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'This programme contains
very strong language
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00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:04,960
from the outset and throughout.'
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♪ I've been waiting a long time
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♪ For this moment to come
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00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,560
♪ I'm destined...
No!
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♪ For anything at all...
Wait!
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00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,520
(MUSIC CONTINUES IN SHOP)
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Jesus Christ, Cardi.
Just pick a packet, will you?
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00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,360
There's no thought goes into this.
There's no skill.
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Look...
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Three golden tickets out of
a possible five have been found -
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one in a cheese and onion,
one in a W-Worcester sauce,
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and one in a s-salt and vinegar.
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So smoky bacon and ready salted
are odds-on for the golden ticket.
15
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Exactly.
Ah, Meena.
16
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What's the crack with you?
Fuck all.
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Bored. Not enough people are dying.
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Business slow, then, is it?
It's like a morgue.
19
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,640
Ah. (LAUGHS)
It's not funny.
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00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,560
Mm.
Could you hurry up, knobhead?
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There's people waiting.
Sorry. Can you fuck off, knobhead?
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I'm looking at the crisps.
I'll take as long as I need.
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Do you understand? Yeah? Cool!
24
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Hey, Cardi, relax. Sorry about him.
(PHONE BUZZES)
25
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Hi, Carol?
26
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,800
Yeah, er, yeah, he's with me now.
27
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,320
Yeah, all six foot two of him.
28
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,960
Erm... Yeah, listen.
Do you think ready salted or smoky -
29
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You what?
30
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No way!
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Ah! Please wait.
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00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,360
What did I do in a past life
to deserve you here today, eh?
33
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,640
Sorry, Carol. You what?
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00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,120
Oh... No, no, it's not a problem.
Not a problem at all. Yeah.
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Fuck. All right, we're on our way.
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All right. Love you, baby. Bye.
Yeah?
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Well, smoky bacon.
38
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Let's do this.
No. As in, what's the story, like?
39
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,640
Which story?
40
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,800
The phone call, Cardi,
that you just had.
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00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,120
Oh, yeah. Er, Carol said that...
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00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,640
What did she say?
43
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,960
She said that you've had your...
Your Yoda's had her caravan nicked.
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She what? Was she in it?
45
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,520
Was she?
Was she?
46
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,480
You're asking me?
Was she in it when it happened?
47
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,680
Yoda?
Yeah!
48
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,280
I didn't ask.
My goodness.
49
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,360
We need to get over there now.
I've got my car, if you want a lift.
50
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,480
Good woman. Shotgun! C'mon, Cardi!
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Fuck!
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You haven't?
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00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,400
♪ The best things in life are free
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♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees
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♪ I need money...
♪ That's what I want... ♪
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00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,440
I just, I don't see how this is even
a little bit necessary, man?
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00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:43,640
Believe me, there's plenty of things
I'D rather be doing.
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Fuck me.
59
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,960
So, how have you been?
We're not doing THAT!
60
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,600
We're not having small talk while
you try and fist me back there.
61
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,200
It tends to relax everyone
if we have a little conversation.
62
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,320
What do you mean EVERYONE?
Why do YOU have to relax?
63
00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,960
(LUBE SQUELCHES)
Ooh.
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00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000
Don't worry, that wasn't you.
Ha-ha.
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00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,880
(WHISPERS) Fuckin' dickhead.
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00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:06,600
Right, just gonna...
(SQUELCHING)
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00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,920
(STIFLES A MOAN) No.
Just point your toes inwards.
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00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,760
(GRUNTS)
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00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,760
Dude.
You have to give me something.
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00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,440
I... I feel like that's generous.
That's a good amount of finger.
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All right, deep breath.
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00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,760
Oh, fucking hell.
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00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,640
Haven't seen you for a while.
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00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,040
Maybe you don't need me so much
since you've been seeing Fiona.
75
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,040
The new therapist?
76
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,120
Yeah, she's lo...
She's lovely, actually.
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She's helping.
She is helping, making a difference.
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00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,560
Bet. (CHUCKLES)
What you fucking laughing at?
79
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,640
Oh, is that
a bit of professional jealousy
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00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,120
or something? You fucker! Fuck me!
81
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,680
Both hands or summat back there?
What's going on.
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00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,640
Right, perfect.
(SQUELCHING)
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00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,840
(REMOVES GLOVES)
Nice smooth prostate.
84
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,280
Ooh. Armful of dicks.
85
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,520
Nothing to report down there.
Thank God!
86
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,000
Well, all that's left to do now,
87
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,080
is go and cut
that enormous wheel of cheese
88
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,400
you put that fucking coat on for.
89
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,120
Dude. Fucking hell.
90
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,360
Right...
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00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,280
How's your... hernia?
92
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,240
What are you on about,
bloody hernia?
93
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,880
Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.
What?
94
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:22,640
God, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
What?
95
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,840
You're "O'Neil", aren't you?
Yeah.
96
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,080
I have Vince "O'Malley".
I'll get your records.
97
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,560
Dickhead.
98
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,520
You fingered me for no reason?
Fucking hell, man.
99
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,600
You wouldn't believe
how often this happens.
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00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,000
I fucking WOULD believe
how often that happens!
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00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,120
(PHONE RINGS)
Fucking Carol. You all right, love?
102
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,320
You all right?
Oh, eh, it's Meena, innit?
103
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,480
How's me hair? Is it all right?
It's all right.
104
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,400
What about the front?
Best it's ever been.
105
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,000
You all right?
How the man?
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00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,160
Is that where Yoda's caravan was,
down yonder?
107
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Just that plot there, yeah.
Who's "Yoda"?
108
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,480
My great gran.
109
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,600
It's a nickname -
cos her name's Rhoda.
110
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,880
Is it fuck! It's because she looks
exactly like Yoda.
111
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,760
What the fuck have I told you lot?
112
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,400
My great gran looks NOTHING
like fucking Yoda. Right?
113
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,840
No, all I'm saying is, George Lucas
has got a law suit out on her.
114
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,720
Shut your fucking mouth, Tommo.
115
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,520
She looks NOTHING like fucking Yoda!
No.
116
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,840
No, she doesn't, but she sounds
the fucking spit of him, you know?
117
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,960
Come here! I warned you, Tommo!
118
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,360
Does she?
Yeah, honestly.
119
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:24,120
Swear to fucking God.
Oh, here they come!
120
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,960
The Red Hand Gang on the Case Of
The Mysterious Disappearing Caravan.
121
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The big mystery is why would
anyone nick that rotten old thing
122
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when there's all these decent ones
around. Makes no sense.
123
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,000
I agree. I think...
Just... J-J-J-Just... Fuck me!
124
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,000
Oi! Give over. Pair of cunts.
125
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,000
Ashley,
where the fucking hell's Doolan?
126
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,840
I thought he were living
with fucking Yoda?
127
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:46,040
No! He went back to Ireland.
128
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,760
Get out of it.
He's in hiding.
129
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,240
Fucking...
Or...
130
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,520
Or has he kidnapped himself again?
No, he took himself off -
131
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,840
after the McGuigans
put a bounty on his head
132
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,760
because he called off the engagement
with their eldest, Dervla.
133
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,160
Daddy, he's done it again!
134
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,120
So, who's Doolan?
It's er...
135
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,680
It's Ashley's uncle.
136
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,320
He's got a pathological desire
137
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,400
to get engaged
to every woman that he meets.
138
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,320
He's weird.
What's your problem today?
139
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:12,600
Look, it's not his fault he's got
an animal magnetism, all right?
140
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,440
He's a hopeless romantic.
141
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,360
He's catnip to a certain type
of female caravan-dweller.
142
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,440
He is.
Wow.
143
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,640
All right, for Christ's sake.
Bloody Francis.
144
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,520
What the fuck does he want with us?
145
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,120
I mean, we know fuck all
about missing caravans, do we?
146
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,440
He's just trying to get
anyone he can to find it.
147
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,960
He's even offering a reward.
(FRANCIS RANTS NEARBY)
148
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,120
Now he's after going nuclear
on someone over.
149
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,480
You fucking pricks!
You fucking arseholes!
150
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,480
Keep your head down
when this happens.
151
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,920
Right, yous, fuck off out!
152
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,720
Go on, fuck off out!
153
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,560
That's not ideal, is it.
154
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:47,400
And yous...
Hey, Francis.
155
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,200
Hey, Francis.
Fuck off in!
156
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,880
All right, then.
157
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,240
He did a full 360 then.
CAROL: Oh, here we fucking go.
158
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,960
Last night, an elderly woman
159
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,800
coming home from bingo
160
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,680
was shocked to discover
her caravan...
161
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,840
..had been
brutally abducted from her.
162
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,040
May I ask,
how Rhoda is with everything now?
163
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,080
Have you not FUCKING heard me?!
164
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,880
She's fucking shocked!
165
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,840
Her home of 20 years robbed away.
166
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,480
So, erm, where is Granny?
Are we gonna get to see her?
167
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,240
She's inside in the toilet.
168
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:31,080
And what d'you mean,
are you going to get to see her?
169
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,480
No...
170
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,080
No reason.
171
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,400
(RHODA STRAINS AND WHEEZES)
Ooh.
172
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,720
There she blows.
173
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,880
(GROANS)
174
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,680
Now, then, Rhoda,
how's it going love?
175
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,320
I'm... I'm super sorry
to hear about this...
176
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,400
caravan... stealery.
177
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,560
It's a rum do, innit? It's rum.
178
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,880
(YODA-LIKE VOICE)
Shocking business this is.
179
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,960
Oh, it is that, Rhoda. It is.
Stolen me caravan, they have.
180
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,280
Yes, we know. Shocking, Great Gran.
It really is.
181
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,680
Shocked.
Were all very shocked, aren't we?
182
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,640
Terribly so.
Oh, no, it's awful. It was...
183
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,760
(MIMICS) Shocked about it, we are.
(LAUGHS) Sorry.
184
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,840
So, erm, do you have you any idea
who might have... abducted it?
185
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:24,240
Well, my thinking right now is
it's the type of people who erm...
186
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,080
who like erm....
187
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,640
stealing caravans.
188
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,520
"The type of people
who like stealing caravans."
189
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,040
Mm.
I mean, who's that?
190
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,680
Well, whoever it is,
they'll be dealt with fairly lively.
191
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,200
But first thing's first.
192
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,320
That caravan needs returning -
immediately!
193
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,960
Well, it...
Yeah, Franny it's just that...
194
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,880
I worry we won't find it.
Only cos there's thousands of 'em.
195
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,000
I just wouldn't know where to start.
Yeah.
196
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:55,240
Would it not be easier, Francis,
just to buy her a brand-new one?
197
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,840
(RAISES VOICE) Would you like
a new caravan, Rhoda?
198
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,120
It's just that the old one
was very falling apart
199
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,280
and decrepit very much so.
It's fucked.
200
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,360
Fucked very much so.
I'm not fucking deaf!
201
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,280
Wouldn't mind a new one.
She doesn't want a new one!
202
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,000
She wants the old one.
Let the rain in, the roof did.
203
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,600
It has to be THAT one.
She's an emotional attachment to it.
204
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,880
That's understandable.
205
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,800
Which is why
I'm going to offer ten grand...
206
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,480
What the fuck?
207
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,880
..for its return.
Big Daddy.
208
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,400
(CARDI WHISTLES)
209
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,440
Would like to get my Aloysius back.
210
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,720
Who's that, then?
CAROL: Aloysius is her stuffed cat.
211
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,080
It was in the caravan
at the time of abduction.
212
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,080
Stuffed cats. What is it
with old ladies loving stuffed cats?
213
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,640
Stuffed cats and the smell of piss.
214
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,200
Oh, sorry.
215
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,320
Come on. What the fuck, dude?
216
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,240
Fucking listen to me.
Listen to me.
217
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,760
Yeah.
Ten fucking grand.
218
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,120
Ten grand for a fucked-up,
fucking caravan.
219
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,760
What the fuck does that all mean?
220
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,560
Look, for that sort of money,
it's worth a fucking go.
221
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,440
The amount of cash that stingy
bastard has squirreled away
all over the place,
222
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,120
I'd say he could buy her
a new caravan ten times over.
223
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,040
Something's not
sitting right with me.
224
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,040
Francis doesn't give a shite about
anything that doesn't benefit him.
225
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,160
So why is he interested
in that shag of an old caravan?
226
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,200
Yeah. He probably stashed
all his fortune in it.
227
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,360
And that's why he's so desperate
to get it back.
228
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,320
Bloody hell, Cardi,
you're a genius.
229
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,920
That's what it is, in't it?
230
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,120
Jesus Fucking Christ,
the lads got it!
231
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:27,760
No.
You've fucking got it, mate.
232
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,080
He's always tinkering
under Rhoda's caravan.
233
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,080
It's probably where he's keeping
all his cash.
234
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,440
Nice one.
Right, so, listen.
235
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,640
So we find that caravan,
as requested.
236
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,880
We take the fucking money
from out of it.
237
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,880
He's gonna think the guys that
stole the caravan took the cash.
238
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,320
We say, "We just found this caravan
dumped in a field."
239
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,560
Doesn't have to know, does he?
(ALL CHUCKLE)
240
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,920
So he... he's just gonna assume
that we've done our job.
241
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,760
Right? You know what I mean?
We keep the fucking cash.
242
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,800
He's gonna be none the wiser.
By the way...
243
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,080
we have a fucking reward
of ten fucking grand.
244
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,120
(EXCITED CHATTER)
245
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,760
Madam. Please, madam. Oh, madam!
246
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,000
Oh, madam! Oh, shit, dude.
(PHONE RINGS)
247
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,320
Hello.
248
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,040
What's up, love?
249
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,920
All right, sweetheart,
just slow down a little bit.
250
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,200
All right.
Listen, I'm on my way right now.
251
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,960
I'm on my way.
252
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,640
The police are on their way.
Just try to remain calm.
253
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,600
Don't fucking tell me to calm down.
Erin.
254
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,520
What's going on?
Tyler's gone missing.
255
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,880
He not arrived at school, Vin.
All right, sweetheart.
256
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,200
Where's the fucking police?!
They're on their way.
257
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,200
Just calm down a little bit.
What do we know?
258
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,040
He... He forgot his lunch box
259
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,120
and when I came in t'school
to drop it off, he wasn't here.
260
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,200
He could've bunked off, could he?
No.
261
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,640
A voice message had been left
on the school phone.
262
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:54,240
It appears a man
claiming to be Tyler's grandad
left a message on our voicemail
263
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,360
to say that Tyler wouldn't be
in today due to him being ill.
264
00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,080
He hasn't got a fucking grandad!
We realise that now.
265
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,600
Did you recognise his voice?
Do you know who it is?
266
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,360
We don't know.
Christ on a bike,
267
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,600
it's a fucking joke this, in't it?
The police are on their way.
268
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,560
They'll be able
to trace the voicemail.
269
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,320
I wanna hear the voicemail
fucking now!
270
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:16,880
(BEEP)
'Message received Friday at 8:47am.'
271
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,400
JIM: 'This is
Tyler Croft's Grandad.'
272
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,120
BOTH: Jim.
'I'm calling
to report Tyler absent.'
273
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,520
I'll stop that there. That's Jim.
Yeah.
274
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,760
Thanks for your time. Sorry.
OK. Sorry.
275
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,880
Where is he?
Eh? Who?
276
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,680
What do you mean who?
Fucking Tyler.
277
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,360
Tyler? (GROANS)
Jim!
278
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,920
I'm not fucking about. Where is he?
There.
279
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,480
(HORN TOOTS)
280
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,440
(ENGINE HUMS)
281
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,320
Is he driving that juggernaut?
Jim!
282
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,640
Fucking hell.
You're in some shit, dude.
283
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,680
Tyler, we thought something terrible
might have happened to you.
284
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,400
What were you thinking?
Why are you not at school?
285
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,800
I don't like school.
Excuse me? Since when?
286
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,520
You were fine last week.
What's the matter with you?
287
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,920
Just forget it, Mum.
We'll talk about this at home.
288
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,000
I am fuming with you.
Absolutely fuming with you.
289
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,000
Right, so you tell me
how it's dangerous.
290
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,120
I showed him where the brakes are.
291
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,920
What are they gonna do at school
except fill his head
292
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,120
with a load of woke bollocks
about the world being round?
293
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,440
It fucking IS round.
Jesus Christ, Jim.
294
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,600
Look, the lad's doing good here.
295
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,600
He's my best worker.
Is he?
296
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,000
Are you paying him for it all?
Well, it's like an apprenticeship.
297
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,840
Yeah, I'll bet it is. Yeah.
Invaluable life skills.
298
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:37,000
He's the perfect size to climb in
and clear any jams in the baler.
299
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,760
Right, Tyler?
It's a bad story to tell.
300
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,760
We're going.
Vinnie, keep him away from me.
301
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,976
I'm gonna murder you, Jim.
I am gonna fucking murder you.
302
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,560
I understand. No, I get it.
Shut up, man.
303
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,960
I'm not the totally insensitive
Neanderthal you think I am.
304
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,160
I can tell when you're on a period.
It's no problem.
305
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,920
What did you say?
Eh? No, no.
306
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,560
What the fuck did you say, Jim?!
I didn't say anything!
307
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,360
Say it again!
I didn't say anything!
308
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,520
You fucking did, Jim.
Say it again now!
309
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,160
Vinnie.
You're a dickhead.
310
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,800
You misheard me.
Keep her going, Vin.
311
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,120
I might have the panini.
312
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,520
(PHONE CHIMES)
313
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,360
I have to see a man
about a rabbit in half an hour.
314
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,360
They're short-staffed.
315
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,520
Shouldn't take much longer.
316
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:31,000
What do you mean you have to see
a man about a rabbit?
317
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,080
It means I have to see a man...
about a rabbit.
318
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,720
Lola's gonna turn four. She really
wants a rabbit for her birthday.
319
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,200
Wow. Four already? Time flies.
320
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,520
Yep.
321
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:50,800
I heard you've had some issues when
you took over the Benson Street lot.
322
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,560
That's a whole load more plates
to keep spinning.
323
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,000
I'm not losing any sleep.
324
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,000
Yeah?
325
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,160
You need to tell me your secret.
326
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:05,280
No secret.
Just no caffeine after noon,
327
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,520
a bit of yoga nidra...
328
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,200
and people who can be depended on.
329
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:12,200
And how IS Vincent?
330
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,240
Triple espresso...
331
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,960
and two hot chocolates.
332
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,080
Er... two hot chocolates
with marshmallows.
333
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,720
Oh, I'm really sorry.
334
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,120
We were running low
and only had enough for the one?
335
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,080
Shall we let our guest...
336
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,720
have some of the marshmallows,
337
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,360
Davey?
338
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,360
Friends share, don't they?
339
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,320
There's more than enough
to go round for everybody.
340
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,280
In't that right, Manolito?
341
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,440
No need for anyone to get upset,
is there?
342
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,920
It's not always so simple, though.
Oh?
343
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,840
People DO get upset.
344
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,040
Sometimes you have friends
who upset other friends.
345
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:11,160
And those other friends, they don't
want to share with them any more.
346
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,160
Well, maybe in such a scenario...
347
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,800
..you'll be well placed to make
the case to this... "friend"...
348
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:23,080
..that such an arrangement
would be beneficial for all.
349
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,240
We're friends.
350
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,480
We can be trusted.
351
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,000
You know we've honoured
our agreement
352
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,280
not to circulate certain... pictures.
353
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,680
Unfortunately, I very much doubt
I would have any success
354
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,040
in persuading
this particular friend.
355
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,280
You're being modest.
356
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,640
We both know you can be
very persuasive if you want to.
357
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,920
(CHUCKLES) That's flattering...
358
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,560
but this friend I'm thinking of...
359
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,800
is quite discerning
about the company he keeps...
360
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,040
and was adamant
about not doing business
361
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,120
with anybody
who's unpleasant to his friends.
362
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,000
Mm.
363
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,080
I swear on our Barry's grave,
we didn't kidnap Dylan.
364
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,760
We've been nowhere near him.
365
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,200
So why would Dylan tell Vinnie
that you DID?
366
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,840
I do not know, Donna.
367
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,000
If he was here, I'd ask him.
368
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,080
When you've finished sucking
on that, I'll wait in t'car.
369
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,880
(SNORE-LIKE SOUNDS)
370
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,960
That goes in t'recycling.
371
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,120
Then you should put it there,
if it means that much to you.
372
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,160
(BELL AT DOOR RINGS)
373
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,680
You know, Tyler,
I'm so upset with you.
374
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,200
I really am. I can't...
375
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,440
Honestly, I can't believe
that you lied to me.
376
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:16,160
I'm in two minds to not let you go
to this barbecue later on.
377
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,000
Good.
378
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,280
Excuse me, what do you mean "good"?
DRIVER: What the fuck?!
379
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,840
I said "good". I don't wanna go.
380
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,480
Why don't you wanna go, man?
381
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,160
Cos Seb will be there -
and he picks on me.
382
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,560
Seb? What you talking about?
You two are friends.
383
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,560
You've known each other
since nursery.
384
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,840
He's not my friend.
He still goes on about
385
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,760
when I wet myself in nursery -
and tells everyone.
386
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,720
Oh, God.
Right.
387
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,480
This is the kid
that's bullied you before, is it?
388
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,720
No, it's, erm, it's another one.
No, it's a little shit in his class.
389
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,040
His mum's one of the PTA
cake stall Nazis.
390
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,720
All right, well, listen,
don't worry about Seb.
391
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,760
If I see him, I'll pull his arse -
We'll resolve it with words.
392
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,680
We'll have a chat with him.
That's what grown-ups do.
393
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,160
Right, I'll talk to Seb's mum later.
394
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,440
What, at the barbecue thing?
Yeah.
395
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,000
What is it, like,
a kids-and-parentsy type deal?
396
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,840
It is, yeah.
So why the bloody hell
397
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,600
haven't you asked ME to come?
Vin, you would've said no.
398
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,600
I might not have done.
Might've wanted it.
399
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,840
No, you hate things like that.
400
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,800
Like what?
Things with lots of people there.
401
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,240
Like a big, you know...
gathering... people.
402
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,800
I DO avoid people.
(HORN BEEPS)
403
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,240
Well, fuck!
That's the abducted caravan!
404
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,600
Shit!
What?
405
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,600
Fucking ring Ashley!
Bloody caravan!
406
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,920
Fuck!
407
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,680
(PEOPLE ARGUING)
408
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:49,560
ASHLEY: I can see Rhoda's caravan
hidden away up that hill there.
409
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:54,040
It's definitely the McGuigans.
They got moved on last week.
410
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,560
Looks like they're fixing
for a celebration.
411
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,240
The two of them sisters
there fighting... (LAUGHS)
412
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,440
..they've both had the misfortune
to be engaged to Doolan before.
413
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,600
Why would they bother
taking a shite caravan?
414
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,520
Well, I mean, happen that's where
he DOES keep his bloody cash.
415
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,560
That's where Franny's money is.
He wouldn't know that. WE didn't.
416
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,240
And we're flesh and blood.
It's deeper and thicker than water.
417
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,720
Shut up! For crying out wittering.
418
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,840
Look, the fucking caravan's got
a ten-grand reward on it, right,
419
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,800
and if we all find Franny's money,
420
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,440
that's just a fucking
massive bonus, innit?
421
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,360
Now listen to me now. Hey. Hey!
422
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,560
I'm pondering, aren't I!
Give over pondering.
423
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,640
I'm speculating.
I need you lot
424
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:36,080
to scope that shit out after dark.
Eh? Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
425
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,800
"You lot"?
I've gotta go to a fucking barbecue.
426
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,720
Do you know that? Shit.
There's loads of bloody spaces.
427
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,880
We could've parked up here.
Oh, yeah.
428
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,360
You all right?
Me?
429
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,600
Yeah.
Yeah.
430
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,760
Are YOU all right? How you feeling?
Fine.
431
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,680
Good? Listen, I wouldn't blame you
if you weren't fine.
432
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,480
You're not going in there
on your own.
433
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,440
You're going in there with a very
exclusive properly hard gang.
434
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,720
We're not a gang! We're a family.
Yes, well, it's the same, innit?
435
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,800
It's the same,
only we never leave each other.
436
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,640
You know,
always have each other's back.
437
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,640
Never not be there.
Do you understand?
438
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,120
Yeah.
Right, you.
439
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,320
OK. What?
Better have my back in there.
440
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,880
I'm terrified.
I've got your back.
441
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,520
Hi! Erin, Tyler.
Oh, I'm so glad you came.
442
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,040
Mm.
443
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,760
I'm Vinnie. I'm Tyl...
Tyler's...
444
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,280
I'm Tyler's dad.
Yeah.
445
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,280
You're welcome. Come in, come in.
446
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,120
Come on.
All right!
447
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,360
♪ EMPIRE OF THE SUN:
We Are The People
448
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,800
Oh, there you go. He's happy.
There's his mates, look.
449
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,000
Got some friends over there.
Yeah.
450
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,240
Help yourself to drinks.
Thank you.
451
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,760
Erin.
Yeah?
452
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,160
Are you OK?
Oh, hiya. You all right?
453
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,120
No...
454
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,640
No.
455
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,280
Hubby!
456
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,280
Introducing Vinnie.
Hiya. You all right?
457
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,360
Vinnie.
Now, then.
458
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,880
Good to finally meet you.
Heard a lot about you from Tyler.
459
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,320
Have you? Little bugger.
Combination there. (LAUGHS)
460
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,440
Do you know Greg, Craig,
Adrian, Toby?
461
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,160
You all right, lads? How's it going?
Adrian's Eva's dad. Toby's Harry's.
462
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,200
And Greg and Craig
are Freddy's dads.
463
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,240
So welcome to the dad gang.
It's not got a uniform, has it?
464
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,080
There's a lot of beige pants.
465
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,520
In't there?
And the Hawaiian Shirts.
466
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,560
You look like a calypso group.
Look at you.
467
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,840
(LAUGHS) No, it's just a...
468
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,200
happy coincidence, you know,
can't go wrong.
469
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:27,160
Well, you CAN go wrong,
cos you've all worn the same shit.
470
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,960
You look...
471
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,000
Uh...
Mm.
472
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,160
Well, we're flying back again
next half term.
473
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,480
What'll that be?
Your fourth trip abroad this year?
474
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,480
Yeah! I mean...
I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it
475
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,000
if we weren't already taking steps
to reduce our carbon footprint.
476
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,200
Oh, we put in a wood burner.
Oh.
477
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,480
Lorraine.
Yeah?
478
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,480
Can I have a word?
Oh, sorry.
479
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,720
If it's about the cake stall,
my hands are tied.
480
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,880
Oh -There's still
a waiting list for helpers.
481
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,440
No, no, no, it's about your Seb.
Erm, so he's been...
482
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,120
He's been saying things about Tyler,
to the other kids and -
483
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,040
Oh, God, Erin. Boys!
What are they like?
484
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:02,480
All as bad as one another.
Uh... don't know about that.
485
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,680
What are we gonna do, eh?
They're doomed to turn into men!
486
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,240
(LAUGHS)
487
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,840
Katherine,
what's going on with these mojitos?
488
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:11,680
I don't want yous going home sober.
489
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,200
Coming up.
Listen. Maybe....
490
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,520
(MUSIC CHANGES)
Oh, yes, this is my jam! Wooh!
491
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:18,560
♪ JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: Rock Your Body
492
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,320
(EXCITED CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
493
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,080
Go and have a look.
Is it a new barbie?
494
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,480
Brand-new.
It's bonnie.
495
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,200
Yeah, have a look a that.
Very nice.
496
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,640
How are you getting on, lad?
I'm good, thanks. All right.
497
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,840
Can I have a go with your tongs?
Yeah, go for it.
498
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,720
Fucking range on them.
You know they're good, don't you?
499
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,560
Just gonna have a go
at one of these sau-sarges.
500
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,520
It's harder than it looks, innit?
501
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,200
They're very thi...
quite thin sau-sarges.
502
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,640
Oh, it's fucking dropped in.
503
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,240
Gone right down there, hasn't it?
(TONGS RATTLE)
504
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,920
Oh, no, it's gone.
505
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,440
Take that off me,
cos honestly I'm just fucking use...
506
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,640
Lads, listen. I'm sorry.
I don't socialise well.
507
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,640
I thought...
I thought I could fucking handle it.
508
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,520
But there's just too much going on.
509
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,320
You're fine, man.
No, it's not fine.
510
00:24:05,360 --> 00:24:08,640
I'm fucking rude and I'm weird.
You're all in this Hawaiian shit.
511
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,120
I don't understand. It's freaking...
You're fine, mate.
512
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,120
Erin?
(LAUGHTER AND CHATTER)
513
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,680
♪ BIG COUNTRY: In A Big Country
514
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,080
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
515
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,080
This is giving me fucking bad jujus.
516
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,960
It's giving me Wrong Turn vibes.
517
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,200
Why would they park a caravan
right up here...
518
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,520
unless they've got
something to hide?
519
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,680
Who's going in, then?
Who's going in?
520
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,560
Who's going in?
Ashley, get gone.
521
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,920
CAROL: Come on,
we want to know what's in there.
522
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,640
Why's it always me first?
I don't take orders from you.
523
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,320
You fucking will.
Carol, tell Ashley to go inside
524
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,120
and make sure no-one's in there.
Go and have a look in there.
525
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,520
What's gonna be in there?
It's not anything scary?
526
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,080
Go on.
I'm right behind you.
527
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,560
Let's go. Come on.
528
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,880
Where do you reckon
the money's hidden?
Can't be too many places.
529
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,080
Look, let's just get in and out.
530
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:06,000
There's Aloysius there. Look.
Err. It's fucking weird.
531
00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,040
Why is this chain
locked to the fridge?
532
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,880
Shh, shh, shh.
Shut the fuck up, lads. Shh.
533
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,080
Oh, wait, guys. What's that?
534
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,480
What is in there
that needs chaining up?
535
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,080
(ALL SCREAM AND YELL)
536
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,920
What the fuck?!
537
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,320
Doolan!
Fuck sake, you terrible cunt!
538
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:24,400
You scared Ashley half to death.
539
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,360
Why the fuck
are you chained to a fridge?
540
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,040
Are you not supposed to be
in Ireland, hiding out?
541
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,840
The McGuigans burst in just as I was
about to leave for the ferry.
542
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,520
I managed to barricade myself
into the jacks pretty good,
543
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,280
so's they couldn't get at me.
544
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,360
Next thing I know, they're taking
the whole caravan with me in it.
545
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,640
Why? What are they gonna do to you?
They want revenge.
546
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,520
They're forcing me to marry
Dervla McGuigan in the morning.
547
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,720
Ah, right. Yeah. Dervla McGuigan.
I've been so scared.
548
00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,800
I don't want to have to get married.
I'm too young.
549
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,000
I just get caught up in the whole
romance of it all, you know?
550
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,000
Oh, er. Yeah, no, we HAVE heard.
551
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,400
I'm so relieved
you've come to rescue me.
552
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,680
Ah, right. Man up there, Doolan.
553
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,840
Which one is it?
Him.
554
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,160
The one in the glasses? Yeah.
And terrible shirt.
555
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,720
All right, lads? Seb, hiya.
556
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,880
Can I have a quick word?
What about?
557
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,600
Er, well, listen.
558
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,280
I think you might not be aware
that some of the things
559
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,880
you're saying about Tyler
is making him really sad.
560
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,680
Oh, really?
Yeah.
561
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:30,640
You know, I don't think you realise
that bringing certain things up
from people's past
562
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,240
can be embarrassing for that person.
What? About him wetting himself?
563
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,720
Yeah, but it was a long time ago.
It was in nursery!
564
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,880
I mean, everyone's
had accidents growing up.
565
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,640
It's not my fault, though, is it?
Sorry?
566
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,200
It's not my fault
that HE wet himself and people
call him Little Miss Piss Pants.
567
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,760
Well, I'm not saying that.
568
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,080
But you're the one bringing it up
and telling people.
569
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,080
All I'm doing is
telling the truth, right?
570
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:53,360
Am I not allowed to tell the truth?
Well, I'm not suggesting that, am I?
571
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,840
Good, cos you can't stop
my right to free speech.
572
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,440
It's a free country.
I can tell whoever I want
that he pissed his pants.
573
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,176
Well, yeah. Yeah, you could but I
don't understand why you'd want to.
574
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,760
Cos it's funny.
It's funny?
575
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,520
Yeah.
Yeah. It's not funny to Tyler.
576
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,480
It is to a lot of other people.
People have a right to know
577
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,480
that he might piss his pants on them
at any moment.
578
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,520
OK.
579
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,440
Oh, Seb!
580
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,160
Oh, no, he's had an accident!
581
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,000
Oh. Er, Lorraine?
582
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,120
Lorraine, Seb -
he's had an accident!
583
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:27,920
He's peed in his chinos.
I didn't do it.
584
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,800
Are you Seb?
He's peed...
585
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,160
He's pissed his trousers.
Your mum's coming.
586
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,880
Your mum's coming.
♪ Little Sebby piss pants!
587
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,760
♪ Little Sebby piss pants!
588
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:38,840
♪ Little Sebby piss pants!
Little Sebby piss pants!
589
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,320
Sick!
♪ One of these days, these boots...
590
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:44,080
I didn't do it.
♪ ..are gonna walk all over you ♪
591
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,640
(SIGHS) Oh, bugger.
592
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,680
They make it look so easy
in films, don't they?
593
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,480
I told you.
What would the world be like
594
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,480
if every lock could be picked
by a fucking fork or a nail file?
595
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,360
Should we just put some butter
on your wrist or something?
596
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,440
Fuck sake,
you're the brains of the op, eh?
597
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,840
Is there no-one better could help?
598
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,120
(VOICES AND THUMPS OUTSIDE)
What are they up to?
599
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,120
Nothing. Just... nothing.
600
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,760
(MUFFLED VOICES AND GENTLE THUDS)
601
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,680
TOMMO: I can't see anything.
Oh! Hang on! There's something.
602
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,200
There's something!
What?
603
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,200
CAROL: A safe?
It's here, I've got it.
604
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,280
It's a handle. It's a...
And are you pulling it?
605
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,880
Yep, I'm pulling it.
I'm pulling it. (GROANS)
606
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,880
Ah, come on, Tommo.
Put your shoulder into it, will you?
607
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,840
Do it!
I got it moving a little bit.
608
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,240
Yes! Yes.
Come on, Tommo! Go, man!
609
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,480
It's coming loose! Ah!
(SPLATTERING)
610
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:39,200
Jesus fucking Christ,
what the fuck is the smell?
611
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,760
He's released the toilet tank.
Yeah.
612
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,920
I never knew there was
such a thing in there.
613
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,000
Jesus Christ.
You don't use the toilet?
614
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,560
Never in the caravan.
That's fucking disgusting.
615
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,040
That's unhygienic.
616
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,800
Oh. Hi, Tommo. You OK?
617
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,640
So, Cardi says Francis
has his cash under the caravan?
618
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,760
Oh, Jesus.
There's no cash under there, Doolan.
619
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,080
What the fuck happened to him?
Oh, Jesus.
620
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:04,640
Toilet emptied on him.
621
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,400
You all right, Tommo?
Mmm.
622
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,480
I'm... sort of processing.
623
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,560
Maybes Francis left money
somewhere else in the caravan.
624
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,160
Yeah, probably. Yeah.
625
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,240
(UTENSILS RATTLE)
626
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:22,960
Cardi, what are you
supposed to be doing?
627
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,080
I j-j-just...
628
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,600
Put the fucking crisps down
and look for the money!
629
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,200
All these years of trying
to get my own back on that
tight bastard brother of mine,
630
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,680
and his cash was here somewhere.
You're not getting a cut of it.
631
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,560
What? I fucking deserve a cut
after the shit he put me through.
632
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,320
What are you on about?
You've just been rescued.
633
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,320
You don't get a cut
if you've been rescued.
634
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800
I don't make the rules.
I just implement them.
635
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,480
There's no money here, anyway.
We've searched every inch.
636
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,440
Aw, shit, I was so sure it was here.
637
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,240
Nah, Francis would never leave it
somewhere where we can easily
just stumble upon it.
638
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,920
We have to go and get the tools
and come back for Doolan.
639
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,760
What?! You can't leave me here.
640
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,800
They're coming for me
in the morning.
641
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,800
They're gonna forcibly marry me.
Please don't leave me!
642
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,880
OK, Doolan. All right, Uncle.
Breath now. Relax.
643
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,000
Don't forget your breathing.
Doolan, will you fucking man up?
644
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,520
Come on.
See you.
645
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,120
Oh, see you, then.
646
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:14,160
Love you loads.
647
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,080
You're my precious sweet peach.
648
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:17,800
He's fucking cheered up.
Gum.
649
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,200
You're a badass mum, you know?
You're my Brandy...
650
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,400
Brandy Vermouth.Vermouth.
I can't say it.
651
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,440
Well, you're a badass dad,
Vincent O'Neil.
652
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,120
Flirting.
Mmm-hmm.
653
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,040
You coming in?
654
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:36,920
Yeah, definitely.
655
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,760
(CHUCKLES)
(PHONE RINGS)
656
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,000
You know what?
657
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,960
It's Ashley.
658
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,440
Course it is.
659
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,880
Go on.
Shit.
660
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:48,800
What do you want, you?
661
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,520
'We need a tow.
Soon as possible, please.'
662
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,400
Course.
663
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,200
You need to go. OK?
Sorry.
664
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,720
It's OK.
I'm so sorry.
665
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,480
I'll see you tomorrow.
All right.
666
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:03,840
I fancy you loads.
Night.
667
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,680
Loads and loads.
668
00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,640
Fucking... Where are you, then?
669
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,720
ASHLEY: Excuse me.
Can you stay back please, Tommo?
670
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,800
You stink bad. Carol, tell him.
671
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,760
Stay back, you're fucking rancid.
672
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,600
Doolan, can you push a bit harder?
673
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,880
We're after fucking saving you!
(DOOLAN'S CHAIN RATTLES)
674
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,600
Right, Vin's gonna meet us
with Jim and his tractor...
675
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,520
on Steep Lane.
CAROL: Where the fuck is Steep Lane?
676
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,040
Steep lane,
that's fucking two fields away.
677
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,240
This is stupid.
We're gonna get caught.
678
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,760
We're gonna get caught if you don't
stop your fucking griping.
679
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,720
DERVLA: Doolan!
I love you! I want you!
680
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,040
I can't wait until, tomorrow.
Oh, shit.
681
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:54,640
Dervla, don't.
It's bad luck before the wedding.
682
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,360
I want him to see
how beautiful I look.
683
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,480
I just love him so much.
684
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,240
Wait.
685
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,560
They're taking the caravan!
686
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:07,880
Fucking bastard!
Leg it!
687
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,840
Oh!
(TOMMO SCREAMS)
688
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,160
He's trying to escape!
689
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,680
Push! Push!
690
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,960
(SHOUTING)
691
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,200
♪ DAVID BOWIE: Suffragette City
692
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,920
CAROL: They're shooting at us!
693
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:26,120
Just get it rolling down the hill!
694
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,240
That's right. Shut up!
Ow!
695
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,760
That's it! That's it. Push!
696
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,800
(THEY GROAN)
CARDI: It's moving. Keep moving!
697
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,880
Kill them!
ASHLEY: Push!
698
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,120
Sorry, Uncle!
You're on your own!
699
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,800
(URGENT CHATTER)
Get in! Get in!
700
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,000
(CHAIN RATTLES)
Oh, no, no, no, no!
701
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,120
Come on, run!
702
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,000
Run, Doolan! Run, boy!
703
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,960
Hold on there, boy.
Run, Doolan, run! Run!
704
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,800
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
705
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,800
(PANICKED SHOUTS)
706
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:57,680
(ANGRY SHOUTS)
707
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,440
♪ When you're smiling
708
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,760
♪ When you're smiling
709
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,760
♪ The whole world smiles with you
710
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,200
Oh, no, you fuckin' stink! (GAGS)
711
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,520
Eurgh! Fucking eurgh!
712
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,440
Bastards! You!
713
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,080
You fucked us anyway.
714
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,640
Oh, no! (SHOUTING AND SWEARING)
715
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:21,720
Oh! The golden ticket!
716
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:25,480
The golden ticket!
I've won 50 grand, lads!
717
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,280
The ticket! The golden ticket!
718
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,400
What the fuck?
719
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,920
Doolan, grab the ticket!
It's worth 50 grand.
720
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:34,680
Get the ticket!
Get the ticket!
721
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,440
50 grand!
722
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,560
(MUSIC AND SHOUTING)
723
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,000
It's the ticket off the crisps!
The golden ticket!
724
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,360
50 grand! Give it here!
Give it to me!
725
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,640
Doolan, grab the fridge door!
726
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,400
(SHOUTING)
727
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,920
I can't believe you've let Tyler
drive that fucking death trap.
728
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,720
F-Fucking death trap?
729
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,520
Hey, it wasn't a death trap
when YOU was his age, was it?
730
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,000
Hey? It was all right then.
731
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:19,320
Can you just shut up wittering,
you old... Oh, what the fuck?
732
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,480
There's Doolan
holding a fridge door.
733
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:24,720
Hi, there, Doolan.
734
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:30,400
Oh, you fucking stink, Tommo. Oh.
735
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,680
What the fuck?
We found the golden ticket, man,
736
00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:36,600
but now the McGuigans have got it.
737
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,360
We couldn't find any hidden money.
We found Doolan.
738
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,240
He got hit in the face
with a fridge door
739
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,720
and now we all stink of old poo!
Gross.
740
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,160
Because Tommo was deliberately
rubbing up against us.
741
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,280
Fucking get it together! We've got
to get the fuck out of here!
742
00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:52,240
(SHOUTING)
743
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,880
All right. Style it out.
Style it out.
744
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:00,440
(SHOUTING)
745
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:03,880
We're just on a walk with t'dogs.
746
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,680
It's fuckin ruined.
747
00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,160
Well, you know, I mean, Christ.
748
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,160
She's been through the bloody mill,
749
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,400
but that is still
a very good workhorse, that.
750
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,480
I wouldn't say it's ruined.
Do you know what I mean?
751
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,400
I would. You trashed it,
so you won't be getting ten grand.
752
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,560
Bit of gaffer tape.
753
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,280
It never were worth ten grand.
754
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,160
Eh. Shut your hole, you.
Yep.
755
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,320
Very angry, in't he?
Angry old man.
756
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,960
Shall we fuck off?
He's depressed. That's what it is.
757
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,960
Can we leave him?
Trapped rage.
758
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,520
(LIVELY CHATTER)
759
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,000
♪ THE SPENCER DAVIS GROUP:
Gimme Some Lovin'
760
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,680
♪ Let me in, baby,
I don't know what you got
761
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,640
♪ But you better take it easy,
this place is hot
762
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,560
♪ And I'm so glad we made it
763
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:56,080
♪ So glad we made it
764
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,160
♪ You gotta gimme some lovin'
765
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,920
♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'
766
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,200
♪ Gimme some lovin'
♪ Gimme, gimme some lovin'
767
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:07,360
♪ Gimme some lovin'
♪ Every day... ♪
768
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,520
You all right, Fran. Are you happy?
769
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,240
You'll have to buy her a new fridge
is all I knows.
770
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,040
You're putting her back
in that shit hole?
771
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,360
That woman is very fond
of her wagon.
772
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,360
Stomp, stomp, Hagrid. Fucking hell.
773
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:23,880
(LAUGHS) Hagrid.
Never mind fucking Hagrid.
774
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,320
I reckon we should feel good there.
775
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,320
We've done
a really good thing there.
776
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:29,840
Fucking hero stuff.
777
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,960
Now, then, come here to me, you.
She's the apple of me eye.
778
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,760
Gorgeous woman, are you happy
you've got your wagon back?
779
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,680
Fucking state it is.
780
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:41,920
Want an 'and with your bullshit?
No, I don't, and it's not shit!
781
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,800
You all right, Granny?
782
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,960
Sit down, love. OK, Great Gran.
783
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,120
She's got her home back, hasn't she?
Yes, thank you.
784
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,280
Oh, that's nice.
785
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:54,120
Now...
Wrecking the gaff.
786
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,720
Hey, what's the petrol for,
Great Gran?
787
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,760
Oh... shit.
(FIRE ROARS)
788
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,880
Oh... (LAUGHS)
789
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,840
CAROL: After all that! (LAUGHS)
Fucking hell!
790
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:10,800
What the fuck?
791
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,680
What the fuck?!
792
00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:16,640
TOMMO: She's only gone and done it!
No! The caravan!
793
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,240
My fucking money! No!
794
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:21,320
Fuck!
795
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,640
No!
796
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,000
Oh, Christ, he loved that caravan.
797
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:28,880
Fuck!
798
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,240
I've never seen him
so fuckin' upset.
799
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,400
Well, that's summat at least.
800
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,120
Fuck!
801
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,360
No! No! Fuck!
802
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,680
No!
803
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:41,960
Fuck!
804
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:44,040
Fuck!
805
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,040
Aarghh!
806
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,840
(CLOCK TICKS)
807
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,200
It's nice to meet you, Erin.
808
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,200
Yeah, you too.
809
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:00,400
I've heard a lot about you.
810
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:02,920
Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
(BOTH LAUGH)
811
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,840
Why do you think Vinnie
wanted you to come today?
812
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:13,920
I guess he wants you to explain
why he's such a monstrous fuck up.
813
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,560
(LAUGHS) Now, there's a challenge.
814
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,000
Mr Rabbit Man here took my money
for a snow-white bunny rabbit
815
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,080
and on the day of my Lola's
birthday, he says there is problem.
816
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:26,720
I'll get you a white bunny.
817
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:28,360
(ALARM BELL RINGS)
818
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:29,880
Oh, fucking hell!
819
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,440
What the fuck were you thinking,
driving so recklessly?
820
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:36,040
Look at the size of this bastard!
Can I have him back now?
821
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,000
You don't have to do this
if you don't want to.
822
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,560
No, I do. I have to do it
for me and for Carol.
823
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:41,880
(CRIES)
824
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,800
(GASPING AND SHOUTING)
825
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,000
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