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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:40,572 --> 00:00:45,572 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 2 00:00:45,572 --> 00:00:50,572 For latest movies and series with subtitles Visit WWW.AWAFIM.TV Today 3 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:51,782 [PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 4 00:00:51,782 --> 00:00:52,866 MAN: All right, Chevy. 5 00:00:53,784 --> 00:00:55,827 WOMAN: Chevy, you're very handsome. 6 00:00:55,827 --> 00:00:57,579 - CHEVY: Stop it. - How did you become so funny? 7 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:58,705 CHEVY: What was the first part? 8 00:00:58,705 --> 00:00:59,790 [LAUGHTER] 9 00:00:59,790 --> 00:01:02,250 WOMAN: Lorne said if I just stared into the camera, 10 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,919 that'd take a lot of guts. 11 00:01:05,128 --> 00:01:06,838 [WOMAN LAUGHING] 12 00:01:06,838 --> 00:01:10,759 "There were bells on the hill, but I never heard them ringing." 13 00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:13,804 MAN: Action, Laraine. 14 00:01:21,353 --> 00:01:22,354 Hi. 15 00:01:22,354 --> 00:01:23,396 [LAUGHTER] 16 00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:25,232 Did I spell your name right? 17 00:01:28,026 --> 00:01:30,362 I'm Garrett Morris talking to all you white Americans... 18 00:01:30,487 --> 00:01:33,031 about the way Black people have been treated in America. 19 00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:36,576 Now, I know a lot of you feel guilty, and you should. 20 00:01:36,576 --> 00:01:37,494 [LAUGHTER] 21 00:01:38,954 --> 00:01:41,873 You see, um, having a catheter... 22 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,959 a lot of people think it's funny. 23 00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:46,753 And they like to see me dance. 24 00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:48,338 [LAUGHTER] 25 00:01:48,547 --> 00:01:52,259 Now, I look up, and I see it coming down now, real quick... 26 00:01:52,425 --> 00:01:53,718 and I see discs. 27 00:01:53,885 --> 00:01:55,095 Whirlin' discs! 28 00:01:56,012 --> 00:01:57,055 - Really? - All right. 29 00:01:57,222 --> 00:01:58,515 Radney? 30 00:01:58,682 --> 00:02:00,559 I'm not gonna talk about... No. 31 00:02:01,017 --> 00:02:03,019 DAN: Whirlin'. Whirlin' around, whirlin' around. 32 00:02:03,019 --> 00:02:04,354 I see all kinds of lights. Then they just drop me. 33 00:02:04,521 --> 00:02:06,982 In order to get that much iron, you probably have to overeat. 34 00:02:07,148 --> 00:02:10,861 Send your check or money order to White Guilt Relief Fund. 35 00:02:11,027 --> 00:02:13,029 We're ready? Should we go? 36 00:02:13,363 --> 00:02:14,614 {\an8}[HONKING] 37 00:02:14,614 --> 00:02:15,907 {\an8}[WHISTLE BLOWING] 38 00:02:17,409 --> 00:02:18,618 {\an8}MAN: Free show! 39 00:02:18,618 --> 00:02:20,245 {\an8}[INDISTINCT RADIO PROGRAM PLAYING] 40 00:02:20,245 --> 00:02:22,289 Plenty of tickets left, guys! Free show! 41 00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:23,832 No? 42 00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,293 Hey, free show, man. 43 00:02:27,002 --> 00:02:29,462 Hey, sir, free comedy show? Plenty of seats. 44 00:02:29,629 --> 00:02:31,381 Perfect for date night! 45 00:02:32,090 --> 00:02:32,924 Um... 46 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:36,386 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular... 47 00:02:36,553 --> 00:02:39,097 "featuring a parade of comedy... 48 00:02:39,264 --> 00:02:40,640 "and musical acts ripped from the charts." 49 00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:43,184 Jesus Christ. 50 00:02:43,351 --> 00:02:44,686 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 51 00:02:47,147 --> 00:02:48,690 MAN: Hey, man! You okay? 52 00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:52,444 [SIGHS] Maybe ask me again in 90 minutes. 53 00:02:53,111 --> 00:02:54,529 MAN: Why? What happens in 90 minutes? 54 00:02:54,988 --> 00:02:56,114 Uh, we go live. 55 00:02:56,448 --> 00:02:59,075 Oh, wow. Far out, man. Congrats. Miss? 56 00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:00,994 - Thank you. - MAN: Hey, wait. If it's live, 57 00:03:01,161 --> 00:03:02,704 then why the hell are you down here? 58 00:03:02,871 --> 00:03:04,664 - Free show. For fuck's sake. - I'm... 59 00:03:04,831 --> 00:03:06,207 - ANDY: Mr. Michaels? - ...waiting for... 60 00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:07,250 Ah! 61 00:03:07,584 --> 00:03:09,794 It's 10 o'clock, Andy. Here. Come on. 62 00:03:10,253 --> 00:03:11,838 MRS. KAUFMAN: Where do I park? 63 00:03:12,005 --> 00:03:14,341 "You are invited to a new variety spectacular..." 64 00:03:14,507 --> 00:03:15,884 Just pick him up at 1:00, Mrs. Kaufman. 65 00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:16,968 Do you like my suit? 66 00:03:17,135 --> 00:03:18,178 - Very elegant, Andy. - Take care of my Andy! 67 00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:19,888 This is my favorite suit. 68 00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:21,973 "Where did they unearth such a cavalcade of talent?" 69 00:03:21,973 --> 00:03:22,974 [CARS HONKING] 70 00:03:22,974 --> 00:03:24,100 Bye. Bye, Mommy. 71 00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:25,101 MRS. KAUFMAN: Bye, honey. 72 00:03:25,101 --> 00:03:26,019 - I love you! - LORNE: Andy, come on. 73 00:03:32,651 --> 00:03:33,652 Andy, please, come on. 74 00:03:33,818 --> 00:03:35,403 ANDY: This is beautiful. 75 00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:36,571 LORNE: Yeah. 76 00:03:36,821 --> 00:03:37,822 You know, actually, down there 77 00:03:37,822 --> 00:03:38,907 is where Diego Rivera was hired... 78 00:03:39,074 --> 00:03:41,284 to paint a fresco for the American worker. 79 00:03:41,451 --> 00:03:42,494 ANDY: I cannot see this. 80 00:03:42,661 --> 00:03:44,579 Well, no one can because Diego was a commie... 81 00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,247 and added Vladimir Lenin in the middle of the night... 82 00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:47,624 so the Rockefellers had it plastered over. 83 00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:48,708 Deliveries use the back. 84 00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:50,001 - I'm producer of the show. - Where's your badge? 85 00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:51,294 - My... - Where's his badge? 86 00:03:51,294 --> 00:03:52,379 Look, my name is Lorne Michaels. 87 00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:53,463 I'm the producer of Saturday Night. 88 00:03:53,463 --> 00:03:54,631 - The whole night? - MAN: Hey! Hey! He's good. 89 00:03:54,631 --> 00:03:56,341 - Yeah, I'm producing every show. - He's good. He's good. 90 00:03:56,341 --> 00:03:57,717 - I'm good, you see? - Let him in. Let him in. 91 00:03:57,717 --> 00:03:58,802 Live on a Saturday night? Must be some show. 92 00:03:58,802 --> 00:03:59,886 I'm good. Andy, please. 93 00:03:59,886 --> 00:04:01,221 Hey, you're doing a great job. Really. Great stuff. 94 00:04:01,221 --> 00:04:02,597 GUARD: What kind of name is "Saturday Night"? 95 00:04:02,597 --> 00:04:04,933 - Andy, come on. Please. - Okay. We rushing. 96 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,393 Eighth floor, and book it. 97 00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:08,144 Put on your seat belts. 98 00:04:08,603 --> 00:04:10,522 [BREATHING DEEPLY] 99 00:04:10,522 --> 00:04:12,315 So, big night. 100 00:04:12,315 --> 00:04:13,775 LORNE: Oh, Andy, have you had dinner? 101 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,194 Huh. Yes, I had spaghetti. 102 00:04:16,194 --> 00:04:17,362 Oh, that sounds delicious. 103 00:04:17,529 --> 00:04:19,239 Hey, Lorne, I'm getting calls from upstairs. 104 00:04:19,239 --> 00:04:20,365 You ordered a llama? 105 00:04:20,532 --> 00:04:21,533 A llama? 106 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,994 Yeah. We all decided it was much funnier than a donkey. 107 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,412 Right. Just the guys down at the loading dock 108 00:04:25,412 --> 00:04:27,038 weren't expecting, you know, livestock. 109 00:04:27,205 --> 00:04:29,416 Well, NBC did ask for something fresh and unexpected. 110 00:04:29,582 --> 00:04:30,875 That is true. That's true. 111 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:32,168 Uh, just, you know, they also weren't 112 00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:33,253 expecting you to demand... 113 00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:35,672 an overhaul in the entire lighting and sound package. 114 00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:39,592 Did anyone ask Edison what a light bulb was 115 00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,219 before he harnessed electricity? 116 00:04:42,721 --> 00:04:44,389 Who are you in the metaphor? 117 00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:46,599 The light bulb? 118 00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:48,560 We can't expect people to recognize 119 00:04:48,727 --> 00:04:49,853 something they've never seen before. 120 00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:51,396 Right. Okay. Yes. You're correct. 121 00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:52,814 But just, how about a final script? 122 00:04:52,981 --> 00:04:53,982 It's not that kind of show. 123 00:04:54,149 --> 00:04:55,525 Okay. Well, what kind of show is it, Lorne? 124 00:04:55,692 --> 00:04:56,860 Do you even know what the show is? 125 00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,028 Of course. 126 00:04:58,737 --> 00:05:00,071 Are you gonna share it with the rest of us? 127 00:05:00,238 --> 00:05:02,032 - Yes. - [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] 128 00:05:02,574 --> 00:05:03,575 In 88 minutes. 129 00:05:03,742 --> 00:05:05,410 Oh, my God. [SNORTS] 130 00:05:05,577 --> 00:05:07,203 Uh, have you tested the quality of the sound system? 131 00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:08,455 - No, I haven't. - 'Cause the speakers... 132 00:05:08,621 --> 00:05:10,415 look leftover from Arturo Toscanini. 133 00:05:10,582 --> 00:05:11,708 DICK: I mean, that's not really my job. 134 00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:13,084 Lorne, did you order more lights? 135 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:14,252 LORNE: Of course. 136 00:05:14,919 --> 00:05:16,004 NEIL: Is this your card? 137 00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,088 MAN: How'd he do that? 138 00:05:17,088 --> 00:05:18,506 He's a fuckin' magician, numb nuts. 139 00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:20,216 - LORNE: Hey, Neil? - Oh, hey. 140 00:05:20,383 --> 00:05:22,552 You got to be right by my side, man. Locked to my hip. 141 00:05:22,552 --> 00:05:23,928 Remember, when you're here, you're not my cousin... 142 00:05:23,928 --> 00:05:25,221 you're my executive assistant. You're important. 143 00:05:25,221 --> 00:05:26,389 Really? Like in the credits it will say that? 144 00:05:26,389 --> 00:05:27,599 Well, no, but you and I will know. 145 00:05:27,599 --> 00:05:28,683 They're looking for you in the control room. 146 00:05:28,683 --> 00:05:30,560 Also, Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet? 147 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,604 - Oh, and the llama has arrived. - Oh, great. Thanks, Barbara. 148 00:05:32,604 --> 00:05:34,856 Neil, memo. We need to reeducate the NBC Pages on the show. 149 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:35,940 You should've heard the guy outside. 150 00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:37,025 What the hell is this? 151 00:05:37,025 --> 00:05:39,319 Saturday Night, it's a new kind of entertainment. 152 00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:42,530 It's abstract and defiant. Avant-garde yet blue collar... 153 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:44,991 [VOCALIZING] 154 00:05:48,661 --> 00:05:50,413 MAN: Gilda, come on. We need you for rehearsal. 155 00:05:52,332 --> 00:05:54,250 Oh, be careful. They're still drying. 156 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:56,002 LORNE: This is monumental work, Edie. 157 00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:58,588 Mr. Gresner, would you please tell our studio audience... 158 00:05:58,755 --> 00:06:00,298 Jane, you're still attached. 159 00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:03,301 ...just how you became a victim of a shark bite? 160 00:06:04,177 --> 00:06:05,762 You are so fluffy. 161 00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,055 Hey, come on, Andy. 162 00:06:07,555 --> 00:06:09,390 You cut my Nazi Doctor Dolittle? 163 00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:11,684 He has ways of making the animals talk? 164 00:06:11,851 --> 00:06:13,061 I'll check with the run-of-show board. 165 00:06:13,228 --> 00:06:15,230 Package was addressed to Al Franken and Tom Davis. 166 00:06:15,396 --> 00:06:16,773 I don't know what to tell you, fellas. 167 00:06:16,773 --> 00:06:17,982 How do you lose 28 gallons of blood? 168 00:06:19,567 --> 00:06:21,778 JOE: 85 minutes till showtime. 169 00:06:21,945 --> 00:06:24,823 Come on, guys. These transitions need to be crisp. 170 00:06:24,989 --> 00:06:27,200 Pretend like there's a hooker holding a sandwich 171 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,451 waiting for you stage right. 172 00:06:28,618 --> 00:06:30,245 We still need to rehearse five sketches. 173 00:06:30,245 --> 00:06:32,288 Are we any closer on lighting cues? 174 00:06:32,455 --> 00:06:34,165 GARRETT: Hey, Schiller. What are you up to? 175 00:06:34,332 --> 00:06:36,709 I'm burning sage. Removing demons. 176 00:06:36,876 --> 00:06:38,128 Garrett don't do voodoo. 177 00:06:38,294 --> 00:06:39,963 BILLY: Peter packed a peck of pickled peckers. 178 00:06:40,130 --> 00:06:42,507 Andy, this is Billy Crystal and Valri Bromfield. 179 00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:43,842 - They're both in the show. - Andy! 180 00:06:44,008 --> 00:06:46,052 LORNE: They're both very nice. Please stay with them, okay? 181 00:06:46,219 --> 00:06:48,096 Listen, Andy is a certifiable comedic genius. 182 00:06:48,263 --> 00:06:49,264 - He is redefining the form. - Nice to meet you, Andy. 183 00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:51,432 BILLY: I mean, we are in the presence of greatness. 184 00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:54,144 Where is the bathroom? 185 00:06:54,144 --> 00:06:55,520 Neil, can you show Andy to the washroom? 186 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,230 - Yeah. Yeah. - There you are. Lorne. I can't 187 00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,773 - authorize the purchase... - Dick. Dick. 188 00:06:58,773 --> 00:07:00,191 ...of an antique chandelier. 189 00:07:00,191 --> 00:07:01,276 Jim has a question about something. 190 00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,569 - Here. Let's step over here. - JIM: He's out of control. 191 00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:04,320 - Okay. I understand. - This isn't a budget. 192 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,405 It's a ransom note. 193 00:07:05,405 --> 00:07:06,531 Someone asked for last Friday's Johnny Carson? 194 00:07:06,531 --> 00:07:07,699 Where the fuck you been, Charlie? 195 00:07:07,699 --> 00:07:08,783 Sorry, I've been busy. 196 00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:09,868 I'll be back in a little bit, okay? 197 00:07:09,868 --> 00:07:11,327 Hope I still have a job when he's gone next week. 198 00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:13,037 Okey-dokes. So, as it stands... 199 00:07:13,204 --> 00:07:15,456 we have four host monologues, two stand-ups... 200 00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:17,542 two musical guests, each with two performances... 201 00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:19,002 a solo piece for Andy Kaufman... 202 00:07:19,169 --> 00:07:21,296 five parody commercials, Weekend Update... 203 00:07:21,462 --> 00:07:22,505 a film by Albert Brooks... 204 00:07:22,672 --> 00:07:25,091 Jim Henson's Muppet... thing. 205 00:07:25,258 --> 00:07:27,260 Not to mention seven sketches. 206 00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:28,803 - Something for everybody. - Yeah, it's a lot of show. 207 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:30,305 - It won't fit. - We don't know that. 208 00:07:30,471 --> 00:07:32,974 I know that. The dress rehearsal was three hours. 209 00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:34,142 Audrey thinks we're tight. 210 00:07:34,309 --> 00:07:36,477 Audrey thinks it's time to make some tough decisions, actually. 211 00:07:36,644 --> 00:07:37,645 Lorne, just cut some things. 212 00:07:37,812 --> 00:07:39,272 - No. We will, but... - CHEVY: Am I still in the show? 213 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,860 Jesus Christ. 214 00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:46,154 - Sorry. Tripped over my penis. - Still on the show, Chev. 215 00:07:46,321 --> 00:07:47,822 Oh, I know. Hey, you remember Jackie. 216 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,199 - My girlfriend. - Fiancée. 217 00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:50,408 It looks expensive. 218 00:07:50,408 --> 00:07:51,492 She is. 219 00:07:51,492 --> 00:07:52,577 It is. 220 00:07:52,577 --> 00:07:53,745 I never know when you're kidding. 221 00:07:53,745 --> 00:07:54,829 Hey, Chev, can I... 222 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,414 Can you show a little goodwill to your co-star? 223 00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:57,916 - Who? Belushi? - Mmm-hmm. 224 00:07:58,082 --> 00:08:00,418 God! God! What the fuck's the matter now? 225 00:08:00,585 --> 00:08:02,086 I think it's just a new dynamic and... 226 00:08:02,253 --> 00:08:03,463 there are a lot of expectations for every... 227 00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:04,547 I'll tell you what the issue is. 228 00:08:04,714 --> 00:08:06,382 We're not doing a radio hour anymore 229 00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:07,800 and he's built like an Albanian cheeseburger. 230 00:08:07,967 --> 00:08:10,220 Chevy can't help if people are responding to his face. 231 00:08:10,386 --> 00:08:11,512 I mean, I could, but I won't. 232 00:08:11,679 --> 00:08:13,014 Right. Well, no one's asking you 233 00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,641 to deny your own magnetism, Chevy. 234 00:08:14,807 --> 00:08:16,434 Maybe there's other roles for John to play. 235 00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:18,436 Like a hobo. Or a troll. 236 00:08:18,603 --> 00:08:20,939 Or a fire hydrant. Or a Volkswagen. 237 00:08:21,105 --> 00:08:23,107 Or a hemorrhoid. 238 00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,818 - You're looking sharp, Patches. - [CHUCKLES] What? 239 00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:27,445 AUDREY: You have to cut something. 240 00:08:27,445 --> 00:08:29,364 Yeah. Yeah. [SIGHS] 241 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,409 - Neil? - Oh. Yeah! 242 00:08:33,576 --> 00:08:35,662 Get me a key to this door. In fact... 243 00:08:36,079 --> 00:08:37,497 I want keys to all the doors. 244 00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:38,998 NEIL: In the building? 245 00:08:39,165 --> 00:08:40,875 - If you can. - Yeah. 246 00:08:43,795 --> 00:08:45,713 MAN: Frame up on the shot, okay, Cameron? 247 00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:47,173 That's good. 248 00:08:47,423 --> 00:08:49,968 Ready camera 2. That looks okay. 249 00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:51,052 Hey, guys. 250 00:08:51,219 --> 00:08:52,762 Hey, Lorne. Can you get down or around? 251 00:08:52,929 --> 00:08:54,389 Down in front. 252 00:08:55,306 --> 00:08:56,224 Dave, how're we looking? 253 00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:57,475 Oh. Good, good, good. Good, good. 254 00:08:57,642 --> 00:09:00,061 Still working on the 47 notes you gave me on your last visit. 255 00:09:00,478 --> 00:09:02,730 Okay. How's the morale looking out there? 256 00:09:03,147 --> 00:09:04,232 -"Morale"? - Mm-hmm. 257 00:09:04,232 --> 00:09:07,360 Oh, I think I can speak for the entire crew... 258 00:09:07,527 --> 00:09:11,781 when I say this is exactly where we want to be on Saturday night. 259 00:09:13,283 --> 00:09:14,951 - Okay. Great. - DAVE: Yeah. Yeah. 260 00:09:15,535 --> 00:09:17,787 DAVE: Rocky! Wake up, will you? 261 00:09:18,288 --> 00:09:21,457 STEW: Give me lights 25B, 25C! 262 00:09:23,293 --> 00:09:25,461 Half down on 31! That's 32! 263 00:09:25,628 --> 00:09:27,297 You've done this before, right? 264 00:09:27,463 --> 00:09:28,464 MAN 2: Man, that's a lot of lights. 265 00:09:28,631 --> 00:09:30,216 Charlie, you're gonna drop a testicle lifting that thing. 266 00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:31,426 - Good job, Charlie. - [GRUNTS] 267 00:09:31,551 --> 00:09:32,552 JOE: All right. Quiet, please! 268 00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:35,430 Here we go. Rehearsal's up. Actors on their marks. 269 00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:36,889 All right. Hey, guys. 270 00:09:37,056 --> 00:09:39,309 We only have two minutes of commercials... 271 00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:41,853 to make it from stage right to stage left. 272 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:43,604 MAN: Anybody know the load bearing on the booms? 273 00:09:43,771 --> 00:09:45,690 - Hello, fellas. - What's up, Joe? 274 00:09:45,857 --> 00:09:47,483 Can I get you anything? Refreshment? 275 00:09:47,650 --> 00:09:48,943 - Mai Tai? - MAN: I'll take a Schaefer. 276 00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,945 JOE: Try and at least act like you're fucking working, please. 277 00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,405 John, thank you for your patience. 278 00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:53,489 Moments away, okay? 279 00:09:53,656 --> 00:09:54,782 [JINGLE PLAYING] 280 00:09:54,782 --> 00:09:57,618 BARBARA: All right. Next card. "Al 'Bud' Franken." 281 00:09:58,286 --> 00:09:59,579 Next card. "Tom 'Bud' Davis." 282 00:09:59,746 --> 00:10:01,706 Okay. So, this is a bit? 283 00:10:01,873 --> 00:10:03,916 Look, I don't get half the shit that they do. 284 00:10:04,083 --> 00:10:06,044 Next card, "Rosie 'Bud'..." Uh... 285 00:10:06,836 --> 00:10:09,297 Lorne, is Rosie going with Michaels or Shuster? 286 00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:12,592 - That's a good question. - BARBARA: Should I ask Rosie? 287 00:10:12,592 --> 00:10:14,260 No, no, no. I'll take care of it. 288 00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:16,179 - BARBARA: All right. - DAVE: Stew, that's good. 289 00:10:16,346 --> 00:10:17,638 That's actually looking good. 290 00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,599 A little more over. 291 00:10:20,016 --> 00:10:21,100 She's been at it for hours. 292 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,560 She's simply doing her job. 293 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,895 We have to comply with NBC standards. 294 00:10:23,895 --> 00:10:25,188 Well, I refuse to comply. 295 00:10:25,188 --> 00:10:27,023 - Uh, Mr. O'Donoghue. - Mmm-hmm? 296 00:10:27,648 --> 00:10:31,235 On page 12, what is clam diving? 297 00:10:33,196 --> 00:10:36,032 I believe the act of harvesting mollusks. 298 00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:37,825 JOE: Stew! You're killing me here. 299 00:10:37,825 --> 00:10:39,243 I just need the lights for Home Invasion. 300 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:41,037 Talk to the wonder kid! He's trying to light 301 00:10:41,037 --> 00:10:42,955 - Jesus Christ Superstar! - JOE: Those are excuses. 302 00:10:42,955 --> 00:10:44,624 Four people up there, get them lit. 303 00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:47,585 I'm glad you're having fun, but this isn't helpful. 304 00:10:47,752 --> 00:10:49,921 If that piglet disfigures my work... 305 00:10:50,088 --> 00:10:52,715 I'm gonna turn her uterus into a sock puppet. 306 00:10:52,882 --> 00:10:55,009 What is "Zipper Dinner"? 307 00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:56,427 [ALL CHUCKLING] 308 00:11:00,139 --> 00:11:02,100 How many of these did you hide in the script? 309 00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:04,977 Maybe a dozen. It's like a scavenger hunt. 310 00:11:05,144 --> 00:11:06,437 I know what blue balls are. 311 00:11:06,604 --> 00:11:07,605 You don't say. 312 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,608 JOE: Come on, people, move with purpose. Let's do this. 313 00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:13,027 Al, is that your one? Come on, give it. 314 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:15,905 All right. Quiet, please! Rehearsal is up. 315 00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:17,281 DAN: Assault and burglary. 316 00:11:17,281 --> 00:11:19,158 JOE: Okay. Actors on your marks, please. 317 00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:20,410 Cameras on their marks. 318 00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:21,494 - Here we go. - Hey. 319 00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:28,418 Okay! Let's see if we can get through one of these skits. 320 00:11:28,584 --> 00:11:30,086 Sketches! Davy, please. 321 00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:31,170 JOE: And action on rehearsals. 322 00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:32,797 DAVE: Okay. Ready, Camera One? Take Camera One. 323 00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:37,343 Look, honey. Boeing Boeing with Jerry Lewis is on in 10 minutes. 324 00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:39,637 Ready, Camera Two? Take Camera Two. 325 00:11:39,637 --> 00:11:42,056 GILDA: Uh, sweetheart, I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna... 326 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,308 have another glass of diet root beer 327 00:11:44,308 --> 00:11:45,977 and go to bed, okay? 328 00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:49,647 - JOE: Aykroyd! - Cue, Danny. 329 00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:50,731 [THUDDING] 330 00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:55,236 What's the problem? 331 00:11:55,403 --> 00:11:56,612 JOE: What's going on, Dan? 332 00:11:57,071 --> 00:11:58,406 DAN: It's a little lodged. 333 00:11:58,781 --> 00:11:59,657 [THUD] 334 00:11:59,657 --> 00:12:00,741 Hi, there! 335 00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:01,993 Please do not be alarmed. 336 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,911 This is only a simulated assault and burglary. 337 00:12:04,078 --> 00:12:06,330 Repeat. This is a simulated assault and burglary. 338 00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:08,124 This could happen to you at any time. In fact... 339 00:12:08,124 --> 00:12:09,250 - it just has. - GILDA: Call the police! 340 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,334 DAN: No, no! 341 00:12:10,501 --> 00:12:12,420 Don't call the police. I am the police. 342 00:12:12,587 --> 00:12:13,546 Well, I might be, anyway. 343 00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:14,672 [CHUCKLING] 344 00:12:14,672 --> 00:12:16,591 - Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kromer... - JOE: Hold! 345 00:12:16,966 --> 00:12:18,885 Aykroyd, one giant step to the right, please. 346 00:12:19,218 --> 00:12:20,219 Yeah. My right? 347 00:12:20,219 --> 00:12:21,262 - Yes. - DAN: Sure. 348 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,264 Uh, say, man, you want me to say anything in this? 349 00:12:23,431 --> 00:12:26,225 Or am I the silent robber type? 350 00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:28,394 I think we're gonna stick to the script this time. 351 00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:29,854 - What script? - JOE: Thanks, Garrett. 352 00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:32,273 Okay. Here we go. And action on rehearsal. 353 00:12:32,899 --> 00:12:34,650 Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Kromer. 354 00:12:34,817 --> 00:12:35,943 My name is Kenny Vorstrather. 355 00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:38,488 I'm president of Trojan Horse Home Security. 356 00:12:38,738 --> 00:12:40,865 I have broken into your home tonight to illustrate to you... 357 00:12:41,032 --> 00:12:42,033 - [CLANG] - ...and your family just how... 358 00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,576 - MAN: Watch out! - [THUD] 359 00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:44,702 [ALL EXCLAIM] 360 00:12:44,702 --> 00:12:45,828 Shit! 361 00:12:45,828 --> 00:12:47,079 DAN: Have your girders been checked? 362 00:12:47,079 --> 00:12:48,414 JOHN: Piece of shit! You fucking piece of shit! 363 00:12:48,414 --> 00:12:50,541 STEW: I'll fucking break your fucking jaw! 364 00:12:51,417 --> 00:12:53,836 JOE: Play the cameras back. Play the cameras back. Let's go. 365 00:12:53,836 --> 00:12:54,754 [GILDA EXCLAIMS] 366 00:12:54,754 --> 00:12:56,797 - LORNE: John, are you hurt? - [CRACKLE] 367 00:12:56,797 --> 00:12:57,882 - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] - MAN: Jesus Christ! 368 00:12:58,049 --> 00:12:59,091 You okay? 369 00:12:59,091 --> 00:13:01,177 Need a new gun. Where's props for me, please? 370 00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:02,470 Can somebody clear the children, please? 371 00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:03,596 Excuse me. Watch out, please. 372 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:05,431 JOHN: Why? You got any more fucking lights 373 00:13:05,431 --> 00:13:06,682 you want to drop on us? 374 00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:08,726 Yeah, maybe. Maybe, motherfucker! 375 00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:10,520 Want me to break your fucking jaw for you? 376 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:11,646 Fucking amateur hour! 377 00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:13,731 I'll bust your fucking jaw for you, motherfucker! 378 00:13:13,898 --> 00:13:16,192 Hey! Hey! How dare you endanger my actors? 379 00:13:16,192 --> 00:13:17,276 Lorne. Lorne, it's not worth it. 380 00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:18,361 Really? Yeah. 381 00:13:18,361 --> 00:13:20,488 You're the one asking for 100 fucking light cues, pal! 382 00:13:20,488 --> 00:13:22,740 Well, feel free to let me know when my expectations 383 00:13:22,740 --> 00:13:23,824 surpass your abilities. 384 00:13:23,824 --> 00:13:25,076 There's a shit-ton of lights. It's not worth it. 385 00:13:25,243 --> 00:13:27,036 You know, I don't know, guys. It was kind of exciting. 386 00:13:27,203 --> 00:13:28,538 Like, it's probably good luck. 387 00:13:29,622 --> 00:13:30,623 Wallie. 388 00:13:31,415 --> 00:13:34,418 Uh. this thing's not gonna work. I need... 389 00:13:34,418 --> 00:13:35,503 Something with a little more heft. 390 00:13:35,503 --> 00:13:37,338 It's got no stopping power. You know what I mean? 391 00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,798 The script said pistol. 392 00:13:39,632 --> 00:13:40,800 Well, the script specifically called for... 393 00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:43,636 a Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 394 00:13:43,803 --> 00:13:44,845 Do we go again? 395 00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:46,764 Uh, in this deathtrap? 396 00:13:46,931 --> 00:13:47,932 Well, we've worked out the kinks. 397 00:13:48,099 --> 00:13:50,351 You know, I still think it was kind of funny. 398 00:13:50,518 --> 00:13:52,270 How high will this thing go, Al? 399 00:13:52,436 --> 00:13:54,021 - Gilda. Gilda. - Say hello to the cameras, boys. 400 00:13:54,188 --> 00:13:56,399 There's home base... 401 00:13:56,566 --> 00:13:57,775 Kid, this ain't an armory. 402 00:13:57,775 --> 00:13:59,610 No one's gonna notice the difference. 403 00:13:59,777 --> 00:14:00,778 I'll tell you who'll notice. 404 00:14:00,778 --> 00:14:01,946 A few of the fine folks at home... 405 00:14:01,946 --> 00:14:03,781 who lugged M16s through four feet of swamp juice 406 00:14:03,781 --> 00:14:04,865 in Quang Nam. 407 00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:06,325 Hey, boys! 408 00:14:06,492 --> 00:14:08,327 Guess I picked the wrong day to not wear underwear. 409 00:14:08,327 --> 00:14:09,412 Don't look too hard. 410 00:14:09,412 --> 00:14:10,496 Proud of yourself? 411 00:14:10,496 --> 00:14:12,206 I'll give you and this circus till the end of the week. 412 00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,083 That's funny. 'Cause I give you till the end of the day. 413 00:14:15,793 --> 00:14:17,545 JOE: All right, everyone. Let's get this thing cleaned up. 414 00:14:17,545 --> 00:14:18,462 Ah, ah, ah, ah... 415 00:14:18,462 --> 00:14:21,424 Grab a light, broom, dustpan. We'll get all this glass. 416 00:14:21,424 --> 00:14:22,550 Mmm-mmm. 417 00:14:23,884 --> 00:14:25,553 Thank you, hermano. 418 00:14:27,138 --> 00:14:28,180 LORNE: All right, Neil, not with the keys right now. 419 00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:37,106 Pow, pow! Pow, pow! [CHUCKLES] 420 00:14:37,773 --> 00:14:39,108 Hey, come on, man. 421 00:14:39,275 --> 00:14:40,776 Violence? Really? 422 00:14:41,611 --> 00:14:44,030 Ha-ha! My main man, Jim! 423 00:14:44,196 --> 00:14:48,242 Say, sorry for shooting your Muppets, man. 424 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,952 They're not just... 425 00:14:50,328 --> 00:14:51,912 They're your co-stars. 426 00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:56,334 Is that you? You all right there, Jim? 427 00:14:57,251 --> 00:14:58,252 Yes. 428 00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:00,630 No. 429 00:15:01,756 --> 00:15:05,343 I don't think the writers on the 17th floor speak Muppet. 430 00:15:05,509 --> 00:15:07,678 They tied a belt around Big Bird's neck... 431 00:15:07,845 --> 00:15:10,640 and hung him from my dressing room door. 432 00:15:10,806 --> 00:15:13,184 Hey, I heard about Big Bird. I'm so sorry. 433 00:15:13,351 --> 00:15:15,436 Autoerotic asphyxiation. Who knew? 434 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,772 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] You're full of baloney. 435 00:15:17,938 --> 00:15:19,440 - Uh-oh. Cursing. - STEW: Consider me... 436 00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:21,609 the first rat off this sinkin' ship! 437 00:15:21,776 --> 00:15:23,402 - Oh, really? - Don't jump to... 438 00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:26,447 Oh, wow, that's mature. Well, what can I say? Bon voyage. 439 00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,616 Lorne, he was our lighting director. We need lights. 440 00:15:28,783 --> 00:15:29,867 I'm sure there's someone else in the building... 441 00:15:30,034 --> 00:15:31,452 - who can push a button, Dick. - Hey, he's the only one 442 00:15:31,619 --> 00:15:33,746 who knows the location of the 200 lights you asked for. 443 00:15:34,872 --> 00:15:35,873 What is this? 444 00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:38,918 What's the meaning of this? Who did this? 445 00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,211 [LAUGHTER] 446 00:15:40,211 --> 00:15:42,046 Hey, I thought we were making a comedy! 447 00:15:42,046 --> 00:15:44,548 [LAUGHTER CONTINUES] 448 00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:52,848 [INSTRUMENTS PLAYING] 449 00:15:57,853 --> 00:16:01,107 - [VOCALIZING] - Mmm... 450 00:16:01,107 --> 00:16:02,733 Sounding good, guys. 451 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,070 Yeah. Okay. 452 00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:08,572 - All right. - Say, uh... 453 00:16:08,739 --> 00:16:10,324 we actually worked together before. 454 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:12,910 I sang backup for Belafonte. 455 00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:16,205 [CHUCKLES] Catch that? 456 00:16:16,205 --> 00:16:17,707 [CHUCKLES] 457 00:16:17,707 --> 00:16:19,875 ♪ Drink the coconut water ♪ 458 00:16:20,042 --> 00:16:21,043 BAND: ♪ Four to five! ♪ 459 00:16:21,043 --> 00:16:22,962 ♪ Man, it's good For you daughter... ♪ 460 00:16:23,129 --> 00:16:24,213 BAND: ♪ Four to five! ♪ 461 00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:26,674 ♪ Coco got a lotta iron ♪ 462 00:16:27,717 --> 00:16:29,719 [LAUGHTER] 463 00:16:31,762 --> 00:16:33,389 The guy is singing, too. 464 00:16:33,931 --> 00:16:36,142 How many people do they have playin' tonight? 465 00:16:36,726 --> 00:16:39,770 No. No, no. See, I am one of the comedic performers, man. 466 00:16:39,937 --> 00:16:41,439 - Yeah, I'm in the cast. - Uh-huh. 467 00:16:41,605 --> 00:16:44,567 You are a professional comedian? 468 00:16:45,192 --> 00:16:47,403 Uh... Well, uh... No, not... Not... Not... 469 00:16:47,403 --> 00:16:48,988 - Not by trade. - Okay. 470 00:16:48,988 --> 00:16:50,531 Uh... You see, I'm actually a playwright. 471 00:16:50,698 --> 00:16:52,366 - All right. - Perhaps you saw my work... 472 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,453 at the Black Arts Repertory Theatre in Harlem. 473 00:16:55,619 --> 00:16:57,121 Yeah, I must have missed that. 474 00:16:57,121 --> 00:16:58,998 [KEYBOARD PLAYING] 475 00:16:58,998 --> 00:17:01,417 Yeah. I actually don't know why they hired me, man. 476 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:02,501 [CHUCKLES] 477 00:17:03,669 --> 00:17:05,087 Yeah, you seem a little tight. 478 00:17:05,254 --> 00:17:06,380 - A little... - Do I? 479 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,716 Yeah, you gotta kinda loosen it up for the show. 480 00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:10,050 Say, Alvin... 481 00:17:10,217 --> 00:17:11,594 Hook Mr... 482 00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:13,596 - What's your name? - Garrett Morris. 483 00:17:13,971 --> 00:17:15,890 Garrett Morris, y'all, the comedian. 484 00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:17,558 Yeah, hook Mr. Garrett Morris up... 485 00:17:18,058 --> 00:17:20,728 with a little bit of confidence. You know what I'm saying? 486 00:17:22,104 --> 00:17:23,439 - Yeah, come... - Okay. 487 00:17:23,606 --> 00:17:24,815 Go ahead and get it. 488 00:17:24,982 --> 00:17:25,983 Medical grade. 489 00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:28,486 Shit so light, air at the bottom of the bottle. 490 00:17:28,652 --> 00:17:29,653 You're gonna float. 491 00:17:30,613 --> 00:17:31,614 Float? 492 00:17:32,031 --> 00:17:33,741 - I'm gonna put this away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 493 00:17:33,908 --> 00:17:35,951 This is illegal. 494 00:17:35,951 --> 00:17:37,036 [CHUCKLES] 495 00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:39,789 Yeah, well, you're gonna need it. For your comedy. 496 00:17:39,955 --> 00:17:41,624 - Right. Right. - Yeah. 497 00:17:41,624 --> 00:17:42,792 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 498 00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:43,959 - Yeah. Yeah. - All right. 499 00:17:44,126 --> 00:17:46,253 - All right, y'all, let's get it. - JOE: Scotty, sound check. 500 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:47,963 All right, everyone, quiet for sound check. 501 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,965 - Sound check! - [BAND PLAYING] 502 00:17:49,965 --> 00:17:51,008 This should be fun. 503 00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:53,052 [MUSIC PLAYING] 504 00:17:56,555 --> 00:17:57,556 [MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING] 505 00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,353 Is this full volume? 506 00:18:02,686 --> 00:18:03,854 The whole enchilada. 507 00:18:03,854 --> 00:18:05,523 Sounds pretty adequate to me. 508 00:18:05,523 --> 00:18:06,816 Well, this isn't Wimbledon. 509 00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,151 It needs to feel like a rock concert for everyone at home. 510 00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:11,278 Lorne has such a deep appreciation for music. 511 00:18:11,278 --> 00:18:12,696 Shouldn't we have more mics? 512 00:18:12,863 --> 00:18:14,073 One band, one mic. 513 00:18:17,451 --> 00:18:18,953 Dick, this needs to be fixed for tonight. 514 00:18:19,286 --> 00:18:20,538 That's what I've been talking about. 515 00:18:20,704 --> 00:18:22,039 Three, four. 516 00:18:29,797 --> 00:18:31,507 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this for John? 517 00:18:31,674 --> 00:18:32,800 Yeah, I heard he's in makeup. 518 00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:34,593 Do you like being yelled at or something? 519 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,803 Here, I've got you. 520 00:18:35,970 --> 00:18:38,222 - Where are you going? - [INCOHERENT MUMBLING] 521 00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:52,611 Jimmy, do not bet on that hand, please. 522 00:18:57,408 --> 00:18:58,826 Can you hold the door? 523 00:19:00,202 --> 00:19:01,495 Yeah, I think so. 524 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:02,663 Ooh. 525 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,790 - Easy on the macaroni, Carmine. - CARMINE: All right. 526 00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,625 ROSIE: You don't want to hurt your stomach. 527 00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:07,710 CARMINE: All right, Rosie. 528 00:19:12,464 --> 00:19:14,633 ROSIE: There he is... 529 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,219 the star of the show. 530 00:19:17,386 --> 00:19:20,014 Come on, Rosie. Not the fucking bees! 531 00:19:21,223 --> 00:19:23,934 I'm not a dashboard ornament. 532 00:19:24,101 --> 00:19:27,563 No, you're adorable, is what you are... 533 00:19:28,022 --> 00:19:31,775 and all that fur, every girl's gonna want to squeeze you. 534 00:19:32,484 --> 00:19:35,362 I am a trained professional. 535 00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:38,157 Well, you better watch where you point that stinger. 536 00:19:38,657 --> 00:19:41,493 Come on. You want a little cig? 537 00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:46,415 What happened to my reporter costume? Blaine Hotel? 538 00:19:46,582 --> 00:19:47,708 It's a five-second changeover 539 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,209 from the reporter to ancient Greece, okay? 540 00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:51,587 Lorne didn't think you'd have time to get into your toga. 541 00:19:52,338 --> 00:19:53,339 Okay. 542 00:19:58,510 --> 00:20:00,554 Excuse me, ma'am. 543 00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:01,764 Don't be alarmed. 544 00:20:01,931 --> 00:20:05,309 You're dealing with a fully-qualified male strumpet. 545 00:20:05,476 --> 00:20:07,853 Hey, Rosie, I got the latest version of New Dad. 546 00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:09,021 Okay. 547 00:20:09,563 --> 00:20:10,689 Behave. 548 00:20:11,148 --> 00:20:12,441 Bee-have. 549 00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:16,487 DAN: I can assure you professional hygiene... 550 00:20:17,196 --> 00:20:19,365 discretion, animal gratification... 551 00:20:19,531 --> 00:20:20,532 Listen, strumpet... 552 00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:22,660 It's Fred Garvin. Male prostitute. 553 00:20:22,826 --> 00:20:24,161 How much is this gonna cost me? 554 00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:25,996 Hey, need you in costumes. 555 00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:28,415 I told them to make those hot pants extra hot. 556 00:20:28,582 --> 00:20:29,625 Yummy. 557 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:31,961 Lorne, we're gonna go check out the cut on New Dad, 558 00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,045 you want to see? 559 00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:35,673 [CLATTERING, CRASH] 560 00:20:35,673 --> 00:20:38,342 Holy shit, holy shit. Sorry, Lorne. Jesus. 561 00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:39,885 Hey, I heard John doesn't like the bee costume. 562 00:20:39,885 --> 00:20:40,970 You know anything about this? 563 00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:42,972 It's not a costume problem. He thinks he's Brando. 564 00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:44,223 - He's better than Brando. - Lorne, Lorne. 565 00:20:44,223 --> 00:20:45,432 I'm working on it, Dick. 566 00:20:45,432 --> 00:20:47,434 He's better than Brando. He's more important even. 567 00:20:47,434 --> 00:20:49,478 - He'll be studied. - They will study his liver. 568 00:20:49,478 --> 00:20:51,480 John is better when he's angry. 569 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,065 Rose, you understand that in an hour, 570 00:20:53,065 --> 00:20:54,191 I owe a television program? 571 00:20:54,191 --> 00:20:55,317 I made a covenant with the National... 572 00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:56,402 - Broadcasting Company. - A covenant, huh? 573 00:20:56,402 --> 00:20:58,570 Yeah, a covenant, and I'm on the hook for 90 minutes... 574 00:20:58,570 --> 00:21:00,572 - of live television. - Okay, Abraham. 575 00:21:02,241 --> 00:21:05,577 Rose, must you turn him into a bee? 576 00:21:05,744 --> 00:21:06,954 I am not turning him into a bee. 577 00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:08,038 Thanks, Tom. 578 00:21:08,038 --> 00:21:10,249 He is a man in a bee costume. 579 00:21:10,416 --> 00:21:11,709 - There is a difference. - Hmm. 580 00:21:12,668 --> 00:21:14,712 It's an image you can't get out of your head. 581 00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:18,632 It's postmodern, it's Warhol, it's iconic. 582 00:21:18,632 --> 00:21:19,883 Mmm-hmm. 583 00:21:19,883 --> 00:21:21,218 Where do these ideas even come from? 584 00:21:21,385 --> 00:21:24,013 I just send an imaginary dog to fetch an imaginary stick. 585 00:21:24,179 --> 00:21:25,514 LORNE: Yeah? Must be some dog. 586 00:21:25,681 --> 00:21:27,391 ROSIE: He's very well trained. 587 00:21:27,891 --> 00:21:28,976 Honey, I'm home. 588 00:21:29,143 --> 00:21:30,227 Hey, pal. 589 00:21:30,936 --> 00:21:32,563 Hey. [LAUGHS] 590 00:21:32,563 --> 00:21:33,647 How are ya? 591 00:21:33,647 --> 00:21:35,566 LORNE: Looks like Chevy's fiancée slipped and fell 592 00:21:35,566 --> 00:21:36,817 into another segment. 593 00:21:36,817 --> 00:21:39,111 Jacqueline's gonna be hosting the show if you're not careful. 594 00:21:39,278 --> 00:21:40,320 Jesus Christ. 595 00:21:40,696 --> 00:21:42,322 NARRATOR: A wonderful family. 596 00:21:42,489 --> 00:21:43,657 Everything you need... 597 00:21:43,657 --> 00:21:44,616 - [ROSIE LAUGHS] - ...for the future. 598 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,577 - Danny's good in this. - Yeah, he is. 599 00:21:46,744 --> 00:21:49,747 What if you were suddenly out of the picture? 600 00:21:49,913 --> 00:21:51,707 Can we add sound there over the X? 601 00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:54,209 - EDITOR: Like a buzzer? - No, funny, like a bell. 602 00:21:54,376 --> 00:21:55,461 LORNE: Good call. 603 00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:57,379 ROSIE: And if we could hold on the photo 604 00:21:57,379 --> 00:21:58,672 for another eight frames. 605 00:21:58,672 --> 00:22:00,007 LORNE: Um, 16 frames. 606 00:22:02,593 --> 00:22:03,802 Were you... 607 00:22:05,095 --> 00:22:07,222 thinking of going home with him tonight? 608 00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:09,058 With Danny? Tonight? 609 00:22:09,475 --> 00:22:10,642 Yeah. I mean, I'm not suggesting that you weren't gonna tell me. 610 00:22:10,642 --> 00:22:11,727 If you need alone time, I can, I just... 611 00:22:11,727 --> 00:22:12,978 No, no, no. I just didn't know, like, if you were... 612 00:22:12,978 --> 00:22:14,897 It's opening night. So, I figured that it wasn't 613 00:22:14,897 --> 00:22:16,398 - the right time. - I mean, neither did I. 614 00:22:16,565 --> 00:22:17,733 Well, then why are you asking? 615 00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:19,818 Just avoiding surprises, Rose. 616 00:22:19,985 --> 00:22:21,820 - But you love surprises. - I love surprises. 617 00:22:21,987 --> 00:22:24,156 Like Anne Frank loved her drum set. 618 00:22:24,156 --> 00:22:26,283 - [EDITOR CHUCKLES] - LORNE: Don't encourage her. 619 00:22:27,159 --> 00:22:28,160 Can you hold on the photo 620 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,369 for another eight frames, please? 621 00:22:29,536 --> 00:22:30,537 It's always eight frames. 622 00:22:30,704 --> 00:22:32,706 Eight frames is a beat. So... 623 00:22:34,792 --> 00:22:36,585 Can you believe I need to cut an hour of the show? 624 00:22:36,752 --> 00:22:39,088 NBC doesn't want a three-hour sketch comedy review? 625 00:22:39,254 --> 00:22:40,964 Jesus, Rose, don't call it that, please. 626 00:22:41,131 --> 00:22:42,633 Well, what is it, then? 627 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,051 Honey, I'm home. 628 00:22:44,218 --> 00:22:46,220 MAN: Yes, it's New Dad. 629 00:22:46,386 --> 00:22:47,846 I spent years collecting orphaned comedians 630 00:22:47,846 --> 00:22:48,931 off the street. 631 00:22:49,098 --> 00:22:50,224 I know. 632 00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:52,267 They sleep on our dinette and they whiz in our sink. 633 00:22:52,434 --> 00:22:53,602 By some miraculous accident... 634 00:22:53,769 --> 00:22:55,187 I found a place to call home 635 00:22:55,187 --> 00:22:56,688 for our little circus of rejects, 636 00:22:56,688 --> 00:22:58,107 on national television. 637 00:22:58,273 --> 00:22:59,733 Rose, this is our shot. 638 00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,360 It's a shot. 639 00:23:01,527 --> 00:23:02,528 Rose... 640 00:23:05,030 --> 00:23:06,240 You're actually nervous. 641 00:23:06,907 --> 00:23:08,075 [MONITOR ROLLING] 642 00:23:10,994 --> 00:23:11,995 LORNE: Oh, uh... 643 00:23:12,704 --> 00:23:14,540 Barbara was asking about, um... 644 00:23:15,165 --> 00:23:18,335 your credit... on the show. 645 00:23:18,502 --> 00:23:20,337 I figured you'd go with Michaels. 646 00:23:20,504 --> 00:23:21,713 Is that what you want? 647 00:23:22,798 --> 00:23:24,049 [SIGHS] 648 00:23:24,049 --> 00:23:26,885 I mean, you know, we're married and you're my wife. 649 00:23:27,052 --> 00:23:29,388 I figured it's the straightest line. 650 00:23:29,555 --> 00:23:31,473 Lorne, we're married, but I'm not your wife. 651 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,725 Yeah, I don't think that'll fit on a crawl. 652 00:23:33,892 --> 00:23:35,394 Well, what would you prefer? 653 00:23:39,064 --> 00:23:40,399 Lorne, Lorne, NBC execs 654 00:23:40,399 --> 00:23:41,817 are waiting in the green room for you. 655 00:23:42,025 --> 00:23:43,902 - Fuck. - VTR needed this yesterday. 656 00:23:44,069 --> 00:23:45,237 Well, it looks great. 657 00:23:47,447 --> 00:23:50,033 - Tom, Al, what's this about? - BOTH: Hey, Lorne. 658 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,161 - A last-minute piece. - Just in case you need it. 659 00:23:52,327 --> 00:23:53,453 I don't. What's the gag? 660 00:23:53,620 --> 00:23:55,914 We're gonna dress Aykroyd up as Julia Childs. 661 00:23:56,081 --> 00:23:57,541 - America's favorite chef. - Okay. 662 00:23:57,708 --> 00:23:59,668 And right as she's carvin' up a turkey on live television... 663 00:23:59,835 --> 00:24:01,879 She slices open an artery. Blood everywhere. 664 00:24:02,045 --> 00:24:03,213 Everywhere. 665 00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:05,966 That's the whole pitch? 666 00:24:06,133 --> 00:24:07,134 Yeah, just America's favorite chef 667 00:24:07,134 --> 00:24:08,218 painting the walls with her insides. 668 00:24:08,218 --> 00:24:09,303 Total gore fest. 669 00:24:09,303 --> 00:24:10,679 It's gonna be utter carnage, boss. 670 00:24:10,679 --> 00:24:12,681 Oh, no, I'm Julia Childs 671 00:24:12,681 --> 00:24:14,892 and I've cut the dickens out of my finger. 672 00:24:14,892 --> 00:24:16,143 - Sounds promising. - Wait, wait, boss. 673 00:24:16,143 --> 00:24:17,269 I didn't even get to the good part yet. 674 00:24:17,269 --> 00:24:18,353 Just put down a tarp. 675 00:24:18,353 --> 00:24:19,897 Yeah, he doesn't like the Julia Childs bit. 676 00:24:19,897 --> 00:24:21,315 - Uh, George... - [THUD] 677 00:24:21,315 --> 00:24:23,275 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 678 00:24:23,442 --> 00:24:25,402 - How's Carlin? - Warming up the pipes. 679 00:24:25,402 --> 00:24:28,155 Okay, well, heard Belushi hasn't signed his contract yet. 680 00:24:28,155 --> 00:24:29,448 Eh. Formality. 681 00:24:29,448 --> 00:24:31,700 Uh, yeah, well, they're pretty formal here. 682 00:24:31,700 --> 00:24:34,077 Uh, speaking of, the folks in standards are a little uneasy... 683 00:24:34,077 --> 00:24:35,204 about the parody commercial 684 00:24:35,204 --> 00:24:36,705 playing right before the regular ads. 685 00:24:36,705 --> 00:24:38,540 I think they think the viewers might be a little confused. 686 00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:40,542 One might argue that's what makes it humorous, Dick. 687 00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:41,919 DICK: Yeah, but, Lorne, at what point are we 688 00:24:41,919 --> 00:24:43,253 not just making fun of the audience? 689 00:24:43,253 --> 00:24:45,088 Hardly. It's commedia dell'arte. If anything, 690 00:24:45,088 --> 00:24:47,174 it'll make the other commercials feel all the more real... 691 00:24:47,341 --> 00:24:49,092 and the sponsors will probably thank you. 692 00:24:49,635 --> 00:24:50,761 Who's in there? Should I be concerned? 693 00:24:50,928 --> 00:24:52,554 No. Just try not to use words 694 00:24:52,554 --> 00:24:54,264 like "underground" or "revolutionary." 695 00:24:54,431 --> 00:24:55,515 I'm not exactly Che Guevara. 696 00:24:55,682 --> 00:24:56,683 Yeah. 697 00:24:56,683 --> 00:24:58,310 - [MUSIC STOPS] - [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] 698 00:24:58,435 --> 00:24:59,895 What the fuck? There's like a thousand people in there. 699 00:25:00,062 --> 00:25:02,314 Fifty. The affiliates, from across the country. 700 00:25:02,481 --> 00:25:03,565 Lorne, they're excited to see the show. 701 00:25:03,732 --> 00:25:04,816 I don't have time for this, Dick. 702 00:25:04,983 --> 00:25:06,652 Lorne, these are the people that will decide 703 00:25:06,652 --> 00:25:08,195 whether or not we have a hit. 704 00:25:08,362 --> 00:25:11,156 They choose whether we go on the air. We need them. 705 00:25:11,865 --> 00:25:12,866 [EXHALES] 706 00:25:13,825 --> 00:25:15,410 - Three minutes? - Tops. 707 00:25:17,329 --> 00:25:19,206 Gentlemen. Hello. Lorne Michaels. 708 00:25:19,373 --> 00:25:20,707 Hi. Lorne Michaels. 709 00:25:20,874 --> 00:25:23,168 Hi. Lorne Michaels. Nice to meet you. Pleasure. 710 00:25:23,335 --> 00:25:25,087 Lorne Michaels. This is my show. 711 00:25:25,254 --> 00:25:27,631 Hi, where are we flying in from, gentlemen? Chicago and... 712 00:25:27,798 --> 00:25:29,758 - New Orleans. - New Orleans? Wow. Fantastic. 713 00:25:29,925 --> 00:25:32,386 Well, we're very lucky to have some Southerners here. 714 00:25:32,552 --> 00:25:33,804 Hi. Nice to meet you. 715 00:25:33,971 --> 00:25:36,848 Hi, gentlemen. Lorne Michaels. I'm the creator of the show. 716 00:25:37,015 --> 00:25:39,059 Hi. Wow. Firm handshake. Hi. 717 00:25:39,226 --> 00:25:41,645 I appreciate your support, gentlemen. Thank you. Hello. Hi. 718 00:25:41,812 --> 00:25:43,563 - MAN: Tallahassee. - Tallahassee? Wow. 719 00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:45,399 - Ladies and gentlemen. - Hi. 720 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:47,901 Who am I kidding? Gentlemen... 721 00:25:50,696 --> 00:25:51,822 Can I see that? 722 00:25:52,531 --> 00:25:53,532 Thank you. 723 00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:55,867 Hope this isn't the only thing 724 00:25:55,867 --> 00:25:57,536 getting sucked on this weekend, boys. 725 00:25:57,536 --> 00:25:58,537 [LAUGHTER] 726 00:25:58,537 --> 00:26:00,914 Jesus, you guys look like the cast of Godfather 727 00:26:00,914 --> 00:26:02,624 if it was shot in Alabama. 728 00:26:02,958 --> 00:26:04,459 [LAUGHTER] 729 00:26:04,459 --> 00:26:06,336 I see some cowboys here. 730 00:26:06,503 --> 00:26:08,255 That's a hell of a 10-gallon hat. 731 00:26:08,422 --> 00:26:10,257 You look like you're ready for a date with a livestock. 732 00:26:10,257 --> 00:26:12,217 [LAUGHTER] 733 00:26:12,968 --> 00:26:14,428 CHEVY: Welcome to New York. 734 00:26:14,594 --> 00:26:15,762 It's quite diverse. 735 00:26:16,096 --> 00:26:17,472 If you want to meet Black people, go to Harlem. 736 00:26:17,639 --> 00:26:19,683 If you want to meet Jews, come to our writer's room. 737 00:26:19,683 --> 00:26:21,518 [LAUGHTER] 738 00:26:21,518 --> 00:26:23,520 CHEVY: Sir, you look like you're from Ohio. 739 00:26:23,687 --> 00:26:26,356 My favorite thing about Ohio... 740 00:26:29,067 --> 00:26:30,610 Let me introduce you to our head writer... 741 00:26:31,403 --> 00:26:34,239 our prince of darkness, Michael O'Donoghue. 742 00:26:35,032 --> 00:26:37,075 Thank you. Thank you, Chevy. 743 00:26:37,075 --> 00:26:39,828 Um, I'm certain you all know Mr. Rogers. 744 00:26:39,995 --> 00:26:42,205 Perhaps the most kind and gentle man 745 00:26:42,205 --> 00:26:43,415 in all of television. 746 00:26:43,582 --> 00:26:47,085 This is my impression of Mr. Rogers... 747 00:26:47,252 --> 00:26:50,422 plunging 18-inch steel sewing needles... 748 00:26:50,589 --> 00:26:51,590 into his eyes. 749 00:26:51,923 --> 00:26:52,799 [CLEARS THROAT] 750 00:26:57,137 --> 00:26:59,097 - [SMACK] - [SCREAMING] 751 00:26:59,097 --> 00:27:01,391 [LAUGHTER] 752 00:27:04,644 --> 00:27:06,813 Okay. Okay. Thank you, Michael. 753 00:27:06,813 --> 00:27:07,856 Um... 754 00:27:08,148 --> 00:27:10,317 Well, now you know why they put us on at midnight. 755 00:27:10,317 --> 00:27:11,360 Um... 756 00:27:13,904 --> 00:27:15,781 Uh, hello, everybody, my name is Lorne Michaels. 757 00:27:15,947 --> 00:27:19,743 I'm the producer and creator of Saturday Night. 758 00:27:21,703 --> 00:27:23,413 We have a wonderful show for you this evening. 759 00:27:23,580 --> 00:27:26,666 George Carlin, the great Billy Preston... 760 00:27:27,793 --> 00:27:28,919 a film by Albert Brooks. 761 00:27:29,378 --> 00:27:31,546 Jim Henson's Muppets. 762 00:27:31,546 --> 00:27:32,547 [LAUGHING] 763 00:27:32,547 --> 00:27:35,175 [SIGHS] We're, uh, excited for tonight. 764 00:27:35,759 --> 00:27:36,968 Uh... 765 00:27:36,968 --> 00:27:39,346 Because there's never been a television show... 766 00:27:39,513 --> 00:27:42,724 made for or by the generation... 767 00:27:42,891 --> 00:27:45,685 that grew up watching television. So... 768 00:27:48,855 --> 00:27:52,609 In the words of my dear friend Che Guevara... 769 00:27:53,110 --> 00:27:54,986 - this is the revolution. - [SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE] 770 00:27:54,986 --> 00:27:56,071 Yes. Yes. 771 00:27:56,071 --> 00:27:57,614 [CHEERS] 772 00:27:57,614 --> 00:27:58,824 Who's with us? 773 00:27:58,990 --> 00:28:00,325 Heads on pikes! 774 00:28:00,992 --> 00:28:03,578 - Blood will run in the streets! - [CHEERS] 775 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,373 Gentlemen, behold... 776 00:28:06,998 --> 00:28:08,166 if you listen closely, you can hear... 777 00:28:08,333 --> 00:28:10,710 Buffalo Bob shuckin' the cob with Howdy Doody. 778 00:28:10,877 --> 00:28:11,962 Lorne can get a little passionate. 779 00:28:11,962 --> 00:28:13,422 And so can Chevy. [CHUCKLES] 780 00:28:13,797 --> 00:28:14,923 - Blood in the streets? - Yeah. 781 00:28:15,090 --> 00:28:16,758 - Well, that sounds delightful. - Mmm-hmm 782 00:28:16,925 --> 00:28:19,261 How much are we spending on this insurrection? 783 00:28:19,261 --> 00:28:21,513 Uh, about 250 an episode. 784 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,723 Well, I guess revolutions aren't cheap. 785 00:28:23,723 --> 00:28:24,808 [CHUCKLES] Right. 786 00:28:24,975 --> 00:28:27,394 LORNE: What is this? Absolutely not. 787 00:28:27,561 --> 00:28:29,563 No. No, no, no. We're not gonna beg for their approval. 788 00:28:29,563 --> 00:28:30,689 No, take it down, we don't need this. 789 00:28:30,689 --> 00:28:31,773 Well, you know... 790 00:28:31,773 --> 00:28:33,316 Lorne Michaels is a special bird, you know. 791 00:28:33,316 --> 00:28:34,401 He believes in his vision. 792 00:28:35,235 --> 00:28:36,820 Well, that's nice. 793 00:28:37,737 --> 00:28:38,572 Mmm... 794 00:28:39,990 --> 00:28:41,408 And he doesn't really bend. 795 00:28:43,201 --> 00:28:45,370 We know how that story goes. 796 00:28:46,621 --> 00:28:48,373 [CHUCKLES] Mmm-hmm. 797 00:28:49,666 --> 00:28:51,793 CHEVY: Des Moines. How'd you escape? 798 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,712 Well, I appreciate you saying that. 799 00:28:54,296 --> 00:28:56,715 My father had good taste and my mom was an alcoholic. 800 00:28:56,882 --> 00:29:00,469 Excuse me, gentlemen. Can I borrow him for a moment? 801 00:29:00,886 --> 00:29:02,345 Enjoy the show, gentlemen. 802 00:29:03,472 --> 00:29:05,056 You held that room like a pro. 803 00:29:05,056 --> 00:29:07,100 - [CHUCKLES] Thank you. - I mean it. 804 00:29:07,517 --> 00:29:09,561 I'm Dave Tebet, head of talent. 805 00:29:09,728 --> 00:29:11,771 You know, I handle The Tonight Show. 806 00:29:12,105 --> 00:29:13,356 I didn't know that. 807 00:29:14,316 --> 00:29:15,317 Between us... 808 00:29:15,484 --> 00:29:17,777 Johnny Carson isn't gonna be around forever. 809 00:29:17,777 --> 00:29:18,695 [CHUCKLES] 810 00:29:19,362 --> 00:29:20,530 Think about it. 811 00:29:22,324 --> 00:29:24,493 You're a handsome, funny gentile. 812 00:29:26,578 --> 00:29:27,913 That means something. 813 00:29:40,091 --> 00:29:42,344 Uh, Lorne, you remember Dave Tebet. 814 00:29:43,094 --> 00:29:44,137 LORNE: Oh, of course. 815 00:29:44,304 --> 00:29:45,472 I remember everyone who gives me a job, Dick. 816 00:29:45,639 --> 00:29:46,806 Smart kid. 817 00:29:46,973 --> 00:29:48,517 Quite a lineup this evening. 818 00:29:48,683 --> 00:29:50,227 You know, while I have you, I do understand 819 00:29:50,227 --> 00:29:51,645 that we are bending some of the rules... 820 00:29:51,811 --> 00:29:54,105 Lorne, this is NBC. There is a way things are done. 821 00:29:54,272 --> 00:29:55,649 - The Peacock way. - Right. 822 00:29:55,815 --> 00:29:56,858 Well, we are thinking a little differently. 823 00:29:56,858 --> 00:29:57,943 We just, you know... 824 00:29:57,943 --> 00:29:59,277 You know, maybe an emu. 825 00:29:59,277 --> 00:30:00,403 [CHUCKLES] Hey, that's... Well, I just... 826 00:30:00,570 --> 00:30:01,613 Dick, shut the fuck up. 827 00:30:03,406 --> 00:30:06,743 Can't you see talent when it's standing inches from your face? 828 00:30:06,743 --> 00:30:08,370 - DICK: Mmm-hmm. - What do you think he's gonna do? 829 00:30:08,537 --> 00:30:10,789 Embarrass us with some half-assed, 830 00:30:10,789 --> 00:30:12,290 rat-fuck donkey show? 831 00:30:12,457 --> 00:30:14,042 Frankly, that's exactly what I signed up for. 832 00:30:14,209 --> 00:30:15,919 - Michael. - I expect you... 833 00:30:16,086 --> 00:30:19,631 to be an unbending force of seismic disturbance. 834 00:30:20,006 --> 00:30:23,718 Light up that NBC switchboard like a bomb went off. 835 00:30:23,718 --> 00:30:26,263 [CHUCKLES] Well, I promise not to play the music too loud. 836 00:30:26,263 --> 00:30:29,516 Oh, fuck that. This isn't the Moose Jaw Jazz Festival. 837 00:30:29,683 --> 00:30:30,850 It's Saturday fucking Night. 838 00:30:31,017 --> 00:30:33,019 I want you to be thunderous and deafening. 839 00:30:33,186 --> 00:30:35,981 If my ears don't bleed, I'll be asking for a refund. 840 00:30:36,147 --> 00:30:37,941 Great. I mean, I've always seen this 841 00:30:37,941 --> 00:30:39,067 as a collision that erupts... 842 00:30:39,234 --> 00:30:40,735 - from every screen in America. - Yes. Yes. 843 00:30:40,902 --> 00:30:43,238 A prism that captures the light of an emerging generation. 844 00:30:43,405 --> 00:30:45,532 Stop! Don't say another word. 845 00:30:45,699 --> 00:30:49,160 Don't question another instinct. 846 00:30:49,661 --> 00:30:50,996 - Ebersol? - Yes? 847 00:30:51,871 --> 00:30:54,332 We're standing in the presence of a prophet. 848 00:30:54,499 --> 00:30:55,500 Yeah, he certainly talks like a... 849 00:30:55,667 --> 00:30:58,753 A man with a vision. 850 00:30:59,170 --> 00:31:01,339 And I want you to take that vision... 851 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,466 like a Sherman Tank... 852 00:31:03,633 --> 00:31:07,053 and plow through any fuck that gets in your way. 853 00:31:07,220 --> 00:31:08,597 - Even me. - [ELEVATOR DINGS] 854 00:31:09,931 --> 00:31:12,642 "Use emotion for the many and reserve reason for the few." 855 00:31:13,059 --> 00:31:14,144 I like that. 856 00:31:14,728 --> 00:31:16,438 I'm putting it on my wall. 857 00:31:19,524 --> 00:31:21,026 Was that a Hitler quote? 858 00:31:21,026 --> 00:31:22,694 Atrocities aside, the man was a wordsmith. 859 00:31:22,694 --> 00:31:24,195 You missed a call from Johnny Carson. 860 00:31:24,195 --> 00:31:25,447 I picked up the phone 'cause it was ringing. 861 00:31:25,447 --> 00:31:26,531 What did you tell him? 862 00:31:26,531 --> 00:31:28,283 I told... I don't remember. He hung up on me. 863 00:31:28,283 --> 00:31:29,701 Lorne, Lorne. Is that a bunk bed? 864 00:31:29,701 --> 00:31:31,202 I did have a UFO encounter experience once. 865 00:31:31,369 --> 00:31:32,370 Danny ordered it for his office. 866 00:31:32,537 --> 00:31:34,706 That's confidence. Can you find me something to eat? 867 00:31:34,873 --> 00:31:36,958 DICK: Neil, why would he order a bunk bed? 868 00:31:36,958 --> 00:31:38,335 - [WOMEN LAUGHING] - [PLAYING PIANO] 869 00:31:38,543 --> 00:31:39,919 Could you get that hippie shit out of my face? 870 00:31:39,919 --> 00:31:41,463 And I am actually very strong. 871 00:31:41,463 --> 00:31:42,547 Thinking that he can do the voice? 872 00:31:42,547 --> 00:31:44,299 - It's Aykroyd. Of course he can. - It's Aykroyd. 873 00:31:44,299 --> 00:31:45,425 But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. 874 00:31:45,592 --> 00:31:46,593 Hello, boys. 875 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,386 - Hey, Mike. Are you nervous? - Hey, Mike. 876 00:31:48,553 --> 00:31:50,305 - Nervous about what? - Performing on live TV. 877 00:31:50,472 --> 00:31:51,681 I'd be shitting bricks. 878 00:31:51,848 --> 00:31:55,477 Television is merely a lava lamp with slightly better audio. 879 00:31:56,144 --> 00:31:58,188 Colored beads to fascinate the animal. 880 00:31:58,355 --> 00:31:59,981 I could do it in a narcoleptic coma. 881 00:32:00,148 --> 00:32:02,150 Hello, Herb. How's Update coming? 882 00:32:02,317 --> 00:32:04,736 South Vietnam has seized and burned 883 00:32:04,736 --> 00:32:06,988 100,000 Playboy magazines. 884 00:32:07,155 --> 00:32:08,448 I'm still working on the punch line. 885 00:32:09,866 --> 00:32:12,744 For miles, all anyone could smell was roast bunny. 886 00:32:14,621 --> 00:32:17,707 That's the one. Grab it, boys. We need that couch. 887 00:32:18,625 --> 00:32:20,043 - Rise and shine. - Oh, God. 888 00:32:20,669 --> 00:32:22,212 - Coming through, coming through. - Whoo! Okay. 889 00:32:22,212 --> 00:32:23,672 [LAUGHTER] 890 00:32:23,672 --> 00:32:24,756 Oh, pages. 891 00:32:24,756 --> 00:32:25,840 - Watch your back. - MAN: Coming through. 892 00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:27,842 GILDA: Oh. Here we are. 893 00:32:29,886 --> 00:32:31,012 You all right there, Chev? 894 00:32:32,514 --> 00:32:33,723 Things are... 895 00:32:34,516 --> 00:32:35,850 kooper kippy, Herb. 896 00:32:36,518 --> 00:32:37,811 I think it just happened. 897 00:32:37,977 --> 00:32:40,146 Think I got the old shoulder tap. 898 00:32:41,231 --> 00:32:42,440 - The what? - You know... 899 00:32:43,108 --> 00:32:44,609 from the guys upstairs. 900 00:32:45,819 --> 00:32:48,279 What's gonna happen to me? I mean, Herb... 901 00:32:49,531 --> 00:32:52,617 you've been around the block. Where am I going from here? 902 00:32:52,784 --> 00:32:53,868 Well, I don't know, Chevy. 903 00:32:54,244 --> 00:32:55,912 I never got a shoulder tap. 904 00:32:56,663 --> 00:32:58,206 I just made a fortune... 905 00:32:58,373 --> 00:33:00,208 and won a few Emmys... 906 00:33:00,375 --> 00:33:01,543 and slept with Gloria Steinem. 907 00:33:02,001 --> 00:33:03,002 Two out of three ain't bad. 908 00:33:03,336 --> 00:33:04,337 GILDA: Here we are. 909 00:33:04,921 --> 00:33:06,506 LARAINE: Oh, wow, you're in so many scenes. 910 00:33:06,673 --> 00:33:10,218 Well... Yeah, but I'm always everyone's kid sister. 911 00:33:10,385 --> 00:33:11,386 You're the hot one. 912 00:33:11,553 --> 00:33:13,138 I think Jane's the hot one. 913 00:33:13,304 --> 00:33:16,474 No, I'm the mom. The still-fuckable mom. 914 00:33:16,641 --> 00:33:18,226 [PIANO KEYS PLAYING] 915 00:33:18,226 --> 00:33:20,145 My instinct is that the American people 916 00:33:20,145 --> 00:33:22,105 are gonna fall in love with you. 917 00:33:22,772 --> 00:33:26,359 You'll be obscenely overpaid for pratfalls and cute jokes. 918 00:33:26,526 --> 00:33:28,570 You'll waste away most of your life... 919 00:33:29,237 --> 00:33:31,030 with purchased company. 920 00:33:31,656 --> 00:33:33,241 And then eventually you'll self-medicate... 921 00:33:33,408 --> 00:33:36,244 with booze and hookers and heroin. 922 00:33:37,036 --> 00:33:38,830 I imagine you'll die alone. 923 00:33:39,831 --> 00:33:42,000 Falling out of a hotel room window in Stockholm. 924 00:33:42,167 --> 00:33:43,168 Jesus. 925 00:33:44,043 --> 00:33:45,044 I can't wait. 926 00:33:45,545 --> 00:33:47,172 Well, you're everyone's favorite, Gilda. 927 00:33:47,464 --> 00:33:49,674 I'm just a bagel looking for lox. 928 00:33:49,841 --> 00:33:52,761 I'm a parrot with nothing to squawk. 929 00:33:52,927 --> 00:33:54,137 Well, I keep feeling like any minute, 930 00:33:54,137 --> 00:33:56,097 Lorne's just gonna ship me back. 931 00:33:56,097 --> 00:33:58,933 Oh. No. On this budget, we can't afford the postage. 932 00:33:59,100 --> 00:34:00,268 GILDA: There's a reason you're here. 933 00:34:00,268 --> 00:34:01,686 You may not know it, but Lorne does. 934 00:34:01,686 --> 00:34:03,313 - Oh, God! - You're dealing here with... 935 00:34:03,313 --> 00:34:04,814 a fully-qualified male strumpet. 936 00:34:04,981 --> 00:34:06,524 GILDA: I'm not a prop, mister. 937 00:34:06,691 --> 00:34:08,860 You know, I can assure you professional hygiene... 938 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,113 discretion, animal gratification. 939 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,532 Why don't you assure me a little peace and quiet? 940 00:34:14,699 --> 00:34:15,700 MICHAEL: You rang? 941 00:34:15,867 --> 00:34:17,494 Yeah. I need the Muppet pages. 942 00:34:17,660 --> 00:34:18,912 I already turned in that one script. 943 00:34:19,078 --> 00:34:20,288 Was Henson uncomfortable 944 00:34:20,288 --> 00:34:22,040 with the Muppets on a plantation? 945 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:23,124 It was a musical number. 946 00:34:23,124 --> 00:34:24,501 I don't think that's the problem. 947 00:34:25,293 --> 00:34:27,670 I just can't write for those little hairy facecloths. 948 00:34:27,837 --> 00:34:28,838 Well, I need something for Henson. 949 00:34:28,838 --> 00:34:30,006 We go live in an hour. 950 00:34:30,590 --> 00:34:33,593 JOAN: You cannot say "horny" on NBC. 951 00:34:34,135 --> 00:34:35,845 Did you see what that evangelical cunt 952 00:34:35,845 --> 00:34:37,138 did to our pages? 953 00:34:40,683 --> 00:34:41,976 I'll be right back. 954 00:34:42,143 --> 00:34:44,145 AL: So you want us to say sexy instead of horny? 955 00:34:44,312 --> 00:34:45,605 And sexy and horny just don't mean the same thing. 956 00:34:45,772 --> 00:34:47,690 JOAN: I struggle to see the difference. 957 00:34:47,857 --> 00:34:50,068 Well, if a dog is humping your leg, it's horny. 958 00:34:50,235 --> 00:34:51,361 It's certainly not sexy. 959 00:34:51,528 --> 00:34:53,112 What on earth are you doing? 960 00:34:54,739 --> 00:34:57,867 I'd rather butt-fuck cancer than make these changes. 961 00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:04,958 [SIGHS] 962 00:35:06,376 --> 00:35:09,128 Your words don't scare me, Mr. O'Donoghue. 963 00:35:09,295 --> 00:35:11,422 I am a woman of God. 964 00:35:11,589 --> 00:35:14,384 I'd heard that God's love is blind. Now I know why. 965 00:35:14,384 --> 00:35:16,052 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] You see this? 966 00:35:16,261 --> 00:35:17,262 I do. 967 00:35:17,428 --> 00:35:20,265 I know it looks like an ordinary red marker... 968 00:35:20,431 --> 00:35:22,225 but this one is special. 969 00:35:22,392 --> 00:35:25,520 It has kept America safe for the better part of a decade. 970 00:35:25,687 --> 00:35:26,688 It is a weapon... 971 00:35:26,855 --> 00:35:29,691 against vulgarity, sex... 972 00:35:29,858 --> 00:35:33,152 communism, and hedonism. 973 00:35:33,361 --> 00:35:37,615 Oh. What about violence? Does it protect America from violence? 974 00:35:37,782 --> 00:35:38,825 JOAN: Yes, that too. 975 00:35:38,992 --> 00:35:40,535 How about infanticide? 976 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,161 Excuse me? 977 00:35:42,328 --> 00:35:43,746 Apologies. Just a... 978 00:35:44,163 --> 00:35:46,791 $2 word for a parent who kills their own child. 979 00:35:46,791 --> 00:35:48,126 [CHUCKLING] 980 00:35:48,793 --> 00:35:50,420 The mere thought makes me nauseous. 981 00:35:50,420 --> 00:35:52,338 Oh, understandably. Me too, by the way. 982 00:35:52,338 --> 00:35:53,840 It's just I had this idea for a sketch, 983 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:54,966 and I'm not sure if it's funny. 984 00:35:54,966 --> 00:35:56,050 You can be the judge. 985 00:35:56,217 --> 00:35:57,343 It's about this... 986 00:35:57,886 --> 00:35:59,095 powerful, temperamental guy 987 00:35:59,095 --> 00:36:00,972 who rapes this virgin in the middle of the night. 988 00:36:00,972 --> 00:36:02,140 I know, awful. 989 00:36:02,307 --> 00:36:04,350 Knocks her up without ever saying "Hello..." 990 00:36:04,517 --> 00:36:05,894 - buying her flowers, whatever. - [GIGGLES] 991 00:36:05,894 --> 00:36:07,437 MICHAEL: And then... 992 00:36:07,604 --> 00:36:08,771 here's the funny part. 993 00:36:09,272 --> 00:36:10,857 He has their bastard son... 994 00:36:11,024 --> 00:36:13,818 publicly mutilated and tortured to death on a cross. 995 00:36:13,818 --> 00:36:16,154 [MUFFLED LAUGHTER] 996 00:36:16,154 --> 00:36:18,239 You are a vile human. 997 00:36:18,948 --> 00:36:20,450 Ah, fuck. You've heard this before. 998 00:36:20,450 --> 00:36:21,659 [LAUGHTER] 999 00:36:22,660 --> 00:36:23,661 Mr. O'Donoghue. 1000 00:36:23,828 --> 00:36:26,497 Are we still being formal? Please, just call me Satan. 1001 00:36:26,497 --> 00:36:27,582 No, I am Satan. 1002 00:36:28,124 --> 00:36:29,542 - I am Satan. - I am Satan. 1003 00:36:29,709 --> 00:36:30,919 - I am Satan. - I'm Satan. 1004 00:36:31,085 --> 00:36:32,462 - WOMAN: No. I am Satan. - MAN: We're Satan. 1005 00:36:32,629 --> 00:36:36,925 You will be forgotten. I am gonna make sure of it. 1006 00:36:37,550 --> 00:36:38,843 - Bye. - [FAINT LAUGHTER] 1007 00:36:38,843 --> 00:36:40,803 [ALL MOCKING] 1008 00:36:41,471 --> 00:36:42,680 Are you out of your mind? 1009 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,182 Look, for better or worse, I call it like I see it. 1010 00:36:44,182 --> 00:36:45,308 Well, that was worse. 1011 00:36:45,308 --> 00:36:46,559 Lorne, they need you at the loading dock. 1012 00:36:46,559 --> 00:36:47,644 I'm sure someone can sign for whatever. 1013 00:36:47,644 --> 00:36:48,728 You're back on the Muppets. 1014 00:36:48,728 --> 00:36:50,229 - MICHAEL: Fuck you, I'll quit. - Yeah, I doubt that. 1015 00:36:50,229 --> 00:36:51,397 It's Leo. He's been fighting 1016 00:36:51,397 --> 00:36:52,690 with security, and there's blood. 1017 00:36:53,232 --> 00:36:54,651 Oh, my God. Dick. 1018 00:36:55,068 --> 00:36:56,069 Oh, shit. 1019 00:37:00,073 --> 00:37:00,907 LORNE: Ah! 1020 00:37:00,907 --> 00:37:03,117 - Hey! - Hey, Dick. Is this turkey? 1021 00:37:03,117 --> 00:37:04,744 - DICK: While I have... - There wasn't a sign, so I... 1022 00:37:04,744 --> 00:37:05,828 - Great. - Lorne, Lorne. 1023 00:37:05,828 --> 00:37:06,871 While I have you... 1024 00:37:06,871 --> 00:37:09,123 Uh, I know you always want to be on the cutting edge. 1025 00:37:09,624 --> 00:37:10,625 Check this out. 1026 00:37:11,209 --> 00:37:12,377 Polaroid. 1027 00:37:14,545 --> 00:37:15,546 Okay. 1028 00:37:16,714 --> 00:37:18,883 Uh, we can have the actors demo it live. 1029 00:37:19,050 --> 00:37:21,469 Write it into sketches, do live commercials. 1030 00:37:21,636 --> 00:37:23,054 Funny ones. The payout is bonkers. 1031 00:37:23,221 --> 00:37:25,014 Dick, the cast didn't sign up to do live commercials. 1032 00:37:25,223 --> 00:37:26,224 Neither did I. 1033 00:37:26,391 --> 00:37:28,351 Some of the cast might find that very unseemly. 1034 00:37:28,351 --> 00:37:29,811 I completely understand. 1035 00:37:29,811 --> 00:37:31,813 But television's driven by advertising. 1036 00:37:31,813 --> 00:37:33,272 It's what makes the motor run. 1037 00:37:33,272 --> 00:37:34,607 It's really not a big deal at all. 1038 00:37:34,607 --> 00:37:36,275 Just please don't show this to the talent. 1039 00:37:36,275 --> 00:37:37,652 I don't want them thinking 1040 00:37:37,652 --> 00:37:38,945 they're back on the Kraft Macaroni Hour. 1041 00:37:39,696 --> 00:37:41,614 You know, what, are we going kayaking? What is this? 1042 00:37:42,323 --> 00:37:43,616 Lorne, we're over budget. 1043 00:37:44,242 --> 00:37:45,284 Dick, you don't need to tell me that. 1044 00:37:45,451 --> 00:37:46,703 Someone needs to tell you that. 1045 00:37:46,703 --> 00:37:48,037 We don't even know what the show is yet. 1046 00:37:48,037 --> 00:37:49,580 How could we possibly know the budget? 1047 00:37:49,580 --> 00:37:50,665 NEIL: That's true. That's a good point. 1048 00:37:50,665 --> 00:37:51,791 Neil, please. 1049 00:37:51,791 --> 00:37:53,292 If we don't know what the show is, 1050 00:37:53,292 --> 00:37:54,836 Lorne, what the fuck are we doing here? 1051 00:37:55,003 --> 00:37:56,629 I know the ingredients. 1052 00:37:57,422 --> 00:37:58,464 Just not the amounts. 1053 00:37:58,464 --> 00:37:59,549 Lorne, what does that mean? 1054 00:37:59,716 --> 00:38:01,426 LORNE: We just have to make it to 11:30. 1055 00:38:01,426 --> 00:38:03,094 - [THUD, GROANS] - LORNE: Hey! 1056 00:38:03,094 --> 00:38:04,554 [GROANS] Ah! 1057 00:38:04,554 --> 00:38:05,805 LEO: Fuck! You fascist. 1058 00:38:05,972 --> 00:38:07,974 - You want to lose your job? - You want to lose your teeth? 1059 00:38:07,974 --> 00:38:09,684 I'm the producer of NBC'S Saturday Night 1060 00:38:09,684 --> 00:38:11,269 and you just hit a man with a Tony. 1061 00:38:11,269 --> 00:38:13,354 - I've hit plenty of Tony's. - All right. Hey, that's enough. 1062 00:38:13,771 --> 00:38:16,190 GUARD: Tell your friends, no deliveries after 6:00 p.m. 1063 00:38:16,441 --> 00:38:18,276 - LEO: Shove it up your ass. - GUARD: Fuck you. 1064 00:38:18,276 --> 00:38:19,736 LORNE: All right. Keep going with the bricks. 1065 00:38:19,736 --> 00:38:21,446 You took that punch like a champ. 1066 00:38:21,446 --> 00:38:22,864 I'm actually not sure you're supposed 1067 00:38:22,864 --> 00:38:24,365 to be pinching the bottom of the nostrils. 1068 00:38:24,365 --> 00:38:25,450 If you pinch a little higher... 1069 00:38:25,450 --> 00:38:28,536 Hey, guys, I'm so sorry. Am I missing something? 1070 00:38:28,703 --> 00:38:30,997 Why are we using real brick? Can't we just roll out linoleum? 1071 00:38:31,164 --> 00:38:33,875 - Hey! Fuck you! - Okay. Jesus. Just relax. 1072 00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:35,793 Dick, our vision for home base is a street corner... 1073 00:38:35,793 --> 00:38:37,754 with all the grit and texture of New York City. 1074 00:38:37,754 --> 00:38:39,922 Yeah, okay. I mean, are we gonna use real blood and vomit, too? 1075 00:38:39,922 --> 00:38:41,049 I'll give you some real fucking blood. 1076 00:38:41,049 --> 00:38:42,133 Hey, hey, whoa, no more fighting. 1077 00:38:42,133 --> 00:38:43,468 No more fighting. He doesn't know. 1078 00:38:43,468 --> 00:38:44,677 He doesn't know. It's okay. 1079 00:38:47,013 --> 00:38:48,681 Why are we stopping? 1080 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,272 - Hello, everybody. - LORNE: Andy. 1081 00:38:56,272 --> 00:38:58,191 What are you... You can't keep wandering off like that. 1082 00:38:58,191 --> 00:38:59,734 I had to go to the bathroom. 1083 00:38:59,734 --> 00:39:00,985 That's very good. That's very good. 1084 00:39:00,985 --> 00:39:02,070 DICK: Lorne... 1085 00:39:02,070 --> 00:39:03,071 LORNE: Barbara, what time do you have? 1086 00:39:03,071 --> 00:39:04,655 Uh, 10:39. 1087 00:39:04,822 --> 00:39:06,199 - Lorne. - LORNE: Hmm? 1088 00:39:07,241 --> 00:39:08,242 The brick. 1089 00:39:08,701 --> 00:39:09,702 It's... 1090 00:39:14,540 --> 00:39:16,542 It's got its pockets out. It's workmanlike. 1091 00:39:16,709 --> 00:39:18,086 It's honest. 1092 00:39:18,252 --> 00:39:19,921 Dick, it's critical for the success of the show. 1093 00:39:20,088 --> 00:39:22,131 Okay, but what is the show? 1094 00:39:27,804 --> 00:39:29,806 I mean, honestly, Dick, if you don't know by now... 1095 00:39:32,141 --> 00:39:33,643 DON: Chevy Chase. 1096 00:39:34,060 --> 00:39:35,895 Gilda Radner. 1097 00:39:36,354 --> 00:39:37,939 Dan Ayk-a... 1098 00:39:38,106 --> 00:39:40,108 How the fuck do you pronounce this? 1099 00:39:40,274 --> 00:39:41,275 Aykroyd. 1100 00:39:41,609 --> 00:39:42,693 Dan Aykroyd. 1101 00:39:42,860 --> 00:39:44,237 50 minutes, everybody! 1102 00:39:44,403 --> 00:39:46,114 DON: Laraine Newman. 1103 00:39:46,447 --> 00:39:47,698 You nervous? 1104 00:39:48,241 --> 00:39:50,159 Uh, no. No, not really. 1105 00:39:50,326 --> 00:39:51,994 I mean, I've only got a couple bits. 1106 00:39:52,161 --> 00:39:54,163 The jury thing and a TV host. 1107 00:39:55,081 --> 00:39:56,666 Uh-huh... [EXHALES] 1108 00:39:58,042 --> 00:40:02,046 Say, you ever wonder exactly what it is you are doing here? 1109 00:40:02,922 --> 00:40:04,799 Yeah, and I think I've got a pretty good idea. 1110 00:40:05,341 --> 00:40:06,342 And what is that? 1111 00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:08,386 Well, Garrett, I'll tell ya, 1112 00:40:08,386 --> 00:40:11,013 I like to give 100% in everything I do. 1113 00:40:12,098 --> 00:40:14,600 And I like a dish soap that does that too. 1114 00:40:15,852 --> 00:40:18,855 So alive, so young, so alluring... 1115 00:40:19,397 --> 00:40:22,024 so exotic, so hypnotic... 1116 00:40:22,483 --> 00:40:23,734 so manipulative... 1117 00:40:24,068 --> 00:40:27,363 so sadistically abusive... 1118 00:40:27,530 --> 00:40:29,615 so cartoonishly abhorrent... 1119 00:40:30,116 --> 00:40:31,576 You see, when it comes to my skin 1120 00:40:31,576 --> 00:40:33,035 and my sensitive parts... 1121 00:40:33,244 --> 00:40:36,497 I only trust 100% American-made steel wool. 1122 00:40:36,497 --> 00:40:38,499 - [COUGHS] - Strong enough for a man... 1123 00:40:38,666 --> 00:40:41,544 but whimsical and helpless enough for a woman. 1124 00:40:42,044 --> 00:40:43,921 And don't wait. Act now. 1125 00:40:44,338 --> 00:40:46,340 Act like your very life depends on it. 1126 00:40:46,507 --> 00:40:48,217 Act like your children's lives depend on it. 1127 00:40:48,384 --> 00:40:52,680 Act like the children in Africa's lives depend on it. 1128 00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:56,559 - [LAUGHS] - Man, what the fuck 1129 00:40:56,559 --> 00:40:58,477 - was all of that? - That was my 20s, Garrett. 1130 00:40:58,644 --> 00:41:00,605 And that is exactly what I'm doing here. 1131 00:41:01,022 --> 00:41:02,023 Well, shit... 1132 00:41:02,190 --> 00:41:05,276 I'm just here to play the butler... 1133 00:41:05,610 --> 00:41:08,613 the shoeshine guy, and the pimp. 1134 00:41:09,655 --> 00:41:11,324 Think you seem a little nice for a pimp. 1135 00:41:12,033 --> 00:41:14,076 You're a little pretty for a comedienne. 1136 00:41:14,327 --> 00:41:16,120 Well, cheers to staying out of the spotlight. 1137 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:17,079 - Hmm. - [LIGHT CRANKS] 1138 00:41:17,079 --> 00:41:21,500 DON: Ladies and gentlemen, your host, George Carlin! 1139 00:41:21,667 --> 00:41:23,961 You can't just let me come out from behind a goddamn curtain? 1140 00:41:24,128 --> 00:41:26,214 I have to descend like Norma fuckin' Desmond. 1141 00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:28,507 All right. Fuck you, everyone. 1142 00:41:28,674 --> 00:41:30,676 Fuck you, fuck you. 1143 00:41:30,843 --> 00:41:32,136 I've definitely fucked you. 1144 00:41:32,303 --> 00:41:33,763 - STAGEHAND 1: Fuck you. - Yeah. 1145 00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:35,848 - STAGEHAND 2: Fuck you. - Fuck all of you. 1146 00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:37,099 You have to distract her. 1147 00:41:37,266 --> 00:41:38,392 How? 1148 00:41:38,559 --> 00:41:39,894 With your sparkling wit. 1149 00:41:42,271 --> 00:41:43,356 Excuse me, miss. 1150 00:41:43,356 --> 00:41:45,233 Could you confirm that this is a normal deck of cards? 1151 00:41:45,399 --> 00:41:46,859 No marks, no folds, no blemishes? 1152 00:41:47,026 --> 00:41:49,987 - JOE: George! - Yeah. All right. [CLEARS THROAT] 1153 00:41:49,987 --> 00:41:52,156 Welcome to the show. I have some musics and laughs. 1154 00:41:52,323 --> 00:41:54,575 I plug the record, blah-blah-blah. 1155 00:41:54,575 --> 00:41:57,536 Regular old deck, 52 cards. I am going to make... 1156 00:41:57,536 --> 00:41:59,330 - JOE: George, keep going, please. - GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1157 00:41:59,330 --> 00:42:00,790 You ever look at the crowds in old movies 1158 00:42:00,790 --> 00:42:02,166 and wonder if they're dead yet? 1159 00:42:02,333 --> 00:42:03,459 MAN: Slow, slow, slow! 1160 00:42:03,459 --> 00:42:05,419 [CLATTERING] 1161 00:42:05,419 --> 00:42:07,546 Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? 1162 00:42:07,964 --> 00:42:09,423 JOE: And throw to Janis. 1163 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:10,841 What? 1164 00:42:11,008 --> 00:42:13,344 Yeah, throw it to Janis. Introduce her, please. 1165 00:42:13,970 --> 00:42:16,013 - Keep going. - Ladies and gentlemen... 1166 00:42:16,180 --> 00:42:17,473 Janis Ian. 1167 00:42:18,015 --> 00:42:21,936 ♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪ 1168 00:42:22,103 --> 00:42:26,065 ♪ That love was meant For beauty queens ♪ 1169 00:42:27,149 --> 00:42:29,610 ♪ And high school girls With clear-skinned smiles ♪ 1170 00:42:30,444 --> 00:42:33,572 ♪ Who married young And then retired ♪ 1171 00:42:35,324 --> 00:42:36,409 - Mr. Carlin? - Yeah? 1172 00:42:36,575 --> 00:42:38,911 I am Joan Carbunkle, NBC standards. 1173 00:42:39,078 --> 00:42:40,746 - Oh, I didn't know they had any. - Joan, he's very busy. 1174 00:42:40,913 --> 00:42:42,290 Just please share your concerns with me, all right? 1175 00:42:42,456 --> 00:42:44,667 No, no, no. I'd like to hear her concerns personally, 1176 00:42:44,667 --> 00:42:45,751 if you don't mind. 1177 00:42:45,918 --> 00:42:47,586 I know you have a propensity for the obscene... 1178 00:42:47,753 --> 00:42:50,423 and a lurid interest in colorful language. 1179 00:42:50,589 --> 00:42:51,924 - Thank you very much. - Mr. Carlin... 1180 00:42:52,091 --> 00:42:53,384 you'll be happy to know that there is... 1181 00:42:54,510 --> 00:42:56,304 one delay button... 1182 00:42:56,470 --> 00:42:58,889 and my finger is on it. 1183 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,602 I'm surprised you even found the button... 1184 00:43:03,769 --> 00:43:05,229 let alone touched it. 1185 00:43:07,565 --> 00:43:09,066 Is this your eight of diamonds? 1186 00:43:10,568 --> 00:43:13,779 ♪ Who called to say come dance with me ♪ 1187 00:43:15,531 --> 00:43:16,532 Are you gonna help? 1188 00:43:16,699 --> 00:43:19,869 I really wish we could, but, uh, we don't do bricks. 1189 00:43:20,036 --> 00:43:21,495 What guild is it that does the bricks? 1190 00:43:21,662 --> 00:43:22,955 Is that 422? 1191 00:43:23,122 --> 00:43:25,041 No, that's carpenters. How about 303? 1192 00:43:25,207 --> 00:43:27,585 - Nah, that's the pipefitters. - [LAUGHTER] 1193 00:43:28,586 --> 00:43:30,212 I don't know why you're laying brick. 1194 00:43:30,379 --> 00:43:31,964 You're gonna be gone in two weeks. 1195 00:43:32,131 --> 00:43:35,509 ♪ A brown-eyed girl in hand-me-downs ♪ 1196 00:43:35,676 --> 00:43:37,970 So, it's gonna be like one of those 1950s safari flicks. 1197 00:43:38,137 --> 00:43:39,764 You know, the ones with Rhonda Fleming, Susan Hayward. 1198 00:43:39,930 --> 00:43:41,515 That's a prop. 1199 00:43:44,185 --> 00:43:46,312 So, I want you to take this bowl of potato chips here. 1200 00:43:46,312 --> 00:43:47,480 - Me? - Yes, you. 1201 00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:48,606 I want you to reach into them. 1202 00:43:48,773 --> 00:43:49,774 Every time I take a step, 1203 00:43:49,774 --> 00:43:50,900 give 'em a little crunch, all right? 1204 00:43:50,900 --> 00:43:52,777 It's like we're in the safari. Ready? 1205 00:43:53,152 --> 00:43:54,236 Give it a try. 1206 00:43:54,904 --> 00:43:55,780 [CRUNCH] 1207 00:43:56,989 --> 00:43:58,199 [VALRI GIGGLES] 1208 00:43:58,199 --> 00:44:00,076 - [CRUNCH] - Early. 1209 00:44:00,242 --> 00:44:02,036 I just got this job. 1210 00:44:02,370 --> 00:44:04,163 - [CRUNCH] - Now we're getting it. 1211 00:44:04,372 --> 00:44:05,623 [CRUNCHING] 1212 00:44:05,623 --> 00:44:08,209 [CHUCKLING] You piece of shit. 1213 00:44:08,209 --> 00:44:10,336 That was nice. Not bad. 1214 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:11,754 [CRUNCH] 1215 00:44:12,713 --> 00:44:13,547 [CRUNCH] 1216 00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:16,300 [CLICKS TONGUE] 1217 00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:17,718 ANDY: Caw! Caw! 1218 00:44:18,010 --> 00:44:19,261 Don't shoot me. 1219 00:44:20,096 --> 00:44:22,139 - [ANDY CAWING] - [VALRI CHUCKLING] 1220 00:44:22,848 --> 00:44:23,974 BILLY: I know that noise. 1221 00:44:23,974 --> 00:44:25,059 [ANDY IMITATING MONKEY] 1222 00:44:25,059 --> 00:44:27,061 That's a monkey being run over by the C-train. 1223 00:44:28,729 --> 00:44:30,106 My archnemesis. 1224 00:44:30,398 --> 00:44:31,524 Here he comes. 1225 00:44:38,406 --> 00:44:40,074 There's no way they're gonna fit all that show. 1226 00:44:41,659 --> 00:44:42,660 You think? 1227 00:44:43,869 --> 00:44:45,871 Yeah, something's got to go. Hey, Lorne, can we talk minutes? 1228 00:44:46,038 --> 00:44:47,081 LORNE: You're doing great, Billy. 1229 00:44:47,248 --> 00:44:48,999 - VALRI: That was weird. - Yep. We're fucked. 1230 00:44:55,756 --> 00:44:57,466 [SNIFFING] 1231 00:45:00,177 --> 00:45:03,013 Excuse me, "ociffer," have I done somethin' wrong? 1232 00:45:03,973 --> 00:45:05,808 What do we have here? 1233 00:45:05,975 --> 00:45:08,394 Why, that would be my ass. 1234 00:45:10,938 --> 00:45:13,774 Mmm-hmm. Billy Preston's band hooked it up. 1235 00:45:13,941 --> 00:45:15,526 Medical grade, baby. 1236 00:45:15,693 --> 00:45:17,820 Floats in the bottle and then you... 1237 00:45:18,279 --> 00:45:19,280 [INHALES DEEPLY] 1238 00:45:21,365 --> 00:45:22,366 Checks out. 1239 00:45:22,992 --> 00:45:24,160 Medical grade. 1240 00:45:25,035 --> 00:45:25,870 Uh... 1241 00:45:25,870 --> 00:45:27,663 So, tell me how you fit into this ensemble. 1242 00:45:27,997 --> 00:45:29,457 Is this an ensemble? 1243 00:45:29,457 --> 00:45:32,877 Uh, no, we have many talented, talented improvisers... 1244 00:45:33,043 --> 00:45:34,920 from Chicago and Toronto and... 1245 00:45:35,087 --> 00:45:36,088 And Boston. 1246 00:45:36,255 --> 00:45:38,424 And Boston. Yes, Jane Curtin is from Boston. 1247 00:45:38,591 --> 00:45:39,592 - [SNIFFS] - You've met my fiancée? 1248 00:45:40,217 --> 00:45:41,218 Missed a little there. 1249 00:45:42,386 --> 00:45:43,512 But to answer your question... 1250 00:45:43,679 --> 00:45:44,638 LORNE: While I've got you captive. 1251 00:45:44,638 --> 00:45:45,723 They want to shave me. 1252 00:45:45,890 --> 00:45:47,725 Careful. There's no jaw under that beard, 1253 00:45:47,892 --> 00:45:48,976 just 10 pounds of neck. 1254 00:45:49,143 --> 00:45:50,311 LORNE: Chevy. 1255 00:45:50,311 --> 00:45:51,979 [CLATTER, CRASH] 1256 00:45:51,979 --> 00:45:55,024 Jesus Christ, you psycho, you son of a bitch! 1257 00:45:55,399 --> 00:45:57,109 JOHN: Shove it up your fucking ass! 1258 00:45:57,109 --> 00:45:58,527 - [CLAMORING] - [THUD] 1259 00:45:58,527 --> 00:46:00,779 Hey, hey, hey, stop right now! 1260 00:46:01,655 --> 00:46:04,867 LORNE: Guys! Goddamn it! Stop! Stop! Chevy, out! 1261 00:46:05,034 --> 00:46:06,994 - Don't feed coke to the animals! - LORNE: Out! Chev! 1262 00:46:08,329 --> 00:46:10,206 WOMAN: Take a seat. 1263 00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:12,791 Yeah. 1264 00:46:12,958 --> 00:46:14,335 ROSIE: You okay, John? 1265 00:46:14,502 --> 00:46:15,544 So, we're throwing things now? 1266 00:46:15,711 --> 00:46:16,879 He started it. 1267 00:46:17,338 --> 00:46:18,547 ROSIE: It's just a shave, John. 1268 00:46:18,714 --> 00:46:20,216 So, NBC owns my fucking face? 1269 00:46:20,382 --> 00:46:21,425 - No. - Yeah, a little bit. 1270 00:46:21,592 --> 00:46:23,302 But would Jimi Hendrix play in mittens? 1271 00:46:23,469 --> 00:46:24,637 That's a good point. 1272 00:46:25,846 --> 00:46:28,098 John, you're going to go down as one of the giants 1273 00:46:28,098 --> 00:46:29,266 of character expressionism... 1274 00:46:29,266 --> 00:46:30,809 from Chaplin to Brando. 1275 00:46:30,976 --> 00:46:31,977 Belushi... 1276 00:46:32,394 --> 00:46:33,395 Why hide your gift? 1277 00:46:33,562 --> 00:46:35,022 Beards are for pussies. 1278 00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:37,650 And the bees are bullshit. 1279 00:46:37,816 --> 00:46:38,984 You think I don't know that? Of course, they are. 1280 00:46:39,151 --> 00:46:40,819 They're stupid, they're postmodern... 1281 00:46:40,986 --> 00:46:43,322 they're Warhol, they're iconic, they're Sergeant Pepper. 1282 00:46:43,489 --> 00:46:45,157 - ROSIE: So well said. - LORNE: I'm glad you get it. 1283 00:46:46,325 --> 00:46:47,326 John... 1284 00:46:47,493 --> 00:46:48,744 we go live in less than an hour. 1285 00:46:48,911 --> 00:46:50,120 45 minutes. 1286 00:46:54,041 --> 00:46:55,960 I need you to sign your contract. 1287 00:46:59,338 --> 00:47:00,506 [SIGHS IN EXASPERATION] 1288 00:47:02,925 --> 00:47:04,260 [MIC FEEDBACK] 1289 00:47:04,260 --> 00:47:05,511 Oh, yeah. 1290 00:47:05,511 --> 00:47:06,720 [MUSIC STOPS] 1291 00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:07,805 What? 1292 00:47:07,972 --> 00:47:08,973 What's happening? 1293 00:47:09,390 --> 00:47:10,641 What happened to the music? 1294 00:47:11,850 --> 00:47:13,602 Hey! Why did you stop playing? 1295 00:47:13,769 --> 00:47:15,104 The speakers went out. 1296 00:47:15,479 --> 00:47:16,480 - All of them? - All of them. 1297 00:47:16,647 --> 00:47:18,315 What the hell is happening? What... Dick? 1298 00:47:18,482 --> 00:47:20,359 I'm on with the outfit that supplied speakers at... 1299 00:47:20,526 --> 00:47:21,527 - Yeah, Rockefeller Plaza. - Toscanini! 1300 00:47:21,694 --> 00:47:23,862 Height of audio fidelity! What can we be doing? 1301 00:47:24,029 --> 00:47:25,364 ROSIE: Yeah, what can we be doing? 1302 00:47:25,531 --> 00:47:26,740 We got no sound. 1303 00:47:26,907 --> 00:47:29,743 Idiot on the light board, and we go live in 45. 1304 00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,453 What do you want to rehearse? 1305 00:47:32,580 --> 00:47:33,414 Uh... 1306 00:47:34,498 --> 00:47:35,583 We could pull up... 1307 00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:36,667 Weekend Update? 1308 00:47:36,667 --> 00:47:38,335 Do you want to do Weekend Update? Yeah. 1309 00:47:38,335 --> 00:47:40,170 All right, everyone, we're moving to Weekend Update. 1310 00:47:40,337 --> 00:47:42,673 - Okay, great, great. - Don, stand by for your intro. 1311 00:47:44,258 --> 00:47:46,010 Here we go. Move it, people. 1312 00:47:46,010 --> 00:47:47,761 [UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] 1313 00:47:56,895 --> 00:47:58,022 JOE: Let's go. Let's go. 1314 00:47:58,522 --> 00:47:59,523 LORNE: I'm good. Fine. 1315 00:47:59,523 --> 00:48:00,649 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 1316 00:48:03,027 --> 00:48:06,280 DON: From Saturday Night News headquarters. 1317 00:48:06,447 --> 00:48:08,365 This is Weekend Update... 1318 00:48:08,532 --> 00:48:10,492 with Lorne Michaels. 1319 00:48:10,492 --> 00:48:12,119 - [MUSIC STOPS] - [EXHALES] 1320 00:48:12,119 --> 00:48:13,287 [CLEARS THROAT] 1321 00:48:18,500 --> 00:48:20,002 LORNE: Our top story tonight... 1322 00:48:20,169 --> 00:48:21,211 some world news. 1323 00:48:21,378 --> 00:48:23,589 Japanese Emperor Hirohito met Mickey Mouse 1324 00:48:23,589 --> 00:48:25,007 at Disneyland this week. 1325 00:48:25,174 --> 00:48:28,260 The emperor presented Mickey with a Hirohito wristwatch. 1326 00:48:29,470 --> 00:48:30,304 [GROANS] 1327 00:48:32,056 --> 00:48:33,015 [CHUCKLES] 1328 00:48:33,015 --> 00:48:34,099 LORNE: How was that? 1329 00:48:34,266 --> 00:48:35,351 It was horrible. 1330 00:48:36,310 --> 00:48:37,853 Right. Um... 1331 00:48:39,563 --> 00:48:42,608 And now with a weather report... 1332 00:48:42,775 --> 00:48:45,986 we turn it over to meteorologist John Belushi. 1333 00:48:46,153 --> 00:48:47,780 What's it looking like out there, John? 1334 00:48:47,946 --> 00:48:49,239 Thank you, Lorne. 1335 00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:50,491 It's often said, 1336 00:48:50,491 --> 00:48:53,702 "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb." 1337 00:48:53,911 --> 00:48:56,455 But did you know March behaves differently in other countries? 1338 00:48:57,039 --> 00:48:58,332 In Norway, for example, 1339 00:48:58,332 --> 00:49:01,251 March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. 1340 00:49:01,669 --> 00:49:03,629 Or consider the Republic of South Africa... 1341 00:49:03,796 --> 00:49:05,255 where March comes in like a lion 1342 00:49:05,255 --> 00:49:06,590 and goes out like a different lion. 1343 00:49:06,757 --> 00:49:08,175 - [ALL CHUCKLING] - Like one has a mane 1344 00:49:08,175 --> 00:49:10,302 and the other doesn't have a mane. 1345 00:49:10,469 --> 00:49:13,263 And there's a country where March hops in like a kangaroo... 1346 00:49:13,430 --> 00:49:14,932 and stays a kangaroo for a while. 1347 00:49:15,099 --> 00:49:16,141 Australia. 1348 00:49:16,308 --> 00:49:18,143 JOHN: Then for a couple of days, it's sort of a cross between... 1349 00:49:18,310 --> 00:49:20,396 a frilled lizard and a common house cat. 1350 00:49:20,813 --> 00:49:23,232 Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo... 1351 00:49:23,399 --> 00:49:25,526 and then it goes out like a wild dingo! 1352 00:49:25,776 --> 00:49:27,319 JOHN: No, no, and it's not Australia! 1353 00:49:27,653 --> 00:49:29,655 You'd think it'd be Australia, but it's not! 1354 00:49:29,822 --> 00:49:30,948 - Oh! - [LAUGHTER] 1355 00:49:30,948 --> 00:49:32,866 And there are nine different countries... 1356 00:49:32,866 --> 00:49:34,493 where March comes in like a frog 1357 00:49:34,493 --> 00:49:36,370 and goes out like a golden retriever. 1358 00:49:36,370 --> 00:49:38,163 But that's not the weird part. No, no, no. 1359 00:49:38,330 --> 00:49:40,499 The weird part is the frog. The frog. 1360 00:49:40,666 --> 00:49:41,792 The weird part is the... 1361 00:49:41,792 --> 00:49:43,335 - [IMITATES FROG] - [THUD] 1362 00:49:43,335 --> 00:49:46,714 [LAUGHTER] Okay. 1363 00:49:46,714 --> 00:49:47,798 [ALL APPLAUDING] 1364 00:49:47,798 --> 00:49:48,882 LORNE: John. 1365 00:49:48,882 --> 00:49:50,259 [GROANS] 1366 00:49:50,259 --> 00:49:51,969 Are you all right? Are you okay? 1367 00:49:52,386 --> 00:49:53,387 I give in. 1368 00:49:53,887 --> 00:49:54,888 That was brilliant. 1369 00:49:55,055 --> 00:49:57,099 Now I need you to sign your contract. 1370 00:49:59,268 --> 00:50:00,102 [MUMBLES] 1371 00:50:00,644 --> 00:50:01,979 - Was that a yes? - That was a yes. 1372 00:50:02,146 --> 00:50:03,689 - Was that a yes? Okay. - That was a yes. 1373 00:50:03,856 --> 00:50:05,149 - Neil, can I get the contract? - NEIL: Yeah. 1374 00:50:06,024 --> 00:50:08,068 - Okay. Do you have a pen? - NEIL: Uh... 1375 00:50:08,068 --> 00:50:09,194 BARBARA: Lorne, Lorne, Lorne, 1376 00:50:09,194 --> 00:50:11,196 there's a call from Burbank waiting in your office. 1377 00:50:12,030 --> 00:50:13,240 Burbank? 1378 00:50:13,407 --> 00:50:14,408 Carson. 1379 00:50:14,742 --> 00:50:16,618 Uh, okay. Um, Someone get him a pen. 1380 00:50:16,785 --> 00:50:18,203 Don't let him use it as a straw. 1381 00:50:18,203 --> 00:50:21,165 Uh, rehearse something. Anything. 1382 00:50:21,331 --> 00:50:23,459 All right, Bee Hospital stage left. 1383 00:50:23,625 --> 00:50:25,169 Let's go. We're moving. Here we go. 1384 00:50:26,253 --> 00:50:27,880 - Great work, guys. - JIM: Excuse me. 1385 00:50:28,046 --> 00:50:30,007 Hey, Mr. Michaels. 1386 00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:31,258 - Oh, Mr. Henson. - Hey. 1387 00:50:31,258 --> 00:50:33,552 I'm excited to see what you and your merry band of creatures 1388 00:50:33,552 --> 00:50:34,970 have in store for us tonight. 1389 00:50:34,970 --> 00:50:37,473 Well, Lorne, we don't have any script pages yet... 1390 00:50:37,473 --> 00:50:40,267 so, the Muppets are flyin' blind here. 1391 00:50:40,267 --> 00:50:41,685 Well, this is the first I'm hearing of it. 1392 00:50:41,685 --> 00:50:42,978 Neil, Jim needs his pages. 1393 00:50:42,978 --> 00:50:45,105 Thank you. Thank you. And please, sorry, Lorne... 1394 00:50:46,023 --> 00:50:48,066 can you please remind your crew... 1395 00:50:48,233 --> 00:50:51,862 not to leave the Muppets in compromising positions? 1396 00:50:53,322 --> 00:50:54,823 That doesn't sound like them. 1397 00:50:55,199 --> 00:50:57,284 Well, they left a note. 1398 00:50:58,035 --> 00:50:59,036 They didn't. 1399 00:50:59,203 --> 00:51:00,204 They did. 1400 00:51:00,788 --> 00:51:01,789 It said... 1401 00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:06,668 "Fuck-Rags for rent." 1402 00:51:07,711 --> 00:51:09,087 - Mmm... - Okay? 1403 00:51:09,254 --> 00:51:10,923 I know what that means, so... 1404 00:51:11,965 --> 00:51:13,634 I'll talk to Michael. Immediately. 1405 00:51:13,801 --> 00:51:14,885 Thank you. 1406 00:51:16,094 --> 00:51:16,970 [LAUGHS] 1407 00:51:17,638 --> 00:51:18,639 All right. Thank you. 1408 00:51:19,556 --> 00:51:20,766 LORNE: Oh. Hey, Bernie. 1409 00:51:20,766 --> 00:51:22,184 Oh, no, you're good. 1410 00:51:22,893 --> 00:51:24,061 [EXHALES] 1411 00:51:28,065 --> 00:51:29,316 Hello, this is Lorne. 1412 00:51:29,608 --> 00:51:31,944 JOHNNY: I was beginning to think you didn't like me. 1413 00:51:32,110 --> 00:51:33,362 Of course not, Mr. Carson. 1414 00:51:33,362 --> 00:51:35,155 You're the voice of a generation. 1415 00:51:35,322 --> 00:51:37,449 JOHNNY: I just wanted to reach out and say, 1416 00:51:37,449 --> 00:51:38,659 "Good luck tonight." 1417 00:51:38,826 --> 00:51:40,035 LORNE: Oh, that's very kind. 1418 00:51:40,202 --> 00:51:41,870 JOHNNY: And also, I suppose I wanted to make sure... 1419 00:51:42,037 --> 00:51:44,873 we don't end up stepping on each other's dicks. 1420 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:46,041 Right. 1421 00:51:46,041 --> 00:51:47,292 JOHNNY: You know how this all started, don't you? 1422 00:51:47,292 --> 00:51:48,377 Just sign it, John. 1423 00:51:49,253 --> 00:51:50,462 Just sign it, John. 1424 00:51:50,629 --> 00:51:52,172 With a kite and a key, I'm sure. 1425 00:51:52,339 --> 00:51:53,841 JOHNNY: Don't be a dipshit for a second, kid. 1426 00:51:54,341 --> 00:51:55,551 I'm sure you've heard by now 1427 00:51:55,551 --> 00:51:57,553 that Mommy and Daddy are fighting... 1428 00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,472 and that's why you got the house to yourself tonight. 1429 00:52:00,472 --> 00:52:01,932 Frankly, it's the only reason 1430 00:52:01,932 --> 00:52:04,685 they ever greenlight your little talent show. 1431 00:52:05,394 --> 00:52:07,354 Look, these things always go the same way. 1432 00:52:07,688 --> 00:52:09,940 First, they try to fuck you, and then they buy you dinner. 1433 00:52:10,482 --> 00:52:12,276 I'm not opposed to Saturday Night... 1434 00:52:12,276 --> 00:52:13,694 even if it is a dumping ground... 1435 00:52:13,694 --> 00:52:14,778 No. No. 1436 00:52:14,778 --> 00:52:16,572 ...for the deadbeats and bagheads. 1437 00:52:16,572 --> 00:52:17,489 Dick, no. 1438 00:52:17,489 --> 00:52:18,407 JOHNNY: In the meantime, you get to... 1439 00:52:18,407 --> 00:52:19,741 play dress-up on national television. 1440 00:52:19,741 --> 00:52:20,868 LORNE: Don't let him hold the camera. 1441 00:52:20,868 --> 00:52:21,952 JOHNNY: Good for you. 1442 00:52:22,369 --> 00:52:24,079 So, here's some friendly advice. 1443 00:52:24,913 --> 00:52:26,206 Enjoy your little show... 1444 00:52:26,373 --> 00:52:27,916 but don't get too comfortable. 1445 00:52:28,584 --> 00:52:30,752 You're a benchwarmer, a stalking horse. 1446 00:52:30,919 --> 00:52:33,672 It's my fucking network. It's my fucking night. 1447 00:52:34,590 --> 00:52:35,966 - [CRASH] - No hard feelings, though. 1448 00:52:36,133 --> 00:52:38,135 JOHN: Fuck the bees and fuck this show! 1449 00:52:38,302 --> 00:52:39,887 JOE: John. Hey, where are you going? 1450 00:52:40,053 --> 00:52:41,430 I go where I'm kicked! 1451 00:52:41,805 --> 00:52:43,765 JOHNNY: Heard you are a halfway decent writer. 1452 00:52:44,683 --> 00:52:46,184 Send me some samples sometime. 1453 00:52:46,351 --> 00:52:47,811 We're always looking for a bunch of 'em. 1454 00:52:48,687 --> 00:52:49,771 [RECEIVER CLANGS] 1455 00:52:49,771 --> 00:52:50,939 How'd the call go? 1456 00:52:51,106 --> 00:52:52,441 Tremendous. Thank you for asking. 1457 00:52:52,608 --> 00:52:54,443 - Great. - Belushi walked. 1458 00:52:54,610 --> 00:52:56,486 - What? He quit? - No, well, technically... 1459 00:52:56,653 --> 00:52:58,447 he would need a fucking job to quit! But, yes, he walked. 1460 00:52:58,614 --> 00:53:00,073 We need to find him. I'll take the eighth floor. 1461 00:53:00,240 --> 00:53:01,658 - You take the ninth, okay? - Uh. Oh... 1462 00:53:02,034 --> 00:53:03,035 Okay. 1463 00:53:03,702 --> 00:53:05,704 Uh, hey, have you seen John Belushi? 1464 00:53:05,704 --> 00:53:06,788 No. 1465 00:53:08,373 --> 00:53:09,625 There's a reason they call it master control. 1466 00:53:09,791 --> 00:53:10,792 NEIL: Sorry, Jim, have you seen John Belushi? 1467 00:53:10,959 --> 00:53:13,253 You want to hand the airwaves over to that maniac? 1468 00:53:13,420 --> 00:53:15,839 - Have you seen Belushi? - I'm not an animal wrangler. 1469 00:53:16,381 --> 00:53:17,382 Belushi? Belushi? 1470 00:53:17,549 --> 00:53:18,717 - Belushi? - Belushi? 1471 00:53:18,884 --> 00:53:20,218 - AL: Belushi? - Belushi? 1472 00:53:20,385 --> 00:53:23,096 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? John? 1473 00:53:28,352 --> 00:53:29,603 Hey, guys, sorry to bother you. 1474 00:53:29,603 --> 00:53:31,438 Have you seen John Belushi anywhere? 1475 00:53:31,605 --> 00:53:34,107 Oh. Yeah, sure. He was hangin' out with us yesterday. 1476 00:53:34,107 --> 00:53:35,275 Right, Howard? 1477 00:53:35,442 --> 00:53:36,944 No, sorry. I meant in the last few minutes. 1478 00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:38,278 - Did he... - Oh, no. 1479 00:53:39,488 --> 00:53:41,198 Well, you seem stressed. You okay, buddy? 1480 00:53:41,365 --> 00:53:43,283 - Yeah, I'm okay. - You need a hit? 1481 00:53:43,992 --> 00:53:46,995 Uh, oh! No, no, no, that's fine. That's okay. 1482 00:53:46,995 --> 00:53:48,038 PAUL: Oh. 1483 00:53:48,038 --> 00:53:49,206 I think it'd help. 1484 00:53:50,582 --> 00:53:51,583 That makes sense. 1485 00:53:54,294 --> 00:53:55,295 PAUL: There we go. 1486 00:53:58,131 --> 00:53:59,841 Oh, look at him. 1487 00:54:00,008 --> 00:54:01,885 Attaboy. 1488 00:54:02,052 --> 00:54:03,845 Good luck on your quest, amigo. 1489 00:54:06,181 --> 00:54:07,224 [COUGHS] 1490 00:54:07,224 --> 00:54:09,101 Have you seen John Belushi? 1491 00:54:09,810 --> 00:54:10,978 Have you guys seen John? 1492 00:54:11,144 --> 00:54:13,647 Neil, who do you think I am? 1493 00:54:14,356 --> 00:54:15,649 Human bumblebee. 1494 00:54:15,816 --> 00:54:17,192 No, man. I am talking about... 1495 00:54:17,359 --> 00:54:20,362 what is my identity on the show? 1496 00:54:20,529 --> 00:54:21,947 Don't ask me that right now. 1497 00:54:22,864 --> 00:54:25,242 I can't answer that right now. Oh. 1498 00:54:28,996 --> 00:54:31,248 - Oh. - What the hell are you doing? 1499 00:54:34,334 --> 00:54:36,253 - Thank you. - [ICE CUBES CLINKING] 1500 00:54:39,881 --> 00:54:41,133 Has anybody seen John? 1501 00:54:41,299 --> 00:54:43,301 - I'm John. - JOHN 2: I'm John. 1502 00:54:43,468 --> 00:54:44,469 - No. No. - JOHN 3: I'm John. 1503 00:54:44,636 --> 00:54:46,304 - [ECHOING] I'm John. - No. No. 1504 00:54:46,471 --> 00:54:48,223 - I'm John. - I'm John. 1505 00:54:48,390 --> 00:54:49,391 Hold this, please. 1506 00:54:50,350 --> 00:54:52,978 [VOICES ECHOING] 1507 00:54:52,978 --> 00:54:54,062 One of them is mine. 1508 00:54:54,062 --> 00:54:55,230 Hey, have you guys seen John Belushi? 1509 00:54:55,230 --> 00:54:56,940 Hey, you're... Kid, why are you holding your face like that? 1510 00:54:56,940 --> 00:54:58,525 - Why are you shouting? - Sweetie, are you okay? 1511 00:54:58,525 --> 00:55:01,653 I don't know. I can hear my own blood. 1512 00:55:02,571 --> 00:55:03,572 Am I gonna be okay? 1513 00:55:03,739 --> 00:55:05,741 Don't ask her. She's a nymph, not a nurse, kid. 1514 00:55:05,907 --> 00:55:07,367 I know that! 1515 00:55:07,868 --> 00:55:09,661 - Look, should I be worried? - About Neil? 1516 00:55:09,828 --> 00:55:11,163 No. Fuck Neil. About my act. 1517 00:55:11,329 --> 00:55:13,373 I can't get a straight answer out of Lorne. 1518 00:55:13,540 --> 00:55:15,876 Billy, you're family. 1519 00:55:17,210 --> 00:55:18,295 - Neil... - Neil... 1520 00:55:21,965 --> 00:55:23,592 MAN: This week on The Rumpus Hour. 1521 00:55:23,759 --> 00:55:25,135 Tony Orlando and Dawn, 1522 00:55:25,135 --> 00:55:27,262 Shields and Yarnell, the Domingo Brothers... 1523 00:55:27,262 --> 00:55:29,890 and your favorite juggling barbershop quartet, 1524 00:55:29,890 --> 00:55:31,224 Macho Quatro. 1525 00:55:31,224 --> 00:55:33,769 {\an8}Lorne. You know Milton Berle? 1526 00:55:33,935 --> 00:55:36,646 Absolutely. Big fan. I grew up on your work. 1527 00:55:36,813 --> 00:55:38,356 Who didn't? Hear it's your big night. 1528 00:55:38,523 --> 00:55:40,609 Planning on it. How's it all coming? 1529 00:55:41,318 --> 00:55:42,778 Just perfect. 1530 00:55:42,944 --> 00:55:44,654 - You never hear that. - You certainly don't. 1531 00:55:45,906 --> 00:55:48,617 Yep. Being here must bring back all kinds of memories, I'm sure. 1532 00:55:48,784 --> 00:55:49,951 Sure, sure. Yeah. 1533 00:55:50,118 --> 00:55:52,162 Used to call this the RCA Radio Tower. 1534 00:55:52,329 --> 00:55:53,955 Radio, that wonderful invention 1535 00:55:53,955 --> 00:55:55,624 by which I could reach a million people. 1536 00:55:55,791 --> 00:55:57,542 Who fortunately couldn't reach me. 1537 00:55:57,709 --> 00:56:01,880 You know, Milt's TV show once pulled a 97 share. 1538 00:56:02,047 --> 00:56:06,343 97% of the American audience was watching Uncle Miltie. 1539 00:56:06,510 --> 00:56:08,512 Do you ever miss being Mr. Television? 1540 00:56:09,846 --> 00:56:11,264 What is he talking about? 1541 00:56:11,431 --> 00:56:12,432 Lorne... 1542 00:56:12,599 --> 00:56:14,976 Milton remains one of the Peacock's 1543 00:56:14,976 --> 00:56:16,603 most colorful feathers. 1544 00:56:16,770 --> 00:56:18,396 - It's quite a feather. - Of course, of course. 1545 00:56:18,563 --> 00:56:20,607 And I'm looking forward to hosting your show. 1546 00:56:21,316 --> 00:56:23,110 Well, we'd be honored. 1547 00:56:23,401 --> 00:56:25,112 I think there's still so many decisions we'd have to make. 1548 00:56:25,278 --> 00:56:26,404 MILTON: I'm hearing episode five. 1549 00:56:26,571 --> 00:56:29,658 TEBET: The boys upstairs love it and the affiliates ate it up. 1550 00:56:29,825 --> 00:56:30,992 MILTON: Well, they're the real boss. 1551 00:56:31,159 --> 00:56:32,953 LORNE: Right. Well, it is a late show. 1552 00:56:32,953 --> 00:56:34,371 Are you suited for midnight? 1553 00:56:34,830 --> 00:56:38,333 [CHUCKLES] At 67, I still feel like a 20-year-old. 1554 00:56:38,500 --> 00:56:40,418 Unfortunately, there's never one around. 1555 00:56:40,418 --> 00:56:42,087 [CHUCKLES] Your reputation precedes you. 1556 00:56:42,254 --> 00:56:44,965 Yeah, by about 11 inches. Excuse me a second. 1557 00:56:47,509 --> 00:56:49,177 Any sign of Belushi? 1558 00:56:49,803 --> 00:56:50,846 John? 1559 00:56:51,012 --> 00:56:52,430 I believe he's in wardrobe. Why? 1560 00:56:52,597 --> 00:56:54,641 Legal is frantic for his paperwork. 1561 00:56:54,808 --> 00:56:55,934 That's strange. I'll look into it. 1562 00:56:56,101 --> 00:56:57,561 Lorne, I can only imagine... 1563 00:56:57,727 --> 00:56:59,312 what must be running through your mind. 1564 00:56:59,479 --> 00:57:01,815 The thought, no matter how improbable... 1565 00:57:01,982 --> 00:57:03,650 that you might not make it to air. 1566 00:57:03,817 --> 00:57:05,652 - Hadn't even occurred to me. - Really? 1567 00:57:05,819 --> 00:57:08,864 I heard that you were having some technical difficulties. 1568 00:57:09,030 --> 00:57:10,031 None that I know of. 1569 00:57:10,532 --> 00:57:11,533 What the fuck? 1570 00:57:11,700 --> 00:57:12,784 I just heard that... 1571 00:57:12,951 --> 00:57:14,536 your writers were stoned... 1572 00:57:14,703 --> 00:57:16,705 your actors were physically assaulting each other. 1573 00:57:17,706 --> 00:57:18,790 The sound system was down. 1574 00:57:18,957 --> 00:57:20,083 What the hell is happening? What... 1575 00:57:20,250 --> 00:57:21,585 And a fire broke out earlier. 1576 00:57:21,585 --> 00:57:22,711 - [CRACKLES] - [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 1577 00:57:24,921 --> 00:57:27,632 I've been doing this job a long time. I've seen it all. 1578 00:57:29,593 --> 00:57:31,803 I'm sure you have it all under control. 1579 00:57:33,388 --> 00:57:35,182 Minor issues, already addressed. 1580 00:57:35,724 --> 00:57:36,725 That's reassuring. 1581 00:57:36,892 --> 00:57:39,186 This whole conversation is a soothing shower of relief. 1582 00:57:39,352 --> 00:57:41,021 Hey, good, good. Look. 1583 00:57:41,188 --> 00:57:43,607 If for some reason you can't lock your script... 1584 00:57:44,608 --> 00:57:47,444 or commit your cast to legally binding contracts... 1585 00:57:47,611 --> 00:57:48,862 rest assured... 1586 00:57:49,362 --> 00:57:52,199 the country will be happy to watch Johnny Carson. 1587 00:57:53,575 --> 00:57:56,077 Well, we could always play the tape of dress rehearsal. 1588 00:57:56,244 --> 00:57:57,913 Worst-case scenario. 1589 00:57:59,164 --> 00:58:00,582 That's not the worst case. 1590 00:58:01,875 --> 00:58:03,001 [KNOCKS] 1591 00:58:17,140 --> 00:58:19,184 VALRI: Fuck me. That's a lot of cards. 1592 00:58:19,768 --> 00:58:21,895 Yeah. What's the fastest you can do your set? Top to bottom. 1593 00:58:22,062 --> 00:58:23,230 - Five minutes. - Yeah, me too. 1594 00:58:23,396 --> 00:58:24,856 - Could you do it in four? - Probably. 1595 00:58:25,023 --> 00:58:26,024 Yeah, me too. 1596 00:58:27,817 --> 00:58:29,569 So, look, they're gonna offer us three... 1597 00:58:30,153 --> 00:58:31,738 but we got to draw the line at four. All right? 1598 00:58:32,489 --> 00:58:34,616 Okay. I want to do the show. 1599 00:58:34,783 --> 00:58:36,576 Yeah, we're doing the show. We just can't get jerked around. 1600 00:58:36,743 --> 00:58:37,744 - That's all. - But we're doing the show? 1601 00:58:37,911 --> 00:58:39,371 Of course, we're doing the show. We just got to be 1602 00:58:39,371 --> 00:58:40,997 - in this together. - Okay. 1603 00:58:42,666 --> 00:58:43,792 JANE: Neil, sweetie. 1604 00:58:43,959 --> 00:58:45,585 - Is everything okay in there? - LARAINE: Hello? 1605 00:58:45,752 --> 00:58:48,004 Special delivery for Neil Levy. Flowers. 1606 00:58:48,171 --> 00:58:49,422 - Candygram. - DAN: What's with the convention? 1607 00:58:49,589 --> 00:58:51,174 Neil, it's your mother. Open the door! 1608 00:58:51,341 --> 00:58:53,718 BILLY: Don't say that. He's gonna believe you if you say that. 1609 00:58:53,885 --> 00:58:56,263 Hey, Neil. Buddy. You freaking out in there? 1610 00:58:56,429 --> 00:58:58,473 NEIL: I took a hit in the departure lounge. 1611 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:00,267 All right. Whose grass was it? 1612 00:59:00,433 --> 00:59:01,851 NEIL: One of the horn players. 1613 00:59:02,018 --> 00:59:03,103 Oh, degenerates. 1614 00:59:03,270 --> 00:59:04,938 That's a potent dragon you're riding there, kid. 1615 00:59:04,938 --> 00:59:06,648 What you smoked was a sacred strain from... 1616 00:59:06,648 --> 00:59:08,149 the Isaan plateau in Thailand, I believe. 1617 00:59:08,149 --> 00:59:09,234 The best plateau. 1618 00:59:09,234 --> 00:59:10,318 Make no mistake about it, 1619 00:59:10,318 --> 00:59:12,028 that stick's probably stronger than a bull elephant. 1620 00:59:12,028 --> 00:59:14,489 But, listen, we're all a little freaked out so... 1621 00:59:14,489 --> 00:59:15,615 - BILLY: I'm freaked out. - Why don't you come out... 1622 00:59:15,615 --> 00:59:17,075 and we can check on your face... 1623 00:59:17,075 --> 00:59:18,326 make sure it's not inside out, okay? 1624 00:59:18,326 --> 00:59:19,953 - LARAINE: Come on, Neil. - Show us your face, Neil! 1625 00:59:19,953 --> 00:59:21,329 Come on, there's nothing to be afraid of. 1626 00:59:21,329 --> 00:59:23,206 - Come on. - Come on out, Neil. 1627 00:59:24,499 --> 00:59:26,251 - Oh, God! - [LAUGHTER] 1628 00:59:26,918 --> 00:59:28,795 No. I'm just kidding. Look. You're gonna be fine. 1629 00:59:28,795 --> 00:59:30,130 We'll fix you up with some amphetamines. 1630 00:59:30,130 --> 00:59:31,214 You'll be fit as a flea. 1631 00:59:31,214 --> 00:59:33,049 You might even like the stuff. Cocaine. 1632 00:59:33,049 --> 00:59:34,426 Robert Louis Stevenson actually did 1633 00:59:34,426 --> 00:59:35,593 some of his best writing on the nose candy. 1634 00:59:35,593 --> 00:59:37,429 - Oh, Bobby. - Not a lot of people know that. 1635 00:59:37,595 --> 00:59:38,763 Yeah, he was a big freak... 1636 00:59:38,763 --> 00:59:39,848 - for the Peruvian Lady. - BARBARA: Hey! 1637 00:59:39,848 --> 00:59:40,932 We need everyone in togas! 1638 00:59:40,932 --> 00:59:42,809 Everyone down to the eighth floor now! 1639 00:59:43,351 --> 00:59:45,312 [ALL CHEERING] 1640 00:59:47,022 --> 00:59:48,356 I'm not in a toga! 1641 00:59:48,356 --> 00:59:50,191 [NEIL SCREAMING] 1642 00:59:54,654 --> 00:59:56,323 [EXCITED CHATTER] 1643 01:00:02,495 --> 01:00:05,165 GARRETT: Okay, okay. But why are we yelling? 1644 01:00:07,751 --> 01:00:10,128 DAVE: Rocky, there's no way these kids are gonna hit their marks. 1645 01:00:10,295 --> 01:00:12,964 So you better be wide enough to catch 'em all. We got that? 1646 01:00:13,131 --> 01:00:15,216 Hey, did Rosie tell you what she wants for her credit? 1647 01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:17,510 Oh. Uh... 1648 01:00:17,510 --> 01:00:19,721 She was of two minds... 1649 01:00:23,224 --> 01:00:24,851 What is this? Why are you cueing up Carson? Who is that? 1650 01:00:25,602 --> 01:00:26,936 I think that's Tony Curtis. 1651 01:00:27,103 --> 01:00:29,356 That's pretty normal right before a live show, right, Dave? 1652 01:00:29,522 --> 01:00:31,483 Yeah. If anything goes wrong, we bump to tape. 1653 01:00:31,649 --> 01:00:32,776 - See? - Right. 1654 01:00:32,942 --> 01:00:34,611 Lorne! Lorne. We found a lighting director. 1655 01:00:34,944 --> 01:00:35,945 LORNE: Great. Go get him. 1656 01:00:36,112 --> 01:00:37,655 No, he's lighting a show right now. 1657 01:00:37,655 --> 01:00:39,032 This will take some massaging. 1658 01:00:39,199 --> 01:00:40,200 We don't have... 1659 01:00:42,118 --> 01:00:43,119 What floor? 1660 01:00:44,037 --> 01:00:46,539 It's down on the sixth floor. Some variety show. 1661 01:00:46,706 --> 01:00:48,583 - And he knows I'm coming? - Uh... 1662 01:00:49,876 --> 01:00:52,253 - Say, Lorne. This a bad time? - LORNE: Perfect time, Garrett. 1663 01:00:52,420 --> 01:00:53,922 Okay, I've been thinkin'. 1664 01:00:54,089 --> 01:00:56,132 Why did you hire me? 1665 01:00:56,299 --> 01:00:57,342 You were cheap. 1666 01:00:57,342 --> 01:00:58,426 GARRETT: Really? 1667 01:00:58,593 --> 01:01:00,136 I'm being ironical, Garrett. 1668 01:01:00,970 --> 01:01:01,971 The fuck? 1669 01:01:06,226 --> 01:01:07,227 Hey, Garrett. 1670 01:01:07,852 --> 01:01:08,853 What's wrong? 1671 01:01:09,145 --> 01:01:11,314 [SIGHS] Nothin'. I'm just... 1672 01:01:12,273 --> 01:01:14,359 Just trying to figure out exactly what it is 1673 01:01:14,359 --> 01:01:15,568 I am doing here. 1674 01:01:15,735 --> 01:01:16,986 Aw, what do you mean? 1675 01:01:17,404 --> 01:01:18,655 You know... 1676 01:01:18,822 --> 01:01:21,533 I just can't help but feeling a little bit like an outsider. 1677 01:01:21,699 --> 01:01:23,118 Because you're so much older? 1678 01:01:23,284 --> 01:01:24,285 What? 1679 01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,288 I went to Juilliard. 1680 01:01:27,705 --> 01:01:29,666 I've been on Broadway. I'm a published playwright. 1681 01:01:29,833 --> 01:01:33,420 Man, they got me buzzin' around here in a goddamn bee suit... 1682 01:01:33,586 --> 01:01:35,463 and wavin' a gun around like I'm some kind of hoodlum. 1683 01:01:35,630 --> 01:01:37,674 These are not my strengths, man. 1684 01:01:37,841 --> 01:01:39,801 I am being under-utilized... 1685 01:01:39,968 --> 01:01:41,094 which makes me ponder... 1686 01:01:41,261 --> 01:01:43,263 what am I doing here? 1687 01:01:44,013 --> 01:01:45,265 You know how many operas I've done? 1688 01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:47,100 - I have no idea, Garrett. - Shit... 1689 01:01:47,267 --> 01:01:48,768 while Danny and Laraine were eatin' Froot Loops... 1690 01:01:48,935 --> 01:01:53,648 I was performing La Traviata in Italian. 1691 01:01:53,815 --> 01:01:54,816 Ya dig? 1692 01:01:54,983 --> 01:01:57,193 Of course, I dig, Garrett. 1693 01:01:57,944 --> 01:01:58,778 But, uh... 1694 01:01:59,821 --> 01:02:02,240 no one is saying you can't sing on the show. 1695 01:02:02,407 --> 01:02:03,408 Right? 1696 01:02:05,994 --> 01:02:06,995 {\an8}[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] 1697 01:02:10,165 --> 01:02:11,207 Where's the Rumpus room? 1698 01:02:11,374 --> 01:02:13,918 TOGETHER: ♪ Down on the right ♪ 1699 01:02:16,713 --> 01:02:18,298 Oh. Whoa. Pardon me. 1700 01:02:24,179 --> 01:02:26,139 [BELL RINGS] 1701 01:02:26,139 --> 01:02:28,475 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - WOMAN: And three, two... 1702 01:02:30,226 --> 01:02:32,228 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1703 01:02:36,649 --> 01:02:40,236 And we... Seven, eight, and blocking! 1704 01:02:41,613 --> 01:02:44,699 Five, six... Uh-oh! 1705 01:02:45,283 --> 01:02:46,284 Smile! 1706 01:03:21,945 --> 01:03:23,488 [MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING] 1707 01:03:31,788 --> 01:03:33,998 Hey! You little fucker. 1708 01:03:34,582 --> 01:03:36,125 Get your head out of your ass. 1709 01:03:36,292 --> 01:03:39,212 Prep the cupcake lights and bring up the glitter, Carl. 1710 01:03:40,129 --> 01:03:41,130 Carl? 1711 01:03:41,798 --> 01:03:42,924 I have a job offer. 1712 01:03:43,508 --> 01:03:46,010 Comes with no guarantees, no perks, and no weekends. 1713 01:03:47,554 --> 01:03:48,555 How's the pay? 1714 01:03:50,306 --> 01:03:51,558 That's the worst part. 1715 01:03:56,104 --> 01:03:57,105 MAN: What the fuck? 1716 01:03:57,272 --> 01:03:58,314 - When do you start? - LORNE: Right now. 1717 01:03:58,481 --> 01:04:01,401 MAN: Send me a postcard from the gutter, you little shit. 1718 01:04:13,246 --> 01:04:14,330 Rosie, you seen Jackie? 1719 01:04:14,497 --> 01:04:15,873 No. Sorry. 1720 01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,584 Knock, knock. 1721 01:04:18,126 --> 01:04:20,253 - Hi. - Hi, stud. Can I see? 1722 01:04:20,420 --> 01:04:21,796 Can you get Chevy to do this one? 1723 01:04:21,963 --> 01:04:24,007 No way. You look so sexy. 1724 01:04:24,173 --> 01:04:26,467 Hey. These can't be the right size. 1725 01:04:26,634 --> 01:04:28,803 Yeah, you're right. They should be a little bit smaller. 1726 01:04:28,803 --> 01:04:29,721 [LAUGHTER] 1727 01:04:29,721 --> 01:04:31,139 DAN: This feels like it's a lot of leg. 1728 01:04:31,306 --> 01:04:32,599 ROSIE: You kidding, hot stuff? 1729 01:04:32,765 --> 01:04:33,933 You're gonna melt every TV in America. 1730 01:04:33,933 --> 01:04:35,059 - DAN: Oh, yeah? - Uh, yeah. 1731 01:04:35,059 --> 01:04:36,769 You know, ma'am, you are dealing 1732 01:04:36,769 --> 01:04:38,104 with a fully-qualified male strumpet here. 1733 01:04:38,104 --> 01:04:39,188 ROSIE: Oh. Male? 1734 01:04:39,188 --> 01:04:40,440 DAN: I've actually got a work order... 1735 01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:44,027 stating I should be rogering you roundly right now! 1736 01:04:44,193 --> 01:04:45,612 LORNE: Hey, have you guys seen John? 1737 01:04:46,446 --> 01:04:48,906 No, I haven't seen him. Danny? 1738 01:04:49,073 --> 01:04:50,533 - Have you seen John? - Yeah? John. 1739 01:04:50,700 --> 01:04:53,620 Well, John's an anarchist and an Illinois alpha male. 1740 01:04:54,287 --> 01:04:55,371 What does that mean? 1741 01:04:55,788 --> 01:04:57,874 Oh. Uh, well, see, boss, you and I, 1742 01:04:57,874 --> 01:04:59,250 if we were to enter this space... 1743 01:04:59,417 --> 01:05:01,252 we'd be like 15th century peasants 1744 01:05:01,252 --> 01:05:02,378 walking into the Vatican... 1745 01:05:02,378 --> 01:05:04,088 but Belushi's a whole other animal. 1746 01:05:04,255 --> 01:05:06,007 He's a skeptic and a sinner. 1747 01:05:06,174 --> 01:05:07,634 I'd give O'Houlihans a recce. 1748 01:05:08,009 --> 01:05:09,636 - He's at the bar next door. - LORNE: Ah. 1749 01:05:09,969 --> 01:05:12,930 Um, Barbara's still asking about your credit on the show. 1750 01:05:13,097 --> 01:05:14,140 ROSIE: Whatever you think. 1751 01:05:14,307 --> 01:05:15,516 It's your name, Rose. 1752 01:05:17,560 --> 01:05:18,686 Has he only gotten that far? 1753 01:05:19,103 --> 01:05:21,439 We'd like to help, but we're rootin' for the guy. 1754 01:05:21,606 --> 01:05:23,232 Well, at least your heart's in it. 1755 01:05:23,399 --> 01:05:25,068 Hey, you seen Jacqueline, my fiancée? 1756 01:05:25,234 --> 01:05:26,903 No, I haven't seen shit! 1757 01:05:27,654 --> 01:05:29,572 Ladies, have you seen Jackie? 1758 01:05:29,739 --> 01:05:30,740 - WOMAN: No. Sorry. - JOE: All right, change of plans. 1759 01:05:30,907 --> 01:05:32,200 We're skippin' Ancient Greece 1760 01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:33,993 and we're movin' into the break room. 1761 01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:35,286 Ladies, I need you in your hard hats. 1762 01:05:35,453 --> 01:05:36,788 - Okay? Right now. Come on. - [BOTH GROAN] 1763 01:05:36,954 --> 01:05:39,082 I don't want to change. 1764 01:05:39,248 --> 01:05:40,833 Are we good? Is he all right? 1765 01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:42,710 Yeah. Yeah. Danny, I mean... 1766 01:05:42,710 --> 01:05:44,128 whatever's going on between you and me 1767 01:05:44,128 --> 01:05:45,838 is the last thing on his mind right now. 1768 01:05:46,005 --> 01:05:48,049 So the man doesn't wrestle with the green-eyed monster? 1769 01:05:48,216 --> 01:05:50,134 Hardly. I mean, look, I've known Lorne 1770 01:05:50,134 --> 01:05:51,803 since I had toilet paper tits. 1771 01:05:52,637 --> 01:05:54,263 One day, he just followed me home from school 1772 01:05:54,263 --> 01:05:56,057 - and I never shook him. - Pretty sure 1773 01:05:56,057 --> 01:05:57,767 - you can be arrested for that. - MOOSE: Look out, Rosie! 1774 01:05:57,767 --> 01:05:59,102 Sorry, Moose. 1775 01:05:59,977 --> 01:06:01,229 Anyways, I don't know, 1776 01:06:01,229 --> 01:06:03,898 Lorne lost his dad when he was 14... 1777 01:06:04,065 --> 01:06:05,650 and his mom sold everything... 1778 01:06:05,817 --> 01:06:08,236 and so he spent a whole year without furniture. 1779 01:06:08,403 --> 01:06:09,987 So when I first met him, I thought... 1780 01:06:10,154 --> 01:06:13,825 he's just a stray looking for a spare piece of carpet... 1781 01:06:14,534 --> 01:06:16,244 like, he wants to be a part of my family... 1782 01:06:16,411 --> 01:06:18,913 and I'm the kid sister or something. 1783 01:06:19,664 --> 01:06:21,666 But then, hormones. 1784 01:06:21,833 --> 01:06:23,793 Turns out, I'm not the kid sister... 1785 01:06:24,293 --> 01:06:27,463 and so we start dating and I think... 1786 01:06:28,172 --> 01:06:31,008 "Okay, he wants to build a family with me." 1787 01:06:31,426 --> 01:06:33,720 And we get married, we buy a house. 1788 01:06:33,886 --> 01:06:35,763 I mean, no ring. I think those are pretty stupid. 1789 01:06:35,930 --> 01:06:38,266 But linens and china. 1790 01:06:39,642 --> 01:06:42,145 And then it turns out... 1791 01:06:42,311 --> 01:06:44,647 I'm not the kid sister or the wife. 1792 01:06:45,273 --> 01:06:46,274 DAN: So who are ya? 1793 01:06:46,733 --> 01:06:48,025 ROSIE: I'm the writer. 1794 01:06:48,192 --> 01:06:50,236 JOE: All right, rehearsal's moments away. 1795 01:06:50,403 --> 01:06:51,738 DAN: And who's he? 1796 01:06:51,904 --> 01:06:54,532 We take you now to Ancient Greece. 1797 01:06:54,532 --> 01:06:56,033 JOE: Not yet, Don. It's the wrong sketch, buddy. 1798 01:06:56,033 --> 01:06:57,493 Can I get you behind the lockers? 1799 01:06:57,660 --> 01:06:58,995 Yeah. 1800 01:07:00,455 --> 01:07:01,998 And try sitting like men. 1801 01:07:02,498 --> 01:07:03,499 - Oh, yeah. - ROSIE: Perfect. 1802 01:07:03,666 --> 01:07:05,877 Okay. Hair and makeup, clear. 1803 01:07:06,169 --> 01:07:07,295 Clearing. 1804 01:07:07,462 --> 01:07:09,130 Please get the fuck out. Thank you. 1805 01:07:09,297 --> 01:07:11,466 Okay, and action! 1806 01:07:11,466 --> 01:07:12,425 [LOCKER CLANGS] 1807 01:07:13,259 --> 01:07:16,262 Now that you've mastered all the technical know-how... 1808 01:07:16,429 --> 01:07:19,599 I think it's time we work on your sidewalk skills. 1809 01:07:19,766 --> 01:07:20,892 All right. 1810 01:07:21,392 --> 01:07:23,686 Daniel over here has kindly offered... 1811 01:07:23,853 --> 01:07:26,939 to aid us in a live demonstration. 1812 01:07:27,106 --> 01:07:28,775 Come on out, Danny. 1813 01:07:29,942 --> 01:07:31,402 Danny, enter. 1814 01:07:34,614 --> 01:07:35,448 [LAUGHTER] 1815 01:07:35,448 --> 01:07:37,450 ROSIE: No, you got to take off the robe. 1816 01:07:37,450 --> 01:07:39,243 I can lose it on the day. I figured I'd rehearse with... 1817 01:07:39,243 --> 01:07:41,162 No. You can lose the robe right now. 1818 01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:47,376 [ALL CHEERING] 1819 01:07:47,376 --> 01:07:48,878 The shorts are too short. 1820 01:07:50,505 --> 01:07:52,715 Now, when a little piece-a heaven 1821 01:07:52,715 --> 01:07:55,384 - like Danny walks by... - Now strut. 1822 01:07:56,636 --> 01:07:58,095 - Here's how you make him feel... - Right. 1823 01:07:58,095 --> 01:07:59,305 GILDA: ...right at home. 1824 01:07:59,305 --> 01:08:00,264 [LAUGHTER] 1825 01:08:00,264 --> 01:08:03,184 - Voom, va-va voom! Va-va voom! - [ALL CHEERING] 1826 01:08:03,351 --> 01:08:04,936 Show him how to do it, Gilda! 1827 01:08:05,186 --> 01:08:06,312 - Yeah! - GILDA: Come on, Jane. 1828 01:08:06,479 --> 01:08:08,231 - Give it to him. - All right. 1829 01:08:09,398 --> 01:08:10,608 Hey, dreamboat. 1830 01:08:11,150 --> 01:08:13,986 What's the matter? Why don't you give me a little twirl? 1831 01:08:14,153 --> 01:08:17,156 Show me what you're workin' with. 1832 01:08:17,156 --> 01:08:19,242 [CHEERING AND WHISTLING] 1833 01:08:20,618 --> 01:08:21,828 GILDA: Okay, give it to him, Laraine. 1834 01:08:26,249 --> 01:08:28,876 Hey, stud muffins, want to make bouncy bouncy? 1835 01:08:28,876 --> 01:08:30,294 [LAUGHTER] 1836 01:08:30,294 --> 01:08:31,420 Are we still doing the scene? Or... 1837 01:08:31,420 --> 01:08:32,547 What are ya talkin' to her for? 1838 01:08:32,547 --> 01:08:33,840 You're talkin' to me, joy chunks. 1839 01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:35,174 ROSIE: Stay in character, please. 1840 01:08:35,341 --> 01:08:37,093 - Hey. - GILDA: Come on, baby. 1841 01:08:37,260 --> 01:08:39,053 LARAINE: Ya dropped somethin'. 1842 01:08:39,053 --> 01:08:40,680 ALL: Whoa! 1843 01:08:41,681 --> 01:08:43,182 Well, I guess I should just pick this up. 1844 01:08:43,182 --> 01:08:45,476 [ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING] 1845 01:08:49,146 --> 01:08:50,857 All right, all right. All right. 1846 01:08:51,023 --> 01:08:52,024 They are so cute 1847 01:08:52,024 --> 01:08:53,568 - when they're mad! - All right, thank you. 1848 01:08:53,568 --> 01:08:54,902 Okay, cut. 1849 01:08:54,902 --> 01:08:56,404 [APPLAUSE] 1850 01:08:57,405 --> 01:08:59,031 The shorts are too short. I told ya. 1851 01:08:59,782 --> 01:09:02,577 Here you go. It was a great scene. 1852 01:09:03,077 --> 01:09:04,078 - Yeah, strumpet. - Thanks. 1853 01:09:04,245 --> 01:09:05,913 JOE: All right, and we're movin' on. 1854 01:09:05,913 --> 01:09:07,081 Great rehearsal. Here we go. 1855 01:09:07,248 --> 01:09:09,917 We take you now to Ancient Greece... 1856 01:09:10,084 --> 01:09:11,460 as Alexander the Great... 1857 01:09:11,627 --> 01:09:14,046 attends his ten-year high school reunion. 1858 01:09:14,213 --> 01:09:15,798 Hey, boys, have you seen Jackie? 1859 01:09:17,383 --> 01:09:18,426 Gentlemen, you seen Jackie? 1860 01:09:21,637 --> 01:09:23,222 JACQUELINE: Look at that. My goodness. 1861 01:09:23,389 --> 01:09:24,807 Hey, hon. They need us in Athens. 1862 01:09:24,974 --> 01:09:26,058 MILTON: Jesus, who's this guy? 1863 01:09:26,225 --> 01:09:27,727 Chevy, Milton taped a show here... 1864 01:09:27,894 --> 01:09:30,229 - back in 1956, isn't that neat? - Ooh! 1865 01:09:30,396 --> 01:09:31,439 She's taken. 1866 01:09:31,606 --> 01:09:33,482 What hours? I'll take the rest of the evening. 1867 01:09:33,649 --> 01:09:34,859 - Excuse me? - JACQUELINE: He's kidding. 1868 01:09:35,026 --> 01:09:36,110 Yeah, buddy, I'm kidding. 1869 01:09:36,277 --> 01:09:37,278 CHEVY: Oh, that's cute. 1870 01:09:37,445 --> 01:09:38,988 I remember when you used to do comedy. 1871 01:09:39,155 --> 01:09:40,573 Funny, 'cause I never heard of you. 1872 01:09:40,740 --> 01:09:42,366 That's probably the Alzheimer's. 1873 01:09:43,200 --> 01:09:44,660 What's the matter, did you wander off 1874 01:09:44,660 --> 01:09:46,996 - onto an actual TV set? - [CHUCKLES] 1875 01:09:47,455 --> 01:09:48,581 Hey, darling, you're sitting 1876 01:09:48,581 --> 01:09:50,374 in front of the Ghost of Television Past. 1877 01:09:50,541 --> 01:09:51,542 This old man... 1878 01:09:51,709 --> 01:09:53,502 he used to be an institution. Now he needs one. 1879 01:09:55,379 --> 01:09:57,256 If you want my comeback, you're gonna have to scrape it 1880 01:09:57,256 --> 01:09:59,091 off the back of your mom's teeth. 1881 01:09:59,258 --> 01:10:00,426 [CHUCKLES] Jesus. 1882 01:10:02,219 --> 01:10:03,262 You're gonna laugh at that? 1883 01:10:03,262 --> 01:10:04,430 MILTON: Listen, sweetheart. 1884 01:10:04,597 --> 01:10:06,390 There's plenty more where that came from. 1885 01:10:07,850 --> 01:10:08,851 God. 1886 01:10:10,478 --> 01:10:11,312 Oh. 1887 01:10:11,896 --> 01:10:13,314 Do I have your attention? 1888 01:10:16,776 --> 01:10:17,610 [CHUCKLES] 1889 01:10:19,236 --> 01:10:21,155 I have two stars on the Walk of Fame. 1890 01:10:21,155 --> 01:10:22,782 - Oh. - Oh, yeah. Who gives a shit? 1891 01:10:22,782 --> 01:10:23,824 CHEVY: Hmm. 1892 01:10:23,824 --> 01:10:25,034 MILTON: I once held 97%... 1893 01:10:25,201 --> 01:10:27,620 of America's television viewing audience. 1894 01:10:29,914 --> 01:10:31,499 That's not what they're gonna remember. 1895 01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:34,710 They're gonna remember Mr. Television. 1896 01:10:35,670 --> 01:10:37,129 Their Uncle Miltie. 1897 01:10:39,090 --> 01:10:40,383 Who the fuck are you, kid? 1898 01:10:42,134 --> 01:10:43,219 You're not a star. 1899 01:10:45,096 --> 01:10:47,098 You're barely in the fucking building. 1900 01:10:47,431 --> 01:10:48,349 [SCOFFS] 1901 01:10:50,601 --> 01:10:52,186 You're not even a swingin' dick. 1902 01:10:53,020 --> 01:10:53,938 [ZIPPING] 1903 01:10:55,231 --> 01:10:56,816 Call me after he's done crying. 1904 01:10:56,983 --> 01:10:59,360 GEORGE: Are you shitting me? 1905 01:10:59,527 --> 01:11:01,112 Are you shitting me with this costume? 1906 01:11:01,278 --> 01:11:02,279 Can you make a path? 1907 01:11:02,279 --> 01:11:03,990 There's an actual comedian coming through. 1908 01:11:04,156 --> 01:11:05,616 Wow. Look at these columns. 1909 01:11:05,783 --> 01:11:07,368 I feel transported. Oh! 1910 01:11:07,952 --> 01:11:09,662 Hey, George. How can I help? 1911 01:11:10,246 --> 01:11:12,206 So, what is this? 1912 01:11:12,373 --> 01:11:14,917 Why am I dressed like a fuckin' towel boy from Caesar's? 1913 01:11:15,084 --> 01:11:17,420 Well, I believe you're Alexander the Great at his... 1914 01:11:17,586 --> 01:11:19,046 Ten-year high school reunion. 1915 01:11:19,213 --> 01:11:20,214 - Thank you, Don. - Exactly. 1916 01:11:20,381 --> 01:11:21,549 So, when Chevy asks what you've been up to... 1917 01:11:21,716 --> 01:11:22,967 your response is, "You know... 1918 01:11:23,134 --> 01:11:25,636 "mostly conquering the known universe." [CHUCKLES] 1919 01:11:26,762 --> 01:11:28,514 Right. And this is for television. 1920 01:11:28,514 --> 01:11:30,016 - Right. - What's your concern, George? 1921 01:11:30,182 --> 01:11:31,308 My real concern is why I let my agent 1922 01:11:31,308 --> 01:11:32,393 convince me to do your show. 1923 01:11:32,393 --> 01:11:33,477 Do you need some help with the script? 1924 01:11:33,644 --> 01:11:35,312 I'd just love to know where the humor is. 1925 01:11:35,479 --> 01:11:37,440 It's like a Spruce Goose. It's a lot of wood, no lift off. 1926 01:11:37,440 --> 01:11:38,566 LORNE: Well, we can rewrite. I mean, we have... 1927 01:11:38,566 --> 01:11:39,650 Is that right? 1928 01:11:39,650 --> 01:11:40,818 - Jesus Christ. - Great. 1929 01:11:40,985 --> 01:11:42,528 - We could find... - No, no, no. George, I hear you. 1930 01:11:42,528 --> 01:11:44,113 - LORNE: We want to make it work. - I think I understand 1931 01:11:44,113 --> 01:11:45,948 the reason you might be struggling. 1932 01:11:46,657 --> 01:11:48,034 You see, these are scenes. 1933 01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:49,201 Well, sketches. 1934 01:11:49,201 --> 01:11:51,078 - They revolve around acting. - Michael... 1935 01:11:51,245 --> 01:11:52,246 And that must feel foreign 1936 01:11:52,246 --> 01:11:53,330 when you're a ponytailed vulture... 1937 01:11:53,330 --> 01:11:55,166 feeding off the corpse of Lenny Bruce. 1938 01:11:55,875 --> 01:11:56,709 [SCOFFS] 1939 01:12:01,005 --> 01:12:02,757 It's okay. He's right. You're right. 1940 01:12:06,469 --> 01:12:08,095 Because I wouldn't want to make these skits 1941 01:12:08,095 --> 01:12:10,014 any worse than they actually are. 1942 01:12:10,473 --> 01:12:13,517 It's a great thing no one will be watching. 1943 01:12:13,684 --> 01:12:15,853 Enjoy your fucking little circle jerk. 1944 01:12:16,020 --> 01:12:17,980 - We already are. - GEORGE: Oh, your mom's here? 1945 01:12:17,980 --> 01:12:18,898 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 1946 01:12:22,068 --> 01:12:23,319 Well, he's in character. 1947 01:12:36,791 --> 01:12:38,417 [CLOCK TICKING] 1948 01:12:46,550 --> 01:12:47,551 LEO: It's shit. 1949 01:13:04,819 --> 01:13:06,153 Lorne, Lorne. 1950 01:13:06,987 --> 01:13:07,988 Lorne. 1951 01:13:08,656 --> 01:13:09,740 Lorne, great news. 1952 01:13:09,907 --> 01:13:11,909 We figured it out. Ready? 1953 01:13:17,498 --> 01:13:18,499 Ta-da. 1954 01:13:19,208 --> 01:13:21,252 - We cut the toga sketch. - Oh. 1955 01:13:21,919 --> 01:13:23,546 Even without Alexander, we're still 30 over. 1956 01:13:23,712 --> 01:13:25,798 Maybe we don't need four musical performances? 1957 01:13:25,965 --> 01:13:27,842 Or maybe we could trim one of the Carlin monologues. 1958 01:13:28,008 --> 01:13:29,009 Okay. 1959 01:13:36,392 --> 01:13:37,977 What about now? Are we under now? 1960 01:13:39,145 --> 01:13:40,271 We can make it work. 1961 01:13:40,271 --> 01:13:42,022 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 1962 01:13:45,901 --> 01:13:47,111 Hey, hey, Lorne, Lorne. 1963 01:13:47,278 --> 01:13:50,531 Look, I know it's probably a bad time and all, but, um... 1964 01:13:51,490 --> 01:13:52,491 but Valri and I have been talking... 1965 01:13:52,491 --> 01:13:53,576 LORNE: Yeah. 1966 01:13:53,576 --> 01:13:55,661 ...and we can't accept anything less than four minutes a piece. 1967 01:13:55,661 --> 01:13:57,371 So, that's four minutes for me, four minutes for Valri. 1968 01:13:57,538 --> 01:13:58,747 Look, we've just been... 1969 01:13:59,165 --> 01:14:00,624 working too hard on our material 1970 01:14:00,624 --> 01:14:02,251 to accept anything less so it's... 1971 01:14:02,960 --> 01:14:04,086 four minutes or nothin'. 1972 01:14:04,336 --> 01:14:05,754 Well, I need two minutes. 1973 01:14:06,130 --> 01:14:07,506 You need me to cut two minutes of my sketch? 1974 01:14:07,506 --> 01:14:08,591 I could do that, Lorne. 1975 01:14:08,591 --> 01:14:10,134 I mean, that's six minutes only, you know. I can make that... 1976 01:14:10,301 --> 01:14:11,594 No, I need two minutes of material. 1977 01:14:12,344 --> 01:14:13,429 It's two minutes or nothing. 1978 01:14:13,846 --> 01:14:15,097 Is this for real? 'Cause... 1979 01:14:15,848 --> 01:14:17,600 Okay, I killed at dress, right? 1980 01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:19,018 I'm the only good act that killed at dress. 1981 01:14:19,018 --> 01:14:20,102 I can do the show, so... 1982 01:14:20,102 --> 01:14:21,395 Billy, can you make it work in two minutes? 1983 01:14:21,562 --> 01:14:23,772 - I can't even set it up in two. - Then I don't know what to say. 1984 01:14:23,939 --> 01:14:25,107 I'm sorry it didn't work out. 1985 01:14:25,566 --> 01:14:26,567 Can you make it in two? 1986 01:14:27,568 --> 01:14:28,903 - Yes. - Great. 1987 01:14:36,619 --> 01:14:38,037 DICK: Lorne, Lorne. 1988 01:14:38,954 --> 01:14:39,788 Uh... 1989 01:14:41,248 --> 01:14:42,249 I was thinking... 1990 01:14:42,958 --> 01:14:44,168 why don't we punt? 1991 01:14:46,170 --> 01:14:48,881 Come back stronger next week, debut with Paul Simon. 1992 01:14:49,298 --> 01:14:50,382 That's what you've been thinking? 1993 01:14:50,549 --> 01:14:53,093 Listen, no one wants this show to succeed more than I do. 1994 01:14:53,260 --> 01:14:54,261 LORNE: Is that so? 1995 01:14:54,970 --> 01:14:57,014 I mean, yeah, I hired you, Lorne. 1996 01:14:57,514 --> 01:14:58,933 I take it up the ass from this network every day... 1997 01:14:59,099 --> 01:15:00,517 because I believe in this show. 1998 01:15:00,684 --> 01:15:02,686 And I'm telling you, we should run the dress rehearsal... 1999 01:15:02,853 --> 01:15:04,438 and claw back a win next Saturday. 2000 01:15:04,605 --> 01:15:05,981 It's in everyone's best interest. 2001 01:15:05,981 --> 01:15:07,233 Mainly yours. 2002 01:15:07,233 --> 01:15:08,609 Sorry. Was that a threat? 2003 01:15:08,776 --> 01:15:10,611 No. What? No. 2004 01:15:10,986 --> 01:15:13,239 Lorne, all I'm trying to do is give you advice. 2005 01:15:13,405 --> 01:15:14,573 25 minutes! 2006 01:15:15,908 --> 01:15:17,576 Thanks for the advice, but we can't, Dick. 2007 01:15:17,576 --> 01:15:18,661 It's a live show. 2008 01:15:18,661 --> 01:15:19,745 No one's gonna know the difference. 2009 01:15:19,745 --> 01:15:21,330 - We just can't. - Lorne, you need to start 2010 01:15:21,330 --> 01:15:23,332 adjusting your concept of what you can and cannot do. 2011 01:15:23,332 --> 01:15:24,917 We can't because there is no tape. 2012 01:15:25,084 --> 01:15:26,794 I didn't record the dress rehearsal. 2013 01:15:27,461 --> 01:15:29,171 So, we don't have to argue about it. 2014 01:15:30,547 --> 01:15:31,548 You didn't what? 2015 01:15:32,049 --> 01:15:33,050 We just have to make it to air. 2016 01:15:33,217 --> 01:15:35,052 Lorne, I'm not gonna be able to protect you. 2017 01:15:35,219 --> 01:15:37,680 - I'm used to that. - Oh, screw you. 2018 01:15:37,846 --> 01:15:40,224 Do you know how much bullshit never makes it to your ears? 2019 01:15:40,391 --> 01:15:41,725 Because I'm the wall they hit. 2020 01:15:41,892 --> 01:15:43,686 Tell that to your Polaroid rep. She's cute. 2021 01:15:43,852 --> 01:15:46,146 I'm sorry you need a sponsor for a show 2022 01:15:46,146 --> 01:15:47,856 that can't pull a single advertiser. 2023 01:15:48,023 --> 01:15:49,775 You know they're giving out the ads for free? 2024 01:15:49,942 --> 01:15:53,279 NBC is lucky to have something as relevant as this show. 2025 01:15:53,279 --> 01:15:54,613 Lorne, they don't even want it. 2026 01:15:54,613 --> 01:15:55,698 That's logical, Dick. That's why 2027 01:15:55,698 --> 01:15:56,907 they're paying us all to be here. 2028 01:15:56,907 --> 01:15:58,409 [SIGHS IN EXASPERATION] 2029 01:16:00,703 --> 01:16:02,204 They want you to fail. 2030 01:16:02,621 --> 01:16:03,664 They're betting on it. 2031 01:16:03,664 --> 01:16:04,790 Really? 2032 01:16:04,790 --> 01:16:06,041 NBC makes more money 2033 01:16:06,041 --> 01:16:08,002 playing reruns of The Tonight Show. 2034 01:16:08,168 --> 01:16:10,337 - So, why don't they? - It's a contract dispute, Lorne. 2035 01:16:10,504 --> 01:16:12,256 I mean, they're trying to prove to Johnny Carson 2036 01:16:12,256 --> 01:16:13,841 that the reruns are inevitable. 2037 01:16:14,008 --> 01:16:17,052 So, they built a show that was guaranteed to fail. 2038 01:16:17,219 --> 01:16:19,263 I mean, Lorne, 90 minutes of live television 2039 01:16:19,263 --> 01:16:20,597 by a group of 20-year-olds... 2040 01:16:20,764 --> 01:16:21,932 who've never made anything. 2041 01:16:22,182 --> 01:16:24,560 Do you ever stop and wonder why they said yes? 2042 01:16:24,727 --> 01:16:27,646 A counterculture show starring total unknowns... 2043 01:16:27,813 --> 01:16:30,274 with zero narrative and even less structure? 2044 01:16:30,441 --> 01:16:32,568 Are you that fucking arrogant... 2045 01:16:33,027 --> 01:16:35,112 that you never even questioned this? 2046 01:16:38,032 --> 01:16:39,575 Now, look, you want to know what's gonna happen 2047 01:16:39,575 --> 01:16:41,452 at 11:30 tonight? Okay. 2048 01:16:42,036 --> 01:16:43,329 Your actors will be on their marks. 2049 01:16:43,495 --> 01:16:45,247 Band's tuned up, all ready to go. 2050 01:16:45,414 --> 01:16:46,874 Joe will be hollering out the countdown... 2051 01:16:47,041 --> 01:16:48,250 and you'll be in the control room... 2052 01:16:48,417 --> 01:16:50,711 and Dave Tebet will be standing probably right next to you. 2053 01:16:50,878 --> 01:16:52,338 And when those screens go black... 2054 01:16:52,504 --> 01:16:53,881 he will raise his big-ass, 2055 01:16:53,881 --> 01:16:55,507 jeweled-up index finger and say... 2056 01:16:55,674 --> 01:16:56,717 "Go to Carson." 2057 01:16:57,092 --> 01:16:58,427 And that will be that. 2058 01:16:59,803 --> 01:17:00,846 You blew it. 2059 01:17:05,309 --> 01:17:07,770 And listen, I know you all make fun of me... 2060 01:17:07,936 --> 01:17:09,313 and my clothes behind my back. 2061 01:17:10,189 --> 01:17:12,191 But, Lorne, I'm killing myself for this show. 2062 01:17:14,526 --> 01:17:16,028 Also, Polaroid is cool. 2063 01:17:36,548 --> 01:17:38,675 - Oh, shit! Lorne. - It worked! 2064 01:17:44,181 --> 01:17:45,474 Nice work, fellas. 2065 01:17:46,725 --> 01:17:48,227 A little heavy on the flow, but very funny. 2066 01:17:49,353 --> 01:17:50,354 Sorry about the clothes. 2067 01:17:50,521 --> 01:17:51,814 AL: And your face. 2068 01:17:53,732 --> 01:17:58,153 Art is but a measure of sacrifice and tears. 2069 01:17:59,655 --> 01:18:00,697 Not quite ready for tonight, 2070 01:18:00,697 --> 01:18:02,533 but I'll keep it on a special list. 2071 01:18:04,326 --> 01:18:06,036 BOTH: "Special list"? 2072 01:18:19,925 --> 01:18:20,926 Lobby. 2073 01:18:25,347 --> 01:18:27,015 This an okay time? 2074 01:18:28,058 --> 01:18:29,059 Ideal. 2075 01:18:29,393 --> 01:18:30,394 Look... 2076 01:18:32,146 --> 01:18:33,605 I know what people say... 2077 01:18:33,772 --> 01:18:36,650 when they see a man with his arm up a Muppet. 2078 01:18:37,860 --> 01:18:38,694 But... 2079 01:18:39,194 --> 01:18:41,530 this isn't just kid's stuff. 2080 01:18:42,364 --> 01:18:44,241 I believe, deep in my heart... 2081 01:18:44,408 --> 01:18:47,619 that there is room for high-stakes puppetry... 2082 01:18:47,786 --> 01:18:49,413 on grown-up TV. 2083 01:18:49,663 --> 01:18:52,666 And... I get the sense that... 2084 01:18:52,833 --> 01:18:55,002 some of the writers on the 17th floor 2085 01:18:55,002 --> 01:18:56,962 don't share that dream. 2086 01:18:59,298 --> 01:19:01,049 You didn't like the pages? 2087 01:19:04,219 --> 01:19:05,637 There were no pages. 2088 01:19:06,472 --> 01:19:08,891 - [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] - That's fair criticism. 2089 01:19:11,101 --> 01:19:12,311 MAN: Free show! 2090 01:19:12,895 --> 01:19:14,021 Free show, sir? 2091 01:19:14,813 --> 01:19:15,814 Free show. 2092 01:19:17,649 --> 01:19:19,735 Plenty of tickets left, guys. Free show. 2093 01:19:20,152 --> 01:19:21,487 The night's still young. 2094 01:19:22,279 --> 01:19:23,363 Hey, man! How's it going? 2095 01:19:29,119 --> 01:19:31,163 BILLY: Thank you. Long Island. 2096 01:19:31,622 --> 01:19:32,831 Massapequa Park. 2097 01:19:33,290 --> 01:19:34,291 MAN: Hello? 2098 01:19:36,668 --> 01:19:38,670 [MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING] 2099 01:19:56,313 --> 01:19:58,440 [MELANCHOLIC MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING] 2100 01:20:04,988 --> 01:20:06,532 MAN: My family had trouble fittin' in 2101 01:20:06,532 --> 01:20:08,116 when they got to America. 2102 01:20:08,283 --> 01:20:09,743 Even though my great-grandfather 2103 01:20:09,743 --> 01:20:11,995 actually fought in the Civil War... 2104 01:20:12,329 --> 01:20:14,248 he fought for the West. 2105 01:20:14,248 --> 01:20:16,500 - [SIGHS] Jesus Christ. - MAN: Okay. 2106 01:20:16,667 --> 01:20:18,585 This drunk, he's in front of the bench. 2107 01:20:18,752 --> 01:20:21,046 The judge says, "Hey, we brought you in for drinking." 2108 01:20:21,213 --> 01:20:23,257 And the drunk goes, "Great. What are we havin'?" 2109 01:20:24,967 --> 01:20:28,387 That's not the punch line. Jesus, fucking bullshit! 2110 01:20:28,554 --> 01:20:29,805 What's happening here? 2111 01:20:30,556 --> 01:20:33,976 I get paid seven bucks a joke, if it gets a laugh. Which... 2112 01:20:34,351 --> 01:20:36,019 This putz is taking bulletproof material 2113 01:20:36,019 --> 01:20:37,104 and filling it with lead. 2114 01:20:37,104 --> 01:20:38,313 You wrote his jokes? 2115 01:20:38,313 --> 01:20:40,440 Yeah. I wrote things that vaguely resemble 2116 01:20:40,440 --> 01:20:41,775 the things that he's saying. 2117 01:20:42,484 --> 01:20:44,736 Why don't you just perform them yourself? 2118 01:20:45,404 --> 01:20:47,447 Look at me. This is how much I sweat off-stage. 2119 01:20:47,823 --> 01:20:49,616 MAN: I get home from work the other night... 2120 01:20:49,992 --> 01:20:52,578 I see my wife in bed with my best friend. 2121 01:20:52,744 --> 01:20:55,581 I say to him, I go, "I have to, but you?" 2122 01:20:55,747 --> 01:20:57,457 - Oh, my God. - How many do you have in here? 2123 01:20:57,624 --> 01:21:00,127 About 1,100. They're single-spaced. 2124 01:21:00,544 --> 01:21:01,878 Sorry, do you mind if I go through them? 2125 01:21:02,045 --> 01:21:04,214 - Bring up the next comedian! - Yeah. Go for it. 2126 01:21:04,381 --> 01:21:05,424 MAN: I'm sure you'll hate him, too. 2127 01:21:05,424 --> 01:21:07,718 - [CROWD CLAPPING WEAKLY] - [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] 2128 01:21:09,344 --> 01:21:10,345 - Move. - [CHUCKLES] 2129 01:21:14,057 --> 01:21:16,393 God. That was fuckin' rough. Shit crowd. 2130 01:21:16,560 --> 01:21:17,894 Yeah, that was it. 2131 01:21:19,563 --> 01:21:20,564 Hey, come on. What's with the quarters? 2132 01:21:20,731 --> 01:21:23,817 Well, I changed the punch line from 46 to 49... 2133 01:21:23,984 --> 01:21:25,819 for the line about the Buick. 2134 01:21:25,986 --> 01:21:27,112 Much bigger laugh, by the way. 2135 01:21:27,279 --> 01:21:29,531 So, that means I only owe you $3.50. 2136 01:21:29,698 --> 01:21:30,699 You want a job? 2137 01:21:30,866 --> 01:21:31,992 That would be great. 2138 01:21:32,159 --> 01:21:33,702 I want a length of rope and a sturdy beam. 2139 01:21:33,869 --> 01:21:35,787 How much do you need to live? 2140 01:21:35,954 --> 01:21:38,165 I make three bucks an hour at my day job. Match it. 2141 01:21:38,332 --> 01:21:40,042 Tell him what you really do. Tell him. 2142 01:21:40,208 --> 01:21:41,460 He's a deli boy. 2143 01:21:41,627 --> 01:21:44,212 Okay? He's a schmuck in a little paper hat... 2144 01:21:44,212 --> 01:21:46,882 who slices the pastrami behind the counter. 2145 01:21:46,882 --> 01:21:48,425 [CHUCKLES] And he can barely do that. 2146 01:21:48,425 --> 01:21:49,718 Tell him what you did to your finger. 2147 01:21:49,968 --> 01:21:51,553 You're hired. Lorne Michaels. 2148 01:21:51,720 --> 01:21:54,514 - Alan. Zweibel. - Are you fucking kidding me? 2149 01:21:54,681 --> 01:21:56,058 You'd be better off buying the pastrami. 2150 01:21:56,224 --> 01:21:57,225 Let's go. 2151 01:21:57,392 --> 01:21:58,602 Wait, what? When do we start? 2152 01:21:58,602 --> 01:22:00,937 Um... Jesus Christ. 2153 01:22:02,439 --> 01:22:04,524 MAN: You can't... You better not leave. 2154 01:22:05,025 --> 01:22:06,568 This is not gonna be good for you. 2155 01:22:06,568 --> 01:22:08,654 I was gonna take you to Reno. 2156 01:22:13,659 --> 01:22:14,618 [GILDA LAUGHING] 2157 01:22:16,662 --> 01:22:18,038 GILDA: Look at that form. 2158 01:22:18,705 --> 01:22:19,915 Beautiful. 2159 01:22:21,625 --> 01:22:22,709 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 2160 01:22:31,051 --> 01:22:32,844 You ever have nostalgia for a moment 2161 01:22:32,844 --> 01:22:34,137 while you're still in it? 2162 01:22:36,515 --> 01:22:38,266 I mean, like... 2163 01:22:39,226 --> 01:22:41,269 You're in the moment, but you're also... 2164 01:22:41,728 --> 01:22:43,730 looking back on it. Like... 2165 01:22:44,815 --> 01:22:47,484 Right now, I'm here, but I'm also... 2166 01:22:47,984 --> 01:22:50,696 thinking about this moment 20 years from now. 2167 01:22:50,862 --> 01:22:52,447 We're walking by this ice rink. 2168 01:22:53,532 --> 01:22:54,783 Maybe it's Christmas... 2169 01:22:54,950 --> 01:22:57,994 and our kids are draggin' us by our pinkies... 2170 01:22:58,453 --> 01:23:01,790 and we got presents loaded on our shoulders... 2171 01:23:02,708 --> 01:23:04,626 and all we can think about is this moment, 2172 01:23:04,626 --> 01:23:06,712 right before we went on TV. 2173 01:23:14,052 --> 01:23:15,429 LORNE: You know, the NBC liability act 2174 01:23:15,429 --> 01:23:16,972 forbids you from ice skating. 2175 01:23:18,306 --> 01:23:19,307 GILDA: I found John. 2176 01:23:19,474 --> 01:23:20,475 LORNE: Oh, excellent work, Gilda. 2177 01:23:20,642 --> 01:23:22,686 JOHN: Good thing I didn't sign my contract. 2178 01:23:25,939 --> 01:23:27,149 LORNE: What's the deal, John? 2179 01:23:29,067 --> 01:23:30,318 You on the show or not? 2180 01:23:35,240 --> 01:23:38,285 The one where I get to dress up like a giant, grotesque bee? 2181 01:23:39,161 --> 01:23:41,288 I don't know. Let me ask my childhood dreams. 2182 01:23:46,251 --> 01:23:48,044 I want to try a triple axel. 2183 01:23:48,587 --> 01:23:50,213 Now we're talkin'. 2184 01:23:50,380 --> 01:23:51,840 How about a single axel? 2185 01:23:52,257 --> 01:23:53,258 Nah. 2186 01:23:54,134 --> 01:23:56,428 I figure I can either pull off the triple... 2187 01:23:57,846 --> 01:23:58,930 or die trying. 2188 01:24:00,056 --> 01:24:01,266 Those are the options? 2189 01:24:07,564 --> 01:24:10,150 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 2190 01:24:10,150 --> 01:24:12,778 Okay, John. I... I... 2191 01:24:12,778 --> 01:24:14,321 I support it. 2192 01:24:21,703 --> 01:24:22,704 Oh, God. 2193 01:24:27,334 --> 01:24:28,168 [EXHALES] 2194 01:24:34,883 --> 01:24:36,718 - He's gonna break something. - Oh, God. 2195 01:24:38,678 --> 01:24:40,013 [GRUNTS, GROANS] 2196 01:24:40,013 --> 01:24:41,097 - Oh, fuck! - Shit. John! 2197 01:24:41,097 --> 01:24:42,182 John? 2198 01:24:42,599 --> 01:24:43,975 - GILDA: John! - LORNE: Fuck! 2199 01:24:44,142 --> 01:24:45,143 Are you okay? 2200 01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,647 [GROANING] 2201 01:24:49,731 --> 01:24:51,274 You all right? I yield. 2202 01:24:52,609 --> 01:24:54,152 I accept your surrender. 2203 01:24:54,319 --> 01:24:56,696 Do you want me to help you up? 2204 01:24:56,863 --> 01:24:57,864 No. 2205 01:24:58,949 --> 01:25:00,784 I'm just gonna lie here for a minute. 2206 01:25:02,452 --> 01:25:04,371 Okay, sure. Yeah. 2207 01:25:05,163 --> 01:25:06,790 We have all the time in the world. 2208 01:25:10,669 --> 01:25:12,045 [LORNE CHUCKLES SOFTLY] 2209 01:25:12,045 --> 01:25:14,089 Who is that asshole, anyway? 2210 01:25:15,340 --> 01:25:16,716 It's Prometheus. 2211 01:25:17,801 --> 01:25:19,427 He stole fire from the cauldron of the gods... 2212 01:25:19,594 --> 01:25:22,556 gave it to man, so we could have science and the arts. 2213 01:25:26,476 --> 01:25:28,061 All right. I'm gonna head back up. 2214 01:25:29,271 --> 01:25:30,981 We have a show to put on... 2215 01:25:31,147 --> 01:25:33,108 and I'd like to be there when I get fired. 2216 01:25:34,901 --> 01:25:36,319 I'd hope to see you there, too, John. 2217 01:25:47,873 --> 01:25:48,707 [CRASH] 2218 01:25:57,716 --> 01:25:58,758 - Hey! - LORNE: Hey. 2219 01:25:58,925 --> 01:26:00,760 Heard you needed a quick change for the last act? 2220 01:26:00,927 --> 01:26:01,928 Thank you. 2221 01:26:09,603 --> 01:26:10,937 What should I say when I get up there? 2222 01:26:11,104 --> 01:26:12,647 - How should I know? - You're the writer. 2223 01:26:12,814 --> 01:26:14,232 - You're the talker. - I'm the talker? 2224 01:26:14,399 --> 01:26:16,443 Yeah, you talk the peel off a grape. 2225 01:26:17,527 --> 01:26:18,528 That was funny. 2226 01:26:26,536 --> 01:26:27,579 Rose, I won't be offended 2227 01:26:27,579 --> 01:26:29,205 if you don't want to use my last name. 2228 01:26:29,956 --> 01:26:32,000 It's not your last name, Lipowitz. 2229 01:26:36,254 --> 01:26:37,297 Whoa! 2230 01:26:37,297 --> 01:26:38,673 Check it out! Full house, right? 2231 01:26:38,840 --> 01:26:39,841 What did you tell them? 2232 01:26:40,008 --> 01:26:41,217 Well, I kind of had to lie a little bit, 2233 01:26:41,217 --> 01:26:42,302 but the vibes are really good. 2234 01:26:42,469 --> 01:26:43,637 Can we start to let them in? 2235 01:26:43,637 --> 01:26:45,639 - Uh... Almost. - All right. 2236 01:26:45,805 --> 01:26:47,390 Five minutes, guys. 10 minutes tops. 2237 01:26:47,390 --> 01:26:48,850 Let's keep these vibes going! 2238 01:26:49,434 --> 01:26:50,977 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] 2239 01:26:55,190 --> 01:26:56,691 - Adequate? - Adequate. 2240 01:26:56,691 --> 01:26:57,817 [DICK CHUCKLES] 2241 01:27:00,695 --> 01:27:03,073 - Can you imagine being first up? - Opening the show and all. 2242 01:27:03,239 --> 01:27:04,240 TOM: Millions of people trying to decide... 2243 01:27:04,407 --> 01:27:06,576 AL: How they want to spend their Saturday night. 2244 01:27:06,743 --> 01:27:08,828 What's the first thing they see? No logo, no intro. 2245 01:27:08,828 --> 01:27:10,288 Nope. Just a close up of your pretty face. 2246 01:27:10,288 --> 01:27:11,665 - Nah. - Nah. Who gives a fuck, right? 2247 01:27:11,665 --> 01:27:12,749 Yeah. It's just a bunch of animals 2248 01:27:12,749 --> 01:27:13,833 watching their lava lamps. 2249 01:27:13,833 --> 01:27:14,918 You're gonna do great. 2250 01:27:14,918 --> 01:27:16,002 - TOM: Yeah. - Fuck off. 2251 01:27:16,002 --> 01:27:17,212 - AL: We're pullin' for you. - TOM: Break a leg! 2252 01:27:20,173 --> 01:27:22,509 You the writer Lorne found in a bar? 2253 01:27:23,259 --> 01:27:24,719 That's a slightly romantic read of the story, 2254 01:27:24,719 --> 01:27:25,887 but, yeah, I guess so. 2255 01:27:26,054 --> 01:27:28,431 All right. Well, jump on in. Water's warm. 2256 01:27:28,598 --> 01:27:29,599 - Okay. - [BELL RINGS] 2257 01:27:29,766 --> 01:27:31,309 Okay. Quiet, please! 2258 01:27:31,476 --> 01:27:34,312 Work stops now. We're holding for a sound check. 2259 01:27:34,479 --> 01:27:35,480 Who wants to do the sound check? 2260 01:27:35,647 --> 01:27:37,607 Garrett! Don't you know a song? 2261 01:27:38,733 --> 01:27:39,567 Hmm? 2262 01:27:41,361 --> 01:27:42,195 [CLEARS THROAT] 2263 01:27:43,780 --> 01:27:45,532 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2264 01:27:48,243 --> 01:27:53,248 ♪ I'm ♪ 2265 01:27:53,415 --> 01:27:55,667 ♪ Gonna ♪ 2266 01:27:56,251 --> 01:27:59,421 ♪ Get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2267 01:27:59,796 --> 01:28:03,508 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2268 01:28:03,675 --> 01:28:05,593 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2269 01:28:05,760 --> 01:28:09,431 ♪ Then Whitey He won't bother me ♪ 2270 01:28:10,557 --> 01:28:13,935 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2271 01:28:14,102 --> 01:28:17,272 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2272 01:28:17,272 --> 01:28:18,398 [CHEERING] 2273 01:28:18,398 --> 01:28:21,901 ♪ I'm gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2274 01:28:21,901 --> 01:28:24,029 ♪ When I kill All the Whities I see ♪ 2275 01:28:24,195 --> 01:28:27,949 ♪ Whitey, he won't bother me ♪ 2276 01:28:28,116 --> 01:28:30,493 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2277 01:28:30,660 --> 01:28:32,454 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I ♪ 2278 01:28:32,620 --> 01:28:35,665 ♪ Gonna get me a shotgun And kill all the Whities I see ♪ 2279 01:28:36,458 --> 01:28:37,792 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 2280 01:28:37,792 --> 01:28:39,836 LORNE: Bravo! Garrett! 2281 01:28:40,295 --> 01:28:42,380 - That was fantastic. - GARRETT: Thank you. 2282 01:28:43,006 --> 01:28:44,007 Thank you. 2283 01:28:44,883 --> 01:28:45,884 LORNE: That was perfect. 2284 01:28:45,884 --> 01:28:47,427 - You have an incredible voice. - GARRETT: You're still not 2285 01:28:47,427 --> 01:28:49,471 - gonna give me no lines. - It was beautiful. 2286 01:28:51,306 --> 01:28:54,184 LORNE: Uh, gentlemen, how long have you been standing there? 2287 01:28:54,642 --> 01:28:55,769 Long enough. 2288 01:28:55,935 --> 01:28:57,062 Lorne, we need to let the audience in. 2289 01:28:57,520 --> 01:28:58,563 No, you don't. 2290 01:29:01,524 --> 01:29:04,027 Perhaps you kids aren't quite ready for prime time. 2291 01:29:04,194 --> 01:29:05,528 What are you talking about? 2292 01:29:05,862 --> 01:29:07,030 Look around, Lorne. 2293 01:29:07,822 --> 01:29:09,365 You haven't locked a script. 2294 01:29:09,949 --> 01:29:10,950 Your actors are missing. 2295 01:29:11,117 --> 01:29:12,452 Your crew is... 2296 01:29:12,827 --> 01:29:14,329 in open rebellion. 2297 01:29:18,750 --> 01:29:20,668 They'd be laughing at you in Burbank. 2298 01:29:22,128 --> 01:29:24,214 Burbank? Excuse me? This is New York fucking City. 2299 01:29:24,380 --> 01:29:25,381 Who's she? 2300 01:29:25,548 --> 01:29:26,674 - She... It's... - It's... I... 2301 01:29:26,841 --> 01:29:29,385 It's complicated. We have a hell of a show. 2302 01:29:29,552 --> 01:29:30,929 We have two bands. 2303 01:29:31,096 --> 01:29:33,139 We have seven of the brightest comedy minds alive. 2304 01:29:33,306 --> 01:29:34,724 You even know where they are? 2305 01:29:34,891 --> 01:29:36,309 Most of them. Yes. 2306 01:29:36,935 --> 01:29:39,562 Maybe we'll just try again next Saturday. 2307 01:29:39,729 --> 01:29:41,272 No. No, no, no. Don't do that. Come on. No. 2308 01:29:41,439 --> 01:29:43,691 Everybody in this room has been killing themselves... 2309 01:29:43,858 --> 01:29:45,193 - to make something special. - I know. 2310 01:29:45,360 --> 01:29:46,694 To make something innovative and actually good... 2311 01:29:46,861 --> 01:29:48,154 - for a change. -"For a change"? 2312 01:29:48,321 --> 01:29:49,697 Don't tell me that you've been doing this so long... 2313 01:29:49,864 --> 01:29:52,742 that you can't even recognize the potential for greatness... 2314 01:29:52,909 --> 01:29:54,661 when it's right in front of your face. 2315 01:29:56,246 --> 01:29:59,040 Do you even know what this show is? Tell me. 2316 01:30:05,046 --> 01:30:07,257 [INHALES DEEPLY] 2317 01:30:09,092 --> 01:30:10,593 It's an all-nighter in the city. 2318 01:30:12,178 --> 01:30:15,098 It's catching Richard Pryor at a drop-in... 2319 01:30:15,265 --> 01:30:18,643 or finding Paul Simon strumming in the back of a dive bar. 2320 01:30:18,810 --> 01:30:21,020 It's meeting a girl outside of a bodega... 2321 01:30:21,187 --> 01:30:23,148 and getting lucky in a phone booth. 2322 01:30:24,232 --> 01:30:25,650 It's everything you think is going to happen 2323 01:30:25,650 --> 01:30:27,610 when you move to the city. That's our show. 2324 01:30:28,069 --> 01:30:29,404 That's Saturday Night. 2325 01:30:29,571 --> 01:30:30,572 TEBET: Show me. 2326 01:30:31,030 --> 01:30:32,031 Show you what? 2327 01:30:32,198 --> 01:30:33,616 Show me Saturday Night. 2328 01:30:33,616 --> 01:30:34,784 We go live in less than 10 minutes. 2329 01:30:34,784 --> 01:30:35,869 10 minutes! 2330 01:30:35,869 --> 01:30:37,328 No, you don't! 2331 01:30:39,831 --> 01:30:40,957 Show me. 2332 01:30:49,799 --> 01:30:53,178 [MUSIC PLAYING] 2333 01:30:53,178 --> 01:30:57,140 ♪ Mr. Trouble Never hangs around ♪ 2334 01:30:57,307 --> 01:31:01,519 ♪ When he hears This Mighty sound ♪ 2335 01:31:01,686 --> 01:31:04,731 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2336 01:31:04,898 --> 01:31:08,735 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2337 01:31:09,152 --> 01:31:12,697 ♪ So, though we are In danger, we never despair ♪ 2338 01:31:12,864 --> 01:31:14,574 ♪ 'Cause we know That where there's danger ♪ 2339 01:31:14,741 --> 01:31:16,576 - ♪ He is there ♪ - ♪ He is there ♪ 2340 01:31:16,743 --> 01:31:17,744 ♪ On the land ♪ 2341 01:31:17,911 --> 01:31:20,997 ♪ On the sea, in the air ♪ 2342 01:31:21,164 --> 01:31:24,834 ♪ We're not worrying at all ♪ 2343 01:31:25,001 --> 01:31:28,546 ♪ We're just listening For his call ♪ 2344 01:31:28,963 --> 01:31:32,258 ♪ Here I come to save the day ♪ 2345 01:31:32,717 --> 01:31:35,803 ♪ That means that Mighty Mouse Is on the way ♪ 2346 01:31:35,803 --> 01:31:37,889 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 2347 01:31:42,435 --> 01:31:44,896 Andy, you're a genius. Now save your voice. 2348 01:31:44,896 --> 01:31:46,189 [DRUM ROLL] 2349 01:31:47,232 --> 01:31:48,441 Pull up Weekend Update. 2350 01:31:48,608 --> 01:31:51,027 JOE: We're movin' to Weekend Update, let's go! 2351 01:31:51,527 --> 01:31:52,862 - Hey. - You take it. 2352 01:31:53,488 --> 01:31:54,948 - What do you mean? - The show needs a face. 2353 01:31:55,114 --> 01:31:56,115 Are you sure? 2354 01:31:56,491 --> 01:31:58,493 You were born for this. Trust me. 2355 01:31:59,285 --> 01:32:00,787 Should I make up a name for the news anchor? 2356 01:32:00,954 --> 01:32:02,997 LORNE: Use Chevy Chase. No one will believe it. 2357 01:32:05,833 --> 01:32:07,919 Hey, remember this. When you... 2358 01:32:08,086 --> 01:32:09,462 look into the lens... 2359 01:32:09,629 --> 01:32:11,714 you're making eye contact with America. 2360 01:32:13,007 --> 01:32:14,467 DON: And now... 2361 01:32:14,634 --> 01:32:17,387 Weekend Update with Chevy Chase! 2362 01:32:25,103 --> 01:32:26,104 Hey, doll. 2363 01:32:26,604 --> 01:32:27,605 What are you wearing? 2364 01:32:27,605 --> 01:32:29,065 [PEOPLE CHUCKLING] 2365 01:32:29,065 --> 01:32:30,692 Is that why I hear purring? 2366 01:32:30,692 --> 01:32:32,026 [LAUGHTER] 2367 01:32:32,026 --> 01:32:33,403 What do you got for me? 2368 01:32:33,569 --> 01:32:34,570 It's my favorite. 2369 01:32:36,990 --> 01:32:37,991 Okay, great. 2370 01:32:40,076 --> 01:32:41,077 Good... [CLEARS THROAT] 2371 01:32:41,244 --> 01:32:42,954 Good evening. I'm Chevy Chase. 2372 01:32:43,288 --> 01:32:44,372 The Post Office announced today... 2373 01:32:44,539 --> 01:32:47,083 that it's going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution... 2374 01:32:47,250 --> 01:32:48,459 in the United States. 2375 01:32:48,626 --> 01:32:49,627 It's a 10-cent stamp... 2376 01:32:49,919 --> 01:32:51,838 but if you want to lick it, it's a quarter. 2377 01:32:52,338 --> 01:32:53,339 [LAUGHTER] 2378 01:32:54,549 --> 01:32:55,758 [CHEERING] 2379 01:32:56,759 --> 01:32:58,720 All right, everyone. Eight minutes till showtime! 2380 01:32:58,720 --> 01:33:00,054 [BELL RINGING] 2381 01:33:00,805 --> 01:33:01,806 Open the doors! 2382 01:33:01,973 --> 01:33:02,974 Oh, thank God. 2383 01:33:03,975 --> 01:33:06,227 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston. 2384 01:33:06,936 --> 01:33:08,730 [MUSIC PLAYING] 2385 01:33:08,730 --> 01:33:11,065 Right this way, folks. You're in for a real treat. 2386 01:33:11,774 --> 01:33:12,775 Yeah! 2387 01:33:16,404 --> 01:33:18,698 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin' ♪ 2388 01:33:20,074 --> 01:33:21,451 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2389 01:33:21,743 --> 01:33:22,994 BARBARA: Lorne, remember Carl? 2390 01:33:23,161 --> 01:33:25,621 Carl? Ooh, Carl! Have you ever used one of these before? 2391 01:33:25,788 --> 01:33:26,873 Not-a once. 2392 01:33:27,040 --> 01:33:28,416 You'll pick it up in no time. 2393 01:33:29,250 --> 01:33:30,710 ♪ You gotta have somethin' ♪ 2394 01:33:31,085 --> 01:33:32,337 ♪ If you wanna be with me ♪ 2395 01:33:39,802 --> 01:33:41,471 Come on, guys. Grab a brick! 2396 01:33:41,846 --> 01:33:43,931 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your hero ♪ 2397 01:33:45,266 --> 01:33:48,811 ♪ 'Cause that zero Is too cold for me, ha ♪ 2398 01:33:51,105 --> 01:33:52,857 ♪ I'm not tryin' To be your highness ♪ 2399 01:33:53,107 --> 01:33:54,317 Heard you needed pages. 2400 01:33:55,068 --> 01:33:56,277 Oh, thanks, Mike. 2401 01:34:01,908 --> 01:34:02,909 Oh, no. 2402 01:34:07,580 --> 01:34:09,749 Dick, question. What is a "golden shower"? 2403 01:34:10,458 --> 01:34:13,211 - Oh. Uh... It's a yoga ritual... - Mmm... 2404 01:34:13,378 --> 01:34:14,462 ...in which practitioners... 2405 01:34:14,629 --> 01:34:18,341 greet the new day by allowing the golden rays of sun to... 2406 01:34:18,341 --> 01:34:19,759 - Shower. - Over their skin 2407 01:34:19,759 --> 01:34:20,843 - and warm their chakras. - Mmm. 2408 01:34:20,843 --> 01:34:22,428 - It's a California thing. - Mmm. 2409 01:34:22,428 --> 01:34:24,263 I've had at least 50 golden showers. 2410 01:34:24,722 --> 01:34:25,765 You heard him, Joan. 2411 01:34:25,765 --> 01:34:27,183 Sign the damn script. We're going to air. 2412 01:34:32,647 --> 01:34:34,816 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' Leaves nothin' ♪ 2413 01:34:36,484 --> 01:34:39,362 ♪ You gotta have somethin' If you wanna be with me ♪ 2414 01:34:41,906 --> 01:34:44,617 ♪ Don't you remember I told ya ♪ 2415 01:34:45,326 --> 01:34:47,453 ♪ That I'm a soldier On the war on poverty ♪ 2416 01:34:48,121 --> 01:34:50,498 Smith and Wesson K-Frame Model 19 Combat Magnum. 2417 01:34:50,665 --> 01:34:52,667 - Wallie, you son of a bitch! - Hey, you asked. 2418 01:34:52,834 --> 01:34:54,794 Wallie, my man. You got something for me? 2419 01:34:55,711 --> 01:34:56,796 Yes, you do. 2420 01:34:57,296 --> 01:34:59,298 George, I wanted to apologize for how you were treated... 2421 01:34:59,298 --> 01:35:00,383 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 2422 01:35:01,175 --> 01:35:02,260 - Are you having a stroke? - [GROANING] 2423 01:35:02,260 --> 01:35:03,719 - You need more coke? - [GROANS] 2424 01:35:05,221 --> 01:35:06,222 Danny! 2425 01:35:14,939 --> 01:35:16,774 Hurry up. Come on, faster. 2426 01:35:17,567 --> 01:35:18,568 Watch your fingers. 2427 01:35:26,701 --> 01:35:28,161 Oh, boy. Lockjaw! 2428 01:35:28,703 --> 01:35:29,829 It's too much cocaine, 2429 01:35:29,829 --> 01:35:31,122 it's seizing up the old mandibulars. 2430 01:35:31,122 --> 01:35:32,957 Let's get some finger love in there, huh? 2431 01:35:33,124 --> 01:35:34,959 Yep. Just a little bit of this, you'll be fine. 2432 01:35:35,126 --> 01:35:36,294 - Okay, great. - There we go. 2433 01:35:37,170 --> 01:35:38,254 [ALL GIGGLING] 2434 01:35:38,254 --> 01:35:39,338 Hey! 2435 01:35:46,471 --> 01:35:47,680 Here we go! 2436 01:35:48,431 --> 01:35:49,599 ♪ Nothin' from nothin' ♪ 2437 01:35:51,642 --> 01:35:53,728 ♪ Nothin' from nothin Hey, now ♪ 2438 01:35:55,730 --> 01:35:56,898 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2439 01:35:56,898 --> 01:35:58,608 ♪ Ah, yeah, yeah ♪ 2440 01:35:58,608 --> 01:35:59,901 LORNE: Can you get in that wig in 30 seconds? 2441 01:35:59,901 --> 01:36:01,569 - DAN: You got it, boss. - Has Henson got his pages? 2442 01:36:01,569 --> 01:36:02,653 He loves them. 2443 01:36:02,653 --> 01:36:04,113 - And will that crane get there? - It'll happen. 2444 01:36:04,113 --> 01:36:06,199 - Did you trim the fat on that? - Already on cue cards. 2445 01:36:06,616 --> 01:36:08,493 Laraine, I don't think you can make the change in... 2446 01:36:08,493 --> 01:36:09,452 [RIPS] 2447 01:36:11,829 --> 01:36:13,039 - [MAN WHISTLES] - LORNE: Whoa. 2448 01:36:13,039 --> 01:36:14,248 I stand corrected. 2449 01:36:14,457 --> 01:36:15,666 Is that our show? 2450 01:36:16,209 --> 01:36:18,211 - That's our show. - JOE: Three minutes! 2451 01:36:18,586 --> 01:36:19,587 Yeah. 2452 01:36:22,798 --> 01:36:23,799 MAN: Last one. 2453 01:36:23,966 --> 01:36:26,844 - Last one. Get it in. Finally! - Yes! Come on! 2454 01:36:26,844 --> 01:36:28,930 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 2455 01:36:31,307 --> 01:36:34,769 Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Preston! 2456 01:36:34,769 --> 01:36:36,854 [ALL CHEERING] 2457 01:37:00,336 --> 01:37:03,005 Photo! Photo! I want a photo! Come on, family photo! 2458 01:37:03,005 --> 01:37:04,799 JOE: No, no, no. We're at two minutes. There's no time! 2459 01:37:04,799 --> 01:37:06,384 GILDA: No, come on. It'll never be the same 2460 01:37:06,384 --> 01:37:07,969 - after this. Come on. - JOE: Fuck! 2461 01:37:07,969 --> 01:37:10,471 I'm not leaving until I get my photo. Come on. 2462 01:37:10,638 --> 01:37:12,348 JOE: I guess everybody go ahead then. 2463 01:37:13,558 --> 01:37:14,934 Do we have a camera? 2464 01:37:16,852 --> 01:37:17,853 - I have a camera. - JOE: Just quickly. 2465 01:37:18,020 --> 01:37:19,397 GILDA: Great. Yes! Come here. 2466 01:37:27,947 --> 01:37:30,157 All right. 60 seconds. Come on, everyone. 2467 01:37:30,324 --> 01:37:32,243 - Let's go, please. - GARRETT: After you, after you. 2468 01:37:32,243 --> 01:37:33,452 JOE: One minute. Let's go to work. 2469 01:37:39,292 --> 01:37:40,793 LORNE: What are we using him for again? 2470 01:37:40,960 --> 01:37:42,837 - ROSIE: I don't really remember. - LORNE: Sorry. 2471 01:37:43,713 --> 01:37:44,714 Thanks. 2472 01:37:44,880 --> 01:37:47,258 - Mmm, mmm, mmm. - Rocky, wake up. 2473 01:37:47,508 --> 01:37:48,676 Hey, hey, name. 2474 01:37:50,678 --> 01:37:52,638 Rosie, we need your last name for the credits. 2475 01:37:53,639 --> 01:37:54,890 - Shuster. - Shuster. 2476 01:38:00,354 --> 01:38:02,064 30 seconds! 2477 01:38:02,231 --> 01:38:04,108 Hey, can we get a mic check, please? 2478 01:38:05,693 --> 01:38:07,445 MICHAEL: One, two... 2479 01:38:08,321 --> 01:38:09,322 three. 2480 01:38:09,488 --> 01:38:10,906 Somebody's got the yips. 2481 01:38:11,073 --> 01:38:12,491 - JOE: 20 seconds. - DAVE: Is Carlin in costume? 2482 01:38:12,783 --> 01:38:14,535 Yep, they settled on a T-shirt and jacket. 2483 01:38:14,702 --> 01:38:16,495 Mr. Carlin, may we get a mic check? 2484 01:38:16,662 --> 01:38:17,705 GEORGE: One, two, fuck you. 2485 01:38:17,872 --> 01:38:18,873 Subtle. 2486 01:38:19,040 --> 01:38:20,249 Carson's still cued for dead roll? 2487 01:38:20,416 --> 01:38:21,667 Are we going live or going to tape? 2488 01:38:26,547 --> 01:38:28,341 Pre-roll on VTR-14. 2489 01:38:29,675 --> 01:38:30,676 JOE: 10 seconds. 2490 01:38:32,762 --> 01:38:33,929 DAVE: Ready camera two. 2491 01:38:34,388 --> 01:38:35,473 Ready on the fade. 2492 01:38:35,806 --> 01:38:36,974 {\an8}JOE: Five, four... 2493 01:38:37,141 --> 01:38:38,726 Are we going live or going to tape? 2494 01:38:38,726 --> 01:38:40,144 JOE: ...three, two... 2495 01:38:41,729 --> 01:38:42,730 Go live. 2496 01:38:42,897 --> 01:38:44,315 - Okay, go live. - Go live. Live, live. Go live. 2497 01:38:44,482 --> 01:38:47,068 DAVE: Fade up. [CHUCKLES] And we are live. 2498 01:38:48,444 --> 01:38:49,487 [CHUCKLES WEAKLY] 2499 01:38:52,531 --> 01:38:54,116 Ready camera one. Take camera one. 2500 01:38:54,283 --> 01:38:55,284 BARBARA: Cue Belushi. 2501 01:38:58,329 --> 01:38:59,372 Cue John. 2502 01:38:59,538 --> 01:39:01,123 - Where's John? - AUDREY: Where the hell is he? 2503 01:39:01,290 --> 01:39:02,541 DAVE: Cue John. 2504 01:39:19,433 --> 01:39:20,893 [BREATH TREMBLING] 2505 01:39:21,852 --> 01:39:23,145 [DOOR OPENS] 2506 01:39:25,439 --> 01:39:26,440 [EXHALES] 2507 01:39:37,702 --> 01:39:38,703 Good evening. 2508 01:39:38,869 --> 01:39:39,870 JOHN: Good evening. 2509 01:39:40,413 --> 01:39:41,747 Hey, get closer. 2510 01:39:44,250 --> 01:39:46,252 Good evening. 2511 01:39:47,628 --> 01:39:49,922 Good evening. 2512 01:39:51,716 --> 01:39:53,801 Good evening. 2513 01:39:53,801 --> 01:39:55,511 [LAUGHTER] 2514 01:39:55,511 --> 01:39:56,637 MICHAEL: Let us begin. 2515 01:39:57,221 --> 01:39:59,265 Repeat after me. 2516 01:40:01,434 --> 01:40:03,436 -"I would like... - I would like... 2517 01:40:04,437 --> 01:40:05,813 "...to feed your fingertips... 2518 01:40:05,980 --> 01:40:08,065 JOHN: ...to feed your fingertips... 2519 01:40:09,400 --> 01:40:10,443 "...to the wolverines." 2520 01:40:10,609 --> 01:40:12,069 ...to the wolverines. 2521 01:40:13,529 --> 01:40:16,657 - MICHAEL: Next, "I am afraid... - I am afraid... 2522 01:40:17,199 --> 01:40:18,200 "...we are out... 2523 01:40:18,367 --> 01:40:19,368 ...we are out... 2524 01:40:19,952 --> 01:40:21,829 -"...of badgers." - ...of badgers. 2525 01:40:21,829 --> 01:40:23,414 [LAUGHTER] 2526 01:40:23,414 --> 01:40:24,498 MICHAEL: "Would you accept... 2527 01:40:25,124 --> 01:40:26,375 JOHN: Would you accept... 2528 01:40:26,542 --> 01:40:28,419 - MICHAEL: "...a wolverine... - ...a wolverine... 2529 01:40:29,545 --> 01:40:31,547 -"...in its place?" - ...in its place? 2530 01:40:31,547 --> 01:40:32,798 [LAUGHTER] 2531 01:40:33,924 --> 01:40:36,051 MICHAEL: Next. "'Hey!' Ned exclaimed." 2532 01:40:36,552 --> 01:40:37,928 "Hey!" Ned exclaimed. 2533 01:40:37,928 --> 01:40:39,180 [LAUGHTER] 2534 01:40:41,223 --> 01:40:42,266 MICHAEL: "Let's boil... 2535 01:40:42,433 --> 01:40:43,893 JOHN: Let's boil... 2536 01:40:44,059 --> 01:40:46,520 -"...the wolverines." - ...the wolverines. 2537 01:40:47,980 --> 01:40:49,523 Next... [GASPS] 2538 01:40:52,526 --> 01:40:53,527 [THUD] 2539 01:40:58,991 --> 01:40:59,825 [GASPS] 2540 01:41:00,326 --> 01:41:02,328 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 2541 01:41:19,595 --> 01:41:22,348 Live from New York. It's Saturday Night! 2542 01:41:22,348 --> 01:41:24,308 [CHEERING] 2543 01:41:24,433 --> 01:41:26,435 [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] 2544 01:48:55,300 --> 01:48:56,635 {\an8}BILLY: Ah! 2545 01:48:56,635 --> 01:48:57,928 {\an8}All right, we're going to do it again. 2546 01:48:58,095 --> 01:49:00,597 {\an8}Now we got it. Now we got it. Go back. Go back. 2547 01:49:00,597 --> 01:49:05,597 DOWNLOADED FROM WWW.AWAFIM.TV 2548 01:49:00,597 --> 01:49:10,597 For latest movies and series with subtitles Visit WWW.AWAFIM.TV Today 176410