Original subtitles

This programme contains very strong language

from the outset and throughout.

What is fucking going on wi' you?

It's the swimming trunks. They just bunch everything up.

I mean, dude, why are you wearing swimming trunks? It's madness.

In case we go in the hot tub. What?!

Manolito's hot tub. Tommo said you went in it.

Sweetheart, this is not a fucking hot-tub occasion.

We're dropping off some bales and getting the fuck out.

I want to be in and out. Oh.Get your shit together.

Stop itching your dick.

Excuse me, love.Hiya.Do you know where Manolito is, by any chance?

Er... try the back garden. Excellent. Ta.

But... but why not?

What do you... Listen, give over. It's a bath, innit?

If you wanna go in the fucking hot tub, you've gotta ask him.

I can't ask him. I don't hardly know him. He thinks I'm called K-Kevin.

Well, put him right then, dude.

Maybe you should. Putting him right, dude.

Listen, some things, you have to do on your own.

You know what I mean?

What the fuck's going on out there? How come Tommo got to go in it?

Be... Look leave the fucking hot tub alone now, all right?

He's a temperamental bastard at the best of times.

Just get on wi' him. Know what I mean?

MAN: It takes a long time to work out how to do this safely. We've been trained!

MAN: Who says I want to do it safely?

I'm begging you, it's only a rabbit. (Fucking hell.)Sorry.

Sorry, are you? You'll kill him! I don't think you're sorry enough.

No, please. You are getting on my nerves. Please! You want to be next?

(WHIMPERS)Oh, my... Fucking hell. You all right, dude?

How's it going? Vincent!

Hiya, Manolito. Ah... Kevin.

No. Please. No.

Oh.I'm sorry.

That's not good. Whoa.

Ohh! Blinking hell.

Please! Whoa. Fucking hell.

It's my Lola's fourth birthday.

I'm throwing her a special birthday party.

Aw! H-happy birthday to the l-little lady. Thank you.

Are you laying on weed for a four-year-old's party?

It's for the grown-ups. Madhead I've got a lot of people coming.

I want everyone to be nice and relaxed.Sure.

People come round here, they're always so uptight.Yeah.

I hear hot tubs are good for that sort of thing. S-so I've been told.

(MAN SCREAMS) I didn't know you had...

Is that fella gonna be OK spinning round on that thing there?

You don't need to worry. I'm gonna take care of him.

Come.

One person has let me down already. Completely unforgiveable.

(SHRIEKS) Fucking hell.Jeez.

Mr Rabbit Man here, took my money

for a thoroughbred snow white bunny rabbit as fluffy as a cloud.

On the day of my Lola's birthday he comes to me, says there is problem.

I could get you an iguana. Lola don't want no stinking iguana.

Lola wants the rabbit she was promised

and has been looking forward to for the last six fucking months.

Is this as fast as this thing goes? (SPEAKS ARABIC)

No. No!

Hey. I'm ready for the blindfold.

The blindfold? No! I-I-I'll get you a w-white bunny.

You bring me rabbit? Yeah, sure. I-I-I'll g-get you one.

N-n-no problem-o.You let me down, I'll have to put you on the target.

No, please. No. No, no.

♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want)

Fuck sake. A fucking drought on bunnies.

Do you know what I mean? Are they not shagging enough?

Who the fuck knew that? Well as it happens, I did.

Heh-heh hey-hey! Jim!

♪ Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh hey! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh hey! ♪

Yeah! All right then. Hey. Did somebody order... rabbits?

Yeah, I did, yeah. Ta-da!

Take your pick.

What-what-what-what are they?

They're rabbits, innit? They're not. They're fucking march hares.

Fuck. What did I say to you? I said fluffy white rabbit, dude.

All right, off-white. Fucking off-white? They're fucking dead.

Well, what do you want fucking live ones for?

Dead ones are better. How are they better?

It's for a fucking child's birthday. She's fucking four years old.

A rabbit? As a pet?

Yeah. I've fucking heard it all now. They're vermin.

Fucking horse is a pet. A dog is a pet.

Animals that don't mind doing an honest days work,

not fucking layabouts like rabbits and fucking goldfish!

Them lazy bastards... Will you sod off, you?

Ah, fuck you! Jesus Christ. (PHONE BUZZES)

Who the fucking hell's that now?

Fuck, it's Ronnie. What do you want, you cunt?

I hear you're on the lookout for a fucking fluffy white rabbit.

Right. Well, has it got a fucking pulse? Yeah, man, he's got a pulse.

It's like that. (IMITATES HEARTBEAT) Ronnie listen to me now.

If come down there and it's a fucking chinchilla or it's dead,

I'm gonna lose me shit, dude. Great rabbits don't come fucking cheap.

Fuck, how much do you want for it, you fucking idiot?

What d'you mean? I want the rabbit's weight in weed, fucking obviously.

Wait a sec. Vinnie?

(How much does a rabbit weigh?) Well, it's about 80, 90% fluff.

Yeah, 85. Well, how much does fluff weigh?

Fluff, well, it's er... about the same as wool.

Do I look like I understand the weight of wool, like a Saxon trader,

you fucking lemon, eh? Jesus fucking wept.

How much does a rabbit weigh? About half a cat? Half a cat.

That'll do. I'll see you up at Jim's farm in half an hour.

♪ METALLICA: Sad But True

Fucking dick. That's a lot bigger than I thought he'd be.

Take a look at Albert. We're gonna need more weed, Vinnie.

Shit. Fuck sake.

I mean, what kind of a fucking diet's this lad on?

Big man. Has he ever fucking seen a carrot, this lad? He's a meat eater.

He's fucking huge. He is massive. He's like a fucking white giant.

Everything's fucking huge to you though, innit?

Ohh. Yes! (Dude is that in fucking grams?)

(Is that in grams?) Ohh.

That's a lot.Ohh. Stop making that fucking noise.

We better pay him, otherwise this knobhead's

gonna get span and skewered at a child's party.

Can you take him to Manolito without any fuck-ups? Yeah, course.

Good lad. Go on, get gone. Bye.

Sorry I'm late, are you pissed off with me? No, not really,

but I want you to take this time that we have together seriously.

It's precious time, Vinnie. Yeah.

Yeah. Sorry.

So, I met Erin, like you asked.

She's a good soul. Oh.She cares for you.

Therapist approved, is she?

(CHUCKLES)

I always feel like I hold her back.

From what I can see, Erin knows how to look after herself.

Oh. Do you mind being outside today?

No, no. Hell no. It's nice, innit?

I've always preferred being outside anyway,

ever since being little, I reckon. Yeah? What would you do?

'I was always going down to the woods y'know.

'It was quiet there. No-one bloody shouting at me

'or fucking laughing at me... (CHUCKLES)

'..like in school. Just a lot of trees.

'Bugs and... leaves.

'There were these deer.

'Do you know, I'd wait for them for bloody hours. I'd keep really still.

'I just... I wanted to get close to them you see. Just... I don't know...

'They didn't have any bloody expectations of me

'or fucking demands.

'And they looked like they belonged where they were.

'Then once this bloody massive one, I remember him passing right by me.

'I could've touched it.

'Maybe it is stupid but I just...

' I felt like it was trying to tell me summat, y'know.

'Never felt so bloody safe.

'I just...

'I wished I could just stay in them woods forever.'

Do you find yourself envying the deer?

Yeah. Fucking hell. I still do.

You know, they just look like they belong there.

Just a part of all of it.

The environment, the landscape.

And they were just always so...

..adaptable and I really liked that about them.

Hm. Adaptable. How where they adaptable?

Well, it just didn't matter how brutal it got for them.

They wouldn't dwell on any of it.

Just power through and get on with things.

And you think that's an important ability for an animal -

to 'get on with things'? Well, of course it is, innit?

Yeah? Because?

Well, because if you don't...

You know, if you don't move on, you won't fucking survive.

It's just life.

And it is brutal, bloody cruel all at the same time but...

It is. It's just the way things are. It's life.

Yes.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ SAM COOKE: What A Wonderful World

(CLICKS TONGUE SOFTLY)

All right? (CLICKS TONGUE)

(CHUCKLES)

(AS MANOLITO) "Oh, Kevin, you are my hero."

"My name's actually Cardi." "Oh, my God, I've been calling you Kevin!"

"It's all right, it doesn't matter, just for future.

"Get up off your knees, Manolito, there's no need..."

"No, Cardi, I am serious, baby.

"If there's anything you ever

"possibly want from me, I'll give it to you."

"Er... I really don't think that there's anything...

"Actually, do you know what?

"When we were walking through your house...

"that wasn't a hot tub I saw back there, was it?"

(HEAVY THUD)Oh! Fucking hell! You all right? You all right, Albert?

Shit.

Oh, shit. I-I-I'm really sorry, I d-didn't see you there.

Really... really it's not a problem. You barely touched us. Hang on.

(LAUGHS) (ZIPS TROUSERS) Thought I recognised that cretinous stutter.

What the fuck were you thinking, driving so recklessly?

I w-w-wasn't. J-j-j... W-w-w-w!

Yes, you fucking were, you dribbling, inbred twat.

You've given me whiplash. (SNAPS FINGERS) Where's your insurance?

I-I-I-I'm in the p-p-process of applying for it.

(LAUGHS) Ooh...

I would not want to be you right now. High-speed crash.

Innocent party. Life-changing injuries. Russell! No.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to report this, Lucinda, let the police deal with it.

Oh, no, don't... Please, please, please.

Please, I'll do anything. I'm looking at extensive physio here.

We're talking thousands. I don't see any way round it.

I'll do anything. Please. All right. You got six grand?

Eh? Compensation. Should be ten but we'll call it... six for cash.

Keep you out of prison. I... I don't have s-s-s-s-six grand.

All right, well, what about your mam or your grandma

or er... What the fucking hell is that?

He-he-he's just a friend. I just...

No, he's just a friend! He's just a friend.

Please, he's very-very-very, p-p-precious!

Is he? Don't worry, I won't hurt him.

Whoa! Oh!(SNIGGERS)

Look the size of this bastard!

C-can I have him back now, please?

Yeah, course you can. Just get me six grand and you can have him.

You know where I am.

♪ TAME IMPALA: Elephant

Shit.

♪ I Feel Good

Carol?

You all right? No. Something terrible's happened.

Fucking Russell Hardwick's taken Manolito's daughter's rabbit.

Remind me why I should give a shit. I told Manolito I'd get him a rabbit

cos there was a man on a spinning wheel. And I got a rabbit.

Then I bumped the van and-and now I'm gonna be on the fucking wheel

and I really don't want to be... What day is it, Cardi?

Wednesday. No, er...

Saturday. Is it?

It's our anniversary, Cardi.

Does it mean that little to you? What? No. No. No. No. No. I just...

Just... I thought... thought it was a d-d-d-different day.

No. It's today.

Your present's over there.

Oh, wow.

That is... It's lovely.

I love it.

Erm, er...

All right, I'll just... I'll be back in five minutes.

Where are you off to? Just popping to the shop to g-g-g...

get a card and some flowers. I don't fucking want a card

and fucking flowers from the fucking shop.

It's too late.

It's the fucking gesture that counts.

The remembering.

Look, I'm sorry, Carol, I thought... I thought it were a different month.

I've had a really shit day. Russell Hardwick's been so mean.

Jesus Christ! Him again?! Would you never learn to stand up for yourself?

People like him are gonna walk all over you unless you do.

I did... I did stand up to him. If you never stand up for yourself,

how can I ever expect you to stand up for me, huh?

You don't need standing up for.

What? Why the fuck not?!

Because you scare people, Carol.

What the hell do you mean?

You're aggressive! Everyone's too scared to argue with you,

no-one ever says nothing you won't like

in case you say something mean to them because you're mean.

Is that fucking right? Now we're finding out how things really are.

Shows you how wrong I was about this fucking relationship.

Nothing's wrong with it. Are you fucking joking me?

There's only one of us doing anything in this relationship.

I'm more like a mother to you than I am a lover. What's wrong with that?

Oh, Christ almighty! Cardi!

You can't go through your whole fucking life

expecting everyone to mop up after you.

I need someone with a level of emotional maturity.

Someone who can support me if I need them to.

Someone that I can depend on.

You can depend on me!

I can't even depend on you to remember the fucking anniversary.

I did remember it. I just remembered a different day!

Fuck!

I can stand up for myself!

I can do all those things you want me to do.

I can change, Carol.

I think my mum might be a bit more eager to celebrate than I am.

I think she really wants to let her hair down.

What, at a baby shower?

She's kind of treating it a bit more like the hen-do I never had.

Oh, God. OK. Well, she'll calm down once we get to the spa.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. (GIGGLES)

Look up there. Little cloud balloons. How cute.

(GASPS) Baby shower! Whoo-hoo!

Let's do it! Oh, God.

Whoo-hoo! Here we go. Cheers.

Right, here you go. This one's for you, Sugar. Thank you. Very nice.

♪ DONNA SUMMER: I Feel Love

Ohh!

Mum, again. This has got alcohol in it.

Er, yeah, it's a cocktail, innit?

It's not a hen-do. It's a baby shower.

And I can't drink alcohol because I'm eight months pregnant.

I was a fortnight in Magaluf with the girls

when I was pregnant with you. Never did me any harm. You what?

I booked it before I found out. (DOORBELL)

It was a hundred quid deposit.

God! Do you want me to change it?

Carol, you made it! Are you all right, love?

To tell the truth, I'm not, Liz.

Let's turn this off.(MUSIC OFF) I wasn't so sure that I should come.

Are you OK, Carol?

I don't know where to start now.

I've been called all sorts of things today.

What? By who?

Cardi.

Cardi? Cardi called you names?

Like what?

Like... aggressive...

..and mean...

Right. OK.

Scary.

Yeah. Mm.

I just don't know if I see a future for us now, like... like this.

I need someone that... that cares about what I need, y'know.

♪ BILLY STEWART: A Fat Boy Can Cry

Russell! I want a word with you!

Can I help you? Yeah, you can give me my fucking rabbit back.

(LAUGHS) I beg your pardon? You heard me.

I want my fucking rabbit back, now!

All right, let's just go over here. No, how about we stay right here

and talk about you stealing people's rabbits?!

Let's just calm down, shall we? I'm not fucking calming down, I am calm.

All right. OK, OK. Take a breath. (BREATHES DEEPLY)

I want my fucking rabbit back now.

All right. This rabbit means a lot to you, doesn't it?

I know we've had our differences

and that's probably just as m-m-much my fault as it is yours.

I'm not a s-s-s-successful man like you, Russell.

I don't have riches and I don't want 'em either.

All I want is my wife, Carol, and for her to be happy

and she's n-n-not happy

because I don't stand up for myself. I know.

You'd do anything for her, wouldn't you? I fucking would.Yeah.

All right. Suck my plums.

Eh? Go on.

Suck my plums.

You said you'd do anything. Fuck off, man!

(FAKE SOBS)

(MIMICS) Don't pick on me.

(FAKE SOBS) My wife thinks I'm a loser.

(CACKLES)

Get out.

(GRUNTS) (LAUGHTER)Christ.

I'm not scared of you, Russell.

You're just a c-c-c-c-c... You c-c-c-c-c-c...

c-can't even say it, can you? I bet you can even fucking spell it.

Turf him out. Make sure he don't come back.

Get off! (GRUNTS)

I... I can fucking spell it!

You've analysed it yourself as well as I ever could.

Like them deer?

Yes.

Exactly like them.

The only constant is change. Mm.

People move away, you know. They find work,

they... they fall in love,

they pass away from illness or old age.

People can come into and out of our lives in an instant.

It doesn't mean we have to like it, but it's just life.

That's how it is. Like those leaves on the trees, always renewing.

Things renew, Vinnie. Change is everywhere.

I know. I know what you mean. I know.

Like... like Dyl leaving or my mum. Mm.

I know it's meant to be normal...

..but it just makes me so fucking sad.

Fuck. Perhaps I'll get over it.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah. But he's harmless. Yeah, and he's a sweet guy.

Am I not allowed to be angry because everybody loves him?

Yous don't have to live with him. So what am I?

Am I a bad person for feeling this desperate?

When I have to do everything for him? Everything!

And if I leave it up to him, Mother of Jesus, he's...

he's like your man with fucking gold fingers but only in reverse.

Everything he touches turns to shite.

Look, Carol, it's Cardi, all right? He loves you, you love him.

But men used to desire me. I want to be desired.

They always admired me. I mean, although, admittedly, it was fleeting but...

(SIGHS) They used to be fighting over me in the kebab shop.

But how many of them were ever any good for you?

That's not the point, Sugar!

The point, is that I felt desired

and it doesn't happen any more.

Oh, course it does. Cardi desires you.

Well, if he does, he doesn't know how to show it.

Ah, sure, fuck. I thought I could...

I thought I could fix him up, you know, like...

I thought I could train him to be better.

(SLURPS)

I need to get out of here, lads, need to just get my head sorted.

Do you want us to come with you?

No, no. I'll just go on me own.

Jesus. (SIGHS) God.

♪ JOHNNY CASH: Hurt

(SHOP BELL JANGLES)

One of them. And two of those cream puffs.

The choux de la creme? You having people over?

Am I fuck. Don't bother boxing 'em up, just hand 'em over.

Oh.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

I may regret asking, but is everything all right? No, it's not, Graham.

I'm a complete disaster, man. I ruin everything I touch.

Relationships. Children's birthday parties. You name it.

A chap I used to know quite well was convinced he was a failure too,

once upon a time. Always beating himself up, he was.

Constantly telling himself how bad he was at everything.

You know what happened to him?

He was you.

What? No, he bloody well jumped in front of a train.

Oh. Why would you think I...

The point is, repeating negative thoughts of ourselves

only reinforces negativity.

You need to do what I do every morning.

You look in the mirror and you visualise the man you want to be

and ask him what would he do, see yourself doing that,

and then go and blooming well do it.

(ECHOES) I mean, imagine if I'd given up

the first time I got a soggy bottom.

I've got...

I've got an idea.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna do summat.

I'm going to do summat! Are you gonna pay for those, you fucker?

Put them on the tab! You haven't got a tab!

♪ DAVID BOWIE: Modern Love

♪ And when to stay in

♪ Get things done

♪ I catch a paper boy

♪ But things don't really change

♪ I'm standing in the wind

♪ But I never wave bye-bye

♪ But I try

♪ I try ♪

'Ey up! Ooh! Hiya. Are you all right?

(MIMICS) Ooh, are you all right, Meena, sweetheart?

What brings you here?

Just dropping off some info on personal funeral plans

Tommo was interested in.Yeah. I was, actually. So, thank you, Meena.

Funeral business is a massive rip off.

Yeah, well, they seem pretty happy.

I think you'll find, Jim, our packages are competitively priced.

(SCOFFS) Not compared to my pit, you're not.

Your pit? It's great, my pit.

Nothing that goes in there ever comes back out.

And it costs fuck all. And that's where I'm going.

Sorry. Guys! Guys! (STAMMERS)

What, Cardi?! I've got an idea.

CARDI: 'Everyone's too scared to argue with you, no-one ever says nothing you won't like

in case you say something mean to them because you're mean.' (ECHOES)

♪ The knives are out

♪ We are broken

♪ You spat your truth

♪ I hope you're choking

♪ You will never be the man I wish that you could be

♪ Before your time, the lads were fighting over me

♪ Two weddings in

♪ What was I thinking?

♪ Not one of us

♪ Young lad from England...

I don't need a baby.

I need you.

♪ Too late for me to have the baby of your dreams

♪ Held on for life and prayed that I was all you'd need

♪ Where will I go?

That's lovely!

♪ Who will love me?

♪ Stand up and fight

♪ If I am worthy

♪ I'm only tough, my love, because I had to be

♪ You brightened everything when you sat next to me...

I really fucking love her, man. And I need her.

♪ Everybody suffering

♪ We all had a part to play

♪ Looking for someone to blame

♪ Love is the only way

♪ Will we try again?

♪ Nights on my own

♪ Time moves so slowly

♪ No-one should live

♪ This life so lonely... What about getting to know each other?

What about... Romeo, meet Cardi.

♪ You saved me from my days of dark debauchery

♪ You knew just who I was

♪ Don't twist your knife in me... (BOTH YELL)

Fuck!

♪ Where will I go?

♪ Who will love me?

♪ Stand up and fight!

(CHEERING)

♪ If I am worthy

♪ I'm only tough, my love, because I had to be

♪ You brightened everything when you sat next to me

♪ Sit next to me

♪ Sit next to me

♪ And we'll see ♪

Right, I'm gonna sneak in through the front.

You and Tommo go in through the kitchen, right, pose as caterers.

They're short-staffed. Just say that the agency sent you.Right.

What am I doing? You're the getaway driver. Yes!

I think Albert will be in t'main room. Albert's the giant rabbit?

Yes, so... Got ya.

You two go in there, you blend in - collect plates, glasses, whatever.

Then, when I pull the fire alarm,

you escort everyone to the emergency exits, I'll go in, grab Albert,

meet back here, Jim'll be waiting. It's a bit light on revenge for me.

Hey, look, this is Cardi's plan. It's a good one. Simple. Achievable.

You could take a shit on the table. All right, bad Santa.

Quick in and out. Got it. Look, you don't have to do this, if you don't want to?

No, I do, I do. I really do.

I have to do it for me and f-f-for Carol.

That's fair enough.

Got to do what you've got to do.

♪ KANYE WEST: Mercy

♪ It is a weepin' and a mournin' and a gnashin' of teeth

♪ It is a—when it comes to my sound which is the champion sound

♪ Believe, believe ♪ O-O-O-OK, Lamborghini Mercy

♪ Your chick, she so thirsty

♪ I'm in that two-seat Lambo with your girl, she tryna jerk me

♪ OK, Lamborghini Mercy

♪ Your chick, she so thirsty...

(RUSSELL CHATTERS OVER MIC)

(RUSSELL CACKLES)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

♪ Lamborghini Mercy ♪

Fuck it. (SIGHS)

♪ PATSY CLINE: Crazy

(GRUNTS) (TUMMY GRUMBLES)

I'm starving.

Fuck this.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

Anyway, now it's time for the annual blooper reel.

So, if we could have the lights, please?

And if anyone can be relied upon to make the yearly blooper reel,

it is Roger Forsyth. (LAUGHTER)

As can be witnessed from this amazing video,

Roger has spent more time in bunkers

than Hitler, Goebbels and Eva Braun put together.

As you can see, he's digging his way through to Australia.

Nice one, Roger. (CHUCKLES)

Mate, what are you doing?

Can someone get this tramp out of my kitchen?

Fucking overcooked. Get out now. It's fucking overcooked.

Call the fucking cops. Fucking leg it! Sorry.

(GRUMBLES) Who the fuck is that?

For fuck's sake.

(FIRE ALARM BLARES) Don't panic. Don't panic.

Panic! Fire! Run for your lives!

Fire! Get out! Run!

You?!

Argh! MEENA: Get out! Get out! Get out!

(PANICKED CHATTER)

I don't believe it. It's that thick fuck.

Get him. Get him. Get him. He's got the rabbit.

Shit. Oh, shit.

He's gone over there. Spread out! For God's sake!

Get after him. There he goes.

Hit the lights!

50 quid to whoever gets him.

Stop there, sunshine!

No, no, no stop, he's got him!

Fucking hell! Get the buggy, get the buggy!

Let's go. Let's go!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(Shit.)

Where the fuck is he? Who? Fucking Kevin! I fucking warned him.

He thinks he can take the piss out of me?

I'll murder his fucking family. Shit! No-one pull this shit on me.

I swear no-one's pulling shit on you.

We wouldn't dare. That's a gift from us to you.

I'm gonna find out where Kevin is right the fuck now.

♪ LANGHORNE SLIM & THE LAW: The Way We Move

Oh, I wonder where he can be(?)

What a fucking simpleton. I told you, didn't I?

You're trapped, you fucking inbred.

You go round there.

Fucking hell!

TOMMO: Right! MEENA: Yes, Cardi!

Yes! Whoo!

TOMMO: Go on, lad! MEENA: Yes!

He's making for the exit. Come on, run! Shit.

I'm gonna fucking kill you! Do you hear me?

I'm gonna skin you alive! And your fucking rabbit!

Check this out, Albert.

No, no, no, no, no!

No! What are you doing? No, stop! (ALL SHOUT OUT)

What the fucking fuck is he doing?

He's ploughing! He's fucking ploughing!

(ALL SHOUT OUT)

CARDI: Hey, Russell! I think you'll find I can spell it!

Fu-u-u-u-uck!

Carol? Where is he, Vinnie? Don't... don't... don't...

don't kick off, all right?

Listen, it's a fucking nightmare here, all right?

I've got him going apeshit in there. Fucking Manolito cunt!

At who? At fucking Cardi.

Because if he doesn't bring that 4ft rabbit quick,

he's gonna end up on that fucking circle

having daggers and shit thrown at him.

Where is this prick Manolito? I'll fucking sort him out.

Do not fight Manolito. It's not gonna go down well. He's like cartel.

Shit, he's there.

Did you speak to him? I've spoke-

TOMMO: Make way! Go on, you too. (Oh, thank fuck!)

And you, big lad. I give to you the biggest fucking rabbit

you've ever seen in your goddamn life, sweetheart.

This is Albert. He likes eating l-l-leaves and f-f-flowers.

Oh, my God. He is amazing. He's all right, yeah.

He's perfect. Lola is going to be over the moon.

Great, are you happy? Of course! Get him some bloody cage.

♪ PATIENCE AND PRUDENCE: Tonight You Belong To Me

I did it, Carol.

I s-s-stood up to Hardwick. I got him good, you know.

Everything's going to be all right. We're going to be all right.

You're a fighter. I always knew it.

Kevin. I owe you big time. Anything you want, you name it.

The name's C-Cardi.

Cardi, have you seen Lola?

N-not yet. Who's Lola? Manolito's little girl.

It's her birthday party.

Yeah, Cardi, she's not a little girl.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHS) Fucking hell.

♪ NICK DRAKE: River Man

'Ey up, Dyl.

I've just got a minute to myself, thought I'd give you a shout.

Been thinking of you, man. What can I tell you?

Been doing therapy, you'll be pleased to hear.

Unpacking a bunch of shit there.

Erm...

I've realised, dude, I have - fuck me -

a complete inability to cope with change.

(LAUGHS) Which is fucked.

So, I mean, anyway it's getting a little bit better.

I'm starting to understand it, less frustrated.

I could do with telling you about it properly really.

(SIGHS) Fuck, dude, I miss you, man.

Yeah. And I love you very much.

(END-OF-RECORDING ALERT)

(PHONE PINGS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Vincent! Mm.We're about to do the presents. What are you doing here?

I'm just having a minute. I don't like parties, you know.(CHUCKLES)

You cannot miss Lola - her face when she sees that bunny.

I'll just have a minute, I think.

Everything all right? Yeah, yeah.

You know, the bunny, it's er... it's really something. I owe you guys.

Are you happy wi' it? Mm.Then maybe we could call it quits now.

I got you a giant fucking rabbit

and... you were a sweetheart,

you saved my best friend from the MacDonaghs.

So... I reckon that does it, don't it?

Sure thing.

I gotta get back to that rabbit.

See you later. Mm.

♪ HOTEL LUX: The Last Hangman

Here she is everyone. Here's the birthday girl.

(LAUGHS) ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

You're not going to believe what I've got for you, baba.

You're not going to believe it!

(LAUGHS) Lola. Lola.

Hey, Lola, this way. This way.

You're not going to believe it.

Where is it? Where'd it go?

(SPEAKS ARABIC) Where is the rabbit?

Where the fuck is the rabbit?!

(SHOCKED GASPS) (SHOUTS ANGRILY)

Vincent!

'It's Manolito. He's the one pretending to be Dylan.'

He's the fucker that got us believing it was the MacDonaghs.

Fucking Lowry did minge paintings.

We'll steal 'em, put 'em in fucking Manolito's house, ring the coppers.

'We are from Cuddlipps art restorers.'

Police. You need to get the fuck out of there.

Fuck!

(SIREN WAILS)

(TYRES SCREECH AND HORN BLARES)

(SCREAMS)

♪ So much trouble in my mind

♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind

♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind

♪ I've got so much trouble in my mind

♪ Give me the strength to carry on

♪ Give me the strength to carry on... ♪

AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk