Original subtitles

Gol' darn leech, that's what he is.

Just a bloodsucking leech.

He's not such a bad fella once you get to know him.

Why don't you drink your coffee before you get your bile all upset?

Six weeks now he's been riding right along beside us

getting the full protection of this train and not paying a gol' durn cent.

Why don't you ask him to join up with us?

I did ask him.

I think I made it pretty clear. He's gonna pay

his $40 just like the rest of them did.

This is no charity party I'm running.

You know what's the matter with the major, don't you? No. What?

He's mad at that little Eaglewood fella because he's too smart for him.

He's a schoolteacher.

Yeah, but there's no schools in this part of the country.

I know that. He's heading for San Francisco. Got a job teaching.

Him and me get along just fine together.

The reason for that is, we've both got

what it takes up here... brains.

What? Why, you grubby old fleabag.

You've never been inside a schoolroom in your life.

I've got what is known as native intelligence.

Vincent Eaglewood told me that himself.

Oh, why don't you stop?

Hey, fella. Come on out here. I want some words with you.

Hello, there. Care to join me in a cup of coffee?

No, I don't want any coffee.

I come over here to tell you a few things.

You're not gonna tag along beside my train any longer. You understand that?

Well, this is free American soil and I'm an American citizen.

So though I hate to make you unhappy, Major Adams,

I think I'll still tag along.

♪

Yeah. Most of the wagons in your train

are in the same condition, Major.

I'm afraid the good folks got hoodwinked back in St. Joe.

Darn conniving salespeople in the cities.

This ain't no way to put a steel rim on a wagon wheel.

How long do you figure it'll take to fix?

Well, you got 46 rims

hanging on by spit and wire.

By the time I set up my forge, oh, I'd say

minimum three days. Oh, Lord.

That's working around the clock.

We have company coming.

Well, maybe he's coming to pay that $40 he owes.

Hi there, boy.

Hello, Wooster.

You know the major, don't you?

This is Bill Hawks. Calvin Bryngelson, our wheelwright.

This is Vincent Eaglewood, my friend.

Did you finally decide to pay up?

No. I came to say goodbye. I don't like the route you're following, Major.

You don't like the what?

The route. Route. Trail.

So I guess this is where we part company.

Just what is it you don't like about my route?

Oh, nothing.

I'm just taking the wash trail around the hills up there.

It comes out the same place.

Only difference is, you get there a day later than we do.

Yes, I know, but by taking

the long route around, I won't run into the Indians.

What Indians?

Navajos.

You mean you haven't noticed all the signs?

Yesterday the notched trees and day before the camp leavings?

Oh, I thought it was obvious. It's an unusual tribe.

I believe they're Wapato descendants, not pure Navajos.

Listen, boy, I've been over this trail four times,

and I'm telling you that there's no Indians up this far north.

The Navajos are 200 miles south of here.

Supposedly, yes.

Nevertheless, there's definitely an Indian tribe up ahead.

They usually head for the high terrain. Plenty of wood for fires.

And judging from the greenery, I'd say there's a water freshet

by that plateau high up there.

You've been out west before, huh?

No. Well, I have.

And I'm telling you there's no Indians up this far north.

Oh, yes, there are.

Oh, no, they're not.

Have it your way.

Hey, Flint's coming in.

Hello, Major, Bill. Hello, Flint.

Hi, Cal. Not going through the hills this trip, Major.

You've got to take the long way around through the dry wash.

Who says so?

The Navajo. They've moved into the hills up there.

By the size of the camp, they're gonna be there for a while.

What's the matter? Nothin'. Nothin' at all!

What'd I tell ya... Oh, shut up!

They look friendly or don't they?

No, they jumped a couple of miners,

and the way they treated them, I wouldn't call it friendly.

ADAMS: Did you scout the wash trail? Yeah.

How is it?

It's rocky here and there, but no fallen timber.

You'll be able to get through all right.

Well, I suppose we might as well hole up here

for a few days till we get these wheels fixed.

Plenty of good timber around here for firewood. Bill,

you'd better get the wagons circled up. All right.

Cal, get your forge out. Get it set up.

I'll get a work detail going to cut some wood for you.

Good, Major.

I, uh, I don't believe we've met.

Vincent Eaglewood. McCullough.

You gonna join up with the train?

Not unless he comes up with $40, he's not.

Say, an idea just occurred to me.

You have children on your wagon train, don't you?

Of course we have. Thirty-ought of 'em. Why?

I'll make a deal with you.

I have a bachelor of science degree from Trinity College.

I'll run a school for those children in exchange for my passage.

Every time you make a stop, I'll set up my schoolroom. How about it?

I don't make deals.

Say, maybe the kids' folks would like to have a teacher for them.

Long months ahead. Did anybody ask you anything?

No. Well, then, shut up.

It's none of my business either, Major, but, uh,

I think this gentleman's got quite an idea.

You could look at it this way...

You'd be the first wagon master in history

that would have a traveling school going right along with the train.

Might be pretty good next fall.

Well, by golly,

you might have something there at that.

Word gets back to St. Joe, it might cause quite a stir.

All right. Young fella, you got yourself a job.

Pull that funny-looking outfit into line and get to work on them kids.

Much obliged. I'm sure neither one of us

will regret the bargain.

I'm mighty proud of you, Major.

By gosh, I'm proud of the way you handled yourself.

Is that so? Yeah.

Pitting your brains against his in a deal like that.

I'd have bet my life that boy was gonna join this wagon train,

but I'd also bet that you was gonna wind up paying him $40.

Get up there on your wagon where you belong!

Yes, sir.

What the devil are you grinning about? You're as bad as he is.

Hey, Cal. You'd better take it easy there, man.

You're liable to bust an artery going at it the way you are.

You want 'em finished, don't ya?

Well, sure, but not at the expense of you having a stroke.

That is, unless you know where there's another wheelwright

between here and Sacramento.

Hah! Look at this.

Bolts.

There's your modern ways for ya.

People just don't take no pride in their work no more.

Bolting an iron wheel instead of sweatin' 'em on like they should've.

No wonder half of your wagons is runnin' on wood.

Yeah, I know, Cal. I there anything I can do to help?

Just keep the wood coming. We burn it up as fast as they fetch it in.

We'll keep 'er comin'.

Flint, about these three days we're gonna be holed up, what are your plans?

I thought I'd get some hot food, spend the night here,

and then hit the trail in the morning...

That is, if it meets with the major's approval.

It's good enough.

Hey, Mr. Anderson, you look kind of bushed.

Maybe you'd better let me spell you for a while.

You've got more important things to consider, Major.

No need you doing a laboring man's work.

Hello, Major. Hello, Miss Ericka.

I see you've got the ladies working now, huh?

Yes, with what little we can do.

Father and Mr. Nielson honed up this ax for you.

You hone a razor, Ericka, not a broad ax.

Well, whatever. Take a husband.

You'll soon learn about honing his razor for him. Right, Mr. Hennepin?

No time for nonsense like that, son. We've got work to do.

Ericka, get this ax sharpened for me.

Let Ben work. Every man in camp's going full pitch.

Every man except one, that is. I never seen him lift a finger.

Big help he is. Fine figure of a man.

Probably better off there.

Spindly fella like him couldn't lift no ax anyway.

Well, I don't know, Ben.

Takes all kinds to make a world.

I never seen one like that before.

You seen all the gimcracks he got on that wagon of his?

Microscopes and all kinds of funny bottles and books.

He's a smart young fella.

Work he's doing is just as important as ours, I figure.

Why, Major, I do believe you're proud of him.

I didn't say I was proud of him.

What I meant was that he's good for those kids. Besides, he keeps them out of our hair.

I think it's wonderful.

And the children love him and he certainly keeps their minds busy.

I never went to school a day in my life.

Well, you're very smart,

standing around with your ax in your hands.

But you'll notice that the one that isn't sweating

is working with his head!

All right, class,

who is the president of the Union?

Mr. Wooster?

I would like to answer that, Mr. Eaglewood.

President Jack...

- President Johnson. - That's it.

Well, I'll give partial credit for that. He was president.

Anyone else? Elwood?

Ulysses S. Grant.

Yes. And the vice president?

Schuyler Colfax.

Good.

All right. How many states are there in the Union?

Oma Jean?

Thirty-seven.

Very good.

Now I have good news for you.

I have located a patch of ripe wild sugar beets down in that meadow,

and tomorrow, for everyone who knows his homework,

we'll make a field expedition,

and then we'll cook the beets and make some taffy.

I want to go! I want to go!

Can I go?

Elwood, Elwood,

whenever we ask a favor

or ask someone to respond to us,

what is the magic word? "Please"?

Now state the question again, please.

May I go, please, Mr. Eaglewood?

That's better.

Yes, of course you may go, if you know your homework.

All right, class, now we'll have an hour of physics.

Today we're going to demonstrate

an experiment in the combustibles.

Elwood, what are the combustibles we're using?

Sulfur and phosphorous.

Very good. Now, what I have in my hand here

is known as a Lucifer.

In times to come, this will replace the flint for making fire.

The first one was made in 1827

by a druggist in England named John Walker.

He made them from a compound

of chlorate of potash and sugar mixed with gum arabic

and a touch of red phosphorous, which I have here.

Now, we dip the sticks

into the mixture,

let it harden,

and... we have a Lucifer.

Or, as it is also called, a locofocos.

Now, we have only to scratch this Lucifer

on a rough surface, and...

All right, class, everybody up to the work table.

Each of you take a beaker, mix up a compound,

and make your own Lucifers... surprise your mothers and fathers.

Donald, will you take these materials to the work table?

Hello, Miss Ericka.

Hello, Mr. Eaglewood.

That was just fascinating.

I'd never known before how matches were made.

Oh, it's just a simple chemical trick.

But these graphic experiments appeal to the children.

Makes them more interested in the thought process.

Have you, uh, read all of those books?

Oh, yes, and more.

The wagon was overloaded as it was.

I had to leave hundreds of books back in the East.

Oh.

I don't mean to pry, Mr. Eaglewood,

but why are you going out West?

I accepted a job teaching in a small college in San Francisco.

Oh, I think that's wonderful.

I admire men who use their heads.

The only men I know are only interested

in peddling merchandise or working with their hands.

Well, we couldn't teach children in schoolrooms

unless somebody first built the schools and did the printing, you know.

I suppose that's right.

You know, I've been to school. I know how to read.

Do you enjoy it? Oh, yes.

Do you like poetry? Well, I... I don't know. I've never read any.

There's some I brought with me...

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Samuel Coleridge and others.

Would you like me to teach you about poetry?

Oh, yes, I would, very much.

Mr. Eaglewood, mine's finished.

Yes, Elwood, I'll be right there.

Uh, tonight, perhaps, after dinner?

Yes. Thank you.

I'd like that.

Goodbye.

"Remember me when I am gone away,

gone far away into the silent land,

when you can no more hold me by the hand

nor I, half-turned to go

yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

you tell me of our future that you planned.

Better by far you should forget and smile

"than that you should remember and be sad."

Oh, that's lovely.

I'm sure a woman wrote that.

Yes. Her name was Christina Georgina Rossetti.

She lives in England.

What are you doing with a book? You can't read.

I'm looking at the pictures, if you don't mind, Major, sir.

I suppose Mr. Eaglewood gave you that. Didn't you tell him you can't read?

They will always scoff at the educated.

All right, Charlie, you keep on getting educated.

Flint, when you came on those Indians,

was there a war spear in evidence?

Yeah, right in front of the chief. Pointed down?

Yeah. It was in the ground.

That's fine.

Well, they haven't spotted us yet, anyway.

Two more days and two more nights in this place.

We'll keep our fingers crossed, and we might have some luck and get out of here.

Here Here you Here you go. Here you go. Filled Here you go. Filled it

Here you go. Filled it with Here you go. Filled it with water.

Here you go. Filled it with water. Thanks,

Here you go. Filled it with water. Thanks, Bill.

The way this work's been going, I figure we ought to be on the move by noon tomorrow.

Takes us a whole extra day to get around those hills.

That'll put us down in the flats in 48 hours.

I'll meet you at that creek crossing in the evening of the third day, all right?

I'm not sure I feel right about leaving you here with Indians around.

We'll be all right.

I'm gonna give Wooster and Hawks four men for an extra guard detail.

We'll take care of it all right.

We'll ring the whole area.

Take care of yourself. Meet you on the third day.

Bill, pick your men, get your guard set.

All right. Come on, Charlie.

All right, Shirley.

I think that's enough sugar beets now.

You girls and boys come up here

and watch how this is done.

All right. The first batch of taffy seems cool enough.

The first team of taffy pullers will consist of

Betsy, Diane, George and Donald.

Are your hands all greased? ALL: Yes.

All right. Donald and I will now demonstrate how to pull taffy.

Take this end here. Hold tight, now.

We pull and bring it together.

Then we pull and bring it together.

All right. Diane, you team up with Donald,

and George, team up with Betsy.

And start pulling.

The rest of you children, while we're waiting for your taffy to cool,

we'll have a class on bird lore.

Just follow me, please.

Charlie, you take this spot here.

Right. I'll spread the rest down the line.

That ain't no bird.

They were human birds talking to each other.

I'm surrounded by 'em.

What am I doing out here by myself?

Well,

only thing to do is make a run, I guess.

Bill! Hawks! Hawks! Bill! Bill!

Run for your lives! There must be a million of 'em!

Whoa! Wait a minute! Hold up a minute!

Do they look like Indians to you?

That's my friend Vince. You and your friends.

Elwood, what are you doing out here?

We were just studying bird lore with Mr. Eaglewood.

Our bird lore class. We just spotted a yellow-bellied sand thrush

and we were calling to him. Why? Is anything wrong?

Eaglewood, don't you know

that you shouldn't have these kids this far from the train?

This is Indian country. Gather them up and get them back to the wagons.

Elwood, you come along, now.

All right, children.

I wish you'd told me about that class. I'd have loved to join.

And you get back too! Wouldn't we, Bill? Or would we?

Come on, kids. Hurry up.

Go on.

We didn't know.

You can't blame us for carrying on our normal schoolwork.

Pasty, white-faced city man almost got the children shot.

There's your book-learnin' for ya.

All right, all right.

Let's just assume that you didn't know

that Indians use bird calls to signal each other.

Let's leave it this way.

There'll be no more classes in bird lore.

Do you understand that? Yes, sir.

Just what in tarnation is all this about?

They've been fighting over the candy.

The schoolteacher showed 'em how to make taffy today.

Listen, Mr. Teacher,

are you deliberately trying to wreck this whole wagon train?

I never had this trouble before, and I want it stopped, understand?

But I... I don't care about your excuses.

Just do me one favor, will ya?

Keep those kids and yourself out of my hair.

We've got work to do!

Come on. Get back to your wagons.

I'll have to boil water, get this stuff off you.

You're a misfit, Eaglewood.

Why don't you pull out and leave us in peace?

Ben Denike,

you just hush up and go about your business!

Ow! What's eating you, kid?

Don't you ever talk to Mr. Eaglewood that way!

Why...

Don't you let that old walrus get under your skin, Vince.

I know him. He's mostly all steam.

"Work," he said.

Well, I guess I haven't contributed much in the way of helping.

That's not true, Vincent.

Children need just as much help as adults do.

'Course they do. You just keep on doin' what you been doin'.

Next week I was going to read them Ivanhoe.

I had such plans.

Oh, Vincent, there's no reason at all

for you to change your plans now.

No, the major's right.

They need every available man for work.

I'll just close up the school

and be what help I can.

Vincent, you must do no such thing.

You'd break them children's heart if you done that.

Of course you would.

They do seem to enjoy it.

There ain't a mother's son of us on this wagon train

that can't take one of them stupid sticks and chop down a tree.

Now, I say, every man for his own calling.

And yours is teaching, not chopping down trees.

Why, that's for old buzzards like me.

Vince, they love your classes

and they love you.

Did you know that my brother Elwood is just sure

that you hung the stars and the moon in the sky?

He is?

Imagine that.

Here comes your talk-talk party.

He's trying to tell me that his people live

over those two sets of hills on the other side.

He wants to know if we're going through his people's land.

All we want to do is pass through there. Yeah, I know.

Big sun. Far. West.

He says his people are very poor.

He says other white man come here and...

give clothes and supplies. Food?

Uh-huh. That's what it is.

He wants to be paid off for us to pass through his land.

Maybe they'll settle for some of that bear meat of ours.

We've got more sides than we'll ever use. Heh.

Heh.

Tobacco.

Hatchet. Shovel.

That's pretty plain.

He wants rifles for all his people and ammunition.

All right, boy.

No. No more powwow.

Bill, double the sentries from now on.

Right.

Does he always have to do that by hand?

Of course he does. How else would he do it?

Well, if I showed you a way to replace this man

that would still give you a continued supply of forced air, would that help you?

You bet it would. Well, may we try?

Of course. Just keep out of our way.

Well, on behalf of the children,

I want to thank you for this opportunity.

Don't mention it.

Here's another one!

Whew! How you doing, Cal?

Well, another 30 hours, Major.

We ought to roll out of here by noon tomorrow if things keep going good.

Well, you keep 'em going. You bet.

Hello, Major Adams.

Hello.

We all love you, Mr. Eaglewood.

You do?

That's very nice to hear.

Let me tell you all something.

When you grow up, some of you will become wives and mothers,

some will become doctors, lawyers, businessmen,

but remember this...

Of all the things you'll do or hope to do,

none is as great as the gift of love

from one human being to another.

Will you remember that?

ALL: Yes.

All right. Attention, everybody.

I have something important to tell you.

Starting today, we will apply

all the things we've been learning to help Major Adams in his tasks.

We are social beings, and as such,

we will join in the joint social effort to help the wagon train.

I've taught you about physics and specific gravity.

We will apply that knowledge to rig up

a new bellows for Mr. Bryngelson's forge.

I've taught you about the combustibles,

which woods burn hotter and longer.

We will use that knowledge

to show the wood-choppers which trees to select.

I will teach you how the Malayan natives

construct ingenious detection devices

to warn them of approaching enemies,

but that is later.

To build a Roman-style

automatic bellows for Mr. Bryngelson.

Follow me, class.

If I wasn't looking right at it, I'd never believe it.

It was first devised during the reign

of Emperor Claudius in Rome.

A mathematician named Felicitus Agrarius invented it.

Oddly enough, for his reward he was sent into exile

on the island of Crete.

But do not think this man was never heard of again, for two years later,

he had invented the famous snag-proof loom,

which was so to glorify the homes of ancient Crete.

Class, we have harnessed nature

by utilizing one of gravity.

We will proceed with our next project. Follow me.

Now, there goes a man with brains.

Huh? Brains.

Yes, sir.

In the Malayan jungles, wild beasts

and other bands of savage natives

are a constant menace to the peace-loving tribes.

All right, who can tell us where the Malayan jungles are situated?

Elwood? In Malaya.

Yes.

Well, ask a foolish question,

you get a foolish answer, I suppose.

However, we will go into that more fully

in our geography class on Friday.

Now onto the business at hand.

To save Major Adams the trouble and bother

of sending out guards to watch for Indians,

we will construct some ingenious

Malayan detection devices.

This appears to be a likely point of entry.

Uh, just stand back, please.

All right. You boys lend a hand with this rope.

All right, class, on to our next project.

Men, pick up your tools over here.

And we'll dig our pit right here.

All right, class.

Class, on to our next project.

What types of trees are the men cutting out in the wood?

Oma Jean? Oak and greasewood.

Correct. And what do we have here?

A pine tree.

Very good. Pitch pine.

The pitch pine is one of the slow combustibles,

giving off a slow, steady burning flame

that lasts twice as long as oak or greasewood.

So we'll cut this down, chop it up,

and illustrate to Major Adams that he can get twice as much fire

burning twice as long using the pitch pine.

Now, which way do we want the tree to fall? Elwood?

Away from the wagons. That way.

Very good. So we make the cut

on the side we want the tree to fall.

Stand back, please.

By golly, that contraption really works, don't it?

You bet it does. Just like a Swiss watch, Major.

Saves us a man, and even the women and kids can work it.

Maybe I underestimated that little fella.

Yeah, you know, that schoolteacher's got brains.

Got brains? You know, brains.

Brains.

How are you, Vince, old buddy boy? Hello, Wooster.

What are you doing here? Oma Jean.

It's called the Swedish Tree Fellers' Precision Slice

Enables exact placement of where it's to fall.

No.

You see that mark I put on the ground out there? Yeah.

It will fall right exactly there.

All it needs is a little touch.

You're a genius, Vince, old boy... a real, true genius.

Just a little touch, huh? Oh, no! No! Oh, no!

Oh, my goodness! WOOSTER: Timber!

Hey, look out! That tree! Get out of there!

Get out of there, everybody!

Aah!

The major. Oh!

What lame brain...

idiot did this?

Step out and face me!

You little pin-head!

Bring me that ax! Come over here!

Oh, Major, I always try to teach the children

to say "please" whenever they ask for something.

I'll "please" you!

Vince, if you knew the major like I do,

now's the time to hide out till he cools off.

Come on, come on!

It always worked for the Malayans.

I demand to see Major Adams.

You don't demand nothing, mister.

You just climb up on that seat and drive.

Come on, move. You're getting off easy, the trouble you've caused.

What's going on here?

Ericka, you just stay out of this.

Women got no business in these matters.

Ben Denike, who do you think you are?

Vincent, you're not gonna let them bully you, are you?

Yes.

You just wait until Major Adams hears about this! Now, Ericka...

Now, Major Adams is gonna hear all about this

just as soon as this fella's on his way out of here.

Come on.

Now, get along, schoolteacher.

Oh!

You You listen You listen to You listen to me,

You listen to me, Ben

You listen to me, Ben Denike.

I run this outfit. I give the orders.

Is there any doubt in your mind about that?

No, sir, but I don't understand, after what he done to you.

That's between him and me.

You get a few more years under that hat of yours,

you'll understand that no man

lets a personal grudge endanger another man's life,

and that's exactly what you've done.

You sent that boy out there

into Indian territory all by himself,

and I'm ashamed of you.

I'm ashamed of all of you.

Let me tell you one thing.

The next time I catch any of you

acting together as a mob,

I'm gonna kick you off of this train.

Every single, solitary man that's involved.

Do I make myself clear?

Major, some of the children are gone.

What? What kind of talk is that?

You tell the major. Go on, before I spank the daylights out of you.

You tell him where the children went.

We wanted to bring Mr. Englewood back, that's all.

Tell him. They went to get him.

Where? I don't know.

Bill,

get our boys together.

Get extra ones too. Right.

Stay inside this circle.

We'll leave extra guards. You'll be all right.

We'll get those kids back. Don't worry.

We figured those kids would've caught up with Eaglewood

soon after he left camp.

Knowing the direction he took off in,

a shortcut to intercept him seemed in order,

but we reckoned without the Navajo.

I knew that the minute we topped that rise

and saw his wagon with no kids running around it.

They had to be over the hill, beyond Eaglewood's trail,

in the Indian camp.

His book-learning was good for some things, sure,

but it didn't tell him that he was heading right into the jaws of the enemy.

The lookouts they'd posted told me that.

Whoa!

Ho, there! Ho!

Eaglewood.

Mr. Eaglewood, I want you to

turn around and go back to the wagon train.

I've got to apologize to you for what happened.

I'm sorry, but I didn't know anything about it.

I won't return unless they apologize.

There's no time for that nonsense now.

I'm afraid the Navajos have got a bunch of our kids. We're going after them now.

My children? But how could they?

Well, seems like they went out to bring you back.

Probably got lost, and the Navajos picked them up. I want to help.

I don't suppose you know how to use a gun, do you?

Oh, yes. I was captain of the rifle team at Trinity College.

I won two medals. You want to see? No, never mind.

Bill, give me your rifle.

He'd be better with us than he would be

out here wandering around by hisself.

Major, there'll be men hurt in this, won't there?

Most likely, yes.

What I'm trying to say, Major, is...

it was my fault the children were captured.

They went out looking for me.

I feel I should get them back,

or at least have a try at it,

without endangering all your lives.

If you've got any idea how to do it, I'm sure willing to listen.

Well, I don't know how exactly,

but I feel I should go in and have a talk with them.

Can you use sign language?

No, but I majored in tribal languages at Trinity College.

I speak the Wapato tongue fairly well.

Why the devil didn't you tell us so

when I was having that palaver with them?

You never asked me.

Uh, say, I'd rather not use this.

I'll just use my head.

The way to do it, Major, if you don't mind my saying so,

is to hit 'em hard with every gun we got.

One man can't pull it off.

Well, what is there to lose?

Just give me half an hour to talk with them.

There's always time to resort to this

if I don't come back.

What they do with white men is not very pretty.

I know. They bury them alive.

And you still want to go in?

Yes, I do.

All right. I'll give you just exactly 30 minutes,

and if you're not back here by then, we're coming in after you.

Please do.

It's Mr. Englewood!

Hello, children. I've come to take you home.

Don't worry. I just have to talk to the chief for a moment.

That's Iroquois.

If there's anything you're not, it's certainly Iroquois, isn't it?

Good morning to each and every one of you.

May your sun god be kind to all of us.

You are the chief, sir? Ha.

"Ha"? Oh, yes, "ha." I greet you.

Fine band of men.

Handsome women. Good people. Friendly people.

Yes, friendly.

Kay-ee chanoak.

Chanoak?

Oh, rifles. Oh, no.

I've brought gifts better than rifles.

Hey, now, stop that!

Those are my possessions, and you can't be...

That'll teach you not to fool around with other people's possessions.

This was a graduation gift from my mother.

There's a lot of sentiment attached to this,

and I'll thank you to keep your hands off.

Now, let me show you some fascinating things.

Say, I come in peace. That's no way to act.

Why can't you be gracious and hospitable?

What's wrong with you? A fine way to act.

That shows very bad training as children.

Put away those things. Kato-ke!

Now, sir, allow me to display

the presents I've brought for you.

Not everybody can work one of those.

Takes a magic man like me, you see?

This is for you, Chief. It's all yours.

But wait. I have other things.

Here's a miracle for you. Genuine Swiss miracle.

What do you make of that, Chief?

No, no, no, no.

You're not getting the rhythm. Here.

A magic glass.

It takes little things and makes them very big.

Big. Large. Very big.

Watch.

Look at my eye.

There's a miracle for you. But wait.

You haven't seen anything yet.

I will now demonstrate my affinity

with your sun up there.

Look at this, Chief. Red phosphorous

dug from the earth and sulfur.

Like the smell?

Now, the magic glass.

You see the sun up there? The sun?

Sun in sky?

I bring the sun

down to earth here at my bidding.

Watch.

Stand back, everybody.

Any minute now.

You'd better stand back.

Darn fool idea anyhow.

I ought to have my head examined for letting him go in there.

Well, the time's up. Come on, let's go.

Ho!

Well, what in the devil?

What could I do? They made me a white god.

Well, I'll be. I don't know.

Mr. Eaglewood, would you get ready to pull into line, please?

"Please"? My, aren't we getting polite?

Oh, button up your lip and get out of here.

Wagons, ho!

Hyah, horse!

Move your points on out, will ya?

Okay, let's go! Flaherty!

Pull up that third wagon! Come on, bring those mules in there!

Hurry it up! Let's get movin'!

Come on! Ha!

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