Original subtitles

* MTV ♪

We now return to hour four of the "Hoarders" marathon.

His daughter told us it was bad,

but nothing prepared us for this.

Let's watch something else, Butt-Head.

- Uh...

no way.

Those chicks at school said they love this show.

And now we must figure out why

so that we can score with them.

You've hit rock bottom,

but we are going to help you get your life back.

Whoa!

Whoa, she is really into this dude.

Look at that. - Whoa.

You think she's gonna score with him?

- Uh...

Of course she is.

Just look at her go.

Ooh, things are getting out of hand here.

Whoa.

No wonder chicks love this show.

They like to score with disgusting hoarder dudes.

We know what we have to do.

It is time to become hoarders.

Let's fill this house with garbage.

- Cool.

Damn it, Beavis.

How are we gonna fill this house with garbage

when it's full of all this crap you left on the floor?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I guess we better clean it up.

And done.

We did it. Yeah.

We sure did.

And now let's get to work.

Hello.

I'm Gary Ray Smith, the Knitting Man.

Welcome to my first episode for my YouTube channel.

This episode is called "How I Learned to Knit."

Huh.

Oh, boy. [snickers]

Did you get that, Beavis?

It's called, "How I Learned to Knit."

The Knitting Man's origin story.

The boring-gin story.

So first of all, I want to say why I started--

By day, he's an interesting man that people wanna be with.

But then by night, he becomes Knitting Man,

the most boring person alive.

He bores his enemies to death. [snickers]

Able to put an entire building

full of people to sleep with one story.

Look up there. It's somebody cool.

It's somebody I wanna hang out with.

No, it's Knitting Man.

So it looks like there aren't any floats,

and I say it's a no-float method,

but really, there are floats.

They're just one stitch long.

What a lying sack of crap he is.

He just said there are no floats,

but there are floats!

See? - Yeah, really. [chuckles]

Kids could be watching this.

I mean, it's one thing to bore everyone to death,

but don't lie.

I mean, the truth is boring enough!

My wife, by the way, is called the Knitting Widow

because she--

Because she wants to kill me.

People often ask me, "Does your wife knit?"

And the answer is, she can--

His wife is made out of yarn.

Why are you doing this with your life?

And some of that.

There we go.

Now let's go check out our new chick magnet.

Whoa.

This is cool.

Cool.

We're hoarders now.

It's time to go tell those chicks at school.

And then we'll bring 'em back here

and let nature take its course.

Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.

Um, uh, Butt-Head?

Um, where's the door?

Uh...

I don't know.

Um...

maybe it's this way.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this looks familiar.

Uh, here we go.

Oh.

We're here again.

Uh, maybe it's this way.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay. Here we go.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think the door's over here.

Chicks, here we come.

- Yeah.

Right this way.

Eh.

Oh, this is it. Yeah.

Um...

Um, uh, is this the same place?

Uh, I think so.

- Um...

um, Butt-Head?

We can't find the door.

Are we stuck in here forever?

Uh...

this sucks.

Uh, where's the door, damn it?

- Um...

I can't remember if the house used to have a door.

It had walls. I do remember that.

They were cool.

But, um, you know, you gotta admit,

um, it's kinda cozy this way, you know?

Pretty cozy. Yeah.

Uh...

I think the door is over there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, don't touch the newspapers.

No.

Uh, why not?

I just like 'em where they are.

Don't touch 'em.

They're just old newspapers, dumbass.

Yeah. But I-I might wanna read 'em.

You can't even read.

I might learn, though, you know?

From the newspapers, you know?

Like, maybe there's, like, a "How to Read" section

in there or something. Just don't take 'em.

I have to move the damn newspapers

so we can get out of the damn house.

They're good newspapers.

Those newspapers are worth $200, I bet.

Yeah. I could sell 'em.

Don't touch 'em.

Beavis, you butthole.

We finally became hoarders and now all you wanna do

is hang on to all this stuff you don't need.

Those chicks are at school right now,

waiting to score with us.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, scoring.

Yeah, sorry, Butt-Head, I just got a little crazy here.

I forgot what's really important.

Let's go score.

Good.

Or are you just trying to trick me out of my newspapers?

- Damn it, Beavis.

No!

- Uh...

No! No, no!

No! Ahh!

Butt-Head.

Butt-Head.

Butt-Head, can you hear me?

Are the newspapers okay?

Can you see 'em?

Beavis, you're a dumbass.

I'm getting used to it in here.

It's nice.

Very comforting.

Ahh.

Whoa.

After all that crap fell on you, I can, like,

see the window and stuff.

We can escape.

I'm gonna climb out of here and go talk to those chicks.

Fine. Go ahead.

Well, I'm leaving, Beavis.

Good. Yeah.

Got everything I need right here.

Got newspapers and--

and the darkness and, um--

whoa.

Whoa, there's some empty cans.

That reminds me of when I was a kid.

Yeah.

Okay, Beavis.

If that's the way you want it,

I'll go score by myself.

Yeah, maybe bring some chicks back too, you know,

if they like empty cans, you know.

Uh...

ahh!

Damn it.

Whoa, look.

I bet this mayonnaise is still good.

If I ever get out of here,

I'm gonna kill you, Beavis.

Don't wanna eat it yet, though.

It could be worth something, you know?

Yeah. It's a collectible.

Oh, no.

Now we gotta halt construction

while the police come check this out.

Well, I didn't see it if you didn't see it.

Now, I've noticed recently that you guys have

had some trouble concentrating, mm-kay.

Um, what?

And believe me, I understand why.

The world is so full of injustices,

and worrying about them can cause your generation

a lot of stress.

Uh, huh?

What?

You know, I was hoping your parents would come

to this conference, but since they're not here,

it makes it easier for me to recommend

non-Western medicine.

Have you boys ever tried acupuncture?

It's the only thing that helped me with my vegan gout.

Now, don't worry.

This won't hurt a bit.

Uh, okay.

I'm going to put a small number of needles

in your skin-- - Uh-huh.

To balance your body's energy.

- Okay. - And these needles will

make you feel relaxed and calm--

- Uh-huh. - With a general sense

of well-being. - That sounds like it sucks.

- Okay.

I'm getting the first needle ready for insertion.

Insertion.

Now just hold still.

Here comes the first needle.

Hey, that's a needle!

Ahh!

Um, so when are you gonna put those needles in?

I did.

I put in about 50 needles.

Oh, so you did.

What do you know. Feels pretty good.

Very relaxed and calm and, like, some other stuff.

Yeah.

- He tried to stab me!

I'll kick your ass! - Someone call the police!

Can you excuse me for a minute?

Stop choking me, you butthole!

Oh, my God!

- Ahh. - No!

It feels so good, I'm gonna go outside

and walk around and enjoy the day.

♪ Doo doo-doo doo doo ♪ - Don't touch me!

Me and my needles.

Oops.

- Hey, Beavis.

You won't believe what that acupuncture butthole tried

to stick in my face.

I was gonna--

What was it? Sounds interesting.

What the hell is on your face, Beavis?

What do you mean?

It's full of needles.

Oh, you mean the needles.

Yeah.

Of course I'm talking about the needles, dumbass.

Oh yeah, they're just sitting in my face, I guess.

You know, it feels really nice.

It's like my energy is balanced or something.

What are we watching?

Damn it, Beavis.

Get those needles out of your face right now.

Oh, no, no.

No, why would I do that?

I've never felt better in my life.

Beavis, you weird son of a bitch.

I'm gonna kick your ass.

You know, Butt-Head, you might feel calmer

if you had some needles in your face.

- Damn it, Beavis.

- Ahh!

Ow.

Ahh, I sure do love my needles.

Yeah.

Hey, everyone. It's Doug.

I hope you're doing well.

In today's video, what I'm actually gonna be showing you

is the basic fry scream sound,

how it's made, how it's created.

Uh, ice cream sound?

Yeah, what's that?

♪ Above the talk ♪

Whoa. Did you hear that?

He just sang "Butt-Head sucks."

- Uh...

he did?

♪ Above the talk ♪

♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

- * Above the talk ♪ - Uh...

damn it. [chuckles]

I'm gonna kill this guy.

Yeah, I've been saying "Butt-Head sucks"

for a long time, but, you know,

I never thought about, you know, singing it, you know?

Like, really belting it out, you know?

- * Talk ♪

Beavis, I'm gonna belt your face out.

You know, I gotta hand it to this guy.

I don't sing it as good as he does, you know?

You know, I say just, you know, "Butt-Head sucks,"

but he says-- - * Above the talk ♪

Damn it, Beavis.

That's not even what he's saying.

He's saying, like, "a-vuv a sock"

or something. [chortles]

No, no. That's just his Australian accent.

I think there's, like, a number-one song in Australia

called "Butt-Head sucks."

- * Talk ♪

Damn it, Beavis. Shut up.

And I'll show you even close up.

- Whoa.

What is that thing back there?

Looks like a nut sack or something.

Um, actually Butt-Head,

that's called your "uvulvia."

It's actually really useful 'cause, um--

'cause it helps you go--

* Butt-Head sucks ♪

Damn it, Beavis. Cut it out.

- So it's step two now.

We actually wanna create the fry sound.

And it's like this. Like--

Uh, he's trying to make a fry sound?

Like when you put the fries in the fryer

at Burger World?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know what that sounds like?

It sounds like this:

* Butt-Head sucks ♪

Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna clobber you.

Remember the one time that customer came in?

He said, um, "I'll have the, uh"--

* Butt-Head sucks ♪

Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna kick your ass.

I-I'm not saying you suck, Butt-Head.

I'm just singing the song.

And, you know, the words to the song just happen to be--

♪ Butt-Head sucks ♪

Ahh!

Damn it, Beavis. I'm gonna kick your ass.

Why would anyone wanna learn to talk like that, you know?

Uh...

I don't know. [chuckles]

I can do it longer than that.

Check this out. [snickers]

Uh...

okay, Beavis. You win.

Uh... Beavis, you already did it longer than me.

You don't need to keep going.

Uh...

Damn it, Beavis. Stop.

- I win.

Anyway, uh--

- This guy should--

damn it, Beavis.

Cut it out.

You're gonna, like, suffocate or something.

That would be cool.

Are you ever gonna stop, Beavis?

♪ Butt-Head su-- ♪

♪ Above the talk ♪

Butt-Head--

Butt-Head--[coughs]

I can't talk. [coughs]

You look kinda, like, purple or something.

It looks cool.

I think my uvula fell off.

It's on the floor.

I think it rolled under the couch.

Cool.

Butt-Head--

I--I need to go to the hospital or something.

- Uh...

no way, Beavis.

He warned you.

Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

Come closer. I gotta tell you something.

Uh, what? [snickers]

No, closer. I can't talk very loud.

Is that as close as you can possibly get?

- Uh, yes, Beavis.

- Okay.

If I die,

there's something I want you to tell my mom.

Put your ear right next to my mouth so you can hear.

I want you to tell her...

* Butt-Head sucks ♪

Ahh! Ow!

Damn it, Beavis.

* Dum de-dum dum ♪

God damn it, Beavis.

* Bum bum bum ♪

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Ahh. Feeling good.

Damn it, Beavis. You're embarrassing me.

What's your problem?

You're right, Butt-Head. I do have a problem.

My problem is that I need more needles.

These are great.

♪ Ba-dum bum bum ♪

♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪

This oughta do it, yeah.

Do you have a dressing room where I can try these on?

W-what?

No, I'll just try them on in the bathroom.

Yeah.

Yeah. This is gonna be cool.

♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪

I feel good today. Yeah.

I'm not even gonna look at you, Beavis.

Guess why.

I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction.

Check this out, Butt-Head.

I can play "Enter Sandman" on my face.

Look at this.

See that?

See?

I feel the best I've ever felt, Butt-Head.

But you know what's gonna make me feel even better?

Beavis, if you say "more needles,"

I'm gonna beat the living crap out of you.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no. That would be silly. No.

No, I'm talking about spanking my monkey.

Yeah.

Make a great day even better. Yeah.

♪ Dun dun dun dun ♪

♪ Ba ba ba bow ♪

Okay. Just gonna sit down here.

Go ahead and pull down my pants.

It's not easy

'cause my hands have all these needles.

It's tricky.

And here we go.

Ahh!

My schlong!

Ahhhh!

There's needles in my schlong!

Dahh!

Butt-Head! Butt-Head, help!

I-I mean, no, wait. Don't come in here.

- That kid is a dumbass. - No! No!

Chirp.