Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,640
This programme contains
very strong language
2
00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:04,960
from the outset and throughout.
3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,560
What is fucking going on wi' you?
4
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,480
It's the swimming trunks.
They just bunch everything up.
5
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,760
I mean, dude, why are you wearing
swimming trunks? It's madness.
6
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,960
In case we go in the hot tub.
What?!
7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,560
Manolito's hot tub.
Tommo said you went in it.
8
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,440
Sweetheart, this is not
a fucking hot-tub occasion.
9
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,960
We're dropping off some bales
and getting the fuck out.
10
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,440
I want to be in and out.
Oh.Get your shit together.
11
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,280
Stop itching your dick.
12
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,320
Excuse me, love.Hiya.Do you know
where Manolito is, by any chance?
13
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,560
Er... try the back garden.
Excellent. Ta.
14
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,800
But... but why not?
15
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,600
What do you... Listen, give over.
It's a bath, innit?
16
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,520
If you wanna go in the fucking
hot tub, you've gotta ask him.
17
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,200
I can't ask him. I don't hardly know
him. He thinks I'm called K-Kevin.
18
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,520
Well, put him right then, dude.
19
00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,240
Maybe you should.
Putting him right, dude.
20
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,920
Listen, some things,
you have to do on your own.
21
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,520
You know what I mean?
22
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:07,920
What the fuck's going on out there?
How come Tommo got to go in it?
23
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,040
Be... Look leave the fucking hot tub
alone now, all right?
24
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,360
He's a temperamental bastard
at the best of times.
25
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,400
Just get on wi' him.
Know what I mean?
26
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,960
MAN: It takes a long time
to work out how to do this safely.
We've been trained!
27
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,000
MAN:
Who says I want to do it safely?
28
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,360
I'm begging you, it's only a rabbit.
(Fucking hell.)Sorry.
29
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,960
Sorry, are you? You'll kill him!
I don't think you're sorry enough.
30
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:32,040
No, please. You are getting on my
nerves. Please! You want to be next?
31
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,480
(WHIMPERS)Oh, my...
Fucking hell. You all right, dude?
32
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,440
How's it going?
Vincent!
33
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,120
Hiya, Manolito.
Ah... Kevin.
34
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,720
No. Please. No.
35
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,640
Oh.I'm sorry.
36
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,920
That's not good.
Whoa.
37
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,680
Ohh! Blinking hell.
38
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,840
Please!
Whoa. Fucking hell.
39
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,880
It's my Lola's fourth birthday.
40
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,360
I'm throwing her
a special birthday party.
41
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,040
Aw! H-happy birthday
to the l-little lady. Thank you.
42
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,720
Are you laying on weed
for a four-year-old's party?
43
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,760
It's for the grown-ups. Madhead
I've got a lot of people coming.
44
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,680
I want everyone
to be nice and relaxed.Sure.
45
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,800
People come round here,
they're always so uptight.Yeah.
46
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:20,080
I hear hot tubs are good for that
sort of thing. S-so I've been told.
47
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,600
(MAN SCREAMS)
I didn't know you had...
48
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:25,360
Is that fella gonna be OK
spinning round on that thing there?
49
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,080
You don't need to worry.
I'm gonna take care of him.
50
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,400
Come.
51
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,080
One person has let me down already.
Completely unforgiveable.
52
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,920
(SHRIEKS)
Fucking hell.Jeez.
53
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,880
Mr Rabbit Man here, took my money
54
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,920
for a thoroughbred snow white
bunny rabbit as fluffy as a cloud.
55
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:44,920
On the day of my Lola's birthday he
comes to me, says there is problem.
56
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,320
I could get you an iguana.
Lola don't want no stinking iguana.
57
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,320
Lola wants the rabbit
she was promised
58
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,520
and has been looking forward to
for the last six fucking months.
59
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,360
Is this as fast as this thing goes?
(SPEAKS ARABIC)
60
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,840
No. No!
61
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,800
Hey. I'm ready for the blindfold.
62
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:03,520
The blindfold? No!
I-I-I'll get you a w-white bunny.
63
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,120
You bring me rabbit?
Yeah, sure. I-I-I'll g-get you one.
64
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:13,000
N-n-no problem-o.You let me down,
I'll have to put you on the target.
65
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,840
No, please. No. No, no.
66
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,320
♪ BARRETT STRONG:
Money (That's What I Want)
67
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,400
Fuck sake.
A fucking drought on bunnies.
68
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,240
Do you know what I mean?
Are they not shagging enough?
69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,880
Who the fuck knew that?
Well as it happens, I did.
70
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,600
Heh-heh hey-hey!
Jim!
71
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,480
♪ Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh hey!
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh hey! ♪
72
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,520
Yeah! All right then.
Hey. Did somebody order... rabbits?
73
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,200
Yeah, I did, yeah.
Ta-da!
74
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,640
Take your pick.
75
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,560
What-what-what-what are they?
76
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,680
They're rabbits, innit? They're not.
They're fucking march hares.
77
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,560
Fuck. What did I say to you?
I said fluffy white rabbit, dude.
78
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,680
All right, off-white. Fucking
off-white? They're fucking dead.
79
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,160
Well, what do you want
fucking live ones for?
80
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,080
Dead ones are better.
How are they better?
81
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,320
It's for a fucking child's birthday.
She's fucking four years old.
82
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,920
A rabbit? As a pet?
83
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,000
Yeah. I've fucking heard it all now.
They're vermin.
84
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,600
Fucking horse is a pet.
A dog is a pet.
85
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,800
Animals that don't mind doing
an honest days work,
86
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:15,160
not fucking layabouts like rabbits
and fucking goldfish!
87
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,440
Them lazy bastards...
Will you sod off, you?
88
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,040
Ah, fuck you!
Jesus Christ. (PHONE BUZZES)
89
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,080
Who the fucking hell's that now?
90
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,560
Fuck, it's Ronnie.
What do you want, you cunt?
91
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,120
I hear you're on the lookout
for a fucking fluffy white rabbit.
92
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,320
Right. Well, has it got a fucking
pulse? Yeah, man, he's got a pulse.
93
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,840
It's like that. (IMITATES HEARTBEAT)
Ronnie listen to me now.
94
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,640
If come down there and it's
a fucking chinchilla or it's dead,
95
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:41,000
I'm gonna lose me shit, dude. Great
rabbits don't come fucking cheap.
96
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,720
Fuck, how much do you want for it,
you fucking idiot?
97
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,320
What d'you mean? I want the rabbit's
weight in weed, fucking obviously.
98
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,200
Wait a sec.
Vinnie?
99
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,880
(How much does a rabbit weigh?)
Well, it's about 80, 90% fluff.
100
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,920
Yeah, 85.
Well, how much does fluff weigh?
101
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,280
Fluff, well, it's er...
about the same as wool.
102
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,200
Do I look like I understand the
weight of wool, like a Saxon trader,
103
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,040
you fucking lemon, eh?
Jesus fucking wept.
104
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,680
How much does a rabbit weigh?
About half a cat? Half a cat.
105
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,320
That'll do. I'll see you
up at Jim's farm in half an hour.
106
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,360
♪ METALLICA: Sad But True
107
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,840
Fucking dick. That's a lot bigger
than I thought he'd be.
108
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,080
Take a look at Albert.
We're gonna need more weed, Vinnie.
109
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,880
Shit. Fuck sake.
110
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,040
I mean, what kind of a fucking diet's
this lad on?
111
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,720
Big man. Has he ever fucking seen a
carrot, this lad? He's a meat eater.
112
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,280
He's fucking huge. He is massive.
He's like a fucking white giant.
113
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,760
Everything's fucking huge to you
though, innit?
114
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,440
Ohh. Yes!
(Dude is that in fucking grams?)
115
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,520
(Is that in grams?)
Ohh.
116
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,720
That's a lot.Ohh.
Stop making that fucking noise.
117
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,920
We better pay him,
otherwise this knobhead's
118
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,320
gonna get span and skewered
at a child's party.
119
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:50,800
Can you take him to Manolito
without any fuck-ups? Yeah, course.
120
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:52,600
Good lad. Go on, get gone.
Bye.
121
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,920
Sorry I'm late, are you pissed off
with me? No, not really,
122
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,320
but I want you to take this time
that we have together seriously.
123
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360
It's precious time, Vinnie.
Yeah.
124
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,400
Yeah.
Sorry.
125
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,440
So, I met Erin, like you asked.
126
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,440
She's a good soul.
Oh.She cares for you.
127
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,600
Therapist approved, is she?
128
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,360
(CHUCKLES)
129
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,320
I always feel like I hold her back.
130
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,160
From what I can see, Erin knows
how to look after herself.
131
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,040
Oh.
Do you mind being outside today?
132
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,760
No, no. Hell no. It's nice, innit?
133
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,920
I've always preferred
being outside anyway,
134
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:34,000
ever since being little, I reckon.
Yeah? What would you do?
135
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,760
'I was always going down to the woods
y'know.
136
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,600
'It was quiet there.
No-one bloody shouting at me
137
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,480
'or fucking laughing at me...
(CHUCKLES)
138
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,960
'..like in school.
Just a lot of trees.
139
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:53,160
'Bugs and... leaves.
140
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,120
'There were these deer.
141
00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,680
'Do you know, I'd wait for them for
bloody hours. I'd keep really still.
142
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,480
'I just... I wanted to get close to
them you see. Just... I don't know...
143
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,440
'They didn't have any bloody
expectations of me
144
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,200
'or fucking demands.
145
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,640
'And they looked like
they belonged where they were.
146
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,080
'Then once this bloody massive one,
I remember him passing right by me.
147
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,120
'I could've touched it.
148
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,200
'Maybe it is stupid but I just...
149
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:30,080
' I felt like it was trying
to tell me summat, y'know.
150
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,120
'Never felt so bloody safe.
151
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,160
'I just...
152
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,000
'I wished I could just stay
in them woods forever.'
153
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,360
Do you find yourself
envying the deer?
154
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,480
Yeah. Fucking hell. I still do.
155
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,720
You know, they just look like
they belong there.
156
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,760
Just a part of all of it.
157
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,440
The environment, the landscape.
158
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,920
And they were just always so...
159
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,840
..adaptable
and I really liked that about them.
160
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:08,000
Hm. Adaptable.
How where they adaptable?
161
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,760
Well, it just didn't matter
how brutal it got for them.
162
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,600
They wouldn't dwell on any of it.
163
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,920
Just power through
and get on with things.
164
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,800
And you think that's an important
ability for an animal -
165
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,280
to 'get on with things'?
Well, of course it is, innit?
166
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,040
Yeah? Because?
167
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,920
Well, because if you don't...
168
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,800
You know, if you don't move on,
you won't fucking survive.
169
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,800
It's just life.
170
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,360
And it is brutal, bloody cruel
all at the same time but...
171
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,800
It is. It's just the way things are.
It's life.
172
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,880
Yes.
173
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,920
(CHUCKLES)
174
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,040
♪ SAM COOKE: What A Wonderful World
175
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,480
(CLICKS TONGUE SOFTLY)
176
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,160
All right? (CLICKS TONGUE)
177
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,160
(CHUCKLES)
178
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,720
(AS MANOLITO)
"Oh, Kevin, you are my hero."
179
00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,200
"My name's actually Cardi." "Oh, my
God, I've been calling you Kevin!"
180
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,080
"It's all right, it doesn't matter,
just for future.
181
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,120
"Get up off your knees,
Manolito, there's no need..."
182
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,560
"No, Cardi, I am serious, baby.
183
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,560
"If there's anything you ever
184
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,360
"possibly want from me,
I'll give it to you."
185
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,000
"Er... I really don't think that
there's anything...
186
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,120
"Actually, do you know what?
187
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,320
"When we were walking
through your house...
188
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,120
"that wasn't a hot tub
I saw back there, was it?"
189
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,960
(HEAVY THUD)Oh! Fucking hell! You
all right? You all right, Albert?
190
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,440
Shit.
191
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,240
Oh, shit. I-I-I'm really sorry,
I d-didn't see you there.
192
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:41,880
Really... really it's not a problem.
You barely touched us. Hang on.
193
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,240
(LAUGHS) (ZIPS TROUSERS) Thought I
recognised that cretinous stutter.
194
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,520
What the fuck were you thinking,
driving so recklessly?
195
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:55,040
I w-w-wasn't. J-j-j...
W-w-w-w!
196
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,760
Yes, you fucking were,
you dribbling, inbred twat.
197
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,400
You've given me whiplash. (SNAPS
FINGERS) Where's your insurance?
198
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,680
I-I-I-I'm in the p-p-process
of applying for it.
199
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,680
(LAUGHS) Ooh...
200
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,960
I would not want to be you
right now. High-speed crash.
201
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:16,440
Innocent party. Life-changing
injuries. Russell! No.
202
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,480
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to report this, Lucinda,
let the police deal with it.
203
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,720
Oh, no, don't...
Please, please, please.
204
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,400
Please, I'll do anything. I'm
looking at extensive physio here.
205
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,280
We're talking thousands.
I don't see any way round it.
206
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,280
I'll do anything. Please.
All right. You got six grand?
207
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:37,240
Eh? Compensation. Should be ten
but we'll call it... six for cash.
208
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:41,160
Keep you out of prison.
I... I don't have s-s-s-s-six grand.
209
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:45,320
All right, well, what about your mam
or your grandma
210
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,840
or er...
What the fucking hell is that?
211
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,360
He-he-he's just a friend. I just...
212
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,840
No, he's just a friend!
He's just a friend.
213
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,560
Please,
he's very-very-very, p-p-precious!
214
00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,200
Is he?
Don't worry, I won't hurt him.
215
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,360
Whoa!
Oh!(SNIGGERS)
216
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,440
Look the size of this bastard!
217
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,560
C-can I have him back now, please?
218
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,160
Yeah, course you can. Just get me
six grand and you can have him.
219
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,200
You know where I am.
220
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,600
♪ TAME IMPALA: Elephant
221
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,960
Shit.
222
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,840
♪ I Feel Good
223
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,320
Carol?
224
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,520
You all right? No.
Something terrible's happened.
225
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,600
Fucking Russell Hardwick's
taken Manolito's daughter's rabbit.
226
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:03,440
Remind me why I should give a shit.
I told Manolito I'd get him a rabbit
227
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,960
cos there was a man on a
spinning wheel. And I got a rabbit.
228
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,440
Then I bumped the van and-and now
I'm gonna be on the fucking wheel
229
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,160
and I really don't want to be...
What day is it, Cardi?
230
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,560
Wednesday. No, er...
231
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,760
Saturday. Is it?
232
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,800
It's our anniversary, Cardi.
233
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:25,600
Does it mean that little to you?
What? No. No. No. No. No. I just...
234
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:30,160
Just... I thought... thought
it was a d-d-d-different day.
235
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,760
No. It's today.
236
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,480
Your present's over there.
237
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,440
Oh, wow.
238
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,440
That is... It's lovely.
239
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,040
I love it.
240
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,080
Erm, er...
241
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,880
All right, I'll just...
I'll be back in five minutes.
242
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,080
Where are you off to?
Just popping to the shop to g-g-g...
243
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,720
get a card and some flowers.
I don't fucking want a card
244
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,840
and fucking flowers
from the fucking shop.
245
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,640
It's too late.
246
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,120
It's the fucking gesture that counts.
247
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,520
The remembering.
248
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,280
Look, I'm sorry, Carol, I thought...
I thought it were a different month.
249
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,480
I've had a really shit day.
Russell Hardwick's been so mean.
250
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,240
Jesus Christ! Him again?! Would you
never learn to stand up for yourself?
251
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,960
People like him are gonna walk
all over you unless you do.
252
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,240
I did... I did stand up to him.
If you never stand up for yourself,
253
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,840
how can I ever expect you
to stand up for me, huh?
254
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,560
You don't need standing up for.
255
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,400
What? Why the fuck not?!
256
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,400
Because you scare people, Carol.
257
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,640
What the hell do you mean?
258
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,080
You're aggressive! Everyone's too
scared to argue with you,
259
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,960
no-one ever says nothing
you won't like
260
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,680
in case you say something mean
to them because you're mean.
261
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,600
Is that fucking right? Now we're
finding out how things really are.
262
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,560
Shows you how wrong I was
about this fucking relationship.
263
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,680
Nothing's wrong with it.
Are you fucking joking me?
264
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,920
There's only one of us doing anything
in this relationship.
265
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,080
I'm more like a mother to you than
I am a lover. What's wrong with that?
266
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,640
Oh, Christ almighty! Cardi!
267
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,600
You can't go through
your whole fucking life
268
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,440
expecting everyone
to mop up after you.
269
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,600
I need someone
with a level of emotional maturity.
270
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,920
Someone who can support me
if I need them to.
271
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,160
Someone that I can depend on.
272
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,400
You can depend on me!
273
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,600
I can't even depend on you to
remember the fucking anniversary.
274
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,720
I did remember it.
I just remembered a different day!
275
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,480
Fuck!
276
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,200
I can stand up for myself!
277
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,440
I can do all those things
you want me to do.
278
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,480
I can change, Carol.
279
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:51,520
I think my mum might be a bit more
eager to celebrate than I am.
280
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,720
I think she really
wants to let her hair down.
281
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,600
What, at a baby shower?
282
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,120
She's kind of treating it a bit
more like the hen-do I never had.
283
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,880
Oh, God. OK. Well, she'll
calm down once we get to the spa.
284
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,920
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
(GIGGLES)
285
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,880
Look up there.
Little cloud balloons. How cute.
286
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,840
(GASPS) Baby shower! Whoo-hoo!
287
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:14,920
Let's do it!
Oh, God.
288
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,840
Whoo-hoo!
Here we go. Cheers.
289
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:22,680
Right, here you go. This one's for
you, Sugar. Thank you. Very nice.
290
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,720
♪ DONNA SUMMER: I Feel Love
291
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,440
Ohh!
292
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,200
Mum, again.
This has got alcohol in it.
293
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,760
Er, yeah, it's a cocktail, innit?
294
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,800
It's not a hen-do.
It's a baby shower.
295
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,600
And I can't drink alcohol
because I'm eight months pregnant.
296
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,800
I was a fortnight in Magaluf with
the girls
297
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,120
when I was pregnant with you.
Never did me any harm. You what?
298
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,280
I booked it before I found out.
(DOORBELL)
299
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,320
It was a hundred quid deposit.
300
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,920
God!
Do you want me to change it?
301
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,800
Carol, you made it!
Are you all right, love?
302
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,840
To tell the truth, I'm not, Liz.
303
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,280
Let's turn this off.(MUSIC OFF)
I wasn't so sure that I should come.
304
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,320
Are you OK, Carol?
305
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,600
I don't know where to start now.
306
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,520
I've been called
all sorts of things today.
307
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,480
What? By who?
308
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,040
Cardi.
309
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,640
Cardi?
Cardi called you names?
310
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,280
Like what?
311
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,760
Like... aggressive...
312
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,320
..and mean...
313
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,000
Right.
OK.
314
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,600
Scary.
315
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,640
Yeah.
Mm.
316
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,800
I just don't know if I see a future
for us now, like... like this.
317
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,880
I need someone that... that
cares about what I need, y'know.
318
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,400
♪ BILLY STEWART: A Fat Boy Can Cry
319
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,680
Russell! I want a word with you!
320
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,720
Can I help you? Yeah, you can
give me my fucking rabbit back.
321
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,280
(LAUGHS) I beg your pardon?
You heard me.
322
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,600
I want my fucking rabbit back, now!
323
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,800
All right, let's just go over here.
No, how about we stay right here
324
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,200
and talk about you stealing
people's rabbits?!
325
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,760
Let's just calm down, shall we? I'm
not fucking calming down, I am calm.
326
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,400
All right. OK, OK. Take a breath.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
327
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:30,080
I want my fucking rabbit back now.
328
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,440
All right. This rabbit
means a lot to you, doesn't it?
329
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,640
I know we've had our differences
330
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,480
and that's probably just as m-m-much
my fault as it is yours.
331
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,120
I'm not a s-s-s-successful man
like you, Russell.
332
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,600
I don't have riches
and I don't want 'em either.
333
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:52,000
All I want is my wife, Carol,
and for her to be happy
334
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,160
and she's n-n-not happy
335
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,200
because I don't stand up for myself.
I know.
336
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,600
You'd do anything for her, wouldn't
you? I fucking would.Yeah.
337
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,320
All right. Suck my plums.
338
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,680
Eh?
Go on.
339
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,920
Suck my plums.
340
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,680
You said you'd do anything.
Fuck off, man!
341
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,560
(FAKE SOBS)
342
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,120
(MIMICS) Don't pick on me.
343
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,400
(FAKE SOBS)
My wife thinks I'm a loser.
344
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,680
(CACKLES)
345
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,160
Get out.
346
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,480
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHTER)Christ.
347
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,720
I'm not scared of you, Russell.
348
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,240
You're just a c-c-c-c-c...
You c-c-c-c-c-c...
349
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:42,520
c-can't even say it, can you?
I bet you can even fucking spell it.
350
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,240
Turf him out.
Make sure he don't come back.
351
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,840
Get off! (GRUNTS)
352
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,880
I... I can fucking spell it!
353
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,320
You've analysed it yourself
as well as I ever could.
354
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,880
Like them deer?
355
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,920
Yes.
356
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,920
Exactly like them.
357
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,080
The only constant is change.
Mm.
358
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,200
People move away, you know.
They find work,
359
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,600
they... they fall in love,
360
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,600
they pass away from illness
or old age.
361
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:22,240
People can come into and out
of our lives in an instant.
362
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,840
It doesn't mean we have to like it,
but it's just life.
363
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:29,760
That's how it is. Like those leaves
on the trees, always renewing.
364
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,760
Things renew, Vinnie.
Change is everywhere.
365
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,960
I know. I know what you mean. I know.
366
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,120
Like... like Dyl leaving or my mum.
Mm.
367
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,320
I know it's meant to be normal...
368
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,480
..but it just makes me
so fucking sad.
369
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,920
Fuck. Perhaps I'll get over it.
370
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,760
(CHUCKLES)
371
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,000
Yeah. But he's harmless.
Yeah, and he's a sweet guy.
372
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,640
Am I not allowed to be angry
because everybody loves him?
373
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,680
Yous don't have to live with him.
So what am I?
374
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,280
Am I a bad person
for feeling this desperate?
375
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,360
When I have to do everything for him?
Everything!
376
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,920
And if I leave it up to him,
Mother of Jesus, he's...
377
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,640
he's like your man with fucking
gold fingers but only in reverse.
378
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,080
Everything he touches turns to shite.
379
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:33,360
Look, Carol, it's Cardi, all right?
He loves you, you love him.
380
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,440
But men used to desire me.
I want to be desired.
381
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:42,920
They always admired me.
I mean, although, admittedly,
it was fleeting but...
382
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:46,680
(SIGHS) They used to be fighting
over me in the kebab shop.
383
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,080
But how many of them
were ever any good for you?
384
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:50,880
That's not the point, Sugar!
385
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,200
The point, is that I felt desired
386
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,080
and it doesn't happen any more.
387
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,280
Oh, course it does.
Cardi desires you.
388
00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,000
Well, if he does,
he doesn't know how to show it.
389
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,240
Ah, sure, fuck.
I thought I could...
390
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,480
I thought I could fix him up,
you know, like...
391
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,680
I thought I could train him
to be better.
392
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,880
(SLURPS)
393
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,160
I need to get out of here, lads,
need to just get my head sorted.
394
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,200
Do you want us to come with you?
395
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,920
No, no. I'll just go on me own.
396
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,200
Jesus.
(SIGHS) God.
397
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,760
♪ JOHNNY CASH: Hurt
398
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,320
(SHOP BELL JANGLES)
399
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,200
One of them.
And two of those cream puffs.
400
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,520
The choux de la creme?
You having people over?
401
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,720
Am I fuck. Don't bother boxing
'em up, just hand 'em over.
402
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,040
Oh.
403
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,040
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
404
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,240
I may regret asking,
but is everything all right?
No, it's not, Graham.
405
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,400
I'm a complete disaster, man.
I ruin everything I touch.
406
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,920
Relationships. Children's
birthday parties. You name it.
407
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,160
A chap I used to know quite well
was convinced he was a failure too,
408
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,040
once upon a time.
Always beating himself up, he was.
409
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,760
Constantly telling himself
how bad he was at everything.
410
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,920
You know what happened to him?
411
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,560
He was you.
412
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,920
What? No, he bloody well
jumped in front of a train.
413
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,400
Oh.
Why would you think I...
414
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,560
The point is, repeating
negative thoughts of ourselves
415
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,720
only reinforces negativity.
416
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,760
You need to do what I do
every morning.
417
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,240
You look in the mirror and you
visualise the man you want to be
418
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,680
and ask him what would he do,
see yourself doing that,
419
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,760
and then
go and blooming well do it.
420
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,680
(ECHOES)
I mean, imagine if I'd given up
421
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:57,720
the first time I got a soggy bottom.
422
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,800
I've got...
423
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,880
I've got an idea.
424
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,920
Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do summat.
425
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:10,160
I'm going to do summat! Are you
gonna pay for those, you fucker?
426
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,480
Put them on the tab!
You haven't got a tab!
427
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,360
♪ DAVID BOWIE: Modern Love
428
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,360
♪ And when to stay in
429
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,680
♪ Get things done
430
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,400
♪ I catch a paper boy
431
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,000
♪ But things don't really change
432
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,840
♪ I'm standing in the wind
433
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,320
♪ But I never wave bye-bye
434
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,280
♪ But I try
435
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,440
♪ I try ♪
436
00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:55,080
'Ey up!
Ooh! Hiya. Are you all right?
437
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,520
(MIMICS) Ooh, are you all right,
Meena, sweetheart?
438
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,560
What brings you here?
439
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,040
Just dropping off some info
on personal funeral plans
440
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:06,400
Tommo was interested in.Yeah. I was,
actually. So, thank you, Meena.
441
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,600
Funeral business
is a massive rip off.
442
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,280
Yeah, well, they seem pretty happy.
443
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,520
I think you'll find, Jim, our
packages are competitively priced.
444
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,760
(SCOFFS)
Not compared to my pit, you're not.
445
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,560
Your pit?
It's great, my pit.
446
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,400
Nothing that goes in there
ever comes back out.
447
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:25,320
And it costs fuck all.
And that's where I'm going.
448
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:28,720
Sorry. Guys! Guys! (STAMMERS)
449
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,160
What, Cardi?!
I've got an idea.
450
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,840
CARDI: 'Everyone's too scared
to argue with you, no-one ever
says nothing you won't like
451
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,160
in case you say something mean to
them because you're mean.' (ECHOES)
452
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,840
♪ The knives are out
453
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,600
♪ We are broken
454
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,760
♪ You spat your truth
455
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,960
♪ I hope you're choking
456
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:18,360
♪ You will never be the man
I wish that you could be
457
00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:22,760
♪ Before your time,
the lads were fighting over me
458
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,440
♪ Two weddings in
459
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,680
♪ What was I thinking?
460
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,280
♪ Not one of us
461
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,240
♪ Young lad from England...
462
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,760
I don't need a baby.
463
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,280
I need you.
464
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:48,120
♪ Too late for me
to have the baby of your dreams
465
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:55,480
♪ Held on for life and prayed
that I was all you'd need
466
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,280
♪ Where will I go?
467
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,640
That's lovely!
468
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,400
♪ Who will love me?
469
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,440
♪ Stand up and fight
470
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,600
♪ If I am worthy
471
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,600
♪ I'm only tough, my love,
because I had to be
472
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:25,640
♪ You brightened everything
when you sat next to me...
473
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,800
I really fucking love her, man.
And I need her.
474
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:35,760
♪ Everybody suffering
475
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,760
♪ We all had a part to play
476
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,920
♪ Looking for someone to blame
477
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,400
♪ Love is the only way
478
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:47,440
♪ Will we try again?
479
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,720
♪ Nights on my own
480
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,840
♪ Time moves so slowly
481
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,320
♪ No-one should live
482
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,920
♪ This life so lonely...
What about getting
to know each other?
483
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:08,000
What about...
Romeo, meet Cardi.
484
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:12,600
♪ You saved me from my days
of dark debauchery
485
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,320
♪ You knew just who I was
486
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,960
♪ Don't twist your knife in me...
(BOTH YELL)
487
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,840
Fuck!
488
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:24,640
♪ Where will I go?
489
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:29,000
♪ Who will love me?
490
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,320
♪ Stand up and fight!
491
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,600
(CHEERING)
492
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:37,720
♪ If I am worthy
493
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,440
♪ I'm only tough, my love,
because I had to be
494
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:50,800
♪ You brightened everything
when you sat next to me
495
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:56,040
♪ Sit next to me
496
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:05,760
♪ Sit next to me
497
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:15,120
♪ And we'll see ♪
498
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,880
Right, I'm gonna sneak in
through the front.
499
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,120
You and Tommo go in through the
kitchen, right, pose as caterers.
500
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:35,280
They're short-staffed. Just say that
the agency sent you.Right.
501
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,640
What am I doing?
You're the getaway driver. Yes!
502
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,920
I think Albert will be in t'main
room. Albert's the giant rabbit?
503
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,320
Yes, so...
Got ya.
504
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,840
You two go in there, you blend in -
collect plates, glasses, whatever.
505
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:48,040
Then, when I pull the fire alarm,
506
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,280
you escort everyone to the emergency
exits, I'll go in, grab Albert,
507
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:55,280
meet back here, Jim'll be waiting.
It's a bit light on revenge for me.
508
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:59,200
Hey, look, this is Cardi's plan.
It's a good one. Simple. Achievable.
509
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,400
You could take a shit on the table.
All right, bad Santa.
510
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:06,240
Quick in and out. Got it.
Look, you don't have to do this,
if you don't want to?
511
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,800
No, I do, I do. I really do.
512
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:13,120
I have to do it for me
and f-f-for Carol.
513
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:14,800
That's fair enough.
514
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,640
Got to do what you've got to do.
515
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,680
♪ KANYE WEST: Mercy
516
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,920
♪ It is a weepin' and a mournin'
and a gnashin' of teeth
517
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:29,760
♪ It is a—when it comes to my sound
which is the champion sound
518
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:34,960
♪ Believe, believe
♪ O-O-O-OK, Lamborghini Mercy
519
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,600
♪ Your chick, she so thirsty
520
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,800
♪ I'm in that two-seat Lambo
with your girl, she tryna jerk me
521
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,720
♪ OK, Lamborghini Mercy
522
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,280
♪ Your chick, she so thirsty...
523
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,000
(RUSSELL CHATTERS OVER MIC)
524
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,840
(RUSSELL CACKLES)
525
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:52,200
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
526
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,120
♪ Lamborghini Mercy ♪
527
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,040
Fuck it. (SIGHS)
528
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:03,400
♪ PATSY CLINE: Crazy
529
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,440
(GRUNTS)
(TUMMY GRUMBLES)
530
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:09,080
I'm starving.
531
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,360
Fuck this.
532
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:18,960
(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)
533
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:23,360
Anyway, now it's time
for the annual blooper reel.
534
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,680
So, if we could have the lights,
please?
535
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:30,560
And if anyone can be relied upon
to make the yearly blooper reel,
536
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,040
it is Roger Forsyth.
(LAUGHTER)
537
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,640
As can be witnessed
from this amazing video,
538
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,640
Roger has spent more time in bunkers
539
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,560
than Hitler, Goebbels
and Eva Braun put together.
540
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,400
As you can see, he's digging
his way through to Australia.
541
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,520
Nice one, Roger. (CHUCKLES)
542
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,520
Mate, what are you doing?
543
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,440
Can someone get this tramp
out of my kitchen?
544
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,080
Fucking overcooked. Get out now.
It's fucking overcooked.
545
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,880
Call the fucking cops.
Fucking leg it! Sorry.
546
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:08,600
(GRUMBLES)
Who the fuck is that?
547
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,800
For fuck's sake.
548
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,880
(FIRE ALARM BLARES)
Don't panic. Don't panic.
549
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,720
Panic! Fire! Run for your lives!
550
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:23,640
Fire! Get out! Run!
551
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:24,960
You?!
552
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,160
Argh!
MEENA: Get out! Get out! Get out!
553
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,040
(PANICKED CHATTER)
554
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,560
I don't believe it.
It's that thick fuck.
555
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:37,520
Get him. Get him.
Get him. He's got the rabbit.
556
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,320
Shit. Oh, shit.
557
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,240
He's gone over there.
Spread out! For God's sake!
558
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:45,360
Get after him.
There he goes.
559
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:46,960
Hit the lights!
560
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,040
50 quid to whoever gets him.
561
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,760
Stop there, sunshine!
562
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,720
No, no, no stop, he's got him!
563
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:08,360
Fucking hell!
Get the buggy, get the buggy!
564
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,000
Let's go. Let's go!
565
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:14,880
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
566
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,640
(Shit.)
567
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:23,040
Where the fuck is he? Who?
Fucking Kevin! I fucking warned him.
568
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,040
He thinks he can take the piss
out of me?
569
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,400
I'll murder his fucking family.
Shit! No-one pull this shit on me.
570
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,760
I swear no-one's pulling shit on you.
571
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,200
We wouldn't dare.
That's a gift from us to you.
572
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:36,080
I'm gonna find out where Kevin is
right the fuck now.
573
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,880
♪ LANGHORNE SLIM & THE LAW:
The Way We Move
574
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,880
Oh, I wonder where he can be(?)
575
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,520
What a fucking simpleton.
I told you, didn't I?
576
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,880
You're trapped, you fucking inbred.
577
00:32:57,760 --> 00:32:59,400
You go round there.
578
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,520
Fucking hell!
579
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,280
TOMMO: Right!
MEENA: Yes, Cardi!
580
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,840
Yes!
Whoo!
581
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,240
TOMMO: Go on, lad!
MEENA: Yes!
582
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,240
He's making for the exit.
Come on, run! Shit.
583
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,600
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Do you hear me?
584
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,600
I'm gonna skin you alive!
And your fucking rabbit!
585
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,440
Check this out, Albert.
586
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,720
No, no, no, no, no!
587
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:59,560
No! What are you doing? No, stop!
(ALL SHOUT OUT)
588
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,720
What the fucking fuck is he doing?
589
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,120
He's ploughing!
He's fucking ploughing!
590
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,320
(ALL SHOUT OUT)
591
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,760
CARDI: Hey, Russell!
I think you'll find I can spell it!
592
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,600
Fu-u-u-u-uck!
593
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,320
Carol? Where is he, Vinnie?
Don't... don't... don't...
594
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:39,880
don't kick off, all right?
595
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,400
Listen, it's a fucking nightmare
here, all right?
596
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,520
I've got him going apeshit in there.
Fucking Manolito cunt!
597
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:47,360
At who?
At fucking Cardi.
598
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,760
Because if he doesn't bring
that 4ft rabbit quick,
599
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,760
he's gonna end up
on that fucking circle
600
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,800
having daggers and shit
thrown at him.
601
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:57,440
Where is this prick Manolito?
I'll fucking sort him out.
602
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,520
Do not fight Manolito. It's not gonna
go down well. He's like cartel.
603
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,240
Shit, he's there.
604
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:04,200
Did you speak to him?
I've spoke-
605
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:07,320
TOMMO: Make way! Go on, you too.
(Oh, thank fuck!)
606
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,160
And you, big lad. I give to you
the biggest fucking rabbit
607
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,680
you've ever seen
in your goddamn life, sweetheart.
608
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:18,200
This is Albert. He likes eating
l-l-leaves and f-f-flowers.
609
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:22,080
Oh, my God. He is amazing.
He's all right, yeah.
610
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,680
He's perfect.
Lola is going to be over the moon.
611
00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:28,840
Great, are you happy? Of course!
Get him some bloody cage.
612
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:31,760
♪ PATIENCE AND PRUDENCE:
Tonight You Belong To Me
613
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,760
I did it, Carol.
614
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,760
I s-s-stood up to Hardwick.
I got him good, you know.
615
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,680
Everything's going to be all right.
We're going to be all right.
616
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:45,040
You're a fighter. I always knew it.
617
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:51,560
Kevin. I owe you big time.
Anything you want, you name it.
618
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,360
The name's C-Cardi.
619
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,400
Cardi, have you seen Lola?
620
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,160
N-not yet. Who's Lola?
Manolito's little girl.
621
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,720
It's her birthday party.
622
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,360
Yeah, Cardi,
she's not a little girl.
623
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,000
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
624
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,680
(SIGHS) Fucking hell.
625
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:26,720
♪ NICK DRAKE: River Man
626
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,360
'Ey up, Dyl.
627
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,520
I've just got a minute to myself,
thought I'd give you a shout.
628
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,080
Been thinking of you, man.
What can I tell you?
629
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,160
Been doing therapy,
you'll be pleased to hear.
630
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,320
Unpacking a bunch of shit there.
631
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,360
Erm...
632
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,560
I've realised, dude,
I have - fuck me -
633
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:04,240
a complete inability
to cope with change.
634
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,680
(LAUGHS) Which is fucked.
635
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,440
So, I mean, anyway
it's getting a little bit better.
636
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,000
I'm starting to understand it,
less frustrated.
637
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,960
I could do with telling you about it
properly really.
638
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,600
(SIGHS) Fuck, dude, I miss you, man.
639
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,760
Yeah. And I love you very much.
640
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,640
(END-OF-RECORDING ALERT)
641
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,080
(PHONE PINGS)
642
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,720
(DOOR OPENS)
643
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,440
Vincent! Mm.We're about to do the
presents. What are you doing here?
644
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:57,680
I'm just having a minute. I don't
like parties, you know.(CHUCKLES)
645
00:37:57,720 --> 00:38:00,520
You cannot miss Lola -
her face when she sees that bunny.
646
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,400
I'll just have a minute, I think.
647
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,000
Everything all right?
Yeah, yeah.
648
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:12,240
You know, the bunny, it's er... it's
really something. I owe you guys.
649
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:18,520
Are you happy wi' it? Mm.Then maybe
we could call it quits now.
650
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,120
I got you a giant fucking rabbit
651
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,160
and... you were a sweetheart,
652
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,600
you saved my best friend
from the MacDonaghs.
653
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,240
So...
I reckon that does it, don't it?
654
00:38:29,240 --> 00:38:30,560
Sure thing.
655
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,480
I gotta get back to that rabbit.
656
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,280
See you later.
Mm.
657
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,880
♪ HOTEL LUX: The Last Hangman
658
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,800
Here she is everyone.
Here's the birthday girl.
659
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,040
(LAUGHS) ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
660
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,760
You're not going to believe
what I've got for you, baba.
661
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,120
You're not going to believe it!
662
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,080
(LAUGHS) Lola. Lola.
663
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,800
Hey, Lola, this way. This way.
664
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,680
You're not going to believe it.
665
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,480
Where is it? Where'd it go?
666
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,960
(SPEAKS ARABIC) Where is the rabbit?
667
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,800
Where the fuck is the rabbit?!
668
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:56,280
(SHOCKED GASPS)
(SHOUTS ANGRILY)
669
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,320
Vincent!
670
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,120
'It's Manolito.
He's the one pretending to be Dylan.'
671
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,960
He's the fucker that got us believing
it was the MacDonaghs.
672
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,440
Fucking Lowry did minge paintings.
673
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,920
We'll steal 'em, put 'em in fucking
Manolito's house, ring the coppers.
674
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,160
'We are from Cuddlipps
art restorers.'
675
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,280
Police. You need
to get the fuck out of there.
676
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,360
Fuck!
677
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:45,320
(SIREN WAILS)
678
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,960
(TYRES SCREECH AND HORN BLARES)
679
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,880
(SCREAMS)
680
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,920
♪ So much trouble in my mind
681
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,960
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind
682
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,520
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind
683
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,160
♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind
684
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,120
♪ Give me the strength to carry on
685
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,200
♪ Give me the strength
to carry on... ♪
686
00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,360
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk
54991
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof