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1
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:36,650
If that's another fucking Lithuanian
living in my roof...
2
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,810
Honestly!
3
00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:46,330
You lot love attics!
4
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:49,490
Kip in the barn
and piss in the field.
5
00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:52,090
It'll be a lot easier!
6
00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:54,530
(MUSIC BUILDS)
7
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:58,090
(SCURRYING
AND SQUEAKING)
8
00:00:58,130 --> 00:01:00,050
(FRANTIC SQUEAKING)
9
00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:03,850
(MENACING
SQUEAK)
10
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:06,330
Aaaaaaaargh!
11
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,610
♪ THE BEATLES:
Money (That's What I Want)
12
00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:19,370
(SIGHS)
Fucking hell!
Who's died, then?
13
00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:23,170
Oh, the Millers.
They were in a cult.
14
00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,650
You might have
read about it. Dead messy!
15
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:28,370
But at least now
they're with their
Alien Overlord,
16
00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:30,690
or whatever
the fuck they
thought would happen
17
00:01:30,730 --> 00:01:33,810
when they blasted
each other's
brains out. RIP.
18
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:38,410
You're er...
quite weird, you,
aren't you?
19
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:42,090
Oh, thanks (!)
'Ey, if you ever
wanna come over
20
00:01:42,130 --> 00:01:45,450
and try your hand
at embalming, just
er... give us a bell.
21
00:01:45,490 --> 00:01:49,050
(Be nice to hang out.)
22
00:01:49,090 --> 00:01:51,490
Might do.
23
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:54,490
Fucking hell!
I'm not ten.
Jesus Christ!
24
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:57,106
Do you know what I mean... Did you do
some sexy flirting up there?
25
00:01:57,130 --> 00:02:00,250
No. Fuck off. I thought we were here
to sort my loft out!
26
00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:03,170
We are! Are you
sure it's Cardi's
fucking fault?
27
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,370
Vinnie, the rats
have made a nest
28
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,970
out of pizza boxes,
which didn't come from me,
29
00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:10,690
cos I don't eat -Foreign food.
- Foreign fucking food! All right.
30
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:14,970
All right. There's too many
for traps, and poison - no chance.
31
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,410
My sheep might eat it.
32
00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:19,410
Why would your sheep eat poison
33
00:02:19,450 --> 00:02:23,250
in a fucking loft in a barn?
Have you seen them goats
that can climb mountains?
34
00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:26,170
Er...
Well, what's to stop a fucking sheep
35
00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:28,970
going up a ladder?
I couldn't help overhearing
36
00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:31,450
that you've got a bad case
of the Rattus Rattus.
37
00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,650
(SILENCE)
(It's Latin for rat.)
38
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,690
Given the scale of the problem,
right,
39
00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:39,210
there's only one man you can trust
who can fix this.
40
00:02:40,170 --> 00:02:43,850
(Unfortunately...
he's a bit of a twat.)
41
00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:46,770
(VINNIE GROANS) Fucking Rat Catcher?
42
00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:48,850
But you lads...
43
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:51,890
..can call me Curtis.
44
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:55,010
Hey, fuck me, you never said
it were Curtis Plum!
45
00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:58,250
Curtis Plum the DJ?
That's right, yeah.Ex-DJ.
46
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,890
Oh... I binned that hedonistic
lifestyle 15 years ago.
47
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:04,290
I heard you had a breakdown.
I had a fucking epiphany!
48
00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,570
(His bird shacked up
with another bloke
49
00:03:06,610 --> 00:03:09,890
(and he smashed up a Londis
with a cricket bat.)
50
00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:12,290
I donated my decks to UNICEF
51
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:15,370
and realised what my true calling
in life was. Killing rats?
52
00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:17,130
Amen.
How much do you want
53
00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:19,450
for fuckin' murdering a ton of 'em
in his loft?
54
00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,050
I don't work for money.
55
00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:24,970
Well, neither do we, most of
the fucking time, do we?(CHUCKLES)
56
00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:28,010
What do you want? I want
my old manager Mickey's ashes.
57
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,370
In his wife's house, in the lounge,
in an urn.
58
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:34,770
Here's the address.
59
00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:38,130
Charming (!) 'Ere, don't lose it.
60
00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:40,050
Once they're in my possession,
61
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:42,210
I'll get rid of your rats.
How about that for a deal?
62
00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:45,250
All right. We're gonna have
to hurry up on this, Vin.
63
00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:48,490
If the council get wind of this,
I'm fucked.
64
00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:52,570
All right. I'm already
on a Section 1026 notice.Sound.
65
00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:55,930
Cunts! It should've been
a Section 1045, if anything...
66
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,770
All right, now.
..or a Section 1022.
67
00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:02,290
I did have a Section 1009 once -
Stop!- but that got overturned.
68
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:05,530
Shut the fucking...
Stop saying numbers at me! Dickhead.
69
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:08,730
I'm gonna send our Ashley round
to scope out the scene.
70
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:12,410
If it's clear, we'll get that shit
for you tonight. Get gone. Go on.OK.
71
00:04:12,450 --> 00:04:14,290
Buzzin'!
72
00:04:14,330 --> 00:04:17,850
So I googled the wife, right?
Her name is Gina Mead.
73
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,290
She was in a girl band in the '80s
called Pink Ordeal
74
00:04:20,330 --> 00:04:23,090
and has been on Top Of The Pops
not once, not twice,
75
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,890
but, would you believe it,
three times. Shut the fuck up.
76
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:27,930
Listen to me.
We're robbing her fucking house,
77
00:04:27,970 --> 00:04:30,370
not writing her autobiography,
are we? Biography. Eh?
78
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:33,610
It'd be "biography". If we were
writing it, it'd be a biography.
79
00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:37,570
"Auto" means "oneself".
Like "autofellate" -
to nosh yourself off.
80
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,690
Can you do that? If I've been
keeping up my Pilates, then yes.
81
00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:44,810
I fucking... I swear to God,
I'm gonna autofellate the lot of you,
if you keep wittering on.
82
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,010
You're getting on my tits.
Good evening, fellas.
83
00:04:47,050 --> 00:04:49,250
Shit.
Big fella, short fella,
84
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,970
chubby fella
85
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,730
and one with a hideous neck tattoo.
86
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:56,890
All right, weird... egg
with a moustache (!)
87
00:04:56,930 --> 00:05:00,250
I can have you for that - offensive
language. You fucking started it!
88
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:03,730
I was just letting you know
that I've clocked you... up here,
89
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:07,530
in the old grey jotter!
90
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:10,370
Fuck me...
All fine. Carry on.
91
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,450
Bye, then.
Officer.
92
00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:13,650
Turd...
Fucking hell.
93
00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:17,130
(INDISTINCT MUMBLING)
What an idiot. Fucking idiot...
94
00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:19,570
I can't find me fucking eye hole!
95
00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:23,610
(METALLIC CLANG)
Shit! You fucking lemon.
Don't drop it, you dick!
96
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,010
(OK, we're clear.)
Just walk round.
97
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:31,210
You can just walk round, like this.
Oh, bollocks.
98
00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:34,170
Right, come on.
99
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,010
Take 'em off.
What? Take the ballies off.
100
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:39,610
We look cool, though.
Shh, quiet. She might be inside.
101
00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:42,130
(CLATTER)
Jesus... Crap!
102
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,810
What the fuck?
(LOW GROWL)
103
00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:48,450
You said there weren't any dogs
here, Ashley. That's not a dog.
104
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,810
It's a meerkat, or something.
105
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,370
Looks like a wig. It's a fucking
dog. Get it before it barks.
106
00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:55,970
God, dude, it's a mutant.
107
00:05:56,010 --> 00:05:58,210
(DOG WHINES)
Hiya. His name's Tommo.
108
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:00,050
Look at his tag.
What?
109
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:02,050
It's called fucking Little Tommo,
in't it?
110
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:04,650
Get in the fucking house.
111
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:09,050
Ah, bingo.
What are you doing? Let me go, dude.
112
00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:11,610
Me first, you fucking lemon.
Shh!
113
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,850
(LITTLE TOMMO WHINES)
Oh, fuck.
114
00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:16,290
There's four of them!
115
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:18,890
Shit, which one's Mickey's, then?
Put that fucking dog down.
116
00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:21,530
(READS) My beloved spouse.
Love of my life. Darling husband.
117
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:24,450
I've got no fucking idea.Shit.
Fuck it, let's just take any of 'em.
118
00:06:24,490 --> 00:06:26,810
(FIERCE YELL)
119
00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:29,890
Whoa! Fuckin' hell! You picked
the wrong house this time!
120
00:06:29,930 --> 00:06:33,330
What are you doing?
Go and fight her! Yaaa!
121
00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:36,610
(CRIES OUT)
Ow! Fuck me...(BATTLE CRY)
122
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,810
Bloody hell!
123
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:40,850
(FRENZIED YELLING)
124
00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:43,410
♪ DICK DALE: Misirlou
125
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:49,650
Argh! Fuckin' hell!
She bit me, lads. Ow!
126
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:50,930
Oh...
127
00:06:50,970 --> 00:06:53,210
Aaargh!
(THUD)
We're just here
128
00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,930
for the urn
that has Mickey in it.
129
00:06:55,970 --> 00:06:57,810
You what? Who sent you?
130
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,610
Eh?
It wasn't Curtis Plum, was it?
131
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:04,570
No, it weren't. No. (CLEARS THROAT)
I'm gonna smash 'em all!
132
00:07:04,610 --> 00:07:06,930
I'll punch your dog!
You wouldn't. Oh!
133
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,370
Go! Go in that van!
134
00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:12,770
(COMMOTION)
135
00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:16,250
Curtis Plum's a fucking liar!
136
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:20,170
Tell him I hope he gets
leprosy of the arsehole!
137
00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:22,570
I swear, I thought she was
gonna smash that fucking - Whoa!
138
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,570
Oof!
Er...
139
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,410
Fuck, dude!
I think I broke my nose again.
140
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:40,250
It's too big, Dad.
It's not too big..
141
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,610
There you go.
All right.Aww... (CHUCKLES)
142
00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:47,630
Thanks for the bike, Vin.
Oh, you're all right.
I haven't nicked it off a kid.
143
00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:50,390
(CHUCKLES)
144
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,470
How's therapy going?
It's good.
145
00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,510
Yeah?
Yeah, it's all right.
146
00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:57,710
Do you feel like it's helping?
I don't know.
147
00:07:57,750 --> 00:08:00,230
I don't know.
148
00:08:00,270 --> 00:08:02,270
Yeah, it must be.
Yeah.
149
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:07,950
(BIRDSONG)
150
00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:09,990
What's going on between us, Vin?
151
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:14,630
How do you mean?
152
00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:17,190
Oh, come on. You know what I mean.
153
00:08:22,430 --> 00:08:24,670
(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
Erm...
154
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:29,350
Fucking hell, that seat's
too high up. It's fine.
155
00:08:29,390 --> 00:08:32,390
It's not, cos if he falls off...
(TUTS) He won't fall off.
156
00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:36,270
Just leave it.
Just let me have a fiddle with it.
Vin? I'll come back in a sec.
157
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:39,030
Come here to me. Show me a wheelie.
158
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,430
(SIGHS)
159
00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:44,470
♪ SUPERTRAMP: Goodbye Stranger
160
00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:51,790
I can't believe you sent
this Curtis Plum guy
your grandmother's ring!
161
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:54,750
Ah, I was 14 years old.
It's not like I did it last week.
162
00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:59,030
Yeah, but why? Oh, everybody
knew him and wanted him...
163
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:02,030
..wanted to feel his body
pressed up against theirs
164
00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:05,110
in a night of explosive passion!
Rumour had it...
165
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,390
..that he was a big lad...
(TUTS) Oh!
166
00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:11,110
..and that he could ride you
till sunrise
167
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:14,070
and still have enough left
in the tank
168
00:09:14,110 --> 00:09:17,470
to smash the gee out of you
and your best friend... Oh, God!
169
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:20,870
..after a light breakfast.
(CACKLES)
170
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:23,390
You know?
(CAR HORN HONKS)
171
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,910
All right!
172
00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:27,470
Peep, peep, motherfucker!
173
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:31,190
Someone's told me that you wanna meet
a decrepit old DJ.
174
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:33,230
CAROL: I'm getting the ring back.
175
00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:38,430
(KNOCKS AT DOOR)
Fucking hell, here we go.
176
00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,550
Oh, God...
177
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:45,230
Fellas! Mm.
Ladies...
178
00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:48,470
Are we sorted, or what? Did you
get 'em? Been a bit of a mishap.
179
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:50,190
Mishap, how?
180
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,230
(MUMBLES)
181
00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:55,750
Per-fucking-fecto.
182
00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:58,070
You happy? Mm.
Fabulous!
183
00:09:58,110 --> 00:10:01,470
See? Do you fancy coming in
for a brew, or what?
184
00:10:01,510 --> 00:10:03,870
Oh, yes, we would!
I can't... Can of worms, love.
185
00:10:03,910 --> 00:10:06,750
Fuck... Come on, then, Sugar.
(MOUTHS)Is that cheese in there?
186
00:10:06,790 --> 00:10:09,790
Yeah, and pickle (!)
Dude, it is a shit hole
187
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:13,310
in here. What's the deal?
Come in, come in. We'll look around
188
00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:16,070
as soon as he fuckin' fucks off.
189
00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:19,670
You just moved in, Curtis?
Well, yeah, sort of,
190
00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:22,390
but it was about 2015...
(GASPS)
191
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:25,110
..just after my Auntie Moira died.
Yeah.
192
00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:26,390
She used to like things neat.
193
00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:29,390
Actually, guys,
can you just give me a minute?
194
00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:32,350
I'm just gonna have
a little... tidy-up. Yeah, yeah.
195
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:35,710
You do that.
Thanks for having us.
(Let's start over there.)
196
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:39,870
(What the fuck?)Jesus, lads, this
place is like a murderer lives here.
197
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,950
Hey! I swear to God.
Keep your fucking voice down.
198
00:10:41,990 --> 00:10:44,190
(CHUCKLES)
He's not a murderer.
199
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,630
He's an oddly topless, sensual DJ.
200
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:50,630
Vincent, he's got hooks on the
fucking ceiling and he kills rats.
201
00:10:50,670 --> 00:10:54,110
Serial-killer shit, in't it?
Yeah, and he never wears a top.
202
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,670
Jeffrey Dahmer never wore a top.
Yes, he did.
203
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:58,430
Fred West wore tops.
Ted Bundy wore tops.
204
00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,670
I've got a Ted Bundy top.
You've got a Ted BAKER top.
205
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:04,390
Stop talking about
what serial killers wore bloody tops!
206
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:07,950
He's a fucking DJ - that's it.
He's a nice fella. He's sensitive.
207
00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,470
He's a DJ - right,
208
00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,030
cos they're all nice lads, them (!)
209
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,870
Way-hay! Now, then.
Now, then. Now, then.
210
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,910
Thanks for having us.
211
00:11:16,790 --> 00:11:20,190
Come in. Make yourself at home.
Right, yeah, just... Hey!
212
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:24,190
Sorry.
Do you have any chairs, or...
213
00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:26,990
Jeez, chairs!
Look, I'm so used to not having any,
214
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:29,270
that I didn't even notice
that the...
215
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:31,310
(CLATTER)
216
00:11:32,230 --> 00:11:34,430
There you are, love.
You're up the duff, aren't you?
217
00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:38,110
It's not quite the phrase
I'd use, but... thanks.
218
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,950
I don't really have many visitors.
219
00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:43,790
Just thinking out loud, but do you
reckon you don't have any visitors
220
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,110
cos you don't have any chairs?
221
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:47,950
Maybe I got rid of the chairs
cos nobody came round.
222
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:50,950
Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. (SNIFFS)
223
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:54,510
Jeez, I forgot Mickey!
(CELLOPHANE RUSTLES)
224
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:58,790
Mickey... Hm!
225
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:01,830
Can you just excuse me a minute?
226
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,990
Actually, it would mean a lot...
227
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:10,270
..if you could all be there.
228
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,310
♪ THE HEAVY: Short Change Hero
229
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,110
Thanks. Thanks, guys.
230
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,150
Thanks for being here.
231
00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:32,030
Pissing on him...
232
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,350
So long, you fucking prick!
233
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:43,990
(SNIFFS)
234
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,390
Ooh!
Hello!
235
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,670
Brew?
(GROANS)
236
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:56,110
Sorry about
the er... eclectic array of cups,
237
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,390
but there is a lot of you,
in't there?
238
00:12:58,430 --> 00:13:01,830
Dude, what's all this shit in here?
What do you mean?
239
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:04,150
What do you mean? It's madness.
It's madness, innit?
240
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,790
This can't all be from rat catching,
love. Well, you'd be surprised.
241
00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:11,270
But yeah, you know,
once I had my er...
242
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,270
Mental breakdown?
243
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:16,110
(TUTS)
Epiphany...
244
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:18,590
(Epiphany.)
245
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:22,190
..I couldn't bear to be parted
from objects of great beauty.
246
00:13:22,230 --> 00:13:23,950
Mm, I can see that,
247
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,150
but all this shit now, dude,
248
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:30,430
it's anxiety-inducing, the gaff.
(Just so much stuff, Erin.
It's unnatural.)
249
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:33,030
I'm riddled with anxiety.
I've been here ten minutes.
250
00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:35,070
I can't imagine how you feel!
251
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:37,870
There you go.
What can I say, brother?
252
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:41,390
Tidying just isn't my thing.
Mm.
253
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:43,350
I've thought about getting
someone in once,
254
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,830
but they just want money.
Unbelievable, eh? Some people!
255
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:52,510
Well, we can...
we can clean the house, can't we?
256
00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:55,310
Yeah, yeah. Let us help you out,
get rid of all this mess.
257
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:57,590
I suppose a spring clean
might be good idea,
258
00:13:57,630 --> 00:14:01,590
although a lot of this stuff
is very precious to me!
259
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:05,030
Valuable.
260
00:14:05,070 --> 00:14:07,550
I've got some unopened nappies
somewhere in the house.
261
00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:10,270
You can have them as payment.
Aww, thank you.
262
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:12,070
Well, that sorts that right out,
263
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,630
don't it? 'Ey, listen,
264
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,510
I want you up at Jim's farm
tomorrow morning, 9am.
265
00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:20,230
Three, two, one.
266
00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:22,550
He's two fucking hours late, Vin!
267
00:14:22,590 --> 00:14:27,230
For the love of Christ!
Listen, Rentokil give you
an 'alf-day window, didn't they?
268
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:29,630
So you're still up
on the fucking deal. Stop whining!
269
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:31,430
(GRUMBLES)
Here he is, look.
270
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,590
Finally!
271
00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,790
Morning.
272
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:39,110
Oh, here he is.
273
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:41,150
Efficient, I see (!)
274
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,670
The right fucking season,
at least (!)I overslept.
275
00:14:44,710 --> 00:14:47,350
It's a good job
you've been "paid" already,
276
00:14:47,390 --> 00:14:49,790
because
I'd be docking your wages now.
277
00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:52,630
I don't like your harsh attitude,
brother.
278
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:56,550
I'll come back when you're
full of peace and love. You'll have
a long fucking wait, pal!
279
00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:59,230
Hang on a minute! I'm sorry
about him. Just listen!
280
00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:02,710
He's always been this way
and he has got a load of rats
281
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,990
shagging the life out of his loft,
so we need it sorting.
282
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,790
Council's pecking his head now,
aren't they?
283
00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,510
So be fucking nice.
284
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:14,070
Pretty please.
285
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,190
Hmm...
286
00:15:15,230 --> 00:15:17,230
You prick.
Pillock!
287
00:15:18,190 --> 00:15:21,430
So what's the sleeping bag for -
dead rat overflow (?)
288
00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,950
I like to nest in with them,
you know, till t'job's done.
289
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,750
And Mrs Ratcatcher's
happy with that, is she?
290
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,870
Mrs? No.
291
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,910
I'm young, free and single, brother.
292
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:33,390
It's not gonna be a problem,
me staying, is it, Vin?
293
00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:35,590
Cos I think, you know, it's best
I'm out the way
294
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:37,630
while the girls clear the house
and you know...
295
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,990
it's gonna be tough for me
watching my life's work
disappear in the back of a van.
296
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:43,790
Absolutely. I get it, man. I get it.
297
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:47,230
(POINTEDLY) It is no fucking problem
whatsoever, is it?
298
00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:50,150
(Gobshite...)
Join the club!
299
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,670
Why not?
300
00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:54,270
There's more knob ends
slept in that attic recently
301
00:15:54,310 --> 00:15:56,350
than the fucking Hilton (!)
302
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,310
What do you want?
Fucking room service (?)
303
00:15:58,350 --> 00:16:00,350
That'd be lovely.
304
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:04,230
SUGAR: Oh, Jesus Christ!
305
00:16:04,270 --> 00:16:07,430
We'd better start.
(COUGHING)
Eurgh! Bleurgh!
306
00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:10,430
Whoa... Ah, maybe
we just forget about the ring.
307
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,670
It's not as if my gran
was that happily married.
308
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,590
No way! No!
Are you up for this, you?
309
00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,790
Anything to take my mind off JJ.
310
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,950
Anyway, I'll need them gross nappies
that Curtis mentioned,
311
00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:22,430
if I'm gonna be a single mum.
312
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:27,030
Listen, you are gonna be everything
what that baby needs, all right?
313
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,310
Anyway, you're not single -
314
00:16:29,350 --> 00:16:33,310
you can stay at my house for as long
as you like.Mm. Right...
315
00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:37,070
Where do we start?
Cousin Fergal will be over later
in his dead-nan van
316
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:39,670
and he will rid this place
in no time
317
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:41,350
and he will give us £200
for the pleasure.
318
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:44,110
All we have to do
is find that fecking ring.
319
00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:47,230
No! Hey!
Do I look like fucking Basil Fawlty?
320
00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:49,830
It's in preparation.
Preparation. Preparation.
321
00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:52,830
Is this a fucking bed and breakfast?
Stop pestering me, will you?
322
00:16:52,870 --> 00:16:54,550
Even the bloke with the terriers
323
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:57,430
said he could get the job
done in two days!
324
00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,390
Still getting on, then (?)
'Ere, lazy prick.
325
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:02,191
I'm not fucking doing that shit for
you again. Don't get used to that!
326
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:06,150
Mate, I wasn't gonna leave this
tosser in my house by himself, Vin.
327
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:09,910
In fact,
I've changed my mind on those rats.
328
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,750
Lets just nuke
the fucking lot of 'em!
329
00:17:12,790 --> 00:17:13,950
OI!
330
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,590
Stop shouting, all right?
331
00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:18,670
What is your fucking beef
with him? He's a sweetheart.
332
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,590
He don't even wear tops, Vin...
333
00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:23,190
and that's a black-belt wanker move.
334
00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:26,030
I need to give the rats full access
to my pheromones.Right.
335
00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:27,350
He wants to be up there a week.
336
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:31,350
A whole fucking week! He just don't
respect my methods, brother.
337
00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:34,590
I heard him in the attic
reciting poetry to 'em!
338
00:17:34,630 --> 00:17:36,910
Rats are highly intelligent mammals.
339
00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,190
Rats are cunts!
340
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:40,870
You've gotta gain their trust,
you see.
341
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:43,030
Gain their trust, then... bam!
342
00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:47,070
What do you mean? You just twat 'em
with a stick? Pretty much. Fuck me!
343
00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:49,230
How do you think I maintain
12% body fat?
344
00:17:49,270 --> 00:17:51,710
Well, it's... it's twatting rats
to death, in it?
345
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,870
I'm the Rat Master.
346
00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:56,870
You need to trust what I'm doing,
347
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:57,950
trust my methods.
348
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:03,630
I actually invite them to leave
first, "mano a rato".
349
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,670
Then, if they don't...
350
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:08,270
(SIGHS)
351
00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,310
♪ WET LEG: Chaise Longue
352
00:18:12,470 --> 00:18:15,030
Aargh... Aaargh!
353
00:18:15,070 --> 00:18:17,070
(CACKLES)
Oh, put them down!
354
00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:23,630
Ooh!
355
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:29,670
Oh, heck...
356
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:31,390
♪ On the chaise longue
357
00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:33,470
♪ On the chaise longue
On the chaise longue
358
00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:35,350
♪ All day long
On the chaise longue
359
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:38,070
♪ On the chaise longue
On the chaise longue
360
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:39,270
♪ On the chaise longue
361
00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,830
♪ All day long
On the chaise longue
362
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,070
♪ On the chaise longue
363
00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:45,270
♪ On the chaise longue
On the chaise longue
364
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:47,590
♪ All day long
On the chaise longue
365
00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:48,990
♪ On the chaise longue
366
00:18:49,030 --> 00:18:51,230
♪ On the chaise longue
On the chaise longue
367
00:18:51,270 --> 00:18:53,510
♪ All day long
On the chaise longue
(THEY SCREAM)
368
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:55,830
♪ All day long
All day long on the chaise longue
369
00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:58,270
We're never gonna get that smell
out of our nostrils.
370
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:01,470
♪ All day long
On the chaise longue ♪
371
00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:04,350
I am in so much pain.
My neck...
372
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:07,390
All right, tell Fergal
it's the recycling next...
373
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:10,990
and then this is the stuff
that wants fixing...
374
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:14,470
and then this stuff
is good for resale, yeah?
375
00:19:14,510 --> 00:19:17,510
We've not even a third way
through the house yet, are we?
376
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:20,470
You know, let's just call
them dickheads so they can help.
377
00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:22,030
Yeah.
Yeah?
378
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:24,470
Yeah, we need help.
We need help.
379
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,030
Eight hours' manual labour
380
00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:30,710
and all we've got to show for it
is some old boxes of cassettes
381
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:32,550
and this lot, which
I can only assume
382
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:34,750
is an old bit of acid.
(CAROL CHUCKLES)
383
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:37,710
You have that. No, no, no. I'm
on the straight and narrow, mate.
384
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:39,070
Fucking hell!
385
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,790
Let's look at that.
386
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,910
Red Balloons. Huh?
99 Red Balloons.
387
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,510
It's fucking legendary, that stuff.
Jesus Christ!
388
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:48,430
All right. Straight and narrow.
All I'm saying is...
389
00:19:48,470 --> 00:19:50,350
I'm not gonna take it, am I?
It's just....
390
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:53,910
It's a collector's item.
It's vintage, yeah.
391
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:57,030
Hang on...
Cardi, you angel, did you find it?
392
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,670
No, but... what's this?
393
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:04,510
Oh, that IS vintage! Oh...
394
00:20:06,190 --> 00:20:08,190
It looks pagan.
395
00:20:08,230 --> 00:20:09,630
Oh, what's it made of?
396
00:20:09,670 --> 00:20:11,350
That doesn't feel like paper, that.
397
00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:15,510
One way to find out.
398
00:20:15,550 --> 00:20:17,710
Aaaargh!
(SCREAMS)
What, what?
399
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,470
It's a... (CLEARS THROAT)
..a "mammary papilla".
400
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:24,030
ALL: What? It's a nipple!
It's a fucking nipple.
401
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:27,030
Is it the first dead nipple
you've had in your mouth?(LAUGHS)
402
00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:29,350
It's some sort of animal skin
with tattoos.
403
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:31,390
Oh, my God, it's human.
BOTH: Waaaa!
404
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:35,710
(BOTH SHRIEK)
I can still fucking taste it!
I can taste it in my mouth!
405
00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:38,750
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, TOMMO!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
406
00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:41,190
Very nice, yes.
Well done. (CLEARS THROAT)
407
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,510
You, you - follow me.
408
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:47,790
Where? The one
place where I've
seen this symbol before.
409
00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:54,510
Closed, my arse (!)
410
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:57,350
WOMAN: I'm closed!
See what I mean? Unnecessary, that.
411
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,630
(WIND CHIMES TINKLE /
DREAMLIKE MUSIC PLAYS)
412
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,070
(CLEARS THROAT)
I said I'm closed!
413
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,910
I'm closed!
414
00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:07,470
Right, yes, well, er...
it is quite important, so...
415
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:09,670
And I'm talking to dead people.
Ooh!
416
00:21:09,710 --> 00:21:12,350
Anyway... (CLEARS THROAT)
..do you know what this is?
417
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,790
Rings a bell.
418
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:22,190
It's an occult symbol I had drawn on
the wall to jazz the place up a bit.
419
00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:26,870
No idea how it got on your map,
however. Hmm...
420
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:29,070
Map?
However, interesting.
421
00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:32,230
Vellum.
Mm-hm.
422
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:36,910
Human.
Oh? Oh? Yeah...
423
00:21:38,590 --> 00:21:40,310
Give you twenty quid for it.
Great.
424
00:21:40,350 --> 00:21:42,550
'Ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey, Ashley... No.
425
00:21:43,910 --> 00:21:45,990
Let's get out of here.
£30.
426
00:21:46,030 --> 00:21:48,110
Woo!
'Ey, sticky fingers!
427
00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:51,870
Huh!
428
00:21:52,990 --> 00:21:54,990
(DREAMLIKE MUSIC CONTINUES /
CLOCK TICKING)
429
00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:58,150
Mmm...
♪ (HUMS)
430
00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:06,750
OK. Yeah, I'll ask him.
431
00:22:09,990 --> 00:22:12,110
£100.
432
00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:14,990
The spirits are very keen
for me to have it. Tommo?
433
00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:17,430
Yeah, but crucially,
what you're saying is,
434
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:19,870
you're not gonna give us
any information?(SNIFFS)Right.
435
00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:22,110
Very good, lads. Onwards.
436
00:22:22,150 --> 00:22:24,990
It's cursed! The map is cursed!
437
00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:28,790
(MAKES WHOOSHING NOISES)
438
00:22:28,830 --> 00:22:31,910
I curse it - and I curse you, too,
you little wanker.
439
00:22:34,070 --> 00:22:37,070
Yeah, when you're 5'5" and
you hang around with these cunts,
440
00:22:37,110 --> 00:22:40,270
you're pretty much cursed as it is,
so I'll take my chances.
441
00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:47,310
Erm, please, please can I buy
some crystals while I'm here? Sure.
442
00:22:47,350 --> 00:22:49,110
Yes!
443
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,230
(SIGHS)
444
00:22:59,830 --> 00:23:02,030
(SHOP BELL DINGS)
Why didn't we take the hundred quid?
445
00:23:02,070 --> 00:23:06,190
That's more than anyone else will
pay for a soggy old bit of skin
we found in Plum's gaff.
446
00:23:06,230 --> 00:23:08,510
Because, Ashley, you saw the look
on the woman's face.
447
00:23:08,550 --> 00:23:10,350
Whatever this map leads to
448
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:12,670
is clearly worth more
than whatever she was offering.
449
00:23:12,710 --> 00:23:14,870
You mean like a treasure?
No, not fucking...
450
00:23:14,910 --> 00:23:17,270
Well, yeah, treasure! (CHUCKLES)
Treasure!
451
00:23:17,310 --> 00:23:19,310
(HYPNOTIC TICKING)
452
00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:31,630
This is weird, right?
453
00:23:31,670 --> 00:23:33,230
I just hate my fucking hands!
454
00:23:33,270 --> 00:23:36,150
They... they... they're odd to me.
455
00:23:37,670 --> 00:23:40,390
My fucking face is the same.
I'll look in the mirror.
456
00:23:40,430 --> 00:23:45,070
Every now and then, it... it feels
like... it's not my face.
457
00:23:46,270 --> 00:23:47,950
Like it doesn't belong to me.
458
00:23:49,030 --> 00:23:51,350
I mean, I could just be
a bloody narcissist.
459
00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:57,550
You know... thinks he's fucking ugly,
or summat of that kind,
460
00:23:57,590 --> 00:23:59,590
you know.
Hmm...
461
00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:04,070
Well, we're all narcissists
to some degree, Vinnie.
462
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:06,110
Hmm... (CHUCKLES)
463
00:24:08,310 --> 00:24:10,310
We used to have this...
464
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,870
..fancy-dress thing
once a year at school.
465
00:24:17,190 --> 00:24:19,750
'Because Dad was always drunk,
it was, like, last minute.
466
00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:23,030
Everything was last minute,
so we'd have to pull together
467
00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:25,870
some sort of a fucking outfit
from around the house...
468
00:24:26,830 --> 00:24:31,110
..so I remember once, I wore
a snorkel with the bloody goggles...
469
00:24:32,190 --> 00:24:34,070
..and them fucking flipper things.
470
00:24:34,110 --> 00:24:35,710
When we got to school,
471
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:39,070
my dad sort of announced me
as fucking Snorkel Boy,
472
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,430
or some shit like that.
He found it hilarious...
473
00:24:41,470 --> 00:24:44,230
but I suddenly got
really fucking embarrassed.
474
00:24:44,270 --> 00:24:46,630
No-one laughed at it.
475
00:24:46,670 --> 00:24:48,870
They just...
476
00:24:48,910 --> 00:24:50,910
stared.'
477
00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:52,950
(INHALES AND EXHALES)
478
00:24:54,230 --> 00:24:56,470
(DREAMLIKE MUSIC)
479
00:24:56,510 --> 00:24:59,430
Oh, that must have been hard.
480
00:24:59,470 --> 00:25:02,110
Do you remember how it affected
that little boy?
481
00:25:03,230 --> 00:25:07,790
I wanted to get away from it all,
wanted to disappear,
482
00:25:07,830 --> 00:25:09,830
become invisible.
483
00:25:11,190 --> 00:25:14,070
Invisible? Mm.
Why?
484
00:25:15,110 --> 00:25:20,150
Just how much of a fucking ugly
little weirdo must I be
485
00:25:20,190 --> 00:25:22,270
to be stared at like that,
486
00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:24,870
by the teachers
and by the kids...
487
00:25:26,830 --> 00:25:29,470
Do you think that's why you
constantly change your appearance?
488
00:25:31,550 --> 00:25:34,030
You know, the tattoos and stuff...
489
00:25:35,830 --> 00:25:38,750
Rather than to be noticed,
you become unrecognisable
490
00:25:38,790 --> 00:25:41,670
and therefore invisible?
491
00:25:41,710 --> 00:25:43,750
Maybe, actually, yeah.
492
00:25:43,790 --> 00:25:45,310
I just... I don't...
493
00:25:46,830 --> 00:25:50,150
..feel like it's bloody vanity,
do you know what I mean?
494
00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:53,070
I've just... I've never liked
the way I looked - never.
495
00:25:54,150 --> 00:25:56,670
(ALARM CHIMES)
Bloody hell!
496
00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:59,270
Sometimes, when that goes off,
I'm furious
497
00:25:59,310 --> 00:26:01,550
and the rest of the fucking time
I'm just relieved.
498
00:26:02,910 --> 00:26:04,030
Homework.
499
00:26:04,070 --> 00:26:08,750
"I must not call myself
an ugly cunt,"
500
00:26:08,790 --> 00:26:11,310
and I have to write it down
a hundred times - is that it?
501
00:26:11,350 --> 00:26:16,190
No, I want you to be more aware
of other people's feelings.
502
00:26:16,230 --> 00:26:18,150
Seek first to understand,
503
00:26:18,190 --> 00:26:20,910
then be understood.
504
00:26:20,950 --> 00:26:23,430
Hmm.
505
00:26:23,470 --> 00:26:26,590
It didn't work, by the way.
What's that?
506
00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:30,190
You're not invisible. I can see you.
507
00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:32,670
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
508
00:26:34,070 --> 00:26:36,190
All these are from my loft?
Yeah.
509
00:26:36,230 --> 00:26:37,910
(CHUCKLES)
510
00:26:37,950 --> 00:26:40,470
Good job you don't charge
by the kilo (!)
511
00:26:40,510 --> 00:26:42,510
What did I tell you, Jim?
512
00:26:43,550 --> 00:26:46,150
Trust me.
Trust you?
513
00:26:46,190 --> 00:26:49,790
I know your type: ex-pretty boy,
514
00:26:49,830 --> 00:26:52,510
never done an 'ard day's work
in your life!
515
00:26:52,550 --> 00:26:56,510
Spraying it about all around town,
516
00:26:56,550 --> 00:26:58,590
but can't turn your hand
to anything manual.
517
00:26:58,630 --> 00:27:00,230
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
518
00:27:00,270 --> 00:27:02,750
One, I'm highly trained.
I'm the best.
519
00:27:02,790 --> 00:27:05,070
Then why haven't you finished
the fucking job yet?
520
00:27:05,110 --> 00:27:10,430
Two, I don't go fucking "spraying it
around town".(SCOFFS)
521
00:27:11,470 --> 00:27:12,590
Not any more, anyway.
522
00:27:12,630 --> 00:27:18,230
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)
Not since er... Gina.
523
00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:21,790
(SHEEP BLEAT IN DISTANCE)
Is that the ex
who battered the lads?
524
00:27:25,030 --> 00:27:26,310
Fantastic woman, Jim.
525
00:27:27,630 --> 00:27:29,870
Sounds like
a total fucking nightmare.
526
00:27:32,390 --> 00:27:34,390
Spirited...
527
00:27:36,910 --> 00:27:38,750
Strong thighs...
528
00:27:41,350 --> 00:27:43,950
Hey...
529
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:49,550
We've all had women who make us cry.
530
00:27:49,590 --> 00:27:52,270
(THROUGH TEARS) Yeah.
531
00:27:52,310 --> 00:27:57,190
Whether they break our hearts
or run off...
532
00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:03,510
..with our new and very fucking
expensive milking equipment.
533
00:28:04,990 --> 00:28:10,150
(SNIFFLES)Just... make sure
you're finished by tonight.
534
00:28:12,830 --> 00:28:16,110
When you said Tommo sounded weird
on the phone... I don't know.
535
00:28:16,150 --> 00:28:17,550
Well, what did he say?
536
00:28:17,590 --> 00:28:20,350
He said he was at "The Lady" pub -
where the map leads, apparently.
537
00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:23,950
(GRUNTS)
538
00:28:23,990 --> 00:28:27,070
Found any treasure yet, Tom?
Treasure?
539
00:28:28,590 --> 00:28:31,630
(LAUGHS HEARTILY, THEN COUGHS)
No, no, no.
540
00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:34,110
I'm looking for bones.
541
00:28:34,150 --> 00:28:36,030
Yeah, she's er...
542
00:28:36,070 --> 00:28:39,630
helped me realise what's going on.
Obvious, when you think about it!
543
00:28:39,670 --> 00:28:41,110
The garden of The Lady...
544
00:28:41,150 --> 00:28:44,230
is bones.
Sorry, who's this - Clara Marie?
545
00:28:44,270 --> 00:28:47,670
No, you fucking idiot - the fucking
ghost lady from the Rat and Cutter!
546
00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:49,230
She hmm...
547
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,550
Oh! Gotta fill you, hadn't I?
548
00:28:52,430 --> 00:28:54,750
I've had... a vision.
549
00:28:58,470 --> 00:29:01,910
(SILKY, SING-SONG VOICE)
Help me, Tommo...
550
00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,870
Find me, Tommo...
551
00:29:07,310 --> 00:29:08,910
(BLOODCURDLING SCREAM)
552
00:29:08,950 --> 00:29:13,550
She wants me to put her flesh
and her bones back together.
553
00:29:13,590 --> 00:29:18,550
This was a dream?
More of a sort of waking nightmare
sort of situation, yeah.
554
00:29:18,590 --> 00:29:22,350
Tommo, sorry, you haven't had
any of that old acid, by any chance?
555
00:29:22,390 --> 00:29:25,390
I did, because it were vintage,
right?
556
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:29,190
But you promised Hans you wouldn't.
How about we don't tell Hans
that I've had it, then?
557
00:29:29,230 --> 00:29:32,630
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
Go on, then, how was it?
558
00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:37,710
It was... piquant, yet... intense.
559
00:29:37,750 --> 00:29:38,910
Yeah.
560
00:29:38,950 --> 00:29:41,030
Anyway, she wants me to get
her bones back,
561
00:29:41,070 --> 00:29:43,390
otherwise she's gonna have
to come and kill us all, so...
562
00:29:44,390 --> 00:29:46,430
..better get on with it!
563
00:29:46,470 --> 00:29:48,790
Bones?
Bones!
564
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,830
(INTREPID MUSIC)
565
00:29:52,390 --> 00:29:54,430
(GRUNTS)
(SQUEAK)
566
00:29:57,190 --> 00:29:58,630
(SQUEAK)
567
00:30:02,310 --> 00:30:03,750
(GENTLE MUSIC)
568
00:30:03,790 --> 00:30:06,070
Aww...
569
00:30:08,470 --> 00:30:10,870
(Shit. Oh, fuck it...)
570
00:30:15,510 --> 00:30:18,030
Vincent?
All right, Davey?
571
00:30:18,070 --> 00:30:20,750
I've been better.
Hmm.
572
00:30:20,790 --> 00:30:22,830
All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
573
00:30:24,070 --> 00:30:27,190
Never did get to thank you properly
for the funeral.
574
00:30:28,150 --> 00:30:32,630
It was really very lovely...
till it all went tits up.
575
00:30:32,670 --> 00:30:34,630
Ah, it was my pleasure man. Honestly.
576
00:30:34,670 --> 00:30:36,670
I mean, it wasn't a fucking pleasure,
was it?
577
00:30:36,710 --> 00:30:39,390
It was a shagging nightmare,
but you know what I mean.
578
00:30:39,430 --> 00:30:41,350
It's fine. I'm glad I could help.
579
00:30:41,390 --> 00:30:44,670
Just a shame our Barry
didn't get to see for himself
just how loved he was.
580
00:30:44,710 --> 00:30:46,150
Fucking did get to see, though.
581
00:30:46,190 --> 00:30:48,870
That fucking lunatic! Jesus Christ.
582
00:30:51,990 --> 00:30:55,110
I still can't believe he's gone.
Mm.
583
00:30:55,150 --> 00:30:57,510
Miss him terribly.
584
00:30:57,550 --> 00:30:59,870
I fucking bet you do. I bet you do.
585
00:30:59,910 --> 00:31:01,950
Look, you're not on your own, man.
586
00:31:01,990 --> 00:31:04,750
You know, you've got
your sister Donna. Donna's a cunt.
587
00:31:04,790 --> 00:31:07,430
Right. Right, then.
588
00:31:08,430 --> 00:31:10,430
I mean, that's fucking news to me,
dude.
589
00:31:10,470 --> 00:31:12,550
Do not fuck with her, Vincent.
590
00:31:13,430 --> 00:31:15,030
I'm telling you this as a friend.
591
00:31:18,910 --> 00:31:21,430
I'm glad I could help you
with your brother's funeral,
592
00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:25,110
but you're not a friend. I can't
trust you after that Dylan fiasco.
593
00:31:26,390 --> 00:31:29,750
What makes you so sure
that I had anything to do
with Dylan going missing?
594
00:31:29,790 --> 00:31:31,750
I was extremely fond of Dylan.
595
00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:34,110
Manolito has told me...
596
00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:36,950
that he rescued him from the back
of that fucking car boot!
597
00:31:36,990 --> 00:31:39,150
And you believe him?
Yes!
598
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:42,590
(TUTTING)
How very naive of you, Vincent.
599
00:31:42,630 --> 00:31:45,470
I've had a fucking text
from Dylan himself!
600
00:31:45,510 --> 00:31:47,870
I fucking know it was you, Davey.
601
00:31:47,910 --> 00:31:49,910
(CAR HORN HONKS)
602
00:31:52,190 --> 00:31:54,310
Do not fuck with her.
603
00:32:00,190 --> 00:32:02,510
Fucking... Fuck's sake...
604
00:32:02,550 --> 00:32:04,190
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
605
00:32:04,230 --> 00:32:06,750
I hope you were trying
to make him see sense
606
00:32:06,790 --> 00:32:09,310
and not just poncing about.
607
00:32:09,350 --> 00:32:11,590
Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey.
608
00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:15,070
What the fuck does that mean?
609
00:32:15,110 --> 00:32:18,350
I've got some intel...
about the pretty one.
610
00:32:27,150 --> 00:32:29,270
Still fucking here?
611
00:32:29,310 --> 00:32:33,510
Heartbroken or not,
I've fucking had enough of this!
612
00:32:33,550 --> 00:32:35,550
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
613
00:32:40,070 --> 00:32:42,190
Oh, yeah?
614
00:32:42,230 --> 00:32:44,110
Oh, fuck...
615
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,190
If you got rid of them all,
616
00:32:46,230 --> 00:32:48,390
why are you still
in my fucking loft?
617
00:32:48,430 --> 00:32:51,710
I like it up here.
It stinks of rat piss!
618
00:32:51,750 --> 00:32:53,550
You lot, you've...
you've been so good to me.
619
00:32:53,590 --> 00:32:57,230
You know, cleaning my house,
and that, you know, and...
620
00:32:57,270 --> 00:33:00,910
and our little chats.
You mean me shouting at you?
621
00:33:00,950 --> 00:33:04,150
It's been a long time
since I've had this kind
of connection with someone.
622
00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:06,790
Hey, we do not have a connection!
623
00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:08,470
And you know, my house, it's just..
624
00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:10,830
It's too much, innit?
625
00:33:10,870 --> 00:33:14,110
You know, it's noisy
and it's chaotic and...
626
00:33:15,350 --> 00:33:18,030
Well, up here in your little attic,
I've...
627
00:33:19,110 --> 00:33:21,070
..I've found peace.
628
00:33:21,110 --> 00:33:23,270
I'm not ready to let it go just yet.
629
00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:27,310
She really did a number on you,
didn't she?
630
00:33:29,830 --> 00:33:33,550
Hey, peace is up here.
631
00:33:34,950 --> 00:33:39,670
What you need is some closure.
Mm... Maybe...
632
00:33:40,870 --> 00:33:42,670
..post a turd through her letterbox
633
00:33:42,710 --> 00:33:45,190
and tell her how much of a whore
she was for ruining your life!
634
00:33:45,230 --> 00:33:48,350
I always hope one day
that I'll, you know, win her back.
635
00:33:49,630 --> 00:33:53,190
Maybe not the turd thing then, 'ey?
I never stopped loving her, Jim.
636
00:33:54,510 --> 00:33:57,430
It's her face I see
in every single rat that I kill.
637
00:33:57,470 --> 00:34:00,630
Don't tell her that, either.
638
00:34:00,670 --> 00:34:06,070
(No.)Hey, the girls have probably
cleared your house by now.
639
00:34:06,110 --> 00:34:08,510
Yeah.
You should go home.
640
00:34:08,550 --> 00:34:11,790
Aye.
Have a shower...
641
00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:15,950
..and put a fucking shirt on...
642
00:34:17,070 --> 00:34:19,270
..and see how you feel.
643
00:34:20,750 --> 00:34:22,750
Come here.
644
00:34:23,710 --> 00:34:25,390
♪ T REX: Cosmic Dancer
645
00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:27,190
♪ I was dancing when I was 12
646
00:34:27,230 --> 00:34:28,750
BFF, bro.
647
00:34:28,790 --> 00:34:30,910
BFF.
648
00:34:30,950 --> 00:34:33,830
♪ I was dancing when I was 12 ♪
649
00:34:33,870 --> 00:34:37,550
Ha, ha! I knew it.
I fucking knew it!
650
00:34:37,590 --> 00:34:40,110
Bones!
CLARA MARIE: You know nothing,
you fucking idiot.
651
00:34:41,110 --> 00:34:43,230
What's she doing here?
We asked her to come.
652
00:34:43,270 --> 00:34:45,350
She's got something to tell you
about the map.
653
00:34:45,390 --> 00:34:47,430
Whatever you think is going on,
it isn't.
654
00:34:48,430 --> 00:34:50,190
What I think is going on is,
655
00:34:50,230 --> 00:34:52,870
I need to reunite this bit of flesh
with these bones,
656
00:34:52,910 --> 00:34:56,150
so the poor lost soul
they belonged to won't wreak revenge
from beyond the grave.
657
00:34:56,190 --> 00:34:57,270
Obvious, in't it?
658
00:35:00,230 --> 00:35:02,790
Well, if not, why have I found
a load of bones here, then?
659
00:35:02,830 --> 00:35:06,030
It's a pub garden - probably
chicken bones from a barbecue.
660
00:35:06,070 --> 00:35:08,470
No, no, no, no, no.
That could be her foot bone, mate!
661
00:35:08,510 --> 00:35:10,990
Ha, ha, ha! I'm doing it.
I'm doing it.
662
00:35:11,030 --> 00:35:14,470
No, no, no!
Stop burying my map. Stop it!
What do you mean, "your map"?
663
00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:17,750
My map. Moira Plum was my lover.
664
00:35:17,790 --> 00:35:20,550
Moira?
What, the Rat Catcher's auntie?
665
00:35:20,590 --> 00:35:23,350
(TOMMO PROTESTING)Why was she
drawing nipples on maps for you?
666
00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:25,790
She was my lover and my teacher.
667
00:35:25,830 --> 00:35:26,910
We've all been there.
668
00:35:26,950 --> 00:35:30,590
I used to have a fella came round
and teach me maths - Mr Mackintosh.
669
00:35:30,630 --> 00:35:33,790
He taught me a fair few more things
than maths, I tell you that much!
670
00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:35,910
No, not a schoolteacher!
671
00:35:35,950 --> 00:35:38,870
She was a clairvoyant - my mentor.
672
00:35:38,910 --> 00:35:40,150
That map was a gift for me...
673
00:35:41,430 --> 00:35:44,030
..but we had a huge row and
never spoke again so... (CHUCKLES)
674
00:35:44,070 --> 00:35:48,150
Hang on.
So your clairvoyant ex-lover...
675
00:35:48,190 --> 00:35:50,190
drew you a map on human skin?
676
00:35:51,070 --> 00:35:54,150
Yeah, we were always doing
fun stuff like that.
677
00:35:54,190 --> 00:35:56,830
It's esoteric, innit?
I mean, it also a bit weird.
678
00:35:56,870 --> 00:35:59,430
Parking all that,
where's the treasure? Treasure?
679
00:35:59,470 --> 00:36:01,550
"X marks the spot"?
Coins, and all that?
680
00:36:01,590 --> 00:36:02,710
No, that's not treasure!
681
00:36:04,390 --> 00:36:07,390
The "X" marks Moira's favourite
erogenous zone on my body.
682
00:36:08,510 --> 00:36:10,870
You know, just inside
the "lady garden". (GIGGLES)
683
00:36:12,830 --> 00:36:16,550
Yeah, so the treasure
she wanted me to find was my own...
684
00:36:16,590 --> 00:36:19,350
you know...
No, I don't know.
685
00:36:19,390 --> 00:36:22,070
She means her G-spot, Cardi!
Oh.
686
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:26,550
Give her that.
Give me it.
687
00:36:26,590 --> 00:36:28,710
I tell you what, Ashley, Cardi...
688
00:36:29,670 --> 00:36:32,150
I'm just gonna say this and
I'm gonna say it out loud, right?
689
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,230
If I go and do any drugs again,
just stop me.
690
00:36:34,270 --> 00:36:35,550
Just fucking stop me.
691
00:36:35,590 --> 00:36:38,990
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
Right. (SIGHS)
692
00:36:43,270 --> 00:36:44,390
Thank you, Jim.
693
00:36:45,350 --> 00:36:48,270
Don't you fucking dare tell them
that I was nice to you.
694
00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:53,510
Now fuck off!
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
695
00:36:53,550 --> 00:36:55,310
(ENGINE STARTS UP)
696
00:36:59,670 --> 00:37:01,670
Sorry we didn't find the ring,
Carol.
697
00:37:01,710 --> 00:37:03,790
Ah, do you know what, Erin?
Doesn't matter.
698
00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:06,630
She would have been very proud of us
now, with this deep clean. Yeah!
699
00:37:06,670 --> 00:37:09,430
(FRONT DOOR OPENS)
Shit... There he is.
700
00:37:09,470 --> 00:37:11,550
(Come, come, come.
Quick, quick, quick!)
701
00:37:11,590 --> 00:37:13,830
Good deeds are repaid.Hmm...
Here we go.
702
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,790
ALL: ♪ Ta-daa! ♪
703
00:37:16,830 --> 00:37:18,790
(THEY GIGGLE)
What the fuck!
704
00:37:19,950 --> 00:37:22,950
Oh, my God!
705
00:37:24,590 --> 00:37:26,990
Sweet Auntie Moira.
706
00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:29,230
It's amazing.
707
00:37:30,950 --> 00:37:33,910
(SNIFFS)
708
00:37:33,950 --> 00:37:36,990
What's that smell?
Citrus detergent.Fresh.
709
00:37:37,030 --> 00:37:39,350
The smell of clean, innit?
ALL: Mm-hm.
710
00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:40,950
Bloody hell,
I could get used to this.
711
00:37:40,990 --> 00:37:44,110
(ALL CHUCKLE)
How can I ever repay you?
Ah, don't worry about it.
712
00:37:44,150 --> 00:37:47,830
And after finding this box of cock
rings, we're sorted.
713
00:37:47,870 --> 00:37:50,550
I'm happy. I were looking everywhere
for them the other day.
714
00:37:52,350 --> 00:37:53,430
'Ere...
715
00:37:54,670 --> 00:37:57,230
A fan sent me this years ago
with a letter.
716
00:37:58,110 --> 00:38:00,070
It meant a lot at the time.
717
00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:01,310
(Bloody hell...)
718
00:38:04,150 --> 00:38:06,630
You have it... as a "thank you".
719
00:38:08,190 --> 00:38:09,910
(SOFTLY) Thank you.
Thanks very much.
720
00:38:11,110 --> 00:38:13,790
(Oh, my God, it's my granny's ring!)
I know it is.
721
00:38:13,830 --> 00:38:16,150
It's been on his hand
the whole fucking time!
722
00:38:16,190 --> 00:38:18,630
Oh, pardon fucking me
for not inspecting the man's hands!
723
00:38:18,670 --> 00:38:21,750
For fuck's sake, Carol.
Oh, shut up, the pair of you.
Ladies? Ladies...
724
00:38:23,350 --> 00:38:25,230
Can we have a group hug?
725
00:38:25,270 --> 00:38:27,430
OK....
726
00:38:29,470 --> 00:38:31,990
Oh...
Is that rat piss? Yeah.
727
00:38:32,030 --> 00:38:34,830
Mmm, it's nice.
Just breathe in.
728
00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:36,710
(THEY INHALE, THEN COUGH)
Bugger...
729
00:38:39,670 --> 00:38:41,750
Thank the girls for me again,
will you?
730
00:38:43,390 --> 00:38:45,630
They didn't just clear my house,
they cleared my head.
731
00:38:45,670 --> 00:38:48,270
Mm!
732
00:38:48,310 --> 00:38:52,830
A wise man once said
that peace is up there, man.
733
00:38:52,870 --> 00:38:54,950
Yeah, well, he's fucking right.
734
00:38:55,830 --> 00:38:58,830
I think it also involves not having
a shitload of crap in your house
735
00:38:58,870 --> 00:39:01,150
driving you insane,
do you know what I mean? Mm.
736
00:39:01,950 --> 00:39:04,510
Good lad.
One love, bruv.
737
00:39:06,590 --> 00:39:08,790
'Ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey, 'ey. Listen.
738
00:39:11,430 --> 00:39:14,230
I'm gonna be thinking about you.
739
00:39:14,270 --> 00:39:16,510
Go on, get gone.
740
00:39:18,030 --> 00:39:20,030
♪ JEFF BUCKLEY:
Lover, You Should've Come Over
741
00:39:22,270 --> 00:39:24,190
Fucking handsome!
742
00:39:26,990 --> 00:39:29,150
(CLEARS THROAT)
743
00:39:30,030 --> 00:39:32,150
♪ Looking out the door
744
00:39:32,190 --> 00:39:34,190
♪ I see the rain
745
00:39:34,230 --> 00:39:38,230
♪ Fall upon the funeral mourners
746
00:39:38,270 --> 00:39:40,270
Curtis Plum.
747
00:39:41,350 --> 00:39:44,990
I'm sorry, Gina... for everything.
748
00:39:51,790 --> 00:39:53,430
They're real.
749
00:39:55,430 --> 00:39:58,070
♪ Maybe I'm too young
750
00:39:59,750 --> 00:40:03,430
♪ To keep good love from going wrong
Wait.
751
00:40:03,470 --> 00:40:04,830
Curtis...
752
00:40:04,870 --> 00:40:07,950
♪ Too deaf, dumb and blind to see
753
00:40:07,990 --> 00:40:10,390
♪ The damage I've done
(MOANS PLEASURABLY)
Oh, God!
754
00:40:10,430 --> 00:40:13,310
♪ Sweet lover
755
00:40:13,350 --> 00:40:15,030
Oh, fuckin' hell. Fuck me...
756
00:40:15,070 --> 00:40:19,750
Oh! What? Get in...
Fuck! Get in the house!
757
00:40:19,790 --> 00:40:22,750
Christ,
I wish I had a libido like that.
758
00:40:22,790 --> 00:40:25,510
♪ Lover, lover, lover
759
00:40:25,550 --> 00:40:28,390
♪ Lover, love, love
760
00:40:28,430 --> 00:40:31,710
♪ Love, love, love, love, love
761
00:40:33,270 --> 00:40:38,310
♪ Lo-o-o-o-over ♪ (TUTS)
762
00:40:39,790 --> 00:40:41,790
(RINGING TONE)
763
00:40:42,710 --> 00:40:44,910
AUTOMATED VOICE:
"The person you are calling has..."
764
00:40:44,950 --> 00:40:46,990
(ENDS CALL)
Fuck!
765
00:40:48,110 --> 00:40:51,110
For fuck's sake...
(STARTS UP ENGINE)
766
00:40:53,390 --> 00:40:56,190
CARDI: Yoda's had her
caravan nicked. Shit!
767
00:40:56,230 --> 00:40:57,830
Shocking business, this is!
768
00:40:57,870 --> 00:41:00,630
I want to offer ten grand
for its return.(WHISTLES)
769
00:41:00,670 --> 00:41:03,910
He probably stashed all his fortune
in it. That's what it is!
770
00:41:03,950 --> 00:41:07,310
It's definitely the McGuigans.
They must've hid it
up behind that hill there.
771
00:41:07,350 --> 00:41:10,150
♪ (MERRY SINGING)
WOMAN: Bastard!
772
00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:17,310
(COMMOTION)
What the fuck?
773
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,750
(GROANS)
774
00:41:18,790 --> 00:41:21,950
♪ SIR JOE QUARTERMAN:
(I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind
775
00:41:21,990 --> 00:41:24,950
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind
776
00:41:26,030 --> 00:41:29,110
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind
777
00:41:30,150 --> 00:41:33,190
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind
778
00:41:34,790 --> 00:41:37,110
♪ Give me the strength to carry on
779
00:41:38,790 --> 00:41:41,750
♪ Give me the strength to carry on
780
00:41:43,030 --> 00:41:45,790
♪ Cos everything
I got is just about gone ♪
781
00:41:45,830 --> 00:41:47,830
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