF "DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A

MEMBER OF THE CAST OF "DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE

"DEEP THROAT," ATTENDED A STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE

STAR-STUDDED PARTY TO RAISE MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE FUND.

MONEY FOR HIS LEGAL-DEFENSE FUND. IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR

FUND. IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS

IT WAS THERE THAT THE ACTOR UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT

UNVEILED A NEW HARRY REEMS COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A

COCKTAIL, WHICH, ALTHOUGH IT CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A HEAD.

CONTAINS NO BEER, STILL HAS A HEAD. [LAUGHTER]

HEAD. [LAUGHTER] IT'S MY JOB, MOM.

[LAUGHTER] IT'S MY JOB, MOM. I'M SORRY.

IT'S MY JOB, MOM. I'M SORRY. NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM

I'M SORRY. NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN.

NOW THIS FILM REPORT FROM CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN. THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN

CORRESPONDENT LARAINE NEWMAN. THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA,

THIS IS LARAINE NEWMAN REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA, LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT

REPORTING FROM SLEEPY MINEOLA, LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME

LONG ISLAND, WHERE LAST WEEK IT WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS

WAS DISCLOSED THAT LONG-TIME RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR

RESIDENT BOLESLAV MAIKOVSKIS ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS

ALLEGEDLY WAS A NAZI WAR CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS COUNTRY ILLEGALLY.

CRIMINAL WHO ENTERED THIS COUNTRY ILLEGALLY. BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY

COUNTRY ILLEGALLY. BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL

BUT MINEOLANS TELL ME THEY ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES,

ACCEPT MAIKOVSKIS AS A PEACEFUL CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES, KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS

CITIZEN WHO PAYS HIS TAXES, KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE

KEEPS UP HIS LAWN, AND WORKS AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER

AFTERNOONS WITH THE TOWN'S STATE HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER TEAM.

HIGH SCHOOL CHAMPION SOCCER TEAM. THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT

TEAM. THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER

THEY SEE NO REASON TO DEPORT MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER

MAIKOVSKIS, NOR ANY OF THE OTHER NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER WORLD WAR II.

NAZIS WHO CAME HERE AFTER WORLD WAR II. TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE

WORLD WAR II. TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP

TO LOCAL RESIDENTS, NAZIS ARE LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO

LIKE ANY OTHER MINORITY GROUP WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO ESCAPE PERSECUTION.

WHO FLED TO THIS COUNTRY TO ESCAPE PERSECUTION. ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE

ESCAPE PERSECUTION. ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE MELTING POT OF THE WORLD.

ONLY IN AMERICA, JANE, THE MELTING POT OF THE WORLD. LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA,

MELTING POT OF THE WORLD. LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA, LONG ISLAND.

LARAINE NEWMAN, MINEOLA, LONG ISLAND. [APPLAUSE]

LONG ISLAND. [APPLAUSE] THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER

[APPLAUSE] THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED

THIS JUST IN... UTAH MURDERER GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS

GARY GILMORE, WHO HAS REQUESTED A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE

A SPEEDY CARRYING OUT OF HIS DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST

DEATH SENTENCE, HAS JUST WON THE UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE,

UTAH STATE LOTTERY, THE FIRST PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE, WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR

PRIZE... THE FIRST PRIZE, WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR LIFE.

WHICH IS $50,000 A YEAR FOR LIFE. UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY

LIFE. UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.

UTAH LOTTERY OFFICIALS SAY THEY COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS

COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV

THERE WAS A NEAR TRAGEDY THIS WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT

WEEK, WHEN POPULAR TV PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.

PERSONALITY MORRIS THE CAT ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A

ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR,

DESPONDENT OVER THE DEATH OF A CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR, MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY,

CLOSE FRIEND, SMOKEY THE BEAR, MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY, CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF,

MORRIS, IN AN ACT OF SYMPATHY, CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF, LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH

CHOSE TO CALL IT QUITS HIMSELF, LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH READ SIMPLY...

LEAVING BEHIND A NOTE WHICH READ SIMPLY... ♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW

READ SIMPLY... ♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪

♪ "MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪ ♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW

MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW ♪ ♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW MEOW, MEOW" ♪

♪ MEOW, MEOW, MEOW MEOW, MEOW" ♪ BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES,

MEOW, MEOW" ♪ BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES, HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY

BECAUSE MORRIS HAD NINE LIVES, HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS

HE TRIED TO END THEM ALL BY HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN

HANGING HIMSELF, SLITTING HIS WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH

WRISTS, STICKING HIS HEAD IN AN OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF

OVEN, MIXING ALCOHOL WITH SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A

SLEEPING PILLS, THROWING HIMSELF IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM,

IN FRONT OF A TRAIN, BRINGING A RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM, SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN

RADIO INTO THE BATHTUB WITH HIM, SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN

SHOOTING HIMSELF, AND SITTING IN A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN HIS GARAGE.

A CAR WITH THE MOTOR RUNNING IN HIS GARAGE. MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY

HIS GARAGE. MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED

MORRIS, NOW RESTING COMFORTABLY AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF

AT BIDEAWEE HOSPITAL, DEPRESSED THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF.

THAT HE COULD ONLY THINK OF EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF. "UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS

EIGHT WAYS TO KILL HIMSELF. "UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS

"UPDATE" VIEWERS WHO HAVE IDEAS FOR A NINTH WAY TO KILL MORRIS ARE URGED TO SEND THEM TO...

[APPLAUSE] THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL. THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING

THE DECISION OF MORRIS IS FINAL. THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th

THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK.

COMPANY MARKED ITS 50th ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK. THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN

ANNIVERSARY THIS WEEK. THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT

THIS OCCASION WILL BE SALUTED IN A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS,

A TV SPECIAL TOMORROW NIGHT SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS, BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST

SHOWING THE NETWORK'S STARS, BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50

BIGGEST HIGHLIGHTS, AND MOST GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50 YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE

GLAMOROUS MOMENTS OF THE PAST 50 YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN

YEARS, WHICH, THROUGH CREATIVE INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS.

INGENUITY, HAS SOMEHOW BEEN STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS. THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING

STRETCHED TO 4 1/2 HOURS. THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST

THE COMPANY HAS BEEN RECEIVING GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS,

GIFTS ALL WEEK, INCLUDING BEST WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS, CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN,

WISHES FROM COMPETING NETWORKS, CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A

CBS AND ABC, WHO SENT THEM DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS.

DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AND A HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS. AND IN STILL ANOTHER

HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS. AND IN STILL ANOTHER CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE

AND IN STILL ANOTHER CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE

CELEBRATION, TODAY MARKS THE FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE SO-CALLED DEATH OF

FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF THE SO-CALLED DEATH OF GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO.

SO-CALLED DEATH OF GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO. HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING

GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO. HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,

HE, TOO, HAS BEEN RECEIVING GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM

GIFTS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM

INCLUDING DEAD FLOWERS FROM ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY

ARGENTINA, A CANDYGRAM FROM MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND

MAO TSE-TUNG, AND RECENTLY ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK

ACQUIRED DAWN, DOC, MR. T AND TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE

TINA, AS WELL AS A HOMESICK BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY.

BARBARA WALTERS FROM THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY. FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT

NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY. FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA,

FEDERAL HEALTH OFFICIALS REPORT THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA, WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED

THAT A NEW STRAIN OF GONORRHEA, WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN

WHICH KILLS THE PENICILLIN USED TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN 11 STATES.

TO TREAT IT, HAS TURNED UP IN 11 STATES. COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE

11 STATES. COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING

COINCIDENTALLY, THEY ARE THE SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN.

SAME STATES VISITED LAST SPRING BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN. REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR

BY UGANDAN DICTATOR IDI AMIN. REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN

REACHED FOR COMMENT BY OUR UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE

UPDATE CORRESPONDENT, AMIN SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY

SAID, "IT JUST GOES TO PROVE THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY IN YOUR COUNTRY."

THAT I CAN SPREAD MY PHILOSOPHY IN YOUR COUNTRY." HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS

IN YOUR COUNTRY." HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR

HERE TO COMMENT FURTHER ON THIS IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR DR. GARRETT MORRIS.

IS "UPDATE" SCIENCE EDITOR DR. GARRETT MORRIS. DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS

DR. GARRETT MORRIS. DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT

DR. MORRIS, TELL US ABOUT THIS NEW STRAIN, AND WHY HAS IT GOTTEN OUT OF HAND?

WELL, UH, JANE, WHAT MAKES

THIS STRAIN SO UNUSUAL IS

THAT IT KILLS PENICILLIN, WHICH

IS USED TO KILL GONORRHEA.

AND THIS GONORRHEA IS A TRICKY ONE. OOH, IT'S TRICKY.

ONE. OOH, IT'S TRICKY. LET ME SHOW YOU.

OOH, IT'S TRICKY. LET ME SHOW YOU. NOW, THIS HERE...

LET ME SHOW YOU. NOW, THIS HERE... LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE.

NOW, THIS HERE... LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE. OKAY.

LET ME PUT A LITTLE DROP HERE. OKAY. THIS HERE PENICILLIN.

OKAY. THIS HERE PENICILLIN. NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN.

THIS HERE PENICILLIN. NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN. RIGHT DOWN THERE.

NOW, LET'S JUST FOCUS IN. RIGHT DOWN THERE. [LAUGHTER]

RIGHT DOWN THERE. [LAUGHTER] ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE?

[LAUGHTER] ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE? YOU SEE?

ALL RIGHT. NOW, YOU SEE? YOU SEE? NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS

YOU SEE? NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW

NOW, WE'VE FORTIFIED THIS PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW HOW.

PENICILLIN THE BEST WAY WE KNEW HOW. BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE

HOW. BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME.

BUT NO MATTER WHAT WE DO, THE RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME. BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW

RESULTS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME. BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW STRATEGIES...

BUT DIFFERENT APPROACHES, NEW STRATEGIES... NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST

STRATEGIES... NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST THIS GONORRHEA.

NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK AGAINST THIS GONORRHEA. BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE

THIS GONORRHEA. BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER.

BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN, THE PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER. VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR.

PENICILLIN IS STILL A LOSER. VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING,

VERY FRIGHTENING, DOCTOR. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, DOCTOR.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING, DOCTOR. I'M CURIOUS.

DOCTOR. I'M CURIOUS. JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS

I'M CURIOUS. JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM?

JUST WHERE DID YOU GET THIS PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM? LORETTA. WHEW!

PARTICULAR SAMPLE FROM? LORETTA. WHEW! [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LORETTA. WHEW! [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU,

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU, DR. GARRETT MORRIS.

THANK YOU, DR. GARRETT MORRIS. PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE

DR. GARRETT MORRIS. PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S

PORTIONS OF A RADIOACTIVE CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE

CLOUD CAUSED BY THIS WEEK'S NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY

NUCLEAR TEST IN CHINA ARE EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY TOMORROW MORNING.

EXPECTED TO REACH NEW YORK CITY TOMORROW MORNING. REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM

TOMORROW MORNING. REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT

REMAINS OF THIS GIANT MUSHROOM CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT,

CLOUD, FILLED WITH SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT, MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS

AMOUNTS OF RADIOACTIVE FALLOUT, MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS MUCH AS 24 HOURS.

MAY HOVER OVER THE CITY FOR AS MUCH AS 24 HOURS. IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER

MUCH AS 24 HOURS. IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S

IN A RELATED STORY, THE WEATHER FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR

FORECAST FOR NEW YORK'S METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN

METROPOLITAN AREA CALLS FOR BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY

BRIGHTER SKIES, A LOWER POLLEN COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED

COUNT, AND THE BEST AIR QUALITY THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED IN QUITE SOME TIME.

THAT THIS AREA HAS EXPERIENCED IN QUITE SOME TIME. GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER,

IN QUITE SOME TIME. GOOD NIGHT, ENJOY THE WEATHER, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FRIEND GEORGE HARRISON. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

A-ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. [INTRO TO "HERE COMES THE SUN" PLAYS]

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY WINTER ♪

♪ IT'S BEEN A LONG, COLD, LONELY WINTER ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

WINTER ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE FACES ♪

♪ THE SMILES RETURNING TO THE FACES ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

FACES ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

SINCE IT'S BEEN HERE ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪

♪ HERE IT COMES ♪ ♪ SUN, SUN, SUN ♪ ♪ HERE IT COMES ♪

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY MELTING ♪

♪ I FEEL THE ICE IS SLOWLY MELTING ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪

MELTING ♪ ♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S

♪ LITTLE DARLING ♪ ♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN CLEAR ♪

♪ IT SEEMS LIKE YEARS SINCE IT'S BEEN CLEAR ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

BEEN CLEAR ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪

♪ DOO DOO DOO DOO ♪ ♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪

♪ HERE COMES THE SUN ♪ ♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND I SAY ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. NICE.

THANK YOU. NICE. THANK YOU.

NICE. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. [TUNING GUITARS]

[INTRO TO "HOMEWARD BOUND" PLAYS] ♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY

[PLAYS] ♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY STATION ♪

♪ I'M SITTIN' IN THE RAILWAY STATION ♪ ♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY

STATION ♪ ♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY DESTINATION ♪

♪ GOT A TICKET FOR MY DESTINATION ♪ ♪ MMM ♪

DESTINATION ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT

♪ MMM ♪ ♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪

♪ ON A TOUR OF ONE-NIGHT STANDS ♪ ♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN

STANDS ♪ ♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN HAND ♪

♪ MY SUITCASE AND GUITAR IN HAND ♪ ♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY

HAND ♪ ♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY PLANNED ♪

♪ AND EVERY STOP IS NEATLY PLANNED ♪ ♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN

PLANNED ♪ ♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN BAND ♪

♪ FOR A POET AND A ONE-MAN BAND ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

BAND ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND

♪ EVERY DAY'S AN ENDLESS STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND MAGAZINES ♪

STREAM OF CIGARETTES AND MAGAZINES ♪ ♪ OOH, OOH ♪

MAGAZINES ♪ ♪ OOH, OOH ♪ ♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME

♪ OOH, OOH ♪ ♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME TO ME ♪

♪ AND EACH TOWN LOOKS THE SAME TO ME ♪ ♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪

TO ME ♪ ♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪ ♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I

♪ THE MOVIES AND THE FACTORIES ♪ ♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG

♪ AND EVERY STRANGER'S FACE I SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG TO BE ♪

SEE REMINDS ME THAT I LONG TO BE ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

TO BE ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS

WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS AGAIN ♪

♪ TONIGHT I'LL SING MY SONGS AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND

AGAIN ♪ ♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND PRETEND ♪

♪ I'LL PLAY THE GAME AND PRETEND ♪ ♪ MMM ♪

PRETEND ♪ ♪ MMM ♪ ♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK

♪ MMM ♪ ♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK TO ME ♪

♪ BUT ALL MY WORDS COME BACK TO ME ♪ ♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪

TO ME ♪ ♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪ ♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪

♪ IN SHADES OF MEDIOCRITY ♪ ♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪ ♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪

♪ LIKE EMPTINESS IN HARMONY ♪ ♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I NEED SOMEONE TO COMFORT ME ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪

♪ I WISH I WAS ♪ ♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S

♪ HOMEWARD BOUND ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY THOUGHT'S ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S

ESCAPING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY MUSIC'S PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES

PLAYING ♪ ♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

♪ HOME, WHERE MY LOVE LIES WAITING SILENTLY FOR ME ♪ ♪ SILENTLY FOR ME ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS

THANK YOU. GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS

GEORGE HAS BROUGHT TWO FILMS WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS FROM HIS NEW ALBUM.

WITH HIM TONIGHT THAT ARE SONGS FROM HIS NEW ALBUM. THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE

FROM HIS NEW ALBUM. THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE,"

THE FILM THAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE," AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL

IS CALLED "CRACKERBOX PALACE," AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL FRIEND, ERIC IDLE.

AND IT WAS DIRECTED BY A MUTUAL FRIEND, ERIC IDLE. [APPLAUSE]

FRIEND, ERIC IDLE. [APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, VICAR.

[APPLAUSE] ALL RIGHT, VICAR. FORMER HOST OF THE

ALL RIGHT, VICAR. FORMER HOST OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW.

FORMER HOST OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW. SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT

"SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW. SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO

SO, I GUESS, IF YOU LOOK UP AT YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE GEORGE'S FILM.

YOUR MONITORS, WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE GEORGE'S FILM. [INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE"

SEE GEORGE'S FILM. [INTRO TO "CRACKERBOX PALACE" PLAYS]

♪ I WAS SO YOUNG WHEN I WAS BORN ♪ ♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪

BORN ♪ ♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪ ♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST

♪ MY EYES COULD NOT YET SEE ♪ ♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST DAWN ♪

♪ AND BY THE TIME OF MY FIRST DAWN ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪

DAWN ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪ ♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO

♪ SOMEBODY HOLDING ME ♪ ♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ THEY SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ WHILE GROWING UP OR TRYING TO ♪ ♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪

OR TRYING TO ♪ ♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪ ♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE

♪ NOT KNOWING WHERE TO START ♪ ♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪

♪ I LOOKED AROUND FOR SOMEONE WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪ ♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A

WHO MAY HELP REVEAL MY HEART ♪ ♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ SOMEONE SAID, "WHILE YOU'RE A PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪

PART OF CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪ ♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT

♪ DO WHAT THE REST ALL DO ♪ ♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ OR FACE THE FACT THAT CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ MAY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE THAN TO DEPORT YOU" ♪

♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪ ♪ IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE ♪

♪ SOME TIMES ARE GOOD ♪ ♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪

♪ SOME TIMES ARE BAD ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪ ♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM

♪ THAT'S ALL A PART OF LIFE ♪ ♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪

♪ AND STANDING IN BETWEEN THEM ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪ ♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO

ALL I MET A MR. GRIEF ♪ ♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ AND HE SAID, "I WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT

♪ WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ LET'S RAP AND TAP AT CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND INSIDE OF YOU" ♪

♪ KNOW THAT THE LORD IS WELL AND INSIDE OF YOU" ♪ ♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO

INSIDE OF YOU" ♪ ♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ "AND WE WELCOME YOU TO CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN

♪ WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU ♪ ♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪

♪ YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

♪ "YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW

CRACKERBOX PALACE ♪ ♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE ♪

♪ NO MATTER WHERE YOU ROAM, KNOW OUR LOVE ♪ ♪ KNOW OUR LOVE IS TRUE" ♪

[APPLAUSE]

NOT MUCH IS KNOWN ABOUT BILLY. SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD

BILLY. SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES.

SOME SAID HE SPENT HIS CHILDHOOD IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES. OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY

IN THE CANADIAN ROCKIES. OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY.

OTHERS SAID HE SPENT HIS EARLY YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY. NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE.

YEARS IN THE BAYOU COUNTRY. NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE. I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN

NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE. I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN NEW YORK, IN QUEENS.

I BELIEVE HE GREW UP IN NEW YORK, IN QUEENS. AT 137-62 70th ROAD,

NEW YORK, IN QUEENS. AT 137-62 70th ROAD, NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL

AT 137-62 70th ROAD, NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL AVENUE.

NEAR MAIN STREET AND JEWEL AVENUE. YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO

AVENUE. YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU

YOU TAKE THE "D" TRAIN TO CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN

CONTINENTAL AVENUE, THEN YOU TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN STREET.

TAKE THE Q-14 BUSY TO MAIN STREET. NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT

STREET. NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT HIM.

NOT MUCH ELSE WAS KNOWN ABOUT HIM. HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY,

HIM. HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY, AND SAID...

HE JUST RODE INTO TOWN ONE DAY, AND SAID... I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS,

AND SAID... I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS, WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF

I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS, WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.

WILD HORSES, AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS. GOT ANY HERE?

ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS. GOT ANY HERE? THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE.

GOT ANY HERE? THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE. A RENEGADE?

THEY CALLED HIM A RENEGADE. A RENEGADE? YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE.

A RENEGADE? YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE. THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS

YEAH. I AM A RENEGADE. THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE.

THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE. HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK

THAT WERE KNOWN FOR SURE. HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK BELT IN KARATE.

HE WAS A VIETNAM VET AND A BLACK BELT IN KARATE. THAT'S RIGHT. I AM.

BELT IN KARATE. THAT'S RIGHT. I AM. THEY SAID HE WAS A

THAT'S RIGHT. I AM. THEY SAID HE WAS A HALF-BREED.

THEY SAID HE WAS A HALF-BREED. THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS.

HALF-BREED. THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS. [LAUGHTER]

THAT'S RIGHT. I WAS. [LAUGHTER] HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN

[LAUGHTER] HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN

HE LIVED ON THE INDIAN RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE

RESERVATION WITH AN OLD INDIAN MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES.

MEDICINE MAN WHO TAUGHT HIM THE SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES. I DO SPEND MOST OF

SECRETS OF THE WORLD OF SNAKES. I DO SPEND MOST OF MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION,

I DO SPEND MOST OF MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE

MY TIME ON THE RESERVATION, ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN

ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I STAY AT THE HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA.

HOWARD JOHNSON... FREE COFFEE IN YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA. BUT ONE THING EVERYONE

YOUR ROOM, WITH THE CREMORA. BUT ONE THING EVERYONE KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN

BUT ONE THING EVERYONE KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT

KNEW... HE WAS THE DEADLIEST MAN WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN.

WITH HIS HANDS AND FEET THAT THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN. I AM PRETTY DEADLY.

THESE PARTS HAD EVER KNOWN. I AM PRETTY DEADLY. HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL.

I AM PRETTY DEADLY. HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL. NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED

HIS NAME WAS BILLY PAUL. NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED "ME AND MRS. JONES."

NOT THE BILLY PAUL THAT RECORDED "ME AND MRS. JONES." A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM

"ME AND MRS. JONES." A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM CONFUSED.

A LOT OF PEOPLE GET THEM CONFUSED. HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL.

CONFUSED. HE WAS ANOTHER BILLY PAUL. AND THIS IS HIS STORY.

FRENCH VANILLA? SURE. THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.

SURE. THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU. HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE

THANK YOU. HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY.

HI, I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY. OKAY.

SCOOP OF OREGON BLACKBERRY. OKAY. I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND

OKAY. I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND FUDGE.

I'LL HAVE A JAMOCHA ALMOND FUDGE. WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT.

FUDGE. WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT. WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONES LEFT. WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE? THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU,

WELL, WHAT ARE THOSE? THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU, FEATHERHEAD.

THEY'RE NOT FOR YOU, FEATHERHEAD. YOU ARE SO LOW!

FEATHERHEAD. YOU ARE SO LOW! OKAY, OKAY.

YOU ARE SO LOW! OKAY, OKAY. LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE.

OKAY, OKAY. LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE. NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE

LET'S JUST NOT GET HEAVY HERE. NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN.

NOW, LET'S JUST REMEMBER WHAT WE TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN. LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT

TEACH AT THE SCHOOL, MAN. LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY?

LIKE, THIS GUY IS PUTTING OUT HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY? BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE

HOSTILE VIBES TO YOU, OKAY? BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU,

BUT, LIKE, IF YOU LET THOSE HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU, YOU KNOW?

HOSTILE VIBES, LIKE, GET TO YOU, YOU KNOW? LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE,

YOU KNOW? LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE, AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS,

LIKE, THEN, YOU GET AGGRESSIVE, AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS, MAN.

AND YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN HE IS, MAN. LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS,

MAN. LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS, LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP

LIKE, WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS, LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE,

LIKE, REACH REALLY, REALLY DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE, PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND

INSIDE YOURSELF, MAN, AND, LIKE, PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE

PULL OUT ALL THE SUNSHINE AND LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE YOU.

LIGHT THAT I KNOW THAT'S INSIDE YOU. LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE.

YOU. LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE. YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

LIKE, I KNOW THAT'S IN THERE. YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE

YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL. AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL

AND, LIKE, GIVE THAT POSITIVE ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA.

ENERGY TO HIM, AND IT'LL OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA. GIVE ME A BREAK!

OVERCOME HIS BAD KARMA. GIVE ME A BREAK! OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN

GIVE ME A BREAK! OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

OH, LOOK, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S

TO HIM. JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO

JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO HIM.

GOOD WITHIN YOU, AND GIVE IT TO HIM. LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS

HIM. LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN.

LIKE, THINK CREATIVELY, EXPRESS YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN. OH, I KNOW.

YOURSELF, DO ANYTHING, MAN. OH, I KNOW. I'LL SING HIM A SONG.

OH, I KNOW. I'LL SING HIM A SONG. BEAUTIFUL!

I'LL SING HIM A SONG. BEAUTIFUL! THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA.

BEAUTIFUL! THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA. HIT IT.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA. HIT IT. [Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A

HIT IT. [Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A DREAM ♪

[Off-key] ♪ YOU'RE NOT A DREAM ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪

DREAM ♪ ♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪

♪ YOU'RE NOT AN ANGEL ♪ ♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪ ♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪

♪ YOU'RE A MAN ♪ ♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪ ♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪

♪ I'M NOT A QUEEN ♪ ♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪ ♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ I'M A WOMAN ♪ ♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪ ♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪ ♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT WE PLAN ♪

♪ MAKE A SPACE IN THE LIVES THAT WE PLAN ♪ ♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪

WE PLAN ♪ ♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪ ♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO

♪ AND HERE WE'LL STAY ♪ ♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO-O-O-O-O ♪

♪ UNTIL IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO-O-O-O-O ♪ THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL,

GO-O-O-O-O ♪ THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL, HONEY.

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL, HONEY. THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

HONEY. THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU. CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW?

THANK YOU. CAN I HAVE THAT CONE NOW? NO!

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE TROUBLE, LUKE? OH, HI, BERNARD.

LUKE? OH, HI, BERNARD. THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT?

OH, HI, BERNARD. THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT? IT SURE IS.

THIS IS MY STORE, ISN'T IT? IT SURE IS. WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T

IT SURE IS. WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T

WELL, THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T WANT TO, RIGHT?

HAVE TO SERVE ANYBODY I DON'T WANT TO, RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT.

WANT TO, RIGHT? THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES.

THAT'S RIGHT. WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES. HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR

WELL, I WANT TO SERVE WHITES. HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL

HEY, LUKE, WHERE'S THE FLOUR YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE?

YOU KEEP AROUND TO DEGRADE ALL MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE? OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.

MEMBERS OF THE NON-WHITE RACE? OVER THERE IN THE CORNER. OH, YEAH. YEAH.

OVER THERE IN THE CORNER. OH, YEAH. YEAH. [CHUCKLING]

OH, YEAH. YEAH. [CHUCKLING] THERE.

[CHUCKLING] THERE. LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY.

THERE. LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY. UHH!

LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN BOY. UHH! AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE

UHH! AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN GIRL.

AND LOOK AT THAT LITTLE INDIAN GIRL. THERE YOU GO.

INDIAN GIRL. THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM.

THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM. THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE!

NOW YOU CAN SERVE THEM. THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE! YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF

THEY'RE ALL WHITE, LUKE! YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WAS HERE!

YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WAS HERE! [Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T

BILLY PAUL WAS HERE! [Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE

[Mockingly] "YOU WOULDN'T DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE HERE!"

DO THIS IF BILLY PAUL WERE HERE!" WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW,

HERE!" WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW, HUH?

WELL, WHERE'S BILLY PAUL NOW, HUH? HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED

HUH? HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE

HE'S UNDERGOING A SACRED INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES

INDIAN RITUAL IN WHICH HE GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS

GETS BITTEN ON THE ANKLES REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO

REPEATEDLY BY POISONOUS RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN

RATTLESNAKES, AND THEN HE HAS TO DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME

DANCE, AND THEN HE GETS BITTEN REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS

REPEATEDLY SOME MORE BY SOME MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS TO DANCE SOME MORE.

MORE RATTLESNAKES, THEN HE HAS TO DANCE SOME MORE. [COUGHS]

TO DANCE SOME MORE. [COUGHS] WHAT'S THE POINT OF

[COUGHS] WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE CEREMONY?

WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE CEREMONY? SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE

THE CEREMONY? SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS.

SO THE GREAT SPIRIT CAN SEE HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS. [SCOFFS]

HOW GOOD A DANCER HE IS. [SCOFFS] [LAUGHTER]

[SCOFFS] [LAUGHTER] I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND

[LAUGHTER] I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF

I'M HERE TO HELP INDIANS AND WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS.

WILD HORSES AND RUNAWAY KIDS OF ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS. DON'T YOU TOUCH ME,

ALL RACES AND RELIGIONS. DON'T YOU TOUCH ME, BILLY PAUL!

DON'T YOU TOUCH ME, BILLY PAUL! I'LL CALL MY FATHER!

BILLY PAUL! I'LL CALL MY FATHER! IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD

I'LL CALL MY FATHER! IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, BILLY PAUL!

IF YOU TOUCH ME, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, BILLY PAUL! OH, MY GOD, BERNARD.

MAN, BILLY PAUL! OH, MY GOD, BERNARD. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU KNOW, JEANIE AND THE KIDS AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER.

AT SCHOOL, THEY ALL TELL ME TO TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER. THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE

TRY AND CONTROL MY TEMPER. THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE NONVIOLENT.

THEY TELL ME TO TRY AND BE NONVIOLENT. AND I TRY, BERNARD.

NONVIOLENT. AND I TRY, BERNARD. HONEST TO GOD, I TRY.

AND I TRY, BERNARD. HONEST TO GOD, I TRY. BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL...

HONEST TO GOD, I TRY. BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL... THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER...

BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS GIRL... THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER... THIS INNOCENT CHILD...

THIS BEAUTIFUL FLOWER... THIS INNOCENT CHILD... AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL

THIS INNOCENT CHILD... AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF

AND WHEN I THINK THAT SHE WILL CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE

CARRY WITH HER THE MEMORY OF THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO

THIS HUMILIATION, EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO BERSERK!

DAY OF HER LIFE, I JUST GO BERSERK! UH...

BERSERK! UH... HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH...

UH... HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH... HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF

HEY, BILLY PAUL, UH... HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A COUPLE OF SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD? UH...

SCOOPS OF ROCKY ROAD? UH... OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT

UH... OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA?

OR MAYBE SOME BANANA BUNDT OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA? I WANT A TRIPLE CONE.

OR SOME, UH, ALMOND MOCHA? I WANT A TRIPLE CONE. STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE...

I WANT A TRIPLE CONE. STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE... ARE YOU LISTENING?

STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE... ARE YOU LISTENING? STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND

ARE YOU LISTENING? STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND VANILLA.

STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, AND VANILLA. THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE,

VANILLA. THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE, TOGETHER.

THAT'S RED, BLACK, AND WHITE, TOGETHER. IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET

TOGETHER. IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM

IF ONLY THE WORLD COULD GET ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE

ALONG AS WELL AS THIS ICE CREAM CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE.

CONE, BILLY PAUL WOULDN'T HAVE TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE. ♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR

TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE. ♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR ♪

♪ GO AHEAD AND HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR ♪ ♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪

NEIGHBOR ♪ ♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪ ♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪

♪ GO AHEAD AND CHEAT A FRIEND ♪ ♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪ ♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE

♪ DO IT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN ♪ ♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE END ♪

♪ YOU CAN JUSTIFY IT IN THE END ♪ ♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS

END ♪ ♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS BLOWING ♪

♪ THERE WON'T BE ANY TRUMPETS BLOWING ♪ ♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪

BLOWING ♪ ♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪ ♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪

♪ COME THE JUDGMENT DAY ♪ ♪ ON THE BLOODY MORNING AFTER ♪ ♪ ONE TIN SOLDIER RIDES AWAY ♪

[INTRO TO "SOMETHING SO RIGHT" PLAYS]

♪ YOU GOT THE COOL WATER ♪ ♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪ ♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT

♪ WHEN THE FEVER RUNS HIGH ♪ ♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ YOU GOT THE LOOK OF LOVE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪

IN YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪ ♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪

♪ AND I WAS IN CRAZY MOTION ♪ ♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪ ♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪

♪ TILL YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪ ♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪ ♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪

♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME ♪ ♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

♪ BUT YOU CALMED ME DOWN ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, MMM ♪

♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, MMM ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

MMM ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED

♪ IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I CAN'T, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ THEY'VE GOT A WALL IN CHINA ♪ ♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪ ♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS,

♪ IT'S A THOUSAND MILES LONG ♪ ♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS, THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪

♪ TO KEEP OUT THE FOREIGNERS, THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪ ♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME

THEY MADE IT STRONG ♪ ♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪

♪ AND I'VE GOT A WALL AROUND ME THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪ ♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH,

THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE ♪ ♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH, TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪

♪ IT TOOK A LITTLE TIME, YEAH, TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

TO GET NEXT TO ME ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, OH ♪

♪ OH, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, OH ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

OH ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪

♪ BECAUSE IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED

SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE

♪ SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE

WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE TO BE SO BOLD ♪

♪ IT'S NOT THEIR STYLE TO BE SO BOLD ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE

TO BE SO BOLD ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪

♪ SOME PEOPLE NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪ ♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE

WORDS "I LOVE YOU" ♪ ♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪

♪ BUT LIKE A CHILD, THEY'RE LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪

LONGING TO BE TO-O-LD ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG ♪ ♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪

♪ I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪

♪ THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT ♪ ♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪

♪ AND THE LAST ONE TO KNOW ♪ ♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME,

♪ WHEN SOMETHING GOES RIGHT ♪ ♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, OH ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S LIKELY TO LOSE ME, OH ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪

OH ♪ ♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL

♪ IT'S APT TO CONFUSE ME ♪ ♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪

♪ BEING IT'S SUCH AN UNUSUAL SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED

SIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, I SWEAR, I CAN'T GET USED TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪

TO SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ ♪ OH, OH, SOMETHING SO RIGHT ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. ♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF PITTSBURGH ♪

♪ WELL, I PULLED OUT OF PITTSBURGH ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN

PITTSBURGH ♪ ♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN SEABOARD ♪

♪ ROLLIN' DOWN THAT EASTERN SEABOARD ♪ ♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND

SEABOARD ♪ ♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER

♪ I GOT MY DIESEL WOUND UP, AND SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER BEFORE ♪

SHE'S A-RUNNIN' LIKE NEVER BEFORE ♪ ♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE

BEFORE ♪ ♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪

♪ THERE'S A SPEED ZONE AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪ HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND

AHEAD, ALL RIGHT... ♪ HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME.

HELLO, EVERYBODY, AND WELCOME. AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM

WELCOME. AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW,

AS YOU GATHERED FROM THE FILM CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW, WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW

CLIP OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW, WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS

WE'RE GONNA BE DOING A SHOW ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY

ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

TONIGHT, AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE

IT. I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE OUTSET...

I'D LIKE TO SAY, UH, AT THE OUTSET... [APPLAUSE]

OUTSET... [APPLAUSE] OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD

[APPLAUSE] OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND,

OF THE PROGRAM THAT WE HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND, WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK

SUCH A GOOD TIME IN ENGLAND, WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK THERE.

WE'RE GONNA TRY TO GET BACK THERE. AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET

THERE. AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET BACK THERE.

AT LEAST, I'M GONNA TRY TO GET BACK THERE. WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN

BACK THERE. WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER

WHETHER THE PRODUCTION CREW CAN COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE

COME WITH ME, THAT'S ANOTHER MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA

MATTER, AND ONE THAT WILL BE DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY

DECIDED UPSTAIRS AT THE RCA BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY DOWNSTAIRS.

BUILDING, OR ACTUALLY DOWNSTAIRS. IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE

DOWNSTAIRS. IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE

IF YOU KNOW THE RCA BUILDING, WE TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE OFFICES ARE ON 4.

TAPE ON 6 AND THE EXECUTIVE OFFICES ARE ON 4. HA HA HA.

OFFICES ARE ON 4. HA HA HA. [LAUGHTER]

HA HA HA. [LAUGHTER] WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH

[LAUGHTER] WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH MR. PAUL SIMON.

WE'RE TALKING TONIGHT WITH MR. PAUL SIMON. HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN

MR. PAUL SIMON. HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE

HE'S HEAD OF THE EASTERN SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION

SEABOARD CHAPTER OF THE INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.

INDEPENDENT TRUCKERS ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA. MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A

OF AMERICA. MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO

MR. SIMON, THE GYPSY TRUCKER'S A HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24

HARDWORKING MAN, AND I WANT TO ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24 HOURS A DAY.

ASK YOU, SIR, YOU PUSH A RIG 24 HOURS A DAY. DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER

HOURS A DAY. DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL

DO YOU HAVE A RATE SET PER MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT, SIR?

MILEAGE, AND WELL, HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT, SIR? LET ME JUST START OFF BY

DO YOU DO IT, SIR? LET ME JUST START OFF BY SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN

LET ME JUST START OFF BY SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN INDEPENDENT TRUCKER.

SAYING THAT I AM NOT AN INDEPENDENT TRUCKER. I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK.

INDEPENDENT TRUCKER. I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK. UH...

I MEAN, I NEVER DROVE A TRUCK. UH... MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT

UH... MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT I'M A SONGWRITER.

MY NAME IS PAUL SIMON, BUT I'M A SONGWRITER. I'M NOT A TRUCKER.

I'M A SONGWRITER. I'M NOT A TRUCKER. YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE

I'M NOT A TRUCKER. YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE

YOU'RE PAUL SIMON AND YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE

A SONGWRITER, BUT YOU WROTE THE TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW.

TRUCKING SONG WE HEARD OFF THE TOP OF THE SHOW. IS THAT CORRECT?

TOP OF THE SHOW. IS THAT CORRECT? NO. NO, I...

IS THAT CORRECT? NO. NO, I... BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT

NO. NO, I... BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS.

BUT YOU DO WRITE SONGS ABOUT TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS. NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG

TRUCKS AND TRUCKERS. NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS.

NO, I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS. ALL RIGHT, SIR.

ABOUT A TRUCK OR TRUCKERS. ALL RIGHT, SIR. SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I

ALL RIGHT, SIR. SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY

SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND,

GUESS I MADE A MISTAKE OR MY STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND, WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D

STAFF HAS MADE A MISTAKE, AND, WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED

WELL, WHEN I HEARD THAT WE'D BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT

BOOKED PAUL SIMON, I ASSUMED THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE

THAT IT WAS A MR. SIMON THAT WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE I.T.A.

WE'D INTERVIEWED BEFORE FROM THE I.T.A. YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON.

I.T.A. YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON. YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER,

YOU'RE NOT THAT PAUL SIMON. YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER, AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

YOU'RE PAUL SIMON THE WRITER, AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU

AND NOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU,

AND YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU, SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO

ARE, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU, SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO IT?

SIR, WOULD BE, HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO IT? YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF

YOU DO IT? YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK,"

YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS STRING OF HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK," "THE ODD COUPLE," UH...

HITS... "BAREFOOT IN THE PARK," "THE ODD COUPLE," UH... "STAR-SPANGLED GIRL,"

"THE ODD COUPLE," UH... "STAR-SPANGLED GIRL," "CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH,

"STAR-SPANGLED GIRL," "CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN

"CALIFORNIA SUITE"... WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN

INCIDENTALLY, I SAW IN CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE

CALIFORNIA AND I SAW IN NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT

NEW YORK, AND I LIKED THE NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT BETTER.

NEW YORK PRODUCTION A LOT BETTER. HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH

BETTER. HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH THEM?

HOW DO YOU KEEP COMING UP WITH THEM? UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY.

THEM? UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY. THAT'S NEIL SIMON.

UH, WELL, I DON'T ACTUALLY. THAT'S NEIL SIMON. PLAYS, MO...

THAT'S NEIL SIMON. PLAYS, MO... I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF

PLAYS, MO... I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE

I THINK YOU'RE THINKING OF NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE PLAYWRIGHT?

NEIL SIMON, AREN'T YOU, THE PLAYWRIGHT? NEIL SIMON.

PLAYWRIGHT? NEIL SIMON. AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON.

NEIL SIMON. AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON. SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM,

AND YOU'RE PAUL SIMON. SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM, AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE...

SO, YOU'D BE A RELATION TO HIM, AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE... NO. NO RELATION.

AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE... NO. NO RELATION. WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS

NO. NO RELATION. WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT

WELL, SIR, THEN, AT THIS POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO?

POINT, LET ME ASK YOU, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DO? WELL, I WAS UNDER THE

EXACTLY DO YOU DO? WELL, I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME

WELL, I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK

IMPRESSION THAT YOU INVITED ME ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT

ON THE SHOW, I MEAN, TO TALK ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

ABOUT A BENEFIT THAT I'M ABOUT TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES

TO DO AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.

FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION. AH.

UNION. AH. THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES

AH. THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.

THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.

UNION. I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT. YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU,

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT. YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU, WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU'RE A SONGWRITER, AND YOU, WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION.

WELL, NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS

LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING

AS AN ENGLISHMAN LIVING IN THIS COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I

COUNTRY WHO'S BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE

TROUBLE WITH IMMIGRATION, I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT.

GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY HAPPY AT THE WAY THINGS TURNED OUT. YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT

WAY THINGS TURNED OUT. YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN

YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE NOT BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN IN NEWARK.

BOTHERING ME, SINCE I WAS BORN IN NEWARK. YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING

IN NEWARK. YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING ALL RIGHT. BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND

ALL RIGHT. BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.

BUT YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, AND YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE. I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE.

YOU DO HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE. I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE. COME ON, NOW.

I DON'T HAVE A JAPANESE WIFE. COME ON, NOW. ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE.

COME ON, NOW. ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE. HA HA HA.

ONE OF YOU HAS A JAPANESE WIFE. HA HA HA. LOOK, UH...

HA HA HA. LOOK, UH... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LOOK, UH... [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW... AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU

I WAS INVITED ON THIS SHOW... AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM.

AND IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM. I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW.

DON'T KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM. I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL

I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOUR SHOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, SO I'LL JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN. UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT.

JUST BE SAYING GOOD NIGHT, THEN. UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT. WELL, SIR, FINE.

UH, YEAH. GOOD NIGHT. WELL, SIR, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I

WELL, SIR, FINE. IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I CAN RESPECT THAT.

IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL, I CAN RESPECT THAT. I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S

CAN RESPECT THAT. I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S OPINIONS.

I CAN RESPECT ANY MAN'S OPINIONS. I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS

OPINIONS. I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE

I GUESS WHAT WE'VE SEEN THERE IS A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE '60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER

A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER OF THE '60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS

'60s, A LITTLE BIT OF THE ANGER THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF

THAT CAUSED SOME OF THE HIJINKS AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT

AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES, AND SOME OF THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN

THAT ANGER WE'LL BE SEEING AT THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.

THAT BENEFIT FOR THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION. AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND

CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION. AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND WELL, BYE-BYE.

AND, SIR, GOOD LUCK TO YOU, AND WELL, BYE-BYE. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS

WELL, BYE-BYE. WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS

COMMERCIAL WITH AN 85-YEAR-OLD INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL

INTERIOR DECORATOR WHO CLAIMS SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN

SHE WAS ABDUCTED BY 9-FOOT-TALL HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN ARIZONA.

HUMANOIDS IN A FOREST IN ARIZONA. BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY

ARIZONA. BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY GEORGE HARRISON.

BUT FIRST, HERE'S A FILM BY GEORGE HARRISON. [APPLAUSE]

GEORGE HARRISON. [APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "THIS SONG" PLAYS]

♪ THIS SONG ♪ ♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ THIS SONG ♪

♪ HAS NOTHING TRICKY ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ THIS SONG ♪ ♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪

♪ THIS SONG ♪ ♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪ ♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW,

♪ AIN'T BLACK OR WHITE ♪ ♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S

♪ AND AS FAR AS I KNOW, DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S COPYRIGHT, SO ♪

DON'T INFRINGE ON ANYONE'S COPYRIGHT, SO ♪ ♪ THIS SONG ♪

COPYRIGHT, SO ♪ ♪ THIS SONG ♪ ♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪

♪ THIS SONG ♪ ♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪ ♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪

♪ WE'LL LET BE ♪ ♪ THIS SONG IS IN "E" ♪ ♪ THIS SONG IS FOR YOU AND

♪ THIS TUNE ♪ ♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ THIS TUNE ♪

♪ HAS NOTHING BRIGHT ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ THIS TUNE ♪ ♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪

♪ THIS TUNE ♪ ♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪ ♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY

♪ AIN'T BAD OR GOOD ♪ ♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪

♪ AND COME EVER WHAT MAY, MY EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪ ♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME

EXPERT TELLS ME IT'S OKAY ♪ ♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME UNKNOWINGLY ♪

♪ AS THIS SONG CAME TO ME UNKNOWINGLY ♪ ♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU,

UNKNOWINGLY ♪ ♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU, COULD BE ♪

♪ THIS SONG COULD BE YOU, COULD BE ♪ [INDISTINCT TALKING]

COULD BE ♪ [INDISTINCT TALKING] ♪ OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ THIS RIFF ♪ ♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD MEDALS ♪

♪ AIN'T TRYING TO WIN GOLD MEDALS ♪ ♪ THIS RIFF ♪

MEDALS ♪ ♪ THIS RIFF ♪ ♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE,

♪ THIS RIFF ♪ ♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE, WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪

♪ AIN'T HIP OR SQUARE, WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪ ♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO

WELL-DONE OR RARE ♪ ♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO BEAR ♪

♪ MAY END UP ONE MORE WEIGHT TO BEAR ♪ ♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE

BEAR ♪ ♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE A REASON TO SEE ♪

♪ BUT THIS SONG COULD WELL BE A REASON TO SEE ♪ ♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO

A REASON TO SEE ♪ ♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO POINT TO THIS SONG ♪

♪ THIS SONG COULD WELL BE A REASON TO SEE ♪ ♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO

A REASON TO SEE ♪ ♪ THAT WITHOUT YOU THERE'S NO POINT TO THIS SONG ♪

[APPLAUSE]

[INTRO TO "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER" PLAYS]

♪ WHEN YOU'RE WEARY ♪ [APPLAUSE] ♪ FEELING SMALL ♪

[APPLAUSE] ♪ FEELING SMALL ♪ ♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪

♪ FEELING SMALL ♪ ♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪

♪ WHEN TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES ♪ ♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪ ♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪

♪ I WILL DRY THEM ALL ♪ ♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪ ♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪

♪ I'M ON YOUR SIDE ♪ ♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪ ♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE

♪ OH, WHEN TIMES GET ROUGH ♪ ♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE FOUND ♪

♪ AND FRIENDS JUST CAN'T BE FOUND ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

FOUND ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND YOU'RE OUT ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS,

OUT ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS, YEAH ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE ON THE STREETS, YEAH ♪ ♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪

YEAH ♪ ♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪ ♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪

♪ WHEN EVENING FALLS SO HARD ♪ ♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪ ♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪

♪ I WILL COMFORT YOU ♪ ♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪ ♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪

♪ I'LL TAKE YOUR PART ♪ ♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪ ♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪

♪ OH, WHEN DARKNESS COMES ♪ ♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ AND PAIN IS ALL AROUND ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪

♪ LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪

WATER ♪ ♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪

♪ I WILL LAY ME DOWN ♪ ♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ MMM-MMM-MMM-MMM ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT TO EVERYONE.

A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

AND MY SPECIAL APOLOGIES TO

MICHAEL O'DONOGHUE.

HE KNOWS WHY.

[APPLAUSE]

GOOD NIGHT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: NEXT SATURDAY

NIGHT, OUR HOST WILL BE

JODIE FOSTER, WITH A SPECIAL

APPEARANCE BY BRIAN WILSON OF

THE BEACH BOYS.

YOU KNOW, I'M AN OLD BEACH BOY

MYSELF.

WHEN THE SURF WAS UP, SO WAS I.

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY, AND SO

AM I.

THIS IS DON PARDO, HANGING TEN

AND SAYING, "GOOD NIGHT!"

WHEEEEEE!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

[CONTINUES]