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This programme contains
very strong language
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from the outset and throughout.
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McCann got life. (LAUGHS)
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(ALL SINGING)
He's definitely gone down, McCann?
5
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It is safe now.
6
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,520
Between us,
we rule the area, agreed?
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(TOMMO SNIFFS)
The answer's a no.
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Tell me you're not getting involved
with the MacDonaghs.
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Du... (SIGHS)
One of us is gonna get killed.
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Dylan?
Yeah.
11
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Such a lovely name.
12
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♪ In The House, In a Heartbeat ♪
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Here's to calmer times.
Mm.(CUPS CLINK)
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You Davey's guy?
Yeah, I am.
15
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Vin, help me, dude.
(ERIN GASPS, SCREAMS)
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You fucking bastard!
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DAVEY: If you wanted out
of our business arrangement,
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let's just end it now.
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No hard feelings.
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No hard feelings at all.
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I've got a bad feeling about this.
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(KEYS JINGLE)
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(ECHOING) No. No. Help! Help!
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♪ TWO FEET:
I Feel Like I'm Drowning ♪
25
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,840
(TRAFFIC RUMBLES)
26
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♪ Yeah, ah-ha
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♪ You keep dreaming and dark scheming
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♪ Yeah, you do
29
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,680
♪ You're a poison
30
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♪ And I know that is the truth
31
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:42,040
♪ All my friends think you're vicious
32
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♪ And they say you're suspicious
33
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♪ You keep dreaming and dark scheming
34
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♪ Yeah, you do
35
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,760
♪ I feel like I'm drowning
36
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,800
♪ I am drowning
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♪ You're holding me down and
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♪ Holding me down
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♪ You're killing me slow
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♪ So slow, oh, no
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♪ I feel like I'm drowning ♪
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(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)
43
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(BIRD SQUAWKS)
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(SIGHS) Fucking hell.
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♪ I feel like I'm drowning
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♪ I am drowning
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♪ You're holding me down and
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♪ Holding me down
49
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,640
♪ You're killing me slow
50
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♪ So-♪ Fucking hell!
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(SOFTLY) Motherucker.
52
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(SPRAY PAINT CAN RATTLES, HISSES)
53
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,600
♪ BARRET STRONG: Money ♪
54
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,600
Because it's out-fucking-rageous.
That's why I'm stressing,
55
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,440
if I had the money,
I'd sue the shite
56
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,016
out of which ever twats doing this.
I don't think you need to sue,
57
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,760
it's hardly slander. No, I mean also
it is, you know, true, in't it.
58
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Shut up! It's not fucking true.
It's true. Eh...
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00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,920
Every-Everyone... Everyone says
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00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,920
you have
an extremely average penis, Vin.
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00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,760
Everyone? Well the fucking one's
that have seen it have, yeah.
62
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I mean, it's not winning
any fucking prizes.
63
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,800
It's not that bloody anaconda
over there, but-
64
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,960
We've all seen your penis, Vin.
Have you?
65
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There's a WhatsApp group.
Don't tell him. What the fuck.
66
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,480
Who do you think's doing it?
Well I... Shut up, you little...
67
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,640
Well, I don't know, do I?
For fucks sake.
68
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,880
Maybe it's Carl Slater getting you
back for the dog bumming rumour.
69
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,160
No. No. No. No.
No, that's not a rumour, no, no.
70
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,720
Carl Slater has been hilts deep in
a canine on more than one occasion.
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00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,440
He has..
Mark my words. Elizabeth?
72
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,840
Yeah? Five of your finest pints,
please and you know what,
73
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,440
a cheeky little half
for your good self.
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00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,480
Why thank you, Tommo.
75
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,720
Aww, are you all right, sweetheart?
76
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Listen, us women,
we don't care, do we? No.
77
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,520
I mean, my ex husband
he had a three-incher
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and we had two lovely daughters.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
79
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,240
Mind you, I did have
a very passionate fling
80
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,080
with Sugar's uncle,
but that is its own story. (CHUCKLES)
81
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,520
Oh, yeah?
Families. Families.
82
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,120
I'm irritated.
I'll tell you what it is?
83
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,120
Solation!
TOMMO: It's not even a word?
84
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,160
It's not really. It's a very slight
exaggeration if anything.
85
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,680
Just... Fucking hell, I swear
to God, I'll pull my shit out
86
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,960
right fucking now. ALL: No!
LIZ: Look, if it's any help,
87
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,200
Adyan Khan was in here last night
and he had silver paint on his hands.
88
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,320
Ah.
Adyan fucking Khan?
89
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,600
Yeah.
Pick him up.
90
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,880
Vinnie!
Get the fucker. Pick him up!
91
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,800
(WHIMPERS)Put him against the
fucking wall. Oi. Oi, oi, oi, oi.
92
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:33,200
Why are you spraying
outrageous lies
93
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,000
about the size of my dick in silver
fucking paint on bridges, man?
94
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,640
What makes you think it was me?
95
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,440
Because you fucking... Look at
your hand. You stupid...(WHIMPERS)
96
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,520
You haven't even fucking
cleaned 'em, you tit.
97
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,696
Not my teeth, not my teeth.
I've just had my teeth done.
98
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(NASAL) Look. They're pearly white!
TOMMO: One more time.
99
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,080
Why have you been spraying...
100
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,120
Egh... I am gonna say
minor untruths... Dude!
101
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,360
..about his manhood all over town?
102
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,440
Cos I wanted to get his attention.
Why couldn't you
103
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,840
have just fucking belled me up?
Because you would've said,
104
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,440
"Fuck off, you boss-eyed cunt".
105
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,496
Get the fuck in there,
put the kettle on, right now.
106
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,440
Do you like my teeth.
They're overwhelming.
107
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,760
They make you look unapproachable.
There's a job come my way.
108
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,360
Big money, low risk.
109
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,560
(LISPING) But I'm essentially a
one-man band, I move fast and loose.
110
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,480
Take the teeth out.
Your spitting everywhere.
111
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,616
We want the news, not the bloody
weather. Are they fake?
112
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Know what I mean? Yeah,
they're fucking clip in's look!
113
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,680
(LAUGHS) Fucking hell.
Just tell us about the fucking job!
114
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,720
Car transporter.
115
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,120
Six brand new cars,
estimated value 70K each.
116
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,000
I've got an inside man,
details on route,
117
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,760
how to release the cars,
how to turn off the trackers,
118
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,000
the works, BUT...
119
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,000
it has to happen this weekend.
Why's it got to happen this weekend?
120
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,440
Because it's when
my inside man delivers.
121
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,040
Don't worry,
he won't put up a fight,
122
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,960
because he's my uncle's brother.
123
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,840
'It'll just be like a normal run.
Cars being taken from the factory
124
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,560
'to the depot.
We'll have some Damsels in distress.
125
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,840
'My uncle's bruv, decent type,
he'll pull over to help.
126
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,240
'We pretend to grab him,
slap him about a bit,
127
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,560
'just for effect.
He'll give us the encrypted fobs
128
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,480
'to release the cars.
And we fuck off into the sunset.
129
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,720
(TYRES SCREECH)
'Well, to your mate JJ's anyway.'
130
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,800
Your Uncle's brother?
131
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,680
That's your dad, you fucking eejit.
132
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,200
Yeah, hang on, hang on.
What's his cut then?
133
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,600
Ten percent. Never mind his
shagging cut. What's your cut?
134
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,160
Fifty.
Fifty!(LAUGHS)
135
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,000
Fuck me.
All right. Name your price.
136
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,320
Seventy percent.
Fifty-fifty.
137
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,000
But the brother's taking ten.
138
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,760
All right, fifty-fifty
of the ninety.
139
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,040
Sixty-five, thirty-five
and I'm not pissing around.
140
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,240
You can ask any of these, I don't
fucking budge on this kind of shit.
141
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,880
Sixty-two, thirty-eight.
142
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,720
Oh, that's a complicated sum.
Can't work that out.
143
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,160
Oh, just fuck it. All right.
Just-Just-Just-Just...
144
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,240
By the way, where's Dylan?
145
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,920
(DUBIOUS MUSIC)
He's on holiday.
146
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,320
Adyan Khan, Vin?
Yeah.
147
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,640
Oh, that boss eyed, c-Jim!
148
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,200
Sausage.
Yeah, he's had 'em fixed.
149
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,400
Well, he tried to have 'em fixed,
they're still fucked.
150
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,320
Your mam want to sex him up,
you know. Oh, God.
151
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,360
I don't want involving,
because if I go to jail at my age,
152
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400
they'll have me
as someone's fucking bitch.
153
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,920
Go on.
I've got this far in life...
154
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,856
Right, go on.
..without taking it up the wrongun.
155
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,120
Quick.
I have no intention of starting now.
156
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,600
Right, Jim! You can't say
things like that anymore.
157
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,080
Oh, that's right, cancel me.
158
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:22,640
It's got so you can't say fucking
anything these days. (INHALES)
159
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,440
Bloody Woke Wendy
and the Snowflake Brigade.
160
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,600
Wanting us all to moisturise...
(SIGHS)
161
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,640
(VOICE QUIVERS)
..and-and-and-and cry...
162
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,720
(SNIFFLES) ..at films.
163
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,200
(PRETENDS TO SOB)
Liking breasts is not a crime
164
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,400
and I'm getting that
on a fucking T-shirt.
165
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,480
OK.
(COCKEREL CROWS)
166
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,040
Oi, you fucking cunt.
Get the fuck out of my barn.
167
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:46,600
(LAUGHS) If it isn't Tiny Dick.
168
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,440
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha.
You all right, Goldie locks,
169
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,320
with your stupid fucking hair.
Shagging pigs at night
170
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:56,120
and sleeping with sex dolls.
You're a fuckwit, dude. Fuck off.
171
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,400
Has your friend turned up yet?
172
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,360
No.
Got in over his head, apparently.
173
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,760
Dead, I'm hearing. Buried under
that new build on Cringle Common.
174
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,680
Why don't you shut your stupid face,
you stupid blonde prick.
175
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,720
Yeah, go on. Fuck off out of here.
176
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,200
Sorry... hormones.
177
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,600
Oi, don't listen
to a fucking word he says.
178
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,680
He was in a dangerous place,
but a mate of ours
179
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,120
got there in time.
180
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,240
(DYLAN PANTS)
MANOLITO: 'The McDonagh's took him.'
181
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,680
They might have killed him, Vinnie.
They are psychopaths.
182
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,280
And he's all right now.
I mean, he's only staying away
183
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,680
cos he has to, love.
Yeah.
184
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,720
Right, tell us about this robbery.
What do you want us to do?
185
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,480
♪ THE HEAVY: What Makes A Good Man ♪
186
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:47,800
And... there she blows.
Let Vinnie know.
187
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,920
T-Transporter in vision - over.
(RADIO CLICKS)
188
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,640
Oh, that's a kestrel that, in't it?
Kestrel, there we go. Yeah.
189
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,680
(TRANSPORTER ROARS)
A fine bird.
190
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,160
Go on, run!
191
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,560
Ooh.
All right, ladies, there a problem?
192
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,816
You know, to be honest with you,
I didn't expect your uncle's brother
193
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,000
to be an old white bloke.
Didn't expect it. Kulvinder?
194
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,720
Mm.He's not.
Ooh...
195
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:16,360
Then, Houston, we have a problem.
You fucking what?
196
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,360
What? (GRUNTS)
197
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:25,680
Oh, fucking fuck.
Wrrrong personage, over.
198
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,920
Fucking nose, dude.
Whoa! Oh!
199
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,520
(WOMEN GROAN)
Give us the key fobs now?
200
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,040
What's this? What's this?
Oh, that was hard. Ow, that hurt.
201
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,200
Fobs! Encrypted fobs.
(ERIN LAUGHS)
202
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,800
Good actor, isn't he?
Is this a robbery?
203
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,320
Yes, it is, it's a... Yeah.
Oi! That's not me uncle's brother.
204
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,520
What are they saying?
What are they saying? Wrong dude.
205
00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,760
That's not him.
It's not his uncle's fucking brother.
206
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,400
Who's uncle's brother?
That's not him.
207
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,280
I told you,
you cannot trust the boss-eyed.
208
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,000
Who the fuck are you?
I'm Eddie Braithwaite.
209
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,880
Where's Kulvinder?
He's got gut rot,
210
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,080
doubled over, I filled in
last minute. ERIN: Oh, God.
211
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,080
ASHLEY: Shut up!
Shut up, you!
212
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,080
Adyan, you fucked us
right up the arse.
213
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,600
For crying out loud.
Why did I get punished?
214
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,120
Listen, we're not bad people,
we really don't wanna hurt you,
215
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,360
we need the fucking fobs,
right now!!
216
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,816
Yeah.
And then we can get on our way.
217
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,120
Give us the key fobs!
OK. Just...
218
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,400
Give us the fucking key fobs.
Now. Release my hand.
219
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,920
Oh.
Thank you. (GRUNTS)
220
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,920
Are you three in on this?
ALL: Yes.
221
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,336
(THUMPS LORRY) Encrypted fobs.
All right, no need for the song
222
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,840
and dance, if you want
the key fobs then you can...
223
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,880
(SCREAMS)
No, no, no, no.
224
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,440
(GRUNTING AND GURGLING)
225
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,440
Oh, fuck!
226
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,760
Now we can't get the fucking cars
off the back of the shagging wagon,
227
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,200
what we meant to do now?
Let's just go home, forget about it.
228
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,640
What goes in, must come out.
You're gonna crap them fobs out.
229
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,360
TOMMO: Fuck!
Ah... hang on. Fuck sake.
230
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,320
Why do we have to fuck
every single thing up.
231
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,400
Someone get in the vehicle,
a vehicle of any kind.
232
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,640
You are coming with us.
Let's take it to Chinese Dan's.
233
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,680
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Ten percent.
234
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,960
(EXCLAIMS) Ten for fuck...
235
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,560
I'm only asking you
keep 'em for 24 hours.
236
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,920
Mm... Maybe 48.
48?
237
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,880
Six hot motors.
I'm taking a tall risk here, Vincent.
238
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,400
Fifteen.
Five is what you can have.
239
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,680
Five? That hurts.
(SIGHS) Ah, fucking does my head in.
240
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,520
Twelve and that's me
going out on a limb.
241
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,160
Look at lobster hand on him.
Listen, you started off
242
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,480
with fucking ten. Didn't you, eh?
All right, ten then.
243
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,200
Yes. Done.
244
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,360
Very good negotiation there,
well done.
245
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,080
Yeah, back to square one, in't it.
Oh, you've fucking done me again,
246
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,040
you cunt.
Can I interest you in some togas?
247
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,000
Fancy dress shop went bump,
I've got all sorts.
248
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:24,720
Got pirates, scooby doos,
Snowy White, seven dwarfs.
249
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,520
What the fucks he looking at me for?
250
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,296
Have you any bloody swag bags
and a dark mask,
251
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,120
cos it'd fucking suit you,
you robbing cunt.
252
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,080
(LAUGHS)
Ooh.
253
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,000
Get out of it. Fuck's sake.
254
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,080
You knob.
(PHONE RINGS OUT)
255
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,560
(SUCKS ON VAPE PEN)
JJ?
256
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,040
(ON PHONE) 'Them cars are in-situ,
ready to go now, love.'
257
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,256
Yeah. How long's it gonna take him
to shit out them fobs?
258
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,280
Don't worry about it, I'm a man
with a plan. See you in a bit.
259
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,600
Right, now give over
shagging that wagon. Get down!
260
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,160
DR CHRIS: Super strength laxatives?
VINNIE: For fucks... Yes!
261
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,360
For unblocking your bum when
you need a-I know what they're for,
262
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,560
but what's he doing here?
263
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,880
You're incriminating me
in some illegal, fucking-
264
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,880
Oh, give over. Like you've never
been and fucking committed a crime.
265
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,360
Look, I'll give you free weed
for a month.
266
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,680
And that is a lot of cannabis.
267
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,520
Two.
You are a fucking piece of work.
268
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,200
Done. Fucker!
269
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,720
Put that down. I can't hear
my heart, has it stopped?
270
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:29,160
Probably, you look clinically dead.
271
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,280
Listen, those fobs
that you've eaten.
272
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,880
They've gone down your oesophagus,
into your stomach
273
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,000
where strong acids are battling
to dissolve them.
274
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,680
Now, what it can't dissolve,
it'll push it down
275
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,360
and try and expel it
through your stool.
276
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,040
The problem is, if there's a snag.
Snag?
277
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,680
It often gets snagged.
278
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,680
I had a coffee enema once,
there was stuff coming out of that
279
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,360
I hadn't eaten since the late '80s.
280
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,360
How long is it gonna be
before we're reunited
281
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:57,480
with these bloody fobs, here, man?
24 hours, minimum.
282
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,840
Fuck me. Fucking hell.
Right, well listen,
283
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,840
we're keeping a fucking eye
on this knobhead.
284
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,560
You don't leave our sight, you!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
285
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,680
I've got to be places. (PANTS)
286
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,600
I'm a good judge of character
and you seem like a kind man.Mm.
287
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:14,800
You've picked the worst
possible weekend to kidnap me.
288
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,760
Right.
I've made all sorts of commitments,
289
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,960
I'm gonna let everybody down.
He's a worrier. You're a worrier.
290
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,480
Give over worrying now.
Listen, we'll look after you.
291
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,960
I need you to go and stick that
up your bum, dead quick...
292
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,200
(SIGHS)..and tell us
what you're meant to be doing.
293
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,080
First things first,
I've got me twins birthday tomorrow.
294
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,760
Nine years old and I oof...
and I'm sorting the whole thing-
295
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,920
Your twins' birthday, 9 years old?
What? Do you think
296
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,000
we were born yesterday. Trying
to play the fucking sympathy card.
297
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,240
(PHONE CLICKING)Oi, how the fuck
has he still got this?
298
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,360
(ON VOICEMAIL)'I can't wait
for our birthday party.'
'Dad, when are you home?'
299
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,920
There we go, got kids.
How have you got that? Get off it.
300
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,400
Here. Right.
So we've got Birthdays.
301
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,160
What else have we got?
Charity darts match, tonight.
302
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,800
(SCOFFS) You can forget that
your fucking missing it.
303
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,160
It's for kids with spina bifida.
(TUTS, GROANS)
304
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,960
Bullseye theme,
7 o'clock, Coach and Horses.
305
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,280
What the fuck is bulls eye?
306
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,920
Jim Bowen, you know,
"Smashing, great, superb".
307
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,040
Fucking darts! Fat-wristed men
and women, playing fucking darts,
308
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,880
that was entertainment back then.
(AS BOWEN) "One hundred and eighty."
309
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,560
"Let's have a look at what
you would've won."Well, I'm Bully.
310
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,760
Star of the show.
TOMMO: The star of the show.
311
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,936
Oh, lovely, get the fuck on with it,
what else you got?
312
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,256
I've got to move my cousin's barge.
Oh, barge, me bollocks.
313
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,880
That's not urgent like?
Not urgent?
314
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,920
He's in Marbella,
he's lent us the boat,
315
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,720
I've left it on a temporary mooring.
If I don't shift it by tonight,
316
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,800
one thousand pounds fine.
That's fucking dear, in't it.
317
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,080
We'll accompany you to
all these different events.
318
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,480
(SIGHS) For fuck sake.
We have to, don't we.
319
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,600
Until he craps out
these shagging fobs.
320
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,760
Let them laxatives kick in.
(SUGAR AND CAROL GROAN)
321
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,720
Go with the flow of things
and everything's gonna be all right.
322
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,880
(PHONE RINGS)I promise.
Oh, guys... It's Brian Kennerley.
323
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,840
Brian Kennerley,
why does that ring a bell, that?
324
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,800
♪ LINK RAY: Rumble ♪
325
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,720
(ECHOING) What the fuck?
326
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,960
What the fuck?!
327
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,400
We nicked his mother's coffin.
Oh, yeah, we did, didn't we.
328
00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:00,760
How do you know him?
He's my boss. Terrible man.
329
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,640
He'll know the cars
haven't been delivered
330
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,200
and probably call the police.
Shit, you'd better answer.
331
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,320
Tell him you've been
fucking delayed and that.
332
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,640
Ey up, Brian, everything OK?
333
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,640
No, everything's not fucking OK.
334
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,280
Why aren't the motors there?
There's been a d-delay.
335
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,240
Funny story actually.
336
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,760
(HUSHED) Why'd I say funny story?
What's the funny story?
337
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,800
Cows on the motorway. Cows on the-
I had to stop to help a nun.
338
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,920
Oh, my God.
'I don't give a shit about a nun.'
339
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,880
What your ETA?
Vague, very vague, very vague.
340
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,880
Yeah, good, thank you.
341
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,120
Very close now.Yeah.
Making good headway.
342
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,480
Well, I'm fucking off home,
cause it's my fucking anniversary
343
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,160
but Carlton's waiting at the depot,
344
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,960
he's going to tell me
when you get there.
345
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,720
'Comprende, bellend?'
346
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,040
Yes, comprende. Parlez vous.
347
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,400
No code.
Fuck, that's a problem.
348
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,720
That's a fucking problem. Shit.
349
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,800
Can-Can we get
to this bloody Carlton?
350
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,200
Not a chance.
He's in a secure compound
351
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,240
and they don't open the gates
until I arrive.
352
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,400
We'll need to get to one of them
or we're fucked.
353
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,320
Right, fuck it.
Kennerley's it is, then. Yeah?
354
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,840
Right, split up. Come on.
It's all right.
355
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,920
♪ THE SPENCER DAVIS GROUP:
Gimme Some Lovin' ♪
356
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,560
(ENGINE REVS)
357
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,760
(TYRES SCREECH)
(HAND BRAKE CRANKS)
358
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:31,160
What you stopping for?
Because Brian Kennerley's house
359
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,680
is gonna have CCTV,
fucking doorbell cameras,
360
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,360
the works.
So, you gaff the licence plates
361
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,160
and you, sir,
go and grab the masks. Onwards!
362
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,520
♪ Well, my temperature's rising
And my feet on the floor
363
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,480
♪ Crazy people knocking... ♪
Right, here's what where gonna do.
364
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,560
We'll look round the back,
check out the occupants,
365
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,960
work out their location
and make an informed plan of attack.
366
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,296
Or we can go through the front door,
I brought pepper spray.
367
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,656
What have I said about pepper spray?
I can't be trusted with it.
368
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,520
Right. Get on.
(TYRES SCREECH)
369
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,200
EDDIE: State of this outfit.
There's nowt wrong with it.
370
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,920
It's got holes in the gusset.
Shut up and put your lid on.
371
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,440
How many people have been wearing
this? Stinks of BO.
372
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:09,840
(CRIES OUT)
373
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,040
SUGAR: I don't like this,
it feels creepy. Bat Boy.
374
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,360
Is it fuck creepy.
Fuck's sake lads.
375
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,840
There's an Ocado box out front,
it's as middle class as fuck.
376
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,360
Yeah. But what if he catches us?
377
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,576
Him and his wife won Cunt Couple
Of The Year 3 years running.
378
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,840
You know that's not a real thing,
don't you?(ASHLEY CAWS)
379
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,080
Just as well,
be a fucking tight competition.
380
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:27,080
Jesus,
I hope that Brian doesn't know
381
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,000
my Cardi fell
on his dead mother's boob.
382
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,680
CARDI: (GRUNTS) Jesus, I think
one of her boobs just popped.
383
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,880
And he's been frigging himself off
to it ever since.(ASHLEY LAUGHS)
384
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,960
Right then, Patrick, what category?
385
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,320
Places please, Jim.
Places, right.
386
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,720
Brenda, Places.
387
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,720
Take your time.
388
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,920
Where's my money, Eddie?
(MUFFLED) Oh, Benny... (CHUCKLES)
389
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,760
Moo.
Never mind fucking "Moo",
390
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,600
I want that 500. Tonight.
391
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,480
I'm doing this, aren't I.
Tonight. No bullshit.
392
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,920
Yeah, yeah, I promise. Promise.
393
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,840
Bully.
Oh...
394
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,640
D-I-S-C...
395
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,520
This is great.
396
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,480
I wonder if you can get
old episodes on YouTube?
397
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,360
(MIMICS) "This is great".
Let's get fuck...
398
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,280
Do not YouTube
that kind of boring shit.
399
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,520
(ERIN LAUGHS)Who the fuck would
YouTube sommat like that?
400
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,920
EDDIE: Hello, Arthur, um...
I've got a favour to ask you, mate.
401
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,800
Come with me for a sec.
BOWEN: Carol, your turn coming up.
402
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,360
What you hoping for? Books?
403
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,720
(CRIME DRAMA MUSIC)
404
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,160
SUGAR: I hope he's making her
a nice anniversary dinner.
405
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,320
Maybe's it's take out, you know.
No, they're most likely upstairs,
406
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:42,120
togs on, taxi ordered.
CAROL: Ah, very romantic.
407
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,040
I feel bad we have to restrain
and incarcerate them.
408
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,240
I know, I love anniversaries.
409
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,920
Flowers, presents,
cards with lovely words in 'em.
410
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,800
You know, just like being in love.
ASHLEY: It's romantic.
411
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,160
It's a celebration, in't it?
All right, Chatty Cathy,
412
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,760
is the doors open?
413
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,280
(EROTIC MUSIC)
(MOANING)
414
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,640
Bad Brian. Bad, bad Brian.
415
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,840
Bad...
416
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:12,480
Brian?!
Hey!
417
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,520
(SCREAMS)
Who the fuck are you fuckers?
418
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,120
Get him!
(TOMMO CRIES OUT)
419
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,160
Get the woman.
She's pregnant.
420
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,960
Get her gently.
(SPRAY HISSING)
421
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,720
Right.
(BRIAN COUGHS)
422
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,040
(SCREAMS, CHOKES)
Ah, not my eyes.
423
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,400
Whoa!
Who the fuck are you?!
424
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,600
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
Honestly, there's nothing to fear.
425
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,520
Come any closer
and someone gets fucking whacked.
426
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,920
Don't be scared, please.
Look, I'm pregnant too.
427
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,840
We don't want that baby
getting stressed. Settle, petal.
428
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,480
We're just here for a little
tete-a-tete
429
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,040
with you and your husband.
Husband? He's not my husband.
430
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,600
I live next door.
ASHLEY: (FAINTLY) My arm!
431
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,320
What?
Where the fuck's his wife then?
432
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,520
(PANTING) With her sister,
she'll be back about eleven.
433
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,800
(GASPS) Spicy.
Oh... yeah.
434
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,600
Right, Geography.
435
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,560
(MIC WHINES) That's your subject.
Are you enjoying yourself?
436
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,520
All the Is...
Reminds me of my dad, this.
437
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,160
Used to watch it with him
when we were kids.
438
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,200
Useless wanker.
439
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,440
Reminds me of Dylan,
we used to get stoned and laugh
440
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,880
at Jim Bowen's Farahs.
(BOTH LAUGH)
441
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,960
BOWEN: Right. Right, Carol.
You nervous?
442
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,280
I fucking blame myself, you know.
443
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,160
For all that shit
with the McDonaghs and Dylan.
444
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,120
It's my bloody fault.
It's not your fault, Vin.
445
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,120
Right,
Dylan has got a brilliant mind,
446
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,160
he could've done a million things,
447
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,320
but he decided to stay with you
and dick around.
448
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,240
It's not your fault.
449
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,440
Perhaps, he thought
he could do better somewhere else.
450
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,560
(SIGHS) Well, at least
we know he's alive, eh.
451
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,360
Mm.
452
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,760
All them fucking posters,
453
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,240
you know and just a couple
of vague texts... Mm.
454
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,360
What's that all about,
where the fuck is he?
455
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,360
He's probably scared, Vin? I mean...
456
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,480
I know what that's like.
457
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,080
I just want me friend back.
BOWEN: Right, so...
458
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,520
here's the geography question:
459
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,080
in which country
460
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:03,760
is the Orinoco River located?
461
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,240
Mozambique?
462
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,720
I'm afraid not, no.
463
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,520
Bully.
464
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,760
Bully?
What's he doing?
465
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,720
Bully! It's incorrect, Bully!
466
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,960
What's going on?
Summat's not right.
467
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,400
What the bloody...
His shoes.
468
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,800
He's got different fucking shoes on.
Never mind his shoes.
469
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,680
Size of Frodo Shaggings.
Get over here.
470
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,920
Who the fuck are you?
You're not Eddie?
471
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,440
Arthur. He shot out the back door.
472
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,120
(MUFFLED) He offered me a pint.
(ENERGETIC MUSIC)
473
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,400
Fucker!
(HIGH-PITCHED) Eddie?!
474
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,280
Shit!
475
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,320
(MAN GRUNTS IN PAIN)
476
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,880
Evening.
477
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,000
Anyone win the speed boat?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
478
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,920
♪ DUSTY SPRINGFIELD:
The Look Of Love ♪
479
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,680
So, let me just get this straight,
right. You...
480
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,960
(CLEARS THROAT)
Have a bit of respect.
481
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,520
All right, fucking hell.
Uh... You, right,
482
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,520
you live next door, with your-
My husband.
483
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,040
Husband, your husband, right.
And you, sir, happily married,
484
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,520
yet you are ploughing
this particular field,
485
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,480
despite the fact,
or-or because of the fact,
486
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,920
that she is eight months pregnant.
Eight and a half.
487
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,896
Eight and half. Do you know
what you're having? A boy.
488
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,600
Oh, my God, me too, congrats...
(ASHLEY CLEARS THROAT)
489
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,400
We thought it was your anniversary.
It is. Mine and hers.
490
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,320
Ah, babe.
Hang on...
491
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,520
how long's that been going on?
Tell her fuck all.
492
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,080
Two years.
TOMMO: Right, so that baby,
493
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:25,640
in there,
which you are yet to...
494
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,680
evacuate from yon womb,
495
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,760
uh... that could very well belong
to either of these men.
496
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,600
What the fuck's
it got to do with you?
497
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,680
Just interesting. It's interesting.
Could be, yes.
498
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,800
You should be ashamed of yourselves,
the pair of youse, so you should be.
499
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,000
Bringing a baby into this scenario.
500
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,160
This is worse than what happened
to Aunt Dedra.Dedra.
501
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,440
And that was her colonoscopy doctor.
Colonoscopy doctor
502
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,240
Hang on a minute.
You fuckers break in here,
503
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,640
into my house, you tie us up
504
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,080
and then you fucking stand there
fucking moralising?!
505
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,280
I mean, who the fuck are you, eh?
What do you want? Money?
506
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,160
(AS BATMAN)
Hey, keep your goddamn voice down.
507
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,640
Ashley don't do the voice, love,
you sound unhinged.
508
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,960
All we want is your phone,
which we already have.
509
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,760
So, open it, please.
510
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,360
(GRUNTING)
Open it. Open it.
511
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,320
Open it.
(PHONE BEEPS)
512
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:12,000
Oh, fuck.
513
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,120
I'll stand down Carlton.
514
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,560
Right, can we-can we all
just take a deep breath.
515
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,600
We're here simply
to keep you two company.
516
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,720
And then-And then,
we will uh... disappear,
517
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,840
like puffs of smoke,
into the night from wence we came.
518
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,160
Help! Help!
Shush!
519
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,240
Help!
Shut up!
520
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,800
We're triple glazed,
it's state of the art glass.
521
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,240
Please, let me free,
for the sake of the baby.
522
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,840
I can't be here
when his wife gets home.
523
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,960
ALL: Oh!
Fucking shite.
524
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,040
Yeah. (SIGHS)
525
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,160
Uh... She ha-She has... She has...
got a point though, hasn't she?
526
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,440
If the wife comes home,
it'll be a like a fucking episode
527
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,800
of Jerry Springer or sommat.
Hell hath no fury
528
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,536
like a woman who comes home to find
out that her husband's knocked up
529
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,880
the younger, fitter, hotter next
door neighbour. (LAUGHS)
530
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,720
So, so, so... here's my plan.
Mm.
531
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,016
We put them both in my fuck truck,
we take 'em out for a spin
532
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,256
then when we get the signal,
we drop 'em off and leave them
533
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,800
with their own fucking emotional
car crash. Emotional car crash.
534
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,840
Yeah! Yeah. I agree.
Nice one.
535
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,416
VINNIE: Fuck me, this was meant
to be a piece of piss job
536
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,520
now we are moving a fucking barge.
When is he gonna need a poo?
537
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,200
You know what I mean.
You lot been on a barging holiday?
538
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,800
No.
No, looks shit.
539
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,120
I'm not a beach man myself.
Went to Benalmadena once,
540
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,640
got bit by a jellyfish.
You mean stung?
541
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,960
No, no, bit,
took a chunk out of my arm.
542
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,040
(SIGHS) I said to the kids "Me and
abroad we're finished". (CHUCKLES)
543
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,856
Yeah, you'll be hard pressed to find
a more relaxing holiday, than this.
544
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,960
Ah, see! She's a beauty, isn't she.
545
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,280
Right, you lot have a look downstairs
and I'll er...
546
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,520
I'll sort out the ropes.
Hey, keep your fucking eye on him.
547
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,000
It's like a little house.
Only t-t-tiny.
548
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,760
(LAUGHS)
Fucking hell. Look at the size.
549
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,720
It's big when you get inside,
in't it.Yeah.
550
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,720
Do you know what I'm thinking.
What?
551
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,000
This'd be a bloody good location for
the Manolito weed grow, wouldn't it.
552
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,080
On a barge?
Yeah. On a bar...
553
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,800
I mean, Christ it's inconspicuous,
you know what I mean?
554
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,560
It's fucking big enough, every
other week, we could just shift it.
555
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,880
No-one's gonna catch us on this.
Vin...
556
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,560
Mm-hm.
You're not thinking big enough.
557
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,760
Ah-ha?
Why don't we expanded our business.
558
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,040
Online: resins, edibles, fucking...
559
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,040
micro-dosing.
What's that mean?
560
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:18,280
Little capsules
with magic mushrooms or LSD.
561
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,360
Yeah.
Like a f-f-fun sized Mars bar.
562
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,056
Yes. Fucking hell, they're good fun,
but you've gotta get 'em right.
563
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,920
Listen, I can't screw over Manolito,
564
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,200
all right, not after saving Dylan
from the MacDonaghs.
565
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,360
No, I'm not-I'm not saying
screw him over, I'm saying
566
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,400
grow for him, yeah,
but do our own sideline thing.
567
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:38,200
And at college I learned how
to set up web pages, secure links.
568
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,400
Did you?
Yes.
569
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,680
(BARGE CREAKS)
(TUTS)
570
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,600
How long have you been thinking
about all this?
571
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,480
A while. And obviously,
cos of what happened with Dylan,
572
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,440
we'd need to keep everything...
Zipped!
573
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,800
Agreed?
Mm-hm.Agreed.
574
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,920
Mm-hm. (SIGHS)
575
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,600
Agreed.
You get on my nerves, you.
576
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,080
(ENGINE STARTING)
EDDIE: All crew to starboard.
577
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,240
That's it, don't be shy.
578
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,320
Give it a good hard push
and away we go.
579
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,480
That's it, one more.
Go on, one more.
580
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,600
That's it. Right, get yourself
down here and undo them now.
581
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,760
(ENGINE CHUGGING)
What you like at knots, Vinnie?
582
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,080
Yeah, uh... I don't know.
Just... That's it.
583
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,160
Undo the thing.
584
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,240
Get that one undone, there.
That's it. This?
585
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,280
That's the one, through the hole.
We going round-
586
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,440
Throw that on the side.
It's a fucking disaster
587
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,480
down here, man.
(ENGINE REVS)
588
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,880
Here you are. Here you are.
It's getting tighter.
589
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,760
It's this bit here.
You're making it tighter.
590
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,520
It's this... Whoa, whoa.
591
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,160
Oi, oi, oi! Fuck!
Won't be a sec.
592
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,960
What?
Just gonna get this round here.
593
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,480
Are you fucking running away?
Turning it round.
594
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,040
Are you?
They need to come onto the-
595
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,520
That's it. Ooh, watch the cap!
What cap?
596
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,720
(SCREAMS)
(WATER SPLASHES)
597
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,000
(SOFTLY) Shit!
I'm drowning.
598
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,040
Help!
Well, fucking swim then.
599
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,680
I'm drowning. (SHUDDERS)
Ah, he'll be all right.
600
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,520
Come on.
Cardi, it's shallow. Stand up.
601
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:02,040
What?
Stand up!
602
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,440
Stand up!
Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS)
603
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,760
Oi. What the fuck?
604
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,960
Eddie? You fucking promised
you wouldn't do this.
605
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,520
Yeah, well,
you underestimated Eddie Braithwaite.
606
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,560
I'm smarter than the average bear.
607
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:19,400
(TUTS) Edward?!
608
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,840
Right, come on, get up.
Let's get your hands, get you out.
609
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,760
Help!
I mean, I can't... I won't...
610
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,920
Save yourselves.
Pull him up.
611
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,560
Eh, now who's the idiot?
You're a fucking idiot!
612
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,800
Dude, you're making a low-speed
getaway on a fucking barge,
613
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,640
we're neck and neck. Yeah,
but you can't reach me, can you.
614
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,400
I'm free.
(MUFFLED) Fuck's sake.
615
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,000
I'm gonna get blamed for this,
I know I am.
616
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,480
I was the driver in charge of
that truck, and I had the motive.
617
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,160
What motive?
618
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,000
You shouldn't steal, you know,
did your parents never tell you?
619
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:54,080
No, and as a result, I'm now
an extremely professional thief.
620
00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,320
Edward, listen to me, man.
621
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,440
There's no way we're gonna let you
get in trouble for any of this shit.
622
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,200
Why me? Why today?
623
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,720
I try and help out,
try and do the right thing.
624
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,120
I try and earn extra money
when Kulvinder gets gut rot
625
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,280
and where does it get me?
I know, dude, listen,
626
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,320
Eddie, I'm fucking sorry, man.
It does, it sucks.
627
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,800
(TEARFULLY) I'm such a failure.
No, you're not.
628
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,480
Everything keeps going wrong.
Dude, you're not a failure, man.
629
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,560
I try and bring the kids up right,
I try and do the right thing,
630
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,720
but life keeps shitting
all over me.
631
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,240
All right, now, now,
listen to me, now.
632
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,120
That's enough.
You're over getting yourself.
633
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,760
Just pull in,
634
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,320
let's put a cup of tea on, right,
635
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,840
and-and we'll sort out the party.
636
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,160
Put it in neutral.
Come on, pull in, love.
637
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,160
Here you go, pal.
Ah.Get warmed up, you.
638
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,520
EDDIE: I've messed up, Vinnie.
639
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,200
I'm ashamed to admit it.
640
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,720
I... (SIGHS)
641
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,120
I've got a problem.
642
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,040
It's these apps.
643
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,120
(SIGHS) They're just too easy.
644
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,600
Every bored minute I'm on 'em,
645
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:08,000
horseracing, roulette, football.
646
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,320
I've... (EXHALES)
647
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:15,040
I haven't picked the right Christmas
number one for 17 years running
648
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,640
and it hasn't fucking snowed.
(TUTS) Christ.
649
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,440
I mean, how deep in are you?
650
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,880
Thousands.
Christ.
651
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:29,120
I owe people money and
I'm borrowing from Peter to pay Paul,
652
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,960
but now Peter wants his 500 quid.
653
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,560
Well, it's... Benny Buckley, actually.
654
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,880
He was the fella in the pub,
that's why I had to run.
655
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,360
(TUTS) Oh.
(SIGHS)
656
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,360
And so, you can't go home because...
657
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,160
I've promised the wife I've sorted
the kids' birthday parties.
658
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,200
We've got 40 kids
turning up tomorrow,
659
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,200
twenty each,
I've told them it's all sorted
660
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,200
and organised and paid for.
661
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:57,560
How the fuck did you think
you'd get away with all this shit?
662
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:01,240
Kilimanjaro's Bucket,
3:30 at Aintree.
663
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,480
Dirty Barry at work gave me a tip.
664
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,440
Said it was a dead cert,
knows the trainer.
665
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,560
Right, and let me guess...
it's fucking lost, hasn't it.
666
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,120
Well I don't know, do I.
Because I was about to pull over
667
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,320
and put the bet on,
when you lot flagged me down.
668
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,040
I'll tell you what I'll do,
save you a fucking job, hang fire.
669
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,200
It'll have lost, won't it.
670
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,400
Eh, your fucking track record.
It'll have lost.
671
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,160
And so would your money have been.
Here we go.
672
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:28,720
Mm.
673
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,200
Did very well.
It won, didn't it.
674
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,960
Yeah.
Fucking hell.
675
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,360
You see this is the thing
about being a gambler.
676
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:40,240
You rely on these occasional wins
to cancel out some of your losses.
677
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,200
Look, man, you need to get help
for this gambling.
678
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,360
It's fucking insane. All this
bullshit we've been through.
679
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,616
I swear to God, if you carry on
the way you have been doing,
680
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,840
your gonna lose everything?
Oh, come on. What am I gonna do?
681
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,080
My kids are gonna know
I've let 'em down and...
682
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,280
I'm on a final warning with Maria.
683
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,920
You said "parties". Plural.
684
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,240
Have you promised them one each?
685
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,000
Me son wants
a football party with goals
686
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,640
and a referee and corner flags,
and the little princess wants
687
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:13,160
a ghosts and ghouls party.
I've said there was gonna be food
688
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,320
and goody bags, the whole shebang.
689
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,640
I mean,
we can sort this out, I think.
690
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,600
I mean, honestly, mate,
I feel as responsible as you do.
691
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,760
I'm gonna see to it,
me and this lot,
692
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,400
that them kids have
the best fucking birthday party
693
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:29,480
they've ever had in their lives.
694
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,160
(DUBIOUS MUSIC)
Yeah.
695
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,320
Have you ever robbed owt?
696
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:38,480
Right.
697
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,200
WAIT until I get to the van,
698
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,480
I'll give you a signal,
then dash 'em over.
699
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,320
(SNIFFS, CLEARS THROAT)
700
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,960
(UNDER BREATH) Get back in your box,
that's it. Fuck the fuck off.
701
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,520
I've got a 10" inch dildo in here
with your name on it, Maureen,
702
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,320
go back to your Chianti.
703
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,360
And...
(KEYS JINGLE)
704
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,960
(HUSHED) Go. Go. Go. Go.
705
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,520
Go.
(GRUNTS)
706
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:16,120
Shh.
Get your fucking hands off me.
707
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,760
(ALL SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER)
You are dead, you fuckers!
708
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,280
(HUSHES)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
709
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,000
Mrs Manford!
710
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,040
(PLASTIC BAG RUSTLES)
711
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,480
Mrs Manford!
712
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,440
Superior sound proofing.
Mrs Man-
713
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,240
Mrs Man...
(WATER SPLASHES, TRICKLES)
714
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,080
(GASPS)
It's a brand new rug that, and all.
715
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:45,080
♪ CAPTAIN BEEFHEART & HIS MAGIC BAND:
Zig-Zag Wanderer ♪
716
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:47,160
(HANDBRAKE CRANKS)
717
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,800
I've got it.
718
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,240
Go. You go.
719
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,320
Oh, God.
720
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,360
Your fucking lights on strobe.
721
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:07,880
Cunt.
722
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,000
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
723
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,480
Oh! (LAUGHS)
724
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,040
Ah... shit.
725
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,800
There you go.
ERIN: What you on about?
726
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,400
Toga.
That's yoga, Calvin.
727
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,440
We want togas. Fancy dress.
728
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,120
Oh... Oh, that's aisle three.
729
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,480
So... you there. There.
730
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,600
Two, one, go. (GRUNTS)
731
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,640
(ALL GRUNTING)
732
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,840
(ANDREA SCREAMING)
CAROL: How long?
733
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,280
Sixty-six seconds.
Oh shit, that's short.
734
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:54,360
This is very quick now,
for a first child.
735
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,160
It's coming, I need the hospital.
736
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,040
OK. Let me down the business front.
737
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,080
I need to see how far she's dilated.
(WHIMPERING)
738
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,640
It's OK, it's OK, no worries,
I used to be a nurse.
739
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,680
In a porno.
A fucking porno?
740
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,880
Eager beavers, Vol-
Don't TELL him!
741
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,680
It's unavailable.
I wouldn't even try it.
742
00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:12,120
I had the devil's own job trying
to get hold of a copy. (LAUGHS)
743
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,640
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
744
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,800
(GRUNTS) Christ, it's heavy this?
Dude, roll it.
745
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,520
It's on fucking rollers,
it's on wheels.
746
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,280
You having fun?
Yeah, lads, it's great, in't it.
747
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:31,720
(LAUGHS)
(ENGINE REVS)
748
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,640
(SEWING MACHINE WHIRS)
749
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:37,800
(SCREAMING DROWNS SPEECH)
750
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,240
(SUGAR SCREAMS)
Something's happening down there.
751
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,560
Jesus Christ. Lads, go on...
huh, huh. Force it out.
752
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,240
My twins aren't getting married, Vin.
Get that in there.
753
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,920
Come on, you pig!
754
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,520
(ANDREA SCREAMS)
CAROL: Push down!
755
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,240
Good girl, keep it going for now.
That's excellent, go on.
756
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,480
(RETCHES)
(LAUGHS) Are you all right, there?
757
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:02,120
Vaginas are mystic,
complex creatures.(SCREAMS)
758
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,536
You should get down here, Sugar,
see what's coming towards you
759
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,200
in the next few months.
No, thank you.
760
00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,560
Come on, you too, Tommo.
He's not looking!
761
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,680
No, no, no, no...
Listen, no offence or anything,
762
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:12,800
you know, I'm all
for the start of the process,
763
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,680
but this end of things... (LAUGHS)
I leave it to the professionals, me.
764
00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:17,600
Oh, Christ Almighty,
there's a fucking head!
765
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:19,760
(ALL SCREAM)
(CHAINS JINGLE)
766
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,960
Fucking help her then, you bellend.
767
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,640
(ALL SCREAM)
Oh, my God.
768
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,680
The things I get roped into.
Very well done. Good.
769
00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:28,840
All right. You've got uh...
770
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,800
It's all right, it's... (RETCHES)
(SCREAMING)
771
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,160
(ASHLEY CRIES OUT)
Breathe. Brea... Oh.
772
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,840
Breathe. Push. Push!
(SPLASHING)
773
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,360
(CRIES OUT)
(LAUGHS)
774
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,800
It's all right, Tommo,
it's all natural.
775
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,880
It's no worse than bull jizz.
776
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,520
Oh.
(SOFT MUSIC)
777
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,360
A beautiful boy!
(BABY FUSSING)
778
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,040
He's absolutely gorgeous.
779
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,880
(ASHLEY GASPS)
780
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,440
It's in my mouth. (GURGLES)
781
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,880
How we gonna cut the
umbiblical cord?
782
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,120
(SPLUTTERS)Could someone not have
brought the scissors to me?
783
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,280
I want you to know,
I was born from an illicit affair
784
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,720
and I never knew my real father,
so I want you to stay
785
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,640
in that boy's life,
always show him love and care, OK?
786
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,680
I will. Course I will.
787
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:22,640
♪ SNOW PATROL: You Could Be Happy ♪
788
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,200
Now what do we do with this?
789
00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:28,280
Clamp a two-finger width
from the baby's body.
790
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:29,920
Push the blood out.
791
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,320
(GRUNTS) That's it.
Then another two fingers,
792
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,960
place the second clamp.
There we go.
793
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:38,640
Now cut in between.
794
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,240
(FLESHY SQUELCH)
(GASPS)
795
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,480
I do think now though,
she needs go to the hospital, Carol.
796
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,600
Ah, nonsense. In Ireland,
I've known babies be born in the pub
797
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,480
then the mother gets up
and has another pint. It's true.
798
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:56,280
Look at him Brian. He's so gorgeous.
799
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,280
I love him already. (CHUCKLES)
800
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,400
We made that.
801
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,120
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
802
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,160
What the fuck's going on here?!
803
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,240
♪ GNARLS BARKLEY:
Run (I'm A Natural Disaster) ♪
804
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,760
♪ Yeah, it's still the same,
Can't you feel the pain?
805
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,880
♪ When the needle hits the vein,
ain't nothing like the real thing
806
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,520
♪ Run! ♪
807
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,120
CHILDREN: Mum, Dad! Wake up!
808
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,680
Wake up! Wake Up!
(EDDIE AND MARIA GROAN)
809
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:30,840
Happy birthday, darlings.
810
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:35,560
♪ Who were you
To ask for anything more?
811
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,680
(SNORING)
812
00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:40,280
♪ Do you wait
For your dancing lessons
813
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:45,640
♪ To be sent from God?
814
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,600
♪ You'd like His light
To shine on you... ♪
815
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,560
(PHONE RINGS)
816
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,880
♪ You've really missed a trick... ♪
817
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,000
What... the...
818
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,120
(GRUNTS) Fuck.
819
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,880
(GRUNTS) Hello.
820
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,600
EDDIE: (ON PHONE) 'We're coming out.
I want you to see their faces.'
821
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,840
OK. He-Hey... Hey...
822
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,800
Where the hell are you taking us?
Eh.
823
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:17,520
Who are all these people?
Don't worry.
824
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,520
Stop judging by their looks.
They're with me.
825
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,320
ALL: Whoa...
Here we go!
826
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,720
There you go!
(CHEERING)
827
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,000
For Darren, a football party.
828
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,440
And for the little princess,
ghosts and ghouls!
829
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,760
Eddie, you've done amazing.
I'm so proud of you.
830
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,640
DARREN: Ah, Dad!
Come here.
831
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,680
You're the best!
ALL: Woo!
832
00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:38,600
(LAUGHTER)
833
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,040
Ooh... (GUT GURGLES)
834
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,120
(GROANS) I'm gonna shit myself.
835
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:45,160
Yes. Go on, Ed.
Yes, go and get it done, dude.
836
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,360
(FARTS) I am not gonna make it.
You crap the shite
837
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,320
out of them fobs, dude.
Come on. Sick.
838
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,360
(FARTING)
839
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:56,800
(FARTING, GROANING)
840
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,320
(SPLATTERING)
Oh...
841
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,720
so unfortunate.
(MACHINE BEEPS)
842
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,200
(MACHINE CHIMES)
(ALL CHEERING)
843
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,120
♪ BAND OF SKULLS: I Know What I Am ♪
♪ High, ho, triple salchow
844
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,840
♪ I got a feeling like a tidal flow
845
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,120
♪ But I know what I am,
They know what they are
846
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,680
♪ So let me be
Gasoline, Saccharine
847
00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:18,880
♪ I got no reason
For the state I'm in... ♪
848
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,160
Oh, you beauty.
849
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,520
♪ Hotel, Taco Bell
850
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,880
♪ I got the hit
That you know damn well
851
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,640
♪ But I know what I am,
They know what they are
852
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,400
♪ So let me be
Cut teeth, better believe
853
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,920
♪ I got a feeling
That I'm underneath
854
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,920
♪ But I know what I am,
They know what they are
855
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:42,840
♪ So let me be... ♪
856
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,960
(TYRES SCREECH)
857
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,360
(BOTH SCREAM HAPPILY)
Come on!
858
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:56,920
Woo-hoo!
Woo-hoo!
859
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,080
(KEYS JINGLE)
860
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,760
(TEARFULLY) Police?
I've been kidnapped and robbed.
861
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,800
Help me!
862
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,080
♪ THE STAPLE SINGERS: The Weight ♪
863
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,840
♪ I pulled into Nazareth
864
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,600
♪ I was feelin' about half past dead
865
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,160
♪ I just needed some place
866
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,480
♪ Where I could lay my head
867
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,440
♪ "Hey, mister, can you tell me
868
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,200
♪ "Where I can might find a bed?"
869
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,040
♪ He just grinned and shook my hand
870
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,240
♪ And, "No" was all he said
871
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,520
♪ Take a load off, Fanny... ♪
872
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:45,920
Now then, Dyldo...
873
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:48,000
just finished a job.
That didn't go well.
874
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:50,280
(CHUCKLES) As per the usual.
875
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,000
I just fucking miss you, man,
wherever you are.
876
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,960
Just look after yourself.
877
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,480
(EERIE MUSIC)
(MIC WHINES)
878
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,480
If you know what is good for you,
879
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,560
you will leave right now.
880
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,640
TOMMO: Mm...
881
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,600
So glad you could come.
882
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:21,720
Who the fuck steals a coffin?
883
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,880
Not mentally stable, is he?
Correct.
884
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:29,360
Oh, well done, dickhead,
now it's all over the floor
885
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:32,040
of a sacred vehicle. Fuck off!
886
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:33,880
Yeah, pfft... no.
887
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,840
(GRUNTING)
888
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,680
Where's that fucking body?
The time for farting around
889
00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:42,320
is very much over.
Whitney Houston, we got a problem.
890
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,520
(ALL SHOUTING)
Oh, fuck.
891
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:52,840
♪ SIR JOE QUARTERMAN & FREE SOUL:
I've Got So Much Trouble In My Mind ♪
892
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,560
Cheers.
893
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,880
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk
71517
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