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[man] Go. Go.

[Woman] Oh, um...

Hi. Uh, my name is Mary O'Reilly O'Toole O'Shea

and, uh...

Don't be nervous.

Somewhere out there

is the island my friend Muffy owns.

It's spring break,

and she's invited us there for the weekend.

We're waiting for the ferry

to take us there and, uh...

I don't know what else to say.

Why don't you tell us something about yourself?

Oh. All right. Something about myself.

Um, I want to work with handicapped children,

and my parents are my best friends.

Oh, and I start convent school next semester.

And I fuck on the first date.

[Laughter]

April fool's.

Nikki, baby, you're outrageous.

Get out of here, you knucklehead.

All right. Uh, kit...

How about you?

I pass.

Uh, arch, skip. Where are you?

Come on.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah. Sure, uh-huh.

I fuck on the first date.

We did, on the first date.

Didn't we, honey?

He's an animal.

Need any help down there?

No, Clara. Thanks.

I'm just doing some straightening up.

I've never worked so hard before.

I'll stay if you'd like.

There won't be anybody here to help till Monday.

No. Clara, you're a peach.

This one's mine.

I told my father I'd do it.

He won't have any excuses.

All right, then. Have a nice party.

Nice? It's going to be better than nice.

It's going to be bloody unforgettable.

Good luck.

Aah!

Here comes the ferry.

Is this the St. John ferry?

Yeah.

Thank goodness.

I was on the right road.

Let me help you. Kit Graham.

Nan youngblood.

That's Nikki brashears.

Are you planning on staying awhile?

No. It's just some work for finals when we get back.

I'm so far behind.

Hi. How's it going?

Arch cummings.

Jewett hall, right?

Chaz vyshinsky.

You've got great legs.

Chaz, arch already has her bags.

I only met Muffy this term in drama society.

I did their costumes.

I like to sew.

Did you see her in ghosts?

No.

She was wonderful. She's so talented.

Yeah, she is.

Guy, your fly is open,

and your hostess twinkie's hanging out.

Come on if you're coming.

We're still waiting for someone.

It's my last run this week.

This is the only way over, and if he misses--

[horn honks]

Wait up!

Sorry, guys.

Nik, Chaz, hi.

Rob Ferris.

Hi. Hi.

Harvey "hal" Edison, Jr.

Please, call me hal.

Only my folks call me harve.

Pretty spot, isn't it?

You're friends with Muffy St. John?

Yeah. We sit together in econ 345.

She copies my marginal utility curves.

Oh, that's a joke.

Harve.

Hal.

Springsteen. Still the boss!

Let's go. We don't have all day.

[Hal] You all buddies?

Except for skip and nan.

But we will be.

Careful what you say. He's Muffy's cousin.

Oh, no kidding.

Distant. Over the horizon.

Otherwise, I wouldn't have been invited.

Old money never mixes family with friends.

True, ever since I've known her.

Well, to protect her family.

No, to keep her friends.

Choose your weapons, big guy.

Hey, what's this?

Let's play stretch.

Ok.

Skip, your fly's open.

Eat it.

Uh, Rob.

Your fly is open.

Ok, don't believe me.

Oh, nice.

[Engine starts]

We're off.

Bye.

Ohh.

First round, the champ!

You know what i find amazing?

Muffy's her real name, uh...

I'm called hal,

so I figure muffy stands for something. Muffin?

Muff-child, moffo, the muffster, muffin stuff.

Muff dive.

Hi. What are you reading?

Milton's paradise lost,

for professor Russo's course on English epic.

You know, it's a shame. It's a dying form.

Dying.

Not too many people read it nowadays,

even in college.

Really?

What about you?

Oh, uh...

Treasure island.

The history of pornography.

I don't have the perks

like you private college kids.

Don't give me that.

I'm hoping to interview

with her daddy's company,

Southern regional sales, before graduation.

He's worth more than 50 million,

but I don't think that's why she invited me.

We won't be sheltered little college kids our whole life.

Wake up, nan!

It's research that i can do all alone.

I never get tired of it.

You want to take it?

Bruce's car was in the shop.

That's not my point.

Fuck.

Oh, my god!

We're spending a weekend there?

What, you're a wimp?

I'm really not that interested anymore.

Come on, one more. Double or nothing.

Enough's enough.

What, you're scared?

I said stop!

Oh, fuck.

I'll get him!

I'll get him!

Where is he?

[Man] Hi.

What are you looking for?

We got them!

We nailed them!

Ha ha ha. April fool's.

Very funny.

Somebody could've gotten very hurt out there.

At least we don't play this "shoelace is untied" crap.

You know that.

Great shit!

Ok, buck, get out of there.

I'll need some help.

I'll do it from here.

Throw me a line.

This one?

That's the one.

Thank you.

Some hero you were.

What do you want from me?

At least I'm not wet.

I'm only kidding.

Loan me your towel.

Yeah.

You got to admit,

it was a hell of a trick.

Animal.

[Ferry horn blows]

Buck, look out!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Calm him down!

Calm him down!

He has to get to a doctor!

Cal!

Aah!

Cal!

Get him to a hospital!

[Cal] They did it!

They did it!

What's going on?

Sam, what happened?

Tricks, pranks. Ask your friends.

Where's your dad?

He's in Sutton place. Why?

You haven't heard from anyone?

No.

I'll have to borrow your boat.

We keep the keys in the kitchen.

There's an extra one underneath the cushion.

Stay put, all of you.

If anything happens to buck,

I want to know where to find you.

Skip, it's not your fault.

It was an accident. You didn't know.

Sure.

Did you see his face?

Muffy...

Nothing bad ever happens to her.

There's lots to be done here.

Do you own it?

I will.

Next month, when I turn 21,

it's my first stage inheritance.

What's your second stage?

Taxes. She may be your future boss, harve.

Nikki... Burn my bags, baby.

I am home!

Oh, yeah.

I could get used to this.

We spent our summers here before my mother died.

It's very special.

It's like a dream.

Clear days are beautiful.

Wow! You guys, look at this.

Oh, muffers.

Our very own place settings?

With our very own place cards.

Our own little Dolly.

It's just like an Agatha christie.

And sporks.

And napkins with little bunnies.

You spared no expense.

How do you think daddy made his money?

He inherited it.

I had all her outfits.

Hold it. Don't anybody move.

But before this night is over,

somebody in this room...

Will pull his wang.

"My first experience was "a"--painful and degrading,

"b"--not so hot, but I cared about him,

"c"--ready to try again,

or "d"--wildly exciting. I had an orgasm."

"A" and part of "b."

"Painful and degrading, not so hot,

but I cared about him."

Aw, that's so sweet.

I'll take "b."

"Not so hot, but I cared about him."

Was it Rob?

No, it wasn't Rob.

What about you, Nikki?

Um, "a" and "d."

"Painful and degrading,

wildly exciting. I had an orgasm."

"The one thing i haven't tried yet,

"but am curious about...

"Is "a"--oral sex,

"b"--anal entry,

"c"--s & m,

"d"--group sex,

"e"--lesbian sex,

or "f"--all of the above."

What was "c"?

Hi, my name is Mary O'Toole O'Reilly O'Shea.

I want to go to convent school.

Welcome. Welcome to my home

and lifestyles of the rich and undeserving.

Um, my name's arch cummings.

I'm on a mission

to bed as many women as humanly possible.

Nan's out, to be honest.

She likes the theater.

You know what I'm saying.

She's out of those first-round draft choices.

Poor boy can say, "fuck you, dad...

I'm my own person."

What's his father going to do,

kick him out of the house?

Disinherit him?

His life won't have changed much.

He's got nothing to lose.

His father's love.

That was lost a long, long time ago.

Skip, blaming yourself

won't make buck any better.

Hi.

Hi.

Ta-da!

You sure make a guy look forward to... Dessert.

Please, god, ding-dongs.

St. John hospitality taken to the extreme.

Makes me feel at home.

How about after these beans?

[Pffftt]

[Pffftt]

You guys.

Nan, some beans?

Ah-woo!

Woof!

Woof!

Ah-woo!

[Splash]

I wonder how buck's doing.

Should we call or something?

I'll call later.

He's getting the best medical care, right?

Guys, let's change the subject.

Well, uh...

Harve's got his job interview all figured out.

What about the rest of us?

Does anyone know what they're doing after graduation?

Good choice, arch.

This is incredible.

Here we are-- privileged, independent,

the hope for the future,

and not one of us knows what lies ahead.

Rob knows.

Rob is going to medical school.

No shit. Early acceptance?

Let's discuss this some other time.

Why?

Maybe he'd prefer not talking now.

No, I don't mind.

We're all friends here, right?

Sort of.

My counselor said to forget it.

He said my grades might be ok,

but I possess an essential lack of seriousness,

and that's what they look for.

Him, too?

That's what my guy said.

I said, "you're kidding!

"How can anyone be serious about anything,

when some moron can nuke us all?"

He wasn't impressed.

Oh, what's this?

Dom perignon sparkling rose?

Smells like ripple.

Outdone yourself again, St. John.

Can I make a toast?

Well, someone once said to me

to Cherish the friends you make in college...

I try to Cherish all of my friends.

Stop it!

Because they'll be the friends you Cherish most

for the rest of your life.

Well, here's to us and to my life

because I'm glad to be here

and be a part of all of you.

Muffy, want to add anything?

Why me?

Because you're the hostess.

Ok.

In his life of Johnson,

James boswell said,

"we cannot predict the precise moment

"when friendships are formed...

"As in filling a vessel drop by drop,

"at last one... Makes it run over...

[Snoring]

"So, in a series of kindnesses,

"there is at last one

which makes the heart run over."

So with this toast,

may our hearts run over

and our friendships be formed.

All right.

Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!

Going down.

Mmm!

Oh, no!

Muffy!

April fool.

Wow! What is this, the bridal suite?

You like it?

Thought you needed the room.

I'll find a use for it.

Muffy?

I know you and arch had something going

before I met him.

Arch is sweet,

but "collar up," "collar down"

are his only expressions.

I found that out.

What I'm trying to say is,

you always seem to get there first,

but this time, Chaz is mine, ok?

What about hal?

Harvey?

Mr. junior achievement?

Oh, please.

Yecch!

Now, don't try to tell me

you hadn't thought of me in that way, Muffy.

Why, I felt a spark the first time we met...

In econ 345.

Why, just think of it, Muffy.

With my...

My...Talent

and your...

Money.

No.

All right, ladies,

we're going to have some privacy.

Ahem.

You got to be kidding.

Unless Muffy knows something about us...

We don't.

Hold me, big fella.

Hold me!

Holster it, cowboy.

Let's play hide the sausage.

Oh! Oh!

Hold me like a man can hold another man.

Why, just think of it, muffers.

With my raw... Driving talent...

And your, uh...

And your...

Wrong room.

[Bang]

Shit.

Aah! Aah!

Aw, come on.

[Baby crying]

[Baby crying]

Rob...

You still angry with me?

About dinner?

No.

I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you.

I'm just... Just angry.

Ow! Jesus!

Very funny.

Muff!

Aah!

Muffy!

Arch.

Hi, muff. Hi.

Do you know what time it is, love?

Mm-hmm.

Aah!

Good night.

[Laughter]

[Door creaks]

Real funny, you guys!

Better ride than you could give me!

Hello?

[Creaking]

Who's there?

[Meow]

Jesus Christ!

Fucking cat!

Morning.

I had a nightmare about buck, and I don't know--

good morning.

I was just hungry.

I must look a mess.

Oh!

Morning.

I forgot to get dressed!

Who made her night?

I don't know.

Where's skip?

That depends what he's on.

You've got to be kidding.

Hey, nan!

What about it?

No, thanks.

Besides, i thought I'd wait for Muffy.

Chaz!

Look out!

He comes up with it!

That's my bad knee.

I got Nikki.

You get the ball.

I got her.

She's covered.

Hey, Rob?

What's wrong?

I'm just thinking...

About that meeting with my adviser.

I feel like I'm going nowhere.

You always said you weren't serious enough.

It's crazy investing energy in me.

Sure, you feel this way now.

What about when I'm a TV repairman?

Rob.

You're right.

I know, I told you. I'm right.

You're right.

I know! I'm right.

There's no question.

I'm right.

You're a jerk.

Oh, god!

I am?

Wait a minute.

Come here, baby.

Aah!

You son of a bitch!

Skip!

Skip!

Respectable young quaker couple

returning from quiet afternoon of nonviolent sex.

How was it?

Where's skip? Anybody seen him?

Who wants to know?

Give me a straight answer!

We saw him at the boathouse,

and he wasn't moving.

He looked dead.

I saw his face!

Anybody seen him since last night?

Jesus Christ!

We'll look for him.

I'm coming, too.

What's happening?

Is something wrong?

Skip?

Hey, asshole!

Skip?

Wait!

Look at this.

Skip's knife.

Was it that guy on the ferry?

I don't know what to think.

Let's go looking for him or skip.

You mean split up?

No sucker's taking me yet.

I know why you're avoiding me.

It's your idea of a joke.

That's why you invited me here, isn't it?

How did you find out?

I don't know what you're talking about.

The tape just got there?

Just appeared?

I thought you wanted to be friends.

Skip!

[Crack]

Skip?

[Rustling]

[Crack]

Skip?

[Rustling]

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Any sign of skip?

No luck here.

Where's arch?

He was with you.

Shit.

That's it.

I don't like this.

I definitely don't.

Time to call the police.

8248. Constable Potter has an office at home.

Who wants tea?

It'll relax your nerves.

Is she kidding?

I didn't know what kind

anybody would like,

so i brought them all.

Well, here. Let me help you.

I'll get you some water.

Has he reached the constable?

We haven't been able to get through to the mainland yet.

[Pipes rumble]

Oh, the main.

It's probably broken.

There's no water?

There's no water.

What?

It happens sometimes.

But there's still the well.

Point me in the right direction.

Uh, not-- not without me.

I'm not worried...

About those two, skip and arch.

They're probably playing some kind of stupid trick.

Probably.

Is that it?

Boy, when she said "well,"

she really meant "well."

Who dug this thing, pocahontas?

Here, here. Let me.

I've probably had more experience than you.

You mean back home on the farm?

You think I'm a hick.

I'd like to change your mind.

Why?

Because I would really like to plow your field.

Draw me some water.

Aw, crap!

What happened?

The bucket fell.

Harve.

Hal! Any fool could have seen the rope's rotten!

You didn't.

Shine your light down there.

Nice going.

I spazzed out. We're even.

Uh-huh, and what do we do now?

There are rungs leading down the side.

So?

So you'd better get moving.

Are you crazy?

I don't relish spending the weekend without water.

Well, I'm not going down there.

Fine.

Whoa, wait. What are you doing?

What's it look like?

I don't think you ought to. Nikki?

Harvey, I'm a big girl.

I can handle spiders and frogs.

Just be careful down there.

Watch what you're doing.

Watch what I'm doing!

That's a hot one.

I can't see anything.

Well, just... Just watch out anyway, ok?

Just... Just be careful.

Nikki!

Nikki!

Nikki, hey, answer me!

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Aah!

Nikki! Nikki!

Aah!

Answer me!

Aah!

Help!

Nikki!

Nikki! Hey! Answer me!

Uh, help! Rob! Kit! Help!

Damn it, answer!

Nikki!

Nikki!

Shit!

Aah!

Oh, god! Oh, god!

God!

Here!

Here!

Come on, reach!

Damn it, come on!

Come on!

Nikki, it's ok now.

With the others, they were outside.

But see, we're inside, so we're safe now.

It's all because of the ferry.

It was an accident.

Christ, don't they know that?

Uh, Muffy, where do you keep your guns?

Guns?

We don't keep guns in this house.

Here.

God, not the water!

It's all right.

It's Perrier.

Here.

[Telephone rings]

Hello!

Oh, constable Potter. You've got to help us.

Arch and skip and nan--

wait a minute.

What are you talking about?

That ain't possible.

I'm at the hospital right now visiting buck.

With Muffy?

What are you saying?

Yeah, all right, all right, all right.

Look, just please, please get here, o.K.?

He's on his way.

He wants us to wait here and stay together.

What about the ferryman?

Wasn't him. They've been together all day.

What?

I don't understand.

I don't, either.

He'll send up a flare at the dock,

then we'll go meet him there as a group.

In the meantime, we just wait here.

It's my father's study.

I just came in to make sure everything was secure.

I had to lock those windows.

Good idea.

Sometimes...

It could take somebody all night

to get here from the mainland.

And even then, sometimes, they don't make it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is taking him so long?

Maybe it's the tides.

Wait a minute.

We're supposed to stay together.

What about Rob and Muffy?

Rob's checking doors.

What about Muffy?

She's acting less than normal anyway.

What's that mean?

You haven't noticed?

Well, who isn't?

Those nurse's shoes.

What nurse's shoes?

The clodhoppers she's wearing.

I mean, crepe soles?

Uh, she was arguing with nan in the hall

before you and Rob came back alone

from the woods...

About something nan found in her room, something...

What?

Something about an abortion.

I found something in my room, too.

I doubt it was intended for me.

Oh, really?

Fuck you, Chaz.

What did you find?

I didn't find anything.

We're supposed to believe that?

I spent the night with Nikki, harve.

What about you?

What's your little secret, huh?

What are you saying?

I came into your room.

Your ass was on fire.

That was nothing.

Just some clippings of car accidents.

Nothing personal there?

Who hasn't had an accident?

Me!

Knock it off, Chaz!

How did Muffy find out about this stuff?

Stop it! Just stop, you guys.

What's wrong with us?

What happened to our talk about friendship and loyalty?

Do you know what we're saying?

We're discussing the possibility

that Muffy invited us here this weekend to--

I'm going upstairs.

Muffy, listen. We should all stay together.

This is my home.

I'll be in my room.

She has a point.

We're getting on each other's nerves.

As long as we stay within shouting distance.

Are you coming?

I'll find a way to the attic.

Why?

I'll see the constable better from there.

It's all right.

I can keep watch on the stairs.

Nikki, come on.

"Nikki, come on."

Don't give me this "Nikki, come on."

What are you doing?

What's it look like?

Stay. Lock your door, dig a trench, hang out,

but I'm never coming back.

We're supposed to all stay together.

That's been real effective!

What will you do,

waltz down the pier by yourself,

check your bags,

and wait for an ocean liner to happen by?

I can't stay here anymore.

What if the constable never shows?

I'll swim if I have to.

O.K., you relax.

Three people are dead, and you're saying "relax."

Nikki, wait. Look at me.

Nikki, look at me!

I know you've been through a lot.

We've all been through a lot.

Am I nervous and scared? Yes.

But am i running around

like a decapitated chicken?

Oh, nice image.

No.

You've got to just lighten up a little bit.

Come on.

Hey! Would the bird man of s & m worry?

Very funny, Chaz.

Look at the bright side.

Everything will be o.K.

Would you take that thing off?

O.K., o.K.

Ah! How about this one, huh?

You're such a jerk.

Oh, this one's turning you on.

Kiss me, you she-devil.

Get away from me!

Oh, stop it!

I love it when you're rough.

It would help if I could breathe a little.

Nikki?

Come and get it!

Nikki?

Oh, very subtle, Chaz.

I'm supposed to throw off my clothes

and jump on top?

Wind her up and watch her go.

You have got a lot to learn, buddy.

Is this show and tell?

You show yours, i show mine?

Well, forget it.

You can shove that thing

right back in your pants, kiddo.

Chaz...

Chaz.

Oh, come on, Chaz. Just say something--

no one's been up here in years.

Do you see him?

No. His boat must not have a light.

Or maybe he's not using it.

Kit, he said something else about Muffy.

What?

He said, "don't trust anyone."

That's why we're to stay together.

No one's left alone with anyone else,

especially not with Muffy.

Well, what did he mean?

I don't know.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

He's known her a lot longer than we have.

Wait, Rob.

What's that?

Just the dolls.

Rob, she's been up here.

So?

Rob.

Jesus.

Rob...

It's arch, skip, and nan.

What's the two over there?

[Flare]

[Flare]

Hey, he's here. Come on.

Harvey!

Nikki.

Nikki?

Harvey!

Harvey!

Rob.

I can't find Harvey.

I can't find anyone.

Nikki's door's locked.

Rob, it was locked.

Muffy!

Forget her!

She's my friend.

Muffy!

Muffy!

Muffy, open the door!

Aah!

Run, kit!

Oh, my god!

Come on. Forget the door.

Constable Potter?

Constable Potter!

Constable Potter?

Hey, wait, Rob.

Don't go in there.

If there's another flare, we can signal.

Maybe he already went back up to the house.

Shit. There's no key.

Damn it.

Wait, wait, Rob.

"State hospital."

"Please be advised

"that the patient hasn't been returned to custody

"and is attempting to return to her home

"in your jurisdiction.

"If encountered, exercise extreme caution

"and notify us immediately.

"Miss St. John has been here three years

"and is still considered unstable

and extremely dangerous."

Miss St. John?

Muffy wasn't in an institution for three years,

she's been at vassar.

We've got to start this boat.

How?

Oh, the house.

Didn't Muffy say there was a key in the kitchen?

I can't go back.

Kit, we've got no choice.

We've got to go back.

Rob, look.

The doors, they've been closed.

There.

That's how we're going in.

Here, hold this.

There. Got it.

Where are the stairs?

[Creaking]

What's that?

Rob, look.

Oh, my god.

It's Muffy's clothes.

I don't get it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What?

What's that?

I don't know.

Oh, my god.

The picture of the girls in the study,

that letter,

and what the constable was telling you.

It's her twin sister Buffy!

She's got a twin.

Rob, don't you see?

Rob!

Oh, my god.

Pull it away.

Rob, I can't.

Pull it away!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

The boat key. It's here someplace.

Where is it?

The wall! Keyboard?

No!

Jesus! Look in the cupboards!

I can't find it!

God damn it!

Damn! Where is it?

Kit.

Aah!

Let me out, kit!

No!

Rob!

Buffy!

Run, kit! Run!

Please, just leave us alone, o.K.?

Please, we're just going to go home now.

I've had enough.

Buffy.

Stop!

Run!

Please.

You can stop now.

Stop.

No. Buffy, no!

I love you, kit!

Please...No.

Please don't.

Please, Buffy, just let us go, please.

No!

No!

No! Aah!

Oh, ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha!

That's really funny, you guys!

Really funny.

Fuck you!

Hi, kit!

Kit, I love you!

Kit!

I love you! Aah!

I love you, too.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

1, 2, 3...

April fool's! April fool's!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

God, kit!

Kit!

You guys... Are terrific.

I love you all.

I want to thank you for being good sports.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Quite welcome. Any time.

Rob, you and kit, you two were the best.

You figured it all out.

The clues, they really worked.

Clues?

What's this about?

And don't say April fool's.

I'll rip you apart.

April.. April...

[Cough cough]

It's a script.

It's going to help me keep the house.

Next month, i get the house

as part of my mother's inheritance,

but only if i could show my father

it could carry itself.

Otherwise, he'll sell it.

I decided to make it a country inn.

Not just a stuffy, old,

run-of-the-mill country inn.

One that specializes in offering

a once-in-a-lifetime whodunit weekend.

I needed a rehearsal.

I had to try my idea out.

You guys had a part in this, right?

Not me.

We got sucked into this, too.

But everybody had to cooperate,

or none of it would have worked.

I guess there's no twin sister.

There's a twin, but he isn't Buffy.

Skip?

He's your brother?

You were in on it, too.

I knew about the prank on the ferry.

I didn't know about buck.

Buck Williams, make-up artist,

par excellence.

I got something for you.

Here, catch.

I redressed some props

using some old photographs.

Sure fooled me.

I guess this isn't the constable.

Meet my uncle, frank St. John

of St. John et freres, wall street.

Harvey Edison, Jr. pleased to meet you.

How did I do?

I never done no acting before.

I was really shaking.

Cal is our regular ferryman

between the mainland and the islands.

He was up to the challenge.

You were so lucky.

You could have gotten killed.

Well, I nearly did with harve over there.

Who could have known about the snake?

But paying guests will know what they're in for.

The scenario won't be so extreme.

I do regret some of the fake clues

in the bedrooms were taken too seriously,

and I'm sorry about that.

But we had fun!

Come on!

I'm never going to forget this weekend.

You're telling me.

I nearly crapped in my pants.

What do you mean, "nearly"?

Arch...

You browned your trousers?

Well, uh... You know, I was--

it's all right.

They'll be out of the dryer soon.

* mama told me not to come *

* mama told me not to come *

* that ain't the way to have fun, son *

* mama told me not to come *

* mama told me not to come *

* that ain't the way to have fun, son *

* that ain't the way to have fun, son *

[music playing slowly]

Aah! Oh, no!

Aah! Aah! Aah! No!

Aah!

April fool.

* too bad you're crazy

* too bad you're loony as hell *

* so long, it could've been swell together *

* too bad you're wacko

* how sad your marbles are gone *

* we could be dancing till dawn *

* but you're too weird for words *

* how did you get so strange *

* you were such a beautiful kid *

* now you are so deranged *

* was it mom and daddy?

* something they did?

* too bad you're loco

* you should be locked in a cell *

* how sad you're great

* but, hey, what the hell? *

* you're crazy

* you're off the deep end *

* your life's a practical joke *

* I'd bail you out, but I'm broke *

* your brain's completely fried *

* life's just a party trick to you *

* clown jokes and lots of whoop-de-doo *

* it's time to put that on the shelf *

* loving you is a three-ring circus *

* you do look fetching, too bad *

* it could be catching, egads *

* I'm a little bit crazy my *

* just a little bit crazy my *

* I'm a little bit crazy myself **

captioning made possible by Paramount pictures corporation

captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

Captions copyright 1986 vctw productions, inc.