Original subtitles

(male ♪1)

of Char Gar Gothakon"'

'"The Shrieking Madness

"The Beast That Hath No Name?"

You're actually reading this?

The professor is a great writer.

His stuff is spooky.

Hatecraft is a total fake.

- He says he's just - writing what demons

from dark dimensions tell him.

Please!

- How do you know - they're not true?

Um, because I have a brain?

- Wait until - Harlan Ellison speaks here

next week. He's a real writer.

He'll set you bozos

straight about Hatecraft.

Later.

[eerie music]

- (male ♪1) - '"Char Gar Gothakon'

'"The Beast That Hath No Name."'

- How can Professor Hatecraft - name the creature

in the title then say

it has no name. Ridiculous.

whoosh

[indistinct chanting]

Oh! What is that smell?

[indistinct chanting]

sniff sniff

[gasps]

screech

crash

whoosh

crash

Oh! Please! Stop!

screech

[screams]

thud

[music continues]

Please. Please!

- [screams] - No!

vroom

[theme music]

Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

tweet tweet

vroom

Now, Daph, chin up.

Spending some time away

from your little mystery club

will do you some good.

Stop by the building we paid for

and if you see any professors

remind them your sisters

- all graduated - from Darrow University

by the time they were 13.

I'm only visiting this school

because you want me to, mom.

What if Darrow isn't for me?

A college good enough

for the other Blake girls

isn't good enough for you?

[laughing]

Oh, Daphne.

Sometimes I wish

we would have had a boy.

Fred, go straight

to my old fraternity

and drop my name.

They have to let you in.

No matter how much

you talk about traps.

Man, it feels weird

being here without the gang.

- Things sure have been - pretty rough

since Shaggy and Velma broke up.

By Grabthar's hammer, Fred!

the Rogers' kid chose

a dog over a girl.

What's he thinking?

This isn't some reality show.

Now, I've dreamed of the day

you'd be humiliated

by my fraternity.

Don't blow this for me.

I can't believe I'm here the

same day as my favorite author.

'Do you think Harlan Ellison'

'will sign all my copies

of his books?'

I knew Harlan back in the day.

Just tell him

Cape Cod Dinkley sent you.

- [giggles] - He'll sign.

But, like, the best thing

about Darrow University

is the burger place on campus.

They're known everywhere

for their burgers.

And the French fries,

onion rings, and shakes.

slurp

Try not to embarrass us, please.

Better yet, just don't

tell them your last name.

vroom

[instrumental music]

vroom

screech

vroom

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

knock knock

Mu Gamma Tau.

- Mu are you? - Um, hi.

I'm Fred Jones Jr.

My dad was a Mu Gamma

Toe-uh, Tau-uh, Toe.

Fred! I'm Rhino.

[music continues]

Guys, this is Fred Jones Jr.

His dad was Mu Legend,

Fred Jones.

- (all) - What!

I thought Fred Jones was a myth.

I heard he ate a live bear.

So, uh,

what do you guys do here?

Study? Party? Make traps?

Amateur hour.

When you're in college,

male, and ripped

there's only one thing to do.

Wrestle!

[grunting]

- Go get him, Randy! - Yeah!

[crash]

[instrumental music]

(Daphne)

For Self-Named Buildings."'

'"The Blake Family Center

Hmm.

No longer will they

ignore your people!

Are you with me?

- (all) - Fight! Fight! Fight!

Are you with me?

Uh... yes?

(all)

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

What are we fighting?

[instrumental music]

[panting]

Right there it is, Scoob!

I can already taste the legends.

Burgers, fries, onion rings!

Wow! We're really here.

Ahem. Uh, bring us, like,

your most famous food, please.

It's the way

I always dreamed it.

sniff sniff

It's the way

I've always smelled it.

[sighs]

chomp chomp

[groaning]

These aren't burgers.

We changed management last week.

Now we're organic vegan.

Those are pureed sprouts

and wheat gluten.

- (both) - Yuck!

(Harlan)

there hasn't been anything'

'And that's why

'good written since the 1970s.'

[cheering]

Thank you. Okay, questions.

My name is Howard. E. Roberts

and my favorite writer

is one of our professors

- and I was wondering - if you could compare your work

to his masterpiece

"The Shrieking Madness

Of Char Gar Gotha..."

You mean H. P. Hatecraft?

An interesting scribbler,

yes, no doubt.

But minor.

- And that's being kind.

- That's not true.

- He-he's a brilliant writer - who understands

the dark creatures

of other dimensions.

I perceive in you, young sir

one who hears nothing

but the sound of the wind

blowing across the empty desert

that lies between your ears.

[all laughing]

Hatecraft is, at best

a literary fraud, a con man.

At worst, a dirt smear

in the diaper of literature.

[all laughing]

[groaning]

- Mr. Ellison? - Yes, yeah..

- I-I can only sign so fast.

- Velma Dinkley, sir.

I'm a huge fan of your work

and the themes you explore in...

Dinkley? Not by any happy chance

a relation to Cape Cod Dinkley?

- An old friend of mine? - My mother.

Oh, Holy Bradbury.

You must give her a kiss for me.

- And thank her - for the chicken soup.

Jinkies! I will!

It was great meeting you.

Thanks so much.

My pleasure. Oh, by the way,

jinkies is not actually a word.

[eerie music]

Hatecraft this, Hatecraft that...

Perhaps someone could ask me

about my own latest work

once in a while.

swish

screech

[grunting]

[intense music]

[cheering]

- Sounds like - someone's in trouble.

- 'Help!' - 'Huh?'

(Harlan)

help me, already! Help!'

'Help! Somebody please

[intense music]

[screaming]

Zoinks!

I've changed my mind!

Maybe that food's is not so bad!

Oh!

[groaning]

screech

- Ow.. - 'Mr. Ellison, are you okay?'

Okay?

I've been violated by a figment

of a fantasist's

fabricated falsehood

for the sole function

of fame and fortune.

Oh, like,

that is a lot of fa-fa-fuss.

Really?

Is it like that?

What if, like,

like, were used in

like, its proper grammatical

form and not, like

as a conversational pause,

like, every third, like, word?

Boy, what got him so upset?

Maybe he wouldn't

be so mad if he saw this.

A copy of Hatecraft's book.

"Char Gar Gothakon,

The Beast That Hath No Name."

Someone's read this a lot.

- There's all kinds - of sentences underlined.

sniff

- And it smells - like old clam chowder

being gargled by a seal.

- But why would a monster - carry a book

about himself around with him?

I want to meet this

Professor Hatecraft for myself.

[dramatic music]

knock knock

- (Fred) - 'Professor Hatecraft?'

'Professor Hatecraft?'

Hello?

Professor Hatecraft?

Your door was open.

- With all these books, - you'd think this guy

could, like, afford a maid.

[screaming]

thud

rumble rumble

It's just a statue, beef brains.

Of a character from another

one of Hatecraft's books.

[eerie music]

- (woman on TV) - 'Breaking news. This just in.'

- 'Campus police say - they have no leads'

- 'on today's theft - of the Darrow family archives'

'from the university library.'

- (Fred) - 'Professor Hatecraft?'

Ooh, by the tendrils

of Shap-Shap Sumagurath,

you frightened me.

We're sorry, professor. We're

big fans who wanted to meet you.

Well, now's not a good time.

It's like the wrath

of Fung Fard Hargenflog

has descended upon me.

I hope I haven't unleashed

Char Gar Gothakon on the world.

What do you mean?

My work translating

the demon-summoning chants

written in these evil tomes

which my student assistant

alphabetizes for me.

You think, like,

everything you're writing

is actually happening?

Dark forces are at work

in this very home!

and I fear I may have

inadvertently opened a portal

to an alternate dimension.

- That's bad, right?

- Stop!

You might accidentally

unleash another demon.

Oh. That's just fan mail.

Never mind.

A lot of these seem to be

in the same handwriting.

My fans are very dedicated.

Now, if you will excuse me

I-I s-sense m-messages

from another universe coming on.

Well, what do you say, gang?

Do we stay together and keep

working to solve this mystery?

[instrumental music]

Is that a no?

splatt splatt

What are you doing here?

This place is vegan.

There's nowhere else to eat

for, like, miles.

Yeah. We're so hungry,

we'd even eat vegetables.

Whoa!

[panting]

were, uh, wrestling.

Sorry. My friends

[grunting]

[crash]

My new brothers

are gonna teach me a move

called Happy Tapioca.

I don't know what it is,

but apparently, uh

I'll be blindfolded

and submerged into pudding.

See ya around.

- [laughing] - Yeah!

- I can't wait - to get you out of here.

Hey, good job.

[instrumental music]

Ahem.

sniff sniff

You said it, Scoob.

And pass the salt.

screech

boom

(both)

Char Gar Gothakon!

roar

Like, run!

swish swish

[screams]

roar

crash

- Just because - I'm letting you save me

doesn't mean I forgive you!

(all)

Tapioca! Tapioca!

So, what construct of the man

- are we going - to go after next, Ernesto?

Don't worry, Comrade Daphne.

Our true calling

will present itself soon.

In the meantime, pick something

from the list of protestables.

It's fun.

Rice crackers, Shawarma,

old person smell?

- Can you even protest that? - I don't know.

But someone should!

[screaming]

[chanting]

Professor Hatecraft,

you have to run!

Char Gar Gothakon

is at the campus burger!

- Wait. Were you spying on us?

- Yes.

- I wanted to see - if you were telling the truth.

And by the talons

of Feng Shui Nabiscus. You were!

I have no choice now

but to reveal the terrible

dark truth

about Char Gar Gothakon.

[all gasp]

splatt splatt

I know you've heard the rumors

- of a sighting - on campus last night

of a monster

from one of my novels.

But I want to set

the record straight.

My writings, as Mr. Ellison

said the other day

are a fraud.

There is no Char Gar Gothakon.

- I made the whole thing up!

- It can't be true!

Who is forcing you to lie

like this, Professor Hatecraft?

- This is not a lie. - I am telling the truth.

I perpetuated the myth

to sell books..

and to gain access

to the lucrative world

of plushy monster toys.

I am so sorry.

Ignore him! We are the ones

telling the truth!

Monsters deserve equality.

Char Gar Gothakon

should not be silenced.

- And here's a song - to tell you why.

♪ Char Gar Gothakon ♪

♪ The Beast That Hath No Name ♪

♪ He's an old one ♪

♪ Maybe live beneath the sea ♪

♪ He rocks

a thousand eyeballs.. ♪

Like, now what do we do?

No one's listening

to a word we say.

There's only one thing

we can do.

Build a trap!

And I can't do it alone.

♪ May he live

beneath the sea.. ♪♪

roar

- What's going on?

- Oh!

[dramatic music]

[growling]

Uh, I think we made our point.

The protest is over!

[screams]

roar

crash

So what do you say, gang?

Are we gonna solve

this mystery or not?

[chanting]

[screams]

screech

(H.P. Hatecraft)

'Somebody save me!'

splatt splatt

[dramatic music]

splatt splatt

- Professor Hatecraft?

- 'Ooh! Help!'

splatt splatt

We'll never find him

if we don't split up.

Okay. I guess

that means we go.. Huh?

Oh, come on.

splatt splatt

Wow! I can't wait

to be an adult.

- You get to have - so much cool stuff

that has that awesome

old person smell.

- Here. You might - need this for the trap.

Great find, Daph.

- Hey, you know, we make - a pretty good team, don't we?

Uh-huh. It's like we know

each other's thoughts.

Yeah! Hey,

guess what I'm thinking now.

Well, are you thinking about me?

Ha! Gotcha!

I'm not thinking about anything.

My mind is a complete void.

Good try, though.

Thanks.

splatt splatt

I thought Shaggy

was right behind us.

- Huh? You worried?

- Oh, who am I kidding?

It's like he's a part of me.

Even though

he left me for... you.

I'm sorry.

(Shaggy)

'Scooby! Velma! Help!'

It's Shaggy!

[intense music]

[whimpering]

Something jumped off

the shelf at me

and had, like, a tentacle.

It's not a tentacle.

It's a strap

for someone's book bag.

They look like stories.

Listen to this title.

"The Dreaded Beast

Goo-Goo Gaga."

- [sniffs] - Ew! Yuck!

They've got that same smell.

It's like a baboon

smoking a cigar

- while bathing - in a bath of moldy tuna

and curdled ranch dressing.

(male ♪1)

'Hey! Let me out!'

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

thud

[screams]

Thank goodness!

- Trapped inside with - all of Hatecraft's lousy books

it's like being in his version

of the underworld.

Who put you in here?

The guy with all the tentacles.

What's his name?

(H.P. Hatecraft)

'Char Gar Gothakon!'

'Stay away, you demon!'

The professor!

[chanting]

splatt splatt

screech

'Help! Help! Help me!'

[shouting]

Help!

splatt splatt

- 'Help!' - We've got to distract it.

Hatecraft 's monsters

are only summoned by chanting.

Follow me.

[chanting]

[screaming]

Whoa!

(all)

Char Gar Gothakon...

[chanting]

- (all) - Char Gar Gothakon...

Don't chant at it, hit it!

roar

screech

Oh!

[screaming]

Help!

[screams]

[whimpering]

[music continues]

Like, you don't hear many

monsters from other dimensions

scream for help.

hiss

This is no monster.

It's Howard E. Roberts!

'Hatecraft's student assistant

and biggest fan.'

'Just as I suspected.'

- Suspected how?

- Think about it.

- We found a book - written by Hatecraft

'with sentences underlined that

smelled like Char Gar Gothakon.'

Of course, it was me,

someone had to defend

- the professor - against his critics.

And what better way than to

dress as his greatest creation?

Fortunately, I'd taken a class

in the military application

of sonic shriek technology

at the learning annex.

Although, in retrospect

- it might not have been - a good idea

to glue real octopus legs

to my face.

(all)

Ah, so that was the smell!

But when Hatecraft

admitted he made it up?

That's when he had to fall.

And he would have, too,

if it weren't for the dark

elder forces conspiring in the

inky black of time most foul!

Oh. And you meddling kids.

[siren blaring]

- H. P, are you all right?

Harlan. Yes.

Just an overeager fan

who got carried away.

Fans. Imbeciles fit only

to be gnawed by rabid rats.

Yes. Someone could write a book.

How about, "A Boy And His Fans

"By Harlan Ellison

And H. P. Hatecraft?"

I was thinking something

more along the lines of

"Shavu-ra hatafar.

"The Fan That Hath No Name."

Except, uh, you just named it.

Don't start with me, Ellison.

You know, I'm glad we don't have

to go to college just yet.

Yeah, it'll be good to get home.

And back to solving mysteries.

As a team?

Absolutely.

The way it should be.

- [all gasp] - Huh?

(Daphne)

Darrow family archives?'

'Darrow University library

Wait. Aren't those the archives

the news said were stolen?

[dramatic music]

Mr. E! Huh. Open it.

Ooh. Carefully.

If the first Mystery Inc.

had what's inside this trunk

maybe they never would have

vanished in the first place.

Wow!

'This looks like the entire

history of Crystal Cove.'

Gang, I think one mystery

just turned into two.

Hmm.

[theme music]