Original subtitles

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

AUCTIONEER: Going once.

Going twice.

Sold.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

The ringside seats to the Crystal Cove Lady Banshees Roller-Derby Team...

...go to Gary Buckwalter.

[GARY SCREAMS]

This charity auction is going better than I ever could have hoped.

What's our total so far, Sheila?

Thirty-four dollars.

Ah, just imagine all the good $34 will do.

The next lot up for bid is this spooky painting.

[AUCTIONEER SHUDDERS]

Now, that's what I call art.

Do I hear $5?

Uh, four dollars?

Three dollars?

Come on, this is a genuine spooky painting.

This thing is creeping me out just looking at it. Anybody?

[MAN COUGHS]

Anybody?

[GASPS]

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKING]

Give me that painting.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKING]

It's locked. We're trapped.

[GASPS]

[CHATTERING]

The vampire's gone.

So is the painting.

[GASPS]

SCOOBY: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!

[SHAGGY LAUGHS]

SHAGGY: Like, Scooby-Doo...

...there's something about putting a teeny tiny umbrella...

...in your drink that just makes it better.

Yeah, I heard that.

[SLURPING]

This is purely hypothetical.

Let's say your extravagant grotto was haunted by a pool monster.

Wanna know how I'd trap it?

Uh, could you tell me later?

First, I'd use some combination of Shag or Scoob to lure him under the waterfall.

Then I'd add quick-drying cement to the water and, booyah, trapped.

VELMA: Oh, Shaggy.

Like my new bikini?

Um, like, I don't know.

Are you wearing one?

Yes. I just don't wanna get burned.

Do you have any idea of how damaging the sun is?

Call me when someone wants to make a leathery handbag out of your back fat.

Hey, don't worry, Velma, I think you look great.

With the sun reflecting off your pale, colorless skin...

...we blind the monster...

...and just push him into the pool with the cement in it.

- Genius. - Fred!

NAN: Boy, am I steamed.

What's wrong, Mom?

A vampire ruined my auction last night.

Vampire? Yikes.

A mystery. Quick, Velma.

- Set your milky whiteness for stun. - Mm.

- Fred! - What?

It's okay, Daphne.

I don't care what Fred thinks.

[GROANS]

Guys. Mystery.

Time's running out. Go let's.

I'm not solving any mystery if he's going to be there.

You know, Fred, maybe we should split up.

It's too early. We can't split up until we get...

...to a haunted amusement park or a terrifying cavern.

Actually, dude, like, I think splitting up is a good idea.

Yeah, you've already made that perfectly clear.

Okay, then, uh, we'll be splitting up.

[CAR STARTING]

So where should we start?

I'm thinking pedicures.

Like, is it me or does this feel weird?

Yeah, it's strange mystery-ing without the girls.

No. I mean, sitting shotgun.

[LAUGHS]

Like, I never get to ride up here. It's awesome.

Ha, ha, stereo.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[IN UNISON] Yeah.

If you were a vampire, where would you hide out?

The Clam Cabin?

The Pizza Pail?

Right. Let's try the cemetery.

[SHAGGY & SCOOBY GROANING]

[WOLF HOWLS]

DAPHNE: Velma, here's the only thing...

...you'll ever need to know about boys:

they are stupid. If you give a boy two choices...

...a smart one and a stupid one, he will always make the stupid one.

Every time. That's why you never give them a choice.

That's depressing.

Yes, it is.

But what can you do? Boys look really cute in ascots.

Huh?

Where's your mom going at this hour?

Beats me. Mom, where are you going?

Me? Oh, well, um--

I'm just running out to the grocery store to get some, uh, pâté.

Yeah, pâté, mm-hm. See you later.

Weird. My mom is duck intolerant.

Pâté gives her the squeakers real bad.

Something's up. Come on.

What about our massages?

Sorry, Velma. Duty before beauty.

The lady at the blood bank--

[GASPS]

--said they haven't seen a vampire tonight.

Actually, her exact words were, "Out of my blood bank, freak-wad."

[STAMMERING] Is that blood?

What? Oh, no.

I just snagged a red punch juice box and spilled some.

They've got tons hanging all over the place.

So that's a big fat no on the cemetery, the zoo's bat exhibit and the blood bank.

What now?

Mm, I'm running out of ideas.

I got it. Fruitmeyer's.

Scoob, that's genius.

It's a little out of the box, but everyone loves Fruitmeyer's.

Even vampires.

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

DAPHNE: She's gone. - She's a freak.

She's the fastest mom alive.

She speed-walks every morning.

Well, your mom must have thighs like tree trunks because we totally lost her.

She has got to be around here somewhere.

A light's on at the botanical gardens.

This makes no sense. My mom hates nature.

She hates anything she doesn't have to pay for.

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

SHAGGY: Like, man, I do not get girls.

SCOOBY: Yeah, chicks.

Why don't you just build a Velma trap?

Um, I don't know, Fred.

Trust me. Nothing says "I love you"...

...like 200 feet of parachute cord and a cargo net.

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKS]

Hey, what was that?

It came from down the hill.

I bet you clams to casino...

...that our vampire is inside the greenhouse.

Hey, mm, clams.

What do we do now, Fred?

We trap ourselves a vampire.

SHAGGY: Freddy, where do you get this stuff?

FRED: Trap-Mart.

I'm a premier member of the Frequent Trappers Club.

Ew, smells like that stuff you put on plants to help them grow.

You mean poo?

Yeah. That's what it smells like.

That is a 2-inch thick, bone-in rib eye with perfect marbling.

No self-respecting vampire will be able to resist it.

[SLURPS]

I know I can't.

Somebody's coming.

[GRUNTS]

Oh.

[GRUNTING]

Ha, gotcha. Hit the lights.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Uh-oh.

Fred, what are you doing?

Shaggy, get me out of here.

Now.

[GROANS]

[CHUCKLES]

- Like, um, you look nice? - Save it.

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKS]

What was that?

[SHRIEKS]

Yikes.

[ALL SCREAMING]

- What do we do? - We're doing it.

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKING]

SHAGGY: Yikes.

[SHAGGY SHOUTS]

Fred, don't let go of me.

Don't worry, Daph. I wouldn't think of it.

[SQUIRREL SQUEAKS]

Aw, nuts.

Scoob, like, I think the exit is this way.

Why did we have to go vampire hunting?

SHAGGY: Yikes.

[SHAGGY WHIMPERING]

What the who's-it now?

- Huh? SHAGGY: Aah!

[SCREAMS]

Huh?

[SHAGGY WHIMPERING]

Breakers, unh, aah. Ow.

Is everyone okay?

How are you doing, hero?

Like, I've been better.

Oh, you don't really care, though, do you?

[GROANS]

MAN: My star orchid. It's gone.

I don't get it.

What would a vampire want with a painting and an orchid?

ANGIE: I don't care if there was a delay.

When I order Sumatran rat monkeys from Skull Island...

...I expect overnight delivery.

Those things get stale. Fast.

To find out what this vamp is up to, we need to do some research.

- Hey, Mom. - Oh, hey, kids.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Mrs. Dinkley, we need some information on vampires.

Vampires?

Oh, sugar plums, you've come to the right place.

Broken Spine has the most extensive collection of bloodsucker lit...

...this side of the Carpathian Mountains.

Hmm, there must be something that will tell why a vampire...

...would want a painting and an orchid.

Hmm?

Hello? Is someone there?

Oops.

[GASPS]

Wow, you just don't like this shelf.

MAN: Oh, for crying out loud.

Who are you?

MAN: The answers you seek are inside.

But wait. Who are...

...you?

There's nothing in any of these books about a painting or an orchid.

I guess we've hit a dead end.

More like an undead end.

DAPHNE: I think I found what we're looking for.

It's an old Halloween issue of Celebrities Weekly.

And on Page 128 is....

FRED: "Countess Hagula's Youth Juice."

DAPHNE: "Four Essential Ingredients And Eternal Youth Can Be All Yours."

But this is just a stupid Halloween prank.

Looks like someone didn't get the joke.

Check out the first two ingredients.

The pigment from our stolen painting and the pollen of a star orchid.

This is it. Our vampire must be trying to make some youth juice.

- Good work, Daphne. - Mm-hm.

Yeah, and like, nice call, Velma, on coming here.

Too little, too late.

If we want to know where the vampire is going to strike, we check the recipe.

Then we can get there first and trap her. In a trap.

Look, vino.

A Chateau LaRouge Crimson Ruby Rose Bordeaux, 1911.

There's only one restaurant that has a wine list extensive enough...

...to include that vintage.

The Crab Net of Dr. Calimari.

DAPHNE: Dr. Calimari's has a strict dress code.

To get in, we'll have to look the part.

It's time for you to leave, sheriff.

Now, Mrs. Blake, all I did was suggest...

...that you're dressing up like a she-vamp and stealing random objects.

No reason to get all bent about it.

Mom? What's going on?

The sheriff thinks I have something to do with these vampire attacks.

Thank goodness Sheila was here.

- Yikes. - Oh, Nan, don't you worry...

...your flawlessly-skinned, perfectly-coifed head about this.

It's just a misunderstanding.

My mom is not behind this. We have to clear her name.

Guys, let's go to dinner.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Welcome to the Crab Net of Dr. Calimari.

Bonsoir, ahem, my chums and I would like your finest table.

But first we need to inspect your, ah, wine cellar, oui, oui, oui?

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Do you have a reservation?

Uh....

No reservation, no table.

[SCOFFS]

Like, uh, I need to use your bathroom, my good man, oui, oui.

Oh, yeah. Me too, oui, oui, oui.

I'm good. I went before we left, oh!

Oh, yeah, ahem. Bathroom. Right, oui, oui.

[IN UNISON] Me too, oui, oui, oui.

Of course. It's just down the hall.

[ALL SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[GASPS]

What is my mom doing here?

And how did she beat us?

There's the wine cellar. Let's go.

Like, where's everybody going?

I really have to use the bathroom, yikes.

Listen. If we're gonna find that bottle, we better split up.

- Velma, you and Shaggy-- - I don't like my partner.

Really? Well, like, I'm tired of being your guilt bucket.

I want a new partner too.

We have to work as a team if we're gonna catch Daphne's mom in the act...

...and prove once and for all that she's an undead bloodsucker.

- Fred! - Face it, gang.

Maybe we're not a team anymore.

[VAMPIRE SHRIEKS]

SCOOBY: Uh-oh.

Like, ditto on that "uh-oh."

[SHAGGY & SCOOBY WHIMPERING]

Yikes, yikes!

[SHUDDERING]

That wine will be mine.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Everybody, in here.

[SCREAMING]

Fools.

"Everybody, in here." Nice.

How was I to know we'd get locked in by your mom?

It's a cage, Fred.

You always want to stay on the outside of a cage.

- And that's not my mom. - Aah.

I don't think.

One more ingredient and I will have eternal youth forever.

Like, man, we are totally off our game.

Seriously.

The final ingredient in the recipe is a priceless, cursed ruby...

...called The Devil's Eye.

I know that jewel. It's gorgeous.

It's also on display at the Darrow University Oddities Museum.

Then that's where we'll be.

Okay, so my last trap was a complete failure.

But this one is so complicated, it's gotta work.

Something about this just doesn't make sense.

If vampires don't age, why bother with an eternal youth potion?

[DOOR SLAMS]

Here we go. Get ready, everybody.

Huh?

Oh, no, Mom. It is you.

Daphne. For trap's sake, we're in the middle of something here.

Mom? Mom.

[SHAGGY SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

I want that ruby.

Mom, stop this.

The Devil's Eye.

Finally, I will have the eternal youth of a vampire.

[GROWLS]

Oh, I don't think so, ghoul friend.

I switched the rubies when we got here. That one is a fake.

Deploy the second net, unh!

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Hmm.

[LAUGHS]

[SHRIEKS]

[LAUGHS]

Aah, let me go. I'll drain you all.

Mom, your vampiring is tearing this family apart.

I'm sorry, but you've left me no choice. I'm going to have to stake you.

Wait. I'm not a vampire.

I'm--

[IN UNISON] Sheila Altoonian?

But why?

Isn't it obvious? My looks are starting to fade.

- No. Come on, you? - You're gorgeous.

Your skin is as tight as my ascot.

This is all your mother's fault.

We're the same age, but she's so beautiful.

She has the skin of a teenager.

That's when I realized she must be a vampire.

SHEILA: I went to the Dinkley's shop...

...to do a little research and found the recipe for the youth juice.

That potion was gonna make me young and beautiful forever.

You see, in college, I majored in zoology and acrobatics...

...studying the habits of flying squirrels.

I propelled myself into the air with my quad and glute muscles.

All this gave me the illusion of a real, flying vampire.

Why didn't you just try, maybe, wearing a little less makeup?

Or a cuter haircut?

Or use tape to pull back all your wrinkly sacks of....

You know, age gracefully.

Age gracefully?

Are you crazy?

No, the vampire serum was my only hope.

I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling--

NAN: What's going on here?

Mom.

Ugh, even now, she's stealing my moment.

I'm so glad you're not an undead creature of darkness.

Thanks, honey.

But what are you doing here?

Why have you been sneaking out?

I didn't wanna say anything, but I've been taking night classes.

I'm getting my public notary degree.

- Nan, that's wonderful. - How exciting.

I'm impressed.

NAN: I may be outrageously gorgeous...

...but knowledge, knowledge is the key to true beauty.

Well, I better get going.

I have to figure out what a notary is before tomorrow's final exam.

[LAUGHS]

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]

[POLICE SIREN WAILING]

- Another mystery solved. - Yeah.

Well, see you guys, I guess.

Yeah, I, uh, better call it a night, so, uh, trap you later.

- Listen, Velma, I'm-- - Good night, Norville.

[SIGHS]

Looks like it's just me and you, Scooby-Doo.

Yeah. It'll be okay. You'll see.

[English - US -SDH]