Original subtitles

[INTRO TO "STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" PLAYS]

♪ I MET MY OLD LOVER ON THE STREET LAST NIGHT ♪ ♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME,

STREET LAST NIGHT ♪ ♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME, I JUST SMILED ♪

♪ SHE SEEMED SO GLAD TO SEE ME, I JUST SMILED ♪ ♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD

I JUST SMILED ♪ ♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD TIMES, AND WE DRANK OURSELVES

♪ AND WE TALKED ABOUT SOME OLD TIMES, AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME BEERS ♪

TIMES, AND WE DRANK OURSELVES SOME BEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

SOME BEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL

YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ I'M NOT THE KIND OF MAN WHO

THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ I'M NOT THE KIND OF MAN WHO TENDS TO SOCIALIZE ♪

♪ I'M NOT THE KIND OF MAN WHO TENDS TO SOCIALIZE ♪ ♪ I SEEM TO LEAN ON OLD,

TENDS TO SOCIALIZE ♪ ♪ I SEEM TO LEAN ON OLD, FAMILIAR WAYS ♪

♪ I SEEM TO LEAN ON OLD, FAMILIAR WAYS ♪ ♪ AND I AIN'T NO FOOL FOR LOVE

FAMILIAR WAYS ♪ ♪ AND I AIN'T NO FOOL FOR LOVE SONGS THAT WHISPER IN MY EARS ♪

♪ AND I AIN'T NO FOOL FOR LOVE SONGS THAT WHISPER IN MY EARS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

SONGS THAT WHISPER IN MY EARS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL

YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ 4:00 IN THE MORNING ♪

THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ 4:00 IN THE MORNING ♪ ♪ CRAPPED OUT, YAWNING ♪

♪ 4:00 IN THE MORNING ♪ ♪ CRAPPED OUT, YAWNING ♪ ♪ LONGING MY LIFE AWAY ♪

♪ CRAPPED OUT, YAWNING ♪ ♪ LONGING MY LIFE AWAY ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER WORRY ♪

♪ LONGING MY LIFE AWAY ♪ ♪ I'LL NEVER WORRY ♪ ♪ WHY SHOULD I? ♪

♪ I'LL NEVER WORRY ♪ ♪ WHY SHOULD I? ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL GONNA FADE ♪

[SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ NOW I SIT BY MY WINDOW, AND I WATCH THE CARS ♪ ♪ I FEAR I'LL DO SOME DAMAGE

WATCH THE CARS ♪ ♪ I FEAR I'LL DO SOME DAMAGE ONE FINE DAY ♪

♪ I FEAR I'LL DO SOME DAMAGE ONE FINE DAY ♪ ♪ BUT I WOULD NOT BE CONVICTED

ONE FINE DAY ♪ ♪ BUT I WOULD NOT BE CONVICTED BY A JURY OF MY PEERS ♪

♪ BUT I WOULD NOT BE CONVICTED BY A JURY OF MY PEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

BY A JURY OF MY PEERS ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY ♪

YEARS ♪ ♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY ♪

♪ WHOA, STILL CRAZY ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE

♪ STILL CRAZY ♪ ♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪

♪ STILL CRAZY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT"! [BAND PLAYS]

Announcer: STARRING...

WITH PAUL'S GUESTS...

SPECIAL GUEST STAR...

AND THE NOT-READY-FOR-PRIME-TIME

PLAYERS...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PAUL SIMON! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THESE ARE MY FRIENDS THE

THANK YOU. THESE ARE MY FRIENDS THE JESSY DIXON SINGERS.

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS THE JESSY DIXON SINGERS. THIS IS ALDREA AND ETHEL.

JESSY DIXON SINGERS. THIS IS ALDREA AND ETHEL. THIS IS ELSA.

THIS IS ALDREA AND ETHEL. THIS IS ELSA. THIS IS MY MAN J.D.,

THIS IS ELSA. THIS IS MY MAN J.D., JESSY DIXON.

THIS IS MY MAN J.D., JESSY DIXON. [APPLAUSE]

JESSY DIXON. [APPLAUSE] ♪ LOVE ♪

[APPLAUSE] ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪

♪ WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ AND THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY

♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ AND THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ AND THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY NAME ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪

NAME ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO

♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE

♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪

FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ I'M A CONSECRATED BOY ♪

♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ I'M A CONSECRATED BOY ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪

♪ I'M A CONSECRATED BOY ♪ ♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ WAS A LITTLE BOY ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ A SINGER IN A SUNDAY

♪ OOH ♪ ♪ A SINGER IN A SUNDAY CHOIR ♪

♪ A SINGER IN A SUNDAY CHOIR ♪ ♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES

CHOIR ♪ ♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪

♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND

ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪

♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪

♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪

♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ WHEN I WAS GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪

♪ WHEN I WAS GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY

♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY NAME ♪

♪ THE DEVIL WOULD CALL MY NAME ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪

NAME ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ AND I WOULD SAY, "WHO DO,

♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ AND I WOULD SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE

♪ AND I WOULD SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪

FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ I'M A CONSUMMATED MAN ♪

♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ I'M A CONSUMMATED MAN ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪

♪ I'M A CONSUMMATED MAN ♪ ♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ I CAN SNATCH A LITTLE

♪ GROWN TO BE A MAN ♪ ♪ I CAN SNATCH A LITTLE PURITY ♪

♪ I CAN SNATCH A LITTLE PURITY ♪ ♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES

PURITY ♪ ♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪

♪ MY MAMA LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND

ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪

♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪

♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT ♪

♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT ♪ ♪ AND THE CONGRESS CALLED MY

♪ IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT ♪ ♪ AND THE CONGRESS CALLED MY NAME ♪

♪ AND THE CONGRESS CALLED MY NAME ♪ ♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO

NAME ♪ ♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪

♪ WELL, I'D SAY, "WHO DO, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE

YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING?" ♪ ♪ WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING? ♪

♪ WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING? ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL

FOOLING? ♪ ♪ I'VE GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL ♪

♪ I'VE GOT THE PRESIDENTIAL SEAL ♪ ♪ I'M UP ON THE PRESIDENTIAL

SEAL ♪ ♪ I'M UP ON THE PRESIDENTIAL PODIUM ♪

♪ I'M UP ON THE PRESIDENTIAL PODIUM ♪ ♪ MY MAMA STILL LOVES ME, SHE

PODIUM ♪ ♪ MY MAMA STILL LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪

♪ MY MAMA STILL LOVES ME, SHE LOVES ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND

LOVES ME ♪ ♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪

♪ SHE GET DOWN ON HER KNEES AND HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

HUG ME ♪ ♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ AND SHE LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪

♪ SHE ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

AGES AND LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE

♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE

♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

♪ SHE LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

ME ♪ ♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ LOVES ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ OOH ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪

♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

AGES ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ OOH, OH ♪

♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ OOH, OH ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ OOH, OH ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪

♪ LOVE ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪ ♪ WELL, SHE LOVE ME LIKE A

AGES ♪ ♪ WELL, SHE LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

♪ WELL, SHE LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪

♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪

♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪ ♪ COME ON AND LOVE ME LIKE A

AGES ♪ ♪ COME ON AND LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

♪ COME ON AND LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪

ROCK ♪ ♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA ♪

♪ LOVE ME LIKE A ROCK ♪ ♪ WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF

♪ WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA-WHA ♪ ♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪

♪ ROCK ME LIKE THE ROCK OF AGES ♪ ♪ COME ON AND LO-O-O-VE ♪

AGES ♪ ♪ COME ON AND LO-O-O-VE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ COME ON AND LO-O-O-VE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ME ♪

♪ LOVE ♪ ♪ LOVE ME ♪ ♪ OOH ♪

♪ LOVE ME ♪ ♪ OOH ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND... ♪ THE 1960s... A TIME OF CHANGE, A TIME OF SHARING, A

THE 1960s... A TIME OF CHANGE, A TIME OF SHARING, A TIME OF GROWTH.

HI, I'M FORMER YIPPIE LEADER

JERRY RUBIN, AND I LIVED THOSE

YEARS WITH YOU... BURNING DRAFT

CARDS, LIBERATING THE

ADMINISTRATION BUILDING, AND, OF

COURSE, SCRAWLING REVOLUTIONARY

SLOGANS ON THE WALLS IN SPRAY

PAINT.

NOW THE BERKELEY COLLECTION HAS CAPTURED THOSE COLORFUL YEARS AND THE GRAFFITI THAT TELLS IT

CAPTURED THOSE COLORFUL YEARS AND THE GRAFFITI THAT TELLS IT LIKE IT WAS ON THESE

AND THE GRAFFITI THAT TELLS IT LIKE IT WAS ON THESE PRE-TRIMMED, PRE-PASTED ROLLS OF

LIKE IT WAS ON THESE PRE-TRIMMED, PRE-PASTED ROLLS OF DURABLE DECORATOR-APPROVED

PRE-TRIMMED, PRE-PASTED ROLLS OF DURABLE DECORATOR-APPROVED WALLPAPER, PERFECT FOR YOUR DEN

DURABLE DECORATOR-APPROVED WALLPAPER, PERFECT FOR YOUR DEN OR RECREATION AREA.

WALLPAPER, PERFECT FOR YOUR DEN OR RECREATION AREA. JOIN ME IN A PROTEST MARCH DOWN

OR RECREATION AREA. JOIN ME IN A PROTEST MARCH DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH A PATTERN WE

JOIN ME IN A PROTEST MARCH DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH A PATTERN WE CALL "THE DISSIDENT."

MEMORY LANE WITH A PATTERN WE CALL "THE DISSIDENT." TO THE PEOPLE!

CALL "THE DISSIDENT." TO THE PEOPLE! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE

TO THE PEOPLE! THE STREETS BELONG TO THE PEOPLE!

THE STREETS BELONG TO THE PEOPLE! TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT!

PEOPLE! TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT! [INDISTINCT CHANTING]

TWO, FOUR, SIX, EIGHT! [INDISTINCT CHANTING] TOO HEAVY FOR YOU?

[INDISTINCT CHANTING] TOO HEAVY FOR YOU? I UNDERSTAND.

TOO HEAVY FOR YOU? I UNDERSTAND. PERHAPS "THE PEACEMAKER" IS MORE

I UNDERSTAND. PERHAPS "THE PEACEMAKER" IS MORE YOUR BAG.

PERHAPS "THE PEACEMAKER" IS MORE YOUR BAG. ♪ GIVE PEACE A CHANCE ♪

YOUR BAG. ♪ GIVE PEACE A CHANCE ♪ ♪ ALL WE ARE SAYING... ♪

♪ GIVE PEACE A CHANCE ♪ ♪ ALL WE ARE SAYING... ♪ POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

♪ ALL WE ARE SAYING... ♪ POWER TO THE PEOPLE! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! SOCK IT TO ME!

POWER TO THE PEOPLE! SOCK IT TO ME! BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOUR HEAD

SOCK IT TO ME! BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AT, BEING FREE TURNS EVERYONE

BUT NO MATTER WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AT, BEING FREE TURNS EVERYONE ON, RIGHT?

IS AT, BEING FREE TURNS EVERYONE ON, RIGHT? THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE THIS

ON, RIGHT? THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE THIS FIT-ANY-MOOD FREEDOM MOTIF FOR

THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE THIS FIT-ANY-MOOD FREEDOM MOTIF FOR OUR BORDERS AND TRIM.

FIT-ANY-MOOD FREEDOM MOTIF FOR OUR BORDERS AND TRIM. WE CALL IT "THE DIGGER."

OUR BORDERS AND TRIM. WE CALL IT "THE DIGGER." ["BORN FREE" PLAYS]

OOPS, NO HASSLE. THIS WALLPAPER IS VINYL-ACRYLIC-COATED TO MAKE IT

THIS WALLPAPER IS VINYL-ACRYLIC-COATED TO MAKE IT SCUFF- AND STAIN-RESISTANT.

VINYL-ACRYLIC-COATED TO MAKE IT SCUFF- AND STAIN-RESISTANT. WIPES CLEAN WITH A DAMP CLOTH.

SCUFF- AND STAIN-RESISTANT. WIPES CLEAN WITH A DAMP CLOTH. ISN'T THIS OUT OF SIGHT?

WIPES CLEAN WITH A DAMP CLOTH. ISN'T THIS OUT OF SIGHT? SO TAKE IT FROM ME, JERRY RUBIN,

ISN'T THIS OUT OF SIGHT? SO TAKE IT FROM ME, JERRY RUBIN, WHEN I SAY, "UP AGAINST THE

SO TAKE IT FROM ME, JERRY RUBIN, WHEN I SAY, "UP AGAINST THE WALLPAPER [BLEEP]"

WHEN I SAY, "UP AGAINST THE WALLPAPER [BLEEP]" THE BERKELEY COLLECTION, BY

WALLPAPER [BLEEP]" THE BERKELEY COLLECTION, BY CHEMSTRO.

THE BERKELEY COLLECTION, BY CHEMSTRO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ YOU LOOKED LIKE A PRINCESS THE NIGHT WE MET ♪ ♪ WITH YOUR HAIR PILED UP HIGH,

THE NIGHT WE MET ♪ ♪ WITH YOUR HAIR PILED UP HIGH, I WILL NEVER FORGET ♪

♪ WITH YOUR HAIR PILED UP HIGH, I WILL NEVER FORGET ♪ ♪ I'M DRUNK NOW, BABY, BUT I'VE

I WILL NEVER FORGET ♪ ♪ I'M DRUNK NOW, BABY, BUT I'VE GOT TO BE ♪

♪ I'M DRUNK NOW, BABY, BUT I'VE GOT TO BE ♪ ♪ OR I NEVER COULD TELL YOU WHAT

GOT TO BE ♪ ♪ OR I NEVER COULD TELL YOU WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME ♪

♪ OR I NEVER COULD TELL YOU WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME ♪ ♪ BUT I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME

YOU MEAN TO ME ♪ ♪ BUT I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU ♪

♪ BUT I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU ♪ ♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU,

I SAW YOU ♪ ♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU, MARIE ♪

♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU, MARIE ♪ ♪ I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME I

MARIE ♪ ♪ I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU ♪

♪ I LOVED YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU ♪ ♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU,

SAW YOU ♪ ♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU, MARIE ♪

♪ AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU, MARIE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S A... THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THAT'S... THAT'S A RANDY NEWMAN

THANK YOU. THAT'S... THAT'S A RANDY NEWMAN SONG, AND RANDY IS A SONGWRITER

THAT'S... THAT'S A RANDY NEWMAN SONG, AND RANDY IS A SONGWRITER THAT I GREATLY ADMIRE AND A MAN

SONG, AND RANDY IS A SONGWRITER THAT I GREATLY ADMIRE AND A MAN WHO VERY SELDOM APPEARS ON

THAT I GREATLY ADMIRE AND A MAN WHO VERY SELDOM APPEARS ON TELEVISION.

WHO VERY SELDOM APPEARS ON TELEVISION. I'M VERY HAPPY THAT HE TOOK MY

TELEVISION. I'M VERY HAPPY THAT HE TOOK MY INVITATION AND AGREED TO COME,

I'M VERY HAPPY THAT HE TOOK MY INVITATION AND AGREED TO COME, AND JUST TO ADD TO THE

INVITATION AND AGREED TO COME, AND JUST TO ADD TO THE EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES HERE,

AND JUST TO ADD TO THE EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES HERE, HE'S SINGING A SONG THAT I WISH

EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES HERE, HE'S SINGING A SONG THAT I WISH THAT I HAD WRITTEN, "SAIL AWAY."

HE'S SINGING A SONG THAT I WISH THAT I HAD WRITTEN, "SAIL AWAY." HERE'S RANDY NEWMAN.

THAT I HAD WRITTEN, "SAIL AWAY." HERE'S RANDY NEWMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HERE'S RANDY NEWMAN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. ♪ IN AMERICA, YOU GET FOOD TO

THANK YOU. ♪ IN AMERICA, YOU GET FOOD TO EAT ♪

♪ IN AMERICA, YOU GET FOOD TO EAT ♪ ♪ YOU WON'T HAVE TO RUN THROUGH

EAT ♪ ♪ YOU WON'T HAVE TO RUN THROUGH THE JUNGLE AND SCUFF UP YOUR

♪ YOU WON'T HAVE TO RUN THROUGH THE JUNGLE AND SCUFF UP YOUR FEET ♪

THE JUNGLE AND SCUFF UP YOUR FEET ♪ ♪ YOU'LL JUST SING ABOUT JESUS

FEET ♪ ♪ YOU'LL JUST SING ABOUT JESUS AND DRINK WINE ALL DAY ♪

♪ YOU'LL JUST SING ABOUT JESUS AND DRINK WINE ALL DAY ♪ ♪ IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AMERICAN ♪

AND DRINK WINE ALL DAY ♪ ♪ IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AMERICAN ♪ ♪ AIN'T NO LION OR TIGER,

♪ IT'S GREAT TO BE AN AMERICAN ♪ ♪ AIN'T NO LION OR TIGER, AIN'T NO MAMBA SNAKE ♪

♪ AIN'T NO LION OR TIGER, AIN'T NO MAMBA SNAKE ♪ ♪ JUST THE SWEET WATERMELON AND

AIN'T NO MAMBA SNAKE ♪ ♪ JUST THE SWEET WATERMELON AND THE BUCKWHEAT CAKE ♪

♪ JUST THE SWEET WATERMELON AND THE BUCKWHEAT CAKE ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY IS AS HAPPY AS A MAN

THE BUCKWHEAT CAKE ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY IS AS HAPPY AS A MAN CAN BE ♪

♪ EVERYBODY IS AS HAPPY AS A MAN CAN BE ♪ ♪ CLIMB ABOARD, LITTLE WOG, SAIL

CAN BE ♪ ♪ CLIMB ABOARD, LITTLE WOG, SAIL AWAY WITH ME ♪

♪ CLIMB ABOARD, LITTLE WOG, SAIL AWAY WITH ME ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

AWAY WITH ME ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪

♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪

♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ IN AMERICA, EVERY MAN IS

INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ IN AMERICA, EVERY MAN IS FREE ♪

♪ IN AMERICA, EVERY MAN IS FREE ♪ ♪ TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HOME AND

FREE ♪ ♪ TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HOME AND HIS FAMILY ♪

♪ TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HOME AND HIS FAMILY ♪ ♪ YOU'LL BE AS HAPPY AS A MONKEY

HIS FAMILY ♪ ♪ YOU'LL BE AS HAPPY AS A MONKEY IN A MONKEY TREE ♪

♪ YOU'LL BE AS HAPPY AS A MONKEY IN A MONKEY TREE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE AN

IN A MONKEY TREE ♪ ♪ YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE AN AMERICAN ♪

♪ YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE AN AMERICAN ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

AMERICAN ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪

♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN

♪ SAIL AWAY ♪ ♪ WE WILL CROSS THE MIGHTY OCEAN INTO CHARLESTON BAY ♪

[FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. WE'LL BE BACK...

THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH. WE'LL BE BACK... WE'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT WITH,

WE'LL BE BACK... WE'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT WITH, UH...

WE'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT WITH, UH... OH, MY GOODNESS.

UH... OH, MY GOODNESS. I'M REALLY SORRY.

OH, MY GOODNESS. I'M REALLY SORRY. THE BEES NUMBER IS CUT.

I'M REALLY SORRY. THE BEES NUMBER IS CUT. WHAT?

THE BEES NUMBER IS CUT. WHAT? AW, SHUCKS.

WHAT? AW, SHUCKS. IT DIDN'T WORK LAST WEEK.

AW, SHUCKS. IT DIDN'T WORK LAST WEEK. IT'S CUT. I'M SORRY.

IT DIDN'T WORK LAST WEEK. IT'S CUT. I'M SORRY. OKAY.

IT'S CUT. I'M SORRY. OKAY. WE'LL BE BACK.

OKAY. WE'LL BE BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WE'LL BE BACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT" NEWS

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT" NEWS HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS

FROM "SATURDAY NIGHT" NEWS HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH

HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE.

"WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH CHEVY CHASE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CHEVY CHASE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE FENCE.

I COULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH THE FENCE. I COULD S...

FENCE. I COULD S... GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE,

I COULD S... GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE, HERE TO KEEP YOU UP ON WHAT'S

GOOD EVENING, I'M CHEVY CHASE, HERE TO KEEP YOU UP ON WHAT'S GOING DOWN.

HERE TO KEEP YOU UP ON WHAT'S GOING DOWN. PRESIDENT FORD'S REGULAR WEEKLY

GOING DOWN. PRESIDENT FORD'S REGULAR WEEKLY ACCIDENT TOOK PLACE THIS WEEK IN

PRESIDENT FORD'S REGULAR WEEKLY ACCIDENT TOOK PLACE THIS WEEK IN HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT, WHERE

ACCIDENT TOOK PLACE THIS WEEK IN HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT, WHERE FORD'S LINCOLN WAS HIT BY A

HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT, WHERE FORD'S LINCOLN WAS HIT BY A BUICK.

FORD'S LINCOLN WAS HIT BY A BUICK. ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS

BUICK. ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS SEIZED THE BUICK AND WRESTLED IT

ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS SEIZED THE BUICK AND WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND.

SEIZED THE BUICK AND WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND. [LAUGHTER]

TO THE GROUND. [LAUGHTER] NO ONE WAS INJURED IN THE

[LAUGHTER] NO ONE WAS INJURED IN THE ACCIDENT, BUT WHEN THE PRESIDENT

NO ONE WAS INJURED IN THE ACCIDENT, BUT WHEN THE PRESIDENT GOT OUT TO SEE WHAT HAD

ACCIDENT, BUT WHEN THE PRESIDENT GOT OUT TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED, HE TORE HIS JACKET

GOT OUT TO SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED, HE TORE HIS JACKET SLEEVE ON THE, UH... ON THE CAR

HAPPENED, HE TORE HIS JACKET SLEEVE ON THE, UH... ON THE CAR BUMPER, BUMPED HIS HEAD, AND

SLEEVE ON THE, UH... ON THE CAR BUMPER, BUMPED HIS HEAD, AND STUCK HIS THUMB IN HIS RIGHT

BUMPER, BUMPED HIS HEAD, AND STUCK HIS THUMB IN HIS RIGHT EYE.

STUCK HIS THUMB IN HIS RIGHT EYE. ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS

EYE. ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS SEIZED THE THUMB AND WRESTLED IT

ALERT SECRET SERVICE AGENTS SEIZED THE THUMB AND WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND.

SEIZED THE THUMB AND WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND. SAID MR. FORD, "I JUST ASSUMED

TO THE GROUND. SAID MR. FORD, "I JUST ASSUMED MY THUMB WAS IN MY POCKET WITH

SAID MR. FORD, "I JUST ASSUMED MY THUMB WAS IN MY POCKET WITH THE REST OF MY FINGERS."

MY THUMB WAS IN MY POCKET WITH THE REST OF MY FINGERS." [LAUGHTER]

THE REST OF MY FINGERS." [LAUGHTER] CONCERNING THE COLLISION,

[LAUGHTER] CONCERNING THE COLLISION, NEW ORLEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY

CONCERNING THE COLLISION, NEW ORLEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY JIM GARRISON SAYS HE WILL

NEW ORLEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY JIM GARRISON SAYS HE WILL IMMEDIATELY LAUNCH AN

JIM GARRISON SAYS HE WILL IMMEDIATELY LAUNCH AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE

IMMEDIATELY LAUNCH AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE SECOND-CAR THEORY.

INVESTIGATION INTO THE SECOND-CAR THEORY. [LAUGHTER]

SECOND-CAR THEORY. [LAUGHTER] IN OTHER NEWS, MUHAMMAD ALI

[LAUGHTER] IN OTHER NEWS, MUHAMMAD ALI TODAY CHANGED HIS NAME TO

IN OTHER NEWS, MUHAMMAD ALI TODAY CHANGED HIS NAME TO RHONDA FLEMING.

TODAY CHANGED HIS NAME TO RHONDA FLEMING. HE GAVE NO REASON FOR HIS

RHONDA FLEMING. HE GAVE NO REASON FOR HIS DECISION.

HE GAVE NO REASON FOR HIS DECISION. BUT THE BIG NEWS ON THE SPORTS

DECISION. BUT THE BIG NEWS ON THE SPORTS SCENE IS, OF COURSE, THE

BUT THE BIG NEWS ON THE SPORTS SCENE IS, OF COURSE, THE ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP WITH

SCENE IS, OF COURSE, THE ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP WITH CONNIE HAWKINS OF THE ATLANTA

ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP WITH CONNIE HAWKINS OF THE ATLANTA HAWKS AND PAUL SIMON, ACOUSTIC

CONNIE HAWKINS OF THE ATLANTA HAWKS AND PAUL SIMON, ACOUSTIC GUITARIST.

HAWKS AND PAUL SIMON, ACOUSTIC GUITARIST. FOR AN ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LET'S

GUITARIST. FOR AN ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LET'S GO NOW TO MARV ALBERT.

FOR AN ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LET'S GO NOW TO MARV ALBERT. I'M MARV ALBERT, AND IN JUST

GO NOW TO MARV ALBERT. I'M MARV ALBERT, AND IN JUST A MOMENT, THE ONE-ON-ONE

I'M MARV ALBERT, AND IN JUST A MOMENT, THE ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION UPCOMING BETWEEN

A MOMENT, THE ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION UPCOMING BETWEEN "THE HAWK" CONNIE HAWKINS,

CONFRONTATION UPCOMING BETWEEN "THE HAWK" CONNIE HAWKINS, ONE-TIME HARLEM GLOBETROTTER,

"THE HAWK" CONNIE HAWKINS, ONE-TIME HARLEM GLOBETROTTER, ONE THE MOST EXCITING PLAYERS IN

ONE-TIME HARLEM GLOBETROTTER, ONE THE MOST EXCITING PLAYERS IN THE NBA AS A MEMBER OF THE

ONE THE MOST EXCITING PLAYERS IN THE NBA AS A MEMBER OF THE ATLANTA HAWKS.

THE NBA AS A MEMBER OF THE ATLANTA HAWKS. NOW, THE HAWK WILL BE OPPOSED BY

ATLANTA HAWKS. NOW, THE HAWK WILL BE OPPOSED BY PAUL SIMON.

NOW, THE HAWK WILL BE OPPOSED BY PAUL SIMON. PAUL, OF COURSE, KNOWN AS A

PAUL SIMON. PAUL, OF COURSE, KNOWN AS A SONGWRITER, AS A SINGER.

PAUL, OF COURSE, KNOWN AS A SONGWRITER, AS A SINGER. WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE

SONGWRITER, AS A SINGER. WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION?

WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION? WELL, THE CHALLENGE... THE

CONFRONTATION? WELL, THE CHALLENGE... THE CHALLENGE CAME FROM CONNIE.

WELL, THE CHALLENGE... THE CHALLENGE CAME FROM CONNIE. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE... WHY HE

CHALLENGE CAME FROM CONNIE. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE... WHY HE CHOSE ME, BUT I GOT THE MESSAGE

I DON'T KNOW WHY HE... WHY HE CHOSE ME, BUT I GOT THE MESSAGE THROUGH MY OFFICE THAT HE DID

CHOSE ME, BUT I GOT THE MESSAGE THROUGH MY OFFICE THAT HE DID CHALLENGE ME TO ONE-ON-ONE, AND

THROUGH MY OFFICE THAT HE DID CHALLENGE ME TO ONE-ON-ONE, AND I'M READY.

CHALLENGE ME TO ONE-ON-ONE, AND I'M READY. I'M READY TO PLAY.

I'M READY. I'M READY TO PLAY. I'M HERE, AND I'M READY TO GO.

I'M READY TO PLAY. I'M HERE, AND I'M READY TO GO. I NOTICE, IN LOOKING AT YOUR

I'M HERE, AND I'M READY TO GO. I NOTICE, IN LOOKING AT YOUR UNIFORM, THE NUMBER .02.

I NOTICE, IN LOOKING AT YOUR UNIFORM, THE NUMBER .02. ANY PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE TO

UNIFORM, THE NUMBER .02. ANY PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE TO THAT?

ANY PARTICULAR SIGNIFICANCE TO THAT? NO, THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY

THAT? NO, THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY NUMBER EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH

NO, THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY NUMBER EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

NUMBER EVER SINCE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. IT'S NOT CONNIE'S NUMBER.

SCHOOL. IT'S NOT CONNIE'S NUMBER. I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE ANY

IT'S NOT CONNIE'S NUMBER. I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE ANY CONFUSION BETWEEN US.

I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE ANY CONFUSION BETWEEN US. PAUL, WHAT IS YOUR GAME PLAN

CONFUSION BETWEEN US. PAUL, WHAT IS YOUR GAME PLAN FOR THE HAWK?

PAUL, WHAT IS YOUR GAME PLAN FOR THE HAWK? WELL, I'M SPOTTING HIM A

FOR THE HAWK? WELL, I'M SPOTTING HIM A 1'4" HEIGHT ADVANTAGE, AND I

WELL, I'M SPOTTING HIM A 1'4" HEIGHT ADVANTAGE, AND I HAVE TO BE HONEST... THAT'S

1'4" HEIGHT ADVANTAGE, AND I HAVE TO BE HONEST... THAT'S GONNA BE A FACTOR IN THIS GAME.

HAVE TO BE HONEST... THAT'S GONNA BE A FACTOR IN THIS GAME. HE'S GOT ME ON SPEED AND

GONNA BE A FACTOR IN THIS GAME. HE'S GOT ME ON SPEED AND SHOOTING ABILITY.

HE'S GOT ME ON SPEED AND SHOOTING ABILITY. BUT I'LL JUST HAVE TO PLAY MY

SHOOTING ABILITY. BUT I'LL JUST HAVE TO PLAY MY GAME AS I USUALLY PLAY IT.

BUT I'LL JUST HAVE TO PLAY MY GAME AS I USUALLY PLAY IT. I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE

GAME AS I USUALLY PLAY IT. I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING.

I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING. I GOT TO STAY WITH MY

ANYTHING. I GOT TO STAY WITH MY STRENGTHS... BASICALLY SINGING

I GOT TO STAY WITH MY STRENGTHS... BASICALLY SINGING AND SONGWRITING.

STRENGTHS... BASICALLY SINGING AND SONGWRITING. OKAY, HERE'S THE HAWK,

AND SONGWRITING. OKAY, HERE'S THE HAWK, CONNIE HAWKINS.

OKAY, HERE'S THE HAWK, CONNIE HAWKINS. CONNIE, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE

CONNIE HAWKINS. CONNIE, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP.

CONNIE, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP. OF COURSE, WE KNOW YOUR SKILLS

OUT WHY THIS ONE-ON-ONE MATCHUP. OF COURSE, WE KNOW YOUR SKILLS ON THE BASKETBALL COURT, BUT,

OF COURSE, WE KNOW YOUR SKILLS ON THE BASKETBALL COURT, BUT, UH, ALL PAUL SIMON IS KNOWN FOR

ON THE BASKETBALL COURT, BUT, UH, ALL PAUL SIMON IS KNOWN FOR IS, UH, "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED

UH, ALL PAUL SIMON IS KNOWN FOR IS, UH, "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS."

IS, UH, "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS." WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M PROBABLY

WATERS." WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M PROBABLY KNOWN AS ONE OF THE BEST

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M PROBABLY KNOWN AS ONE OF THE BEST ONE-ON-ONE BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN

KNOWN AS ONE OF THE BEST ONE-ON-ONE BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE SCHOOLYARDS, AND I FOUND OUT

ONE-ON-ONE BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE SCHOOLYARDS, AND I FOUND OUT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE THAT HE'S

THE SCHOOLYARDS, AND I FOUND OUT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE THAT HE'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST

THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE THAT HE'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE

PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE SCHOOLYARD, AND I CHALLENGED

BASKETBALL PLAYERS IN THE SCHOOLYARD, AND I CHALLENGED HIM TO SEE WHO'S THE BEST.

SCHOOLYARD, AND I CHALLENGED HIM TO SEE WHO'S THE BEST. ANY PARTICULAR STRATEGY THAT

HIM TO SEE WHO'S THE BEST. ANY PARTICULAR STRATEGY THAT YOU HAVE PLANNED?

ANY PARTICULAR STRATEGY THAT YOU HAVE PLANNED? WELL, I UNDERSTAND THAT HE'S

YOU HAVE PLANNED? WELL, I UNDERSTAND THAT HE'S REALLY NOT THAT HEAVY AND HE'S

WELL, I UNDERSTAND THAT HE'S REALLY NOT THAT HEAVY AND HE'S NOT THAT, UH, STRONG AND HE'S

REALLY NOT THAT HEAVY AND HE'S NOT THAT, UH, STRONG AND HE'S PROBABLY SHORT, BUT I THINK HE

NOT THAT, UH, STRONG AND HE'S PROBABLY SHORT, BUT I THINK HE HAS A LOT OF SAVVY AND A LOT OF

PROBABLY SHORT, BUT I THINK HE HAS A LOT OF SAVVY AND A LOT OF HUTZPAH.

HAS A LOT OF SAVVY AND A LOT OF HUTZPAH. IS THERE A CHANCE THAT PAUL

HUTZPAH. IS THERE A CHANCE THAT PAUL MIGHT GET HURT OUT HERE ON THE

IS THERE A CHANCE THAT PAUL MIGHT GET HURT OUT HERE ON THE BASKETBALL COURT?

MIGHT GET HURT OUT HERE ON THE BASKETBALL COURT? YES.

BASKETBALL COURT? YES. CONNIE, WE WISH YOU THE BEST

YES. CONNIE, WE WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN THIS ONE-ON-ONE

CONNIE, WE WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN THIS ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION, AND IN JUST A

OF LUCK IN THIS ONE-ON-ONE CONFRONTATION, AND IN JUST A MOMENT, THE OPENING TAP BETWEEN

CONFRONTATION, AND IN JUST A MOMENT, THE OPENING TAP BETWEEN THE HAWK, CONNIE HAWKINS, AND

MOMENT, THE OPENING TAP BETWEEN THE HAWK, CONNIE HAWKINS, AND PAUL SIMON.

THE HAWK, CONNIE HAWKINS, AND PAUL SIMON. [INTRO TO "ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

PAUL SIMON. [INTRO TO "ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD" PLAYS]

♪ THE MAMA PAJAMA ROLLED OUT OF BED, AND SHE RAN TO THE POLICE STATION ♪

BED, AND SHE RAN TO THE POLICE STATION ♪ ♪ WHEN THE PAPA FOUND OUT, HE

STATION ♪ ♪ WHEN THE PAPA FOUND OUT, HE BEGAN TO SHOUT, AND HE STARTED

♪ WHEN THE PAPA FOUND OUT, HE BEGAN TO SHOUT, AND HE STARTED THE INVESTIGATION ♪

BEGAN TO SHOUT, AND HE STARTED THE INVESTIGATION ♪ ♪ IT'S AGAINST THE LAW ♪

THE INVESTIGATION ♪ ♪ IT'S AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪

♪ IT'S AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ WHAT THE MAMA SAW ♪

♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ WHAT THE MAMA SAW ♪ ♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪

♪ WHAT THE MAMA SAW ♪ ♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ THE MAMA LOOKED DOWN AND SPIT

♪ IT WAS AGAINST THE LAW ♪ ♪ THE MAMA LOOKED DOWN AND SPIT ON THE GROUND EVERY TIME MY NAME

♪ THE MAMA LOOKED DOWN AND SPIT ON THE GROUND EVERY TIME MY NAME GETS MENTIONED ♪

ON THE GROUND EVERY TIME MY NAME GETS MENTIONED ♪ ♪ THE PAPA SAID, "OY, IF I GET

GETS MENTIONED ♪ ♪ THE PAPA SAID, "OY, IF I GET THAT BOY, I'M GONNA STICK HIM IN

♪ THE PAPA SAID, "OY, IF I GET THAT BOY, I'M GONNA STICK HIM IN THE HOUSE OF DETENTION ♪

THAT BOY, I'M GONNA STICK HIM IN THE HOUSE OF DETENTION ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M ON MY WAY ♪

THE HOUSE OF DETENTION ♪ ♪ WELL, I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪

♪ WELL, I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪ ♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪ ♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I

♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪

♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪ ♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF

DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪ ♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF CORONA ♪

♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF CORONA ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

CORONA ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪

♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪

♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ [WHISTLING]

♪ WHOA, IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

THEY COME AND TAKE ME AWAY, BUT

THE PRESS LET THE STORY LEAK ♪

♪ AND WHEN THE RADICAL PRIEST COME TO GET ME RELEASED, WE WAS ALL ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK ♪

COME TO GET ME RELEASED, WE WAS ALL ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK ♪ ♪ AND I'M ON MY WAY ♪

ALL ON THE COVER OF NEWSWEEK ♪ ♪ AND I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪

♪ AND I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪ ♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING ♪ ♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I

♪ I'M ON MY WAY ♪ ♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪

♪ I'M TAKING MY TIME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪ ♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF

DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪ ♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF CORONA ♪

♪ GOODBYE TO ROSIE, THE QUEEN OF CORONA ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

CORONA ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪

♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪

♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY

THE SCHOOLYARD ♪ ♪ SEEIN' ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SCHOOLYARD ♪

PAUL, INCREDIBLE UPSET. WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID YOU DO IT?

WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID YOU DO IT? WELL, UH... FIRST OF ALL, WHEN

HOW DID YOU DO IT? WELL, UH... FIRST OF ALL, WHEN MY OUTSIDE SHOT IS ON, IT'S ON.

WELL, UH... FIRST OF ALL, WHEN MY OUTSIDE SHOT IS ON, IT'S ON. IT'S REALLY ON, AND I HAD A GOOD

MY OUTSIDE SHOT IS ON, IT'S ON. IT'S REALLY ON, AND I HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY.

IT'S REALLY ON, AND I HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY. I PUT IN A COUPLE OF QUICK EARLY

DAY TODAY. I PUT IN A COUPLE OF QUICK EARLY SHOTS.

I PUT IN A COUPLE OF QUICK EARLY SHOTS. I THINK HE GAVE ME ROOM THAT HE

SHOTS. I THINK HE GAVE ME ROOM THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME ROOM.

I THINK HE GAVE ME ROOM THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME ROOM. HE SHOULD HAVE PRESSED ME.

SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN ME ROOM. HE SHOULD HAVE PRESSED ME. HE SHOULD HAVE PLAYED A

HE SHOULD HAVE PRESSED ME. HE SHOULD HAVE PLAYED A BASE-LINE GAME.

HE SHOULD HAVE PLAYED A BASE-LINE GAME. A LOT OF LUCK WENT MY WAY, YOU

BASE-LINE GAME. A LOT OF LUCK WENT MY WAY, YOU KNOW.

A LOT OF LUCK WENT MY WAY, YOU KNOW. I THOUGHT HE PLAYED BEAUTIFUL

KNOW. I THOUGHT HE PLAYED BEAUTIFUL BALL.

I THOUGHT HE PLAYED BEAUTIFUL BALL. HE WAS MUCH... HE WAS MUCH

BALL. HE WAS MUCH... HE WAS MUCH TOUGHER AND TALLER THAN I

HE WAS MUCH... HE WAS MUCH TOUGHER AND TALLER THAN I THOUGHT.

TOUGHER AND TALLER THAN I THOUGHT. SEE, 1'4" IS REALLY A LOT.

THOUGHT. SEE, 1'4" IS REALLY A LOT. IT'S REALLY A LOT TO GO AGAINST,

SEE, 1'4" IS REALLY A LOT. IT'S REALLY A LOT TO GO AGAINST, AND I'M ABOUT WORN OUT NOW.

IT'S REALLY A LOT TO GO AGAINST, AND I'M ABOUT WORN OUT NOW. DID HIS PHYSICAL INTIMIDATION

AND I'M ABOUT WORN OUT NOW. DID HIS PHYSICAL INTIMIDATION BOTHER YOU AT ALL?

DID HIS PHYSICAL INTIMIDATION BOTHER YOU AT ALL? TOWARDS THE END OF THE GAME,

BOTHER YOU AT ALL? TOWARDS THE END OF THE GAME, I STARTED TO FEEL IT IN MY LEGS.

TOWARDS THE END OF THE GAME, I STARTED TO FEEL IT IN MY LEGS. HE PHYSICALLY INTIMIDATED MY

I STARTED TO FEEL IT IN MY LEGS. HE PHYSICALLY INTIMIDATED MY LEGS.

HE PHYSICALLY INTIMIDATED MY LEGS. MM-HMM.

LEGS. MM-HMM. WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE FOR

MM-HMM. WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE FOR PAUL SIMON?

WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE FOR PAUL SIMON? WELL, I'M GONNA GO ON THE

PAUL SIMON? WELL, I'M GONNA GO ON THE ROAD, HOWARD, UH...

WELL, I'M GONNA GO ON THE ROAD, HOWARD, UH... MARV, MARV.

ROAD, HOWARD, UH... MARV, MARV. MARV, I'M GONNA GO ON THE

MARV, MARV. MARV, I'M GONNA GO ON THE ROAD FROM HERE AND PROBABLY DO

MARV, I'M GONNA GO ON THE ROAD FROM HERE AND PROBABLY DO SOME CONCERTS.

ROAD FROM HERE AND PROBABLY DO SOME CONCERTS. I HAVE TO TRY AND GET BACK INTO

SOME CONCERTS. I HAVE TO TRY AND GET BACK INTO MUSIC A LITTLE BIT NOW...

I HAVE TO TRY AND GET BACK INTO MUSIC A LITTLE BIT NOW... WRITE SOME SONGS AND, UH...

MUSIC A LITTLE BIT NOW... WRITE SOME SONGS AND, UH... I MEAN, THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A

WRITE SOME SONGS AND, UH... I MEAN, THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A REGULAR THING WITH ME, I DON'T

I MEAN, THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A REGULAR THING WITH ME, I DON'T SUPPOSE, UNLESS SOMEBODY ELSE

REGULAR THING WITH ME, I DON'T SUPPOSE, UNLESS SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS TO COME UP AND CHALLENGE

SUPPOSE, UNLESS SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS TO COME UP AND CHALLENGE ME AGAIN, AND IF THEY DO, IF THE

WANTS TO COME UP AND CHALLENGE ME AGAIN, AND IF THEY DO, IF THE SCHEDULE PERMITS, I'LL BE DOING

ME AGAIN, AND IF THEY DO, IF THE SCHEDULE PERMITS, I'LL BE DOING IT.

SCHEDULE PERMITS, I'LL BE DOING IT. I'LL BE HERE AND READY.

IT. I'LL BE HERE AND READY. PAUL, CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL BE HERE AND READY. PAUL, CONGRATULATIONS. INCREDIBLE UPSET.

PAUL, CONGRATULATIONS. INCREDIBLE UPSET. THANKS.

[INTRO TO "MRS. ROBINSON" PLAYS]

DE DE-DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE-DE ♪ ♪ DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪

DE-DE-DE ♪ ♪ DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ DE-DE-DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE

♪ DO DO-DO-DO DO-DO DO-DO-DO ♪ ♪ DE-DE-DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE-DE ♪

♪ DE-DE-DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE DE-DE-DE ♪ ♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU,

DE-DE-DE ♪ ♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON ♪

♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU

MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW ♪

♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪

WILL KNOW ♪ ♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ GOD BLESS YOU, PLEASE,

♪ WHOA, WHOA, WHOA ♪ ♪ GOD BLESS YOU, PLEASE, MRS. ROBINSON ♪

♪ GOD BLESS YOU, PLEASE, MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ HEAVEN HOLDS A PLACE FOR THOSE

MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ HEAVEN HOLDS A PLACE FOR THOSE WHO PRAY ♪

♪ HEAVEN HOLDS A PLACE FOR THOSE WHO PRAY ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪

WHO PRAY ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪ ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪ ♪ WE'D LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪ ♪ WE'D LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU FOR OUR FILES ♪

♪ WE'D LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU FOR OUR FILES ♪ ♪ WE'D LIKE TO HELP YOU LEARN TO

ABOUT YOU FOR OUR FILES ♪ ♪ WE'D LIKE TO HELP YOU LEARN TO HELP YOURSELF ♪

♪ WE'D LIKE TO HELP YOU LEARN TO HELP YOURSELF ♪ ♪ LOOK AROUND YOU, ALL YOU SEE

HELP YOURSELF ♪ ♪ LOOK AROUND YOU, ALL YOU SEE ARE SYMPATHETIC EYES ♪

♪ LOOK AROUND YOU, ALL YOU SEE ARE SYMPATHETIC EYES ♪ AND NOW MY FRIEND

ARE SYMPATHETIC EYES ♪ AND NOW MY FRIEND ART GARFUNKEL.

AND NOW MY FRIEND ART GARFUNKEL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ART GARFUNKEL. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU,

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON ♪

♪ AND HERE'S TO YOU, MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE

MRS. ROBINSON ♪ ♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW ♪

♪ JESUS LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL KNOW ♪ [MUSIC STOPS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

SO, ARTIE, YOU'VE COME CRAWLING BACK. [LAUGHTER]

BACK. [LAUGHTER] IT'S VERY NICE THAT YOU WOULD

[LAUGHTER] IT'S VERY NICE THAT YOU WOULD INVITE ME ON YOUR SHOW, PAUL.

IT'S VERY NICE THAT YOU WOULD INVITE ME ON YOUR SHOW, PAUL. THANKS A LOT.

INVITE ME ON YOUR SHOW, PAUL. THANKS A LOT. THE MOVIES ARE OVER NOW?

THANKS A LOT. THE MOVIES ARE OVER NOW? YEAH.

THE MOVIES ARE OVER NOW? YEAH. LITTLE TWO-PART HARMONY?

YEAH. LITTLE TWO-PART HARMONY? I'LL TRY IT AGAIN, SEE IF IT

LITTLE TWO-PART HARMONY? I'LL TRY IT AGAIN, SEE IF IT WORKS THIS TIME.

I'LL TRY IT AGAIN, SEE IF IT WORKS THIS TIME. "THE BOXER"?

WORKS THIS TIME. "THE BOXER"? YEAH.

"THE BOXER"? YEAH. [APPLAUSE]

YEAH. [APPLAUSE] ♪ I AM JUST A POOR BOY ♪

[APPLAUSE] ♪ I AM JUST A POOR BOY ♪ ♪ THOUGH MY STORY'S SELDOM

♪ I AM JUST A POOR BOY ♪ ♪ THOUGH MY STORY'S SELDOM TOLD ♪

♪ THOUGH MY STORY'S SELDOM TOLD ♪ ♪ I HAVE SQUANDERED MY

TOLD ♪ ♪ I HAVE SQUANDERED MY RESISTANCE FOR A POCKETFUL OF

♪ I HAVE SQUANDERED MY RESISTANCE FOR A POCKETFUL OF MUMBLES, SUCH ARE PROMISES ♪

RESISTANCE FOR A POCKETFUL OF MUMBLES, SUCH ARE PROMISES ♪ ♪ ALL LIES AND JEST ♪

MUMBLES, SUCH ARE PROMISES ♪ ♪ ALL LIES AND JEST ♪ ♪ STILL, A MAN HEARS WHAT HE

♪ ALL LIES AND JEST ♪ ♪ STILL, A MAN HEARS WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR AND DISREGARDS THE

♪ STILL, A MAN HEARS WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR AND DISREGARDS THE REST ♪

WANTS TO HEAR AND DISREGARDS THE REST ♪ ♪ MMM, MMM, MMM ♪

REST ♪ ♪ MMM, MMM, MMM ♪ ♪ MMM, MMM-MMM, MMM, MMMMM ♪

♪ MMM, MMM, MMM ♪ ♪ MMM, MMM-MMM, MMM, MMMMM ♪ ♪ WHEN I LEFT MY HOME AND MY

♪ MMM, MMM-MMM, MMM, MMMMM ♪ ♪ WHEN I LEFT MY HOME AND MY FAMILY ♪

♪ WHEN I LEFT MY HOME AND MY FAMILY ♪ ♪ I WAS NO MORE THAN A BOY ♪

FAMILY ♪ ♪ I WAS NO MORE THAN A BOY ♪ ♪ IN THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS

♪ I WAS NO MORE THAN A BOY ♪ ♪ IN THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS IN THE QUIET OF THE RAILWAY

♪ IN THE COMPANY OF STRANGERS IN THE QUIET OF THE RAILWAY STATION, RUNNING SCARED ♪

IN THE QUIET OF THE RAILWAY STATION, RUNNING SCARED ♪ ♪ LAYING LOW, SEEKING OUT THE

STATION, RUNNING SCARED ♪ ♪ LAYING LOW, SEEKING OUT THE POORER QUARTERS WHERE THE RAGGED

♪ LAYING LOW, SEEKING OUT THE POORER QUARTERS WHERE THE RAGGED PEOPLE GO ♪

POORER QUARTERS WHERE THE RAGGED PEOPLE GO ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR THE PLACES ONLY

PEOPLE GO ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR THE PLACES ONLY THEY WOULD KNOW ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR THE PLACES ONLY THEY WOULD KNOW ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

THEY WOULD KNOW ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ ASKING ONLY WORKMAN'S WAGES,

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ ASKING ONLY WORKMAN'S WAGES, I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB ♪

♪ ASKING ONLY WORKMAN'S WAGES, I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB ♪ ♪ BUT I GET NO OFFERS ♪

I COME LOOKING FOR A JOB ♪ ♪ BUT I GET NO OFFERS ♪ ♪ JUST A COME-ON FROM THE

♪ BUT I GET NO OFFERS ♪ ♪ JUST A COME-ON FROM THE WHORES ON SEVENTH AVENUE ♪

♪ JUST A COME-ON FROM THE WHORES ON SEVENTH AVENUE ♪ ♪ I DO DECLARE THERE WERE TIMES

WHORES ON SEVENTH AVENUE ♪ ♪ I DO DECLARE THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WAS SO LONESOME, I TOOK

♪ I DO DECLARE THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WAS SO LONESOME, I TOOK SOME COMFORT THERE ♪

WHEN I WAS SO LONESOME, I TOOK SOME COMFORT THERE ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA-LA LA LA ♪

SOME COMFORT THERE ♪ ♪ LA LA LA LA-LA LA LA ♪ ♪ NOW THE YEARS ARE ROLLING BY

♪ LA LA LA LA-LA LA LA ♪ ♪ NOW THE YEARS ARE ROLLING BY ME ♪

♪ NOW THE YEARS ARE ROLLING BY ME ♪ ♪ THEY ARE ROCKING EVENLY ♪

ME ♪ ♪ THEY ARE ROCKING EVENLY ♪ ♪ I AM OLDER THAN I ONCE WAS

♪ THEY ARE ROCKING EVENLY ♪ ♪ I AM OLDER THAN I ONCE WAS AND YOUNGER THAN I'LL BE ♪

♪ I AM OLDER THAN I ONCE WAS AND YOUNGER THAN I'LL BE ♪ ♪ THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL ♪

AND YOUNGER THAN I'LL BE ♪ ♪ THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL ♪ ♪ NO, IT ISN'T STRANGE ♪

♪ THAT'S NOT UNUSUAL ♪ ♪ NO, IT ISN'T STRANGE ♪ ♪ AFTER CHANGES UPON CHANGES, WE

♪ NO, IT ISN'T STRANGE ♪ ♪ AFTER CHANGES UPON CHANGES, WE ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ♪

♪ AFTER CHANGES UPON CHANGES, WE ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ♪ ♪ AFTER CHANGES, WE ARE MORE OR

ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ♪ ♪ AFTER CHANGES, WE ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ♪

♪ AFTER CHANGES, WE ARE MORE OR LESS THE SAME ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

LESS THE SAME ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ THEN I'M LAYING OUT MY WINTER

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ THEN I'M LAYING OUT MY WINTER CLOTHES AND WISHING I WAS GONE,

♪ THEN I'M LAYING OUT MY WINTER CLOTHES AND WISHING I WAS GONE, GOING HOME ♪

CLOTHES AND WISHING I WAS GONE, GOING HOME ♪ ♪ WHERE THE NEW YORK CITY

GOING HOME ♪ ♪ WHERE THE NEW YORK CITY WINTERS AREN'T BLEEDING ME ♪

♪ WHERE THE NEW YORK CITY WINTERS AREN'T BLEEDING ME ♪ ♪ LEADING ME ♪

WINTERS AREN'T BLEEDING ME ♪ ♪ LEADING ME ♪ ♪ TO GOING HOME ♪

♪ IN THE CLEARING STANDS A BOXER AND A FIGHTER BY HIS TRADE ♪ ♪ AND HE CARRIES THE REMINDERS

AND A FIGHTER BY HIS TRADE ♪ ♪ AND HE CARRIES THE REMINDERS OF EVERY GLOVE THAT LAID HIM

♪ AND HE CARRIES THE REMINDERS OF EVERY GLOVE THAT LAID HIM DOWN OR CUT HIM TILL HE CRIED

OF EVERY GLOVE THAT LAID HIM DOWN OR CUT HIM TILL HE CRIED OUT IN HIS ANGER AND HIS SHAME ♪

DOWN OR CUT HIM TILL HE CRIED OUT IN HIS ANGER AND HIS SHAME ♪ ♪ "I AM LEAVING, I AM LEAVING" ♪

OUT IN HIS ANGER AND HIS SHAME ♪ ♪ "I AM LEAVING, I AM LEAVING" ♪ ♪ BUT THE FIGHTER STILL

♪ "I AM LEAVING, I AM LEAVING" ♪ ♪ BUT THE FIGHTER STILL REMAINS ♪

♪ BUT THE FIGHTER STILL REMAINS ♪ ♪ MMM-MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM ♪

REMAINS ♪ ♪ MMM-MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ MMM-MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪

♪ LIE-LA-LIE LIE LIE-LA-LIE ♪ ♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ LA-LA LIE-LA-LIE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU. IT'S GOOD TO SING WITH YOU AGAIN.

IT'S GOOD TO SING WITH YOU AGAIN. YES.

AGAIN. YES. TWO-PART HARMONY... IT'S THE

YES. TWO-PART HARMONY... IT'S THE GREATEST.

TWO-PART HARMONY... IT'S THE GREATEST. [SCATTERED LAUGHTER]

GREATEST. [SCATTERED LAUGHTER] [INTRO TO "SCARBOROUGH FAIR"

[SCATTERED LAUGHTER] [INTRO TO "SCARBOROUGH FAIR" PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "SCARBOROUGH FAIR" PLAYS] [APPLAUSE]

[PLAYS] [APPLAUSE] ♪ ARE YOU GOING TO

[APPLAUSE] ♪ ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪

♪ ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES

THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES THERE ♪

♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES THERE ♪ ♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF

THERE ♪ ♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO MAKE ME A

MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO MAKE ME A CAMBRIC SHIRT ♪

♪ TELL HER TO MAKE ME A CAMBRIC SHIRT ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

CAMBRIC SHIRT ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ WITHOUT NO SEAM NOR

THYME ♪ ♪ WITHOUT NO SEAM NOR NEEDLEWORK ♪

♪ WITHOUT NO SEAM NOR NEEDLEWORK ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF

NEEDLEWORK ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO FIND ME AN ACRE OF

MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO FIND ME AN ACRE OF LAND ♪

♪ TELL HER TO FIND ME AN ACRE OF LAND ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

LAND ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ BETWEEN THE SALT WATER AND THE

THYME ♪ ♪ BETWEEN THE SALT WATER AND THE SEASTRAND ♪

♪ BETWEEN THE SALT WATER AND THE SEASTRAND ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF

SEASTRAND ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO REAP IT IN A

MINE ♪ ♪ TELL HER TO REAP IT IN A SICKLE OF LEATHER ♪

♪ TELL HER TO REAP IT IN A SICKLE OF LEATHER ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

SICKLE OF LEATHER ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ AND GATHER IT ALL IN A BUNCH

THYME ♪ ♪ AND GATHER IT ALL IN A BUNCH OF HEATHER ♪

♪ AND GATHER IT ALL IN A BUNCH OF HEATHER ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF

OF HEATHER ♪ ♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ THEN SHE'LL BE A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ ♪ ARE YOU GOING TO

MINE ♪ ♪ ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪

♪ ARE YOU GOING TO SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND

SCARBOROUGH FAIR? ♪ ♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪

♪ PARSLEY, SAGE, ROSEMARY, AND THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES

THYME ♪ ♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES THERE ♪

♪ REMEMBER ME TO ONE WHO LIVES THERE ♪ ♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF

THERE ♪ ♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪

♪ SHE ONCE WAS A TRUE LOVE OF MINE ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

MINE ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INTRO TO "MY LITTLE TOWN" PLAYS]

♪ IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ I GREW UP BELIEVING ♪ ♪ GOD KEEPS HIS EYE ON US ALL ♪

♪ I GREW UP BELIEVING ♪ ♪ GOD KEEPS HIS EYE ON US ALL ♪ ♪ AND HE USED TO LEAN UPON ME

♪ GOD KEEPS HIS EYE ON US ALL ♪ ♪ AND HE USED TO LEAN UPON ME AS I PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE

♪ AND HE USED TO LEAN UPON ME AS I PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE TO THE WALL ♪

AS I PLEDGED ALLEGIANCE TO THE WALL ♪ ♪ LORD, I RECALL ♪

TO THE WALL ♪ ♪ LORD, I RECALL ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ LORD, I RECALL ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ COMING HOME AFTER SCHOOL ♪

♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ COMING HOME AFTER SCHOOL ♪ ♪ FLYING MY BIKE PAST THE

♪ COMING HOME AFTER SCHOOL ♪ ♪ FLYING MY BIKE PAST THE GATES OF THE FACTORIES ♪

♪ FLYING MY BIKE PAST THE GATES OF THE FACTORIES ♪ ♪ MY MOM DOING THE LAUNDRY ♪

GATES OF THE FACTORIES ♪ ♪ MY MOM DOING THE LAUNDRY ♪ ♪ HANGING OUR SHIRTS IN THE

♪ MY MOM DOING THE LAUNDRY ♪ ♪ HANGING OUR SHIRTS IN THE DIRTY BREEZE ♪

♪ HANGING OUR SHIRTS IN THE DIRTY BREEZE ♪ ♪ AND AFTER IT RAINS ♪

DIRTY BREEZE ♪ ♪ AND AFTER IT RAINS ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW ♪

♪ AND AFTER IT RAINS ♪ ♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW ♪ ♪ AND ALL OF THE COLORS ARE

♪ THERE'S A RAINBOW ♪ ♪ AND ALL OF THE COLORS ARE BLACK ♪

♪ AND ALL OF THE COLORS ARE BLACK ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT THAT THE COLORS

BLACK ♪ ♪ IT'S NOT THAT THE COLORS AREN'T THERE ♪

♪ IT'S NOT THAT THE COLORS AREN'T THERE ♪ ♪ IT'S JUST IMAGINATION THEY

AREN'T THERE ♪ ♪ IT'S JUST IMAGINATION THEY LACK ♪

♪ IT'S JUST IMAGINATION THEY LACK ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING'S THE SAME

LACK ♪ ♪ EVERYTHING'S THE SAME BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ EVERYTHING'S THE SAME BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ I NEVER MEANT NOTHING ♪

♪ IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ I NEVER MEANT NOTHING ♪ ♪ I WAS JUST MY FATHER'S SON ♪

♪ I NEVER MEANT NOTHING ♪ ♪ I WAS JUST MY FATHER'S SON ♪ ♪ MM-HMM ♪

♪ I WAS JUST MY FATHER'S SON ♪ ♪ MM-HMM ♪ ♪ SAVING MY MONEY ♪

♪ MM-HMM ♪ ♪ SAVING MY MONEY ♪ ♪ DREAMING OF GLORY ♪

♪ SAVING MY MONEY ♪ ♪ DREAMING OF GLORY ♪ ♪ TWITCHING LIKE A FINGER ON THE

♪ DREAMING OF GLORY ♪ ♪ TWITCHING LIKE A FINGER ON THE TRIGGER OF A GUN ♪

♪ TWITCHING LIKE A FINGER ON THE TRIGGER OF A GUN ♪ ♪ LEAVING NOTHING BUT THE DEAD

TRIGGER OF A GUN ♪ ♪ LEAVING NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE

♪ LEAVING NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ ♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪

♪ NOTHING BUT THE DEAD AND DYING BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

BACK IN MY LITTLE TOWN ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, I HAD TO GIVE HIM HIS SOLO NUMBER. DEMANDED A SOLO OF ME, AND,

SOLO NUMBER. DEMANDED A SOLO OF ME, AND, TRUTH BE TOLD, HE ALWAYS DID

DEMANDED A SOLO OF ME, AND, TRUTH BE TOLD, HE ALWAYS DID SING BETTER, SO HERE'S ART

TRUTH BE TOLD, HE ALWAYS DID SING BETTER, SO HERE'S ART SINGING

SING BETTER, SO HERE'S ART SINGING "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU."

SINGING "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

"I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU." [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ MY LOVE MUST BE A KIND OF

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ MY LOVE MUST BE A KIND OF BLIND LOVE ♪

♪ MY LOVE MUST BE A KIND OF BLIND LOVE ♪ ♪ I CAN'T SEE ANYONE BUT YOU ♪

♪ ARE THE STARS OUT TONIGHT? ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S CLOUDY OR BRIGHT ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S CLOUDY OR BRIGHT ♪ ♪ I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪

BRIGHT ♪ ♪ I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪ ♪ FOR YOU ♪

♪ I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪ ♪ FOR YOU ♪ ♪ DEAR ♪

♪ FOR YOU ♪ ♪ DEAR ♪ ♪ THE MOON MAY BE HIGH ♪

♪ DEAR ♪ ♪ THE MOON MAY BE HIGH ♪ ♪ BUT I CAN'T SEE A THING IN THE

♪ THE MOON MAY BE HIGH ♪ ♪ BUT I CAN'T SEE A THING IN THE SKY ♪

♪ BUT I CAN'T SEE A THING IN THE SKY ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I ONLY HAVE EYES

SKY ♪ ♪ 'CAUSE I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE IN A

FOR YOU ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE IN A GARDEN ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE IN A GARDEN ♪ ♪ OR ON A CROWDED

GARDEN ♪ ♪ OR ON A CROWDED AVENUE ♪

♪ OR ON A CROWDED AVENUE ♪ ♪ YOU ARE HERE ♪

AVENUE ♪ ♪ YOU ARE HERE ♪ ♪ SO AM I ♪

♪ YOU ARE HERE ♪ ♪ SO AM I ♪ ♪ MAYBE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE GO

♪ SO AM I ♪ ♪ MAYBE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE GO BY ♪

♪ MAYBE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE GO BY ♪ ♪ BUT THEY ALL DISAPPEAR FROM

BY ♪ ♪ BUT THEY ALL DISAPPEAR FROM VIEW ♪

♪ BUT THEY ALL DISAPPEAR FROM VIEW ♪ ♪ AND I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪

VIEW ♪ ♪ AND I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪ ♪ FO-O-O-O-O-O-R ♪

♪ AND I ONLY HAVE EYES ♪ ♪ FO-O-O-O-O-O-R ♪ ♪ YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-U ♪

♪ FO-O-O-O-O-O-R ♪ ♪ YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-U ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: COME WITH US NOW, FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM

FROM THE BUBBLING TAR PITS TO THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE

THE SULFUROUS WASTELAND, FROM THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND

THE ROTTING FORESTS TO THE STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND OF GORCH.

STAGNANT MUD FLATS, TO THE LAND OF GORCH. [MUTTERING]

OF GORCH. [MUTTERING] MORE BILLS, YOUR

[MUTTERING] MORE BILLS, YOUR THOUGHTLESSNESS.

MORE BILLS, YOUR THOUGHTLESSNESS. AHH, BILLS, BILLS, BILLS!

THOUGHTLESSNESS. AHH, BILLS, BILLS, BILLS! WHAT'S THE USE?

AHH, BILLS, BILLS, BILLS! WHAT'S THE USE? WE'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PAY

WHAT'S THE USE? WE'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PAY THEM.

WE'RE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PAY THEM. AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER, PRIVY

THEM. AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER, PRIVY BREATH?

AW, WHAT'S THE MATTER, PRIVY BREATH? SCRED, OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH

BREATH? SCRED, OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH IS ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT.

SCRED, OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH IS ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT. NO, IT'S NOT.

IS ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT. NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND!

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND! THERE'S THE BORDER, RIGHT OVER

IT'S ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND! THERE'S THE BORDER, RIGHT OVER THERE!

THERE'S THE BORDER, RIGHT OVER THERE! YOU IDIOT!

THERE! YOU IDIOT! OHH, OHH, OHH!

YOU IDIOT! OHH, OHH, OHH! WE'RE ON THE BRINK OF

OHH, OHH, OHH! WE'RE ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT!

WE'RE ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT! WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

DEFAULT! WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT MEANS WE CAN'T PAY

WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IT MEANS WE CAN'T PAY OUR BILLS.

IT MEANS WE CAN'T PAY OUR BILLS. IT MEANS THE GARBAGE MAN WILL NO

OUR BILLS. IT MEANS THE GARBAGE MAN WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO DELIVER THE

IT MEANS THE GARBAGE MAN WILL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO DELIVER THE GARBAGE.

LONGER BE ABLE TO DELIVER THE GARBAGE. OH, WELL, HOW WILL WE FEED

GARBAGE. OH, WELL, HOW WILL WE FEED THE... HOW WILL WE FEED THE

OH, WELL, HOW WILL WE FEED THE... HOW WILL WE FEED THE RATS?

THE... HOW WILL WE FEED THE RATS? WHAT WE NEED, SCRED, IS

RATS? WHAT WE NEED, SCRED, IS FISCAL ASSISTANCE.

WHAT WE NEED, SCRED, IS FISCAL ASSISTANCE. OH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL.

FISCAL ASSISTANCE. OH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. SCRED!

OH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. SCRED! [MOANS]

SCRED! [MOANS] YOU'RE NO HELP.

[MOANS] YOU'RE NO HELP. I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP,

YOU'RE NO HELP. I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP, YOUR ANNOYANCE.

I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP, YOUR ANNOYANCE. BUT, YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN WE

YOUR ANNOYANCE. BUT, YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN WE NEED HELP, WE ASK...

BUT, YOU KNOW, USUALLY WHEN WE NEED HELP, WE ASK... YOU KNOW WHO.

NEED HELP, WE ASK... YOU KNOW WHO. OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHO. OH, YEAH. THE MIGHTY FAVOG.

OH, YEAH. THE MIGHTY FAVOG. [GONG BANGS]

THE MIGHTY FAVOG. [GONG BANGS] THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG.

[GONG BANGS] THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. THAT'S MY NAME, WISDOM'S MY

THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. THAT'S MY NAME, WISDOM'S MY GAME.

THAT'S MY NAME, WISDOM'S MY GAME. MIGHTY FAVOG, WE'VE COME TO

GAME. MIGHTY FAVOG, WE'VE COME TO SEEK FISCAL ASSISTANCE.

MIGHTY FAVOG, WE'VE COME TO SEEK FISCAL ASSISTANCE. OOH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL.

SEEK FISCAL ASSISTANCE. OOH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. THAT'S WHAT I SAID!

OOH, THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. THAT'S WHAT I SAID! WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

THAT'S WHAT I SAID! WILL YOU SHUT UP?! OH, OH, OH, OH, OH!

WILL YOU SHUT UP?! OH, OH, OH, OH, OH! OH, MIGHTY FAVOG...

OH, OH, OH, OH, OH! OH, MIGHTY FAVOG... TALK TO ME.

OH, MIGHTY FAVOG... TALK TO ME. OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH IS ON

TALK TO ME. OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH IS ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT.

OUR FAIR LAND OF GORCH IS ON THE BRINK OF DEFAULT. NO, IT'S NOT.

THE BRINK OF DEFAULT. NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND.

IT'S RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND. SEE THE BORDER OVER THERE?

SCABLAND. SEE THE BORDER OVER THERE? SEE? I TOLD YA!

SEE THE BORDER OVER THERE? SEE? I TOLD YA! WILL YOU SHUT UP, SCRED?!

SEE? I TOLD YA! WILL YOU SHUT UP, SCRED?! LISTEN, FAVOG, GORCH IS BROKE.

WILL YOU SHUT UP, SCRED?! LISTEN, FAVOG, GORCH IS BROKE. WE CAN'T PAY OUR BILLS, AND WE

LISTEN, FAVOG, GORCH IS BROKE. WE CAN'T PAY OUR BILLS, AND WE NEED YOUR HELP.

WE CAN'T PAY OUR BILLS, AND WE NEED YOUR HELP. [SNORTS]

NEED YOUR HELP. [SNORTS] IT'S GONNA COST YA.

[SNORTS] IT'S GONNA COST YA. BUT... BUT WE'RE BROKE.

IT'S GONNA COST YA. BUT... BUT WE'RE BROKE. I MEAN, I GOT NOTHING TO

BUT... BUT WE'RE BROKE. I MEAN, I GOT NOTHING TO SACRIFICE.

I MEAN, I GOT NOTHING TO SACRIFICE. WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND

SACRIFICE. WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND THERE?

WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND THERE? HE'S GOT NOTHING, EITHER.

THERE? HE'S GOT NOTHING, EITHER. THAT'S RIGHT!

HE'S GOT NOTHING, EITHER. THAT'S RIGHT! NO, NO, I MEAN... I'LL TAKE

THAT'S RIGHT! NO, NO, I MEAN... I'LL TAKE HIM!

NO, NO, I MEAN... I'LL TAKE HIM! OH, NO.

HIM! OH, NO. NO, NO.

OH, NO. NO, NO. NO, NOT OLD SCRED!

NO, NO. NO, NOT OLD SCRED! OH, NO!

NO, NOT OLD SCRED! OH, NO! NO, IF I GO, WHO'LL TORTURE THE

OH, NO! NO, IF I GO, WHO'LL TORTURE THE BIRDS?!

NO, IF I GO, WHO'LL TORTURE THE BIRDS?! RIGHT IN THERE.

BIRDS?! RIGHT IN THERE. YEAH.

RIGHT IN THERE. YEAH. OH, N-O-O-O-O-O!

YEAH. OH, N-O-O-O-O-O! [LIQUID SPLASHES, FLUSHING]

OH, N-O-O-O-O-O! [LIQUID SPLASHES, FLUSHING] HE DON'T GO DOWN EASY.

[LIQUID SPLASHES, FLUSHING] HE DON'T GO DOWN EASY. LISTEN, FAVOG, N-NOW, HOW CAN

HE DON'T GO DOWN EASY. LISTEN, FAVOG, N-NOW, HOW CAN YOU HELP GORCH?

LISTEN, FAVOG, N-NOW, HOW CAN YOU HELP GORCH? GORCH IS BETTER OFF ALREADY.

YOU HELP GORCH? GORCH IS BETTER OFF ALREADY. HOW COME?

GORCH IS BETTER OFF ALREADY. HOW COME? YA GOT ONE LESS MOUTH TO

HOW COME? YA GOT ONE LESS MOUTH TO FEED.

YA GOT ONE LESS MOUTH TO FEED. OH, YEAH.

FEED. OH, YEAH. YA WANT SOME MORE HELP?

OH, YEAH. YA WANT SOME MORE HELP? BRING SOME MORE FRIENDS.

YA WANT SOME MORE HELP? BRING SOME MORE FRIENDS. YEAH, AND BRING SOME GIRLS!

BRING SOME MORE FRIENDS. YEAH, AND BRING SOME GIRLS! Both: GET BACK IN THERE!

YEAH, AND BRING SOME GIRLS! Both: GET BACK IN THERE! [APPLAUSE]

AND NOW ANOTHER REGULAR FEATURE OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW, A FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS.

FEATURE OF THE "SATURDAY NIGHT" SHOW, A FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS. YOU'LL LAUGH.

SHOW, A FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS. YOU'LL LAUGH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'LL LAUGH. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HELLO. I'M ALBERT BROOKS.

HELLO. I'M ALBERT BROOKS. IN THE FOLLOWING FEW WEEKS, YOU

I'M ALBERT BROOKS. IN THE FOLLOWING FEW WEEKS, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO SPEND QUITE A

IN THE FOLLOWING FEW WEEKS, YOU AND I ARE GOING TO SPEND QUITE A BIT OF TIME TOGETHER.

AND I ARE GOING TO SPEND QUITE A BIT OF TIME TOGETHER. NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ANY FANCY

BIT OF TIME TOGETHER. NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ANY FANCY RESTAURANTS.

NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ANY FANCY RESTAURANTS. WE'RE GOING TO DO IT THROUGH THE

RESTAURANTS. WE'RE GOING TO DO IT THROUGH THE MAGIC OF FILM.

WE'RE GOING TO DO IT THROUGH THE MAGIC OF FILM. NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T

MAGIC OF FILM. NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T FAMILIAR WITH MY WORK, HERE ARE

NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO AREN'T FAMILIAR WITH MY WORK, HERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE WHO JUST SAW A

FAMILIAR WITH MY WORK, HERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE WHO JUST SAW A CURRENT MOVIE.

A FEW PEOPLE WHO JUST SAW A CURRENT MOVIE. LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.

CURRENT MOVIE. LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. PSYCHEDELIC AND ENTERTAINING.

LET'S SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. PSYCHEDELIC AND ENTERTAINING. IT PLACES AMONG THE DAMNDEST

PSYCHEDELIC AND ENTERTAINING. IT PLACES AMONG THE DAMNDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT PLACES AMONG THE DAMNDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN. EVERYBODY IS REALLY A GENIUS.

THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN. EVERYBODY IS REALLY A GENIUS. I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.

EVERYBODY IS REALLY A GENIUS. I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. THEY'RE GENIUSES.

I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. THEY'RE GENIUSES. THEY'RE ALL GENIUSES.

THEY'RE GENIUSES. THEY'RE ALL GENIUSES. [LAUGHS]

THEY'RE ALL GENIUSES. [LAUGHS] NOW, I ALSO PUT TOGETHER A

[LAUGHS] NOW, I ALSO PUT TOGETHER A FEW HOME MOVIES MY PARENTS TOOK

NOW, I ALSO PUT TOGETHER A FEW HOME MOVIES MY PARENTS TOOK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

FEW HOME MOVIES MY PARENTS TOOK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. YOU MIGHT LIKE TO GET A LITTLE

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. YOU MIGHT LIKE TO GET A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF MY CHILDHOOD.

YOU MIGHT LIKE TO GET A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF MY CHILDHOOD. DADDY! DADDY!

GLIMPSE OF MY CHILDHOOD. DADDY! DADDY! WELL, SPEAKING OF CHILDHOOD.

DADDY! DADDY! WELL, SPEAKING OF CHILDHOOD. HELLO, SUGAR!

WELL, SPEAKING OF CHILDHOOD. HELLO, SUGAR! ARE YOU WORKING, DADDY?

HELLO, SUGAR! ARE YOU WORKING, DADDY? ARE YOU MAKING MILLIONS OF

ARE YOU WORKING, DADDY? ARE YOU MAKING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LAUGH AND FORGET THEIR

ARE YOU MAKING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LAUGH AND FORGET THEIR TROUBLES?

PEOPLE LAUGH AND FORGET THEIR TROUBLES? WELL, HONEY, I'M DOING THE

TROUBLES? WELL, HONEY, I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.

WELL, HONEY, I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN. WHAT'S THIS?

BEST I CAN. WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A PROJECTOR, SWEETIE.

WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A PROJECTOR, SWEETIE. WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S A PROJECTOR, SWEETIE. WHAT'S THIS? IT'S MY DESK, HONEY.

WHAT'S THIS? IT'S MY DESK, HONEY. WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S MY DESK, HONEY. WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A CHAIR, HONEY.

WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A CHAIR, HONEY. WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S A CHAIR, HONEY. WHAT'S THIS? TIME TO GO, HONEY.

WHAT'S THIS? TIME TO GO, HONEY. NO!

TIME TO GO, HONEY. NO! I DON'T WANT TO!

NO! I DON'T WANT TO! YOU WANT DADDY TO CALL THE

I DON'T WANT TO! YOU WANT DADDY TO CALL THE POLICE?

YOU WANT DADDY TO CALL THE POLICE? OW! MIKE, GET HER OUT!

POLICE? OW! MIKE, GET HER OUT! MISSY, LET'S GO.

OW! MIKE, GET HER OUT! MISSY, LET'S GO. I DON'T WANT TO!

MISSY, LET'S GO. I DON'T WANT TO! MISSY!

I DON'T WANT TO! MISSY! [WHINING]

MISSY! [WHINING] I'M SORRY, HONEY.

[WHINING] I'M SORRY, HONEY. I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

I'M SORRY, HONEY. I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. [DOOR CLOSES]

I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. [DOOR CLOSES] I'M SORRY, SWEETIE.

[DOOR CLOSES] I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.

I'M SORRY, SWEETIE. THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL. YOU WON'T BE SEEING HER AGAIN.

THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL. YOU WON'T BE SEEING HER AGAIN. OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY TO

YOU WON'T BE SEEING HER AGAIN. OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY TO ROLL THESE.

OKAY, I THINK WE'RE READY TO ROLL THESE. LIGHTS!

ROLL THESE. LIGHTS! [DOOR CLOSES]

LIGHTS! [DOOR CLOSES] MR. BROOKS, I CAN'T FIND MY

[DOOR CLOSES] MR. BROOKS, I CAN'T FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE SEAT.

MR. BROOKS, I CAN'T FIND MY WAY BACK TO THE SEAT. IT'S TOO DARK.

WAY BACK TO THE SEAT. IT'S TOO DARK. OH, COME ON, MIKE.

IT'S TOO DARK. OH, COME ON, MIKE. YOU KNOW THE WAY BACK.

OH, COME ON, MIKE. YOU KNOW THE WAY BACK. I WANT TO START THESE FILMS.

YOU KNOW THE WAY BACK. I WANT TO START THESE FILMS. NO, SIR...

I WANT TO START THESE FILMS. NO, SIR... [GLASS SHATTERS]

NO, SIR... [GLASS SHATTERS] OW!

[GLASS SHATTERS] OW! MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OW! MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? IT'S MY LEG!

MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? IT'S MY LEG! HIS LEG.

IT'S MY LEG! HIS LEG. IS MY WIFE HERE?

HIS LEG. IS MY WIFE HERE? I'M HERE, HONEY.

IS MY WIFE HERE? I'M HERE, HONEY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'M HERE, HONEY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SHE'S HERE.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SHE'S HERE. OH, MY LEG!

SHE'S HERE. OH, MY LEG! JIM, ERNIE, COME HERE, QUICK!

OH, MY LEG! JIM, ERNIE, COME HERE, QUICK! MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

JIM, ERNIE, COME HERE, QUICK! MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? JUST STOP ASKING HIM IF HE'S

MIKE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? JUST STOP ASKING HIM IF HE'S ALL RIGHT!

JUST STOP ASKING HIM IF HE'S ALL RIGHT! GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!

ALL RIGHT! GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [DOOR CLOSES]

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [DOOR CLOSES] OH, GOD, I'M GONNA GET SUED.

[DOOR CLOSES] OH, GOD, I'M GONNA GET SUED. ALL RIGHT, LET'S START THESE

OH, GOD, I'M GONNA GET SUED. ALL RIGHT, LET'S START THESE FILMS.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S START THESE FILMS. OKAY, NOW, THIS IS ME WHEN I WAS

FILMS. OKAY, NOW, THIS IS ME WHEN I WAS A CHILD.

OKAY, NOW, THIS IS ME WHEN I WAS A CHILD. MY PARENTS WERE THE KIND THAT

A CHILD. MY PARENTS WERE THE KIND THAT WERE FILMING ALL THE TIME.

MY PARENTS WERE THE KIND THAT WERE FILMING ALL THE TIME. SEE, WHEN I DIDN'T REACT, THEY'D

WERE FILMING ALL THE TIME. SEE, WHEN I DIDN'T REACT, THEY'D DO STUFF LIKE THAT.

SEE, WHEN I DIDN'T REACT, THEY'D DO STUFF LIKE THAT. I GUESS THEY THOUGHT I'D LAUGH

DO STUFF LIKE THAT. I GUESS THEY THOUGHT I'D LAUGH OR SOMETHING.

I GUESS THEY THOUGHT I'D LAUGH OR SOMETHING. OF COURSE, I DIDN'T.

OR SOMETHING. OF COURSE, I DIDN'T. THOSE ARE TRAUMAS YOU REMEMBER

OF COURSE, I DIDN'T. THOSE ARE TRAUMAS YOU REMEMBER FOR ABOUT 30, 40 YEARS.

THOSE ARE TRAUMAS YOU REMEMBER FOR ABOUT 30, 40 YEARS. THEY'RE REAL NICE PEOPLE.

FOR ABOUT 30, 40 YEARS. THEY'RE REAL NICE PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT CUTE?

THEY'RE REAL NICE PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT CUTE? OKAY. OH, YEAH.

ISN'T THAT CUTE? OKAY. OH, YEAH. NOW, THIS IS ABOUT SIX YEARS

OKAY. OH, YEAH. NOW, THIS IS ABOUT SIX YEARS LATER.

NOW, THIS IS ABOUT SIX YEARS LATER. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO

LATER. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF, AND

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF, AND HERE'S MY FATHER TRYING TO TAKE

THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF, AND HERE'S MY FATHER TRYING TO TAKE PICTURES OF IT.

HERE'S MY FATHER TRYING TO TAKE PICTURES OF IT. WE HAD A LITTLE FIGHT THERE, BUT

PICTURES OF IT. WE HAD A LITTLE FIGHT THERE, BUT HE'S A VERY DETERMINED MAN.

WE HAD A LITTLE FIGHT THERE, BUT HE'S A VERY DETERMINED MAN. GONNA GET BACK IN.

HE'S A VERY DETERMINED MAN. GONNA GET BACK IN. HE'S NICE.

GONNA GET BACK IN. HE'S NICE. I SEE HIM ABOUT TWICE A YEAR

HE'S NICE. I SEE HIM ABOUT TWICE A YEAR NOW.

I SEE HIM ABOUT TWICE A YEAR NOW. ALL RIGHT, NOW, HE DOES... WATCH

NOW. ALL RIGHT, NOW, HE DOES... WATCH HIM FORCE MY HEAD DOWN AND TRY

ALL RIGHT, NOW, HE DOES... WATCH HIM FORCE MY HEAD DOWN AND TRY AND FILM IT THERE.

HIM FORCE MY HEAD DOWN AND TRY AND FILM IT THERE. SEE?

AND FILM IT THERE. SEE? I WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE.

SEE? I WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE. I REMEMBER I RAN DOWN AND WENT

I WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE. I REMEMBER I RAN DOWN AND WENT TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE.

I REMEMBER I RAN DOWN AND WENT TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE. I REALLY HAD TROUBLE FOR ABOUT

TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE. I REALLY HAD TROUBLE FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS AFTER THAT GOING AT

I REALLY HAD TROUBLE FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS AFTER THAT GOING AT ALL.

TWO YEARS AFTER THAT GOING AT ALL. OH, YEAH, THIS IS A LITTLE...

ALL. OH, YEAH, THIS IS A LITTLE... ABOUT A HALF A YEAR LATER.

OH, YEAH, THIS IS A LITTLE... ABOUT A HALF A YEAR LATER. MY FATHER'S POSED AS A TREE

ABOUT A HALF A YEAR LATER. MY FATHER'S POSED AS A TREE HERE, AND THIS IS MY FIRST KISS.

MY FATHER'S POSED AS A TREE HERE, AND THIS IS MY FIRST KISS. AND THERE HE IS FILMING IT.

HERE, AND THIS IS MY FIRST KISS. AND THERE HE IS FILMING IT. AND HE MADE SOME NOISE, AND I

AND THERE HE IS FILMING IT. AND HE MADE SOME NOISE, AND I HEARD HIM.

AND HE MADE SOME NOISE, AND I HEARD HIM. I PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE

HEARD HIM. I PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE SPOTTED HIM.

I PROBABLY WOULD NEVER HAVE SPOTTED HIM. BUT I WAS FURIOUS.

SPOTTED HIM. BUT I WAS FURIOUS. AND WATCH THE GIRL.

BUT I WAS FURIOUS. AND WATCH THE GIRL. SHE WAS SHOCKED.

AND WATCH THE GIRL. SHE WAS SHOCKED. LOOK AT HER. SHE RAN OFF.

SHE WAS SHOCKED. LOOK AT HER. SHE RAN OFF. I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.

LOOK AT HER. SHE RAN OFF. I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN. HE TRIED TO APOLOGIZE.

I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN. HE TRIED TO APOLOGIZE. HE RAN DOWN, BUT HE KEPT

HE TRIED TO APOLOGIZE. HE RAN DOWN, BUT HE KEPT FILMING.

HE RAN DOWN, BUT HE KEPT FILMING. AND... OH, YEAH.

FILMING. AND... OH, YEAH. THIS IS ABOUT SEVEN YEARS LATER.

AND... OH, YEAH. THIS IS ABOUT SEVEN YEARS LATER. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER

THIS IS ABOUT SEVEN YEARS LATER. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER MADE LOVE TO A GIRL, AND HERE'S

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I EVER MADE LOVE TO A GIRL, AND HERE'S MY DAD AGAIN, FILMING IT, YOU

MADE LOVE TO A GIRL, AND HERE'S MY DAD AGAIN, FILMING IT, YOU SEE.

MY DAD AGAIN, FILMING IT, YOU SEE. AND YOU CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THIS

SEE. AND YOU CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THIS DOES.

AND YOU CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THIS DOES. THIS JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO STAY

DOES. THIS JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM FOR THE REST OF

THIS JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

IN YOUR ROOM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT THIS GIRL.

YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT THIS GIRL. SHE WAS MORTIFIED, RAN OUT.

LOOK AT THIS GIRL. SHE WAS MORTIFIED, RAN OUT. I TRIED TO RUN AFTER HER.

SHE WAS MORTIFIED, RAN OUT. I TRIED TO RUN AFTER HER. I LOST MY HAT.

I TRIED TO RUN AFTER HER. I LOST MY HAT. I NEVER FOUND THAT.

I LOST MY HAT. I NEVER FOUND THAT. AND I THINK HE THOUGHT IT WAS

I NEVER FOUND THAT. AND I THINK HE THOUGHT IT WAS ONE BIG JOKE.

AND I THINK HE THOUGHT IT WAS ONE BIG JOKE. REAL ANNOYING PEOPLE, BUT I LOVE

ONE BIG JOKE. REAL ANNOYING PEOPLE, BUT I LOVE THEM DEARLY.

REAL ANNOYING PEOPLE, BUT I LOVE THEM DEARLY. OKAY, LIGHTS.

THEM DEARLY. OKAY, LIGHTS. ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, LIGHTS. ALL RIGHT. THAT WAS THE PAST.

ALL RIGHT. THAT WAS THE PAST. NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?

THAT WAS THE PAST. NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE? WELL, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "WHAT

NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE? WELL, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "WHAT IS HE GOING TO BE DOING IN THESE

WELL, YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "WHAT IS HE GOING TO BE DOING IN THESE LITTLE FILMS THAT HE'S MAKING?"

IS HE GOING TO BE DOING IN THESE LITTLE FILMS THAT HE'S MAKING?" WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY

LITTLE FILMS THAT HE'S MAKING?" WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY ANY OF THE SURPRISES.

WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE AWAY ANY OF THE SURPRISES. I THINK THAT WOULD TAKE AWAY THE

ANY OF THE SURPRISES. I THINK THAT WOULD TAKE AWAY THE SURPRISE ELEMENT.

I THINK THAT WOULD TAKE AWAY THE SURPRISE ELEMENT. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU A

SURPRISE ELEMENT. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU A FEW THINGS WE DECIDED NOT TO

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU A FEW THINGS WE DECIDED NOT TO USE.

FEW THINGS WE DECIDED NOT TO USE. NOW, THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT, BUT I

USE. NOW, THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO

NOW, THIS DIDN'T WORK OUT, BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO DRESS UP AS A COW AND TRY AND

THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO DRESS UP AS A COW AND TRY AND PURCHASE AN AIRLINE TICKET.

DRESS UP AS A COW AND TRY AND PURCHASE AN AIRLINE TICKET. HELLO.

PURCHASE AN AIRLINE TICKET. HELLO. I'D LIKE TO GET A TICKET TO

HELLO. I'D LIKE TO GET A TICKET TO CHICAGO.

I'D LIKE TO GET A TICKET TO CHICAGO. YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS!

CHICAGO. YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS! CUT IT!

YOU'RE ALBERT BROOKS! CUT IT! HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?

CUT IT! HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT? WELL, I CAN RECOGNIZE YOUR

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT? WELL, I CAN RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.

WELL, I CAN RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE. OH.

VOICE. OH. AND THERE'S A CAMERA OVER

OH. AND THERE'S A CAMERA OVER THERE.

AND THERE'S A CAMERA OVER THERE. OKAY, CUT IT.

THERE. OKAY, CUT IT. WE SHOULD HIDE THE CAMERA.

OKAY, CUT IT. WE SHOULD HIDE THE CAMERA. OH, WAIT, DO YOU WANT ME TO

WE SHOULD HIDE THE CAMERA. OH, WAIT, DO YOU WANT ME TO ACT SURPRISED?

OH, WAIT, DO YOU WANT ME TO ACT SURPRISED? NO, NO, NO. IT'S OKAY.

ACT SURPRISED? NO, NO, NO. IT'S OKAY. [GASPS]

NO, NO, NO. IT'S OKAY. [GASPS] THAT'S FINE, GREAT.

[GASPS] THAT'S FINE, GREAT. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S FINE, GREAT. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. HIDE THE CAMERA, WILL YOU?

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. HIDE THE CAMERA, WILL YOU? THAT'S ALBERT BROOKS!

HIDE THE CAMERA, WILL YOU? THAT'S ALBERT BROOKS! OKAY, NOW, IN THIS ONE, WE

THAT'S ALBERT BROOKS! OKAY, NOW, IN THIS ONE, WE DID HIDE THE CAMERA, AND I EVEN

OKAY, NOW, IN THIS ONE, WE DID HIDE THE CAMERA, AND I EVEN DISGUISED MY VOICE, AND I PLAYED

DID HIDE THE CAMERA, AND I EVEN DISGUISED MY VOICE, AND I PLAYED A TALKING DRYER.

DISGUISED MY VOICE, AND I PLAYED A TALKING DRYER. BUT, I DON'T KNOW, IT SEEMS HARD

A TALKING DRYER. BUT, I DON'T KNOW, IT SEEMS HARD TO PUT ONE OVER ON PEOPLE THESE

BUT, I DON'T KNOW, IT SEEMS HARD TO PUT ONE OVER ON PEOPLE THESE DAYS.

TO PUT ONE OVER ON PEOPLE THESE DAYS. HEY, MISTER!

DAYS. HEY, MISTER! MISTER!

HEY, MISTER! MISTER! MISTER!

MISTER! MISTER! LET ME DRY YOUR CLOTHES.

MISTER! LET ME DRY YOUR CLOTHES. HEY, MAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE

LET ME DRY YOUR CLOTHES. HEY, MAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?

HEY, MAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? ARE YOU CRAZY?

YOU DOING IN THERE? ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY, BECAUSE I EXTEND MYSELF?

ARE YOU CRAZY? WHY, BECAUSE I EXTEND MYSELF? JUST 'CAUSE I TALK DOESN'T MEAN

WHY, BECAUSE I EXTEND MYSELF? JUST 'CAUSE I TALK DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T DRY WELL.

JUST 'CAUSE I TALK DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T DRY WELL. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT

I CAN'T DRY WELL. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE, BUT I

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING IN THERE, BUT I REALLY THINK YOU OUGHT TO COME

YOU'RE DOING IN THERE, BUT I REALLY THINK YOU OUGHT TO COME OUT BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF.

REALLY THINK YOU OUGHT TO COME OUT BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF. I CAN'T COME OUT.

OUT BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF. I CAN'T COME OUT. I'M INSTALLED BY A PROFESSIONAL.

I CAN'T COME OUT. I'M INSTALLED BY A PROFESSIONAL. WHAT IF ALL THE DRYERS LEFT?

I'M INSTALLED BY A PROFESSIONAL. WHAT IF ALL THE DRYERS LEFT? THE DRYERS ARE NOT GONNA

WHAT IF ALL THE DRYERS LEFT? THE DRYERS ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE.

THE DRYERS ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE. YOU SHOULD LEAVE.

LEAVE. YOU SHOULD LEAVE. LET ME DRY YOUR SOCKS.

YOU SHOULD LEAVE. LET ME DRY YOUR SOCKS. I AM THE DRYER!

LET ME DRY YOUR SOCKS. I AM THE DRYER! NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I AM THE DRYER! NO, YOU'RE NOT. HEY, BOB, CAN I GET A HAND,

NO, YOU'RE NOT. HEY, BOB, CAN I GET A HAND, PLEASE?

HEY, BOB, CAN I GET A HAND, PLEASE? HEY, I GOT 5,000 WATTS!

PLEASE? HEY, I GOT 5,000 WATTS! CUT IT!

HEY, I GOT 5,000 WATTS! CUT IT! WE FILMED 10 OTHER PEOPLE, BUT

CUT IT! WE FILMED 10 OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH ACTED THE

WE FILMED 10 OTHER PEOPLE, BUT THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH ACTED THE SAME WAY.

THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH ACTED THE SAME WAY. WELL, WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME.

SAME WAY. WELL, WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME. YOU KNOW, WE'LL BE FILMING ALL

WELL, WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME. YOU KNOW, WE'LL BE FILMING ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY IN THE NEXT

YOU KNOW, WE'LL BE FILMING ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.

AROUND THE COUNTRY IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS. IF YOU SEE US, PLEASE DON'T

FEW MONTHS. IF YOU SEE US, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO COME UP AND SAY...

IF YOU SEE US, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO COME UP AND SAY... I'M JACK FROM CINCINNATI.

HESITATE TO COME UP AND SAY... I'M JACK FROM CINCINNATI. I ENJOY YOU.

I'M JACK FROM CINCINNATI. I ENJOY YOU. WELL, THANK YOU, JACK.

I ENJOY YOU. WELL, THANK YOU, JACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, THANK YOU, JACK. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AH, WELCOME HOME.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AH, WELCOME HOME. THIS IS PHOEBE SNOW.

AH, WELCOME HOME. THIS IS PHOEBE SNOW. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

PHOEBE'S NOT ONLY... NOT ONLY ONE OF THE BEST SINGERS TO COME ALONG IN MANY A YEAR, BUT SHE IS

ONE OF THE BEST SINGERS TO COME ALONG IN MANY A YEAR, BUT SHE IS SEVEN MONTHS CLOSER TO BEING A

ALONG IN MANY A YEAR, BUT SHE IS SEVEN MONTHS CLOSER TO BEING A MOTHER THAN MOST OF THE REST OF

SEVEN MONTHS CLOSER TO BEING A MOTHER THAN MOST OF THE REST OF US IN THIS STUDIO.

MOTHER THAN MOST OF THE REST OF US IN THIS STUDIO. [CHUCKLES]

US IN THIS STUDIO. [CHUCKLES] YOU NOTICED.

[CHUCKLES] YOU NOTICED. SHE'S GONNA DO A

YOU NOTICED. SHE'S GONNA DO A BILLIE HOLIDAY TUNE CALLED

SHE'S GONNA DO A BILLIE HOLIDAY TUNE CALLED "NO REGRETS."

BILLIE HOLIDAY TUNE CALLED "NO REGRETS." [APPLAUSE]

"NO REGRETS." [APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE] [INTRODUCTION PLAYS] ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

[INTRODUCTION PLAYS] ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ THOUGH OUR LOVE AFFAIR HAS

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ THOUGH OUR LOVE AFFAIR HAS GONE ASTRAY ♪

♪ THOUGH OUR LOVE AFFAIR HAS GONE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

GONE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE AWAY ♪

♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE AWAY ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY ROMANCE

AWAY ♪ ♪ SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY ROMANCE ENDED SUDDENLY ♪

♪ SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY ROMANCE ENDED SUDDENLY ♪ ♪ STILL, IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE

ENDED SUDDENLY ♪ ♪ STILL, IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE FOREVER MINE ♪

♪ STILL, IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE FOREVER MINE ♪ HMPH.

FOREVER MINE ♪ HMPH. [CHUCKLES]

HMPH. [CHUCKLES] ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

[CHUCKLES] ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS GOOD TO YOU ♪

♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS GOOD TO YOU ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

GOOD TO YOU ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO ♪

♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO ♪ ♪ WELL, I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL

SAY OR DO ♪ ♪ WELL, I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL LINGER ♪

♪ WELL, I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL LINGER ♪ ♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪

LINGER ♪ ♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪ ♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO

♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪ ♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪

♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

REGRETS ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ THOUGH OUR LOVING LOVE AFFAIR

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ THOUGH OUR LOVING LOVE AFFAIR HAS GONE ASTRAY ♪

♪ THOUGH OUR LOVING LOVE AFFAIR HAS GONE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

HAS GONE ASTRAY ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE AWAY ♪

♪ I KNOW I'LL CARE THOUGH YOU'RE AWAY ♪ ♪ WELL, SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY

AWAY ♪ ♪ WELL, SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY ROMANCE ENDED SUDDENLY ♪

♪ WELL, SOMEHOW OUR HAPPY ROMANCE ENDED SUDDENLY ♪ ♪ STILL IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE

ROMANCE ENDED SUDDENLY ♪ ♪ STILL IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE FOREVER MINE ♪

♪ STILL IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE FOREVER MINE ♪ ♪ BABY, EVEN THOUGH YOU SPLIT,

FOREVER MINE ♪ ♪ BABY, EVEN THOUGH YOU SPLIT, YOU TOLD ME TO REMEMBER TO HAVE

♪ BABY, EVEN THOUGH YOU SPLIT, YOU TOLD ME TO REMEMBER TO HAVE NO REGRETS ♪

YOU TOLD ME TO REMEMBER TO HAVE NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS

NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS GOOD TO YOU ♪

♪ ALTHOUGH SOMEBODY NEW LOOKS GOOD TO YOU ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪

GOOD TO YOU ♪ ♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU

♪ NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO ♪

♪ SWEETHEART, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO ♪ ♪ I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL LINGER ♪

SAY OR DO ♪ ♪ I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL LINGER ♪ ♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪

♪ I KNOW OUR LOVE WILL LINGER ♪ ♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪ ♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO

♪ WHEN THE OTHER LOVE FORGETS ♪ ♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪

♪ SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ WELL, SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO

REGRETS ♪ ♪ WELL, SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪

♪ WELL, SO I SAY GOODBYE WITH NO REGRETS ♪ ♪ OOH, DOO-BOO DOO-BOO DOO-BOO

REGRETS ♪ ♪ OOH, DOO-BOO DOO-BOO DOO-BOO DOO-BA ♪

♪ OOH, DOO-BOO DOO-BOO DOO-BOO DOO-BA ♪ ♪ B-A-A-A-A-A ♪

DOO-BA ♪ ♪ B-A-A-A-A-A ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ B-A-A-A-A-A ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "GONE AT LAST"

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "GONE AT LAST" PLAYS]

♪ THE NIGHT WAS BLACK ♪ ♪ THE ROADS WERE ICY ♪ ♪ SNOW WAS FALLIN' ♪

♪ THE ROADS WERE ICY ♪ ♪ SNOW WAS FALLIN' ♪ ♪ AND THE DRIFTS WERE HIGH ♪

♪ SNOW WAS FALLIN' ♪ ♪ AND THE DRIFTS WERE HIGH ♪ ♪ AND I WAS WEARY FROM MY

♪ AND THE DRIFTS WERE HIGH ♪ ♪ AND I WAS WEARY FROM MY DRIVING ♪

♪ AND I WAS WEARY FROM MY DRIVING ♪ ♪ AND I STOPPED TO REST FOR A

DRIVING ♪ ♪ AND I STOPPED TO REST FOR A WHILE ♪

♪ AND I STOPPED TO REST FOR A WHILE ♪ ♪ I SAT DOWN AT A TRUCK STOP ♪

WHILE ♪ ♪ I SAT DOWN AT A TRUCK STOP ♪ ♪ I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY PAST ♪

♪ I SAT DOWN AT A TRUCK STOP ♪ ♪ I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY PAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG STREAK OF THAT

♪ I WAS THINKING ABOUT MY PAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪

♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪ [SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪ [SAXOPHONE SOLO] ♪ I AIN'T DUMB ♪

[SAXOPHONE SOLO] ♪ I AIN'T DUMB ♪ ♪ I KICKED AROUND SOME ♪

♪ I AIN'T DUMB ♪ ♪ I KICKED AROUND SOME ♪ ♪ I DON'T FALL TOO EASILY ♪

♪ I KICKED AROUND SOME ♪ ♪ I DON'T FALL TOO EASILY ♪ ♪ BUT THAT BOY LOOKED SO

♪ I DON'T FALL TOO EASILY ♪ ♪ BUT THAT BOY LOOKED SO DEJECTED ♪

♪ BUT THAT BOY LOOKED SO DEJECTED ♪ ♪ HE JUST GRABBED MY SYMPATHY ♪

DEJECTED ♪ ♪ HE JUST GRABBED MY SYMPATHY ♪ ♪ SWEET LITTLE SOUL ♪

♪ HE JUST GRABBED MY SYMPATHY ♪ ♪ SWEET LITTLE SOUL ♪ ♪ NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? ♪

♪ SWEET LITTLE SOUL ♪ ♪ NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? ♪ ♪ TELL ME WHY YOU'RE SO

♪ NOW, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? ♪ ♪ TELL ME WHY YOU'RE SO DOWNCAST ♪

♪ TELL ME WHY YOU'RE SO DOWNCAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

DOWNCAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪

♪ OOOOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪ ♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪ [SAXOPHONE SOLO]

♪ OOH-OOOOH-OOH ♪ [SAXOPHONE SOLO] ♪ EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

[SAXOPHONE SOLO] ♪ EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE ♪ ♪ FROM OUT OF NOWHERE ♪

♪ EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE ♪ ♪ FROM OUT OF NOWHERE ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT IT ♪

♪ FROM OUT OF NOWHERE ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT IT ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE UNPREPARED ♪

♪ WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT IT ♪ ♪ AND YOU'RE UNPREPARED ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY WILL COME AND LIFT

♪ AND YOU'RE UNPREPARED ♪ ♪ SOMEBODY WILL COME AND LIFT YOU HIGHER ♪

♪ SOMEBODY WILL COME AND LIFT YOU HIGHER ♪ ♪ AND YOUR BURDENS WILL BE

YOU HIGHER ♪ ♪ AND YOUR BURDENS WILL BE SHED ♪

♪ AND YOUR BURDENS WILL BE SHED ♪ ♪ YES, I DO BELIEVE ♪

SHED ♪ ♪ YES, I DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪

♪ YES, I DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ IF I HADN'T MET YOU ♪

♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ IF I HADN'T MET YOU ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪

♪ IF I HADN'T MET YOU ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ I MIGHT STILL ♪

♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ I MIGHT STILL ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪

♪ I MIGHT STILL ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ BE SINKING FAST ♪

♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ BE SINKING FAST ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪

♪ BE SINKING FAST ♪ ♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ DO BELIEVE ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' IT'S GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

LAST ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪

♪ GONE, GONE, GONE ♪ ♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ GONE AT LAST ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪

♪ I'VE HAD A LONG ♪ ♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' ♪

♪ STREAK OF THAT BAD LUCK ♪ ♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' ♪ ♪ IT'S GONE ♪

♪ BUT I'M PRAYIN' ♪ ♪ IT'S GONE ♪ ♪ AT LAST ♪

♪ IT'S GONE ♪ ♪ AT LAST ♪ [FINALE PLAYS]

♪ AT LAST ♪ [FINALE PLAYS] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: NOW THIS FILMED MESSAGE. WE'RE HERE IN

MESSAGE. WE'RE HERE IN INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA,

WE'RE HERE IN INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA, WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE

INTERNATIONAL FALLS, MINNESOTA, WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE

WHERE WE PURPOSELY LEFT THE PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO

PACEMAKERS OF THESE FIVE GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11

GERIATRICS ON ALL NIGHT, JUST TO PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11 BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE

PROVE THAT THE TRY-HARD 1-11 BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS.

BATTERY CAN WITHSTAND EVEN THE MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS. [CRICKETS CHIRPING,

MOST ADVERSE CONDITIONS. [CRICKETS CHIRPING, OWLS HOOTING]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING, OWLS HOOTING] [BIRDS CHIRPING]

[OWLS HOOTING] [BIRDS CHIRPING] THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS

[BIRDS CHIRPING] THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS HAVE TROUBLE GETTING STARTED,

THE NEXT MORNING, ALL GERIATRICS HAVE TROUBLE GETTING STARTED, BUT NOT THE ONE WITH THE 1-11.

HAVE TROUBLE GETTING STARTED, BUT NOT THE ONE WITH THE 1-11. THE TRY-HARD 1-11...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] [INTRO TO "AMERICAN TUNE" PLAYS]

[INTRO TO "AMERICAN TUNE" PLAYS] ♪ MANY IS THE TIME I'VE BEEN

[PLAYS] ♪ MANY IS THE TIME I'VE BEEN MISTAKEN ♪

♪ MANY IS THE TIME I'VE BEEN MISTAKEN ♪ ♪ AND MANY TIMES CONFUSED ♪

MISTAKEN ♪ ♪ AND MANY TIMES CONFUSED ♪ ♪ YES, AND I'VE OFTEN FELT

♪ AND MANY TIMES CONFUSED ♪ ♪ YES, AND I'VE OFTEN FELT FORSAKEN ♪

♪ YES, AND I'VE OFTEN FELT FORSAKEN ♪ ♪ AND CERTAINLY MISUSED ♪

FORSAKEN ♪ ♪ AND CERTAINLY MISUSED ♪ ♪ OH, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND CERTAINLY MISUSED ♪ ♪ OH, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'M ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ OH, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'M ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'M JUST WEARY TO MY BONES ♪

♪ I'M ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ I'M JUST WEARY TO MY BONES ♪ ♪ STILL, YOU DON'T EXPECT TO BE

♪ I'M JUST WEARY TO MY BONES ♪ ♪ STILL, YOU DON'T EXPECT TO BE BRIGHT AND BON VIVANT ♪

♪ STILL, YOU DON'T EXPECT TO BE BRIGHT AND BON VIVANT ♪ ♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪

BRIGHT AND BON VIVANT ♪ ♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪ ♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪

♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪ ♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T KNOW A SOUL WHO'S

♪ SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME ♪ ♪ AND I DON'T KNOW A SOUL WHO'S NOT BEEN BATTERED ♪

♪ AND I DON'T KNOW A SOUL WHO'S NOT BEEN BATTERED ♪ ♪ I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND WHO

NOT BEEN BATTERED ♪ ♪ I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND WHO FEELS AT EASE ♪

♪ I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND WHO FEELS AT EASE ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW A DREAM THAT'S

FEELS AT EASE ♪ ♪ I DON'T KNOW A DREAM THAT'S NOT BEEN SHATTERED ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW A DREAM THAT'S NOT BEEN SHATTERED ♪ ♪ OR DRIVEN TO ITS KNEES ♪

NOT BEEN SHATTERED ♪ ♪ OR DRIVEN TO ITS KNEES ♪ ♪ AH, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ OR DRIVEN TO ITS KNEES ♪ ♪ AH, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AH, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ FOR WE'VE LIVED SO WELL SO

♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ FOR WE'VE LIVED SO WELL SO LONG ♪

♪ FOR WE'VE LIVED SO WELL SO LONG ♪ ♪ STILL, WHEN I THINK OF THE

LONG ♪ ♪ STILL, WHEN I THINK OF THE ROAD WE'RE TRAVELING ON ♪

♪ STILL, WHEN I THINK OF THE ROAD WE'RE TRAVELING ON ♪ ♪ I WONDER WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪

ROAD WE'RE TRAVELING ON ♪ ♪ I WONDER WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪ ♪ I CAN'T HELP IT, I WONDER

♪ I WONDER WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪ ♪ I CAN'T HELP IT, I WONDER WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪

♪ I CAN'T HELP IT, I WONDER WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS DYING ♪

WHAT'S GONE WRONG ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS DYING ♪ ♪ I DREAMED THAT MY SOUL ROSE

♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS DYING ♪ ♪ I DREAMED THAT MY SOUL ROSE UNEXPECTEDLY ♪

♪ I DREAMED THAT MY SOUL ROSE UNEXPECTEDLY ♪ ♪ AND, LOOKING BACK DOWN AT ME,

UNEXPECTEDLY ♪ ♪ AND, LOOKING BACK DOWN AT ME, SMILED REASSURINGLY ♪

♪ AND, LOOKING BACK DOWN AT ME, SMILED REASSURINGLY ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪

SMILED REASSURINGLY ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪ ♪ AND HIGH UP ABOVE, MY EYES

♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪ ♪ AND HIGH UP ABOVE, MY EYES COULD CLEARLY SEE ♪

♪ AND HIGH UP ABOVE, MY EYES COULD CLEARLY SEE ♪ ♪ THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ♪

COULD CLEARLY SEE ♪ ♪ THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ♪ ♪ SAILING AWAY TO SEA ♪

♪ THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ♪ ♪ SAILING AWAY TO SEA ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪

♪ SAILING AWAY TO SEA ♪ ♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪ ♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THEY CALL

♪ AND I DREAMED I WAS FLYING ♪ ♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THEY CALL THE MAYFLOWER ♪

♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THEY CALL THE MAYFLOWER ♪ ♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THAT

THE MAYFLOWER ♪ ♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THAT SAILED THE MOON ♪

♪ WE COME ON THE SHIP THAT SAILED THE MOON ♪ ♪ WE COME IN THE AGE'S MOST

SAILED THE MOON ♪ ♪ WE COME IN THE AGE'S MOST UNCERTAIN HOURS ♪

♪ WE COME IN THE AGE'S MOST UNCERTAIN HOURS ♪ ♪ AND SING AN AMERICAN TUNE ♪

UNCERTAIN HOURS ♪ ♪ AND SING AN AMERICAN TUNE ♪ ♪ OH, AND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ AND SING AN AMERICAN TUNE ♪ ♪ OH, AND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL

♪ OH, AND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪

♪ YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T BE FOREVER BLESSED ♪

RIGHT ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T BE FOREVER BLESSED ♪ ♪ STILL, TOMORROW'S GONNA BE

♪ YOU CAN'T BE FOREVER BLESSED ♪ ♪ STILL, TOMORROW'S GONNA BE ANOTHER WORKING DAY ♪

♪ STILL, TOMORROW'S GONNA BE ANOTHER WORKING DAY ♪ ♪ AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOME

ANOTHER WORKING DAY ♪ ♪ AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST ♪

♪ AND I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL, I'M TRYING TO GET

REST ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL, I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST ♪

[FINALE PLAYS] [APPLAUSE] THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE] THANK YOU. OH, I THANK YOU.

I JUST WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK ALL THE GUESTS WHO WERE ON THE SHOW...

OPPORTUNITY TO THANK ALL THE GUESTS WHO WERE ON THE SHOW... PHOEBE AND RANDY NEWMAN, WHO I

GUESTS WHO WERE ON THE SHOW... PHOEBE AND RANDY NEWMAN, WHO I HAD NEVER MET, AND THIS WAS MY

PHOEBE AND RANDY NEWMAN, WHO I HAD NEVER MET, AND THIS WAS MY OPPORTUNITY TO MEET HIM.

HAD NEVER MET, AND THIS WAS MY OPPORTUNITY TO MEET HIM. I WAS VERY HAPPY TO DO SO.

OPPORTUNITY TO MEET HIM. I WAS VERY HAPPY TO DO SO. AND, OF COURSE, MY OLD FRIEND

I WAS VERY HAPPY TO DO SO. AND, OF COURSE, MY OLD FRIEND ART GARFUNKEL.

AND, OF COURSE, MY OLD FRIEND ART GARFUNKEL. THE FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS.

ART GARFUNKEL. THE FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS. THE MUPPETS.

THE FILM BY ALBERT BROOKS. THE MUPPETS. CHEVY CHASE.

THE MUPPETS. CHEVY CHASE. AND... HAVE I FORGOTTEN ANYBODY?

CHEVY CHASE. AND... HAVE I FORGOTTEN ANYBODY? I HOPE NOT.

AND... HAVE I FORGOTTEN ANYBODY? I HOPE NOT. Announcer: LADIES AND

I HOPE NOT. Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BILL BRADLEY OF THE

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BILL BRADLEY OF THE NEW YORK KNICKS.

GENTLEMEN, BILL BRADLEY OF THE NEW YORK KNICKS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OH, MY GOD. FOR ONE-ON-ONE PLAYERS EVERYWHERE, I PRESENT YOU WITH

FOR ONE-ON-ONE PLAYERS EVERYWHERE, I PRESENT YOU WITH THIS TROPHY.

EVERYWHERE, I PRESENT YOU WITH THIS TROPHY. CONGRATULATIONS, CHAMP.

THIS TROPHY. CONGRATULATIONS, CHAMP. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY, IF KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR IS WATCHING, MOST OF THIS WEEK... OOH, I'M

KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR IS WATCHING, MOST OF THIS WEEK... OOH, I'M SORRY.

MOST OF THIS WEEK... OOH, I'M SORRY. MOST OF THIS WEEK, I HAVE BEEN

SORRY. MOST OF THIS WEEK, I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING GOING TO MY RIGHT, SO

MOST OF THIS WEEK, I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING GOING TO MY RIGHT, SO THIS FILM CAN BE VERY MISLEADING

PRACTICING GOING TO MY RIGHT, SO THIS FILM CAN BE VERY MISLEADING ABOUT GOING TO THE LEFT.

THIS FILM CAN BE VERY MISLEADING ABOUT GOING TO THE LEFT. I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M READY.

ABOUT GOING TO THE LEFT. I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M READY. GOOD NIGHT.

I JUST WANT TO SAY I'M READY. GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT. THANK YOU. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

Announcer: THE MUPPETS ARE

FRANK OZ, JERRY NELSON,

RICHARD HUNT, AND JIM HENSON.

NEXT WEEK ON NBC's "SATURDAY

NIGHT," ROB REINER WILL BE YOUR

HOST.

JOINING ROB WILL BE THE LOCKERS,

PENNY MARSHALL, JIM HENSON AND

HIS MUPPETS, ANOTHER FILM FROM

ALBERT BROOKS, AND A VARIETY OF

MUSIC AND COMEDY ENTERTAINMENT.

DON'T MISS ROB REINER NEXT WEEK

ON NBC's "SATURDAY NIGHT."

THIS IS DON PARDO SAYING, "THIS

IS DON PARDO SAYING, 'THIS IS

DON PARDO SPEAKING.'"

YOUR ANNOUNCER THIS EVENING HAS

BEEN DON PARDO.

MAYBE NEXT WEEK I'LL... YEAH.